Sex With Emily - The F'ING Truth with Carsie Blanton

Episode Date: October 10, 2017

Today’s a very special episode of Sex With Emily, filled with studio firsts! Emily is joined by songstress and creator of the game “The F’ING Truth,” Carsie Blanton for live music, game play, & a whole lot of sex talk! Emily talks with Carsie about how she expresses her sexuality through her music and used it as inspiration for her hot, new game that gets people talking about their sex lives. The two also help a few listeners with their coital questions, Jamie and intern Shannon join in for a bit of F’ING truth, and Carsie even performs one of her songs live! This show is chock full of fun and advice, so tune in! Thanks for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Thrive Market, SKYN Condoms, Intensity Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by singer and songwriter, Karsie Blanton, who isn't shy about how sex and empowerment have influenced her work. And an in-studio first. Karsie performs her new song, Jacket. She's also the creator of the Effing Truth, a super fun sex-positive card game we played during the show

and we get real and intimate. We also cover how to put your shame game to rest so you can have better sex, tips for successful open marriage, and moving past that awkwardness when you're having sex with a new partner. All this and more, thanks for listening. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a bike on day Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair standard, oh my

The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common, but only? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so good Being bad feels pretty good

But you know, Avaline's not the kind of girl you just play with You kidding me? Oh my God, I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information, go to sexwithemely.com. We can easily listen to all of our podcasts. You can also download them like everywhere now.

You got them on Google Play, SoundCloud, Spotify, what's the latest one? Oh, I heard radio. So thank you everyone for checking them out and reviewing them. And also follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, it's all at sex with Emily. And we're actually, this today's a very special show. There's some firsts on the show today, which I'm very excited about. And we're going to be doing an Instagram live of it and have a video. And I just love hearing from all of you. Happy October, you guys.

I know that October is all about the build up towards Halloween and you're probably already planning your costume and experiencing Halloween all month long because why not? And so we're going to do a special contest this month because I love giving you guys some amazing things that will help your relationships and your sex life. So for our overgive away, I want to know your best tricks or treats. So for example, you can let me know you've got this sexy trick that this trick works every time in the bedroom. It's your best sex move.

It works for you. Maybe it's a masturbation, sexy, trick, or with your partner. And then you're also, you can let me know about a treat. Is there any like bedroom, accoutrements, or toys or lingerie that's like your favorite sex trait? So just email us feedback at sexwithalmy.com. We're picking some winners, and when we publish again on our site, and just make sure that you email us by November 1st.

Feedback at sexwithalmy.com with the subject Halloween in the title. I'm really excited for you guys to meet Karcy Blanton. She's a cool check. We just met in person. I know, I'm so thank you for first stopping your busy life right now to come here

for an hour or two, right? Oh my gosh, it is my pleasure. What's going on, even on the road? You're traveling? Yep, yep. On the road, doing a tour of the West Coast and then doing a bunch of publicity stuff in between for this game I invented. So I've got the music and the game and it's all just happening all at once. Yeah, okay, so Karcy has sexy music and a sexy game

that we're gonna be playing on the show which you're gonna learn a lot, probably about me and a lot more about me, believe it or not, that you've ever learned about my sex life with this game and and some of my team members are gonna be be on here in Karsie as well and we're going to have you sing a song and stuff. So Karsie you said you travel a lot and you came here for the day which I love and I've been traveling a lot and sometimes I forget to eat. Yes. Has that ever happened to you get snacks and stuff or I don't I feel like I don't have time

and then I end up buying like $20 like sandwich at the airport. Exactly. Airport food. Have you ever bought airport sushi? That's just never. I literally bought it today. You did?

I ate it for breakfast and I regretted the whole time. Exactly. I've done that as well. And I just got back from Hawaii, I was on this retreat, I came back. And luckily now I've discovered, have you heard of Thrive Market? I have heard of Thrive Market. Okay, it's kind of like all the, I mean, I hope it's all the rage right now.

I feel like people keep saying I've heard of it. Everyone's talking about it. Yeah, it's great. And so they're amazing. I'm completely obsessed with them. I'm gonna tell you more about them in a little bit but and I discovered a new life hack. Like I knew that I love them because they deliver like,

you said you like these bunnies. I love cheddar bunnies. She's like, you got the cheddar bunnies. Yeah, and I'm going to go. He's a snack in the office. I'm not hangry anymore, but I'm going to tell you some more things about it when we get a little bit. Can't wait.

I know. OK, so be near there. So, Karsie, and feel free to dig in to the bunnies or the gender stamps. I'm such a free. Get some crunching on the mic. Exactly. We don't mind the need.

You guys, because we're so real and authentic. Right? So we don't care about that. OK, Karsie, I find you fascinating. Oh, I find you fascinating. Thank you. Well, look at this in mutual fascination society. Yes, we've been you know, over your blogs and listening to your music and stuff. So tell me tell me how you got into this world of all the things that you're doing. Great parents. Yeah, as I was mentioning earlier, my dad is a therapist who wrote a book called Radical Honesty. So I know some of your listeners might be familiar with it. So he's into like open communication and lots of talk about sex in my household growing up. Like maybe too much. Not really. But so I grew up being really comfortable with talking about subjects that are often taboo and I think that informs my songwriting and it also informs all of my many like side projects including this game that I made up called the Fing Truth. Yeah, we're gonna get

into the game. I'm excited to play that. I actually played it with my staff. Yes, we were just testing it out and it was like I learned so much about my staff that I never even worked, Jamie's been working me for over two years and then I was saying things, and we get the great conversation, so that is very interesting. You're amazing. And I love that it opens up a dialogue,

which we're gonna get into that. A lot of times people email me, they're like, how do we talk to our kids about sex? How do we raise them in a home where they feel comfortable about sex? And, you know, I feel like that a lot of kids is hard for them to hear their parents talk about sex. They're like, kids parents like,

I'm by failing them, what do I do? And I think we just don't really want to hear it from our parents, but yet the schools are failing us. What was that like growing up in your household? Well, it was funny. I mean, my household was pretty unusual in a lot of ways. One of them being, it was like a retreat center for my dad's workshops that he leads.

He leads group therapy workshops. Still, he's in his seventies now. So he led these radical honesty workshops where all these people would get together and talk about their lives and you know be kind of brutally honest with each other. Wow. They're like blocks or something. Yes. I was like playing legos in the room while people would be like crying and talking about their childhoods and stuff. And so I think that had pros and cons, but one of the pros was that I don't get easily spooked by people bringing up subjects

that are sometimes uncomfortable. So, you know, things that are taboo for other people feel easy to talk about for me because I think I got all of my nervousness, like burnt off at a young age. Well, that's great because a lot of us just don't learn how to confront, how to communicate. I mean, it can be so stifling for a lot of people.

So if you've got an issue with someone, not even just sex, but you're just like, hey, let's talk about this problem. Like, you could even confront me after the show. It wouldn't stress you out. Emily, something came up in the middle of the show. I want to talk to you about it. You know, that really is a good skill to have. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, more or less. I have nervousness about stuff like that, too. But I think especially like I'm maybe more comfortable confronting people but even more than that I'm really comfortable like learning and emit details about people's lives and sharing in and it details about my life. Like that doesn't even feel like a confrontation to me that just feels like, oh everybody's kind of doing the same stuff. Right. So it might as well be open about it. So I think that's that's an approach that I've taken in a lot everybody's kind of doing the same stuff. So it might as well be open about it. So I think that's an approach that I've taken in a lot of different areas of my life.

Like normalizing sex, or just not even having secrets really, be authentically being yourself, which is what you talk about a lot in your songs and your blogs. And I like the way you wrote about women who like sex. Oh, yeah. I thought you might like that one. Yeah, I did.

Not just because they're sex in the title. I read other things as well, but I think you have a lot of great advice there for women because I think it just is so confusing. Growing up, I mean, I don't think a lot has changed. I give it since I was a kid about women understanding that sex is about pleasure and their bodies and taking the time to figure out that out. So we talk about that a lot of the show. So I like that you said, women like sex just as much as men, because I still think this comes up that women assume, or a lot of women am, and assume that men are the ones who want sex all the time, and that women do,

and that women should be ashamed for it. And it doesn't mean that they necessarily want to have sex with you just because they would like sex. So be comfortable talking about sex. So how did you come up with this? Is this in your life where you're like, oh, we say, I love sex and guys are like, hey, baby, you're like, no, no, with you. Kind of. I mean, it's funny because that blog post came out a few years ago and that was kind of my first.

It was my first really direct acknowledgement of the stuff that I had been implying in my songwriting for a long time. So I had a lot of songs that sort of were a little bit sexy or talked about sex a little bit in a, you know, as in you endo. And that was the first time I was like, hey everybody, like let's talk about what's really going on here, which is I'm a young woman who's expressing my sexuality. And I get a few different responses. And some of the really common ones are older women will often say that they're worried about me. Like, oh, is that safe? Or like, oh, but you don't, you know, travel alone and go to men's houses. Whatever.

But when are you gonna stop doing that? You know, all that variety of things that's like, I'm worried for your safety. Right. And then the other reaction often from men is like, oh, you like sex, well, probably we should have sex then. Right. Which is like, it's not like, it's wrong to think that.

It's just that there's sort of this, this sense of like, if woman acknowledges that she likes sex, then like, all etiquette goes out the window. Like she must be an infomaniac. She's gonna have sex with anybody. Yeah. I live with that. Yes, I'm sure you do. Yes. I'm sure your emails are a lot of them assume. Yeah, I know exactly. For like, they must, they must assume, because why would you get into this career?

Like a chef probably loves to eat and. Yeah, I know exactly. They must have to, because why would you get into this career? Like a chef probably loves to eat and somebody who, you know, but that's a perfect example because a chef loves to eat really good food, right? Exactly. You're not gonna be like, oh, you're a chef,

I'm gonna get you a hamburger and McDonald's, you're gonna eat it. Good point. It's gonna be great. I love it, right? So I think that the more you focus on something, especially like a sensual thing, the more you, it sort of deepens a sensual thing, the more you,

it sort of deepens your awareness of it. And so on the contrary, I think people who really love sex and think about it a lot, probably have a higher standard. Right, exactly. Then, then people who don't. I'm about to take that run of the mill to their hook up. We said tonight, everyone wants to know why you want to drive their burger, but not a lot.

But only when you want one. That's the thing. Right, I'm in charge. But only when you want one. That's the same. Right, I'm in charge. I'm in charge of it. I want to talk about your songs and your performing right now. So you're running around and you're here,

you're in San Francisco. And you play music, tell me about your music. So like my day job, my real job is that I'm a performing songwriter. So I'm based in New Orleans. I live in New Orleans, but I travel all over the country and sometimes other countries playing shows for people. My music definitely also covers a lot of the same territory as the blog, so I talk a lot about sex.

And a lot of it is like, a lot of songs are about sex or all of history, like maybe all songs are about sex in like a mystical way. A lot of my music references sex indirectly, but also a lot of my more recent music. I've put out a record called Soferotius last year and that's more specifically about what it's like to live as a woman who not just enjoys sex,

but I feel like it's a big part of my creative process. And so it's something I value in my life and that I look for and all that. So tell me how it sex is a part of your creative process. Give me my gosh, Emily. Tell me everything. Go. It's just crazy.

So, you know, all different people are creative and people create in lots of different ways. So the way that I create is often I have like a big exciting feeling. And for me, the way that comes out is in song lyrics. So I want to write songs when I have a big exciting feeling. Okay.

And since I first started writing when I was like 14 or 15, writing music, writing music, writing songs, the major source of inspiration has been like romance and sex and sort of the erotic spark between me and other people. And I think that is true for a lot of musicians, but it's sort of like our dirty little secret. Right? No, it's true, but you're also very blood-haired about heart-aigling angst, stuff, and right, right. And it's all sort of like our dirty little secret. Right, no it's true, but you're also wearing a white hat, heart-aikin' angst, these stuff, and you're like, and it's all sort of interrelated. So some of it is like heartbreak, and some of it is like other.

But a lot of it is just like, here's a hot guy, I really want to bone him, you know what I mean? And then you go home and just start writing. And I write about it. Yeah, and like my first song that I finished when I was 14 was basically that, but it was like my 14 year old version of that. Oh my God, I bet you were still like,

do you ever listen to it? Do you have the stones? It's a little cringey for me now, but not much has changed in terms of like my process, which is like usually I meet a boy, we have a conversation, there's some spark, and then I just get full of this energy. And that energy, sexual energy. Yeah, for me, that sexual energy translates into music really well.

God. So you just, you never get like writer's block block because you're like, let me just go out and get inspired. Yeah, I get a lot less now than I used to when I was more concerned with like being, like, having good social conventions or having good reputation or whatever. Yeah, let out the window, which of your first song about like, what, you know, I mean, what was the one that you, what was the song that you like, what were some lines in the song? We're like, okay, now I just have to be out there.

The very, wait, the very first one you think, what was it? Or not even when you were 14, but the one that you were like, oh, now that I've said it sounds like it was more recently maybe. Yeah, I think that the more recent stuff has definitely been more like, okay, the cat's out of the bag now. So like, I have a song called Vim and Vigor, so I love that one. Yeah, I love that one. Oh, cool. We listen. Which is like, it starts out, I know I got a dirty mind, it and Vigor. Yeah, I love it. Oh, cool. Listen, which is like, it starts out. I know I got a dirty mind. It's in the gutter all the time.

I don't believe that it's a crime. I consider it a service. So that was like the whole idea to me was like, all right, enough with the shame and the like, your dirty and your bad and all that. And so I kind of flipped it in that song. And I think a few songs on the record are about flipping that and reflecting it back to society and saying like, I'm just kind of flipped it in that song, and I think a few songs on the record are about flipping that

and reflecting it back to society, and saying, like, I'm just doing what's fun and feels good. And you're the ones piling a much a shame on it. So like, think about that. What does that mean for you? Exactly, that's what the message that so many young women, all women, still need to learn. Yeah, right?

I mean, yeah. And now I'm just so much more in the space of like, just being celebratory about it. It's so fun It's so fun and it's so nice that we have like birth control and women's rights and we can vote and own property And we don't have to worry about all that bullshit Just condoms. We definitely work on them. We do we got that. We can buy those. We can't buy condoms I have condoms if you want them. Oh, thank you. I have so many things. We'll give you some toys before you leave Great and so you okay, so are you in a relationship now?

Yes. I'm married. You're married. Right. Okay, you're married. Yes. How's that going? I'll leave you married.

It's great. We have been married for four years, but together for a little over 10. Actually, almost 11, I think. And we are in an open marriage. So I'm married and I also get, has it always been open? Pretty much. Yeah, it's been open from the beginning. We've had a few phases of monogamy

because whatever some reason or other, we felt like it was too much to deal with. We had to deal with for a few years. We're like, I don't have time. Yeah, so then you, okay, so how did that happen? Did you both, had you both been in open relationships before? No, actually it was weird. We both kind of had come to it on our own.

And then we had a one night stand. And then the next morning, I had just, like, I had gone out of both had a one night stand. Oh no, we both had come to the idea of nom and agame, like on our own. OK. And so then we slept together. And in the morning we woke up and I was like,

that was really fun. I really like you. But I just have become single recently. And I was like, that was really fun. I really like you. But I just have become single recently and I really like being single. And actually, I'm not really sure if monogamy's a good idea anyway. So what do you say? We just like, don't do the whole monogamy thing. And I kind of meant it like for now, because we just left together for the first time. And he was like, great, I love it. And so that was like the initial condition of the relationship and it just worked. Like for us, it just worked.

Not that it wasn't, you know, we had some jealousy and some stuff to work out. But it still happens, right? The jealousy. It does, but for me, it's like the trade off is, it's really a question of whether it's scarier for you to feel bored and trapped or to feel jealous and afraid.

Right. I love when you say, and you're another blog, have not to be nice, girl, that if you have a problem with the way you look, find a bigger problem. So I want to talk about women and how hard we are in ourselves, our look and our bodies, and where you kind of got all that from them, what you know, the kind of things that you talk about.

I mean, I try to talk to women about confidence and believing in yourself and body image. And so, but I just like the way you framed it, because it's kind of like if you could spend so much time thinking about that stuff. Or you could spend time thinking that are actually really interesting, change the world. And yeah, self, great brain.

Yeah, I often, the thought experiment I do with myself sometimes is when I start to get hung up on how I look and I think like, oh, whatever, my skin isn't good right now or, you know, I've gained some weight or whatever it is, I try to like put myself somewhere else in the world in my mind. Like, well, if I was a Syrian refugee, would I be worried about my breakout that I'm having right now? And it's like, it's a weird trick because it's kind of dark, but man, does it ever work? Because you'd like, it makes you, it's not just like that it shames you into not thinking about it, it's that it just puts your problems in perspective. If your biggest problem is your acne, you are doing great. Exactly. In the scheme of humanity,

you are winning the game. Right. It's true. I think that it's just really important. Yeah, for women. But it's so hard because we just are being fed this, this, you know, all this pressure all the time and it gets really exhausting. It's exhausting to be trying to deflect the cultural expectations of yourself constantly, exactly, constantly, constantly, every day. Exactly.

You're a performer and you're out there and I'm out there and like, oh, it matters, you know, like what you look like, but then also, you know, just having that balance. Yes. That we all made. I would love to even share a game a little bit, so tell you about how you came up with the game and like what you look like, but then also, you know, just having that balance. Yes. That we all made. I would love to even share a game a little bit. So tell you about how you came up with the game and like what? Sure.

Yeah. I think it's because I'm always saying couples should, we're going to get some emails shortly. We're going to answer some questions, but my listeners are always asking me like, I don't know how to talk about things or how do I bring them stuff with my partner. How do I know what they want? And I will just thought like, and there are some games out there in the world, but I just think that this is just a creative way

if people aren't comfortable, like, plaguing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the way I came up with it was kind of a combination of things, but one of them is that, so you have your four questions or five questions that you often ask, because I'm gonna ask you though.

So I also have a collection of questions that I've had for a long time, like, I don't think I could come up with them off the top. Maybe some of them. But questions, a lot of long car rides because I tour, and so I'm often touring with my band or with another band. So it's like, we have to drive from Chicago to Philadelphia or something. So it's like, all right, we have 16 hours in the car.

We know each other, but do we know each other that well? Probably not. So I have a collection that I've had for a long time in my little notes on my phone of just questions that get people talking in a way that's exciting and fun, a little edgy and scary. So I had this collection and then the idea for the format of the game that it was going to be kind of like bingo, but a sexy version of bingo came up.

And once that happened, it was like, it all kind of clicked together. And I was like, oh my gosh, I need to make a game using my questions. And then, I could have a deck with me when I go on tour and I wouldn't have to go into my notes on my phone. And then I could sell it and other people could play it.

So it was like, the source was just this feeling of like it's really fun to ask people questions that are related to a thing they think about, but maybe they haven't thought about that specific one before. Yeah, and I can tell you that it is true that people want to talk about this stuff. They do want to talk about sex and their desires and their relationships and their history,

but they don't really know how. And they're still all that judgment and shame. And if I'm out there with this, what's gonna happen to my job? Or if I'm bossy, is it on my Facebook page? And it's like, you really just, it kind of opens it up and gives people the freedom to. And then you really just like,

can I act with people and say dirty or wrong or shameful, which is what you're all about, what I'm all about with sex. And so it's funny, when I was a kid, and this is kind of when I kind of started, I always loved asking a lot of questions, and I've always been fascinated by relationships. I used to always ask people, they weren't like dirty now. They weren't like, dirty as you're out of like a seven.

But I'd be like, how'd you guys meet? Like if I met a couple, where'd you guys meet? How would you do, you know, how'd you, how you in love, like I would always say, I just found it love fascinating. I didn't know about sex yet. Yeah, and I think for me, I think we're kind of in the same business in a certain way.

And that, for me, it's like there's the way people treat sex is like it's almost this like cultish thing where it's like, oh, you're into sex.'s almost this like cultish thing where it's like, oh, you're into sex. Then you're like one of those people who's into sex. And for me, it's like, no, sex is a thing that all humans share. It's like eating, right? It's a physiological function.

And also it's part of our psychology. And it's something that goes on for almost everybody. And so to me, it's like it could be this great connector rather than a divider, where it's like either you're in the sex camp or you're in the normal people camp. So a game like the Fing Truth for me is really about getting everybody into the same camp, which is like let's just be honest about this thing that we're all doing and all thinking about. Right. It's like the elephant in the country. Right. In the world. It's like, right, the elephant in the world.

It's like, we're all having sex. We're all doing it. Yeah. And we're spending more money on it, you know, in billion dollar industry, like sex, porn, all the stuff, but yet, you don't have to feel that comfortable talking about it. It's just so bizarre to me. And I do feel like, that's why I do my show as well. People make it to make it comfortable to talk about

and have it be authentic experience for people without shame, but, you know, and I do think it's getting a lot better than it used to be. And so I think that with your music, what are the different reactions to parts of the country? Like, because you have a beautiful voice. Thank you.

Sing a little bit more for me. I love when you did that. Like, I'd say, you want no pressure. Oh, gosh. Well, so let's see. What are their songs? I have one called Ravenus that's like more like the story of my life, so it's got a line that's like well actually the chorus is they all said that it was bad, but it fell good It's like about how society is saying this is a bad thing

It's a bad thing but then when you're inside your body being a person You're like how can this be a bad thing when it's so good? This is the non-dram yeah, I that most, that for me was the big cognitive dissonance from when I was like 10 or 11 when I first started masturbating. I was like, wait a second. And my parents obviously were, you know, way more open. But it was like I was still getting the messaging

from society that everybody gets. And I just remember being like, why is this a secret, private, dirty thing when it feels great? Like what could be dirty about that? Right. And so I think that's a theme and a lot of my work. And well first of all, a lot of people aren't lyrics people. So a lot of people totally miss it. They do.

Right. And I'm not a focused person either. So sometimes I could see that I would be like, I love her voice. I love it. What'd you talk about? I get it. But some people are. I get it.

And then some people are. And so it's like depending on the show and the night and what the audience is like, whether they're drinking all that stuff, sometimes people get it, and sometimes people don't. And when people get it, it's like, I often will see a thing happen in the room where at first people get kind of nervous, like, oh, she means sex. And then somebody will laugh a little bit, and then you can sort of feel it ripple through the room. People are like, oh, cool. She's like singing about sex, and it's like fun, feel it ripple through the room. People are like, oh cool. She's like singing about sex and it's like fun and it's not so scary.

And I love that reaction. So that's always what I'm going for. So get everybody into like a light-hearted atmosphere about sexuality. Thank you to a great job with your music. And everyone can check it out. It's Karsey Blanton, C-A-R-S-I-E, Blanton, B-L-A-N, T-O-N. It's Twitter and Instagram.

Karsey Blanton fans on Facebook and KarsieBlanton.com. That's right. Don't forget your videos and see how adorable and smart you are and your music and listen to you. And then we're gonna have a song that we're gonna do that people can find on our site, and all your info will be there as well. Hi, Instagram live. This is my dog Henry, but it's not about him. Okay, I've got my whole team here. Hi.

Gigi, Ken, Shannon, Lark, Mikey. So, we are playing a game. So, Karate is very talented woman. She is a singer, a songwriter, and we're doing the game called The Effing Truth. So we are playing it right now, and it's pretty amazing. You guys are going to love this. We're going to learn a lot about each other. We're going to bond, and you're going to want to get this game. Okay. Should we launch into the game? Yes. Okay.

Okay. Karsey Blanton, take it away. All right. Okay, so The Effing Truth. So I'm going to explain how to play it. Everybody gets their own board. The Fing board, it says. And the board.

And the board. And it's fantastic. And this is a lot like a bingo board, so it's got a bunch of numbers on it. And then it also had these special story spots, as you can see. So the idea is we have this deck of cards, and most of the cards have a number on them and two questions. So what we're gonna do is, we're going to take turns drawing cards and then you're

going to read both questions and decide which one you most want to ask the group. And so you ask one of the two questions. And then anybody who can answer yes to that question can then cross off the corresponding number on their board. So not all boards have all the numbers. That's the disclaimer. And then the only extra thing is there are these story cards in here somewhere. And those just have a prompt instead of a question. So it'll say like, talk about blah, blah, blah. And then

the deal with that is anyone who tells a story about that thing can cross off one of their stories. Okay. Let's see. Oh, yeah. then, important thing to say before we start, I have this card in here that says, what is sex? Oh, yeah. It says it's for us. It's a trifle. I say it's playful and fun, it's raunchy and radical, it's loving and magical, it's silly and sweet, it's all those things.

But for the purposes of this game, sex does have to be consensual, does not have to include an orgasm or be penetrative. So a lot of the cards say, have you ever had sex? That's blah, blah, blah. And so now you know that it's any kind of sex. We're not actually having sex. Oh yeah. And we're not going to have sex during the game. Sorry.

We would have to pause the game. So nice to think it's fine. We played a little bit yesterday. We were like, oh my god, I learned a lot about it. Oh, good. Way more than. So you can get a conversation. I think it's great conversation, and I think that, yeah,

it's good with your friends. Yeah, well, let's lunch. Let's jump in. You'll know what the questions are like. So I'll start. OK, so this is number 24. So everybody, look at your board. Also, the lowest numbers on the left

highest are on the right. That might get easier to find. Thank you. Yeah, nice. So number 24, have you ever had consensual sex with someone you were not attracted to? Yeah, okay. Yes, I also Okay, good. So we just I really cross cross if you have it. Yep, and if you don't okay Let's keep going. That was fun. Oh, we move on and that's your trip. I love how we were all like The number is 50 so if you have 50 get to cross it off. Oh, I have it. Okay, um

kept a list or other record of people you've had sex with. Oh my god. Yes, absolutely. It's been a long time. I know I lost track by this fight, but yes, I have no last check. I am like really serious about it I have a spreadsheet. I think they can all watch. I love that. I'm actually a genius. Only because I have notes in case I need to remember later. Like in case I want to write a memoir of everyone I ever had. That's good for your music. Oh, there you are.

I love it. Well, I never kept a detailed list, but I wanted to have a good list story, even though this isn't part of the game. No, it's part of the game, actually. It is. It is. It is. Yeah, there you go. It's a nice conversation. It's a nice conversation. But when I was like 25 years old, my boyfriend at the time,

we were together for a while. And I was at his house, and I was looking for piece of paper. I was not snooping, don't judge me, but what is your, and he had no book that I pulled out, I was like right there at the top, and I pulled it out, and it was like a list of all who was up with Instaclunch order, I was not the last day, mine was the last. And the two names, following, one was the boss.

Ooh, he had to do it for- And one was like, he's missing a seat. So he had to do it for- So I was like, to keep this job. Well, maybe. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I don't know, I don't know. That's my guess. See? Look at this. Did you guys know that? Right. Okay. So guys, we have a story card.

Oh, okay. Okay. Talk about something that turns you on, but it's embarrassing to admit. There's a lot of stuff I wouldn't be embarrassed about normally, but since we're like live on the internet and on a podcast and people are going to hear this, I might actually be embarrassed of something. Ooh. I'll start. Because I have one. I have one in the hopper. we're gonna hear this, I might actually be in bear's and some things. Ooh. Ooh.

I'll start, because I have one in the hopper. So this is embarrassing from a, like, I'm an empowered woman feminist person perspective. I watch a lot of porn that's not like rape porn, but like, groping on public buses and like sleep. Like, the girl's supposed to be asleep. That kind of stuff. Oh, right.

I watch that kind of porn and it totally turns me on and every time I watch it I like you know get off and then I'm like, oh, what am I Yeah, I do I understand like I'm supporting that porn and I shouldn't be so I try to now I'm been trying to like go to paid websites that have that kind of stuff So I know that somebody is actually good to there's Consentual I kind of stuff, so I know that somebody is. That's actually good to, there's someone who's gonna be making money to the actual, consensual porn. I don't, it's not hard one for me, like,

that I'm a bearist. I mean, I guess, it's not really embarrassing, I guess it's kind of weird, but I don't feel like I'd be alone in this, maybe at this table it would be, but not in the grand scheme of the world. I am like super turned on, I think the cartoon archer, I think he's so hot. I'm like, it turns the on, and it's like a complete cartoon.

And like the actual guy that does the voice is not necessarily attractive. But when he's Archer, it's just like, oh, damn. Oh, man, I love it. One of my first crushes was the male love interest in Anastasia, the animated channel. Oh, I love him too. Love it, right?

Yes. I guess I like cartoon. His voice was John Q. Sack, though, who I also was into when he was yeah cross off your story spot spot Oh, yeah, I want to mention this is a good time to mention that this the deck is Formulated so that any group of people no matter their sexual orientation or sexual history or gender identity can play the game So there's no references to male female straight gay anywhere in the day. I love it. Who's turn? It's your turn. The head of the fan.

OK. Oh, this isn't good for my hair. I think, well, you're the store owner. I think they're going to go in a party. Well, now you have a small screen. Now I know. Everyone on the podcast is going to be like, how does sex dreamer fantasy about someone who

is in this room? But I think that'd be fun if you were to go to parties or something. Well if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this.

I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna answer this. I'm not sure if you're gonna. Okay. I have definitely thought of Emily while I was having sex. Like something happened that I was just like, oh, I gotta tell Emily about this tomorrow. So I'm definitely more, she's, or be like, oh wait, wait, wait,

Emily was telling me, like, do this. So like, I'm definitely, I'm definitely conjured up during that time. So it's not gonna say yes, it's not gonna happen. That makes me feel good. I wanna be surprised. Eventually, I'm so need to do that. It's all, we'll be here a month soon. Like, give me another map. I want to be surprised eventually I'm so need to do that. We'll be here a month so I'm like I like another map of

sure I will be sure. I love that and I love that question. It is really good. I do like that question. I'm starting with your friend. Yeah. It's like all right. Let's hear it. Who's here? I think that's a great question. That was a little taste of your game. The F&D. It's fun. Everyone should get in. And if you if you play all the way to the end it takes like between 30 minutes in an hour to finish a game and you're trying to get a row of five. And then when you do, that's how you determine

who is the fuckingest or the effingest. The effingest. The effingest. I love it. Yeah, so I actually want for the Kickstarter, one of the rewards is like a little gift pack that goes with the game. And one of the things is gonna be like a banner that says, I'm the effingest.

Oh my god. How did they spell the effing, to love it? Oh yeah, it's one of the things is going to be like a banner that says I'm the effingist. Oh my gosh. How did they spell the effing to F? Oh yes. It's one of the websites. The website is THEFINGTruth. TheeffingTruth. Okay. This is fun and that was really fun.

I want to get to the point, but we're going to finish the podcast. Okay. So now we're on to emails. Carcy, you're going to help me out here. I'm excited. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show. I love that. You can text me out here. I'm excited. If you have a question, you want me to answer on the show. I love that. You can text me your question.

Just text Ask Emily one word to 7979. So that's the number you put into your phone. 7979. Ask Emily. You can also submit the question from our website, sexfamily.com via the Ask Emily tab. And as always, include information that will help me help you, your gender age, where you live, and how you listen. Oh my gosh gosh I love the texting to the number of that so cool. It's so

gonna be doing that all the time. Yeah. From like someone's bed I'm gonna be like Emily. Really? You could do that for sure. You could be like I gotta use the bathroom really good. Exactly. I will answer your questions. Okay dear Emily I'm new to sex. I lost my virginity at 18 and now I'm 19. What could I do to be more confident and comfortable with my body? Also, what are some tips and tricks to reduce the awkwardness with my fiance since sex is still new to me? Thank you Cheyenne 19 Minnesota. Oh honey. It's a lot. Yeah. Oh honey. Gaged. Yes. Gaged and 19. Yes. There's a lot more work to do here. There's a lot to do.

My first response would be masturbate, which I know you're a big proponent of that as well. Love masturbating. Think everyone should do it more, especially women. I just feel like knowing how to pleasure yourself is so convenient for so many reasons. One is it makes you more comfortable with your body's response, makes you more familiar with it.

And another one is that I think being able to touch yourself while you're having sex One is it makes you more comfortable with your body's response, makes you more familiar with it. And another one is that I think being able to touch yourself while you're having sex and make sure that you get to feel what you want to feel and that you get to come to orgasm is so fun and so hot for your partner. Because you have to touch your cl- you're saying touch your cl- Touch your cl- you need while you're having pen- And I think that most partners react to that in a positive way. With glee.

With glee. Right. Most partners like, I'm down, right. With Glee. With Glee. Right. Most partners like, I'm down, right? Yeah. Want to please yourself. Yeah. And especially if, you know, if you're engaged, you should be able to have a conversation about it

and say, honey, I've been working on this thing. They told me on the podcast, I should masturbate more. So, you know, I'm going to probably touch my clip while we have sex. And that's just because I want to have the most fun I can have. We can have all that fun together. Right. Exactly. And also Cheyenne just knew that it's new, right? Sex is a whole new thing for you

And so it's okay to feel a little awkward and uncomfortable and sex takes time You know, we don't become experts at anything overnight. It's practice practice. You gotta keep having sex In touching your body and talking to your partner about it And I think that starting now like yep, like away, and working on loving yourself and loving your body and having more confidence, I think that the more, first of all, the more that you understand your body and how to touch yourself, it makes you feel good. That will help you become more confident.

But it also just the more sex that you have and the more that you talked to your partner. So you're not like in your head, guessing was I good, was I awkward, was I weird. But if you guys can kind of build this really safe, nurturing open environment together, like you won't have an awkward feeling with someone really, you're planning on spending the rest of your life with. And you know what, it's funny, because I say this to people who ask me about like performing

and writing songs, there's a thing where if you practice something a lot, it just burns off your self-consciousness. Your self-conscious, your self-conscious, your self-conscious, and then like the thousands of times you do it, you just don't have the energy to do nervous anymore, and so you just break through it. So there is an element of like, you just keep having sex, keep bringing up things you want to talk about, and eventually like your body will not respond to a sexual situation with like this feeling of, oh, am I doing this right? How do I look? Did I do a good job? All that stuff, it's just- That's a really good point. It'll eventually get over it.

That's true. You're absolutely right. These insecurities and all the stuff just, yeah, communicate and, yeah, you're right. It'll go away. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Thank you for emailing me and I'm. I think of all the sex ahead of you.

You're 19. I know. You're going to have so much sex. Exactly. Make sure you guys are sexually compatible before you walk down the aisle right now, too. Yeah. I'm just going to say that. I'm just going to say about that.

Okay. Let's go to the next email. Hi Emily, I'm a big fan of your podcast and all the helpful information and advice that you give to listeners. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. He treats me well and normally extremely caring. He's an athlete and very conscious of his body and diet and staying in shape, which is great for him.

The problem is he's constantly telling me that I should work out and eat better for my health. I can't help but take it personally. I'm 5-8-130 pounds. Normally, this is irrelevant. I want to emphasize that I'm very much in the healthy weight zone, which is why his comments hurt my feelings. I've never dated someone so concerned with my diet and exercise, and it's making me very self-conscious and I'm beginning to lose interest in sex which is rare for me. At first his comments were in a huge issue because I'm normally very confident in my body and sexuality.

I did ask what he wanted me to do to make sex more enjoyable for him. His response worked out more. I was expecting something more along the lines of Laundry or threesome. This is made me incredibly uncomfortable when we have sex. Am I ever reacting to these comments and just need to stop being so sensitive? I'm looking forward to hearing your advice and would love some brutally honest answers. Thanks Lexi 25 Austin. Lexi, you've come to the right place for brutal honesty, because if you can see the two of us like shaking our heads here, you're the first.

Oh my gosh. Well, what I'm going to say what I'm going to open with is I had a boyfriend like that too, who was really athletic and worked out all the time and lifted weights and and wrote his bike everywhere and he was like, you should, you should, you should. And I solved it. You know how I solved the problem? What? I dumped him.

It was the best decision I ever made. Right. Yeah, I'm telling you. Okay, so here's my problems with this. I good for you first of all because I would do the same thing. And this is so insidious. She might not realize it. Here's the thing. Lexi, these comments he's making. You're sweet. You love him. He's been great. And then I can see you had going, well, maybe I should. You don't really love about you. Lexi, you're not even saying I should work on my ear. Like I'm normal and healthy. And now he's been great. And then I can see where you're going, well, maybe I should, but you don't really love it, but you look, you're not even saying I should work on my, or like, I'm normal and healthy. And now he's messing with your self-esteem and confidence. So this is why I don't like this at all.

And this is about him. This is about what he values as like, he's obsessed with himself and working out in his body. And there's nothing wrong with that, but that's not your interest. Like, that's not what you're into. And he can't put that on you. And as a result, especially like being a woman, like you're going to start to, like you said, you don't,

it's having the opposite effect. It's lowering yourself as steam. You're not going to want sex anymore. And I don't think it's very kind. He's not even answering your sex questions. He's like, just workout more. And it's just, it's very superficial to me. I agree. And I also think like the, that's the root of the honest answer is like, dump the guys being a jerk. And I feel like the, the kinder or more, maybe more, the kinder to him as a person, like we don't know the guy. The, the more positive outlook is this guy has a really strong interest in this thing. You don't share an interest in that, right? So it's a compatibility issue. Like if his number one interest is working out and you really needs that to be something you do together and that's the kind of thing he would connect with you on that makes him sexually interested in you.

Then he needs to find another partner. That is a great, that is a really good point. Because I don't think Lexi, you're 25 years old, I'm gonna assume like he's around your age and this is what he's really into now. I really don't think that this kind of thing is gonna change. It's not just like he said it once.

Because I hear some people, like my boyfriend told me this once is true, but the fact that he's saying he said it several times that you ask about sex is work out more. You're like, what do you want for dinner? He's like, work out more. What do you want to see? Work out more.

It sounds like it's like his theme, right? And so I agree with you that it might be a compatibility thing. And I just don't like that you're uncomfortable. You said, are you overreacting to these comments? No. You're under, I think you're very sweet and you're kind and you care about your partner. I don't think that you, I think you got to stand up for yourself

and what you believe in and what you want. And you're going to work out when you want to work out. No one says you have to work out. What I want you to do is to have incredible sacrifice so I want to appreciate you for who you are and all the things that interest you. And what you love about yourself and gets excited, Lexi, about who you are as a person right now. I think that a lot of

you'll get into relationships thinking they can change someone. No matter what age you are, what point in your life, nobody changes unless they want to change. Nobody that will not happen. And I think there's people who even get married and they're like, oh, well, once we get married, he'll stop running around or she'll, you know, she'll work less. That doesn't happen. No. So just know that this is how it is, Lexi, and the writing is on the wall here. So you can let them know how your feeling heart felt and see what happens. But can I just add one thing?

Please, please, I just want to add that like that thing is so insidious for women, especially because we're constantly getting these reflections from society about how we look. And so Lexi is 5, 8 and 130 pounds, which is like, sounds like she's super fit and probably really conforms to standards of beauty. But I also want to say no matter what your weight or size is, it's not your partner's decision to decide how your body's supposed to look. If they're with you and they don't feel attracted to you for whatever reason, that's their problem, that's something they need to handle.

And it's not, it's unkind and it's insensitive for him to be putting that on you. So true. It's just inappropriate. It's inappropriate. And I think I love that you made this point. And I think that a lot of women listening now should kind of take this on. If there's anything that your partner, that you're saying or society wants to change you, it's their problem.

So much of the time. And we take so much on, because we're caretakers and we're pleasers, a lot of women and just like do you, like the more you can just, like this is who I am and stand up for it, that gets easier as well. And it might not be that time for that. No, we got no time for that. Okay, and that's all we have time for on the show.

Oh, this was really fun, by the way. Yay. Harsie Blanton, thank you so much. I first I have to ask you five questions. Oh boy, are you ready? Whew, yeah, you got this girl. Okay, okay, here we go. What's your biggest turn on? Biggest just one thing? One thing. Probably humor and musical ability.

That's two things. Biggest turn off. I hate to say this because this is the worst thing to say to people who like want to be sexy, but insecurity is my biggest turn off. Somebody approaches me in there like, maybe we should have sex. That's like really, really does not work for me. Sexiest part of your partner's body. Sexiest? Can I just say penis? Yeah. You can say whatever you want. Talk. I'm going to say talk. What's the one thing you wish you could tell your current and or all future partners about your body's needs? I mean I feel like I've already told my current partner this but I picture what do they need to know? I mean the one I would say is I am one of the women one of the majority of women who needs literal stimulation in addition to penetration in order to have an orgasm

So I usually do say that in my sexual encounters now, but it took me like, I don't know, almost 30 years of having sex. Not 30 years of having sex. 15 years of having sex. Right. To figure out I could just say that, and then they'd be like, oh, cool. Okay. Right, women, this is okay.

I hope that all the women there, who's already have sex, realize now that today's the day to ask for you on. Say it. Don't wait. Just say it. I do use toys or do you use your figures or... I use my hands. I use my hands.

That works. Yep, hands, leave that. And it has to be my hands usually. Because you know rare partner. You can. Especially if it's like a casual sex thing. It is a very rare partner who can get me off with their hands if we just started having sex.

Right. Because it's just, I want to really specific thing. I get it. Right? Yeah. We're all different. And I might be trying because the last girlfriend wanted to get there. And it makes it so much easier just to be like, we wanna really specific thing. I get it, right? We're all different. I might be trying, because the last girlfriend wanted it here. Right, right, right. And it makes it so much easier just to be like,

we're doing this thing with our bodies. We wanna feel good. This is what feels good to me. I'm gonna use my hand and like, it's not an issue. Right, nothing to do. Nothing to do with. I'm gonna have to get over, really. I love it.

Those are great answers. So this is a brand new song. So it's not out on my record yet. This one though, you can get access to Patreon.com. I have a site, I put all my demos on there, so there's a demo of that if you become a patron. The song is called Jacket, as in like a jacket, like a coat, but it's a double entendre. You'll get it. I wrote about a boy that I thought was cute.

It was cute. Take a good long drive down the NJ Pike thinking why you gotta be the type of boy I like and why you act so dumb with all the books you read. Got a body like that and you're living in your head. Make a quick hit stop at the Molly Pitcher. You say you got a girl but I don't see you with her. I make a quick pit stop at the Molly picture You say you got a girl but I don't see you with her You say you want a drink but I want something stiffer You say I oughta keep it clean, playing a swiffer

I like your show, I like your jacket I like to think about you when I whack it It doesn't hurt, it's nothing to it Call me when you had enough of thinking baby, let's do it Woo! Let's do it! When we met last week in the elevator said I gotta feed a meter But I'm gonna see you later

In the bar you were chewing on a swizzle stick Said you look so good, you bout to make me sick So we tried to take a walk, but it was too much You only wanna talk, you know I'm gonna wanna touch We tried to have a chat, but it was too scary You're just a Democrat, I'm a revolutionary I like your shirt, I like your jacket I like to think about you when I whack it Because I hate it, ain't nothing to it Call me when you're out enough of sinking baby Let's do it! I wanna do it to you! I want to do it to you!

I want to do it to you! I want to do it to you! I want to do it to you! I want to do it to you! I want to do it to you! I want to do it to you! Hey, Carcy Blanton, check her out at Carcy Blanton and check out her gain, effing truth, your music,

yeah, CarcyBlantern.com, that's the big, the one-stop shop. Yeah, then we're gonna have a video up, and I think we're safe. Okay, thank you for being here. Thank you, Emily. It's so fun. It was great.

Okay, so thank you everybody for listening, checking out the show. And for telling your friends about the show, I appreciate it. You guys all email me with your questions and your thoughts and just helps when you share it with a friend and also be sure to subscribe to our newsletter,

because you'll never miss a show again, which we never want you to do. And also thank you to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, intern Shannon, producer, log, and Michael. And thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sectwithamily.com. you