Sex With Emily - Totally Unwaxed w/ the Stallone Sisters

Episode Date: January 16, 2021

I’m joined by the hosts of the Unwaxed podcast, Sophia and Sistine Stallone. Find out what really happens on the dating apps, how to spot red flags, and why a bad first kiss doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. I encourage them to make time for masturbation and we discuss if watching porn is considered cheating.I take your calls and answer a bunch of your Instagram questions in our new Rapid Fire segment. I cover prostate play, adult virginity, partner toys, and what to do when your partner takes too long to orgasm.For more information about Sophia & Sistine Stallone, visit: Unwaxed PodcastFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

[♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on days. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Today I'm joined by hosts of the Unwax Podcast, Sophia and Sistines to Lone. We talk about how to get the most out of dating apps, how to spot red flags, what to do after a bad first kiss, because I happen.

They also asked me for my top masturbation techniques if I believe porn watching is cheating. Also on the show, my inbox, I get so many questions from you, either through Instagram, which is sex with Emily or you email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. And I was like, I want to get to all of you. I do. And just so you know in 2021, we are working towards that. We will be able to get to so many more of you. But to help make sure I got tears, I thought it'd be fun to answer as many questions I can

during my new rapid fire segment. So I answered a bunch. I cover everything from prostate play to what to do in your partner takes too long to orgasm. So let me know what you think of that. All right. If you have any questions about sex or dating or relationships, email me feedback at sexemily.com or message me on social media, which is sex with Emily. Okay, intentions with Emily. For each episode, let's start off by setting an intention for the show.

So when you're listening, what do you want to get out of listening to this episode? How could it help you? I do it for every show and I thought you should do it too because it helps you ground in this. So it could be, I want to get better at spotting red flags. My intention is to give you new tools for your dating toolkit. Alright, enjoy the show. Sophia and Sistine still alone.

Hi ladies, thanks for being here. Hi! Thank you so much for having us on. Okay, so you just joined the podcast world. Yeah. And your sisters doing a podcast and you're living together in a quarantine. Well, what better time to start a podcast than a quarantine?

Well, we're 24 seven on top of each other. Not like we couldn't live more close with each other. Now we're gonna work together. Yeah, it's great. It's going great. This just keeps coming up right now. We've all been like quarantined, especially in LA, we're not sneaking around much.

Do you think people are secretly going on apps? Are people having sex? Like what have you guys found? Oh, I've been not secretly going on apps. I've been outwardly public with me going on apps, right? Okay. We really wanted to have a little quarantine boyfriend. That would have been nice. And it's just not happening. I don't know what it is about

the dating apps, but you know, guys say no, I feel like a lot of guys are not super confident. Maybe it's just me, but we it just as much as guys always say they love a confident woman. We love a confident guy too. And like no one makes the first move to message or slide in the DMs if you match. And I don't know why. So I just said, Oh God, you guys, it's not easy right now. Okay, so I know you've been talking for but you're sex life.

Yeah, what do you guys need? Cause I know you said you listened to my podcast before. What's the sex life? Let's go on. Nothing, but I don't say this is a scene. I was like, the one thing I want to know from Emily is like the basics. I feel like everyone forgets,

how do we flirt? How do we make the first nude kissing tips? I feel like, or how do we even initiate the curse? Like, what do you do when someone's a horrible kisser? Like do you accent out like a question? No, let me tell you about that. We can start with kissing. Cause let me tell you this is that dating as a muscle,

flirting as a muscle, sex is literally a muscle, and if we've gone months and months without that, it is awkward at first to be on a date, and you're like, oh, I've just used to being home with my sister and my sweats, and now I'm with a, how do you flirt again? So, you know what's so funny? I always get that asses.

And I used to believe that if someone's a bad kisser, it was like grounds for dismissal, because you're like, well, that's not a deal. Okay, let me give you another way to reframe this. People can actually improve upon kissing and they might be kissing you like how they kiss their last girlfriend. And their last girlfriend wanted a lot of tongue

and some weird swirly things that you don't want. Oh, that's what you could say. Yeah, so what you could say to them is like, let me show you, This is a little trick. Like, I want to show you how I want to be kissed and then show me how you want to be kissed. And then like, if you get into relationship with them, then you like, work it out and then couples are like, oh, it's like dancing. And then it becomes like, a malgammation of both your kisses.

So it's a deal breaker. I like, I'm so interested. Not good kissers and to good kissers. They're just nervous the first time. Yeah. But okay, so do you want me to go to move yourself? Like, is there any like, yeah, anything? I'm like, that's new spots. Or like, do you have like a move that you always use

like, guys, yeah, give me some new moves. I need some. I need some like, I need more. I feel like I'm in the ammo. God, we have so many erogenous zones on our body and not just like the ones that you think about, like our breasts and our, you know, penis vagina, but our, our neck, like the day of our neck and our ears and our lips. So I think sometimes we get just get into the kiss and you want to make sure it's fun to

bite their lip and like, like, blow in their ear and kiss their neck and use your hands, right? Kissing is about your hand. So you're not just getting into you're making me miss you're making me miss kissing I didn't do the guy like dang it. Well tell me that I want to know from you guys what was a bad kiss what what what it what happened. This guy was chewing on my lips like chewing gum. And I had, remember I came with a partial and blue, I was bruised, it looked like I got insane filler.

I don't know, we just ate, saw this confused. It was terrible. I might have felt like he was blending a smoothie in my mouth. It was like, the tongue was going, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're like around when I have to wipe your mouth after a kiss. I think that's a bad. Yeah, it's like they forget that it should go into like a progression like tease of it and then go back to it. Well, I love that you said that because let me tell you this, the best, the best

everything, whether you're going down and someone or you're kissing them is the tease. You start slow. You you kiss them. You pull away. You like his thirt ear, you know, but a little bit, you don't like eat their lip. So you can also set the pace too, if you find that someone is okay

to in your most seductive way, would just be like, hey, like, hey, let's just slow down, I want to enjoy this. I've been thinking about this or however you would say in your language. And then I used to let the guy Set the pace for everything because I just first of I didn't know I thought that that's what it was about that if he had pleasure or I was following along then it was like

I was a good partner. I was good in bed and you know everything and then I realized that they don't know either Like the dudes don't know and so they really don't know right? They don't did you guys ever think that did you think that the guys would? They don't. Did you guys ever think that? Did you think that the guys would just kind of know what made you feel good or that? Totally. Yeah. Totally. Because I feel like the biggest problem was like we didn't know what made us feel good ourselves. And so you pull out the pressure on the guy. Do we have to figure it out? Or like how am I supposed to figure it out? I think you have to figure out yourself first before you can even ask. Yeah, and then sometimes you're like, oh, they should have known to tease or they should

have known to, you know, do four-plan all this stuff. It's things that you already know. So then you automatically judge them like a bad kiss. Yeah. Okay, well, I'm telling you, they do not know. And not really don't the guys, your age know, guys in their 30s and 40s and 50s, many of them do not know. And not really don't the guys your age know guys in their 30s and 40s and 50s many of them do not know. I thought that you get out of the zone you'd be like, okay, well at least no, you know, someone knows in their 30s or they've been married for 10 years in it. Right.

Most people have never thought about. So how Emily have a question. So that's how do you drop a hint? I've done this with with my ex before and he didn't know how to do something and I didn't know how to straight up just tell him what I wanted. So I put on a movie that actually there was a scene that instructed exactly what to do with like Jason Cedacus explaining it. How do you drop him without having

to show us the food? If you don't have it in like pull out the movie you're like, wait a minute, I've got it. You're like, come here, we're gonna play this movie. It's an art because a lot of times we just, we don't say anything or we say it in a way that's like annoying, like, could you just learn this already or why don't you ever go down to me?

So the art to it is casually, when you're chilling and hanging out, when you're not in the bedroom, because having a sex conversation in the bedroom most often doesn't work because when you're turned on and aroused or like if you have an erection You're like not in your mind. You're like in another place because you literally have hormones and things that are raging So yeah, it might be more enraged by something you might interpret it differently So when you're hanging out and it's casual and you're having a drink, you'd be like, oh, I want to, I can't stop thinking, you know, again, in your own words, but the tone is casual and curious. So I was thinking about, you know, last night, you know, it was, that was hot when

something's good. You have to need something good. Like when you, that was a hot make out. Like, I love, we were so turned on. We were making out. Like I was thinking about that this morning. And I've been figuring out my own body and what feels good. And I've been like I was thinking about that this morning and I've been figuring out my own body and what feels good. And I've been like, I have something that I've learned about my body and I want to show you. Here's what feels the best to me. And again, it's so complement sandwich. It's a sexual complement sandwich. This is what I always say. It's the sexual complement sandwich. So you say to them, here's

a good thing. Here's what here's what here's something I love. Here's what I need. Like here's what would be great. And then you wrap it up with, yeah. And so I think it'd be really hot. And I'd love to tell me what do you want? Like I want to learn from you. Right. Guys, this is also something that we have to practice because you probably haven't had those kind of conversations with any guys you've dated. Most people haven't. I think I just get too nervous. I'm pretty vocal about it.

That's the difference. Sophia has long-term relationships, I think I just get too nervous. I'm pretty vocal about it. The difference is Sophia has long-term relationships whereas mine are like one month to three months and then they just, you know, never really stick. Volcanoes are not learning. It's harder and shorter-term relationships. I mean, it shouldn't be. My goal is that like, if sex with someone, talk about it.

Be that, be the woman that teaches them that this is what it's all about. Because if there's like a movement now. We should lead with the pleasure because I'm telling you, they've been watching porn. There's no conversations about what people are into. It's made by men, for men. And that's how most guys in your generation have learned about sex. So no woman's ever talked to them about it.

I guarantee it. And then you're afraid about it because you're like, I've never seen this before. So if you start with like, this is how it's done. Like she comes first. This is what I need. This is what I like. And you do it earlier. Even with the guys that you're like, I don't know if I'm really that into a practice.

You know what you say, take every job interview. Even if you don't want the job, you can practice. Practice makes perfect. Yeah. Exactly. You just tell him, still on your job interview. I'm just trying to get to the bigger pitch. Exactly.

You're just talking about your sex life. But I really feel like we get all these calls from people, all ages who are like, how do I ask for what I want? What do I do about toys? I want to ask you guys that what is toys like with your age group, your generation? Are people like using toys or are they into it? It's so interesting because most of my friends don't. And they don't, I mean, I'm still shy about it.

Like I still don't even know what I'm doing really, but all of them say, oh my God, but absolutely not. We don't touch a vibrator. It freaks them out. They say it's intimidating. Yeah, none of my friends use it. And I actually started in the beginning before even considering using it. I would buy it for all my girlfriends as gifts for their birthdays or Christmas or

just something just because and I would say oh it's a god gift like as a joke but really they all end up texting me like two months later going thank you so much. I was sitting in my corner and I just kept having to stare at me and I and it kind of funny now, all my girlfriends use it. Do you talk to your friends about masturbation? Like do you guys have orgasms? Do you have pleasure? Yeah, well, it's so strange. I think it's just my girlfriends are very uncomfortable

about talking about it. And it's weird because I'm an open book with them, but I'm not going to spill online beans if they're just going to sit there and silence. But it's funny. I'll just bring up the thing. I'm like, oh, yeah, like almost the last time you had sex, like a general thing. It becomes like the topic of conversation over dinner

for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours

and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours about it, especially with each other, was having one another. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. Some people still think it's really awkward to talk to your sisters about it or even your family. But I think that we are having said there's really no sex education in schools right now. And mostly when it does have sex education, it's like, don't get pregnant, don't get an

STD, but we never talk about pleasure and your clitoris and your body parts. None of that. Nothing. So what about like, what about you, the younger sister too? Help her. Yeah, I mean, we try to do it. What we kind of learned at that moment, like what we felt like we needed to know at the time.

She ever has conversations that she wants to bring up to us or like topics more than happy to explain it to us. But she's lucky. She's got two sister. Yeah. But as we all this, I had to figure it out on. But she's lucky. She's got two. Yeah. But I had to figure it out on my own. I have no idea what I'm doing. There's still stuff to figure out. You know, I think you're never really done with it.

You're never done learning. If people choose to be on a journey to understand their bodies and want to make them feel good, because that's what I want. That's what I want for you. And I want that for all humans. And definitely like women in their 20s that it's the time I wish I knew. So how can I help you? I know you're not having sex now, but this is a great time to prepare for it when it happens because it's going to happen. Right. Yeah. I find it hard to sort of get in the mood

when I don't have a significant other with me. What are some ways to sort of like jumpstart that engine? Make time for it and say, you know, you make time to like work out or to meditate. It's like, this is my time. I'm gonna have my own spin. I know you guys lived together, but maybe you could each go into your separate rooms and have time, but you know what I mean?

I don't know, like, you might get around my kitchen. Or this one. Like, Sophia, I need my time. You have to live in a room. I would die. This is what I'm saying. It's hard because you're like people. My parents come home or my sisters or my roommate.

But what gets me in the mood mostly is when I work a lot, I know you guys, I was listening to your show too, like your workaholics, you work hard, you're anxiety. People are having anxiety more than ever now. When we're anxious and stressed and busy, we're not going gonna get turned on. So it's almost like keeping sex top of mind, we have to keep our own pilot light lit.

So making the intention that like, I'm going to make my sex practice part of my like practice. Because the more you get to know your body and all that, you're gonna, you're gonna just be more in the mood for sex, the more you masturbate, the more orgasms you have. You're also learning about your own bodies.

So for me, I just start to, like, I have my toys out, right? Like if my toys are out of my nightstand, like I'm thinking about it, right? I also make sure that I, like, I have a steam shower, right? And that's been a game changer. And I never used to have time to use my steam shower because I was working all the time.

But now I'm like, and you might have a bath for many women, that's it. And it's not just people think you take a bath and it's like, oh, it's self-care. You know, it actually calms your nervous system. Like if you're anxious and stressed, you get into a warm bath even for 10 minutes. You're like, ah, and then you're in there and you're breathing because it's our breath that keeps us from not being connected. And I go in now and I know it's like part of it. Like I go in the shower, I breathe, I come out and I'll just like listen to like an audio or radica app. There's these really

cool because for me, I'm not a huge fan of some porn I am. But I was gonna say, yeah, ethical porn. Like I love Erica lust makes porn that's by women, foreign women. So a lot of porn is like made by men from the male gaze and it's not actually anything that turns us on. So I don't know. It's really just like thinking thoughts that turn you on and then just start to experiment, touch yourself. Like use lube.

Lube is like a game changer. Because lube is not only like, it gets you in the mood because it's slippery, it feels good. You start to rub it on yourself. The friction, like on your clitoris that'll get it going and use a toy and just start breathing and give yourself time. It's a multi sensory experience like planning a date for yourself, lighting your favorite vanilla candle.

Like so your senses are going your favorite playlist. So you need to sort of get all of your ducks in a line and then, okay, then the magic happens. I have a lot of porn related questions because you rock porn. Okay. I guess I'll start with the first one. A lot of my girlfriends don't let their boyfriends watch porn because they consider it cheating, which I think is bananas. Like I think that's insane because this girl on the screen looks nothing like you. I mean, what do you think about that? Yeah, well I think that it's really common that a lot of women think that I love that you're bringing up

because listen, people are gonna masturbate in a relationship, out of a relationship. It's the most natural thing in the world for we all accept men watching porn. And I understand that, but it's just because I understand the jealousy because for a lot of women, it's like, oh, I assume that I want to look like that he wants me to look like this girl and porn,

and I don't, but I just say, take all that energy of obsessing that it's cheating and go back to like, well, you deserve pleasure as well. You go home and get your masturbation on or go find out what turned you on, but it's not cheating, it's a release, men do it in relationships, they do it out of relationships. And that's why I say my revolution

that we're all starting here the pleasure revolution that women The more that we could just stop worrying about that and understand that it's a release. It's pleasure. You're understanding Yeah, it's just a feeling. Yeah. Yeah, it's okay. I'm another question for you. I got another one. I got Back full of tricks here Most of my girlfriends and I know so be a contest for this Don't enjoy male female porn. They're all straight females, but they do enjoy two women. Yes, two women. Yes. Why is this such a popular thing amongst straight women? Yeah, it's really, I would say that's the most common type of porn for women.

It's because it's about our pleasure. It's with a partner who knows your body. So you're watching a woman in ecstasy being pleased by another woman. That's what we all want. Not necessarily the woman, but we want a part. If you're with a man, we want them to be like ravishing us and into us and know what we want. And we don't have to be awkward or weird and like asked for it. They just, it's, I think it's beautiful. You all kind of agree that women's bodies, many, you know, it's amazing to watch, but it's relatable. It's not threatening.

We don't have to be like, it's another job. I should be giving a blow job right now. So it's just receiving and ecstasy. Yeah. I mean, that's, oh, that's interesting. Okay, I never thought about it that way. That's you. Yeah, so it's like, they would always bring that up to us and we're like,

oh, okay. Is that what you guys like? Is that what you guys like? I don't watch porn. It's just, it's too, I don't know. I just don't, I don't know. It doesn't do it for me. It doesn't do it for me.

Maybe I haven't explored anything. I think I need to explore more options. Yes, try this Ann J app. There's also one called try Quinn, Q-U-I-N-N. And you go to these app, it's actually try Quinn is an app yet. And Jane is an app. And it's like they have like woman on woman scenes,

they have women and they're like reading like a 10 minute story or there's like a guy reading a story and you just are listening because, I don't know why you like it. Story is what has got to work with stories. What does that work? You listen to it like so be like, oh, so I came home from work and I was waiting for my boyfriend to come over and then you know I just took a bath and I got out of the shower and he came in and I was so you know he came in and he just said you don't lay down I want to give you a massage and you know you just hear them tell

the story like that, like an erotic story. So you use your imagination. Yeah, and you just lay back. Because I think it's really sexy to hear someone else just talk about that also gets me in the middle. You guys, thank you for being here. So fiancee and sister-in-law,

where they can they find you, everybody, tell them. Hi, I'm Sophia Salon. I'm Sophia Salon on Instagram. On Instagram, Twitter, all the platforms. Unlacks podcast. Emily, thank you so much for having us. Thank you for being here. I adore you guys.

I'll see you on your show soon. Stick around. After the break, I talk to Sherry, whose partner takes a long time to reach orgasm. Let's talk to Sherry 58 in California. Hi Sherry. What's going on? Hi, yeah. Hi, Emily. Hi. I'm dating someone recently in July and we've had sex a few times, but when we first started, he couldn't have it orgasm. He said, well, he hasn't had sex for a while. So maybe that's the reason, right? So we keep trying and he still has it.

And I'm giving him like blow jobs like crazy. And nothing's happening. He won't give me any feedback about what I'm doing wrong. I never experienced this with anyone else. So I know it's not my technique. Yeah. At least normally. OK?

You know what? Yeah. Yeah. You got to tell me what I'm doing. I'm down here for like a half an hour or 45 minutes. They're like, it's like quiet in the church. It's like, it's a grind. It's a grind. Sherry, it sounds to me like he's a delayed a calculator. That's why the blow job gets a bad name, gets a bad rap because you're like, this is a fucking job. Sherry, I bet you he's a delayed ejaculator.

And that means that that's a condition that men have, it's like premature ejaculation. This is the other side of it where you actually, and it's for men who last typically, I don't like to put time around it, but it is about 30 minutes to an hour. They just really cannot ejaculate. And it delayed ejaculation. There's a lot of different causes for it. We don't know exactly. A lot of things.

It's mental. It could be something physical, but it's actually one of these conditions and it's a lot of different causes for it. We don't know exactly, a lot of things. It's mental. It could be something physical, but it's actually one of these conditions and it's very common for men, actually. I hear about delayed ejaculation. Yeah, it's pretty common. I was with a guy once to share the same thing and I was like, what is the problem?

I'm really good at oral. I know what I'm doing. This is there, am I not? What happened? And I come to find out that like this was something that he's like, oh no, it just happens. And then my friend happened to have date. I just remember this now.

My friend had dated him like two years earlier. And one time I was like, what's the deal with Bob? I'll call him Bob. And she was like, oh my god, he never comes. But see, we did, but that's what it is. So, I would, yes. So I would say to him, so is this something that's, you know, I'm curious. So tell me, is this been something that happens to you often?

Because it's really, it's really all worry when our partners and orgasms are fall and typically it's not. Unless you're actively not trying, you know, to satisfy your partner. No, I'm trying. Okay. I hear you. I hear you. I'm exhausted for you.

What if I made a blowjob? You got a nap? You know, you need to take the day what if i've been a blowjob you got a nap you know you take the day off work it's a lot a lot so i mean share this me that he said it happened before but like we've been we've been trying to for like a couple of months now and nothing has happened

not every day based on what you know once or twice a week or whatever you know know, or regular basis, and nothing's happened. Does the orgasm during intercourse, during penetration? No, no. Oh, not of it. You haven't seen a drop. No, he's not with me. He told me, he said, he is masturbating his orgasm for masturbation. But not with me. It could be that. Well, it could be also. It's not my fault. It's not your fault.

I would share it. I am telling you, you have the doctors certified, it's not your fault, seal of approval here. It's not your fault. Has nothing to do with you. He's a delayed ejaculator. Now, you could, if you're into this guy, try a vibrator on his penis. Try maybe if he's into prostate play. You don't get a cock ring that vibrates

I Yeah, I know I think that he doesn't have to I know well, you know, Sherry this is what I'm here. This is why I have a job. Most people have never talked about it, whether you're 58 or 18, nobody ever talks about it. So he's probably, and I'm going to be honest, is he in his 50s as well? He's probably had this for his lifetime. And I'm going to imagine 51. Yeah, I'm going to imagine that he's never talked about it to anybody and that it's always

been a source of shame for him. And he doesn't know what he likes because he hasn't maybe had healthy sex relationships because it's always so much stress for him because he can't come. Well, I know he has kids too children, so he's obviously a child. He's come twice.

He's definitely a jack-of-the-trice. I don't mean that, but I mean like he doesn't mean, yes. I mean, he's probably has, I don't mean that he's never come, but I think that this problem maybe since his divorce, or since he's been with someone, or maybe his wife was used to it, maybe it was on set when in his 30s or 40s.

But it is an issue. I mean, it could also be like other health problems. He could be taking medication right now that could impact it. There are some things that could impact it. Like, if he's not an antidepressant, I would get more information. No of the medication. This is like, we've never, he's never ejaculate with this together. We've been together. I know at least has sex at least

at least 15 times maybe. Oh, that's a lot of time. How is your, how about for you, are you having orgasm and pleasure? Yeah, I look down me. And you're very loving and you know, attentive, but like, I feel like I'm, I tell you, I'm wasting my time. I don't know if I'm wasting my time, but I'm not doing, I'm not using my time productively. Well, don't, yes, the 45 minute blow job

to somebody who does not ejaculate from oral, I would say also not efficient. However, is it having a good time? I don't, I'm not really, I would say also not efficient. However, is it having a good time? I'm not really sure, but he's not verbal. Let me tell you, when we do have sex, he's so quiet. That is so hard. I hate when someone does, yeah, that's tough. I hate you. Okay, well, we have now. We have a whole, we have some things to discuss the next time you

see him. You could say, I want to talk about it. I'm discussing with them. Yeah, I don't have any, I don't get any clues, you know, non-verbal clues that you want to tell them. You got to say to them, right? Yeah, I've asked you, well tell me what to do. Tell me how you like it, what you want. And you can be a little bit, but it's not like, and not, and I can't pull it out of him. I'm trying to pull it out of him, but I don't want to make him feel bad either. You know? Yeah, I think of another way to approach it, which is say, hey, when you guys are hanging out and it's casual and you're having dinner, not when you're in the bedroom. Remember timing, twerfin tone, not in the bedroom.

Outside the bedroom, very casual. So you know, I've been thinking about our sex life and I'm like, you know, it's all good. I know that you don't, if you don't ejaculate, it's still a good time for you,, I've been thinking about our sex life and I'm like, you know, it's all good. I know that you don't, if you don't ejaculate, it's still a good time for you. But I just have some more questions for you because I can't help get out of my head that there's something else I could be doing and I would just love to know more about this

because if you tell me that it's told that I'm not, maybe because you could say, maybe you're feeling like I'm pressuring you, but if you actually are telling me that it's, let me know if there's something else I could be doing it. If not, I'm just gonna assume that we're good. Make it casual. Let's just say let me know. Maybe he's nervous the way you brought it up because it makes him feel more anxious that he's because he probably knows that he disappoints women when he doesn't orgasm. So let's just say the next case scenarios that he says to you, yeah, you know what? I actually actually gotta be honest with you. This has been the case for many, many years and I actually just love watching you come.

It still feels amazing to me. I'm not as attached to ejaculation. I love this relationship. Then could you just say, let it go, maybe, and be like, okay, he's not gonna come, but I am. And it's fine. It's kind of real good. I've been here right.

I want you. It's okay. But if you can make peace with it and you get more information, this is just where he's at at. This point in his life. And you could still be with him knowing that that's just going to have to be the next decision. But let's get some more information from him. Get a little bit more details and then decide.

But it's going to be a new thing. You know, you're going to have to think about it. Yeah, let me know. I'll be here. Talk to him. Can we do what happens? Thank you. Bye, Sherry. Let's talk to Mary Kate 24 in San Francisco. Hi, Mary Kate. Thanks for calling. Hi, hi, Emily. Hi. Great to be heard. I definitely wanted your input on something. So I just recently moved to San Francisco from Southern Illinois.

And due to moving, I broke up with my boyfriend. So my issue is I'm trying to be young and fun, I'm 24, I'm trying to get back into the dating world. And it feels so forced. And when it comes to any sexual attraction, these guys that I talked to, they're like nice and they're cool, but the only time I felt sexual gratification is like when I'm thinking about my ex. Yeah, Mary Kate.

Well, that sounds like exactly the condition that happens when you're used to being with one person for a long time. And now you're in a new city, and you're in a new place, so everything's exciting and new. But yet you have that, it's like, it's intimacy, it's familiarity, it's so that it's not so much that you have to be

with your ex again. It's more like having new experiences, and I think you're doing all the things that you need to do. It's just gonna take a matter of meeting somebody else to replace that thought, but also, it's like your condition, like how long were you with your ex-boyfriend? So we had kind of a complicated relationship, but I was also only with him for about,

you know, the starting the end of last year. So this is about the time we got together. Gone, and it was honestly my first real relationship and I definitely felt that intimacy with him. And I meet guys out here, they're nice. We get along really well. I have great conversations. I even tried to date a guy for about three months, but he even noticed. He was like, you're not into PDA you're so stand-off-ish and it's because I really just can't picture or like get myself to sexually desire anybody out. Okay and are you still talking to your ex as he's still present in your life?

So we kind of chat often on we kind of move well I mean we broke up due to me moving. So we still are like friends and we try to move it into kind of a friend relationship. So we still talk on and off sometimes, but I probably haven't spoken to them in the last couple of weeks. Okay, because I think the sooner you can get away from that, I get that he's a comfort to you, but I think it's really hard to move on when you're still talking to your ex. But I would also say give it time. I mean, when did you move there? You just moved a few months ago during a pandemic?

Yeah, yeah. I just moved at the end of July kind of on, you know, on a win. I never lived in the city before, but some recommendations for them. Good friends. It just seems like I needed a change. So what a great place though. I mean, first off, I mean, you sound like me because I moved there when I was 22 from Michigan and I didn't know anybody and I moved there in September. Yeah. That was my place and it was so exciting, but it took me a while to find my people, to find a boyfriend, to find.

I had a boyfriend from college I was still talking to and so I think it's a process. So it's like having patience with yourself and knowing that it's not a problem. It's just sort of a condition you have. He's the last person you associated with intimacy and romance and you probably felt safe with him. So now you're with someone new and you're thinking, well, I don't wanna hold your hand.

I barely know this hand. And so you don't have the emotional connection yet. And I promise you, Marricade, it is going to happen. Like if I thought of myself with that college boyfriend still, like, God are we different people. But we tend to get just attached to what we have in the past. So the other thing I would say that would be helpful. In the meantime, as first, take the pressure off yourself.

I love that you're dating. I love that you're just going out there and beating people. But it's okay if you're not feeling that yet. But also I want to say, how is your own intimacy game? Are you given yourself some self love? Are you masturbating? Are you having other? Are you in this sexual place at all with yourself? Because then you're also linking that up to the X. He has that power over you. Yeah, and that's definitely something I was kind of come across when it comes to like my own personal pleasure and things like that I really can't

Focus on anything because I mean like I was in the game. I was dating other people I was like casually dating and casually having sex, you know like when I was younger in college And then this was my first real relationship So I've definitely had that but I have no desire really to hook up with anybody. And I even like sexually myself, I might have, they're like not interested, not interested in masturbation, or it is all mentally focused on him or memory with him. But, see, this is exactly your 24 years old. Your experience is, there's a little bit limited right now, because that's what you've had. And it's a, you know, I had my greatest first love, you know, when I moved to San Francisco at 23, I think we met, like we get linked, it's a new experience.

So it can be even more powerful, the relationships we have in our, you know, earlier, again, our 20s. So I think for you, then I'm gonna give you an assignment because it's kind of like with masturbation and it's a new practice as well. But the more you can just do it and be more mindful of it and pay attention

to like what you're feeling in the moment, you could think about how it like exploring your body with your fingers, using a toy. And like really, if you focus on your breath and what it feels like to touch yourself, you can kind of stay focused in that moment. If your mind starts wandering to your ex, you could just try to bring it back to sensations because that's what's going to allow you to figure out what feels good to you, turn yourself

on. And it's kind of, I hate to say that masturbation becomes like exercising, but it is, because I don't know if you work out, but sometimes it's really easy, and sometimes when you take a break, it's not. But once you start doing, again, you always feel better after. The same thing goes for masturbation. So like a mindful masturbation practice where you're just like, okay, Emily says to do this, I'm going to keep going. And then have an orgasm and feel that in your body and like start to focus on that. And not beat yourself up if you're thinking about your boyfriend, but maybe you could even replace it with someone you went on a date with

that you weren't that into. See, that's the thing. It's that you can't picture the intimate. You might have liked one of these guys or maybe you could have, but it was not familiar. So could you try to just, if you keep going towards your boyfriend, maybe just picture one of these guys that you're not gonna be with a picture

their face instead, or a celebrity crush. This is, you have my permission to do this just to replace it. So your intimacy and your sex life is it tied to the ex still. And again, you still might be. We all, it still might be for a little bit. Because I know when I'm in a good practice,

I'm walking around, I'm feeling much more turned on, much more sexual, but when I go weeks without masturbating and touching my, I'm like, oh God, I'm dead inside. I don't wanna do it, I'm tired, you know? So it's just, I'm just reminding you of little steps you could take and then also not be hot on yourself because he's someone you loved and it only ended because you moved.

So it's not like he was an asshole or anything. So it's harder to hate the nice ones, but I think that would definitely be something I could kind of try, you know, moving from ex-boyfriends to more so, like, you know, Clooney or Brad Pitt. Exactly, Brad Pitt, George Clooney works every time. Sure.

That's pretty good. Okay, well, yeah, definitely think I'll, you know, maybe focus on my self a little bit more and being more charged with like my pleasure as opposed to like thinking about somebody who used to be in charge of this for me. Exactly. That's it. And then you're going to feel when you're with someone new, you're going to know, you're going to feel like, oh, hello, body, like you're already going to be in your groove. And then it'll be you'll be more open. Your sexual energy, you're more open to actually find the person that you're attracted to who gets lucky enough to be with you.

That's me of some stuff, it's true. It's true, I mean it. Mary, Kate, you and San Francisco, I wish I could go back and live that right now. It's a wonderful city to move to. And so I would also say we've got a lot of great stuff at sexwithemily.com, like, you know Brigitte and our masturbation or mindful masturbation practices just to give you a, just to give you a little push. So let me know how it goes.

Oh my God. Well, thank you so much. I'd be appreciated. Always been a big fan of you. So finally, I got to call it and speak. I love it. Thank you so much. Call anytime. Yeah. I'll be here for you, Mary Kate. I'll be thinking about you there. Thanks for calling. Appreciate you. Have a great night. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break, but stay tuned. I'll be answering rapid fire questions from Instagram.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Super excited to talk to Deborah 56 and Massachusetts. Hi, Deborah. Thanks for calling. Hi, Emily. How are you doing? I'm so doing well. I'm excited for your call. Tell me everything. How can I help? Well, my husband and I have Bob and he's here with me.

We have you on speaker. Hi, Devin. I've been listening to you for the last couple of years. We've been together for 33 years and married for 31 and we're experimenting with some of things you've suggested. Right now I'm interested in exploring prostate play and we haven't done any of that and I'm wondering if you can make some suggestions on how to get started. Yes, such a great question. Now, wait, your interest at Deborah is Bob interested. Yes, he is. Okay. I love, I love when you guys are calling it together.

So what we're talking about is the prostate, just for everyone listening to men have a prostate inside of them and the adhesives. I'm sure you all know this, but it can also give you intense pleasure. And there's a lot of stigma around it, right? You've heard like, oh, does it mean that I'm gay or it's only for exiting? No, it just means you a part of your body that can feel amazing when you stimulate it. So a great way to start is just to start with some external. Have you ever done any external touching Deborah like with your finger and some lube just externally to see if you can get used to what it feels like to have some stimulation?

Well, we've done some of that and we've got some anal plugs that we've played with. Great. I don't have long nails, but I have short nails, and he worries about my fingernails. Yeah, that's a thing. I mean, you could wear a glove. I mean, the thing is the nails, it's very thin tissue internally.

And so you can, you know, if you have even short nails, it could still, you know, they have to be really short. I always tell people like before you're going to do it, if you're, you know, for men, trim your nails, make sure that they're clean, all that stuff. But if you even have a little bit of nail, you know, you could also put cotton, if they're short, they're okay, but you could also put little cotton balls at the end of gloves, too, like if they're little, for people with longer nails, so the nails don't poke through the gloves.

Yeah, that's cool. So I recommend that, you know, use a glove, and then really you just, now do you wanna start with your fingers or do you wanna use a toy, Deborah, Bob, what are you thinking? Well, we can take out. I think we ordered it, it hasn't arrived yet. Okay.

We use, what's her store, we've used your store. Oh, good vibrations on my website. Yes, we went through good vibrations and we ordered, um, we ordered a toy, but it hasn't arrived yet. Okay, perfect. So let's get you started then. So, so what you do is you insert a finger, you know, it could be your middle finger or a finger, a finger finger, the pointer finger. You just want to make sure that Bob is relaxed and he's laying on his back and then you just, you insert a finger, you know, you go slowly inside and you want to use your finger on a come-hither motion towards the belly button, much like how you would stimulate the G spot internally.

So it's just sort of, and then when you're doing that, you'll find this spot, and it's like a rough area, kind of like a peach pit. And then you just, but you just want to start to tap it with a finger like it's a tapping, okay? And then Bob's gonna be giving you feedback about how it feels,

and it's really just, it's like a tapping or it's applying pressure with a finger. Like you're just sort of, you know, you could try going faster or a little bit slower, but it's kind of different for everybody. So you're using the, you know, it's a stroke too. So you're not poking, I'm trying,

I haven't described this in a while, so you're stroking it, right? So once you find it with that comhether motion, it's like a steady... It's like a really slow com-header. A slow, steady, rhythmic com-header where you're applying pressure. Okay.

And then you go slow and you could go slow or a little bit lighter, following Bob's his response and how he's feeling. And then you could also try a tapping, the tapping, like I said. And then just see how that goes and you wanna make sure that you could also try a tapping, the tapping, like I said. And then just see how that goes. And you want to make sure that you could also circle around with your finger. Much like how we all, I tell everyone to kind of figure out their G spot.

We'd send a lot of time talking about internal pleasure or the G area, as I call it. And then just go. Yeah, we've got a lot of time on that. Exactly, Deborah. Right. This is the same kind of thing. Like it didn't, you know, the first time you were at Bob Debra, I don't know if you just kind of found your spot.

So it takes a little bit of time. He did, that's why you've been together for so long. I love it. So really just like a constant pressure, your fingers inside and then you just want to kind of take it out slowly. So you're not going in and out. I think that's another misperception that you're pulling your finger out and putting it back in.

I mean, unless you, you know, these into it, but I think it's more about, you know, a come hit or a gentle little rubbing. Okay. Well, you know, was that helpful? Right. Okay. You want to make sure that you just are sticking to one thing. Okay, well, you know what, was that helpful? Right. That makes, okay. You wanna make sure that you just are sticking

to one thing. No place to get advice to get started. So I really appreciate this. Of course, I'm here for you. We guys let me know how it goes. You know what, we will. Okay, I love it. I'll be here.

Thank you. It was lovely to talk to you guys. I love getting you off of this mission here. Thank you so much Emily. You're so welcome. Have a great night. Bye, Deborah. Thanks for calling.

And of course, you need to use a lot of lube and reapply as needed. And by the way, a lot of you took our survey. Thank you. But what I found in it was that a lot of you aren't using lube and you just got to use lube. All right. Should we do a little bit of rapid fire? We get a lot of e-belts from you guys, a lot of DMs.

You slide into my DMs on Instagram, which is sex with Emily. And I just wanna be able to answer all of them. So let's try to answer some right now before we end the show for the night. Rapid fire with Dr. Emily. All right, Heather on Instagram, recovering sex drive.

I've lost my sex drive. How do I get it back? We never lose our sex drive. so it just takes a little break. I think that when our brains on board for sex our body will follow the best way to get it back is to start pleasing yourself thinking about things that arise you want. Arouse you the more sex be get sex the more orgasms you have the more you'll maybe desire sex. All right, our twitching spasms twitching spashing orgasm is realistic.

My boyfriend is surprised with minor less theatrical. Our orgasms are different all the time, but yes, it's your pelvic floor muscles that contract when you've an orgasm. And sometimes they make you twitch. They make your legs twitch and it's all good. Just tell your boyfriend to. Sometimes it doesn't, and it doesn't. Leah Instagram anal for beginners advice for first time anal sex.

Go slow, breathe, and use a ton of lube and start with a finger. How do I help my partner become more adventurous? Since this is rapid fire, I'm going to tell you quickly, do the yes, no, maybe list. At sexwithamily.com, look for the yes, no, maybe list, and it's a great exercise for couples to see all the things that are possible, and maybe you'll find she's already a little more adventurous than you think. Okay, mismatch libido,

is if you're not sexually comb, if you're not sexually combating with your boyfriend, my sex drive is higher. Every relationship has a couple of people that are mismatch libido's, high desire load, desire partners, that happens. Keep talking to your boyfriend and figure out when are you guys both gonna be, you know how much sex is enough schedule sex certain times

a day all the things but keep talking about it okay. All right how do you tell a potential partner that you're a 29 male a 29 year old male virgin. All right I would tell them as soon as you think they're going to be a sex partner I would say you know what? I have not had sex yet. It's something that I really think that I would love to have sex with you or I'm feeling like we're heading in that direction, but remember. It's nothing to apologize about. Nothing to be shameful about.

It's, we all lose our virginities when the time is right. So I think that if you're with a trusting, honest, loving, supportive partner, then they're going to be okay with it. And you're going to know if they say something that makes you feel bad, get out of that relationship. What's the best toy to start off with a partner without experience in toy play? I say the Wevibe Chorus. It is a couples toy that you can insert during penetrative sex. It stimulates internal, internal nerves nerves, external clitoral nerves,

and it feels great on the penis too. All right, I can't orgasm without doing it myself. I can't do it during sex at all, any tips. You know, that's the case for a lot of women. I would recommend that you do mutual masturbation with your partner, because if they're there, you're going to figure out He can see what turned you on you see what turns him on and he's going to see how you touch yourself So then he'll be able to touch you and move in that way. All right. Thanks everybody

That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Family Be sure to like subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast, and share this with a friend or partner. Leave me if you got something out of it, they will too. We release shows on Tuesdays and Fridays, and look out for a bonus episode every now and then. Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. It's all at Sex with Emily. And I've been told I give really good newsletter, so. So sign up at sexwithemlea.com

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