Sex With Emily - Talk Dirty to Me with Caroline Spiegel

Episode Date: January 15, 2020

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is joined by co-founder of the audio erotica site tryquinn.com Caroline Spiegel to talk about why listening to erotica can be such a turn on. Plus, she’s answering your sex & relationship questions.They discuss how porn can be more than just visual, and why it may just be the type you’ve been looking for. Then, Emily gives advice on whether or not to disclose to your boyfriend that you had a threesome with a couple he knows, how to do deal with your wife’s claim she’s allergic to your semen, and how to bring up pegging again when the first time didn’t go down so well. Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFor more info on Quinn, visit tryquinn.comFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So lesbian is our most search term, which is, we talked about this, it's very similar to visual porn. But also we get other things that are unique to audio porn, so things like male voice, female voice, M for F, which means male for female, male for trans female, or things like that, which are like unique tags, who's speaking and who is the listener intended to be. Because it's so immersive, you actually get a taste of what some of these sexual experiences are like. So for example, like you could try a threesome audio or you could try being with a girl for the first time via audio. And it's actually a great way to explore your sexuality.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm doing a bike co-founder of the Autororodica site TryCoin.com Caroline Speagle to talk about why listening to Arroticca can be such a turn on. Plus, I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. Topics and Clubs. If you think porn isn't for you, maybe you just haven't found the right type yet. You and your partner just became committed.

Should you disclose that you had a threesome with a couple he knows? So your wife is saying you can't have sex anymore because you're allergic to your semen. What's the deal with that? And you brought up pegging wants to know of ale. How do you bring it up again? All this and more, thanks for listening. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them a bygone Hey, Emily you got a boyfriend because my man E here. He just got his heart broken He thinks you're kind of cute the girls got a hair stand Oh my the women know about shrinkage isn't it common? What do you mean like laundry? It's drinks and we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me?

Oh Being bad feels pretty good It's your laundry, it's your drink. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information check out sexwithemily.com and you can find us on all social media across the board.

It is at sex with Emily. Alright guys, intentions with Emily. Okay, for the new year, for each show, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you to do the same. So what do I mean by this? Well, when you're listening, I mean you chose to take some time and listen to this episode, think about just for a second right now, like what do you want to get out of listening to this episode? Like how could it help you? I mean

it could be as simple as, you know, your intention is I'm listening to Sex with Emily because I want to have a happier commute and I want to be inspired with my sex life or it could be something like I want to expand my fantasies and turn-ons and it sounds like this episode could be for me. My intention for having Caroline speak on the show is that I know how important it is to get in the mood, turn yourself on, and finding out your fantasies, and I know for a lot of people, they just, they're not sure what their fantasies are, and traditional porn doesn't work for them. So I really find Audiorotica to be a new platform for many, and you know, having healthy fantasies is being sexually healthy overall.

All right, guys, thank you so much and enjoy the show. I've Caroline Speagle here and she is the creator of Quinn, which is an awesome new audio erotica app featured in the New York Times, a headline, people say everyone sent it to me. I'm like, well, I have the breaking story because she's coming in tomorrow. It was

called, it said, I'm porn without pictures. Was it? Yeah, so congratulations and thanks for being here. I am so excited. I was just telling Emily that this has been a dream of mine. I'm a huge fan of the podcast and of your show. So just thank you so much. Oh, how is that exciting? Because you're 22 years old. Yes, I am. You've taken a big undertaking here,

so you, do you, you, do you said you were listening to podcasts like in, in college? In college? I would drive and get coffee every morning and listen to sex with Emily. It was like kind of my ritual. And all my friends, we would talk about it all the time

and kind of laugh at funny callers, not to. Right. We had to laugh with you, not at you. Yeah, exactly. That's amazing. It's Stanford, right? Yeah, it's Stanford. Yeah. That's long time. I love this. I'm the least. Yeah, that's amazing. So, okay, I want to hear like, because I got to be honest, I have thought about this in my mind. I thought, and even once a few years ago, I was like, I think I wanted to master weight or something. And I was like, you know, I, why isn't there a rotica that we could

listen to? Because that's just for women too. A lot of times it's hearing the words. It seems easier and then you invented it. So how did you come up with the idea for Quinn? And we're talking at Caroline Speagle and it's an audio erotic app. It's called Try, they find it at Sprite Quinn. I can just basically explain what it is because it's so confusing. Yeah, tell me everything.

But if you guys want to check out, it's tryquin.com. Yeah, it's tryquin.com. Yeah, it's tryquin.com. And it'll be in the show notes. Okay, tell me everything. Okay, yeah. So basically, everyone's like, what is audio porn? You know, it's kind of confusing.

Is it a podcast? It's in an audiobook. What is it? But basically, what it is, it takes many forms. So it could be a guided masturbation. It could be an erotic story that sort of told interactively. It could be just overheard sex sounds. It takes all these different forms. The one thing that all these different forms of audio porn have in common is that it really

invites you in and it makes you feel like you are in the room with the person having sex with them. It does. So it's so immersive. And that's the one thing I would say. That is, it's true. I feel like, um, can I play some? Absolutely. Okay. Which we like Harry. He's the most popular. He's the most popular. Right. Like Harry could talk to me about his

trip to FedEx and I would probably have a New York accent. Harry could like host a cooking show and people would be just coming everywhere. Like constipation. Let's play Harry. Okay. You're posse-stripping right now. Okay, okay. Hmm, your pussy's dripping wet now. Mind if I slip a finger in there while I'm looking you're clear. Hmm, I thought not. You're gonna love this. Alright, Harry.

Okay, let's go. So it's interesting enough because that was in the New York Times piece about how here it's the British voice, right? Accent is one of our most popular tags. Absolutely. Accent is right up there. British accent, Australian accent, French accent, all over the board. So what are you finding that people are searching for? So lesbian is our most search term, which is we talked about this. It's very similar to visual porn. But also we get other things that are unique to audio porn. So things like male voice, female voice, M for F, which means male for female.

You might get male for trans female, or things like that, which are unique tags who's speaking and who is the listener intended to be. We also have written content. And that's sort of meant to be a little pregame for the main show, which is the audio porn. But couples love using the written material together. You could read it before bedtime, before sexy time. I love that. I had a boyfriend once, and we would read a radical, like, in the bathtub, and it was so sexy.

That's like amazing. I know, right? I was like, probably, I think I was, like, probably, like, 24, and I was like, it was his idea to sit in the bathtub. I'll never forget that it was so seductive and that was like such a turn on and it wasn't like he just came home, was trying to have sex.

It was like he was really like working with the arousal and we were both turned on. So I just love this idea because it's something that it just really been missing. Like there's more of a storyline or a plot perhaps the Rodica if you're into that, right? Do you find that totally? And I think what's hard is, we're called audio porn,

so people kind of put us as like this little niche for audio lovers or for people who don't like visual porn, but what I'm trying to get across is that this is totally for everybody. And that's the thing I love about your podcast is I feel like I recommend your podcast to everybody. And this is also this case with audio porn. It's not just for people who hate visual porn.

It's for people who want more out of their porn experience, period. We had a caller and I might have told you this because we first met in New York. I was like, I'm so in on this Caroline. And I had lunch and I was like, we had a caller who was like, he wrote for his wife, I think, or his girlfriend. He wrote down exactly what he wanted, like his fantasy

and because they were having problems communicating and he wrote it out. And then he came home with him and she lived, like it was like he's like you're sitting by the piano, you're wearing that black negligee. And like it was like then they would write back and forth to each other. And I was like that is so sexy. And I think that talking dirty and hearing the words is just a really part of sex that in a radical of everything, the sensual experience that we met that we're missing. So I think you're really hitting a sweet spot here.

Yeah. And it communicates, you know, like intimacy, passion, mystery, build up, all those things that sometimes are missing in visual porn. You're like, you know, I want those parts of sex that really get me going. Exactly. All those other elements. Are there certain like plot lines though or stories that have been popular? Totally. Friends to lovers is a big one.

So you know, you have the best friends. They're eating Chinese food on the couch and then one thing leads to another. Exactly. Right? Or you might have co-workers as really popular. Another classic kind of audio porn thing is leaving your boyfriend a message at work or like calling someone at work

because it's super naughty. You know, don't call the work phone. Yeah, that sort of thing. Yeah, and then we also have just a lot of audios about couples trying new things. And I think that's awesome because you can listen to that and you can immediately use it in your own sex life. Like give me an example,

because I think that's so great. And we're talking to Caroline Spiegel from you can find it at tryquin.com, Q-I-N-N, audio-erotic-up. So what's so wonderful? Give me an example is this audio we have where a couple is having sex, people are having sex.

And the guy, I think he maybe calls the girl, baby girl, or little girl, or maybe she calls him daddy, and all of a sudden things get really hot and heavy. And they're like, oh my god, we just realized that we have this kind of, you know, interest in daddy play sort of. And they're talking it through in real, so it's kind of like reality audio-erotic. Like, in the moment, they discover that they're both into it. Right, exactly. And then there's a series that goes on where they get more and more into the kind of daddy kink, if you will. So it's really cool to watch that evolve and watch it get hotter and hotter.

Oh, what's that one called? Now I want to go listen to it. I'm doing, what I'm doing at 701 tonight. I'm pretty sure it's Hank Miller, one of our creators, but I have to check on that. Okay. We can find it. We can like, tweet that. I think that's amazing.

Okay, so we have Dylan from Pennsylvania 32 wants to talk about. Quinn. Hey Dylan. Hey Dylan, what's up? Hey, how are you? For good. Okay, so I'm completely blind. Okay. This is absolutely incredible and I cannot wait to share this with all my crazy blind people. Dylan, this is amazing. Okay. So looking forward to it. So it's just, I don't know, it's not as good. This is a new thing to me. I want to stuff with my body.

Okay. I self-adjusted the first 25 years of my life. So it's a lot different when you can't see it and things are just happening. It ruins the, I don't know, to some degree, there's a little bit of realism about it, so you can see it. Right, no, I get it. Yeah, it just becomes very cartoon.

Yeah, no, I understand that, Dylan. Well, I'm gonna share this with my crazy blind people. Okay. And so just in love with the show, and you're doing amazing things. Thank you, Dylan. Thank you for calling. I love this.

That feels good. I feel amazing. I can't imagine all the people it's going to help. And I think also for people, because I got to be honest, when I was looking for audio or onica before it existed, before Quint, no, I was like, I just don't want to see porn. But I want to get turned on. I want to masturbate.

And it's just, it's like everyone's listening to things now. Anyway, podcasts or huge We roll this in the radio just plug in some maraudica You can just close your eyes let your imagination take over it. It's like a mix between Visual porn and just right your imagination because I know if you've had this experience when you're using just your imagination It's too hard like you just too much work. I'm so much Day I'm thinking I just don't want to think but I also can't it's really hard for me to find porn often that I that I really like We have Anne and she's 47 in California

Tell me and what's going on you have a sexy voice you say lady. Hi. Hi Hi, Ann Hi, how are you guys good? Thanks good. I get in trouble because of my voice. Okay. I get told it sounds so dirty and then People don't take me seriously Wow, I get them to take you seriously when I sound like a porn star and I'm not one. Oh, yeah, okay This is so in your 47 years old so you've been dealing with this for a lifetime, right? I Have okay, and I am a very sexual woman seven years old so you've been dealing with this for a lifetime right? I have. Okay. And I am a very sexual woman, so I mean, I do talk dirty on the phone.

I'm not afraid to use it, but when can it stop? Well, and I got a question for you because at a 47, I feel like, like, who's not taking you seriously still? Well, my coworkers, because when I have to talk to people, I end up working with a lot of men, so they end up talking to my tips instead of talking to my face. Okay. Is that the voice kind of thing? Does that make sense? Yeah, no, that totally makes sense, and I just feel...

I don't know, Anne, like, what do you do for work? I work in construction. Okay. Yeah, I mean. And I've considered doing the phone voice thing before because I've been told that it's a little naughty, but I just don't know how to even go about getting into it. I would say turn this weakness into a strength and try Quinn. Yeah, thanks Anne.

Thanks for the view I think. Maybe that might work. I'm seriously in. You sound amazing. I'm getting turned on. Sorry, no. And it's a problem, but I feel like there are age. Not to make light of this, Anne.

Not to make light of it, Anne. But you're just everyone's driving off the road right now. But anyway, Anne, I get it, but I feel like you're, you know, you have a job, people are not taking you seriously. I just feel like then if you're, you still have your job, you're doing well. Those aren't the people that you want to, you want to deal with. I just feel like with, with confidence and being a woman in this world, we got to do with that a lot and just keep doing you. I mean, that's, that's all I can say or find new people to work with because that. So should I embrace the voice?

Yes. Thank you for calling Anna. Appreciate it. Let's talk. How can people, if they want to, be part of the app? Totally. It's super simple. I keep calling it app, the website.

It's a website right now. We have plans for an app. Right. For right now, it's a website. You can go to trichwin.com. You can make a profile. you can make a little avatar, your username, your bio, and you can upload content directly to the site.

So you can upload your first sturdy audio with a little description, tag it, make sure to tag it appropriately. So no one gets surprised by anything and wait for the likes to pour in. That's really so people can just, anyone could submit it, but it has to go through a process, right, for people to.

Right, so we have like content guidelines and community guidelines that, That's really so people can just anyone could submit it but it has to go through a process right for people to right So we have like content guidelines and community guidelines that so if your content doesn't meet those guidelines It will be taken down. Okay. Got it. Is there anything so you started this? How long good because it just launched again or relaunched yeah, but what have you learned like what has surprised you in working in this industry? Wow So many things I think You know for one thing I think I would have to say that I had no idea how much goes into making an erotic audio. So I am just blown away when I talked to some of these creators about what they do. They are artists like complete actors and

artists that really know this craft and know their audiences. And it is no joke. I mean, just like you can imagine, like a porn set with all the cameras and the lights and everything, making an erotic audio is really hard. And they've been doing it for years and kind of these other communities. So it's like really interesting.

So you can't just like talk into your phone really or can you use your phone you can get an audio studio to do it? Or, no, you can totally do it on your phone. Okay, amateurs can totally do it, like I was just describing uploading it. But also there are these people that you'll find like Quinn who have been doing it for years

where it's super, super good. And I just saw it mentioned that it was super surprising to find out that there's some people who take it like crazy seriously and do it like an art. Oh no, I see what you're saying. No, I got caught up in the story, but you're right, I can see that, it probably does exist.

So all their noises, their sounds, and everything, it's just super, it's their craft, it's their own, it's so grateful to have a place to go. Absolutely. People are listening and having an audience. You were also like about it, I feel like, I get so many calls from people who are like, how do I talk dirty, how do I sex,

how do I have phone sex, all those things, because I think it's a new language you've developed, and I feel like in listening to this, listening to Quinn, try Quinn.com, you would learn that as well. Oh my God, we get that all the time. And personally, I've felt that in my life that my dirty talk has improved like a million times over.

Like it's crazy because when you're listening to these audios, it just naturally goes into your brain, like, oh, okay, when I wanna say a little bit rougher, what are other ways to say that? And what are other ways to say a little bit harder like this or like that? And it's just a million different new vocabulary words that sound actually pretty hot and pretty easy to use.

Yeah, and tell me, how has it helped your life, your sex life? It's a tough one. Yeah, so I was actually talking to my boyfriend, Daniel, before I went on this show about what I was going to say at this question came up, but we actually love using Quinn together. It's amazing for couples, and we tell all of our friends to use it to. It's so fun to read a story together or to listen to an audio together, and like I just mentioned, it helps to already talk so much.

Okay, so you guys just like, let's listen this tonight and you're like, it'll turn you on. I love it. And you can search for like different fantasies and stuff like that. Yeah, you can filter by different fantasies, by girls boys, boys, boys, whatever you want. And you feel like it's in the audience is all ages. Totally. Men and women are audiences actually 50% men, 50% women.

Which is mine. Yeah. Okay, sex is for everybody. Yeah. People always assume my audience at first they think, oh, is it all women? And then they sometimes I'm like, no, it's, it. Yeah, people always assume my audience. At first, I think, oh, is it all women? And then they sometimes, I'm like, no, it's always been that way for the 15 years because I feel like we all have sex. We all think about sex.

It's not sex, right? But it's funny. Yeah, it's 50-50. It always has been. That's really interesting. So, couples are using it together. So, what do you think, though, like, how could people use this to improve their sex life? Do you think, because I'm always like tell people

that yes, no, maybe list if they want to find what they like, but you could figure out like turn-ons or fetishes or kinks that maybe you didn't know you had. Okay, so another thing I always say is because it's so immersive, you actually get a taste of what some of these sexual experiences are like. So for example, like you could try a threesome audio,

or you could try being with a girl for the first time via audio. And it's actually a great way to explore your sexuality. Yeah. Or for example, I listened to male on male sex for the first time on Quinn. And it was really interesting and erotic for me in a way I'd never expected. Yeah. And so you can just really experience all this different variety in a way that's so immersive and sort of like a great kind of intro into different sexual experiences.

It's true, it's such a good point. And it's something about audio that I've always preferred audio. I don't watch a lot of TV either. So I'm just like, I'm trying to watch TV. It's in one of my goals. But really, I know I'm the only one who literally should see my calendar, I go home, I was just like, watch this, watch that.

But I, something on audio, I just, I don't know, it's so soothing to me. So I love the idea of being able to kind of kind of just flip through different things and just see what turns you on and maybe, and what you're interested in, and that it's a can-to-one new menu. Oh my God, and these guided masterbations.

That's everything. That's crack. Like, it's so good. Wait, now I want to play a guided masterbation. Harry has a guided masterbation that is so good. It's called the Three Gates. He walks you through like apparently three different types of orgasms. I don't know if anyone actually orgasms three times during it, but-

But even if it's once, okay, we're going to play a clip of this real quickly. We're talking about Quinn, your new audio erotic app. Okay. Hey Harry. So, I've been doing a bit of research recently about, well, sex, especially on how best to please a woman. And I was hoping to try out some of what I've learned on you. So apparently a woman can have three types of orgasm. He's my dream man. I know. He's my single.

I'm going to have to put a the rest of your show to experience this sequence. So the second can be had once the first is achieved. Wow. The third can be had once the second is achieved. I don't know how true this is, but it's fine. So here's my question. I friggin love that it's a guided masturbation. So because I'm always like, I feel like for women,

I often have to remind more women, them men that it's important to masturbate, to continue to masturbate throughout your lifetime whether in a relationship or not. So, do I see like, I'm just gonna, that could be something that could just get you to do it. Oh, women who just have a totally, and it's like, you know,

how people have incorporated a meditation routine into their day, I think it's like a similar kind of thing. You just turn on the guided masturbation and you get to orgasm so much more quickly. It's a pleasurable experience for a lot of people. They're not dealing with a graphic imagery that makes them feel like inside. They're not really sure what's going on. It's just a whole thing. It feels safer.

It feels safer. It can feel private. It has like a fronting. More intimate. Totally. It is more intimate. I think it is so smart. And congratulations. Caroline Speagle, okay, I'm going to ask you so everyone can try it. It's free, right?

It's free. Okay. Try Quinn.com will also put in the show notes at sexwithemily.com. And then I'm going to ask you the five questions we ask. All of our guests are ready. Yes. They got ready. Okay. Biggest turn on. Confidence. Okay, biggest turn off. Bad posture. Okay, what makes good sex? Talking. Okay, something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships.

Go easy on yourself. Okay, number one, sex tip. Use Loub. Okay. I love you, girl. Okay, thank you so much, Caroline, speak over being here. Check out Quinn, you guys could be your new

masturbation partner. Thanks for being here. All right, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back, we're gonna get into your email questions. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ All right, guys, I love answering your questions. That's why I'm exist on the planet.

So if you want a question, answer on the show, go to sexwithamily.com, click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form, or you can easily just email feedback at sexwithamily.com. But please include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Thanks guys. Alright, Prisa and Jamie, you want to read the email? Oh, but of course. Of course. All right, this first one comes to us from Ray

who is 40 in the United States. Dear Dr. Emily, my wife has never liked sex. Ever. We've been together 14 years and we often go months or even years without having sex. A few weeks ago she decided to have sex as a holiday gift for me. Well, she ended up getting a yeast infection and blamed me.

But I'm good. Doctors said I don't have a penile yeast infection. me. Well, she ended up getting a yeast infection and blamed me. But I'm good. Doctors said I don't have a penile yeast infection. So anyway, now she's like, we'll never have sex again because I'm allergic to your semen. Is this possible? It had been several months since the last time we had sex and she got an infection then too. So this time I made sure to shower right before as I didn't want to risk it again. Thoughts or suggestions?

Okay, Ray, thanks for your question. Alright, yes, it is possible that somebody can be allergic to semen, but it's rare and sounds like it's an excuse not to have sex. So first off, I want to make sure that she's gotten checked out because some women do have chronic yeast infections, and that is something to talk to the doctor about. Typically, it's because of hygiene reasons. It could be that maybe her pants are too tight or she's not changing after working out or something in the environment has changed, you know,

did soaps that she's using and cleaning her clothes, but you should definitely get checked out. But the thing that I'm most concerned with is that, you know, it sounds like she just has never really liked sex. And I'm wondering if she ever, in her life, has enjoyed sex? Has she had any trauma? You know, is she having pain? Have you ever asked her and said, you know what? I just want to know what is it about sex, you know, that you don't know why don't you want to have sex? I mean, just see and I wouldn't say that way either. I would just have a talk about how important your intimacy is in the relationship and that you guys need to work together on finding ways to still connect intimately. Now, I think in talking to her about this, it's not just like a one time conversation, but maybe more will be revealed. Like did she have a trauma?

Did something happen? Is she holding on to resentments? So we just need to find out more information, but when you do talk to her, you have to make sure that it's a place of curiosity, a place of wanting to work with her on this together. It's not just up to you to make your sex life, you know, connective again. So you don't want to judge her, blame her or shame her, even though you're

probably feeling, you know, not great right now about it. So it's in a neutral environment. And, you know, I feel bad because when when people use sex as like a weapon, or using it as like a, you know, just on your birthday or just, you know, for the holiday, that does not feel great because sex is something that, you know, couples require sex.

So I don't think it's cool for her to just opt out. She can't just say, no, no more sex. I'm never having sex with you again, is not something that you can do to honor your, you know, in a relationship. It's just not cool. And people get so turned around on it when they're like, I feel like bad about sex,

so I'm gonna put it on my partner and make them feel bad. Like I know they don't initially, that's not what they wanna do, but why do you think people do that? Like they can't handle it themselves so they pass it off. Yeah, I mean, I think that she probably,

I mean, she herself might not even have the answer to the question why. So it could be that maybe she, you know, yeah, I think it's more like, I'm gonna make this your problem, so I don't really have to look at myself. I think that we do that a lot in our life. We just kind of project, we blame, we shame,

so we don't have to look at ourselves. So I feel like there's some more work here for her to do, and for him to do. So I think after 14 years, it sounds like a good time too. Therapy would be really helpful. If you're not able to move this conversation along on your own right so thanks for the email keep us posted okay this next one comes to us from Haley who's 22 in Canada hi Dr. Emily thanks for doing the

show I've learned so much I'm in a very happy relationship I found your podcast when I was looking up sex tips online and I listen on Spotify. I have a question about whether or not to tell my boyfriend about having a threesome in the past. I had a threesome in summer 2019 with a good friend of mine and his wife before my boyfriend and I started dating. My boyfriend's best friends know that I had this experience so I'm wondering if I should tell my boyfriend preemptively so that he hears it from me before one of his friends bring it up. I normally don't like to share my specific past experiences with boyfriend because they usually don't react very well to hearing about it. My boyfriend knows the couple I had sex with as well so that might create some awkwardness.

What do you think? This is a good question, Haley, because it's really tricky. I have to say, I agree with you. I'm not going to just be laying out all my past sexual experiences for partners. And when I do it, it's because we're having a conversation about, you know, what we like and bad and what we're really into. So I would say that when, you know, if you do decide to bring it up, I would bring it up in conjunction with a conversation that goes something like, you know, hey, let's talk

about, you know, our sex life and what we're into or what are your fantasies. It does come up, you could bring up the fact that you've had a threesome and let them know it's with the couple. People do like to share gossip as friends, so that it might slip out one time, people have a few drinks and they reveal stuff. But the truth is, you know your boyfriend better than anybody.

And I've had partners who get turned on by my past and are like, tell me more. Like, tell me about it when we're having sex. And then I've had guys who are like, oh, so you had a, you know, you did this or you did that. And then they like to kind of use it in a way that isn't healthy. I feel if it's weighing on you and you're with a partner

that you want to grow with and learn with sexually, that, you know weighing on you and you're with a partner that you want to grow with and learn with sexually that, you know, I would like to be with a partner that could accept my past wholeheartedly. I don't want to be with anyone who I feel is going to judge me, but also you're young, you're 22, he might be in a place where he does feel threatened if they're around. So really, I just think you have to kind of give it a little bit more time, have some more questions about your own sexual fantasies and how you guys could, you know, kind of really continue to connect sexually and then see if it feels safe. And you want to bring it up.

I feel for her in this situation. It's tricky. Because it could. She's like, I don't want her to hear it from someone else. I don't know why they would bring it up out of the blue, but it is kind of like a really juicy gossip. It is. So I feel like people talk.

People talk. It's like if three or four people know already in the group of friends, he might already know, but he's maybe he's just cool and hasn't brought it up himself. Exactly. I think it would be a good test for the relationship too, because again, I'm all four being honest and beaten. I feel like find out who this guy is, who your partner is. Can he support you? Can he trust you and hopefully, you don't think it's just

hot. And I'll think it's interesting. So maybe you can get a swinging situation. Get it going. Exactly. And honestly, if you ended up in the past, maybe you want to do it again in the future. So this would be a good way to test it. So I'll be willing to take the consequences.

And again, if someone's not down with who we are and decisions we make, sometimes they might not just be the partner for us. They might not be mature enough to handle the information. So you're going to have to find that out. Let us know how it goes, okay? Thanks for the question, Haley. All right, this last one comes to us from Cornell,

28 in Texas. Hello, Dr. Emily. I'm 28, my wife is 29. We've been married for over a year, but have dated on and off since our teens. The past few years have grown curious about pegging. I have a huge butt fetish and love all things but play, but my wife doesn't seem to share the same excitement. She lets me sniff, lick, and finger her ass, and says she's not a pose to anal. As for me, I've asked to be pegged, not at the best time, after an argument, but she turned it down quickly, saying it was weird for me to ask and made her uncomfortable to think about. I guess you can say she's recently made strides, every now and then she'll slip a

finger in my ass, but I selfishly want it all. Rimming, fingering, and to be pegged. How can I bring it up, and what can I do to satisfy my desire if it never happens? Thanks, love the show. Okay, thank you, Cornell, for this question. Okay, I, you know, you know, don't bring it up after an argument. It's so tempting when we're fighting with a partner, be like, and you never peg me. And you never do this for me, but we can't hear what our partner is saying when we're in a heated debate. So it sounds like she might be open to it. And what I have found is that the conversations are best had when it's in a neutral environment and you're talking about both your pleasure.

You could say to her, what have we been doing this last year, these last few months, that's really turned you on and how can I be a better lover to you? And then you could answer it yourself and say, God, I love what you, you know, put a finger in my ass, it felt great. You could tell her that other things that you would like,

like if she licked you as well. You could explain to her what you want, but I have to say this, is that just bringing up pegging to somebody who doesn't have the experience doing it, and maybe she's never even really heard of before, and for those of you who don't know pegging is, pegging is what would mean that his wife would wear a strap on around her waist, and it would be attached to a dildo, and then she would penetrate you from behind. She would be wearing it and penetrate you. So that's what pegging is.

So once you have these conversations and again, it's like everything, you can't go from zero to pegging. So to talk about how you're also interested in anal play and then build up to it again, and maybe she needs to see it. Maybe you need to show her some porn with pegging in it. Maybe you need to show her some images. I mean in it. Maybe you need to show her some images. I mean, again, I feel like a lot of people are just like saying

no to things that are uncomfortable, new, or foreign to them. So really, it's just all about healthy communication. Thank you, Cornell. Find us, you guys, wherever you listen, rate us, we love when you rate us. Give us five stars right now. Wherever you're listening, just subscribe, comment and iTunes totally helps, we love that.

And thanks to my awesome team, Ken, Kristen, Alisa, producer, Jamie, and Michael, was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com. you