Sex With Emily - The Sex Conversation Most Couples Avoid

Episode Date: May 15, 2026

In this live episode of Sex With Emily recorded on May 7, 2026, I talk about what’s really going on in our sex lives right now, from low libido and mismatched desire to shame, porn expectations, dating struggles, and why so many couples feel disconnected. I answer your real questions about intimacy, kink, ethical non-monogamy, and how modern life (stress, phones, and social media) is impacting our ability to connect. Most importantly, I share why communication is the missing piece in so many relationships and give practical ways to start talking about sex in a way that actually brings you closer, not further apart. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply!  Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to Sexy With Emily 1:01 Why People Avoid Talking About Sex 8:36 Answering Sex Questions at a Dinner Party 9:46 How to Start Dating Again 13:27 The Modern “Sex Recession” 15:08 Beginner Kink & Sensory Play Ideas 16:09 Is It Normal to Admire Another Man’s Body? 19:31 Why Compliments Matter in Relationships 20:17 Low Libido & Feeling Too Tired for Sex 24:35 Why Nonsexual Intimacy Matters 26:14 Do Women Want More Sex Than Men? 28:18 How Social Media Affects Libido 30:10 Why Couples Should Discuss Sex Drive Early 31:36 Gaming, Dopamine & Modern Disconnection 32:35 “Use It or Lose It” & Sexual Energy 35:18 How Porn & Movies Shape Expectations 36:23 Roleplay, Fantasies & Ethical Porn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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And in fact, sex has started to feel a little bit like a chore. And then people follow me into the bathroom to ask me deeply personal questions. Like, how do I get my partner to orgasm? They're actually in a sex recession that people are just, I don't know, they grew up with smartphones, during the pandemic, they were isolated. I just think there's a huge crisis happening around sex. We think our partner should be my partner should be my number. readers and know what we want and then we just stay silent though because we don't know how to

actually have the question couples who talk about sex have better sex couples who talk about sex more often report greater sexual frequency happy Thursday we're doing our live thing i know couldn't make it last week but i'm here now so join me for this chat so as you know this is the new podcast. My podcast of 20 years, 21 years is now me coming live and talking to you and answering your top, dating, relationship, and love questions. Lately, I've been getting a lot of questions. I've been traveling about, I was in Miami, I was in Michigan, seeing my family, and where else was I? And whenever I'm traveling about, there's so many people, as you can imagine, whether they're friends or family, who all have questions for me about their sex life and their relationships and dating. And it's so interesting that after all these years, a lot of the questions are not surprising to me.

I mean, maybe for them, they're like, I never talked to anybody about my sex life before. which to be honest is why I do what I do. So many people have never asked anybody a sex question, ever. But we have them, right? We have them, but mostly we hold them in because we feel so much shame around talking to our partners about sex. And in fact, we think, if I have to talk to my partner about sex, it means there's a problem. or like it means they're going to be upset, I'm going to hurt their feelings, or we just know the sex isn't what we want it to be,

but we don't really know exactly how to go about fixing it. Anyone ever been in that position? So right now, how's your sex life going? Is there anything going on in your sex life where you feel you have a question about it? I also have some questions sitting here. People like, oh, you're Emily, sex with Emily, or they know me, or they're friends of the family, friends of anyone. And they're like, they like, nice to see you. And then they lock eyes with me across the room wherever I'm at.

And then people follow me into the bathroom to ask me deeply personal questions. They're like, how do I get my partner to orgasm? How come I'm never in the mood at the same rate as my partner? How can I get my partner to try anal? So these are the questions people ask me. Why, how do I spice it up with my partner that I've been with for 20 years? Honestly, five years. Sex feels the same every single time.

And in fact, sex has started to feel a little bit like a chore. Oh, he's saying that other people aren't respecting me. Yeah, you know, I've been doing this for so long that I, it doesn't feel that way. I mean, it depends. If I'm out with friends, I'm deep in conversation and then somebody approaches me at a restaurant and I'm eating or something, I might say, can we talk about this later? But if I'm out or they're friends of friends and people, because I'm deeply passionate about what I do for living and I know that I have the ability to help people heal and get unstuck,

because most of the problems, here's this. Most of the problems and challenges that we have in the bedroom can be solved. We can work through them. We can make our sex better, but we don't because we have so much fear around actually bringing up the topic of sex. And so we just stay mute. We stay silent. But the easy fix for sex isn't necessarily going to a sex therapist, trying a new position, buying a new sex toy, some new loop, although all those things can help. It's usually because we have an idea in our head about how sex.

should be how it should be going along. We think our partners should be mind readers and know what we want. And then we just stay silent, though, because we don't know how to actually have the question. So yesterday I was invited to speak at my friend's office. She has a PR firm. And she has these little lunches with her team. And it was like 16 people. And she's like, will you just come talk to us about sex, about relationships, about dating, about love? I'm like, sure. They bought me lunch. I went there and I realized that like it was so interesting because I just started saying, hey, listen, I know this isn't normal. Be the person in your friend group that talks about sex.

Be the one who approaches your partner and talks about sex. I was like, how many of you have had a conversation with your partner about sex lately that has actually moved the needle for your pleasure in your sex life that helped make it better, that helped you get your needs met, that allowed you to like, I don't know, feel better in your body and understand what times of day sex felt great with your partner, what you wanted more, what you wanted less of, just like anything. Like if you, someone was saying that she was always really tired at night and her partner only wanted sex at night. And she felt like she was somehow not fulfilling the relational duty of having sex with her partner, that

her mother raised her that if the guy wants it, you just do it. You just take one for the team. And I was sharing with her that where does that come from? Like who decides that we have to do sex, do the sex whenever our partner wants to, right? Or it has to be at night, especially if you're a mom or you're tired or you're working a lot. Or maybe you want sex in the morning or maybe Saturday afternoons at 3 o'clock or the perfect time for you to have sex. And these are the things that we even think about. We don't even think that we can choose it or we can even talk about the nuance of it. I mean, you've probably figured out what time of day you want to eat dinner and what time a day you want to do your workouts. Maybe it's in the afternoon or maybe it's in the evening.

But with sex, we don't talk about it with our partner. We don't decide when we actually want sex and then we feel guilty that it's not happening or it's not happening when we want it to. So all I'm doing is inviting you all to have a conversation and say, you know what, maybe I can start tonight with my partner and say, hey, I realize that our sex, that we haven't talked about our sex life lately, and we've never really talked about it at all, you can blame me and say, I talked to Dr. Emily. Sex with Emily said that couples who talk about sex have better sex. The couples who talk about sex more often report greater sexual frequency. They have sex more frequently, and it's more pleasurable. So if anyone has a question right now, you can ask

me any question you want. I don't have to say your name. You can be anonymous, even though it's your handle. You can even call in if you want. You can. I don't know the number right now, but you could call in. 559 talk sex. I think that's a number. I have some questions that came in from you earlier. You can always DM your questions or send them to feedback at sex with Emily. But if none of you people watching right now are going to put a question in the chat, I'm going to get on to these questions. I'll bet you'll be able to relate. So, chow Emily from Italy. Oh, oops, you came in. Thank you. Right before. Here we got one from our YouTube audience. A short while ago, I wound up at a 50-year-old friend's annual lunch and drinks with his school friends. I write erotica and design kinky sex,

kinky pleasure sex and plettoys. I spent the whole time answering sex questions. Exactly. You get it. It's because we are doing the kind of work that most people in their day-to-day life are not meeting people that can help them with this subject, with this area of their life, that they often feel very disconnected, they have fear on it. So what kind of questions were they asking you at the annual lunch and drinks? Curious. I love what you do. She writes erotica and designs kinky and pleasure toys.

I mean, don't you want to sit next to that person at the table? Who can answer your questions? Well, pretend I'm sitting next to you right now and we're at a dinner party or we're out. And you met me and I'm chill and I'm cool and I'm open. What would you want to ask? What's that one question about sex or dating or even your relationship right now that you've always wanted to know more about? So we just got a question here. Hi, how do I begin dating again?

I'm gay. I've never had a boyfriend. It's so hard to get out, especially in LA. How do I begin? Well, that's a great question. Anyone feel that you do not know how to start dating again, that you feel that that muscle, that muscle that felt that you could just go out and meet someone or even swipe on a dating app has felt dormant and not accessible to you. And maybe you put up some fear around it, like, I don't even know how to get out again. And I love this question because it can be really hard. I equated to going to the gym, you know those times that you're really fit, you're like, the first time you go, not easy, but you start going a few times a week. And after two to three weeks, you're like, okay, we're going to the gym, we're doing it. The same thing

goes for dating, the same thing going for even being open to dating again. So first, go out and just start talking to people. You can still go out with your friends, but if you meet someone, you can smile across the room, strike up a conversation with people. Doesn't have to be someone you're even attracted to. But we find partners, lovers from our community, typically. If you're not on a dating app,

you can find people out in the world because there are more single people now than anywhere. And especially living in L.A., there are so many single people and so many single gay people. So keep doing the things that you love doing and approaching people and saying hi and getting to know them. I mean, most of the people I've dated have been because I met them in the wild, out in the world.

You can also let everyone know that you're single and that you want to be fixed up. That's another great way to do it. So that's it. Dating is an effort. If you really want to meet someone, you have to prioritize time in your life. They're not just going to drop down the chimney. Like, that doesn't happen. They're not just going to be dropped on your front porch.

I think we think we have these expectations that I'm just going to meet them or you'll meet someone when you're ready. I hate people say that, like when you're least expecting it. I mean, maybe that could happen. But I think the only people who say that are the people who actually found someone when they least expected it. Because everything's true. You meet people when you least expect it.

You meet people on an airplane. you beat people when you put on all the effort into a dating app or into dating. But I do think that the best way for you to find someone is to actually prioritize it. To decide that this is important to you. And I'm going to spend, I'm going to allocate two nights a week where I do something outside my comfort zone. I say yes to that invite of that party that I don't really want to go to, but it's a friend of a friend. or I'm going to go to something happening in my city that interests me. I'm going to bring a friend and we're going to go to some public event.

Listen, IRL is popping right now. Everybody wants to be out in the world. We are so tired of being in our screens and our phones. And even if it's not a dating event, it's an event. People are gathering. Maybe there's music. Maybe there's art. Maybe there's a hiking club.

You know, it's spring. There's wine tasting. There's music. I mean, there's so much happening. that we live right now in the world, and there are single people there. And even if we go with friends, we can still make a smile across the room,

say hi to someone. I say hi to everyone. I'm like, hi, nice to see you. Say how to the bartender? Say, how to the person? Just talk to people. Strike up a conversation. We got something here that says, hi, my sister is 20, and she's in Boston. And she says none of her girlfriend's

like talking about sex, but they're shy. She feels like they should because she can tell it's affecting their dating lives tips. Yeah, no, I feel like that makes sense. I mean, we're hearing that a lot of young people aren't having sex right now. They're actually in a sex recession, that people are just, I don't know, they grew up with smartphones, they, during the pandemic, they were isolated. I just think there's a huge crisis happening around sex. And so I do think if none of her girlfriends like talking about sex, that that might be something interesting to bring up with them and say, hey, I was listening to sex with Emily. And there's so much shame and uncomfortability

around sex. And what if we just thought? Like, I'm curious what you like in the bedroom. Do you ever talk about sex with your partner? What positions do you like? What toys have you tried? What loop have you tried? What have you found really turned you on? I mean, why not? Like, think about it, especially as being a woman. I talk to my friends about everything. Where'd you get that makeup? Where'd you get your hair done? I love that top. What kind of work on? you do like we all talk about everything but why do we have sex as like a carve out why don't we talk about sex like why is the topic of sex still shrouded in so much mystery and so much shame you know what we would learn if we all talked about it it would make a huge difference

so i just think this is important okay guys so my king's kink friends said that kink goes all the way from closing your eyes while someone strokes you with a feather more fun than it sounds it is fun because when our eye when we take when we close our eyes or we have a blindfold on that means that all of our other senses can become more heightened to touch so you take away one sense like eyesight but that means my touch my sense of sense my sense of sound um become everything becomes more heightened so even just a feather stroking a against your arm can feel really good. I love that. Um, and she's got one of these little pinwheels, a Whartonberg pinwheel, um, and a makeup brush. These are these little prickly things. I have one of those

not sitting here. Usually I do it, but you put all over your body. Just like get created. You can use a hairbrush. Um, just have a bunch of things that might feel good when you rub them over your partner's body. That's a great way to do it. All right. So we got another question here. here he says I'm a heterosexual man but I've seen my friend's penis a few time and think he has a nice penis I only like to look at it nothing else why is that what's going out with me means you like to look at a nice penis unless you saw the penis and you kind of you got turned on and it made you think about having sex with a man it doesn't have to mean anything it just means that that's a nice penis that how beautiful is that penis how handsome

I don't know you'd say about the penis but like it's so funny all these things that we think they don't have to mean anything I like looking at women's bodies women's bodies are beautiful so I just think thank you for sharing that there's nothing going on with you it just means that you a penis someone else has a penis you wanted to look at it right like I don't think that that's again it's shame and its culture and society that tells us everything below the belt should be private should be have judgment around it and shame.

But I think it would be so helpful if we were able to see a bunch of genitals. Yeah, the human body is beautiful. The human body is beautiful to look at. We are amazing creatures. And think of all the because of porn and the proliferation of porn. So many guys are just seeing penises in porn. And obviously they're casting for those roles. So they're picking certain penises that they think would look good in porn.

So if that's the only penis you're seeing, you might think that your penis has to be like 10 inches, which is also setting us all up for shame. So I think it's important to look at other penises, look at other, everything, everything, you know? Like why are we all judging each other? I think we should all just take a look without shame. Hey, look what I'm, look what I look like, you know? So I appreciate that question. I mean, our men never supposed to look at another penis? like why we look at their arms or we look at their hair we look at their face and if you really think about it who's deciding that it's so dirty and shameful and it goes back to adam and eve right they were having a great time until eve bit the apple and then all of a sudden it was eve's fault and they became shameful and they covered themselves up with banana leaves and then the body became

shameful and it goes back thousands of thousands of years but i'm here to say that that was based on something that really isn't what's happening today. What's happening today is now we think that our bodies are completely something to hide and to be shameful of, but then we think we should always get, we should always get comfortable. If we're, if we, if the society's telling us that we shouldn't be naked and we shouldn't touch ourselves, we shouldn't masturbate, but then we think that we should be naked with someone and all of a sudden feel super chill and super comfortable to let go, because the greatest sex is when we let go and we actually allow ourselves to experience deep pleasure and safety with somebody, but no, we should all day walk around feeling, not looking.

That's ridiculous, okay? We'll get right back to this episode, but I want to share a couple things about blood flow because it's actually one of the biggest factors to having great sex and a lot of people don't even realize it. See, blood flow affects arousal, sensitivity, natural lubrication, erections, energy, basically how responsive and connected your body feels during intimacy. And that's what Permessence Power Couple bundle is so helpful. for. It includes women's vitiflux and men's vitiflux. Daily supplements designed to support nitric oxide

production and healthy circulation. It's not just one ingredient tossed into a capsule. Vytox combines L. Arginine, L. Certraline and L. Cartotene to support blood flow, libido, energy, and overall sexual wellness. And the dosing really matters. Vytoflux was formulated to make sure you are getting the right dose every time. Not too little, not a random blend, but a thoughtful formula designed by urologist. For women, it's designed to support arousal, lubrication, sensitivity, and just feeling more connected to your body. For men, it supports blood flow, libido, energy, and yes, firmer, harder erections.

So if you want to support better sex and intimacy from both sides, check out Promeson's power couple bundle and get 12% off by heading to Promeson.com. That's P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T-com or by clicking the link in the show notes. Yeah. Someone here says, ironically, the male characters in porn are mostly written to act like giant pricks. Yeah, they are. They're actors playing a role that they think that, I guess, people want to have sex with. I never want to have sex with someone who's an asshole.

Someone else said, I always tell my girlfriend, she's got a great body. Amazing. Like, I can't tell you how compliments go so far. When was the last time you complimented your partner and something specific? That is such a great tip to remind her. to remember to compliment your partner. Like, I love the way you have the shape of your body. You know, your, I love the color of your eyes

and how they have that beautiful ring around it. Your hair looks really nice today. Like, let's be specific. Let's ask questions. Let's give specific compliments. Listen, we all work so hard to look good, to feel good, to work hard. Like, why not, we work hard to work hard,

but why not make people feel good? Compliments are free. And they provide so, so much pleasure and self-assurance to people. Someone else here said, I'm a male, I'm 28, I appreciate your work. I wish I had more spontaneous, exciting sex life with my wife. We both seem to have a low libido or at least a desire it more, but I always feel tired to initiate.

Okay, great question. Listen, this is probably the most common challenges that couples face. even at 28, 38, 48, 48, 48, 58, we seem to have a low libido. Okay, so both of you are experiencing low libido. That is so common. In fact, it is the most common couples, the most common thing is that couples have low desire.

Because in the beginning of the relationship, it was amazing, because it's always amazing at the beginning. It's the honeymoon phase. It's that cocktail, delicious cocktail of feel-good hormones that make us feel amazing. And our bodies, like they actually looked at the brainwave patterns of people falling in lust and people on cocaine. It's exactly the same.

So that's why at the beginning it gets explosive. But then you've got life. You live together. Maybe you're working really, really hard. I want to remind you that if you're stressed out and you've got this big spike in cortisol, that's going to immediately cancel out your libido. So if you and your wife are feeling too,

you're too tired to initiate, she might be too tired to initiate, maybe you just don't have sex at night. What times a day would you want to have sex? Do you know? Could you guys talk about it together? I often find there's one person in the relationship who feels that they have to be the one solving the sex problem when it's really about collaboration, right? It's about two of you coming together and saying, okay, we've got low libido. We are not, we are too tired at night, we're stressed out, let's get curious about when we could have sex, when we could be intimate. Now listen, it's hard to have spontaneous exciting sex with a wife when you've been together, when you're tired, exhausted, working maybe of kids.

So then I want you to say, with your wife, talk about it, and next time you guys are hanging out, date night, whatever, and just say, what could we do? What is exciting to us? What might make us feel super turned on? What do we want to try? I've got this free guide in my website called the Yes, No Maybe List. It's a free downloadable guide, and it has about 100 different sex acts on it. Do we want to kiss?

Do we want anal sex? Do we want to play with toys? And you each fill it out. You check yes, no, or maybe. And then you come together and you look at your yeses. I didn't know you want to talk to Dirty. so do I. You know, I didn't know you wanted to cuddle more. Like, so it just, I love to give you guys tools to help to make these conversations a lot better. Like, if you don't know how to talk about

sex, going back to my earlier point, if I am able to tell you that the number one reason you are not having the sex that you want is because you're not having the conversations you need to be having, period. Because if you were able to have a collaborative conversation about your partner with your partner. You would decide that you're both very committed to having better sex and you would figure out something to do about it together. And then I could take you guys on a journey. I've got thousands of podcasts. We could talk about specifics. But it could just start with the pressure to have sex is all about penetration. Penis goes in vagina. For the majority of women, that's not even where the magic happens. There is nothing to do with a penis that's even going to make

us feel the most aroused. Maybe we want to massage. Maybe we want to use a toy together. Maybe we want to, you know, I get a massage one night and the next night my partner gets a massage or we just start with 10 minute massages and we see where that takes us. Or we breathe together. Or we actually take penetration off the table and we go back to kissing, making out and all the things we did in the beginning so we can tease each other like we used to do. Right? Someone said sitting together. Okay, great. He said non-sexual. Sexual intimacy is a great place to begin. We both have low desire.

Exactly. So I would start with, I would start with let's take penetration off the table. Let's not even put pressure on ourselves to have sex right now. Let's just touch each other without the goal of orgasm. Let's just kiss. Let's just make out. You know, that is sitting together, touching, doing non-chore activities together. Your mention of date night is great.

Listen, I mentioned date and you, but like, I don't want another thing to do, and we don't have time for date night. Okay, okay. But let me give you the research. So many studies have shown over time that the couples who have a non-negotiable date night, you can move it. If it was Saturday, you can't do it this Saturday, do it Monday. It doesn't have to be a whole production. It could be, we're turning our phones off, we're leaving the kids at home, and we're going out for two hours. You can do whatever the hell you want.

But that night, those hours are just for the two of you. And you can also set rules and boundaries around it. We're not going to talk about our kids. We're not going to talk about work. We're not going to talk about problems. We're going to enjoy each other again. We're going to have a conversation. We're going to go somewhere that we love going.

We're going to go to our favorite food. We're going to go for a workout. We're going to go for a hike. We're going to do something. That's just the two of us. Because those nights are such a great time to add to conversations, right? The conversations about sex happen when you are. hanging out and you're chill, right?

You get curious, get chill, get conversational, and then start talking about your sex life. I'm seeing your comments come in here. Someone says, do women want more sex than men? That's a great question, you know. There are no studies that show that one gender wants sex more than the other, but I got to tell you, when I started doing this work 20 years ago, I believe this is before I was a sex expert, went back to graduate school, and got my doctor. sexuality. I believe that men wanted sex all the time and that women did not. I believe that women

wanted refrigerated, didn't want sex, or like they got bored of sex, but that is not true. I've seen, I think it's 50-50. Some men want more than women, some want more than men. Oh, I love this. Thank you so much. Erisporti says, thanks for the response. Been learning from you a lot for five years met you on your book tour and happy to say she comes first always but definitely you talk about it again thank you for coming on the book tour i so appreciate it you know that was the best you guys i'm going on tour again by the way make sure you're signed up for my newsletter because i'm going on like 14 cities across the country and we're doing this but we're doing it live and i'm going to be in the east coast i'm going to be in the northwest so that is what we're doing

we're going to have giveaways we're going to do coaching we're going to have the best fucking time so it's going to be at some comedy clubs and a city near you please please come but yeah like you just said he was on a book tour a few years ago but you got to keep talking about it again the only analogy i can think of for how i want you to treat your sex life is like you're going to the gym you got to keep going or you lose the results you've got to keep talking about sex or you forget how to do it you like get out of practice it has to be top of mind you're not you're top of mind It has to be prioritized in your relationship. Someone said, I'm a fan of your work.

Thank you. I am a fan of all you guys hanging out with me, all of you. I love it. I appreciate that so much. These ideas are perfect. Yay. I love that. Love talking you all.

Someone said, how can social media or media in general TV shows be affecting libido? It drains our energy to connect. question yes social media listen we are all on our phones i'm guilty i fucking love tictock i got to stop scrolling ticot i do i just love it so much i'm on my phone i'm talking i'm face timing when we are wrapped up and our dopamine is being hijacked by social media by scrolling i think there it absolutely robs our libido because all of that energy that we're spending connecting to our phones connecting to other things we it makes it tricks us into thinking we're actively engaged and our body might even be aroused, not in a sexual way,

but in the hormonal, chemical way of I'm deeply engaged in something right now. And it completely supplants that libido. I am certain about it. I know that it's affecting our libido and our desire. And so I kind of want to pop that up again just to say it drains our energy. Absolutely. Your cell phone, your phone is draining your energy. It's the attention economy.

attention is not on your partner and on communication, it's going to affect your sex life. So this is why you guys, we have, we've got to be stronger. We have to say, I am turning off my phone in the evening. I am turning it off at 7 o'clock at night. I'm not turning it out until 8 o'clock in the morning. Like, whatever you can do, no one else is going to do that for us. No one's going to take the phone out of our hands and just get curious again about connection and community. That's all going to help us. I promise you. Thank you, Justin, fan of my work. I do a great man. Do a great work. I so appreciate that. Thank you. Someone says, yeah, it varies. That is so true. You know, he says there are male-fail-male relationships in which the male does it and others in which the

female does. One great sadness is we aren't taught to discuss baseline sex drive as part of choosing and partner. That is true. We don't talk about sex at all. We don't talk about what we want. Do we have a growth mindset around sex? Do you know how many people read out to me and say, well, we got married and then I realized that we don't have the same sex drive? We don't have the same kinks. Well, then what do you do? Now they're your partner.

Now you're married. Now you're committed for life. Like, shouldn't we be talking about this stuff before we commit to a partner? We got to find out. Are you open to exploring your sexuality and exploring what you like? You know, I think baseline sex drive is really important, but it also changes over time. After we have babies,

and we go in certain medications, or we're suffering from grief or depression or la la la. As we all do, it sometimes our life. Our libido is going to change. But the big part is saying, do we agree till death do us part? I'd love some of the sex stuff to be written into the vows that we're going to become deeply,

consciously, self-aware, and we're going to prioritize our sexual health. for our relationship. Like our sexual health is a commitment we're making to each other that we're going to be great lovers and prioritize our sexual health. So, yeah, gaming and social media give a form of reward without risk. They're traps just as porn if we let them be. So that's the thing that's happening.

Gaming, social media, we think we're getting a reward. We think we're getting, like, we're getting that seroton, that dopamine hit. We think we think we're doing something good, but there's no risk. I'm not putting myself out there to meet somebody. I'm not going to a new party that I don't know anybody. I'm not signing up for that class. I'm not doing those things that are helping me feel, and I'm more confident. So the more we get out off of our phone and step outside of our comfort zone,

that is what helps us build confidence. But if we're not doing any of those things and we're just on our phones all day, we're not getting any of the rewards of connection. So, yeah, someone says, is there any truth to the phase? Use it or lose it. Haven't had sex in a little over a year

and rarely, if ever, masturbates my penis is my penis going to be useless the moment it comes up? Great question. I do. I don't use it or lose it. Use it or lose it. is helpful to say it that way. Because first off, it gets us like, if I'm going to lose it, I better get going. That's great. You're not going to lose it forever. But much like keeping your brain sharp,

you know, reading, doing crosswork puzzles as you get older, like keeping to stimulate those muscles in our brain and our body are going to help us stay more present, aware, and definitely sexually active. So I'm a huge fan. of masturbation, self-pleasure, whether you're in a relationship or out of a relationship, we have to keep our own pilot light lit. And it'll be a lot easier when we get into a relationship, we have sex again, if we've already kept the fire going. If we've already, like, if we didn't just stop it for months and we've got to get back to it. So try to spend time on your own, masturbating, feeling good, fantasizing, thinking about what, you know, your turn-ons. And I know

the more we have orgasms and the more we move our sexual energy through our body, the more we keep sex top of mind, the more we're going to be putting out that energy in the world that, hey, I'm available. I'm a sexual being because we lose it. Like we do lose it. We do lose that connection with ourselves. Just like the more we work out, the more we eat, the healthier we feel. The way we move through the world, we feel clearer, we feel sharper, we feel better in our clothes, we feel more attractive. The same thing goes for our sexual energy. Our sexual energy, our creative energy, they're all connected, they're all related. And so having a practice around self-pleasure and self-connection and self-love is so important. You can restart your fitness brain or sex life

by working. It's true. Yeah. So keep your pilot life. lit. You are responsible for your own libido, your own orgasm, your own sex drive. Now, of course, there could be a partner in your life that's you resent, you're not feeling attracted to anymore. All those things could be affecting your libido. Sure. But your libido is your own responsibility. Like you are responsible for keeping it alive, for keeping it flowing. Because when we shut it down completely, it can't be harder to get it going again, but it doesn't mean you lose it forever. Yeah. Someone said, what kind of influence does movies have on how we perceive sex? Like the image of sex comes from watching movies, I guess you agree. I totally agree. I agree that when we see sex in porn and sex in movies, it is not necessarily accurate. It is not, it's a scripted act of like a lot of porn is made by men for men. And so maybe in a male fantasy, the porn. the sex that we see isn't really realistic and it's not based on definitely on the female body

and what she wants, you know, we don't see enough oral sex on women, enough of the buildup, enough of the foreplay. We don't see penises that are representative of most penises. We don't see bodies that are represented of regular bodies of normal bodies. So I do think that the sex we see on TV and porn can really skew our ability to want to have sex and make us a feel less sexy ourselves because we don't feel like we we match what we see in porn. Someone says, what advice do you have for role playing, threesomes, and cuckled fantasies? I love that question. I love a good role play.

I love threesomes, cuckled fantasies. So my advice for that is be with a partner who is open to it. So have a conversation with your partner about fantasies. Is there anything you've been wanting to try? If you, if they don't have an answer for that, you guys could watch some porn. This is where porn is great. Select some porn scenes. You're like, you can each have a homework assignment where you bring a sexy scene and talk about why it turned you on.

That's a great way to do it. You could role playing is really fun. Role playing with a partner, dressing up, you know, being your alter ego, getting going costume shopping. It's just a way to get out of your routine. So if you know tonight we're playing this fun game, we're going to get dressed up, we're going to think different. Like that could be good fodder for playing, you know? So I just recommend you understand. You first talk about your turn-ons and then we can talk about how to implement them.

Someone else said, yeah, the best porn for a lot of people in solo opposite sex and for the female eye. You know, there is something called ethical porn or female-friendly porn or porn that's made by women for women. And this is the porn where we tend to see more plots, more storyline, slower sex, maybe more sex about women being pleased beyond just their partner. So I think that that's all really helpful ways. Thank you all. I'll see you Thursday, I think, around the same time. Have a great night.