Sex With Emily - "The Fappening": How to Avoid the Dangers of Selfies and Social Media

Episode Date: September 6, 2014

Do you really want to send that nude selfie? If you don’t want the “The Fappening” happening to you, you better tune in.  Emily and Samantha Schacher from Dr. Drew HLN dive right into the mass ...exposure of A-List celebrity nude pictures hacked from the cloud and what we can all learn from this debacle.With our heads buried in our phones, have we become social media zombies? Samantha tells the story of how she literally ran smack dab into her husband when they first met, but if she had been on her phone, she might have missed the encounter all together.Samantha gives sage advice about tough times, dry spells and how to keep the passion alive in marriage, even when you own a business together. Sometimes fighting is a necessity to reach the next level of intimacy in your relationship.A caller wants to know why he can’t seem to pick-up women and it probably has to do with his opening line. Emily tells him how to turn it around.A listener writes in confused about a “Friends with Benefits” relationship while another listener with pre-existing self-esteem issues has a bodybuilder boyfriend who’s preying on her insecurities. If you want to know how to date with dignity in the modern age of nudies, stale pick up lines and casual hook ups, tune in now.Send your questions, comments and fantasies to: feedback@sexwithemily.com, Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everyone, thanks for listening to this episode of Sex with Emily. I know you're going to love it. We've got Samantha Schocker from Dr. Drew HLN. She's here in the studio. We're talking about some of the hottest topics in today's culture, including sex, social media, and celebrity scandals. But first, thank you everyone for listening to this show and for supporting my sponsors. And you know I am obsessed with a lot of electronic objects. And there's one that is my new favorite, and it's actually not a vibrator. It is the No No Pro, because let's face it, we've all got hair in places we don't want it. And I'm not just talking about women,
Starting point is 00:00:33 I'm talking about men too, and I spend so much time and money on razors and waxing and tweezin' in all this stuff, but the No No Pro is really the only way to remove unwanted hair. And there's absolutely no pain. I do it at home. I'm standing in the couch.
Starting point is 00:00:47 I'm like, taking hair off my legs. It's like, gone for like such a long time. You don't have to keep shaving. You have weeks and weeks of long lasting results. Plus, if you get the No No Pro, it has 100% 60 day money back hair and tea. So if you're like, ah, you know what? I don't like having all my hair removed.
Starting point is 00:01:04 I didn't like this easy to use system. I want my money back. You could do that, but you won't, because you're going to love it. It also comes with a $50 gift card to an award winning skincare line. Oh, and also I'm talking to the guys there. You know, you're like, oh, I've got this hair on my chest. I've got this hair on my neck. What do I do? This is what you do. You buy the No No Pro. Go to no Emily dot com. That's no no Emily dot com Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that block our sacred institutions
Starting point is 00:01:38 Betruma eyes they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Emily You got a boyfriend because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. Hey girls, gotta have a stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean like laundry?
Starting point is 00:01:52 It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information
Starting point is 00:02:10 go to sexwithm.com where you can check it out our podcast. You can every day we update it. We've got new sex information for you. You can send it for a mailing list, which is actually really important because I send really killer emails. I have to say, I send great newsletters and they're not going to be annoying and I'm not going to spam you, but you'll actually improve your sex life. Plus, you can subscribe to our podcast and iTunes, which is so easy.
Starting point is 00:02:33 I do two shows a week and you will never miss another sex with the Emily show again, because why do you want to? Right? Okay, I'm so excited for tonight's show because I've got the beautiful and the talented Samantha Shocker here with me. Oh, thank you. Hi, Sam. Hi, I'm a huge fan of yours and I know we've met before, but it's I love tuning into Lovevine in hearing everything that you have to say. So I'm just so grateful to be here. Oh, Sam, and I feel we have like the Mutual Admiration Society because Sam, she's also,
Starting point is 00:03:01 well, since I met you, you've been, you become the co-host of dr. Drew HLN So we're both like dr. Drew's like women bitches kind of in a way No, and which is such an awesome. So congratulations on that. That's huge, but you also have your Pop trigger show and we're can people find that's all about pop culture Yes pop trigger is everything in fact you have to come on the show because we don't only tackle pop culture And we like to call it a smart show about dumb stuff. So we will we will tackle the pop culture aspect but we'll also talk a lot about relationship stuff and sex and and we do tend to have a younger fan base and they always write in their questions about relationships and and and things that they should or shouldn't be doing in high school or
Starting point is 00:03:40 even college and and you know we do the best to answer those questions but we need a sex point. It's fun. I was watching it today. Yes, I would love to be on it. And I was joking for the show. I'm like, I'm not really great pop culture since I moved to L. I mean, if San Francisco is fine, because like no one watches TV, no one,
Starting point is 00:03:54 it's just a funny, different world, but here it's like, and I like TV. It's not even that I'm anti. Everyone's like, what do you like? Singing home reading books. No, I wish I, I, I'm time. It's just that it never became part of my thing, my world. But I, I'm interested, like, I pick up a nice magazine. I'll devour it. I just don't think too.
Starting point is 00:04:08 So you're busy at home masturbating. Exactly. I'm busy at home. I bring you a vibrator. I should have. I have got so many goddamn vibrators. It's crazy. I love it. I know. That's what I do in my spare time. But okay. Sam, so also people can find you at the best place to find you is My Twitter. Yeah, which is oh, yeah, you go to my website, which is Samantha shocker.com or on Twitter at Sam shocker And I'm always posting things in regard to pop trigger or doctor drone call or whatever Photos of her because she's really hot but she's married people but so and She yeah, and also this will all be on my website as well for more information about that and what else do I have I have you're like your whole bio you've like done so many things it goes on and on you've been on MTV CNN HLN Fox all that stuff so and we're also today we're gonna be talking about
Starting point is 00:04:54 I mean, God, there's so much first of all we have to talk about Joan Rivers so sad. I mean, I'm just It's devastating. I love love her. And I found her hilarious. But at the end of the day, whether you found her funny or offensive, you cannot argue with the fact that that woman was such a pioneer for female comics and paved the way in open doors, she kicked down doors. She did. And she was fearless.
Starting point is 00:05:18 And I think that she was not only great for female comedians, but for women in general. And I think it was a huge loss today. And we talked a lot about it tonight on Dr. Dr. Dronkall. And we had Jamie Kennedy call in and Lisa Lampinelli and a number of people share a lunderwood that have done comedy with her. And we saw Kathy Griffin in the green room because she was on Anderson Cooper. Every single one of them, all female comedians just minus Jamie Kathy.
Starting point is 00:05:45 All had to say that, you know, they would not be a Kathy Griffin or Lisa Lamponelli without Joan Rivers. And they also talked about her her her kind heart that she really was not only just a unapologetic funny comic, but she was a very generous and just lively human being, lively, absolutely lively. And I love like her staying power like she got into it and she never, I mean, she had, I mean, I remember when she was up for it, the tonight show and she had her talk shows and she got fired because she's always come back like she's got that stamina resilient, resilient, and she never let anything bring her down. No, not at all. And I guess right before, you know, she ended up going into that
Starting point is 00:06:25 procedure, she was doing a standup show, an hour long standup show. So she really was at her, I mean, not her best. She was 81 years old, but she wasn't in a healthy state of mind and able to do an hour standup. And it's just, it's so tragic because who knows what happened during that procedure. But I don't even know what the procedure, of course everyone, my mom goes, so like was she getting another, you know, plastic surgery, but it was a little bit right. And Dr. Drew touched upon it tonight because I don't even know, and I don't know if I'm pronouncing it right, what an endoscopy is. So I guess she had an endoscopic procedure done on her throat.
Starting point is 00:07:01 She was having some trouble with her voice box, her vocal cords, and she went in there and as it was an elective procedure, but Dr. Drew said, you know what, she performs, and you can tell that her voice was getting huskiered or tired, and he thinks, you know, I'm sure that this was a real necessary thing for her to do, and we don't know what happened. Okay, so we'll find out more about that, but now let's go into the fapening. Can we talk about the fapening? Oh my gosh, we've been following it. Yes. Okay, so the fapening people don't know what happened. Okay, so we'll find out more about that. But now let's go into the fapening. Can we talk about the fapening? Oh my gosh, we've been following it, yes. Okay, so the fapening people don't know.
Starting point is 00:07:29 First of all, the word, I didn't know what it was. Okay, so fapening is the sound of people masturbating the sound. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. But I can't believe it. How did you not know that? I don't know. I'm disappointed.
Starting point is 00:07:39 I'm disappointed. I had to ask like, Lorraine, my assistant image was like, you don't know, I'm like, that's okay. It's okay. I'm like, no, how do I not know that? But there was the hundreds of news photos that were released on Sunday featuring like the hottest like female a list Or something makes me like terrified for like my cloud god knows what's on my goddamn cloud even things that I deleted That's what's gonna be like it's like I threw it away in the trash and you got burned and then and then all of a sudden like
Starting point is 00:08:01 There's this photo that I've totally forgot about. It's crazy. Yeah, it's really, it's so invasive and violating. And I'm so empathic for all these poor celebrities. And what's really infuriating is you read like the responses on social media. And people were so quick to blame these celebrities saying, why would you take a nude photo to begin with? Why would you? And that really pisses me off.
Starting point is 00:08:22 That's victim blaming. And you have every right, all those girls had every right to take a picture of themselves. And whether it's for themselves, whether it's to share it with their husband, they never they have the expectation that it's safe. They don't know that some hacker is going to go hack in and take it and blast it to the masses. Who would ever think that right? Exactly. And how they got into it and all that stuff. I mean, it's just, but I am going to go back to my point that I make that I just don't think that people should be sending new photos
Starting point is 00:08:48 And I'm worried about younger. I'm worried about like my nieces who are like in high school my my my nieces in high school You know, and I think she's 15 now and I just think that the guys are saying, you know Hey, send me a picture. That's how they want to be liked or their friends are doing it But I'll have you all know and I've said this that the second you send a photo to someone, you send the guy gets it. And whoever's closest by, he's showing the picture. I mean, not every guy, but I can't tell how many guy friends are just like, Hey, I mean, look at this. Look at this. I mean, it's just, it's not, if you, it will show up again. So only take a nude photo and send someone if you don't mind it showing up on the internet and in your face, maybe in your first job interview, who the hell knows.
Starting point is 00:09:27 And as a teen, do not do it because you're not. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't even think clearly. And I look at things that I did as a teenager and I didn't have the internet in a cell phone thank God. Thank God. Right.
Starting point is 00:09:38 And I think, you know, this has to fall down onto the education, you know, with the parents or with whether it's a big sister and really sit down with your kids and say listen Whatever you're sending on your phone. I get it. I get that it's it's pervasive nowadays and all the kids may be doing it Which is another scary thought right, but this can haunt you for life for life It's it's it's god. We didn't have that like I got all my negatives I got all my photos there. I'm gonna get them I am gonna get them scan because I have like so many photos from college and stuff But like it's nowhere like you couldn't track it So I just just want to save you and it's not that these are the wrong either like they these were also I mean, they're two different issues because these are private photos and these are a joke at the right Except for one was underage right the gymnast which is now it could be child pornography distribution
Starting point is 00:10:19 Which is a whole nother onslaught of charges that this hacker hackers could be finding hackers? Not that I know of but I know the FBI's cracking down and I know that Apple just released a statement saying that it was not a breach, whether this is a PR scheme or not. Exactly. It was not a breach of their eye cloud. It was a hacker that targeted these celebrities and found their passwords to gain access. That's what Apple is saying. Okay. Yeah. But they found their pat. Yeah. Whatever. But still everyone still everyone this should be another reason why you shouldn't do it Because I do think that it's kind of become the norm you start dating someone and people people are even doing a People they meet online like before they even like to like a maybe they have a date set up through match calm or Twitter Or something and then they're like send me a photo of yourself and they're sending people they don't even know right They just be cut it becomes the norm. So stop doing it people. It's not gonna help you
Starting point is 00:11:03 Okay, Sam So So you have your very own debate show. Oh my. Oh wait, debate your face. A different show. Okay. So what said debate your fate? How many shows do you do? How do you have to do it? How many shows do you have? Debate your face with GSN and it's there. They just launched a digital department and they had myself and my co-host Sean Clitzer create the show and they wanted something that was edgy and fun and very like MTV asking to bring in a younger demographic. So we came up with a show called Debate Your Fate, where
Starting point is 00:11:30 he and I can debate sex topics or relationship topics or pop culture topics, Batman vs Superman, whatever it may be. And we have 60 seconds to do the debate. And then we release it to the fans. And the fans then have a few days to vote, who won or lost the debate. The loser of the debate has to spin the dreaded ass wheel of fate, which I hate. I'm like, producer Sam, I'm like, okay, that's a great wheel of fate.
Starting point is 00:11:52 That's so funny. I was like, I don't want to spin this wheel of fate. And it's like, you know, could be like a mystery shot. God knows what's in it or it could be cut your hair. He cut my hair on the show. Thank God I have a hair. Oh, yeah, he cut like six inches off my hair, but I made it into a layer. I made lemons. I made what is it? Lemon, lemon, lemon, lemonade out of lemons. Lemon, lemonade out of lemons. It was all good. And then there's
Starting point is 00:12:13 other things too like strip to your underwear. I just stripped my underwear. I felt I was just like, on the show, where can we be? We're going to do that. You still do it. Yeah, you can go to official door three. That's GSN's new digital network official door three, which is on YouTube. And you can see all the videos, and it's actually quite fun. I think the show is just, it's so deep and... That's so fun! Yeah, it's really fun. So do you think what are our relationships? Like, are you like a debater, like with your husband, do you feel like it's healthy to have conflict and stuff and you're like, it's just... I think, yes, I think at the end of the day, if you can evolve from the conflict, I know my husband and I were both Leo, we have the same
Starting point is 00:12:43 birthdays, were both... Both do? Yes, we're both Leo husband and I were both Leo, we have the same birthdays. We're both, yes. We're both Leo's, we're both passionate. We both argue differently. I tend to get over things very quickly and I just want it done and resolved. He tends to hang on to it a little bit more and we don't fight often, but when we do fight, yeah, it gets heated, but then afterwards,
Starting point is 00:13:01 whether it's like six hours later, an hour later, the next day, we will come together and we always try to evolve from the fights. And I always feel like that it improves our relationship. Every time. See, it's true. And I used to say, because I, I used to,
Starting point is 00:13:14 I'm not like really a fighter when I've been in relationships. And I realized that like I was blocked. I was holding back. And the couples who can like fight and go at it and then make up and grow from it. Like if you're never arguing with your partner, like that's a problem. It sounds like there's like a lack of communication in there. Exactly. So you need to learn to communicate. Or lack of passion. You just don't care
Starting point is 00:13:30 period. I didn't care. Because I've been me too. I've been in a relationship where we didn't fight at all. And I just didn't care. Exactly. I didn't care enough to even be like me too. Yeah. I was like it's better just to like let it go. Because I don't care. So yeah, all my acts of listening, I didn't really care about you. I'm sorry. Okay. I was reading some stuff too that you talked about. I thought it was so interesting about how we've all become social media zombies. And that, like, how do you think that social media is affecting intimacy and relationships right now? It's that's such a weighted question. That's a great question. Social media. It's a mean zombie. For just sitting around staring at a phone, I'm like cross-eyed.
Starting point is 00:14:05 And I think it's a double-edged sword. I think that there's a lot of benefits with social media. It's a great way to connect us. It's a great way for self-promotion. It's a great way to have specific campaigns like the No Hate Campaign. I mean marriage equality
Starting point is 00:14:16 would not be where it is today without the No Hate Campaign. So there's a lot of benefits to social media as well as like instantaneous real unfiltered news. But you do see a lot of us, myself included, kind of disconnected through, you know, by always looking at our phones and it can weigh on you too if you read a negative comment. Sometimes you can laugh off that negative comment if you're, if whether you're in the industry, whether you're just, you know, Joe, blow in high school and you, you tend to let those
Starting point is 00:14:44 things that are just constantly filtering into your phone affect your day to day. Exactly. And you just become like, I'm also like a dick like I'm, I see with my phone charging like the next week. Hello. And I feel like it's, I had a little detox from it this weekend because I went away and actually drew in his way. I don't know if you know that. Yeah. Laguna. Right. Yeah. And he said that you're like in love with Laguna. Yeah, I loved it. It was so fun.
Starting point is 00:15:07 I was so random because I was texting with Susan and she was like, it was, it was labor day. And I was like, oh, I said, I'm trying to be, try to be bad. She's a podcast too. Great. We've both been on called calling out her podcast calling out with such a busy, oh my god. That's amazing. Yeah, it read that I was supposed to hook up with it that my future was I'm going to have
Starting point is 00:15:24 sex with a married doctor And she's like is it going to be my husband? I'm like No, I'm not a guy in the husband. No, not Mark my ex. No, anyway, it was funny But but so I was there and I realized I actually stuffed away. I didn't I was on my phone all week I'm long it was like 40 I felt so good. I felt so free I felt like I haven't been in so long because I felt like the reason I haven't been so long so I work all the time. I had vacation all summer and it was just really nice.
Starting point is 00:15:49 I needed detox for it. There's no boundaries. I think it comes with this everywhere. Yes. It's important to do the detoxing and to just kind of shut it all down and just be alive in the moment again. Right. So I feel like we're just letting life pass us by because we're so or we're so quick to like put something up on Instagram and we're forgetting like I just did before the show. But yeah, but that's because you want you all to call in. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:09 Yeah. So I think yeah, absolutely. But it's also I think kids say too. It's like my niece is I go home and go in Michigan tomorrow to see my family. And you know, the 14 11 6 the six year olds and into the iPad, but they're all I mean, I'm there, but they're I mean attached. That's what we're talking about. And it's like I feel like, Hey, I'm here for a few days.
Starting point is 00:16:26 Can we talk, but they're just, I mean, they're almost worse than I am. And then I try to put away anyway. That worries me when it comes to that generation. Because I know that we're kind of like the last generation that didn't have to deal with that. And it scares me because we are seeing a lack of human interaction when it comes to them. And I wonder how that does affect them emotionally,
Starting point is 00:16:44 psychology, their psychology. And even just the way that they can disconnect when they film something, whether they're witnessing a fight at school, or whether they're on the equation, they put that camera in front of them, and it almost puts up a wall. Right. And they're not even seeing the moment,
Starting point is 00:17:01 because their first thought is this big, great Instagram, rather than look at this beautiful sunset. Look how old we sound. They're probably like, I was being interviewed. Actually, it was funny. I got interviewed by Women's Health Magazine this morning for a really long time.
Starting point is 00:17:12 I was so, I was just, I was annoyed. It was a very long interview. It was a good interview, but it was about, it was about women, it was about, oh, should women make the first move in relationships? Do you think it's okay for a woman to ask a guy out? Do you think it's okay for a woman to make the first move in relationships do you think it's okay for women to ask a guy out to think it's okay for a woman to make the first move sexually it was actually interesting because i said well my generation i said oh my god i can't even believe i'm saying
Starting point is 00:17:34 something that's first of all but it is true in in that it i am we're talking about messaging will i get back to the point was that about should you send the first message but i think that with with that i'll get back to the point was about should you send the first message, but I think that with with, I'll get back to the point of what she was interviewing me about, but I think today also that when people want to, people, every time about a big single, I can't meet anyone. It's because they're on their phones and they're not as open.
Starting point is 00:17:55 We used to just walk around like in, you know, we didn't have to, maybe we had to have phones and sometimes, but you were open, you were looking, you're, but now we're texting and walking into trees and stuff, right? Right. So we're not like connecting and it's keeping us separate. So if you're gonna write into me and tell me, you can't meet anyone and you can't find anyone, it's probably because you're on a goddamn phone.
Starting point is 00:18:12 I'm afraid to wait and start talking to someone. My husband and I actually ran into, ran hit each other, physically ran into each other. That's how we met. Are you seriously? Yes, can you imagine if we were on our phones? I mean, I probably wouldn't like, excuse me dude, and kept going.
Starting point is 00:18:24 Yeah, I'm writing my text. Yes. Where did you want to tell me the story? You don't even want to know where we met. I do need to know. The do she is placed, and it's sorry to this establishment. Who is where?
Starting point is 00:18:32 Close to it, Satter Ranch. So yes. Satter Ranch, we invite you. On Sunset. Satter Ranch on Sunset, which is like a Western bar. Yes. And it does attract a very specific breed. And I was actually working there for a brief time in college. We were? Yes. And amazing tips. like a very specific breed, and I was actually working there for a brief time
Starting point is 00:18:45 in college. We were? Yes. And amazing tips. And not so much. No. I really did not. I think the most I made was like 80 bucks,
Starting point is 00:18:52 but I always got the crappy sections. OK. And I was only there for like six weeks, but long story short, we, I think I was down with my shift. So I could have easily been on my phone. He could have been on his phone. He was a patron. Right.
Starting point is 00:19:04 And we ran into each other right near the pool table. And it was instantaneous. Like I felt something immediately. It just so did he. And but of course I said he was like he asked me something like, what is your tattoo say? And I said, I had a boyfriend because I was just so used to having my heart up. But as soon as I passed him, I immediately knew that I stuck my foot in my mouth and I came back. Did you have a boyfriend? No, no. I just working at that point. Right, you're gonna hit on it. It's like you got to just say it. Yeah. So you're trying to get the drink to the next person.
Starting point is 00:19:29 You're like, I don't have time for the flirting. But what if I never looked up? Well, there's been time to when I've been texting and I've been guilty, not even looking up. I'm so engrossed in my own vanity, which sucks. I know. We should learn from that. We should learn from that.
Starting point is 00:19:40 I love that you met. And so what would he talk to you about this chemistry you felt right away? It was, and it was something that I felt like I was really missing in my life because like we talked about earlier my ex. I just didn't have that. I thought he was a great guy. In fact, we were great friends, but there was chemistry missing and I it was really hard for me to and Anderson brought this up just being complacent was hard for me to move on because he was such a nice guy. But you know what? It I wasn't I don't want to marry my best friend. I do want to marry my best friend, but I also want to
Starting point is 00:20:08 like have great back. You want to bang your best friend. You want to have to still have that chemistry. And the chemistry here is the thing. If you don't have it at the beginning, oh, I can't, you never have it together six years. We never have it. Yes. And I just, wow, I'm so young. I know you didn't know. We don't know. No. And so, you know, after that, I was single for a little bit. And I was just waiting and waiting. And but I wasn't in a rush, actually, wasn't even looking for a relationship. And when I met my future husband, yeah, that chemistry,
Starting point is 00:20:33 you can't describe it. It was like a gravitational pull. Like when I walked away, I felt devastated. And I just said that I had a boyfriend. So did you whip back around and sit? I would whip back around. And I just started talking to him. And he was like, why is this girl talking to me? She has a boyfriend and then I ended up telling him listen
Starting point is 00:20:47 I work here and that was just something that I had to say if you don't believe me You can ask any of my co-workers. I'm not shady whatever and then we went on on our he asked me out on our first date Like the very next day and we were inseparable for like 30 something days until I had to go away and it was just I I love this the hell I've been together. We've been together this August is, this August 22nd was nine years, but we've been married coming in October four years. Oh my God. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:14 OK, I love it. See, so that can happen. The camera should think we've got a lot of calls coming in. And I'm going to take a call. We'll see if it works. Sometimes we, uh, this is Rob in Los Angeles. Hey Rob, you're on Sex with Emily. Hello.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Hi, can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Rob, you were here, you're on Sex with Emily with Sam Shocker and myself and we would love to help you. What is going on Rob? Well, well, first of all, I called a couple of months ago. I had the Cochrane challenge from one of my friends. The cocking challenge, did I give it to you?
Starting point is 00:21:48 Yeah, well anyway, usually I'm having problems picking up on one end, but sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I listen to you guys all the time. I think you said on Love Line a couple of times, just compliment them, have confidence. I have confidence, but that doesn't work. And now, I guess the times has changed where the assholes, can I say assholes? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're on a podcast. Go ahead. You can say whatever you want. Well, the assholes usually get the digits and get the hookers and the
Starting point is 00:22:27 other ads and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Okay so what's that we wrap so you're saying your confidence at work in so tell me did an example you do you see if you find a woman you see a woman when you're out and what do you do? Well for example a couple of months ago I was at a rowbacks and a rowback. Like yeah. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowback. A rowbacks and a rowback. Like, is it like step a rowback? Oh, rowbacks, the juice place. Is that right?
Starting point is 00:22:48 Robics the juice place? Yeah. Okay, she thought you said a rowback. I was like, who? Jazz or size? Yeah, I was rich or similar. Is there Jane Fonda? Okay, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:22:57 You're at rowbacks. Well, I already ordered female walk in. Her fragrance, the perfume she was wearing really caught my nose. Okay. Smells good. So turned around. She had these big glasses, like fly eyes. I was just going to test it out and see what happened.
Starting point is 00:23:25 All right. And so I told her, like you said, tell her how beautiful she is. Or has anyone told her how beautiful she is today? So I told her I got to respond. Everything was fine. I don't think I told you to say that. But OK. Everything was fine. Got her her number had a little conversation
Starting point is 00:23:48 and uh... we were texting we're talking didn't actually get to go out because i'm kind of turned off by most of the girls have a lot of guy friends we're gonna let go and i need a wrap okay here's a thing most of you the girls have a lot of guy friends. Okay. We got a lot going on here Rob.
Starting point is 00:24:05 Okay, here's the thing. First of all, I didn't say walk up to them and tell our beautiful she is. I said when you were in a relationship, we women like to feel right, Sam, I don't you let, I don't care. Yes, and sometimes that can go away for some reason. Like over time, they think that they don't,
Starting point is 00:24:18 you don't need to, you have those compliments. But you do, you need to feel appreciated and do it on and beautiful. When you're in a really, I always tell guys I'm like 10 times a day, tell guys I'm like 10 times a day. Tell her she's at 10 times a day. I'm like, okay, fine. So do it three.
Starting point is 00:24:28 That's better than none. But when you meet a woman robbing your observe, I always say observe something. So you know, if you guys were in Robics, what does it do? Sparrow or think? It's like a juice plate. Hey, so if you ever had the kill and whatever,
Starting point is 00:24:39 is it good you observe something going on in the moment and then you talked to her about that. So you've come and talked about. I wouldn't go up to woman and tell her you have anyone told you're you don't know because then she auto-mountain knows you're hitting on her and you want a banger, so I would not have told you that First of all I'm glad we clear this up It's only it's when you're in a relationship, but no if a guy comes and he says hey beautiful. I'm keep walking me too Yeah, so pick up lines is is is hello is you know because this is what says here And if a guy comes and says, hey, beautiful, I'm keep walking. Me too. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:05 So pick up lines is, is hello is, you know, because this is what it says here, you need to pick up line besides hello is what it says on the screen here. But it's more like just practice. Like you just kind of just practice talking to women like that you're trapped to and not to talk to. It's like how you would talk to your friends is you have to gain that confidence by just, and it comes with practice, you might be rejected, you know, rejected you know twenty thirty a hundred times but eventually you will just feel comfortable talking to people talking to women so that's what you got to work
Starting point is 00:25:32 on Rob the conversation okay but with that with that said I only get the uh... the back and forth conversation like like with the friends like you just said with uh... people I work with. Okay, that's why you got to practice outside of work and I'm having a hard time talking to you right now. I think you got to like just know. I mean Rob, you're cool. I'm kidding. No, you're fine. But I think you got to practice. I know because here's a thing Rob. No, that's a good thing. The people you work with, you feel
Starting point is 00:26:00 super comfortable with, right? They know you. They love you. Hey Rob, let's get lunch. You have to channel that confident Rob. That totally chill like how you feel when you're with your family, if you're close to the family, your relatives, your best friends, or work. That's the car Rob that you need to bring into Robics. That's the Rob that you need to bring into the to the street. You know wherever you are, Starbucks are at the bar. That's the Rob that you don't think this is how to check. Oh my God. Don't even think about it. Just be like, what would you say if your best friend was saying that you'd say, God, this music is so loud,
Starting point is 00:26:27 how can you even talk to anyone? Or is this line always like, whatever it is, if I even the pumpkin lattes are back at Starbucks, whatever the hell it is, you observe something in the moment and that's how you start the conversation. And it's not a yes, no question. It's something that will generate and you'll start to get that confidence
Starting point is 00:26:42 and then you'll just be robbed wherever you go. You'll be the rob that you feel most confident wherever you go if you start practicing. Okay Rob? Yeah. Got it. Keep doing it. Good luck. Let me know how it goes. Thanks Rob. Yeah. I'm glad it's going that up. I hate to think I gave someone the wrong advice because I don't you think you're married. You know you're beautiful for your husband, but you want to hear it. Oh, you need to hear it. And I listen, it goes a long way. It does. It really does.
Starting point is 00:27:07 It makes you melt when your husband or your boyfriend or your girlfriend or whatever it may be. They say to you, oh my gosh, you look so beautiful today. Or that dress, wow, it, you immediately makes you want to get in the mood. Exactly. It's silly as that sounds. It's an affidavit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:22 So true. And people like, oh, and then there's some guys who say, but then she's gonna know, and this isn't like, obviously, your husband, but if you're dating or whatever, like, oh, but then she's gonna know, she already knows she's hot, or she's gonna know, she has me in the palm of her hand. It's like, so what? You better forget it if it's loose.
Starting point is 00:27:34 It's like, she's gonna, because she's gonna start looking for it elsewhere. Thank you. And now that she's insecure, and it's not that, whatever, but we just like to hear it, we make efforts. You guys don't have to spend like half your life like getting like your nails and your eyebrows
Starting point is 00:27:44 and your hair done, whatever, that she like that. We try, we make efforts. And we want't have to spend like half your life like getting like your nails and your eyebrows and your hair done whatever that you like that. We try, we make efforts. And we want you and just feels good. You know, just like, oh, you guys like to be calm. It's kind of like the extension of courtship. That should never go away. It should never go away. It helps keep the flame burning.
Starting point is 00:27:56 Exactly. And the foreplay starts after the last orgasm. I'll tell you that. And we're gonna get back into some more sex tips and sex talk, but first a word from my sponsors. And again, I love you all for listening to the show. And thank you so much for tuning in and supporting my sponsors.
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Starting point is 00:28:44 best brands you can get the Vibrate dahlia, which is one of my new favorites. Hey Sam, do you feel comfortable the ever use sex toys? I guess. I want your feet. Do you have one that you see a one that I like? I like a time like a bullet or do like I've liked the bullet because they're just easy and accessible. Right.
Starting point is 00:29:01 Throw it in your back. Right. Exactly. But yeah, I think that it's, you know, it's especially being it's spices it up. And sometimes it can just add some fun. Some fun to the relationship. Exactly.
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Starting point is 00:29:33 So yeah, go to my site, sexathomey.com, click on the Good Vibes banner, and use coupon code GVMLE20 for 20% off. And also, I'm not forgetting about you dudes out there because flashlight is the number one sex toy for men. Yes, there are hundreds of thousands of vibrators for women, but why shouldn't guys have toys themselves because you guys got your hands. I feel bad for it, it's all they do, they got their hands like, well, I don't know anything else.
Starting point is 00:29:58 That's because you don't know anything else besides your hand and it's sex. But the flashlight is, it's a male masturbation sleeve, it actually simulates the feeling of having sex and it feels really good. It looks like a flashlight, but it's in a little container and you just use it, you know, if it's gonna mix up your partner can use it
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Starting point is 00:30:32 I gave it to a friend who's married for a long time, and he said, I would leave my wife if it could cook, which is kind of an insult to his wife, but he was joking, but really said it was that amazing. So anyway, check it out, go to sexathelene. out. Go to sexathethelene.com slash flashlight. That's sexathelene.com slash flashlight. Check it out. Have you ever seen the, it's flashlight?
Starting point is 00:30:52 It's cool. You've seen it. Okay, so that's all we got to say. Okay, Sam, so we went back to you and me and us and talking. So sex, oh, I was saying that it was interesting. So women's health today to get a circle back to them. They were interviewing me, I'm like, gonna circle back to things. It was interesting because it was's health today to get circle back to that. They were interviewing me. I'm like gonna circle back to things
Starting point is 00:31:11 It was interesting because it was about women making the first moves and like approaching guy and Asking guy out and is it acceptable? And have you ever done that? Have you ever asked a guy out or made a move on? I have made a move on a guy before I have a sexual like a kid first kiss or just asking about I Believe if I remember correctly Did I either kiss him or or asked him to kiss me, but I made the first move. He just was not getting my signals whatsoever. And I tried to give those signals. And then finally, I was like, Effett, will you kiss me? Where I went in for the kiss. I think I was like 18. So it's hard to recall. But I remember clearly going in for it. And he was just blown away and loved it. Right. He loved it that's right because I think that a lot of any of my mind I was thinking oh you
Starting point is 00:31:47 know men they want to be the you know it's a little caveman thing they want to be the hunters together as they want to know that they approach turn you're conquer on the head drag back to the Cape but that's so old school I mean women we are equals and every other part of of society now why not ask a guy out and you brought up a really good point that a lot of men just can't read the signals. This guy had no idea even after the fact he was like he was a shocker. He was like, he was a shocker. He was like, oh my god, he fucked us. He talked about it afterwards. He was like, I had no idea. I was like, but when I did this, when I laughed and touched your leg, when I blah, blah, blah, blah, he was like, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:32:23 I was like, when we drove up to the top of the hill and looked over to Hollywood saying, no. So yeah, sometimes they just don't get, they don't, they don't, and it was, and it was very empowering for me. I remember feeling like a little like tiger as when I did it. And I remember going home and be like, yeah, girl.
Starting point is 00:32:38 Yeah. Good for you. So that's, I mean, that's what's bad. I was, cause I had to think about it. I was like, well, I never really do that. And I happened to be like, I've never, girl, you got to. I know. So that's what's about us because I had to think about it. I was like, well, I never really do that. And I happened to be like, I've never, girl, you got to. I know.
Starting point is 00:32:48 So that's my new mission. I'm just gonna start hitting on people wherever I go now because I always like, wait, and I also like, I haven't been working a lot. What? What? You've walked in on me in the bathroom, like four or five times. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's true. You know what's funny Sam? She does yeah, she walks in and because she's Emily She can't help but like do a double-take and kind of like peak I Believe a little
Starting point is 00:33:12 You couldn't even tell you couldn't help is what I'm saying. It was so natural for you You thought about it. So you're innocent. She gave you a little side eye a little side I know Anderson's that yeah, and then yeah, and then she puts like over her shoulders She's like sorry and then the eyes are like Okay, yeah, you have to share the details right now. Totally. We won't talk about it now About size it's rude to talk about in front of the guy But no, yeah, it's true and I'm gonna that's my Nicole good. I'm gonna start like going out there because I feel like and it's so true Like like the guy said earlier who called he said
Starting point is 00:33:44 And I didn't realize is either till I started doing the show and started learning about dating and relationships and habits of men, you know, all that. And women is that all the guys that mostly that we've dated are like are the ones that have the confidence and maybe they're even the dish bags are like, I can talk to them, but there's all these really super nice guys in the corner suffering. Because all they want to do is have the confidence to women and they can't. And what if you miss that opportunity of that person being
Starting point is 00:34:08 like the one or somebody that you could even date potentially for a while and have a great time with don't miss out just because you know, you don't feel confident enough or comfortable enough to go and make the first move. Exactly. It's just because it's a skill. And so these guys for whatever reason to have the skill and then there's all these really nice guys in the corner.
Starting point is 00:34:22 So women just go ladies, girls, chicks, go out and talk to the guy who's not talking to you. It doesn't mean that he's not shy and nervous. So, you know, yeah, he says, so what do you feel about like the whole rise of like dating apps now? Like if you were single, do you think you'd be until you've single friends? I do. And sometimes I live through some of them because it's so interesting and fascinating.
Starting point is 00:34:42 I never was a part of any of that. Right. You know, I think I was on my space when I was single. And that was like the, the, the, the, the gist of it all. But um, yeah, I think that if I was single today, I would use those apps because for me, um, you know, I, I may not be out and about and I'm working a lot. And I like the idea of it fine tuning the person that you're looking for, but at the same time, there is something very serendipitous and magical about just meeting somebody naturally, like at a bookstore or at a bar, at the grocery store, that to me, because you can actually feel that chemistry. Exactly. Like you felt with your husband? Yes. So I want that story, I want that to happen.
Starting point is 00:35:19 Oh, it inspired me. Good. Really? We'll put it out there in the universe. I'm putting out there because it's been so long since I just met someone and was like, oh, my heart, like, you know, and I even like I've tried recently like to talk myself into people. Right. And that doesn't really work. And are you what do you think about the dating apps? Are you using them? I use, well, it's funny. I did do Tinder, but I only I used it and then I ended up having a blind Tinder date on my show. What do you mean? I never met on your show. Yeah, in here, like Anderson met him before I did. Yeah. How did it go? It was actually he was a really nice guy and I it was funny because I wasn't my friend. I was in New York
Starting point is 00:35:51 and it was Valentine's Day and my friend Amy was like you got to do Tinder. That's a great show. I need to see. I need to see it. I can't wait. It was hilarious. So she's like do Tinder. So I was in New York and I started doing and then I came back to LA. It's kind of fun. It's a game. You like, you swipe it. I've done it with my friends. Right. Oh, my friends sing my phone and do it too, because like, show me Tinder. So this guy was actually really interesting and then I said to him,
Starting point is 00:36:13 oh, but he did kind of recognize, he said to me, I recognize your picture because I was on this TV show that he had worked on. He's like, I recognized your picture from this, I was on the show, I'm this advisor, I'm Bravo and he said, oh, I recognize you. So he wasn't like a total stranger. So I knew there was some kind of like he did PR for the agency for like two weeks. So I knew he wasn't total freak. And
Starting point is 00:36:33 then he kept saying, can you do this night? And that I said, I'm doing a show. I'm doing a show. He's like, what I come on your show. And I said, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, do you have to come on my show? So it's a really funny episode. You guys can go back and look at it. So it was really funny. And he came in. And so that was the only time I did it. But otherwise I just, I'd rather just meet someone in person. But I've been set up a lot lately too.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Okay. Yeah. Which is great too. Exactly. So what about you? You are so you're doing like a million different shows. You're doing pop trigger. You're doing Dr. Johan and you're married.
Starting point is 00:37:01 I mean, you're doing five days a week. It's all right. We are Monday through Thursday. OK. And then I do pop trigger Monday's and Thursday's. And then debate your fate is normally Fridays. And then my husband and I have a company together too. Oh, you do, Dan.
Starting point is 00:37:12 Oh my god. So right, you're candle company, which we talk about. Oh my god. It's how do you guys keep it together? And how do you keep your relationship interesting and your sex life? Because you have many tips for keeping it healthy and strong.
Starting point is 00:37:23 It's, you know, they call it work for a reason. And I don't say that in a bad way. I think it's fun to always think about how do we stay fresh? And if there's ups and downs, trust me. There's ups and downs where I'm like, oh my gosh, did I make a mistake? And I know that sounds sad, but then boom.
Starting point is 00:37:38 Three weeks later, I'm more in love than I've ever been. And then that's the long haul. And, you know, it's interesting being also also business partners and we do have to actively work on taking off that business cap because we don't want to at the end of the day sit and only talk business. We do try to consciously shut down the business talk. We'll talk about it a little bit because we have to at the end of the day. And then we go right into husband and wife. And like I said, some days are
Starting point is 00:38:05 harder than others. Sometimes we'll find ourselves fighting over creative differences. Tell me about your creates wicked candles. Wicked candles. Okay. And you can go to thewickedcandles.com. And I never would have thought that we would have had a candle company. I know. My husband was a graphic designer, really successful graphic designer working for like action sports companies and Chelsea, handler and doing all kinds of different campaigns. And then when we got engaged, we both envisioned a very drippy, ethereal, sexy candle. You love them. I got to give you. I got to give you. I want to mine too. Oh, good. Yeah. So we. I saw them. Yeah. They're like sexy. Okay. Tell me about it. So we're like, okay, we want these
Starting point is 00:38:40 strippy candles all over our venue. We got married in Northern California on Halloween. You did. That's why I'm. Oh, yeah. You got to talk about that. Okay. Yeah. And, okay, we want these strippy candles all over our venue. We got married in Northern California on Halloween. You did that's fine. Oh, you got to talk about that. Yeah, okay. And of course, the venue's like, you can't have a drip candle. I was like, okay, I get that. These are my candles. Yeah, and we'll be at it made then yet.
Starting point is 00:38:53 So I was like, okay, we need a pre-dripped candle, but still all wax, not fake, a real candle that burns down the center, but still has wax dripping on it, but doesn't create a mess, which is insane. But so smart. And we made it. So my husband's like, but doesn't create a mess, which is insane. But so smart. And we made it. So my husband's like, I'm not, I'm a complete clots. Like kidding me, you don't want, you don't want me dealing with wax. I'll spell it all over the kitchen, which I did a gazillion times.
Starting point is 00:39:13 And so he's like, okay, we have a year engagement. Let's make the perfect candle. And then we'll make a hundred of them for our wedding. And we did just that. And they were eventually, after months and months and months, they were perfect. And we got so much positive feedback from our friends at the wedding. We're like, let's just send these out. So we sent them out to the stories that we thought would love them, like kits in and urban
Starting point is 00:39:33 outfitters and they bought them. Oh my God. And we didn't even have like our LLC papers. Like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, just like three years ago. You making them at home? Oh, yeah, we made them at home until about a year ago. And it was stressful because it started to happen fast. And you worked. Okay, so I didn't even realize it happened. Fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast.
Starting point is 00:39:50 And this past year we finally have like a little small facility in in Burbank and he's full time now. He's full time. He quit. You quit graphic design. And while he does other graphic design for Wicked, and he does a great job. It's wicked candles, because I saw there's so cool, they're like like Halloweeny, but they're like drippy and they're sexy and they're out of the colors. Yeah, we have a new collection that's based on authors now that are they they're based on the psyche of authors and they're negative space. It's hard to describe, but you're just going to have to go to them. You gotta like see them to write.
Starting point is 00:40:18 Yeah, and they're just unique and fun and it's it's great. I mean, we'll see what happens. That's fun, but you guys also work because that's my mom though. She's been by seven every 30 years and they worked together. I mean, they're a what happens. That's fun. But you guys also work because that's my mom. She's been by seven, every 30 years and they work together. I mean, they're a company together, but they do their own financial plan. And they were always talking about business. And my mom had a set parameters. You know, we need boundaries.
Starting point is 00:40:32 Boundaries. Like after seven o'clock, we're not talking about work or we're not. Because that's what I mean. And I can see it quickly slip into that. I can. My husband and I both can see how it can go boom. You know, we are business partners. And that takes out.
Starting point is 00:40:45 It's sometimes I'm looking at him, I'm like, wow, that's almost like an app or DZ Act. And then sometimes I'm like, okay, I'm seeing you too much as a business partner. Right. And vice versa. And so that's when the boundaries come in. So you guys have the communication about it. And like, okay, so what about sex? You got to tell me, do you guys, has it gone up and down?
Starting point is 00:41:02 It's gone up and down and I'll be honest. You know, it has, you know, going into 10 years now, has it gone up and down? It's gone up and down and I'll be honest. It has, going into 10 years now, it has gone up and down. And just recently, I think, I was just talking about this with my girlfriend, we have probably the best sex of our life. And it reminded me that just because you have a dry spell or it, in the beginning, you're just can't keep your hands off of each other. You cannot.
Starting point is 00:41:24 And there's going to be times where you feel like, oh my God, are we ever going to get that back? Was that only in the beginning? And is that just the way it is? Right. And then all of a sudden, you know, you'll have like this amazing, amazing night. And then it just boom, you're like, okay, so how does that amazing night happen? I don't even know.
Starting point is 00:41:41 I tried to think about it the next day. And that's what my girlfriend and I were talking about. I think you just have to be in it. You have to be in it. You have to let go of all the stresses of the day You have to you know, maybe even spice it up a little bit do something exciting do so it could be somewhere new Maybe you're at a hotel. Don't you think it's important to go away? Oh, we do do you guys go away last? Yes, I think that's secret you got even I don't care if you go to the holiday and like whatever you can afford hotel sex is the best Hotel says is the best. Hotel sex is the best. You can come all over.
Starting point is 00:42:07 Why does she know? You can do anything you want. Hotel sex is the best because you have to worry about it and it's a different environment. You're not looking at the laundry in the corner and you're not like your computer. It's just changing it up. It does. And for those of you out there who are in marriage, just a relationship and you're going through a tough time or a dry spell, please don't get discouraged,
Starting point is 00:42:25 please know that, you know, just get yourself in the mood. And sometimes, and I hate using this analogy, like it reminds me of like surfing or whatever, where you know, sometimes you don't feel like, you know, putting on the laundry or even just getting naked, you know, and I'm thinking of like putting on a wet suit to go surfing and then you have to dive into the water. But then when you catch that wave
Starting point is 00:42:44 and when you're like climaxing, it is all worth it. And sometimes you just gotta like put yourself in the mood, which can be a little bit of work, but once you're there, it is so worth it. I always say to you, but you gotta, it's almost like I hate to say fake it to you, make it because I should never fake your gasm. But even if you don't feel like having sex, you just start doing it, start kissing. Yes. And sometimes you're not into it.
Starting point is 00:43:04 Boom, two minutes later, I promise you. Exactly. Yeah. It's like going to the gym too. Like, I don't want to go. I don't want to go. You get shoes on. The hardest part is getting there.
Starting point is 00:43:12 Then you're there and you're like, I'll go for five minutes. Then you're like, oh, my God. Do you ever wear a crack when a gym? Do you ever wear a crack when having great sex? No. No. If juice anyone here ever grab and have in great sex. Okay.
Starting point is 00:43:20 Exactly. So that's a good thing. So has he ever so like what anything like spicy that you've done lately that you would feel the that's been a little different That was like oh my gosh. I can't even can't I'm trying to think without saying too much. I don't want CNN and H1 to kill me. Okay. You don't know I'm trying to think of a great job. I might as well. So I can say whatever. I don't want you to go down the hill Yeah, but I just say you're on the upper I say when you're in a relationship a trusting
Starting point is 00:43:47 Concentral relationship and you're both comfortable go for it. You know what I mean? Yeah talk about it Talk about each other's fantasies and have fun fantasies dressing up. Yeah, sing it up The wigs go a long way. They do it's almost like you're with someone else Wait, yes, don't call them by different. Wait, just don't call them by different, or you can't call them by different. I don't know, I get that too. If that works for you guys, and you feel comfortable doing that, I think to each its own open communication,
Starting point is 00:44:11 it can just, it can, it can, it can, Increation is a lubrication, I always say. Oh, yes. That's good one. It's a good tag tag that. Thank you, I know. I have, I've been saying it for years,
Starting point is 00:44:23 I should buy the like the URL or something. But I'm hoping you could help me answer some emails. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, so thanks everyone for emailing me feedback at sexwithme.com. I love hearing from you. I read all your emails. And so here's one. Okay, dear Emily, I recently began a friend with benefits situation with a guy I met online. It is what I wanted sex without the commitment. Fast forward two months and here I set with feelings for
Starting point is 00:44:47 guy that more than likely doesn't have any back for me. I'm so confused as to what to do. I don't want to tell my feelings for fear or it'll run him off, but I also don't want to stick around and develop more feelings from. Any advice he does like to cuddle with me all night and fixes me breakfast in the morning and kisses my forehead as we go to sleep
Starting point is 00:45:05 That confuses that F out of me help thanks Kelsey See this is the friends benefits thing which is the thick this whole hook-up culture now and the thing with friends benefits Is it situations is it they work until they don't work? That's I agree with you 100% They were great And just someone's going to develop feelings the more times that you're intimate trust me and oftentimes it's the girl but the more times you two are intimate there more times there's going to be some sort of feelings that are
Starting point is 00:45:32 developing and it may be working for a period of time but it's not going to it's not you're going to get a boyfriend he's going to go to it always but it you know as long as you communicate but it sounds to me feel like there's no communication here. Yeah. Because she even talked to him about that. I don't think she's told them. Now, I think that you should revisit it, because Kelsey, here's the thing. You've nothing to lose.
Starting point is 00:45:51 You're going to keep getting more and more hurt every time you're with them, because you want more. So, the truth is, you're not that happy with it anymore right now, so you're just going to say, listen, I know we had this situation going on, but I feel like I might want to see you a little bit more. How do you feel about that? How to see you a little bit more. How do you feel about that? And you don't have to be desperate.
Starting point is 00:46:07 You don't have to be like, I need this, but just like, hey, let's revisit this. You would have had any relationship. And let them know also that maybe that his actions could be confusing you a little bit because I think didn't she say that he was kind of confused or she's confused, but he makes her breakfast so that can be confusing. Because you're on the forehead, It seems very loving and intimate. Right. And say, you know, we got into this. I was really wanting to casual, but I've really developed feelings for you. I think you're awesome. I love spending time with you. How are you feeling?
Starting point is 00:46:35 Where do you stand? Where are you at? Yeah. That's all you got to do. And just get it out of the way because I feel like if you don't ask those questions, you're not going to know. And then you're wasting time. Yeah. And then you're going to go down a road and you're just going to get more and more frustrated and you could end ugly whereas this way, it could just end like friends. You could part with like, okay, we don't feel the same and then move on. And you deserve that happiness. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:46:56 So you deserve to ask those questions. Right. But friends with benefits is a whole, I mean, I used to get, so I mean, I feel like it changes like the themes, I used to get like 20 friends with benefits, questions a week because that's kind of what people I feel like are doing more today. Maybe it's without the online dating or there's more options. They don't have to commit, but it's become like a whole. I don't think it's less stigmatized so people are doing it more. They're talking about it more, but I tell you what my friends that are involved with friends with benefits relationships every single time. Literally every single time somebody gets ends up hurting. They're gonna get hurt or they think are they even some people who might even lie? They go, no, every single time somebody gets ends up hurting. They're gonna get hurt.
Starting point is 00:47:25 Or they think, are they even, some people who might even lie, and they go, no, I'm totally cool with that. No, no, no. So, okay, here's what we're about self-esteem issues. Hey, Emily, I've been dating my boyfriend for a bit over a year. We're both on our early 30s. My boyfriend let me watch a master bait when I've asked, but he tells me he hasn't, he has a different way of doing so.
Starting point is 00:47:42 He's very visual. Lately, he's been very into getting into fitness on a competitive level and has asked that I also trained to look like a bikini fitness model. It bothers me that physically he won't be as attractive to me if I don't. He has an idea of what I should look like and I've actually suffered from self-image issues for years and he's aware of that. I'm not sure if my self-image issues and his need to be visually stimulated will cause more issues. Thanks again Amanda.
Starting point is 00:48:08 Yeah, I'm always worried when guys are trying to change a woman's body and telling her like, self-esteem, she's already got the issues first of all. Who doesn't have issues? Women and men. But the fact that, you know, only if, you know, she wants this, Amanda, should you make those changes? You shouldn't be, you should only want to make yourself, like if it's going to make you
Starting point is 00:48:30 happy, just start working out. You should do it, but if he's forcing this on you, this is just danger. I agree, and I think that she's probably, you know, I don't know her history, but it almost sounds like she was attracted to this guy for a reason, and perhaps because she had those body issues, and maybe he's, you you know controlling and has body issues too that they it just kind of was a disaster waiting to happen and at the end of the day you want to be with somebody that loves you and thinks that every inch of you is sexy for who you are. Exactly. And otherwise I just I don't like it. I just don't. I don't like it either
Starting point is 00:49:01 because I don't think this is going to change his getting to to fitness. I mean if he puts like negative expectations on you and and it's already gonna hurt Yourself a scene but so many women are just pleasers and she probably already is like well, I could become a fit No, you just are better. Sorry. Yeah, you do you don't want a guy who's gonna who's gonna tell you to change no? I hate saying that sometimes. It's like I don't I'm not there, but I I don't this this this is not looking good And I would try to leave this I would tell him this that you're not gonna change But I think this relationship is gonna end I agree. I don't this this is not looking good. And I would try to leave this. I would tell them this that you're not going to change, but I think this relationship is going to end. I agree.
Starting point is 00:49:28 I don't feel good about it. No. Women like this. It's my heart. And we get called a time I love. I'm too. We're like the boyfriend's calling. I want my girlfriend who's waiting.
Starting point is 00:49:35 How do I talk about it? It's like, oh god, you can't. You know, I agree. And there's there's a and I I'm going to use. I'm going to choose my words carefully because there could be certain situations where perhaps that person, you know that they're unhappy and depressed because of their weight.
Starting point is 00:49:50 Maybe they just had a baby, maybe there's some health issues there and you notice that they're unhappy and maybe it is hurting your sex life because they're not confident. There's ways to try to go and do something fun together. Maybe you guys can start hiking together and then there are very limited circumstances where you can get involved and help it to for the for the better good of the relationship, but those are rare currencies. Oh, please don't please don't because we already stayed in our head. Yeah, we already know. And we don't sex killer big time big color big color. Okay. So Anderson,
Starting point is 00:50:26 what were you saying something? Okay. We have time. I think we got to wrap this up. Yeah, it's let's go time. Oh, we have so much fun. I love you. I love you too. Can we like hang out and play? Yeah, please. Because you're like a, we're, my office not, we'll talk. Yeah. Yeah. We're perfect. Okay. Perfect. Sam, you're awesome. You got to check out. She's done. Dr. Drew HLN. She, a pop trigger and it's all at Sam's. Fill your last name. You can go to Samantha Shocker at CHACAR.com or Twitter at Sam Shocker. Right.
Starting point is 00:50:55 All that stuff and it'll all be on the website. It's actually Emily. Thank you so much for being here and wicked candles. Check out our awesome candles. Thank you. And thanks to everyone for, oh, follow me on Facebook, on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram which is sex with Emily and Not on the street though don't fall over on the street. Don't send me a dick pic Thanks everyone for listening to sex with Emily was it good for you?
Starting point is 00:51:13 Email me feedback at sex with Emily dot com Listen to show and you know I always want you guys have amazing sex and you might even want to be lasting a little bit longer and bad because Maybe you're not lasting as long as you'd like to in your partner. just, you know, maybe let's just talk about, let's be honest, there's no orgasm gap. Women take between 18, 20 minutes to orgasm and guys are like six to eight minutes. Well, do you want to double the time that you last in bed? You have to try a permacent, it's a delay spray and it helps you last longer. Also, if you have premature ejaculation, this is certainly what you want to use.
Starting point is 00:51:44 It is the only FDA approved you have premature ejaculation, this is certainly what you want to use. It is the only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation. So check it out at promessant. That's PROMES. ESET, promessant.com. Thanks for listening. Okay, so Anderson, I'm getting a new car, and in the past, I have to tell you that I,
Starting point is 00:52:00 when I got my last car, I was actually dating this guy. I didn't like him very much, but I kept sleeping with him just so he would help me by the car. No, I needed a new car, and I'm not great at car shopping. I'm a chick. They want to get Vanger me. I don't see you guys coming. I know so I said to him. I was like, Hey Would you take me car shopping and he was like really into it because you wanted to date me You wanted to prove that he's a man exactly so did he get you a good deal? No, he got me a really bad deal. You thought it was a good deal of time
Starting point is 00:52:23 I thought it was a good deal Everyone thinks it's a good deal at one point or another when the guys going back and he's like Oh, we talked to my manager and see if that's doable and then they come back like it's doable But you have no idea you know, no clue and then you're going crazy and you're talking to million places So true car.com is changing car buying forever And I'm using it to get my new car right now true car users received negotiation free guaranteed savings Some features are not available in all states. In the first three months of this year,
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