Sex With Emily - They Call Me Bond; Bondage

Episode Date: January 16, 2020

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is talking about bondage – ways to break into it easily and do it right. Plus, she’s answering your sex and relationship questions. She gives you easy ways to tie your partner up without breaking the bank, how to be more dominant in the bedroom when you’ve never done that before, why you seem to attract emotionally unavailable people, and now that you’ve started talking about sex, how to properly bring up anal. Plus, tips to surprise your long-distance love.Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm talking about bondage. Ways to break into it easily and to do it right. Plus I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. Topics include easy ways to tie your partner out without breaking the bank. So your partner wants you to be more dominant but you're just like what? Now that you've had the sex combo untrying new things how do you come knock knock knock in on the back door properly? We're gonna tell you, why do you keep attracting emotionally unavailable people and how do you surprise your long-distance love with the ride of a lifetime? All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my!

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean, like, laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I'm off here. I'm so gone. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ We're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information check out sexwithemily.com, do that right now and find us on all social media. It is at Sex with Emily across the board. For the new year for each show, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you all to do the same.

Okay, what do I mean by this? Well, when you're listening, think about like why you're listening and what you want to get out of this episode and how you think it might help you. And then when the show's over, you can think about it again. And I found that setting intentions before I do things, you know, really help information sink in, like whether I'm taking a course or I'm going to lunch with a friend or I am going to work out, I'm like, what do I want to get? Why am I here?

So for example, it could be like, I just see a new idea for the bedroom or I want to be able to fulfill my partner's domination fantasy. My intention was to give you guys some more tips to engage in power play and bondage because for a lot of couples who are looking for a variety in the bedroom where you get distracted during sex, this can really help anchor you with your partner and have more intimacy actually. So that's my intention for you all. Enjoy the show. Bondage.

People always want to know, like, what does it mean to tie my partner up? How do we figure out this, like, consensual, consensually tie each other up. So bondage means to be as restrained for erotic purposes, essentially, the B in BDSF, which is bondage, discipline, say no masochism. I like being tied up. And also, even during my wedding actually, so my husband brought, yeah, during our,

because we got married in Hawaii, but he said he was gonna bring some rope. And of course, it's not like your typical rope, you guys. It's not like you're, you know, the kind you see that's all like, it looks like it would hurt you or something. No, you could even use something that's like material that you would use for like yarn or something like that.

It doesn't have to necessarily be your average, like you think some rope you use to tie a boat with or something. I think God, yeah. Both go up, it's hard. Exactly, exactly. Yes, I know. I know. Exactly. I know.

Not like that. But yeah, so he used to actually this very, like a yarn. It was almost like a yarn. It was very soft. It felt very nice. Because he knows they don't like things that like would scratch or anything. And he tied up my breasts. And so that he basically put it down the center of them and then tied them apart somewhat,

so it didn't hurt so much, but it was more like tying them so they were separated almost like it was a bra in itself and it was like a halter. It was very cute. I'll have that in pictures. But yeah, and so that was kind of like a bondage that we would do. Like that night. So you restrained you by tying and we were in your hands. We're also tied. Yeah, so that's the thing. It tied to my hands. Oh, so it's very because you have breasts. Right. Like for me, I mean, I have some, but you couldn't tie it. You couldn't that wouldn't work for everybody. Right. It's that. I just know breast anchors. Yeah. But that's amazing. So what had you been so tell me because what we're going to

talk about you guys is is bondage is a very popular kink for people. Right. And I think yeah, we make it so difficult. Like just just use some string. Use some bondage tape. We actually have some bondage tape here, which Nick, are you there, our call scanner? I really wanted to tie you up in New York so badly, but we were so busy that I didn't get to. And I wanted to use this bondage tape because it's so friggin cool. Have you seen this before? No.

So let me tell you why I love bondage tape. It looks like duct tape. It sticks. It looks like duct tape. It sticks, it looks like duct tape. And it comes in different colors. There's like red and black and purple. And it's reusable. But also it sticks to itself. So let's say I had my two hands.

Oh, this is nice. Yeah, it's really nice to give me your hands. I'm gonna tell you about. So you go like this. And literally you guys, it is my favorite thing. I think I discovered this like 14 years ago when I first, I was like, that was still my favorite thing. So there you go.

Look at this. So it sticks to itself. You can just break it, you can use your teeth. Yes. But it's almost like a decal. Okay, there, it works. But you could even make it tighter, right? Right, right.

So you could wear this around your, you could do it in your hand, you could do it around your eye. I could blindfold you. Right. I could blindfold you. I gotta stand, Mike, you could do it in your hand, you could do it around your eye. I could blindfold you. Right. I could blindfold you. I got to stand, Mike, and do bond it.

I have to tie someone up while being on the mic. This is the first. Okay. So you know what I'm saying, and this is it. So watch, she's got a blindfold, and this tape is like 12 bucks a roll, and it's reusable if you want to. You know they're doing great by the way. And it doesn't stick to its hair.

It doesn't stick to the hair. It doesn't stick to your self. Look at her. She's a natural. Is it like you're at home or something? Is it like you're, is this fun? We're either gonna kidnap her. We could do it around their mouth.

You could do it around the next. And it's like, how great is fun? So easy. And you're all like, I don't know how to do it. Do you want to come out of this? Okay, but don't you think it's cool? Would you use it? You're very good subject I'm actually really awesome, but how easy that came off to that's actually what I look at it You know is that it's not like duct tape and it actually doesn't stick to your skin

So it doesn't feel like you have something that's so sticky. Right. That you would be, it would hurt you. It actually is not, doesn't hurt at all. No, which is nice. It doesn't, yeah, I put over your hair. She is this long, look. You see Christine as hair. She's the most beautiful, look, every day I stare and I go, how has her so perfectly long and big,

there are highlights and the things and the thickness. Good jeans, but yeah, you just do it. And it's really easy. I also love sports sheets make great Velcro handcuffs. I think in our mind, we think it's a big boat rope. Or we think it has a lock and key, and you gotta lock up the handcuffs, but no, it's just so easy to do.

And it's just hot because you're feeling, right, restrained, or you take away eyesight, then everything else becomes more heightened. And so I think it's popular for know, popular for a lot of people and that's how you want to talk about like beginner bondage. So you want to make sure you've consent. You don't want to just like whip out the bondage shape. Be like, hey babe, I'm just gonna,

you want to talk to about it ahead of time. And you want to pay attention to your body. Like how does it feel in the moment? What are you enjoying about it? Can you let go? I mean, I think that the great thing about playing with bondage is that, is that, and like that gets, you know, dominant submissive play, power play, is that you actually get the person

who's being tied up gets to let kind of let go a little bit, and you can sort of, you let go in the sense of you're not doing anything, but also you are feeling much more in your body, because when you take away movement or eyesight, you're feeling more, and you're also feeling more connected that for people like ADD and their mind wanders, I'm raising my hand, is that you sometimes you're in a power play with your partner, so you're just feeling it's also

can be really more intimate. It's not as disassociative. A lot of people kind of go in their minds, like fantasize during sex, but this is like a very connected intimate, intimate act. Definitely. With your husband too, you feel like. 100% it's more intimate. And that's what I think I love about it too, is because, and we switch, so I can tie him up as well. And that's the thing,

it's like we both get to see how that, you know, dominant and submissive relationship can be, and switching because he's so dominant in his work, and I'm so dominant in my work, we like being submissive both. But we also like to dominate. Did you feel that it was something? Had you always had a sense that you could be both switching done? That's the thing I always thought I wanted to be submissive and then Nick got it out of me He was able to pull out from me being more into my dominant side and what's so funny is all my gay friends said, we knew you

had it in you. And I was like, oh my God, I had no idea there was this other side that I could do that to. I love it. I mean, I feel like in your marriage too, like, this is what you guys, this is what I want. I want all of you to go a little bit deeper in your relationship. Just because you think something isn't possible, I could never go there when you're with a partner where you feel safe and you're actually having really healthy, helpful conversations and you feel safe to explore that.

You're like, let me try to explore the dominance out. And if it didn't work, it would have been okay. And then in him giving you permission to maybe, it's awkward the first time. I'm sure you were like standing up there with a whip. No, you didn't like, right? And now I have a vlog. Now she's got the vlogger's in the whip,

but not the first time. So I think also you guys another thing you can use is a spreader bar. But we've got the ones that all, and this is like a, it's not only great for like binding your feet, but it also adds in some like power play, so you can put your,

Michelle was using it earlier, that you can, you know, put this around your legs. I can't do it. I should do it. I'm wearing a dress. You're a shoe. Okay, so take out your ankles, and then you can also put it to your, I think you should do it. I'm wearing a dress. You're a shoe. Okay, so take out your ankles and then you can also put it to your wrist.

Hands. Yes, yes. You shall don't shoot up my skirt. Okay, this is the throw my toes. But, so a spreader bar is hot because you guys, it's sort of like, it's power play, you have your hands, you can't, we've never done this. I just get your ankles. Don't worry. My ankles and their spread apart. And it's another power play that you said you were spreader bar right?

Because you had home. I have a lot of multiple letters. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm dominant and submissive. Yes. You are. You are multi. So that's what happens. That's it right here. Okay. But you could also put your hands in there. You probably just have a bar. Or do you have everything? I have one like this that you have that where you put your ankles and your your wrists around. And I also have one that's just for your legs. So it actually just keeps them spread. And so that way, you know, it's almost like in a way

a little painful, which I'm okay with. And then having to like, you know, stay in that position while you're trying to have intercourse or sex or, you know, stay in that position while you're trying to have intercourse or sex or, you know, being dominant semis. So what part of it is painful, the actual, your legs are sweating because it's all spread. Right. So it's kind of like you are open, like your partner's essentially saying, by you wearing the spread of our like, you are open to me. Right.

I can take you in any way. I can leave you, I can come back and then I can leave again. Exactly. Yeah, but it's really hot. Yeah, you guys, this is all hot stuff. This little beginner bondage 101. I've never heard of a spreader bar. Not before this.

I mean, I always heard of Han Cuffs, but I was like, spreader bar. Yeah, it's hot. I mean, I bet people specifically be like, you're gonna spreader bar. People, that's a good niche thing. It seems like it's right niche, but there are people who definitely know

what a spreader bar is. So I was like, we got to grab the spreader bar for today's show. We also have the door gym cups, which are just really cool cups. If you have an attachment, they can fit over your door. So you just close the door and it keeps you in place. So like this, this goes around the door, which is cool because you can shut any door. You know what I'm saying? This goes on the other side of the door. So there's two different one two different cuffs

Yeah, and then and they have like these like little bars at the end and those and then there's like these wrist Velcro Bondage wraps that you can put yeah, so this would be over the door and then I would be like holding on like to the door Like that's just you can't go anywhere when I'm like and this bell crow To these are sport sheets. It's just velcro is smart work. I like that. I can't We need like some whips in here I forgot where I was. That was really fun. Yeah, you guys, beginner bondage. We also have some information on our sites, such as LME.com, some beginner bondage kits.

We also have, I don't know, just people, I feel like it's really, if it's something that is interesting to you, submissive play, power play, do some research, find some, find, we've tons of stuff on our website, listen to, we have a lot of podcasts about this issue, if you go, we have tons of podcasts, section of them.com. I feel like just don't, don't write it off

until maybe you do a little research, and maybe there's like kernels of it, maybe you find some porn that depicts scenes that this is where porn is great and good. To be like, oh, what is Bondage mean? And then say, if it's something with your partner that you've been thinking I wanna do, you can show them a particular scene

and be like, this is what I had in mind. Or listen to some shows we have in blog posts and all those things. Just educate research, you guys, educate yourself in research. That's how you become a better lover and better communication. It's important. I agree. I just wanted to say, though, it's not like you get these toys. It's not like Nick had toys immediately when we were starting this, either.

So I know that sometimes people are like, oh, I wanna do this, but I don't have anything, but that's okay. You were saying research is so important. And you can go ahead and find out more about that. Research is research. When you research, you're researching yourself too often times we're figuring out

what you actually like. And I think that a lot of people are faced with a position where they're like, I know sex could be better than this, than it is right now, but I know what that means. So they think, oh, I'm just gonna shut down. I'm not gonna talk about it. And I actually started a podcast 14 years ago

because I knew that sex could be better than it was. And so I, my whole, this is research. This was my whole life of research sitting here and talking to you guys. So do a little bit, find out what's interesting to you. And you're so right, I don't care if you buy a spreader bar or tape. You could use a handkerchief, you could use a neck tie. You could get creative, you could use a t-shirt, you know, like tie your part.

You don't have to buy a god damn thing. Right. But that's a great point. You can start us by researching and looking into it or trying something around the house. Or until you cook, break, and we come back, we're going to get into your questions. Alright, we have Katie who's 24 in California. She wants to know how to be more dominant in bed. Hey Katie, are you called the other night? I believe, right Katie? Yeah. Thank you for calling back. I called a little wait though. Okay, no, I'm so glad you called. We got you. Okay, what's going on? Tell me.

So my husband is dominant in bed, but he sometimes wants me to be, and I'm just, I get really shy, and I don't know what to do. Like how I should go about trying to do it. Yeah, it's a great question, Katie, so because why would you know if you've never done it before? And so you're in the position that a lot of people are when our partner tells us they want something and we're like, I don't know what that means. Like, I'm not sure what it means to be dominant.

So my first thing would be to ask him and say, can you, like, let walk me through a scenario or show me what you mean. How would you like me to be dominant? Because that also looks different. Cause you want me to time up. Does he want you to spank them, does he want verbal domination, does he want you to verbally use dominant words, does he? So I think you get to totally ask here and say, you know what?

I would love to get to know more about this. Tell me what that looks like to you. So there's nothing wrong with you. You don't know. I was going to ask Christina here because Christina, her husband, you were an into being dominant, right? And then he kind of taught you, you didn't know what was going to be your thing. And then how did you guys learn that? That might be helpful for Katie.

Yeah, I actually did exactly what you're about to say. Okay, is that I asked him what is it that he liked? I asked it if it was something that he, and he told me he likes to be humiliated. Okay. And so that's when I discovered, oh, okay. And then what is that kind of thing that you wanna be humiliated, but do you want? He's like, I don't wanna think of you being with another man.

Okay. And tell me what you would do with him, and that's gonna humiliate me. And so he just wanted me to talk more dirty. The verb of me, exactly. The verb of me, exactly. How would you know? You didn't know if he wanted handcuffs and to be spanked,

but it was verbal domination. You want a more verbal domination. Okay. And he does like, now it's progressed to more,, I can also, you know, do bondage and I can also do other things with him, but it gets more as they, you know, we both discover together. Yeah, it keeps expanding. That is really beautiful.

I love all the layers feeling back with Christina sex life. So Katie, does that make sense to you? Could that be helpful to have just some more conversations? Maybe he can show you some porn that he likes and have some scenes in it that show what he's into. But you in no way have to be nail on this right now. Yeah, I think I just, because I get shy and embarrassed almost. I think asking would probably be better.

Yeah. I just don't know what. Of course, I'm telling you, you don't have to know. Katie, you shouldn't know. Don't be yourself ob. Of course you're embarrassed. You know, it's okay. Like you're shy. You haven't done it before.

It's a new skill, and it's okay to ask a lot of questions. You could tell him, say, I'm really shy, I'm embarrassed, this is hard, but I want to know, and then keep asking, what does it look like? What does it look like, and then you'll get more information? And I wasn't perfect the first time either. Oh, right. I literally actually laughed a lot,

because I felt weird about it, but then I got more comfortable, and he was cool about it too. So, I say sex is funny, dude. That's a thing. I think we all try to be so perfect. You know, we think everything has to be perfect. I think a lot of us don't try new things

because it's not gonna be perfect. And especially with sex, it's so scary to try something and be like, what if I make a fool of myself? But we're talking giving you permission that it won't be perfect Katie. You might laugh, it might not happen. You might feel awkward, but on the other side of it We have Christina here who's in a really healthy relationship and they keep expanding and growing and so

That could happen with you Katie and I think it will just have some honest communication. Yeah Of course I'm here for you glad you call back. I feel like yeah There's so many different things to be dominant like how would you know if someone didn't explain it to you Because there's so many different ways Just 24 I wouldn't even know that I know you're like but because it looks different everybody I would didn't think that you were gonna say him a humiliation right exactly and that's I didn't think that either because I Automatically go to what I've seen in movies I automatically go to what I've seen in you know TV shows or something where it's like Oh, I got to put on you know latex and I got to put I got to get a you know, TV shows or something where it's like, oh, I gotta put on, you know, latex

and I gotta get a whip and I gotta put a blindfold on you. Right, you want me to be a dominatrix. Maybe you want me to be a piano. I don't know. Exactly. But then you just asked. Right. And then you love them and you're like,

I can figure this out. We're gonna get together. Yeah. I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, of course. All right, we have Carmen 64 in Arizona who wants to ask about anal toys.

Hey, Carmen, how you doing? Hi, how are you, Dr. Emily? Hi, I'm Carmen. Thanks for calling. Thank you. I wanted to thank you because thanks to you, I have the first talk ever about sex and toys. And it was so wonderful.

We're going to go to a store to buy toys and in rather closer you have no idea how amazing we've been dating two years and it's just gone up our level of you know closeness. So thank you for that. Yes of course I remember you're 64 right Carmen you're 64 and how old is he? Yeah, but just by listening to your program just by listening to your program It's just been amazing. What is even better just by listening to the show? So my question is I About you know, okay, because I had a no sex with my ex with my first husband and I had anal sex with my ex and with my first husband and

Concealed me we were very tipsy and I really enjoyed it, but I never wanted to do it again Right, I thought it was I don't know perversion that I was again Yeah, and so then with my boyfriend, the few like 10 years ago. I really tried to Here's the thing Carmen. Yeah, here's a thing, Carmen. I'm retried it on it. Yeah, here's the thing. It's mostly, people have bad first time experience like they're drunk and they're like, oh no, wrong a hole it goes in or you know what's going in,

but you don't use lube and you don't go slow. So the most important thing is for you to be turned on and warmed up to use a lot of, actually you're asking about toys. It says there's the, there's the, the B vibe has a beginner anal kit and it has different size butt plugs to build up but it has amazing lube.

It has a lube shooter actually to help move the lube long. So that might be, it has a beginner guide to anal that's literally the best beginner guide I've ever read. It's like very easy to read those pictures. I would start there because for many women Carmen, they don't realize they can actually have pleasure through anal because they just had a bad time, they had a bad experience, they never tried it again. It can actually give you a lot of pleasure if you do it right and slow down.

How about that, Carmen? I really, well, the only time I was the first time, but I didn't want to do it because I thought there was a mental blow on this is not good. Right, taboo, oh my God, I'm a bad person. Yeah, but I really enjoyed it, but I never wanted to, but then now, 10 years ago when I tried it again, I couldn't get to like it, we tried it a few times.

Okay, great, but now you're gonna try it, right, Carmen? Okay, well now you'll try it, try it, be good, okay, awesome, but now you're gonna try it, right? Carmen, okay, well now you'll try it. Try the beginning. Okay, awesome. Thanks, Carmen. Let's talk to DD38 in California. She wants to know why she goes after guys who aren't available.

Hi, DD, thanks for calling. Hi. How are you? Great. I love this question. And tell me more. Tell me everything. Okay.

Okay, okay, okay. I mean, I don't start out that way. I really don't try to like go for guys that are emotionally or just without available, but it just tends to happen. It happens to me recently when I'm doing who just moved here. And I don't know what it is, like what the trigger is and why do I keep going for these guys? Well, you said, well, you said at the end, you find out that they're emotionally unavailable. So there's a pattern.

Is there anything that you notice with them that are there any similarities to the situation, to the setup? Sometimes they don't live here, and I don't know that first, and I had stopped trying to date guys that don't live in California, but this last guy dated was moving here, and even though I was kind of like, and I don't really want to start that, we just, we had a really good connection. He came to visit me and we just kept going throughout the summer. And it wasn't until he got here that I don't know what happened,

but he's just, he wasn't available either. So you said I'm trying to date guys. You don't live here, but you don't find out. I mean, you probably find it out in the first five minutes of meeting someone. So here's one of's like to tell me, for like a week or two. But that is, if they're not here,

they're not available. But also, here's what I found. Is that typically when we date people that aren't available, it means that we're actually not available. We are not emotionally available. That it's that you have to do the work, DD, on opening up, being vulnerable, figuring out what

you truly want. Not just going after guys you might find attractive or hoping they like you. It's more like, I'm just curious, have you done some work on yourself? Have you had therapy? Have you looked at your last, your past? Yeah, definitely, meditation, blockages, definitely. I know how it stems from childhood. Yeah, so what have you found out?

So I don't think, because I don't think this is some mystery, like it's randomly guys who are emotionally available or knocking on your door. I think it's something that you're attracted to. And sometimes we gotta stop and go, wait a minute. This feels really familiar. He doesn't live in LA or he's not opening up about how he feels.

And then you cut it sooner than later. But then maybe also, have you ever taken a break from dating? Like from actually not looking? I did, okay. I actually did throughout, earlier this year. All right. And then even when I was talking to this dude, even though he wasn't here, like I was just not on the apps

or anything, I was like focus on business and stuff. I was like, hey, you know, who worked out with you, who worked out, but I'm not gonna do anybody for the summer. Okay. So now where are you at? So now you're just feeling like, what, like, do not trust yourself to go out and date right now? Are you feeling like, well, how can I help you?

Well, no, no, now I'm really cool. Like now I'm actually dating. There's a lot of interest in me. I feel really confident in myself. I'm just worried because a lot of friends are like, well, you supplement that juice so soon and all this stuff.. I don't know if that. I don't think it is either. Listen to me. Your friends don't know. I, because I'm telling you, we all get to set our own rules. Only you know. Did it, did

you not feel great when you woke up in the morning and you slept with him? Was that, did you feel like, ah, that was a mistake? No, it was great. Great. Then you did nothing wrong, okay? I'm telling you, I think it's, if you felt like having sex with them and it felt great, awesome. But if you were pressured into it and you did it because you thought he would like you, then no,

but my rule is that, and I don't have a lot of rules. My suggestion is always, you know, I really don't. People are like, how long should I wait or how many times should we have sex a week? I'm not gonna tell people because they think I'll caught up with numbers.

But what I am gonna tell you is is sometimes we have sex right away. When we meet someone and the only thing is for some people, we get really attached to them. And then we don't really know them well enough. And we just kind of think about the sex and like the oxy, you know, you have an orgasm and you're like, or even just sex. Those love hormones and they bond us. And then we can't see all the red flags waving in the distance

because we've like we've had sex with them. So sometimes it's kind of good to like be like, you know, make out and then be like, I'll see you again and the kind of let that part because kind of that's the build up and the tension is can be really sexy too. I think that could be really hot. We get to know someone. So all I'm saying is maybe you just want to slow it down and really after day think about how did they make me feel would I did I let get you know you know and ask them questions and just kind of slow it down and maybe also go after somebody that you wouldn't necess that you're writing off because often when we just see that person across the room we're

like yes that's my person I only want this person And that's been your type for so long. We got it Shifted and do something different and try someone else. Just try to. Yeah, definitely. I hear you. Okay. I've tried I'm being different ethnicities right now. So awesome. First of all, get out there. Thanks for calling. Let me know how it goes. I'm here every night. Good to hear from you. Didi. Thank you. I just you guys typically it is true that if you keep casting blame on someone that they are not available They're not available. I'm like oh I find all these emotionally available on people. I'm totally not Exactly. You're not available. You know, and that's okay But it's like that is a surest because when you are truly open your heart to open your vulnerable You are vulnerable those people won't be interesting to you

They won't be meeting you where you're at. It won't even be, you're like, we are speaking different languages. So that's the truth, people. I have Carlos, 35 in Texas, who wants to know how to spice it up with his girlfriend. Hey, Carlos, thanks for calling. How can I help?

Hey, Emily, I was calling because my girlfriend will, my long distance girlfriend, she's coming over for the first time to see me. We've seen each other before. But this is the girlfriend, she's coming over for the first time to see me. We've seen each other before. But this is the first time she's coming here, so I just kind of wanted to see if you can give me any. I wanted to be a romantic weekend and everything wanted to be spicy, so I just wanted to see if you had any hints.

Oh, okay. Well, Carla, so how long have you guys been seeing each other? For about two years. Oh, okay. It's great. And so what did you, I mean, I need some information here. So what did you have in mind? Like what, what has been something that have you ever done anything like this before? Plan something, have you guys had a romantic night that sticks out in your head? Yeah, me going over with her, yes, but this is the first time she's

coming here. And, you know, I've taken notes, you know, obviously from the previous shows that I've listened to, making sure my place is clean, my beds are, my sheets are washed, everything. Yes. I've got the skin condoms, I've got the mues, lubrication, the mues, whatever it's called. Oh my God, I love this, you got the flavored lube. Yeah, I'm taking the mues.

Yeah, I'm taking notes here and there So I don't see Wow, well you're doing so well Carlos We're all like smiling in here and like clap we love you. Why you're doing it all so I think having a plan like maybe Something kind of like a surprise when you see there for Friday Saturday Sunday. Yes, and Monday Okay, well, I think it might be really nice to pick her up and have it like Take her to dinner somewhere that you here's the choices you could do dinner at your house You could set up your place with candles and you can get some really sexy finger foods And you could make like a picnic in their living room and put down some soft blankets

Some wine and they get some of her favorite foods, you know You could even just go to you know grocery store and get some things and put them all out in a tray and maybe like, honestly, I don't know that I believe in, well, after DGXR, there are some truth to them, but like getting some figs or some chocolate, some of the oysters, just some fun finger foods. Maybe you guys could even feed each other. And you could place some of your favorite music and like candles, like I said, and just have a place that's kind of like a picnic in the house. Or one in that you could also do a, and then you could do some, you know, some fun, like, massage, or some, you know, blindfolding.

You could do some, have you ever done anything like that? Maybe that's for Saturday night, because Friday night you could also, you either have a come right to your house, and you could also, you know, plan a great dinner. But I think do you want some sex tips? Is that what you want some scenarios? Yeah, just anything I mean because I have that I mean the picnic idea is inside the house is a really good idea I even think about that. Okay, but yeah, I just want just any kind of tips that I just really want this to be a great weekend So okay, have you do know which turns around sexually? Have you guys any talks about your fantasies or things she's wants to try? She, we haven't really talked much about it. I mean, previous before I know she likes the slow burn.

You know, we she likes making out, you know, like touching her. Perfect. She likes going slow at first. And I love that too. So I have no issues with that. Okay, so this is great. What I think you could do is,

I think when she comes in, you just make it about like, you're going to feed her, take her shoes off, maybe she wants to take a bath when she lands, I don't know whatever she's into, so she's relaxed. Have her favorite and always have, this is going to sound super cliche, but I believe if you always have chocolate in your house, had your refrigerator, have ice cream, have a chocolate bar in your freezer, had your refrigerator, have ice cream, have a chocolate bar, and your freezer. I just love dessert. So having things like that,

that's just, I always have that in your house, Carlos. But I think what you could also do, that would be fun, is if she likes the teas and the burn, like I think that you could get a blindfold or you could just use one, you could use a sock or a necktie. And you could say,

and you could blindfold her and you could like feed her some of the food and like ask her you know what she's tasting and what she's feeling and you could just also carry that over into later. I think something would be fun is to massage her and blindfold her and kind of tease her and do some sort of um you know, sensation play. You could put like ice cubes and get some I mean you've already bought so many things but you know a massage candle is really fun put like ice cubes and get some, I mean, you've already bought so many things, but you know, massage candles really fun or just playing with different textures, like even like, you know, a necklace or, you know,

you could use a, what are some other pervertibles? Like feathers, pervertibles are things we find around the home that can be used for sex. Like a spatula. A spatula, you could spank our clean spatula and you could kind of tease her with those things and I think blindfolds are awesome because When you take away one sense everything else becomes really heightened and it would be really hot if she had blindfold

And you could like take it ice cube sensation that you blow on it and you could play some games Sex games. Yeah, no, I like I mean that's already a lot of help. So I got you Yeah, that's already any of those things to be awesome, but now you have to come me on Tuesday or Monday night after she leaves and let me know how it goes. That's it. That's all I ask you. Have fun. Go to our website.

We have tons of stuff on our website just about this very thing. How to spice it up, sensation play. You guys, sexwithamely.com is a treasure trove of information. We've got 14 years of blog posts on every question you've ever asked. So go to sexwithammy.com, search your question. It will be there. I love that question. I would love any person.

Right. Even if it was a friend. I forget. Next time you come over, I'm going to blindfold you. Oh, man. You need strong berries. Yeah. Right.

This is kind of nice. You guys only think about that. I love that. I want Nick to do that tonight. Well, is there anything else you guys? Anything been done to you that you've found hot or that you'd like someone to do to you? We've got some women in the room. Hmm. I like going out.

I love going out. I love going out. And then come back. Well, that's why I was teased. I don't know her well enough to know if she wants to have a nice reservation at a restaurant once she gets there. Right. But maybe they haven't seen each other like get right to the sex. That's true. So wants to have a nice reservation at a restaurant when she gets there. Right. But maybe they haven't seen each other like get right to the sex.

That's true. So Saturday night have a dinner from my long distance relationship. I just wanted to see them. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, I don't want to sit through a restaurant. I don't want to have sex. But the building the tension up is really sexy too.

Did he say he bought the moxie? No, he's not muse. No, muse. No. Okay. For some reason, I thought it, because that would be fun to play with. It's a remote control plan by that they could take into the restaurant or anywhere. That would be cool.

Yeah, I love sexy date thing. I think that we just appreciate efforts. And I know women's something different. We all crave novelty and something, you know, in relationships. No matter how long you've been together, trying just one thing different like that, like a blindfold makes a huge difference. Yeah, I mean, I had my most recent ex do something nice as a surprise, it just kinda went wrong

because I was not wearing the proper attire or something. Oh, right. Oh, because I had told him, I was like, well, like, if you surprise me, so we went and we like took those bird scooters and he's like, I know, I've been wanting to ride those and so we're like going to this bar that we always go to and to pick up food and it was just gonna be like,

this really nice night and I was like, I'm wearing sandals, I'm wearing a shirt that's gonna blow up and in the wind. I was also taking a month off of drinking. I was just like, I appreciate the effort. It would have been great, but this is the best. Just take a look at the details, yeah. It's a no like, where it reads you.

But the thought that counts, it was nice. Like I appreciated it. Cause he wasn't planning Raid us you guys raid us review us wherever you listen to the show right now look down whatever app you're using to listen Give us five stars Leave a comment and iTunes that totally helps us we release three shows a week also sign up for our news that are We do give awesome news that ours people love our newsletter so check it out And thank you everybody for listening to this show and thanks thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Alisa, Brian, producer, Jamie, and Michael.

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