Sex With Emily - The Sex Talk You Never Had

Episode Date: July 14, 2017

Say goodbye to sexual awkwardness and hello to sexual confidence! On today’s show, Emily is joined by SWE team member Jamie to help you break out of your shell and embrace your sexiness no matter what stands in your way (even if it’s yourself!). Want some tips on facing your fear of rejection? Wondering how to have hot sex even if Aunt Flo is in town? Are you ready to find your inner cowgirl and own the rodeo? These are just a few sexual tribulations Emily and Jamie go over, plus they talk about their own sexual preferences! Also, find out why music makes sex even sexier. Tune in for the steamy details! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show I'm helping you navigate your sex dating and relationship questions with Deputy Jamie from Sex with Emily. And we're talking about how music can turn you on for sex. How to move past rejection? What's the deal with period sex? How to talk to young girls about sex and is it okay to sleep around from time to time? All this and more, thanks for listening. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sexwithemily.com I don't know I keep like singing it lately like I want to say it differently like in an accent. I'm here with Jamie So it's the Jamie's the calm. Yeah, we could do a little like a make a jingle

I'll make a jingle about you make a jingle. Let's jingle it because I just want to tell you guys that I love you And that there's a few things I want to get out of the way here is that you should um, there's nothing you should do I want to give you a should be lovely if you subscribe to the podcast on our website or wherever you subscribe and however you listen and I tuned Google Play soundcloud Spotify and Fouls and social media because We do it for you. We love it. I enjoy doing it. And I love responding to you all on Snapchat and Twitter and Instagram and all that stuff. Facebook at sex with Emily.

What else, Jamie? Oh, newsletter is good time. Shopping with Emily is a good time. Everything, if it's something with Emily, it's a good time. That's true. I think so. We have a good time here, right, Jamie?

Oh, all the time. Jamie is now working here full time. Indeed. Right, so, and you've been here how long, long Jamie? People don't know, let's refresh. Okay, let's free. Let's go back on my sex with Emily Jenny. Okay. So who are you? I started as an intern back in October of 2015, which is crazy to think is like a year and a half ago now. I feel like I've been here forever, but also I've been here for like a month at the same time. Cause it's just like the time.

It's fresh, it's always fun, it's always new. Like I feel great coming into work. Like I feel happy, I feel something. I'm still in the honeymoon phase. We are still in the honeymoon phase. I know, I love that. Cause it should be over by now. I know, but well, we can spice it up before that happens.

No, we're doing well. I don't think we have to, cause you still love it. That's great. Well, I love having you here. And it's amazing. And thank you for joining me today because you know all this stuff. We can help people with their emails, their questions, talking about sex. And we've had a lot of interesting discussions here lately.

We do every day. Yeah. I have to say there's a lot of good stuff that's been coming up lately. But what about going back to your year and a half here, before we get into some of the more recent things, what would you say if you had to, has changed the most about your sex life or your views around sex since you got here? Where was Jamie a year and a half ago and where are you now? Well, I... And you're how old did we talk about it at your age? Well, I'm 24. I'm 24.

When I started here, I was a little bit before my, I guess that would be, I'd be, we're a little bit before my 23rd birthday, so it was 22 when I started here. I, you know, I thought I was doing pretty well, like in the sex game for myself, and then I realized I was not doing too well. I was doing all right, but like, I never,

What do you mean? I'd never used to loop before. It literally changed my life. It was just like, if someone... How did it change your life? How did you, people are like still, maybe through listening, they don't really get it, how it changes, you know?

Because we are first of all... Okay, from my thing, I don't naturally stay very well all the time. Like sometimes I'm good. Nobody does, sometimes I'm good to go, but you know, sometimes I'm not, and I'm okay with that, but at the same time, it can be a little like nerve-wracking

when there's nothing around to help you and you're just trying to put like a dry dig into a dry vagina. It's like not, that doesn't even, does that sound fun to anyone? No, it doesn't. And then I just honestly, I don't like it when a guy spits in his hand and he says that.

It's just to me, I'm like, so you're just like, what is this a spit shine like on my shoes? Like I don't, like it just does it, and then I'm like, so you're just like, what is this a spit shine? Like on my shoes? Like I don't, like it just does it, and I'm like, okay, like, yes, you guys like saliva during blow jobs and all of that, of course, but it's like, I'm not like, I'm like, spitting into my hand and like, just rubbing them together and like, all right, we're gonna give you a hand job now.

Like it's like, that's not attractive. It feels gross. There's like, oh, like, I'm- There's stuff, there's bacteria in the mouth. Exactly. And you can transfer people think, like, oh, no, I'm fine. My mouth, no, you're not. And it literally makes you like kind of wet

for one second and then you just have to, it just doesn't work. I thought of a guy doing that. I mean, I actually had that recently and I was like, what? You don't know about the lube. Luckily, it had some on me, but you're right. It is a game changer.

It really is. So now, so yeah, pounds of of jollube probably in your nose? No, exactly, all different kinds. Love the watermelon H2O1, that one is so good. It's taste and smells amazing. So good. But that really was game changer for me. The loop gave change.

And then also I just started honestly mashering so much more because of this job. And like now. Like it's your job. Oh, it's your job. It is. And because of that, I used to not be able to orgasm through penetrative sex and now I can.

Okay, wait, that was since you started here and what do you think that? Because I just will. I learned to actually ask for what I want, be more verbal. Because before it was kind of like, I mean, I could, I always enjoyed sex. I really liked sex a lot, but I'm also like, I like to give a lot. So as long as the other person is like, really into it, the more that a guy's into it, and into me, the more I'm into it. So and then once I started really figuring out how my body works, and I was like, oh my

God, so wait a second. This is also really hot for them too, getting me off, actually. They love it. They love it. So I was just like, this is great. And like, just learned how, like using the different toys, like I learned how to like, just orgasm quicker. So now I know how to move. So when you're, is it typically when you have an orgasm during penetrative sex, are you on top?

Yes. Usually, but also, oh, family. Also, I found, if I use like two pillows and really prop up Myself during the missionary position that I can orgasm that way too and it feels really great It's the pillow trick It's the people don't realize your pillows are right there and they they are such a great sex hack using pillows Like shove it on your butt so many women do need that extra arch We need that extra lift.

And it's comfy. It's comfy. That's great. You learned, were you so happy the first time? Oh my God, yeah. That's great. A lot of women, it's not for everyone in Cannes, but I believe that if you put some work into it,

you can be. It is possible. And I mean, like I said, I thought before, I had never experienced it before, and I thought, it's just not going to happen for me. It's just oral sex or nothing. And then I proved myself wrong with nice tips from working here.

That's awesome. And Jamie's got a lot of great blogs on the site. You can check them out as well. Yeah, definitely. There's a lot of great content, not just for me, but from all of our writers. True. There's great stuff.

And just literally just type in anything that you want to like, you know, three sums, polyamory, slingers, oral sex, dildos, whatever you want, just type it in. And there's gonna come up with like at least at least 10, if not like more results. 12 years of stuff on the site of material for you to all have better sex. So if you if you're question, you feel like it never gets answered, you might just have to look a little bit harder. Right. It's there. We try to get to all your questions.

We do. We really do. And today we get to most of them. We do. They're just my guests. They're just my guests. I read them. So you can always give a shout out to me

when you're writing them, if you'd like. Yeah. So hi, DJ. OK, let's get into a little bit of sex in the news here. Yes. OK, science. You know, we like science sometimes. Music turns you on in the same way as sex and drugs.

So we know intuitively that sex drugs in rock and roll provides pleasure in most humans, but why? So there was a study that came out that said, the same brain chemical system that gives humans pleasurable feelings associated with sex and recreational drugs also relates to music, which I find that too like, sometimes you start having sex and like, oh, to music. Which I find that too, like, sometimes you start having sex and like, oh, should I get up and get my phone and turn on? I have the whole speaker system in my house and I forget to do it.

But I feel like it's the kind of thing with music that get in the habit of just even playing music when you get home from work. They end the day and you have music playing, it does lift your spirits, it lifts your mood, and then during sex, I feel like it kind of drowns if you've trouble focusing during sex, which a lot of us do. It kind of just, there's some kind of intimacy to music,

to listening to music, to having that be the only thing that's going on with you and your partner, and you're like, that's, I don't know, blocks everything else out, it can actually. Yeah, definitely. There are certain songs that you hear, and just hearing it, you get a feeling throughout your body. It's like there's a certain rhythm

that a certain song will have that you can like focus on. You're like, if you were having sex at this moment, it would probably like super power and it's like powerful and explosive. Like it would be probably super awesome because you can focus on that rhythm and maybe that rhythm could help you get to where you need to go.

That's true. That's going to be your saying like drowning out all the other distractions. Like it gives you that kind of repetitive thing like right You know, so pick a long song find a sexy long song right or several make a playlist make a sex playlist But don't call it sex playles because well if you're deep I used to get upset when I was eating guys like sex playlist I'm like did you think we were gonna have sex? I mean I was younger I was like what I'm a chick and I wanted I wanted to not have sex with them because it was called sex playlist. Right, because it's be like,

it was actually really good. When I wish I had it. Right, I mean, like, so do you have a sex playlist for each girl? Like, is this my personal sex with Emily? I'm not special. I'm not special. Or is this like sex with every rondid Jan and Karen.

Exactly, that's why I found. Plymminary studies have shown that music listening and performing module levels of serotonin, effroniferin, dopamine, acytocin, and prolactin, music can reliably induce feelings of pleasure. And indeed, people consistently break music as among the top 10 things in their lives of being pleasure above money, food, and art. And so it would make sense. It can also be the thing that kind of helps your sex life.

I totally agree with this. I love this. You know, I do sometimes like at home, I'm just like, I have to try to even get the music on, but it's so easy now with like a button, just like listen to on your phone. Yeah. So there's nothing in here about like where you should listen

to hip hop or rap, I think it's just, I mean, yeah, it really depends on your mood. Like, I mean, maybe you probably wouldn't want to listen to like folk songs or something, but you know, if you're into that. I like folk songs, but no, I'm saying. So I think that people also are worried they might be judged for just playing music.

You could put on a mix, you could put on the whatever, like Spotify, when you put in a few artists that you like, it's so easy. And I think I'm gonna go and have sex tonight with music. It's really, I rather than like, oh, I forget to do that and I'm always happy. I also feel like people tend to go straight

to turning the TV on or the movie on. So they have something to look at that's not each other before everything starts to get going. Sometimes when you're having sex with someone or about to have sex with someone, it can be a little awkward to initiate and actually start it sometimes. So I think watching the TV or a movie helps you kind of like, we're not focused on each other, but we are. And then eventually you stop watching the movie and you get into it. But then like with music, you have to like, we're not focused on each other, but we are, and then eventually you stop watching the movie and you get into it.

But then like with music, you have to like, talk to each other first. That's true. So that could be, I don't know. Yeah, do the music instead. I feel like that's funny. I pictured you like on the couch with a guy in like, all of a sudden he goes close to you,

just hand around like this hands on your boob, like, should I touch her? And now we're gonna make out. We all know what's gonna happen. And you're dating right now? Yes, I am. Okay. I am seeing someone just one person at the moment.

It's not like super serious, but it's going well. I haven't had someone that I actually liked in a while, so this is good for him. Good. Good for me, I guess, too, but he's older though. So it's interesting. He's about 12 years older than me. What have you found to be different with that?

What are the challenges? There are just, I guess, sometimes there are certain things like, hope you're talking about his past. I'm gonna be talking about when he was like, you know, like just something random and like, oh, like I was in the eighth grade and this happened. I was like, oh, you were 14 and I was too. Right.

It's just weird, you know, just think about sometimes. But culturally, is there anything in it? It's like, I mean, there's maybe a few references. I mean, I like a lot of like older stuff than my generation, because of my dad and stuff like that. So like, I do get most of his references, but there are some references that I'm like, why I'm not, I'm not.

They sure aren't just about it. You're like, hey, I don't know what you're talking about. You probably teach him a lot of things. Yeah, but the thing that I thought was interesting is that Tommy is that I kind of experienced this, I thought the sex was gonna be like way different. And it's like, no, it's good. We have good sex.

It's just, it's not as different than, you know. It's having sex with a 20-year-old. Well, 28 maybe. I mean, you're not 20-year, but like, yeah, so it's just interesting, like, I- Because you thought that he would maybe be bringing more some more tricks? You know, he would just, I just feel like he would like, have come so it's just interesting. Because you thought that he would be bringing more tricks? You know, he would just, I just feel like he would like, have come across things like

before. Like, he's never used to sex toy during sex. One time we were having sex and I, we were drunk, so that's especially time when I need a lube. So I brought out a lube and he was like, he kind of reacted weird to it. Like, oh, no, don't grab that. And I was like, yes, grab that. I need that.

Right. And so then the next day when we were like sobered up, I was like, yes, grab that. I knew that. Right. And so then the next day when we were sobered up, I was like, hey, by the way, that's gonna be like a thing. So don't take it personally. I just, I like it. And he's just like, oh, I mean, I don't even, he's like, I think I was just drunk.

I don't, I'm like, yeah, yeah, whatever. No, I've had guys say that too, and I'm like, no, no, no. Because there is still, let's bring up the stigma. I haven't talked about it in a while because I feel like you are all on the loop train, but a lot of the attitude has been about loops that there's a problem.

You better bring out the loop from one of the bed and it's back of the drawer or whatever because it means that she's not turned on and there's a problem and that problem is that he's not turning you on. He thinks like she's not wet because I didn't do something right or she's not aroused that basically what it is.

I think that you feel like there's a problem someone's failing and doing something wrong when I bring in Lou. But the truth is, women can be very, very turned on and not wet or they can be really wet and not even turned on. And the thing about Lou is it's not even like it's that kind of wetness. It's a different kind of it makes the natural. It feels different. It feels different. It feels your natural. Wetness. It does feel good. So that's what I want to say about that. Lou, thank you, Jamie. Okay, Jamie, stay with me.

Stay with me, girl. We're going to answer some emails. Thank you, everybody, for listening to this show, supporting our sponsors to help keep the show free. I love that you love them, and I love you. Jamie loves you. I love you, guys. Thank you so everyone for listening.

We'll be back to answer your questions. Okay, we've got some questions. We're so glad that you guys have emailed us your questions. We love hearing from you. Jamie loves hearing from you. She goes through all the questions correct. I do. I go through the emails and even the feedback. Even if it's not a question, I mean, we love the questions.

We want to help you. But if you have feedback on the show, we like that. Right. Like send it in. I love feedback on the show. I read them if you know, I send them to Emily. Unless it's like propositioning sex from her. Maybe if it's a funny one, I'll still send it to her. But you know, right? No, it's I do like to know people are like, well, what are your listeners? Like, because I feel like here's the thing, Jay. You know, we do just so many different kinds of shows. I was actually going to pose this, but just if you're new to the show, and we're just joining right now, just so that we have a lot of different,

we release to a week. And typically I have a co-host, I think Menace or Anderson, been doing some shows alone. What do you guys think about those? Also taking callers versus emails. We're kinda mixing that up as well. So I just like to hear specifically

how people feel about things, or if there's topics you want us to talk about. Yes. I feel like we cover a lot, but we're open. We love to hear from you. That's the point. We do. Okay, so if you want to set in your question, you can text me now.

7979, just a text, 7979, ask Emily one word, not ask space Emily. One word. That will not work. If you text ask Emily right back You'll get a little form and you're gonna fill it out ask your question send it in. It's so easy You can also submit a question from the sex with Emily dot com website on the interweb via the ask Emily tab and What else do you want to say in here is the There's another option your voicemail. Oh voicemail right but there's something else I was I was going to say. But yeah, voicemails, you guys, leave those voicemails.

818-275-7931, as always, include your gender, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Hello, Emily. Thank you for being you. I've had trouble asking women out, even though there are women that I like and care about. They do not act like they're attracted to me. The reasons I've come up with with as to why I don't ask A single one of them out is that I only know rejection from my offers of relationships

Because of this I take responsibility for these rejections and I've dedicated myself to being the most attractive man I can be I've made great progress in my efforts and I don't want to mess myself up by facing another rejection If I give rejected what's the best way to cope with the rejection that a lot of rejection here and move on. I'm trying to avoid having the rejection, huh me, and force me to continuously ask myself what's wrong with me. Thank you Chuck, 25 Los Angeles. Chuck, we rejected. Just tell me. Okay, Chuck, here's a thing. The more that we even talk about, your thing of yourself is a man who's gets rejected. You got rejected once once it sounds like a few times maybe like most men on the planet and women and you're letting it plague you it's like taking over your life because you just said rejection 15 times every time you write the word rejected you are reinforcing that feeling that you're

putting that into the universe you know say what you will about all that stuff them and I believe in that what you put out you get back. So Chuck, we got to change this whole like women are going to, you, it sounds like you went through a really bad breakup or a few of them, right? And then you can't get past it. And rejection is going to happen in life. But I feel like you've so much fear, Rhonda, that you're not even letting yourself move forward and date. Yeah.

The thing is the human mind is really complex and is really interesting because you do have a way of willing things to happen. So the more you focus on this rejection or possible rejection from asking people out, the more likely it's going to happen because it's going to make you not confident when you're asking out these women. So you say that you've been working on your attractiveness, but attraction only goes so far. You know what's actually more attractive than your physical appearance is the confidence that you bring to the table

You got to relax. Rejection is going to happen. It's not the end of the world Not gonna die not everyone not everyone's gonna want to go out with you. That's just life. That's how things are Right, you know women get rejected too women go through the same things It's just you have to make know that if a rejection happens not the end of the world You're gonna get over it. It gets easier every time. Exactly. And if you're confident in yourself, women are going to see that. And they're going to be like, oh, this guy's actually confident. It seems like even if I did reject him, it wouldn't phase him.

And that's going to intrigue them. So then they might not reject you. Right. I mean, here's the thing. You're saying here, Chuck, if I get rejected, what's the best way to cope with it and move on? I'm trying to avoid having the rejection haunt me and force me to continue to ask myself, what's wrong with me? Okay, there you have a choice.

Check, you can replace it like dating is easy. I can, I'm gonna ask them and out, they're going to like me. I am a confident, happy, mad. Like you have a negative loop in your head. I can just hear it and it's going and it's going and it's really stopping you because you've worked on yourself, you said,

there are women you think that wanna go out with you, but yet this unbearable curse of rejection. And you're asking me, what do I do to not make it so hard? You just feel it, you accept it, and then that happens, someone doesn't call you back. They don't ask you out, and you realize that you're still standing there on your feet, nothing's wrong, and you can just ask someone else out.

And here's the thing, people reject people all the time, and it has nothing to do with you. Okay, let's say it was something that you did all the time and has nothing to do with you. Okay, let's say it was something that you did wrong. Let's say they're like, you know what? I really didn't like it because I don't agree with the fact that he works in finance because the guys who work in finance are boring. Let's just say that. I used to think that. Like, you're just about money. I'm telling you, I was like, a finance guy. But, but here's the thing. She's doing you a favor. Let's take worse case here. She's doing you a favor because

you're not going to give up your job. You love being a financial guy. And you guys, I'm just saying, I don't want to get a million emails. I love everybody and all professions of saying that I was younger. So I'm just saying that it doesn't even, so like, if you're right, your biggest fear is like, she, I didn't pick her. I was late on the date or I was didn't like what I was wearing. You were being euchucks. So let's say she rejected you because if who you are, she's you a favor and you get to move out and find somebody who authentically likes you for who you are. How you deal with it is you just keep asking people out, putting yourself out there and really it gets easier too.

You're going to realize, you're like, oh yeah, she didn't call me back. Until next, that's how it's going to feel. And also, you're in LA and you're 25, there are so many people in your age group in this area. It's a numbers game. Just keep asking for a while. Keep asking for a game. Right, exactly.

It's a fear, fears what's holding you back and you're at control of that. Hi, Emily. My question is about a not-so-sexy topic. Periods. Ugg. I'm married and my partner and I've been listening to your podcast. I've been really embracing our sexual relationship and taking it to a whole new level. Thank you for your podcast. It's really been helpful for me to find my inner goddess and prioritize sex. My husband and I

have always used toys and have been exploring new, exciting ways to spice things up in the bedroom. The problem is whenever I get my period, it comes to a halting stop. And what's worse is I am for some reason super horny around that time. I'm on birth control, so I'm wondering if that could be connected to a hormone changes or just something in most women experience. My hornyness is so intense, more than usual for me, that I can get a literal orgasm from rubbing up against his leg with panties on. It's awesome.

My husband was always encouraging us to try new things, seems uninterested in sex during this time. And I'm thinking, this is just one thing he doesn't feel comfortable with. Any advice and how to have sex without totally grossing him out, thanks in advance, Emily, 24 North Dakota. Emily, this is a great question because a lot of them

get horny during their period. You get those extra hormones release, and it's women all the time I hear this. So like, I've never been that person I wish. I don't get particularly horny. I am. Really? Do your period.

Okay, I get really horny the day, nay. Probably the couple hours before it actually starts and then like it'll start and be like, oh that's why I masturbated for so long. But no, I think it's just, you know, it's one of those things, it's kind of like, oh, like all this blood is coming out of you, but I'm gonna make you support me at the same time. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Make you a word at the same time? Horting at the same time. Yeah, I know, it's like great. The one time a month that I can't do anything. But but maybe, just maybe, because you say here that you think. Think, yep. So maybe though, what it is is that he just assumes

that you don't want to have sex when you're on your period or maybe that he doesn't really know how to go about it. He doesn't know what your flow is like, what's really happening down there. Maybe just try asking him, would you be down for this? Yeah, exactly, ask him. Because I feel like that's exactly Jamie when I read this, I go, oh, I think

when you guys are making assumptions about your partners, which a lot of us do. And most of the time, what we're thinking is not correct. But I think there are a lot of things that let's just say this, of all the things we worry about. And we spend a lot of time obsessing about our partners. When we do a story check, hey babe, I was thinking that you didn't want period sex with me when I'm a pair. What do you think?

You could just check in with your partner. But I think a lot of times what we think is wrong. I got that same sense too. I mean, Emily, you guys are married. They're gonna be together for a long time. If this is when you're horny, if I were your husband, I'd be like, bring it. So I think just like Jamie said,

he thinks that you don't want it. And so I think it's great to take a shower together. Maybe if you're feeling like, oh, I don't wanna be out bloody, you might not want them to go down on you. I know some guys are like, yeah, day two of the period, not the first day, but they're like, I'll go down on you. So it's up to him, but sex, you throw a towel down and you have sex.

I feel like most guys are pretty cool with it. Most guys are cool with it, and it's like a natural lubricant. It really is. That's, okay, that's different than saliva. There's a lot more of it, and it's already in there. Exactly. So, you know, you're pretty much good to go. Yeah, I really think that this is your own thing,

and if you maybe take a shower, just throw the towel down, you're fine. I think most of you then, you guys both jump in the shower after. Yeah. Oh, and clean off with sex in the shower. Which is, if you're getting the sports sheets. There's the coolest product line sports sheets. You guys, you know, I love them.

They do all the bondage gear. They have a line called sex in the shower. And it is, oh my god, Jamie, you've seen it. If you want to kink things up in the shower, it has like suction handholds that you put on the wall. And you can like, my god, Jamie, you've seen it. If you want to kink things up in the shower, it has suction handholds that you put on the wall. And you can hold onto them, you could use them. You can do your strengths. They have a vibrating like Lufa sponge.

Has a little vibrator. Anyway, have sex in the shower. That's what I think you should do here. Yeah, Emily, have some sex in the shower. Have sex during your period. Talk to your husband about it. And if he's really pissed out and you really want to have sex, I mean, just use a condom, like whatever.

What, but he'd still get the blood on the condom. But true. On his skin. But he might not want it right inside of us. I go, okay. So he gets up on their stomach, and he doesn't think so. No, no, it's on the condom, oh no.

It's like, what are you gonna wash and use it again? You're not gonna do that. I got to think it's something that guys, okay. This is me, I really think that it's something that men get over. Maybe when they're younger, when they first say they're like, oh my god, like something died. And then they're like, oh, it's part of sex. Sex is messy, sex is loud, sex can be a lot of things,

but it's sex. I feel like get on board. I've never had a guy have a problem with it. Good for you. So, I mean, I'm not saying that aren't guys out there. That do, like, not every guy's gonna be down, but most guys are pretty cool about it. I hope so. Okay. Hi Emily for the past few years I've been meeting guys online and on apps for quickies and late-night drive- guys

I always play safe and not only get a sexually satisfying encounter But I get the thrill of meeting a stranger Oftentimes not even knowing their real name is just as exciting and fulfilling as the actual act Often times, not even knowing their real name is just as exciting and fulfilling as the actual act. What I realize is that I tend to pick up this habit more frequently when I'm depressed or going through challenges in my life. I'm not sure if I'm doing this subconsciously to get instant gratification and order to distract myself.

It's a pattern I've noticed. I'm not sure if this is an outlet I've created for myself or from really just horny. Any advice? Jason 28. Florida. Oh, Jason, this is a good one. I think a lot of men and women can kind of relate to this feeling of like, you know,

just wanting to meet up with as many people as possible and have sex with them and just kind of to fill our egos and to make us feel accepted. And then after we do it, we have this empty feeling that this whole that can never be filled, because you're saying that you get more depressed. So to me, I would think that it's just not really serving you right now. You tend to do it when you're going through a challenge in your life and you're depressed. So that's something that you're probably doing to numb whatever feelings, whatever fears coming up for you with what's happening in your life.

And I just think that, you know, there's nothing wrong with going on having lots of sex, but if you know that it's kind of numb these things, which you just brought up to me, which is really stuff of wear, Jason, I would say maybe it's time to slow it down then. And such if you regret if it makes you feel worse. Yeah, I mean, that's really what it is. It's about checking in with yourself. And if you're noticing this pattern,

and like it's not really fulfilling you longterm, like yes, it's a thrill and it's great for them, but it wears off super quickly afterwards, and you're noticing it's only during these times, and maybe it is just like your vice that you've got that you need to fix. But at the same time, like, if you're having all these encounters and you feel great and you don't feel bad after them, you're just kind of thinking it like, oh, is it just wrong that I'm having all of this mindless sex with strangers? Then, I mean, maybe it's okay.

It's just you really, you just have to check in with yourself each time. Yeah, and it's okay to sometimes, I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, but yeah, it's like when it doesn't feel good and this is for women too, when it doesn't serve you anymore and you feel like it's just making you feel worse

and making you feel better, that's when you stop. But you constantly with casual sex have to really just keep checking in. Yeah, with you. And I've done that. I have to really just keep checking in with you. And I've done that. I used to feel like I needed a lot of, I wasn't so much having sex with men not that I haven't had random sex. Let's be honest. But I would find that I just, it was really just the validation, just knowing someone liked me or asking me out or I'd be flirting even now was in a relationship. But then you realize that this whole that will

never be filled by other people because it's really about loving yourself, which is a tall order, but it's a lifelong process and it's the most important work You can do is figuring out like what part of you isn't feeling whole and work on that So you become more confident and more self-assured and you'll find that maybe you don't want to keep or maybe you'll be like You know it. I love myself. I'm awesome And I'm choosing to see if it all these women it feels good I hope you get to that place Jason where you just are comfortable with what you're doing. Yeah, no judgment.

Exactly. I care you. Another email. Dear Emily, I love your podcast. I found out about it a few months ago, and it's been a great to listen to while I'm in my post-partum recovery, and my libido is lower. Listening to a sex podcast helps put sex on the brain and get me in the mood. I love it. I've been married for almost five years, and my husband and I have fun, healthy sex life. I always hear women rave about how amazing girl and top positions are. We

like to try new positions to keep things fresh but I've never found a girl and top position that I like and we've tried a lot of them. He's the only man I've ever been with so I'm guessing it's an angle thing. When he's standing up and insurek his penis has pointed towards his body. This makes any position where he's on top or behind me amazing but penis is pointed towards his body. This makes any position where he's on top or behind me amazing, but it's in comfort when I'm on top. Reverse cow girl is particularly bad. I have a killer body, and I like to showcase it

by being the one on top. Any tips or suggestions how to make girl on top more enjoyable? Thanks, Jillian, Pennsylvania. You go girl with your killer body. How often do your women say I have a killer body? I know, can we just say, like, congrats to you for being comfortable in your own skin?

Because that is, like, hard to come by nowadays. And that's amazing because you should feel comfortable in your own skin. And I'm sure it is banging. And that is what it's about, though, for sex. Like, everyone's like, oh, but I don't feel comfortable. I don't have a banging body. So it's really about how you, how comfortable you are and how you just rock sex. Like you rock, how to rock woman on top is actually a blog we have on our website.

But this is what I'm thinking, Jillian, I think it's been a show title too. Jillian, I'm thinking first of all, a lot of men's penises stick straight up on their rack. Like straight up or a little out. She hasn't seen one penis. Yeah, so you can. So it's like straight up and like flushed his stomach,

be it a little more so. I mean, again, pences are all different sizes, shapes and stick out. They have some are curvy, some aren't really straight. But I think the best thing for you, a woman on top, is to first, when you're on top, light on its chest, so your chest to chest, and then you kind of slide down onto it, and then you do a grinding motion.

That's like a back and forth. I think a lot of women think that woman on top that she should be like up and down, bouncing, like you see important. And that's kind of fun, can. I think a lot of women think that women at top that she should be up and down bouncing, like you see important. And that's kind of fun, can be fun to mix it up, but it sounds like with his penis and the way it is, I think mostly for women, it's about the back and forth grinding anyway.

So I think if you are wrapping your arms around him when you're lying chest to chest flat on him and you're grinding up and down or around the cat position, like kind of like a up and down or a circular, that this will feel a lot better to you. No, definitely. I think that, it sounds like that when you're in your other positions,

that his penis seems to hit your spots, which means that when you're grinding really what is happening is like you're not pumping it in and out, so it's just rubbing up against that spot constantly. So it actually, instead of, it's gonna feel a lot better to you. And it's gonna also feel amazing to him because he's gonna be like, whoa, like what are you doing? That's amazing.

Also, you said that reverse cowgirls particularly bad. Same thing that Emily was saying, when you're chest to chest in regular cowgirl possession, just lay all the way back and have him even thrust from the bottom. You know, I mean. Yeah, lay back on it like exactly. So how I was saying your chest to chest, you're like, you're literally laying on top of his chest, laying back, your back is on his chest. Yeah, and it feels great.

Also, what I like in reverse cowgirl position, if you're having trouble feeling something really good, have him pull your arms or your hair back because it locks you into more of a like obtuse angle. We're in cowgirl, reverse cowgirl. We're on your inverse cowgirl and that could also, first of all, it's hot to have that kind of restriction on your hair. Just pull your hair, yeah. And then also, yeah, it'll help you keep at a good angle as well when you're having sex

if you want to be, you know, rock in the top. I'm trying to think of positioning straps too, like the G-spot link. I mean, you know, rocking the top. I'm trying to think about positioning straps too, like the G-spot link. I mean, you know, that's not for woman on top. I'm just taking my positioning straps because I just like the G-spot link. By the way, I don't know, I just, that wouldn't really do it.

I'm just thinking about targeting the G-spot. We've been talking about that a while. They are good. But that's, yeah, that's your woman. That's my, that's my tips for you. I feel like really, if it's just penis, you gotta just do that. And then you could even flip around when you're doing it,

what went on top and then just do the reverse cowgirl from the laying down position, but you're like, you turn around. You do the front. All really good advice there. And also be sure to do your kegels as well, because I'm sure you're supposed to part of my now, I'm just reminding you how important it is

to do your kegel exercises. Yes. Can't even tell you how. It's like, it's everything. And you can start to pump them against his penis when he's inside of you Do you ever do that? Oh, yeah all the time it they first of all it feels really great to them because like not every girl Does that or every woman has done that? I don't know you say that he's the only person that you've ever been with

I don't know if you're the only person he's ever been with So he might not even know what that feels like he'll be like oh my god. That's crazy. Yeah, Tenson relaxed I really yeah, it's like it you know, they can feel that when you do that. And then also, depending on how strong your kegels are, it kind of just help you stay on a little bit better, your clenches. It's true. It really does. I know.

It just keeps on staying on. And when you do that pumping of those muscles, it also can enhance orgasms. Yeah, because we've been bringing on the orgasm. When you orgasm, if you realize you are, you do contract. Exactly. Those muscles contract anywhere. I love it. Congratulations on your baby, Jillian, and and keep rockin it on top. Thank you for emailing us Okay, James. This is fun. I know thank you for being here with me. I've had a really good time

I always have great time. I know it's been awesome And I'm glad that you we just got some new toys in you know that we are touched with the womanizer And we just got the coolest that to go the lipstick. It looks like a lipstick and Jamie came in She's like I haven't left the house in six days. I'm like, I mean like basically like I tried it and I was like I'm never going to leave my room again. I'm just gonna quit all my jobs I'm gonna quit all my activities. I'm not gonna have any more friends And I'm just gonna masturbate with this until I'm Because you know the womanizer people if you don't know it's like the clip whispers what I call it

It's the pleasure air technology. It's like sucking on your clitoris lightly, like how you want it. I think the reason that I like the lipstick. It looks like lipstick. It does say they take off a lid and you're like, oh, the lips is that. Yeah, I literally looks like a giant lipstick. It's because the silicone head is a little deeper. So it's able, I feel like you're more able to feel the kind of like pleasure air suction.

And then also I've noticed, and maybe like, I don't know if I'm imagining this, but I'm pretty sure this is happening when it's happening. But the, because they added a little bit of vibration and it kind of adjusts, like it'll get a little bit stronger for a second and it'll go down. Is that one of the settings? I only use it on one setting.

Yeah, I mean, I use it like I'll range through settings like during and I just, I don't know if it's just me imagining it, but I feel like that's what's happening. Okay, I know. I hear it in the sound when I get to the higher levels that it's like just randomly, it feels like it's stronger for a second and then it pulls back and I think that's the other one doesn't do that. So, I mean, I don't know. I just, it's like it's stronger for a second and then it pulls back and I think that's the other one doesn't do that so

I mean I don't know I just it was a happy I like when toys come in and we all love them and you're happy yeah That's good. I loved it. Thank you for sharing that okay, Jay anything else signing off think that's it I'm just happy I'm happy too. Thank you for being here with me. It's great day. Um this is a fun show Thank you for being here. Thank you for being amazing part of my, and thank you to Ken and to Lark and to Michael. Oh, and everybody, thank you for following me on Instagram. I talked about this Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram. It's all sex with Emily, shop with Emily on our website. Just stay in touch, you guys. Stay in touch.

We love hearing from you. We got fun stuff. We do, we do. We do. So thanks for being in touch. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me via the Ask Emily tab on sexwithmla.com.