Sex With Emily - The Sexual Laws of Attraction

Episode Date: November 28, 2019

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is explaining the differences between physical vs. emotional attraction & whether or not both are needed to be in a relationship, & she’s answering your sex, dating & relationship questions. She talks about the likelihood of growing a physical attraction towards someone that you already have an emotional connection with, what to do when you feel like your body image doesn’t match your partner’s usual type, & the key distinctions between Erotica & pornography. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm talking about physical attraction versus emotional attraction. Are both of them needed to be in a relationship or is one just enough? Plus I answer your sex dating and relationship questions. Topics include. So you're emotionally attracted to someone but physically not so much. Is it possible for those physical attractions to grow over time? The person you're seeing says he doesn't want to be in a relationship yet he continuously acts like he's your boyfriend. What's the deal? The key distinctions between erotica and pornography. And what to do when your fiance is into large breasts but feel like yours aren't fulfilling his sizable leggings.

All this and more, thanks for listening. Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, all right? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, I'm gone.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. You're going to love our website, Chuck Fule of Information for you, plus find us in all social media. It's at Sex with Emily across the board.

All right, guys. Enjoy the show. We know that when we get excited about something here in the office, and we talking about it that we thought this is going to be a great debate. So I actually want to hear from you. We put something we want to know about physical traction versus emotional tractant traction. We got a Neemail from a listener and he was like, he said his name is Mark and he said, if you just check this out, he's like, you know, I've been listening to your podcast and serious ex-M. And essentially, he's, he's with a woman. She checked off all of his boxes. He's like, she's amazing. We went on dates. We enjoyed all of them. The only problem he says is I am not physically attracted to her. Even though she's drama-free.

She's sweet. She's kind. She's independent. And she has a lot of my same interests. I feel like I'm being superficial, not pursuing her because of the lack of attraction. I'm really bothered, she's an awesome person, but I'm not a attracted to her. Should I give it a shot and see what happens, or move on? And I thought, wow, this is so interesting. How many times have we dated someone who's good on paper?

Who's like, oh my God, they're amazing. They've got a great job. And they become from a similar background and they're kind. And they're very thoughtful. And they do all these things, but I just don't want to bang them. Do you think that attraction can grow over time? Or do you think, well, we know we know? I want to hear from you, Triple Eight, 947, 8277. But we had to take it one step further, right? Producer Jamie, we know. I wanna hear from you, triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven.

But we had to take it one step further, right? Producer Jamie, we decided to put it on Twitter, which is also sex with Emily. We got 680 votes, and 35% said, yeah, you know what, Emily? I'd stay with someone that ticks off all their boxes, even if there wasn't a physical traction. I'm just gonna stay with them. It's okay if we never want to have sex.

They're probably thinking, sex fades over time. I don't care if I just fantasize about everybody else I see because I don't want to have sex with this person. But 65% said, nope, I need a physical component. Now, it's interesting the way that we worded this because there's something very different between attraction and chemistry and like a physical attraction

because like I've found that there's people that have definitely grown on me over time, like initially I'm like, no, I'm not really attracted to them. But after a few times of hanging out with them, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm so attracted to them. You know, something mentally, they turn me on, and they're really funny, and they have an emotional intelligence. And then to me, I become physically attracted to them. But there are some people that I've also found that are super good looking empirically, and I'm just not attracted to them. So I think that it differs, you know, definitely, but I think if I believe that it will grow over time and definitely give someone a chance, I think a few dates is enough, or a few months

maybe, but I think, you know, some people are like, oh no, I'd like to take it really slow, but I think definitely three or four dates you are going to know if I'm going to want to sleep with this person or not. If it's going to grow, you know, I think, but I do think people grow. I do think it's different for men. I think that men decide they say in 20 seconds or less whether they want to sleep with someone, but I don't know. I do want to hear from you, Triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven.

I also think that the thing is, like, chemistry is really elusive. And I think that knowing that chemistry is an important part of it, but yeah, I think it can grow over time. What do you guys think? I mean, I think it can grow for sure, but there's, because there are certain things that, like, certain aspects of a person will make them more physically attractive to you. Because like I've definitely dated people that are not traditionally attractive, but there

is aspects of them in their personality that I like they become cute in your eyes. But I don't think you can if it's never there, then it's just a friendship. That's how I feel. It is a friendship, but I think that and in people who say, well, sex is an important because it fades over time. It's true that sex can fade, but I still think that you're gonna want to have to want to be romantically and sexually involved with this person,

because then you just become roommates, which we know by lot of our listeners, that eventually happens. And that's why I have a show, and that's why you're calling it because you're like, they're amazing. She's a great mother of my children. We love to do all the same things, but I'm just not physically attracted.

Listen guys. Kristen, I'm in. All right. I am in the 35%. Let me freeze it this way. If you were dating Batman, and he had all the gadgets, but he just didn't know how to use them,

would you still date Batman? Well, if, okay. Well, okay, you mean like if I talk of what which gadgets does he have? Or a Christian bail. He's got all the gadgets, but maybe one. But to me, that one is important. If I don't ever want to sleep with you and cuddle and touch you,

I'm not my fair moment. I'm not just not attracted to you. I think that that's going to matter. Now, if he has the gadgets, but he's not Batman, but he doesn't know how to use the gadgets. Yes, but you can't man for me. Batman knows how to use the gadgets. But I feel like you can be attracted to the guy

who has it all, but maybe he's just missing that one piece that brings it all together. But that one piece that brings it all together is the glue. Oh, but I want, I don't know guys, it's so hard because attraction does fade. But can't you be attracted to what if, I have a lot of bog attraction fades. I think you want to have sex less regularly. I think people piss you off. I think there's resentments, but eventually the couples that are the healthiest, when they

have sex, they're like, oh yeah, this is why we're together. I mean, this is the thing. I mean, I have, I know so many people, so many people call into this show, and I want to hear from you. What do you think? How important is physical attraction in a relationship, triplet 947, 8277, or of course, calmly with any question you have at all about sex dating love? But I do think like, like like I friends who've been married

for 20 years and one of my best friends, things are when she's having a problem with her husband, she's like, I can't stand on things they're so bad right now. I'm like, can you just have sex? Because we've talked for so many years. I'm like, just have sex with them. And then she'll call me and she'll say,

okay, I love them again. Things are great. Because they have, they always have that chemistry, no matter what happens, they have two kids, they have a lot of drama stuff goes on. but that's what brings them back together again. I still want to have sex with someone, even if the physical attraction's not there. I can be attracted to other things that they have to offer. Well, but...

Okay. I'm in the 35%. You guys want the 65%. That's okay. That's okay. The first person. Yes. Okay, I'm in the 35%. You guys want the 65th, that's okay, the first person. Yes, yeah. So, it not saying it's like a kink really, but like you can kind of get off

on the other aspects of what someone has. So it's like a physical attraction to their other qualities. Yeah, like intelligence. Well, that is true. Maybe you're a sapeo-sexual, but the thing is, here's the thing, I'm a sapeo-sexual in the sense of it, I want to be attracted. I would need someone sense of like, I want to be attracted.

I would need someone to be intelligent. I want to be attracted to their intelligence. But then when you're a sapiosexual, then or even a demisexual, if you're attracted to their emotional intelligence, that becomes attractive though. And then I want to have sex with them because of the intelligence. It's not like, well, at least they're intelligent and have a great job in all these things going for them. I'm still not attracted to them, but that stuff turns into attraction for me. Yeah, but maybe if they know how to use it, you could teach people how to be great lovers,

do you? I'm on board with that just because I've been in so many relationships where it was based on physical attraction and it just didn't pan out. And I had a lot of problems and it was based on physical attraction and it just didn't pan out and I had a lot of problems and it was dysfunctional and so I just feel like at this point in my life I'm putting other boxes above physical attraction Okay, okay, I get that I understand that I mean, but but I feel like um I guess I've never dated someone that looks good on paper All the people I've dated honestly look fucking terrible on paper. Really?

Like no job, they... Well no, I mean they have jobs. There's no drive there though. Like that's for me. I don't care what job you have as long as you have some passion or drive about something in your life. You can have a nine to five job that you don't give a shit about necessarily as long as there's something in your life

you have a passion about. But if you're just kind of like, I work at this job and I don't give a shit about it and I don't really care how many aspirations for anything else, that's what's not attractive to you. To you and to some people that might be, right, the job isn't the thing, but there's other factors.

But your right passion is very attractive. I think passion is attractive and crimped to something, but there are people that I've even thought, like, oh my god, I love the skies my best friend, and I've tried to be attracted to them. I've tried, I'm like, I'm just going to get drunk, and maybe if I get drunk, I'm going to want to accept them. And I even tried with my best friends years ago, and he was like, we should try, and then I got drunk, and then I still tried to kiss him, and I couldn't, like, I couldn't get

excited about him. I feel like everyone in that 35% is it has decided to be with someone who they're maybe not physically attracted to, but checks all their other boxes. Because why else would those people go that way? I wonder if you guys, I want to hear from 30, I want to hear from everybody. What have you decided about attraction? Did it grow for you over time? Is it a deal breaker? Triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven? Okay, we have Angela of 45 in Oregon

who said she would be with someone that she doesn't find attractive. Okay. Hey Angela, thanks for calling. Hey, Emily. Hey. Okay, so tell me. Hi, for 30 years. Well, I've been with this with my husband for 30 years, but Mary for 28.

And there's times where we get in a rat and I'm like, I'm not really attracted to you anymore, but then we go away for the weekend and then I'm like, oh yeah, now that's where I was attracted to you. Right. Just we're trying together. But you were initially attracted to him, right, when you married him. So there was an initial attraction, that's different than, like, over time you just can't stay in your husband. Because that happens to most people. Right.

But you have that basic attraction? I think so that you attraction can grow. Yeah, it can grow, but it's not going to, don't you think it can grow? I don't know like after a month or two, like don't you think that you kind of know after you give someone a shot? A few days. Yeah, I think after a month, you wouldn't know. Yeah, I think so too.

But I think you can give them the shot. Always give them a shot. I always go out with someone again, if I'm like me, if I'm on the fence. I give them like usually three chances. Yeah. Well, I'm glad, Angel. I hope you guys take more weekends away together.

Just get a hotel room for. I'll wait you all the time. Okay, good. I love it. Well, thanks for calling, Angela. I appreciate it. Yeah, I think that is true though. I think a lot of couples should be,

this is just a side note. Remember that sex does can't heal it. So if you are in a place where your partner you can't stand him right now, plan that date night like your life depends on it because it does. Get a hotel room for a night. I can't think of a better way to spice your relationship up. That's actually cheaper than dinner, right? Yeah, no freaking hotel room for there. There's nothing like a change of scenery up the attraction. But if the attraction is never... Ding! They're calling the wrong number. Ha ha ha.

You're supposed to call the stars number guys. Oh my God. 289478277. What a lucky move. Ha ha ha. So yeah, no, I think, I think what you know, you know. I'm just worried about Kristen walking down the path of this. Okay, question for you, Emily, about this.

What if you have amazing imagination skills? I do, and you close your eyes. Can you just imagine a more attract person with a rest of my life? Yeah, well, no. Why? Because it's not even about the way they look. It's not even like picturing it with someone else.

It's like, there's this intangible with chemistry and connection and how they feel, like how it feels to have their hands on your body or like how to look at them or how they smell like scent is in your old factory is a huge factor in attraction and chemistry. And then you, you, you, you bottle, you found so many like smell, you found a scientist, you bottled your hair, you put it on the other guy, you gave him some gloves that have lotion on it or something. Yeah, so I sniffed this bottle of the other before, before we have sex.

Too much prep, I wouldn't do that. Much, no. I believe that it is sort of this amorphous thing, but you do, I think eventually, you want to be able to get aroused by someone because I'm just telling you, if you're, and here's the other thing I want to add to this, because I hear this all the time, if you're, and here's the other thing I want to add to this, because I hear this all the time.

If you're having problems with your sex life right now and you've only been with someone for a few months or even up to a year, and there's problems in the sex life, like people aren't performing or you feel like there's a mismatch libido thing, desire discrepancy, either decide to work on it today or cut it because it's only gonna go downhill from there. If there is a problem with your sex life right now,

don't log down that aisle. People think, well, once we get married, then I'll be able to open up and be more forthcoming about it, but you gotta deal with it. Right now, deal with it head on. I feel like at the end of the day, when you get married to someone, although I would have no clue if this is correct because I'm not fucking married.

Right. But it's just like a piece of paper in a wedding day. Your relationship should somewhat still be the same the next day. So why would all of these magical changes happen once you tie the knot? There was, Jamie. That's true. I think that people, because they're excited about the wedding and they've raised it, the thrill of the wedding is like the best part and they just, I think that's what we're told.

I think that people are like, wedding changes everything once you commit to being together, then I'll work on it or I don't have to be my true self till we get married. People say it's all the time. People change right after we get married. But these are people I think who don't have a lot of practice living an authentic life and being vulnerable. Like, you know, we bring our best self-stual relationship. And so I think a lot of people just start like excited about the wedding and they're planning

for that and then they're like, we got married and now what? You know, just don't think we're really self-aware, maybe they don't listen to the show. Don't you think it'll be night? It would be nice though to marry someone and be in like a tribe lifestyle where your life isn't just dependent on you and you get to share responsibilities with somebody else. Would you, um, yeah, I mean, to be me to be with one person. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I think that would be great, but I want to have sex with them. I want to want to have sex with them. They'll do their part. You're Christmas, but they do all these other things. I think you're going to miss sex, Kristen. I will have sex with them. They don't have to be Tom Cruise or Leonardo DiCaprio. They can be Albert Einstein, I would.

I'm down with that. Okay, okay, okay. So then really the thing is though, I feel like you can't have zero in your heart of hearts, zero physical attraction to someone that you will have sex with. There is something like, there's no way because if you have zero percent physical attraction, the thought of them touching you is have sex with. There is, like, there's no way, because if you have 0% physical attraction, the thought of them touching you is grotesque. You can't say they were disgusting. They don't have to be disgusting.

They're not, they don't have to be disgusting. They can be the hottest guy in the world, but if you have no actual physical attraction, then. That's what I'm talking about. You, like, they touch you and you recoil, not, because they're, whoa, they touch you. You're just like, hasn't that, that's happened to me so many times?

Like, oh, this is done. Or I've even dated someone for a while. And then there's this point where it just flips. And I'm just like, oh, I'm done. I'm not attracted to anymore. And it's not just because they're physical appearance changed because something happened in the relationship who they are, something they did, it changed.

It's like the chemistry doesn't match up. The chemistry doesn't match up. The chemistry doesn't match up. I think it's more chemistry-ish. Yeah, but chemistry is so elusive too. It is true. It's all the things. It's fair mones. It's because that stuff does matter.

And it's a lot of things about a person. Do I respect them as a human? Do I share the same values? But you could even share the same values with someone and think they're a wonderful person. And so that would be attractive. All right, guys, we're going to take a quick break and we come back. We're going to get into your questions.

We have Debbie, who's 15 in California. She says she's been seeing someone for a year, and he doesn't want to have a committed relationship. Should she leave? Hi Debbie. Thanks for calling Hi Emily. How you doing? I'm good. I'm good. I'm I'm happy to hear from you. So tell me what's going on So he doesn't want committed relationship, but I'm assuming you do Correct. Okay now, okay You? Correct.

Okay. Now, we're... Okay. So, Nathan, you've been dating for like a year now and so I've come up to him and I've asked him, you know, what's going on. And so basically, he doesn't want to commit, but he wants to act like he's my boyfriend. So I just kind of want to know, I'm kind of like, I don't know if I should still be with him or if I should be.

Well, how does it feel to you? It sounds like you want a committed relationship. So, is he, so I feel like you're not going to get him to change. If he's telling you he doesn't want to commit, but he wants all the benefits of being benefits of being committed to you like being your like you do things for him and you're there for him But yet he still wants to sleep with other people is that what it sounds to me like Oh, no, no, I don't know if he's sleeping with anyone else. I don't think he is because he normally Talked to me a lot and we share a lot of things together, but I don't think

he's actually cheating on me. I just think that maybe something in his past may have triggered him not to want to commit so. And I don't even think it's like a easy Because we've been together for over a year now But have you asked him why he doesn't want because you're asking for commitment? Well essentially what what prompted you to ask for commitment right now? We have because we're acting like boys and girls friends Right and that would mean that you're right that makes sense after a year

Absolutely, and then he said to you what I don't want to be your committed boyfriend, but like, what does that mean? Like, we need more information here. Because you're saying you're very loving and understanding, you're saying Debbie, well, I don't think you cheats because we talk all the time. Well, come on, we all know. We all have our phones on our hands at all times.

And just because you're not with him doesn't mean that he's not up to something else. So I just, I feel like you're asking because you'd like that security and that comfort of knowing. And he's saying no to you So yeah, so to me it sounds like you're not getting your needs met and I would say to you you're 50 years old. How old is he? I believe he's 61 all right, so I would ask him You know what he's looking for by not maybe it's semantics.

Maybe it's the words I used to not love the word boyfriend. I used to tell my guy friend about guys I was dating. I was like, we can commit but don't use boyfriend girlfriend. Like I just didn't like the terminology. So all I'm saying is like, you need to get more information before I can tell you what to do. But what it sounds like is that for me, if someone doesn't want to commit, it's like they want to keep their options open or they want to date other people.

But he's 61. So I don't know. Maybe he's saying, I think you just got to find out more and it might be tough, Debbie. But I think you got to ask the hard questions. And if you can live with it in the same way it is now, but without the title, then you can stay with them. You get to decide.

Okay. All right, get down. Just ask for more information and then decide why he, you know, ask him what's not interesting to him about committing right now In a very nice in a very non-judgmental non like oh my god Why don't you want to commit just like you know I was thinking about a conversation the other day and you said you Weren't interested in being boyfriend girlfriend I'm just wondering if you could tell me more about that and then listen Debbie listen

Because people don't change he's gonna tell you what he wants and tell you why and then you can call me back if you're, you know, we can discuss it. Okay, that sounds good. Okay. You take care of me. You too, Debbie. Thanks for calling. Good to hear from you.

All right, we have Matt, 29 in Pennsylvania who's got a question about porn. Hey, Matt, thanks for calling. How can I help you? Evening Emily, how are you? Good evening. Good, thanks. Real quick, I just wanted to say that as the child of a sex educator, I really, really appreciate what

you do with your show and your podcast. Thank you. So many people, you're very welcome. So many people get instruction with regard to what my mom called the plumbing you know the anatomy but not so much the whole brain component the whole cerebral component that's really what matters most absolutely yeah thanks Matt yeah your mom's sex is here amazing yeah well thank you yeah she's she's retired but the knowledge stays and I think that's that's the most important

yeah amazing I'm so glad you raised by someone someone like that. Okay, so what's going on? Well, okay, so an interesting thing happened. I recently, shall we say, inherited a substantial porn archive from a friend. Okay. So I had to get an external hard drive. Wow, okay. I'm accommodated. Okay. And yes, and I And I hesitate to use the word porn in this context because it strikes me as more erotic than pornographic. And I think there's a difference between the two. Yeah, I agree. And I, okay, good.

And I think that's extremely sex positive. I think erotic can be very sex positive. And porn can, it doesn't always, but it can have a lot of baggage associated with it. And in recent months, I've found myself, like I have my own place, I don't have to worry about like eavesdropping or a roommate or parents or anything like that. I've just found myself kind of filling the void because I don't have cable. Okay. That background noise from the television would produce with porn. And in your experience, it hasn't shown any detrimental effects. Like it's only on my computer.

I can't get it on my phone. I can't get it when I'm out in public. I can't get it when I'm at work or anything like that. So it's confined to my place. Okay. or anything like that. So it's confined to my place. But in your experience, my question is, is there a lot of not quite diminishing returns, but is there a negative side effect that I am more predisposed to because of this in the long term? Like diminishing desire, diminishing Yeah, I mean I Sex sexuality anything like that. They're you know, just like everything everything like if you're doing it too much

That's your only outlet that's you know, you're maybe not even Going out there and dating as much or trying to meet people and you're constantly watching the same images over and over again That I absolutely think that that could that will could have an impact on your ability to have real intimacy with someone But like also you seem to have a good you know head around you're the fact that you're even asking that and a conscience around it Is it have you noticed it since you know here's the other thing you didn't choose this it was gifted to you right Like you didn't choose to have this and so I'm wondering do you actually want it all like is it because is it becoming more of a problem right now? You know wasn't like you archive And so I'm wondering, do you actually want it all? Like, is it becoming more of a problem right now? You know, it wasn't like you archived. I wouldn't call it.

Okay. Go ahead. Well, like, you wasn't like you, you know, put together this curated thing and it's like someone like dropped it. Like, when someone gives you furniture, like, I got this couch for my old roommate. I never got rid of it. So it was in the living room. You don't have to say, we have things

that people give us that we don't actually want or need, but we keep it, because in nostalgia or it's just there we use it so You know, it's a lot of porn. It sounds like our rottica. Is it so yeah? Um, I don't interpret it. That's the thing Emily. I don't view it as a problem because It helps that I have a background in filmmaking and I know how they make the images on screen appear the way they do right? It's just that I'm more concerned about potential long-term effects, and if there are any adverse potential long-term effects, how I can nip those in the bud.

And to twist things up a little bit, I've dated a number of girls in the past year or so who I've taken back to my place or gone to their place, even with this external hard drive showed it to them. And it's been met with like universal acclaim. So I don't perceive of any negative side effects. It's just that with the way porn and erotic are sort of pathologized in American society. I think I find myself potentially questioning myself unnecessarily, and since you're the resident sex expert, I wanted to know what you thought of that.

Well, I think that, okay, so explain to me, and I think a lot of you are listening might not really understand the difference between erotic and porn. And so tell me what, how you classified, could you give me an example? Is it at movies, is it images? It's primarily movies. There are some images, but like I said, the background stuff that goes on, it's films.

And they are, I would categorize them as high-productions value. A lot of cameras, a lot of angles, really good editing, really good lighting, and a really sex affirmative or sex positive depiction of women. Okay. Because the guys pretty much always go positive depiction of women. Okay. Because the guys pretty much always go down on the women. It seems like women orgasm more often than not. Yeah, okay.

That's the acting, you know, if anybody's gas. And there are very few extreme close-up inserts of just a certain kind of treatment. Listen, I'm gonna say to me that people are watching porn and they're pulling up the McDonald's and porn like porn hop and to me that stuff is not pro woman. It's made by women for women. So it sounds like you have a consciousness around this. If it becomes the point that you can't leave your house, you're all you're doing is masturbating.

You don't want to meet people anymore. That's when porn becomes a problem, but you sound like you've had this really solid upbringing and that you're you are watching conscious porn with a conscious. So I'm feeling pretty good about it Matt. I only think if you start to realize it's making you a little bit like I don't want to go out and I don't want to meet anyone. But otherwise I think you're good. But you can keep me posted because I'm here every night. But right now you have my go-add. Okay. You have my you have okay. You have my blessing. Bye Matt. Thanks for calling. I had to really break it down

you know but it sounds like you know? But it sounds like, you know, he's had the good upbringing with them all and in an erotic a can be, it's like, it can be really hot and not feel as dirty and make you feel like you wanna take a shower. We have Dana 49 in Connecticut. She's engaged to someone who loves large breasts

and she doesn't have any. How can she feel better about herself? Oh, hey Dana, thanks for calling. any, how can she feel better about herself? Oh, hey, Dana. Thanks for calling. Hi, I'm good. Of course, of course. All right, so tell me what's going on. Okay, so I am engaged to somebody who is definitely a breast man. I actually had breast implants and I got them removed, but I put smaller ones in there

because I actually hate them. But he's truly a breast man. I mean, he checks women out all the time and he doesn't really even say with my breast. I kind of feel inadequate. Hmm. Day night. Yeah, I hear you. I think my problem.

Have you talked, well, you know, have you talked to him about it? Have you let him know? And what is he saying? I love you. Yeah. He's like, I love you. It's not a problem, but I do feel like it. Yeah, well, this is something that you're gonna marry him. I know, but listen, if this is someone

that you're gonna marry, Dana, and you've already committed these asks you to marry him, I have to believe that this is in your head, right? Like we don't always get everything we desire in a partner, you know? There's a lot of things we're like, oh, but I love this person too bad. They're not a doctor. I'm on one of you made it. Mary doctor, they don't let, you know, their feet aren't that big, whatever it is.

But I feel like he's a boob guy, but he's marrying you. So clearly, you can't be that too much of a boob guy, you know? So this is truly something for you to work on. And I've got to tell you this, I've had men not touch my breasts enough at all. And it's not because they're not even boob guys, but they forget. They like get so into the sex, they jump right over my breasts and they go right to intercourse. And I don't, I just know I'm like, hello, remember my breasts? And then I have to show them. Like not in a very positive way, you know, it really turns me on when you play with my nipples

and you slow down and you say, here's what I like. So I have to remind them gently, you know, several times what I'm into. So I think if you started getting your needs met sexually and I'm wondering if there's other things, you desire that you're not getting because a lot of us don't know how to ask for it,

that if you start there, I think I'll start to realize that he loved you, Dana, the woman and your breasts as well. Okay. Well, thank you. You're so welcome. All right, Dana. Perfect. Congratulations on the engagement.

Let me know how it goes. Thanks to my amazing listeners, we're heading into our 15th year doing this podcast. So thank you for being open, sharing the show with friends, rating us wherever you listen, because we do release three podcasts a week, and that just helps us continue to bring you more great content. And thanks to my awesome team, Ken, Kristen, Alisa, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithaml.com. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.