Sex With Emily - The Do’s and Don’ts of Valentine’s Day

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I’m here to make sure it’s your best one yet. First, I get into some common Valentine’s Day myths and things you should never do on the sexy holiday. After, I’ll share some creative ways you should celebrate to ensure that your Valentine’s Day is hot, intimate and of course, sexy. Plus, I share some of my listeners’ favorite Valentine’s Day moments for some hot inspiration. In this episode, you’ll learn:  How to incorporate blindfolds into sexual play Which toys can be used during penetration How to cultivate sexual desire & intimacy See the full show notes at Show Notes: The Sexiest Valentine’s Date Ideas (For Every Stage of Your Relationship) How to Do the Kivin Method LELO Tiani Duo (code SEXWITHEMILY for 25% off sitewide) Yes No Maybe List & Other Guides Massage Candles Le Wand Crystal Glass Dildo Cozy Earth (code “SEXWITHEMILY” for 35% off) Magic Wand Masterclass (use link for 15% off the 1st year of an annual subscription) SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $69) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Sex With Emily: Home Let’s get social: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | TikTok  Let’s text: Sign Up Here Want me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The reason why blindfolds work is because whenever we take away one sense, all the other things become more heightened. And so when you blindfold your partner, you get to play around with different temperatures. Actually, this is a great way to play with the massage candle because if their eyes are closed, you should drip the warm oil on their body. They're like it's just gonna feel incredible and even more intense. You could take some feathers just play around with sensations do a little blindfold. It's really fun. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. All right Valentine's Day is coming up and I'm here to make you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.
Starting point is 00:00:45 All right, Valentine's Day is coming up and I'm here to make sure it's your best one yet. In this episode, I get into some common Valentine's Day myths, things you should never do on a sexy holiday. And after that, I'll share some creative ways you should celebrate to ensure that your Valentine's Day is extra hot this year. Intimate and of course sexy.
Starting point is 00:01:07 Plus I share some of my listeners' favorite Valentine's Day moments for some super hot inspiration. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to this show. It really helps to get our show out to more people. This is from Hailey in Canada. She said, I just want to say a big thank you. I love your show and
Starting point is 00:01:25 I wish I had a resource like this 15 years ago. Despite only discovering your podcast two months ago, I've already listened to over a hundred episodes. I can safely say you've changed my life for the better in so many ways. Wow, Hailey. Thank you for listening to a hundred episodes. My new article, How to Do the Kivid Method, is up on Plus, my new Valentine's Day guide is out now. Now this year, I am sharing these sexiest Valentine's Day date ideas for every stage of your relationship, okay? So whether you're just getting to know someone,
Starting point is 00:02:04 you know, and you're like, what do I do? Do I make a big ordeal? Do I just do something casual or maybe you're in a long term or a long distance relationship or maybe you have multiple partners. Good on you. Do you get something for everyone? What do you do? Or maybe you're keeping it super casual, but you still want to give a nod to Valentine's Day This guide will help you have these sexiest Valentine's Day yet. I promise Make sure to check it out at and I'll link it in the show notes. Alright everyone enjoy this episode Hey, penis owners! I'm loving that more of you are embracing your sexuality and investing
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Starting point is 00:03:22 gently constricting the blood flow out of the penis. In fact, I just came back from a sex toy trade show and if you guys told harder for longer by gently constricting the blood flow out of the penis. In fact, I just came back from a sex toy trade show and if you guys told me on the side that FirmTech was the most comfortable effective ring they've ever used. FirmTech also has a revolutionary product called the tech ring, which get this, it's like a Fitbit for your penis. So it tracks the length and strength of your erections and even the number of nocturnal erections you have.
Starting point is 00:03:43 So you can better understand what affects your sexual health. For example, if you have a cocktail or aren't exercising enough, it'll show up in your data via their app and you'll be able to make healthier lifestyle choices. So put a ring on it and experience the difference with FirmTech. Go to and use the code EMILY20 at checkout to save 20% off on your purchase. That's, code Emily20, that's Emily20, for 20% off your purchase. Get it on with FirmTech
Starting point is 00:04:15 and bring penis rings into the mainstream. Hi everyone, I'm coming to you from my hotel room, the Equinox Hotel in New York City. This is an incredible hotel. It's really beautiful here, but I'm freezing my ass off. Now I remember why I moved to California, but I do love New York. First I'm here to co-host the swells Sex Symposium. Everyone came out even in the snow. It was the first time it had snowed in New York in 700 days. Okay. The event was called for noon at 1135. It starts downpouring
Starting point is 00:04:59 snow and it's cold. It's already windy, but then it starts snowing. And we're like, are these hundreds of women who committed to be in New York and show up and talk about sex, are they going to show up? What's going to happen? Sure enough, the doors opened and people started pouring in and it really was a magical day of connection and talk about sex. I mean, because we have to remember this. You're all listening to this podcast. You're all pretty comfortable with this sex conversation. You have decided that you want to grow up mindset around sex.
Starting point is 00:05:32 You've listened to Sex with Dummy podcast, but for many people, they haven't been around a bunch of women they don't know talking about sex and health and wellness. And I'm just super grateful to have been a part of it. I met a lot of listeners and I just love meeting you in person. I realized that that really is one of the most special parts of my job is getting to meet you. Give me a shout out, a DM and email. Let me know what you'd like to see more of these live events because my plan is to do more live podcasts in person with all of you in 2024. So would you come out and say hi? Would you do it? So it was a wonderful day.
Starting point is 00:06:09 There were so many great speakers there, and I'm just still riding high from that wave. So thank you, everyone, for coming. Let me know what you thought of it. It was so honored to be part of the swell. And so right now, though, I want to talk about Valentine's Day. It's almost February. I mean, but let's be honest, you go into your local pharmacy, your
Starting point is 00:06:27 local grocery store, and it's all red. And you see the chocolates and you see the hearts and you can't escape it. And no matter who you are, you know that there's like a thought, a glimmer. Ah, Valentine's Day. Do I need to get a card for my mom, my partner, my lover, my friends? I mean, you just know that it is the month, the entire month, it's going to be about Valentine's Day, whether you love it or hate it. So I just want to help you along here in this episode so you can make Valentine's Day work for you. Because baseline, it's a day of love.
Starting point is 00:07:01 It's a day of connection. It's a day where you can think about and reflect upon the love in your life, the connection in your life. I love doing something on this day for my friends. Set them a note, set them cards, set them presents, depending on how up on my tasks I am, depending on how much time I have. But I always message my friends. I always think about love and I always think about what can I do also for myself, okay? Because if it is a day of love, what can you do for yourself this Valentine's Day? Do you want to have a dinner with friends? Do you want to get yourself something special? And if you're in a relationship, well, there is something to do on this day. Because no matter what, whether you're like, that's a stupid consumer
Starting point is 00:07:43 holiday, I don't want to do anything. If you're in a relationship, there's going to be something probably expected, even low-key expected. If your partner was like, that's stupid, I don't want to do anything, I just think why not? If it's a day about connection, I like to think this is a day also to think about your sex life. Be intentional about your relationship. be intentional about your intimacy. That being said, it is a day of being intentional about your relationship and your intimate life if you are in an intimate relationship. So is there one thing that you could do on this day or this week that would strengthen your relationship? Okay. Okay. So I'm going to be honest, and this is controversial. I am not so into going out
Starting point is 00:08:26 to a nice restaurant, paying like double the price that you normally would on this day, because they made you a special menu and it costs a lot more money and there's a lot more couples sitting around or flowers. Flowers are super like they're a lot more, they're like, I think they jack up their price by 50%. I would do if I was a florist, I would charge a shit ton for roses on this day And if I had a restaurant, I would charge more but for me I like to think about doing something that's about connection something different. So for example last year I surprised my partner
Starting point is 00:09:00 Got out the massage table. I mean if you know, but you know, I love a massage table I set up the massage table. I got this fondue kit off of Amazon. You literally like okay I don't know if I talked about this you like a candle like a You know like one of those voted candles and you like that for like 20 minutes the chocolate melts It was literally the easiest thing I've ever done in my life because I am not a chef. I don't cook. I don't do any of that. I didn't have to leave my bedroom. It was a candle that I would have lit anyway. Put some chocolate chips on and there it was. There was some chocolate foundu because I love chocolate. So he came into the room. I had candles lit.
Starting point is 00:09:39 I had some music playing. I told him to lay down, put a blindfold on him, started to massage him. And I, you know, fed us some chocolates, used my favorite massage oils, used a massage candle as I often do. And we eat the chocolate had some little like strawberries, we could dip it in it and we just have a special fun night for us. And now I'm thinking about what to do this year. And so I want to give you some ideas too. These ideas I'm going to cover for all of us to be honest, I haven't quite decided yet what I'm going to do. But as we're going along, it doesn't have to be a high pressure situation. You could have a great conversation about sex on this holiday. You could do the yes, no, maybe list leading up to Valentine's Day. So you know
Starting point is 00:10:20 that there's a few things I want to try with my partner. A lot of you came up to me even at the swell event and said, your guess, no, maybe list was a game changer. There was one woman in her seventies who came up to me and said, she is having the very best sex of her life of a partner of 50 years. And they did the esto maybe list and realized that they had all these yeses after decades together. They had yeses of things they had never tried. I didn't ask her to break down what those yeses were. I didn't need to get into her sex life.
Starting point is 00:10:52 I, she was already telling me a lot. For all those years together, there were still so many things to try. So I guarantee you that if you're in a relationship right now, you have some yeses and you can easily download our Yes, No Maybe List. you that if you're in a relationship right now, you have some yeses and you can easily download our yes, no, maybe list. It is a free downloadable guide that has over 80 sex acts on it. And you and your partner can take it together. You know, there's a bunch of things from dirty talking to anal play to spanking to like cuddling
Starting point is 00:11:19 more taking a bath together. Is it a yes? Is it a no? Is it a maybe? You could also just do this on Valentine's Day. You could do it at dinner or wherever and say like, what's one thing we can try tonight? Because let me remind you in a relationship, it's always about novelty, variety, spontaneity. What can
Starting point is 00:11:35 you do that's different? So the yes, no, maybe is going to give you something I promise to try a little bit different. And oh, there's my idea. My partner, I did the yes, no, maybe list. I have it in my notes on my phone. I did the esto maybe list. I have it in my notes of my phone. I'm going to pull it up and I'm going to set up a few of those things for us to do on Valentine's Day. Okay, so that's what I'm going to do. And this whole episode is going to be chock full of things that maybe you could do in your relationship. But first, I'm going to get into some Valentine's Day myths so we can clear this all out. There's a myth that Valentine's Day is all about her, that she doesn't have to do anything.
Starting point is 00:12:09 The guy's got to do all the things for the woman and she's going to just receive all of these gifts. I think if you're in a relationship and it's an equal opportunity to do something special for each other, it could be a love note. If your partner's love language is words of affirmation, why not write them something that let them know what you feel about them and what you love about them? Like write them something really special. It could be a text. It could be a card, something like that, that lets you know that I'm thinking about you. You have to celebrate on Valentine's Day. Well, this year it's on a Wednesday. I got to work on Thursday morning.
Starting point is 00:12:43 What about you? If you got to work this week and you're like, I can not get it together on Wednesday, you are allowed. I'm giving you permission to do it on the weekend. You've already got plans this weekend. Do it in two weeks from now. But just setting an intention that we're going to do something, but there's like zero pressure that you got to like knock it all out on Wednesday. Let's clear some of that.
Starting point is 00:13:03 I just want to make this as easy for you as possible. So you're not walking around seeing all the red hearts and all the flowers and thinking, shit, I didn't do it, okay? Things you should never do on Valentine's Day, in my opinion. Forget to plan something special ahead of time. This is why we got this whole episode dedicated
Starting point is 00:13:20 to give you some easy ideas and things you can do. Don't forget to recognize it. We all know that it's there. It's the elephant in the room. It's the red elephant in the room on this day. So do something. The next thing is don't bring up any old drama. You don't need to drag things up in the past. If there's something that's just on your mind and you've been wanting to talk about it, don't do it on Valentine's Day. Okay? Let's just bring it up another time. And in fact, bringing up old drama rarely works in a relationship because if it was a problem in the past,
Starting point is 00:13:55 bringing it up again a few months or a few years later, I guarantee you, it's not gonna be any better right now. And typically the things that we fight about in a relationship are not really about the details about what happened. They're about some underlying issues. And usually they're about patterns in the relationships and not just one thing. You don't need to bring it up on this Valentine's Day. Next, don't let one person take the reins entirely. Like I said, even if you do something small, maybe your partner said to you, I've got it. I've got a whole plan for us. Well, then you can still show up with a card or a little, you know, their favorite chocolate or their favorite something
Starting point is 00:14:35 that you know your partner likes. Just do something intentional in your relationship. Next, do your best not to skip the sex. Try to have some kind of sex on Valentine's Day. You know, a lot of couples go through droughts in their relationship. I heard a lot about that this week at the swell. Again, you've got time. You know it's coming up. What can you do for your relationship that is intimate? It could be an intimate massage. It could just be a great make out session. Try to do something kind of connected and intimate. Again, it doesn't have to be on Wednesday, but this month, try to infuse some new element into your intimate life.
Starting point is 00:15:17 Finally, this is a great day to be really grateful for the love that you have in your life. So try not to express an attitude other than gratitude on Valentine's Day. Because if you have any kind of love in your life, be grateful. I know that I'm super grateful for the love in my life. I'm grateful for all the listeners of this show that allow me to head into this 19th year
Starting point is 00:15:41 of doing the podcast. So when we ground ourselves in gratitude, I will be the first or last person to tell you that, but God, it really works. It really just, you just feel your heart fill up because we all have things to be super grateful about. I am gonna get into some sexy things to do for Valentine's Day if you're seeing somebody special
Starting point is 00:16:03 right now or you're in a relationship. But I want to say that there were years in my life where I did feel kind of bad that I wasn't with somebody or maybe I was going through a breakup. I remember times where I was just like, oh, I hope that this person reaches out to me or I was thinking about an ex and I just stayed home and felt bad. And that was many, many years ago. And now I've realized that personally, if I'm not in a relationship or I'm feeling bad,
Starting point is 00:16:33 it's just a great night that I've made it a mission that I never wanted to feel that way again. Like again, I did feel bad in the past. And so I made plans with my friends. I had some girls over, like this was one year, we had like a potluck. I'm like, everyone come over. We're going to watch something on TV. We're going to eat. We're going to drink. We're going to have some wine and we're just going to hang out. They are the sure thing and I just want you all to feel good and surround yourself with love and your friends And there's a lot you can do on this day also Guarantee if you Google like Valentine's Day in my area or you go to meet up There is something happening in your town that could be interesting a movie art exhibits a meetup
Starting point is 00:17:20 I mean shit. It's also a great day If you are looking and you want to meet some people, what a great day to be single. Because if you are not in a relationship, you are definitely out somewhere. Maybe you're like in a bar or there's music or something happening in your town where you could check it out and meet other people. So, you know, we're not going to meet people sitting at home. And I know that maybe you're swiping in on apps right now, which is most people are doing. But one of my predictions for 2024 is that we're going to see more connections in person, live with each other, waiting in line for something, you know, going to an event, do something that scares you. Say yes to something that you would normally say no to.
Starting point is 00:18:06 So I'm asking all of you to think ahead, make a plan, do something this Valentine's Day, if you don't have plans that you wouldn't normally do. Get outside the box, get outside your comfort zone. I can tell you from years of experience, every time I have a hard no on something, I take a look at myself and I think, why is that a no? Sometimes it is a no, but many times there's fear. And
Starting point is 00:18:33 fear, let me remind you, is false evidence appearing real, F-E-A-R. And fear is what is holding us back from growth and from connection and from love and from intimacy So even if it's not on February 14th, what kind of thing can you sign up for? But what can you do in your life to create more connection and Love in your life because the other thing for 2024 that isn't so great is this loneliness epidemic that is just rampant and The antidote to loneliness is next year. See what's going on in your world Around your world in your vicinity this Valentine's Day this month
Starting point is 00:19:16 Stick around lovers. I'll be right back after a quick break to share some creative ideas to make this Valentine's Day extra creative ideas to make this Valentine's Day extra sexy. Whenever I ask people, so what's your biggest turn off, they often say hygiene. And while there's a lot to be said for our natural odors, sometimes it's best to make sure you feel fresh all over your body. So I'm going to let you in on my latest discovery for smelling better naked. And that is loomy. It's the whole body deodorant that is safe to use anywhere in your body.
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Starting point is 00:20:32 at That's L-U-M-E and code SWE at checkout for $5 off your starter pack. That's over 40% off. Trust me, your body and everyone else around you will thank you. Now that we've discussed the don'ts on Valentine's Day, it's time to let you know what you should do on this sexy holiday.
Starting point is 00:20:58 Alright, if you are in a relationship, I mean, or just seek someone, you're having sex with someone, you're connected with somebody. Here are some sexy creative ways to celebrate. Number one, recreate your first date. Why I love this idea is because it's a reminder of why you both fell in love in the first place. It's also a great idea because even if things have been a little rocky or less intimate lately, things aren't, you know, you're not in the best place in your relationship. There have been a lot of studies that have shown that reminiscing about the early stages of your relationship is positively associated with relationship satisfaction. So, do you ever find in a relationship that you and your partner talk about things like, I remember when I first saw you or you talk about your first date or that first month or two and you get those feelings inside of you.
Starting point is 00:21:50 There's a reason why we reminisce about that a lot and it's because it actually makes us feel good. We also get a release of those feel good hormones and we feel more connected to our partner. So recreating your first date. Now even if you were in a different city and you can't quite do that, you could try to think about some of the elements. Maybe it was the kind of food you had
Starting point is 00:22:12 or maybe it was the outfit you wore or perhaps it was just a conversation you had. Try to recreate the first date. In fact, I think that's what I'm going to do this year. I want to thank myself for that idea. Next, set this year. I want to thank myself for that idea. Next set this scene. Now anytime you want to have sex, but especially on Valentine's Day, you have to make sure the mood is set just right.
Starting point is 00:22:36 Because when the room is a mess, the opposite of setting the mood is like things are a disaster. It looks like I would always look and it's not set up. So I love to set the mood by number one, lighting a candle. I always like candles. I don't use overhead light. Overhead light is the biggest buzzkill. I can't even take it in an office space and meetings. Like I don't want overhead light, but I certainly don't want it when I'm trying to get in the mood and connect with my partner. So have candles ready to go, light a candle. I am obsessed with massage candles. I have been since the first time I've used one. They're basically sexy candles that you light, they smell amazing, and then you blow them out and they turn into this most luxurious massage
Starting point is 00:23:22 world that you can rub all over yourself and your partner's body. We also have some in our shop site, which I can include a link, but they are just a game changer. I have several candles. I mean, really, if you just laid a bunch of candles, like you're halfway there. But a great way to think about this, actually, is to think about your senses. When I think about what do I need in this room to feel in the mood, to feel in my body? What do I need in this room to feel in the mood to feel in my body? I literally go around the senses. So I think, okay, set that could be the candle. That could be a diffuser with essential oils.
Starting point is 00:23:52 Right. We want a great set. Then we want sound. Why not create a sexy playlist or maybe put some of your favorite songs that you listen to, you know, with your partner or things that remind you of your relationship. It's funny when I was leaving for New York without my partner last week, I was leaving. And as I was like walking out the door for Uber,
Starting point is 00:24:13 he was like playing our song. And I was like, oh, you're playing our first song. Like, did you just do that? Cause I went to give Mahogany his headphones on. And I know that he probably did. Cause he's a very like romantic. And he was like, just think about us and here's our song and so there's so much power in music and in you know things that kind of bring you back to your connection. So be intentional about the music and what you hear on
Starting point is 00:24:36 this you know to set the scene. So this would be fun to have some of your favorite food that's why last year like my partner and I love chocolate and that's why I did the fondue in the bedroom. I had a massage table in the fondue. So like, are there any like little treats you guys like eating? Your favorite chocolates. Think about setting that up. Candles are also part of the sight sense,
Starting point is 00:24:56 but look around your room. Clear out the clutter. I've got a lot of clutter in my room, although sometimes it's just a lot of bunch of sex stories I need to try, but I like to clear out the boxes, clean the bathroom, make sure that it looks great. So, you know, get some flowers, fresh flowers in the bedroom, and then touch. Always make sure that you have things on your bed that make you feel good. Make sure that your sheets are clean.
Starting point is 00:25:22 Oh my God, have I told you all the stories about guys I've dated that just have like really, really weird sheets? Like just don't be that person. I mean, this could mean gifting your partner, you and your partner, some new sheets as Valentine's Day. I've been obsessed with cozy earth sheets for a long time. They always talk about they were Oprah's favorites. I think I liked them before Oprah did.
Starting point is 00:25:42 They are luxurious and they are temperature regulating so you stay cool all night. I'm gonna leave a link for those in the show notes if you need some new sheets. I get new sheets once a year to be honest because I just do. That's how I celebrate myself. The next sexy way to celebrate,
Starting point is 00:25:59 blindfold your partner and experiment with new sensations. This is one of the easiest yet sexiest ways to try one thing new. Blindfold your partner. You could use a bandana. You could use a scarf. You know, you could use whatever you want that could wrap around your partner's head and play around with some new sensations. You know, you could use whatever you want. They could wrap around your partner's head and play around with some new sensations. The reason why blindfolds work is because whatever we take away one sense, all the other says become more heightened. And so when you blindfold your partner, you get
Starting point is 00:26:39 to play around with different temperatures. Actually, this is a great way to play with the massage candle, because if their eyes are closed, you start to drip the warm oil on their body. They're like, it's just going to feel incredible and even more intense. You could take some feathers, just play around with sensations, do a little blindfold. It's really hot and it's an easy, fun way to play. Also for temperature play, which is why we love the blindfold, you could have the candle and then you could have like a bowl of ice cubes near the bed. So you can like alternate between hot and cold. There's some toys you can put in the freezer to. There are toys you can boil actually if you have a glass dildo. You're gonna check it but you can boil it and
Starting point is 00:27:21 freeze it. If you have never played with the temperature play, you guys, this is the year to do it. And then you could also, whether blindfolded, play with different foods, like feed them some delicious strawberries, you know, some chocolates and whipped cream, you know, something warm, something cool, something delicious, some ice cream, like lick stuff off their bodies, right?
Starting point is 00:27:43 Like pour some, you know, chocolate sauce on them and like lick it off. I mean, it is like such a fun, sexy, sensual thing to do. So, you know, have some fun with food. And these are all things you can do at home that aren't going to like cost you a zillion dollars that are just really fun and are playing up all of your senses. It's intimate and I promise it'll be the night that you will both remember and it might just be the thing that you need in your relationship to spark a new connection. Next, try a new toy together. Now, here's the thing. I often emphasize tries a thing new, but here's why. Think about it. Every time you and your partner do something new together,
Starting point is 00:28:27 whether it's, you know, you're going on a vacation, you are trying a new class together, you're going to a new restaurant, there's a reason why that feels so good and it's exciting and you look forward to it. Why we all love exploring new places and adventure is because we are learning, we're playing together. It's just a new way to connect with our partner
Starting point is 00:28:50 and we're both in that learning stage. So when we're in a learning stage, we're super focused, we feel connected, it's a shared experience and it's really, really sexy. Toys are not just for people with vulvas. It's for penis owners as well. And so there's just so many ways you guys can play together. And it definitely won't be the same old sexual experiences
Starting point is 00:29:17 that you've always been having together. And so anytime we add something new, that is the novelty that I'm talking about. I'm always recommending sex toys. I mean, come on, but especially on Valentine's Day for like, what do I get my partner? We haven't played with toys yet. I've been wanting to talk to my partner about toys. I've been wanting to try that new loop.
Starting point is 00:29:37 Like I am giving you permission and I am telling you after two decades of work, this is the day. If you haven't done it yet, or you've been waiting, or you've been wanting to up level your sex toy collection, this is the day to buy a toy. This is a great way to surprise your partner with a toy. Like surprise your partner with something new on Valentine's Day.
Starting point is 00:29:57 If you and your partner have talked about buying a toy, or God, we really need a new toy, like go ahead, surprise him with a new toy. If you've never brought toys into your relationship before and you have never really tried anything new, then I recommend chatting about it first. So what's your take on sex toys? Is it something you'd want to try and then you get to buy a toy? You know, unfortunately, a lot of people still have stigmas around toys or they believe all these things that it's threatening or you're just going to replace them and people still believe these things.
Starting point is 00:30:33 So if you want to have a conversation to clear it first and you've never used a toy, do that. See how they feel. And then buy a new toy. Now, you could check out the guide that I mentioned earlier for some inspiration as well as on my shop site. That is the store to get your Valentine's Day gifts. I've got panty vibes. I've got gift sets. I've got couples toys. And if you really want to blow your partner's socks off, you got to try the Magic Wand this Valentine's Day.
Starting point is 00:30:59 I was so excited because we gave a Magic Wand to everybody at the Swell event and people were very, very happy about it. We gave him the mini. I love the magic wand. It is a powerful, really fun vibrator for everybody. Get the mini, get the micro. Check out the magic wand. And let's talk about couples toys for a minute. When I say couples toys, what do I mean by that? Well, to be honest, a lot of toys can be used as couples toys. And here's why. If you have a penis or you have a vulva, any kind of toy is going to feel great when you use it on the shaft of the penis, on the tip of the penis, all over the vulva, the vagina. So a lot of toys you can use in different ways. But specifically, when I say it's a wearable toy,
Starting point is 00:31:45 it means that you could have penetrative sex. If you have a vulva, a penis can go inside of you while you're also wearing a toy. Why this is cool is because the penis can slip inside at the same time. So yes, it's stimulating your G-spot, but there's still room for a penis to go inside of you. Let me remind you that the vibration feels good on your G area and on
Starting point is 00:32:12 the penis. So talk about a shared couple experience. Talk about experience that you'll both remember trying something new, which will also bond you together more. Like that's why we would say like, couples who play together stay together, find a partner who likes to have adventures. A couples toy is a really pleasurable adventure. And it feels good for everybody. Plus, we know if you have a vulva, you're likely going to require a lot
Starting point is 00:32:47 of clitoral stimulation during penetration to have an orgasm. So a couple's toy does that magic, giving you the clitoral stimulation, the G-spot stimulation, but you get a penis inside of you. It's the whole deal. It's literally everything you ever probably wanted during sex. So try one of these out, this Valentine's Day. And a great couples toy to try out. Lalo makes this Tiana duo. It's a next level couples massager. You wear it during penetration.
Starting point is 00:33:18 If you want to try that out. Lalo is offering up to 50% off site-wide through the end of February for their little Valentine's Day gift to you. So just check them out and I'll put a link in the show notes to make it easy for you. Another sexy idea is play a sexy game. You can play these sexy card games. You've been feeling like you and your partner are just, oh god, we have to sit through a dinner again. We have nothing you to say to each other. We're bored. Get one of these card games that are giving you things to talk about and things that maybe
Starting point is 00:33:47 you've never talked about. Like a rule I secretly love to break is or a dream I've never shared or my most irrational fear. A text message I fantasize about sending. Like things like that, they're prompts to get the conversation going. There's also fun games you can play with friends. Like you could all get together and ask each other different questions together. I just love all these, the games that are popping up everywhere. There's Sexy Truth or Dare card games. There's actually an app that's a Truth or Dare dirty game. You don't have to go out. You can just be like at dinner, pull up an app on your phone and be like, okay, babe, tonight
Starting point is 00:34:32 we're gonna play a sexy game together. And side note, if you do go to dinner, no judgment. Also a great time to get a panty vibe. This is the night. Panty vibes are made for Valentine's Day. Let me remind you, a panty vibe, you wear it in your underwear has a little clip so it stays in place comes with a remote that your partner could control through an app. So anytime they want throughout dinner, they can like turn the vibrator on and like start to vibe you. Who knows? Like the waiter comes over take your order and this is like in your underwear, but no one can hear it. You're just getting turned on, right? It's just so fun.
Starting point is 00:35:07 I mean, Valentine's Day synonymous with pantybibes. We've got those in our gift guide as well, so you gotta check that out. You can also try learning something new together. Listen, if you guys get aroused through conversation, I know I do. You could try taking a cooking class, a hot yoga class. You could try a master class. I just did this with my partner. We were flying back from somewhere a few months ago,
Starting point is 00:35:30 and they had master class on the airplane. Okay. Because I'm a master class, I did a master class on sex. I loved Chris Voss's class on negotiation skills. I know that's not a sexy class. You should take my class on master class. That's a sexy class. But really, I said to my partner, I said, you have to watch this Chris Boss. It's so good. And then I want to talk to you about it after, because sometimes he and I just get into work talk and other things. So he watched and I watched it. And then we like have this whole conversation now about how to talk to each other using
Starting point is 00:36:00 these negotiation skills. And it's been so fun. Like I'm sort of obsessed with masterclass. Other classes they have is intentional eating with Michael Pollan, yoga foundations. And the other cool thing about masterclass, I honestly would probably not have known about them until I did their first wellness course. But there's so many classes I've taken on there, and it's weird because I've taken a lot of classes in my life. But something about the way they produce classes,
Starting point is 00:36:25 and they're only like about an hour and a half or two hours, they're all in 10 minute to 12 minute chunks. And they just keep you like gripped. And there's stuff that I didn't even care about that I watch class on. Like I remember I took classes on writing, I took like a comedy class from Steve Martin, it's cool. But like just remember, you get aroused to conversation.
Starting point is 00:36:44 Masterclass is like a fun, you get aroused to conversation. Masterclass is like a fun, sexy way to do it. I'll actually leave a link for masterclass in the show notes. They just keep getting better and better. Maybe you get around to conversation. Um, I get aroused when my partner and I deeply share our traumas. I think you said that the other day, like around my whole team, he's like, Emily loves when we talk about his traumas. I'm like, tell me your deepest childhood.
Starting point is 00:37:05 Woo. Now I'm ready to go. Remember, we all get to find what our turn ons are and I have no shame in my trauma game. Another fun game, sexy stranger. Like really go to your favorite bar if you always go there, but then each of you show up as some with a different name, pick each other up at the bar. Believe me, I know you're like, but I know my partner. So what? Just try this one. And hi, my name is like
Starting point is 00:37:32 Sarah. And just be somebody else. It's a really fun way to play with your partner. Get into the character. It's okay if you laugh and joke, but you'll have that moment where you're like, what if I didn't know my partner? And I just met them for the first time at a bar and your mind kind of like, slip it for a second and be like, oh yeah, he's so cute. She's so great. This is why we fell in love. Play sexy stranger. It's a fun night to do it.
Starting point is 00:37:56 Last creative way to play on Valentine's Day, get some cannabis, get some edibles. If you haven't tried any edibles yet that are specifically made for your play time, for your arousal, for your desire, take an edible. It's such a great way to get out of your head and into your body. That's exactly what it does. So if you find yourself distracted,
Starting point is 00:38:20 you're thinking all these thoughts, take an edible, wait a little bit, and then you'll start to feel more just connected. You'll feel connected to your body, connected to your partner. I'm only taken by a hemp company's edibles. They've got these high love THC, libido gummies.
Starting point is 00:38:36 They are made to get you in the mood for sex. All right, those were some sexy creative ideas to celebrate Valentine's Day if you are in a couple. But, what if you're single? What are you going to do this Valentine's Day? Well, this is from Cameron, 49 in the UK. Hey Dr. Emily, I know Valentine's Day is coming up shortly and I am currently single. I'd like to know what a single guy can do to celebrate this day
Starting point is 00:39:06 by taking my solo pleasure to the next level to heighten the whole experience. Oh, I love a dude who's like, I know I've been masturbating with my hand and my penis, but I want to try something new. All right, so first, if you always use your left hand, use your right hand. If you always watch some kind of porn, maybe don't watch this porn and just focus on your sensations. You can try a mindful masturbation routine where you're just thinking about,
Starting point is 00:39:35 you know, what feels good to you. You can get a stroker or a cock ring or play with vibrations. Hey, also a great day to try a prostate play. If you've never tried anything in your anus, this is the day to try it. Maybe I'm the first person, but I will not be the last person to tell you that.
Starting point is 00:39:56 If you have a penis, you have a prostate. And if you've been thinking about stimulating it, happy Valentine's Day. This is a great way. You can just use your finger if you'd like with some lube and see how does it feel when I put my finger inside me? They give it like the male G spot and you might have some incredible sensations All right Cameron try some of those things Let me know how it go
Starting point is 00:40:19 Lastly I want to spark some inspiration so I asked all of you to submit your favorite Valentine's Day memories because I think we all learn from each other and here's what a few of you said. My favorite Valentine's Day was last year when my partner and I had a surprise trip to Chicago, my favorite city to visit. After a night of drinks and cab rides, we came back to our hotel, which is one of the tallest in the Windy City with a room on the top floor with windows surrounding us.
Starting point is 00:40:49 It was my fantasy to have sex in the window of a tall building of a city, and we finally got to live that fantasy. It was mind-blowing and sexy, making people below could potentially see us. Favorite hottest memory. Also, we found out two months later, we conceived a beautiful miracle baby boy. Valentine's Day magic. I love that one. I love the idea of making a fantasy come true on Valentine's Day. Next, my favorite ever Valentine's Day was spent with my husband. We opened up our French cookbook and picked out recipes for dinner.
Starting point is 00:41:23 Potatoes au gratin, coque gavn, greens with pears and goat cheese and then delicious Grand Marnier souffle. Of course we had to have a couple of bottles of Le Grand Dome. Did I mention we cooked in nothing but aprons? I wore a little lingerie too. In candy apple red. Between courses we made love in the counter on the sofa. wherever the mood struck. It was the best V-Day ever, and the souffle wasn't bad either. My wife, girlfriend of the time, and I lived 3 and a half hours apart at Dean Kitt to see each other.
Starting point is 00:41:53 On Valentine's Day, she was coming over to my place for a long weekend and I was making dinner. She showed up to my place wearing nothing but her P-coat. Needless to say, dinner had to be put on hold for a little while. When I started dating my now fiance six years ago, he hadn't had much sexual experience. On our first Valentine's Day together, I went to a sex shop and filled a treasure chest with various toys and tidbits. We spent Valentine's Day night exploring and playing with new things in the chest. I really enjoyed that night. Biggie's got to explore new sexual experiences with me and we learned a lot about what we like and don't like as a couple.
Starting point is 00:42:31 Six years later, our sex life evolved into something amazing. I'm inspired now. Thank you everyone for sharing that. I appreciate that. I mean, come on guys, this is going to be your year. To play, to have fun, get yourself something special, to let the people around you know that you love them, and send you lots of love this Valentine's Day. Let me know if you have any questions. I love you all. Happy Valentine's Day! That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday.
Starting point is 00:43:05 Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline
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