Sex With Emily - This Is What We’re Gifting for Better Sex

Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. All right, the hottest gifts this year aren't just things. They're experiences. Experiences that help you slow down, feel your body, and actually enjoy your pleasure. This year's gift guide is all about multi-sensory gifts that nourish your mind, your body, and your sex life. think tools for embodiment, toys for exploration, rituals for self-love, and upgrades for the partner who deserves a little extra attention. So I wanted this year's gift guide to revolve around the five pillars of sexual intelligence or sex IQ as I first laid out in my book, Smart Sex, two years ago. The pillars are embodiment, health, self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and collaboration.

Starting point is 00:00:52 And no need to worry because I expand on each of the five pillars in this episode. So whether you're shopping, not shopping, or just want to understand yourself as a sexual being, this episode has got all that information for you. Don't forget to check out the full gift guide at sex withemly.com. All the links are in the show notes as well. All right. Let's get into it. Okay, let's be real.

Starting point is 00:01:18 Confidence is sexy in and out of the bedroom. And when it comes to performance, sometimes a little support makes a big difference. So whether you're craving more stamina, fuller erections, or you're just looking to level up your pleasure game, there's a tool that's been helping people feel more empowered for years. Meet BathMate, the world's leading hydropowered penis pump.

Starting point is 00:01:37 These aren't gimmicks. They're FDA registered backed by science and designed to give real lasting results. At BathMate Direct, you'll find pumps that naturally support size, strength, and blood flow, helping you experience bigger, harder, more energized erections over time.

Starting point is 00:01:51 And because they work with water, they're more comfortable, more effective, and way safer than traditional air pumps. With just a few minutes a day, the bathmate hydropump can help you increase size and growth gradually, boost confidence in and out of the bedroom, improve stamina and performance, support stronger erections through better blood flow. And the best part, it's all natural, non-invasive, and totally shower-friendly. You can literally work out your sexual wellness while you wash your hair. It's iconic.

Starting point is 00:02:16 Right now, BathMate Direct is giving our listeners 10% off when you use code SWE-10 at bathmate direct.com. That's bathmate direct, B-A-T-H-M-A-T-I-R-E-C-T-D-I-R-E-C-T. Use code S-W-E-E-10 for 10% off. So head to bathmate direct.com, use S-W-E-10 and level up your confidence. All right, so the pillars that I mentioned for sex IQ is the framework for understanding one-owned sexuality from a deeper, more holistic perspective and taking responsibility for one's pleasure. So I created these pillars because sex IQ is about shifting from performance to presence. I realized after all these years of doing my show, being a sex educator, I saw how disconnected people were from their own pleasure. So a lot of the questions I would get from

Starting point is 00:03:21 everybody and a lot of people I work with really were about one thing. Like, give me the quick fix. What's the toy? What's the loob? What's the position that's going to change my sex life? And this approach, considering all five pillars, are really what you need to know about how to understand yourself. Because when we integrate all the pillars, sex becomes not to something we do, but it's something that nourishes our whole system. All right, let's get into it. The first pillar is embodiment. So embodiment is about grounding and presence and just feeling at home in your body. So it's overcoming the mind-body disconnect that happens during sex. So many people stay in their heads during sex. They're worried about a bunch of things.

Starting point is 00:04:13 Like think about if you're in your head thinking about how your body looks or about that text you need to send to your boss or if someone can hear you or, you know, you know, you're just waiting for it to be over. That's being not embodied. That's being disembodied. So now maybe a lot of you are really connected. You're making eye contact and you're like, no, I'm completely in the moment and present during sex. But for many people, they're just not. And that takes us away from actually experiencing our pleasure and knowing what we like, right? It would make sense if we leave our body during sex and we're in our heads, how would we even know what we like? So bodyband also shows up in other areas of our life, you know, have you ever driven home and

Starting point is 00:04:51 you're like, how did I get here? Or you eat a meal so fast, you don't recall what it tasted like. Well, that's what we're doing during sex. So it's no wonder when I did a poll, I did a survey of all of you in our newsletter. And I just wanted to know where you were all at, because it's my 20th year of doing sex with Emily. And I thought, what are your biggest pain points? Forty-six percent of you told me that you just have mismatched timing. So it would make sense. It's like mismatched timing for sex, like your partner wants it a different time than you do or wants it more or less than you do. So it would make sense that if a lot of us are not in our bodies and knowing what we like and when we want sex, that we wouldn't be able to be on the same page as our partner.

Starting point is 00:05:32 So the solution is always to come back to your breath when embodiment, being fully present in your body to experience pleasure without judgment or distraction. Because this, when you breathe, like let's say you're in your thoughts again, you just come back to your breath and you take a deep breath and you can say, okay, well, what am I feeling right now? and you feel those physical sensations and that helped you tune into your desires and prevent that numb feeling during sex. So when the mind wanders, come back to your breath, come back to your partner, what you're feeling in the moment. So our embodiment, our gift guide, is broken down into the pillar so you can shop according to the pillar. So embodiment,

Starting point is 00:06:08 the Lalo, Sona 3. So this is one of my favorite clitoral toys truly. It doesn't just buzz on the surface. It uses sonic waves to simulate the entire. clitoral network. So remember the clitoral network isn't just that little bud. It has 12,000 nerve endings. So it creates these deep pulsing sensations that build slowly and intensely. And it's for those moments when you don't want to rush. You want to linger. You want to explore. You're like, how expansive can my pleasure be in this moment? Osona 3 is also a great toy to use with a partner. You can use it on your clitoris. You can really use it anywhere in your body. Like you can use it on the shaft of the penis. And you could also pair it with your favorite lube, with slow

Starting point is 00:06:48 potential playlist and give yourself permission to stay in that sweet spot a little bit longer. So, great embodiment tool because you also can go slow and discover where do I feel great? Where am I feeling this sensations in my body? So when we talk about embodiment, being present, being grounded and in your body, the Lelosona 3 is a perfect tool. It uses, like I said, sonic waves to stimulate the entire network, clitoral network. So it's a toy you reach for when you don't just want to rush to the finish. line. You want to linger, you want to explore, you want to let your pleasure build in waves, right? So it

Starting point is 00:07:24 naturally pulls you out of your head into your body because the sensations are so immersive and they're so full-bodied. You won't be able to think about anything else, but how good you feel. Now, you can also get the Sona 3 and pair it with your breath and do slow inhales and slow exhales and let each wave meet you where you are. So if you start to feel the pulses or if you're using a toy, and you start to feel the energy move through your body, just breathe into it. So if you have struggled with feeling numb or disconnected during sex, this is one of my favorite ways to retrain your body to tune back in. It's grounding, it's sensual, it's just a really great invitation to say present with your pleasure.

Starting point is 00:08:10 So if you want to get one for yourself or any of the other Laylo products, you can go to Laylo.com, that's Elliello.com, and use code Emily. 20 and you get 20% off on top of their ongoing sales. Head over there right now. Another great embodiment gift in this category is common confidential massage butter. If you want a four plate upgrade, this is it. This massage butter has clean, nature-inspired ingredients. It's a gorgeous slide. It's a warm, sensual feel that makes even a simple back rub feel very intentional and intimate. It's perfect for everything from like a casual touch on the couch to a full bottom. body massage that leads to, you know, wherever you want it to lead. It's free of harsh chemicals.

Starting point is 00:08:54 You focus on connection. You're not going to get irritated. And it just lets touch become its own kind of conversation. I love when couples start to play with massage. It's funny. I ran into someone at a conference I was at recently. And they were like, you changed my relationship when you suggested like my partner and I start massaging each other. And I'm always like, God, I say it all the time. are you guys tired to be talking about the importance of like learning a massage but then when someone came up to me like a week ago I was like okay I'm going to keep reminding you guys how important is to bring in other kinds of touch that aren't related to sex and I think we all love a massage whether it's a head massage a foot massage a hand massage you know just to even if you're not

Starting point is 00:09:36 a professional masseuse which you probably aren't when you get something like this common confidential massage butter what I love about it it's also like going to excite you you're going to want to touch someone or be touched because that's the founders of this that created it for this reason. They're like, we want to create something that's going to feel good for everybody. And it's true. Like the bottle, the packaging it comes in and the jar. It's just a really beautiful experience. So if we're talking about the realm of embodiment, being present, grounded and fully in your body, the massage butter is a gorgeous tool for that. Touch is one of the fastest ways to pull you out of your head and back into the moment. And this butter makes even

Starting point is 00:10:19 simple touch feel intentional. It's got this warm, sensual glide. It's easy to shift out of autopilot this way and into your body. Like when you feel it, you're like, oh, it just makes you want to relax. So if you want to check this one out, go to commonconfidential.com. Use code sex with Emily for 15% off. That's commonconfidential.com code sex with Emily for 15% off at remember these in the show notes. Another way to feel embodied is checking out something like cornbread hemp. So it's all about helping your body settle so you can actually feel present in it. They have premium hemp products that support deeper sleep, relaxation, and that delicious, I can finally exhale feeling. So you remember when your nervous system softens everything

Starting point is 00:11:07 else, connection, arousal, intimacy becomes just a lot easier. It's like cannabis, it's simple and you can just add it to your wellness ritual. You don't necessarily have to be really high. But what I like about their products is you can sort of shop for what kind of experience you're going for. And embodiment is all about tuning in rather than just bracing or pushing through or checking something else off the list. So if you want to check out cornbread, go to cornbreadhemp.com slash swe. Use code swe for discount. That's c-or-nbredhemp.com S-W-E. Okay, our next pillar of sex IQ is health. This is a big pillar that's all about supporting the body that carries all that pleasure. So health is really how your body function and feels. It's your physical health, your hormonal and mental health that affects our sexual wellness. So it's how our body and mind work together to create pleasure. Now, I used to think that being sexually healthy meant that I went to my gynecologist once a year, taking prescribed medications. that, okay, now I'm really healthy.

Starting point is 00:12:16 But sexual health means so much more. It's about movement and circulation. Blood flow and circulation are actually the key to pleasure. So if you're somebody's like, nah, I don't go to the gym that much, I don't move my body that much, maybe that's why you're not having the erections you want or the orgasms you want. Remember that exercise boosts our libido. It supports our health.

Starting point is 00:12:35 It elevates our mood. So even as adding five to 10 minutes a day of movement like dance or yoga or stretching will enhance your circulation. also nutrition matters that's a big part of health what we put in our bodies is going to infect our sex life it's true also be sure to check your medications there's a lot of medications that have side effects that can impact our libido or ability to orgasm we also want to check or hormones that's an important part of health as well those are physical health but then there's mental health depression maybe we've had trauma so remember all these are going to i could get into that

Starting point is 00:13:09 more which i have a lot but these things are also going to affect your sex life right i started a remind you, health is a big pillar in this. So solutions support your health, stress reduction, deep breathing, mindfulness, enough sleep, and prioritizing pleasure daily. Like, what have you done this week, this month today that isn't about checking something off the list? That's really just for your own pleasure. It might not even be sex. Walking your dog, being in nature, being with friends, cooking, gardening, whatever it is for you. Make sure you do more of that. So in the health category, a gift I recommend is bathmate's hydro pump. Now, penis pumps are actually prescribed by doctors all the time. So it's a huge confidence booster. If you have a penis, Bathmate uses safe,

Starting point is 00:13:56 consistent water pressure to help support stronger, harder, more reliable erections. You know, think about it. You exercise every other muscle in your body and you work on it, but maybe not your penis. You can use it in the shower as part of a simple daily ritual. It's super discreet, easy to use and backed by years and years of expertise. So what you have is already good. Bathmate just helps you feel more confident about it. So we talk about health. I'm talking about supporting the body that carries all of that pleasure.

Starting point is 00:14:22 So Bathmate is a great example of that. Because again, erections are about blood flow, circulation, movement, supporting the tissues that actually make arousal possible, that make your erections possible. So Bathmate, again, working with gentle, consistent water pressure helps to encourage stronger, harder, more reliable erections. It's not about changing your body, does that you need it. It's about supporting what you already have so it can function the way you want to.

Starting point is 00:14:48 I love that you use it in the shower, can become part of a ritual, and it's a huge confidence booster. So if you struggle with unreliable erections, you just want to strengthen, you're noticing changes in your life. As you age or deal with stress, this is a really supportive tool. So healthy sexual function isn't luck, it's your physiology. And Math Mate helps your physiology show up for you. So if you want to get one of these, go to bathmate direct.com. Use code SWE10 for 10% off your order. All right.

Starting point is 00:15:21 Another gift is one of my favorites. I use it all the time. It is the higher dose infrared sauna blanket. My algorithm has just been reminding me over and over and over again about the benefits of sauna. Stress relief, muscle sorenness, improved circulation, cardiovascular health that helps our mental health, our physical health, you know, muscle and joint relief, it can help you with stress reduction, mental clarity. It's been around forever. People have been using saunas since the

Starting point is 00:15:48 beginning of time. So what I love about the sauna blanket is I can use it anywhere. Think of it, it's like a sleeping bad, but you get inside of it and it heats up just like a sauna. In fact, I kind of like it better than a sauna because I don't have to get my whole, my hair like sweaty and you can use it, you know, for like 20 minutes, 30 minutes, and you can just pack it up and put it away. So it's like an at-home reset button. Whenever I'm feeling stressed or worried or anxious or whatever, at the end of the day, it changes everything. You slip inside, you sweat it out, you melt your muscle tension, and you do come out of it feeling lighter, calmer, more energized, and it supports this circulation, your skin glow, your collagen, overall recovery. And so for anyone

Starting point is 00:16:31 who needs a ritual to unplug and tune to their body and release the stress, the sauna blanket does it. It's like a reset button for your system. You will love it. And yeah, it's a great tool. It's a great gift. Whenever I tell people about it, they're like, oh, my God, I want one. What is that? Tell me everything.

Starting point is 00:16:47 So I thought I would tell you about it. I love it. Just go to higher dose.com. I don't have a coupon code for you or anything. I just love them. Then another one in the health category, V-Health vaginal gel. So this is like a little love note to your vagina. V-health supports hydration, comfort, overall vaginal wellness,

Starting point is 00:17:07 especially if you're navigating dryness, irritation, hormonal changes. Because when your intimate tissues feel nourished and cared for, intimacy feels less like something to power through and more like something you can enjoy. So V-Health returns the growth factors that you've lost to help regenerate the vaginal lining, but there's no hormones. You know, this is so your tissues can do what comes naturally, repair and rego cells. So the growth factors of V-Health have been clinically proven to help regenerate the lining of your vagina, significantly improve the main measurements of vaginal health, like hydration,

Starting point is 00:17:40 elasticity, all the things. So what I like is it's non-hormonal. That vaginal estrogen is really great for a lot of women, but again, some of them can't take hormones. So I love the health. You can check it out. This is part of sexual health, not vanity, because hormones fluctuate, menopause changes lubrication, stress dries us out, medications impact moisture. So taking care of your vagina is taking care of your pleasure system. So go to getvhealth.com. Use code Emily 10 for 10% off. That's GETVhealth.com. Emily 10 for 10% off. I love chroma wellness beauty matcha latte. If you're a matcha drinker, I know match is trending now. People love macha. It is more than a drink. It is a tiny daily ritual of self-love. Beauty macha latte delivers calm, steady

Starting point is 00:18:33 energy, it has skin-loving antioxidants, and it has protein in it, and it's just tastes delicious. I drink it every single day. So if we're looking for daily habits, like under the health pillar that support your body, your hormones, your energy, that is the Chroma Beauty Macha Latte. I love all of their products, but this is my favorite one. So you will love it too. If you want to get it, we have a little discount code for you. Go to Chroma Wellness.com, K-R-O-M-A.

Starting point is 00:19:03 Wellness.com use code sex with Emily for 15% off. I also love their broths. I actually love everything chroma does, so check them out. Okay. Pillar 3 is collaboration. You know I always say communication is lubrication. The more we talk about sex, the better sex we're going to have. So listen, I'm going to say something boldier.

Starting point is 00:19:25 I can tell you that 99.9% of couples and people in a relationship, I don't care if you've been together one month, 10 years, 20 years. you have not talked about your sex life in a way that has moved the needle for your pleasure. That's actually made a difference for you to feel better and your partner to feel better. You know, these conversations usually go, when was the last time we had sex? Should we have sex once a week, twice a week? How come you never go down to me? Like these are the conversations. And when I talk to me about this, they're always like, oh God, but I don't know how or I don't want to insult my partner or I don't know what to say.

Starting point is 00:19:53 So this is a huge one collaboration. We really need to get more comfortable talking to our partners about sex. So remember my three teas for any healthy conversation about sex, timing, tone, and turf. The timing, you don't want to be halt, hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. You want to be in a place where you're feeling good and you're ready to have a conversation and connect with your partner. The tone is curious, compassionate, maybe even a little chill. It's not like, how come you never do this or why don't you do this for me or when are we going

Starting point is 00:20:27 have sex again. It's not that defensive tone. We don't want to put them on the defensive or be critical. So our turn is curious and chill and hey, maybe we should, hey, Dr. Emily says we should start talking about our sex life. Like, let's do it. Let's figure out how to become great lovers to each other. And the turf, listen, save the bedroom for sleeping in sex. You can have the conversations outside the bedroom on a walk, take a drive. You know, that way you're not making eye contact, but you can still have the conversations about sex. So remember that. Start talking about sex if you're in a rut right now in your relationship or you're not feeling like you want to have sex or you want to spice it up have these conversations also our yes no maybe list is a free downloadable

Starting point is 00:21:08 guide download it for free it's probably our top downloaded guide on the website it has a hundred different sex acts on it and essentially it has a yes and no or maybe column and you and your partner fill it out separately like anal you know kissing sex toys are they a yes are they a no or they maybe. And then you go back and you compare it together and you compare your yeses. You know, maybe your partner wants to spank you and you want to be spanked and you never knew until you did the yes, no maybe list. So check it out and download that. All right. Another great collaboration tool is permissant delays. spray. It's like a little intimacy upgrade in a bottle. It's a delay spray that helps penis owners

Starting point is 00:22:02 last longer without numbing sensations. So you both get more time to explore, connect, and build towards that orgasm together. So it's easy to apply. It's fast absorbing. It's great for couples who want to take the pressure off of performance and focus more on pleasure and play. So the delay spray is one of my favorite teamwork tools for couples. If you want to last a little bit longer, in bed and you have a penis, check out promescent. I've been talking about them for over 10 years, and I love them. And this is a perfect example of collaboration. Choosing something that supports both of you instead of silently stressing or hoping things magically improve, they're not going to do that.

Starting point is 00:22:39 They're not going to magically improve without talking, you know. So it's not about fixing anyone. It's about creating space for both of you to enjoy the ride, stay present longer, and meet each other where your bodies are. So when we take the shame and pressure out of the bedroom and adding communication and collaborative solutions, intimacy gets a lot easier. So if you want to check out, just click the link in the show notes. Okay. Another one under collaboration is the Laylo F2S. So this is for penises. It's next generation fully automatic masturbator for penis owners, designed with deep, customizable vibrations and a sleek futuristic feel. It's really cool. It covers the entire Rajas area. It adapts to

Starting point is 00:23:24 your shape and your rhythm, and you can even track your performance through an app, you know, only if you're into that kind of stuff, data optimization. And so, you know, trying new things together. You know, maybe if you could try the Laylo F2S, your partner, if you're with a woman, can try the sona and you guys can both masturbate together. Hey, mutual masturbation is one of my favorite tips for couples. Sometimes you just don't want to have penetrative sex. You just want to know that you're both going to get off. So it's really fun. It's a really fun toy. If you've never tried a masturbator, you will love this toy. So what I love about bringing a toy like this into the relationship is that it sparks conversation. You know, what feels good? Do you

Starting point is 00:24:07 want more intensity? What if we try this together? You could use it on your partner or you could use the low when you're masturbating, but why not use it on your partner or use it with your partner watching. So check this one out if you like it. It's an amazing way for partners to learn more about each other's pleasure because they give you, these toys give you instant feedback. So again, you get to explore which sensations work best for you, if you're the penis owner or you're with someone with a penis in a way that feels fun and it's not awkward, it's not weird, it's actually a really, you got to just Google it. Check it out. Click the link in the show notes. Tools like the F2S are just a great new pathway for connection. So this is a fun way to

Starting point is 00:24:44 play and experiment and intimacy starts to feel like a team sport again, rather than just one of you working on your sex life, you work on it together. Go to laylo.com if you want to check it out, leelo.com. Use code Emily 20 for a stackable 20% off on top of ongoing sales. Okay, another thing I love is Crave. I've loved Crave for years, love Crave. They're the ones who make the Vesper Vibrator necklace, which I think has been on my gift guide every single year because it is such a freaking cool toy. It's such a freaking cool gift. It really is a beautiful little necklace. But now they have these leather handcuffs and they're the perfect mix of classy and kinky. They're soft. They're strong. They're beautifully made. And these leather handcuffs invite you to

Starting point is 00:25:30 explore and trust and surrender and even just wear them as a fashion accessory. I wore them out recently to a party and people like, oh my God, those are so cool. They have the gold on them and leather. And so you'll always have handcuffs on and you'll always look chic. So if you're looking for way too in a relationship to, you know, co-crate pleasure, the craves leather handcuffs are just gorgeous and they're an elevated way to explore it. So if you want to check those out, go to shop. dot sex withemly.com slash crave. That's shop.

Starting point is 00:26:01 dot sex withemly.com slash crave. Fourth pillar is self-knowledge. Now self-knowledge is all about exploring what turns you on, what lights you up, knowing yourself as a sexual being. Now listen, you can't ask for what you want if you don't know what you want. So, you know, I remember for you. years before this became my profession, if someone said, what do you want? I was like, I don't know, like do whatever you're doing or does this feel good? I was like, whatever you're doing feels good

Starting point is 00:26:27 because I didn't really know what I liked. So it's really important for us to kind of pay attention to this pillar and think about what do I know that I do like, what don't I like. It's great to explore, you know, it's great. Why I love masturbation too, because when you spend time alone with your body. And when I coach people, I send them home with homework. I say, this is what I want you to discover. This is how I want you to slow down. This is how I want you to breathe. This is the way that we're going to actually learn our bodies and what feels good to us. And then we can learn to express our needs. So get curious. Explore. Another way to do this, a great self-knowledge tool is the magic wand mini. I love the mini. It's small in size. It's legendary in power. The

Starting point is 00:27:14 magic wand mini is my go-to. I bring it on trips. I have it by my bed. It's always charged. It gives you those iconic deep, rumbly vibrations. People love from the original magic wand. This one just more compact and again, travel friendly. Perfect for clitoral pleasure, full body massage, penis massage, the moments you want an instant boost of sensation. It's versatile, it's powerful, it's endlessly giftable. I don't know anybody who doesn't want a magic wand. So stocking stuffer get one of these. And listen, self-knowledge, we're talking about what turned you on. So Magic Bond Mini is a great way to discover your body. So when I'm again working with my clients, you guys, I am doing some coaching right now, VIP coaching just for a few people. So if you're

Starting point is 00:28:00 interested, check out the link in the show notes if you want to know about my coaching. But it's been really fun working with people one-on-one because I haven't done that in so many years. And I'm just working with a few people. But again, using toys on yourself, building full body awareness. This is how you start to learn your arousal patterns, how you stop guessing, and you start knowing. So shop now at shop, sex withemily.com slash magic wand. That shop sex withemly. com slash magic wand. Okay. Another great toy for self-knowledge is the Jeju-Haraflex rabbit vibrator. There is a reason this is a bestseller. The Heraflex has a fully customizable shaft so you can shape it to your unique body for precise internal stimulation.

Starting point is 00:28:48 So do you know the rabbit vibrators? It means it's dual stimulation. So you can put it inside of you and then there's a little tickler on the outside that can hit your clitoris. So there's an extra wide clitorial thumb that gives more contact and intensity. I love all JG products. I've been talking to them for years. They've got these ultra low frequency vibrations that travel deep into the body for

Starting point is 00:29:10 those rich full blended orgasms. I had my first full blended orgasm using a toy very similar to this one. A rabbit toy is where you're going to have those blended orgasms. It helps have a clitor orgasm first before you have one, before you have the full body experience, but I just love this toy. And under self-knowledge, we're talking about exploring your body, what feels good, hair flex is the perfect tool for that. And so I would check that out again. internal stimulation and strong external stimulation at the same time. If you want to know how to have a blended orgasm, how your body responds to it, please check this out.

Starting point is 00:29:51 Head to sex withemly.com slash hera. That's sex withemly.com slash hera and use code Emily 20 for 20% off your order. Okay, guys, this is one of my favorites for self-knowledge. Treat yourself SmartSX. That is my monthly membership. It's a private, shame-free space to explore your erotic self. We have exclusive workshops, science-backed tools, guided practices. It truly helps you understand your desires, your boundaries, what feels good to you in a community.

Starting point is 00:30:24 It's like having a sex-positive toolkit in your pocket. And so, again, self-knowledge, who are you? What do you like? What's your turn-ons? What's your boundaries? What's your patterns? This is why I created smart SX. It's been over a year now.

Starting point is 00:30:41 I come on. I do coaching once a month, sometimes more. I bring in other experts. You will love it. So if you want to learn about yourself or you want to gift it to someone else or you want to join with a partner, you will love smartest sex. Head to sex withemly.com slash smartsX. All right.

Starting point is 00:31:01 Final pillar self-acceptance. This is a big one. feeling at home in your body and loving who you already are. This is where confidence comes in. A lot of us struggle with confidence, right? Our body changes over time or maybe we've never loved our body and how am I going to be naked with someone? Self-acceptant is about accepting your body,

Starting point is 00:31:23 your desires, your sexuality without comparison or shame. Now, this is a journey. But a lot of us, we don't feel like we accept our bodies Or maybe we've had a baby and now we want to hide. Or there's people who grew up in environments where they were told it wasn't okay to be sexual. And now every time they have sex, they have guilt. Or we just don't think we deserve to have incredible sex, the sex that we desire. You know, maybe we can't finish during sex or we can't focus or we have guilt.

Starting point is 00:31:53 I want to remind you of the pleasure thieves, stress, trauma, and shame. These are the three things that keeps a lot of us from having the pleasure we want. it tells us that we're unworthy, that we're not good people. So, right, it says that we are just bad, like we're bad people. And sometimes we don't even realize that these messages are in our brain. We think we're bad lovers or we're bad because we can't do something or turn ourselves on or turn our partners on or we can't get aroused or we just beat ourselves up all the time. Right.

Starting point is 00:32:22 So it's about letting go of those negative thought patterns that are defining you. One way to do that is to recognize what you say to yourself, pause, and reframe the thoughts so they're no longer getting in the way of pleasure. So if you're thinking, I don't like the way my body is at this stage of life. You can flip it. My unique experiences have led me to have the full life I have today. Or my body is beautiful and strong and it's deserving of pleasure. You know, these are, I have notes in my phone with affirmations that help me reframe what I really need it.

Starting point is 00:32:59 because sometimes I have negative thoughts about a lot of things, things I've done with, you know, I don't know. We don't have to get into my negative things. I've shared them with you in the past. But the only way we're going to flip it. We're going to change it. We're going to rewire is by replacing those thoughts with more positive ones, more affirming ones. And this is a lifelong practice. If you are somebody who's more prone to negative self-talk and negative thinking, it definitely could get better and strengthen over time, but it might be something we've got to always work on. So have, you know, get into the practice of flipping the script. So under self-acceptance, I love the class.

Starting point is 00:33:37 It is a somatic practice that helps you meet yourself exactly where you are. And you can do it online. If you happen to live in New York, you can go to the studio in person. But I love Taryn to me and the class. It's repetitive, deep muscle engagement, breathwork. You move your body in a way that gently regulates a nervous system and releases what you've been holding. It's a space to feel to soften, reconnect with your heart, judgment-free.

Starting point is 00:34:04 So you can check out the class. You can do one of the classes. You can do it at home and comfort them home, learn to move your body. This is also great for embodiment. I think the class is great for all of the pillars. So it's an exercise. You sweat. You move.

Starting point is 00:34:19 When I talk about somatics and healing and being embodied, this is one of the best places I found where you get a workout, you feel good, and you also are releasing. Remember, all of our emotions and feelings and traumas live in our body. It's one of the most powerful practices I know. It's music-driven, somatic, emotional grounding, and helps you meet yourself where you are. You will love it.

Starting point is 00:34:41 So if you want to know where about the class, check it out in the show notes. Okay, droplet. So I love the droplet. It's deep nourishment for your skin that you can feel and get that instant dewy glow. So the droplet transforms your serums into a fine, skin-hugging mist that melts in on contact, inviting you to slow down, touch your skin

Starting point is 00:35:02 and really feel the shift. You get smoother, softer, visibly more hydrated and clinically backed treatment of your skin. So if we're learning to love and care for the body we're in under self-acceptance, not when it changes, not when it improves, but right now you would love Droplet. It's a gorgeous ritual for your nighttime routine. So Droplet makes a whole experience feel like a love note to yourself. My skin is deserving of nourishment. My body is worthy of care. I can slow down and feel good in my own skin. So and the fact that it's clinically backed just makes it more satisfying. You will love the way you feel using the droplet. So if you want to check out the droplet, you can click the link in the show notes. All right, everyone, I hope you

Starting point is 00:35:47 join this episode, whether you're shopping for yourself or someone you love, remember pleasure isn't a luxury. It's part of your well-being. Don't forget to check out the whole gift guide at sex with Emily.com and I'm really excited for our 2026 Valentine's Day gift guide. It's going to be next level in sales on the store like we've never had before. So don't miss anything I'm doing by following me on social media platforms at sex with Emily everywhere. You can shop all my favorites on shop sex with Emily.com. And lastly, I have a few spots open.

Starting point is 00:36:18 If you want to be a private client, just email enrollment at sex withemly.com for more information. That's enrollment at sex withemly.com or just click the link in. the show notes. That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. And if you love the show, please like, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you get your podcast. And hey, share this with a friend or a partner.

Starting point is 00:36:44 It might just spark something. It usually does. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sex withemly.com for free guides and articles and more ways to prioritize your pleasure.

Sex With Emily - This Is What We’re Gifting for Better Sex

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