Sex With Emily - The Kinkiest Sex Positions Are…

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

How do you take a classic sex position and make it kinky? On today’s show, I’m telling you exactly how. Inspired by the positions chapter in Smart Sex, I’m talking through two specific positions that bring the kink – and another classic that you can spice up with a little power play. First, I’m looking at Cowgirl/Cowboy and talking through its pros, cons, and evolutions to introduce kinky dynamics. Next, I’m talking Doggy Style (or as I like to call it: Rear Entry) and breaking down its inherent kink dynamics and ideas to make it even more exciting. Finally, we’re looking at Missionary, which I think we can all agree needs a kinky rebrand. I’ll give you ideas to make it more surprising and sexy. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to turn classic sex positions into kinky, pleasure-boosting experiences. Why even small tweaks—like tempo and control—can make you kinkier than you think. The secret to better orgasms in any position (hint: clitoral stimulation is key). Show Notes: Buy The Smart Sex New Paperback Cover Now! Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. Yes! No! Maybe? List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.  SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website  Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube Let’s text: Sign up here Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com

Face-to-face positions are your friend. Now how about Lotus, where one of you sits in the other's lap and you can use your fingers for clitoral stimulation and penetration? That's a fun one. It's intimate, you're looking into each other's eyes, and you can stimulate each other easily. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. So how do you take a classic sex position and make it kinky? Well, on today's show, I'm telling you exactly how.

Inspired by the positions chapter in my book, Smart Sex, I'm talking through two specific positions that bring the kink and another classic that you can spice up with a little power play. First I'm looking at Cowgirl, Cowboy and talking through its pros, cons and evolutions to introduce kinky dynamics. Next I'm talking doggy style or as I like to call it rear entry and breaking down its inherent kink dynamics and ideas to make it even more exciting. Finally we're looking at Missionary which I think we can all agree needs a kinky rebrand. I'll its inherent kink dynamics and ideas to make it even more exciting. Finally, we're looking

at Missionary, which I think we can all agree needs a kinky rebrand. I'll give you ideas to make it more surprising and sexy. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the podcast. It just helps get the podcast out to more people like you. You can find us on all social media. It is at Sex with Emily and don't forget to check out my new articles, How to Give an Erotic Massage and How to Master Seated Sex on our website SexWithEmily.com. I want to let you know that the paperback of my book Smart Sex is now out in bookstores in the US and if you live in the UK my book was just released January 30th. More places coming soon but check out Smart Sex. If you're a paperback person, check out the paperback. You're gonna love it. It's been an

incredible journey with book and now the paperback is so exciting. Also wanted to mention my membership community, Smart SX, that we launched in September and it's just been an incredible community of people coming together to share, to grow, to support each other, to have accountability in our desires to have better sex. I bring in some of the leading experts in the world to teach, you know, a few times a month. It's just a wonderful community. We're exploring and learning so much about ourselves and you can learn about your sexual health and just join us there. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode.

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And you guys like loved it. Seriously, you are all always all over these sex positions. Whenever I talk about them on the show or I do articles, you're into them. And for my book, I just have to thank my amazing illustrator, Priscilla Witte, for bringing all these amazing sex positions to light in a way that, I don't know, I don't think you've ever seen anything like this before. I know I hadn't.

And I have to admit, I do love sex positions as much as all of you do, but I have to admit that trying to describe them to you can be tricky. And so a lot of times I kind of didn't want to do shows about sex positions because I wanted you to see them. But since I'm also equally obsessed with these illustrations, I'm going to do my best to describe some of them in this episode

as well as how to spice them up. Because listen, I've heard you all, it's clear that many of you tune to the podcast are kinkier than you think. And I don't want you to shut down when you hear the word kink. A lot of you do. You think there's like a dark dungeon with whips and leathers and flogs. That's just not what kink means. I mean, it can mean that. I think that's pretty hot. But the truth is, the technical definition of kink is anything outside of conventional sex.

So honestly, we're all a little kinky because conventional sex is defined as basically making out, having missionary sex, rolling over, falling asleep. Like in some people, if you have oral sex, you're kinky. So I'm just gonna say we're all a little kinky, okay? So in this episode, I am responding to what the sex with Emily community is into, and I am gonna take inspo for my book, Smart Sex.

So this is gonna help you make some of these conventional sex positions that you love a little bit kinkier, hotter, and more pleasurable. One of the best things though about the positions chapter is that I give, well, I think it's one of the best. I was writing, I was like, how do I do this differently for the book? And I give the pros, the cons, and the evolutions for every sex position. You know why you might like one position more than the other and then how your preferences tap into your psychology and your sex IQ or sexual intelligence.

And then I give adaptations to make them more comfortable or pleasurable. So here's some kinkier ways to do them. First position, cow girl or cowboy, or it's also been called the woman on top position, right? You all know what I'm talking about. In this position, the giving or the penetrating partner, this is the person lying down on their back.

Well, the receiving partner straddles and rides them on top. Okay. So the receiving partner is on top and the giving partner is on the bottom. And by the way, the giving partner can be a Volvo owner with a strap on. So we're not just talking genders here. A penis has to be on the bottom. Okay? So in this position, the receiver person on top is in charge. They are the dominant partner. Now, this can be really hot if you're a receiver who likes to take control in the bedroom. Because when you're on top, think about it. You could control the pace, the depth, the motion. I want

to encourage you. A lot of you get on top and you bop up and down like a polo stick, which is maybe what you saw on porn. But not only can that be exhausting, but if you are a vulva owner, I don't think that that is the most pleasurable way to do this position. Try moving your hips around your partner's penis or strap on. Swirling in circular motions or rocking back and forth because this way you are rubbing your clitoris, your pubic bone against your partner, which means you're going to have a lot more pleasure and you're really going to be hitting those nerve endings rather than an up and down. Since you're in control, you can really tease your partner. So this is a fun way to practice

edging, orgasm denial to make make this position look kinkier. And just as a reminder, edging is when you're taking your partner or yourself to the brink of orgasm and then coming back down. Going up to orgasm and coming back down. And essentially orgasm denial is a form of edging, but you never quite bring them to orgasm. So this is just a tease and it's fun.

Cause if you're on top, you're moving back and forth, maybe you go really fast and then you slow it down. You go fast and slow it down. And that is kinky and hot. Another fun part about this position is when you're riding your partner, you're giving them like a full view of your beautiful, sexy body. Like it's all out and they can look up at you and see your body in a position that they're not often used to. And if you want to throw it in reverse, reverse cowgirl, reverse cowboy, this is also hot because they get to see your backside, which is sexy. And if you're turned on by exhibitionism, which means you like to be seen having sex, you might love throwing in reverse. Now if you're the giver on the bottom of this

position, you can lean into your submissive role. You can relax and just kind of give up control to your partner. Watch them take control. Admire their body. This position can be very hot if you're someone who gets turned on by watching other people have sex. So you're more of a voyeur. So of course, one adaptation is to switch the dominant and submissive roles while maintaining the same position. So hear me out. It can be incredibly hot to take control from down under while still watching your partner on top.

And remember this, just because you are dominating, does not mean that the penetration has to be fast and forceful. I want to remind you that slow sex can be just as kinky and for many it feels a lot better too and can be more intimate. You're slowing down, you're looking into each other's eyes. Another adaptation is to bring a toy into the mix. Well, this is really a great adaptation for any position. Huge fan of bringing toys into all the mixes.

Now this one, the receiving partner on top can lean back exposing their clitoris more, their vulva, and then they can touch their clitoris with their fingers for dual stimulation or bring in the toy to take over some of the work. Or the giving partner on bottom can stimulate their partner's clitoris with either a toy or their fingers. So basically we're just talking about

adding more clitoral stimulation with fingers, no matter whose fingers, and using a toy, no matter who's holding the toy. This might even shift the power play even more. So for example, if the receiver is controlling the penetration, while the giver is controlling the clitoral stimulation. So much of what makes kinky sex hot is playing with this power and polarity. So even in one sex sex session you might be mixing up who's in control, who's leading, who's following, who's dominating.

And that's really fun and hot in itself. Oh another fun evolution is to take this position off the bed and onto other furniture like a chair. Chair sex and chair positions are really fun because you just have more leverage. You might have the arms on the chair or in a couch because now the receiving partner can sit on their partner, riding them up and down and all over the house. I love using furniture and it gets you out of your bedroom, especially if you're always having sex in your bedroom. You know, one of the reasons why we all love hotel sex is because we're actually

not in the same bed as we always are. So if you can't get to a hotel, you can't take vacations, just move it onto the couch. So the second position we're spicing up is doggy style, or I like to call it rear entry. Now, I have to say this position already has an inherent level of kinkiness. So again, you can always reverse who's in control of the penetration. It's typically the giving partner who assumes the dominant role. And in this position, the giver typically enters the partner from behind while the receiving partner is propped up on their hands and knees or their elbows and knees or you can even lie flat in this position. In fact, one hot adaptation is to go even further down into a cat stretch, arching your

back allowing for even deeper penetration. Now due to the lack of eye contact in this position because you're not facing each other, this position can be a little less intimate at times, which for some people makes it harder. They're like, I can do whatever I want. I can make whatever faces I want. I'm in control. And since you're not facing each other, this is a great place to bring in some roleplay. You could be a boss, an employee, like a celebrity, and a fan. Two people having an affair.

And by the way, these are just three of the 43 roleplay ideas I gave in my book. I was just being interviewed on a podcast and they were like, oh my god, I can't wait to try all of these roleplaying ideas, which I just love when this is the book is really resonating with people. Also, remember that all of your fantasies are acceptable, even the ones you keep to yourself, because remember there are fantasies you want to share with your partner and the ones you don't. All are good. Feel free to tap into your imagination in any position where eye contact is limited. You know, as long as your partner feels seen, appreciated, and pleasured by you, either during sex or during aftercare, it's all good what you decide to do during sex.

Even though rear entry doesn't have as intimate of a reputation as the other positions, any position can feel intimate, depending on the energy between you and your partner. And rear entry, believe me, it can still feel incredibly hot, sensual, and connected because it can be slow, gentle, pleasurable. The giving partner can reach an arm around and stimulate the receiving partner's clitoris with their fingers or a toy. Or the receiving partner can reach back and stimulate their partner's testicles or perineum. You can even look back and look at your partner. You can make out with them. You can put a mirror in the room so you're both watching. Like there's a lot of ways to

make that really intimate as well. Lastly, we have missionary position because yes, missionary can also be kinky. And I know you're thinking like, Dr. Emily, you just said that missionary-style sex was conventional. Emily, you just said that missionary style sex was conventional. Well, yes it is. That's the position that a lot of us know and a lot of us do. And it can be. But listen, it can be incredibly hot with just a couple of evolutions. So missionary typically involves the receiving partner lying on their back while the giving partner is on top while they face each other. And there's often a lot of eye contact and skin-to-skin contact making incredibly intimate and sexy. One way to take this intimacy up a notch is to experiment with dirty talk.

Now I know dirty talk might sound intimidating for many of you, but you'd be amazed how much of dirty talk is just talking at all because so many of you don't even talk during sex. And I've heard from so many of you like let me know that like I want to know what's my partner feeling what are they thinking like please make sounds please talk during sex okay so whether it's dirty talk or just talking I found that that seems to be hot for many many people and we just can't do enough of it and a lot of people are scared to know what to say and they don't say anything at all which is another reason why there was no and we just can't do enough of it. And a lot of people are scared to know what to say

and they don't say anything at all, which is another reason why there was no talking. And moaning and talking during sex can help you feel way freer in the bedroom. It really can. So this is also a practice. So if you're not used to making any noise or any sound, just practice with moaning

and then we can work our way up to talking. You know, you could just start with simply telling your partner what feels good to you in a sexy tone. Not only is it incredibly hot, but it's a great way to give feedback to a partner and communicate in the bedroom. So while you're in missionary, whisper in their ear and tell them all the things that feel good. Like, you just feel so good with your hands on my ass. Or I love how warm it feels inside of you. I love how warm it feels inside of you

I love how deep you feel inside of me or even just you look so sexy right now You're so hot and while you're there you can put your hands through their hair kiss their neck their ears We recently answered a listener's question about the ears being erogenous zones, and it's true I think these other rodent stones, secondary Rajin stones, are so underrated or so under-utilized because we don't know about them. But again, the ears, the nape of the neck, inner elbow, those are all areas that feel great when kissed and tickled and touched. You can also bring out some kink play props like a blindfold or handcuffs. Because let's remember that tying someone down and

taking away one of their senses is incredibly hot and kinky and still a variation of that OG missionary position. So as you can see there's a way to make all kinds of sex in all kinds of positions kinkier. Even something as simple as a fantasy in your mind or a bite on the ear can make the most accessible positions hot and spicy and really memorable. Stick around because after the break I'm answering your questions like what are good positions for a height difference? Alright we'll be right back.

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customers are scrolling Instagram, walking into your store or casually shopping in bed. Because businesses that sell more, sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Skims, Gymshark and and my store Shop Sex with Emily uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash SWE. All lowercase go to Shopify.com slash SWE to upgrade your selling today at Shopify.com slash SWE. Alright, be honest. When was the last time you knew you needed to see a doctor but you totally put it off? And maybe you thought, I'm too busy, it'll heal on its own, or I don't even know which doctor to go to.

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That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com. That's zocdoc.com.com. slash.emily. Zocdoc.com. slash.emily. This is from Brian 32 in Virginia. Help Dr. Emily. I love the podcast. I stumbled onto it getting some ideas to help please my wife in bed. So my wife has the mindset that sex is to please a man and always wants to do the same position. Missionary and she will do cowgirl. She's never had an orgasm and does not masturbate. I was wondering if you had any recommendations on lubes or gels, anything that could help with her pleasure. Okay, Brian, first off, I love that you are reaching out about your wife's pleasure.

We love to see that. Next, okay, I'm gonna level with you here. If your wife has never had an orgasm, does not masturbate, and believes the whole purpose of sex is to please a man, I have to say, this is not an issue that lubes alone can solve. And you know I love lubes. I want a lube on every nightstand.

But your wife is going to have to do a ton of reprogramming on the mental side first. And I know you want this erotic sexual connection with your wife and you want her to enjoy pleasure for herself, not just to please you. Well it has to start with the conversation. So you can try something like, hey I would love to have a deeper sexual connection with you because I love you and I want our connection to grow and thrive. And could you tell me more about your mindset on sex? And is there

anything about sex that has pleased you in the past? Does it feel good to you? I'm wondering about your belief that it's all about pleasing a man. Because I'm curious, how was she raised? So many of us are shame programmed early on when it comes to sex. That sex is all about procreation, that it's not okay to feel pleasure, that masturbation is wrong, and that might be your wife. So start there. Start by getting curious with her and listening. This is going to be a longer journey, Brian, because she's going to have to discover

for herself why sexual pleasure is a healthy, exciting thing for her even to a desire. But it's not impossible. I mean, so many women I know have gotten more sexual as they do the work, as they get older, as they start to investigate, you know, what am I holding myself back from? Why don't I want to enjoy sex? You know, when I was 35, I truly did not know how to prioritize my pleasure. And I write all about that in Smart Sex. The second thing I'd recommend is bringing in some pleasure positive voices in your life. You know, a lot of couples have told me that they listen to my podcast in the car together, for example. Like they listen to a lot of them. And then they say, hey, you know,

Emily said this thing the other day on the show and I want to listen together. Are you game? Or well, you're listening. You can stop and say like, what do you think about that? You're using the show as fodder to expand your sex life and your connection. And by having that initial deep connection with her

and together listening to more pleasure, positive voices, that's gonna start shifting the environment a little. And ideally this becomes an ongoing conversation between the two of you. And you gotta just keep letting her know that you don't want sex to just be about pleasing you. That what pleases you is her having pleasure. You want her to enjoy it also.

The heart of the matter is she has to want it. I get it, you don't wanna be with someone that's just making it about you and isn't having your own pleasure. That's not really hot for anybody. And we want her to want to blossom into a sexual being for herself. So the more support, curiosity, and collaboration you can offer, the better. All right?

Keep me posted, Brian. Let me know how it goes. And by the way, if you just started listening to the show, please, please email me with updates on your progress and how things are going. I love to hear your stories and how you're evolving along with the show and with me and with the advice feedback at SexWithEmily.com. This is from Michaela, she's 30. Hey Dr. Emily, I love your podcast. I recently listened to the Sex Positions episode and it got me wondering, could you highlight some positions for two vulva owners who want to mutually stimulate?

My partner doing downward dog in front of me sounds hot, but it's only one person getting stimulated at a time. We like to both be feeling good. I love it. Yes, absolutely 1000% possible for two vulva owners to mutually stimulate. Alright, I have three suggestions for you. You ready? First, are you both fans of oral? Because I did a 69 episode with all kinds of hacks to make it even more fun, like the power 69, where one partner is doing a face sitting variation on top.

That's a really hot one. And you can also lie side by side. I give all the variations of 69 in that episode. Second, let's talk fingers. Face-to-face positions are your friend. You know, how about lotus where one of you sits in the other's lap and you can use your fingers for clitoral stimulation and penetration? That's a fun one. It's intimate. You're looking into each other's eyes and you can stimulate each other easily. Finally, how do you feel about toys? Because I'm

thinking about your downward dog question and like there are so many hot possibilities we can explore here. For example, there are pegging sets that also have a built-in vibrator for the giver. Well that way you both get to feel good. But you could also position yourself behind your partner and stimulate them with a vibrator while you wear a panty vibe. Have you ever tried those? They're super fun. They vibrate your partner's control with an app anytime a day or while you're having sex and you're having some built-in vibrations just where you need it. All right, I hope these ideas inspire you. Let me know how it goes. Okay, this is from Jamie, female 28. Hi Dr. Emily, my partner and I have been seeing each other

for a while. One challenge we face is that we are very different heights. He's six three and I'm five feet. With positions we've been taking the time to figure out what works. However, we recently moved to the shower and the difference was even more prominent. And we realized that logistically,

it didn't seem like it would work. Do you have any suggestions for partners with extreme height differences, especially in the shower? Yes, yes, this is a common question. I mean, I'm petite too, so I've personally experienced this conundrum. The first one may not work if you have a small shower, but if you don't have a small shower,

that's simply sitting on a shower bench and you can buy one. I bought a shower chair once and it was fun. It was like a folding bamboo chair that was made for the shower. So if you get one of these, he can sit down and you crawl in his lap facing him and he can penetrate from there. Now listen, make sure the legs don't scuff the porcelain because I'm thinking a folding chair with rubber feet, for example, works best. Definitely test it a bit before you both get on it and have wild sex because shower sex does result in injuries. We do not want one of those like sex set me

to the ER situations. And if you don't, what about going down on each other on your knees in the shower? That's really hot. You can take turns and save penetration for when you're out of the shower. And speaking of out of the shower, the world is your oyster. Standing positions will not work as well for you, but doggy style or rear entry, cowgirl,

reverse cowgirl, lotus. I mean, I've got a million ideas for you in my position chapter in Smart Sex with illustrations. I also just recommend using some furniture around the house and experimenting with like chairs and couches because you'll find that a lot of times getting out of the bedroom and playing with like I said earlier playing with furniture around the house can not only be really hot but that could be great for your particular situation as well. Good luck and have fun. Remember sex is fun everybody. And the last question this is from Laurel25. Hey Dr. Emily, I came to the realization that I can only orgasm with my legs together and straight, kind of like a

pencil. I masturbate regularly and am able to orgasm but only with my legs straight. I haven't been able to orgasm with a partner through penetration and I've only been able to orgasm from oral once and I don't think my legs were together. Do you have any recommendations for positions to help me orgasm with a partner since it's difficult to have penetration or even oral with my legs straight? Please help. Thank you. Alright great question. This is common actually. I have to say that I hear from a lot of Volvo owners who are used to orgasming this way and that's because it engages your pelvic floor

in an optimal way for orgasm. You're able to squeeze your legs together, which are clenching your pelvic floor muscles together. And it's just a really efficient way to orgasm. Because remember, an orgasm is a spasm of the pelvic floor muscles. So my tip for vulva owners who don't have any existing pain and other challenges,

my first tip is to do kegels if you're not doing them already. And essentially a kegel exercise is when you squeeze like you're stopping the flow of urine, you hold it for five to 10 seconds and release. If you do this like 10 times a day to start, you can even put a little reminder in your phone, you're going to start feeling these muscles strengthen. And this way you're strengthening your orgasm muscles and then you can start to learn tensing and relaxing them with your legs further apart,

which might even help you have more orgasms when your legs are not apart. So it's really just a practice. But the second part of this, and this is what I really think it is, is there a neural association between your body position and your orgasm. Meaning we all get set in our ways. We

have a very set way for orgasm. We have a set way like how we walk, how we run, how we do things. We just get set in our ways. So it makes sense that our bodies do the same thing with orgasm. It is a good practice for everybody to mix it up. Always. And this is how we expand our orgasmic potential. So try this, Laurel. Next time you're masturbating and you're about to orgasm, hold off. this is how we expand our orgasmic potential. So try this, Laurel. Next time you're masturbating and you're about to orgasm, hold off. This is what we call edging. So let's say you're about to orgasm. If you think about a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being nowhere close to orgasm and 10 being I'm literally coming, you want to get to a 7 rate and then

you bring it back down. Maybe you stop touching yourself, you stop masturbating and then you bring it back up again. Because what happens is this engorges your genitals and makes your orgasms even more powerful. So try the experiment where you work yourself up to a seven or eight with straight legs about once or twice and then when you're on your way to orgasm the third time and feel close, change the position. Maybe open your legs slightly, maybe bend a knee.

You don't have to go wild here or anything. You're simply teaching your brain a slightly different way to do this. As for being with a partner and penetration, you could try rear entry when you're lying down on your stomach and then you get to keep your legs straight. But just keep in mind here, Laurel, that there's no law saying that you have to orgasm or that sex isn't good if you don't orgasm, making it the end goal of sex can be stressful and create this tunnel vision for the sexual experience.

But still you want orgasm. I get it, I hear you. So have you ever tried bringing a toy into the mix with your partner? And I'm asking this because remember most vulva owners do not orgasm from penetration alone. I'm literally gonna buy a billboard for that one day. They need, they require clitoral stimulation and toys are excellent for that. Oral, also good for that too. And you did say that you had some success with

oral sex and you didn't have your legs together. So I love that a partner was able to do that. Now you could also try masturbating a little bit on your own before you have sex or receive oral just to get yourself closer to the orgasmic tipping point. And the other thing you can do is play with breath. When you start getting aroused and turned on and feel like you're about to orgasm, if you just deep breathe and you start pulling that sexual energy and arousal up through your body, you'll realize that it's more about energy than it is about your orgasm being just stuck there

between your legs in that specific position. So I think all of these mindful practice, paying attention to how you get aroused and turned on and breathing and just really paying attention to it is gonna help you realize a lot of other ways you can orgasm. You got this. Thanks Laurel.

All right everyone, that's fun. Okay, those are some of your answers there. I love to hear from you. And if you're just joining Sex with Emily, welcome to the Sex with Emily family. I'm so glad you're here. I know we have a lot of new listeners this week. I just know we release two episodes a week.

Check them all out. Let me know what you think of the show and hope you guys are all enjoying smart sex. Check out our website because we get so many articles and just let me know what you think. Feedback at sexwithEmily.com. I can't wait to hear from you and welcome to the Sex with Emily family. That's it for today's episode.

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