Sex With Emily - The Reverse Kegel That Pro Athletes Use for Better Sex

Episode Date: October 24, 2025

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE WhisperVibe™ OR a FREE Rose toy with any Whisper™ order! https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/emilymorse-podcast Join the SmartSX Membership : https://sexwithemily.com/smartsx Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. SHOP WITH EMILY!: https://bit.ly/3rNSNcZ (free shipping on orders over $99) Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ In this Sex with Emily episode, wellness educator Lauren Roxburgh explains why Western medicine discarded the body system that might be blocking your orgasms—and how to bring it back online. Lauren reveals fascia: the communication network your body uses to record trauma, send arousal signals, and feel everything. Medical schools in the 1900s threw it away as "packing wrap" without studying it. Now we know it's your sixth sense, and when it's congested, you age faster and feel less. A woman with a tilted uterus faces sudden stabbing pain with her well-endowed partner after a decade of great sex—discover why the diagnosis isn't the whole story. Someone's tried every technique for premature ejaculation with zero results—learn why most solutions create the opposite effect and what pro athletes know about lasting longer. A post-menopausal woman on hormones still bleeds during painful sex—hear which ancient practices work when Western medicine falls short. Lauren teaches the reverse Kegel (why opening beats squeezing), how stress clenches your pelvic floor without you knowing, why Brazilians walk differently than Westerners and what that reveals about sexual energy, and the breathing pattern that pumps toxins from your brain while awakening sensation below. If pain during sex, premature ejaculation, or post-menopausal dryness have stumped your doctors, this reveals what they're missing. Timestamps: 0:00 - Intro 1:16 - What is Fascia? The Body's Communication Network Explained 5:05 - Why Western Medicine Ignored Fascia Until Now 9:36 - How Fascia Impacts Sexual Pleasure and Embodiment 15:03 - Releasing Trauma Stored in Your Body's Tissues 21:27 - The Blood Flow Problem Behind Sexual Dysfunction 27:34 - Pain During Sex: Understanding Your Pelvic Floor 30:24 - The Reverse Kegel Technique for Better Orgasms 33:40 - Painful Sex with Tilted Uterus: Solutions Beyond Positions 38:38 - Fixing Lifelong Premature Ejaculation with Body Work 43:07 - Postmenopausal Pain: When Hormones Aren't Enough

The pain is a message. So we don't want to numb the pain. Remember, the pain is your beautiful body speaking to you for attention. So pain is just the way your body is saying, I mean, it's actually a portal to transformation. If you think about it, pain can be a portal to transformation. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. What if I told you the most overlooked system in your body might be blocking your orgasms. Today, I'm talking with Lauren Roxburgh, the Body Whisperer, and she's here to pop our fascia cherry.

Lauren explains fascia, the communication network Western medicine literally threw away in the 1900s, thinking it was just packing wrap. Turns out it's your sixth sense where trauma gets stored and where arousal and pain are felt. When it's congested, you age faster and feel less. When it's flowing, you come back home to your body. We're answering listener questions about painful sex with a tilted uterus, lifelong premature ejaculation that nothing has fixed and post-menopausal pain despite being on all the right hormones. This is embodiment work at its finest and it might just be the

missing piece you've been looking for. All right, let's get into the episode. Hello, I'm really excited that you're here. I need you to pop our fascia cherry today. You are an expert on fascia. You are the expert on fascia. And, you know, you explain is the organ of feeling and perception. So can you please just explain what fascia is because it's really going to lay the groundwork for our talk today. I would love to. So fascia has always been my love language. I didn't realize it until I actually started studying it about 15 years ago when I went to a school about structural integration. And what I discovered is that, you know, we know fascia is like this scaffolding of our body. It's like this kind of spider webbing that envelops the

entire part of us. It weaves through every cell of our body and intersects and connects with every system of our body, which means it's intersecting and communicating with our nervous system, our endocrine system, our hormones, our digestive system, to name a few. There's 12. I won't name all of them. But it's an incredibly important system. And what it is, you know, technically it's this kind of the stuff that you would see when you open up a chicken. Okay. You know, when you have like a chicken, you buy it at the store, you see. see that white stuff? Yeah.

So that's what fascia looks like. It's like the glue of the body. When you see that the fascia of the chicken, though, that's in a dead body, obviously. Our fashion looks better than that. It does. Well, when we're alive. So what we've now realized is that it's not just the scaffolding that's holding us up and giving us shape and form.

It's actually, it's a communication network inside of our bodies, sending and receiving information, sound, light, frequency, energy, and cellular nutrition, cellular hydration, and even emotions. So it's this incredible webbing that is in all of us. The superficial fascia lays right underneath the skin and above the muscles. It wraps around each individual muscle, kind of like a saran wrapping. It also weaves through our organs, our viscera. So when our fascia gets congested and dried up and brittle, that's what we call aging. What I believe is that fascia is the fountain of youth for many reasons. Now, the other big thing that's happening right now is that if you know anything about Chinese medicine, acupuncture, so that deals with our energy. Well,

it turns out that our meridians, where we get the needles put in, lives in the fascia. That's where the energy is moving through us. So if you believe in energy, how could we not? We're all energetic beings, right? And what's so exciting about that is that when you create freedom and flow and bring hydration into your fascia, you can start living in your body again and start tuning in to the sensations. And so now we know fascia also in the new science, like we said, that was the dead piece of fascia you see in the chicken. We now have cameras and technology that can see fascia in a living body. And so this is where the medical paradigm will actually never be the same, because we now know that it's a site of biological activity.

It's even being considered now the sixth sense, the sense of feeling. So now we know, you know, all of our five senses, sight, sound, taste, and touch. And then now we know that like skin is to touch, fascia is to feeling. And so it's the sixth sense. And it's where we feel everything. It's where our body feels arousal. It's where our body feels pain. And it's how our body communicates with us.

So there's this incredible secret language happening within our bodies. Wow. And it's all happening in the fascia. So how come we don't know about fascia? Like if people, I think people are starting to hear about it a little bit more. And you were the first person who introduced me to fascia. Yeah. When we first met, it was you have your rollers that people go by.

Yeah. Everyone's into phone rolling or maybe they should be. But you were the first one, like, gave me one. And it was like, we're going to work together on, if anyone's done this, you've had sore muscles or at the gym, they have it, you roll. And that's where I was first feeling like, where I first understood it, that it's actually, we can access it. We can move the energy through our bodies and deal with pain. So, but why don't we, yeah, why do we know about it? Like, what is it? This is such a great question. I mean, the rolling is great. And I'm a big believer in it. That's called myofascial release, because that's just very superfasial. and so that's working with like the muscular fascia but now because we know it's and this is something that I've been on a mission to learn more about and read all the new scientific studies and you know collaborate with other scientists as well in the space to understand it more to realize that it's in it's touching every cell of us and so what's really remarkable about that is that fascia the reason why we don't know about it is because in for some reason something happened in the early 1900s where there was a division of church and state. And that means that

church was going to just be more of the spiritual side of, you know, us humans. And then the state was like, we'll take over the bodies. And so for some reason, I can't really explain it. But they just started disregarding fascia in dissections in medical school. They thought it was just the packing wrap of our bodies. They just threw it away. They never investigated it. It was like those styrofoam and popcorn things. They're like, we'll just throw that way. You're saran wrapping, your plastic wrapping, right? We don't need that.

We don't need to study that. We need to get to the bones and the organs and the muscles and da-da-da. So that's where the real change happened and something happened in that time. But before that, the father of osteopathy, so if you've ever had an osteo session, he was alive in the late 1800s, early 1900s. He coined the term that the soul of a man's being resides in the fascia. And so when you think back that someone already knew this back then, and then something divided us and took us in two different directions, and then Western medicine, of course we need it. But we've been numbing.

We've been just giving people pills. We've been, you know, filling voids and turning off the sensations. So that way we can't feel our soul. So we've been numbing ourselves. So bringing it back around to realizing that when we start working with our fascia, we can actually connect again. to our consciousness, or some people might call it the soul. So what I've seen as a body worker in my career is that when we get, or if you apply pressure with a roller or any tool, that you actually can get the person's consciousness to come

back into these areas to actually live in their body again. And that will awaken your intuition. It will awaken your gut instincts. It will help you connect to your authentic self again. And then that's when you become magnetic. And you attract anything and everything that is meant to be in this lifetime for you. It is profound. And the magnetic energy, you know, we're electromagnetic beings.

The electric part is the masculine. The magnetic part is the feminine. Most of us have been living more in the masculine. And so the fascia to me is helping rise consciousness on the planet and bring more of the feminine in. because the feminine is the feelings. Feelings are the feminine energy, and that's the magnetic energy. So our thoughts are electric. Our feelings are magnetic.

Thoughts are masculine. The magnetic is the feminine, and that's where we create this amazing balance. And we've been living in just the thoughts. We've been living in our head. We've been living in the cerebral mind for too long. We've been living in control and force, try to make it happen, do, do, do. it served us but we're now fatigued and now we're ready for the feminine to rise not to take over but to create balance it's not about the feminine or women only this is the feminine energy in us all and this is where fascia is the bridge to connect us back to our feelings I talk a lot about embodiment and being in our bodies and being which is what kind of work you do what I love about this is that we are so heady like you're saying we are

trying, even in meditation, which I think is very important. But when you can add a movement to that, when you can add the fascia and getting into your body, well, that's what's going to help people get out of this disassociation they might have, the numbing that you're talking about. It reminds me of the clitoris in a way. So the clitoris wasn't in, here's why. The clitoris was also understudied and wasn't even any medical journals until like 1992 or 1998. Because they decided it wasn't important. Men and women are now this. We could study the penis. we can study the vagina, but we missed it. We totally missed it. So that's why we have to play so much ketchup. And I feel like you're doing that with fascia right now. How is it impacting our

ability to have pleasure in our life? Is it stealing our pleasure? And then how can we ground in and get in touch with our fascia so we can have more? Oh, there's so many good nuggets there. I love it. I mean, I think, yeah, we're coming back home. We're coming back home to our body the way it's really meant to be. We're coming back home to our power. The power we have within us is so incredibly powerful like the same energy that created our life is there available to us at any time and we've just forgotten and so when we come back to the feelings and we can tune in to become more sensual and we do this through i mean one of my favorite things is to do it with the body elixir because it works with the olfactory so this is the oil i've created a few years ago and it's called

the body elixir it's a magical potion and so we use scent to bring us back to our senses. And this scent is a really powerful piece to come back to the present moment and to have moments of awe. How do we come back? Like if we want to have amazing sex, we need to be present and we need to be embodied and not disassociated. And the other thing about fascia is that trauma gets stuck in our tissues as well. And then that creates an actual vibration, a frequency that lowers our vibration or maybe even attracts certain things. But the thing that we've forgotten is that we have the power to shift that and to move those energies out. And like Gabor Mate's work, I know you're a fan of his work as well.

Trauma is not what happened to us. It's how our body dealt with what happened to us. And when we think of it that way and we know it's true, we have power. There is so much power in that to realize we have the power to alchemize these experiences that we go through and actually integrate them and have compassion and they become part of us instead of denying them and trying to shove them under the fascia carpet what I've found in my work and also the new reason the people that are on the cutting edge of this this new thing that's opening this whole like all the science all the people in the healing world are finally coming together with doctors and scientists And we're all seeing the same thing.

Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, all the ancient wisdoms have known this for a long time. We're coming back to this. And what we're realizing is that fascia is the organ of perception. It's like literally experiencing and recording every memory, every experience, everything we go through. It is recording everything. And it's protecting us. It's going, oh, I shouldn't go there, or I need to take a deep breath, or I need to eat, or I need water. It's keeping us alive.

And so when we have traumatic times in our lives, whatever our nervous system and our conscious mind can't handle at that moment, then get stored in our subconscious mind. And so now we believe that the fascia is the subconscious mind. You cannot change the past, but you can create a new future. And you do that by realizing, like, I went through something really shitty. And I don't want to be defined by that for the rest of my life. I don't want to carry that around with me like a bag of coals. I don't want it to be vibrating my magnetic energy to keep attracting the same thing.

I would even call it the trauma roundabout. We can get stuck on the trauma roundabout. And I'm not being uncompassionate. What I'm showing is that I know there's time that needs to be processed. But the experience that we go through, we cannot change the path. So we need to integrate it and somehow be able to accept that it's part of us and to be okay with that being part of us as humans. And maybe we turn that pain into purpose.

Maybe we do something amazing with that. And maybe that makes us walk our true path. I mean, that's why I'm doing this work because of my story. My mom died of breast cancer. I wanted to learn why do people get cancer? I turn my pain into purpose and now I feel like I want to share this with so many more people.

Maybe you could explain perhaps how you would work with someone who came to you because we've even gotten to the pelvic floor yet. It's all connected, of course, but I think that there's such magical work you do with the pelvic floor, but for example, if you've had a trauma and you go to a therapist,

which I believe that everybody benefits from therapy, especially if you've had a trauma of any kind. So now we've recognized it. But what are some of the things that we do or how you work with people to help them, how do we know that we're releasing it? What do we do? It starts with our fascia. Absolutely.

So what we do is turn on the neuromuscular pathways. We rewire our body. Our body from the brain to the body, from the body back to the brain. Because what happens is if we are not processing that trauma at that moment, it will then be stored. And what happens is we then disassociate or become numb. maybe pain will start residing there, a lot of tension, a lot of thickness, density, inflammation, which leads to congestion, which then can lead to disease.

So the energy likes to pool around those areas, and then the muscles start to weaken, the nerve start to shut down. So then you lose tone there or you become hypertonic, which means you're overly tight and you're overly clenched. And then when you're clenched, then you try to go and have sex and you have pain during sex. The clenching, can you talk a little bit about the pelvic floor clenching that we don't really know that we're doing it, right? Because there are so many women who have pain during sex or just pain in general and they are like, I don't know why. But can you talk about the role of the

pelvic floor in that? Yes. So much is happening down there subconsciously. So the subconscious, like even it's the whole connection from the cranium to the sacrum. Okay. And that's where the base of the core, sometimes I'll call it the pelvic floor, right? So it's a hammock of muscles that attaches your sitz bones, your pubic bone, and your tailbone. And this area of the body can get really tight because any time we get to a traffic jam or we get that, you know, you run into someone, you're like, oh, I don't like that person's energy. Or you get that stressful phone call or email, we subconsciously clutched ourselves. Well, if we're not aware. And this is something, let me tell you, it takes one to no one because I was, like I've mentioned to you

before, my teacher, when I first learned this pelvic floor release, it's like popping a cork, literally. When I learned this, my teacher was like, you have one of the tightest pelvic floors and jaws he had ever seen. It's because I was an athlete growing up. And I was like a really competitive swimmer and water polo player. And so I was like all about force and pushing through and making it happen. So this is why I feel like I can talk about this because I've been there. And I've had so much lower back pain, hip pain, stiffness. I mean, I could barely do a yoga class. I was so wound up. My jaw was so tight. My face looked different. My symmetry looked different. And so as I started to realize how do we release this through either touch, through like actual

body work or through using a tool. So, you know, I use the body sphere and we use the body sphere, which is a squishy ball and you sit on it and you can get the neuromuscular connections to come back and rewire so you can start as we were saying earlier start living in that part of your body again your soul and your consciousness and we're going to do a we're going to do a little video that we're going to point you guys to we'll put it that'll be super helpful really getting into the meridians and the lymph system that helps flush out like and the energy and emotions so it helps flush out emotions like around for women we have so much heaviness and density in our hips because it's where our joints, you know, we have a lot of muscles intersecting.

It's like a traffic jam. So anytime there's a lot of muscles coming in to attach to around a joint, that's a real area where it can get congested and emotions can live in the joints. And so we work with the domes, the spiky ones on that area and the inner thighs. And then we sit on the ball and move our hips around the ball. And then that just opens up and expands that hammock of muscles, the deep core. It's like the base of the core, the peasant. pelvic core. I mean, it's everything, though. I mean, I remember when you were first

on the show, the power, your book had come out, the power store. She's literally talking your pelvic floor. That is where the power is. That's where our sexual energy lies, our creativity. But since it is this central part of our bodies, it gets misaligned. The alignment piece is really key, because then that force of energy can pulse through us more efficiently. I love to say that when you start working with your fascia, you get these incredible physical, biomechanical, physiological benefits. It's like getting an upgrade. You know, I love saying that fascia is like the Wi-Fi of our body, sending and receiving this information. And so, you know, I mean, you know what it's like when you have slow Wi-Fi.

Yeah. It's terrible. It's a nightmare. We can't even handle for two seconds. And most of us are living with slow. We're living with dial-up right now. There you go. Dial-up. We're living with dial-up Wi-Fi. We're like living in the 90s or whatever that was 2000. and by rolling, sitting, doing some of the stretching, taking one of your courses, we can learn to kind of get it back online, get it back to high-speed internet. Yeah, high-speed. And even I would say, too, I mean, the way I look at it, you've got the Wi-Fi and the body, which is sending all the information to the brain, which is the computer

processing center. So, but we've been doing everything from the computer instead of, you know, getting the information. So I'm like, we need to do the opposite. I'm just thinking about the benefits of doing it throughout. our life. Like if you took two to three minutes and I feel like that some of your work is just you don't have to just like commit I'm doing it for an hour a day. It could just be I'm going to do this one move. I'm going to look to the left. I'm going to look to the right. I'm going to

my hands up and down. And then you'll feel your whole body, right, start to sort of go back online in the way that you wanted to. Would you say that's back online? Yeah. That's it. Because we're running our energy through our body. And so if we want to show up in the world with like good energy, which who doesn't want that, right? Yeah. Then we have to do something every day to move. It literally is, it's called piezoelectric energy. It's piezo electricity.

So in our fascia also, like we were saying, you know, the meridians are in the fascia, but that means it's basically electricity. And the reason that is is because, you know, fascia is made out of collagen and elastin, but it's also wrapped with a shell of water. So the water, it's like if you put your hair dryer in a bathtub, right? You're going to get electrocuted. So the water shell is how sometimes people call it a liquid crystal. It's how the electricity goes through us. So we're talking about circulation here because this is why I think this is so crucial if we will

understand that most of the challenges. And we're going to get into some questions here. Most of the challenges that people are facing in the bedroom, if it's an orgasm, whether you have your penis or a vulva, you are probably having a blood flow challenge or a circulation challenge because you're not going to be able to get a rouse. You're not going to get erection. Or you have pain because you are like, clenching and everything's tight, it's all like circulation blood flow. So it would come from that. And energy. And energy is blocked too. So the feelings of the motions. If you had a trauma, you've been clenching and you are holding stuff in and you haven't been moving your body in these ways that we're talking about, you're going to have some challenges. And I can talk to you about it all day, but the body part

is what's missing is the movement. And I always say like you've got to be exercising, but maybe it's just not the right kind if you're only spinning or you're only like it's really we get tighter it might almost be like that can help with some blood flow but we're talking about this deep internal body work the way you get into the subconscious and the embodiment piece is you can't do it when you're in fight or flight you can't do it when you're in sympathetic with the nervous system so if for someone that knows themselves a little bit maybe they they are like stress so you take like two minutes and you do like you massage your ears to tap into your vagus nerve, which brings you into the more calming state of the nervous system, which is about rest, digest, and heal and coming into your body again. And the vagus nerve

also opens up compassion. It also opens up just getting into your body again. So yeah, ear rubbing. You can do the neck rubbing here because the vagus nerve goes from the ears down through the neck, down through the heart, down to the gut and to the pelvic floor. Because if you really do believe, you know, Nikolai Tesla's quote, if you want to know the secrets of the universe, you've got to start thinking in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration. So if you want real intimacy, which I know not everybody does, but if you want really good sex, aligning yourself with the being in front of you on all these levels brings you into your body, into the moment, and into the deepest connection you could feel. I think most people do want deeper connected sex. And

most people probably do want intimacy. They just don't know how to get there. Yeah. And you could be talking, try reading all the books and trying to meditate and maybe in therapy with your partner. But this is the stuff that if you live in a stress state most of your life, or you are in fight or flight, it's actually impossible to have pleasure and arousal in the same moment that you're living in stress or fight or flight. Yeah. And so this is the kind of like tools and tips that will help you get there. And you don't have to do on your own. You could do it with a partner or a friend. I feel like you are personifying embodiment here in a way that I just think is so important for people to understand. Because I try. Maybe I, you're like, Emily, we get it

already. But I don't know. Like, I'm like, this is another level, another layer that I want people to really. Thank you for saying that. I appreciate that. The embodiment piece has been something that I've been working on. Like I feel like we can know a lot of things in our head. But if we're not living it and breathing it. And that's to me the most important piece. We have to be what we want to attract. And one of the best gifts that I ever got in my lifetime, the advice I had after I went through my divorce, went through my perfect storm, which we can talk about, the best advice. And I know it sounds so cliche and people will roll their eyes, but fall in love with yourself before you do anything else because then everyone else will fall in love with you. And that is not from an ego place.

that is not it is a humble confidence fall in love with the best parts about you same thing we've talked about earlier with trauma trauma we can't change the past we can't really change certain things about us especially the more you get to know yourself the more you can fall in love with yourself and honor that and then you can be the best person reach your highest potential and be the change you want to see in the world be the change it's true really be it but the being is the embodiment piece you can say everything your energy introduces you before you walk in the door so i would rather bring good vibes where i go and so i use affirmations a lot in the morning like right when we wake up in the morning is a great time and that's why i like to weave these things in they're so

easy there are things that you're already doing you're going to go to sleep you're going to wake up yeah how do we weave it in so the first thing in the morning is this opportunity when you're asleep and you're there's like a few minutes between when you're back in your conscious mind your monkey mind. That's when our subconscious is more available. So take that moment and start reprogramming your subconscious in the morning. Like I'll say, I am love. I embody radiance. I embody joy. I am here to make the world better. Whatever you want to bring into your body, into your essence, into your being and start vibrating. This is like not woo-woo at all. It works. Because that's what you are. I know. It's really not. And you are the most like brightest, like, happy. This is how you

are so it's like i mean it's taken a while to get hair let me tell you actually do it and i have the affirmations my phone i don't do them all the time but when i have the days or weeks or months where it's steady because if you think about also if you're somebody who has a lot of negative self-talk yes if you're replacing it with more positive affirmations you also are rewiring it that's why it's so important to have the affirmations and that's the consciousness piece and the consciousness piece is the key in to the embodiment you got to have the consciousness to get to the feeling right yes absolutely we're so we're so we're just walking around in unconscious many of us many and that's okay because we're getting there the popcorn is popping lots of people are

popping awake what i love for your audience to hear too is the benefits are like the radiance that you can like i love the word radiance for like women over 40 especially because it's like it's not like oh you want to have glowing skin that feels so superficial like radiance is a magnetic energy of Like, you can see someone is juicy. Like, they have this radiance in their eyes, on their skin. And it's not about being young. It's about being whole. Okay, so I'm the show.

I get a lot of questions for people who have pain during sex. And I always say maybe go to a pelvic floor physical therapist. That could help you release some pain. But it's sort of complex. Not everyone's pain is the same. But many people don't even know what the pelvic floor is, why it matters, how it's impacting our pain a little bit. So you do all the work on people, a lot of people and getting people to strengthen and stabilize

their pelvic floor. So what can a strong, stable pelvic floor do for your sex life? Ooh, great question. So there's a few different layers to this. So the pelvic floor gets tight from, it can be from like after having a baby in the way your body has healed. It can be from that subconscious clutching down there. I like to call it the on-off stress button sometimes.

The pelvic floor is like, we don't realize it, but we're just like, knuckling our way. Like we'll actually be white knuckling. Some people sleep like that with their fists like that or their jaw like clenched the whole time or you're having crazy dreams. And so you're locking everything. And then that's also locking down in the pelvic floor. So that tightness and tension is going to create a blockage. And so like we were talking about earlier, the pain is a message. So we don't want to numb the pain. Remember, the pain is your beautiful body speaking to you for attention. So pain is just the way your body. is saying, I mean, it's actually a portal to transformation. If you think about it,

pain can be a portal to transformation if you allow it to be. So we have to reframe our whole relationship to pain. We really do. So we've got a bad bat. We're trying to numb it. We're taking a pill. We're doing something. You're saying the pain has messages. It has major messages. And always, I will say that pain, wherever the pain is in the body, isn't the only place to address. So it can be meaning in your other places in your body to addressed, like your jaw or your feet or your inner thighs or your hips. But also, there's always something else there in the life that needs to be addressed. I shouldn't say always. Many times, many times there's other things that need to be addressed, whether it's emotional because the emotions

get stuck in there wrapped up. The emotions just, they like to lodge themselves in the areas where we have, you know, congestion, just like lymph. The lymph nodes are in the fascia. It's like, oh, I'm going to go right down to the pelvic. I'm just going to sit there. I'm just going to sit there. It makes it more predisposed to issues, we call it issues in the tissues. This is why we say that. So pain during sex is something that usually is from having too much tightness down there and not being in receive mode, not able to be in receive mode, which is the feminine. So the feminine is the nurturing and you need to be open, right?

So I love, I actually love practicing the reverse keggle. So people think that you need to do the cagle, but it's actually the reverse cagel is needed as well. So we can do it together right now. Let's do a reverse cagel. Okay. So we have to uncross our legs. Okay. That's okay.

And it's literally like no one will see us. You can do this anytime, anywhere. I recommend people to do it like while they're driving at a stop sign. So you just do a little. Okay. So what you do, the visual, close your eyes so that you can go into your body, into your interception, into your connection to what's happening inside of you. And then just do a little squeeze. Everyone knows how to do a kegle pull.

They might not. Oh. So I always say it's like the pee stopping muscles where you stop and start the flow of urine. Perfect. So if you're like all of a sudden someone's knocking on the bathroom door and you want to stop peeing, like it's that muscle. Stop it. Cut the pee off midstream. Yeah.

Right? Like and that's actually hard to do. So really trying to not use like your core or your butt as much. But just picture that hammock of muscles, right? The pubic bone to the tailbone and then the two sitting bones. So it's like a hammock. And then you're going to squeeze that, you're going to pull it up and in like a rosebud, sucking it up into your core.

Okay. You'll notice your jaw feels tight or your shoulders. Hold on to it. And then slowly let it go. This is the reverse kegle. Let it go one more layer like a flower blossoming. Visualized that. I love the visual.

Yeah, that's key, right? Because we all learn so differently that when you throw in the visual part of it, that really helps. the flower. Yes, and I have like audio meditations that do this, but we'll do it again one more time. So pull it up and in, squeeze, and then let it go and expand like a flower. And then before we shift into something else, take a deep breath. As you breathe in, your diaphragm presses down into your organs.

Your organs drop down into your pelvic floor, and your pelvic floor naturally expands like the blossom. And then as you exhale, everything just now. naturally comes up. This is how our body pumps the cerebral spinal fluid through our body from our cranium to our sacrum. That fluid also feeds the brain nutrients and helps flush the brain of toxins. So there you go. I felt the tension and then I just felt it all like melts, right? Yeah. So when you realize that you're, when you take those breaths with awareness, you, the breathing, I think a lot of people don't realize that breath is like the pelvic floor is

totally connected to breath. People just talk about the lungs. I'm like, no, no, you got to breathe down into the flower blossoming. And then it'll take longer. And then you start living in that part your body. And that's the embodiment piece. We talk about disassociation or disconnection. A lot of us walk around just completely disconnected to that part of our body. So learning to do some of these breathing exercises, even if it's just a few minutes a day or when you want to be more turned on or in the mood, it is a game changer. Because if you think about it, that might have been the first time for many people just to get that connection. But that's how you directly connect it. And it helps to visualize the part that we're talking about. Because that's where you're going to get more.

If you guys want more sexual pleasure, more orgasms, that is the first step is connecting to it. Take a deep breath, feel your body. And Lauren and I will be right back after a quick break. Okay, Lo, will you help me answer some questions here for my listeners? I think that these would be right up your alley. This is from another Emily, 27 and Orange County. Hey, Dr. Emily, I've listened to the podcast for years. I'm a huge fan of the show and information shared on this platform. So, I've been sexually active for about 10 years. This last year, I started having bad pain, stabbing, pain, cramping. My current partner is well endowed out, about eight inches. I've been to the gyno several times and had ultrasounds, worried I had endometriosis, PCOS,

fibroids, or something else going on. None of that seemed to be the case. However, I was told that I have a tilted uterus, which could explain the pain during sex on top of having a large with an average partner. I am perplexed by the fact that I've had sex for almost a decade without having this pain and it's just starting recently. It has made sex difficult as I feel like I'm always worried or stressed about being in pain or something hitting the wrong way. It's also annoying as positions that used to be my favorite are some of the most painful. I'm looking for advice positions that can help those with a tilted uterus above average partner. I'm hearing having a tilted uterus is fairly common. So hoping I can help others struggling with a similar

issue. So I think there's a few things she's had the uterus, but I think also having a larger partner, a larger penis now is going to be hitting her in ways that are just causing more pain than she's ever had before. She's probably always had a tilted uterus, but could you speak to that, the body structure of the uterus and maybe what's going on here? Absolutely. So first thing I would say is like it's also probably has to do with his angle, right? And where you're hitting, yeah. But the tilted uterus thing is something that, who knows if she's had it from day one, But there are, it's like someone that has scoliosis, you know, you can work through that. People heal themselves from, you know, you can, our organs are so malleable.

And after, you know, as you get pregnant, you have a kid, you know, I mean, your organs are like all out of whack. And so you have to do a lot of work to get them back in. So actually doing things like inversions for her, working on getting her pelvis more aligned, like the doctors that saw that, they only were looking at one part of her. All right. If I saw her in front of me, I'd probably look at her feet. look at how her hips are look at how her pelvis is aligned is it um does she have a pelvic

torsion is one side of her hips more anterior the other side more posterior um how do we get some more space between her ribs and our hips to create that length because we all kind of ends up like getting those love handles because we're so smushed from sitting too much and that's you know muffin tops show up you can get rid of those yeah so repositioning her organs and her structure getting more length through her structure like doing maybe some polates could be helpful for her doing some great bodywork could be amazing because she can't change his size, but she could maybe move her organs around a little bit and get more alignment and more space. So that's all it is. She needs a little more space for her beautiful man. You know? Yeah. That's okay. So that's,

and then also positions probably. There's other positions that she could find too. That's your expertise. That's my expertise. Right. Putting a pillow underneath. Like if he's on putting a pillow and elevating yourself like under your bomb. Doing the pelvic floor releases too would be huge. Like on the ball just to open, like, and also meditate on having more space in there and expanding that flower. I mean, we have people that gain an inch to an inch and a half in height from, I mean, that's why I call my first book, taller, slimmer, younger, because people were getting an inch to an inch to an inch and a half taller. Like, it's not, it's like totally measurable. It's crazy. So, what, so that's the body alignment part of it. So could you, would you actually

work with her? For example, could she see someone like, like you do. Yes, a structural integration practitioner would be phenomenal because they can get into the viscera and move the organs around and it's it's the most amazing or almost orgasmic feeling too i mean it hurts at first and then but once you get it to open your digestion changes like your waist becomes thinner a pelvic floor therapist could be helpful as well because again it could be something that's shown up more recently there could be some more tension in there that could be related to stress or psychosomatic thing or a trauma thing that's maybe left over from the past. Okay.

Yeah. And I also think for positions, too, don't go right into the same positions you always do. So having a pillow will help you elevate your pelvic floor. Spooning position is a great one for this because you could, again, always still put, I just love pillows. They're the most underrated sex accessory to use to get you in the right position because a lot of us, since we are not that connected to what's happening during sex and we're not really feeling what's going on, we tend to just go into the same position every time,

but it's like not working for anymore. So Emily, I could give you a few suggestions like spooning it would be great or seeing how it works with him on the bed and you're with you on the bed and he's off the bed, play around with it and be conscious with him and say, let's just play around and like try different angles. But I think you're going to be able to find that in addition to doing some exercises, just sort of thinking like what is a better place for us to be doing these certain positions, you'll be able to find a more comfortable place for you. But again, I don't think that we're just often intentional about our sex positions are about sex at all?

I think that's a great tip. Okay, so this is a big one. I was excited to talk to you about this, premature ejaculation. This is Derek. He's 43 in Ontario. Hey, Dr. Emily, I recently watched your interview with Mel, and I loved your advice. I want to ask my own questions. I've been with my wife for 20 years, married for 15.

We have two children. And for the most part, I'm happy with our sex life. I suffer from premature ejaculation and have my whole life. I've tried several things over the years to resolve this issue with no success. When I was younger, my recovery time was much better, so it didn't bother me. me as much. Still embarrassing, but at least I could go again and last a little longer. Now that I'm older, this is not the case. I've learned over the years how to pleasure my wife the oral sex, which is what we do every time we have sex. So she's able to have a couple orgasms when we're

intimate. She says it doesn't bother her. She's happy that she can please me so easily, but I hate it. I wish I could just enjoy the feeling of sex for more than just a minute without coming. And then check this out. Any advice we appreciated over the years, I read lots of literature, and tried, breathing exercises, cagulls, squeeze technique, stop-start technique, numbing gels, SSRI inhibitors, pressure points, tantric sex with strong cagels and pressure points you can devote your orgasm and not come. I thought it was onto something, but I'd lose my erection, so kind of defeated the purpose. I tried Viagra to see if I could last longer. I have no luck. Help me. I want to enjoy my partner in better orgasms. Well, how cool is this guy, by the way? He's done

it all. I'm so proud of him. I'm so proud of him. I'm so. I'm so. He really wants this. He wants it so badly. He's 43. I know. I love all the effort and work he's doing. And this is it. This is bringing him to start living in this part of his body again.

All the things he mentioned, I mean, I wouldn't say all, but many of them sound very like creating more tension, more contraction down there. Which kegles can do. Remember we're saying we need the reverse keggle. We need the expansion. We need the visualization to open that area up. So for him, yes, even for men, we need to be able to release. that clutch so that you can allow your body to be more connected down there. Turn on those neuromuscular

connections again. And that's what gives you the ability to connect and hold it. You know what I mean? Yeah. So is that what's happening for him? You think like so that he's premature jaguarial. There's a lot of different reasons why people do it. It's like it could be habitual because it's been happening since it's like the first time he had sex and he's just been trying to correct it. What would be his protocol? It's not just in one place. It's like this holistic. Everything's never. You know what I mean? Like, it's this armor. And so this is very typical in like the Western world.

Like I had to study this when I was in my school for structural integration. And we had to study how people walk in different areas of the world. So like, for instance, in Brazil, they have so much more hip movement. They've got like more sensuality in just the way they walk. And in Africa, same thing. Then you go and watch people walking in the subway in the UK, no offense, to our UK people. Love you guys, the British people. but they look like they have like a stick up their ass.

Literally a stick with that. So tight. Their hips aren't moving. Their organs aren't moving. There's no flushing happening. There's no juiciness happening down there. So the energy is just like, it's so sensitive to sensitize. So we're not even walking right.

Yeah. So he's in Canada. I don't know how Canadians are. He's in Ontario. I think it's very Western as well. I mean, this is more. So we're just stiff all around. We're uptight.

We're stiff. Oh my gosh. All the pro athletes I've worked with when we're, we go in and do the pelvic floor neuromuscular repatterning and help them tune into that because literally when you touch someone, you're turning on that awareness, right? So you're bringing them back into that body, into the body. And that imprint stays with you forever. So doing the work of the, like when I worked with the athletes, they were able, like they were

like, oh my God, one of the benefits is that I can literally like go so much longer in the bedroom, let alone they also were also able to jump higher and have quicker reaction time. So they're more, it's literally an upgrade. It's an upgrade in the Wi-Fi of that part of your body. So going and finding someone that does the body work, a pelvic floor therapist or a structural integration person that does. And he could do that as well. I always think it's always women, but like that could really help enough for all these years. So he hasn't done that yet. He hasn't seen a pelvic floor. Would you say it's a pelvic floor physical therapist or a structural? I would go more in the structural integrative because that is like how you get into embodiment. Derek, so try that out and let us know. I want to be the one that helps Derek because he's been on a journey. Yeah. He's 43. We're going to get him there. Okay, Derek.

Thank you. Sonia, she's 57 in Connecticut. Okay. Hello, Dr. Emily. I absolutely love your podcast. I never miss an episode. I am 57 in postmenopause. I am on transdermal estrogen, estradiol, and oral progesterone.

When sex became too painful, I started using Premarin, which is vaginal cream, as prescribed by my doctor. I also use them externally, especially in that painful 6 o'clock area. It's been over six months there isn't any improvement. Penetration is also painful and I actually frequently bleed. No amount of quality loop makes it more tolerable. My husband, I love each other dearly, but we don't even try anymore and we have zero sexual intimacy. He's also challenged with low testosterone and assurance where only barely cover injections that he finds cumbersome and leaves him with pain at the injection site for some time. My question is twofold.

Is my condition permanent and there is no hope? And is there anything besides injections that can help raise a man's testosterone, thanks for all you do. Well, I think this is such a great question for you is because she's doing all the things. She's on the hormones, which I'm a fan of. I think that so many of this can benefit from hormones when we go through perimenopause. Menopause, there's been a lot of misinformation about it, but now we're realizing that this can really be beneficial. But she's still having pain and her husband's also suffering. So what would you think here? I've got a few thoughts. So the first thing I would say is acupuncture. And herbs, Chinese herbs, there are some incredible herbs that you can take, you know,

till the day you die that keep you young and youthful and supple and hydrated. And yeah, so that, because the acupuncture is helping with the chi, as we know, the energy, if you believe it or not, I mean, there's tons of research on it now. Yeah, I love the acupuncture. And then, you know, as we said earlier, the meridians are in the fascia. And so, again, getting that, I think it's about getting that circulation and blood flow coming down into that area, turning on the nerves again, living in that part of your body again, and that might take a little bit of time to get into a practice with that. But a lot of people

will feel their hormones regulate even more. And it doesn't matter what stage you're in. Like I have a lot of clients that are over 70 that are women and they still have juiciness down there because we've worked on that. And that's been an intention that they have. So maybe she should take one of your courses. Yes, the pelvic floor course would be amazing. making the power of the pelvic floor. And that was coming out, right? That's coming out soon. Yeah, sign up for the wait list.

So you're hearing from people say women in this age that you're working with. Yes. Through your studio that they're like, I haven't felt this before. Because I'm with, it makes sense that the hormones will come back online. The nervous system is the one that is the big boss to all the other system. There's all these other layers to her story and his, actually, which is really that how stressed are you and how often are you able to get into that? parasympathetic state of rest, digest, and heal. Because when you do that, your nervous system

goes, oh, I can secrete more hormones. I don't have to just be in, like, fight and fear the whole time. That takes so much energy from you. Acupuncture can help tremendously for men, especially, and there's even specific herbs. There's an herb that stimulates testosterone for the men. They call it deer antler, which is a specific Chinese herb that's like a game changer. I mean, nature has so much medicine. They do. Chinese herbs is great for a lot of the paramedipausal symptoms. I remember when I first started having like night sweats. I went to acupunctures. I took these, they stopped like within a day, like this tea with this herbs in it. It's pretty, it can be really gnarly though, but it doesn't taste good. But it was like such a relief to know it. Yeah. But we just again, we just want a quick fix,

go to our doctors. We get medications. It doesn't often work. So it sounds like to do all about as well. It's all good. Yeah. But the rebounder could be helpful as well. bouncing just to kind of move that energy down there as well because when you bounce you're giving every cell of your body a little massage and also when you're bouncing are you able to does it help the whatever medications you're taking circulate more too is that part of it would make sense it helps discharge a lot of the toxic build up that you know that we all build up which then allows the real medicine to work better oh my god lo thank you so much that's very very helpful Is that enough for her?

I think it is. Your condition is not permanent, Sony at all. Nothing is permanent. And I think if you've learned anything today, there's so much that we can do that we haven't done yet. We haven't even tapped into yet. So it is not permanent. Your first day of the rest of your life could be today if you're taking some of this

knowledge in and realizing there's changes you can make. So try some more bodies, some movement, some more work. We'll talk about how they can find you in a second low and take a course. And then is there anything besides injections? There's a lot of stuff about the nutrition can have. help with testosterone, can help with hormone, just, but again, it's all holistic. So how is his mindset around it? Is he in fight or flight? I mean, if he's getting these shots and he's fear around it, like that's not going to help. How connected are you guys, you know, when you're

having sex, has your relationship? He could also take a cream, though. If he doesn't want injections, though, and he still wants testosterone, you could take testosterone cream and rub that that on instead of an injection if you really want it. There's like supplements and pills, and then you could go see a natural path. You could go see a specialist, a urologist. So I, I just leaning into this show into more of the body wisdom part, which I think is important. I would say another modality that I would recommend in this particular scenario would be cranial sacral regulating the nervous system. And that will help all the other systems start to do what they're supposed to do more efficiently because we are meant.

Of the massaging our scalp. Well, it's going, it can go all through. They start with the feet, but it's basically helping the nervous system regulate itself better. I love it. Yeah. Thank you, though. Thanks, Sony, for your question. Let us know how it goes. I have everyone just feeling inspired right now to, like, try something a little bit different. Bring your body online. Okay, low, before we get into all your things, I have five cookie questions.

I ask all of my guests. Okay. Super quick. First thing comes to mind. Be just one word. Biggest turn on. Confidence. Biggest turn off.

Control. What makes good sex? Presence. Something you tell your younger self about sex and relationships. Be yourself. What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? It's really so personal. It's a personal journey. Yeah. Make it your own. Cool. Thank you, Lo. Tell us where people can find you. They can also take one of your courses at AlignedLife Studio.com. They can just sort of

see what we're talking about, because I want people to feel this. And what I love, we're offering them a code. Use code Emily 30 for 30% off. So the Align Life Studio is sort of like when I worked with people hands on for so long. and I was like, I got to get this to more people. I can only get my hands on so many people. I was like, I want to create a platform and a resource for people. So there's over 400 flows and practices in the Align Life Studio to help support a healing journey to be able to step into your power and purpose. And a big part of my work is helping people awaken the power of their pelvic floor.

So I think for your audience, yeah, that course is going to be really resonant for people to be able to move the energy, come and start living in that part. of their body again and to become more sensual and enjoy their body and their life. I love that it's so specific, too, that it's really just the pelvic floor course. How would it not impact your sensuality, your sex life, your orgasms? Absolutely. So it's the pelvic floor course, okay, coming on February, so they have to get on a wait list. Yep.

Cool. We have a wait list. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I want you to do it. I'm on it.

Okay. Where else can people find you? On Instagram. If you just type in Low Rocks, I'll pop up for Low Rocks, and where else? I'm on YouTube now a little bit, giving some step away. And then, yeah, the studio is our main place. Amazing. Okay.

We'll put this all in the show notes so you can find Lowe. And thank you, love for being here. Thank you. What an honor. You're amazing. That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. And if you love the show, please like, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you get your podcast.

And, hey, share this with a friend or a partner. It might just spark something. It usually does. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sex withemly.com for free guides and articles and more ways to prioritize your pleasure.