Sex With Emily - Trouble in Paradise: Infidelity, ED, and Porn Insecurities

Episode Date: January 21, 2017

On today’s show, Emily is joined by her beloved friend and VP of Chick Flick Productions, KEN! The dynamic duo recap some highlights of the last couple months, then team up to tackle your emails! Are you suspicious your partner may be cheating? Insecure about sharing your porn preferences with a partner? Maybe you’re wondering when’s the right time to have the “what are we” conversation? These are just a few of the concerns addressed on today’s show. Also, Ken and Emily review results from our end-of-the-year survey, and they’re all about you! What were your favorite lessons learned in 2016? This podcast has the answer, and so much more. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show I'm doing by the man, the myth, the legend. The very president of Chick-fil-A productions can. Can is awesome. We're tackling some of your most pressing love and sex questions. Thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Emily.

You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC Emily, we're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sextoome.com where you can do so many things. There's just every day we're uploading with like blogs and material and content and just

things that will make you allow you to have better sex and relationships and it's so easy to subscribe to the podcast and check us out on social media because I'm just loving up Snapchat, Instagram, all that stuff. Facebook, Twitter, it's all at sex with Emily across the board and just took our store, the love one thing's happening. I'm here with Ken. Hi. Ken, hi, welcome.

Welcome, I'm glad to be here. I'm so glad you're here, because we talk about you all the time. You do? Yeah, kind of. We do. Listen to the show. You do, listen to the show.

So Ken is the vice president of Life of the company and Ken lives in New Jersey. I do. But we talk a lot. And he's around. He's here. And now you're here because this is a big sex months. It is. Right.

Not for us. Ken's married and stuff like it's fine. Just don't people get these thoughts in your head. But January's big for the sex industry. The adult industry. The adult industry. Absolutely. So you're here because we're going to a lot of events.

A lot of events. We didn't have a word show last night. The X is executive awards where you and I were both nominated. We were nominated. And hold on, I gotta remember if we won. Did we win? Nope, we didn't win. No, we didn't win.

But I'm fine with that. I know, we did. We did campaign hard, sort of. You did. You were good. You made little slow. I did I had slow guns I had you know we will not grow be without your consent. I did clean my glasses. I did clean my glasses. Okay, so Ken He he makes up slogans. I do and he cleans my glasses because they're always filled well You know when you hired me there was with the two requirements on the on the you know the Craigslist dad Clean my glasses and make up slogans. Exactly, no it really works.

But yeah, we had fun and then we went to where were we the day, I feel like we've done stuff every day, which is a system Joe. We're at system Joe yesterday where we are good friends and know the official sponsors of the show and they had us over yesterday to talk with their high level sales staff and they surprised us with the need for a one hour presentation. That was good. But you were good. Another thing kind of whip out PowerPoint.

I whip it out. He whipped out a PowerPoint on the plane. It was like nothing. And then we talked to them about, yeah. You were good. You were like, what are we going to talk about? Just follow me, lead. I said, trust me. I was good. So we talked about their loobs. And then, I'm, yeah, tonight you were good. You were like, what are we gonna talk about? Just follow me lead and we'll, you know, I said, trust me.

I was coming in. It was good. So we talked about their loobs and then, I'm, yeah, tonight we're going to the porn awards. The porn awards. Right, which I know you're all super jealous. No, but it'll be fun. It'll be at the somewhere downtown.

And I'm trying, I'm wearing like a sexy, weird medicine just goes, where is it? Would you say that or would you say that where's the other half? No, she saw it. Yeah, I was just, It is pretty see through like, I'm trying to debate if I really want to wear that dress tonight.

I'll come over and style you. Okay, I'm adding my guitarist, but you can. I mean, it's just hard to know, but it's been a really good weekend. I love the MXR that we're going into and me this weekend, which is adult and other team manufacturers, I suppose. But we go there, that's because how,

you know, I always talk about products on the show. We have great sponsors, like this is where we go around and we're like, what toys do we like, what products we actually like, who we're sponsors. This is where we go around with what toys do we like, what products we actually like, what brands we like. Everybody's there, all the manufacturers from the United States and around the world are all there to show off product

to the stores that would then sell it. And we're like, you're like royalty walking around there. I get jealous walking around, because I know everybody in the industry, but I walk around and you're like a magnet. I think that's sweet. I'm real happy. That's it, I love everybody. I mean, but I walk around and you're like a magnet. Oh, that's sweet. I'm real bad, but that's why I love everybody. I know, I'm just a little bit.

You walk through there and you can't walk three inches without somebody grabbing you to say hi. I know last year we were there, and I just, it was the, we were waiting for the food. You know when you're at one of these big events, there's like 300 people and you're waiting for the food to come? Because they're slowly like two waiters bringing it out to each table.

And our food income, I'm starving and I got a pee. So into the bathroom, and I felt like I was gone for an hour, but it might have been 20 minutes. But I probably had like four super meaningful conversations between, yeah, between like the meal and then I came back and you guys already did it. I, my complete meal, your meal was like hot and fresh when it landed there. And you got back and it was like the dryest steak I'd ever seen. But I had some really good conversations on the way in the bathroom before during and after.

Okay, let's do some sex in the news. Sure. Okay, because this is all about you. This is actually that you, well, yes, in a way to originate with you. But so in December, we ran a survey on sexorizm.com asking you guys to tell me what you've learned from the show, what you'd like to learn in 2017, because I'm nothing without you. If you guys aren't happy, you're like, I should talk about that. I want to know.

I want to know what turned you on. I want to know what you want to hear about. So you guys really freaking delivered. So thank you. We had a lot of responses, right, Ken? Yeah. There was 300 responses to the one in December. Right. And almost 1300 to the dream loop survey, which was the month before. The dream loop survey was awesome. We'll talk about it. We're going to tell you

about the dream loop survey. Sorry, we got to keep you hanging for a little bit. We're making some dream move bets that we were talking about. We were like stirring the dream loop hot at system job. It's a call dream. Okay, so let's, right, I met in call dream. You did. I knew it. I's a call dream. Okay, so let's, right, I met in call dream. You did, I knew it's not that. I know, yeah. So let's start with some of the basics about who answered these questions.

You wanna read the percentages? You're good with the numbers, you're good with numbers. That's why I heard them too. So yeah, that was the third line on the Craigslist set. So basically from the dream loop survey, we asked for, we wanted to know who you were for. Who are you? So who are these people?

So Emily's got a very nice audience from a demographic perspective. And so it's right down the middle, 48% female, 52% male, 50% of you are under 35, and 50% are over 35. That's like the perfect dream balance, right? If I had to dream up an audience. Yeah, and then the cool thing, the coolest thing I found

was that 72% of the people who are listening right now are in a committed relationship or their marriage. That's interesting. I feel like maybe I just hear from the people who aren't. I wouldn't have thought 72%. Right, I would never have guessed it, that it was that high. Right, okay, but what I like, so that was good to know

who you are. Also, what you learned, we asked for what you've learned from the Sex with Emily Shop. And top three responses from what you learned. In 2016. In 2016 what you learned. That's funny, this is really the, okay.

You learned that, number three, you learned that sex toys are awesome. Yep. They're pretty awesome. I'm glad you learned that because we do talk about sex toys a lot. I'm glad you didn't think that they were less than awesome. I'm wondering like, I guess maybe before they listened to the show, people might have known that much. A lot of, you know, some of the responses, you know, from the other, from the dream

loop survey, we asked people to write in responses, think, you know, just general comments about the show. And a lot of them were, I had never considered using a sex toy before listening to the show. I had never considered using loop before listening to the show, which is a crazy thing. I know, right? I think we're bringing loop to the masses, though. Bring it back.

OK, number two, we have a tie. Do you want to read our tie? Yes, sure. This is the thing that you learned this year. Yeah, you learned how to communicate your needs, which I'm sure that makes you very happy. Yeah, that's all I want. That's it, right? And you learned how to understand your partner's needs.

So how awesome is that those were the tying things? That's what I, if I had to dream what I would want you to learn, that's what I want you to learn. Right. I'd talk about communication. Communication is a lubrication. Yeah. As it says in the wall behind me.

Yeah. Like that sign. I like, Ken made the sign. Line four on the Craigslist side. Okay, so I love that. You guys really communicated a lot and you've learned that on the show. Number one, this is huge.

You learn to be more comfortable with sex in general. Right? So we're about, yeah, because you guys, it's sex. Like why make it so difficult? Why make, we all do it. We all like sex really complicated. We get tripped up out of it. We don't even know why we've got issues from childhood. We've do it. We all like sex really complicated. We get tripped up out of it. We don't even know why. We've got issues from childhood.

We've got attachment. We've got just things that have kind of shamed guilt and we make sex really complicated. So I'm glad that you're even being more comfortable with sex means that that's the first step to having better sex. And so I feel good. It's the, it's the, and anyone can talk to it.

That's, that's, it was far and away the number one. Yeah, that's what I want, you guys. And you said that that's what you got. And I just feel like synergy here. It's amazing. OK, and then we asked what you want to learn in 2017. Top three responses.

Number three, you wanted to know how to explore Kinker BDSM. How are you going to do that? Well, I feel like this is so great too. OK, I love this. and just so you know guys, you can always just email me these suggestions too. I love to know what you want to hear about, but I feel like in my brain I'm like, oh, we always do that,

but maybe it's show that it's more in depth on it. We've got sports sheets. First of all, 50 shades of gray is coming out in February, part two. And so it's definitely going to be in the zeitgeist still as it has been for the last few years. But I think, you know, we've got, sports sheets makes such amazing like bondage gear. We've talked a lot about that, but like they're just, they're so easy. Well, they go, they go, I hate to use the myelto wild. I mean, they've got, they've got everything. So, so people who just want to get introduced to it, all the way up to,

you know, but those are really hard courses. Yeah, so we've got everything, so people who just want to get introduced to it, all the way up to, you know, really hard course. Yeah, so we've got the great products for you, but I do some people who are like, kink masters, beta set masters in LA that I think I should bring in some experts. That would be cool. Let's write this down, people. We'll have that happen. And it doesn't all have to be about bondage, it could be really. I think it really covers all the range of, you know, anything alternative even.

Yeah, I think that what you guys are asking for is some specifics. I just want to hear about, like, I want. I just want to know where do I start, maybe a beginner's guide to bondage, which I know we've done. If you also, we have 500 chose an iTunes. So if you think we might have caught or on the website, that might not even be an iTunes. But anyway, yes, we will get into that, I promise.

How to better communicate your needs. How can I better? Yeah, I feel like I do that. I feel like I feel like I've got some new tools that my that was number two. I was number two. Yeah, number two is what you want to know. Yeah, and through how to improve your sexual performance. That's a general one. And that, you know, that's that's something else, you know, if it's, you know, the actual, the actual performance where you could, you could really go through and do specific shows on whatever, on compositions, on just thinking.

It's just so hard. Here's the thing. I get so many questions about positions like a lot of press requests. Matt produced a Madison. I was like, it's not that I don't love answering press requests about it. I have a whole book about it. Hot Sacks, if you haven't checked it out. But if they're hard to talk about on a show,

like on a podcast, you're listening. And for me, I'm like, okay, so you're going to this position and she's lying flat on her back and he takes his left leg and puts it over her. So maybe I'm a visual, right? Because I'm like a visual, if someone's explaining, I tune out.

But I think it's more about their performance. Like, are they good skills? Like specifically, you probably want to know like how I performing how can I increase but you know How can I pay attention more to my partner to learn what they want and bed? Just more tips and you do that. I mean you every show you work that in right now, but you know I guess it's more that means if you're gonna be listening all year cuz we're doing what we do. Yeah, I love it Okay, well that these are these are my goals to roll online What and what is so what what do you doing, what we do? Yeah. I love it. Okay, well these are my goals too, we're all aligned. And so what do you think you brought to the table in 2016?

What was the biggest thing you think you were able to contribute to your listeners? I mean, you see what they say they learn, but this is 300 of the 900,000 that download the show every month. What do I think I brought? I thought I'd think I brought my full self every time I do a show. No, I did a lot more. I was you know, I'm always working on myself. And so I think I did the somatic training with Celeste and Danielle. You guys everyone to check out their book Making Love Real. I thought that was a really like powerful transformative experience. And so I've even brought in some of people who have taken the class with like Pam Costa

You guys love that show and Amy Baldwin and I think it's really just giving me a lot of insights into the the way Okay, we all know men are from Mars women are from Venus. I think John Gray wrote that book 25 years ago, right? However, yes, we know that we're all really different and it's confusing But yeah, it's hey a lot of us want to be with members of the opposite sex. So how do we deal with it? And the thing that's so magical that what you do is to really drop into a different level of like, yeah, there's some problems we have with communicating with sexual desire and response.

And here's a different way of talking about it. And it all starts with being embodied, understanding who you are, what you want, and different ways to communicate that to a partner. And so I think that that really was a... That was a big learning experience for you. That might be what you learned the most in terms of... Yeah, and I think I brought that to the table. No, you communicated it for sure.

Yeah, and I think, I don't know, what else I've learned. I mean, well, I don't listen to the show. So I don't know, I don't remember. You guys have to know that I've like radio amnesia as they call it, but Drew had this too on Loveline that you, it's not that I don't remember if someone said, oh, remember that email about Blank Yes, I remember, but after the show, it's hard to like think about what, because I'm so focused. You had a lot of, you wrote a lot of your personal experience. You went through a lot of personal

experience in 2016. You let people know, and I think Sematica was a big part, it let you really express that. Right, I had fewer sexual, I like less sex that I've ever had my life in this year. Oh, it's getting time to learn, right? No, it was fun though. It was like by choice. So I wasn't so busy having sex all the time that I could really work more. Fizzy, I know, it's like, you know,

it was on the schedule. No, I don't know. And what do you want to learn this year? Oh, God, Ken. Stop. What do you want to learn this year? How's your sex life? What do you learn from the show? I Oh God, Ken. Stop. What do you want to learn this year? How's your sex life? What do you learn from the show?

I learned how to be more comfortable. 100%. I know. You said that. So Ken's 100% over here. Let's talk about Ken. So Ken's married for a while. To love you, why?

Because kids are freaking amazing. 12 years this year. Yeah, 12 years. Amazing. And they're like happy couple. Yeah. And I adore you both, inner family. You're just like, oh fuck,

I just packaged a little family, I'd be like, this is the family. But yeah, how has it impacted your sex life? Because you've been thrown into this now. No, I know. And it's made it, you know, it's made, it's given me a lot of, and I've worked in this adult industry

for five years previous to hear. And toys and stuff. Yeah, but that's different. That's like, you know, it's gadgets and stuff. And, but so's different. That's like, you know, it's gadgets and stuff. But so, actually, speaking about it and hearing the listener's questions and hearing just how normalized you, and I hate to use the word normal, but because you make everything

beyond acceptable. And you can listen to, you talk about any particular subject and you come away thinking, oh yeah, that's totally, it's no different than buying groceries. Like what just went on there. No, you need a trip on it. And so, yeah, so it's allowed me to communicate and understand myself better. And yeah, it's definitely improved.

And Donna said the same thing to me. She's like, that's absolutely true. That's awesome. I'm glad. Okay, so helping one person, helping millions of people, and I feel it's good. Okay, let's take a quick break Then you're going to we're gonna answer your emails

First we're gonna give a shout out to our amazing sponsors. We love you and you know I never ever ever Talk about like a product or brand or a toy that I personally have not tried and that I don't Love and support so thank you so much for supporting our sponsors and for helping keep the show free. I love you all. We're at back. All right, everyone. Now we're going to move into some emails. I've got Ken here. Ken manages stuff in my life. It's amazing. The business. That's why you guys are able to actually listen to the show. Go to the website that actually works and get in touch with me because that's why everything works here. Thank you. Thank you. All right. Ready for emails. Okay, you guys, here's a deal with emails. It's a new year. There's a new way to reach me. You can submit your questions so easily at sexwithendly.com. You can also click on Askendly tab and then then when you can write your question there,

send it, we get it, we read them all, but you can also click the, I'd like to be considered for a phone call because we're taking callers. Can you or instrumental in that? Kind of, yeah, I'm glad it's worked out. It's been yeah. Right, and their phone shows.

I want to, because sometimes you guys, I love getting your emails. But when we talk, we can just go there, like we can go there deep, and we can get into it. Like I can ask you the questions that can really just kind of peel back the layers quickly. And um, it's a different show altogether when you're doing that. Yeah. So you're, but no pressure. Still love you. Choose what you want. You can also leave me voice mail 818, ask SWE1. And no matter how you ask me a question, just include your name, your age, how you listen,

and where you live, it's fabulous. You ready? I am, are you? Totally. Hi Emily, I'm a mysterious relationship with a girl. I really love. We've been dating for a couple of years now, but I've known each other for 15 years.

I'm currently micro-dosing on Seattleists to have sex because I feel the sex is better. It hadn't happened to other girlfriends before, but with my current girlfriend, I've had cases of weak erections, which later turned to pressure. It just kept getting worse, so I turned to Seattleists. It's been working great for our sex life, but I've kept it from her, so she doesn't think I'm less of a man. The oralge I saw is that it's a head thing, but I get erections every morning, and with

porn, I hate keeping this from my girlfriend, but want to know the female point of view and know what you think. Lawyer, lawyer, listen, for years now, Travis H.30, from Colorado. I laughed a little because microdosing is like this trend right now, like I always feel like we were like, microdosing on like LSD acid, like that's actually a thing now.

Really? Yeah. I've been doing it. Have you? Good, yeah. Yeah. Only. No, but it does, a thing now. Really? Yeah. I've been doing it. Have you? Good, yeah. Yeah. No, but it does. It can do you. Really micro.

So microdosing, really micro people are talking about. So I never heard of like microdosing on Seattle. No, I mean, yeah. So, okay Travis, we'll thank you for being a loyalist of the show. And I'm glad that you realize that this is a head thing. You know, it truly, a lot of teenest challenges and orgasm challenges, all the challenges

we all have does start in our mind. Like, it's, but that doesn't make it any easier. It's like, it's a, well, don't think about it, you know, it's, it's, it's, it will disrupt your erection. I understand that. And I don't know your girlfriend. I don't know if it's the breast thing, breast, the best thing to bring it up or a breast thing to bring it up right now that you're going to, hey, I've been microdosing on Seattleist

for months and months and months. I mean, I think it's best to be honest, but I also think like, you can make it more, what I'm thinking is, and I wanna ask you as well, is that you make it a casual thing. There's a thing with sex, you're like, I hear that you're freaking out Travis. And I hear that you're like, oh my God, I love my girlfriend.

I feel like I'm like betraying her. And I'm doing something wrong. And we have to be so 100% honest about everything. In relationships, I need to come clean. And I do think honesty is really important. But I think that you're putting a big trip on yourself. And this is clear to me that not only do you even anxiety over your erections, but also anxiety

about the relationship. So I'm just going to tell you that you can make it casual with her. You know, you love this woman. You can be like, babe, you know, sometimes, you know, I've been using Seattle as one of you know, I use it. And I'm really attracted to you. I love our relationship.

I love having sex with you. But I've realized I talked to my doctor about it. I'd really like to, I think a lot of it's in my head and I'm gonna try not using it for a while. I'm gonna, because you kinda wanna go off of it, right Travis? And so, but just so you know, if I don't get to like, has nothing to do with you. And I really don't think that's going to freak her out.

No, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't think so either. And, and most likely even with the Seattle, it sounds like he's having, he's having issues because he's, because he's thinking about it so much. Right, so like even with the sias, it sounds like he's having issues because he's thinking about it so much. Right. So you can't, yeah, you can't win. It's no, he's big hurt himself.

It's self-perpetuating at that point. Right. He's combating it with drugs, and he's not able to tell his partner about it, which it's not helping him. Right. But I just think you want to go off it too. Was he saying that? You are trying to go off it too, but I think play with it,

because you're 30 years old, you would do it for a few years. I think that, I think you're getting your actions in the morning with porn. I think like it just, again, you're getting tied up in your head about it, the porn is getting confusing to it. So I think just like bring her into it, but don't make a poll, like you're not doing anything wrong, you're not a bad guy. You're just trying to

better sex. And I wonder, I wonder if he is and this would be a good, you know, a good one if he was, if he was on a call like this is a perfect one, we would want to ask him. I want to know, we want other meds, if you would add anxiety, exactly. Exactly. Is his doctor recommending the micro dosingers? He's just, is he just experimenting, you know, with this dosing on his own? Right. You know, the other thing is I would say don't just step cold turkey. And this is something you shot your doctor about. If you've been micro-dosing for a year or two right now,

I wouldn't say just to stop, but maybe you just like, you carefully wean off of it. I mean, I would talk to your doctor about it. And, you know, don't trip on it. I think she loves you. You love her, you're trying to make it better sex life. And you know. Communication.

Communication, very important. Helps everything loves you. You love her. You're trying to make a better sex life. And you will. Communication. Very important. Helps everything. Tried. Okay. Hi, Emily. So I'm in a new relationship. We've been seeing each other for about a month. BTW, sex is really, really awesome, bonus.

So I know it's way too early to discuss if you're sleeping with anyone else. We've never talked about our status other than we know we're both single. We have seen each other three weekends in a row and a few times during the week. So when is it okay to bring something like that up without sounding like a needy bitch?

I'd like to try a relationship with this guy, but not sure where his head is at, Karen age 48. She wants to define the relationship. That's a relationship, Karen. I don't even know it's a relationship. You see them for three weekends. Yeah, that's not really a relationship, per se.

I mean, here's the thing. I think you got to find out you need to know. So I don't think you're 40 years old. There's no need to play games, okay? If you want to know if you're sleeping with other people, ask them, just be like, hey, so this has been really fun. I'm just curious. Are you dating anyone else? And you can say whether you are or not and find out

what you want to know don't play games so I don't think that there's any rules here but I want to tell you a month you know you've seen each other three weekends I think at this day and age we have to assume that he's probably seeing other people yeah I would I would thank it if you know there's there's all the open questions. Where did you meet? Or does it say that they're totally messed up? No. So if they met online, he's like you said the other day

about the apps, you meet somebody online, you got to assume. I assume they had three other days that way. Absolutely. Just to make yourself feel better. Right. Yeah. There was another point. You had another one?

I don't know. Oh my goodness. You're in my head? No. Am I in your head? No, but I think the other point is like, like, you know what you want. Here's a thing. It sounds like you know what you want, Karen. You want a relationship. Um, I think because you wanted to find it. So if that's sure you want, this guy doesn't want it to keep moving on because you're not going to be able to convince him otherwise. So I'm just going ahead and playing along with you. He might say, yeah, you know what? I think you're great. Let's try to make it you. He might say, yeah, you know what? I think you're great. Let's try to make it work. But if not, I think it's better to find out sooner than later, you know, that you guys are aligned and that you want the same thing. And and some

just warning you now that it's not that you either accept that as who they are. Maybe one day, they'll want to change or you that is what you see it was what she gets. So, okay, hi Emily. My name is Andy and from San Jose. I'm 26 years old and I've been with my girlfriend for four years now. When my girlfriend and I first got together, she had a boyfriend that I didn't find out about until five months into us hooking up.

She played it off as an open relationship, but I always had a funny feeling about it. Recently, I felt our chemistry is off. Whenever we're all hanging out, she's rude to me and is extremely flirtatious with this other single guy who lives with us. This guy is my friend but also has a habit of sleeping with his friends and girlfriends. Any time I bring it up she makes me out to be a crazy person like I'm imagining things and then I'm overreacting. Now I'm super torn. Am I way overreacting if I feel uncomfortable bringing this up to her and this is the reaction I get?

All I can think of is her ex-boyfriend who is getting cheated out with me for months before even I knew. What was she telling him? Please help me here stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Am I really crazy? Thank you. Love you new listener. Enjoyed a lot on the podcast.

Andy. Wow. I think you got to review the facts here. Andy, okay. So you are, you've been there for four years. You guys got together. She had a boyfriend. At the time. But you didn't find out the cheat of boyfriend. And when you found out you said, oh, we had an open relationship. And you don't really believe that that was true. You think she was cheating. Maybe that's come out later that she was cheating. Yeah, well either way. And now you guys live together and you live with a friend in quotes who likes to sleep,

who is a penchant for sleeping with other people's girlfriends. Perfect. Sounds like a good friend. And then when you bring things up to her, she tells you that you're crazy. And it sounds like she's not making you feel great. And I'm going to take your word on that that she's not making you feel great. I'm going to take your word on that that she's not making you feel great.

So there is a lot going on here, but you want to be in a relationship where you feel that you can trust the person that you're with and that you feel that you're in a safe space and that she can hear when you're when you're feeling, you know, when you're having reactions and you're feeling anxious and you're feeling bad about some of her behavior, she should be able to hear that. And she's making you feel crazy and she's telling you that you're crazy. And also your relationship started with a situation that had zero broken trust. Like the foundation of your relationship is on broken trust.

And when you don't heal that, when you don't like heal any relationship of people cheat, you've got to heal that trust. It doesn't just like magically go back together. Like you can't rebuild that, when you don't like heal any relationship of people cheat, you've got to heal that trust It doesn't just like magically go back together like you can't rebuild trust without working on it. So What do you think Hannah? Well, I don't know you know you the the question because he wasn't he hasn't been cheated on but he was potentially the The one he knows he has exactly so there's this there's this He's and you stayed with her for this foundation. So how long it's been brewing since five months into the relationship that she has this capacity to at least be quiet about this other relationship.

And so clearly he never got over that, right? And that doesn't go away. It doesn't surprise me. Five years in, four years in, that will... Even though you weren't the one who was being betrayed. But kind of he was. He was he was he was betrayed because he thought she was in an open relationship so yeah so that's so or she pretended to be either way and then she then he's got his friend right who he's suspicious of potentially it's

it's rough it's a it's it's a it's a rough situation but I think that you got to look out for yourself here. And you got to, like, I think you know what you want. And you know how you how you want to feel. And you guys have been here for four years, you're 26 years old. She might not really have the skills to talk to you about this stuff.

If she's just trying to shut you down, I don't know that's a kind way to treat your boyfriend of four years. I'm not feeling great about it. And if you have these suspicions, and you're not feeling well, she doesn't make you feel good, That's kind of enough to know that that's not what you deserve and She can't learn to talk about it. It might not be this might not be your relationship No, and you know and no one deserves to be made to be felt crazy when they when they bring up a concern like that

There's there's it's it's not a doesn't vote well. I don't think. No, never. So, yeah. It's a rough situation to get out of them. It's rough. Yeah, four years, you lever your best friend who's sweet to the- They've lived together. It'd be okay though, Andy. I think it's a, it four years in,

you guys should be able to communicate. So you could, you know, try, see how it goes and if it doesn't work, you know? Yeah, move on. Take yourself. Okay, hey Emily, first off, I want to say thank you for sharing your expertise. This podcast has helped me to open up my mind about sex

and trying new things I never thought I would. My boyfriend thinks you very much for this too. I've been dating my boyfriend for three years and we've been living together for two years. Recently he's been asking me if we could watch porn while we have sex. I'm all for it and love the idea. The only thing is I'm too afraid to tell him

what I like to watch. I love watching solo male porn. There's something about watching guy jerk off that really turns me on. Plus, it's not over the top or act it out. I've tried watching other types of porn, but it doesn't do it for me. I'm all about him being able to watch what he likes,

but I also want to be able to watch what I like too. I don't know why I feel so ashamed of liking it, but I want to be completely open with them and feel comfortable watching it with them. Any suggestions on how to get over this feeling of being ashamed and how to tell them? Elizabeth, 25 West Virginia. Okay, so I think this is an awesome porn question because a lot of times the porn questions be here for women who aren't comfortable at all with porn or their partner makes their request to watch porn and they don't know where to start.

But Elizabeth, how awesome that you're comfortable with porn. And just don't have any shame around it. He asks you to watch porn because he wants you to be turned on as well, which will turn him on. It's like this loop, right? So I think you can just kind of be honest with them. I think he'll, you know, he asked you to, like, he wants to watch porn, he obviously wants you to be turned on as well. So I would just like start with yours, you know, start, he obviously watched, do we turn on as well?

So I would just start with yours, start with what you like, watches what he likes. And the truth is, you never know maybe when you're alone masturbating, you have an idea of what will turn you on or things haven't turned you on, but maybe now there'll be a new association with it because you see that he's turned on and then who knows? Like a new thing, every day you see that he's turned on and then who knows like a new thing every day

People are finding new turn-ons. So you know It also might take it also might lead them to your your your number one suggestion with mutual masturbation like put on Yeah, it's a chill masturbation. It's such a good time Yeah, because the truth is yeah because you can both like watch what each other like, since if you actually like watching men masturbate, and that is your porn fantasy, then you should be having. And chances are he likes watching women masturbate. So go for that first, and maybe before, maybe before she suggests that, before she introduces that type of porn,

so they can do that together, do the act together, and then watch, then she could say, you know what, I like watching this, and I like watching that. Oh, good on trade. Like I saw you do. You know what? I actually like, that's a good one, too. Oh, good on trade. Like I saw you do. You know what? I actually like, that's a good one, Ken. That's not.

That's good. Yeah. I like that. So they could act it out or they actually do that. Do that first or second either way, but it's a good way to walk out of it. But I want, yes, I think that is a great way to walk into it, but Elizabeth, sweetie.

And I just, I don't want you to have any shame around what you like and what turned you on. And I don't want anyone to have any shame. That's my goal for 2017 to eradicate all shame and guilt. People have run sucks. Do you think that's too much of a lofty goal? No, of course not. But here's the other thing too.

You know, guarantee every person on the planet. So that's a little lofty. Well, okay. Well, we'll settle for, I don't know. We'll settle for a million a month. Is that good? Is that a good goal? All right.

What about, you know that if she's got something, she's afraid to tell him that she wants, there's a 30,000 things that he doesn't want her knowing he likes to watch. You think he wants you to look at his brows or his face? My God. There's no way. Oh my God. He is scrubbing that thing nightly. So, you know, tell him, you know, maybe it's not the first thing you suggest watching, but work it in, work and see what he wants. Yeah, because he said, you know, maybe it's not the first thing you suggest watching, but work it in. Work and see what he wants. Yeah, because he said, I mean, I love that you're both this couple who want to watch porn together. Like to me, that's great.

That's main happen. So I think you're all, this won't be, these won't be issues, but understand why they are. But just trust that he's going to be cool with your choices. And he can always, he can always, you know, have her pass. You can always point the screen somewhere else if he doesn't want to watch that particular scene. I think he's going to want to.

Probably. Probably. Okay, dear Emily, the guy that I'm currently dating says he's planning on staying a virgin till he is buried. I am not a virgin and I don't want to wait. What should I do? Rachel aged 22. Rachel. Rachel.

You're not going to talk him into. You don't want to be the one that talks this guy into losing his virginity with you. For whatever reason, religion, family, society, I'm not sure why, I'm not sure what it is. It's okay, I don't need to know. But if this is what he set out to do, to wait till marriage, there's a lot of guys out there. You're 20 years old. I'd say most guys are gonna want to have sex.

Yeah, I mean, what are the options? Get married now? Yeah, that's the other way. Right, she's pleased. I would not recommend that. I don't think you should get married before 30, Rachel. So unless you want to wait eight years, I think you're gonna have to move on.

Yeah. And how does she tell him that? I think she tells, that's a good question. I think that obviously Rachel, that's hard for me because I very, really come on and say dumb them, you know, but it's like, you're 20 years old, you've already had sex, you're adventurous. I think you just have to let them know that you're really attracted to them, that you love spending time with them, but like you sex is something that you're really excited about

and having sex is something that's really Important to you and seeing if you have chemistry with a partner and how you connect and that You couldn't possibly wait till you're married to someone to have sex because what if there wasn't a great connection I mean sex is like a dance you guys got to learn until there's bodies the whole thing and you respect his decision absolutely and But it's just not no and yeah, and just same can't, you know, don't make him feel bad. Exactly. That's the point. You know, and yes, he's gonna be hurt. And then that's, but that's that's the nature of any breakup in 22. You know, this yeah, should be prepared for several of those, right? Right. Yeah, absolutely. But he's planning on saying a word. So yeah, you, there's a

your doctor give it to me. You don't want to be the one the one because what the know the guilt and the shame come if he does right I was playing I went in the lottery at 22 Really didn't didn't work out didn't work out right but that but but now I'm here right I Shit yeah, I won the lottery. I did who doesn't want to be sitting in my chair right now raise your hand right? I see nobody. All nine hundred. They would like to be what? Of course.

I would love you all to be here. Right. I wish everyone could. I feel like you all all here. I feel like everyone is here with me. Right? In this awesome little office. It's perfect.

Yeah, it's perfect. Okay, Ken. Thank you for being on the show. Is there anything else that you'd like to add? Let me check my list. Ken's big list. No, no, I'm good. on the show. Is there anything else that you'd like to add? Let me check my list. Ken's big list. No, no, I'm good. This was great. I love being here.

I'm happy to be here every couple of months. And I love our staff. I love our staff. I do, how much do we love our staff? Oh, I live for our staff. What are the names? Madison. What are you saying?

No, Madison. We Eddie and Jamie and Lori have got Michelle helping out today. I'm sure. And you can, thank you for everything you brought to say. But you've just changed my life. I have to say Ken has been. And vice versa. I changed her the last year, having Ken help with a lot of the stuff that I was doing.

I don't have to do anymore. No, it's been great. You've changed my life too. This has been good. No, we love each other. This is really fantastic. I'm so glad. And I'm happy to speak with all of you because it's been great. It's been great. It's been great. No, we love each other. This is really fantastic. I'm so glad. And I'm happy to speak with all of you

because it's great. And you are the reason I'm able to feed my family right now. So thank you very much. And Emily's family and Madison and everybody. This is great. We love it. We love you. Thank you for your support.

Yeah, we love your support. Thanks everyone. Check out more polls on our site and stuff like that and I'm Follow Me and Snapchat and Twitter Instagram. It's all at text. They'll make cross the board. Thank you everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feed back at textwithamely.com. you