Sex With Emily - The Vagina Episode

Episode Date: March 17, 2023

The vagina is a beautiful place. But from orgasms to vaginismus, do you know your way around a vagina and how to properly care for it? Whether you want to maximize a vulva owner’s pleasure or improve your own vaginal health, this episode is for you. We’ll start with the internal clitoral network: I’ll talk about how recent our scientific knowledge of the clitoris is. Later I'll discuss clitoral orgasms versus G-spot orgasms -- which one’s stronger, and what do they feel like? My listeners also bring me questions about vaginas and sex: is a clitoral piercing painful? Will it affect your sexual sensations? And when sex is painful, how can you reclaim your sexuality? All this and more on today’s vagina episode.Show Notes:Cuffing Szn Is Officially Over, Here’s Your Singles’ Survival Kit6 Ways to Improve Sleep for Better SexPRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureArticle: Where is the Clitoris?Je Joue’s New Bullet Vibrators & Endometriosis Collection (code SEXWITHEMILY for 20% OFF everything)Morgasm CBD Arousal Lubricant (code EMILY for 15% OFF sitewide)OdelaHealth.com/SexWithEmily (use this link to save $50)This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/sexwithemily and get 10% off your first month. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

She's bought a lot of recognition like 20, 30 years ago. And so what happened was everyone was like, oh, that's the better orgasm. The clearer orgasm is just, that's just everyone can have that or whatever. But they're all linked into each other. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. The vagina is a beautiful place.

But from orgasms, to vaginismus, do you know your way around vagina and how to properly care for it? Whether you want to maximize a vulva owner's pleasure or improve your own vaginal health, this episode is for you. We'll start with the Internal Clitoral Network. I'll talk about how recent our scientific knowledge of the clitoris is. And later I'll discuss clitoris orgasms versus g-spot orgasms, which one's stronger?

And what do they feel like? My list is also reading me questions about vaginas and sex. Like, is a clitorial piercing painful would affect your sexual sensations? And when sex is painful, how can you reclaim your sexuality? All this and more on today's vagina episode. Intentions with Emily. For each episode I want to start off by setting an attention for the show and I encourage you all to do the same.

My intention is to help you more deeply understand the vagina so that you can experience more pleasure and connection, whether you've got a be joining yourself or care about someone who does. Please rate, review, sex with Emily, wherever you listen to this show. My new articles, Cuffing Season is officially over. Here's your sexy survival kit, and six ways to improve sleep for better sex are up at sexfamilie.com. Check out my YouTube channel, social media, and tech dockets all at sexwithemily for more sex tips and advice. And if you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com slash askemily,

or call my hotline, 559 talk sex or 559 82557 39. Just include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. And you can totally change your name or choose to remain anonymous. Before we get into the show, I've got to tell you all about something very exciting, and that is my new book. It is called Smart Sex, how to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. It's coming out June 13th, and I am so very excited about it. It's about a new way of thinking about sex.

Called sex IQ, there are five pillars to becoming sexually intelligent and sexually aware. It's stuff that I've never talked about on the show before. Listen, I've got a favorite ask. If you know that you're going to buy the book, then I would be so grateful if you would pre-order the book right now at sexfilmy.com. Because when you pre-order a book, here's what I'm learning, guys. I have never done this before, but what I'm learning is that it really helps get it into more hands possible. The more people hear about it early on, the better it helps with it becoming a best seller, which we totally want, because we're trying to get people to prioritize pleasure around the world. And so if you know

you're going to buy it, all I'm asking is pre-order it now. I appreciate it. Just got to go to the drop down menu, select new book at sexelm.com. It's easy from there. It's also in the show notes. And I highly encourage you to just request it at your library. If you don't want to buy the book, that's cool. You can also pre-order from indie book stores.

You're all awesome. I appreciate you so much for supporting this. And I'm also going to be on the road, taking the book on the road to hope you can come to one of my book settings in June. And I just appreciate all of you and I hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm gonna be on the road. I'm gonna be on the road.

I appreciate you so much for supporting this. And I'm also gonna be on the road, taking the book on the road. So hope you can come to one of my book settings in June. And I just appreciate all of you and I hope you enjoy this episode. Did you know that the Clitoris was not even in medical journals until 1998, over 20 years ago?

Not discussed. Not at all. They didn't study. There wasn't even an MRI in the Clitoris until 2005. There was a lot on the penis but not on the Clitoris. We didn't even know that the Clitoris was extending beneath the pubic bone. We didn't know that it was internal at all until 2005. I've started this in 2005.

Now wonder where we don't know. We don't know. It's okay, we don't know. You guys, it is not your fault that you don't know this and that you are suffering sexually and that you believe that penetration is how you just have orgasms. They don't even match up.

If you are into penetrative sex, that's great. But that is not how women are going to have pleasure and have orgasms. It's just not. And this was just that until 15 years ago that we knew this. That's why we're walking around not having great sex because all we're shown is that it's all about penetration.

We all want this magical thing where we get off during penetration, where women through the veg penis in the vagina But we're all gonna fall short of this goal Because the organs are not designed in the magical way that we're told so we assume if we don't have an orgasm during penetration We're broken. That's why I'm here. I thought I was broken I thought the thrusting that the penis was doing inside of me thrusting thrusting thrusting should have produced an orgasm And I thought well what the fuck is wrong with me? Because that's what's supposed to happen.

That's not what happens. We didn't study it. We didn't know. Gosh, there's so much to learn. Thrusting does not cause orgasm. Thrusting can cause pain. Thrusting can cause frustration. It doesn't cause orgasm.

So I want to remind you that sexual pleasure is in your hands. Like really, you got to literally and figuratively We got to figure that out yourself go exploring. No one told you this because people didn't know when you were little they didn't know So you have a vulva forget this out spend some time spend some time masturbating playing with yourself mean it is not your fault that you don't know about pleasure And I'm sure you didn't go up in a home where they were excited about your pleasure. Because your parents were having, they weren't having a satisfying sexy there.

So what the hell are they gonna tell you? They're gonna tell you not to get pregnant and they're gonna tell you not to get an STD, but they're not going to tell you about the magic of your clitoris. Kenzie 27 in Alabama. This is high Kenzie. Thanks for calling.

Hi. Hi. Thank you, Noah. Yes, what's up? So just a little weird, but like I have this single person. So I got my nipples done and I was wanting to get like, you know, downstairs, but I don't know how that like pain was wasn't as bad like that like you know, Kenzie, it's such a good question.

I know women who pierce their clitoris. Were you thinking you're clitoris? Yeah. And I, I think there's risk for sure. Yeah, I think that's a little, a little. Um, but I don't really care of guys like it. Like if you want to do it, do it. So I, I don't know what to tell you.

I, I could put that out to my listeners. If you're a guy, I have to... I'm about hungry, hungry. Yeah. I want to help you out, Kenzie, because I think that every, when everyone likes is different. So, but what I think is if you like it,

I'm a opinion. Listen, Kenzie, if you like it though, and it feels good to you, then the guy who's not into it is not your guy. True, you got a good point. Thank you. Yeah, and remember that with everything, okay? Kenzie, as you move out life, oh, he wants me to do this thing or he wants me to wear this certain thing and he want... No, if he doesn't like you, he's criticizing you, he's making you feel worse than you felt before you met him, he's not your guy. True, true, thank you so much.

You're so welcome. Let me know if it goes Kinsey, thanks for calling. Yeah, it's an important lesson to remember. Because we all, as soon as we can walk around with things that we, someone told us, they criticized us, they judge us, you can lose a few pounds, your vulva is weird. I don't know, we just think they're true.

And we allow that to hold us back from being like fully present during sex and in our lives actually. So if they're making you feel bad, they don't like your clitoris piercing, your never piercing, whatever you do, not your person. It saves a lot of time actually. Not every guy, woman that you go out with has to be your person. It saves a lot of time actually. Not every guy, woman that you go out with has to be

your person and how wonderful when there's things like that where you can just weed them out. Oh, you made me feel bad. This isn't my person. I'm out. But we so often abandon ourselves. I remember in therapy years ago, I had this therapist and she was like, and I was probably, I was am pres, I think I was 27. I was like, well, these people said this, that, and it was something about some kind of criticism. I think I was talking about a boyfriend. I was like, and he said, I do all this stuff, and he's probably right, and she's like,

why do you abandon yourself? Why do you join their team? Tammy, 39 in Canada. How do I get my vagina to relax in order to have my boyfriend penetrate me for rational sex? I'm a virgin, I need a committed relationship. My boyfriend is amazing and listens to me. Well, we're in bed. We have a good bedroom relationship. I'm hoping to try anything with him. We took a trip out of town and I honestly thought I would finally get to have vaginal sex. He mostly takes a leak when it

comes to initiating sexy time and I'm okay with it. I like it. I think in part I may be a submissive. We ended up having anal sex on this trip and while it did catch you by surprise that he wanted what he wanted in, he stopped to ask if it was okay with what he was about to do, I was more than okay. That experience was surreal and hell enjoyable. But I still feel that empty is I while I wanted to be able to have his cock in me. I'm considering going to my doctor, but help amassing you first. All right, Tammy, I'm peering from you that your vagina is not relaxed. You might have something that we call the vagina business vaginismus. And that is something, or a variation of that, that women, it's really painful, vulvadinia is

the other name for it, that it's very painful to have penetration. I'm going to guess that it probably hurts maybe to put a tampon inside your finger inside of you. While the causes for this is different from woman to woman, it can have to do with a trauma, there's a few things. It could have to do with a trauma earlier in's a few things. It could have to do with a trauma earlier in life where sex became really scary. Maybe there was a sexual assault and your body just shut down from it. Maybe you even grew up in a stressful household where you were constantly clenching, right? The action of clenching impacts your pelvic floor and

as a result of constantly clenching those muscles, your vagina just literally feels closed up and you can't have any penetration. And a lot of women suffer through this for a lifetime. And one of my best recommendations for you is to go see a pelvic floor physical therapist. So just like you'd go to a physical therapist for your back or your knees, you can go to one for your vagina. And what they do in this physical therapy is they sort of diagnose what is happening in your pelvic floor. And for many women, the great news here is for women who have suffer from this condition, they give you something called dilators.

They might do it with you and they might send you home with some and these dilators kind of look like a dildo and they come in all different shapes so meaning it's like a long, you know, phallic object. It's a practice of you just sort of put it inside and then you take it home with you and you do exercises where you might only be able to get it in front and serve, you know, half an inch and then over time you can put it in further and further and further and they teach you how to breathe and they teach you how to Open up your vagina and they teach you certain exercises so you can actually have penetrative sex and a healthier sex life and so I

Recommended it's not well known as well known as it should be but I do hear a lot of more practitioners going into pelvic floor physical therapy, but your insurance company might have someone, you might be able to call up and see if they have that. You might be able to find one in your area. Doctors up until maybe 20 years ago, they just were like, oh, it's trauma or we don't really know or it's inexplicable or it's emotional. And it might be all of those things. If you had emotional trauma, I mean, just because you're vagina might be open through doing

this dilator practice where you are constantly upping the size of the dilator over a few weeks period, because it only takes a few weeks, which is awesome. The thing is that your vagina might have, you might have been experiencing vaginism or vulva dimnia. Vulva dimnia means it's more around the vulva, and when you can't even take penetration in the vulva, which is the exterior part of the vagina, and vaginism is when the internal heart's. The through is series of exercises you could learn to open it pretty easily, well, it's not easy, but pretty quickly, which is great news. And then if you

have had trauma, you should also definitely see it there, but if you have any kind of sexual trauma, any kind of assault, anything in your life, unfortunately, when you experience something as devastating as a sexual assault or trauma, it doesn't dissipate over time. It actually can exacerbate and get worse over time. So I recommend that women do it. This is from Jennifer 37 in Pennsylvania. Hey Dr. Emily, I've been a long time listener of your show and I need your advice. Background and nutshell. Diagnosis of the endometriosis at 25 years old was able to finally get a grip on it by

35 with strict eating habits, exercise, sex, therapists, and a wonderful public-forced specialist. However, my mental identity of how I viewed myself sexually because of Endo was very traumatized and placed a big strain on my sexual relationship with my husband. It just made it hard to get in the mood. 36. I was then diagnosed with a Stage 3 breast cancer, had a lupnep to be chemo and radiation.

Oddly enough, this near-death experience hit a mental restart button and I'm looking to rebuild my sexual identity for me and my husband. My biggest challenge now is is try to explain and communicate to my husband that sex starts in the mind and his role in sexual framing. How do I get him to understand what it is? Most of all, how to do it and how we can participate in sexual framing techniques that will go much further

than we should do it tonight, which always makes it feel like a chore and not like a fun, fiery desire. Also, if you can recommend any loops that are user-friendly to post chemo patients, as chemo has made it unusually dry down there. You're forever listener, Jennifer. Jennifer, thank you so much for your email. You've been through so much. You've been quite a sexual journey, and I'm so thrilled to hear you've taken the necessary steps to working with your endometriosis. And for those of you who don't know real quick what endometriosis is, it's a condition

where tissue that's similar to the lining of your uterus grows in other parts of your body. So, when this tissue grows in the wrong places, it can cause you to experience really uncomfortable symptoms that will impact your daily life. And some people also with endo have some issues getting pregnant. They some this could be hereditary. The cause of endo, it could be hormones. There's a lot of different factors. And we're still learning so much about women's sexual health. So let's remember that it's not easy to kind of

heal ourselves in these ways. So again, seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, a sex therapist, and all the things you're doing were great steps to handle it. And I know it can be really difficult to feel sexual, especially when you've associated sex with pain. So let's start with you and you reclaim your sexuality. I highly recommend you start with a solo sex practice where you're really taking the time to reconnect with your body, feeling more embodied connected.

You know, I love a mindful masturbation practice where you are masturbating, but without the goal of orgasm, the goal is really reconnecting to your body, how it is right now. And I highly recommend mindful masturbation to everybody, by the way. Our bodies are always changing throughout our lifetimes, there's different things that we need and want, and our feelings we don't even really know our bodies. So being mindful, taking time to breathe and connect and understanding your body. And you know that mindful masturbation, use some toys with it. And speaking of endometriosis, I want to say that J.J.

You guys are her we talk about J.J. You I love them. They make incredible toys. They are doing an endometriosis campaign this month. So they're curating a slux of their toys that are suitable for people living with endometriosis campaign this month. So they curating a slux of their toys that are suitable for people living with endometriosis. They want to showcase that those who feel pain during sex can still rediscover their sexuality with external vibrators.

This collection is created for both owners with the condition who want to explore their self pleasure in a gentle, non-intimidating way. They made these really friggin' adorable new bullet vibrators. They have the Amore, the Duet, and the Vita. And these three bullets come in a range of shapes and different tips that are perfect to tease and explore the body. Amore, which is this heart shape, is this fully fluttering tip for sensual tickling and sensations. You can essentially tickle yourself or tickle a partner.

Duet has small rounded pleasure points on the bullet and then the Vita has this really great rounded one tip that feel great on different parts of your body, like the clitoris and the nipples. They're just really fun to explore. And like all of Jeju toys, they've got that deep, rumbly motor that give this rich, deep sensation that you know that I'm obsessed with. I always have a J.J. product ready to go with me on my nightstand.

And you can get 20% off, use code sexwithemle at jazu.com that's j-e-j-o-e.com. Just use code sex with emle, get 20% off, find the link in our show notes. Okay. God. So glad they have these vibes for you right now when you need them. So now that you've reconnected with yourself, let's bring your partner into the mix because

your husband, I know there's a lot of people are like, Hey, let's go. Are you ready for sex? Let's do it. And that is just not sexy. So I love that you're having your husband join along with you. Here's the thing about sexual framing or really framing anything. It's really about the context or how something is portrayed or presented in a sexual situation. So what you're saying here is the context of him bringing it up. Is it working for you? Saying, Hey, let's do it. We need to kind

of reframe and understand what's going to get you both in the mood for sex, okay? Maybe specifically you, but we really need to understand here is your desire. How do you get turned on? It sounds like your husband says, all right, I'm ready to go. He's more spontaneously has a desire. But for many of you both specifically,

well-vote owners, we are more responsive. We respond to certain things in our environment. And we get turned on, right? We need a series of events to happen before we get to the point of why we have sex. Your husband steps his fingers. He's ready to go. You are not. So this is the understanding that things need to happen. What turns you on the most? Do you know what needs to happen, Jennifer? Is it that? And you could be like, you know, for play all day, he sends you sexy texts that get you turned on. It could be compliments. It could be the house is know, for a play all day, he sends you sexy texts that get you turned on. It could be compliments.

It could be the house is clean when you get home. It could mean you have a deep conversation with him about your day and you feel much more turned on. It could just be like, sexual reframing is the context, right? So maybe in your home, like for me, I know that if my home is a mess and it's really cold in the house

and I haven't changed my sheets and I haven't showered yet, I'm not gonna be moved for sex. So those are some of the things that we could think about that we'll get us toward being more turned on because again, we have a part that just ready to go to the drop of hat and we are not. We get up feeling inadequate like something's wrong with us. So just to really explain to your partner in very real terms, I'm going to be the most turned on when I've had time to clean the house. I feel more connected to you by conversation. I'm going to be the most turned on when I've had time to clean the house. I feel more connected to you by conversation. I have oral sex from you for 20 minutes. You feel comfortable using these toys on me. The lube is on the nightstand and ready to go.

Speaking of lube, you also mentioned lube. I got to tell you about orgasm lube because it maybe thinks this is also perfect for you. it's actually made just for you. It's a CBD infused lube, 100% hypoallergenic oil-free, so it's safe, and what I love about morgueism is the two in one, which I haven't heard of anything like this, it's a lubricant and an arousal gel, and it has CBD in it, but it has all natural ingredients in it.

It has like l-arginine that increases blood flow and will reduce inflammation and stimulates the body to increase arousal. has like alargenine that increases blood flow and will reduce inflammation and stimulates the body to increase arousal. You can have longer more intense orgasms. It also works on penis owners Okay, I love a lube that's focusing on penis So it increases orgasm intensity. It can help you for sure with dryness and pain It's comfortable for both owners and increases the arousal for penis owners And what I love is it's edible with dryness and pain, discomfort for above owners, and increases the arousal for penis owners. And what I love is it's edible.

It has a very slight vanilla flavor, but it's almost neutral. It makes it great for oral sex. So here's another deal for you. Get 15% off more gas and mood if you use the code Emily at morgasm.com slash sex with Emily. That's M-O-R-G-A-S-M dot com slash sex with Emily and just use code Emily to get 15% off. All right Jennifer, that is a lot of tips for you there. A lot of products, a lot of tips, a lot of conversations.

Let me say one more thing. It's not a one time conversation with your husband and for anybody. It is an ongoing conversation about sex. A lot of couples listen to my show together and they have told me that over the years like we binge 10 episodes because the way I talk about sex, it's normalizing sex. It's taking a lot of the shame and it's explaining a lot of concepts that can be harder than one conversation for you just to explain to your partner. So whether you're listening to this show together, you're having conversations with them on

a weekly basis about not only what you want Jennifer, but what your partner always wants. And when you start bringing some toys and some loobs and you can get rid of all the shame around it, hopefully there isn't any, but it becomes a new activity that you and your partner share together, like what do you think of this toy? What do you think of that loob? How about this position? How did sending you sexy tax to the middle of the day work? Because you get to kind of hack your sex life together. It's not only up to you, Jennifer, to solve it, but the two of you are in this together, is a lifetime journey and our bodies change over time. So the more efficiently you talk about sex, the more frequently you talk about sex, the

better sex you're going to have and the more connected you're going to feel. Alright, Jennifer, thank you so much. Keep taking care of yourself and doing the work. Thank you so much for your question. Stick around because after the break, I'm discussing Clintural versus G-Spot orgasms. What to do when your wife no longer wants oral sex after having a baby? So we got a ton of questions, right? You guys email me through Instagram.

We got a bunch, but there were so many. I couldn't get to all of them. So I'm just going to start with. there's so many good ones you guys, it's like a kid in a candy store. Okay, here's one, is literal gspot or cervical orgasm same or which is stronger? There's a lot of, I can kind of sum them up, there's a lot of questions in here about, did I have an orgasm, do I not? Like for vulva owners, for women, they're like, oh, did it was just a literal one, was it

gspot? I know we label them, right? But a literal orgasm was with the majority of women experienced through masturbation or penetration. And that's the external part of your vagina. The clitoris is there. It's that little magic spot that has 8,000 nerve endings. And it also extends internally.

So sometimes the G spot, which I like to call the G area, but I don't even really want to call it an area or G anything because it was named by this guy, Grafembourg, and he did not have a G spot. It's named by for him, which is just bizarre. But anyway, I want to forget start a petition. But it's like an area, and I believe that area is like internal, literal nerves. So, and for every woman, it's different So, I can't tell you which one's stronger because the problem is, G-Spot got a lot of recognition like 20, 30 years ago. And so, what happened was, everyone was like, oh, that's the better orgasm. The clearer orgasm is just, that's just everyone can have that or whatever. But they're all linked into

each other. So, just focus on the orgasms you're having and continue to explore your body. Once you have a literal orgasm, it can be easier to have a more internal orgasm so then you could use your fingers or a toy or a penis or whatever you want to eat, not whatever. But it's an approved item to go inside of you to explore an experiment because once you have an external orgasm, the blood starts to flow and circulate inside and it can be helpful that way to experiment. This is from Susan 60 in Florida. Hey Dr. Emily, I'm a postman-aposal woman who can no longer have orgasms through oral

sex, as I once used to quite easily. I've never been able to climax through penetration. I can't have ever still experienced clitor orgasms by favorite clit-sucker vibrator, but no others. How have I become addicted to justice, one apparatus, and if so, can I untrue my clit to react to other types of orgasm-ducing stimulations? Or because I'm postponed a puzzle, does my clit now simply require an intense and consistent stimulation to get the blood flowing in order to orgasm?

My part do I do incorporate my toy into our lovemaking, but I'm finding it harder and harder to orgasm at all. Even though I am on HRT, hormone replacement therapy, I sometimes wonder, sadly, if my orgasm life's been as ended even though vaginal, it of course is still pleasurable. Seeking your advice, thanks, Dr. Emily. Alright Susan, thanks so much for your question. It is a great one, because first let me say this. I want to just normalize the fact that the way we orgasm changes over time.

It's going to be different in your 30s and it's your 20s and your 50s and it's different from your 30s and the 60s and it's different than your 40s. It can sometimes change month to month. Our ability to orgasm changes because our pelvic floor is shifting, our hormones are changing, and there's a lot of different factors that go on. So let me first address this,

does a vibrator numb you? Are you addicted to your vibrator? That's not a thing. That doesn't exist. If you damage nerves, that's a really serious condition and that really doesn't happen in most of these times. It simply means that these nerve ratings are getting used to and your body is getting used to orgasming in a very specific way with a very specific vibrator.

There is nothing wrong with orgasming every time the same way with a vibrator. Now, if you don't love this, it's a clip sucking vibrator. There is nothing wrong with orgasm in every time the same way with a vibrator. Now if you don't love this, it's a clip sucking vibrator, you can try another vibrator that's totally fine too. But I just want to say there is nothing wrong with it. How incredible that you're still able to orgasm. Here's the thing with vibrators. We get so used to them making us feel good and then we start to think is this bad? Is this bad that I had an orgasm this way? But listen, the goal is orgasm. Am I right? That's how your goal is get it to the office every day. And you could get there by riding a bike, you could take the bus or you could drive. But you know you want to get there the most efficient way. Well, I would say you could take the bus or you could ride your bike, but driving

sometimes the fastest way to get there and you still got to work and you still got to work done. So in this case, you're still going to get there and you still got to work and you still got your work done. So in this case, you're still going to get your orgasm. So I really don't want us to judge the way we orgasm that it's wrong to use a vibrator. The majority of level owners I talk to are mostly using vibrators. You know, so I just, again, I want to normalize this because does it feel good? Does it make you feel better having an orgasm? That is great. But let's get into the HRT also because there's a lot more information there about women

on hormone or replacement therapy. Just like a lot of medications over time when we use our hormone treatments, it starts to change. Like maybe right now you're only doing estrogen, but you might need to add in some progesterone and testosterone. And it's like a dance, okay? You got to tweak the combination of estrogen, testosterone and protestro because, well, you might have needed more at one point, you might need less at another point. So hopefully you have a great doctor that can work with you on this, because a lot of times it's great to start with estrogen. So if you're not at estrogen, I highly recommend it, but there's different ways you can take estrogen because that's the culprit.

I would say that that's the most severe hormone that takes a nose drop when we're paramanopausal or postmenopausal, because that sort of affects our ability to orgasm because we're having the vaginal lining is becoming thinner, it's impacting blood flow and all these things. For those of you listening who are interested in HRT, by the way, Odella Health is an easy, affordable option. It is a virtual health clinic,

and their primary focuses women's sexual health. And it targets women who are postpartum, parry, menopausal, or postmenopausal. They have vaginal estrogen treatments to 100% safe and effective in treating vaginal dryness, itching, burning, painful sex, and will help you have more enjoyable sex. And anybody you can call into them, no problem Susan. They have a free 30 minute virtual consultation with one of Odella's nurse practitioners. They also have sexual health practitioners. They also have sex therapists you can talk to. So just check out Odella Health, everyone.

If you've been looking for more information, you want to understand a hormone replacement therapy. You are in any of those stages of life, check them out. Odellahealth.com slash sex with Emily. That's O-D-E-L-A health.com slash sex with Emily. You get $50 off your first prescription, which is amazing. So Susan, anyway, let me just say this is that I understand this whole like, is there a problem here? But I think that normalizing with your partner and

also Using your vibrator, but then also like bringing in your hands or the mouth and then bringing the vibrator in like It's all a dance and I think the less we get caught up on like is this wrong? Is this right? Is this the right way and the more we can practice being mindful and connected to our partner and Talking about these things too. Remember, I always say, talk about this stuff outside the bedroom as well because I'm not sure Susan,

because we're not talking right now. Like, I don't know if your partner's saying, like, why is it only a vibrator and I feel bad about it? But I'm telling you, once you're part of understands, like, this is, I'm still having pleasure and of course, still feels good. But, and this is how I'm going to get to the finish.

Most partners, you know, are going to be down with it. Sex is still pleasurable without orgasms. I just want to say that, but I know that you want one because who doesn't want one. But again, finding different paths to pleasure is part of the is part of the path of being sexual beings and constantly being figured out how we can troubleshoot along the way because things are going to change if you're on medications. You just gave birth. If you are having resentments with your partner and you haven't been feeling very connected lately, all these things are going to affect our ability to be a rouse in turned on. So, there's a lot of information there, but let's keep talking, let's keep listening and everyone I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for sending me all your questions.

All right, Susan, thank you so much for your question. I appreciate you and I hope this helps. All right, Susan, thank you so much for your question. I appreciate you and I hope this helped. Let's talk to Megan 23 in California. Hi, Megan. What's going on? Thanks for calling. So I have a issue with chronic yeast infections. And I just recently had bacterial vaginosis, which was a horrific experience.

And the doctor hasn't really, you know, I've been like, what can I do to kind of alleviate this issue. And they haven't really given me a straight answer. And it's to the point where I'm getting these yeast infections, and I'm like, you know, out of commission for at least two weeks of the month. I get them so often. I usually get them.

Wow. Because of sex, it seems like. And it almost is getting to a point where it's like making the dread, having sex because I'm terrified that I'm gonna get a yeast infection from it. So I was just seeing if you had any advice on how I can, or how I can help

with that. Yes. Well, I have a few, yes, and they haven't helped you out with this. This is what's so frustrating about doctors sometimes. So tell me, are you with one, I have a few questions for you to help me, to I can help, are you with one, I have a few questions for you to help me, to I can help. Are you with one partner right now or what's your sexual activity like these days?

Yes, just one male partner. Okay, and so you're not using condoms, right? No. So is he coming inside of you and then you get a yeast infection? He is not. He doesn't want to. I don't want him to. So that's not an issue. I had asked about probiotics and this pharmacy student told me that I should probably have better hygiene, which made me laugh, because he obviously has no clue how you see infections work. Well, they do, they he is saying that you should say,

you know, P after sex every time, P before and after. Right, that's probably what he meant. And yes, it can be. So, these infections are caused by many things. You probably, I'm sure you've researched this at Nausea, but like if we leave our yoga workout pants on for too long or we sweat a lot more tight pants and all those things, but it doesn't seem like that's what it is. I'm glad you're going to get another opinion in me.

It could be something hormonal. I mean, gosh, our hormones are responsible for so many things. Now, there was a study that came out that said that, which here's a few theories that it can actually be your partner. You know, they're always like women, it's your fault, but it's true that boyfriend can be a part of chronic yeast infections.

Does he ever have any itchiness on his penis not that he tells me about okay i mean there was something about that okay but sometimes it can have to do with them and it's not about us it can be part of his his bacteria that could be just swapping back and forth now something say that there could be your dna there's like some genetic

mutations that makes some women more susceptible to yeast infections and so there was a study that was done on that there's like some genetic mutations that make some women more susceptible to yeast infections. And so there was a study that was done on that, there was like a genetic link. I don't know how common that is. I'm just giving you all of the things because it can be your boyfriend. It can be, are you using any lubricants or anything during sex? We do have a loop that we use every once in a while, but not every time. Okay. I actually got the BV after using the lube that we had purchased.

It's not bad lube. I don't know what the issue was with that. Huh. Talk to your doctor. Are you going back to your gynecologist right now? Yeah. Okay. You know, I think that there's been a lot new studies that have shown that it's other

things than we believe. So the fact that he said to you, oh, just your hygiene, there is more than that. So if it's chronic, I mean, are you taking probiotics at all? Because that does help. I am not taking probiotics. That was what I had asked the pharmacist, if that would help.

And he told me that there was no study that proved that probiotics did anything. You know, I think they do. In fact, I take a probiotic every day of all the supplements. They say that a probiotic, they say magnesium is helpful, vitamin D like fish oil. And did you ever have any antibiotics for a while? Were you taking antibiotics? Like, do you think your immune system could be compromised?

I have only taken antibiotics a handful of times in my life. And I've never actually had an issue with getting a yeast infection from taking the antibiotic. This is what I think. It could be high estrogen levels because sometimes when you have a lot of estrogen in your body that could also put you at risk for yeast infection. So you might have excess estrogen. I think that could be it. Yeast really can love that if you have too much estrogen. That could be a part of it. can love that if you have too much estrogen. That could be a part of it. And also having sex in a weakened immune system.

But I think it's great that you're going to get your test. You could also get a hormone test. You could get tested and see what's going on. But I think that you're doing all the things. I think a probiotic is always helpful to take. I would try that. I would see what your doctor says. So let's do that and see what happens. I mean

I think you already know. Oh, wearing underwear that's not too tight and all the things. Okay, keep me posted, Megan. Thanks for calling. I appreciate you. Let's talk to Angel 30 in New Jersey. Hi, Angel. I think you're taking my call. Of course. I'm just calling because I just had a question. So my fiance When we first got together, there was no real problem when it came down to be going down on our having roads. But what ended up happening is the last few years it's been very tough conscious whether it's just worried, I don't know if it has

something to do with maybe after she had a mic on, maybe it's just a little bit more uncomfortable now, but it's hard to bring that conversation up and be able to talk about it in a way where we can try to figure it out because she does want to, but she just feels uncomfortable doing it. Mm-hmm.

Okay. So Angel, you're saying, it's hard to hear, I don't know if your window's down or you're on speaker, but it's a little bit hard to hear, a little bit, the connection's not great, but Angel, if I can understand what you're saying is that she had a bit, you've been together for a while. When you were together, early on, she liked Oral sex a lot.

And then she had a baby. And ever since she had the baby, what you believe it's about is that she doesn't really want Oral because she's self-conscious. Did I get that? Did I get that? Okay. So Angel, I'm curious, have you ever talked to about it? Have you ever said, hey, I noticed that this feels like it's really uncomfortable

for you. Then thing, you know, tell me more about that. Have you ever brought it up? I do try to bring it up. It's just one of those things that I just feel as she is going to have the conversation with me. It's just, I guess, it's embarrassing for her, which I understand and I don't try to bring it up too often just because of the worry I don't want to make her feel comfortable. But I do know that it's something that I kind of do, I did enjoy doing when we were together and something that I did enjoy and it seems like it's just not there anymore. Okay, when did she have the baby? It's been five years. Okay, got it. So, Angel, here's what I would recommend for you. The first thing is talking to her about it

outside the bedroom. So, when you guys are on date night, hopefully you're still making time for each other with a five-year-old. And you just say, you know, I realize that we've never really talked about our sex life. Outside the bedroom, when we're not right, we always think, oh, well, I'm in the bedroom.

I should talk about it, but it's, you know, no one really, we don't realize this, but we don't want to hear about it when we're in the roused or returned on or the next the last time she said, you get away. I don't want you to go down to me. But you say, you know, I really, I want to know things that turn you on. I love going down on you. I love the way you taste. I love, you know, and I miss it. And I'm just wondering if there's anything that I could do that could help you feel better. Ask her what she is into, what she is craving. Because I think now you're making maybe making assumptions,

unless she told you she has shame around how her body's changed, since having a baby, or is that just sort of your guess. It's more my guess. We've never actually have that conversation. She's actually never actually brought it up, but I'm assuming that's what it is. It is one of those things that I do realize that the conversation that times that I they bring it up now you say it, I did talk about it either after the fact, maybe if I do bring it up in other times it probably might go a little bit easier. Yeah, Angel most of us don't know this, that's why I'm telling you it's like we just think, well I tried to go down to her again she said said no, so I'm gonna be like, baby,

I really want to, but when we're outside the bedroom, we're removed from sex altogether. It's not even on our mind, and we're hanging out, we're just in a really good place. She's like, you know, baby, I realize, God, our sex life, I, we've never talked about it. I want to know what you've met, what you think about, what could turn you on, and then you just,

it didn't remember, it doesn't have to be a one-time conversation, it's something you can continue to talk about. And because it could be something else, maybe she's had some pain or maybe she, we don't know. We actually don't know, but I think that the first step would be having a conversation with her where you just listen to what she has to say and then take it from there. All right, perfect. All Alright, let me know what goes Angel. Thank you. Thanks Angel. That's it for today's episode, See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review where ever you listen to the podcast

and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life,

dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559 825 5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. .com.