Sex With Emily - That’s a Wrap! Condoms & Crygasms

Episode Date: April 23, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about condoms – because it is STD/STI Awareness Month – and she’s answering your emails on all the sex things. She discusses why condoms get a bad rap, but why it’s more in our heads than it is reality, how to let a partner know that you haven’t had sex yet, and what to do when you need a little more help around the house. Plus, how to deal when you laugh and cry during orgasm. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: We-Vibe, Apex, Promescent, SiriusXM, Woo More Play Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex With Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about condoms. Everyone's favorite party favor. Actually, it's not. But I'm trying to change that. And it's STD STI awareness month. Plus, I'm answering your emails on all the sex things. Topics include condoms get a bad rap. But are they really that bad? Or if we just trained our brains to think so? So you haven't had sex yet. How do you let your partners know? All you want is a little help around the house. Is that too much to ask for? You laughed, you cried, you orgasmed. Why are you having such a response? All this and more, thanks for listening. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on day

Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute The girls got every standard, oh my The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk Being bad feels pretty good But you know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything you between for more information. Go to sex-emily.com, check out all of our amazing posts and blogs and things we have to help you have better sex

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I understand that condoms get a bad rap. Condoms sex isn't good. Oh, they can't feel anything. My penis got soft the second it came on. No condoms ever actually fit me. It's too big. It doesn't really do anything. What are the other big excuses?

I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood.

I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood. I'm ruined the mood.

I'm ruined the mood. I can't feel it. She doesn't want it. What I was thinking about is, condom sex actually is good. It's not bad. Bad, like you think most people think it's bad because they have psychologically, they're in a habit of deciding that it's bad. Maybe like someone told him it was bad and they always assumed like, oh, that it is bad. So therefore my pain is gonna get softer, whatever.

Maybe they bought the wrong kind of condoms. Let me be honest, there's not a lot of condom education out there. Condoms not one size fits all for some people. They don't all feel the same. So it is a mindset. You have a mindset around condoms. You have a mindset that they don't feel good, they make sex worse.

And then as a result, you think it doesn't really matter. If she's on the pill, I don't have to use them. And you think you don't have to worry much anymore. If she's on the pill, I don't have to worry about pregnancy. But the truth is you have to worry about STIs. And those are real. And those stay and they happen and they're annoying. And you gotta get, you know, you gotta get pills for them

or you gotta have a lifetime of taking a daily suppressant. I'm just saying that they used to be much more, I don't know, we used, people just used them. Like there wasn't a doubt but now I happen to know We've got good data here. We're just not using them. We're not using them enough and it's because I Don't think your experience with condoms are as bad as you think and if they are you can tell me very specifically I can get you out of it and tell you which ones to use and where to go with it So if you think you can't feel anything, if you put some lube inside the tip of the condom

or on the tip of the penis, that the kids can feel, tell me you can't feel that sensation. It feels amazing. And apparently, more men are embarrassed to buy condoms than women right now. Which, I mean, one, what's embarrassing about buying a condom?

I really wanna know what the embarrassing part is. I mean, I don't know. It kind of says I'm getting laid. Right, doesn't say. Is it embarrassing that the cashier thinks that you're going to get laid? Because I think that that's cool. But it's almost like I have a question for you.

Do you think that condoms, Jamie, I'm glad you brought this up. Do you think that condoms actually sort of have such a bad, because nobody in the, I feel like a lot of people, younger people are not using them. And by younger, I guess I mean 1920s, maybe with actually, maybe nobody. But I believe that maybe a younger guy is embarrassed, like in his 20s.

And I think it's because maybe there's something like, it's seen as like you're being like a pussy or something, like just Connems are cool Because normally be like I'm buying condoms like maybe a 16 year old boy'd be embarrassed or 15 But but a man a grown man buying condoms why are you embarrassed? That I don't know I don't think it's I've never heard because I haven't heard any reasons why people would be embarrassed I do remember that when I had sex with my very first boyfriend who I lost it to, he wanted me to go in and buy the condoms and I was like, no, you have to be the man to do it because

I'm 15 and you come on, like that's not even legal technically. But no, I don't know. Do you think it kind of is similar to, you know, when how girls feel? That they shouldn't be embarrassed when they have to go buy tampons? Yeah, I was just gonna say, and I still, I'm like, if there's a cute guy at Walgreens, I'm like, I don't wanna be like,

I don't wanna be holding up my tampons. I'm bleeding right now. I mean, I know that sounds, I don't know, I'm just saying, but I'm not embarrassed. Right. But I buy them, but maybe it's equivalent, but I don't think, but no, I get why that's like, because it's so personal, you know that I'm bleeding right now, I have cramps, and I'm miserable,

and I want to kill you, or whatever emotions you're having during PMS. But you're buying condoms, you're like, I am a safe, thoughtful man who takes necessary precautions, so I don't get someone pregnant or give them a disease. How great is that? I think that women aren't bringing them either into relationships because they feel like guys don't want to. And so they're just assuming men don't want to, you know, they don't bring it up maybe. And we're also, we don't have, we haven't normalized them enough. So condom use because it's own performance anxiety in itself. Like we're saying because men are thinking ahead of time, we lose my erection, won't be as good. So just the thought of it, even though it's not true.

I don't think it's true. They haven't thought so then they don't use them. Do you think that women already assumed that the man the male is going to have it? Well, I think the conversation goes like this. He's like, are you in hell and she's like, cool. And then I've heard from several women, though, lately, you're like, I asked him, he's economy won't Michael. Then they and they literally one out of two. Two did had sex anyway in one left. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, mean a committed relationship, I always use condoms. If I was sleeping around people. I think people just like forget maybe about STIs and STI which is stupid.

Yeah, because like AIDS was a thing, but now people are like, oh no, I think they do forget. Or do you think it's because they'll be like, I would know if I had one, because I'd have symptoms. Yeah, exactly, there's a lot of misinformation. People don't realize that you could be a carrier of something and never know. So you could have herpes, you know, you could have, like, you know, HPV, all these things

that are transmittable just with that. So you could, yes, and you don't know, there's no signs. You can't tell by looking at somebody, if they have, and what was the, like, you might know someone's a good driver, but if you get in the car with them, you might know someone's a good driver but if you get the car with them you might you know trust someone but you get a car with them you're still going to receive help. Like people look at penises and they're like oh I trust this guy or I know that or people have said oh no I know him or I know her. They wouldn't. So they don't work on them. They are like they just think because I know you we went to the same school or we worked together

that it's safer somehow but it's not. It's an illogical way of thinking, but I also think it's people just don't have as much knowledge. Have you ever had someone that wasn't going to like what have sex with you if he didn't with the condom? Yeah, and I, yes. And he said that his penis was too big for it. And I remember this. I was in a hotel room in San Francisco.

And I remember he said, my condoms too big. I remember penis is too big, none of them fit. And then he did this weird thing where he was like, he was doing it, kind of showing me, like they're flying across the room, not working, you know, like, look, it's not working. Oh wow. He was like, ew, I was just so turned off.

And I was like, it was growing. And you guys condoms you might need the king size like the like the skin. We love skin condoms king KYNG They make a good big one or a larger kind of but like He was like never in the The history of time as a condom ever Fit me. Oh, please speaking of the history of time Check this out. You might not like these thin skin condoms are polyisoprene. They're thin, they're non-latex and they feel amazing.

But you could also have been born in 3000 BC. That's the earliest known condom and it was made of linen. Linen, see, go bladders and sheep intestines. Would you rather have had a linen condom that felt like your summer sport jacket over it? I mean, first of all, I just want to know how this person, it says by King Minos of Crate. So, or is it Crate?

Crate. I like that. Why did he feel, I mean, I think it Crate? Crate. Crate. Island. Why did he feel like, I mean, I think it's great, but he's probably like, you know what? Maybe I shouldn't spread my royalty seed everywhere. He's like, I'm not getting, I'm not making any more of a queen right now.

Not everybody deserves to be McQueen. And linen, I mean, there's a picture of it on here too, and like, it doesn't look good It looks like a bandage in the house like so you have like 16 bandages wrapped around you Like looks like the but it's linen but it looks and then why are you only carrying one condom with you when you go out to I Don't know is that what it says. Yeah, you guys. I just think no. I just know from experience Yeah, oh, I yes Listen you guys at least be ambitious and my at least why don't be hopeful carry through your four one could break

One could you might want to have it again? Because what happens when you only carry one you're right assume you're gonna have two actually that's a really good Manifesting I would like to have more than one sexual account one go again tonight But I think one seems easy like in the pocket, but if you're like, you pull out a strand. Wait, I mean, like again, all these people actually might accidentally come over with like a strand of like a 15 condoms. I'm like, nice. Right. X X. And you can use multiple even in one session, like if you want to like take a break for a second, or if you want to like try something, like if you want to go to back to

like manual stimulation or something. Yeah, you might want another one. Yeah, he doesn't have to be so linear. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, also you could change it out. You could change it, you know? You want to be safe, because what happens is if you only have one,

you're going to want two. And then you won't have the second one, but you're going to want it sex so bad, and then you're going to have sex without the condom. And then you're going to defuse the person, defuse the purpose. What's your best condom story? Oh, God. I think that is What's your best condom story?

God. I think that is one of my best condom stories because he was like, look, snapping it off like it didn't fit. And if penis was big, but I'm like, dude, I've seen bigger A and B, you can fucking get that on. I'm not an idiot. Another great condom story is, I think I got one stuck inside me once for a week and I didn't know. That happens now. That happens now.

It's not like a great story. No, but I've heard that actually. Like, it happens. Yeah. I thought just popped into my head. I think we've talked about this briefly once before. But do you think in the media, like in movies where they just go right for it?

And they don't even bring out, you don't even see the scene where they bring out a condom. Do you think that's also affected the decline in condom? You say? Yeah, I think so. I think that they're not showing on movies and TVs and things too. I think that we are much more conscious of it than.

And I think that there really is a belief that people actually convince themselves it doesn't matter. Like really people, nine out of 10 people, I'm like, don't use condoms, you're like, no. As if you grow out of it. Yeah. Like, I'm telling you, I've been with people

who use condoms all the time and they do, and I've had a boyfriend for like a year, and it was just like, you just do it. Like, you get your routine, you put it on, and we had amazing sex, and we always used it. It was like, fine, like, you just commit it. Like, you get your routine, you put it on, and we had amazing sex. And we always used it. It was like, fine, like, you just commit to it. It's done. I'm just saying some of you could probably learn

to ease past whatever fear stories you've created around condoms. Yeah, I had a guy. Tell me what's your story. I hooked up with a guy, and we were starting to hook up. And I was like, do you have a condom? First time ever that I didn't have one, because you know me, I have condoms and like every,

I have condoms and lube and every purse that I own. But for whatever reason, I didn't even think I was gonna go back to his house either. So I think he just didn't expect. He's like, oh, well, I don't have any. I didn't know we were gonna be doing this. I don't like also, I'm like, you're in your 30s, man.

You should just have some. I just have so. Like, be optimistic. Yeah, you go back to mystic. That's I'm thinking, be optimistic. Just like, hey, maybe I'll 30s, man. You should just have some. I just have so. Like, be optimistic. Yeah, you go like, be optimistic. That's what I'm thinking. Be optimistic. Just like, hey, maybe I'll get laid. Yeah.

But he didn't have one and he lived right next to us. I was like, well, are you gonna go to 7-Eleven? Or, because those of my clothes are already off. Did he? Yeah. I waited at his house, which is also kind of weird, because he left his stranger in his home.

I could have totally robbed him if I was a bad person. Be like, get me a slurpee too. I should have. No. Really, I get bad person. Be like, get me a slurpee too. I should have. No. Really, I get thirsty. But he went. But that was cool because he actually was like, all right, like this is the difference between me having sex and me not having sex.

So he went to some love and to get condoms. Exactly. Smart. And oh, here's, I mean, exactly. See, that's a good guy. So, no, no, what I've heard from friends are that the guys like, no, I don't have one. And then they're just like, okay, like we've women have a hard time once we start sex to stop to not.

Like, I'm already here and I feel guilty and I guess I don't have to. We don't want to push our own agenda. So good for you, Jane. Good for you. And you guys can call us with anything, triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. I just remembered at prom, prom, we, it was a big thing in my school. Like, I don't know what it was. The problem was like, did you guys go to prom? Yeah it was a big thing in my school like I don't know

what it was prom was like did you guys go to prom yeah the thing yeah so we got a hotel room that night you guys get hotel rooms we got a boy I had a hotel room but with a good group yeah like a party hotel room not like right I think a boyfriend hotel room like we'd be dating for four months and I knew we were gonna sex sex, like, obviously. We went to different high schools. And I knew that it was my prom. I got a hotel, like, we had talked about it,

where we had sex. And we get there after prom. Get to the hotel room and he's like, I don't have condoms. I'm like, don't you have condoms? You're like, no, I'm like, this is well about. You're one job, bro. One fucking job. I bought this dress dress the most expensive thing

I've ever bought my entire life look like a pink frosting cake frosting in a cake is like Jesus I show that big 80s hair, but but but but dude. Yeah, so I didn't have sex with them There was like no 24 hour whatever time. Sorry. I love that you didn't have sex No, I so pissed so many of us would have given in yeah, and done it. No, didn't, but that was the mentality that maybe I, I don't know, I'm just telling you guys, it still matters. And it is national health STD. Yeah, yeah, STI. So if you're, what's a, like not, like, I guess fun,

but what's a way that you can, if someone's like, oh, I really don't want to use one, that you can say, to kind of more encourage that. You could say, um, so if you're saying like if a guy says that to someone, both, because I've heard, I know of there's guys like there are women that will decline to use one as well. It's not just like a male thing. It just happens more often.

Yeah, like put that thing down. I was thinking for, for, I was thinking if you're with them, I didn't even go to show me that later. Oh yeah, I was a good trick. I think I had those a video of me doing online. I'm talking about like a vintage content. Not a real penis, of course. I've stayed away from that in my career.

You will not find my mouth next to a real penis. I'm not a real penis. I'm not a real penis. I'm not a real penis. I'm not a real penis. I'm talking about like a vintage content. Not a real penis, of course. I've stayed away from that in my career. You will not find my mouth next to a real penis, ever. I've always been like, oh, I really don't want babies. Yeah, oh, that's so good.

That's what I've said. And I've had it, because I've had a guy. I was like, oh, we should, oh, we should grab a condom. He's like, oh, we don't need one. I was like, oh, I don, oh, we should grab a condom. He's like, oh, we don't need one. I was like, oh, I don't want babies to you. And he was like, oh, okay. Oh, it's awesome. Jamie, that's it.

That's great. And then would we say to women? I think I, like, I just want to be safe. I don't want to be hurt. I gave my last girlfriend a rupees. I just want to go so much longer with you. I lost longer when I have a condom. Yeah, exactly.

That's good. Yeah, my last sex encounter two weekends ago, I told you guys about my condom experience. Yes, it was liberating. I felt great. I was like, you were not going in with that condom. He's like, well, we did it once before. Without a condom, I was like, you were not going in with that economy. He's like, well, we did it once before. With that economy, I was like, new rules. Don't go in with that economy. He was like, right.

Because they're not going to pass up sex. Yeah, no, sometimes, apparently. So, yeah. Some guys would, but that's just not your guy. I think what other health risks are they taking in their life? Like, think about that. It's risky behavior. It's more than just that. Yeah, it's has a lot more than that. So, I feel like that's, you know,'ve got to talk about the barrier methods that you're

going to use with your partner. And just because you're on the pill, it doesn't mean that you, you know, it's always even as effective if you don't take it all the time. It doesn't also mean that you're not going to, you know, what I was going to say, what else was on this infographic that we liked? Oh, just the different names of condoms, I think are funny. Where are they again at the top? Yeah.

I mean like wetsuits, jimmies. Wetsuits, jimmies. I never heard of French letters. I don't get that one. Now, that's what the condoms are? Yeah, it's like a rose by any other name. It's a French, it is a French, yeah. Pond shows, well, even the names that they give them

make it sound like it's this huge thing over your penis. No one wants a rubber over their penis. It's a bad name. Yes. You're right. She used comms during a sex 37 yes. No, no, okay. Of those, she used comms 20 April to the self, 2021 to both do comms interview sex 55

people think yes 55 percent. I mean, I just don't get it. Okay, the average American will spend 5,000 on condoms in their lifetime, but 21% of people say they don't use condoms because they're too expensive. I think that that number is really high. I think five, that means that you're having a lot of sex.

I think. $5,000? $5,000? I'm embarrassed. I don't know how much they cost. What's the beginning for free? That's like the best thing. Like I was walking out of the office the other day. And there's just like a jar, a jar full of skin condoms.

And I grabbed a few. And you're like, oh, you're wearing condoms. I was like, I need to fill up on some of my purses. Yeah, exactly. All the purses have the condoms. It's true. Yeah. And then 38% versus 15% of men think it's embarrassing

my condoms, a 15% of women are like, no, we don't care. 19% of women say they care kind of when they grow out. I'd like to see that number go up. And, yeah, that's how we go with columns. I think it's a little inspirational message. All right, we got a Caleb who's 26 in Texas who wants to share his column story. Hey Caleb. Hey, how's it going?

Good, how you doing? I'm alright. I hope they are story. And it's kind of embarrassing in a way, but it's also really interesting because I want to get jobs like outlook on this. Like how do you feel about women who are pressuring you not to use one? Like, I have such a good question. I have one of my past sexual encounters. I guess I had a condom and everything, we were going to use it.

And then she was like, well, what if we didn't? And I'm like, well, I mean, I don't know about that. But she's like, no, no, no, it'd be fun. She's like, I mean, you should know when you're good, to go ahead and get out. And I was like, I mean, I got pushed into it. I was like, do I? Do I not?

Like, I mean, if I just say knowledge going grab a connerb is she going to be into it like I didn't know if that would have fixed yeah the whole scenario so I gave in and it just so happens you know it didn't work like we thought it would and then she gets mad at me and then she's like well I thought you knew you know whatever and start crying and I'm just sitting back like, look, you pressure me. Right, right.

She just might not be educated. Listen, we need a lot of information around it. So maybe her education, which we know around sex is really limited, she might not be, you know, as educated around the pull-out method that is not effective. Like, at all, it can be effective if you do it right but most people don't do it right so it's really not a lot of people get pregnant that way

maybe she felt like hey i'm insulted like i'm clean right now so why would you think that you need a condom because i'm not dirty you know but i don't but in let is she on the pill um i mean i think she has said she was within like, after like, when she started crying, I was like, what do you think for it? She's like, well, I'm kind of not on anything. Okay, dude, she's trying to track. Okay, well listen, women, I don't know.

Maybe she wants to get pregnant. I just, I don't know, but that's not cool, man. You gotta use just stick to your to your guys. I'm telling you It's all in your minds if that I would love to hear from a guy right now who tells me that it They literally can they've tried everything in condoms just were not tolerable because I'm telling you if you change your mindset And you just put the condom on you use some loop you try a few different brands. Sax is just as good. You're having sax So keep just you gonna see her again, Caleb? I mean, we had a week,

we had six, a couple of times after, but I mean, I think maybe that whole experience kind of got her in a different frame of mind. And I mean, I was like, I mean, I'm not gonna let you get mad at me for doing what I was gonna do anyway. Well, you know, both of you. You're both in it, but if you see her, you learn from it. Yeah, good. Just use the condom next time.

Then you have to worry about pulling out and you're gonna pre pre-com and all the things that can actually get our pregnant Thank you Caleb. Thanks for calling Appreciate that. Yeah goes both ways all the ways calls anything triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven All right, we have stacey 55 in Nevada Who wants to share what she tells guys who don't want to wear condoms? Okay, hey stacey. What do you say? Hi, I tell them you have to have the proper safety equipment to play the game because most guys are into sports and if they keep trying to push me, then I still get a game that's called on a countable hack of proper equipment. Ooh, that's...

Well, players can't get out on the field without their safety equipment. Exactly. You can't. Exactly. I love it. You don't want to be safe. Right. Then you then I pass. Right. Good for you. Do you carry him with you, Stacey? Do you carry condoms with you? I do. Okay. Good. That's a great one. I love it. Yeah. Give him a sports analogy. Give him a car analogy. Yeah. Anything. That's awesome. Thanks, Stacey.

That's great. That's a great thing to say. Yeah, of course Thanks. Yeah, it's like saying the seat belt thing or like I know you're safe driver, but I'm going to I trust you But I'm still gonna wear a seat belt Still gonna be where even you're a good person you can drive all right, so J32 in Indiana has a question about condoms Okay, hey, how's it going good? How you doing Jay? I'm doing good Um, you guys were talking about condoms and about being prepared, which is something I've been trying to get into a little bit more because before I didn't carry them because I didn't want to be too or something. I didn't want to presume too much.

And I didn't want to come up like, you know, this is the only reason I'm hanging out with you is first sex because it's not. But you know, if something does happen, you know, I'm always happy that it does, but that is a good idea. But it's, so I don't know what the thoughts are on like novel key condoms, you know, different flavors, you know, and even the joke condoms, I mean, like, is that something like, you know, I mean, like, is that, especially if it's somebody that you just matter and not necessarily a man, but are new to that experience. Yeah. I mean, I'm not that joke condom.

Is that something that's gonna turn the world? Well, kind of condom, are you making a flavor condom? Or like, no, I just think, I think, but Jay, I get what you're saying. And because there is still, which is what I'm trying to change, there is still this thing, like, oh, he's making assumptions, he has cons with him, but like, and again, I don't know if it's an age thing

or you get older or whatever, but I feel like, it's just like. He has cons with him, but like, and again, I don't know if it's an age thing or you get older or whatever, but I feel like it's just like, yeah, I always make sure I never know what's gonna happen. I'm super attractive, I'm hoping it would happen, but I always use condoms. And I never wanna be in the situation like, you know, you might keep a bottle of water in your car and you've a first aid kit.

Like, you got condoms, right? You bring a jacket if it's gonna get cold. You don't know what's gonna happen. You always have condoms, you just do. And I think in your going to get cold. You don't know what's going to happen. You always have condoms. You just do. And I think in your car, wherever, I think that that just sends a good message and that the younger girls or people are in as a, well, I don't know. They might think, oh, because I know those people, like, oh, he means already assuming I'm

going to have sex with them. But I just, I just think that people don't have a lot of information around condoms. And that's an old message. And then I did. I did have another thing too. Like, I mean, like, so I mean, if you're being prepared and always bringing stuff, so like if you have a Loub candy also,

I'm because I've heard stories of women how like they may take it wrong that you would even want to use a Loub. Yeah, Jay, I'm so glad that you're saying this because yeah, you're like, how do I do that? Because this is the other stigma that I'm trying to break by talking about it. I've been doing this for years on my podcast

and here is that Loub still has a weird stigma and it's all in women because we think we're like, oh, I'm dry, oh, I'm discomfort. He's gonna think he didn't turn me on or there's a problem. But the truth is, Lou makes every sex act better. The clitoris does not lubricate on its own and most sex acts when you add a few drops of Lou, but just this. So you can just say, no, babe, I think it's hot like Lou makes everything better. Like just, but I don't I hope that women are more educated now to know that like it actually improved more

women when women use condoms. they're more likely to orgasm. 80% of women, when they just need a lift. So I think it's more like just saying, yeah, it's the best. Like, oh, I've never, you know, I love it. I will not have sex like for me. Like I grab a condom and I grab a loop. Every time I masturbate, I have a loop. Like I will not do any sex act without loop because it just improves every situation.

I've been this way forever 20 years So I think you just got to be the man around it. It's be like, yeah, of course. It's amazing way to try this loop No, that's an old wives tale. Okay, Jay. Thanks for calling. That's how I feel. All right. Yeah, that's be honest Teach them Teach them better ways to think about things newer ways to think about things updated information around loop. If I ever had a man that had his own loop on him, that's it. Having.

I just want to change that's why I tell you guys a loop whenever night's down. If it's on your night's down, you just, right there, it's part of your life. We're going to take a quick break and we come back. We're going to part of your life. We're gonna take a quick break and we come back, we're gonna get into your emails. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ All right, guys.

I love answering your questions. That's why I'm here on the planet. If you look at question answer on the show, go to my website, sexwithme.com. Click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short forum and put, yes, if you'd like to be called, or just email, feedback at sexwithmwe.com, click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short forum and put, yes, if you'd like to be called, or just email, feedback at sexwithmwe.com. As always, include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to this show.

Thanks, guys. Jamie, you want to read the email? All right. This first one comes to us from Sydney, who's 25 in Canada. It's right, tie Emily. 25, and I've never had sex. Does this make me a totally lame weirdo who will die alone? Kidding kind of. I have done other stuff with past partners and feel confident with that.

I've just never had a relationship get to the point where I feel safe or secure enough to have intercourse with the other person. I'm seeing someone now. I feel like it's getting close to that point. He's a little older than me and I think he's way more experienced. Should I tell him? Should I just go with it and not say anything? Do you have any tips for me that I can use at Confident in the bedroom relax and make sure he enjoys it even though I have no idea what I'm doing. I love the podcast and thank you for all the help you offer people. All right Sidney. Thank you for this question because I think it's going to I know it's going to help you

and a lot of other people and I'm so glad that you have found the show helpful for your life. So you are not a lame weirdo at all. People can choose to have sex when they want to sex. You're not going to die alone, you're fine. You've done other stuff with partners, that's great, you're confident with that. And you've never felt safe or secure to have sex yet. That is so great and you, I'm so glad that you have waited. Now, if you're seeing someone right now and he's older, whatever, more experience,

yes, I absolutely think if you are a virgin and you are having sex with someone for the first time, I would like you all to tell them that you are a virgin. You included Sydney and anyone else, men or women, whoever you are, your partner deserves to know. The other thing I wanna say here is, this whole notion you have,

he's way more experienced, notion you have these way more experience or you don't have enough experience and you want to fake your confidence you want to act confident in the bedroom. Let me just first say this about experience. It does not matter how many lovers somebody has had before. How many pussy's? It doesn't matter how many pussy's their penises have penetrated. I promise you does not make a man a experienced lover.

It makes him maybe get a lot of lovers, it makes him maybe more, he has more numbers, but a number of like more women that he's been with, but it doesn't mean that he has experience. So I think we all trip out on this like experience thing, but you could have sex a lot and still not understand the way your body works, the way your partner's body works. So I really think that instead of just having an act confident, I think you just at your honest and you just say, I haven't done this before and then you just breathe and you just relax and you communicate.

And if at any point it feels like, you know what, I don't really feel like going forward anymore. I don't feel safe. Just keep checking in. Limit the alcohol, limit the drugs. You said that you've done stuff before, and I said that feeling that maybe you haven't masturbated or if you haven't, you gotta do it more

because that's what's gonna make sex a better for you as well. So you can guide him and let him know what feels good to you. Remember for playing all those things before you get into the sex because you said you've done stuff, but I'm not sure that it's been the right stuff or maybe stuff that's gonna give you pleasure. So before you jump into sex, even make sure that it's been the right stuff for maybe stuff that's going to give you pleasure. So, before you jump into sex, even make sure that you are getting what you need or at

least figuring it out on your own. So you're fine. Be honest. I think we all need to tell our partners where we're at. We did they deserve to know. And it's good for you too. This next one is from Ambrosia, 27 in Arizona. Hi, Emily.

Short question. Is a normal to laugh and or cry during slash after an orgasm? Thanks. Yes, it's actually so normal to cry gasm. Like you cry, it happens. That is so normal for women to cry to laugh to do all the things. It's essentially just the oxytocin, which is the cuddle hormone that we release during orgasm. It also, it just makes us more in our bodies and more emotional. And so everything becomes more intensified. So it's kind of like you're just letting go, your muscles are releasing and you know, you're in the moment.

So I think it is all of the extreme emotions that you might have after orgasm or normal. And honestly, like, I think you just tell them, like I've cried after sex after orgasm. It's like, no, I just let my partner know like'm crying, but it's a happy cry, don't worry. This just happens and you just go with it. Let yourself feel your feelings. I think it's an incredible thing when orgasms move you to any kind of emotion. So, you're totally fine.

Embrace it, feel it, let go. You guys understand that having a great orgasm, like the most intense orgasms I believe are when you truly let go. and that means being out of your mind And totally into your body and just allowing it to go wherever it takes you So don't shut down a lot of them like I think they might feel the tears coming and they're embarrassed or the laughing and they're I think we get embarrassed of all these things that orgasm brings on and sex I think that the more we release it and let it go and realize that our partners are gonna be accepting and loving to us

And if they're not, they're not your partner. So I think there's the sooner that we just start being our authentic selves before during and after sex, the more we'll be in relationships where we feel safe and feel like we can be ourselves. I think get rid of the people who don't allow us to feel authentically loved. Fuck those people who make you feel bad for crying! Snacks on consoles from Polly, 37 in Florida. Dear Emily, I'm 37 and a mother of three boys.

I have a new boyfriend who have been exploring sexually and we both are ready to try anal. I've never done it before and have explained that it's new to me and he's totally understanding. What haven't talked about is the fact that things have changed down there since I've had my three kids. I have hemorrhoids and I'm a little embarrassed by the way it looks down there

and also worried that we could get hurt doing something during intercourse, please help. All right, okay, I can totally help you, Polly. If you have hemorrhoids, no, you should not be having anal sex at all, totally get it. So I think that, but if you do have hemorrhoids, you can get them treated. So hopefully go see your doctor and get those treated. Also, your bears, by the way, it looks down there. And I'm

wondering if you're talking about your vulva of a giant nuts changed after childbirth. And there are things that you could do to feel more confident down there. First of all, I'm sure I know that you're fine. I know that, but we're really like getting back into your body, doing your, you know, doing your kegels, if you're experiencing your reunion continents, there's some really great treatments now for women that are like laser treatments that you go to your doctors and you, they could do them a few times and they help women. It's essentially like vaginal rejuvenation, but that's very different. I feel like I've explained this because it not anything, it's anything like your labia and cutting it off and people used to do labia plastic.

It's really about using lasers that stimulate your collagen again and make sure that you're lubricated and that it can also help. So there's one called the Ultra Fem 360. You can check out. But besides all that, I think talk to him and say, I'm not saying you need to do anything. I'm just saying if you're having any pain during sex

or you feel weird about it, you can, there's solutions out that women don't know about. But what I also want to say is, explain to him that like you just would like to, um, you know, try some other things perhaps and not just shut down the aina. What maybe there's some other areas that you guys could go together. But I would also just say, if I'm just thinking that maybe your embarrassment about your body or what you're experiencing after childbirth is just the most important thing. If you take care of whatever insecurities you have right now, that will help you be more

fully open to other things sexually. I mean, not the anal per se, but probably other things. So because I think a lot of women are sort of have concerns after childbirth. Their body changes. And I just really want women to know that you are beautiful. You are loved and to do whatever you need to do to make yourself the confident again, so you can go out there and have amazing sex. Mm-hmm, definitely.

Okay, this next one is Alex, 29 in California, dear Emily. My wife and I have been married for two years now, and well, I'm feeling a little used and underappreciated. I'm not exaggerating when I say I do all the grocery shopping, all the cooking, cleaning of the house, and my own laundry, and sometimes hers.

Outside, I do all the repairs on the cars and whatever needs fixing. She enjoys her hobby and does the dishes. How can I nicely say that a little help would be nice? I don't want to blow up at her and make things worse. Thank you. All right, Alex. Thank you for your question. Okay, here's the thing about communication and relationships. It's not easy. That's why we have this dive entire show about it. Everything we just need to learn how to communicate the way that our partner will hear. And mostly when it's gone to the point of resentment right now, it's been two years,

and I totally get it. If you feel like she's not pulling her weight, and you're doing a lot of things around the house, and that can be really frustrating. But the problem is, when we don't say anything, oftentimes we just say, you never helped me, and I'm doing everything, and then I'm sure she'll have a response to that I'm also gonna assume that maybe you've tried to talk about this before because if you haven't

It's probably gotten to a point where you are pretty angry right now and frustrated I would think two years in if there hasn't been help with anything so make sure that you Kind of just take some time and figure out exactly what you want to say you can take some notes right now But I think the most important thing is to have a conversation when you guys are in a good place. Maybe you're at dinner one night and you're having a good time and you're sitting around the house enjoying a Saturday. And then you could just say, you know, I know we've both been busy lately. There's a lot going on. Maybe you've just been, maybe you've been working a lot and you could say, been busy lately, there's a lot going on. Maybe you've just been, maybe you've been working a lot and you could say,

I've just been feeling like I've been a little overwhelmed with a lot of things going on and I'm wondering, it would be great to have your help with grocery shopping, perhaps a few days a week, you could stop on the way home. Let me do it. You think about that. Other ways I could also help you. Like, have a conversation where it's like, I want to figure out how we can book, because essentially you're managing a home together. conversation where it's like, I want to figure out how we can, because essentially you're managing a home together. You are both the, like your home manager, like, off being an office manager or an office but you don't have an office manager because you're married. So the two of you have to figure out who's going to split the tasks in the home. And I think it's one of those things that couples just have to sort out at some point and

it's just fair and you figure it out. Now, so I think having it a way that you're listening and you're not getting defensive because again, you have to defuse whatever resentments you haven't really listened to why she thinks she can or can't and then going to problem solving mode. Say, well, this is something I can't carry this whole load right now. So what do you suggest? And maybe you guys need some help. If you can afford it, maybe some comes in and does some errands for you.

And maybe you guys can problem solve together. So just remember to listen and have a healthy conversation and back and forth and don't stop until it's resolved. I mean, you have to go back next week and address it, but the more you start talking about, the more you're both going to realize it. Yeah, our house has to be clean and we want to eat and we want to make sure that the dishes are in the sink. So fix the cars, but how do we do that together? So we both feel that we are able to have a life and able to walk into a clean home. All right. Thanks, Alex.

Okay, and this last one comes to us from Rebecca 36 in California. Hey Emily, love your show. My husband I listen to your podcast, road trips go by so quickly when we listen to you. Been happily married for 15 years, and since listening to you, our sex life has been amazing, and has really been enhanced in many ways.

With that, my husband is trying to get me to go to a couple's new disorder, not fingers or anything, but just closing optional pool time. Initially, it seemed like just a fantasy, but he's very serious and almost booked it for us. I don't know what it is, I just can't bring myself to do it. We did go to a Toppils pool once in Vegas, and it was fun and hot, but I just don't know

about full nudity. I know this is something he really wants to do, so I'm trying to be open, but how can I tell him no without hurting his feelings? I feel like I'm pretty adventurous, but some things I just can't see me doing. Help. Okay, thank you for your email, Rebecca. Here's the thing, you do not have to do anything you do not want to do. You could just go topless, first of all, if you would feel comfortable going topless

there. But I feel like, you know, you might be surprised though that you like it. I've gone to these new places before in California, and I'm telling you, I went not with a party friend or not with a husband, I was like 25 years old. And they're not like creepy and weird. And people aren't checking you out. I'm gonna assume that that's maybe your fear, or maybe it's a fear on your body.

And again, you have to really think about this. If it's think about why you don't wanna do it, think about which part of it, and maybe you could do some more investigating. Maybe you guys have some friends who've gone to this place. And you could ask them, you know, maybe go to their website and they call there and say, these are my concerns. Like if this is something that your husband really wants

to do and you're just not clear, like, maybe you need more information. Because I have found that things that I've been concerned about, like, I'm actually going to this retreat this weekend in San Diego when I wasn't sure I should go, wasn't sure. And so call the friend as she's done it. And I found out more information

and what my concerns were. So I honestly feel like do a little bit more diligence because you said you don't know why, so maybe hearing more, maybe you'll hear about it and be like, yeah, I was right, no friggin' way, Hobby. Or maybe you're like, oh, that's not so bad. So find out more information.

And then, but if you don't wanna do it, don't do it and then maybe find some other ways you guys could play together because if Vegas was fun and hot, maybe there's another time you could go to Vegas together or find another place that could give you guys that same feeling you had there, but it's not full nudity. So let me know how it goes or back out. I want to know what you decide. I want to hear from all of you.

I love hearing back of how things have helped you or if you need a little bit more advice. I'm here for you. That's why it's awesome. And you can also call into the Series XM show every night, even if you don't have it. You call in five to seven PM. It's a AAA 947-8277. So thank you, Jamie.

Thanks, time-a-zing team. Thank you to Ken and Michelle and Michael and all of you for supporting the show and for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithmla.com