Sex With Emily - Threeways, Butt Play and Q&A: Live From Brooklyn

Episode Date: January 4, 2017

Happy New Year! In keeping with Emily’s resolution to meet more of her listeners, this special show takes us back to last year’s Sexual Health Expo… Where she did just that! This live Q&A session from SHE in Brooklyn is packed with advice that is not only educational, but entertaining! Are you struggling with anal exploration? Questioning your partner’s sexuality? Having trouble getting over the one that got away? Emily answers all these questions and more on this live/throwback mashup show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. And today's show, you'll hear some 101 Q&As for my time at the Sexual Health Expo in Brooklyn last September. And it was really, really fun for me and just nice to sit down with my listeners one on one so I could really hear your questions and we could work out your issues and we had a blast. And there are some great questions,

including backdoor troubles. How do you make a three-some-great breaking out of a doomed dating pattern and how to make sex a priority? Thanks for listening. You know what I never get tired of? Talking about the Magic Wand. Seriously, it's like telling stories about your best friend. I actually think I have more stories about the Magic Wand than I do my best friend. The Magic Wand was part of my life long before it was part of the show, and now it's time to make it part of your life too. For more than 30 years, the Magic Wand

has been the trusted toy that women around the world reached for first. In fact, check this. Time Magazine just named the Magic Wand is one of the top 10 most influential gadgets of all time. We're talking next to the iPod and the calculator. Time magazine people. If that doesn't say it all, I don't know what will. The perfectly sized original Magic One delivers amazing power and control and is incredibly simple to use. Just plug in the 6th record for uninterrupted pleasure. For more information on the Magic One, visit MagicOneoriginal.com today or click on the MagicOne Paner on my website. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair standard, oh my. The women know about shrinkage. He's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he's got a hair, he you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got to understand.

Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, though? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel a sound.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Avaline's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can see everything going on there. We make it so easy to subscribe to the show, the podcast, and check out our site. We've got content that we're uploading every day,

fellas and social media. Sex with Emily across the board. We're doing everything these days. So happy new year. Does everyone enjoy the new year so far? I've been thinking a lot. I'm not a huge fan of resolutions because just every year, it's like setting yourself up

on a failure, right? I mean, it's just so cliche. Let me quit smoking on the first, or join the gym on the first, right? And it's just hard. A lot of the stuff is about changing your change in lifestyle, right? It's not about like making one goal.

But if you do have a resolution, I support you in that. I just have a hard time with it. So I'm not going to call this a resolution, but I have goals for this year. How's that? It's a long plan. And one of them is I want to come out and see you guys more. I want to travel to where you live and meet my amazing

supportive listeners, which I realized this show I actually was recorded when I was in New York in Brooklyn in September. And we did the Sexual Health Expo and I must have met like 400 listeners that weekend and I'm telling you, I don't think I've met that many listeners in 10 years. I just, um, not because I'm not out. I'm not like, well, I kind of am. I mean, I'm in a room here, a little box recording the show for you guys, so no, I don't get out and meet you guys as much as I want to. So I was thinking when my goals would be to travel more

and come see you wherever you live. I know you guys hit me up a lot. You're saying, like, you know, come to Australia or come to Virginia wherever you live. And if you actually do have a good, like speaking opportunity or somewhere you'd like me to come hang out with you, just email me. Feedback at sexwithelm.com.

And of course, they can be great. If there was like an organization you speak for, they could sponsor it, whatever, we could work it out. But I don't have a private jet yet, but I would just, I don't know, it was very gratifying to see your faces and to give you hugs and to just, I don't know, I was very gratifying to see your faces and to give you hugs and to just, I don't know, I was just really touched and I want more of that in my life.

I want more of you in my life in person. So that's what I'm all about this year. That's one of the things, God, I have so many things to tell you. So I hope you keep listening and here's to another great year of sexual memory and sex. So okay, this episode, like I said, we go to Brooklyn and I was there in September and I met so many fans

like I said and What we did was we set up like a doctor is in sign and people could sign up I was there for two days and they could sign up at a slot and then that we one-on-one we sat and we like recorded it skyped Not skyped what's it called the little recorder? Zoom Skype, what's it called? The little recorder. Zoom. Zoom. Zoom recorder. And I was like, really fun, because a lot of them got a little long. We added a little bit. Don't worry, because I just loved having the conversation, but we really got it into your

questions. That's why I'm so into you guys leaving. When you email me for your with your questions, there's also an option hour you can call in, because I feel like we can really get to the heart of it. We can really get into the meat and I can help you guys. Anyway, I had fun there at the show, so I hope you enjoy this. But before we get into it, another thing I'm very excited about this year is about UV. I started to tell you about it last year, but you know, I go to all these different shows and conferences and trade shows. Well,

UV was the biggest buzz of like the last show I went to, the last three shows, especially the one in Germany, because I mean, that was a huge huge show and everyone was like, whoa, so I'm really excited about UV because it's a storage unit that you can sanitize your toys and charge them. Now, and it's just so cool, like you know you ever have those toys lying around, they get dirty first of all, you guys know you have to always clean your toys and then they're never charged like one or the other like forget it all just use my fingers are a bonus sex or whatever but now it's just cool I've never seen anything like this like it uses UV light and it kills 99.9% of all the bacteria and then we've been on

this campaign with them because we have a Kickstarter campaign going and I'm like I will be I will talk about this so So we have fewer weeks and we'd love to help you support the campaign. That would be awesome. So just go to sex.com, click on the UV banner, and there's more information there. All right, so never about that. I can't wait to bring you this show live from Brooklyn.

I hope you enjoy the show. We're at the Sexual Health Expo. This is day one, it's Saturday, and it's September 24th, I believe. And you know, I've got a lot of listeners here. It's been amazing, overwhelming, humbling to meet so many listeners. And right now, we're just gonna take live questions

for people, so hello there, lovely. Hi, my name. I'm Danielle, I see you. Hi, Danielle, nice to meet you too. So you have a question for me. I do, it's a little embarrassing. That's okay, don't be embarrassed. We can, um, it's okay.

You're with me. I'm with you. And I'm gonna help you. Okay. All right, so I'm starting to explain with my boyfriend, Botsex. Botsex, Botsex. Aino sex, yes. And I'm okay with a finger or two up there and last time we slimmered it with a dildo up there and it worked.

Okay. Um, we tried him getting inside of me, um, but I guess it's like really tight and he lost his erection and we're not sure about the positions and all the logistics of it. This is such a good question. I get asked this question all the time, so no need to be embarrassed. Just so you know, for reference, like we've done several podcasts on this, and also I've got a lot of blog posts and such family. But let me tell you exactly, the thing is that the thing about the AINET, the butt, is that first of all, you need lots of loom.

Did you use loom? Yeah. Okay, so you need lots of loom. Did you use loom? OK, so you need lots of loom, and you need to be really, really relaxed. Because lots of them are nervous. You have to breathe. Like, when you breathe, then your sphincter muscles will relax into it. So you're like, you know, even like, it's almost like you

breathe, and you can move in, and then you breathe again, and you can push in a little further. So that's part of it, and it and it's really, really, really slow. And also, let's talk about the beginning, but make sure that you're already warmed up. It can help to have a clearer orgasm first and not just to rush right into the butt, sex part of it. And to, again, it's going slow. I mean, different positions, like you could be lying on your back

with your feet, with your feet up. And you could be entering that way. A lot of people assume you're like in doggy style position, but that actually isn't the most comfortable for a lot of people. That could have hurt. So if you actually have like a pillow underneath, like your back, like your lower back, it kind of helps propel you up. And with your

feedback and you just go really slow, lots of lube, and just like it can help if you like you're already loosened up, these are already used as fingers, and again it just goes back to the breath and moving slow. And like once you get passed like the first two-thirds, it'll get a lot easier for him to like slide in. But it takes practice, but if you're comfortable with fingers and like move and like a butt plug and all that, it'll get a lot easier. And he might have lost his direction because he was made nervous, that he was hurting you, and it was painful.

And like so many women, like their first time experience with it is painful because people don't know what they're doing. So I'm so glad that they're asking me because it's hard. It's a whole new experience. So I can. I'm in my agenda, y asking me because it's hard, it's a whole new experience. Yeah. So I can... I'm in my virginity, you'll lower again.

Yeah, exactly. It's like you're your backside virgin, you're in virginity. So, um, Loub and Breathe, and go slow, and experiment with different positions. Spooning position can also be a great way to do it. Again, like, you just got to find which one works for you. Thank you. Any other questions that help? Yeah, that helps a lot. Okay, good. Well, thank you just got to find which one works for you. Any other questions that help? Yeah, that helps a lot.

Okay, good. Well, thank you for your questions. See how it's so bad. You're welcome to answer your own questions. I'm appreciated. Thank you. Where do you live and how old are you? I live in New Brunswick, New Jersey, and I'm 22.

Okay. Thank you. It's awesome. I stayed to sexual health expo in Brooklyn. I see the year with Nikki. Yeah, we just met. I feel like we're sisters. I know. I'm Nikki. I'm okay.o, we're in Brooklyn. I see the year with Nikki. Yeah, we just met. I feel like we're sisters.

I know. I'm Nikki. I'm OK. 46. I live in Brooklyn. OK. 46 Brooklyn. Yeah.

Hi, Nikki. Hi. Thanks for coming. Yeah, I know. It's really good to be here. So you're ready for the question. I'm so ready. OK.

Dating this guy who is like perfect and wonderful and all of the things so that's really nice and You know you meet him and he seems a little sort of gay like his sort of like his mannerisms are sort of gay whatever and I'm trying to get past it because he's like presenting himself as a straight guy okay, and It's you know maybe like as long as like the sex is good, like maybe we could be somebody that I could like a pedicure's with him whatever. Just see his gay. He seems gay. He acts gay.

Like the way, okay, but is he, does he get a direction when you're having sex and the sex is good and he's into? No, he only wants to have like, he just goes for the butt. Really? He only, so you're only had anal sex. Yeah, I mean, I'm not, I'm not ready to have anal sex with him. Okay. Because we just sort of met and to me that's something that comes a little bit later. So you just like bunch put his fingers in your butt, okay?

And like, he's still like, he just keeps sort of going forward. He like, rubbed his penis in my ass crack. Like, that's the only way you can get hard. OK, and have you asked him? Yeah. And he says he says that it just when he meets somebody new, it takes a little while for him to get used to it and things will get better and it'll be fine.

OK, but he really likes your butt. OK, but has he ever asked him if he's had girlfriends before? Yeah. Okay, but he really likes your butt. Okay, but has the Evu asked him if he's had girlfriends before? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. That girlfriend's before. Are you attracted to him? Or is it more like he's amazing

and he's a good friend and like, Yeah, and he's attractive, but like, I don't know anymore. How long has it been? Not very long, like a month. Oh, okay. We've been having like five times or whatever. Okay.

So I kind of like, I'm sort of not quitting yet, but it's a weird situation. Oh, wait, have you like been naked with him in that? Yeah. You're naked with him, bet, and he doesn't like gone for your vagina at all. You're a little bit. No, he goes down on me. He's really, really good at oral sat. All right.

So we okay this. Which doesn't seem very gay. No. No. But he doesn't really get hard if I suck, because Dicke doesn't really get hard. The only thing that really gets him hard is rubbing his dick in my ass crack.

Mm. Mm. Or theoretically going in, but I haven't really let him by me. Right, right, because you kind of want to have regular sense. Right, like vaginal, like penetrative, right,rative right vaginal PV sex as we call it okay penis for rhinosex yeah I mean I don't it is no it's just like people that you do

these bisexual I mean he might be or he you know but he doesn't he doesn't talk like if he was someone who was like oh well sometimes I'm with got it's like to open it. See that's a thing It's almost like you'd be better like you shouldn't have to be like guessing like this Right and so I feel like it's still really new Maybe he is by his actual mean he goes down and you and that is it good at it He's good at putting his e into it. He's doing it seems like yeah, he's like Yeah, you're so hot. This is so good. Yeah, the kissing the kissing is like only so-so

How about your breasts? They had your breasts Yeah, little that he's like attentive Like a sexing like a generous. He's like generous, right? Here's a thing about the whole thing. I don't know if he's gay what he's into or what he's not if he's got you know A lot of guys have anxiety around getting erections. I'm not going to say he's got a vital dysfunction, because who knows what it is. All I'm going to say is like, is he, it's only been a month and you're having all of these sexual challenges already.

I know. And so typically, you know, not at the beginning of a related year, you're having a, it's passionate. There's a lot of great chemistry. And you kind of build on it in a new relationship. That's kind of what fuels it. And so if you're already having the sexual challenges right now and it's been a month,

I would say that's just proceeded with caution. Right. Because this is what, I mean, you've been in relationships before, right? Usually it could be, you know, a lot of people I hear from and they talk on the show that like, everything was so great the first three months. Yeah. It was amazing in the first year. Right.

And now we're having issues. But if in the first month you're like having a lot of sex questions, like I thought when you said it was a relationship thing, I thought you were going to say like, well, he's been out of a divorce or he still likes his ex, but you're like the sex issues in the beginning. Right. To me, or red flag. Right. Now that I'm like, I'm like, do they get red flag?

Right. Like, does it get better? No. Typically, I always tell people that when people are in long-term relationships and they're like, you know, our sex isn't great. And the first thing I always ask them, it's really early here, at least for me,

so I'm still warming up. I always say to them, was it good at the beginning? And if they say, yeah, it was amazing. I'm like, okay, we can get back to that. We can talk to. But if you're like, you know what, it was never really that good. I'm like, okay, then if you have nothing else to tap back into and it was never

great at the beginning, you're not going to get there. Like, I don't think all of a sudden you're going to, he's going to be like, yeah, like I want to like, you're totally right. You've been with them five, six, six times. Yeah, so to me, that's a pretty good case study. But I think it'd be fun and you're having a good time with them. That's great. But I think that there is something going on here.

I would say that this is, I would be like, okay,'re having a good time with them. That's great. But I think that there is something going on here. I would say that this is I would be like, okay, that'd be enough data for me. If it was one time, I'd say try to get it. Okay, I get any Zins gay, but he's like a month and you've been out five times and it's only the but I don't even know what that means. I don't know if that means he's gay or if it just means it doesn't even matter. It just means that you're not sexually you're not me. You don't seem like you're really turned on by either,

but he's kind of beating you intellectually and he's fine. And yeah, of course, right? Of course. Can you have it all? Yeah, it's a lifelong journey, but you need the, I don't know, it's how important it's sex to. I mean, it's pretty important. Yeah, I think it's like the glue.

Then he's your friend, you know, the sex is in great. Then he's my friend. What if you take sexist and grace. Then he's my friend. What if you take the pressure? Did you just meet him five weeks ago? Or do you know him? How do you meet him? Like on the tap or whatever. Like Tinder?

Uh, happens. You know, happens. Oh, yeah, happens. Is that working? So, happens. Explain happen. It's new. I mean, it's new-ish, but I feel like it's taking off.

Explain happen. Happen is like all GPS-based. So, it tells you if you've like literally like passed somebody on the street. It's that like that kind of granular about. So you could see it's like, oh my god, I've crossed paths with this person. We always go to Starbucks every day.

Yeah, right, exactly. That's really cool. It's kind of cute. Like, so when I was looking at my phone, this guy walked back. Like it's that. So it matched you. Because you're like, you guys have crossed each other's past three times

Well, what happens is it shows you the people who you cross paths with and then you get to swipe on them So you swiped on him yeah, then you swipe back or whatever. Okay, and do you specify in the app if you're looking for a man or a woman? Yeah, you do does he as well. Yeah, and can you say both? I don't know I haven't tried because I'm not No, but let's look at the app. I come just Maybe you don't even maybe it doesn't even ask I don't know He's the sky is not actively Doesn't matter. Okay, that's a good thing. I know it doesn't matter It doesn't really matter but it's like but at the beginning

I was trying to put that together, but I'm like, you know what, you're not being like satisfied by them. So actually you could still hang out with them, be fun and see if it goes through. But at this point I would have to say my professional opinion. Yep. You got a lot of information here. Yep.

You got all the information you need. And my mother always told me the issues you have in the third date you're gonna have forever. I think she meant more like if he's late or he's mean to the waitress or he's cheating. But I think sometimes with sex you kind of know as well. Stay friends with them. I mean you could still go out with them again, but I don't think it's gonna get better. think sometimes it's sex. You kind of know as well. Stay friends with them. I mean, you could still go out with them again,

but I don't think it's going to get better. And if it does, you got to let me know. I will. Email me feedback. It's actually coming. I wonder if I want to hear it. Because it seems like you're right. I know.

And maybe you'll see him tonight. And his penis will just show up and have a party. I don't know. But it doesn't sound great to me. I know. This was good. I know. Thank you for coming, Nikki, to the show.

Thank you for so nice to meet you. So nice to meet you too. We take a picture too if you want Okay, we did we did but in your camera. Yeah, but we could do like you want to be associated with the If he listens to you then I think it would be better if he listens to you In this future, maybe we should send a link anonymously Not with this one, but another one. Okay. Thank you so much. Thank you. Okay, everyone. She just wait We're at Section Outback, but we're gonna have more interviews today.

This has been wonderful, waiting on my listeners. Okay everyone, thanks so much for supporting our sponsors. You know I only work with brands that I trust, I love that I've tried that have actually been inside me on the outside of me, or, you know, rolling around on my purse, that often happens into my car. They're just buzzing, goes off everywhere I go, or loob spills.

But besides that, no, really, I love every product here. Thank you for supporting them, and I appreciate it, and I love you. There's just something about the fall that makes me feel like cuddling up with an old friend. And hey, you guys might have some fun memories too. Yes, I'm talking about the intensity by a poor moa. The intensity is an amazing product that has made a serious impact on my life.

Let me rewind a bit to explain. The intensity was originally developed as a medical device to cure, yes, cure incontinence issues. You know, like you sneeze and you pee. Because these issues typically stem from a weakened pelvic floor, the intensity works by applying gentle electrostimulation directly to that muscle group, giving you an amazingly effective kegge workout. And you all know how I feel about kegge exercises. And for a little plot twist, the makers learned that the product's only real side effect

was an intense orgasm. So realizing the intensity was a winning combination of utility and pleasure, they enhanced it with a powerful vibration and a clitoral stimulator. The result much more than a sex toy. It's a product that's changed my sex life. I mean, G-Spot orgasms, anyone? The intensity combines two things I love and talk about all the time. Cagulaxercises and orgasms.

To find out how it can change your sex life, click on the intensity banner on my website or go to pormaw.com. That's POURMY.com. Okay, it's Emily from Sex with Emily. Coming at you live from the sexual health expo in Brooklyn. Oh, Katie also came to the last show, last year in New York. And so Katie's gonna ask me a question here. Love.

Love it. Well, here's my question for you. I never thought through sums with something I would be open to, I thought, not selfishly, but I want that attention on me. I want my orgasm. But whether listening to your podcast, the sex toys, the conversations, the touch, everything

with my boyfriend has expanded. We have such a solid friendship, I love it. But last year when we left the expo, I was like, you know what? I think I'm open to what I want. I want to try. But it's now a year when we left the exp, I was like, you know what, I think I'm open to it, I want to try, but it's now a year of, okay, we've had the talk, we know we want to. The going about it part, I guess, is my question for you. The Thrinder app I've heard of.

I plugged in, and there was no one within like 150 miles of us and the people were with, it's kind of sketchy. Right, okay, so you wanted to find the third? Yes, the unicorn, if you will. I told her the quote, I'm like, okay, so you wanted to find the third. Yeah. The unicorn, if you will. That's what they call it. I told her the corner, I'm like, I don't know if that's the term,

but I'm not gonna talk to you anymore. The unicorn's like a bisexual partner in a threesome. And, you know, it can be, you know, it's a process because when we done, glad that you guys are at a healthy state. So first of all, it's like, who does to you? You know, I always say you gotta be in solid ground in your relationship. Disg all the boundaries and discuss, you know,

can she sleep over, penetration, all that, you know, what's going to happen? So now finding that person that you're both attracted to, have you been with the woman before? I mean, just the typical college stuff, the making out, the feeling up, but nothing more. Pass that. And like you said, within the past year, we've talked about the limits the limits what we want and not that what are the boundaries that you said guys set up are that I don't want it to be somebody who is a close friend of ours because then when you go back to a social setting hey I just fuck to you too right now you don't want to see them again but it's also okay you don't want a complete stranger off the street but you kind of do it's's a sticky situation, but for us,

it's more so being open, like, have the conversation. We, it's kind of weird, but more so, we more want to pleasure her because the act of, I don't know, I love the act of, when he gets me off, I want to see him give another girl that pleasure. Is that weird? No, not at all.

Oh. I kind of feel it is, but. No, I'm telling you, that's actually kind Oh. I kind of feel it is, but. No, I'm telling you, that's actually kind of, for many people, it's like an ideal scenario. Because a lot of women are like, I want my pleasure, but you're like, I think they've been really hot. I think it'd be hot to watch. I mean, first of all, you're like, he must live, if he doesn't worship the ground, you walk

on. He should. Because so many women are like, I don't know, I wanted it to be all of us, but you're like, I'd like, I know that he's so great. And I want to watch him please someone else. That's amazing without jealousy. At least you think they won't be jealousy. Well, and that's what I told him.

I said, that's why he is so excited. Actually, he just texted me. He's like, have you talked to Emily? I don't want to know her input. And that is so adorable to me because he'll listen to you now, too. So, hey, that's cute. But I don't know. I also have a concern of I've never done

more than make out with a girl. So, what if I'm off-flat it because each vagina is different and I know it. Right, exactly. So, it's true. I've escalated the worries. Right, no, I got it. Oh my god, you've never even been with another vagina, but your own. Okay. So, first of all, let's start with finding the person. Yes. There is like the Thrinder app, which I actually heard change names maybe because Tinder, because it wasn't part of Tinder, I don't think. I think I heard like Tinder, sued them and they renamed it.

So I'm not sure what this app is called in this moment, but I can do like an update. I hear okay, Cupid is another one where you can find people, if you look down there. I heard you can find a third on there. I hear like all a hinge. I heard that you could find it. Pinge is just like an app as well.

It's an app to hinges another dating app that connects through Facebook. There's a few other, I'm trying to think about the other apps that do that. I think it's okay, Cupid, Thrender, but now it's called something else. And there's another one. There's one's called Cassidy with a K.

I don't know if they have people in this area, K-S-I-D-I-E. But also, do you guys ever do any fun play parties or anything? Were you live, are there any sex toy stores? We have a few, the VIPs, or nothing like a pleasure chest that you have out here in New York City. So would you guys come into the city, though, for a party? Yeah, to the point where I've taken their schedule now

of the courses or to the training, I don't know how the party seems. OK, so there's a lot, well, here's the thing. I've taken their schedule now of the courses or like everything. I don't know how the party sees where. Okay, so there's a lot, well here's a thing, there are play parties and I could even hook you up like I know we both throw these kind of parties in LA and typically these play parties and there's clubs and stuff like pop-up clubs. It changes so much so I'm not, there's one called cake a while ago, I don't know if that's still around. So I can help you find something for like I'll let you know after, but there are every town has places where you can find someone.

And you go to these play parties, and typically they're only open for couples and single women, the unicorns. You come to hook up with couples, and they all have to be in the situation. So you've got to have that ideal situation, and you find them on there. If you do find, so you can find someone there,

and be like, do you find or attract to do you, and you can kind of go from there, but there shouldn't even be a rush., do you find or attract to do you and you can kind of go from there. But there shouldn't even be a rush. Like even if you find or attract to that night, you can do some flirting and be like, well let's get coffee or let's get a drink. And then you want to like talk to her and see if you both. So I definitely suggest some like heavy pre-screening.

And even if you find someone in the app, it's not like it's on, meet us at our house and our bed. I would suggest still meeting her somewhere out for coffee. Yeah, like coffee or drink and seeing if you like them. So that would be some roots to go. And also, I don't know if you've any friends that are kind of, they might know some people, but then you don't want everyone to know maybe they're doing this.

So I would check out the apps and I'll be sending you some more that are targeted to where you are. As far as the active like going down and checking around and stuff, I guess I'm assuming the person you find might have already had some experience. Maybe before we're not sure yet, you're going to find. But I think it's like a really organic thing because the first time I was with a woman and I haven't, you know, like a handful of times, I just sort of like did what I thought. I went with it. Like it wasn't like I knew, I mean, I feel like I know what I

want because I have a vagina. So I kind of knew what to do. And she definitely, you know women, we kind of like guide each other. So she kind of like guide me. And I think I did an okay job, but it's not even all about that. If you've toys and stuff and you have things to please after this expo, we now have a bag full of toys. Exactly. Well, I didn't know what you bought.

Exactly. You guys bought everything. So I feel like even if you make it down there and be like, I'm not sure I'm ready, don't feel pressure to do anything. Like you could use some loom, you could rub, you could vibrate, you could use the toys as long as you like clean them and stuff. So I understand like you're fear and worry,

but it's really like, it's kind of like once you're there, this might be such a weird example that's popping in my brain, but a lot of women I know who have kids They're like I didn't know how to be a parent and then I had a baby and you just kind of know because I'm a woman And I kind of feel like when you're with a woman You'll kind of know what to do because like you just sort of like figure it out and maybe she's had some experience and she'll do Some stuff to you and you'll know and I think when you try to, if you overthink it, over choreographic, like, first you'll have B with me, and then it'll be with her. I think it's sort of organic, the way

the positions all kind of come together. So I wouldn't even worry about that part. I kind of try to find a person and see your experience level and also practice safe sex so you know, if you're using condoms, like you should definitely change condoms in between, like if he's with you, you could definitely have a stack of condoms on hand. And I would just say like just kind of go with it. It's more about having good chemistry with the three of you.

And it'll flow. I really feel like it'll flow. And I also have done like a bunch of podcasts like on three Simmsons Up. You could also check out some past episodes. But I think finding the partner is the hardest part. Like the easy part kind of composing in the bedroom. It's like dancing.

Ironically, we had a scenario where there was a huge group of us. We took a party bus, like, I don't know, 40 of us went to Rhode Island. And one of these girls I had never known, but a friend of a friend. So to me, a stranger enough, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, she was flirting with me the whole night, which I'm like, oh, this is so funny. You're adorable. And next thing I know, I come back and my boyfriend's talking to her, and I'm like, babe,

I think she's adorable I'm totally game. Well the real curveball came when she had a boyfriend she was looking for the same thing as I am so she wanted me to be her but her boyfriend obviously didn't want my boyfriend and then my boyfriend's amazing but he got jealous because this girl then kept making out with me and was feeling up on me and I was like wait a second you really got me started now that I really like her

She's pulled back so it kind of it stopped so that was our first only because it again She was looking for what I was looking for but that's so funny like unicorn your corn. Nope. Nope No, like a man. We missed it But I think the more that you put it out there as well like with friends You feel comfortable with like that person could also appear so that's so true I think you're on the right track. I love you're doing a healthy way. So thank you so much. I'm really proud of you.

I love this. I'm really proud of you for some resources. And then you have to follow up with me how it goes. Oh, 100% I will. OK. Thank you so much. Thank you, good luck. OK.

Hi. Hi. How are you? How are you? Good. You guys are, thank you so much for coming to the show today. I know your big fan. This is our Christmas.

So this was awesome. This is amazing. You guys made my day. OK, so tell everyone about yourself, your name, or age, where you're from. So my name is Alia. I'm from Connecticut, just along with Katie. And I'm 24.

OK, 24. So Alie, how can I help you today here live in the section of the only podcast? So I don't know exactly how to word my question. So I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. It's actually just after the last expo that we started dating. And I think we have a great sex life. He's the first guy I've ever actually used toys in the bedroom with.

So it's great. I want to come up with more creative ways and how to extend for play, because sometimes I feel like he kind of rushes right over it. Right. And so, and I can kind of talk to him about it, but I want to come up with ways to do it without having to talk about it and just have him kind of pick up on the fact that like it's going to go longer.

So I would be more interested in it as well. Okay. All right. Yeah, I don't really know how to write it. But no, no, that was a great question. Because you want to be like slow down. So because the whole thing really is slow down. Yeah.

So give me an example of what kind of foreplay you think that you would like like just more oral and more kissing just more of a build up right? Yeah kind of the whole thing. Right. All right. I'm trying to think of the perfect scenario feel. So do I ever do anything like do you ever do any massage or anything like that? Yeah. Okay. So you could say I've got such a great idea for Saturday night. Do you guys hang out at your house or more his house? His apartment more often. Okay. Say I'm coming over and I've got like a whole night plan for us. And I think you should go over there and you should bring like some

champagne, some food. I mean, we come with like a massage candle. Do you have any massage candle? Yeah, I do. That's the one. We love it. We use it. I'm actually keeping it at his apartment and we use it all the time. It's right by the bed with our Lou. Okay, with the Lou right by the bed with the Lou. And the massage candle. So I think you should show them an example of it.

They're like, you know what? I think we should delay sex tonight. I just kinda wanna play with each other again. Because whenever I do you masturbate, you fantasize. So I think you should say, I've been fantasizing about Lely. I've been fantasizing about just having a night it was like playing and massaging,

because it really turns me on to think about like your hands all over my body. And like me getting you to really turn on, and I was both getting turned on, and like that anticipation is what gets that teasing. Like I kind of want you to, I want to wait. I want to see how long it goes, because I realize it gets you really turned on.

So you go over there there and you can like, because that's the thing for women, is that the teasing and the anticipation is so hot for us because that really starts to like, we need that, like I always say, because it's like not a suggestion. It's a requirement, we're not even turned on. And especially if you're in a relationship for a year,

a lot of guys are like, hey babe, and they go right fear, like, yeah, hats and I'm like, what happened to my boobs? What happened to my neck? Well, exactly. Because when we first started, it was, it just went and the floor play was there. And it was awesome.

And I know the whole honeymoon phase, like it ends. And that's fine. That's part of a relationship, however. That was right before the play has to stop. Exactly. And you think you like sport play? Like you enjoy performing at the Z. Does he like that? Yes, okay. I

Had to fix my mic. Oh, okay, so he likes that so I would say like we could say you know I've been thinking about it I think it's so hot like do you talk to him about this yet at all? Yes kind of but I don't really know how to approach it and because I feel like the last time I talked about it was more kind of like I didn't was not intending on attacking him or like going like you need to change it But that's kind of how I feel like it's off So I want to find a better way to approach it. So exactly so that's I want to say about men and women But I found it with men a lot too like you say one thing and it's not even attacking It's like you know what I think we need more for play and in their heads They're like he's like I'm failing all these things. I'm a terrible lover

She doesn't like having sex with me and and they go into their heads of criticism, it's so easy, and they never forget that. So you're right to ask this because you have to be really delicate because they're with guys like you do. And so I think the way to do it is kind of you like, I love the sex that we're having, and I think it would be really fun just having a night of playing.

And so I think showing him what you want and being like, you know what, you're playing games around and being like, you can't touch me at. And I can't touch you yet, we're just going to focus waste up for the next hour. So you do like some massaging, you do some kissing, you do some like play some games. What kind of toys did you buy this week? So we just, I say we because we bought a lot of the same. I actually just got a new WeVib. I got the WeVib 4 Plus. I'd already had it, but there was some malfunction, so I just got a new one of those.

OK, so these are some of the, that goes, that's for intercourse, right? So I'm thinking that like also like when he's, so here's the other thing, if you're in the moment, because I think I'm talking about like a one time so you go over there and you're like, great, but the next time is gonna do the same thing. So let's talk about in the moment, OK?

So let's see you guys are together. And you're having sex. You could even just start to be like, God, you know what I'm thinking about? It feels so, like just bring him back and be like, I've been thinking about you, like, licking my nipples all day. And you're just in the moment,

you're slowing him down. And he's reading, so when he starts going down that you're not like pulling his head up, you're not saying stop. You're just like, your energy, your body is guiding the act. So you're slowing it down. So when just like your energy. Your body is guiding guiding the act So you're slowing it down So when he goes down, they're like come back up like I want to kiss you

And then you start kissing his neck and you're like were you kissed my neck and you just slow the whole thing down because I always say go Five times slower than you think you need to go so here's the thing with guys They they can't help but as they because they were raised in this way that it's like if a woman shuts me down like I better go fast because first of all, I'm already turned on. I don't want to lose my reaction. The second thing they're afraid of rejection. They're afraid

that like like when they were growing up and women were like it was escalating. They're like no, I'm not going to sexy. So there's just this whole like I got to keep going to keep my reaction and to keep her going and me going and what if she says no. So that's like their brain.

So if you're just like, when he starts going, be like, not ready yet, like got a kiss beat. And you just show him in the moment that that's what you want. Redirecting his hands and redirecting the energy, like I think I believe that would help him start to get it. Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I think I'm talking about it.

I always say talk outside the bedroom. But sometimes for these things, you can take it in, but he doesn't get because my thing is like, a lot of guys don't even get when you say, I want more for play, they're like, what's on the menu? Like, what does that mean? Like oral sex for 20 minutes and then 10 minutes of kissing? Show them what it means.

Exactly. And that's the thing. I didn't want to just talk about it. Core graphic. Talking can go so wrong, but if you're just doing it and slowing it, that's exactly what I like. That's exactly it. So, core graphic.

And in the moment, and they might be hard for you, too, because you're like, he's going what I'm looking for. That's exactly what I'm looking for. So, I think you need to be careful. That's exactly what I'm looking for. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need to be careful. So, I think you need for that yet. I'm ready for this. And you keep redirecting, redirecting. And look at him really turned on too. So you're in it together, and he's not thinking about that anymore. So he's just like connecting with you, because you're staying present with him. Your eyes are focused, you're breathing, and you're slowing it down with your breath,

with your eyes, with your touch. Candles, massage, forms you up. But like not just like a, like you could go both could give each other a massage Like it's a long like a language sexy. Yeah That's what I suggest. Well, I appreciate so much. Thank you. Oh my god. You're so welcome. Good luck I think so fun. All right. Hi. Hi Hannah. Thank you for coming out to see me. Of course. Thanks for talking to me I got a super cool. Um, I've been having way too much fun wandering around Tell me what have you seen today at the sexual violence?

Well, I went to like all the booths and I didn't get a grab bag or a freebie. But then I did later. So I'm glad I wandered for a lot. Okay, good. I'm like so glad. Way too many different kinds of condoms and like a flogger from someone and just like crazy. There's really good stuff.

I know you have to get shadow. I'm like throwing fun stuff at you. I know. It's so fun. I know. I love that. I can tell'm like throwing fun stuff at you. I know, it's so fun. I know. I love that. I can tell you where you're from if you don't mind. I'm 23.

I'm from California, but I'm here for school. Okay. For a grad school. Awesome. So what's your question today? So my question is, I had a guy who was like, I thought the guy. And now it ended, but when I try to date I keep finding like creating red flags because they're not him. Oh the guy you left

behind. Yeah so like yeah. How do I like stop creating? You got it right exact is it do you think it's you guys still talking? No we decided not to talk because like we it was like a super long distance. Right. So, and we're neither of us was willing to move, so we just decided to stop. But we both still really like each other, almost love each other, and like... So how long does that end? Uh, August.

Okay, so it's like a month maybe? Yeah. Well, maybe you're... here's the thing, you might might not be over yet and you might not be ready to date. Yeah. I don't think that you'll always be comparing people to this guy. I don't. I mean, I know that there's a lot of like, I mean, you're 23 years old. And I know when you're 23, like if I was 23 still,

and people were like, but you're 23, I'd be like, whatever. It still hurts. You still love him. And you're still like, he's still someone that you dated, but like, you moved to New City, you've a whole new life. You're love him and you're still like he's still someone that you dated but like You moved to new city. You've a whole new life here. You're starting school. Did you start yet? Yeah, okay? So I feel like it's gonna happen like when you're ready You're just gonna start meeting people, but I think you have to first cut off ties with him If it's really not I know it's hard. Well, that's the thing like we're not talking

Okay, that also sucks like I still stalking in my Facebook or I make myself not. Good but that's really hard to do. Yeah so the other thing is that like I know that your brain's doing well he's not this. He's not that but if you could just kind of like there's sort of a mentality when you go into dating and again I don't know that you should rush into it.

I think that you could like are you dating online or you swiping and I mean give me an example of some of the things that you think the other guys are not. Like, I went out on a date and he didn't open the door. And I was like, immediately turned off. And then I kind of thought about it. I was like, well, it wasn't that bad of a date, but I don't want to see him again.

Just because he wasn't like my guy. Right. No, see that's the thing. So it wasn't even about opening the door. No, because there's a thing also guys They don't open the doors anymore. Yeah, they really don't like that. There's gonna be a you're gonna I go up I'm like intellectually okay with that right, but it's just a matter of fine like I can handle it, but Just like it's an easier way to like you're like it's the door. It's a this. That just leads me to believe it, like, it's okay if you're not even ready yet because you just, you loved him, you were with him and you still love him. So you just might not be ready yet, but I think also when you go out and you're when you are like really ready to start dating,

it even, even go out now casually, but you've to, it's all about changing your mindset. So if you're going into these dates thinking, I want this guy to replace my ex-boyfriend and I'm looking for the guy, the one, one I think you're 23 have some fun right now and why don't you look at these dates as I'm gonna go out make a new friend like he might offer a lot of things that this other guy didn't like maybe he's really interesting in ways that you never even thought about like if you're if your mind that's going in is I'm just gonna make a good connection with someone and I don't know where this is going to go.

Maybe he's a new friend. Maybe he's got a friend for you. Maybe he opens up your eyes to your ears to some new music. And you think of it as just like a fun way to make new friends and be a new person. You expectations of like, well, he didn't open the door or he doesn't have this kind of a degree or didn't go to the school or come from this kind of family.

Those things won't matter. Because when you're making new girlfriends, you don't think about those things. You're thinking, who do I connect with and who's cool? So if you start to look at guys in that way, like without all these, like, he has to check every box, especially because I think your 20s should be a lot about playing and figuring out what you like.

And this guy might have been like your first love or your last love, that you really, really like. And so that one, like, hits us the most you're like this is will I ever feel this again? If this is everything that I want But the great thing again about your twenties is it's a great time to date other people and to explore and really figure out What you want like I think that you're going to be surprised if there's a lot of things that you haven't even experienced yet That a man can offer you that you don't even know yet. Because it's like couldn't have had it all.

Sure. You know what I mean? So if it's more about like changing that mindset to like I'm just going to date and see it with this person, even if like there's something that's turned you off, you're like there might be something else here and not getting caught up in whatever that thing is and being present. Because that means that in the date you let your mind fixate on the fact that for for example, look at the door, and that you weren't even maybe open to anything else that was happening, because maybe there would have been something.

But we do this in our minds, our anxiety, and our work, and try to stand. So I think it's like a deep breath, relaxes hard. Breathing is like hard. Breathing is the hardest friggin' thing, and if we don't do it, we die. But yet, in my office, I'm sure that Madison right now would be have a slow sign on the board. She right slow on the white board, so I slow down. So it's hard to breathe.

Let's breathe. How does that sound to you? It sounds good. It's hard. Scary. It is really scary, right? And you're in a new city, but I don't know how many friends you have out here I have like a little group. Okay. Well, that's good

Maybe also you go out with that meal just meet guys organically like the old fashion way. Yeah, and I think that you might be changing a lot This year too, and you might realize like there's just a lot more that you want and that you're near It's hard, but you're gonna do it. I feel good about it. Thank you so much for talking to me Thank you so much for coming today. Yeah? Not so bad, right? No, no, no. Right, I think the camera's there. I do.

Thank you. You'll do that for me. And keep me posted. Okay, guys, I hope you enjoyed the show. That was really fun. Like I said, listening to it again. I'm like, wow, I really want to go out and do that more. So let me know what you thought of it. And if they inspired you to ask your sex or relationship questions, remember you can always submit them on my website.

Just leave me a voicemail either at 818-ask-swe1 or email me through the little drop-down menu on our site. It says Ask Emily and you can ask me a question or email feedback at sexwithme.com. But when you do that, you know, I have an option. You can check the box that says, call me. And then we will set up a time for me to call you during my show and we'll work it out. We'll work out your issues, whatever's going on live. Also, you can just write a question that's totally fine too. We do not judge you for however you want to ask your question. I also follow us on all social media, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram. It's all at sexwithemily.

And of course, Facebook.com slash sexwithemily. And that's what we got. Thanks to my team. I love you all. Thanks to Jamie and Eddie and Lori and Madison and Ken. You all rock my world. And thanks for listening. Was good for you.

Email me for feedback at sex sex with Emily Dahlk. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO Okay guys, turn your volume down for the next minute. I need to tell the lady something. Go ahead, trust me. It's very own good. Alright ladies, it's just us now. And I have news for you. Your guy loves to masturbate. Hey, it's natural, healthy, and necessary.

Let him know that not only are you cool with it, but that you really want him to enjoy it too. Surprise him with the number one selling toy for men, the fleshlight. Fleshlight's toys feel so real, they're truly the next best thing. They have models created for every preference you can think of, models that are perfect for travel, and one of our favorites, the Quick Shot. It's an open-ended sleeve that we like to call the hand job helper. And don't think you're guys the only one who benefit from a fleshlight, their famous

stamina training unit is all about helping guys learn to less longer in bed. This is the gift that keeps on giving. So if you really want to turn them on, turn them on with a flashlight. It'll be a surprise he won't forget. Just go to sexwithendly.com and click on the flashlight banner right now. Let's talk about the orgasm gap. You don't know what the orgasm gap is? Okay, so a little refresher. Men take anywhere between six to eight minutes to orgasm during intercourse. Women between 20 and 40 minutes. You see the issue here? There's like a gap.

Even if you don't have an issue with premature ejaculation, the fact remains women take longer to achieve orgasm in the men do. A lot longer. But you can take action. You can. For starters, more for a play. For a play is not just a suggestion, it's actually mandatory. And to help you narrow the orgasm gap during intercourse, even more, try promising. See, promising is a clinically proven FDA-proof product that can significantly delay ejaculation. So why is that a good thing?

Because if you're able to last longer, you'll have less anxiety about performing. You can focus on being in the moment with your partner, enjoying sex instead of stressing about it. And your partner gets a benefit of a longer, more intense experience. Doesn't that sound much better? Does that more fun?

No more gaps? Not more sex, let more orgasms, the sounds good. Permessant is a topical spray that gets applied to the penis to a proven man's stamina. Unlike common delay sprays that make you numb, permessant is quickly absorbed, allowing you to enjoy the sensations of sex. When used properly, it won't transfer to your partner, which trust me, nobody likes.

What other product can help you last longer have better sex, reduce performance anxiety and improve your relationship? Exactly, none! And it's easier to buy a promise than ever before because now it's available at your local right aid and target too. That's right, you can run out, get some today. Of course, you can also click on the progressive banner of my site or visit Probescent.com today.

You can also click on the progressive banner on my site or visit ProBesson.com today.