Sex With Emily - The Top 3 Sex Positions & How to Make Them Better

Episode Date: December 15, 2023

Today, we’re diving into a topic I know you all love: sex positions! Today, I’m answering your juiciest positions questions before breaking down the top 3 sex positions, giving you the pros and cons of each one and adaptations to make them even better. Sex positions are often the first things people ask me about when looking to spice up their sex lives - so I’m giving you some options!In this episode, you’ll learn:How to feel confident on topWhy pillows are the secret weapon to upleveling sex positionsPleasurable positions for curved penises and tilted uterusesSee the full show notes at sexwithemily.com.Show Notes:2023 Holiday Gift Guide: My Top Picks for the Hottest Holidays Ever2023 Shop With Emily Gift GuideWhy You Should Try Anal (& How to Do it the Right Way) How to Use a Penis PumpJe Joue Gift Sets (code SEXWITHEMILY for 25% off)6 Ways to Upgrade 69We-Vibe RaveLELO Loki WaveSHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $69)The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureWant more? Sex With Emily: HomeLet’s get social: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | TikTok Let’s text: Sign Up HereWant me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There was a trend going around in TikTok called the coconut trend. The receiving partner would spell coconut on the penis. Is that a myth? Or is that a decent technique? It's kind of like the alphabet trick with your tongue with giving oral sex. I think the reason why these get popular is because people want quick fixes, they want specific tips. The only thing I can think about coconut working

is because it's getting you to try different movements. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Today, we're diving into a topic I know you all love, and that is sex positions. Sex positions are often the first things people ask me about when looking to spice up their sex lives

So I just want to give you some options today. First, please rate your view sex with Emily wherever you listen to this show You can do it right now. Just look down. Click as five stars right as a review. We so Appreciate when you do that gets the show out to more people And I wonder if we can just really nice review from Indy, 27 in Australia. Hey lovely, I want to say that I love your podcast and I'm learning so much from your book. It's been such an eye-opener and it's helped me heal some of my trauma. My partner actually put me on to your podcast and your book, which I love. It's helped us be open and vulnerable with each other and able to enjoy sex so much more. So seriously, thank you.

Oh, you're so welcome, Indy. I'm so glad you're loving SmartTex and the podcast. Thanks for that review and also make sure you're subscribed to the podcast. You can just click that subscribe button and make sure the show gets out to even more and more people and you'll never miss an episode. My new articles, why you should try anal and how to do it the right way and how to use a penis pump are up on sexwithemily.com. Plus, if you haven't seen them yet, I have two holiday gift guides out right now with all your holiday essentials. You do not need to go anywhere else to shop.

You're gonna love our guides. And I'll link both in the show notes. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. What's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up I'm going to let you in on something that might just make your holidays easier and brighter. More gasms, CBD, or rousal gel. Okay, if you've never used an arousal gel before, get ready to get obsessed. So here's what you do. You just take a little bit and rub it on your vulva or your penis to matter what your body bar before sex.

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Happy holidays and here's to a season filled with joy, love and plenty of pleasure. Today I'm talking about a subject that you all love sex positions. Now this might surprise you, but you guys love whenever I post anything about sex positions on Instagram. It's like our most shared, most commented on post. And the more I think about it, it makes sense because switching up your position is really a way to have more pleasure and more connection. Okay, well, I want to ask you something first. Why do you think sex positions are always

the first thing people ask about when they want to spice it up? I remember even like, in TV shows when you see teens talking about sex for the first time, like, did you ever watch Never Have It Ever? Yeah. I love that show. And they're like the bunny rabbit, the wheelbarrow, and it's like, why is that the one thing that people think is the key to being a master at sex? Is positions? Well, I think there's a few things. First off, people really think that sex is technical, especially if you haven't had sex, you're like, well, I better do it right.

I mean, think about anything. Like, you learn to play a new sport, you learn to cook, you learn to drive, like what position should I be in? What are the steps? And so people think a position does being like a necessary step to conquer these certain moves so you could make it that much better.

And so I think that's why they're like, oh, there's like a super right way to do it. And I just want to lie better. And so I think that's why they're like, oh there's like a super right way to do it and I just want to lie there and what do you actually do? We don't see a lot of positions out there. I mean maybe if you watch porn, you know, mostly what we see is the jackhammer. And so I think that people want to learn and spice it up. And also we get set in our ways of doing the same positions over and over again. So I think people always look at like, what is that thing that I can do that would make it even more interesting?

And another reason is because why I think it is an important conversation and necessary to learn different positions is because we all have different body parts. And they all need different kinds of positions, angles, depth, access. So if you really do learn these positions, you can move your bodies in certain ways

to maximize your pleasure and to maximize your orgasms. But if you're just kind of doing it, how you think it should do it, or in response to how your partner's moving, but you're not actually thinking about, like, what do I need here? Oh, if I move my left leg a little bit to the right, or I put my leg over their shoulders,

it's going gonna feel differently. If you learn specific ways to enhance every position, you could probably make anything work for you. And I also think it's adventurous. When you try something new with a partner, a new position, a new toy, anything, it's at novelty and excitement and just something new that you're experiencing together,

which can really just enhance your intimacy. I love that. And I think that's an important reframe to think about different positions as different ways of feeling pleasure. Like it might hit your G-spot in one better than another versus, oh, what's gonna look the coolest for my partner? What's gonna make me the most like

acrobatic gymnast in the bedroom? Yeah, that's a great reversal of it because to go to your first question about why do people do it, I think people think it's going to be, give me 10 stars or, you know, 10 points for the being the best gymnast. It's not about that. The best sex happens and the best activation of these positions happen when you are actually focused on what feels good.

So you're reverse engineering it in a way. You're not like, well, how do I do it? I'm actually going to think thoughtfully about what would feel the best to me and my partner. Your partner might like it in one way, then you get to do a little shift and make it work for you. So you're constantly moving together to optimize pleasure. Love it too. This is from Diana 21 in New Jersey.

Hey Dr. Emily, I'm a new viewer to your podcast and from the moment I listened to one of your podcasts, I knew I had to write you. Thank you Diana, welcome to the show. I would like advice and I have a question. I'll start off with the advice. All my life I've always been a people pleaser and that does not change in the bedroom. I've set a double standard between myself and my boyfriend. If I'm doing something to him, I don't want to stop till he finishes. To me, it doesn't matter if I'm tired in an uncomfortable position, on the other hand, when he is doing stuff with me, I find myself making sure that he isn't tired, that he's enjoying what he's doing.

This isn't his fault. He actually wants me to stop if I'm tired. I feel like as though as part of this might be because in the past, my curb boyfriend was a complete pillow princess for a couple years. He didn't do anything to pleasure me, but I would always do things for him. We've since talked about this, and he's been changing his behavior. I don't totally blame him because we were teenagers, and he didn't realize how it was affecting me.

I don't ever want him to feel the way I felt for a long time. I put a lot of pressure on him finishing because this is my version of completion, and I know it makes him feel good. If you could give me any advice on that, I'd appreciate it. Also, I do want to clarify that he's really trying any deeply regrets over making me feel that way. On a different topic, I have a question about the 69 position. I was thinking about trying it soon. I just want to understand how it works when it comes to just being done.

Are you used to stop when one person's done? You keep going till both people finish? I'm confused about it. Thanks for your help. I greatly appreciate it even typing this felt therapeutic. I can't wait to listen more of your podcast. Love it. Thanks for help. I greatly appreciate it, even typing this felt therapeutic. I can't wait to listen more of your podcast. Love it. I love it. And let me just say here that writing out your thoughts, your questions, your feelings is their PUTIC. That's why you always hear about journaling as a really important self-care practice. Writing it down just helps you get clear and really is

their PUTIC. Makes you feel like I am doing something towards solving this challenge that I have. First, I want to say, I love Diana that you've been in this relationship for a long time, since you were a teenager and you've learned how to communicate effectively with your partner. You've learned how to say, this didn't feel good to me, and I've learned what does make me feel good. You know, I know he feels bad, but honestly, he's far ahead of many, many men who never learn that what they're doing is just receiving and laying back. So I love that for you guys. And then the other thing is about being a people pleaser, that's relatable. A lot of us are pleasers and we just want our partner to feel good. But next,

you say you put a lot of pressure on him finishing because that's your version of completion. It sounds like he's cool with not finishing. And so we have to listen to what he said. And sometimes it sounds like you're coming at sex, which is common from this very binary place. He finishes, I finish, what comes first, what can happen? It's next, but sex is more like a dance than it is like getting to a finish line. So maybe he's not gonna come yet and then you come and then he comes or maybe he never comes,

but you just focus on your orgasm or maybe there's times where you're just focusing on him, and you don't come, but the best sex happens when it's, this is gonna be hard to hear me out. It's organic, and it flows rather than having a set end goal. However, we all know that an end goal would be great orgasms all around,

but the more you can focus on what feels good in the moment and being present, the more likely you're both going to have pleasure and finish because when we take the pressure off ourselves, we're thinking about going to come, is he going to come? What's happening? We're really not in the moment. And you're probably not going to orgasm if you're worried about that. No, not at all. You're thinking about orgasm. When you're thinking about orgasm, you're not going to actually orgasm. So remember that, rule of thumb. So if you're in your head and you're lost and you're thinking about other things,

go back to the moment, what do I feel? Does this feel good? His penis is inside of me. What does that feel like? Oh, I'm feeling it in the inner two thirds of my vagina. Feel what you're feeling. This is a practice and a lot of us just are so in our thinking mind. So this is something to focus on.

What you're feeling in the moment. And even if you keep going back to that several times, maybe a hundred times, it's gonna work eventually in your brain and your body. You're gonna start to get more connected once you realize that you can shift this way of being into just a feeling place rather than a thinking place. But to answer your question on 69, I'm with you. It is a little bit confusing.

First off, what do you do here? It can be really hard to focus on two things at once. Especially for someone like you who is a pleaser. It's gonna be hard for you to say, I'm receiving, but I'm also giving. So we actually have a great new article at our site called Six Ways to Upgrade your 69. So 69, I wanna give you permission to use your hands.

It doesn't have to be mouth the whole time. It's all oral sex. Your partner could be having his mouth on your genitals and you could be using your hand on his penis, or vice versa. Nothing wrong with that. The point of 69 is that you're both twisted in both getting pleasure. So, if we're like putting on this pressure on ourselves, it just has to be our mouth that can get pretty exhausting. So remember to use your hands. Would you say that's true for any kind of oral sex? Yes. For any oral sex, you can bring in your hands. You can take a pause, you can

bring in your toys. You can stop. A big part of being a great oral sex lover is using all the tools at your disposal. For 69, you can take turns being in charge. You can use sex toys. I love the J.J. Mimi for this. It's just a great handheld toy and you can use it being in charge, you can use sex toys. I love the J.J. Mimi for this. It's just a great handheld toy, and you can use it to stimulate the penis, the clitoris, the vulva, the nipples. You could also lie side by side. So not only could you switch

who's at the top of the bottom, which you might want to do, but you could also lie side by side so you're both flat facing each other. That was a game changer for you. When I realized, like, oh, like not one person has to be like an O-shape over there. Define you, oh, like not one person has to be like an O shape over there. Define you shape over.

Yeah. That's exhausting and hard. You're like holding a plank. You're really holding a plank. Like why do that to yourself just to when you're both lying, like spooning, but you're spooning towards each other reversed? I don't think I've ever gone back after I was going side by side. I would chew, right?

Oh my god. For me, it's no longer a variation. It just, it is. That is. Yeah, I'm not getting into plank position. I already planked this morning. I would chew, right? Oh my God. For me, it's no longer a variation. It just, it is. That is. Yeah, I'm not getting into playing position. I already played this morning. I'm playing it up. So, um, nothing is you can make it penetrative.

You can use insertion toys. Like the Wevi Brave is a great one. Are the Lalo Loki wave. Again, we just want to make sure that both partners are receiving pleasure at once. So, toys are great hands. Just to answer a question also, how do you know when it's done? So, how do you know when it's done?

So how do you know when it's done? Well, first you both get to decide when it's done. If you feel like you want to orgasm, you have an orgasm yet and your partner has, it's not done. If you're part of orgasm and you're like, you know what? I know I'm not going to get there. This was really fun. I'm actually getting hungry. Then it's done. If your partner is still really into it and you're really into it, it's not done. So you really get to decide when it's done. And so I want you to reframe your thoughts here about this being so black and white,

so wrote that there's a perfect way to do every position. I'm just giving you all some information to work with so you can make sex your own. Thanks, Diana. This is from Meg, she make sex your own. Thanks, Diana. This is from Meg, she's 29 in Arizona. Hey, Dr. Emily, I'm struggling to be on top with my partner. Every time I've had a partner,

they always want me to do cowgirl, but I'm not comfortable with it. I always struggle getting into position, and when I do, it feels uncomfortable. How can I do this without deflating as a rational or causing myself discomfort? First, I wanna say, first step is recognizing that you don't feel comfortable with it,

but it's something that you wanna change, okay? And I get it. In this position, you're really exposed. You're in charge, you're naked, your partner's looking at you, they're staring up at you, literally you are putting on a display and you have to be moving and acting

and figuring out what feels good to both of you. And it's a lot, a lot of pressure. So why don't you take the pressure off yourself and make this your own med? Number one, you don't have to get naked. You can leave on a t-shirt or a tank or your bra, something that makes you feel sexy. You can leave your dress on, you can leave your shoes on, take off your underwear, play with this position first. What would make you comfortable?

Because if it is uncomfortable because they're just staring up at you, then just wear something that makes you feel sexy. And then as far as getting on top of it, go slow. So much of sex is we rush into positions and then we stay there. And that's why we're doing this show because it shouldn't be so stagnant. It could be much more slower.

In fact, all sex could stand for being a little bit slower. So you could slowly climb on top, take your time getting into the position, and really feeling what it feels like to be in control, have your knees straddling him, and then slowly you can lower yourself down onto his penis. You can see how that feels. You can watch him going inside of you, you guys can be making eye contact and just move into it in a way that you feel comfortable and then breathe and then go slow. I think the slowness of this position is under recognized and not often talked about that it's really more of a grinding than a performance of bouncing up and down and twisting around

and arching your back, let's just get you comfortable feeling something. So I want you to move towards him, move around and say, like, where am I feeling the most stimulation? Now, as we know, most vulva owners don't get enough clitorial stimulation in most sex acts. And the reason why woman on top is so popular for many vulva owners having pleasure is because you can control it and you can position your clitoris, your g-spot in ways that you're getting optimal stimulation. So start their Meg, try it out, do it at your own pace,

and focus on your pleasure. Because I want to remind you, we are the greatest lovers to our partners when we first become great lovers to ourselves. And that's about you taking control and feeling out what feels right to you. Yeah, love it. And I love what you said about wearing something that makes you feel sexy too. Yeah.

It's a big game changer when you realize that this whole notion that naked is the best. Like I often like, we'll go out, I'll wear my dress, I'll keep my shoes on, I wear like a one-sided top with the shoulder coming down, like I love that kind of look. First off, I don't like being cold. Sometimes I'm like, I'm not ready to naked yet. I'm still doing this, I'm still moving around.

It goes good. And so I think when we say you're on display and it's a visual thing, if you are embodied, first pillar of sex IQ, and you are in your body, and you're moving in a way that genuinely feels good to you, doesn't matter what the hell you're wearing. Alright, this is from Sydney 25 in Alberta, Canada.

Hey, Dr. Emily, I love your podcast. I listen all the time while I'm at work. Okay, I've got two questions. I've been seeing this guy for about a month. I don't know how to bring this up, but his penis has such a strong curve up and to his right. It can be in comfortable in certain positions. Is there any advice for very curved penis? Also, we've had sex three times and all three he's been unable to come. I know he was single for a while and he's able to orgasm when he's alone, but not with me. I guess what I'm asking is, how do I go around this? The sex last way too long for me and I'm

worried he'll be too in his head to achieve orgasm if we get stuck in this cycle. Thanks for all the great advice you share on your podcast and emails. I love that she gets her emails. I know. If I told you how much I love our emails, we give great emails.

So beautiful. They're beautiful emails, and they're gonna inspire you. I literally hear from someone who are like, that's your email tonight. Thank you, we're gonna try that out tonight. So it's fun. All right, so first Sydney, thanks for your detailed question here.

So lots of penises are curved. And I don't think that him not orgasming has anything to do with the curved penis. Sometimes the curved penis is really great because depending on where it's curving up into the right, if it's curved up, well then when you are on the bottom or the top really, you can move your body in a way so it's really accessing your g spot.

Honestly, lucky her. Yeah, it's like a g spot toy. Yeah. Attached to his body. And this is great for a missionary position or woman in top, either one of those. So let's talk about his orgasm. There's a lot of reasons why he might not be orgasming and it probably has nothing to do with you. And so this is a great conversation about

outside the bedroom and say I want to be great lovers to each other. What is the position? What is the way that it feels great for you? And what is the best way that you can orgasm? Or what are the positions you like? Here's what I like. Because you might find out that he just can't orgasm with someone on top. Or he really needs to comment from behind. The reason why he just can't orgasm with someone on top, or he really needs to comment from behind. The reason why we often can't orgasm with a partner is because we're very set in our ways in how we orgasm by ourselves. And if he's been single for a while, I'm going to imagine that he's become very comfortable with his hand, maybe pornography, he's got his set ways.

So when you're bringing someone else into the mix, it just takes a little bit of adjusting, a little bit of communication, a little bit of figuring out how can we best collaborate together to make this great for both of us. So you just got to find out. I want you to get out of your head and worry about him, but also if the sex is lasting too long for you, you got to let him know that too, because listen, this whole thing about lasting longer, I get it. If you only last a minute and you want to last longer, I understand that, but a last sex

lasts too long. So if you have a vulva, sex that lasts too long can actually be painful, it can cause infections. And so this is actually a really important conversation to have and say, you know what, when we're having penetrative sex for too long, it doesn't always feel the best. And I want to know what feels best to you. So maybe this is a great time to play with some mutual masturbation, bring some toys in and figure out how can you both have optimal pleasure, minimize the pain and all this will happen if you just get comfortable talking about sex. It's never too soon.

It is true that there's a lot of curved penises out there, right? That should have nothing to do with their ability to ejaculate during sex. Our ability to orgasm. It's just really common. It's nothing to be alarmed of. A lot of penis's curve. Again, I don't think this has to do with his orgasm, but we don't know. Ask him, find out. What's an exciting position for you?

In fact, listen to the episode together. A lot of couples listen to the show together, and it really helps them practice what you're hearing on the episodes. Thank you, Sydney. Hold your positions. We'll be right back after a very quick break for our sponsors who help support this podcast. But before I go,

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That's j-e-j-o-e-e.com. Use code Sex with Emily at Checkout for 25% of your order. Alright everyone, we'll be right back. I'm gonna let you in on something that might just make your holidays season brighter. More gasms, CBD, or rousal gel. Okay, if. Mortism's CBD arousal gel. Okay, if you've never used an arousal gel before, get ready to get obsessed. So here's what you do.

You just take a little bit and you rub it on your vulva or your penis to matter what your body bar before sex. When you know stuff's gonna go down, maybe you're fooling around, you're making out, and then you'll start to feel it. And it will start to enhance every sensation for both you and your partner. Because what it does is it boosts blood flow.

It reduces inflammation and it really is stimulating the body at a physiological level. Just right where you apply it. So it's hitting all those nerve endings. And not to worry because orgasms, gel is all natural, water-based, and packed with really great ingredients like alargenine, for example. And that enhances sexual responsiveness for both love and penis owners. And listen, I've heard from a lot of you, morgasm also stimulates more intense orgasms, which makes sense because it's CBD infused. Think of it like a 3-in-1. It's a lubricant and a rousal gel,

and a really healthy CBD product. But it just gets better, because morgasms having a site-wide holiday sale from now until December 14th with up to 45% off everything. And because we're in the season of giving, morgasms is offering an additional 15% off your order when you use the code Emily at checkout. That's right, you heard it, you can get up to 55% off on pre-discounted bundles. So, slip something a little extra under the tree this year.

Give the gift of Morgasm CBD Rousal Gel. Just go to Morgasm.com that's m-o-r-g-a-s-m.com for up to 45% off site-wide and use code Emily at checkout for an extra 15% off. Happy holidays and here's to a season filled with joy, love and plenty of pleasure. First up, we got to cover a missionary. Okay, missionary sex. I think we all know what missionary is. So this is just when the receiving partner is lying on their back and their partner is lying on top of them, basically. So the reason why this is a good position is because it's great for intimacy,

you're making eye contact, the receiving partner can just lie back and really receive. And then the givers kind of setting the intensity and the pace of it. The cons of this position, it can be easy to disassociate. You might not be making eye contact, you might just be lying there, and also there's minimum G-area stimulation for vulva owners, and unless you really try to focus on it, you might be missing clitoral stimulation as well, which is why we have a twist on it. The pillow position

is great, and the pillow position could be used for every sex vision. So you just add a pillow underneath her bum, which elevates her right there, right? So then she's got a little bit more elevation so her pelvic floor is elevated, right? So he has different kind of access points. So her legs are up. He's straggling her from his knees. So he's got a

little bit more control. And then he can even move her legs back a little bit. So they're over his shoulder. And what I like about this position is not only is there more access to her G area, her clitoris, but the legs are crucial here because they can either go on either side of his shoulder. She can put them together on one side and then move her bum so she's giving a different angle or she can move the legs to the other side. She can even be squeezing her legs tightly together.

So she's squeezing her pelvic floor, her clitoris, her vulva, like all of that is tightening. So she's having a little bit extra pressure and it might also feel really great. The grip on his penis could feel really good too. Pillow position, use pillows for really almost any sex position. This will work. Does adding a pillow there help stimulate the juice but more Because you said that with admissionary, one of the cons is it doesn't really understand how the G-spot is. Yes, it does.

So when you add a pillow, see, she's more elevated rather than lying flat. And so this way, her bum's up a little more, which means that she's tilted and that there's just greater access to the G-spot this way. Rather than just flat, when you have a little pillow, there's just easier entry and more access. I love that.

And does that also go for those people who have tilted uterus? Yeah, but again, like, depending on which way you're tilting or which way you're moving, having a pillow on hand always helps you figure out what makes you feel good. The reason why it's so important to play with positions is I want to remind you that most of us just jump into positions.

We do it the same way we've always done it. And maybe we don't think like how could I be more comfortable in this moment? Maybe if I just move my leg to the left or the right or I elevated myself, this would feel 10 times better. But since we're usually so caught up in the moment with a partner, maybe you're kind of thinking about what feels good for your partner, but you're not really thinking about yourself, having a pillow and then having some of these position tricks in your back pocket will allow you to think in the moment, oh, yeah, there was that leg thing or maybe I should try

to scoot over a little bit. You're allowed to move in positions. You're allowed to experiment what feels good for both of you. And because a lot of times we're in that mindset of like, we are having sex, we should just know what we're doing. We don't give ourselves time to play and explore what actually feels good. So these are going to lend some inspiration. Next we have the Coital Alignmentignment Technique or the Cat Position. So the Cat Position is great for love owners

who don't often get enough stimulation during regular good old missionary. The Cat Position is designed to allow more access to the Cliterus, the G-Spot. So here's how you do it. This is a modified version of the missionary where the guy is writing a little bit higher. He's made up a few inches over her head, sliding his body up an inch or two so that the base of the penis is rubbing against the clitoris. And they're both focused on this positioning

of the base of his penis hitting her clitoris. His head is now past her head. He's a little higher up. And it uses both clitorial stimulation and vaginal penetration to slowly rock the partner on the bottom, like the one who's receiving the stimulation. So there's like a rocking motion, right?

Because you're rocking together, instead of a thrusting in it out, you're like moving together, rocking. And he's really doing the rocking because he's still in control on top, but he's moving her along with him. And he has more leverage now that he's a few inches scooted up over her, the cat, friends and family. Okay, I have a question about the cat. Yeah, because I've tried this. And I find that even if it feels good for me, it's painful for my partners.

Is that always true? I don't think anything is always true, but it could be painful if your partner is shorter than you. Maybe there's not enough room for him to move above you. It's almost like the angle is painful. Like it's stopping short or something. Maybe because they're going up and down when you're saying it's more of a rock.

Yeah, it's more of a back and forth than it opened down. So they're literally sliding and rocking. So it's like this. It's like a slide and rock slide rather than yeah, the in and out, Threshing would be hard here. Yeah. Your bodies are touching the whole time in this position. So it's less of an in and out. Yes. It's less of an in and out. It's more of a rocking. You're rocking together and your bodies are moving together in unison. His motions are moving your

body along. But if he is trying to go in and out, His motions are moving your body along. But if he is trying to go in and out, that would be really hard. Because you wouldn't be able to move. So think of it like the penis is inside and it's like rocking, it's like touching it and moving it just has more of an access to her parts. That's a great question.

So then we've got the cowgirl or cowboy. Or again, these are all gendered positions. I'm speaking in gender with a lot of these. That's what it's been called. Person on top, we can call it. So this is where the penetrating partner is lying on their back. And the receiving partner is straddling them on top,

facing them using their knees for support. So they're straddling and their knees are supporting them. The receiving partner, if they're leading back, they also have plenty of room to stimulate your clitoris. Now, the reason why this position can be really popular is because for many vulva owners, it is more common for them to orgasm in this position if they can't orgasm any other way. Because she's in control of the depth, the intensity, the movement. She is receiving and she's in control. Especially if you are used to being submissive or you're not often controlled, this is the position that who's ever on top. It's all about you and your pleasure. You also might love to

be on display here. You're showing your breasts, you can move in ways that make you feel good, not by overthinking it, but by genuinely feeling yourself. Some tips here. Try going slower in this position than you think. A lot of us see this position is like hopping up and down. Maybe she's even out of the leg that she's going up and down, and I think that that's what we have seen a lot and porn is that she's bouncing, and maybe that's because it looks hot for penis owners or that's what we've been told. But here's the truth.

It really feels better with a more of a grinding motion because then her clitters is making more contact with his pelvis, so she's actually able to have that grinding and that literal contact in this position. Now, you could also swivel your hips and grind into your partner. And the giving partner can control some of the pace. Sometimes it's really hot to have the partner on the bottom

sort of like he could take his hands and put him around her and help her move back and forth or increase the pace of it. That's the woman on top. This is a great one for body acceptance as well. If you're somebody who feels really self-conscious, we all go through that. This could really work on the fourth pillar

of sexual intelligence, and that's your self-acceptance, accepting your body, learning to feel sexual, turned on in the mood when you are in charge. So that's what I love about this position. If you have a fear of it, a great way to conquer it is just to remember that you get to move it a way that makes you feel good and you get to take the time to go slow and to really think about what feels good to you because your partners have a good time.

I promise, your partner will have it even better time when you take control and make it about your pleasure. And that means experimenting with some of these positions and finding what makes you feel good. I have a question about this. Yeah. There was a trend going around in TikTok called the coconut trend, where people would spell coconut with their hips

on like the receiving partner would spell coconut on the penis. See. Yes. Oh, yes. See. Oh my goodness. Is that a myth?

Where is that a decent technique? It's kind of like the alphabet trick with your tongue with giving oral sex. I think the reason why these get popular is because people want quick fixes, they want specific tips. The only thing I can think about coconut working is because it's getting you to try different movements

rather than just doing the same thing over and over again and you're like, I'm already moving back and forth. If you think of like a C and O and O. Can you see? Can you see? And N, right? Cause then you go up, down, up, down. N N N. Like a T, but I think if it's a way for you to remember

how to move and to try a different position, then go for it. But I don't think there's any like, every time I spelled coconut, I had, oh, so many orgasms. Leave it to TikTok. I'm gonna jump ahead to the lotus. I love the lotus position It's really great for connection for intimacy for eye gazing if you want to experiment with

Tontric moves. This is a classic. So you're sitting like legs crossed on the bottom facing and straddling them I love the lotus because it's a position that you can kind of stay in for a bit to ground with your partner. You can practice taking deep breaths together looking to each other's eyes. And then in this position, the movement here is a little bit more back and forth also instead of up and down. In fact, very few positions are up and down. It's more like a back and forth, a grinding, and just sort of you can rub your breasts against your partner. You can grab their hair, you can massage their body.

I just like this sitting up, intimate position. I think it's also a great place to start. Starting off the session is just... Starting off the session in a lotus position where you're not even thinking about sex, you're just sort of breathing and grounding. I think that's my favorite part of it. Because it's a very calming, comforting position because all of your body parts are touching your limbs or wrapped up in each other. You can have all of your hands and all of your legs around each other and you're just like really, really close.

Why I say this is a tantra position is because tantra is really just about mindfulness and being present. And so in this position, you're super grounded by each other's body weight. You're looking at each other and then what happened with couples who look into each other's eyes for awhile, they'll find that their breath

will actually start to sink up as well. And it can just be a very connective, grounding, spiritual experience. That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email.

So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559 825 5739. A go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you?

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