Sex With Emily - Top 5 Sex Myths Debunked

Episode Date: October 30, 2021

Let’s be honest: there are certain myths about sex that are SO common, they seem like truth. Things like: what it means to be wet, what it means to be hard, and what it means if you use a vibrator a lot. But guess what? A ton of the things you and I have both heard about sex aren’t based on science - they’ve just been repeated a lot. So on today’s show, I’m debunking the top sex myths I see and hear, and giving you the actual facts.Click Here to Subscribe.What does it mean about your sexual ability if you’ve had a lot of partners - or conversely, hardly any? We talk about it. How about if you’re not getting wet during sex. Does that mean you’re not turned on? We discuss! Let’s say you use a vibrator a lot - can you get addicted to it? Or my favorite: does having an orgasm mean the sex was good? I tackle both of these. And finally, we face the truth about anal sex, because spoiler alert...it’s not just for gay men.For more information about or to purchase the products mentioned in this podcast, click below:Dame: Practice Your PleasurePromescent: Better In BedShow Notes:Episode: Lube It Or Leave ItEpisode: Kink & Casual Sex w/ Justin Lehmiller Episode: Seducing the Booty w/ Alicia SinclairB-Vibe: Anal Training Kit & Education Set Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Here's a related myth, having a lot of sex can cause vulva owners to stretch. Like, if I've been penetrated that many times, my vagina is going to get looser and looser. Mmm, not true. After you have a child, yes, your muscles will become weaker and you build them up over time, you know, doing keg-alexercises. But it's not like a permanent stretch, doesn't mean it's not gonna go back. Basically, if you're keeping your numbers down because you don't want your vagina to stretch,

you're missing out on a lot of fun and a lot of pleasure. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Let's be honest. There's certain myths about sex that are so common, they seem like the truth. Things like, would it mean to be wet, would it mean to be hard,

and would it mean to be use of vibrator a lot? But guess what? A ton of the things that you and I have both heard about sex aren't based on science. They've just been repeated a lot. So on today's show I'm debunking the top sex myths I see out there and giving you the actual facts. What does it mean about your sexual ability if you've had a lot of partners? Or conversely, hardly any. We talk about this. How about if you're not

getting wet during sex? Does it mean you're not turned on? We discuss. Or let's see, you use your vibrator a lot. Can you get addicted to it? Or my favorite does having an orgasm mean the sex was good. I tackle both of these. And finally, we face the truth about anal sex because spoiler alert, it's not just for gay men. All right, intentions with Emily for each episode

join me in setting an intention. I do it. I encourage you to do the same. Well, my intention is to shed some light on the judgments we associate with sex so we can better understand how we can have less hangups and better sex in the bedroom. Please rate and review sex with Emily wherever you listen. My new article, your guide to bring back your sex drive is up on sex with Emily wherever you listen. My new article, your guide to bring back your sex drive, is up on sexwithemily.com. Also check out my YouTube channel for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me a question, go ahead, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex or 559 825 5739. Leave me your questions there or message me at sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode.

Our first myth, ready? The number of people you've slept with determines how good a lover you are. If you're thinking, oh yeah, that's definitely true. If I've slept with 10 people, and my partner's up with one, that makes me a 10 times better lover. Well, a lot of us assume that the more we do it, like the more you go to the gym, the more reps you do, you're stronger,

you're a stronger athlete, right? The more countries you visit, the more you're a seasoned traveler, and the more you'll use up with, the more you're suffer better at sex. I'm going to say this is a myth. You don't have to have slept with a lot of people to be good at sex. In fact, there is no good at sex.

You don't arrive to a place where you're good at sex. So we call this the body count. It's kind of grim. If you think about it, just having it branded as the body count is like the number of people you've killed. The reality is your body count does not determine the quality of your love making of how good of a lover you are. But it will help you be a good lover and this is available for all of you is if you pay attention to your partner's pleasure every time you're with

a new partner you're getting a brand new opportunity to become a good lover. Every time we have sex with someone new, it's a new experience. You might have sex with someone I've slept with, and you two would have your totally different sexual experience because it's the two of you. It's not me and this person doesn't transfer. Sex is like cooking, right? You're together and it's the ingredients of both of you that bake the sex you're having. If you're focused on your partner in the moment, meaning that you pay attention, it's the ingredients of both of you that bake the sex you're having. If you're focused on your partner in the moment, meaning that you pay attention, it's our body language.

Are they moving towards you or are they moving away? Is their breath quickening, their breath is quickening that we know that they're aroused? And so for me, it's more about the quality sex you've had than quantity. Maybe you've been with one person, but for a a long time and in that long-term relationship you got to Understanding to those bodies you learned how to communicate you learn to ask for what you want That's what makes a really great lover is the relationships that you've You've actually been able to communicate about your needs You've had to adjust and adapt and learn to satisfy someone who might have liked something

that was outside of your comfort zone. Because those skills are adaptable. Like being a good listener, active listener, being someone who can change their behavior over time, being someone who knows how to satisfy a partner in more ways than one, not just the bedroom. And let me say this about the number. Eventually, you will get to a point where people stop asking you this. I hope. But I get why you answer. I mean, I understand. You're like, how could I not answer the number of people I've slept with? But every time

your partner is asking this, remember, they're asking to gather information. They want to gather data about who you are. They're going to use it to define you and to judge you. When I'm telling you, it doesn't mean anything. So if you stop with too few, that means you're not going to be good lover or your last experience too few, that means you're not gonna be good lover, you're less experienced, too many, then you've been out there too much, you're a player, you're a slut, and there's all these judgments that are made

and I'm telling you it does not mean anything. It doesn't mean that you've simply had sex or you didn't have sex. I don't even think sex should be defined through how many people have penetrated you or you've penetrated. So what you could say is, oh, you know what? Right now, I am just focused on sex we're having. I love to live in the present. Let's talk about the sex we're having because it's

incredible. Not so much talking about the past, let's live in the future. If someone says to be how many people have you slept with, I'm thinking to myself, couldn't you be asking me something way more interesting right now? Like, how about what kind of sex do I like or how about what's my idea of an incredible kiss or what makes great foreplay, what's my number one fantasy, you know, what do I have to do at a long weekend? Like those are really good questions, but the body count question just leads us nowhere fast. Here's a related myth under the body count umbrella,

is having a lot of sex can cause vulva owners to stretch. Like if I've slept with so many people, if I've been penetrated that many times, my vagina is going to get looser and looser. Not true. The reality is there's a few times in your life, childbirth, after you've a child, yes, your muscles will become weaker and you build them up over time, you know, doing cagal exercises.

If you pass a human out of your vagina, it's going to change. But it's not like a permanent stretch, it doesn't mean it's not going to go back. And that's why we talk a lot about strength in your pelvic floor and doing tagls. And there's other things you can do. But basically, if you're keeping your numbers down because you don't want your vagina to stretch, you're missing out on a lot of fun and a lot of pleasure.

Okay, this is from Francesca, 27 in New York City. My name is Francesca. I'm a 27 year old hetero woman a woman, and I started having sex at age 26. First and foremost, I'm enjoying it. However, oftentimes I have this feeling of not knowing what the common knowledge about sex is. I know I started having sex later than a lot of my peers, and I try to validate myself,

and my reasons for doing that, and at the same time, I just don't know what I don't know. I don't have an understanding of what are the similarities of what most men find pleasurable versus what's unique to each guy. In other words, how much of what you learn from one partner is transferable to another. I worry so much about, you know, being boring or vanilla or painful if I applied too much pressure. The three partners I've been with have been very kind and reminding me that I should be more focused on myself and what I like than trying to predict what they want. But even so, I have these insecurities and feel that being more informed would help me be more confident. How can I know if I'm a good lover universally?

All right, this is a good question, Francesca. First off, sounds like you're with some really like attentive lovers, some really knowledgeable lovers who are saying, I want you to focus on your pleasure. I want you to focus on what feels good to you because that's what's going to make you a great lover to all. And I would say that for all genders, and I would say that a lot of Volvo owners get hard up wanting to be a good lover. And they're so in the moment that every time they have sex, they're thinking about what they can do to their partner. How do I give a better blow job? How do I handle their balls better? How do I do something different so this partner will think I am the greatest lover?

But Francesca, what makes you a great lover is when you know your body, how do you move during sex that makes you feel good? Pay attention to that. Do I like the slow kisses? Do I like when he kisses me a little more intensely? Does do I like when you softly touches my vulva, my clitoris? Do I like when you go as faster?

What kind of touch feels good? Does the pace of sex work for me? Sometimes it goes really fast, and sometimes it goes slow, and I actually like when there's slow anticipation. I like with the partners who take time to address me. Oh, I like the partners who compliment me and tell me how sexy I look. These are the things you got to focus on because then that's going to help you feel more

confident in your body. A confident vulva owner in bed knows how to move and knows how to ask what she wants and how to breathe and how to calibrate. That makes you a really great lover. There's an intuitive knowing when you are in your body and you are living your most authentic sexual self that I'm sure you've had sex with three people. So it's not gonna be like a surprise. And what I've found is that most peens

is like what most vulvas like. They like it to be wet. So you always should have some lube on the nightstand. Lube's so helpful. And they want like a grip, not a soft grip, but like a grip, but not too tight, not too hard. No teeth, doesn't hard. No teeth. Doesn't feel great to everybody.

So to answer your question here, how much of what you learn from one partner is transformable to another, what's transformable is the process of discovery. The process of learning what your partner likes and once you become more mindful and in touch, and you can learn in just a few minutes or one session with a partner what they actually like. Again, it all goes back to paying attention and being mindful. So you've pretty much learned what you need to know and now you get to focus on yourself and healthy communication with your partner and it's okay to ask for does this feel good, does this not feel good? I mean I love talking about sex.

Thank you for helping us debunk this very, math. Remember, just become great lovers everyone by paying attention. All right, the second myth, you don't need lube if you're already aroused or turned on. Oh, this is also related to the myth of you should need lube if you're aroused. Spit is just as good as lube. You only need lube during penetration.

Lube is just for older people who have dryness problems. All right, the reality is lube can make it easier lubed during penetration, lubes just for older people who have dryness problems. All right, the reality is, lube can make it easier to orgasm. Lube makes sex better no matter what your body part. There's a study from Indiana University Center for Sexual Health found that lube makes it 50% easier for both genders to orgasm.

And I've even read a study that say, if you use lube 80% of vulva owners are more likely to orgasm. And I've even read a study that say, if you use lube, 80% of vulva owners are more likely to orgasm. This is why my dream is a lube on every nightstand. Can a lube on your nightstand? Remember, wetness is not an indicator of arousal. You can be dry and really turned on. And you can be super turned on and not wet at all.

And it's confusing. So, have your wet. And it doesn't last that long, like your wet for a minute. And then sex starts happening in, of course, any kind of sex touching, you're not wet anymore. And so your wetness can be affected by so many things. You might be wet certain times of month,

your menstrual cycle affects, you know how wet you are, certain medications like the birth control pill, ironically, any depressants, your age can impact it, you know, how stressed you are, how healthy you are. So I just wanna say that Loub is just a game changer for sex. I will not do any kind of sex without it.

You've heard we talk about this, but I think that there's still this notion that Loub is this dirty little secret you gotta keep under the bed and we better drag out the Loub, you know, there's a problem. And I think a lot of penis owners feel offended if their partners aren't wet, and they assume something's wrong with me, or my penis or something's wrong with my partner.

Listen, if you're human, you probably do one of two things in a situation like this. You either blame others or you blame yourself, which can't for you in. For all your problems, actually. But especially this one with loop, you might assume something's wrong with you. So, a loop is great,

loop is great, especially during oral sex. That's why I love flavored lube. Have a flavored lube on your nightstand as well. Like, system Joe makes incredible lube that I just eat for dessert. Also, check out our previous podcast, Lubit or Leave It. We talk all about the different kinds of lubs.

This is from Josh, 38, New Jersey. Hey, Dr. Emily, my wife and I have been together for four years and got married quickly. We have a one-year-old and sex is great when we have it, but the issue is that my wife is very dry and hurts her. We tried to do it, but we can't find a good one to help. I end up feeling bad and try to make it end quickly because I don't want to cause her pain.

I don't know when it started for her. Whatever since we've been together, she's been dry during sex. We talk about it not sure what to do. Josh. I'm so glad you sent in this email. I'm gonna help you here It'd be great for your wife to go to a doctor and to look at like what medications she's taking do any of those medications cause dryness She took allergy medication Can any depressants birth control? There's a lot of things that it could be now Loop is great to use all kinds of loops. you know silicone lube lasts a little bit longer than water-based lube.

Foria makes an excellent coconut oil lube it's coconut oil also less oil and has CBD and that they can out with pain. Foria's sex oil could be great for you here. She's 38 years old. You have a one year old. She could also get her hormones checked because lots of estrogen can happen after child birth and this is when a lot of women have pain. She could be starting paramanopause.

Does she remember time in her 20s when she was more wet? What happens when she masturbates? Does she masturbate? Does she get a rouse? Does she have orgasms? Does she have other kind of pleasure? So there's a lot to explore here. So let's get into talking about your sex life with her,

what are her turn-ons, when does she feel most aroused, how about when you go down in her? Does that make her feel good? If it's dry and hurts or you need to stop and figure out how she's not right, because also remember when you're too dry and you've sex with that loob, you tear. There's tears.

And then that could also transfer an STI, transfer an infection. So get a hormones check to have her go to a doctor and let's find out what does feel good to her, what her turnons are. All right? Because that's just going to help with everything. She's knowing that she actually wants to have sex and it can feel good to her. And remember, a lot of pleasure for a vulva owner doesn't have to do with penetration.

So if it's painful for you to penetrate her, you could also tease her nipples. Nipple gasms are a thing. Play with her inner thighs. Go down on her, just her clitoris without internal stimulation. Have some fun figuring this out with her, Josh. Okay, take your time, figure it out, ask some questions, and let me know how it comes. After the break, I debunk the myths we tell ourselves about

orgasms and vibrators. Yes, penis owners, vibrators feel good on you too. Okay, everyone, be real with me for a second. Do you use a vibrator for partner play? Well, if you've never tried that before, or if you have and love it, I've got a fun idea for you, a couples vibrator. Dane products is one of my go-to sex toy companies

and they make a fantastic toy design for exactly this purpose. It's called the Eva. It's so good. It's made with flexible wings that tuck under your labia, giving you literal stimulation during penetration. Now that's helpful, isn't it?

One of the best parts of my job is giving folks advice on sex toys, especially when it's an opportunity to close the orgasm gap. You know, the study is pointing out how often penis owners experience orgasm compared to vulva owners. It's a wide disparity. Trust me, and that's precisely why Dame was invented to make orgasms and pleasure more accessible to all. I also want to give a shout out to Dame for their flexible vibrator, the palm, because wow, this thing covers some solid vulva real estate

because it is no internal body. It's totally flexible while vibrated. So you can bend it exactly how you want for totally targeted pleasure. It's so good. So check out the EVA, the Palm, and all of Dame's vibrators and accessories made with medical grade silicone, smart design principles, and lots of love. Best part, Dame offers hassle-free returns within 60 days.

So your satisfaction is literally guaranteed. Go to DameProtx.com slash sex with Emily today for 10% off. That's D-A-M-E products.com slash sex with Emily for 10% off. Myth number three. Sex isn't good if you don't have an orgasm which is obviously the goal of sex. The reality? Organisms are extremely pleasurable. They are.

Love them, but they are not the only measure of a successful sex session. Some other related myths to this, all orgasms feel the same. Organisms are always achieved through penetration, that an orgasm just signifies the end of successful sex. Listen, pleasure and orgasm are not the same thing. orgasm can happen and orgasm is extremely pleasurable. But pleasure, pleasure is about the journey. Pleasure is the journey along the path.

Pleasure is connection and touch and intimacy. And sometimes when we focus so much on wanting to orgasm, we miss out on fully experiencing pleasure with our partners. We really do. And remember, the goal of sex is about exploration, connection, and learning, and figuring out your partner. And for some couples, I think they confuse, but everything is in word sex, they think it's

a part of penetration. And it is true that sex and orgasm are sort of synonymous that we think if you had an orgasm, you had sex, if you had sex, you must have had an orgasm. But that's because again, we define sex as PV sex, penis goes into vagina. And the focus is around the male's orgasm. Being focused on orgasm is not necessarily a problem.

What I've seen it more so than not is that it becomes a problem when we only focus on orgasm and we define sex by orgasm and I'm telling you, you could have if you never have orgasms. That's a problem. If you're like, nope, I never ever have orgasms. But then I'd want to know, like, how much have you tried to have an orgasm? Because you wanted to be possible, right? There's something amazing that happens when you're like, I'm just going to focus on pleasure

right now. I'm going to focus on how it feels with my partner's hands on my body. I'm gonna focus on how it feels to make out with my partner, how it feels to see them naked, how it feels, you know, all these different things, and you'll find that when you turn your attention away from obsessing about orgasm, you are more likely to have an orgasm.

And you're more likely to focus on sensations and to be, to understand what actually feels good, you're more likely to be present. A lot of us disassociate during sex, we're focused on something that happened in the past, something that's not happening in the moment, we're focusing on what our partners want, and the last thing we're focusing is our own body and our own pleasure. So there you go. Take orgasm off the table or the focus of orgasm and focus on the pleasure, okay? Here's your email question from Taylor33 in California.

Dr. Emily, I'm not sure if I've ever had an orgasm and it seems impossible to do so. I've listened to your show for a while and tried a lot of things you discuss. My partner's patient and has also tried to work with me. We've spent hours on this. I get close, but then I seem to lose it. Or maybe I do reach climax, it just doesn't feel fulfilling. I require a lot of stimulation and a lot of pressure. But then it's almost like everything just goes numb and my body turns off. I'm not sure what to do next or where to go. I feel

like I'm just incapable of orgasm. Okay, Taylor, if you probably aren't sure that you haven't had orgasm, maybe you have it. And your partner is trying to work with you. Have you tried on your own to work on having an orgasm? And you're saying that you require a lot of stimulation and pressure. A lot of us require a lot of stimulation and pressure. It goes numb and your body turns off. Is that because you're just focusing on the stimulation in the moment? I would say you're not in cable orgasm. I would say you're

pre- orgasmic, which means you haven't gotten there yet. And it sounds like I love that you're working on it with your partner, but sometimes we need to figure out and are on without a partner. So I encourage you to take some time alone, masturbate, take a bath, take a shower, figure out your own body and what feels good. Spend 10 minutes a day or three times a week for an hour exploring the mirror between your legs and using some lube and saying what feels good to me. Maybe it's a lot of stimulation and pressure. Maybe it's not.

Maybe it's slow touch. Only you are going to be able to figure that out. So what I'm hearing is your partner's patient, are you patient with yourself, are you patient that takes time? Some women have orgasms a lot easier. It has to do with they're literally the way they were born, they're anatomy, how close their clitoris is to their vaginal opening. It's literally how you're born, like you've long legs, you have shorter legs, you have your clitoris is closer to your vaginal opening, it's all the same. So that's why those people have it.

But for you, for people who don't, we get more in our heads and is it gonna happen? Is it not gonna happen? And so I need you to focus, go mindful, focus more in your own body and your own orgasm and practice on your own, or tell your partner, you need more time to slow, because I don't like that you are going numb.

That means that your body's turning off, sense, this is associating, that you're just focusing so hard on one thing. But there's a process of letting go and we're mindful. We're just letting go to what feel, what we're feeling in the moment. We're paying attention to our senses. What does it feel like with my partners,

figuring out my clitoris? I'm hearing my breath. I'm smelling this candle and it smells really good. And I'm focused yourself in the moment with a mindful practice. Look at there. I promise you, you're not capable of orgasm. You got this Taylor. Here is the fourth myth. You can become addicted to using a vibrator. Other people say a related myth is it can cause your body to become desensitized, to stimulation, you'll no longer be an orgasm without using one.

And no, the reality is, vibrators can bring you a whole lot of pleasure. There's something called an orgasm gap and a lot of love owners are unable to orgasm in general, especially with their penis having partners who orgasm a lot quicker than they do. And toys help you explore your body. They can help you have orgasms. They can help you explore your body and find other pleasure parts that feel good. There are so many erotic zones in our body that our hands won't get to.

Right? They won't be able to reach those areas. Now, to address this addiction part, sure, if you keep orgasming the same way with the vibrator every time in the same position, You're not addicted. Your body has become used to a pattern that you repeat every time you want to orgasm. You go into pleasure yourself and you repeat a pattern. We're all creatures of habit, right? Like I have a pattern every time I come home, open the door, put my keys in the bowl, walk in the house, walk the dog.

Like, we get into patterns, so we don't even think about it. But we brush our teeth as the same. We do that with masturbation. So I would say if you're worried about this, though, just bring in your hand and start masturbating with your hands, and then every other time work in your hands. But I don't think that there's,

it's not like a lesser of an orgasm if you use a vibrator. It doesn't make it a bad orgasm, it's making it different orgasm. And vibrators are good for us too. Remember the sex begets sex. The more orgasms we have, the more orgasms we're gonna want. For many of us, it's easier, it's efficient. We could explore our bodies.

We know we're gonna have an orgasm. And vibrators aren't just for solo play, fact partners can benefit from it. So there was a study that actually came out, our friend Justin Laymar, Miller did a study. And he said 71% of couples said that vibrators improve their sex life. And I loved this study.

You can check out more in a podcast I do with him, where he talks about a lot of these myths and a lot of studies that have shown, a lot of what we believe about sex is untrue. It's called King-Cancual Sex with Justin Laymar. These couples all got vibrators to use for two weeks, and they had to use it every time they checked for two to three weeks. And guess what?

After that point, they all wanted to use the vibrator all the time. They're like, we love this vibrator. And remember, vibrators are great for penis owners as well. They feel incredible on the shaft, the balls. All over. It's a vibration. Vibrations feel good all over our body. They think our head feels good vibrated.

Scratch touched. So the reality is, vibrators are part of a healthy sex life. Alright, I have an email from Melissa, 30 in Chicago. Hey Dr. Mlee, I'm using a rabbit vibrator. When I'm orgasming, it's almost a paralyzing feeling. And it's so intense, but I never had that feeling when having sex with my husband. Is this a different type of orgasm? What's this feeling?

Is this normal? I'm very new to self pleasure. The orgasm that you have with a vibrator sometimes is different than the orgasm you're gonna have with a penis. It's different than an orgasm you're gonna have with your hand. And there's lots of different ways to orgasm. So you're talking about a rabbit vibrator, which is a dual stimulation vibrator,

which means part of it goes inside of you and then part of it is stimulating your clitoris externally and then there's the internal part. And so that means that all of those nerve endings are being stimulated at once. Think about a massage like you could get a massage with one masseuse, or you could have one masseuse massaging your back and another one's massaging your feet. And maybe there's a third massaging your head. I feel pretty good. Think about it that way. So your rabbit vibrator is hitting all the right spots.

It's vibrating and it's all happening at the same time. It's great, it's intense, I love it. Have you had your husband hold the vibrator so he can see this kind of incredible orgasm you have. That's really hot too. I think that we think that if we tell our partners about our vibrators or maybe we have told them that they get threatened. But what I have found and what a lot of you have found is that when you actually bring

your partner into the experience, they become part of the experience with you. They're like, down. They're like, that is hot. I love watching you have that much pleasure. Can we please bring this toy ever more together all the time? And it's a really beautiful thing to see your partner have pleasure and ecstasy. Now they're sure, there are partners who might say, ugh, I wish she reacted to my penis like that.

I wish it was the same and I understand that. That can feel like somehow inferior. Like you're not doing enough. But I don't think that your partner's thinking that, right? Like I wish I was efficient as my cell phone and keep remembering all of my phone numbers, but I'm not. So I just use my cell phone. What I'm saying here is that yes, it's a different type of orgasm. If you're not having this feeling with your husband, I would also say does he know what feels good to you? You're

going to have a different kind of intense experience with your husband. Maybe you're not orgasming with his penis, and maybe that's your question as well. But a lot of times we need to just then slow down if you're having sex with your partner with your husband, are there different positions you could try? A lot of women go really fast during sex, like they move really fast,

and maybe there's like a slower sort of, maybe you're on top, and you really are trying to feel him in your body and you're moving in different positions and you're talking about what feels good. So I would play around with it. I would also say that I love that you're having intense orgasms, I think that's great.

And just have fun playing with your partner and seeing what kind of dynamic that can bring, what kind of pleasure you can have with your partner. Is that all about the orgasm? It's about the journey. Stick around, after the break, I tackle our fifth and final myth. I'll give you a hint. It's about a body part. Everybody has.

People have been asking me, so what's changed after 15 years of doing the podcast? Well, a lot has, but to be honest, the orgasm gap still remains a challenge for so many couples. You know what I'm talking about. Men tend to finish before their female partners, so you've heard me talk about promising for years, though your role just developed FDA compliant delay spray can help men last up to 64% longer without loss of sensation. Amp because promising is quickly absorbed into the penis, it won't transfer to your partner. Oh and speaking of your partner, I think we can all agree that sometimes women even went alone, still have challenges around reaching orgasm.

So now, Permesson has created a new female arousal gel. I love it. It's a literal stimulant she can rub into her clitoris for a brief pleasure and a lot more satisfaction during pretty much any sexual activity you can think of. So now, they got Permesson to lay spade for him, rousal gel for her, so basically they're closing the orgasm gap on both sides. Trust me, try this combo, thank me later. Seriously, write into feedback at sexwithmly.com and tell me how it went.

I wanna know. So try promising today. Go to sexwithmly.com slash enhance. That's my site, sexwithmly.com slash ENHANCE today. Las Benales, the myth. Anel sex is always painful. Oh, and it's only for gay men. What's some other related myths?

If you are a straight man, but you have something in your anus, it must mean that you are now gay. It makes you dirty or slutty. It's bad for you. Okay, so here's the truth. All penis owners have a prostate, and it's in their anus, and it feels amazing. It's like kind of like the female g-spot.

And when penetrated, it feels great. Penis owners, I know who have played with it. They have incredible orgasms, beyond orgasms, next level orgasms, they have a great pleasure. It's sort of like their bonus button. They're like, I had no idea. Annual sex is great for all genders. If you have a penis, like to be with other penises,

I'd say, yeah, okay, then if you say you're gay, then you're probably gay. But a sex act is not gonna make you gay. It's not gonna define your sexuality. Tips for exploring booty play, anal sex are important to note, because it is going to be painful if you don't do it correctly, if you rush, you don't use lube, all those things.

So remember to go slow. You can explore with yourself on your own during masturbation, explore with your partner, communicate about it, talk about it, go slow. You can explore with yourself on your own during masturbation, explore with your partner, communicate about it, talk about it, go slow, you want to breathe a lot. If you've it's painful, it's probably because you are not going slow and breathing and using lots of lube and communicating what you need with your partner. That's when it gets painful when it's unexpected. No one wants surprise anal. If you want no more by anal though, because you know I love talking about anal. You have to check out our recent podcast. It's called seducing the booty with Alicia Sinclair. So please check that one out. Your top anal

questions are answered in that episode. And remember, if you are searching for a prostate, you want to play with your anus. We love B vibe. They make incredible, all things anal. There be like all things but plugs. It's a great way to explore what you like, what you don't like, and vulva owners too with anal play, you could have new sensations, a lot of vulva owners have orgasms that way. There's just a lot of play to do together. Think about anal plays as expanding your sexual repertoire. There's so much fun to be have and it just seems sad to have like a do not enter for

your entire life over your anus. Let's try it, see if you like it. This is from Nicole 25. Dr. Emily, first, thank you for all of your advice. I started listening to your podcast and it's changed my life. My husband and I have been together for almost eight years married for two of them. He's the only man I've ever slept with.

And at the beginning, it was so exciting and new, but it's time we went out and we got into super boring routine of sex. I had no drive to have sex, but since listening to your podcast, I changed my birth control, and I masturbated for the first time ever. OMG, it's been amazing.

And honestly, I don't think I've ever had an orgasm until nine months ago. We did your guest know maybe list and we both checked yes to toys. We now have several wee vibe toys that we've grown to love and our sex life is thriving. It's seriously so much fun. In the last week or so,

he's been getting adventurous and starting to explore butt stuff. We're going super slow about this like you suggested. And I think it's going well. The question is, how do I ask him if he wants me to touch him, Aynaly? I've heard about the men's prostate, and how awesome it could be,

but I'm scared he's gonna say hell no. Thanks again, any advice would be appreciated or use lots of love. Oh my God, I love this Nicole. I'm so happy that you've learned so much from this show and that you have really been taking it slow and understanding each other's bodies and did the Eston maybe list. All right, so I think simply when you're both turned on, you don't want to surprise them there, but you could start to take a finger and you could look at them and you could start to rub externally. Like, you could start to actually start with this perineum, which is in between the anus, the opening and the balls.

So think about like the taint, they call it perineum. And you can start to apply pressure there and see how he reacts. Start applying direct pressure and then you can start to move your hand like, does that feel good? And hello, hello, hello. I wouldn't go with your finger yet,

but you could start to trace outside of his anus and see how that feels. You have to do a lot of nerve endings. So there's a lot of playing to do there. And so I would say I would ask him, you guys have been together eight years, or just start to like tease him together. Just say, I wonder if this feels good to you.

I think it would be really hot to explore. Maybe he's been dying for you to ask. Maybe he's like, when is she gonna do it to me? So I love that you're asking, you guys sound like you're in a really good place. Keep exploring, keep having fun. Keep that leap out. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline

559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.