Sex With Emily - Up Your 69 Game (& Other Oral Sex Tips)

Episode Date: June 9, 2023

Let’s 69! It’s one of those sex acts where you tend to be a full-on lover or hater. But no matter what camp you fall in, chances are that if you’re having sex, you’re going to come across the famous, the controversial, 69 sex position. Why not learn some pointers to make the whole thing more hot, and more comfortable? First, I share research with you that might motivate you to put 69 on regular rotation in your sex life. Next, I give you techniques for being an excellent oral giver, and strategies like mindful masturbation, to help you become a more relaxed and erotic receiver. Finally, I talk position tips like the Sideways 69 and the Power 69 for you to play with, and take all your pressing questions on 69ing and oral sex. Show Notes:How to Make a Mess: Squirting, Face Ejaculation & Golden ShowersDouble the O, Double the Pleasure: How to Have Blended & Multiple OrgasmsORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureMEET ME ON TOUR! Sex With Emily Book Tour: SMART SEX Event DatesTAKE THE SEX IQ QUIZ! Email proof of pre-order purchase to [e-mail] and I’ll send you a link to take the quizSMART SEX PRIZE PACK (submit your pre-order proof of purchase at the bottom of the page, be entered to win the prize pack and everyone that enters receives a copy of my new and improved Yes! No! Maybe? Guide)VIIA Hemp Co’s High Love Libido Gummies (code EMILY for 15% sitewide + Free 2pc High Love THC Libido Gummy Sample Pack)Playground Lube (code SEXWITHEMILY for 15% off your 1st order)LELO SONA 2 Cruise (code SEXWITHEMILY for 25% off sitewide)Episode: Best Of: Best Blowjob EverEpisode: Best Of: Oral Sex Master Class Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Involve your hands with the blowjob itself. We usually all should do that. Blowjabs are not just meant to be about our mouth. Our hands are great accessory in any oral sex experience. You don't have to fit the whole thing inside of your mouth for it to be pleasurable. Your tongue can lick, your hands can stroke, you can suck on the tip, you can lick the balls, you can move around and pay attention to what feels good.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. So, let's 69. It's one of those sex acts where you tend to be a full-on-lover or hater. But no matter what camp you fall in, chances are that if you're having sex, you're going to come across the famous, the controversial 69 sex position.

So why not learn some pointers to make the whole thing more hot and more comfortable? First, I share research with you that might motivate you to put 69 on regular rotation in your sex life. Next, I give you techniques for being excellent oral giver and strategies like mindful masturbation to help you become a more relaxed and erotic receiver. Finally, I talk position tips like the Sideway 69 and the Power 69 for you

to play with and take all your pressing questions on 69ing and oral sex. Happy 69 everyone! Intentions with Emily for each episode I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you to do the same. My intention is to help you get excited about 69ing since it's the ultimate in sexual collaboration. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new articles How to Make a Mass in Bed and Double the O, Double the Pleasure, How to Have Blended and Multiple Organisms are Up on Sex with Emily dot com. Check out my YouTube channel, social media, and TikTok.

It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com. Sash, ask Emily or call my hotline, 559 Talk Sex or 559 825 5739. Just include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show, and you can change your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show and you can change your name or choose your

read anonymous. Alright everyone, I am going on a book tour this Tuesday. Alright, it's just starting out. Tickets are on sale. I'm doing live events in New York on June 13th. Come see me at the Strem book store virtually on June 15th via crowdcast so I can talk to you anywhere in the world. You can get your tickets by the book, we'll chat, I'll answer your questions. I can't wait to meet all of you. In fact, I've never done any live events or virtual events for that matter. So let's all connect. Oh, and then finally I'll be in San Francisco Bay area on June 17th.

I cannot wait to meet all of you face to face. This is gonna be fun. So this is the beginning of the tour. But if you also want me to come speak wherever you live, please send me an email feedback at sexwithmly.com. I would love to meet you where you're at. Please buy tickets. It's important to do so.

You can click the link in our show notes. That's an easy way to do it. All you gotta do is buy a book. I'll sign the book, come to the event. We also have an article on our site with all this information. So thank you all for supporting this journey, the book, Smart Sex, and I can't wait to see you all next week. Also bookshop.org is offered your discount on my book Smart Sex. You can get 10% off with the promo code Smart Sex. Lastly, today's episode is brought to you by ViaHemp Company. And listen, you know, I love using cannabis.

I'm a huge fan of it. I've talked about how I use it during sex. It helps me ease my mind. I get into my body. I feel truly embodied when I use cannabis. I just love it. I can focus on the sensations in the moment. And hey, listen, especially in a position like 69,

when there's so much going on am I giving it my receiving and by doing both it can be difficult to feel pleasure of both giving and receiving I get it well let me tell you something cannabis will be your friend in this situation and I'll be giving you more tips on this episode to heighten your 69 experience but I don't know cannabis could be a great way to do that too. And I just find that cannabis also can make the experience of giving oral sex better, not just receiving it, but giving it.

Of course, there's the pleasure of pleasing your partner, but also you can just get more into the sensations you're feeling, right? Like how does it feel for you to touch your partner, right? Beyond just getting touched. There's something about cannabis that enhances that. And listen, for those of you struggle to relax, well, receiving, I cover a lot of that in my book as well,

because I realize a lot of you, you want pleasure, but you just don't feel comfortable actually receiving for whatever reason. There's a lot of reasons why. But hey, cannabis might help you too. And via hemp company, has these amazing high love libido gummies, which you all love when I talk about them on our special 420 episode.

And they add these AfroD's Jack herbs in addition to THC and CBD. So listen, if you're not sure if cannabis is the right fit for your sex life, just try it out on yourself during a solo sex practice, or with trusted friends and partners in non-sexual context. Try it out first, see how it goes. If you want to try VIA have companies high-level libido gummies, use code Emily for 15% off your order and a free two-piece sample pack of their high-level libido gummies. Just click the link in our show notes

and use code Emily at checkout. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. Alright everyone, today's a big day, at least in my world of sexology and sex education. Why? Because it's June 9th, Aka69. Now a lot of you write and ask me about oral sex and different ways to go about making oral sex a more pleasurable and durable experience. And that includes 69ing. So if 69ing is a fantasy you've wanted to try, or if it trouble with the past, not to worry, I'm going to break it all down for you in this episode. I'm also going to answer some of your general oral sex questions. All right, so let's get into it. So one of the studies I cite in my book,

Smart Sex. It analyzed data from 884 heterosexual couples about their general happiness, their self-reported mental health, and their sexual practices. Guess what they found? Both giving and receiving oral sex was positively correlated with feelings of happiness. In fact, people got the biggest bump in happiness from giving rather than receiving. How about that? They were satisfied. But what about giving and receiving simultaneously?

Now that's what 69 is all about. Which to be honest, I was never a huge fan of 69 until I learned to modify it, which I'll get into. I always felt, well, either I'm giving and I'm fully in or I'm receiving and I'm fully in, but jumping back and forth between giving and receiving just seemed like a hassle I did not need in the bedroom. Now the 69th position is similar controversial, either love it or you hate it, I found out. People who are huge fans of 69ing, like how you get pleasure from both giving and receiving

oral sex, it definitely spices up the oral sex routine because there's novelty and variety which are toki factors in spicing things up, feeling interested in your partner more so than not. And it's often just one of those positions that's on people's sex bucket lists. So here's what the haters will say. I don't know if they're haters, but they just prefer not to do 69.

They say it's awkward, physically. You can't really experience the full pleasure of either giving or receiving since you can't give your full attention to one. That's where I was at. I was like, I cannot do both of these things and be sexual. But in this episode, my goal is to give you all the pointers you need to figure out whether 69ing is something to add to your sexual repertoire or maybe just try it once. And I'm all down with like, if you have had a bad experience with the past or if these preconceived notions about it not being right for you,

want to try it again armed with knowledge. The first aspect of 69 is your role as the giver. Now we've done some great in-depth episodes of performing oral sex out of vulva and penis, which you should definitely check out. We'll put those in the show notes. But if you have any hangups around giving, it's unsanitary, probably not a great idea to put my mouth in someone's genitals. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't feel like it, all the things, despite help you. Genitals are just another part of someone you are intimate with.

It's another way to give them pleasure and to make them feel good. Kissing their penis is kind of like kissing their arm, except for it feels 10 times better and it has less of a stigma around it. Oral sex feels the best when you start slow and build up. Now remember that. You don't wanna go right for the genitals anyway

because it takes a while to warm up. So remember to kiss all around their thighs, lick the labia, kiss their testicles, really, really take your time to explore and slow down. You can lick, you can suck, you can twirl your tongue around in circles to hit a lot of different nerve endings, especially when 69ing. Think about it this way. It's more about generally stimulating your partner's genitals, so you don't need to dive right

into your usual patterns and rhythms right away. Here I am giving oral sex. All I can do is give oral sex in this very specific way because that's right in front of my face. You still don't have to use your mouth the whole time. And in fact, another one of the ways I've learned to enjoy 69 is realizing that I can use my hands, I can use my feet, I can use a toy, I can take a break,

I can go back and forth with you in my mouth in my hands and other parts of my feet. I could use a toy. I could take a break. I could go back and forth, we do my mouth and my hands and other parts of my body. So just know, it's not just like, I am doing oral sex now and this is all I have to do. Okay, remember that. Whoever said oral sex needs to be hands-free and all about the mouth, nope. Especially when 69ing,

your hands will be incredible aids to you. In fact, there have been times where I'm like, I really like the feeling of my partner going down to me and me going down and then with my mouth right now is going to be too much work for me because I can't really receive pleasure and that moment's I'll just use my hand with a lot of loop. Sometimes the angle isn't right,

or your part to move around, so just make sure you're with your hand on them. Now this is perfect, this is not set in stone, like this is how 69 happens, and this is how penetration happens. I just wanna give you guys permission to kind of get outside your comfort zone and just see what feels right in the moment.

Or maybe you just need a break. Or you want to focus on a few moments of receiving, that's okay too. Just because you're in this Mutual 69 collab, doesn't mean you can't say for a moment, wow, this feels really good, I'm just going to take a moment and receive. Speaking of receiving, a lot of you tell me that you have a difficult time experiencing pleasure while receiving oral sacs. I also cover this a lot in my upcoming book because I realize that's one of the big positions.

A lot of you say, you know, it's really hard for me to relax. How do I know that my partner really wants to be there? How do I taste? How do I smell? Is it taking me too long? So it's important to learn to feel comfortable just receiving. Especially before you try to give and receive an imposition like 69. So maybe next time your part is going down and you can start to practice just sort of settling

in, breathing, paying attention to what you're feeling. I'm like most things in the bedroom, I do think it's important to feel very confident in your solo sex practice before engaging fully in partnered sex. It's just always a way to say, I know what my body does. I know how my body responds to pleasure. This is why I need to feel good. So it's just a great learning tool. Now listen, if receiving oral sex is less pleasure for you, try some mindful masturbation to get over this hurdle. Try this while masturbating. Imagine your partner going down on you. Like imagine you completely relinquishing going down on you. Like imagine you completely relinquishing, wholly receiving, and think, what does it feel like?

What feels good to you? Where would you tell your partner to target and to move? And can you kind of picture that in your mind? Do you want it faster? Do you want it slower? And imagine yourself communicating these things to a partner, and just overall feeling comfortable with the idea of someone between your legs. This is a great visualization process and might just turn you on more than you thought. And by the way, this is just one of my many tips for my new book SmartSax, which does come out Tuesday.

So hopefully you all pre-rooted it or just get it on Tuesday. So once you start to feel comfortable with the idea of receiving oral sacks, you can start moving that into your real relationship. And remember this, the goal is not necessarily to have an orgasm. I find when we take the goal away from orgasm, and the goal is just receiving and feeling safe with your partner, and just feeling pleasure. That should be the goal. It should be like a pleasure field experience that I want to feel with a partner. So just get curious and familiarize yourself with what needs to happen for you to experience pleasure. What blocks do you need to move out of the way?

What emotional blocks do you need to remove out of the way? What do you need to know from your partner to feel safe? What experience have to be lined up in your environment for you to feel safe? Think about all those things. And once you're really comfortable giving and receiving, I believe you can fully experience

the pleasure of 69ing. All right, now let's get into the actual position. The 69 position is usually depicted as one person on top of the other, essentially holding a plank. Like you are literally planking above your partner because you're just to be on top and they're on the bottom. That's a tough one. So if you refrain 69ing as a position with mutual pleasure, there's a lot of different ways

to go about it. And one of my favorites which is going to be a game changer for you if you were holding the old plank is the sideways 69. So instead of one person giving receiving inside wenthing is he getting a core workout which hey, each their own, is the sideways 69. So instead of one person giving receiving inside wenthing is he getting a core workout, which hey, each their own, you can comfortably lay on your sides. And this can also help if there's a height difference

between the two of you. So you're laying back, you're comfortable on your side. You do have to worry about holding yourself up. You can also take turns giving and receiving, taking turns well in the 69 position or the sideways 69 is also a great way to practice edging. That's when you're teasing your partner by taking them right up to the edge of orgasm, then deny them from orgasm and demand some pleasure your way instead. So it's a great way to get your partner

up to the height and the rouse, all the it back down again and you bring it back up to a rousal and then finally when they've been orgasm it's that much more intense and exciting. And if you're into playing with power dynamics edging can be incredibly hot way to go. Okay speaking of power play there's also the power 69 in which the partner on top is in control of how much their partner's face is in their genitals. Kind of similar to face sitting or face kneeling. And if you forget what face sitting is, this is essentially when you are, you know, your

partner is laying down on the back and you kind of get up and sit on their face. But I like to think of it as a face kneeling. You don't have to be holding yourself up like in a squat. You can put your knees down on either side of their face and then you could like use the headboard to sort of balance yourself so you can really place your genitals on their face in the way that feels the best for you. And without suffocating them, so it feels good for them too. You could also try having one person lie down with their head off the bed while the other person's leaning over to give oral sex, whether genitals are in their partner's face.

This could be really, really hot too. Think about that. Your partner's lying with their head off the bed and then you're leaning over and putting it in the face. Can you picture that? It's hot. As always, I love bringing a vibrator into the mix. You know, hands, incredible tools for oral sex of all kinds, including 69, obviously

your mouth, but vibrators can take the experience to the next level. Because listen, let's face it, the angles aren't exactly perfect for your mouth to line up exactly with your partner's pleasure points. Vibrators can make giving much easier and receiving even more pleasure ball. And let's work for you too, if you're just using grade five. And as always, don't forget to use lube.

I love playground lube. I love the way it tastes. I love a little flip bottle. I know you guys are all loving it too. Hopefully now you feel equipped to practice some 69. Well today, it's 69 day. How fun. First off, how fun to just bring it on your partner and be like, guess what? 69 day. I don't know, but any partner that's going to be like, well, that just sounds really trouble so much. Rather go to a movie. No, do 69. You

know what else is fun? Listen to this episode together. I can't tell you how many couples have let me know the benefits of listening to sex with Emily together. So you both are getting the information at the same time. You can stop and talk about what you've heard. Add things to your bucket list. Add things to your pleasure list. So I appreciate you all for listening and sharing the episode with someone you think

could really benefit from it and Happy 69 let me know how it goes. I'd love to hear your stories Hold your positions because after we take a quick break I'm answering listener questions about all things oral sex But before then I want to tell you what another one of our incredible sponsors who help support the sex-domly podcast And that is Laylo. Laylo beautiful, award-winning luxury sex toys that look just as good in your diet stand as they feel on your body.

And for Volvo owners who love oral sex, they have just the toy for you. So Leilo's son of two crews is a Sonic Clidial Vibrator that was created to give you multiple and intense orgasms. What are the kind of orgasms you want? That's really fun. It has 12 vibration settings, delivers sonic pulses that resonate deep into the internal structure of the clitoris.

Remember, the clitoris is dense with nerve endings, and so the thing that I love about the suction vibe is it really stimulates all of them. It's so good. It also has a larger surface area for deeper pleasure, which I love, and it's 100% waterproof and made of premium silicone. And in fact, after the break,

I recommend that one of my listeners use the Sonatoo Cruz during her mindful masturbation practice to help her feel more comfortable receiving or all sex. Again, that's one of my many tips to my new book Smart Sex, which comes out Tuesday. So stick around for that. You can get 25% off all LALO products when you use code Sex with Emily at checkout.

Just go to Laylo.com that's lelo.com and use the code Sex with Emily for 25% off or click link in our show notes. Alright, this is from Ron57 in Maryland. Hey Dr. Amalie, I love your show and I've been listening to it on various mediums for years, but this is my first time writing it. I'm 57 years old in a relationship with a much younger 36 year old woman. We have a great sex life except for Oral. She's never experienced it before and now I go down on her all the time and we both love it,

but you guessed it, it's not reciprocated. She says that I have pre-com that is uncomfortable in her mouth. While I'm not counting, our ratio of giving and receiving is 100 to 1 in her favor and I'm trying not to let that affect me. I love her and love being with her, so I'm trying to figure out how to have not necessarily equitable amounts of oral just a little bit more. Thanks in advance. Thank you so much for your email, Ron. First, I get it. You want some oral?

And you should have some oral. And this whole pre-com thing and whatever reason she's not doing it, let me help. First things first. Have a conversation with her outside the bedroom about your sex life in general. How it's going, what she likes about it, what you like about it, what you both want, what your dreams are, what you wanna work on.

And then you can say, hey, I know that going down on me or giving me a blowjob, it hasn't been your thing, but tell me more about it. Tell me more about the pre-comment of the taste. Does the penis just seem achy to you? And listen, this is not where you judge and try to solve it. You're like, I'm just really curious. I just want to understand what you're coming from. Okay? And then you have more information and then you can kind of troubleshoot from there and see what she says. Maybe she had a bad experience with it. Maybe, you know, pre-com means

something else to her. Like, let's just find out more. Do you have to let her know that any of her feelings are totally okay and valid? Remember, all of our feelings are okay and valid. That's our feelings. If it's her first experience with the oral, it might be natural that she has some hesitation around it. Someone say, if she doesn't have a lot of experience

receiving, but maybe also not giving. Maybe she's built this up into something that she isn't not to do and she doesn't want to disappoint you. Remember that. A lot of times our hesitation has to do with we don't want to seem like a failure. She doesn't want to seem like a bad lover to you. So you can even find out she makes like, I don't really know what I'm doing. Or I don't think that you like it.

And then you could say to her, well, like, be happy to show you what I do like. Now another thing for the pre-com, if that is the situation, try flavored lube. Have you ever used it together? Well, that might help with the uncomfortable pre-com situation. I love having flavored lube brown. It just tastes delicious. And it's a fun way to play. Finally, maybe there's an in-between step

where she kisses your inner thighs, will give you a hand job at the same time. Would this be something she'd be open to just to get comfortable with stimulating you and finding what feels good? Maybe she just kisses the tip, but doesn't go all the way into her mouth. Remember, for a lot of us, we have to ease into this experience. I don't know that she's going to be able to go to zero to blow job,

if she hasn't done it in a while, but getting to know your penis, getting to understand what feels good, using her hands in a while, but getting to know your penis, getting to understand what feels good, using her hands in a way where you can show what kind of pressure and movement you like. And then eventually maybe she really adds her mouth in, could be a way to escalate this whole giving

and receiving oral. You know, ultimately, sounds like she's just got to get more comfort with it. I sense some resentment. You might have on the imbalance, which I get it. So you can communicate first and present her these ideas in the spirit of, I accept that you're still getting used to it. I'm just getting curious and here's what feels good to me and here's what I like about pleasing you.

And it's a casual conversation we'll gather information. Okay. Let me know how it goes. This is from Jen 30 in Ontario, Canada. Hey Dr. Emily, I recently found your podcast on Spotify and I've been listening non-stop since. I just turned 30 years old and left my husband about five months ago. We were together for 15 years, married for eight. I was only 15 when we

got together and never dated anyone else. Our sex life sucked. He never made the effort to please me. He only gave me oral sex once in the time we were together and told me he thought it was gross, which completely traumatized me and myself confidence. I never orgasmed with him and I truly don't think I'll ever be able to orgasm with anyone. Now I want to start exploring other people, men and women, but I'm absolutely terrified. What if something wants to go down in me? How could I become more comfortable with oral sex? First of all, congratulations! It sounds like you got a unhealthy situation that wasn't working for you, and now you're liberated, and you are free.

So well done, I know that's not easy, especially after 15 years with one person, and now you're starting off on a new journey. Well, I'm so glad you emailed, and you definitely came to the right place. So the first thing I would say is you really definitely want to masturbate, get to know yourself right now without a person in your life. What turned you on?

Get comfortable with your sexual energy again. And you producing your sexual energy. You getting your energy out there, not a partner. You can get toys that simulate the sensations of oral sex, like lalos, sona, two crews, which we'll put in the show notes. This is a great one that sort of feels like oral. It's quite adorable, so check that one out.

And this might help you, just so you know what the feeling is like, and start training your brain to like these sensations. Remember, we have to train our brain to think differently about things that we might have protested in the past. Next, when you're experimenting with people, it's okay to be real with them. Let them know that you're comfortable with XYZ, but you're still getting used to receiving

oral. I think that the most responsive and touch with themselves lovers would say, okay, great, I am up for the challenge. I want to make you feel really good receiving oral. Any sexual partner worth your time is not going to pressure you before you're ready. Just remember that. If you're feeling pressure to have sex, you are allowed to slow down and take your time. The thing about a fear of oral is it doesn't just appear at a nowhere. You had a really negative experience with it. From someone who just didn't care enough about your pleasure, didn't realize that it was

going to impact you, probably didn't know how to please you, to be honest. You guys were together for 15 years. Just remember that. That a lot of times when we don't know what we're doing sexually, we might lash out and just say it's not our thing or we don't want to do it because it was too vulnerable to really sit with you and learn how to please you. But nonetheless, you had a negative experience with it. So that's what we're trying to rewire in your brain and sort of rewire your entire energy

and experience towards receiving oral. But when you're with someone who's into it, oral will feel much more organic and much more pleasurable. Especially when you've already done some foreplay and your body is legitimately aroused, you just might feel differently. And more enthusiastic about receiving, especially after you started doing this visualization

exercises and picturing yourself receiving and playing with yourself and masturbating like this is gonna get easier. Especially if you find someone that you trust, you've already had a conversation with them about how you like to be pleased, so then they know to go slow. You're gonna feel a lot more safer and able to relax,

which is what we want. Remember when we feel more relaxed during sex, and we're able to let go, we have more pleasurable sex. This is what our studies show us. So thank you Jen, for your email. I appreciate you and keep us posted. This is from Sydney 23 in Pittsburgh. Hey Dr. Emily, thanks for all you do. I'm a faithful listener

of the show and I love learning and hearing all about sex. I'm going to happy commit a relationship with a man who is seven years older than me. Everything has been going well and I love him so much. We were always trying to keep our sex life new and fun, especially because we're at a one to two hour long distance relationship. I recently discovered a kink of fetish. I don't know what it is. And wanted to hear your thoughts.

We've been 69ing a lot lately, and I'm loving it. One time, because he was going down to me and I was enjoying it, his penis was around my face, but not in my mouth. As we were shifting and continuing, his penis ventured around my ear. Now I know the ear sensitive and erodged in his own but I immediately felt the urge to take his penis and put it in my ear. Not actually in the hole but around it.

He quickly noticed and realized I was turned on. So he began to move back and forth a little. It was so stimulating and I orgasmed right on the spot. Over the past few weeks, we've continued 69ing and I keep putting his penis in my ear. It is seriously amazing for me. Please help. Is this weird? I mentioned a few times in conversation,

but I'm unsure if he really thinks it's weird or not. It's kind of embarrassing, but just the feeling of his penis in my ear is unmatched. He doesn't at his own or lets me do it, so we can't think it's that bad, right? Thank you so much. Any advice would be so appreciated. First, I love this so much.

How great that you're finding pleasure in your ear and clearly your partner's down with it. Listen, I found that when we are really into something and it feels good, most loving, caring partners, who understand what it means to be a great lover, are psyched to know what turns you on and not judging you. And second, you're right. Dali Jozette, the pleasure muse, was on the show once

and talked about the erectile tissue inside the ear. And I know this for sure, there is a erectile tissues all over our body and definitely inside the ear. And I know this for sure there is erectile tissues all over body and definitely in the ear. This is why it feels good with people whisper sweet. Nothings are they blowing or ear or they lick around the ear canal. It feels good to many of us and I actually think it's a really underrated erogenous zone. So good on you. It isn't a rider's zone. You are right. And in fact, at 2016, studies showed that people could achieve orgasm through the stimulation of extra genital rodent zones. And in fact, that is often the case for individuals with spinal cord injuries, which affected their genitals.

So essentially, they find other places on their body, other rodent zones that get stimulated. And there's nerve endings, and it can feel amazing. And in that study, the most powerful Roger's zones were shown to be the breasts, lips, neck, ears, and butt. So you're not weird. You're completely normal. In fact, you're more than normal.

You're wonderful. You're wonderful for having felt safe and open with your partner to try this and discover a whole new zone of pleasure. Well done, and I can only imagine everyone listening is going to have some fun tonight seeing how their ears respond to pleasure. Thank you, Sydney. I so appreciate your email.

This is from Shonda, 38 in Alabama. Hi Dr. Emily, I've been a listener for a while now and appreciate all the knowledge you've shared. I've learned so much even in the short time I've been listening. I poked around when they ask Emily section of your site because I thought for sure someone had asked something like this before, and maybe they have. I've recently started seeing an old flame

from high school. Things are of course exciting and the sexual tension is palatable, but I've recently found out how much he has grown since we were together back then. I'm not too worried about the penetration part of being with him now, although I am intimidated, so any tips would be welcome. I'm most worried about attempting to give him oral. I don't think I can physically take him in my mouth without hurting him with my teeth. It's really messing with me because I want to be able to please him in that way. I've always taken some pride in giving some great oral.

I guess I'm just kind of scared since I won't be able to do all the things I would normally do. Any tips or tricks you could share be greatly appreciated. Congratulations on recacting with someone you've got chemistry with. I love that. So first, remember this. This is for you and for everybody. Involve your hands with the blow job itself.

We should all should do that. Blowjabs are not just meant to be about our mouth. Our hands are a great accessory in any oral sex experience. You don't have to fit the whole thing inside of your mouth for it to be pleasurable. Your tongue can lick, your hands can stroke, you can suck on the tip, you can lick the balls, you can move around and pay attention to what feels good. Think of your hands as an extension of your mouth, right? So you can use your mouth as a tip and your hands are applying more pressure and then you're

going to find out where does he actually feel good being stimulated. You can also pleasure his testicles while you're giving him a hand job, which can also feel great. Holding the testicles, holding them, you know, softly, gently playing with them, see what feels good to him. You know, ask first before you grab the genitals or just do it really lightly and say, do you like that? Because not everybody likes their balls played with. And if you want to create some suction without using your mouth, you can also try a manual stoker toy. Stoker toys can be a really fun way to play with a penis.

They have these pressure pads on the sides so you can squeeze to create an internal vacuum. They're like silicone sleeves that go over a penis and some of them do have some suction elements. So you know, you can just kind of use this to feel, and that can feel really, really good. It's just another sensation on the penis. Again, you can switch it up, use a suction sleeve, use your mouth, use your hands, just mix it up, and keep going. These are all really fun ways to play. Finally, I say give it a shot. Be honest with him that you're concerned about hurting with your teeth.

Valid. Wouldn't you want to know that? I want to know that. But you want to try anyway, and have them be honest with you. The worst that happens is that you'll reach into your bag of tricks, i.e. all these ideas above, form a lovely sexual pleasure, right? You've other ways to please and you've learned some things.

My last tip, use lube. This will help everything slip and slide more, lessening the chance that your teeth will sag unsensitive, genital skin. All right, you got this. You're so careful. I love this. And just pay attention, go slow, and have some fun.

All right, everybody, happy 69. Remember, this is the day that you can any day of a year, every day of the year, it could be 69 day. But today is the actual day. And so, if you rewind your spice up oral, play with some 69 or take any of these tips so you can experience some giving, receiving, and some real intimacy with the partner.

It's a good time. Let me know how it goes. That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com.

And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline, 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you?

Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. you