Sex With Emily - The Pleasure Practice Everyone Should Know About

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

What if the key to more pleasure isn't doing more… it's slowing down? In this workshop, I walk you through a practice that can help you become more present in your body, reduce stress, deepen self-awareness, and discover what truly feels good to you. We talk about why mindfulness and pleasure go hand in hand, how to create a self-pleasure ritual focused on exploration rather than performance, and simple techniques to help you tune into sensation, quiet distractions, and build a stronger connection with your body. Whether you're looking to expand your pleasure, boost confidence, reduce anxiety, or simply learn more about yourself, this workshop offers practical tools you can start using today. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT WITH EMILY: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily CONNECT WITH JENNIFER COHEN: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealjencohen/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therealjencohen YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@habitsandhustle Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/  WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to Sex With Emily 0:54 Why People Masturbate 1:56 Understanding Mindfulness & Being Present 5:30 Maintenance vs. Mindful 9:51 How To Set The Mood For It 16:53 Mindful Self-Pleasure for Vulvas 18:53 Mindful Self-Pleasure for Penises 21:32 Step-by-Step Mindful Routine 26:20 Q&A: In the Shower or Bath? 27:07 Q&A: Making Meditation a Daily Routine 29:59 Q&A: Why Self-Pleasure May Feel Unexciting 31:02 Q&A: Favorite Meditation Styles & Apps 32:42 Q&A: How Often Should You Practice? 35:28 Q&A: Scheduling Time 36:59 Q&A: Can You Practice With a Partner? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Remember you guys, goal, exploration, mindfulness, not orgasm. This is a heightened awareness in our body. It's a way to keep us present. It's a way for us to feel more pleasure. Mindful masturbation is about slowing down and being present. The goal is exploration. The goal is not orgasm. It really is the greatest act of self-love

to actually give ourselves pleasure. No one's perfect, and I just know that it takes a while to develop a new habit, especially when we're all wired that we've all been masturbating if we've been masturbating in the exact same way our entire life. Okay, so if you've been listening to this show for a while, you know I'm not about random sex toys or gimmicks. I'm about tools that actually support your pleasure, your communication, and your connection. Well, that's exactly why we created the Shop Sex with Emily store. Everything in there is curated by me and my team, and these are products I trust, I recommend to clients,

and what tell my friends about. I do tell my friends about. It's what I talk about all the time. Whether you're exploring solo pleasure, looking to reconnect with a partner, or you really just want something body safe and beginner friendly. We've organized it so you don't feel overwhelmed. People love the dame pillow for supported sex, the magic wand waterproof. Oh my God, it's so good. Cray Vesper, massage candles, Joe flavored loob, We Vibe Touch,

clitoral vibrators. There's just so many things on there because pleasure shouldn't be confusing. It should feel empowering. You can check it out at shop. com and find something that supports where you are right now or just click the link in the show notes. Also, keep an eye out for curated collections coming soon. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive.

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement. with Eye Gaming Ontario. Hello, everybody. This is an exciting day. The much anticipated mindful masturbation workshop. I'm really excited to be doing this today. I know a lot of you are excited about this one. So mindful masturbation, what is it?

What is mindful masturbation? Why do we do it? Well, first, why do we talk about masturbation for a minute? Let's start there. So why do we even masturbate? So research shows that people typically masturbate for a few reasons. And a lot of them are overall self-soothing. Like some of us, you know, masturbated as children, although it wasn't with the same, like,

sexual contacts, but maybe we had our hands on our pants. And that was a way to help soothe our nervous systems, right, when we're younger. When we get older, you know, we could do it because we're turned on, we're aroused, right? We're like, corny. We do it because we want to relax. It can help us sleep. I know for a lot of people it helps them, like, reduce anxiety.

Maybe we want to explore ourselves. We want to explore our body. You want to love ourselves, right? And it really is the greatest act of self-love to actually give ourselves pleasure, right? And so for many of us, though, it is a habit in our life that we don't really think much about. We just sort of, you know, do our same routine. We're in, we're out. We hit it and we quit it.

But today, we're talking about, we're adding a little bit of mindfulness to our masturbation. So the concept of mindfulness, just as a refresher, mindfulness is about just tuning into the sensations in our body. It's really about being present. That's what mindfulness is. It's being present to what is. So if you take a moment and you think about your senses and a great mindfulness practice is just to think, what am I seeing in the moment? Okay, you know, I'm seeing my laptop.

I'm watching your names on here. What am I hearing? I'm hearing the space heater. What am I tasting? Well, it's tasting my macho, right? What am I smelling? Right? I can kind of smell the outdoors here because the doors open a little bit and the heater. I like a combo of the outdoor air and a little bit of heater, right? What am I feeling? Okay. So if I really pay attention, like I feel my ring on my finger, right? So whatever we focus in those five senses, we immediately land in the present moment. You can't be present with the five senses and be anxious. You can't be worried about the past and you can't be in the future, worried about the future. So that's basically what mindful is.

This is a heightened awareness in our bodies. It's a way to keep us present. It's a way for us to feel more pleasure. And so the goal of being mindful, which is a practice I want to remind you, listen, mindfulness is not something that you can just sort of drop into once or twice now and then and you're mindful. It's really hard to quiet our monkey minds, which is always going, right? There's always something going on the choice, something pulling our attention. We always have our phones on us. It's really a practice of cultivate over time. My experience with mindfulness started about 25 years ago. I was in Thailand and I did a 10-day silent meditation retreat because I knew that I had a lot of worry, anxiety, anxious thoughts. And I had heard that meditation was a really useful tool. Right. So I threw myself into a 10-day retreat, which was the hardest thing ever. It was more about there was no reading. our writing, but the process was just, it was called Apostle meditation. It was really just sitting there like 13 hours a day. You had little breaks, but focused on your breath. And every time your mind

wandered, you just bring it back to the breath. Sounds pretty simple, pretty easy. But it was really hard to even go 30 seconds without my mind wandering. And I remember it wasn't like the fifth day, the last night or the one of the, the fifth day in the evening where I felt like for two minutes, I was fully meditating. Okay. And this was after like already 100 hours. So all I'm saying is you don't have to throw yourself into a meditation retreat, but you do have to be kind with yourself and know that it's okay if you try a mindfulness

routine and your mind wanders a hundred times. And your mind's like, oh, gosh, what's happening after this or, you know, I'm not having any pleasure? Like that's part of mindfulness. And I've studied other, I practice with other meditation practices besides what PASNA, like even transcendental meditation is a little bit more lax. And it's like even the process of sitting there for 15 minutes trying to, trying to, trying to masturbate, trying to meditate, but your mind is wandering. You just bring it back as often as you can. Like the practice is just trying

and it is a muscle and it does get stronger over time. So I don't remind you that because mindfulness can be so intimidating to people. Like I got to sit and I got to meditate. Sit like a Buddha. And like, no, you just have to be intentional about it. Because the goal is to be fully immersed in the experience in the present moment, enjoying each moment and each sensation. So let's talk about maintenance masturbation. So this is like that quick familiar routine. We hit it, we quit it. Nothing wrong with that. It's simple. It's effective, especially when you're in a hurry or you just want to get to sleep or you just want to like knock it out. We've got that regular routine. We put out our porn. We pulled out our pants. We do

the things that we do, right? I mean, I know I've done it in interesting places when I want to, right? we just knock it out. So that's maintenance masturbation. Mindful masturbation is about slowing down and being present. It's about exploring our sensuality, exploring our senses, expanding the definition of pleasure and what actually feels good. The goal is exploration. The goal is not orgasm, although that, of course, might happen. I hope it does. But it's really about tuning into what you're feeling in the moment. So why mindful masturbation is such a fun practice is because, well, first, I would say I hear from so many of you every day that say, I don't really know what I like. I don't know what I feel. I don't really know what feels good to me. It's sort of a mystery.

And maybe you only know what feels good to you in relation to somebody else. And yes, maybe you masturbate, but like you haven't really expanded your pleasure to know, like I really like when there's, you know, I like to have my inner elbow massized or the nape of my neck, you know, because you just haven't really taken the time to explore. So this is a way of really expanding. That's one reason. This is kind of a, this is your roadmap to pleasure. This is, this is creating your owner's manual for your body. This is the first step. Another thing is, it helps you really learn your body. It helped you take note of what feels good. I would never have learned to have multiple orgasms or to have different kinds of orgasms had I not mindfully masturbated.

It did not happen in relation to somebody else. It happened when I was doing the work, the homework. Like in grad school, we had to do this. We had to like go mindfully masturbate, right? And we had to learn it. Like we had to talk about it. So I had that pressure. But ever since I still, I still do it. It's almost to be honest, it's my preferred method of masturbation because it's doing a few things at once. with anxiety. It's helping me check in where I'm at today, what kind of touch I want. And so it's part of my self-care practice. It can also help you increase your confidence, because if you're somebody who has kind of been a little bit not sure what you like and you want to grow your sexual satisfaction and grow what's possible, it will enhance your confidence because you're

like, I know what I want, and I can't wait to show this to a partner. And it can also amplify your pleasure. We all know that orgasms give us pleasure, but with mindful masturbation, you're extending the pleasure. You're expanding where it feels good in your body. You're realizing that certain kinds of touch beyond the usual, like, you know, zones feel good to you. And also, like anything, it can help you reduce stress. We know that anxiety and stress are the biggest killers of our sex drive and that arousal and anxiety can't live in the same moment. You can be one or the other. So this just helps to reduce stress. It teaches you how to be more embodied and in your body, which helps reduce the stress.

It can also help with if you've had any performance issues, like you find yourself in the room, you're in your head, you're disassociating, you're thinking about something else, or you're often just focused on your orgasm. It helps sort of rewire that. You also have less judgment and pressure so you can really focus on yourself and reduce all that performative pressure that you might have. And then it really does rewire your brain. Like I was just saying that this becomes a practice. So to see sex or masturbation as a slower, more relaxing, more nourishing process than it might seem in your day, day life if it's become another item

mind your to do list or get to something you knock out. It actually, you guys, this works. That's whole rewiring of the neuropathways in your brain. This works. So just stick to it. Okay. So that's all the why is why we're doing this, why it matters, how it's going to help every other area of your life, like everything we talk about here. So how do we set the mood for it? You want to create a comfortable space. So this might be a little bit different than your other routines. You want to go on a date with yourself. You want to light candles, put on your favorite playlist, clear the clutter.

It's sort of like a self-care ritual. Lock the doors, turn off your phone. This is not going to be a time for porn. porn has its place, love porn, I get it. But this is about sourcing our arousal from ourselves, from our breath, from our focus, from our intention and our attention and attuning. So you want to start really, really slow. So instead of just jumping into genital touch and what you normally do, you want to explore other zones. You want to, you know, just slow down. You can use some lube or light a massage candle.

and explore just with a light touch. Breathing, you guys. Breathing is a really big part of this. You want to at least first start. Once you set the mood, I would kind of back up for a minute and say that start with some deep breathing exercises. A really simple one is like four breaths in, four breaths out. I would start with two minutes of a breath practice.

I start everything with a breath. I started before I came on and talked to you. I did four minutes of breath work. So I do it a lot in different parts of my life. But for this one in particular, there is nothing like a calming breath to really help anchor you, relax you, and get you more in touch and in tune to your body. So that's just deep breathing. You know, our breath reminder tells us when we are stressed, excited, relaxed, or ready.

It also helps you stimulate blood flow. And that also helps with arousal. So take a few minutes again to focus on it. This is just foundational. The breath is foundational for masturbation. It will help relax you and anchor yourself in the moment. Bring yourself back to the moment. If you are drifting thoughts thinking about work or the kids or the laundry or what's for dinner,

always return to the breath. If you want any more tips about breath or a good place to go, just let me know I can talk to you all about breath all day long. To me, it's been, in fact, I would say that more of my, my meditation practices in the mornings are about breathwork and meditation, then it is just about straightforward meditation. To me, that's like active. It's a game changer.

It sets the body up for pleasure. So then once we're breathing and we're in a comfortable space, then we want to start exploring. You know, one of the amazing things about having a body, being in a human body, is that we have so many nerve endings. And many of those are really, really sensitive to touch. and we know about our nipples or our genitals. But other areas are too, like our inner thighs, our lips, our neck. And so, you know, this is where we want to start exploring.

With a lot of self-compassion and a lot of kindness, we want to just start touching ourselves throughout our body. What feels good? Is it my neck? You know, taking touches over our body. Maybe it's like long strokes or circles or some tapping. bring in a vibrator too. Love using, you know, vibrators and a low settings

just to kind of help amplify the sensations. I mean, you can always start with your hands, but nothing wrong with bringing in some vibrators, although I want you to use them for the part that's waking you up. Again, you really don't need any sex accessories for this, but, you know, do you? We definitely don't want any phones in the room. This spring, Denham gets a softer, lighter,

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soft caresses, gentle squeezes, light strokes, experiment with different pressures. Like, does pinching feel good? Does rubbing feel good? So let's break it up to your, like your neck and your chest, move over your body, and then you can go down to your belly, your thighs, and just like slowly exploring your inner thighs, your belly, your hips, different bearing pressures, tickles, scratches, more firmer strokes. I find that I always default to more softer strokes, that just me, but I, sometimes, you know, amp it up, but I really like more of a softer touch, but I know some people are like, no, I just want to tap all over. So you got to just figure this, you know, explore,

explore, take mental notes and figure out what feels good to you. So then we want to pay attention to when we're doing this now. You've already starting to gather information. What are you noticing? Are there any areas that feel more sensitive or more numb or extracur-ticklish or uncomfortable? because this is how you're going to start to establish your body's preferences. So, you know, what are the areas that feel good when they're touched in a certain way? Okay? So remember, and you're also going back to the breath. And another thing that I want to incorporate is this moment is you can also bring in some pelvic floor exercises,

like some kegill exercises. Everyone can do them, no matter your body parts. And those are just the pee-stopping muscles where you're stopping and starting the flow of urine. you can pump, you could like gently work them when you're doing this, you can just sort of tense and relax them. And so these exercises are working your pelvic floor and they can kind of help move blood flow and sort of help you become a little bit more in touch and in tune if you want to amplify some pleasure. It's not like the whole time, it's just something to play with. Add in a little squeeze, add in some breathwork, add in some touching, add in a kegles.

So you're paying attention. And then the next thing is, this is, this is a little squeeze, add in some breathwork, add in some touching, add in a kegles. So you're paying attention. And then the next thing is, this is going to happen, okay? What's going to happen is you're going to have some negative thoughts. You're going to have some intrusive thoughts. You might have some like, this is stupid, this is silly, when it's going to be done? Can I just get to my genitals already? You know, this doesn't feel like anything.

When will I orgasm? And so when you notice this, when you do the noticing of any self-judgment or discomfort, just this is what I learned in the 10 days of meditation and all these. these years, you say, hello, thought, and you go back to the breath. It's not attaching to the thought. You can picture, picture like the cloud. Your thoughts are like a cloud moving across the sky, and you just notice it coming and going. Thank you, thought. Back to the breath. Back to the breath, back to the sensation. Back to what you're feeling in the moment, breathing and touching. Okay, my hands are my under elbows. They're rubbing down my, you know, down my thighs. What's happening in

moment, you might have to do it 100 times. And then you want to reset with the breath. Okay. So it's like a meditation and breathwork practice, but you're doing it, lying down, naked, touching yourself. Okay, let's talk about masturbation for vulvas. Mindful masturbation, if you have a vulva vagina. So a great place to start is with some volva. VOLVA cupping. So you can start with cupping your vulva over or under, you know, over your clothes or probably your clothes are off. So I think you're starting with your hands on your, um, vulva. And you're just gently rocking your hips. And this can ground you and help connect to your, help connect to your body. You can also, which I just find this to be a great grounding exercise. Why I love this too, this practice of just coping is because you are really grounding yourself. And then you can start some external exploration. You can focus. on the outer labia here, the clitoral area, explore with varying touches, tugs, pressure. You just want to go slow. Pay attention to what feels best, moving all around here. These are like your outer labia, your outer thighs. We're not going for the clitoris yet.

We're not doing any of that yet. We're just kind of exploring out here. So then you can also then move in. Then you can start touching your clitoris when you're ready. explore different parts of it with light tapping, rubbing circles. Also, you can use a mirror to visualize, track sensitivity of the different quadrants. You know, there are different quadrants of the clitoris, of the clitoral bulb that can feel more sensitive to others. These, like four different little quadrants. So I discovered through a mindful practice that I'm trying to think it's like my upper,

upper left quadrant is more sensitive than the lower one, okay? So nuanced stuff. We're talking nuanced stuff you would not get with a partner. So, you know, then you could locate your G spot, right? Your A spot, all the spots, moving with your fingers and things like which parts feel good, listening to your body's responses, okay? This is all about exploration. If you have a penis, remember, you guys, goal, exploration, mindfulness, not orgasm.

If you have a penis, here's a big thing. Switch up the grip. If you're always using your right hand, you want to use your left hand. Now, a lot of men I know feel like they get stuck in their masturbation. They're like, I got nothing to mix up here. I know what I'm doing. I can do it right. I know I do it.

But when you mix up the grip, this is another way we're rewiring our brains because it's like it's a new sensation to have another hand on it. A lot of you also have this like depth grip where they're like so used to holding in a certain way. So just trust me, try a different hand, switch up the grip, change up the usual rhythm and the angle. You can try going side to side, diagonal strokes, you know, side to side instead of up and down. Just mix up what you normally do, reverse positions. Focus on the head.

You can experiment with pressure on the different quadrants of the head of the penis. You could do light taps or circles or more firmer touches. So you're just playing with it. You're getting curious. Like what actually feels good? I'm so many men. I'm like, you know, you're a frenulum? And they're like, what are you talking about?

I'm like, oh, yeah, the funnulum, the underside of the penis where the shaft meets the tip. And they're like, oh, yeah, I guess that sends it. I think you're right. But, oh, like, become the expert in your own body. So you can know, like, oh, this is my spot. And it's going to vary from person to person. How would you know if you don't try it out? So focusing on the head, you could focus on other rodion zones.

Like I said, the friend of you number, your testicles, experiment, play, play with your anus. Look for your piece spot. Check out your prostate. You know, squeezes, lighter pressure. like pay attention to what feels good. Again, for anyone can play with, incorporate anal play into this too. If you've been curious about it, like, do you? This is not a one-time thing.

This is a practice that you can continue to work with and enhance everything is fair game as long as you're mindful and curious, kind to yourself and patience. Being patient. Let's talk about the importance of being patient, okay? because I would say that's a life lesson I need to work on every single day, is that it's about the journey, not the destination. So you have to be present and engage with your body without that pressure that I should be having an orgasm, wired at orgasming, can I turn it on my porn?

The goal here is pleasure. So it's the art of self-exploration. It really is. It's art and it's an act, and that is the reward of this session. So here is the step-by-step process. Just remember that you always want to wash your hands. Clean hands are essential for hygiene and for comfort for any kind of sexual, any kind of sex thing that we're doing. Remember turning off the distractions, no phones, no screens.

Some other tips is just taking your time. You don't want to rush to the finish. You want to explore whatever parts your body you want to. You can, again, your neck, your chest, your legs, areas that you might overlook, your feet. just feel each touch and sensation fully. Remember, we're staying present. We're staying present to what is, and we're switching it up. We're trying new things.

Anybody can use their non-dominate hand. I know I said if you have a penis, but if you have a vulva too, try a different hand. If you always lie in your back, you can flip onto your stomach. Right. So different kinds of pillows to elevate our bum or to make our legs more comfortable. Like I know I've learned that when I put a leg under my knees and I'm lying my back, It's so much better for my back.

So do all the things. Like this is this session that's really about self-care and about taking care of yourself. And it's a truly so beautiful act of self-care. You can also try a new location. You can try in front of a mirror. There's so many benefits to looking at yourself in front of the mirror. And there's been a lot of studies that it really helps people with orgasm and to feel more connected with themselves.

So discovering what really turns you on. And finally, I want to remind you all that this is a routine. This is a practice. The more you do it, the easier it'll get. The easier, the more likely you'll be able to drop into the moment. It does. I mean, you'll start to crave this. Like I'm noticing over time now that I, I really, it's actually the one area of my life that

when I'm having sex, I'm able to fully connect and yoga. I think yoga's helped me too over the years, but these are the practice. is that I've done in my daily life that have really trained my body to just like, okay, this is about pleasure, this is about breathing. And then my response is to be present. And I know for a lot of us, there's so much that, so many layers that keep us from being present and usually it's anxiety, stress, worry, trauma, shame, shame that we shouldn't be doing this, shame that we don't deserve this, shame that it's taking too long, and we're taking time for ourselves. But hopefully the practice of really coming back

to your breath with the goal of pleasure and exploration is going to help you build this muscle. There is no wrong way to do this except for just not trying. So if you're sitting here and you're on this with us right now, I highly encourage you to try this out. It can be for five minutes. It can be as long as you want. You know, I've noticed that over the years, whenever I want to start a new practice and new morning routine, anything, I have to be really, really kind to myself. And I am not like a beginner's luck person or things happening right away.

actually quite clunky with things. It takes me a really long time to learn something new. And I usually just fail at things at the beginning or I distract myself or like I would probably, if I was doing this for the first time and I was taking this course, I'll be honest with you. I might sit down, try it for a minute and be like, okay, I want to masturbate my old way. But then in my mind, I'd be like, no, no, no, you know, try it again. Like it might take me a few times to be like through it. So I'm just saying that's, that's me because I have learned that like after all these years that I just, I'm not perfect. I don't get things out of the gate. No one's perfect. And I just know that it takes a while to develop a new habit, especially when we're all wired that we've all been

masturbating, if we've masturbating in the exact same way our entire life. So to think that this is going to be this beautiful, mindful practice where you're just going to sit there for 30 minutes and breathe deeply and explore sensations and have crazy wild new kinds of pleasure and orgasms would be amazing if it happens, but not likely going to be. be what's going to happen for you. I mean, if it does, I actually would love you guys to tell me about your first experiences so we can really keep each other accountable. For me, accountability is a game changer, like knowing that I have to do something and then tell someone about it. I think in the early days of doing my show, I actually, my listeners were

my accountability because I would do a show every week. I'd say, okay, I just got this new box of vibrators or I'm going to this, you know, sex party. I'm going to do this new. I was trying everything back then for the first time and I would be like, I'm doing this and I'm going to come tell you about it next week. So I really was sort of putting myself out there and exploring. And so that's, I needed you guys to help keep me accountable. So if I can help you guys become accountable with this practice, I am here for you. Okay. So are there any questions? Okay. So Raymond asks, like, have I tried doing it while I'm doing something else? Like, well, brushing your teeth or showering. Okay, so here's the thing, Raymond, I, yes, I've, I have

masturbated while I'm in the shower. But unless I have a lot of time and it's a really mindful shower where I've nowhere to be, I don't stack it with other things. I just stack it with like, this is a mindful practice and my goal is exploration and pleasure. And if I was like brushing my teeth or showering, I would be thinking something else. Now, you could do it in a bath, but I think a shower might take you out of the moment more so. But that's a great question. But of course, you could try it. Oh, you were asking Nina about her meditation. Oh, got it.

Got it. Okay. I'm reading up. I'm reading up. Okay. So Nina asked, do you have a good way to make meditation a routine? I'm so bad at making it. Yeah, Nina, I would say the best advice I can give for you,

which makes it a morning routine for me, it's a hard one, is RPM. Okay. This comes from, I want to say, S. N. Guenco, who is the founder of Pasa meditation, but it could be like someone else. RPM. Rise, P. Meditate. Okay. It's like, rise, pee, look at my phone. Meditate? Nope. Rise, pee. Get, make some coffee, meditate. Nope. Rise P. No. Rise, exercise, meditate. No. It's rise, pee, meditate. You literally don't do anything else. But meditate. You rise, you pee, and you don't, you just literally go into your three minutes, five minutes of meditation. That's what's really helped me to. I'm like, it is a non-negotiable. Now, not every day. Like, sometimes I brush my teeth. Sometimes I do other things. I just know that I need it now, so it's more of our requirement. But early on, that was a game changer for me.

I'm like, oh, I literally can't do anything else. My second tip is use an app. I didn't use an app for many years because there wasn't an app, but some of my favorite apps, I can tell you all, I love Insight Timer app. I've been on this app for many, many years. I think now they might charge for a lot of things, but there's still a lot of free meditations on here. And yeah, it's called Insight Timer. Just you have to dig around, but there are free ones you can, yeah, I also like, I like this

better than the other meditation apps. Something else that I've been doing, I mentioned this the other day because I'm obsessed with it. It's something else I've been really into is the morning, the miracle morning by Hal Elrod. And is anyone to know about this practice? It talks about there's like six things that you should do every morning that we all probably want to do, but we don't do. And he's got a really great tool for it. And he's got some great meditations on his app.

The six things are silence, affirmations, visualization, reading, writing, and exercise. But he has a way you can do all those in six minutes if you want. Like you can do each one for a minute. Anyway, I like The Miracle Morning. But that's the ways I've become the most. And I like that in the Insight Timer app, too, for a long time. And a lot of them gamify it now, but this was early on. You get your 30-day challenge.

If you do it for 30 days in a row and you get little rewards, that really helped me because I didn't want to break my streak. So that's what worked for me. And again, I've been doing this for, I guess, since 1995, I've been working on having a regular practice, and I've gone in and out. I've had months where I was a lot better than others, but I'm on a good streak right now. Okay, so Babs says I never get excited with self-pleasure. How can I fix that?

So I would say, Babs, do you get excited with other kinds of pleasure? Like, do you get excited once you're in the moment with sex? I'm wondering if taking the pressure off, like I'm wondering if it's because, you think it's another item on your do-list if you feel some kind of shame around it like i shouldn't be masturbating or it's somehow i don't deserve it or it's taking away from my partner in some way so usually like again when i said if we're in a state of stress or we're anxiety it's really hard to feel arousal so i'm wondering if you don't get excited with self-pleasure if there's some intrusive thoughts that aren't allowing you to access arousal

and pleasure in your body. Any other questions here? Okay. Anyone else have any questions? I'm happy to talk to you guys more another time about morning routines and meditation. There's also, need to ask, to have a favorite form of meditation? I would say my favorite form is just the Vipasna meditation, like the focusing on my breath, but I'm bringing in breathwork.

The other app I love for this is it's called the Breastna. It's a free app. It's just called breathing. Powered by awesome labs. But honestly, one of my favorite forms too, sometimes I just go into Insight Timer and I'll find like a five minute affirmation or a three minute, you know, gratitude. Like right before I did this, I did a loving kindness meditation to send loving kindness to everyone and myself. I did that for three minutes. Loving kindness, meditations, gratitude meditations, visualizing for the day.

I really like those. those count. Like, you don't have to sit and be a Buddha. Like, that was the problem with when I first did that. Initially, the Vaphasna style meditation, which was do it an hour in the morning, an hour at night. I failed right away. I'm like, I do not have two hours. And it made me feel like if you didn't do the two hours, you were like failing. I love you didn't say that. And then the transcendental meditation is about 20 minutes twice a day. When you wake and at the end of the day, like when you're between work and home. I really like that as well because Transcendental meditation was more about, it was more lenient,

and I love the idea of doing it in the morning and at night, and they give you a mantra. So for some people, they love repeating a word over and over again. So it's really just a personal, personal taste. I do a combination of whatever I feel like doing in the moment, but a lot of times it's like breathwork or just, you know, stuff like that. How often, Nina wants to know, how often should we start, unmindful masturbation. So I would say, how often do you masturbate now? And if it's once a week, then the next time you masturbate, I would do a mindful masturbation practice. So maybe once a

week, if you're really into it, a few times a week, I never want to tell anyone to do anything every single day because I think that sets you up for failure. But I promise you guys, it does get easier. So I would just start it. And then, I don't know, my body craves it. My body craves touch for myself. Not always, you guys. Don't get me wrong. It's okay to not want to masturbate. Babs, it's okay to not want to masturbate. I went through a whole, I did not want to masturbate all last year. Like for like six, I think I told you these guys this other day, six, seven months. I've got vibrators around like everywhere mouse, like everywhere. It's like masturbate, masturbate. Wasn't my year last year. I didn't feel it. I knew it would make me

feel better. I know orgasms are helpful. I know I'm teaching all of you, but sometimes you just don't, okay? So anyway, I wanted to tell you all this that it's okay if you'd always want to masturbate, but I also want to remind you that sex begets sex and the more you do it, the more you're going to want to do it. And now I'm back to it again. And I feel good about it. And I don't feel bad about the times I didn't. In fact, I was like, I am just like everybody else. Like, it's fine, okay? But we have to look at the source of why we're not doing it. And then you go from there. So Babs said, what was the other app for meditation? I think that's a big problem for you not good at focusing in the moment. Yeah. That's why just straightforward meditation is hard.

Because straightforward meditation is like, I just have to lie here. focus of my breath. When you bring in breathing, let me get you all this breathing app. Alexa, I don't know if you somewhere on my, let me just find it. Breathing. I thought it was on my homepage. There we go. I'm texting it to you, Alexa. It's called Awesome Breathing. Awesome breathing. Pacer, timer by Awesome Labs. It's the most straightforward app. It's like different ways to breathe and she just goes inhale exhale inhale it different counts so I would check that out but Babbs there's no better way to learn to focus in the moment than meditating I would never be able to do it if had it not tried and it was really really hard in the beginning like hard meaning like

I was hard of myself and I didn't know that it was actually a practice like everything so it builds on itself though but now we're doing a mindful masturbation practice so We know we're building towards pleasure, then this like elusive calmness, right? This is like, no, this is going to help us all discover all those erogenous zones and things that make us feel good and build our owner's manual and all the things. Okay. Okay. So then we've got Raymond asks, do you think that scheduling time for mindful masturbation like you might with sex is a good idea? Do you feel like there's an optimal time to do it in terms of length?

Great question. Yes, I'm all about scheduling. I schedule everything. I think that if you know that if you would date with yourself for mindful masturbation, then schedule it. And I think 30 minutes is a great goal. I think 30 minutes allows us to get settled, to breathe, to take a minute. Like I said, you might be like, oh, I need water. I need a snack.

Like, whatever. Like, it's hard to get settled, especially if you don't, if you haven't done this before, settling into meditation and to mindfulness is a great practice. That's why I love using different apps, using different tools. And I'm happy to do some of it with you guys. I know we've all been, I'm not the only person who has told you the benefits of meditation, right? Like, whenever you study like great minds or leaders or entrepreneurs or like, oh, I meditate every morning, it's really, it's really like this elusive thing because there's no quick fix to it.

Like there's really no way to just kind of circumvent it. You got to just practice it. So Raymond, yeah, I agree with you. My hardcover is more badass. Raymond thinks my hardcover looks way more badass than the paperback personally. I'm just saying, do you? Here's the thing about publishing a book, Raymond. You got to choose your battles.

You got to choose your battles. I wrote the book a year ago. You're in it two years ago now. Well, it came out in 2023. And I was like, you know what? Fine publisher. Make it pink or make it whatever. But same information inside.

I don't know. Some people might like orange. I had to move on. You know, Nina, that's a great question. I actually do think I was thinking about talking about doing with a partner. Listen, if you're in a comfortable place with your partner, just like I like mutual, mutual, mutual masturbation. Mutual masturbation is what I recommend with a partner. And that's when you're

lying side by side and you're both pleasing, you're touching yourselves, and then you're touching yourself, and then you're watching your partner and you're seeing them turned on. And then you can really still focus on yourself, but it's hot to see what they do. When you're doing mindful masturbation, it might be hard to be more mindful if someone's laying next to you. Now, if you and your partner have a practice of just like, like being with your partner is calming to you. and you feel like the two of you can do it together, then try it. Again, I'm not the masturbation police. I'm not going to knock on your door.

But try it once yourself, see what you think. I know with my eye partners that I've been really good at doing stuff with, like meditating with and doing stuff with, and then others that it was just, no. So, but this practice is really about you and discovering your own owner's manual and what you, you know, like really what I'm telling you, it's really a way to figure out

what expands like usually our plus so to go back to bab's question it can be really hard to when you said you sit down to masturbate i can totally relate to that babbs like you get the moment you're like i don't i can't access pleasure right now like there's nothing good about my hands on my body because you just like dropped into it maybe okay but when you're the thing about mindful masturbation is you are really setting the mood you are deliberately an intention getting into the place where you're like, okay, this is about me and you're breathing first. You're doing two to three minutes of breathing. You are wiring your body, rewiring your brain. You are getting yourself ready. You are working on your blood flow. Remember when you breathe?

So it's like it's, if you've just laid down ready to go, it won't be as accessible. But when you really start to breathe and touch, you'll see that all of these things work together. And you might find that your arousal and your pleasure is much more accessible. That's what this practice is about, is about making your pleasure more accessible to you and more understandable. And then once you get into it, you'll realize it expands. Because when we find a pleasure bowl, we'll stop and we keep touching it, even more you touch it, it starts to expand and radiate outwards. And that's how you'll discover different erogenous zones on your body. And it's okay to have an orgasm here. I mean, please, please. But when you have that orgasm,

You can also like, okay, you don't need to get up and leave. You can be like, okay, what do I notice now if I breathe after my orgasm? Because you still have all this arousal moving through your body. So maybe you'll find that you can start to expand. This is a great way to learn to have multiple orgasms too. I know that's how I learned to have multiple orgasms was through this practice of doing it myself. Oh, oh, yeah, Nina, definitely meditate with a partner. That has been a game changer for me.

I thought you meant mindfully masturbating with partner. meditating with a partner is amazing. I love having a partner that I can meditate with every morning. And I've had that. And that's how great to keep each other accountable. You rise, P, meditate. The two of you do it together tomorrow. Do it together. I love it. Yes, Nina, I hear you. I hear you. Pleasure begets pleasure. It is true. All right, guys, any other questions, anything I can answer as long as I'm here with y'all on this wonderful day. I'm here for you. I'm here for anything you got. I appreciate you all so much. This mindful masturbation is great. going to be such a great tool for you guys in your sexual toolkit to truly, truly learn about your body, your arousal, and amplify your pleasure. Thank you all. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Hey, y'all. It's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit wayfair.ca. home.