Sex With Emily - The Real Deal with Dating with Hannah Cranston

Episode Date: July 14, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is joined by host, producer, and content creator Hannah Cranston to talk about social media, dating, and what the deal is with both. The pair talk about what it’s like to be on dating apps, how to tell someone you’re not interested right away, and why loving yourself is the best kind of love there is. Plus, they help listeners with false accusations, how to feel sexy and confident, and ways to get past “retrograde jealousy.” Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: JO, Womanizer, UVee Follow Emily on social: @sexwithemily Follow Hannah on social: @hannahcranston Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by Hannah Cranson to talk about the impact of social media on your dating life, how to really tell someone you're not interested, and why the best kind of love is all about sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them a lie on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The world's got a hair standard. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information. Go to sexwithemely.com. You can easily subscribe to our podcast. You can find us on social media everywhere at sex with Emily.

I love hearing from you. We also love when you review us on iTunes and give us a comment. We read those as well, especially the good ones. I love those, but I will not judge you. If you've got something to say, we'll take it. We just want you to listen to the show so you can have better sex and relationships because that's why I exist on the planet and I've excited to welcome my guest today who's gonna help me help you have better sex as well and relationships. It's Hannah Cranston. Hannah Cranston is a host, producer, and content creator and you can find our Instagram at Hannah Cranston. Hi. How are you? I'm good. How are you Hannah? I'm great. I'm so happy to be here. This is so fun. We've swapped content before you've done the podcast and I love having you here I love being here. You have such a cool environment. You got great people working here I always feel very welcome. You are so welcome. We have a good relationship. We do too We already decided we were gonna take to the next level. I did yeah, we're like maybe lunch dinner

We had you talked about it. We you know communication is the best lubrication the next level. We did. Yeah, we're like maybe lunch, dinner, some talks about it, we communicated it. Because the best lubrication I've heard. Thank you, it is true. I love that in a relationship, to kind of like where we go with this. I can be like, I hate to see you, but you were like, no, we have a connection. Even just a friendship or a relationship,

something romantic. Why spend so much time in our head thinking, like I should have what it could have asked that person where he wants us to go. Totally. So short. Put it all on the that person where he wants us to go. Totally. So smart. Put it all on the table. Put it out there.

I love it. Okay, so what's going on with you Hannah? Todd's a like. I've met my soul mate. I have. He does have four legs, but I feel like that's a minor logistical detail. Totally.

So I do have a dog which has been, you know, just the love of my life and sort of being a roadblock for my love life, but that's okay because I love him so much. And I'm just working on some really cool things that I will announce in the future. Okay, the near future. But yeah, everything is going well. Okay, so when we've talked, so you have the dog now and you said kind of putting a damper

on your love life. Yeah, you know in the past you talk you've dated online you're dating online Do you know this? On the apps, right? Yeah, I'm doing I'm on like Tell me different apps right now And it's like the Fair is there is heard out there, but if you got it in you stay on the It is time consuming, but I keep hearing with the whole dating app thing that it's all in the

numbers, which is such a shitty thing to hear. Dating's always been about the numbers. I know. Yes, as you say to those invitations that you don't really want to go to that person's house, but you like some of their friends with their barbecue. Like, that's how you meet people. Yeah, but I really like sweatpants. I know.

I was like with all the love. I know. I think of all the time I spend getting ready in my life Like could for sure solve world hunger or maybe learn like a third language or something Absolutely that's how the man holds women down exactly My shower he might shower right but we've got like outfits and makeup and things are you're right? I like sweatpants too. That's you so you can say home and sweat more Yeah, I defend then going out I prefer yeah, I'm a swipe more rough and then going out.

I definitely spend way more time on the apps than I go on the actual dates themselves, but I've been going on a few dates. There was a period of a few weeks where I was going on like two dates a week, which is big for me, because I don't date on school nights because I have things to do.

So that's like two weekend nights. That's a lot of time for something. You do a weekend. Yeah, it's Friday, Saturday. When do you see your friends? Like when are we gonna have dinner? Well, I just see my friends on the weekends. I guess it's better.

We could see it. It could Thursdays are better anyway. Yeah, I like that. I like that. Sunday night family dinner with my girlfriend's is great. Okay, here's my question for you. So Friday, Saturday, you have a date. Mm-hmm.

And you probably, I've been, I've dabbled in the apps for sure. I think when you're single and you want to find someone you got to include them. But I don't see what people don't like to do that. And you know what, but you're saying that Friday and Saturday you're like, nope, it's just for dating. And then when you probably match with a lot of people as well as I was gonna say, doing so many apps,

I'm sure you meet a lot of people. I, yeah, I match. How do you decide who gets Friday, who gets Saturday, do you have to do two like one for drinks, one for dinner? No, I match. How do you decide who gets Friday, who gets Saturday, do you reduce two, like one for drinks, one for dinner? No, I have done that. Right, no, you have to. You have to. You have to. You have to. You have plus you already have your makeup on.

You took your yoga pants off, so like, might as well make the best use of it. Exactly. But I found that sometimes that can be problematic one time because I met a guy for coffee somewhere and that a few hours later I had a dinner date at a restaurant and that guy walked in. No. No.

The guy from the earlier date? Yeah. What'd you do? I just turned my whole body around. I don't know if he saw me. We see on a date as well though probably. He was on dinner. I literally saw him walk in.

That's hilarious. He could just walk in and I was, this is karma of being an asshole. Right. No, but that's not an asshole thing to go out with someone else three hours later. Being an efficient asshole. It's being efficient. We all do this. No, my friend and I had this thing, and we would match with the same exact guys on Tinder

for like months. We were both single. And she's like, have you gone out with this one yet? I'm like, I have. So we kind of give each other the heads up on the guys that I'd already dated and she'd already dated, which was kind of funny, because we're very similar over the same age. And then one night before we had crossed,

checked our notes, she's like, I'm with the guy right now that you're actually going out within two hours. Like he had said, I have another date with this sex with Emily, I just like, don't bother. Like it was, yeah. So he had set on the date, he had another. Yeah, something come up,

I how often they're using the apps, or maybe he had looked over on Facebook. I don't remember what, mine somehow he said it I Don't remember now if it was like she but oh she wrote my name up and said my friend Emily because we're really tight And she's a podcast and he was like oh sex with Emily. I have a date with her So then she got to save me from not going out with them anyway Let's give the illusion that you're going out with one See, but that's why I want to correct you.

So why play the game? That it's the only one you saved. You're going to go home and like after that and wash your hair. I know. Like they used to say in the 80s, like, right? This is right. I'm sorry, sorry, not tonight. I have to wash my hair.

70s. But was it the 60s? I don't know. Who did women say I'm going to wash their hair? It was always a dull thing. But whatever you're going to do, don't wash your hair. I'm gonna go home and like, you know, knit, or whatever you're gonna do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're not an asshole for that. I wanna say you are being efficient, strong, independent woman. That's what I've actually found is that efficiency is my biggest tip for other people that are dating as well. And being efficient, like knowing what you like, knowing what you don't like,

and not trying to play the game of texting, and then eventually ghosting, or what is it called, bread come bread crumbing? I don't know, but there's new thing. What's the other way? There's like one called passive ghosting, or something, isn't there a new thing? Haunting, okay.

I'm really good at telling guys, I'm not interested. Like after a date, I'm really good at texting them. The next day, like thanks so much, this is a great meeting, you know, not interested. Right. And moving on with it. You are very efficient. No, I'm efficient. Have texting them the next day. Thanks so much, great meeting you, not interested. And moving on with it. You are very efficient. No, I'm not. Have you always been that way?

You like that? I feel like I get that. No, I used to be nice. You know how girls are taught to be nice. You know, we have to be like, oh, like sure. Let's go on a second date, even though I have zero interest. Exactly. Right, what do we nice?

I want to like me. I used to talk to myself feelings. I want to like me or I used to talk on myself feelings. I don't want her feelings. He did buy me nice dinner. Um, or, um, I would think, well, maybe he'll grow on me. Yeah. Well, he is good at paper. Oh, my friends met him. They liked him. So now how have you, Hannah Cranston learned to be more efficient in what you want? That's like a really good skill. So two different things. One being, like if I, I went on a date a few months ago maybe with a guy who told me that his 2018 resolution, his 2018 goal, was to develop empathy. Are you serious? Yeah.

And then he has for a second date, I'm like, you just told me, you have zero empathy. That is amazing. Yeah. That is literally the best thing I've ever heard. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And I'm like, you know. You know, a very sweet, vulnerable place, maybe,

or no, did he not even attach to what he was? I don't even think he understood what he was saying. Right. But he was, you know, tall, attractive, and Jewish. And so my mom is like, well, do you think that maybe, you know, something like, no. Right, right.

Like, is it already for a challenge for a lot of people? And we're just realizing empathy could take a mere step back. Yeah, so you just gotta, like, if there's something like that, that's an instant deal breaker. I forget about that. And then my new thing is on dates, and this is a bold move, but it shouldn't be bold,

is I ask men if they consider themselves a feminist? Oh, yeah. OK. Just ask them if they identify as a feminist. And it's interesting to see how men either squirm or not or how they respond or how they justify that they don't identify as a feminist. So it's kind of an interesting question

is sit across from somebody and say, won't be like, hi, do you think I'm an equal human to you? Okay, but okay, but I could see many a man being taken to back like, I thought she were right now with me too and everything, like feminists is so, it's so charged. What kind of answers are you getting? Things like, you know, I'm really close with my mom, but, or I don't like to label myself,

but like that whole sort of thing. I wonder if we could reframe it though, rather than like a yes or no or an answering it, but is there another way to get to the same answer? Because what if he just says, first of all, he might just say yes, because it's like, I'm not gonna tell some hot chick who's like, probably my soulmate.

How many people say no? Just to be asked, although they're really not. I think they really are not. So why would a guy say no, I'm not, he would say I'm not a feminist because I believe I'm superior? I think the problem is, I don't think people necessarily understand what they want to be.

That's what they want to be. That's right, because of course, that's my first concern. Yeah, like the movement in itself has different sex that you may or may not agree with, right? There are sex within feminism that I do not agree with. There are sex that are not inclusive and things of that nature.

There are some that are maybe a little too out there for me, but that's okay. I still agree with the core concept that we should be politically, economically, socially and personally equal to men. Okay. And that's what the word mean. That's what it means.

That's true. So I'm wondering though, I'm just helping you bring it in for dates. Maybe this is why I'm single. Maybe that's what the word mean. That's what it means. That's true. So I'm wondering though, I'm just helping you bring it down for the dates. Maybe this is why I'm single. Maybe that's it for all of us. I gotta be honest. I think it's something that some men, they might see that it's kind of like an attack or like there's no way to answer this correctly. It's kind of like saying, do you love and respect? Like are you a good guy? Are you not an asshole? Like do you love women? Like are you gonna burn your broth for me? I don't know what guys think of it, but I feel like there's a way of saying, like,

I think it would help by asking about their relationship with their moms and their sisters and other women in their life. If they feel like, oh, my boss, we're like, here she, that's how you find out. It's how they treat and think about women. I know that we shouldn't talk about exes on a day. I always say, don't talk about your ex on the first date, or for Fifi. I don't have very many rules in that way, but it's more's on a day. I always say, don't talk about your X in the first date. Or for Fifi.

I don't have very many rules in that way, but it's more like when people bring up their X's, typically they'd say, oh, my X was crazy. Everyone's X was crazy apparently. We all became the same person. And everyone's X was crazy. And then there's a story there. However, I think it can also be telling

because when someone's still in the mode of like, oh, she was crazy or she did all these things, they still haven't taken responsibility for their relationship yet. So it's like in the mode of like, oh, she was crazy or she did all these things, they still haven't taken responsibility for their relationship yet. So it's like, because there's two to tango, there's two people in every relationship. So yes, they could have cheated and lied and stole your money.

And you could still say they did all these things, but you were with them. You chose it. What was going on in your life maybe that granted? We also met victims sometimes for sure. I'm just talking about the whole X-ray credit. I'm going off an all-thing here. But I just think you can tell a lot about people's relationship with women by asking them an adventure. When you get to the X thing, yeah, finding out like what really happened. Have they healed?

All right. Yeah. And you can tell like you're talking about now like if, how the way a man talks about his mom or their exes, that's a really good point. If they, you know, express, you know, respect for them and it just didn't work out. As soon as they say, I still have a lot of respect for her, but blah, blah, blah, blah, then that's a good thing. But we're still really good friends. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.

Okay. Yeah, you're doing good. Okay. So what else have you found out and rapid fire dating in the stage of Hannah. Guys don't like to be told that you're not interested or that you don't wanna continue. I have, I actually brought text. Oh, I love that. I love real life text because what you're saying is now

you're also being more decisive and you're telling them the variant you're not playing like you're not ghosting. I don't wanna play the game. I don't wanna play the whole like, let me, you know, string you along for however long, or pretend that I'm interested if I'm not.

It's not, and it doesn't work for me, and it's not good for you. Right, okay. Right, isn't it way better to just break and then move on with your day? Yeah, yeah. Right, so I told a guy that I wasn't interested in continuing our relationship,

but it was great getting to know him, and I wished him all the best. So then he goes into this, like, four paragraph thing about how I'm the problem with the LA dating scene. No. Yeah. Let me see your side. He said something to the effect of, like, well, he wanted me to meet his friends, like,

on the third date, which was a little, I mean, whatever. I don't like the five days. I've introduced people like very early on. Yeah, this is only after two dates. So he gets very upset that I didn't get to meet his friends that I'm the problem with the LA dating scene, but then this is where it gets weird. He says, now you've left my dog without a mom. This was after two dates.

This is your next show, whatever you're doing. You've let, was it joke though? I don't know. I think that's a funny thing to say. Come on, I think. Oh, maybe. I think about it. You've let's look at three dates.

This was two dates. Two dates, he says now you've let, let me hear it. I think it was a joke. I can't say that you made the dog date. Did you make the dog date? No, we never met. I never met the dog. Never met the dog. Interesting. No the dog date? Did you meet the dog date? No, we never met the dog. We never met the dog. Interesting.

No, dog date, that's a big deal. That is a big deal. You need to do somebody to your dog. That is a big deal. I'm a kid. I didn't introduce somebody to my parents before my dog. Right. Good, what if your dog decides to pissing on them?

You can't date this person. They don't like them. That's what I'm saying. Wait, so that's, but okay, but what do you say in these texts when that's a hard thing after two dates? So you get in front of it. Yeah, you don't even wait for them to say, Oh my god, that's, it was amazing. Let's do something Saturday. You're like, nope. I try to be like, you know, so great getting to know you, but I'm not interested in committing, you know, what do you say? I'm not interested. I you say like, I'm not feeling a connection. I'm not feeling.

I said it was great getting to know you a bit, but I don't think I'm interested in continuing our relationship. I wish I wish you the best though. Exclamation point. Okay. If you add an exclamation point, everything is nice. Right. Right. No, I think this is great.

It's a concise down this guy didn't want to take it. I mean, no, yeah, he's just, I think he's, you guys got frustrated sometimes. And I get that dating is frustrating and it's hard and rejection sucks. But I think the way that we can have better dating experiences is if we shift our mindset, right? It's not about rejection. It's not rejection. It's not rejection.

It's not about, yeah, we weren't a match. It's not about chemistry. If somebody's not into you, that's a great knowledge to have knowledge of power, then use that power to go find somebody who is who's obsessed with you because there's somebody out there there is things you are the hottest but if this isn't that person why try to like force them to be right why spend so much time and think about the what because he might have been like oh Hannah what would I do wrong or women would think like oh why did he do this you get that kind of message it's a freedom

yes this rejection thing. We got to stop. Well, that's one thing I want to say is we do spend a lot of time, I think, and I have so many friends who contact me. Actually, more guys lately who have gotten texts like you just said, but the women, I think you are such a good role model here because my guy friends are getting texts that are similar, but they're couched in all this other language

that they've actually sent me texts to decipher. They're like, do you think she's trying to end it or not? Because she'll say something to the fact of like same thing like they've gone out a few times and my girlfriend's like, and it was amazing. And she made out with me. We made plans. But now she wrote me this. And it's like, my life's really busy right now. Work is just taken over. And I'm traveling. And I think you're great, but right now is not a great time for me because I'm busy or something like that. And then they're like, do you think I should still pursue it?

Should I convince her? Because then they don't get it. But you're like, no connection by by. You just spell it out, you have to spell it out. Yeah. And I also think another component of it is like, oftentimes the way we have, I guess stereotypical gender norms,

men feel like they're facing rejection a lot more than women because they're like supposed to ask the woman out and do all this kind of stuff. So I've actually challenged myself and I challenge other women to do this is ask a guy out or confront somebody. I thought there was a guy that was really hot at my gym, so I went up to him and handed him my number. And I was like, whoa, I feel like the most liberating feeling.

I walked out, I was like, I don't even care if he texts me. I felt on top of the world because I took a huge risk. And I think if more women take those risks, then we can level the playing field. And we can have real relationships that aren't so rooted in fear. You're so right. We're so suffocated and held back my fear.

Like everything, procrastination is fear, anxiety is fear, stress is fear. You're so right. We're so suffocated and held back by fear. Like everything, procrastination is fear, anxiety is fear, like stress is fear. Totally. Everything's fear. I love that you just went up to them. Because I don't see like everything else to be equal. How do you feel though, since you should ask people out, Hannah Cranston, I want to know how you feel about a new study that said more than 60% of women prefer to pay on the first date. Love it. You're going pay on the first date. Love it.

You're gonna pay on the first date? Love it. I always pull out my credit card. Not all men let me pay on the first date. There's a lot of guys who still want to do that, which, you know, that's a lovely gesture, and I'll say I'll pay for the next date or whatever it may be, but every single time I offer, no matter what.

But do you do a reach and hope they don't take it secretly? Take your money. Because I should. Come But do you do a reach and hope they don't take it secretly, take your money? Because I should, come on, you put a full on, or do you do this, the reach? No, I do the full on, I pull it out, a pull it out all the way. But you whip it out. I whip it out. I whip out the message.

And I try to whip it out before them too, so that they know. And do they know on me in business? No, I think this is, see, I think this is interesting because I have to say, I think this is, see, I think this is, this is interesting because I have to say, I was still in the field like I kind of like, when a guy would pay because I don't know, they're just something like I feel like they,

I was kind of coming from the old mindset that it'll be like emasculating or men like to be in charge or that I don't know, just kind of an older norm around this and I think it has changed and then there's, but there's also part that it's like, also I've't know, just kind of an older norm around this. And I think it has changed. And then there's, but there's also part that it's like, also I've gone through the whole page of like, I'll make an effort, but I don't want them to take my credit card, even like offered. And then there's the ones, so I've kind of gotten different phases of it.

But now I'm like, you know, if we really are all equal in so many ways and plus most dates are paid for ahead of time, you're doing an event and an adventure. How many times are you really at dinner? Like dates are so many more things right now that I feel like maybe a good way to think about it and not for everybody, because it also depends if you're dating someone who's more, I don't know what, to ask for the date who plants up the extravagant.

You're not gonna split it, you weren't in charge. Right, I think there are like some exceptions, right? Because I do think, I think there are like some exceptions. Yeah, let's talk about it. Because I do think. I agree. I think like in some cases, like if you can tell that a guy is feeling insecure or you know, they were used to mask it because you want to, you know, put the bill or split the bill or however it is, I think that something to take notice of, but then of course retreat, right? Because you don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable on a date. But I do think that there are some politics to it, right? Because if like so for example, I, I, I, I retract my former statement because I was invited on a first date. It was a blind date. And he invited me to Nobu. And girl, I am a boss bitch, but I ain't nobo boss bitch.

Right. You know what I mean. Right, nobo is one of the most beautiful, was it Malibu or nobo? It was my solid way. Yeah, but it's an amazing Japanese restaurant. Yeah, but it's in Los Angeles. It's expensive.

But it's like at least $200, $300 a person. At least. Even if you're not drinking it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so on that day, I was like, I don't know what to do. So I still pulled out my credit card because I was like, no, like feminism. Right. Right.

But then I was like, oh my god, please don't take this. Right, I'm over my limit. I'm over my limit. Please don't accept it. I have to be right. There's a bunch of drugs. There's a bunch of drugs. Okay.

So there's a situation like that where somebody, there's a huge disparity and salary and somebody suggests a restaurant that's out of your budget. I think you're right. I think you're right. Sort of feel out the situation. Case by case, if a guy or a woman, whatever kind of relationship you're in, I guess it feels like if you're, you know,

whoever you're dating, same sex, gay, straight, wherever it's at your at, I think if you do the asking and the planning, maybe that's who should pay. Yeah. And that's a good way to kind of like, you plan it, you pay for it, and then maybe next time, because I think this is where my heart goes out to men,

where I think like men are used to a lot of rejection and men, because I also think like, there always ones have to make the decisions, make the first move, make the plan. So like why not kind of like help with it in a way by not making these assumptions that they have that they have the money? I wish they shouldn't take you somewhere they can't afford. But it gets expensive for men.

Like I always say it's expensive for women because we have to buy the makeup and pay for the wax or you know, whatever else we do. When you say that, now I never want to pay for a meal again, because no man can ever match up to always bend. Always bend in preparation. But it doesn't get expensive for men. And I want to acknowledge that, because I never want to take advantage of that. And I think a way that I've been doing it on my dates

that I've found to be successful is if he pays for dinner, then I'll be like, OK, I'll get, if we're going to go to drinks afterwards, I'll get the drinks afterwards. I'll get, like if we're gonna go to drinks afterwards, I'll get the drinks afterwards, I'll get, like I had a date this weekend, I got ice cream afterwards. Yeah, I was like, you get that double scoop. Right, go ahead. She got mama over here.

That's pretty close. Get sprinkles, right? Making a double. No, you're right, I thought exactly, I like that, because I like, you know, this basically says that, yeah, there's the women are realizing the financial pressure dating can have a men, and they don't want to take advantage of them,

confidence, so the reason why I found interesting too is that the study says that confidence women are realizing the financial pressure dating can have a men and they don't want to take advantage of them confidence So the reason why I found interesting too is that the study says that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a Perspective partner. I think that that's true. I think men and women always say if you're confident You can like literally rule the world and perhaps be my partner So a woman's thing that has a power move rather than the passing might have seen it as a more masculine move So it could be its most, go both ways. But kind of like totally. Wait, let's get into power moves

because I think this is really important. So I think that's a huge power move. If you suggest to pay, I also, my new power move is never wearing heels on the first day. I wear a converse almost every single day. Yeah, that is like my power move. Because you're like, I'm not dressing up for you.

Yeah, just like, I'm not like that I'm coming. I'm not coming straight from the gym. Not wearing the yoga pants. No, unfortunately. So you take off the yoga pants, but no, I, but it's like I come casual. Like I'm excited to meet you, but I'm not trying to be uncomfortable.

Did you were converse to Nobu? I wore booties. I didn't wear like heel heels. Okay, yeah. I get it. Booties are the kind of not trying to hard converse. Yeah, you I wore booties. I didn't wear like heel heels. Yeah. I got it. booties are the kind of not trying too hard converse. Yeah. You got to have that.

No, you're right. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it enough to come in converse, no matter what. I like you in your tennis shoes. I'm like, oh, you're cute. I love your short.

You're like short. I am very short. I'm petite. I'm petite. Sorry. She's good. No, it's okay. I'm like, I'm bold. I love it. No, you're right. So you You're right. That makes you feel like I don't have to.

Yeah. I feel like I can walk, which is nice. Right. Because we have my like more spontaneous hike. Because I'm not. Yeah, because the guys are like, oh, let's walk to this bar, you know, down the street and four miles away. It's like, oh.

And you're going to be the girl in four-inch heels. Who's there five inches, what I used to do. I stopped wearing high heels too. That's a great power move, I love it. Here's the other thing, because I feel like you're so in this right now. I love it. I never judge on the trend.

You're in the trenches and you, I love that you're fishing, you're thinking about it, you're adapting, you're swiveling, you're, you know, you're adapting to the evening. Your cluck is too weak. You're like, no, you're your twenties, you're so cute. No, I just, you're just like now is the time. You have your freedom, your whole life is changing right now

and a really good way professionally. You're the boss bitch and it's like, you want to find someone. Yeah. But don't touch, click it, and you're talking. Clicking, click it. I got my dog for most of my needs. The dog and the toy.

You gave me for the other needs, so it's great. Do you remember the toy? Ah, we're gonna do it in a while. Oh, the touch, the Wevibe Touch. Yes. Did you do like it? I'm a fan. Okay, good.

You're so welcome. It's my favorite. I love we give. It's my favorite. I'm a great gift, ever. Always being a toy. Talk to me about, since it is online, the message is like, how much, what can someone say in a message,

the first message that will either be like, yes, I'm in or like, no, you send that to 80. Other girls are like, no, that's a, you know, could it be like a spelling error? in or like no, you send that to 80 other girls or no, that's a, you know, could it be like a spelling error? What is a for sure no for you? For sure no, and this is gonna be controversial. I love it. Is anything that is about my like aesthetics,

like too much about my aesthetics? I think to getting into like, you're so hot. You're so hot. Gorgeous, you're so hot. Yeah, like that kind of stuff. Oh, I hate that. Why are you single? Like that's such a, well, first of all, you're single too. Exactly. Why are you asking? I think they think it's a compliment. Yeah, it's not a compliment. Yeah, let's tell them. Yeah, let's tell them. Let me just tell you.

I hate when men say, you're not like other girls. What? Other girls are fucking awesome. I would love to be like other girls, women. It's such a totally, I'm like, don't put other women down to put me up. I don't need that. I'm way more confident than that. Exactly.

Exactly. I love this Hannah. It's such an old mindset. Because men come in and I was like, well, you know women. They're women are harder, and another women, and another women. I'm like, well, who are the women you're hanging out with? Because I am all about my girls. I will never hear me say anything negative.

Like, I'm like, let's bring women up. But even my boyfriend now, he's like, who is going to have girl dates? Like, if I'm not with him, I'm like, out with a group of friends. Or just one girl having a dinner. Like, that's where I get my, that's a really good point. That is on a compliment. It's funny what you're saying, because there was a study

that came out recently on dating apps and what people want to hear. And it was funny because women men want to hear a compliment. This might help you in your future dating. And the messages, they want to be complimented on their appearance and their looks. They want you to be like, nice photo,

nice shirt, love those glasses. You look sexy, men want that. Nice shirtless selfie in the bathroom. Exactly. Even though we probably did not swipe on those people. I did not. I don't want to see your body before I choose to see your body. That's why they give it to women.

They think women want to hear it, but we don't. In the study show that that's the last thing women want to hear is, do not tell me I'm hot. I obviously match you if you find me attractive in some way. You don't need to tell me that. And the other thing, I think what women wanted to hear was they were fun.

Meanwhile, there's often a word out that they were interesting and fun and seem like they were like, had a good life, but they also like that they were cool and fun, right? Wasn't that what it was, dude? Yeah, they women were fun and cool. And guys really wanted to hear about their looks and women wanted to be like,

you seem like an interesting, fun, cool girl. Yeah, but isn't that interesting? I think those are some things that we often don't get enough of. Like, I don't think we give man compliments enough. I think so. Across the board, we don't. Right, we don't. And so they yearn for that.

Just like we yearn for being told we're like, cool or doing something exciting or being smart or whatever. Although I did have a date, I'm going off on a tangent. Sorry, I've been on this. I love this. I went on a date where over three or four times, the guy said to me,

wow, you are smart. And I, after the fourth time, I was like, yeah, I am. Thank you very much. Like, I didn't know how to respond. I was like, you need to stop saying it to me because, I was like, yeah, I am. Thank you very much. Like, I didn't know how to respond. I was like, you need to stop saying it to me because you're saying like, you're surprised. Right, and your IQ goes down every time you say that too,

dude, right? I'm a little patronizing, like, you're still, that's so interesting. Well, that's how he feels about women. There you go. Did you go with him again? I did. I know.

I know, because you're smart. Well, yeah. Maybe that's it. I know. I know. I know. Because you're smart. Well, yeah. Maybe that's it. I get it. No, but I like to hear. I don't want you guys to take this for, I want my boyfriend to tell me that I'm hot and sexy and cool and smart every day.

So don't give me, I don't not want compliments. It's just in the first message. The first message or the first date where you're like, if you're too surprised or too complimentary in the first date about somebody's appearance or their intelligence or something like that, it can be taken as offensive because you're like oh I didn't expect that from me. Right. You've got to be writing all these down because they're really good. So just or just maybe saying it on something. Yeah, it's courted. Yeah, that'd be nice. Yeah, exactly. You'll have this. You

can play that we'll send you the transcripts. Perfect. But what I think is great, though, is that also to correct this, is it's not that you shouldn't tell a woman she looks great in the first state. You could be like, I love your hair. Or I think it's good to get specific sometimes. Or like your smile's amazing. I could look at it for our, it's fun talking to you.

Or whatever. It's fine to say it was. So you look amazing. You're a nice dress, nice, put together well. Or kind of really enjoy our conversation. Yeah. Once. But not like obsessively four times. Wow you were or if you meet somebody you're like, wow, you look so you know pretty tonight Say that

Damn girl you bang and like to you know like if you start going to that territory, right? No, but oh too soon Exactly tell me that like later on. I'm I'm here for it. Exactly, but on the first day when you're telling me what you want to do to my body Do you get prematurely sex didded and dick-picked? Oh yeah. Yeah, but I also have, I mean, it's a little different, right? Because people, I have such a public person. You do, Hannah Kranzsten. Everyone check out Anna in YouTube and Instagram. She's a hottie smartie. You're really smart. Are you surprised? No, I knew you were smart, efficient, and hot for the first time at you. But I think because when you, I mean,

we all do it, right? Because we all have social media. And so you're putting out a persona that's not necessarily who you are every single night or every single day or whatever it may be. And so people come up with expectations because we do stock each other on social media. Yeah, okay, that's nothing I want to talk about,

Hannah Cranston. Can you just come here and hang out with me? This is so fun. How long should you wait before following a date on social media? So I found this very interesting, and it says that, you know, why not? Why don't we friend someone right away

and follow them even though we probably do stock them? Of course. I've stocked. And I love this is like deep stocking. Like you'll stock their ex to see what they're doing. Oh, you gotta be careful with that. Why? Yeah, because you don't want you to like get into somebody,

like we all have skeletons in the closet. Like you want to get to know somebody for who they are now. You don't want to judge them on their path. That's true. Like unless they're like a picture of them, you know, like murdering hard, like don't, you know. Like that should be a red flag, but.

I've stuck people's access when it had been in a relationship with them. Like, once I'm with them, I'm like, oh, that's stock. Stock is the wrong thing. I've checked out who they dated. Yeah, but the problem is, is then at least I do. You don't? No, I have.

In the past, but I try not to now, because then you're like, wait, is she prettier than me? Is she skinnier than me? Is she smarter than me? Is she better at whatever than me? Maybe she's a better, I don't know. Like volleyball player. And now we're gonna go to the beach and play volleyball.

And I don't know how to read whatever. Wait, we don't need to fill our brains with this stuff, because we fill it with enough other negative with another stuff. Exactly. Okay, that's a good point. But I do think that you should look at somebody's social media. Well, this was my question.

Before you go out with them, do you look at other social media? Because of why I'm I the dating app game? Internet is a weird place. Let me just tell you so I always ask a guy for his handles before we go on the day I'm like I need serial killer insurance. I text them now. You say I say I need serial killer insurance What's your handles or what's your last name so I can look you up? Okay, if they don't attach it already They're probably yeah, which people do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, this is smart.

So you see, Hannah Cranston's guided guide dating. Yeah, but you have, because you have to be, look, I don't want to, I don't like to fear monger. But you have to be careful. So like my mom, I texted her the name,

full name of the guy where we're going and I have a, what's it called? Marjit, oh, you have a, no, what's a call? You put the navigation on where people can find your GPS. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, I dropped my sushi as my location. I share my location with her. Oh my god Just look your mom lives nearby. I mean Michigan. She'd be like, well peace out Okay, so so wait so you before it Okay, so going back you batch of them. Yeah, you to take it right off the app and you're like text me If you like them and then you text one or two times maybe? No, I don't text before the first date. So how do you, okay. We just talk on the dating app and then after the first date, and then you say send me your social media.

Yeah, send me your social media. So send me your social media. Or second message. Well, yeah, I wanna talk, I wanna get to know somebody. I'm, I'm, I'm, maybe I'm scared, maybe I'm, no, I get it. I don't know what it is, but I like to get to know somebody a bit on the app before we go on a first date. I wanna know know a little bit about you. I want to feel comfortable. I want to feel

safe before I meet up with someone. And I want to feel like we have chemistry. If we have enough back and forth to get us through like three days of, you know, going back and forth on an app, then I'm like, okay, then we can meet up. I've learned enough about you that makes me feel like, okay, going on this date. And then if the verse it goes well, then we exchange numbers. Okay, so, okay, so wait, let me, I need to bet. I need to really, I need to say no, no, no, you're doing great because I really want to know so, because I always say you shouldn't, don't text, even if it's on the app or get

it over with quickly, like in a day or two, if there's an interest, kind of decide if you're going to go out with them, because the people who just go back and forth texting for a month on the app, it's like, if it's time on, that's excessive. So what does it take? So you don't, so they send a first message, you like it or you send one and you're texting. Do you wait until you've already decided to go out with them, they're like, oh, by the way,

Btw, what's your social media? Or it's like, you're one of your first messages, you checked out the social media first before you even engage in with the banter. Unless it's there, I'll look at it. If it's there, I'll look at it, because, you know, not all just power. But otherwise, I had a date last week where I was on my way to the day. I was like, oh, by the way, you send me.

Yeah, just to make sure. It's good that still on the lift. You know, the ship hasn't sailed yet. It's in the middle of the bridge. Okay, got it. But you know, and you just kind of check out Facebook Instagram. Yeah, just make sure that exist. Okay. You know, the ship hasn't sailed yet. Okay, got it. But you know, and you just kind of check out Facebook Instagram and then you go on that. Yeah, just make sure that exist.

Okay, that's, you know, not cappuccino. I think that's really, nobody wants to end up on MTV. No, they don't. Unless you want with this giving you my own show that I would love to end up on MTV. Right. You're like, yes, you can air my cat foot, but however, I'm gonna do a show for you with it.

Okay, so what do you think about then, how long should you wait before following a date on social media? This isn't most people you should wait a few dates. So do it right away, because if you become friends on Facebook, if you're on friend them, maybe, and maybe people will think that there's too much about them at first.

And what do you do follow people right away? Because I feel that I, I, so for me for Facebook, I've waited a few months. Like, finally, my boyfriend now is like, do you realize that we don't, we're not friends. And he's like, oh, like he's like, I don't use that much and then we did. So it wasn't a few months. Like finally my boyfriend, I was like, do you realize that we're not friends? And he's like, oh, like he's like, I don't use that much and then we did. So it wasn't a big thing, but I'm okay waiting for that.

And then Instagram, I feel like I can see their stuff anyway. I'm not in a hurry to follow them right away. Yeah, I'm kind of with you. Unless it's like a private account where you need to follow to see their pictures, then you gotta do it. Then you gotta do it. But Facebook, you can wait.

Like Facebook, I do think is, it's taking it to the next level. It is. Facebook is next level. You're right. Facebook is the next level follow. And then, maybe next is my friends.

I'm friends with my mom. Like she's posting things on my, you know, well, this is a personal space. Whereas Instagram, if you have a public profile, anybody can follow you. So it doesn't really matter

if you know somebody you're dating, follow the risk. That's true. That's true. That's true. I like when guys follow me on Twitter though. I feel like they're like, oh, I want to hear what you have to say. Yeah, because you're so smart. They want to read your words and just look at your hot photos.

Yeah, also true. So the reminder is it says to wait, maybe just wait a few weeks and you get to know them before you become friends to them on Facebook. And remember what you see in social media is often just one side of who the person is, and usually it's their most showy side. So if you are doing a deep dive

and getting sort of toxic into their past, it's like, instead of focusing on social media, focus on the connection that you have with them. That's where we get our real information. That is so beautiful. But it also goes for everybody, even if you're not dating them. Like remember with all the people that you're following

that that is not their real lives like they were just showing you what is it you're just seeing their highlight really really nice. They're highlight real. Yeah, do you see this to social media, the whole social media thing with people that we are, I mean there's so many studies in life we just know it doesn't make you happier. I think to spend more time out and also comparing yourself. Comparing yourself I think is when it becomes really toxic right?

Because you're following these people who have used apps to, you know, tailor or, or, I guess, amend their images. The sheep and jail. Just kidding. I've used phase two. Right. Yeah, no, I mean, we've all used a filter, but I think when we're looking at it, our brain doesn't necessarily register that there's filter or Photoshop being used, and you're just

like, oh shit. And then I'm on the point of my life where everybody on my Facebook feed it seems like is getting married or engaged or having a baby. And I'm not seeing like the random girl I went to high school who hasn't posted in three years, but I'm seeing everybody else. I'm like, oh my god, everybody's doing this. I'm not doing this. I'm posting about you being single and awesome and kicking asses dating. I'm like, oh my god, everybody's doing this. I'm not doing this. I'm following my mind. You should be posting about you being single and awesome and kicking asses dating. I think you should. I'm a single, getting a really shit with myself.

And your dog, here's my gift registry. Really, right? We should register just for being happy and so no. I like that. Maybe I'll do that. Honey, you got a whole thing. You got so much going on. It's good.

OK, let's. So Hannah Cranston, but you stay with me. We're going to answer some emails from listeners. We wanna get your advice. And we're gonna give a big shout out. We are right now. We're gonna give a shout out to our sponsors. Cause we love them, Hannah loves them.

You have to leave us another tour today. Another sum, something. So yeah, thanks for listening. We'll be right back. Okay, Hannah Cranston, I just call you by your first last name. I like it. You can't just be Hannah, you like Hannah Cranston. I like it.

It's the opposite of being Cher. Exactly. Right, exactly. But it's a strong name. Okay, I love answering your questions. And if you want a question answer on the show, text Ask Emily, all one word to 7979, 7979, as always include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show.

This is from Mitch 23 and Ohio. Hi Emily, I'm in the middle of one of your older shows with Anderson, where you guys talk about retrograde jealousy and it's something I think I struggle with. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year. I love her dearly, everything about a relationship is so amazing except our sex life. I'm a relatively inexperienced guy when it comes to sex and suffer from performance anxiety. My girlfriend has much more experience and many more sexual partners which adds to my desire to measure up. While we were in our casual dating phase, she would reminisce on her college experience and often describe herself as slutty and would mention having one night

Sans and even a three-some. After we'd been together a while, I brought this subject back up because I think the world of her and hearing her describe herself in those ways just bothered me. She says she exaggerated at the time to seem edgy or independent. So she was like, yeah, I was doing all these cool things, but I can't seem to shake the feeling I have about what her true sexual history is like. I don't judge her, but I can't stop thinking about her past sexual partners and comparing myself to them, wondering what she might be hiding from me in that respect. I love your show. You've helped me in more ways than you can know, and I appreciate your help. Thanks. Okay, let's first talk about sharing your past sexual experiences with a new partner.

I think the thing you should share is if you have an STD, like, or an STI, like that should be where you start. But if you don't know your partner that well and it's still kind of new to be like, oh, I had all this creative, either way, someone's going to make up a story about you or they're going to create, they're going to judge or they're going to have an experience about your past. And unless you're someone you need to also don't know who you're with. Like now I know enough that like my ex knows all that he loves hearing my past sexual thing because he gets off on and thinks it's cool

that I've done all these things and he hasn't judged me and it's fun. But case by case basis because there are people who get jealous, they compare themselves, the guys could think like I don't measure up. And so there's just, you just kind of, I think you gotta be careful about sharing it and just make sure you're with someone

that can kind of handle the information. I don't know and I've also think I've done things to be careful about it sharing it and just make sure you're with someone that can kind of handle the information. I don't know, and I've also think I've done things to brag, maybe not to brag, but just to seem like, not even with sex, or like I dated this guy who was this and that, just to kind of give my life more color, there's a thing. They might not remember the details of your day or like where your parents were born,

but whenever someone gives you any droplet of information about your ex, they remember. They remember. So just I think I'm just saying, be choosy about your words and about who you're talking to about it. What do you think? I also think it's about intention, right?

Like what are you trying to achieve by sharing this information? If you're trying to sound cool or trying to brag or trying to appear edgy or whatever it may be, keep it to yourself, right? If it's like, oh, I've done this in the past and I really enjoy this and I wanna bring this into our sex life because I think it can make it spicier.

Like then that is something that is important to share and I think is okay. But if you're like, oh yeah, I've just had like ton of sex with the dudes with, you know, all these things that could make somebody feel insecure, I think that's dangerous territory. Think about your intention. I think you're totally right. I think that what make somebody feel insecure, I think that's dangerous territory. Think about your intention. I think you're totally right.

I think that what we want to do is, and I always say, even when there are like, how many people have you been with, like hopefully people stop asking that question. I think it's mostly people in their 20s are like, what's your sex number? And I always say, when someone asks you anything, just like you said, go back to like,

I don't really know about my past, but all I know is a sex we're having is amazing and I want to focus on that. So even if you do bring your past, yeah, I've had a, or I've had a threesome in the past, and it's something I'd really like to try with you. That's about all. Bring it back to the current moment of the current partner. Totally. But I do agree with you that if you have an STI or STD, you need to. Have to share that. Yeah, from about that.

So going back to Mitch, so that's one thing about sharing it all. And also, I'm just seeing here, there's no information that she's actually said their sex life isn't great. Like, he's creating a story because he says he has performance anxiety and that she's amazing sex in the past that their sex life isn't great. But there's nothing in here with the girlfriend complaining, saying, yeah, baby, you get it better get it together. I can't stop thinking about my past exploits because you suck in bed. So I think we often, he took information and he created some ammunition to beat himself

up with. And I think we do that anyway sometimes. Yeah, we all get in our heads during sex. And I think oftentimes that's put on women and we forget that man get in their heads to it. It's important to put people at ease. And so maybe if he opened up about some of that anxiety with her, she can be like, no, this is awesome.

And reaffirm her enjoyment in it, which might be. Sorry, I would say for him to communicate with her how he's maybe feeling. Exactly, because he did bring it up once and she just said she exaggerated. So that's why I was like, oh, she exaggerated. And so she wanted to seem like she was more, you know, whatever, experienced.

So I think now he should just be honest and say, I keep thinking about it. And I want to make sure I'm like the most amazing lover that you've ever had. How can we create an amazing sex life together? Dawn. It's a fun conversation to have. It's so fun.

It's a fun conversation. I'm telling you, once couples get over all this shame and fear on talking about sex and taboo, it's like, it becomes like one of your new favorite things to talk about because you're constantly like when you're in it together, when you guys people might be listening to you, there's no way it will ever be fun or easy. I promise you when you get over these awkwardness, it becomes like, what can we try now? What can we do or how was last night? Like let's talk about how to make it better, just like we do with work and exercise and diet

and health and relationships, sex relationship. And let me see if you agree with this because this is an opinion, maybe it's a wrong one. I don't know, but I think talking about sex when you're not like post-coidest, laying in bed naked because you're already feeling vulnerable. I think doing it when you're out of the space that you're having it might actually be better.

Like, I've had this conversation, I had the best conversation about our sex life with an ex-boyfriend, where we on a plane. So you're both facing forward, and you weren't totally looking each other, and nothing was gonna happen, you didn't feel vulnerable, but you had this more open conversation

because you weren't already feeling awkward or comfortable. Yeah, you're 100% right. That's exactly, I do not think these conversations should happen in the bedroom. We're already feeling awkward or comfortable. You're 100% right. That's exactly, I do not think these conversations should happen in the bathroom. I say that all the time because it's like, and that's a good one, the airplane. I always say, do when you're in the car,

so you're not looking at each other, because then you're like, still, still, airplane is more bizarre. I'm here, especially because I'm fine in Greece. I'm gonna talk about it next week. I will be on the plane for 20 hours, but that's all. Yeah, and you're so, you're so, you're so good. You probably will.

We already talked about it. Maybe we should take a break from our sex conversation, actually. But that is a great point. When you do it in the bedroom and I love that you knew this, like, that you already felt this, it's weird because you are post-quiet. And then you're going to link up negative or whatever. Very smart, Hannah. I love it.

Okay, do we, we got all this stuff here? So, oh, no, Mitch, stop tripping on all this until you talk to her. I think you got to just check your story, check the drama you're creating in her head. I don't think that you see that your sex life isn't pleasing her at all. So, up the conversation. Okay, this is from Mark 48 Vancouver,

and he's been going through a lot. I think we can have him here. Hey Emily, I love the show. I'll try to be brief. Two to three years ago at work, I was accused of sexual harassment by a woman that was being fired. Different department being fired for performance reasons. It was a false accusation, and after a month long investigation by HR, lawyers and interviews

with many staff members, management, and external people, I was fully exonerated. During the investigation, I felt my life would be destroyed by this, in addition, my long-term relationship came to an end. I've seen a number of counselors try to get over the trauma, it's been helpful. However, prior to this I had a healthy sex drive and engaged quite well with women, but now my sex drive is completely gone, I have no desire to socially or professionally engage with them. I've gone so far as to work for less money at a different smaller company with no women employed.

It's not that I can't engage with women. I can. But I find myself making note of everyone that's around being very careful of everything I say and I avoid making much eye contact. Logically I know the odds of the same thing happening to me are extremely small but emotionally something now has changed any advice. Mark. Woof.

Right? It's really heavy. And I feel like the fact that it's been three years, because at first I read that I was like, oh yeah, just go, I understand like you didn't do anything wrong, you have to relearn again how to talk to women. And you know, he can even be authentic and open with women. They's interested in be like, maybe not right with my bad, a hard time with all this me too stuff. Maybe I'm more challenged to just be more open about his concerns. And maybe I was thinking about practicing talking to just anybody. Like I think talking to women that you're not even attracted to because there's a certain way that he shut down.

But the more I've read this two to three years, I feel like he needs, it's kind of gone into trauma level. Like I'm not like, I want to say trauma with a small tea. And not mean like you're having like severe severe trauma, but maybe he said he saw a few counselors at therapy for something that's kind of, that's major to lose your job. Take a smaller commission, move somewhere else that he probably need some kind of like EMDR therapy. Do you know about EMDR?

It's like eye movement, desensitization, and reprocessing. And it's when you go to the therapist for a very specific instance and they do this kind of thing with your eyes and they do, they get trauma therapy and you can kind of move through stuff. So anyway, and this also brings up, what do you think for someone who you hear this? So it does sound like he's experiencing major trauma with a capital T. Absolutely. He's having some post-traumatic stress disorders. It's what it sounds like.

I'm not a doctor, I can't diagnose him. So I have no idea. It's difficult because when we're talking about reports of sexual or asthma or sexual abuse, the amount of reports that are false are only within two to 10%. So it's a very small minority of these reports that are false. That said, the people who are falsely accused of this, I mean, that's horrendous, to be accused of just doing the worst thing that you could do to a woman or to anybody, right?

And if you didn't do it, that's awful. That is a huge trauma and that is not only to your character, but also for your job, for you know, your dating life, it for your job, for your dating life it sounds like it really affects it, his dating life. And so even though it's a small percentage, it's still something that's really impactful in it. It's as awful that he's going through this, but I agree with you.

I think, I mean, I'm a huge proponent of therapy. And I like that he talks about therapy because I don't think enough people talk about seeking mental healthcare. So I think that's probably really double down on therapy. I mean, I've been in periods of my life. I wasn't therapy twice a week. You know, sometimes it's a little bit.

Same, I love that you say that. Because I want to talk about that because I want to talk about therapy a second because I think you're right. People who say I saw a couple of counselors, you don't go to therapy three times. It's not like, if you couldn't tell me if I was like, oh, do you exercise? And you're like, yeah, I've gone three times. Like, you're not in change.

It's like a rate in allergies. So I feel like therapy's the kind of thing where you literally, you double down, if you can't, yeah, I used to go to my suite, or you go, you commit once a week. And it's for like a year, people. And I know you're thinking, oh my God, no, the price, the cost, it is the best money you'll ever spend.

You gotta find somebody like, but to really have any progress, I truly believe everybody needs it, even if it's short out the gunk, sort out the stuff from childhood. It's all childhood stuff. Yeah, you may not think that you have a problem or whatever it may be,

and not a trauma like this, but therapy is good for everybody, and for people who are younger, or people who can't afford therapy, there's some great options now online. I'm not a sponsor for them, but I like to shed bait. But they have where you can text a therapist and it's cheap. I think that's like 10 dollars a month.

Something crazy, crazy cheap. Where you can text them or do Skype sessions with them. So if you don't have the time or you can't afford to go into a full session with a therapist and do the whole shipping, there are other options that can help you, but we really need to do stigmatize there. I think you're right. I think it has to be like, I went to the dentist,

don't my therapist. Totally. You got my hair cut. You wouldn't be part of it. I love the analogy, no, I'm going off the tangent. No, just be so weird. You would not go to be embarrassed if you're like, oh yeah, I went to the doctor because I broke my foot.

No. Okay, you went to the doctor because your mind needs help too. Right. Mine needs mending. We all need it. We all need it. Otherwise, we get off in these places where we are having a really hard time functioning. So you have someone who's independent party is not your family, not your sister,

or your friend. Yeah. Just trained to do this. That's the job. That's the way you help you. And I love the gel alternative solutions. And a lot of you guys, a lot of insurance, even if you like, oh my insurance sucks,

many companies will give you like 20 sessions free or 20 sessions not free, but like half cost or they cover 20 sessions or they cover half the cost. So I think it's a great place to start. So Mark, yeah, and me too, when I get it, you're right, two to 12% of the cases are actually there are truth in them. So I could see that being tricky with the environment,

but I think just be honest, keep working on yourself. Yeah, okay. Thank you, Mark. This is from Stephanie 26th, New Jersey. My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years. We both still live at home with our parents and don't see each other as often as we would like. Throughout our relationship, sex seems to always be a topic that causes an issue.

My boyfriend thinks I don't enjoy sex and that I don't want him. He thinks sex is a chore for me and I only have sex to please him. None of that is true. But I can't figure out how to make him believe me. I've never been vocal about sex. I don't talk dirty because I feel awkward doing it and I feel uncomfortable trying to be sexy. I want to know what I can do to feel comfortable and get him to believe me. What are some things I can try to do for my boyfriend? Yeah, so Stephanie, 26 years old, there's a lot of thoughts here.

First of all, all of this, I just wanna reframe this for you Stephanie, I love that you wanna feel sexy and feel in your body and all that. And I don't think this is ever for somebody else. Your orgasms aren't for somebody else, dressing sexy isn't for someone. It's not for your boyfriend. It's not to make him happy.

It's not even to make him believe you. What the voice I'm gonna give you is for you to believe you and for you to get into your body and then get into your own sexy and figure out what that means. She's been with them since she was 19. So I'm going to assume like that you're just thinking and I think we don't know this about sex and we should just automatically be great at.

We should feel amazing about sex. We should give blow jobs like we came out of the womb. That sounds like a good job for that. But you know what I mean? Like you're not going to magically be like I know sex. So go easy on yourself. And I think he probably is in the same boat you are in the sense of maybe in porn,

he's seen couples having sex a certain way, women acting sexy. I don't think that you know your sexy at sef and sef and that's okay. And for me, this would come from you guys either together figuring out what is sexy to both of you. By like, listening to the show, you know, reading books together, just started to talk about it.

But thinking on your own, you got to screw you off and figure out how to feel confident and sexy, you know, that's not going to happen that way. And also, it's not your fault that he doesn't think that you enjoy sex or he thinks that you, you know, aren't as into it as him. Spoiler alert, that's society's fault. Right. You know, telling women and men that they should view sex differently and that men are cool, but girls are slutty.

And that girls aren't supposed to enjoy sex until after marriage or whatever, bullshit that we are fed. So that's society's fault that he thinks that way, because he's just getting those messages and applying it to his real life. And so I do agree with you completely that she that Stephanie like for you. I think it's really important that you figure out what's comfortable for you.

And maybe that's whether that's having some time with yourself and figuring out what's comfortable for you and how you can bring that in so that you are more comfortable in your end element with him. Or again, having those sorts of conversations outside of the bedroom, where you are affirming your connection with your boyfriend. And the fact that he's saying he doesn't believe her, maybe ask him when this conversation, what would that look like to him if you were really into it?

Or you were whatever he says she's not. Whatever he says you're not, ask him what it, that you would enjoy sex and I don't want him. But you're so right. Like, I think a lot of people watch porn and then they expect to be like screaming. We have neighbors. Exactly.

Or that is not like I mean, noise pollution law. Yeah. Yeah. And like, they've got their parents. Right. Oh, yeah. Yes, you're in the home, honey.

You got a lot of things here that are challenging, Stephanie, so it's okay that you don't feel like this fully of all of sexual being, but I don't want him to label you in any way at all. And you're right. We're basing it on such stuff that's not real. Hollywood, Hollywood, porn. I just want people to realize that it's a work

in progress life always is. Thank you, Hannah. Thank you. You're so good and insightful life always is. Thank you, Hannah. Thank you. You're so good and insightful and so smart. This was so fun. It was so pretty. You're so pretty. Thank you.

See, that feels really good to me. You guys have to follow Hannah Cranston because she's doing amazing things with some more incredible announcements to come. And it's at Hannah Cranston, right? Yeah. At Hannah Cranston. H-A-N-N-H. Cranston with a C.

Yeah. And Stance was your website, and I love your energy. I love your energy. I love your advice. I love being here. This is so much fun. It's been a great time. Thank you.

And thank you to everybody for listening. Thanks to my amazing team. Ken, volunteer Sarah, producer Jamie, Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com.