Sex With Emily - The Cheating Curve

Episode Date: December 16, 2015

On today’s podcast, Emily and Menace are tackling your top sex and relationship questions. Whether you’re looking to explore new bedroom activities, are feeling cheated by your partner’s oral sex embargo or are trying to channel your inner sex goddess, they cover the many ways to better communicate your sexual needs to your partner. They also tackle a question on lady-scaping — Do men really trip out over a little down-there stubble?Also, a Sex in the News story on mistress-shaming opens up a discussion on the recent rise in infidelities. Are daters getting more unfaithful or are there just more ways to get caught? Menace and Emily debate how social media is contributing to the cheating curve, and Menace explains why the iCloud is a cheater’s worst enemy.From oral sex ultimatums to bedroom deal breakers, this podcast helps you navigate the many pitfalls that couples encounter on the road to sexual satisfaction. Learn how to open up the sex conversation with your partner and find out why cheaters truly never prosper in this episode of Sex With Emily. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily tonight's show getting your partner on board with new sex adventures Missing out on oral sex and how to unleash your inner sex goddess all that more in today's show. Thanks for listening Let me tell you a little bit about something that's kind of intense but amazing the intensity This toy has been a game changer for my life. And so many of you jumped on the intensity drain, sex-ploring and do you. The intensity is a product that actually does your casual exercises for you and it's a rabid by bear. So it's a two-fer really.

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Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sex.emily.com, where you can check out all of our podcasts, Center for a mailing list, our blogs which rock my team, gives you awesome blogs every day,

and I love you all. Thanks for listening to the show. And I'm here with Menace. Hello. Hi Menace. How are you doing? I'm fabulous. How are you?

What is going on with your life? I'm here with so many things. It's a whole list. We haven't, yeah, we haven't talked in a while. I unfortunately work, it's been crazy, so I had a cancel. So busy, you always do that. Cancel on you. Yeah, you bailed on in a while. I unfortunately work has been crazy. So I had a cancel. So busy. You always see that.

Cancel on you. Yeah, you bailed on the show. I know. But then I realized it was like the bus show we ever had. Oh, great. So I should leave. Now I'm kidding. I missed you so much.

What the hell is going on with your holidays? Did you go anywhere for Thanksgiving? I went. No, Thanksgiving, I just went. No, it's sad because I used to come to Michigan all the time for years. But now that, oh, I was home for my nieces about mitzvah the weekend before the coachella Her name's Ella and it was a coachella a wrong telling brother. Thanks for the invite Do he would have loved you? Yeah, he would have loved you have you there

But then Thanksgiving I was here and I was with friends and since Thanksgiving was like my always my family thing It was kind of bummer Just the night of Thanksgiving. I was like I always my family thing. It was kind of bummer. Just the night of Thanksgiving. I was like, mm, I miss my family. But the moment I went away for a night went to Malibu with my guy, my lover. You're a lover? My lover. And we've actually, this is such a,

you know, I always say in the show, like you've got to, it's so important for couples just to get away. We went for one night, okay? You don't have to go to Malibu. You go to the Hilton in your town, it doesn't matter, but just getting out of your space, turning off your phone and getting away, it was like a two full days because we drove there.

And it was super fun and romantic, it was right on the ocean, and I got to bring a lot of fun toys that we had been wanting to try. I literally brought us to the case, it was so heavy, he lifted up, he was like, what the hell are you bringing? I'm like, there's like a lot of flush like bondage ties and new things crazy. The quick shot. The new flashlight little Actually, give you one of these. Yeah, you give them like a hand job blow job. It's like your handy helper. Okay. Well, what else we try some? What did we try that was oh, the U by J.J. You know how I love J.J.O.

I just say they made a new product line that's just like the Mimi, but it's like three different products that are used the same vibrating function. I don't know, it was like, I felt kind of, he's like really like, we're gonna have sex until I think I got stressed. Because when someone just pack up,

he's bring some toys, like I don't know which ones, I'm a little behind. So he's just bringing everything, you know how? But we had a blast and I'm just saying that for couples who were like, uh, we can't get away It totally like bond to us and it was a really we've never ever actually gone away the other so that was fun. It was good That's great. Yeah, Malibu's beautiful. I have ocean waves like crashing and um, yeah, so we'd sex we ate a lot We had fun. That's what you do. It was really fun. Yeah, I was gonna get the hell out of town

I'm not good at that my girlfriend. I went to our old stomping grounds of San Francisco and it's just crazy there. It's super It's so different super bad. Yeah, and then The women that I talked to there are friends of mine there say that it's all awkward tech guys You know even more so that it was always like that though. But I'm like, dude, you need to make the effort because look, these are, I'm sure they're quality guys. These guys, these are guys with jobs, you know, they could actually like take out and take care of you and things like that. This be aggressive. You can totally own all these dudes. Yeah, it's true. Don't let them make the move because that's never happened. Well, it's never happened. You know, we've always talked because that's never happened. Well, they will never happen. Well, it's never happened.

You know, we've always talked about that sort of school that women always complain that men never ask them out. And it's true. Men very rarely come to you and approach you and start talking. You're like, they do in every other city. Like, L.A. guys was just like literally the traffic guys are like, well, don't you window. Like, hey, what's your name?

But they're still not quality, dude. They're not quality, dude. But it's different to school. These guys have jobs, they're techie. And all of the things like that hump, they just get over that, like but it's different to school. These guys have jobs, they're techy, and all of the dudes like that hump. Like just get over that, like you start talking to them. Like I know the women are so like I want to go out and approach me,

but it's not because they don't want to. And you know you were a shy guy. Oh, it's totally shy. You still like, I mean, you're girlfriend currently, she like, you guys knew each other, but it wasn't like you asked her out, now you're together. Yeah. Right?

I mean, it just sort of happens. But yeah, it is a different world. And there's like traffic there now, and you can't live there. Crazy. But there's a lot of sex to them. Listeners still there. Did you see them?

But they're like, hey, yo, what up, men? Hey, what's up? It's so weird, because I do two radio shows. I do the morning radio show, the Woody Show in Los Angeles. And then this show. And so I never know what show that they're listening show in Los Angeles, and then this show. And so I never know what show that they're listening to. They say, hey, I love listening to the show.

I'm like, okay. Do you ask them? Yeah, yeah, of course. I find out. And literally. I'm usually sexually sexually. Oh, always. I'm just getting ants at.

No, no, it's a mix between both. It's great because they both, they listen to both shows, and it's fun, you know, and it's fun I miss it. It's so weird to meet people and this is the most awkward places that I listen to the podcast or I listen to the radio show I'm like I don't even know if anyone ever listen I feel and if you ever see is because you just we were just eating downstairs and someone texted you or tweeted you and said I think that was you sitting having lunch and it's like people I people, I come say hi. It's like, I love when people come to me. They're like, hey, listen to your show. It's like, it happens.

I mean, I'm sitting in the box all the time and it is, I am always surprised when people listen. Yeah. I'm like, thank you. How would you hear? I'm like, I'm having a grateful. We would not be here if not for our listeners. Thank you so much.

Thank you. I know. It makes me feel really good and warm. What are you doing for the holidays? The holidays. I'm going to go back to San Francisco for a little bit and then I'm going to go to New Orleans. Check it out for a few days.

I want to be a party. Have you been? Yeah, I've been. I love it. I went there for the Voodoo Music Festival a couple years back and I absolutely love that town. I'm going to go check out the French Quarter again and just turn up for a couple days. And then I'm gonna get on a boat again

and then I'm gonna go to Mexico. I love that you're doing this down traveling to the world with your girlfriend. And I'm glad that you guys are really happy and healthy and together because so many couples are breaking up right now. I don't know if it's the holidays. I don't know they're getting caught cheating.

Yeah, no, it's 90% cheating. It is cheating. It is the people that I've been hearing about that are breaking up. And this is so crazy. And you know why? Why? Because men, if you're cheating, you're effing stupid. You will always get caught because we're not

that bright on cover. No, they're not that bright at all. Women are amazing, even though if they hate each other, they'll stick together. They can cover their tracks. They'll never admit to anything but guys you're effing stupid. Yep, and you'll get caught Deliberate like clean stuff. No, no, it's true But the thing is very small percentage out there they think they can get away within maybe they can but 90% of the time you're gonna get caught 50% of men cheat

and like fewer percent like 42% in relationships. And the numbers are always really high. And it hasn't changed. Even the last 10 years I've been doing the show, we always hear these stats, but what I'm wondering, is it because that we're hearing so much more about it, it's easier to get caught because right now, you leave your digital footprints everywhere.

So your partner like logs on to your Facebook, they have the password for your phone. I mean, this is where it's all happening on your phone, on your Facebook, on your Instagram, like, why'd you like this photo? All this stuff. So I think that people are just, you know, or I guess if you hire a hot nanny in your sleep

and they're like, all these sluggish, like, you know, you have a Russell and Ben Affleck, separate the nannies. All right, allegedly on that one. Dude, just saying. There was a picture of Gavin Russell with his hand on our ass. Well, that one. Dude. Just saying. There's a picture of Gavin Rossow with his hand on our ass. Well, that one is not allegedly,

that, closely, they've confirmed that. You think the Ben Affleck one is allegedly? That one's allegedly, yeah. Okay. So who are you thinking about recently that just got caught cheating? Well, I know some people personally that just got caught cheating.

Me too, this is insane. But no, there's another thing or guys are getting caught like crazy because everyone is setting up their stupid eye cloud and connecting all their devices. Exactly. And that's how son got. Oh, really? Yeah. So that's how Gavin Rostell got caught because he had his iPad and all that stuff connected.

So like all the messages are going your phone. They're going to your iPad or like your tablet. My friends kids got it. Crap. Cheating message. Yeah. It's not good. This guy know the same thing.

He left some girl at his house and he was going to work. Messages to his phone is going to his tablet. You know what I'm saying? Like the cloud is bad people. The cloud though is so confusing to me as well. Like I don't share it. I don't know if people in my office give me text. I don't know, but it is very scary this happens all the time. But also I don't know though if they think that people are cheating more or just more ways to get caught. I mean I feel like I've always heard about people cheating, but I just think that again. There's more

ways to get caught. I think the cheating is... Well, no, maybe the cheating has been enhanced a little bit due to, yeah, social media, there's more, you know, the grass is always greener, you see more options. Right. You know, think that's the best. Before you had social media and all this stuff in online, you know, when you went to work and you went home, like, how many other people do you see? Like when you, now when you sit on your couch, you see thousands of more people. That's so true.

Thousands of hot chicks, hot guys are mine. And your exes. And then you can just message them at any time. Exactly. That's what's happening. And you're like on Facebook, you're like, oh my ex or this person is attractive, I'll just start talking to them. So yeah, I think that, and then so there is,

in a way I have to think that people are are cheating more and there's more ways to get caught. So it's bad all around, I think, and if you're in a relationship right now and if you're listening to this and you're sitting there and you're about to like someone or send a photo or send a message, take a look at your relationship and see the reason why you're doing that,

why you have that impulse. And take a look inward. And I would just try to see what you can do to strengthen your relationship today, rather than seeking outward for some affirmation and validation that actually really won't make you feel good at the end of the day. It's a quick fix for some deeper loneliness and sadness that you need to work on with yourself and your partner.

So, some guy I know that just got cheated recently. He's not my friend. I just know the other side. He got busted out by his kids. His kids saw his phone. And I'm like, wow, he's texting a lot for an old guy. And then he saw his phone and then ratted him out to the mom. And then that blue way, he got kicked out the house.

And then the other guy, I don't know how he got caught. But he got busted too. It's usually the phone. Well, it usually is the freaking phone. And if you're married, you're like, yeah, give me your password. I think if you're married, does your girlfriend have a password to your phone? Uh-oh. Oh, the password to hers either.

Sorry, I've been up since 3 a.m. No, we don't. It's just like, we both have the attitude like, dude. If somebody is going to cheat on you, they're going to cheat on you. And there's nothing that you can do to prevent it. All you can do is find out about it. And we also have the things like, hey, you don't want to be with me anymore. And let's just end it.

You don't want to be with your partner then break up with them first. And then go have a dalliance. But I think then some people get really excited by the idea of cheating. Because that's part of the thrill of it But again everything all these thrills or just like cheap thrills that will fill you up temporarily But let's some that will bring us to our Sex the news all right, which is actually a quite a cheating extravaganza to the woman dating my husband a wife calls out a mistress on Syracuse Craigslist

calls out a mistress on Syracuse Craigslist. A central New York woman is calling out her cheating husband in a post on Craigslist Syracuse website and the score and full letter is starting to go viral on Facebook. To the woman dating with husband, doesn't identify the author who says she lives south of Kuse, her spouse or the woman or the woman woman he's having in a fair with, however she does reveal she discovered he was cheating with multiple profiles on online dating sites after a little bit of detective work. Women are natural born detectives, including Google search history and finding a receipt for unusual purchases from a top store in Cicero, whoever in Cicero. The post then invites readers to their own detective work to see if they can identify

her soon to be ex-husband, whose 56 works as a contract contract or type and is mistress also known as the proud new dormat for a middle-aged man. See, all right. This is the message, yeah. This is what I don't like is like guys and girls that get upset at the other girl or the other guy like I I don't give an F. If some guy is like hook it up with my girlfriend, I'm not gonna go be mad at the guy. Like that guy has nothing to do with me. That's the reaction, that's the knee jerk. That's the knee jerk. I absolutely hate that.

I know. And you're fying more on, you should be upset with your husband and who cares about this. Well listen to the people, but this is what happened. This is what happened to my friend today. Okay, so the following maybe you or maybe multiples of you this is what she posted. I do not

know how many of you there are so read to the end. You'll figure out if the guy if this is the guy you're dating. Perhaps one of your friends will see this and figure out out for you. You left your miss scarer and my husband's old vehicle. He bought a new one, newer one in late September. It was a shimmery brown cover girl. I think you left some clothes here too. I threw them away You also left a bra your size 36p. I'm a 34c the bra stink with BO of course Maybe that it belongs to someone else after all his dating profiles are time.com and match.com Show that he was horned-dog in over 120 mile radius like oh look. I'm so much better than you Bob Do you know what he she was still hooking up with your husband, so what does that say about you?

You're just making yourself look stupid. Well, it says, okay, the letter was posted, sorry. All right, guys. Yeah, no, it is. No, what I'm saying is it's kind of like, I'm trying to get myself away right now. They feel so violated and they feel so attacked. I mean, they feel that the first thing

their first reaction is just to attack and to reject Attack your husband don't give an f about some skank. I know But this is what people do right away like when you should wait 10 minutes for sending sex Yeah, when you're angry is not the time to do these kind of things you will regret it I'm angry I'm gonna keep going wait wait What is this plan? He'll use you up the original poster bills couple is getting divorced. And the author says she's taking half the money from everything he owned over 15 years.

Basically, she says now, oh, sorry, hi. Hi, Madison. Basically, she says that now she's going to divorce him. I don't think they were on the divorce track before. It's kind of like now that I know, because she found his dating profiles. And she found this girl's mascara that she left in the car. And she found her bra.

And she. But the next post says he'll use you up. He's a selfish lover. He's a spendaholic and it's likely he'll revert to booze. His financial decisions will drive you into bankruptcy. He's done it twice. His family will hate you. They're weird.

You'll see, he has a tendency to do incredibly stupid stuff. If you're a real, actually nice person that has been duped, just know that he's gotten very good at lying. He's a lot of fun. He's a great cook and a great talker. He's just trying to get late or worse. He's courting you as the next Mrs. knowing that my divorce will leave him

very, very financially screwed. Yeah, but I don't think that she was planning to divorce him before. I think now she's saying like, we're getting a divorce and he's not gonna have any money. So he's probably courting you because he knows that like, if he wants to divorce me, he's not gonna get anything. That's great, but like, if you really want to get back

out of this chair. I know, she's fair. She's fair. Don't tell her all this stuff. Let her find out for herself. Yeah, but he's so much sweeter. Is it like the quick one? Yeah, he just looks like a crazy bi-achart model. I'm going to say that in her mind,

she's going to wait for this woman to suffer. What do you watch that? I mean, when you're reading that online, or you think, oh yeah, you know girl. No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm thinking like, it's not saying that at all. Is that everyone else was like, yeah, you go girl. No, no, I'm not thinking that at all. I'm not thinking that at all. Is that everyone else was like, yeah, you go girl, because everyone loves that idea of sweet revenge.

But let me tell you, it does not last. It might feel good at first to put somebody on blast, but long-term it does come back to you. And I think at the end, she kind of pulls back and is like, you know what, maybe you're a good person, maybe you got duped. And that's more respectable than being like, you smell. You have BO.

I found you're brawn, you're cheap mascara in the the car because that just comes off as petty yeah petty that happens right away so right my boobs are bigger and then there was the one in England that said a jilted lover bought a billboard sign that said to my cheating husband Paul you deserve each other when you get home I won't be here enjoy your drive to work Lisa a billboard I love it crazy there was something over the weekend that was traveling all over Facebook I think they sound like they're all Australian I couldn't figure out but this guy made this whole 15 minute video He was building it up as if he was gonna propose to the chick

But he's like I actually knew that she was cheating on me for like a month Right and he goes yeah, you know, I found out through Facebook and she was sending all these messages and like naked photos and all this stuff to this guy. And then so the whole video is like this whole build up of like candles everywhere and you know all these like gifts and like rose petals on. And he like sent it to us. No, no, she like sitting down and he's like, oh yeah, why don't you read this, I don't want you read that. And then he goes, oh yeah, here, read this final poem. And then she reads the final poem and it rhymes.

And then at the end of the rhyme, it goes who the F is such and such. Oh, man. And then he goes, I couldn't do this. And he goes, all right, I'll see you later. And then he just left. You know, it was hilarious. I see they, I don't know. I think that one was kind of cool. Oh, dude, why can't I do it?

That's not cool. This other creatively crafted something. Yeah, yeah, but like, he just ended it right there, you know? He didn't like talk, he didn't like attack you. Because he had to get out there and go like, the other guy, because he put it on YouTube. Dude, that's the same thing. No, it's not, because he wasn't attacking the other person.

He was just saying like how crappy the person that he was dating. The whole thing's that. This one, this is the other thing. My whole point was you attacking the person that's like cheating with your significant other that's so stupid that guy wasn't doing that. It was attacking the entire-

People do all these kind of things when they, you know, they're like, how can I like show them that I know? Like, how can I like create this whole plan to either, to their confront his, his, his, seem to be ex-orfer, you know, the whole thing's just, keep it in, keep it in with it to be between the two of you and then both of you have to go into therapy. That's what I think.

But that's not, that's not air-duty laundry. Okay, I mean, can just some emails. All right. All right, so enough that she, but who, but okay, forget it, I'm gonna long day. Okay, I'm in Kansas, I'm in E-Mouse. All right. All right, so enough of that sheet, but okay, forget it. I'm gonna keep going. Okay. I hope everyone learned here that you should just work it out in your relationship or leave.

Go to therapy. Every couple needs therapy after a while. They really do? Are you serious? Everyone, you do, do you do, do you do, do you do any of your own too? Therapy? Everyone does.

You don't, you don't know anything about relationship. How do you think that? That's why. Needs therapy. No, you need therapy. You're the one about relationship. How do you think that? That's why. Needs therapy. No, you need therapy. You're the one. You can't commit.

I've committed. Yeah, how long? How long? All right, what are we on? Day what? Some days. I'm just saying. I've committed.

I've committed. You've met my committed people. Yeah. Come once. I don't watch. Yeah, a few months. Things are great. You got to move in with Yeah. Come once. So good. Yeah, a few months things are great for you. You got to move in with somebody. It's so much fun, cohabitating.

You love it. I love cohabitating. Okay, well, let me ask you a question, though, Menace. All right. Are you getting enough? Always. But you'd love more, though, right? Who doesn't?

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They've been around for ever. Yeah, check it out, they've got everything. And actually if you want some last minute gifts right now and then go to have like Shipping and they'll get it to you like tomorrow, you know gift shopping the whole thing people always all freaked out about gifts I'm so good. I'm Jewish. Don't you still have to do gifts? Oh, it's like small gifts, right? Well Kind of how's it work break it down for us? In the Jewish the Jewish people the Jewish religion we just um, you know, the thing is we have Hanukkah and the thing about Hanukkah is that it's really for at least in my family, it's for children.

Like you like the menorah every night and then your family, then you get one gift. I used to, everyone's like, oh my god, you get eight gifts. Is it eight nights? Yeah. Is it a Hanukkah, seven? Eight, eight, eight, eight nights? Isn't it seven and then eight nights? Eight nights, something like that. I should know. But, um, and then every night when you're a kid, you get like a gift, but like so. I should know. But, and then every night when you're kid, you get like a gift. But like so, you get like big gifts, you know? And I'm not sure if I'm gonna have to be like, socks, like day two, which is fine.

I'm not complaining. But really it's a, it's a holiday for children and the families, but it's not like, but I'm not saying gifts. I'm not saying, no, I know, but I'm saying right now, whether you're Jewish, whatever religion you are, yes, if you're with somebody, you know,

I would get them in prison and maybe they'd get me a present. Typically, I'm trying to think what I'm doing. I haven't thought about it yet, but I don't get a gift oriented, but that's how it works. And I don't think that adults, let's say two, Jewish people who are dating right now. I don't know that they give each other eight gifts adults do that. But if I'm wrong, like let me know, I get some more for kids. I better find out. I should know this. But Alyssa, what do you think? Do you know people like who are adults and do eight nights? Isn't it for kids? I know that they gets more for kids. You better find out. I should know this, but Alyssa, what do you think? Do you know people who are adults and do eight nights? Isn't it for kids? I know this is like the candle one.

Assistant Alyssa. Yeah, you like the candle, but you're not like, here's a gift. Right, but gifts are important. Like, you know, pick your lover something, and I think you should go to something sexy. I really do. People don't get enough sex toys for the partner. Sex life, you gotta get them in that way.

Like a sexy, that way. That was big. I don't think you can go to the motel six hotel tonight The app I always promote it. I was a good one. It's a good app. Get a good deal on a hotel. Okay. Well, um, not a sponsor They should be not a sponsor not a sponsor. Okay, so let's reach to me mouse Because we love hearing from you feedback at sex with Emily calm and thank you for including your name and where you're listening from and How you listen in your email. Hi Emily, me my boyfriend have just become very open with discussing sex and potentially trying new things

together. We have both said things we have done in the past and I asked if you wanted to try anything new. He said no. He felt like he had tried everything you'd wanted to. How can I get him to see it would be different with a new partner? Thank you, Steph. Okay, Steph, awesome that you guys are opening up together, but I think that if you just ask him directly, like he's probably hasn't thought about it. So here's the thing about sex questions. We're always telling people to,

you know, and I do believe that communication with your partner is the most important thing you can do. And he probably, when you said that, maybe he thought to himself, you know, I'm good, I'm good. Like I don't want you to think that I want more from you and our sex life is great, because men and women, you know,

we tend to not really communicate that directly about things. So the conversation like did not go where you wanted to go. And he might be more open than you think, but he didn't know like, what you're gonna say, you're gonna be like, you're gonna be confusing things, like did you want, okay, so we're dating. I'm like, Tony, do you want anything new? Like you think, but he didn't know, like, what, you know what I'm saying? You're kind of confusing things, can be. She's like, did you want, okay, so we're dating.

I'm like, Tony, do you want anything new? Like, you could, like, yeah, I want to do this as this. Yeah. If you go both ways, I could be like, what, you don't think I'm doing enough in bed? So he just said, no, I'm cool. I'm good. Right? So, so it's like, you know, it's not that he probably doesn't care. He probably just didn't have anything like on his mind to say. So I think that she has to approach it a different way and say like, what, you know, I love our sex life. Is there anything that you know you want to try here?

So I'm thinking it would be really fun rather than just putting it on hand. Yeah, because if it's a guy, it's probably something over the top that he doesn't want to share. That's true too. It's like, oh yeah, it's definitely want to try like two other chicks with us, you know, for some. Yeah, for some. want to try like two other chicks with us, you know, for some. Yeah, for some. Yeah, for some. Yeah, for some.

Exactly. So I think that it's important to keep expanding your sex life and trying new things. And instead of like relying on him to just say something, you know, you could just say like, you'll be so fun. Let's go shopping to a sex toy store together. Like let's watch porn together. Let's talk about our fantasies. Do the bucket list.

I love the bucket list. Have you ever done the bucket list? The sexual bucket list. You try to go through things you want to try. So then you can control it. He's not going to say like, I want to have a gang bang. Maybe as number one. And you can write things that, you know, I think it'd be really cool to try you up or if you gave me a blowjob every day when I came off work or whatever it is. Yeah. And then you guys can exchange that. And together, you know, and also He she also said because the thing is that she said to him is that do you is already thing

That you if you went anything new and he's like no, I'm cool. I've done enough But you know what about like what she wants try so you know She just needs a frame in a different way It's not about things he doesn't want to do. It's about like things that she wants to do So obviously stuff has things that she wants to try. So obviously, Steph has things that she wants to try. So her needs are important too. And that, you know, that she needs to say, like, let's, like, let's talk about sex life. It could be really fun and again. You can't get it. It's all about tone, keeping it positive, keeping it light, and you don't have the conversation in the bedroom. And so what you're basically saying is, to communication is lubrication? It's true, but it's. Same amount for 10 years.

But it's so true because you're not going to get anywhere. And the other mistake that I'm glad that staff emailed because I think that it doesn't always happen the first time like it's not like if you've never talked about sex. And the first time you bring it up, my night go your way. You make it shut down. And it's such a vulnerable thing to bring up

that you might be like, oh god, I'm not going to bring up. No, he just didn't get what you were saying. Keep going, keep asking, keep probing, and then your sex life will expand, which is very, very important. Okay, oral sex. All right. You know, I love this topic. I'm 25 and a new fan from Los Angeles. I've listened to your show for a few months and I love it to keep it up. My question is this. I've been a relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years now. Sex is amazing. My only issue is that she's not into oral sex, giving or receiving. In the beginning, I thought it was something she would warm up to with time, but I don't think so. I've talked her about it and she said the idea of one's mouth in

someone's private area is not something she finds attractive. I convinced her to let me go down to her once, but she was too of tight and nervous about it to let herself enjoy it. I tried everything to get her to relax, and I'm always doing everything possible to make her feel sexy and wanted. I feel like oral sex is something I want in my sex life,

and I'm having difficulty picturing the rest of my life without it. I've talked to her about it, but is there any tips you can give me to help explain to her how important it is to get her to see it from my point of view. Communication and everything else in our relationship is great, but this causes me to rethink the relationship with it to be stupid for me to break up over this. Thank you, Emily, Joe.

No, Joe, break up. It's just going to be a constant argument for the rest of your relationship. No, he has to approach in the right way. I do believe that if she's like, he tries everything and she everything and never gonna get a blow job for the rest of his life You might want to end it, but we're not there yet So I wouldn't call you know quits right now because everything else the way she was going well and things are great And so she might just have she's never experienced or all I know I know you

But it might come to that but I broke up with someone that was still in reason. Really? You've heard this story. The guy dated is like, no, I'm just not into it. I'm not into you. But see ya. Yeah, well, he's like, I'm just not into giving it. I'm like, and I give you the best, but I was in your life. Like, you're not in it.

Like, I can't convince you. Some guys just don't like tomatoes. I'm not gonna make them like tomatoes. So there's a lot of reasons why people like develop these blocks of the world sex. And she probably like, she thinks it's wrong, it's dirty, it's uncomfortable. She's never felt that before. And if this is what you build up in your mind,

him trying a few times is not gonna be the thing that's gonna get her, you know, to like it. So or to even enjoy it, because she's very self-conscious. Like women have all these, you know, we, and a lot of even in their 20s, they're like, oh, does he want to do that? Does he want to be there? You know, is he into it? So you do make her feel sexy and wanted, you know, we, and a lot of, even in their 20s, you're like, oh, does he want to do that? Does he want to be there?

You know, was he into it? So you do make her feel sexy and wanted you said, which I would like. And- Start with facials, baby steps. Just come all over her face. And call the day. See what she says.

Maybe that's what she's into. You know, no, until you try it. Sometimes a fantasy, something like that has hit you over, you're like, oh my god, my whole life I've wanted facials. Yeah, maybe she's like into earplay like other holes. Earplay can fit really good. There's a lot of nerve endings in here. Wouldn't you sting his piece here? No sorry I was just thinking about when I was doing a radio show in San Francisco. We got back from nightclub and this guy he like got this girl's phone number and she wanna like come over and like hook up with them

and he's like, this is gonna mess around and he's like, can I stick it in your ear? And she's like, yeah, you can't. Oh yeah. And she's so crazy. People are crazy. Like, whatever you want, babe, I'll be there. Oh my God.

That's a good sex. I love that one. I'm gonna try that. But what would I stick it to someone's ear? Well, I have a lot of things to love that one. I'm gonna try that. But what would I stick at someone's ear? Well, I have a lot of things to do in here. So this is the thing though, this sexual satisfaction thing, obviously, is a two-way street and he's not getting blow jobs either.

So she's in comfortable all around. There's a lot of work here. But I think what you need to start with is the oral sex on her first. And so like if he's like, just go down. I mean me go down to me like she's like, yeah, he's like, love me, baby. She's like, what are you, what are you even talking about? So I don't believe in ultimatums, but you have to let her know how much it would, you

know, turn on to let her pleasure herself. Maybe you guys can start with the mutual, mutual masturbation. Do you know if she even masturbates? Do you know that she knows how to touch herself? It makes her self feel good. It just sounds like you guys need to kind of enhance the intimacy. And maybe what I would recommend, Joe, is you start with some misaging.

Now, when people say, like, oh, I don't have a table, I don't, you don't need to be a professional misuse to sit down, like use a massage candle, use a massage oil, and just like make her feel very comfortable and start caressing her body, turning around, spending a lot of time on all those, like, our whole body is like going to ride to the zone, basically, there's just a curback and like getting her comfortable. And then you can easily move down there and, you know, start. And all those, all those fails, why I sell my friend.

Why'd you say? Well, you know, that's, you know, that's comfortable. YSL. Yeah. Do you know there's this red YSL clutch I want so bad? I'm really? It's like $1,500. Oh, that's it

It might be 2200. Yeah, I'm not gonna spend that in a purse Or shoes maybe one day when um, yeah things happen in my life No, I think I'd still feel bad. You could like feed homeless people and stuff. Okay, so so also Again, I don't believe in ultimatums, but you've got to keep addressing it. And just again, bring it up once. It sounds like you've got to break down some of these barriers. And if she had any trauma growing up, which we don't know about either, she might need therapy. Again, I'm just saying, I don't know how much they've talked

about this. But again, if she's like, no, no, no, no, no, and you keep trying, you don't have to live with that blow jobs. You know? No. I do agree. Wouldn't you hate to light a world without blow jobs?

Ah, I mean, it depends on how much I like the girl and how much I like the girl. I don't. I don't. Do you agree? Wouldn't you hate to light a world without blow jobs? Ah! I mean, it depends on how much I like the girl and how much I like the girl. Do you not like blow jobs? I mean, I absolutely love blow jobs, but, you know, sometimes you're going to have to look past that if you've found something really, really cool. Right. But it sounds like you can't be just an end-all-be-all.

Like, what about if this is an amazing person that I love hanging out with, it has so much fun, and they just don't do this one thing. Right, he can just get a bunch of flashlights and different, like, there's so many different flashlights that he can get, each one is like a different vagina. If they're like kind of like, okay, person to hang out with all the time, and they're not like the best person ever,

and they don't give blow jobs, and you know what, time to contemplate. Sure, if they suck as a human all around. So yeah, it's all communication people at the end of the day. It's not just all sex, you know, that. But the sex is important. The sex is important. And I worry about couples who say, you know what, we're just best friends and I don't need

any more sex, it's fine. I have a friend who said that to me and she's no longer with her. She says, she has me years ago. She goes, I don't need any more sex. I've had enough sex. I was like, I'm kind of concerned here. Are you sure? Again, we don't need it.

And now, they are no longer together. You can't just be friends. If you just stop having sex in your relationship and you live together and you're not having sex, even if you're married, you're roommates. You need the sex, the exchange of fluids, the whole thing. Blow jobs. Okay, how to be a sex goddess? Emily, I'm 27 years old and my boyfriend is 39.

We've been together for about 3.5 years. We have a very exciting and exploratory sex life. He's a perfect combination of affectionate and dirty. I would say our only issue is my lack of initiation, participation, and the bedroom. I give him the credit for most of that. He says that he knows I'll let him do whatever he wants to me, but he wants me to do what I want to him, which is 100% understandable.

I came out of a very unhealthy marriage wherein I was treated more like a fleshlight product than a human partner. This is where my crappy intimacy comes to play. I truly forget to kiss and be in the moment with him, even though all day long I think about it. He is a God inside and he's a God inside and outside the bedroom. Any advice I'd turn into that goddess for him, Taylor? Oh, Taylor, this is a really good question.

I think a lot of women can relate to wanting to feel super sexy and take charge of the bedroom, but when it all comes down to it, it's kind of hard to get that going. So it sounds like you guys are in a really healthy relationship, satisfying, and a lot of women have a hard time being the initiator of the bedroom. In fact, we hear this from a lot.

That's a limit to the- They need to be. They need to be. Not every time. Not every time, but I think that, you know, first of all, working through your past, I wonder if you, I'm not sure if you went right from your past relationship to your current relationship because there might still be some issues there

that you have to work out, but don't put so much pressure on yourself to all of a sudden becoming ultimate goddess porn star right away. You can build up to the sex god status. So you know, try something new, you know, try one thing new at a time, like let yourself get comfortable, like let yourself, you know yourself figure out what makes you feel sexy. When you're like, do you masturbate? I hope that you do, because that's a great time for you to watch porn, come up with fantasies, envision yourself

doing these things to them that you might want to try. And it's a great way to get ideas too. Watching porn, reading books, listening to a rottica, and figure out, that would really be hot. And then you just try it. And yes, the first time you try something new even initiating you're gonna have these just think about any time you try something new you'll be thinking is this weird this is awkward but he's gonna respond he's told you this

is what he wanted it and you'll probably positive you positively reinforce and you'll keep going but it's really good to push ourselves in this way and it's people we just spend our lives so many times trying to avoid things that scare us and when it's actually how we grow. So it could be like sexy lingerie. Maybe there's something that you like to wear on the house that you look in the mirror and you're like, ah, I feel super hot in this. You know, make a list, like think about these things.

And then like plan a seduction with them. Set them a text early in the day or something, say like tonight. And then you're already locked in. What did you say to them like tonight? I'm going to, you know, wait until you get home and I'm going to, you know, I'm sending them a text early in the day or something, and say like, tonight, and then you're already locked in. What did you say to them like, tonight, I'm gonna wait until you get home and I'm gonna be waiting here for you in this sexy thing I bought. Whatever it is, and then you're in, you set it,

you get home, there's the anticipation building, and then all you have to do then is just like being your thing, whatever you said you were gonna do, maybe you're in the bath, I don't know, and then you start the sex. That's a great way to do it. Write it out. It becomes home. And then just keep thinking about these thoughts.

It's so true that whatever we think becomes our reality. So the more that you start thinking about sex, masturbating, watching, reading, looking whatever does it do, it'll be in your mind. And you'll start to get these ideas. But right now, it's just overwhelming to you because you want to be successful at it. And you just got to start doing your research. And it's fun. Do you notice like 90% of the feedback we always get

is, I mean, that we always give. It's you have to talk to your partner. Yes, that's why it has to be. It's funny how like people are brave enough to email the show, ask like this very personal question. But they won't talk to the partner about it. But they won't talk to the, I know it's a safe zone here on the sex zone show.

We are in a safe place. It's a safe place. And you should continue sending those emails. But also you got to think to yourself when you're listening to the show, like don't be afraid to talk to your partner. Just somebody that you love or somebody that you're with constantly. And I mean, what's the worst that's going to happen? I think we all have this really deep fear of being unlovable and being rejected. And that's why I think so many people, when it comes down

to this very, very vulnerable place of asking for what we want, or pleasing our partner, or being sexually really open, we're so afraid of being shot down. And we have that fear when we're walking in our work in life, or we go. I think that's what holds people back. So yeah, and it's true.

It is, if you're listening to this right now and there's something that you're like, God, I really want to talk to my partner and part of it. I'm just going to tell you to do it tonight, just do it. Just do it. There is no, I mean, obviously not an angry way, the tone matters, but just like try to say something new over the holidays to your partner. That's like loving in a loving way, but that you want to try. Expand your sex life this year.

At the end of the year, you've two weeks left. You can do it. But you're right. I always find that interesting where I'm like, if you were like, it's been 20 years and I still don't know if she's ever had an orgasm. We're like, we're really interesting. You could just ask her. You could have asked her, but you could ask me. And I'm going to tell you I don't know because I have a matter. You're like, and she said no, he'll, well, how can we fix that? Right. We've had a lot of people minus, though. We do. And I'm glad that we provide the service.

So that's what we got time for. Oh, we do have one more. Oh, really? Oh, bonus. This Madison says, though. All right. She says, it's about grooming. It's about grooming, which has always been one

of my favorite subjects. Grubing downstairs? Yeah. Guy, girl. Girl. Grooming downstairs? Yeah. Guy girl. Girl. It's from a girl. Dear Emily, I love your work. Thank you. I listened to your show my podcast app.

I'm 48 years old, separated eight years and dating a new man. My husband was my very first and only boyfriend who I met when I was 15. So the man I'm dating is the second man I've ever slept with. I make time to see him in his place once a week, occasionally twice a week. My question is, how do men feel about pubic area stubble? This is interesting, not hair, but stubble. I love being very well groomed, rarely get red bumps, but if I'm seeing my man on

Friday and Saturday, repetitive shaving in such a small time, frame causes irritation. Can I go a visit without shaving? Obviously we're having sex each time we're together. Our relationship is still in that phase. Yeah and I hope it remains there. Kelly I hope so too. We'll remain there if you want to do. Public yeah. So what do you think? Whoa. I just went through puberty. Yeah. What do you think about? Stubble. Pubic area stubble. Let me tell you how many F's guys guys give zero You just would rather like they don't care. The only thing they do care about is like if you're Extremely hairy down there, right that is it

It's like you've got a stubble. Hey, it might suck. But you know what a guy still gonna have sex with you I'm sorry. They're not thinking about it. They're not think like ooh she has she has a lot of stovled down there. No guy's thinking that. Right. I'm sorry. And the story. They're not thinking that, but if he goes down in there, it could give him some, you know, he's still going to do it. He's still going to do it. But here's the thing, Kelly, there's so many solutions to this now. Like modern day, like hair removal. I just want to say that like, first of all, he's probably not irritated by your stubble at all. I'm sure it's totally fine. But if you, you know, when you're secure with it, it's fine. And there's so many ways to get rid of these bumps. So here's the thing. Use a news rate, use a new razor, exfoliate first, and don't go over the same area twice if you miss a spot.

Go with the hair growth the second time around. You can also use aloe vera or tend skin, which gets rid of the bumps. That's very important. Waxing, you can do a waxing at home kit, which lasts five weeks. Be careful with that. You can burn yourself. No, I did it like in high school. And now you can do so much better now. I saw all the Kardashians they burnt themselves.

Yeah, because the cameras were rolling and they probably forgot the wax was on. Who knows, they're probably checking their makeup in the mirror and then she had stuff on her badge and then she ripped it up. Why is a woman always cutting down other women? I'm just saying the Kardashians are not a reason to not watch. You guys are so caddy, it's ridiculous. And so that's not the way that's so easy. You just go to the store and you buy it and I'm experimenting with some of these things.

Yeah, waxing kits and then it's what else here. Yeah, I think if you, uh, yeah, but if you, if you, yeah, but if you miss like a day or two or three, like a guy, just not gonna care. I don't think that you're awfully stubborn, but the three of us stubborn. But if he goes down there and it's the fn rain for us, then he's gonna be like, whoa, I mean, he's still gonna have sex, dude. No, I know exactly. But he's gonna be like, then he he's still gonna have sex to you. No I know exactly. But he's gonna be like then he will be thinking to say like oh wow I hope they don't see that again. Exactly right no I know I think you're fine but I think you see these guys.

Right and I think that most women do remove a lot of hair right now. Yeah. So good but I know there's like some movement out there. I'm like hey. The bush they're gonna bring the bush back. Yeah like hey go for it but I'm not gonna have sex with you You know that's why I only removed Laser hair removal the sides because I was like what if I want to grow the bush Yeah, what about if it goes back? It's a bush came back and I couldn't go hair

But what I do I would be I know you'd be so out of style. I know exactly so now I'm not good I'm not gonna work in no I'm super fashionable. I could get a mark in very popular I had a friend text me recently. You know, I get texts all the time from just friends like random. I'm sick. Where could I get a Merkin in San Francisco? I was like, hmm. Explain a Merkin.

A Merkin is a, it's like a wig for your pubic area. Really? Yeah. A lot of celebs use them like when they're doing nude scenes. Like Kristen wig was just named Mr. Skins, like one of the top 10 celebrity nude scenes and she wore a Merkin for it to hide her actual ladybit. She should have just got fizz jazzled.

Is that what it's called? Oh my god, fizz jazzled. Remember? Yeah. Bring that back. The fizz jazzling when you get little rhinestones in your vagina in your pubic hair. Yeah, there's so much you can do.

But Kelly, I like that they're having great sex and I hope it lasts and don't wear it by the startle. Yeah, don your in your pubic care. Yeah, there's so much you can do but Kelly, I like that they're having great sex and I hope it lasts and don't worry about the stuff. Yeah, don't worry. Okay, I love you. Minus good time. Good show. Thank you, Madison Thank you, Lissa. Thank you everybody for being you and oh, don't forget wherever you're listening to this show Rate it review it. I mean if you want to give it five stars,'d be great. If you think it's one star, I only is gonna cry but if that's how you feel go ahead. Yeah, I'm cool with that. And if you have a problem send us feedback too. And then always if you email a show, how do you listen on iTunes, sex to lmwe.com or any other place, podcast one, whatever, you listen to it.

Let us know. Fake name, if you want a fake name or real name. You can fake it with us. Yeah, let's stay in the first sitting from. It's so cool, like, you know, we get from all over the world. It's so awesome. Australians, we've got so many Australians this year. That was a big part of 2015. That's right.

Our new Australian audience. Yep, we love you. Hello, Down Under. Bye, you people. We love you. And that's true. Yeah, we don't do what I want to do. We want you to like.

Oh, Instagram, we love you. And that's true, yeah, Radeus, what else do you want to do? We want you to like, oh, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, it's all at sexwithemilyfacebook.com slash sex with Emily. We do good things in there. We're not like doing too much. Yeah, you have like this whole like team now. I know, I fucking love my team. So it's awesome. We give you all this good information,

really good information to improve your sex life. So support us and follow us and message us. you know, don't cheat on us though. Please don't cheat on us. Don't get your partner out there. I don't even know. Nothing. We're actually the only people talking about sex on the planet, which is so cool. I cornered the market. I know. It's really cool. It feels really good about that. Thank you very much. Okay. Thank you. And thank you everyone. I love you all. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamlee.com. But there's one more thing I have to tell you.

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And it's a quickly absorbing delay spray. You just use it once, you wait a few minutes, you have sex, it's fine, it will double the amount of time you last in bed. So check out promescent.com. Pessant.com, PROMESCENT. Thanks for listening.