Sex With Emily - The Biggest Mistakes Couples Make (& How To Stop Making Them)

Episode Date: July 31, 2026

Let's talk about the small habits quietly killing your connection…  because most relationships don't fall apart from one big betrayal, they drift apart from the little things we let slide every day. In this episode I'm breaking down the biggest mistakes I see couples make over and over, from protecting your partner from the truth to keeping appreciation stuck in your head instead of saying it out loud, and giving you a practical workaround for each one. I'm also answering your live questions on setting boundaries in short-term relationships and how to start the sex conversation with a new partner. Whether you've been together six months or 60 years, every one of these skills can be learned, and I promise there's at least one mistake on this list you didn't realize you were making! ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT WITH EMILY: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am so excited to finally share this with you. I am going on tour. It is the best sex ever tour. And I hope you'll join me. And the show is all about you, the audience. Every night I'm going to be answering your questions, win prizes, and leave with secrets to have the best sex ever. Every night is different because the show is all about you. So here's the dates.

I'm heading to Philadelphia on August 5th, Nashville on September 29th. Come with your partner, your friends, fly solo. You'll leave with practical tools. Plenty of laughs. Maybe some surprises. Well, definitely some surprises. Visit sex withemly.com slash events for tickets and tour information. I will see you there.

Can't wait to meet you. The second mistake that couples make. Trying to win the argument. Replacing your certainty with curiosity. I'm telling you getting curious instead of angry, getting curious instead of judgmental is going to, is going to change your relationships. Sexual frequency should not be the only scorecard you're using to decide whether your relationship

is healthy, okay? Sex is often the result of having more connection, not the proof that connection exists. This is just a great trick for relationships, or a great little shape code is to say, when your partner starts talking, you say, do you want to be heard, hugged, or helped? Hey, everyone, welcome to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate conversation around sex. This show is all about you. It's about you having better sex, expressing your desires and knowing exactly what you want.

Also be sure to follow me on all social media. It's Sex with Emily everywhere. Subscribe to my YouTube channel for full episodes and my newsletter. You're going to love my newsletter. I've been told I give really good newsletter if you know what I mean. It's sex withemly.com slash newsletter. Finally, I am going on tour and I hope you join me. I'll be going all over the United States and the show is all about you.

I'll be answering your questions live. We'll be playing games. There's giveaways. It's going to be such a good time. You can find that at sex withemly.com slash events. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. Hi, everyone. This is Sex with Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

Remember to check out the Sex of the Emily podcast on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. All right. Well, listen, today I want to talk about something that goes on in relationships. Really, some of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships, the biggest mistakes I see couples making and some workarounds. This can happen in all kinds of relationships. Have you ever looked at your partner and thought, just get me? or maybe you wondered how do we go from being so connected to feeling like we are roommates? The truth is, most relationships don't fall apart because of one huge mistake.

It's not some major violation or something bad your partner did. They drift apart because of small habits that quietly chip away at your connection over time. So today I'm breaking down the biggest mistakes that couples make, the ones I see over and over again and hear about. from all of you all the time. But I'm not stopping there. I'm not just going to tell you what you're doing wrong. For every mistake, I'm going to give you a practical workaround you can start using

today. Because here's what I know. Great relationships are not built by finding the perfect partner. In fact, I don't even believe there is a perfect partner because no one's perfect. They're built by practicing the right skills. And the good news, every single one of these skills can be learned. So whether you've been together for six months or six. 60 years, let's talk about the mistakes that are getting in the way of authentic connection

and more importantly, how to fix them. I guarantee there's at least one mistake on this list you did not realize you were making. Let's get into it. Here's number one. Protecting your partner from the truth. I hear this all the time. Well, I would tell my partner that I don't like how this particular move they're doing in the bedroom or I don't like that my partner's always late or I don't like what my partner's wearing. I mean, I would tell my partner's, I mean, Think of the way they handle money. Big issues, small issues. But we stay quiet because we don't want to hurt their feelings.

We don't want to see needy. Oh, I don't want to be needy. I want to be chill. We don't want to kill the mood. And we definitely don't want to start a bite. But just know that every time you're hiding one of these small truths, it's harder for your partner to actually know you, right? To actually understand you and your authentic desires, right?

Because we all have them. So here's the workaround. Let your partner know you. Practice telling them the truth before it turns into resentment. Because that is the biggest killer on our relationship. It's these little things that we don't say that turn into these big resentments. So practice this. Practice saying something like, I've been really nervous to bring this up, but I want you to know me.

Or I don't need you to fix this. I just want to be honest. Why that's so important is try this one. oftentimes again, we don't say something because we're thinking our partner's going to go into fix it mode. But when we tell them, I just want you to listen. I don't need a solution here. I would say, tell your partner, this is just a great trick for relationships or a great little cheat code is to say, when your partner starts talking, you say, do you want to be heard, hugged, or helped? So here you can say, I don't want to be helped.

I just want to be heard. Or you could say something's been feeling, something hasn't been feeling right for me lately. So how this might look is perhaps you're hiding What's a common thing that you guys might be hiding? What's a common thing that we're hiding from a partner? Maybe. Your story about squirrel? Yeah.

So I had a partner. His name was squirrel. This is when I was in college. And I felt this is how a lot of my bad sex started. He would just come into town all the time. And our sex was just him pounding away and like a jackhammer. And that would happen. and I didn't say anything.

I just lied there and I pretended I liked it and that I thought everything he was doing was fantastic. And when he asked me, I would say, everything's great because I actually didn't know what I really wanted and I didn't know how to say stop and I was afraid he was to get mad. But if I said something like, I've been really nervous to bring this up,

but I want you to know that I'm still learning myself sexually and I'm still trying to figure out my own body what feels good. And since I've only had limited, you know, we've only been together, for a little while, I'd love for us to kind of slow things down and figure out what feels good to us. That's such a clear way. No one can argue with that. And then you could even say, you know, how does that feel to you? Or let me know what you think about that. And even though our partners

might react in a really big way, we can still say, I just, I just wanted to share my truth with you and I'd love to know how you feel about that. So that's mistake number one, protecting your partner from the truth. And remember, we got to let them know us. So intimacy isn't built by a avoiding these difficult conversation. It's built by surviving them together. It's built in the repair. It's built in the deeper conversations. I mean, think about the people in your life. Maybe it's friends or siblings or someone that, you know, aunts, uncles that you feel really close to. And if you look at that relationship, you've probably had moments where you've gone deep. You've had to repair something. You've shared something about yourself. So same thing goes for our relationships. The second

mistake that couples make, trying to win the argument. Is this familiar? You're not listening to understand you're listening for the moment where you can prove your point. Gosh, I've done that. I've definitely done that. And then that turned your partner into the opponent instead of a teammate. The work around here is trying to understand. Okay, I'm telling this for myself too. Do you know how many times I'm talking to someone or I'm in a relationship and I'm like, I already know that what I have to say is most important, the truth and it's something they're doing wrong. So no matter what they say, I'm not listening, I'm waiting for the moment where I can insert my point. well, that's just going to put everyone on the defensive.

But if the workaround, which is trying to understand, I like, if I just say, you know what, I realize, because now what I do is I recognize when I'm not listening. And I try to say, well, what are they trying to get across? They clearly have, I try to put myself in their shoes. I try to listen to what they're saying. And I try to replace my defensiveness with discovery. So I might ask something like, can you help me understand what this feels?

like for you, this thing that you're bringing up, what would be a good thing you bring up? Or what do you wish I understood more? What am I missing here? God, that's a great thing to just literally put in your phone. What am I missing here? Instead of saying, you're wrong, I don't understand. Tell me more. Help me understand this more. We can always ask clarifying questions, right? People want to be heard. So being right might end an argument because you're like, I just want to be right and that might end it, but the resentments will still be there. But feeling understood. helps to grow the relationship and the intimacy every time. Now, I'm not looking at chats here.

If there's any chats. I can do it. Oh, oh, my God. I'm happy to catch a live show again. I'm only looking for my history. Thank you, everybody. Thank you everyone for joining me. This is being recorded during a live that I would love you all to join me.

So just to reset here is that we are talking about the biggest mistakes that I keep seeing couples make over and over again. and how to work around them. And this is going to help with, honestly, all of your relationships to be a better listener, to learn to figure out, they're to think about what your partner's feeling. Okay. The next mistake, believing you already know your partner. You might think, I know what they're going to say to this. I know why they did that.

I know exactly what they like. But people change constantly. People change all the time. And in fact, if you just go into situations thinking, maybe I don't know. Maybe there's another reason here. I mean, again, this works in all areas of life to think, think about something that gets you really upset, really mad. Someone cut you off or you misinterpret someone's behavior to mean something negative rather than something positive, right? What if you just think, hmm, I'm going to get curious here.

My mind goes to that the worst that they meant the, my mind goes to the worst case scenario. They were trying to hurt me. They always do this thing. I know why they did that. This is their pattern. It's so easy to do that. But instead of we go, huh, I need curious. You know, what's stressing you out right now?

What's been on your mind lately? What's turning you on lately? What's one thing going on with you that I don't know right now? That's really going to make your partner think. If you think you know everything, you could say, what is one thing that I still don't know? What's something that happened today? What's something you saw today?

What's something that's going on with you that I might not know? Right? These are ways to open up the conversations, right? Just think about how much we're always changing. So the mistake here is believing you already know your partner and the workaround is just replacing your certainty with curiosity. I'm telling you getting curious instead of angry, getting curious instead of judgmental, is going to change your relationships and help you deepen your intimacy

and really be a better partner to your partner, but also, you're going to feel so much more connection in every area of your life if you just get curious and sort of angry. And I think a lot of it says jump to anger and jump to judgment. So get curious. So from Texas, you're going to be there soon for show. Yes. Hello. Hello in Texas. I am going to be in Texas. When am I going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be on Wednesday. I don't know. Is that true? I think we canceled the show. The Austin one. We have to change our Austin dates. I'm not going to be in Texas anymore. But my next. My next. I, live show is in Philadelphia, August 5th, at the Helium Comedy Club. I hope you all come. I just did this show in Chicago. My live show was unbelievable. It's all about the audience. It's, it's all about us interacting. It's having these kind of conversations. There was just people from all walks of life, couples, singles, it's complicated. We had a blast. I just watched it to see like to actually watch the show, not as being in the room. And it was an incredible experience, I think, for

everyone involved. Come to the show. Please come to the show in Philadelphia. And then there's another one in Nashville. Yay. Sex withemly.com slash events. You can find more. All right.

Next thing here. Next mistake is this. Correcting before connecting. So when someone feels really criticized or really attacked, this is another thing. They stop listening. Even helpful feedback. We're like, I'm just trying to help you, babe. I just want to give you a little bit of advice can completely fail when it arrives without safety.

So instead of correcting the workaround is try to connect. So before bringing up a problem, this is the compliment sandwich. Lead with appreciation. So let's say we're upset with our partner because we feel they haven't been what, like something, anyone have anything in here that you feel is like really hard to give your partner feedback on right now. Is there anything going on that you're like, I just don't know how to ask this question? What would it be? Yeah.

Okay. So I wish I knew this years ago when I was dating a partner that did not go down on me. And I didn't know for about a year to tell them how important it was to me. So this is a compliment sandwich. You start with appreciation. I, at the time when I finally did it, we were on this really wonderful vacation. And I said, I so appreciate. This is how I would have done it then.

I so appreciate this trip and I love the time that we spend together. I feel like when we're together, we get so much closer. So I hope we can continue to find times like this to feel more connected. And then this is the competent sandwich. The first piece of bread is just the appreciation and the lead with something good. And the second one is where you make your request. And I've been feeling lately, like I know that oral sex, like receiving oral sex is a really big part of how I feel more connected to you and how I have more pleasure sexually.

And so I was hoping if you went down on me more, we had more oral sex, you would down to me more, that it would really take our sex life to another level, and then you close it with. And this way, if we were both getting our needs met, I know our sex life would be incredible, and it would even bring more pleasure to other areas of our life. So I started with what I love about us already.

I love the time we're together. I made the request about requiring oral sex, and then what it's going to do for both of us and the future, right? Compliment sandwich. So try to connect. Before you want to correct something, connect. Lead with appreciation. Speak from your own experience.

Stay curious instead of accusatory. Even use affection when it feels appropriate. Say something like if you don't want to get into the whole sandwich thing, it's too much to take a bite up, too much to chew off right now. I love us and I want to talk about something that could help us feel even closer. Because remember, people receive difficult, truths much better when they feel loved and they feel safe.

So we want to make our partner feel safe. Another mistake, measuring the relationship by how often you have sex. This is so common. Whenever I meet people out in the world, a very common question, they're like, so. They're like, pull me aside and they'll say, oh, well, my partner and I have sex once a week. We have sex once a month. We have sex.

Do you think that's okay? What do you think it says about our relationship? Sexual frequency should not be the. only scorecard you're using to decide whether your relationship is healthy. Okay. Sex is influenced by so many things. Stress, you know, sleep, health, parenting, medications, unresolved conflicts. You're not feeling emotionally connected. A lot of other things going on, but just the number of times you're having sex or the amount of sex you're having is no reason to judge your relationship on that. So the workaround for this is measure the entire relationship. So maybe right now

your sex life isn't feeling so great, but you laugh a lot. you touch a lot. You feel like really kind and loving to each other. You love how safe it feels to be honest with your partner. You love how you repair, right? How often you enjoy each other. But the sex right now, maybe that's a little bit of a problem, but it's not the only way to measure the relationship. So maybe there's other ways when you're looking at the relationship, you can say, well, maybe we're not having as much sex because in this area we're not really connecting. So maybe you could realize that we actually, we love laugh a lot, but lately we have to haven't laughed a lot or we're not being as connected. So sex is often the result of having more

connection, not the proof that connection exists. So if you run through that list and you're like, well, we do all these things, but actually I've noticed that we haven't had really close conversations lately lately. We haven't taken a vacation lately together. Things that are more tense around the house. Maybe that's why you're not having sex. But just what I'm saying is don't use the sex, the frequency of sex as a scorecard for the overall health. Get curious about the other. elements of the relationship besides the sex and you might just find that sex is just part of the equation but there's other things going on to repair and to look at another common mistake I see is letting conflict linger you get into a a tiff you get into a fight something happens

and you just stay disconnected you don't talk for 24 hours I hear partners people say all the time my partner gave me a silent treatment. And that's a bigger problem than you realize, right? Because then you're staying really disconnected, you're not softening, your body's really tight, and you're waiting for the other person to repair first. You're waiting for the other person to say, you know what, let's talk about what happened. But we all know how tense that is in relationships where you know there's a problem and sucking energy out of you and you're feeling more exhausted. And I know that I, this is just so common for couples that have things that linger for months. Often I'll talk to someone though like, I've been really frustrated since my partner.

I found out this, that my partner did something that wasn't honest. Like they told me that we had more, I'm trying to think of what's something common, a financial thing or a, or could even be, let's bring it back to sex because this is sex with Emily. Maybe you feel like you've initiated sex with your partner two or three times. and they just kept saying no, not tonight or no, rolling over. And that really starts to upset you, but you didn't say anything and you just stopped trying to have sex with them. And now like a month has gone by and all these other problems are arising and now you can't stand the way they walk.

You can't stand the way they chew. Everything they do is pissing you off, right? These things linger and we get even more disconnected. But if we had said after the third time or the second time, you know what? And we don't say it in the bedroom. and we say it later, like, I'm just feeling like every time I initiate, I'm not feeling like you are responding to sex. And this is where you have to get comfortable and say, I, it's making me feel like less desired. It's making me feel less connected to you. It's making

me feel like you don't want me, right? We've heard to put words out of this. Sooner we do that and we don't let it linger, the more we can repair. So a workaround is just repair faster. You could say, can we start over? You know, this might have come out wrong, right? It's so much better to try to repair and do it wrong than to not do it because you think it has to be perfect. That's not what I met. Tell me what you heard me say. I'm still upset, but I don't want us to feel like enemy.

So can we try to work this through. You know, I can see how that hurt you. That goes a long way. I can see why you're upset instead of trying to be right. So repair is also a skill set. learning to just have these messy conversations and say like, you know, I'm sorry you felt that way. And then to go back to my initiation thing, which was a little bit like to say something like, like maybe I went to my partner and I said, you know, when you initiate it makes me feel this way.

And they're like, you always bring up sex. You think everything is sex. And I think, no, I would go back to like, I'm sorry if that came out wrong and it made you feel attacked. I was really just trying to say that every time you or whenever you turned on sex and that happens. I start feeling less than. So I didn't mean for you to feel attacked, even if we know we weren't attacking them. I can see how that hurt you. Remember, these repairs are the glue to having healthy relationships and they take practice. So another one is, oh, this is a really big one. This has happened to me and I actually know that I've had partners that feel this way.

Here's the mistake. Keeping appreciation in your head. I noticed the thoughtful things that partner's doing, right? But I don't say it out loud. Like, oh yeah, I appreciate that you took out the trash without asking that you got car, you got put gas in my car, that you brought home dinner, that you made the bed, that you did this thing for me. And I'm appreciative, but I didn't say it because I got busy or I think they know or I honestly think that appreciation is something is really, really hard for some people. I think that there's some people that just, just it doesn't feel safe for them to appreciate. And the problem is when we don't appreciate people,

our partners can start to feel invisible. Even when they know we love them, they're like, is everything I'm doing around here just invisible? And my partner doesn't see the value of me. And I want to check this theory, but I know some people who aren't great with appreciation. I know some family members who have never said thank you, some friends who, and I often think it has to do with what was modeled to them.

So they might have grew up an environment where saying thank you feels weak. because if I acknowledge that you did something for me, then I owe you something or it means that I was helpless and I needed help. So if I don't even appreciate it, it's like it didn't happen and I don't have to feel that feeling of feeling needy, feeling like I was weak. And so I think if that's our core belief about appreciation or God, it's going to go to their head or it's going to somehow backfire, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of it. We all. want to feel appreciated. So the workout is practicing appreciation out loud, just saying like, I noticed that you did that and it meant a lot to me. I really appreciate how you handled the

situation. Thank you for having that tough conversation for me. Thank you for talking to, you know, our child about this thing. Or I love when you bring home dinner without asking me what I want. Thank you for making my day easier by turning off all the lights before he left that was taking out the trash, getting meals together. You looked really good today. Oh my God, that's a big one. If you think your partner looks good, tell them. And even better get specific. Tell them like, I love that dress on you. I love those shoes are so sexy. Your eyes look so bright today. You can see in this sun the blue. of your eyes.

I love your new haircut. I love the way you, I just heard you on that work call and that was so sexy. The more specific we get in our compliments, the better. I was talking to a friend who was dating a guy and she is stunning and fabulous and one of the most kindest, most open-hearted women I know. And she was aiding guy who clearly appreciation and compliments was not part of his DNA, never learned it. He would say every time they went out and they dated a friend.

for three months, you'd be like, you look good, you look great, you look great, look good, look great. And it was the same exact way. And every time you start, you look great. And it was a point where she like could almost just feel like humming, but it didn't feel real to her because like it just felt like sunny day we're having, you look great. Or look at the weather, pass the salt, you look great. And she said to him, and I'm so proud of her, she said, I, she said to him, it would maybe, because you know, also, we take a lot of time getting ready. Like, do you know, we don't just roll out a bad. I did not wake up like this, right? And so it takes an effort.

And I know we all have different ranges of effort, but even just like going on a date, meeting someone out, getting the clothes, getting over there, doing it. Like we want to know that they see us. And so she let him know that. Like I would love just to know. Like don't you think I'm look good? I know you're attracted to me. Could you let me know? And I think the next time he said something like you look beautiful.

And that was different. You look really pretty. And he did that once or twice and then he went back to you look great because remember we have to keep reminding our partner. of things. So keeping appreciation in your head, I went off on the looks thing, but there's so many other things just day to day that you can appreciate your partner for, you can appreciate your teammates for, you can really appreciate anyone for. Don't make your partner guess what you appreciate about them. Okay? They should know. And you should know. So take a moment and think about it right now. Let them know what you appreciate about them. You can even text them or

when you see them next. Another one, the mistake. treating daily habits like they don't matter. Remember, like small moments make our relationship, little things that happen over time. So maybe like one ignored text or one time you rush, you know, kissing them goodbye or a kind comment or a dismissive response is like too small to affect the relationship. Like that wasn't a big deal that I rushed out at saying goodbye or I didn't ignore them. But every single day you're rehearsing tomorrow's relationship, right? So the work around to this is practice the relationship you want on the daily basis.

So these things matter good. This is what makes the relationship, how you greet each other. Do you say hello? Do you stop when you come home from work? Put your phone down. Every time you see them. You know, remember, like just like a 30 second hug completely calms our nervous system and allows us to feel more connected.

How you speak to your partner when you're really stressed. How often you show affection? How quickly you apologize. Do you look up from your phone when your partner is talking to you? so guilty of this. I didn't even know I was doing it. And I was with a partner for a while. And he was like, and he even did a passive aggressive way. We had better communication. I wish he had brought up more. But he's like, you're always on your phone. And I'm like, fuck. I actually, yeah, the second we get in the car and you're driving, I'm on my phone. I didn't realize

if that really bothered him until he got really upset at me that I was doing it. And I was like, I was and now, and ever since then, I would, I would be like, okay, I'm on my phone. I'm going to put it down. Obviously, I was on my phone. I didn't think he cared that I was in my phone because he never mentioned it, but clearly it bothered him. This was a few mistakes. He didn't let me know it bothered him. He waited until he kind of blew off about it. And I was like, you are 100% right that just because you're driving doesn't mean like that on my phone. No, we got to put our phone down some more. So the key relationship is the one you have today is the one that you are practicing every single day. Our life is made up of our small habits and our small routines every day, right?

That's the life you're living. So the relationship you're living is also. based on those kind of habits too. How you say hello, how you make those little moments of connection with your partner. Oh my God, I'm so guilty of this. It's a mistake. Asking questions that invite one word answers. How was your day? Fine.

What do you want for dinner? I don't know. Couples can talk constantly all the time, be texting throughout the day without learning anything meaningful about each other. So the workaround is to ask better questions. And I know some of you think, I can't do that. We've been together so long. I'm not going to do any of these, but just hear me out.

Try one of these. What made you laugh today? If someone asked me that, I'd be like, shit, I haven't laughed yet today. I better fucking figure out something you laugh about. What drained your energy? What are you looking forward to? When did you feel the most connected today? Now, this might not be your language you can make of your own or like, what was the biggest

joy of your day? What made you happy today? What made you happy today? What do you need more of this week? What's taking up space in your mind? How can I be here and support you? So the key thing here, the key takeaway is, oh God, the quality of your connection often mirrors the quality of your questions. So ask better questions.

This even works with kids like, how is your day? How was your school day? What did you learn today? Do you like school? Like, they don't want to answer that question, but to be like, what made you laugh today? What was the best? I mean, God, there's stuff we have to learn as kids that we are still doing as adults. What was your favorite part of your day or what's something you learned today or what's something?

And I know, again, I think these are so. helpful in relationships because this will help us get out of the rut that so many of us get into. And if we just make time for these little conversation switches, it will change so many things. And maybe you'll remember why you fell in love with your partner on the first place and what helped you feel the most connected. Just little questions like that. How to maintain healthy boundaries and expectations in short-term sexual relationships. Great.

That's a great question. Okay. How to? Yeah. How do you maintain healthy boundaries and expectations in short-term sexual relationship? That is such a wonderful question. I think they're the same as in long-term relationships. And what I love about short-term relationships actually is you really get to practice this. So I think the first thing is stating that what it is. Like I know this is really casual. I know we're just meeting each other. I know we might not see each other again.

and just acknowledging it and then just being honest about it. Like what, like I really protect, using protection is really important to me. I can't be with a partner who doesn't show me their SDI test and use protection. I really love the sexual relationship, but I'm not into sleepovers. And so I really like sleeping in my own bed. I think it's better when we're together. We just talk about things happening in the present. I don't love sharing a lot about my past.

These are the things that I really love sexually. these make, I mean, this is where you talk about sex. Like, if you know it's a short-term sexual relationship, let them know, like, oral sex, I love giving and receiving oral sex. How important that is to you. Is that to you? Tell me what you're into. I mean, I think it's really just about communicating honestly and openly. That's, and how you maintain it is you just keep checking in. You know, this is what we can learn from couples who are in, like, open relationships or non-monogamous relationships where they are constantly finding new partners and seeing other people is that the entire structure of those relationships are built on safe containers,

talking about their likes, their dislikes, consent. And the more we practice this, even in short term, maybe lower risk relationships, I don't know if it's a low risk or high risk, but I'm making assumptions. But I think people are just dating and they're out there. They're like, oh, I have to wait until it's a really serious relationship until I can set boundaries and containers. But my advice is start practicing doing it in all your relationships. because then over time you'll refine it, you'll know that you need it, you'll know how to do it,

and it will become part of your repertoire and relationships. So it'll get a lot easier. Oh, I can see these questions too. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, this is a great one. Do you have any suggestions on how to start up a dialogue for the first time around sex with a new partner, especially when we have insecurities around sex?

Yes. this is a great question. So I'm going to give you my three T's to have any sexual situation conversation, especially with a new partner, but any partner. Timing tone and turf. So this is a new relationship. You want to do it at the right time. Maybe it's the next time you're on a date.

Certainly time when you're feeling calm, relaxed. Remember you are not halt, hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Your tone is curious. compassionate, maybe even a little chill. You're like, hey, I know we're in a new relationship here. And I'd love to have a relationship with you where we can talk about sex openly and honestly what we both want. You could even say this is new for me too.

But what I've learned and what I know is that in the past, when I haven't talked about these things, it doesn't really go well. So I'd love to try with you. Would you be open to talking about our desires and what we're into? and it's really important for me to be with somebody who has a growth mindset around sex, so let's practice. It's okay if it's clunky and awkward, but that's part of what you get to say. So that's the tone is like curious, compassionate chill,

and then the turf is outside the bedroom. So even if it's a new sexual relationship or a sexual relationship you've been in, a sexual relationship you've been in for a long time, I love to say let's leave the sexual, let's leave the conversations about sex outside the bedroom when you're going for a drive in the car, maybe you're on a road trip or you're going for a walk because that way you don't have to make eye contact, but you're still, it's still intimate and safe. That is what I got for you all today.

Anything else coming in? Thank you for these great questions. And yeah. Listen, I'm going on tour. You have to join me in Philadelphia on August 5th or I'll be in Nashville. I think it's September 29th. Maybe not, but it's sex with Emily.com. slash events. Please check out all of our podcasts, subscribe, send up for my newsletter,

follow me on our social media, sex with Emily. These live shows are experiences that you've never had anywhere before. It's like this, but we are live in person. I've got giveaways. We're doing a little bit of like it's fun, it's games, and the audience really comes together and supports each other. And I want to be there to meet you in person. So please come join me. Thank you everybody for listening and for following along. I appreciate you all. And you can always reach out with any questions. Was it good for you? Let me know. Find me. It's all at Sex with Emily. Have a great night. Thanks everyone. We all love you. Thanks for spreading with me all.