Sex With Emily - This Is Your Brain on Sex With Dr Daniel Amen

Episode Date: November 4, 2020

What do stress, cheating, miscommunication, erectile dysfunction, and depression have in common? Well, for one thing, they all start in your brain. My guest today is psychiatrist and best selling author, Dr. Daniel Amen and he’s here to help you fall in love with your brain so you can stay healthy and make better choices in and outside the bedroom.Have you ever thought about cheating on your partner? Together, Dr. Amen and I explore where that temptation comes from and how you can tell the difference between the excitement of an affair and what benefits both you and your brain in the long run.For more information about Dr. Daniel Amen, visit: danielamenmd.comFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's good for your heart is good for your brain, is good for your genitals. Because it's all about blood flow. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions, bedroom eyes, they call them in a fight on days. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure

and liberate the conversation around sex. My guest is Psychiatrist, Brain Disorder Specialist, New York Times bestselling author of several books, and director of the Aimen Clinic, Dr. Daniel Aimen, his latest book, The End of Mental Illness. We talk about a little bit more about that. He was on the show earlier in the year, and you all love that episode. So now he's coming back on the show, but since then he's become my doctor, he scanned my brain, because you know, that's what Dr. Amin's all about looking at our brain health. This show focused a lot on mental health.

You know, you know how I feel about therapy. I think we all need a little therapy, but Dr. Amin also realized that we don't really look at the physical health of our brain, so he's known for his brain scans. He's really made a mark. And really, if your brain's healthy, you're gonna feel good, you're gonna think clearly,

and it might just treat mental illness. I think he's right. And since he was on the show last time, I actually went and got my brain scanned in the Aimen clinics. I love working with Dr. Aiman. I love when he's on the show. We're gonna bring him back because I gotta tell you what happened with my brain.

But he's also here to help us with you. So we talk about a different take on my people cheat. You know, temptation comes from impulse control, which if we have a healthy brain, we might be less likely to cheat. I think the way that Dr. Aiman talks about our brains is such a unique take on it and think you're really going to enjoy the show. Intentions with Emily for each show, I want to set intention and I current you do the same.

So when you're listening, how could it help you? How could this benefit you? Maybe you just wanna know, yeah, what do you mean the end of mental illness? What does that mean? You know, I wanna know about my mental health and my brain health. My intention is to give you the tools to get your brain in the best shape possible.

If I'm more about Dr. Aiman at aimanclinics.com or on Instagram at doc underscore aiman and Twitter at doc aiman. All right, enjoy the show. Dr. Daniel a man. He wrote a book called the End of Mental Illness. And I read this book in February and he, the February of this year. And first I was just like, yeah, I never thought about why he wants to end mental illness and how we can do it by looking at the brain. But the thing is, the book actually came out at the end of March.

That was right when the pandemic was starting. And we've seen a lot of changes right now in people's mental health, in our relationships, obviously in our sex life, our dating life. And a lot of it goes back to the things that he talks about in his book, which is called the End of Mental Illness. I recommend you get it. He taught me how to love my brain. Dr. Daniel Aiman, welcome to the show. Hi, Emily. What a joy to see you. Hi.

It's really good to see you too. First, let's just talk about what you mean by the End of Mental Illness, you know? So I've been a psychiatrist nearly 40 years and I've always hated the term mental illness. It changed people, it's stigmatizing and what I've learned is it's wrong. Based on the brain imaging work we've done at Aimanics. We have the world's largest database of brain scans related to psychiatry. So nearly 170,000 scans on people from 150 countries. And what the imaging work taught us is that most psychiatric problems, anxiety, depression, ADHD, bipolar disorder are not mental health issues,

rather they are brain health issues that steal your mind. And this one idea changes everything. Get your brain right and your mind will follow. I treat a young celebrity, Justin Bieber, I was in his docu-series, seasons. And, you know, with celebrity, sometimes they'll do what you ask them to do and sometimes they won't.

And Justin was like that until he came into my office one day and he said, my brain can have problems just like my heart can have problems. If you told me I had heart problems, I'd do everything. You said. And then he started to love his brain, really take care of it and got so much better. But that's how I see we end mental illness. We create a revolution in brain hell because most psychiatrists, most psychologists never talk about the health of your brain. They never look at it and then they never tell you how to optimize it. It's like, oh, you're depressed.

Take this drug, you're bipolar. Let me give you these drugs and I'm not opposed to medicine. I'm just opposed to that's the first and only thing you do without honoring, without falling in love, if you will, with your brain. That looking at the brain, like that was the part of it that I thought, wow, I doctors just say, oh yeah, you have ADHD and you know, you have anxiety, but that is the game changer when you think, well, if I broke my finger, we'd actually have my finger. If I had a heart problem, we'd look at my heart,

but we don't look at the brain. And so the fact that you were able to confirm some things for me at least that how my brain wasn't healthy, I had suspected some things were kind of off. I always knew the focus and the attention and my frontal lobes weren't, you know, perfect. And then finding out that you could actually, everyone can work on their brain health. And what I also love is speaking, I don't want to be name droppin besides the fact that you treat

Justin Bieber and myself, you know, your bright minds, acronym 2 about brain health is what, where we were just going with this is that it's not just about taking a pill. You have a whole brain health, you know, bright minds protocol that Miley Cyrus actually named a show after as well. Your bright minds protocol. Yeah, I've tried at the beginning of the pandemic. She called me up and she was anxious like we were all anxious. And as I sort of walked her back from the ledge, she said, we do this on Instagram for my followers? Tomorrow, and then she created a whole show around bright minds. She called it bright-minded.

And, you know, what I get excited about is when people fall and love with their brains, and then they treat it right, it decreases addictions. It decreases depression, it improves self-esteem. People just they miss this big idea. Your brain is involved in everything you do and everything you are. And when it works right, you work right. And when it doesn't, you have trouble in your life. And, you know, why I invited you down is because I knew that I could be helpful if we could look and then work to optimize. See, nobody really wants to see a psychiatrist. No one wants to be diagnosed as defective or abnormal, but everybody wants a better brain. So what if mental health was really brain hell, then we decrease stigma and everybody wants it? And isn't that what we really want? Your relationship is better with the people you love if your brain is better. And so rather than giving you this or that label, let's just give you a better brain.

And in that way, everything tends to get better. It's just so crazy to me that this isn't something that we speak about, that it's just you take a pill. So when you look at your bright minds approach, I have it. I actually had it hanging on my wall for a long time, but it talks about how all these things are important, much like your sex life. It's not just put on some lingerie or do a sexy move.

It's like what is your, you know, here you have, you know, your blood flow and toxins and your hormones and sleep issues. I mean, everything contributes to you being mentally well and your brain being healthy just like your sex life. So I love that you look at this entire approach. It impacts everything. Well, and I love what you said,

because bright minds, the B and bright minds is for blood flow. Low blood flows, the number one brain minds is for blood flow, low blood flows, the number one brain imaging predictor of Alzheimer's disease. It's also associated with depression, but I just had a session before I came on the interview and the guy told me he was able to get rid of his Viagra by going on the brain health program. And what I learned a long time ago is whatever is good for your heart is good for your brain. Your brain is 2% of your body's weight, but it uses 20% of the blood flow in your body.

And then a long time ago, I wrote a book called The Brain in Love, and I went, whatever's good for your heart is good for your brain, is good for your genitals because it's all about blood flow and whatever's bad for your heart is bad for your brain is bad for your sex life. And one of the big side effects of my program is people's erectile dysfunction gets better because it's about blood flow. Did you know 40% of 40-year-olds at some point will complain of erectile dysfunction? That should horrify people. And 70% of 70-year-olds complain of erectile dysfunction. But what that means is 40% of 40- olds and 70% of 70 year olds also have cognitive

dysfunction because if you have blood flow problems anywhere, it means they're everywhere. And so, get your brain right and your love life will follow, not to mention, get your brain right. We always say, no for thought equals no for play. Because if you make bad decisions, your sex life's going down. Wow. So you're saying if we make impulsive decisions or we don't make any decisions and we don't prioritize our sex life, it's not going to happen.

What are some things that you would tell a man right now? Like are there some easy fixes or places they can start? If they can't come get their brain scanned by you. Of course. Well, brain health is three things. Brain envy, yeah, to care about it. Avoid things that hurt it, know the list, and do things that help it.

And blood flows sort of the same thing. You have to have blood flow envy you want better blood flow because you wrinkle less and you have healthy sexual function. So care about your blood vessels, avoid things that hurt them, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, process foods, having low omega-3 fatty acids, no exercise, high blood pressure, high blood sugar, and then do things that help it, which the right diet, think of a brain healthy diet really as many plants of different colors as you can find healthy protein and a lot of healthy fat. It means you basically get rid of processed food, sugar

and turn, food that turns to sugar. Those are pro-inflammatory and they damage your brain health but also your sex life. There are certain supplements that help like ginkgo. I'm a huge fan of ginkgo, omega-3 fatty acids, vitamin D, and saffron. I'm taking out those. Let's talk about the happy saffron. I love that. So a long time ago, and I started scanning people, I realized many of the meds I prescribed were sort of toxic for brain function.

So I became an expert in using natural supplements to optimize the brain. And then about 10 years ago, created a supplement company called Brain MD. And one of my favorite new supplements is called Happy Saferon. It's got saferon, curcumins, and zinc. And they have all been shown to help mood. And as opposed to the SSRIs like ProZac Paxylzolot, the decreased sexual function for a lot of people,

happy saffron actually increases sexual function, increases desire and function, and has been found actually in a number of studies to decrease the sexual side effects from SSRI and tight depressions. Plus, happy saffron has been shown to help your eyes, to help your waist, with weight, and to help your memory. So if I can, so at the beginning of the pandemic, my dad got sick and subsequently died, I had to close one of my

clinics because there was in Manhattan. There was a lot of stress. And so I'm like, you know, I'm going to take happy sad fron. And I think it has just done me really well during this historically stressful time. Yeah. I feel it does too. I've been much more regular now with my supplements because I understand them now. I understand the protocol that I'm on for my brain health, the happy saffron, the omega-3s, and the vitamin D. Something else I've been

doing in my behavior was trying exercises that are more like eye hand coordination. You were like, you should play paddle tennis. I was like, who am I going to play paddle tennis with right now? It's a pandemic I thought after I got back from, when I got stuck in Hawaii. And so now I've just been doing more like weight things and I've been taking class like dance online so I can move and I'd see a huge difference in that in the way my brain is firing.

So that also helps blood flow. And it helps this area of your brain called the cerebellum in the back bottom part of the brain. And as we activate that, that's why dance is so good. Because a coordination exercise to music really ends up stimulating your whole brain. So before children start school in the morning, you know, because now a lot of them are still doing homeschooling. Get them to dance, dance with them, five minutes, ten minutes, it'll help their learning

ability. Wow, Daniel, I didn't know any of that. So, Daniel, you're going to hang out down here with Dr. Daniel Aiman. You can check out his book, The End of Mental Illness. I think you're gonna love it, and it can actually change your perspective on your brain to hopefully improve your sex life. I think it will, it's helped mine.

Be right back with more sex with Emily. Let's talk to Mark 35 at Arkansas. Hi Mark. Yes. Thanks for holding. I got you. Well, first time, Collar. Long time, listeners. Thank you for taking my call. Of course. I'm having an issue. I'm running it to at work, actually. Kind of give you a brief overview of what's going on. I own a firm and I have one employee. She's been working for me for about three years. And I'm happily married. I've been married for nine years. We have two kids. And you know, the sex is great. You know, we have sex about four to five times a week. But a few months ago, this worker of mine, she's my employee, she kind of expressed a sexual interest in me. And

for three years, I've tried to, you know, we've kept it very professional. Nothing crazy has ever happened. I mean, we just joke around sometimes, but nothing really inappropriate has ever occurred until a few months ago where she kind of playfully expressed it. And I mean, it did spark my interest, but I never thought I would actually take it further. But she kind of encouraged it. And I mean, I did kind of let it, I did kind of tolerate it and all

that stuff but I don't I mean at this point even though you know we haven't done anything there hasn't been any cheating I have not you know the most that she's ever done is she she had she has showed me some notes but that that's all it's been so far and I'm worried that it might get worse and worse but my question is yeah yeah I mean it sounds like it's good you're going on the way to work yeah and she says because I've told her like you know you're showing me notes and you're making all these comments I I mean, what are your intentions?

I point blank after. And she insists that she's not a home record. She would never do anything with me. She just got into a relationship herself. And all that. So I kind of believe her, but I'm obviously getting mixed messages here. Because I don't think she would do this if she didn't have any interest on going anywhere with this.

What she does is, yeah, I'm sorry. Go ahead. No, she does. She starts these nudes. She's let you know she's interested a few years ago, but I get it. So now here's the thing. She's a very integral part of the business. I mean, she runs everything.

I really like her work ethic. I mean, she is. I don't really know how with the business with function without her. So it's not someone I can easily just replace. And she's also very, I mean, honestly, I mean, frankly, she is very attractive as well. The thing is when I'm having sex with my wife, it's, you know, when she gives me a blowjob or something, I'm not really thinking about

her. I'm really thinking about the employee. Right. I've tried to make our sex life as my, you know, with my wife more exciting, you know, we buy costumes, we do this, we do that. And it works to some extent, but, you know, because I'm going back to work every single day and I meet with her, it's just that temptation is always there. Yeah, I understand. Okay, well, this is a thank you, Mark, for sharing all of that. So I think I get, I think I get the picture here, Dr. A, when you get this picture here, you'll first of

want to say that I'm really glad that nothing else has happened yet. And physical at least, but there's still some could argue there is already an emotional affair going on. And so is your question, what do I do to pull this back? Should I? Because I think if she is an invaluable part of your company and she's been with you for how many years? Three years.

Okay. But what's happening is now that you got the news and then you're your, your fantasizing about her. I mean, then this becomes a pattern. And then every time you sex with your wife, you're thinking about this woman. My suggestion for you is that you have to pull back completely. You have to say to her and you just set hard boundaries and limp at the time that you're spending with her.

I would not recommend that you go forward with this at all. This is not going to end well. You love your wife. It's rough times. You're probably seeing her more than you see your wife. You know how all the stories go. But I just want to yeah. And you said she's invaluable. I do think you might be able to get back to where it's just employee and you know you but I'm not sure how far it's gone. I mean, you might have to be looking for a replacement. But this is interesting because Dr. Aiman, I think this also has to do with his brain

and maybe having an impulse. What do you think, Dr. Aiman, about Mark's question? Well, I think Mark, you know, I'm really grateful for your vulnerability. It reminds me of a story of one of my doctors who told me a similar story. And my first question to him was, do you like attorneys he's like well what do you mean i said well you know where this is going and pretty soon you're gonna lose half of your net worth and be visiting your children on the weekend and this is a brain issue is Emily and i were talking, the front part of your brain is called the

prefrontal cortex. It's the boss in your head, sort of like you are the boss at work, and it helps you with things like forethought and judgment, impulse control, organization, planning, empathy, and it sees into the future. If I do this, it plays it out, which is why the question do you like attorneys? And you're giving in to the behaviors that are going to reinforce the fantasizing.

And if you have a weak frontal lobe moment, you get drunk with her, you don't sleep well the night before. You go too long without eating. Low blood sugar drops frontal lobe function. It puts you at an extremely high risk to be visiting your children. And that just doesn't damage you.

It actually can impact generations of you. So when you really kick in your frontal lobes, you just really have to have that really hard talk with yourself, is this something that's gonna serve, my marriage, my children, my business long term, or my plan with fire? And it could blow up in your face in a bad way. So keep your brain really healthy.

Everybody gets exposed to temptation. But very few people actually look at it from a neuroscience standpoint. And when you get your brain right, your decisions are better. Now, if you were telling us your wife is awful and she never makes love to you and she's cruel to the children, I mean, we'd have great empathy for you. But it sounds like she dwarves you and is willing to put on costumes for you. I don't know. I'm not sure I've lose that one for you. Yeah, I don't blame you. I mean, I feel I really hate myself too for allowing it to get to this extent. It was a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very they would have jumped into this relationship a year ago. And so I want you to keep enough anxiety that you do the right thing.

Well, I agree. I mean, when she broke the news to me, it was a very stressful moment for me. I mean, all the red flags went up, but the more I thought about it, it was strange. I mean, my brain was kind of trying to rationalize. Maybe it's not too bad.

I mean, I've been married for nine years and suddenly this attractive younger woman comes in and says, you know, I'm very attracted to you. And I mean, it's very hard to resist something like that, but I think I've done it even though I've allowed some things to happen, not physical, but just, you know, old All sad and stuff like that. But I think I see what you're saying.

I mean, question was basically like, what should I do in this situation? Because I don't think, I mean, I've never even spoken to anyone about this before. So I've just been about 11 having for the past few months. What do you say, I think? You just set up boundaries. Like you said, keep it back to the way it was before, basically, I really prefer to keep this professional because I don't want to ruin our relationship and just do it that way and see what happens.

I think she will listen once I do set those boundaries. I think she will. Here's the thing, yeah, that sounds good to say. I'm really glad you heard this, because I know right now it's, it's also gets very exciting, right? Like, you got the news. It's like, they're early part of a relationship, the teasing, the excitement, right? The honeymoon phase, as they call it,

even though she's, you know, not your wife. And so you, you've been with your wife for nine years and like, Dr. Aiman said, it sounds like you guys are in a really healthy relationship. But if you set these boundaries and you start to change your behavior, she's going to also change her behavior. And you'll be able to get back, I believe to where it

was. And now what I was going to say is this stuff does go away as well as quickly as it's escalated. If you stick to this and your boundaries and honesty with her, I think you're going to be able to go back to enjoying your wife without, you know, fantasizing about this woman. But I also want you to just be careful too, because I know it's just a one person, two person company, but she could call HR. I mean, you are, maybe you are HR, but I'm just saying I want you to be honest and believe to stick to your boundaries here. Was it the first week of the job she told you she was attracted to you?

Because then I'm not sure if there ever was a place for you to go back to where it was healthy. Oh no no she's worked for me for three years this just started like around just before COVID hit about. Oh okay got it great okay good so I feel like we can kind of get you back here you know changing your behavior laying it down and continue, whenever you start thinking about her, just turn it towards your wife, turn it back to her, your wife. The energy goes, her, you go, what could I do for my wife right now?

How can I send her an affirmation or do something for her that would make her feel good? And I think you'll realize you'll start to build that energy again with your wife. Keep pushing. Yeah, I heard your podcast before that. I think it was you who said that instead of investing all this time

and money and affairs invested in your relationship and make it work better. Exactly. Yeah. And Mark, I have three words for you. I do this with my patients all the time. You know, I have them all write down what they want. I think Emily, you and I did that. You know, the one-page miracle, what do you want? Relationships, work, money, physical, emotional, spiritual help. What do you want? So it sounds like you want to be married and raise your children together. And then as you go through your day and you decide to do something or say something, this is a frontal lobe exercise. Just go, does it fit? If I do this now, does it fit with the goals I have for my life? And this clearly doesn't fit. And whatever you can do to be a good boss and a good boss here, are always

think of two words, firm and kind. Is if you can tell her in a firm and kind way, you sort of let this get out of hand, but you don't want to because she's in a relationship, you love your wife. And when she sort of skirts on the edge, it's really up to you, it's boss, to get her back. And you can do it with kindness, you don't have to be cold, you don't have to be a jerk, but it's drawing clear boundaries and then reinforcing them.

And yes, I mean, of course it feeds Rigo, but play it out. How know, how is she going to look after your divorce and you're visiting your children and your sad and all of those things. And that's what a healthy frontal lobe does for you, which is why you never want to let children hit soccer balls with their head because it can hurt their frontal lobes. Yes. Okay. all that children had soccer balls with their hat because it can hurt their front alums.

Yes. Oh. Okay. Yes, it definitely doesn't go in line with my ultimate goals in life. Of course, I don't want to get it to horse, but it did provide a lot of excitement, you know, when she was expressing those things. How do I, is it even possible to get that kind of excitement after you've been married for so many years? Because we tried things, you know, like I said, I mean,

it does provide some excitement, but it's just not exactly equivalent to that. That is the thing. Can we ever get back to those first few months and the excitement and the newness? Okay, so I don't think that you ever get back to that. I don't think it's possible to recreate it, which is why affairs are so popular, which is why everyone loves to fantasize about something else. But what I do advise is that if you can sort of start to talk to your wife about your intimate life

and start to prioritize things that you both want to try together, go to our website, check out the Yes, Don't Maybe list. If you haven't done that yet, it offers a lot of different sexual things. You can try, there's like 100 things on there, like kissing and touching. And have your sex life become the new extra curricular activity with your wife. It's hard to plan things.

Start to, I know you said she dressed up in costumes, but you kind of said whatever. So maybe that's not the thing for you that's going to get exciting. But figure out what that is, right? Do you guys ever do talk about these things? Do you talk about your fantasies and your turn-ons? Well, we do.

I mean, we do have sex about almost every other day. Okay. And I mean, you know, she's really happy. I do make sure she has an orgasm every time. And I mean, I enjoy it. It's great. But we don't have her take it or leave. It's choosing orgasm. So. And I mean, I enjoy it. It's great. It's just, but we don't have to take it or leave it.

She's an orgasm. So here's what I've heard. Mark, what do you want? Mark, what are you talking about the difference between cocaine and alcohol? And so new love is like cocaine. Do you? Yes.

And that's what you want. The problem is cocaine has big problems, right? It always wears off. And then it leaves you addicted. But, you know, after the high wears off the, oh my god, dopamine high, love actually turns into endorphins, which is when you're together, you get this sort of warm, peaceful feeling and breaking up with cocaine is actually not that hard. Breaking up with heroin is a disaster, which is why people do really crazy things when they go through divorces like shoot each other and so on. And so we just have

to identify, okay, which neurotransmititted you really going for, and it sounds like if you want that dopamine, hi, and there are ways to do that. I write about it in my book, Feel Better Fast and make it last, because this is something that's gonna help you feel better now, but not later. And what you always wanna do is what makes me feel good now and later. Yes, that make those choices, which I love that you're saying that Dr. Amida, it's like that's like saying should I have a drink right now or should I go for a run, right?

So should I have an affair right now or should I think about later, you know, what the impact is going to happen. What can you do today, Mark? What can you do today to really turn on your wife? And I always think responsibility is so important and I don't think of responsibility ever as blame. Yeah, just think about it as my ability to respond to this situation. And so, you know, I want more excitement. Okay, what are you doing to give her more excitement

in that way? Hopefully that can also help turn you on as well. Yeah. Hi, Steve. That is true. When you bring it, the energy, when she's getting really turned on by something new and excited,

you're gonna get that back as well. Oh yeah, I understand. I completely understand. When she is in the moment and frankly makes me finish quicker because I know she's in the moment it just makes it that more exciting. Right. So yeah, I get it. Okay, I would start to yeah, and have different conversations with her and think about things you could do to kind of, you know, change it up, mix it up,

and continue to talk about it, and explore, go a little bit deeper, all these things. You could do a little bit more work on it, in a fun way, right? Trying, it's always about the new experiences, so. Thank you, Mark. Thank you for your call. I appreciate it.

We so appreciate it. All right, keep us posted. Thanks for calling. Okay, I'm gonna take a quick break, and don't go anywhere. We've appreciate it. All right, keep us posted. Thanks for calling. Okay, we'll take a quick break and don't go anywhere. We've got so much more to talk about after this break. And now we have Walt calling from Colorado, who's got a comment on Mark's call.

Hey, Walt, what's going on? You're on with Emily and Dr. Aiman. Thank you, Dr. Aiman. Dr. Aiman, I listen to Mark and I too hope and I pray that he's going to go ahead and stay with what sounds like a wonderful wife and a wonderful relationship. And I'm very fearful for Mark that he's putting himself in a situation where if he decides that for the business and for the family that changing this employee, he may have put himself in a position where termination results in a sexual discrimination clause.

And I agreed with everything I heard, I was off for a little while while I was dialing in. The discussion that Mark needs to have going forward should probably be facilitated by an HR professional so that this can be worked through in a way that he avoids potential litigation from a employee that feels like they were terminated wrongfully or misread the clues, etc. And so I think total honesty from the business to the family and then get it taken care of using professional services. I've seen it. I've been a part of it in business where we've had to do it and it's better done with professional assistance or bringing other individuals. Sounds to me like it's a two-person office and it's easy with all the success of a growing business to get wrapped up in that euphoria of new clients, new contracts,

new income to the business and I think he's got a difficult role to play in the future here. Yeah, I think you're right. I mean, I think it could get messy, true. Truly, I think it is a good time to get it in writing and all of that. Human resources, yeah. We'll see if we can hire a human resources consultant.

You never know. All right, he said, guys, small, thank you Walt. I appreciate it. Super helpful. Thanks for calling. That was really interesting, right? To think about all the decisions we make that don't actually serve us because we might not be as in touch with our brain

and our decision making, right? Dr. Aiman? Yeah, I'm not sure I agree 100% on telling the family. Oh, I see. Yeah, I don't think you should. One of the things I spend a lot of time with my patients is, please don't say everything you think. Because it's just not helpful.

And if you hadn't affair, then think about telling her. I wouldn't, you know, we all have weird, crazy, stupid, sexual, violent thoughts that nobody should ever hear. But when we heard our frontal lobes, sometimes those thoughts get out and they can damage relationships. And I probably have to study a long time. Well, only a couple of years ago on the male and female brain. image, relationships. And I probably have to study a long time,

well, only a couple of years ago, on the male and female brain. And we don't even have the same brain. Female brains are way busier in the memory and mood centers. So if you tell her something, she may hold on to it for 15 years. It's so cool. You to be careful what you say. Dr. Amy, you're so right.

I just let him say that because I wanted to get back to you, but you're right. I think unless something happened and you had the affair and you, even then, I think you're right. I don't think you tell. Even if it was a one time thing, this is my take on it. I think you're absolutely right. If he's making amends and he's changing the boundaries, I think that she'll never be able to forget it.

And I think if it's an ongoing thing and she's about to find out, yes, you got to tell him, but I don't think in this case, I think he just has to change his behavior. I think you're 100% right. Thank you for clarifying that. You don't get past it. You see the patient's, patients have the possessive compulsive disorder. They feel like they have to tell their partner everything. You know, like this crazy thought and they're like, oh my god, I'm a pedophile.

It's like, no, don't say that. It's like, don't say that. You told me these things. It's true. Yeah. Be, you know, filter. I mean, just because you have a thought has nothing to do with whether or not it's true. Thoughts lie. It's not the thoughts we have that cause us to suffer. It's the thoughts we attach to

and believe that cause us to suffer. Exactly. Your thoughts are not the truth. Remember that, and you don't have to express them. We only have another minute here. Dr. Daniel Aiman, you can find him at DanielAimanMD or aimandclinics.com. His podcast is the Brain Warriors Way. His book is the End of Mental Illness. His recent book, I think everybody has to get it. It was game changer for me, change your brain, change your life.

You have so many incredible books and work that you're doing. Thank you for being here, Dr. Aiman. I so appreciate you. Thank you. I'm a big fan of what you're doing to help so many people. Thank you for being here Dr. Aiman. I so appreciate you. Thanks. I'm a big fan of what you're doing to help so many people. Thank you. Feel the same about you. Well, that's it for today's episode. I'll see you on Friday. And thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review.

And tell all your friends, your partners, your lovers about the show. If it's helped you, I promise it'll help them too. We release shows on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and then. You can also find me on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. It's all sex with Emily. Oh, and I give really good news letter. Sign up at sexwithemla.com. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, your dating life, relationships, message man Instagram or call into my serious XM show Monday through Friday, 5-7pm Pacific, 8-10 Eastern. And you can just call me there, save this number, triple 8, 94 stars, or triple 8, 9-4-7,

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