Sex With Emily - Text Your Way to Sex-Cess (And Other Charming Tips)

Episode Date: January 11, 2015

On tonight’s show, Emily welcome back Jordan Harbinger, host of the Art Of Charm podcast, to talk the rules of love and dating in the 21st century. In between bouts of witty banter, they address the topics of body language, confidence and communication skills for the texting era. They also answer a couple of listener emails on dating with no chemistry and a troubling relationship discovery.This show has the advice you need to date like a pro, and charm the pants off of anyone (dating or otherwise). This is one podcast you do not want to miss! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm very excited for tonight's show. I'm welcoming back my good friend and fellow podcaster, Jordan Harbinger, the charming mind behind the Art of Churn podcast. We're giving you tips and help you up your dating, relationship, and sex game. But first, okay, I have to tell you about the most ingenious product I've seen in a really long time. You might have seen these guys on the TV ingenious product I've seen in a really long time. You might have seen these guys on the TV show Shark Tank a few weeks ago, you know, the Shark Tank where people go, entrepreneurs, they try to get money. These guys got a huge investment.

And this is the first time a part of it like this has ever been available anywhere. And it's pretty amazing and you can experience it. Hey, Anderson, what do you think? I gave you one. Well, what is it? Okay, so a spark swipe. It's a reusable dry swipe that you slide on your fingers. So it's like a finger puppet.

It's like a little vest for your fingers. It's a vest for your fingers. And it's kind of like a dryer sheet or something, you know, like a fabric softener. It smells like, yeah, it smells fresh, like a tumbled fresh. It's for men and for women. And you slide on your fingers, you brush on your clothes, your hair,

instantly smell better. And they have pheromones in them. So, you know, hygiene. What is that, the pheromones part? What does that mean? Pheromones means that you're gonna be sexually, that the opposite, the members of the opposite sex is really out there.

Are your interns gonna start coming after me in here? I think so, they are. They always want to anyway, such as an excuse. They're gonna say, oh my God, you smell so good. So the thing is the reason why they invented these is because you know like at the beginning of the night you go out and you're like, oh, I'm gonna smell good, I'm gonna put some cologne on some perfume. And then you sweat and then the night when it matters because you might be hooking up, you know, two AM rolls around. And you don't smell so good anymore. Use these 10 times. And you can use it 10 different times. You can use it 10 up to 10 times before you check it. I got it and you just like wipe it and your entire

I have to say what happened to me then so I got these I checked them out. I was like, okay, you know, I use them. So today I am cooking, which I never do. You don't cook. No, this is a lie. The store is not true. No, it's totally true. I mean, okay, right. I don't cook. I was defrosting a mahi mahi burger in my house. And that's my accent. It's an ugly fish. But it was like, it does stinky fish. It is a stinky fish. So I said, oh, I see where this is going. I stepped away from the stove for a second. And the next thing I knew my entire house is smoking. And no, yeah, no, I told the story. Wait, this is very familiar. I know and I forgot that this happened because I was telling them the story. I was telling my assistant today. I'm like, I freaking burned my house down.

I forget that I'd put something on the stove and I walked away and the entire thing because I'm actually not. I had it up too high, whatever. You're like an old woman with dementia. I am like an old woman. So it's freaking fish. And my whole house, the alarm's going off

and it is smelling and my hair, like everything is like fish and I'm opening the doors and like my landlord's like what's going on? Because he was walking by my friggin landlord who always checks out my sex toys. And so I'm like I'm so sorry I'm cooking fish. So I smell like fish. I'm heading out to a very important meeting and everything smells like fish. So I think to myself I'm gonna friggin grab a swipe and I swiped a spark swipe and I swiped and I swiped, a spark, swipe, and I swiped, and I used to my hair at my body, everything smelled so much better. It's genius.

I'm happy for you. Do you feel like you're going to be able to do better? You smell great. And you know what? It's also fantastic, because it's not liquid, so it's not going to spill in your purse. No. And here's a whole group of people.

You're not even thinking about it. I doubt they brought it up on Shark Tank, but for the stoners out there, especially stoners with jobs, whether not a lot of smoke, smell, or refree. That especially stoners with jobs, whether or not a lot of small, small, reefery, these things, instead of spraying a bunch of like axles over yourself, so you smell even worse, these things are the tickets. See, these are, and these have the best ingredients too. They're like high grade fair mones and ingredients, and it's like, you know, fair mones,

paramel and stings and all that. So here's the deal. You guys should check these out because they've just become available. Go to sparkswipes.com slash Emily. Use code Emily20 and you get 20% off your purchase. That's sparkswipes.com slash Emily. And they work because today I did not smell bad when I went on a time meeting. Let's talk sex. Okay, let's do it.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair sandwich. Oh, my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Mollie? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God. I'm so, so, so, so.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithelary.com. Do that right now. Check out my website it's awesome if I do say so myself son of my mailing list check out my blogs my videos there's a lot of cool stuff happening at sex family and I am beyond excited to be here with

Anderson I feel like I missed like I missed you over the break it's been like the genuine miss it's not like one of those where people work together okay how are you how are you how are the holidays good to see again? Yeah, I felt like I'm like excited. Yeah, you almost kissed me right in the mouth I know I know that you came in you're coming in for the mouth. I know I do that I'm not a gun for it, but I got I got a beard and a wife Dude whatever Everyone has a wife or something the freight is scratch you with my beard though Oh the beard part. How did your wife feel about the beard? I'm not saying that my I'm not saying my wife is a beard

No, I'm a straight man. I thought he's a beard too and I'm like can we talk about something? Because sometimes you reveal some things in here. Wife is good wife is good. We both got the flu over the holiday That's always fantastic. Everybody's sick. The flu is just such a sick. I haven't had the flu in years and it's just so gross It is gross projectile like Exorcist for real that you're sick. Are you better now? Every way now. I'm all better now is it do you think it's because ever well you weren't flying But like I feel like people were, that's realistic. Are you better now? Everyone's better now. Do you think it's because you weren't flying? But I feel like people were flying, that's like in the airplane.

Yeah, people ain't like all the kids who are at a school and all the little germs that they have in class. They're all rubbing up against the adults. Ew, I hate that. I'm sorry, I didn't get sick yet. But I'm excited to be back here first of the year. It's going to be, I've so many, this is the year.

This is it, huh? This is the year that stuff is going to happen happen things are changing. They're already changing in fact Not only did I think it that it's changing because I spent it actually took some time off For the first time ever you look refreshed you look good. I asked if you were pregnant because you're Glow it. I did ask that I am not Pregnant, but you'll be the first to know or the baby daddy But actually there isn't one be one it would be the immaculate conception So not that I have an index, but I protect a sex

Anyway, good for you. I'm not pregnant and I am really excited because I feel that this year the show It's been great. Are you a resolution person? No, no good for you resolutions are a bummer because people make these are the wrong way. They're like, Oh, I'm going to be so trendy and then like everyone's on my gym. I can't even get in. I know the first three weeks. It's annoying. You just got to wait till they die off. You know why they do?

Because you were like, I'm going to get in shape, but you can't make a blanket resolution. You have to have steps and go measurable goals. Like, I'd like to lose three pounds, 10 pounds. How are you going to do that? Well, three times a week, I'm going to go to the gym. You need a plan for resolutions. It's right.

You just stick with it. And so I think overall, I've just been thinking a lot about the show and how I just want to take it to the next level. I've been doing it a long time and I've got some exciting things happening for everyone in 2015. And I also have a survey that I just posted on my site, or it will be up tomorrow. And when you listen to the show,

and it's when you guys answer it, it's like two minutes will take you. And I'll just some questions about the show, we like, we don't like, we want to hear. Yeah, and you know what? And I already know that, like I kind of know some things. I know a lot about what I want to do,

but I want to hear, I never talked to my people about that. And let me say that we did the same thing on the film ball a couple of years ago, and the show is free. I'm sex with Emily's free. I'm sure you guys are listening, because you enjoy it. It is a huge help. I remember Brian and I, my co-host in the film ball a couple of years ago and the show is free. I'm sex with Emily's free. I'm sure you guys are listening because you enjoy it.

It is a huge help. I'm a member of Brian and I'm my co-host in the film ball. We're hugely flattered and we knew what direction to take the show. Right. So it's a big help to Emily. So you should really do that. It would be big help. And it will, I'll be tweeting it out.

It'll be on Facebook, my Facebook page, which is all sex with Emily across the board. And it'll take you two minutes. And you know you're already on Facebook surfing the web anyway. Because everyone's on Facebook all day long. So one more thing, this is my big weekend coming up next weekend. She, you, she, are you coming? She's the sexual health expo sexual health expo.com. I've been talking about this for months now. I can't believe it's already here, but it is blowing up. It's the first of its kind. It is like, you know, no one really had any good sex ed in high school. What? Oh, no, no good sex ed.

And the most people need sex ed education now. I did after school. What, he did some good sex ed. I got some good sex ed after school. Yeah, but this is like top speakers. People I've learned from teaching workshops, there's new parties, it's in Hollywood. And I'm giving the keynote speech on Sunday.

There's going to be sex toys, giveaways, fun stuff. Any celebrities there? Me. The fish have any dick, sucking carrots, I think. They told me to show. I'm going to get on that. January 17th and 18th in Los Angeles, so it's going to be fun and I'd love to meet you all because you know, I don't know.

We don't always get to hang out. So I'd love to see you there. And what else? That's all I got for you. So I have some sex venues, but I'm going to welcome my guest here because I just want him see you there. And what else? That's all I got for you. So I have some sex in the news, but I'm going to welcome my guest here, because I just want him to hang out. Thanks.

You mean I can talk now? Is that? Oh, yeah. George is harbinger. I mean, not too. I know. He's a pal. OK.

So Jordan Harbinger, he hosts very successful podcast, The Art of Charm. And we met how many years ago? Oh, god. I don't know. He's so started. A long time ago. He both started.

I remember writing you an email and you took you, like, three to four months to respond, which now it makes total sense. Why? Just, because I, Gosh. You don't want me to go into this right now. You can go into it,

because I sometimes don't get back to you. I get back to you now. You do, actually, but now I text you, because I'm like, I'm not gonna email you. But I didn't know you. That's right, you were like, who's this schmo? But we were both on serious XM you but I didn't know you that's right. You're like is this shmo But we were both on series XM on the same channel And yeah, and then you called it in my show and I called in your show

That's right. I forgot all about that actually it seems like a million years ago It was a million years ago and now we met and now we're friends and you put on the show before and you are to charm time About that yeah, so it's actually my own words is it is opposed to the script like your spark clothing Swipe thing dude that was not these are awesome do you want one? Yeah, I do. Actually, I want him to have one because he was on a 13-hour model friend that you brought. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I totally platonic for the record friend. Okay, he's straight. Jordan has a cute girlfriend. I've given him lots of sex toys, but he brought this really cute, sweet, nice friend. He's a model thing now. And you didn't even say thank you Emily.

I'm saying thank you right now. All right. Julian, he's a model. He's hot. But what about this? What do you think about these sparks? Yeah, it's funny because pheromones I don't necessarily. I'm like, the jury's out on these things, but I love the idea of having like a,

am I allowed to say that for Breeze glove? Yeah, it's a for Breeze glove. Could you spray it on you anyway? Yeah, because the thing is, I'll go out and you know I'll work out during the day and then I'll shower and I'll go out later and I'm like Put on this it's as every guy does I'll put on a shirt that I wore like another day and I'm like this is clean enough and then suddenly I'm like Crap I smell right and then I'm screwed

So if I had one of these things in my pocket I could be like I can sort of undo that Exactly and your hair so you can take it with you. It's my present. Yeah. All right. Thanks. I'm going on the pocket right now. Do it. Do it. That and condoms. That's what guys should carry when they need the house. I don't need those. She would grow fun. Yeah. So you just come right inside or in the pill. Okay. So tell me about you.

So art is hard. Jenny. I've never met Jenny, but I know that I have provided you guys with a lot of fun toys. That's right. Yeah. We went away to Vegas. That's right. Yeah. You owed me some reviews. I know. I know. I know. And I'm not gonna make you feel bad right now, although I want to, but I gave you some good stuff. It's good stuff. We went through my entire garage, which all my listeners hear me talk about it. They're like, can I come to your garage? Not everybody gets to go to the garage. I was in the garage, you guys are, I took all the good stuff from the garage. So there's no point in bugging her to go in there now. But it's funny because there's like dick pumps in there. And I'm like, okay, how many of these do you need?

Because there's huge ones also. And then little ones. And I'm thinking, is there a medium in this thing? Because this is ridiculous. And then you have like condoms that expired you know before I could drive and stuff. There's tons of stuff in there but it's really cool and I will get you the reviews but I need to know what to record. Yeah you say that now but you know I gave you like a spreader bar. That thing. Dude you're like do you have a spreader bar? I'm like I do

have a spreader bar. I was like she doesn't have one. My friend who's a professional jiggle I was like ask her for this and I'm like That's not gonna be a thing and I texted you and I got a response in like 12 seconds. It's spreader bar Yeah, there's four cheats. There's a sport cheats Right, if it's spreader bar if you don't know what I've actually never used one is a woman when you're having sex or a guy I could do it to it spreads her legs apart. Yeah, and it holds and holds them there right a hold them there and there's like ankle Not shackles, but like leather straps. Yeah, so it holds them there and it holds them there, right? It holds them there and there's like ankle Not shackles, but like leather straps. Yeah, so it's think pull up bar I think pull up bar that goes between your legs and then is leather straps

I mean, and then it's just like you can't it's like a bondage thing probably yeah Apparently, I don't know what was hot or not. I mean, she fell asleep. Yeah, she fell and then she's like why can't I? Why can't I roll over in bed? Exactly. And I'm like, this is great. I have the whole side of my bed to myself and she can't move. This is the best sex toy ever.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you're welcome. Okay, wait, so are to Charm podcast. So we met years ago, but tell me, what's the just, the show teaches, well, now it's sort of like men and women, but we teach confidence, networking skills, social skills, dating skills, essentially like charm charisma, personal magnetism.

So anything that has to do with that, anything that we can stuff into that category is on the show. So anything from, here's how you get ahead at work to, hey, if you want more girls to like you or you want to be more attractive to the opposite sex, try these amazing things. So we do a lot of yard of charm homegrown content because we have our school in Los Angeles Where guys fly in from all over the world to learn from us in person residential like school and then we have our Our sort of like podcasts which is as you said well known in iTunes and People men and women from all over the world are listening to that every single day

And it's awesome because that started in a basement like Like yours probably did too. Yeah, in the basement. And now we're like on Twitter with your blue check mark feeling pretty bad ass. Right, verified, verified. I can't. I want that. What is it, Art of Charm? It's at the art of charm, yeah.

OK. So when you started out your podcast, it was more, I'm not going to say pick up, because you're so not bad. I'm sorry, you hate that. I said that because they're all the pick-ups, but you're more like the holistic approach. How do you guys become better men?

Exactly, because we first started. We were like, cool, this pickup thing seems cool. And then we were like, wait a minute, they're missing this big piece of the puzzle. And then that whole movement, eight years ago, which started off as kind of good intention, good intention, that thing just spun way off the fricking rails and got just weird.

And we were like, whoa, normal human beings don't interact like this. So we went in the other direction. We got a ton of crap for it from all these like pick up guys, but we just didn't care. And now those guys are like being banned from countries and like can't do business and it's weird. And girls are like, yeah, we heard that yesterday, you're a loser.

And our stuff is just normal. Like what give me an example? So for example, instead of being like, can I kiss you and then just doing it anyway and getting an article and like frickin' LA times about how you shouldn't do that, our stuff is like, hey, leave everyone better than you found them, really? Okay, how do you do that?

Well, first of all, be interested in other people. It's a lot of it is like Dale Carnegie skills but made modern for the modern man slash woman, instead of like, and a type, don't type right all your letters, write them by hand, it's like, listen, okay, you might write handwritten letters, you might not though, and it's weird to do that with people you just met. So instead of texting them, call people to thank them, like really modern skills so that you're charming, charismatic people like you, how to make other people feel good being around you? Because that's the key to getting people to want to be around you,

want to help you with your business, your personal life. So we get into a lot of detail on that. Another common example would be something like, all right, I went to a networking event. How do I get people to, how do I get people to help me with my business? And it's like, okay, forget about what they can do for you. Just try helping as many people as you can and then suddenly after a couple of weeks months of doing that They find that people are coming back on them and being like man

You really help me meet a ton of people. What can I do for you? Oh, well, I don't know I'm trying to get more publicity well my sister's the editor of LA weekly with that help and you're like oh my god How did that happen? It's because you hooked that guy up with a graphic designer, not expecting anything in return, right? So you go into it, you go into networks, you teach you, because, you know, social anxiety is so crippling for so many people. Right. And, you know, men and women across the board, they're just like, I don't want to go

to parties, I don't want to go to events, it's just it's something. Especially now with social media, people like never have to leave their house and so they don't have to break through that social anxiety barrier. So you teach people like don't go to these events with an agenda, what people can do for you, you're saying just go in there, talk to people for yourself. Yeah, exactly. It's like, what if you are anxious and you're like, I don't want to talk. I love going into a room. I think I'm the only, but it's weird. I mean, I've other issues, but social anxiety, I don't have, you're like, yeah, yeah, sure. But I've always loved going to a room. I don't know anybody

and talk it because I truly, that's why I do the show. I've always loved essentially interviewing people. Sure. Asking questions and I get off on that. A lot of people don't or they would, but they're so anxious about it. So how do you get them to break through that? Right, that's the trick, right? Cause it's not just like be yourself, because I can tell anybody be yourself. and they're like, thanks to the advice,

jerk, my mom told me that one is eight hasn't worked. So for us, getting people to break through that is, is it, it's all about getting them positive feedback and positive reinforcement. And I'm not just saying like, good job golf club, like when they do it, it's like, okay, you have social anxiety, you're afraid of crowds, you feel anxious when you go to events like that. Alright, let's try this. We know that the mind follows the body and the body follows the mind. This is science.

I'm not making it up. It's not like yoga, principle or something. I mean, it probably is, but it's now backed up by science. So we change people's posture. We change the way they look at others. They're eye contact the way they sit, stand, walk and talk. That confident charismatic body language starts to carry over in their attitude. We teach you, I know, right? We teach you how to build it as a habit. I really want to like raise this microphone up. We teach you how

to build it as a habit. And I'll figure that out while you're talking because it'll be plenty of time when you're doing that. And you talk as much as I do. At least as much. He's always emailing like, you caught off your gas. I do that sometimes. Yeah, I get that same feedback. Yeah, I love your show, but you caught off your guess. I do that sometimes. Yeah, I get that same feedback. Yeah. I love your show, but stop cutting off your gas. I'm like, they were boring. They're gonna break right? Do they make they were boring me and I lost it. So I did you freaking favor. Yeah. Like sorry, 55 real guys. I think I talked too much. Everybody else. Cut each other out like we're now. This should be interesting.

Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. So we'll so we'll change the way that they're the posture interacts, right? And so once you start building positive body language eye contact vocal tonality now if that's a matter of habit due to the habits We've brought you like brought by you right now when you're interacting with other people you don't have to think oh my god How am I being perceived you know how you're being perceived? You feel good? People start treating you differently Which is a key right once they start doing that you go oh? All right, this isn't that bad because I'm being received warmly and I'm not worried about Micromanaging my first impressions and front of other people This isn't so bad

I can do this and then you start getting good at it It's like the first time you talked on a microphone. You were like It's this thing on you're like whispering. It's too loud. You know, it's weird. Now you can't stop talking into the microphone. Exactly. So tell me, starting with just body posture, you know, posture and the way you walk into a room. How do you teach that? Like, what do you show them? You're like, stand up straight. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of funny because it's my mom told me to stand up straight. I can,

or sit up straight. I can do that. Well, the difference is well the difference is yes you know all these things intellectually but the difference between putting it into practice especially when there's outside stress stressors right that's the name of the game it's like that's why there's navy seals that can shoot really well and there's guys who go to a gun range and they're like I could hit that target myself yeah we'll try it when there's like a bomb going off behind you and people are trying to kill you. Different situation. Talking with people in social situations, not hopefully that stressful,

but for a lot of people it is. Like we've all heard that like, public speaking is the second greatest for your behind death, right? I see the other thing. Or more scary or something. So like if that's the case, then there's a lot of stress going on

when you're interacting with other people socially. So what we do, for example, if you fly in and you work with us at one of our residential programs, what happens is we teach you how human interactions work, we give you some basics, and then we run you through these drills to drill those in. And then we bring in cute girls to interact with you and we videotape it. And then we break down your body language, eye contact, vocal tonality, and with coaches. So you can see it. So you can't be like, Oh, yeah, I was totally killing it. We're like, Nope, let's go to the video tape. And you're like, terrifying, but it's awkward as hell. Everybody hates it until we're done.

And they're like, Oh my God, that's amazing. The growth is amazing. And we keep doing it. We don't just do it once. We did over and over and over with like experts in body language, vocal coaches. We have therapists on staff. What do you vocal coaches? You teach them how to talk slower? How to lower their... slower, lower, whatever they need to do. Because a lot of guys talk slow enough. I'm not one of them, right? But a lot of guys talk slow enough. Sometimes they need to be louder. Sometimes they need to be less loud. But if they're if they're talking too loud, it like well, hmm. Why are you doing that? Oh, well if you dig down deep enough

It's like oh, I want people to see me because when I was young I felt invisible. I've made brothers do that There's always some sort of baggage in there So we dig deep enough not to like stir up a whole pot of you know what and like screw them up But for them to go. Oh, okay, and we shine a light on it, and then they go, ah, yeah, I do do that. Let me cut that out. And then we give them positive habits to change the way that they behave. That's great.

So it's all about reconditioning. So the fact that you're able to do that is pretty amazing because man and women do that. What do you teach women? Women, actually, we have to outsource that to one-on-one coaching. Sounds bad, outsource. I mean, the coach works for the out of town.

But the reason we do that is because women always have different goals for their communication. Then men, guys we can herd into smaller groups. And honestly, that's what we're best at. It's like training guys. We're not going to try and reinvent the wheel and train women. The other thing is the format of the boot camp that we have is residential in nature. So if there's eight guys in a house sleeping overnight, 60 hours of training, six straight days,

they're in from other countries, you cannot throw girls into the mix. No, they just be banging. Because, well, or like they wouldn't want to open up and admit, like, or share things, and like, we get pretty deep at program. No, I'm sure, it's a group therapy. It kind of, but it's without the woo.

It's not like my mom didn't hug me enough, and they're like, everyone's crying. We don't do that, but it's a group therapy. Kind of, but it's without the woo. It's not like my mom didn't hug me enough, and they're like, everyone's crying. We don't do that, but it's like, hey, you know, this is where I feel insecure about stuff, and I want to fix it. And then it's like, okay, now we can help you. But if you're all, I don't need this, bro, I'm red. I'm a, I'm bad as with the chicks.

So it's like, well, cool. When you're done trying to BS everybody, like we can help you. Right. But before that, then just go away. But honestly, a lot of the guys that are coming in now are married and relationships. They want to improve communication with their significant other,

or they're here strictly for business. They're like, listen, I run a company, I need to be able to sell myself better, I need to be able to sell my company better. And the best way to do that is to be magnetic and charismatic. Because no one's gonna be like, hey, will you buy my $13 million computer system? Uh, no.

Will you always magnetic and carry? Hell no. No way. No, not at all. I was really quiet when I was younger. Gunger with Till Lion, what age? What age would you like? I'm gonna change that.

It's weird, because I was, I was a loud kid, and I got in trouble for it nonstop. So it was kind of like beaten out of me, both metaphorically and possibly. Well, you were abused, do you wanna get in there? No, no, no, I'm just kidding. My parents were awesome. My teachers were like, this kid's an A-hole.

Because I was loud and disruptive. I mean, like I am now, only now I get paid for it, so suck it in the show-m way. But, you know, now or back then, you know, so I kind of calm down and then massive social anxieties, middle school, or around just everyone and I got way into Computer a surprise surprise and there's a lot of guys that kind of never got out of that phase and know those are the guys that you see Around like on TV or whatever and they're like quiet and they're you know, it's bad news and they play Games all day and they don't have social life. I could that could have been me So like I have a lot of sympathy for those guys,

because I'm like, what for the grace of God go I, right? Is that the phrase? Something like that, right? You're Jewish, so you don't have white. You don't have God? Get out of here. No, not right now. So you slide.

That's a grace of God. Not in your house. Yeah, so I could have done, I could have gone that way, but instead around high school and then again in college and then again in law school, I made concerted efforts to like not be that guy and then in law school I got a great internship for this law firm and the guy who was supposed to be like my mentor was never there. And I was like wait a minute if we bill hours and that's how we make money as lawyers why are you never in the office and

finally I was like screw this job I don't care about it I just gonna ask. So I caught up with him and I asked him. And he was like, actually, I bring in all the business for the firm, that's why I'm never in the office. And I was like, wait a second, you get paid more than everybody else and you don't have to show up to work because you know how to talk to people and all these other people are just working, like 24, 7 billing hours and like filing dumb documents

and he's like, pretty much. So I'm like, wait a second, people skills pay more than technical skills. And at the highest level, they pay way more. And now when I talk about that on my show, these IT guys and stuff come out of the woodwork and they're like, yep, that's been the limiting factor in my career is I can never manage. It's true. I'm just really good at technical stuff. You've got to manage it. It's about, you know, creating relationships, building relationships with people. And that's always what I'm better at than the work part anyway like I've

always been really good at like getting the raise or getting the higher position than anyone and I've always been more I've always been better at that I think than actual work but a lot of people aren't and I totally understand that so in that moment was that a pivotal moment where you like I'm not gonna be a lawyer or where you like I'm only gonna go be a lawyer and be manager of the for bringing business well I never really wanted to be a lawyer or were you like I'm only gonna go be a lawyer and be manager of the friggin business? Well, I never really wanted to be a lawyer. So that kind of in the back of my mind, I was thinking, all right, now what I'll do is all master people, skills even more, knowing that this can get me to the top of the law

game and I can, it'll be way more fun, right? Because this guy did like, jujitsu, golf, charity events, dinners, lunches. That was his whole job. And I thought this case. That sounds fun. Yeah, and he probably did it all in the company dime. And then he made more than everybody else. He was in the office at like one o'clock in the morning

grinding on some BS. And he was probably wasted with his wife and like some investment banker and his wife like chilling on a boat, right? So I'm like, this is awesome. So I started to learn everything I could about psychology and applied psychology, popsiclej, all the BS and of course influence persuasion.

The all the deal for any language every I read everything and I was in my research that's when I found the dating stuff. So I didn't start off by being like I need to get girls because no one can because I can't do it in dot dot dot PUA right pick up artists. I started by being like networking and then oh my god this can get girls to sign me up so I didn't start with the weird stuff which is now most guys are starting with the weird stuff and that's why they're starting with the pick up not everyone knows about the but when we first started the pickup artist and he was the game came out around that time and it was just all about guys getting the numbers

and getting late but it wasn't about getting laid and stuff. It wasn't about becoming a better human, a better guy, a better person. So we focus on like, deserve what you want, not just like figure out how to trick people into giving you what you want. And that's always, that's always going to go further because you can, if you did, if you were into this pickup stuff and you acted like you do with women at work, you would instantaneously be fired and possibly prosecute it. If you do the pickup art stuff. But if you do the just getting along with people and being more personal and magnetic,

you get promoted and you get to the girls. I like that you're branching out into that in your show too because it is true. It's like on this show I get so many emails. We were like, how do I? Yeah, and it's hard because this is what I've been thinking for this year. I was like, well, communicate with your partner, communication is a lubrication, but how do you do? It's so much easier to say it, but like teaching people

the actual ways to communicate in the ways to project yourself is a whole different game. It's different and it's super nuanced, right? So you can give a ton of great advice on your show. The problem is, if someone's like, yeah, I feel like I'm doing it all, but it's not working for me. You're sitting there going, dude, I can't see you. I can't hear you I don't know what you're doing wrong, but I guarantee you if that person was in front of you

You'd be like dude. What are you doing? Right. I can totally break it down. You'd be shaking them like a yeah Well, yeah, it's hard to because we'll be getting some emails a little bit people email me It's like I need more background I guess there's not like a one size fits all answer Okay, but let's move on to some more dating. So specifically because since we even started our shows, social media, dating apps, all the stuff

has totally changed the dating game. And it's all about now. So if you have social anxiety, you might never learn to squash that because you're just sitting by your computer all day. But there isn't art to it and you did write a book on texting. So when we come back, I want you're all about that, which I think that everyone needs to know a little bit how to communicate online. But now, a word for my sponsors, who I love, good vibrations. Oh, you're in San Francisco now.

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percent off. So thank you for supporting them. GV like good vibes. Yeah GVMLE20. You're such a professional with getting me to do the ads right. Okay. So tell me about social media dating apps, how it's changed the dating game and I want to hear about your tips for texting. So that kind of all works in because it's about if you guy rates you born message born message, you'll be next. Yeah, sure. I mean, the online dating stuff is it is it translates to texting so much. Like we wrote this book called the textbook a million years ago because texting was almost, I hate to say it was like almost new. Yeah. The thing is like six years old, right? So texting wasn't

new new, but people are like, wait a minute, you can just get tons of girls numbers and start texting them and filter, and never actually interact with the human to get, no, it's a, but it was a great way to filter things. And nobody was, people were talking about it, but nobody was testing it. And we had 15 guys working at the art of charm, so we put up massive spreadsheets on the wall.

And we were like, okay guys, you guys each met like 20 girls this week or this month. Let's start sending them the exact same messages and see which ones work. Oh, it sounds douchey. But we would test it. But here's the thing. What is for science? It was for science. But here's the thing, it doesn't really matter, because it's not a disingenuous message. Like, you're so pretty. I love you. Yes, I'm giving you the message. It's something like we would test something like, hi, this like really stoic. Like, hi, this like really stoic, like hi, great to meet you the other night. We should go out sometime, didn't work, like doesn't work

as well, very rarely, you know, depends on all of this depends on your connection in person, of course, but let's assume we met the girl in the subway and it took like two minutes. Then you try something else that's like ridiculously silly, like, hey little penguin princess, let's go ice dancing and And you'd be friggin' shocked. That would work a bunch more. But we were like, this is kind of silly. So we try everything in between. And yeah, it might sound dooshy,

but what we're doing is we're under, we're uncovering communication patterns. Right, it is. It is. What they respond to. So what do they respond to? So, it's hard to say, because it does very massively based on context. But the underlying principle

is anything that doesn't have emotional communication is going to fail really hard, surprise, surprise, right? Right. So what we do know is that communication is mostly emotional. The words don't matter as much, but what if it's texting and you only have the words? Now you have to lay those texts, you have to really drill in emotional words How do you lay your emotions into tax instead of saying? Instead of saying you doesn't even feel anything and say right if you're just a stone cold dude with no real feelings to speak of like a robot

What you have to do instead of saying something like? Hey, what are you doing this weekend? We should hang out you might say something like hey? What shaken what what trouble are you getting up to this weekend? Those are emotionally linked words. They work much better in terms of getting a response. Because trouble, they're like, oh, you think some kind of a fun, crazy girl. And here's the thing that it doesn't matter, right? That's how you perceive it, the way that I perceive it, it doesn't matter. Because since I can't communicate directly with you with the motion, because I'm not looking

at you, you can't see me, you can't hear my voice, there's, you can't get sarcasm, nothing. But there's a certain thrill to that. There's a certain thrill in there, but it's all on your end because the interaction then takes place in your head with texting. Right, exactly. So if it's fully logical, it's taking place in your logical brain, it's totally boring.

So guys should not say so, what are the texts, because okay, for example, on Tinder, I flirted with Tinder. I actually had a blind Tinder date on the show, which was quite fun. He couldn't see anything. Yeah, he couldn't see his weird. It was weird.

He thought I was really like cute for my voice. He was a symbiour really hot. Yeah, I've been so much fun. For sure everyone was blind. Just kidding. It's terrible, things say. No, he was a blind. I never met him.

I came in Anderson actually met him before the show. To make sure he wasn't told to sketch. But the point is, now I go on it. And I, you know, for fun, I haven't actually gone on the other dates, but you just went on Tinder for one second No, just now I was like oh, but when they're like hey hi, right like your picture I'm like I don't get and it's not because I'm like oh that's like I don't really have time and that doesn't interest me And I forgot I'm busy and I forget to check Tinder, but what would you suggest is like a great first message on something like that? Well, here's another principle, right?

It's all about the actual principles of what you send. It doesn't necessarily matter, right? So it depends on what sort of message you're trying to communicate and the point of the point of doing the Tinder message, right? Is like you have something like, hey, hi, what are you doing? What's up? What are you up to? Or something like that? Like every guy sends the exact same thing.

How's the weekend? How's the weekend? People weekend, what are you up to? Yeah, what's going on? That doesn't work. And the thing is, as guys, we're kind of like, gosh, you know, this Tinder thing doesn't work very well. But here's the problem.

If you make, and here's how you just prove this to yourself right now, go get a burner phone or look at your sister's phone, make an account as a girl. I don't suggest you do and just get some random freaking photos from the internet and make a little profile and watch what guys send you and it will always be the exact same freaking thing. What is it? Okay, you should always do stuff you're talking about. Okay, right. Tell them what's up. What's checking? So one of the ways. This is for like good for match to your plenty of fish. I was just going to say the same thing.

Okay, exactly. If you want to learn what's going to work in online dating, what's not, make a profile or two as a girl and just sit there and watch the crap come in because it's rubbish. Absolutely. So what are the right, you're right. So what would you recommend? Are they good? Give me an example. Because I always thought I was a picture and obviously you matched because you thought she was hot and she thought you were hot or active. That's how Tinder works. But a lot of it comes out of testing.

So the same principles apply right emotional communication. And a lot of times guys go, I do that. I wrote like a three paragraph message. This one. That's even worse because there's just too much investment going on. Don't write three paragraphs. Right. So the thing with Tinder is it can be a little different because it's a largely based solely on appearance.

But even a message like, hey, it doesn't work really well at all. Like if you see somebody and there are a lot of what I use is based solely on humor, surprise, surprise. So if someone's Asian, I might write something like, Oh, no. You look really French. How long have you been in the United States? And they'll be, if they're're like that's the dumbest thing ever

Not going to be a good match for me, but if they're like Sorry, I don't really speak English that well only French, you know or whatever like humor It's funny. They go bad. I'm not But you know, I don't think it's funny. It'll be it'll be fine Yeah, you don't you got to be careful like Don't offend them with the ethnic no, yeah, but that's another thing is like people will go with line But if you don't if you're not able to showcase your personality in the message, it's without getting into too much science, it signals emotional intelligence is not quite being as high as a lot of

when things can be so misconstrued on text because you don't know, like it's your first message and you're kind of sarcastic because I answered some guy back and I was really stuck and he never got, I was thought I was really funny. Yeah, but you're assuming that's because of something you did, right? But I'm funny. Oh, right,'s because of something you did, right? But I'm funny. Oh, right. But it never is what we think.

Right. This is show on this on rejection, talking about how we never... If someone doesn't get back to you, you just got to move on. Like, you always in our minds think, oh, what do you do? What do I say? Whatever. And I... Maybe they have a girlfriend.

Maybe something else is happening. Yeah, it's possible. I mean, it could be anything like that. So, you're texting. So, there's... Right, so, it could be anything like that. So you're texting. So there's yeah, you're assuming the response that didn't, didn't come because of you. And that's a great illustration of another point, right? Because communication is always received and filtered through your current emotional state. And I'll repeat that because it sounds like mumbo-jumbo psychology. Communication is always filtered during your, through your current emotional state. So, if I meet you at a cool party and I text you right after

on the way home and I'm like, hey, it was awesome meeting you. You seem super fun. Just as much trouble as me. It's hanging out another time. You're like, that's great. This is so cool. If I text you the next day and you're like ironing and you're like, you're freaking cat barfed on your carpet and you're like, ah, the sucks. And I text you and I'm like, hey, what's up? You're like freaking nothing. And you like throw your phone across the room and you don't answer me. So even though the communication itself is fine, the current emotional state that you

were in was not receptive to that. When you received it, right. So you have to, yeah, so if you can, call it back to that previous state if you can. Not like, hey, this is Jordan, I met you at that cool party last night, but something like, boom, hey, nickname that I gave you last night randomly, or hey, I'm still cleaning, you know,

your wine off my shirt, thought I would say hi, and you're like, oh my God, that was so fun. Like last night, that was a fun event. You bring up something from the moment where you met. If you can, and if there's a positive association with it, or a silly or fun association with it if not you're just like hey what's up and then you're like nothing well I'll tell you what's up I'm cleaning cat puke off my freaking couch jerk right even though it's

totally not so are there like things the what is like the number one mistake you think that that people even many would make the texting they always send the same message first of all and again if you don't if you don't believe me making a cat oh it's hey hi what's up or Or the most, yeah, what's going on? How is your weekend? What are you up to? Plans for the weekend? Like you don't even know me, you're still out, and we're gonna reveal what I'm up to. We don't even know each other. Yeah, oh, I'm gonna be at this place, and then I'm gonna go here and you should totally

show up and find it. Yeah, here's a drop in and follow me. Yeah, but the, yeah, exactly. Girls get the same thing, and you know that's not how to explain this to you. When we get the same thing over and over and over again, and you don't have, the other thing is a lot of guys will try to be like too creative with it.

That's fine, I feel like if you're gonna do that, go for it, it's way better than the alternative, but it's unnecessary. And the other thing that guys do that, they think they're being creative, but they're so not, is they'll be like one obvious joke they think they're being creative, but they're so not, is there will be like one obvious joke they can make about your profile. And if they go for it, it's like, I was low hanging fruit, right? Like the obvious joke would be because you're

holding your dog in your life. Yeah, or something like that. Oh, that dog's so cute, or like, oh, I love dogs too, or that reminds me of my dog. And you're like, so what? I don't care. So what if people know this natural, like, they read this in your book? Yeah, I mean, the book's friggin' free now, I think, anyway, it's called the textbook, and you can go to howtotextgirls.com. It's like the most immature thing we've ever created. But, and I'll admit that outright.

But here's the thing, the communication principles in it are totally self. That's good, because I think that everyone needs an advocate, but I do think that there is something to just like meeting people in person, and then you gotta get out there still, because you're never, because this is's good because I think that people everyone needs enough, but I do think that there is something to just like meeting people in person and then you gotta get out there still because you're never because this is crippling, I think. It is and it brings me. And it's crippling people and I'm not learning the skills because they're just sitting hiding behind their computer. It is and it brings me to the last possible or I guess one of the last

if we like points of the book of the communication as well as anything you do online, anything you do via text has to purely be to either keep interest over time because if I can't see you for a week or something or four days, I want to keep the energy going or logistics. Another massive, massive mistake that guys do in every form of online dating or Tinder or anything is they start to try to generate rapport and get connection with somebody through the crappiest medium ever, which is texting or email. Okay.

And so what that means is instead of like bantering and being funny and then setting up a time to meet in person, which is where the real magic always happens, they do things like, so where did you grow up? And you're like, why am I having a conversation with you? This is the first day. You know you already stock And you're like, why am I having a conversation with you? You know you already stocked me on Facebook, you know I'm a Michigan. Look at my freaking Wikipedia bro, or whatever, right? That's what you're thinking. And yeah, no, like please don't Google me. They do that to every girl that they meet and

it's boring because there's no other emotional communication, there's no other communication, there's no body language, vocal tenality, there's no fun involved. So we just want to be entertained. Yeah, yeah, we want to be entertained. Yeah, yeah. We want to be like so stimulated in a way that's different than other, yes. Other men or other women or whatever they're doing, but how do women drop the ball with that? Women can get out, yeah.

Well, there's a couple of ways in which women drop the ball. One is being exactly the same kind of crap communicator as a guy, but the real mistake in my opinion and women get away with it a lot. So they're going to point to the scoreboard and be like, oh, well, Jordan Harbinger, we don't really care. They get away with it and they go, so what? The guy has to do all the work. Well, here's the problem.

Women are universally, and I throw that term around and I realize it's never universal, complaining that the only guys that talk to them are the guys they don't want. Well, here's something to think about. What if the guys that you do want talk to you and then go, Jesus, you're boring and then they step off or why am I doing all the work? And you're going, because you're a guy and you're supposed to chase me. Well, guess what? If you're making us do all the work and you're not fun, why the hell would I invest in you emotionally?

Well, what do you think about women making the move and approaching these guys if they're interested in and what about women not making men do the work? Do you think that that works when women are approaching guys first? I will say blanket, no, but that's not gonna contradict my last point, I'll tell you what? The reason is because women... No, it's not what, blanket is...

Are you, that's confusing? No, you're saying that women should not approach men. Yeah, I don't think that they should. And the reason is because, and a lot of people are going, how dare you? I know, 2015. But you know what, tough crap. This is biology.

Men want to hunt and kill and gather and go back to their cave. And if you take that away from them, yeah, well, if you're in sex, and maybe kind of, I mean, it's probably not that same thing. There's probably some different science there. But the fact of the matter is, if something lands in your lap, you don't value it as much. You want to work for it. You want to work for it. But here's the thing. You have to, the woman has to drive this because relying on guys to be good emotional communicators is a friggin losing

battle. Okay. So if you're a female out there and you're listening, you have to let, you have to run away, but leave a little trail of honey behind you first of all. I can let him know that you're interested, but you don't do this. Exactly. And also, you have to kind of make it look like our idea. We're like, oh my God, what I'm doing is working. I'm so smooth, this chicks totally into me. Meanwhile, you're just kind of like string us along like a cat.

But then, so I'm flirting with you. I'm flirting with you, but I'm not saying, like, hey, let's get together and then I leave. Right. And I'm like, walk away, I'm busy. Right. And I'm all like, yeah saying like hey, let's get together and then I leave right no I'm like walk away. I'm busy right and I'm all like yeah We should let's get together on Friday and you're like I want something more committed than that So I might be like what are you doing Saturday? And you're like, I don't know no plans yet And then I'm going instead of going want to hang out which is a massive turn off

I'm like listen, let's go do this this and this you want to have a plan? Yeah, have a plan offer something up like hey Let's go for a walk and go to a park. It's supposed to be really nice. And also, I haven't played Frisbee in a million years. I know it sounds weird, but are you into that? Right. It's something different. Totally. It doesn't have to be super creative. I mean, Frisbee is three dollars. And it's totally go to golding a part and you can yell at each other and then you can go up. You know, you know, San Francisco, by the way. I know. I think he, my move here, he's my friend in LA, and then you move San Francisco.

Okay. What is your thought on disappearing'm disappearing daters typically it's men disappear What does that mean? What do you mean by this? It means a guy's there with there's this whole phenomenon that men We're in a relationship with whatever relationship. They're dating maybe it's a month Maybe it's a whole week a few months and then all of a sudden guys just disappear when we don't hear from them and It could be in the women's and time analyzing it with their friends And they go on and on and they think where to go But this is like men do this kind of behavior. I've done that in the past You know, I feel like you all have right, but because you're done and you don't want to have it

You don't want to have the confrontation. You don't want to tell them right like I remember And then women think it's all about them and it's because I looked fat That's not an errands because I'd spilled this what I've drink It's never what you think But back to our other point is that usually what we're worried about in our heads and why this person's analyzing us or didn't call us isn't what we think got him along. It's never that.

And it's funny. I'll tell you after, I gotta tell you off, Eric with this person is believe a mutual friend. And I dated her for a while. And I was like, this girl's cool. We are like totally alike in so many ways. And then like kind of like went out a bunch of times and she's like Why aren't you interested in me? And I was like crap you're right

So I haven't made like I didn't like make a move and then I was like oh, you know Made some shit up because I felt guilty and I also felt like unmannedly like what oh I'm supposed to be like after it all the time Maybe maybe I'm doing something wrong and then I felt weird about it and then I slowly realized that was not interested in her as a Relationship and I just totally wanted to be friends and I just didn't want to be like hey So I just want to be friends and then after I just stopped calling her every day And I sort of like it slowed down and then she would like call me and I kind of wouldn't call back right away And she's like one and she's awesome and you'll know exactly who it is

I will after and then she was like hey, it's so clear that you're not interested like what the hell and I'm like Dude, I'm stressed out. I feel so guilty about it And she's like why don't you just tell me like you could totally just tell me because women can tell and they can tell I'm gonna tell Mankin dog. She was cool and when I told her she's I was like I'm sorry I was kind of immature. I should have done something this years ago of course, but like this is yours I'm just sorry about this like I feel like, this is yours. I'm just sorry about this. Like, I feel stupid. It's a mature. I should have just said anything. But then the girl I did it after her was a freaking nightmare. And the second I was like trying to handle it materially, she exploded and I was like, Oh, wait a minute. This is largely

why guys don't do this because we've learned one. We're kind of whist is about it. But on the other hand, we've been beaten up when we've actually got it. Well, what do you mean you handled it in the right way? You were like, listen, I just don't feel our love connection, but I think they'll be good friends. Yeah, like I'm like, you're cool, but I'm just not feeling super connected to you.

Right, and she's positive. And she was like, oh, you on the hot, you're an idiot. And I'm like, I'm not saying you're unattractive. I'm just saying, I'm not feeling it. You're not ringing my bell. And I don't know why. It's not, you're not enough. You're just not the right.

And she was freaking pissed. Yeah, I don't know why it's not you're not not enough you're just not the right and she's still on the very bottom. Freakin pissed. Yeah, I know that doesn't mean that men should not be should not be getting that everyone can handle it but you can say the other people you know some guys are into it some guys aren't they can take it or women can take that. And in 2020 hindsight if a girl reacts like that you dodged a bullet by getting rid of her anyway. Yeah she did you a favor because you confronted her and you knew. Okay so so what about, what do you think about monogamy right now? Do you think that it works? And do you think that we're sending ourselves up for failure by committing to one person?

No, I mean, it does when it does, but you have to be willing to do it. And the thing is, it's not biologically sound, it's not supported by science. It's not natural, but it doesn't have to be impossible, just because it's not natural doesn't mean you can't do it. I mean, look around, there's a million things that are unnatural. It's, if you're doing it, it has to be because it's like a symbol of love for the girl that you're with, and obviously she has to be interested in that too, if you're not, then you should awesomely have an open relationship. But like, I wouldn't want that because I know

that Jenny wouldn't want that. And I don't feel like I'm being restricted by her. I like doing it because I'm actually not interested in other people. Are you finding though a lot of the men that you're meeting and women, I hear this too all the time that people just aren't committing.

There's this thing called, it's a new, almost boyfriend and it's not friends with benefits. But it's more like you are almost boyfriend and girlfriend. It's, you know, you spend a lot of time together. You might meet each other parents, you know, you have sex, you do everything else, but you're not committed. So it's not just sex late at night when you're drunk. It's, you're practically committed, but you don't quite say the commitment thing. Because I think that the people, why? It's just because I think

that there is a fear because there's so many options. There's a bigger, better deal. People are in line every day. They're getting poked, proddled, liked by someone else across the social media board. And they're thinking, there's so many out there. I don't need to commit to just one. Yeah. I mean, fine. The problem is that goes both ways. And it just seems hella immature. It is, but with that, pick that up in San Francisco. I know. Did people say hella? Yeah. I hate that. It's from the Bay, I think. It is from the Bay, and I never picked it up because it makes me crazy. In fact, I won't date a guy who says, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he

say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll say, he'll do Does that a San Francisco thing? Yeah, and it drives me crazy cuz I'm like I never wrecked Actually the word is yes, and also if you're gonna say yeah, it's not yeah You don't hold it out for an extra second. Apparently my friends. It's a little pet peeve of mine I I don't it's there's nothing inherently wrong with it

But it is something that I just bugs me It's silly. I'm like what up? Okay. It's Hela. Hela, Hela. It's Hela. Dude, just me, I like it, whatever. I don't know how you say it because the guy says, Hela, I just automatically put him this box. And it's safe for box. Yeah.

Okay, so let's answer some questions from my listener. So thank you everyone for emailing me at feedback at sexwithmly.com because I love hearing from you and I read all your emails. And since Jordan is here who's an expert art and charm podcast, um, extraordinaire, we're gonna answer the questions. Hi Emily, I met the Soma Online and we hit it off. We went on one date, afterward I told her at a great time, then she told me she didn't see a spark.

I told her that it was only one date. Then she said she didn't think we had enough in common, so I pointed out five things we have in common and asked how you can tell that from one date. So my true question to you is, should I continue talking to her and see if there's a spark or just let it go? Thank you, Mike. Dude.

Hell no, I'm just kidding. Dude, that's hell of a... What's... I'll let you ask me about that and then I will dive onto it like a grenade. I'm asking you about it. So, to me, I think she gave your answer, Mike. There's nothing else for you to do here, but delete her number.

Yeah, I mean, she's not, here's the classic. Can't answer, he's ready to convince her. Like, what do you like doing, like a case, really? He's like, this is the five reasons. Exactly, he's communicating logically when instead of emotionally, we just, that's fine. We just talked about that. I didn't even know. So his mistake is no. Here are the reasons why you should like me, but if you phrase it like that, that's insane. Like no, you should be if you brought a girl, listen Mike, I feel your pain. I totally get it. Let's take Mike and introduce him to a girl that is not physically attractive to him and go, Hey, Mike, listen, you like violin? She's a violinist. You grew up in Michigan and you love it.

She goes to Michigan every summer because she, her whole family is there. Really, you want three kids? She also wants three kids. You don't like spending a lot of money on cars. She doesn't. You like vacationing in Rome. She likes vacationing. Why don't you like her? You should like her. And Mike's like, no, I don't like spending a lot of money on cars, she doesn't. You like vacationing in Rome, she likes vacationing. Why don't you like her? You should like her. And Mike's like, no, I don't want to. You're doing the same thing to this poor girl, leave her alone and go find something. It has nothing, and you know,

it is nice when you've come and interest, but most of the time it's about your chemistry that you have someone. It doesn't matter if you like the same music. I'm always amazed you're like, who we like the same music. And whatever, I understand like you to do the same things.

Like if you have the same vibe, you like to wake up in Saturdays and go for some things, go go for a run and get coffee and, like that's great stuff, but just to like only base a relationship because we match on all these things. It doesn't work.

It doesn't work. Because it's intellectual, it's logical. It's not. Exactly. It's not emotional. The reason you need the physical attraction first is because the commonality is on us off. That's the rationalization that happens afterwards. That's why you buy an electric car because it's cool and then you go oh and also I'm not polluting and it gets great mileage in the maintenance

Cuss are low you didn't buy the car for those reasons those are the reasons you justify your purchase of the car The commonalities come after the sexual attraction you're dating somebody that's totally bad for you and then you go But she likes electronic dance music and so do I. And she likes Michigan and so do I. I'm sorry, y'all, and think we're from Michigan. You're from Michigan too. I'm from Michigan too. People from Denver, Michigan. Right. I love that.

Okay, but, but. Not at the same time though. I know. It's be real. I know. Really, like, it must have really changed when I got there since when you were there. It's floating in the sky now. I don't know if you knew that.

No, I don't know. I haven't been there. Okay, do we have time for one more question? Yeah. Good. Let's do one more. I'm trying to think which one here. Don't worry about prepping. I'm not. Dude, F you can't have as in you were talking to me. I was going to prep. I just ruined your prep time by yam ring like I'm doing right now. Demanding sparkling water. At least I had water. I blame Julian my home. Hi, Julian. He's so noisy Julian, okay. He's the perfect man. He's good-looking. He's smart. Never says anything. We'll listen to you all day That's perfect really you don't mind girls who talk a lot See you didn't even say yes, you just shook us in now. We can't understand these journeys like whatever she's talking

Now not that your English isn't wonderful. It's better than mine. Okay, but no one can see who I'm talking you off line We should take a picture of them post journeys. Like, whatever she's talking. Now, not that your English isn't wonderful. It's better than mine. OK, but no one can see who I'm talking to. I wish they could picture from post it. OK, so Emily, oh, this is funny, because this guy, I guess, knew me. We were very good camp friends. I would like to, I don't know how this is though.

I would like to keep anonymous, however, I don't know where to get fresh relationship advice. I've been married for 18 years, have three kids, and seem very happy, and seem very happy. I have a stunning wife who gets a lot of attention. Recently, I was cleaning up some drawers around our house and stumbled to cost a letter exposing a relationship, sexual, with another man while we were dating. This is the first time I discovered any of this.

I really don't think I should care, as this is so old. She chose me, and we've a great life together. I may be a bit insecure, but I can't seem to get over it though. I'm completely faithful husband, I've watched other relationships crumble due to cheating partners. So for our relationship health, do I try to ask her about it? I've had a brief concerns a few times about her, but she tends to discount these concerns, commenting that I'm paranoid.

I tend to think she's right. This is way too old. I just don't know whether my recent, like a spidey sense, worry is real. Thanks for reviewing this big W. I, on the surface, agree with the fact that that's old and she chose you to do that. But my question that needs to get answered and won't be because this is an email is, why was the letter still there after 18 years? Well, I can say that I've saved every single letter, and people wrote love letter, whatever

card that I've received from a man in my entire life. I've boxes that are labeled by the guy. Why? Well, I always say writers. I don't know why. You know, I like going, I don't know why. I save them. It's like validation.

You go back and you take it out. No, no, no, no. It's not validation. It's sort of part of my history. It's part of my I save I save important like when I ran Marathons I saved the metal like I don't save a ton of stuff. I'm not a hoarder. Mm-hmm. But you could be that I can picture you as a hoarder though. I don't think you are but I feel like you could be. I don't know you just seem like the time but you ever sexually hoarder. That's for sure. I'm not sure but why why do I see the hoarder? I don't know just to be one of those weird things.

No, I'm not at all actually. I don't know if room to the hoard. But the point is, is that I save, and I know that's weird because I have a lot of friends who are like, I got rid of it. I get rid of it. I keep on my journals, I used to keep journals, and I just, then that's okay. I guess the context. It's documentation of like, oh, in college,

this is where I was at. I mean, I would, there's just more info needed here. Because if you found the letter in a stack of letters that she's kept from everyone, then it's fine fine but if it's like in her underwear drawn it's the only thing under there and it's next to the vibrator then you got to ask some more questions. Right exactly. I don't think and unless there's been concerns late, we big W like there's been things happening that you've been a little you know worried about because I think it kind of says here if there's been other

things that have been flaring up maybe I'd bring it up but if it's when you guys were dating and you've been together 18 years. Now, if you really can't get the side of your mind, this is something that I'm a proponent of. Like, you've been together 18 years. Can you have the conversation about, hey, so has there ever been anyone or anything, or what do you think about, or how's our sex life? Do you want to expand it or do something different? Like, I don't think it's so crazy at 18 years to talk about thing like what can't you talk about? I agree with you, but here's another question How do you know it's from when you were dating if there's a date on it and it's old and it looks old and fine Maybe it is but if you went what the hell is this and she was like oh that's 20 years old and you were like oh

Okay, it must have been from when we were dating no one writes letters anymore And it probably had like it maybe it was in the envelope address to her old address who knows maybe but we don't know we don't know we don't know but I would say that let me just say this forget the letter forget everything if this is truly big W the only thing that's really setting off alarms that you found the letter and there aren't any other things then I would say let it go but if there's been other things lately you got to talk about it okay join us out we find you everywhere I art of charm podcasts wherever podcasts are sold because they're all free and you can just go to thearticharm.com as well. Okay, thanks, Jordan, for being here.

And thank you, Anderson, everyone, check out his podcast, FilmBat, Vault, Apples, Esther, FilmBat. FilmBat. Yeah, okay, follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Thanks, everyone, for listening. Was it good for you? email me, feedback at sexofamlee.com. Hey everyone, this is what I got to tell you about.

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