Sex With Emily - Unlocking The Orgasm Code

Episode Date: February 21, 2019

On today’s show, Emily talks about how you can’t let a bad experience during sex scar you forever – because the first time is not always the best time and second chances aren’t always a bad thing. Plus, why you should stop gossiping about your partner’s sexual exploits, threesome etiquette, and what the heck to do when your partner loves their vibrator, but you both want to have a big O without it. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Womanizer, Pjur, Magic Wand, Apex, and SiriusXM. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily. For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm taking your calls, answering your emails, and covering a lot of topics, including why don't we just stop gossiping about our partner's sexual exploits because hey, it's their business. Whatever the Sex Act may be, if you had a bad experience once, don't let it scar you forever. Three-some etiquette. How do you stay safe with all those holes?

What do you do with them? And what to do when your partner loves their vibrator, but you both want to have an orgasm without it. All this and more, thanks for listening. That mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. Hey girls, gotta understand. Oh my!

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common moment? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything you be tweaked for more information. Check out sexesemely.com. You can easily comment and subscribe on iTunes. We love when you do that. You can find the podcast for every you're listening to podcasts.

And also, you can join me on series sex and radio stars channel 109 I am there Monday through Friday 5 to 7 specific and it's been amazing I love reaching all of you and helping you guys with your sex and relationship challenges If you want a free 30 day trial not a problem sex with me.com slash SXM and as always follow us on all social media ads at sex with Emily across the board enjoy the show So hello everybody. We have some sex in the news we want to talk about today. It was just brimming with good news today. Well fun news. Want to answer it right Jamie? There was definitely some interesting thing. So this

article came out on people about some people from the show Vanderpump Rules, which is on Bravo, saying that one of the women her name is Ariana is very mad at her boyfriend this guy named Tom Sanval Because he outed her to her friends for having sex with another character on the show Lala Lala yeah, and basically This guy Tom he's out with his friends for his birthday and they're Talking about it says in here when boys traded ribs about their significant others dips in the lady pond. So he reveals like, yeah, I don't know if I ever told you this, but Arion and Alala, they

went out drinking and they were wasting their my car. She started, the girl Alala started going down on his girlfriend. So he's just, first of all, this is like on Nathrop. On TV, he's telling this really intimate story about his girlfriend. Yeah, about his own girlfriend. Yeah, I see. Okay, and I read this and I'm like,

people still do this. Like, don't we all know once we get out of high school, by the way, not even cool in high school, that you just don't talk about people you're sleeping with. Like, don't kiss and tell, don't have your girlfriend kiss someone else and tell about it or have her, her, it's by experience and whatever happened,

bisexual experience. I just think it's disrespectful. If you are dating someone, you're committed, you love them. For sure you shouldn't be revealing that. And then not on national television. Now here's the thing. If it wasn't being filmed, I get guys sitting on your best buddies,

bachelor party, or birthday party, you might tell it, right? You might tell, but hopefully they wouldn't, if they're best buddies and you trust them, guys are gonna do that. And I know I've sat around with my girlfriends and said things, but it's the ones that I know that would never reveal, I've known me forever

and I know they would never, ever reveal anything. me forever And I know they would never ever reveal anything So I was disappointed that this is still going on Today All the time I think this is a great reminder like I get it makes great TV. I was on a bravo show I know what it's like six years ago I was on a show called misadvised and the producers were like Pushing me to like have sex and say things that were outrageous like Do you want to be the boringest person on the show? I mean, that's a lot of pressure.

That is a lot of pressure. It was pressure. They were like, you want to be the least interesting sex expert on the planet. You're not going to have sex with this guy. I'm like, nope, I'm not. So I get that. I am going to give him that.

You're on Bravo. But still, it's just not cool. How do you get over that? Well, yeah, because it's not one. You just know that you're not just telling your friends at the bar that you have mics on. So that you're telling the whole world, you know what I mean? And then it's like about your own, your own girlfriend who's supposed to trust you. And the other girl probably doesn't want them knowing her business. And it's

their, it's their, it's their business. And now every time those guys see them, that's all they're going to think about. Right, exactly. And you never get away from that. Now, no one else gets away from it. Who's watched the show, because it's a really popular show. So, I just think it's a little reminder, we don't need to gossip about who you stop with.

Don't kiss and tell, don't fucking tell. Why? What's the purpose? I mean, bragging rights. So it's interesting because I mean, I don't know when I have sex with people, I talk to my friends about it. It's never like in port taste,

it's just about our sexual experience together, just because, yeah. But I'm usually like, yeah, this was good. This was like, you know, whatever. Like I'm never bashing them when I'm talking about it or anything like that unless they were like super selfish but that usually, I'm usually been pretty. It's just the gossipy nature of it.

Yeah. Just doesn't seem cool. But I feel like just a reminder, it's not cool. And things always get back to you. Always we'll get back to your friends. That is true. So yeah, I've, of course, I, but I feel like the way women talk about sex is more like when I do talk

to my girlfriends, they don't even care who it is necessarily. It's more like this happened and that happened and then I learned when I got on top. I can have it orgasm this way or he went down. I mean, you know, it's that kind of thing, which, and again, friends I've known forever, I'm not just screaming about it at a bar. So that is true.

Not at a bar with a mic on. With a mic on. And yeah, I mean, it's interesting the differences of how men and women, I think, talk about it with their friends. I always feel like guys are like either like, I banged her, I didn't bang her. This happened and happened. I think she's hot. I want to do.

And then women, when we're talking to our women friends, hopefully if you're that person, I think that we learned a lot by talking to our female friends about like details in the sense of not salacious details. Yeah. But more like, here's what happens to me during sex, what happens to you? Like I've learned so much.

And that's why I always encourage women and men, but in a much healthier way than this, to actually engage in healthy sex conversations with your friends. And actually, studies have come out that have said that women you have healthy relationships with their girlfriends and talk about sex in a healthy way actually have better relationships

and experience having, report having better sex, more orgasms and more pleasure. Because I think a lot of reasons why we don't have great sex, I think we don't, it's because we keep a lot of it inside, we have shame, and then that's when we start making assumptions that everyone else is having better sex than we are. So I think it's okay to talk about your sex life in a constructive way, but not just for entertainment value.

So I wasn't cool with that. Yeah, I'd like to trust your boyfriend after that. No, you don't really. Really? But everyone on that show sleeps with everybody, so it's part of it. But right. I've honestly never seen it. Right, but we've had the mom, Sheena's on, Sheena Shay, and then she was really cool.

She was cool. Yeah, we like them all. Yeah. All right. And there was this other article that came out. It was kind of like an advice thing, but it's just a very, I thought it was gonna be very interesting and Emily has a great take on this, I think. So, the title of the article is,

I hate hate hate anal sex, but my husband says it's unfair not to do it. So basically she's asking for advice because her husband wanted to try it. She didn't want to do it, but she tried it. She hated it, they tried it again. She still hated it. They tried with toys, slowly increasing sizes. She still hated that. They tried a bunch of different loobs, towels to break the bed, all these things. Basically, they've done all the stuff and she still...

All the stuff that I would say to do. And she still doesn't like it, but he's still saying that like he thinks that she should, even though like during two, she's saying that she like, it makes her skin crawl, she cries during and after, and her husband says that they can stop at any time, but she just goes through with it, and she just hates it, and she says that he doesn't want it to hurt her,

but thinks that it's fair for him to keep wanting it and keep asking for it without this outsize emotional response. So, I mean, that's just. Right, no. Okay. So here's the thing about this. So when I first read this, I'm like, well, what's going on here? Because my take on anal is this, is that what I've seen is that a lot of women have had anal experiences that were not pleasurable. And I've heard this variations of this story many, many times. Having sex with someone, they were drunk, wasted, either at A,

went on the wrong hoe, oops, that's painful, or B, they just weren't doing it correctly. And so here's the thing about anal, there are some steps. Not that difficult if you listen to me, but there's some steps. You want to make sure that you're relaxed. You want to make sure you're for women. You already have a literal orgasm first. It's really helpful that you're super relaxed. Use lots and lots of lube and then more lube. And you go slow. So for some women who had that bad first time experience because someone just put it in, I always say to them, well, I understand that maybe you could, you know, have you with a partner you trust, follow these steps,

maybe use a, definitely start with a finger, start with like anal linguists, little anal rimming, right? See if you actually like being touched in that way because there's so many nerve endings even on the outside that it can feel good on the outside of the anus. But that when I read, so that's what I think. So I understand women not liking it, but I always say, well, maybe if your partner's into, you try it again. And for a lot of women, they're like, thank you so much.

You're right. I'm actually into it now. We went slow. But when I read this and this woman says, she did everything. It's almost like she listened to the show. She's like, we tried different lobes. We tried a butt plumb.

We tried it several times. We went slow and I still don't like it. And then the fact that he keeps pushing her and pushing her because he can't get over the fact that she won't do anal and they're married just made me angry. And so, and he's telling you right, you see some variety, which I understand. In a lot of relationships, essentially what we crave in relationships, after the Pony Moon phase wears off, we want variety and we want novelty. Lots of the new exciting, surprising and we want variety. So what I would say is like, you know, I think it is really unfair that he's

pushing her like it's emotionally becoming painful. Like if you read this, we could put a link to it on our show notes, which we always do during the show on our website. So I just feel like he's invalidating her, she's having this really strong emotional, physical response, and he's just not respecting her, and the rectums you guys are delicate. So here's the thing, if you shove it in without lube, if anyone's saying dinner now, sorry, shove it in the rectum. It's really delicate. It really is. That's why warming it up using Lube and all that. So here's what I'm thinking with this couple. What I would say to them

is that they probably, you know, they need to be really, she needs to be really direct about it that it's not okay. And then I think this, they're such great candidates for a sex therapist who could sit with them and help them talk this through because what I see is a guy who's like a married to my partner, a guy to have anal. I don't want to be with anyone else because she says here an open arrangement, not interested. What am I going to do without anal? And what it reminded me of is that a lot of people get caught up on anal because it's like the taboo thing, it's the other whole, it's like the thing that we haven't done in all

these years. They don't realize that there's other things on the table. There's like a menu of sexual pleasure that people can have, but they don't even know what exists because basically we know about vaginal penetration, we know anal, we know a few positions. But if you went to like a therapist, you could like look at a yes, no, maybe less, which lists like hundreds of things you could try.

Are you into bondage? Are you into dirty talk? Are you into spanking? Are you into, you know, maybe less, which lists like hundreds of things you could try. Are you into bondage? Are you into dirty talk? Are you into spanking? Are you into, you know, maybe he want, actually, she said that she gave him some, she penetrated him manually. And so just like, I feel like if you get to a point in your relationship where sex is sort of become this, you know, bargaining tour that's used as a weapon or a threat, it's just, this is not a good, it's going to be hard for them to get out of this loop.

And so I just think, and then it was funny because I was just seeing Howard Stern last week and someone called into his show about a similar thing, but he was more like, I wanted to be like, let me call in, because the guy said, I've been with my wife for five years, and when we got together, he's like, you know, I just wanted her to like, you know, like me.

I was like, oh babe, no, that's okay. We never have to do anal, but now they're engaged five years later and he's like, how are, what do I, oh, babe, no, that's okay. We never have to do anal, but now they're engaged five years later and he's like, howard, what do I do? Cause they might want anal now. And then, so I thought that was interesting. And I was like, oh, she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to, but you should, you know,

talk to her again. And I think that's the thing is that, that's a very different scenario. I would say, maybe she's changed in five years. Like, he was so worried that she's gonna be like, how dare you bring it up when you told me five years ago, you are a no-go anal guy. And we all change over time.

So that would be revisiting the conversation with your wife and talking about different options and seeing if she might be into it now. I mean, I think that just because our partner says something once, we don't have to assume that it's still the case forever. Well, yeah, because a lot of times we say no to stuff and then later on, we're like,

we might even remember saying no. We might not. Well, that's the other thing. We might not even remember saying no and believe me, most people do not have sex conversations in their relationship. So if you only had one at one point, you're going to remember it. So that was probably the last conversation they had. So that's why we gotta keep having these talks, you guys,

so we can keep updating it, updating how we feel now. I'm also very curious as to like what the benefit is for him, like why he needs like anal specifically so badly, because it's like maybe there's a way that, like as if maybe if it's like the tightness, then she can put her legs closer together or something, or like if it's the taboo, then like you said before, like talking with a sex therapist to find other avenues.

Are like go to our website and look at the yes, no, maybe list. It has all these sexual acts that are like yes, no, maybe. I think every couple we're gonna be creating one, we promise for everybody that's gonna be like your sexual plan for the year, so you can figure it out with your partner. But yeah, I think it's because it's just taboo. And I think that's a lot of people,

because it's tight, tighter perhaps, and taboo. But there's other ways, exactly. You can modify doggy style, put your legs closer together. That could be tighter. You could use pillows to kind of lift you up. So you can, there's ways to create a tightness. There's ways to create, to have taboo sex, air quotes. That might please them as well.

But I think, and also maybe he's one of these guys who like, gotta get his way when he doesn't let it go. Like, dog with a bone. Dog with a butt plug. Yeah, I mean, it's interesting too. And I just, it's so funny, because I've always said that if a guy, because I'm not, I would try it again.

I've tried it a couple times, and we did it very slow and different things, but I just, to me, it's like, it wasn't the pain. It was just like, it felt like I was taking a shit. Right. And I don't hope it will. Well, that's why you got to, you know, make sure your bowels are clean, clear. Well, yeah, and I'm like, to me, that's just like not sexy. Like, I just don't hope it will. Well, that's why you got to, you know, make sure your bowels are clean, clear.

Well, yeah, and I'm like, to me, that's just like not sexy. Like, I just don't like that. Or whatever. But I would try it again. If someone like, I was close to someone and they really wanted to try it again, I would do it again. But my thing would always be like,

well, could I put something in your butt? Which she did. She did. She did. And he was like, well, I liked it. I'm like, well, then I would, because then I would counteract and be like, well, you have a prostate. Well, prostate gives you instinct. You guys, you know, I liked it. I'm like, well, then I would, because then I would counteract and be like, well, you have a prostate.

Well, prostate gives you instinct. You guys, you know, I'm all down. I'm down for men exploring their prostate straight men. Doesn't make you gay, is act doing a sexual act. Does not change your orientation, right? Doesn't make you gay, just means that you have men have a prostate, which is like the male peace spot that for many men if you

stimulate it what I've heard I can't do it I wish I could I wish I could have a friggin penis for a day in a prostate I would not leave the house no definitely not I would just use like a use like the um the the anero's toy or flesh I didn't have it long I would just masturbate probably I wouldn't leave but the but I would experiment process experiment with prostate play, which I think 2019, and starting last year, I think that there's a lot of men who are like, ah, I'm up into it. I get that it doesn't make me gay. It just might give me killer orgasms. Which should be awesome. Yeah, who does want that? Who doesn't want it? But yeah, he was like, I'm into it. Yeah, but he has a prostate. So anyway,

ah, you guys have talked to your partner early and often about sex all the time. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back on to your questions after this. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Let's take an email. All right. This comes from Stacey, who's 26th in Chicago.

She writes, Hi, Emily. I've been listening to your show for a few months now. I love it. Having a threesome is something I've fantasized about doing for a while. And I've heard a lot of people talk about the emotional health side of it, like how to avoid jealousy, if you're planning one with a partner and things like that. But I've yet to hear much about the physical health side. Like what are the logistics of using a condominate threesome?

No, good question. I love it. We don't using a condom in a threesome? Good question. I love it. We don't often get that question, but like I often bring this up. So Stacy, the thing about a threesome is if you're with, is using a condom is that you have got to change condoms. If you go from one person to the next,

he's got a condom on, let's say, you and a friend, you and another woman, I actually don't suggest having threesome with a friend friend a good friend But he should take it off like it's not safe just like when you go from back to front like if he goes in your vagina and then he goes in your butt Your anus can't do it Condom you just switch it you have a stack of condoms by the bed and you replace it So that is the that is the health about the physical health side of it and also

is the, that is the health about the physical health side of it and also getting tested. I mean, it is important. If you can fit, if you can be with someone who has gotten tested and can show your results, although I don't know how often that happens, I would like that to happen for people to get tested and share your results. So really that's, but just these condoms. If people are having casual sex,

like how often do you think they should like minimally get tested? Yes, after you have an unprotected sex again. Like I think if you're gonna get tested and get it all buttoned up, then just keep using condoms. But the truth is yeah, you can get stuff in other ways too. But I think every few months it's good to get tested.

Hmm, no one does that, but you should. Definitely once a year, for sure. Just say twice a year. Well, yeah, then you have those at home things now, too, right? Yeah, what's, yes. I think it's like my lab box. My lab box, yeah. You could do it.

You literally never have to leave your house again. No one does for anything. You could get your SDD test at home, watching that, but then order your dinner and postmates. You can actually get plan B on Amazon That's crazy. No, it's cheaper. It's like a lot cheaper I mean, I guess it would be it would be a preemptive thing like you would be or if you have prime Yeah, that's why it was invented

Yeah, exactly Oh my god you guys can Plenty does not birth control. It's not. I'm just saying. That is good. I don't think a lot of people know that. Best is you up. Have you ever taken a plan B?

No. I took it once and condom broke with the worst guy ever for the condom break. Oh my God, it's a long time ago. He was not the best guy in the way of like, he'd gotten around. Let's just say that. And I was like, oh shit. And I took it and it messes you up, your hormones and all the things and you just feel like crap.

Yeah. I have a question. We talked about obligations of men having to pay for maybe dinner on the first date. Do they have to play for plan B? Plan B. Yes. I have friends who have guys have like bought it and then like, Venmo then half. Yeah.

I did that Yeah, I'm actually taking a feed You have didn't I'm saying yeah, it didn't mess me up like my period was like delayed it was like a bomb P.S. Times 10 yeah bomb in your Kind of it's like a nuke in that it's just weird, but yeah, I had either he paid the full or we split it. Yeah, yeah, depending on our Sivalry, I feel like spring for it. How much are they plan B? It's kind of expensive. They're like 60 bucks. Yeah, but I think on Amazon It's like you really wow. You know, they're really pushing out. They're not even our sponsors. I'm saying that I think it's something that people should know. No, that is actually a really good discount. And then tap off.

There you go, everyone. Stop it up. Stop going on a plan B just in case. Okay guys, let's go. Triple 8-9-4-7-8-2-7-7. It's stuck to Adam. He's 28 Illinois and he says he doesn't like doggie style and it's becoming a problem.

Oh, okay. Hey Adam. Hey guys, thanks for taking me. Of course, we're here for you. So it doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes when I'm with a girl and I'm doing doggy style, I like Lucie Boner. And it's my probably least favorite position. Okay.

And it's already something that I get to the point where I lose a boner sometimes because I usually start missionary and then I switch to like doggy and then I get like kind of anxious because it's been happening. And I was all. Oh, okay. I'm curious if you had any tips. Yeah, you know, Adam, it's so great that you actually just laid it all out. What happens a lot, which is good news for a lot of guys, a lot of the performance anxiety men have is because it happens just once and then they're like, uh-oh, uh-oh, it's

gonna happen and then it happens. So it's really a matter of like, now you've recognized it and then, you know, practicing, uh, well, first before we get into how to deal with it, I want to know why you think it happened, why you think you lost it. Do you remember why or the first time? I don't know. I mean, I would say most of the porn that I watch is missionary and it's my my favorite One personally or turn on top. I think it's because I like looking at the face. Yes, I was going to say that Adam. It feels disconnected.

No, absolutely. So I think, first of all, you like missionary when you're on top and she's on the bottom or when you're on the bottom and she's on top. I'm on top. Right. Yeah. Okay, so here's the thing. First of all, I totally get that that there is a certain disconnect when you're like,

okay, why does he just want it for women? I've heard this a lot, like does he just want to do it from behind? Like it doesn't, it feels less connected. So is there some pressure that you feel like you have to be doing it doggy style? First of all, I don't know. I don't feel pressure, but I would say that I come to notice that girls love it.

And I have read and I've done a little research that it does feel a little deeper and I get deeper if I do doggy. So I know it goes like in a mad aspect. Well my research is that guys love it more than women. I don't know if anyone, what do you guys think here? But I feel like, and I feel like a lot of women love it because guys can come quicker in that position.

So sometimes it can be like, let's do it from behind so you'll come, get over it because I don't know how to please my, so I'm not having an orgasm. And I'm not some, maybe I'll probably get a bunch of calls now. I hope for women who are like, no, it's not true. But I think that's part of it.

And so I think if you know what positions you like, that I think I wouldn't make assumptions that she's just dying for the doggy settlement. But the other thing is she could turn around and like look at you. You could say, I want you to look at me like when I'm going, you know, when I'm behind, like I want to see your face, you know, and then here's the other thing to remember, Adam, just if you could go into it. And my biggest thing is for it like kind of a mindful sex practice Is that just because you got soft in the moment

It doesn't mean that sex is over you could not get but I know like your brains tripping like oh my god If you can speak okay I'm getting softer and then you just go back to like Maybe okay, so I'm trying to think if you flip her over and then maybe you just start like going down like maybe you turn around and Then you just start licking her from behind right and her butts out and then you're going you're performing oral honor from behind So you don't stick it in yet, right? You're just turning around and then you wait for yourself to get hard again and you get your mind off it And you get I'm pleasing her and I promise you if you just distract yourself from those thoughts in a real way of like

Let me just do something else. Let me focus on something else. It'll come back You're 28 you're healthy. I'm sure the erection will come back It will so yeah, and she's not looking at you going. Oh, he got soft If she's already turned around and you're like this is gonna happen then just ask her to look at you or just go down It or do something else until it comes back So to please her because when you take the attention off yourself and you're focused on her pleasure, you have nothing like, that's what happens.

You just eat, it'll come back because it's your brain that's kind of making it go down. How does that, I feel like there's a, I think that's a pretty good plan. Okay, let me know how it goes. This is not a life or a thing, I promise. Thanks Adam, thanks for calling sexy family. Okay, let's talk to Betty.

She's 58 in Nevada and she's got a vibrator question. Hey, Betty, how can I help you? Hi there. Hey. So I got a new girlfriend. Yay. Yay, go Betty. Go Betty.

Okay. And so we get together and everything and then like the second time we're in bed she tells me I can't have an orgasm without a vibrator. And evidently she's been using this thing for decades and I said oh me and my ego said oh we'll take care of that bomb. So I've been trying but it doesn't. Okay. It just decant. Yeah.

So we use the vibrator but my question is how do you have, I mean, evidently your clicks damaged from this thing being used for so many years? So I don't know if you have any tips on how to get up and say. Well, here's the thing, Betty. Okay, so here's the deal. I don't know that her clit is damaged as much as it is that these neural pathways in our brain that kind of, that link us up to orgasm, she's got this same pattern that she's been doing forever.

If she wants to unlearn that, she's going to have to be patient. Realize she might not have an orgasm. You go down in her, she's start masturbating, touching herself, using her fingers or hands. You know, I don't think it's... She can't have an orgasm with just masturbating. She's not right. I mean, I'm telling you. Yeah. I mean, here's a thing that some women can't. Some women just have always used a vibrator. I don't think it's a problem. I don't think your clip is damaged. Does she only use one toy? One what? She only uses like the same toy. She only uses the same toy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, here's a thing. How old is she?

She uses a dildo too. Yeah, great. Does she even work out with a dildo? Oh, no. Okay. I mean, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, breathe. Betty, exactly. Betty, you gotta breathe. And there's different kinds of breath. Like breathe deep, deep breaths, like down to the pelvic floor. And then there's like shallow breaths that kind of help quick and arouse. Well, like play with their breath and relax. And maybe Betty, you guys could do some fun playing together

where you're taking the pressure off of orgasm. And you guys are just exploring each other's like a rise of the zones and just get it a relax and chill and massage. She never lacks. She's not relaxed. So she needs you. I'm glad you're in her life right now,

but Betty, you have to do your best not to like use that language of shaming her, that her clits broken and that the fact that she relies on that. No, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never told you. Perfect. You can tell me any.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm cool with that. Okay, Betty, we're good. But with her, like, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never seen her. Perfect, you can tell me anything. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm cool with that. Okay, Betty, we're good. But with her, like, I just think it's like, have her try, like, cause she maybe she hasn't been with a lover who was wanted to try other things and be attentive, you know? So, I think that's really cool, but just know you know,

probably it's a common, like that way men just kind of get set in their, their ways. And I used to have one vibrator that I loved, and then I was like, I'm gonna stop using it and try different ones and try different touches. And know I've been through the whole thing so I think I think and also when she masturbates she's trying to duplicate the vibrator I'm like you need to tune out or try something different Yeah you can go really fast like a virus. So because that's the thing, you got to warn, it's here, that's the thing about where vibrators, what I would love to tell people with vulvas

who's vibrators, is that you have to, it's so great, because you kind of missed the whole arousal cycle of orgasm, of plateau, that whole, like, yeah, the arousal cycle through orgasm. So I think that that whole experience can be sort of, or vibrator speed it up. So maybe when you could start doing it, there was like oral sex and like slowing it down and then she could bring in the vibrator. But teaching her about a rousal.

That's what we do. That's what we do. That's cool. Yeah, I get it way up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, and then she just finishes with the vibrator because she can't get over the hump Well, how long have you guys been together About four months. Yeah, okay, so you know give her time She's been using it her whole life and you know, it sounds like you're warming her up through oral or your fingers and

You know hopefully using loop or some other fun things like that or a lot of slides, I just think, it sounds like she's open to it though. I don't have any other tricks for you than what you're already doing in a sense of. I don't think she's broken it all, but I think it's cool. You know women, you understand their bodies, and as long as she's cool with,

maybe she'll get there one day, and she has a dildo, and that's the other thing is doing kegels for women really helps women with orgasm. Like when you do your, I have an iPhone app called kegel camp and maybe you guys could do it together. It's twice a day, you just do your kegels for like three minutes a day, I'm not kidding you.

I learned to have like a internal gspot orgasm by doing my kegels. They weren't strong enough. And then once they were, I learned, you know, so we got to build those muscles. So that's another way. Okay, I'll check that out. Check it out. Yeah, or just, yeah, you could get the app or just on your own. You guys do them together. You can get kegge balls that you can wear inside of you.

You guys can play with those. So building those muscles and awareness around body and taking the pressure off the orgasm. And who knows, maybe she can't even dip orgasm, right? There's so many paths to pleasure. Okay. Okay, Betty, keep me posted. I would need to know what happens, okay?

Okay, I'm only saying. Okay, bye, Betty. Thanks for calling. Thanks for calling, Betty. Triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven. I loved her energy. I left her in the future, so that's great. Cleters isn't broken.

It's just got used to one thing. Mm-hmm. That happens. We can use to the same position, the same touch, and just mix it up. Yeah, that's why I'm like, that's one of my goals. I'm being conscious of something.

How's it going? I mean, it's going all right. It's going all right. Jamie loves her womanizer. And boy. I've just done, yeah, so I've just been trying to like set them out and make sure they're charged.

It's just that last night I was trying and like the toy that I had Diet as soon as I turned it on and I was like and I was just like well. I know which one is charged Okay, it's baby steps you get a pass you get a pass, okay All right guys. I hope you enjoyed this show. Thanks everyone for listening. Thanks to my amazing team Ken Samantha Julia Michelle producer Jamie Ann Michael was good for you, email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.