Sex With Emily - The Tao of Dating

Episode Date: October 10, 2011

Emily talks with guest Dr. Ali Binazir about his book The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible, do long-distance relationships actually work?, a little known aphrodisiac, why men love sensual women, how to have enlightened self-interest, the pros and cons of online dating, the three "C's" of dating and tips for getting the guy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our secret institutions Betrubized they call them a lie Hey, Emily you got a boyfriend because my man he here. He just got his heartbroken He thinks you're kind of cute the girls got a hair stand Oh, my the women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way?

What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off here. So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information about sex with Emily go to sex with Emily calm You can get all your sex with Emily information all your sex information. We've got sex news We've got polls. We've got information everything you need to improve your sex life and your relationships So thanks everyone for joining us happy Monday happy rainy Monday here in San Francisco. Hey menace How you doing? I'm great. How you doing? I had a brave the rain. I know It was starting to come down for thing you do a long walk to come here every day. I know

Among everything else you do. Yeah, you have to walk here, which is awesome. Yeah, I hate it I know I'm really excited for today's show We have a surprise gas that we weren't sure he's gonna be able to make it. I'm so happy he's on the show Dr. Ali Beena's here He's here and you wrote a book called the Dow of dating smart, Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Ear-Resistable. He's also written a book for men. What are you laughing? I'm laughing because all you got to do is be a woman, right?

And you can get laid sweet. Okay, he's going to get to the minute. Okay, and then I've got my book Hot Sex. Yeah. Over two and a half things you can try tonight coming out tomorrow. You can pre-order an Amazon today You're buying on Amazon tomorrow buying bookstores all that stuff. Yeah, but get a search it. It's a different It's hot sex and then search my name Emily Morris in Amazon

Okay, I know come up because there's like an old hot sex book from years ago, but hot sex Emily it comes up in Amazon Go hot sex Emily Morris. Yes, then you'll get the book Then you get the book no Emily Morris and more see that's how you get it. Amazon or book store is Barnes and Noble. It's going to be everywhere starting tomorrow. So I'm very excited about all that. Yay. And yesterday was a really big day for me. What happened? Well, on the front page. Yeah, right. Please, dude. On Sunday, yesterday, my hometown paper, the Detroit Free Press, wrote a massive story about my sex talk show and about everything happening for me in the future.

And it was the front, okay, so my mom, everyone I never met in Michigan called me because it was like this, the life section, and it was the picture was the size of the entire page. And then you flip open into it. It was a story. It was like sex, talk smart, talk about sex, Farmington Hills native from Michigan, right? So it was a really big article. So everyone I've ever met and never known or ever whenever I was slept with in Michigan, you know, I heard from you. Call on you up and test me. It was awesome. That was really

cool. My hometown paper. Yeah. That's cool. It was really fun. Yeah. My mom liked that she was quoted. My brother was quoted. Friends were quoted. You got to read it. No one was embarrassed. No, I'd actually liked it. Like usually I don't like even reading press about me and I know love stories, but I thought she did a great job with it. Yeah. So check that out. It's on my website. Sex on my site. Sex on my site. And also if you like me on Facebook, sex with Emily, you can see it there. They got everything right. They got everything right. Oh, that's good. They talked about caggle camp, my iPhone app. They talked about everything. It's great. That's cool because I hate sometimes I get articles on me, and there's like some parts

of my thoughts. I know. I didn't, I didn't, it was not cringing even. I mean, there was some part where they're like, Emily's really open to talking about her sex life. Like, on one show, she talked about the last time a man surprised her sexually, and the last time she performed a full sex act in the car. And I was like, ooh, that's a bit much.

Did I reveal? I must have revealed that a few weeks ago. And then your mom was reading, and I was like, oh, I raised a classy lady. Did I reveal? I must have revealed that a few weeks ago. And then your mom was reading it and was like, oh, I raised a classy lady. Yeah, my mom's like, my dad is all about class. I love my daughter. So that was really fun. And then I hung out with friends all weekend

and went to Burning Man Decompression Party last night, which is like the Burning Man big festival in the desert. And then they had this decompression party. Oh, God. How did people do it? It was, it was so hippie. It's like crazy weird, everyone's in the past. How wacky San Francisco is it? It was so it was not hippie. It's like crazy weird. Everyone's in a costume.

How wacky San Francisco is it? It was so wacky San Francisco that I wanted to transport everybody that is not in San Francisco just for a minute and like drop them in this scene. They would have heart attacks. Heart attacks. It's crazy. Everyone's dressed up. Everyone's wild.

There's little mini bars set up. I mean, there's thousands of people. There are 10,000, 15,000 people probably walking around. Crazy. So that was really fun. And, uh, yeah. How was your weekend? Oh, it was good. I did a lot of cooking. You know me? I like to cook and yesterday I hung out

with Incabiz all day who you don't have no idea. I know Incabiz is. I may couldn't pick him out of line up but I know where they are. Yeah so I hung out with them and shot a bunch of photos and they're all up on my website whitemenace.com. Cool. So that's pretty much what I did. It's just insane, just like, it just me going to concerts. Right, October. All October, so I'm not really going to have too much interesting things to say. No sex in between.

Yeah, I had sex. Awesome. Yeah, that was cool. When? I think that was Saturday. Okay, do you remember it? Yeah, I remember some. When? I think that was Saturday. Okay, do you remember it? Yeah, I remember some of it.

You know. No, no, no, no. I'm not doing anything. You just kind of keep recycling all these going in front of the cat. I'm not really doing any new prospect. Okay, it's easy for you to bring in the axes and keep sleeping with them.

Yeah. I went through that phase. It's convenient. Totally. That's good. Why do I try to court somebody new? No, you with them. Yeah, yeah, I went through that phase. It's convenient. Totally. That's good Like why I like try to court somebody knew no, you got them. You're just calm up at 11 o'clock at night. They're there. Yeah, I like it It's easy. It's easy whatever works. It's cheaper too. It is cheaper. They don't even need dates Just a pretty call. I like what you got going down going on Like what else is going on to you anything? Yeah, I'm going to LA tomorrow

I've got three book parties in LA two book parties in LA So if you don't look at me like that if If you're in LA Wednesday and Thursday, if you go to my sex with Emily Page on Facebook, you can see I've got all my LA invitations Wednesday night. It's at the pleasure chest. I'm teaching a workshop, 40 things you can try tonight. And Thursday night, it's at Friday and Eddie's, which is a new sex store, sex toy store. It's so, so sweet. Awesome. I think it's an in Venice speech. Yeah. Yeah.

And then the ones in West Hollywood. Yeah, I love the pleasure. Chess, does that. That is a pretty well-renowned world renowned. World renowned, well-renowned. It's on, yeah, it's on like reality TV shows all the time. Exactly. It's always on reality TV shows.

So. Yeah, I saw it on Rockstar Wives and then last time I saw it was on the Kardashians. Yeah. And actually, after I went to the TV shows. Yeah, I saw it on Rockstar Wives and then last time I saw it was on the Kardashians. Yeah. And actually, after I went to the, this is how bad I am with the Kardashians. After the concert last night, which I got home at like 11.30, I started watching some of the Kardashian wedding.

Oh, I saw that. I did hear it. It's four hours long. Oh, Jesus. That's like a nightmare. I watched about 45 minutes. Okay. Well, I started watching TV. So as everyone knows, like I have not TV in forever, ever, but I got TV in a cable because I'm going to

be doing some television work and I need to start seeing what's happening in TV and I watch the real housewives of New Jersey for four hours on Saturday. Are you serious? I love them. I got the New Jersey ones. Yeah. They're psycho. They all look the same. I can't tell them apart. They don't want to kill each other. They're doing body guards. They're going to shoot each other. They're psycho. They all look the same. I can't tell them apart. They don't want to kill each other They're in bodyguards. They're gonna shoot each other. Oh, no, they're amazing. You really like them the best Okay, so I'm just getting into it. Just television like I made my friend come over Charlotte And I was like let's watch TV together because I was kind of scared what I was then in the Atlanta house Why is there like some of the most interesting? Okay? Good to know good to know. I'm doing my DVR since you never helped me I'm sending it all up

You never home you're at some wine tasting events or something like that. Oh God, not true. No wine tasting events. Not this weekend. Yeah, not this weekend. Okay, so also you can call us anytime at 415-9927-392. If you have any questions,

but the best thing to do with 415-9927-392 is we get tons of emails from listeners, as you know. People write me at feedback at sexwithelm.com or you just go to my website, sex with Emily and there's a Q&A section you can write me a question. But anyway, you can also call any time at 415-9927392 and leave us a message with your question

or your comments or your ideas for the show. And we might just play them during the show. So do that. Yeah, I've yet to see you guys burn a CD-correct. We burn a CD-correct. We burn a CD-correct. Whatever. But I will help you out with that. And I'll let you go for a city. We were in a city wrong. Whatever. But I will help you out with that.

And I will let you go for the best way to send it to you. Well, you didn't answer me. No, you sent it to me in some weird file format. You sent it to me in an iTunes format. Yeah, what the freak is up with that? What the freak? It's called the MP3. I know.

I don't know what happened. How do you get busy? I'll show you how to change your settings and all that. I'll be the man in this situation. I would love that. Oh my god. Oh, hey, well Hmm I'm really excited to talk to our guests. We are also going to first though get into a little bit of sex in the news Okay, what do you got this is what I got for you? Okay Bizarre circumcision bands are now officially illegal in California

California governor Jerry Brown is signed to build out prevent local governments from instituting the ban's uncircumcision that have gained inexplicable political popularity as of date. So basically, there have been all these laws in San Francisco, there's a lot of these people behind the circumstance that they want to ban circumcision, which of course a lot of the religious groups,

like Muslims, Jews, are completely against it, but they really thought they had a chance, but apparently they did. Good. Because California governor shot it down it down. We should have you banning circumcision. Finally, it should be a choice. Some be standing up to all the wackos out there that they always eventually do. Freaking job. The wackos come out. We talk about them and then Someone shoots them down. That's the path. I like that. I like it. Love it too. Because these A-holes have no job. All the people are working, so they don't have time to go to city hall and fight the wacko, so thank God. Thank God our governor, Jerry Brown.

I don't know how I feel about this other thing, sorry, it's not really sexual related. It's okay, you do not text related. He, uh, he does signed off on this bill against Shark Finsuit. A lot of people are upset, upset by that. I'm sure a lot of the Chinese Asian Americans they love shark fin soup.

Love shark fin soup. That's not even when I was in China. Because people are trying to say that all they do is cut off the fins and they don't eat the rest. Right. And then the people that are against it are like. It's part of the culture. They're like we eat, we eat everything.

And they go now we can eat all the rest of it But now we can't eat the fins like they go. It's kind of stupid, so I don't know how I feel about it because it's not Your like it's not my part of my culture. It's not something that I consume and eat But I don't know where I would feel if I had to make a judgment on that right me neither Yeah, I need to learn from it Okay, this is you'll like this. Spock and Kardashian and Chris Covefries renew their vows. So you just watch the wedding last night.

They're renewing them because it's been five minutes. They've only been married for two months but they've already renewed their vows on an episode of Ellen. Feeling left out the 53rd community and decided to officiate the couple's vow renewal ceremony and our show last week, us magazine reported. We are gathered here today because we are,

are the only 300 people who weren't invited to Kim and Chris's wedding to gender set. And now in this mecca of daytime television, we reaffirm the bonds of marriage between Chris Humphries and Kim Kardashian all rights reserved, e-television productions. So it's been five weeks since the wedding, which is a long time for reality. So it's time to renew your vows. Haha. Funny. So they were. Yeah, they're pretty. Just did it in a joke. It's fun. Yeah. But how was the wedding when you saw it? I haven't seen the wedding part. That's tonight.

Oh God. This is like two hours leading up to it. Jesus Christ. But I'm going to miss another thing is Chris Humphries. I don't know if I like him or I dislike him. I think I like him. OK. Why?

I know nothing. Because I just the thing is I maybe I'm I just don't understand his comedy. But he's one of those people that are like, really, note that he's really super sarcastic, but you can't tell that he's being sarcastic. So he seems like he's really serious when he's talking to you.

And it seems like he's talking a lot of shit to you to your face. But he's actually joking. Oh, but he doesn't do any of those. Like, ah. Yeah, no, he's just like, so he's like a dry wit. Yeah, and it's really like causing a lot of problems

in the family because all these people are like, why is he talking? They're like, why is he talking so much crap to us? And Chloe Kardashian was one of the sisters that's really known for being outspoken and talking the same way. They're just like, butting heads like crazy. And I'm telling you, this is not just fake reality

telling them. No, which is really a lot to draw on their family. Yeah, yeah. So I'm still in the fence on how I feel about it. Okay. I don't know. I haven't watched yet, but I will. Good. It's on my list by TV marathon in October. Scientists have discovered one of the first true Afro-DGX. Scientists have shown that at least for fruit flies, the smell of ripe and rotting fruit is the ultimate turn on. So don't throw away those bananas yet. Just one whiff flips, just one whiff flips the switch of courtship initiating brain pathways. And while scientists have known for some time that these pathways could compel male flies to strut their stuff and initiate mating, what they didn't know was that these behaviors could be triggered with

a smell. This is one of the first cases of a food affidija a specific sensory pathway in the alfactory smelling system that triggers sexual behaviors. The team happened upon the link between sex and old factcation when when investigating a sense of smelling food, fruit flies. So who knows, maybe people just leave riding fruit around and they're all get turned on and get jiggy with it.

How much tax money did I spend to figure out that fruit flies like this amount of food? Doesn't say which scientists and where they were. That's what I want to know. Hey, Appordiciacs, we're trying to get, you know, all the stuff about Aberdeegis is kind of BS, I think. Yeah. Yeah, so I think, um, yeah. I think the guess is, I think our guess is going gonna agree that natural aphrodisiac for women is

Green paper green paper money He might he might doubt that okay. That's all the sex news. I feel okay good Okay, let's get into some emails and I do believe let's pull the camera back. Okay, go on Dr. Ali All right, I call you Dr. Ali We'll say you in the next video. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead.

Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead.

Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead.

Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead., we're good. Okay, so I think that Dr. Ahiro this book, the Dow of dating the smart woman's guy to be absolutely irresistible and I believe that you could advise some of our email listeners who have written some of our listeners who have written us and some of the stuff since you're an expert. Bring it on. Ready? Cool. Cool. And then I was joking earlier when I said, oh, you just, you know, have to be a woman, then your ears is a little, hopefully in your book, you just explain how to keep your man. Yeah, there's a little bit of that too.

Yeah, that's the part that I want to hear about. I happen to agree with you, but you still, you know, you still have to fill the book with something. Yeah, got it. Cool. Okay. Hey, Emily, got it. OK. Hey, Emily, I love your show. This is my first time writing in.

My boyfriend of one year just became a medical resident. I understand he's busy, but lately I've been resentful that he hasn't been reinforcing me in our long-distance relationship, who why he'd to the mainland. A month ago, I told him it would be nice to have more support. He said he does not believe in doing things to be romantic. And Guy shouldn't

set the bar too high for the future. Instead of making crazy demands, I've gone out of my way to show through example how nice it is to have someone go out of their way for you, IE send care packages, attacks for the few reasons they're important to you. It's gotten me nowhere. How do I bring this up in a way that seems reasonable? If I'm Emily, Honolulu Hawaii. Wow. She's in a lot of this relationship. She wants them to be romantic. He's saying, no, I won't be romantic. Wow. All right.

So what do you think? So she basically trips up two, you know, two bonds in my book. One is the long distance relationship. And one is the man who is not available, namely the medical resident. Okay. So I have, actually, I wrote this article, why should not go to medical school and one of the reasons is When your medical school you only have time for one thing and that is medicine and a resident, you know They're pulling 80 to 100 hour weeks. They're just not around but most important the big principle from the Dow

Updating is fulfillment is not a person fulfillment is a set of feelings and Basically those other feelings are the things that you get when you go have brunch on a Sunday with someone You know cuddling with them I don't catch a movie on a Friday night the point is that a relationship means somebody is around right and that's how you get those Fulfillment feelings if somebody is say, hmm. I don't know three thousand miles away across the ocean You don't get those feelings. So anybody who has a long distance relationship is fooling himself or herself. So I'm going to repeat that just so you know, if you have a long distance relationship,

you have no relationship at all. Okay? You have a friendship, you have a pen pal, it ain't a relationship. So this is a kind of scarcity consciousness. You're ignoring all the people who are within a 10 block radius and instead going for somebody who is completely inaccessible. Now on top of that has no time for you. He's so yeah, he's unavailable and he's long distance. Yeah, so he's unavailable in medical school and he's far away. Yeah, and so now you're complaining about what that he doesn't have time for you and he's far away. Well guess what? He's far away. He doesn't have time for you. So what I would say is get yourself a local boyfriend because you don't have a boyfriend right now. Right. I think that's great advice. I think that's great advice because the truth is I am. I have been a fan of long distance relationship for all the BS reasons because I've

come commitment issues. At least I have. Wow. Wow. I can say that. Historically. No. In the past, I did a lot of long-sales relationships, because I prefer them, because I'm super busy, and I don't want someone around all the time saying, can we get together, can we get together? I like to know when I'm gonna see them and whatever. But if you're not like me, and she obviously wants more from him,

they don't always work, and I think you're right. I think that's great points, and that is a double whammy that he's resident and. And actually, you bring up a great point, which is that maybe she's doing this deliberately because she's afraid of real intimacy Maybe she is she could be projecting all these I need this I need that maybe Because the person who's nearby that's gonna just toss up a whole bunch of other issues that involve actual close Instincts and being as this guy he's far away and he's inaccessible you know care package that's not a relationship

I got it great. I think, you know, she really asked, and he's asked herself, does she really, really love this guy? This is the guy that she wants to be with. And if she's willing to deal with the situation. Right. And if she's willing to deal with the situation and go through all of it and tell

he's done and tell he has more time, then stick to it. But if you don't, then just bail. Okay. Good luck, Emily. Okay, hi, Emily. I love your show. I'm a 34-year-old woman who is not only a virgin, but I've never been in a relationship. At one point, I became very depressed and came to the conclusion that it wasn't meant for me to be in a relationship. Over the past three years, my self-esteem issues have been resolved, and I feel really good about myself.

So I decided to try online dating at blackpeoplemeat.com. I met a guy, but things didn't work out. Although we didn't have sex, we did other things. He didn't know I was a virgin. A few months after that, felt through, I registered with match.com and haven't had any luck. I messaged guys, but they usually don't respond, and I rarely receive messages.

I always pick up something from their profile and said just sending a typical high, great profile message, but hasn't produced any results. I don't think it's my looks because I'm often told that I'm beautiful and sexy, unfortunately not to the guy by guys I want to date. I'm super stressed out about the possibility of ending up alone and the fact that I'm so behind

when it comes to dating relationships and sex. Also, if by some miracle I meet someone and decide he's the one to whom I want to lose my virginity, what if he's totally turned out by the fact that I'm in 30s and I've never had sex? Let's face it, no man in his 30s or older is interested in having sex with the virgin. Please help me, what should I do to press in Delaware?

Kira. Kind of knocks something out of the way real quick. Because you know me, I'm the internet guy. Yeah. She shouldn't be worried when she messages guys and they don't message message back even if it's a dating website because the guys are Kind of worry We'rey about that because they might be like a spammer or something like that. So

As guys were not used to men Signing I mean as guys we're not used to women sending us messages, you know, so people might be kind of weird out by that. Okay. Got it. So take a personally. Okay. Um, and the Virgin thing. So there's a lot of going on here. There's like her dating website and there's a worry about being a virgin. So I would say that it's not as uncommon as you think. There are women in their 30s. There are men in their 40s or people who are virgins., and I think that there are men if you meet the right person, that would be okay with that. Totally. Yeah, right. So don't beat yourself up about it.

And I think that you're gonna find someone, and it's gonna be okay, but let's talk about your dating history. What would you have to say to this? Do you have any comments for this? Well, you know, every day is the first day of the rest of your life. So you can either carry the burden of several hundred pounds of potato sacks of your passing

Say, oh, no because of all this they're gonna be worried or you can say pain, you know Let's play let's have fun. So it doesn't sound like you're having fun with this whole dating process It sounds like it's a you know a big source of like anxiety and pain So I would say start having fun with it Also, I would say if you are this new to the game and you think you're a virgin and that's a big issue, you shouldn't be going online. Because especially for that first guy, you want to be somebody that is somehow networked in, somebody that you know through a friend or something like that. You want to meet people in person.

There's so much information missing online. You don't see each other. I mean, 3 million years of evolution has a science to be like pretty and sonorous and have nice shiny hair, and you'll walk a certain way and have a certain kind of voice. These are all signs of compatibility that are completely obliterated when you're online. So you just have no idea.

So it's, and if you are pretty and good looking and guys would be finding you appealing that way, then you're gonna do a lot better in person. And also the boys online, they just might be strange. They don't know you, so it's a big city. They're gonna have take license to behave in a strange way, especially if they find out the chair on naive. So I would say don't go online, meet people in person if at all possible. If you're in some you, rural area where there's no people, okay, fine, online.

But if you're in a big city, she's in Delaware. Yeah, we got, I've been there. There's people there. There's people there. And you've got to make your, so we've done a lot of shows on this. Just recently a few weeks ago,

I was about like, where are the best places to meet people? And it's not like we're telling you to go out and do something crazy. It's like, you know, take a different root home from work. If you take the same way to work every day, do something a little bit different. Like sign up for a class. There's that class you know, take a different root home from work. If you take the same way to work every day, do something a little bit different. Like sign up for a class. There's that class you always wanted to be take, like, take a class at the, you know, continue education.

You know, at your gym, sign up for whatever your interest are. Take a cooking class. I mean, anything that you're interested in, you're likely to find people that are already interested in things that you're doing. But it does mean putting yourself out there. And there's a lot of single groups every city has like a million single groups that do things that you know you might be like I don't want to be part of a single group but you know what if they're doing things you like there's wine tasting there's a lot of different things you could do

to meet people face-to-face. I'm sure I have three criteria like on the three C's for the best places to meet. Yes. Other other people. One is conversation friendliness. So if you go to a bar or a club you can't talk so that you know the information is not being transmitted About who is this guy? Do I want to be around him? So conversation friendly is number one number two is continuity Continuity means that you have time to actually speak to each other. So if you're passing by each other on the sidewalk, that's not continuity But if you're both sitting in some kind of class or afterwards, you know, you get to talk to each other. It'll wind tasting. It's like a good stretch of time. The best place is what you just mentioned classes, like adult education, because it's not just like

you sit down in the same place, but you come back week after week after week. So you get to meet each other casually. Exactly, it's a passion. It's a non-threatening way, the way nature intended. As opposed to, hi, let's do an evening log job interview that's gonna cost us both money. So that's called dating.

So, and the third one is, we said conversation, friendliness, continuity, and, huh? Classes, was that that third? No. Yeah, conversation, friendliness, continuity, and connectivity. So you want some kind of idea that you have uncommon, right? You're there for a reason, right? So if you're both taking a crochet in class,

then hey, we're here because we both like crocheting, although me and a guy who was also into crocheting, I don't know, sense of humor. Right, right, that's a whole other thing. We'll be right in telling our thing. Yeah, it's a whole different story. But the idea is that, you know, if you're at some kind of conference for, I don't know,

Adely Penguins and Antarctica, well guess what? He's also gonna be into that. You already have something way in common. As opposed to supermarket for both hungry, bar. We both want to get wasted. These are not things that necessarily bring people together. Right. So explore your interest. Think of the things that you've been wanting to do to enhance yourself. You said you're in a good place now. What do you want to do? What kind of classes do you want to take? What kind of things do you want to be involved with? I'm

sure there's many things in your town and this is time to do it. So good luck to you, depressed and Delaware Cure. Hopefully you won't be till depressed so soon. So I'm gonna- I know, I wanted to change her subject line from depressed. I know, it's sad. We want to have fun, we want to have fun. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know.

You have a lot more power than you think, especially as a woman. I mean, the guys think the woman have all the power, the woman think the guys have all the power. They can't both be right. And you and I know, men, as the girls have all the power. Yeah, they do. We do have all the power. I love it. I guys have all the power. They can't both be right. And you and I know, Menace, the girls have all the power. Yeah, they do.

We do have all the power. I love it. I love having all the power. Okay, we have time for one more. Emily Menace, great show with Jamie. That's Jamie Waxman. She's the co-author of my book, Hot Sex. The topic of kissing got a lot of attention.

Maybe this is relevant. Kissing is an indicator of chemistry, and you can't fake chemistry. If the chemistry isn't there, the kissing will just not measure up. If the chemistry is there on the technique is getting in the way, it can be hard to have a conversation about that. Nobody thinks of themselves as a bad kisser.

Good kissing is like a good conversation. You have to listen to the other person, pay attention to how they're responding. Don't dominate the conversation. Let yourself be kissed as much as you do the kissing and use a tone that's appropriate. Don't go up a mouth and tongue when it's not appropriate. You can help a one kiss fits all kisser. Develop a better range of skills by playing a game a little game of, tell me with a kiss. Have your partner tell you thank you with a kiss. Did they deliver that message? Have them tell you I missed you or I know you're

bummed about something or I really like. Most people already have the, I want you naked in my bed message down. So save that for last. Practice in a little tactful feedback and turn kissing into great kissing. Hope that helps. Jeff from Dublin. He's a premium friends with benefits member. Thanks for that Jeff. We did talk a lot about kissing and he's a friends of benefits member. As you know, if you are friends with benefits member, sex family, friends, benefits member, you get your emails read, read away, and we answer your questions. And so thanks Jeff so much for writing. And I think you're right, kissing does not have to be a deal breaker. There are ways that you can work on kissing and become a better kisser. You just got to share with your partner, show them how you like to be kissed,

have them show you how you like to be kissed, but these are some great tips here. Thanks Jeff. Yeah, I can get a little bit better, but there's some that you just can. Sometimes you just can. There's some that you just connect with, like right away. It's free now. You know, it's perfectly in sync when you make out. And the sucks is because I've told you,

that person I perfectly make out with is not necessarily the person that I have the best sex with. And then it sucks because the person, like you kind of have the best sex with, they're not a great kisser. I know, it's a baller. She's stuck in some, he's stuck in some, you can find it all.

Both of them. You got a train and you can train everyone. Okay, let's get into your book. Let's. Okay. Why not? The Dow of Dating. I'm showing this to the camera now.

If you're watching us, the smart woman's guide to being absolutely irresistible. Not mindfully irresistible. Absolutely. Absolutely irresistible. I want to know about this. Sure. Okay, so you are from a doctor from Harvard

College. You have an MD from UC weight. Okay, tell me AB from Harvard College. Right. Bachelor from Harvard MD from UC San Diego and Masters from Cambridge. Oh, so you're smart. So many chicks in San Diego, right? Ridiculous. Ridiculous. And you've also written another book, right? Which is- At the time of dating the thinking man's enlightened guy to success with women. Oh good, so he does know about man and women helping them. Okay, so tell me about this book. Why did you write this book? Well, that really rose out of a need. I had all these friends, they were my classmates, and you know, these amazing,

wonderful, beautiful, sweet, accomplished women, and you know these amazing wonderful beautiful sweet accomplished women and you know few years after graduation they're all divorced you know they can't find guys they meet the wrong guys and and really it compelled me to finish the book was I have the story of my introduction the story of Holly and Ariela so my friend Ariela you know sweetest woman you've ever met beautiful accomplished to just gone divorce was dating this guy for 18 months and You know this guy just wasn't really showing up. She said like you know my daughter fell down the stairs once and You know blood everywhere went to the hospital like hold him

I said I need you and he said oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid of blood and here's a guy that she was like Yeah, exactly so and he was a guy that she was supporting right right? He's living with her, and he's not like pulling his own way. So I'm like, you know, just based on that, he's got to get out of here. Later on, you know, after I told her this, she braced me in the email saying, you know, don't tell anyone, but he's been beating me up for the past eight to eight months.

I just dumped him. I'm like, wow, if she's, you know, healthy and accomplished and so smart, you know, these are Harvard women with a home, right? If she can do this, guess how many thousands of them went out there also. So many women make choice choices. Don't get, oh, I, shakes just get locked up with these losers. That's when you talk about a lot in your book, right?

Yeah. About why women, do you make those choices about those kind of men? Right, and the one, the big themes of the book is that fulfillment is not a person for full, full of fulfillment instead of feelings. And so here's a sky. And OK, he's good looking. OK, he's like got this funky European accent. OK, the sex is good.

But at the same time, he's beating her up. I mean, where is that fulfillment? So the point is that sometimes your fulfillment shows up in a package you don't even expect. And so we have these types. And I often ask my students, my clients, my? And so, you know, we have these types and I often ask my students, my clients, my readers, like, okay, so you have this type and you want those butterflies and your stomach and you want that intensity of feeling and you've had that with your exes and

where are they now? They're all exes. So maybe that isn't working out so well for you, maybe you should try something else. And really the beauty of being a woman, there are many things beautiful about being a woman, but this is one of the amazing talents I found women have, is that you are able to make a man who makes you feel good, look good, right? So initially, like, well, you know, he's kind of a troll. I don't really like him.

But that's like the number one thing couples say when I ask the woman, it's like, okay, how'd you guys meet? Like married woman. And they say, you know, when I I first met him I didn't really like it Right, yeah, that's happened and then he kind of grew on me like a wart or something right so so that can work and so as a woman just recognize that that guy who makes you feel good will Eventually look good no matter what he starts out looking at and he will become your type guys tend to be not quite so flexible

No guys are like I'll bang or I won't bang or they decide within 30 seconds. Yeah we're kind of stuck so you know you guys are more evolved you ladies are more evolved right I talk myself into men all the time I shouldn't say that but I I guys that I'm not into necessarily I'm like oh yeah yeah because it's an intellectual thing it's the way they make me feel so true so what talked to me first about if people aren't familiar what what is a doubt of dating where where the five principal five themes you talk about five themes right the five themes are big so the down dating is basically a convergence of like you know you know eastern wisdom the stuff has been around for a couple thousand

years right so by now we know whether it's true or not and then there's science and science has proven some pretty cool stuff so bringing those two together gives you a pretty reliable program for finding fulfillment and happiness in your life. So the big five themes that I like to base the whole, this is a foundation of the book. First one is wealth consciousness. The idea is that there is abundance out there. There's incredible abundance. So if you're a woman, if you're a single woman, guess what? There's seven billion people out there, half of them are male. So maybe one-tenth of them live within wherever you live, right?

I say you're in the US. So maybe you're super picky, so only one-tenth of one percent of that is good enough for you. So that's, you know, on the order of like hundreds of thousands of men, if not millions, if you live in a big city, right? So the whole idea is I'm going to hold on to this one dude who is, you know, across the ocean and in the residency and just hang out with that guy and that's my boyfriend, that's denying the abundance of universe, right? It's like going to the supermarket and saying, I'm only going to buy stuff that's in this one corner of the store. And if it's not there, then it wasn't meant for me. So, so open yourself to the abundance of universe, recognize that there is stuff. There's no no stuff. There's no negative stuff. There's stuff and it's all for you. So it's open to you. So it's kind of like people come from the deficit-point saying there's no one out there for me. I'm not gonna find anyone. You're saying no. There's an abundance of

people. And the thing is that abundance mentality just makes you. True. Much more approachable. It makes you happier. It makes you radiant. Right. It makes you makes people want to be around you. As opposed to the scarcity, which is that, oh, I don't think anybody wants me. I'm so small. I'm just a virgin. Nobody's gonna, hey, nobody knows that stuff, right? So it's just like poker. Nobody knows what whole cards you've got. So just go out there and act as if the abundance of the

abundance of the universe is there for you. And you know, the great thing is that the universe tends to respond to you in the same way that you act towards the universe. You say, hey, there is a button. The universe says, yes, there is there is absolutely it's all you. Do you believe in you shouldn't be searching? Don't go out looking for love, love will find you and stuff like that. Interesting.

I do believe that lusting after results tends to drive the results away from you. So if you say I am now on the warpath, I'm going to find a guy that doesn't work out so well. What we're tends to work out better is going, hey, I'm happy, I have a full life, life is great, I believe in abundance, I make people around me feel great, I'm glowing, and then guys start coming out of the woodwork. So kind of the oblique approach.

So yeah, a little bit. I like it. So what are the other principles? Right, so the second one is the B do have mentality. So a lot of people are looking for results in life. They go and they think, well, gee gosh, if I had a boyfriend, then I would be happy. And, and that doesn't quite work that way, right? So the idea is that first you want to be that happy person, right? Right? And then once you are that happy person, then? So the idea is that first you want to be that happy person, right? And then once you are that happy person,

then you will do the things that happy, fulfilled, radiant people do. And then once you do that, then you will have the companionship that you were initially seeking. So it's important to be that person. So be the person who is radiant and fulfilled. Be the person. Just live that.

Then you're living from that, also that scarcity that deficit mentality, like, I'm not going to be happy until I find someone. Once I find a man, then I'll be happier. Once I do this, and that's just so like, you have to work on yourself. Because the dude ain't going to make you happy if you're not happy to stop.

He's not a pillist. But we wouldn't think that and men think that what that's going to be the answer is tell your partner. And you'll make the relationship miserable when you're not happy. Tell your end. That's totally. That's just going for co-dependence. And who wants who needs that? Right. So the idea is B do have. B the thing you want to be first. So whether it's wealth or companionship, just B in that wealthy and abundant mindset, I am full of wealth and abundance.

And then you go out there and amazing things happen. How easy is it to get into that state of mind, though? If you've been living a life of scarcity and telling yourself you're not good and you're not there and there's no man and how do you get there? You know, it takes a little bit of discipline and practice. So I feel like the best thing to do

is to start with gratitude because there is always room for gratitude, no matter who you are, where you are right now. If you're listening to this, you've got a computer, you've got a roof of your head, and it's not raining, because if we're raining, you probably get electrocuted on the computer, so I'm guessing it's dry, right? You've got food in your belly, you've got clothes on your back,

you've got a car to ride around. I mean, you've got a lot, a lot. Not more than most people might. You start with the gratitude, you're like, wow, you know, this is amazing. You know, there's a great prayer from the course in Miracle that said, let everything be exactly as it is. And that's really empowering, if you think about it.

So where you are right now is perfect. Because if it's not, there's no future time when it's not going to be now, right? It's always going to be now. So be grateful for what you have now. And then you start from there. Once you realize that everything right now is great and freaking fantastic, then you build from there.

Exactly. And something that I found really helpful around gratitude is that, since when you're feeling you're worse and you're feeling super bummed out, it's amazing just to make yourself make a gratitude list. Like, if you're like, my job sucks, I got in a car accident, I got to take it, I have no money, whatever it is, my cancel mail, the insurance again. Make a gratitude list. And even if it's like, I've got a pillow on my bed. I've got, you know, I've got food on the table. I've got three best friends. I've got my family's good health. Whatever it is, I love my new watch. It doesn't matter, but you just list all the things that you're grateful for, and you just do that instead of be moning all the stuff that you don't have. It's a really helpful way of doing it. That's huge. And to suggest a specific practice from the new book by Martin Sealigman,

what you wanna do is you wanna have three things to be happy for, right? So you have a list and every day you write down three things, three good things that happened. So I found a parking spot instantly. My interview with Emily lined up perfectly and I saw my friends down the street. Boom, three good things and it's not even two o'clock.

So you got to train your mind to do it, but I'm like, oh my god, even when I do get a parking spot, I'm like, this is my day, I'm so, I'm so grateful that this parking spot is so grateful that you came in today and this all looked out. Like I do that too, I think it's awesome. Yeah, so but write it down, have a little log and do three good things today and that will start shifting things right now.

Okay, so what do you want to talk about the other rinseers? Sure, sure. I think another really You want to talk about the other rinse or? Sure. Another really big one is the Yin Yang duality, polarity, the masculine and feminine polarity. The world is made of masculine and feminine energy. One way to think about is that you got positively charged things, you got negatively charged things and energy flows between those. You got the North Pole of a magnet, you got the South Pole and energy flows between those. You've got the North Pole of a magnet, you've got the South Pole, energy flows between those.

You've got high, high, low, you pour water, it flows down. So in order to get flow of energy, you need polarity. If you don't have polarity, then there's no flow. It's flatness. So when you have a relationship, what you want is somebody to be the masculine pole and somebody to be the feminine pole. Now, sometimes, it's the woman who's the the masculine sometimes. It's the man who's the feminine

But most of the time we're talking male is masculine right and female is feminine right? That's your that's you want to be majoring in feminine in your in your intimate relationships If you're a woman and minoring a masculine we have both okay, so so the idea is that when women take on a lot of the masculine, we have both. Okay, so the idea is that when women take on a lot of the active male energy in their job, right, say you're a lawyer or you're a CEO of a company or you run a whole country, right, we have those women, and then you're using a lot of young energy, a lot of masculine energy. So what you want to do is you want to consciously go back into your year and implement

that female energy in your intimate relationships. Otherwise what's going to happen is you're're gonna have like negative charge and negative charge and they repel each other or South Pole and South Pole and they repel each other. And do you wanna repel your mate, your lover? Probably not, you wanna attract. So you wanna have that flow of energy. So it brings both of you together.

So there's no, it's not about being passive, it's not about being weak, it's about realizing that you are the Tigris and the Tigris is powerful on land. If you're the Tigris in the water, it's just like the feminine woman being in her masculine. You're not at your strongest. Also recognize that a woman who has a lot of masculine energy coming out is as attractive to a man as a man who has a lot of feminine energy coming out. So just think about that.

And about the guy who's like, totally. What do you want? Oh, okay. How are you feeling? You know, that's gotta get old after a while. So just think about that way. Okay, got it.

That's good. I like it. I tend to be more masculine on my, I tend to have a lot of the masculine. And I've noticed I've dated men who are the feminine. And then I find that I'm not as attractive to that. So I've had to kind of flip that. Yeah, and that's the thing. It's like, it's a dance, right? So sometimes you're more the feminine, and then I find that I'm not as attracted to that, so I've had to kind of flip that. Yeah, and that's the thing.

It's like, it's a dance, right? So sometimes you're gonna be the masculine pull if you're driving, right? For example, literally, if you're driving the car, and he's in the past or so, you're gonna be more the more masculine pull. But at the same time, there's a whole idea of yielding and receptivity.

So, to make it as explicit and simple as possible, vagina takes things in, right? Penis. Right. You know, projects outward. So just, and that's the model. And receptivity is not the same as passivity. Okay.

Got it. Are those the prints or are those do we get through them? How do we apply it to dating? Dating, well. As a woman, for example, let's say you just got back from work and you were gone to date. So what you do is you get out of the pantsuit, right? And you wear something softer and more feminine right

and just cultivate that and you more consciously right so actually go into it and you know guys are suckers for for femininity i mean they you know that's what we're looking for women we're not looking for our counterparts uh... and it's hot and and also the the thing that's most attractive in a woman as far as as far as you know just like the thing that makes guys really pay attention is how much pleasure they take in their own bodies right. So when you eat just really enjoy that just like mmm like go get into it you know the softness of the fabric on your skin, music, whatever it is, but sensuality is really taking pleasure in your senses. Right.

So, get out of the head more and get into the body more. Go to yoga class, whatever it takes to get into the body. So, I mean, in very simple terms. So many of us are caught off from our bodies completely. Like, we're all in our head and we're trying to make relationships work and it doesn't work. That's why you have to do yoga and meditation, Menace. No. Yeah. You would be.

Non-cool. I'm good. I'm sleeping as my meditation. Yeah. I have a, although sorry, I did buy some new sheets over the weekend. Awesome. Is the threat hunt, a 600 thread counter? That's good.

It's good. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get a little bit of opinion on that one. 600 thread counter is good. Yeah, that's totally great, acceptable. Does it need to be higher? No. Is it more faster than it is? No, no, good for you. I get a little bit of opinion on that one. 630 kind of is good. Yeah, that's totally great. Does it need to be hard? No.

Is it more perfect than it is? No, no, no, no. It's a perfect. Yeah, thanks for asking. That's good. I'm talking about 4.2. Okay, go. And the fourth one is enlightened self-interest.

So the big principle is that I see a lot of women, so for example, my friend Holly was an example, right? And sorry, R.I.L.A. was. And they kind of say, well, I love him so much, I'll do anything for him, he's more important. They tend to make the partner of the more important relationship. And the example I like to use is when you're in a plane,

wait, if you have a kid with you, there's an announcement. The beginning, they say, in case of emergency, there'll be oxygen mask coming down from the ceiling. And if you're with a child, would they say, put your own one on first, put your own mask on first? there'll be awesome mask coming down from the ceiling and if you're with a child would they say which are one on first which are a mask on first

and that makes sense everybody right because if you don't put on first and you may both parents that's not right so the key thing i want to convey to the ladies out there is take care of you first right it's not about self-sufficiency actually the most selfless thing you can do because if you're all you know how old and injured and hungry how can you take care of anybody in the back, right? So take care of you first.

And then, you know, in line self interest says that, you know, there's three things in there. It's in line self and interest. And the idea is that whatever is good in the long run for you tends to be good in the long run for everybody else to. So short term thinking is, ooh, that, you know, guy in the black leather motorcycle jacket with the tattoos, he looks kind of hot. I think I'm going to hook up with him. Okay, that's not in your long term self interest because you know that's not going to work out, right?

Well, that's not your thing. Right. You're saying it shouldn't be your thing. Right. Well, if you know you're what you're getting yourself into, but if you're going into a thing, you're typically the guy in the bad boy. If you're looking for a long term relationship, that's not know you're what you get yourself into by going into the thing here typically the guy in the bad boy if you're looking for a long-term relationship that's not what you're looking for the fling by all means right but most of them then get stuck in the fling and the thing get stuck in the plane why do we get stuck in the plane

because they think they can change the guy they want to change them that's a huge thing that women think they can change men and I'm like you are men think they can change women but no one's going to change unless they want to unless they're under age 12 Pet peeve that I have is People that openly complain about the relationships on like Facebook online Twitter or whatever and this one Girls like why is there so much drama in my life? Well, she keeps on dating guys that go to jail. Right.

What do you not like do not see? How does that happen? Like what is that? That's what's causing problems in your life is because you date people. Right, you date people wrong for you over and over and over again. Yeah.

How do we break those patterns though? Yeah. I have a whole set of bad boys. Is she's common sense? Yeah, what is the bad boy thing? Let's talk about bad boys. Why do women like the bad boys? Yeah, I have a whole system of bad boys. Is she's common sense? Yeah, what is the bad boy thing? Let's talk about bad boys. Why do women like the bad boys? Well, I mean, look, the bad boys are pressing all these like deep evolutionary triggers that make you just go,

Ooh, right. And so make a body respond in a certain way. And so the idea is that this is the smart woman's guide, right? So you're as a smart woman, you're like, well, gee gosh, wow, look at that. That's a slice of cheesecake. I can have that half a slice once, and it'll be fine, maybe once a week, right? But if I make cheesecake my diet, I'll be fat, ugly, and get sick, right?

So that's basically what that is, right? So you have your cognizant that this thing that looks good is not necessarily good for you. You may even taste good, but it's not necessarily good for you in the long run, right? So, and the bad boys, they press these buttons and that's how you get stuck on them. And my number one criteria for what looks like a bad boy

is anything that's extreme. Any kind of extreme behavior is gonna end up in some kind of grief for it. Give me an example. So, okay, so you got the classic bad boy motorcycle, but motorcycles are dangerous thing if that's what he does and a whole bunch of tattoos is a little extreme. Okay, so basically got the classic bad boy motorcycle, but you know motorcycles a dangerous thing if that's what he does and a whole bunch of Tattoo's a little extreme. Okay, so basically those guys are gonna be probably more concerned about themselves than you in general, right?

Or sometimes they come in packages that don't look like bad boys, right? So the work of holic that's kind of a bad boy. Yeah, right? Because it's extremely work. Exactly. It's a screenboard. Work comes first. You're not gonna be good for it. You want a guy who has time, right? It's a single most important commodity that you're looking for in a guy. It's not wealth, it's not stuff. That doesn't pay the bills, my friend. Oh, well, yeah, you could go for an unemployed guy who has a lot of time, but that's, you know.

But then that's not hot. Oh, it's not? An unemployed guy, he's not working. No, it's not for women. If we're talking about evolutionary biology, whatever, like we want a man, like not that we want him That that he needs to care

But that just there's just something about and guys are bummed out when they're not working so they're not at their best self I feel like when men don't have jobs or they're looking for careers are they're unemployed like it's a really hard time Like more so than even when women are but for men because they feel like they can't be the hunter the gatherer the provider So that really affects them so unemployed not that it's anything wrong I also don't date unemployed. I'm employed, but I'm just saying typically they're not in a good place. They're not, they shouldn't be dating me.

Like we shouldn't be dating. They should be working on getting a job. Yeah, no, if they're motivated, if they're motivated, then I... If they're motivated and they love what they do, whatever, that's the whole different thing. Yeah, if they're motivated to get a job because some people are unemployed or not motivated,

they like whether that... Right. Those can be in my employment, play Xbox, whatever you'd? Then he has a problem with the money. I was gonna get my unemployment play Xbox, whatever you feel. Actually a great point, and I bring that up in the book for men, which is that, you know, these guys like, hey man, what's the pickup line? What do I say?

How do I get the girl? And I'm like, you know, you were going for a long-term play here and the idea is that if you are the best possible version of you, you don't really need gimmicks anymore, right? Exactly. So if you're unemployed, you know, is that the best version of you? Probably not.

So get on some kind of path, have unemployed, you know, is that the best version of you? Probably not. So, get on some kind of path, have direction, and when women see that train, they want to hop on it, you know, literally figure it out, whatever you want to call it. But, you know, the idea is that, hey, you know, this guy is going places. This guy's got a plan. You know, he's solving himself. He's got that masculine power, and at the same time, he's compassionate, and so they dig that, which brings us to the three types of

you want to go into that totally okay so those are the two so the two things we're looking for in a guy is heart and spine because I got this from one of my teachers great teacher and and heart is basically compassion right the guy who is willing and able to take care of things and in half compassion with his fellow man and especially you right? And spine is that masculine strength, right? That being the common storm, being that thing that you can rely on, right? So being like the flagpole from which the woman can hit your flag and wave, right?

So she can express her femininity freely. So the three types, sir, the guy who, first of all, you got Biff, you got Lance, and you got Victor. So Biff is all heart, no, all spine, no heart, right? So he's tough and he's masculine, but there's no compassion there, right? So he's basically a classic bad boy. So the relationship you're gonna have with him

is gonna be some kind of codependency thing where you're always like begging for love, and he's kind of off on his motorcycle somewhere. So that's not ideal. Next up up from that is Lance. Lance has a lot of harp, but not necessarily a lot of spine. So the sensitive new age guy, the modern Yupi, that's kind of what he's turned into, right?

So he's gotten a little more sensitive, but he's forgotten his masculine spine. So he's like, oh, what do you want to do, right? So that's good, but the polarity is kind of shot, because he's become more feminine, and you've become more masculine, so it's like flat, you know, still not ideal. Next up up from that is Victor. So Victor has both heart, right?

He's compassionate and he's got spine. He knows where he's going and he doesn't put up with your BS. So that's the guy you're kind of looking for because he's got both of them going on. So he's not a brute, he's not a wimp, he's just got it both going together. And those are kind of hard to come by. However, they can be trained. So.

What, how can we train them? Well, the way a woman trains a man is very straightforward. So it's just like you have a flashlight, right? And what kind of... How does it involve cooking? It doesn't involve cooking. I don't know to cook from doing it. It never hurts. Okay, good. Yeah, but the idea is that energy flows right and what it doesn't involve cooking. It doesn't involve cooking. I don't know to cook for him. I don't know.

It never hurts. Yeah, but the idea is that energy flows where attention goes, right? So whatever you put your attention to on a man will grow in him. I mean, think about it. Penis, you put your attention on it. It'll grow, right? So everything else in a guy works in the same way.

So you say, if he does something, he takes out the trash. He's like, oh my God, that was so considerate. You thank you so much. So, you reinforce that behavior, right? You put attention. You put the spotlight of your love on that. Or you say, wow, I really love, you know, it's so courageous of you that you're starting this company,

you know, in spite of all these odds. It's great, then he will grow and courage, right? Exactly. So, decide the kind of guy you want. You want to be courageous, considerate, you know, nurturing, and you just whenever you see that kind of thing, you reinforce it. So next thing you know, he's turned into a bigger man that he's wanted to be that he even thought was possible. And that's kind of the secret of how to be a resistible. Oh, I want that. I want that. Get one. Some of that.

See, the secret to one being a resistible is very simple. If you help, if you become the catalyst to a guy becoming a greater man, then you never imagine himself being. He has nowhere to go, because nobody's doing that. No one's helping me out, being better yet. We've got our girlfriends, we're helping out, we're building a suburb, and not many of you are saying to a guy like, I love that you're doing this

with your company, I love how you're pursuing your career in this or how you're running this marathon. That's always been so important to you, whatever it is you know you have to always I do that all the time I'm very I do when I do guys totally you don't see me that way I'm the most positive like yeah positive but I don't you know statements like that around you're not around when I'm dating you're not there yeah I ride all the time yeah yeah I think you're not around when I'm dating you're not there. You're not around all the time. Yeah, yeah I think you're so true. I do that got to build up men have to do that to women too

We want to hear it. We want the compliments. Yes, you do absolutely so badly Comple muscle the stress. I mean, I tell people this is the simplest exercise. Well if you Give five since you're compliments a day. You will never be lonely. Yeah, you never be alone And you do it all the time We've been fighting about this because she wants 10 and I said no 10 compliments a day. That's why I'm rolling my eyes. I'm gonna let her They can just be little one like wait a wake up on time for work. No I said that was a little overkill. I agree with the compliments that we all need it Even if we say we don't okay. What else we have just got a few minutes left

So what else about your book like I think that a lot of smart, all the smart women's guide to being absolutely irresistible, smart women should read this book. I like it, you have a simple website too. Yeah, tellupditting.com. Tellupditting.com. So I do my best to respond to all emails, especially that it's interesting.

Yeah, and the blog is there, the blog is pretty popular. A lot of people comment on there. And yeah, check it out. A lot of questions have been answered already over there. And yeah, I really like the last statement though, with, because I've never heard anybody say that before. What? Our women should encourage.

Encourage? Encourage guys. I mean, look, it's not even a compliment. It's just encouraging. They should encourage them in their career and what they're doing. Like, good job. You're getting up today. Like, it's always been seem like I've heard in like society.

It's all turned around. No. It's always. You need that from women. You need you, you need menace because menace states women typically in the past. What? Who have not supported his career. He's a really hard worker. He works like 15 hours a day. He gets a 4 AM. It's crazy. crazy and it's always been about his work. And when he dates like, you don't

have enough time for me. When you come home, your jobs weren't important. And yeah, he loves his job. That's what he does. And he needs women who are like, I so support you in that. And I will take the time that I see you. And like, great job with the concert this weekend, men is putting together that video that you did or whatever the hell you do. Like, he doesn't get that because he dates women who are needy and need to pull, want to suck the life out of him. Yeah. And then, you know, and he's attracted to those women for some reason. Not anymore. No, not anymore. Well, no, no, see, the thing is I do like the, this is what I'll tell you this. I do like the intention because I know

that I feel that they want you. Right. I love that they care. The only problem is, then they care too much. Right. See. Well, we're gonna have it. I don't want them like off like totally doing their own thing and then they don't show that they care. Right.

So, it's a fine line. I know. And you know what? I think you're gonna clear. I'm like, you're gonna clear. I know you are, honey. We're all working through our stuff every single day. But this is a big deal. I mean, every woman has access to this key to, and you

guys are in the idea is when you make him feel fantastic, you become irresistible. And it's really that simple. So the whole idea of there are no good men around. Why doesn't he do it first? This is called empowerment. This is something that you can do. It has nothing to do with anybody else. You can go on a compliment people. You can go out and make people feel like Trillion bucks. Yep. And, uh, I love doing that. Fabulous power.

I do it with men and women all the time. Like, you look, you're amazing. I love complimenting. Because I believe it when I feel it, and I see someone, I'm like, you're amazing. I tell them all the time. And I think it's, uh, I think it's important. Makes itself feel good.

Because people don't do that enough. They don't at all. Okay, so. Everything like, like through the internet, everything is so negative these days like it's so easy We we talk about this too at the radio station. It's so easy for Somebody say a negative comment. Yeah, a bunch of people then one person telling another person. I know It's actually in radio. I'm just gonna say this not to bash radio

But what I learned in working in radio is that it's all the it's a lot of negative energy It's like here you did bad not here's what you did good, ever. Yeah, it's good. That's why I'm doing my own show here. And things, you know, when people see that subtitle, smart ones guy to being absolutely resistible, they're expecting something about, oh, you know, wax your eyebrows or lose weight or, you know, wear this kind of dress. And irresistible has nothing to do with that.

Nothing to do with that at all. It's all about how you make him feel. The lipstick, that's nice, but you know a well placed word, a genuine praise, actual support, this stuff is gold, it is not found anywhere. You do that, you have a monopoly on men. Oh my God, I love it. So everyone, if you read this book, you will have the monopoly on men. So they can find it at the dow of dating.com. Dr. Ali Bidazir, thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you, Emily. That was fun. So fun. Love it. Thanks everyone for

listening to sex. What? Mrs. High five. High five. Oh, high five. Sorry, Mr. That was a great effort with the high five there. Just complimenting you. Okay everyone, thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. It was a good for you. Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com