Sex With Emily - Up Your Oral Game

Episode Date: December 5, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is talking about some things that most relationships go through and how to get past them. She goes over the top things couples argue about and ways to deal with them, why you shouldn’t let kissing slip from your relationship, and how to make sure you’re both getting your needs met in the bedroom – because sex is a two-way street. Plus, how to to let your partner know gently that they need to work on their oral hygiene. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Hot Octopuss, Everlywell, Uberlube, SiriusXM, Adam & Eve Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Check out even more Sex With Emily on SiriusXMStars 109 Mon-Fri 5-7pm PST! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about some things that most relationships go through and how to get past them. Topics include, the top things couples argue about and ways to deal with them. Why kissing is so important and why you shouldn't let it slip through the cracks in your relationship. What to do when everything about your partner is amazing, except for their hygiene. And how to make sure you're both getting your needs met in the bedroom because hey sex is a two-way street. All this and more thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them a bygone age. Hey, Aveline. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off here. So, I'm gone.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, you can check out our website, sexwithemily.com, all the great blogs and posts and things we have up there to help you better sex. You can also comment, subscribe on iTunes.

We love when you do that. It helps the podcast. You can also check out the podcast and Spotify, Google Play, iHeartRadio, everywhere podcasts are. You can check them out. Also, also, also you guys have you listened to this series, XM Radio Show yet. I've been doing it now for a few weeks. It's very exciting. I love it. I'm doing it Monday through Friday, so a daily show, 5pm Pacific, 8 o'clock Eastern, and it's so great you guys, because I get to reach so many more people helping you have better sex and relationships. But now you can call in.

So if you have serious or you want to free trial, you can check it on our website, sexwiththemly.com slash SXM, where you could probably just call in any time during the week between 5 to 7 pound Pacific you can call AAA 947 8277 and just ask your sex question That's what I'm here for follow us at sex with Emily on all social media Why because we give good post we give good stories we give you guys good information and you're already Scrolling around everywhere. Right Jamie?

I'm here with producer Jamie. Yes, it's a fun time. It is a fun time. It's come a long way. I really am liking where the Instagram is at. Yes, yeah, me too. We try to make it more useful to you but entertaining also and educational, informative.

And I thought you were saying you're excited because the life here has come a long way since you've been Oh, yeah, I mean, not just that. Yeah, like, I mean, the whole. It's all exciting. Yeah, it's really been great like being able to hear you really connect with so many people because you're really, it's like, of course, with the podcast, we know we do this because we love all of you and we want all of you to, you know, have the best sex relationship you can, but like hearing Emily live on the radio, you can really, you really can hear it.

Yeah, the connection, the people, I love talking to them, I'm like in the moment, then like, because right now today, we're gonna be answering your emails, which we will always do that, you guys, podcasts isn't going anywhere, but when I get to talk to you, then we can really get into it, break it down,

in just a few minutes. So check that out, but right now we'll do a little sex in the news. Then I'm going to answer your questions. So I thought this would be interesting for you guys. Couples talk about what they argue about most. My first thing I was like, well, sex and money. Well, it's there to know.

That's what they argue about most. You might be comfortable, even maybe slightly more comfortable talking about sex than money. And actually, this was actually in business insider. So, you know, we're all going to disagree on certain things that is true. And there's often reoccurring fights that happen all the time when they repeat and they repeat on a loop. Typically, when that happens, you guys, I tell you, I think, so I just need to get therapy.

You need to work on it. You guys find that you're having the same fights over and over again, and there's been no add way, I say find a therapist to help you work it out. Just like you might find a business coach, a business coach at work to help you settle things, you know, to help you figure out problems in the workplace. I don't understand my relationships. I don't feel like people are like, oh, that's not for us therapy. I think it should be as like going to the dentist. Like you need to go to therapy. If I have someone, like a third party being like, this, that's not for us therapy. I think it should be as like going to the dentist.

Like you need to go to therapy. If I have someone like a third party being like, this is what's happening, I'd be like, thank you. Even if I was wrong. So I'd be like, okay, well, I didn't see that before. And I just thought my partner was just trying to like, neg me or whatever. Yeah.

But this third party is telling me that I might be wrong or they might be, you know, I think it just helps to have a neutral person. Continued learning too, and you learn about a lot about yourself. And I think therapy is the kind of thing that you go in and out of a lifetime. I just started again too. I was in therapy for like 15 years, and I just thought,

you know, I stopped for like five, six years, and I'm like, I got some stuff to work on. So I'll be in open with you all. I think you might need it. But this is not about that in this moment. We are talking about some of the things so money, okay? You guys money can be harder than sex. It's a huge thing in relationship.

Like who pays for what? It can be super stressful, especially if you're sharing finances. And it's funny because I talk to my mom about this a lot because she's actually a financial planner. And it's just interesting how, and she's been doing it for like 40 years. But you know, I hope this has changed, but she found a lot that women were more uncomfortable talking about it than they're like, oh, my partner has it. This might see as change now with more gender equality, but there was a lot of women who

were like, or their husbands would die and they're like, I don't know where the money is. I don't really get it. So there's one part about just you and your partner, whoever is in charge of the money, make sure that you both understand it. You both meet with the financial planner. You both understand how you deal with money too, because it also has a lot to do with how you are raised. Like what kind of environment?

Like if you a partner who's cheap, they might not even know their cheap, but if their parents were withholding or were a little cheap around things, like that's how they're going to be. So you know, it can be stressful, but it's definitely something to work on in a relationship. Figure out the money things you guys because that doesn't get any better either. It's like, it's like, if you don't deal with it, it's just going to get worse, same with money. You know, they start presenting your partner for spending or not spending enough or over spending.

Yeah, I always wonder about that. Because when you're in a partnership and you're married or you're together and you're sharing finances, I think it's totally cool. If you have one person that works and one person that doesn't, I think that's what you want to do, that's great. But I also just always wonder, would that person always hold over you the expenses?

As far as what you're spending, what you're doing. So I feel like it's such a great thing to talk about so that you don't have that. Right. Because you, yeah, you probably interpret things. You're like, oh, they probably resent that I'm staying home. Or they're the breadwinner, for example,

like they probably resent it. So I feel guilty. Or maybe they actually are making you feel guilty. And you just got to have it out. Because money can be charged in that way. Like even if you're a partner, says yes, I'll pay for everything, but there could be resentments after well. So it's just, it's a kind of thing that you might not even realize as going on as a dynamic.

And when you think about it, you might go, oh, it's that money thing again. So you know, I'm feeling not taking care of or I'm feeling guilty for going to target twice this week. You know, I hear this my friends all the time. I had to hide the packages. It's like, no, just talk about it. Like they have buy shit and they have to hide it. Okay, the other thing is housework.

That's a big one. I think that there are many assumptions who's going to do what in a relationship. I have this example in here about one person may always take out the trash and the other one might not really think about it. But talk about it so you don't resent. I might not notice that my partner's doing all these things and they'll be like every day, I'm doing the dishwasher and I take out the trash

and I clean up your messy stuff. And yeah, I'm busy. I might not know if that's happening. God, I wish I had a partner doing that. But yeah, you gotta realize it. It could be, there's ways to help. So you're both taking on some of the housework and you're both and if there's resentment's actually around that too. And this can easily be fixed. I think a lot of

is people are oblivious. Like I'm busy working all the time. I didn't know you did all of that. It's kind of in the workplace down here, but in many environments you're like everyone's all about what they do. And like different departments don't talk to each other. So I think that can happen in a relationship. You're like, I can't believe he doesn't know that. I'm emptying the dishwasher, making dinner, taking out the trash, picking up the kids. I just hear this with my friends, I don't know how does he not know.

And then you know that their husbands are going, I work all day, I make it all the money. And that's a very like stereotypical thing but that happens in a relationship. So again, it could be little things with the housework that you can both share. Don't assume that it's okay. Like don't assume that you're both

in your right silos doing the right things. You might need to share. Yeah. I mean, I think that goes the same too, like you have roommates. I know, you have all your roommates now. How's that going? No, it's good.

I mean, do you have a work wheel? We don't. I mean, right now we're doing all right, because everyone kind of cleans up their own messes. And then like sometimes do like, for example example like if there are dishes in the sink and I'm already doing some of my dishes I'm not gonna be like I'm not gonna leave those dishes for them to do like I'll do that and like I feel like I do take out The trash a lot which is funny because when I lived at home I never took the trash out Because that's just like someone because I think that's what it is. It's like when someone else just always does it

You never think in your mind. I need to take the trash out. Right. And they might be resentingly begrudgingly to get your trash out of the stairs. Yeah, exactly. It's like it smells bad. I have to go into the stinky garbage room. Right.

But it's like if you never brought that up, it's literally like out of sight out of mind. Right, exactly. So these are the way to do this would be, not you always have, you never take out the trash and I'm doing it all the time. It's like let's talk about all the stuff that goes into the house. Like I'm giving an example. Like just so you know, babe, I take out the trash every week. I am to the dishwasher three times. I pick the kids up. I do all these things that I want you to know

that it would be great to have some support around some of these tasks. Are there any of them that you could help with? I thought it might be easy if you did the dishwasher on Tuesdays. I mean, it could be easier than the blaming and getting upset that it's happening. Right? Okay. So politics, this is a big one to you guys. If you don't see eye to eye politics, I guess it's just the best to avoid bringing it up.

It says, if you avoid damaging the relationship, but I don't think you can avoid it. How can you avoid it in the state age, bringing it up? Unless you're not that active in politics and you just go by your life. Yeah. Keep different ideologies. I'm just not sure that I could live with someone, but these are the big things people argue about. Being on the phone.

This is just getting worse some more every day, I think. I hear this so much. We're addicted to our phones, addicted, and it's a never-ending battle. Are you more into me? Are you your phone, you know? And I think that a lot of it is being placed on the kids right now, like, I think the top trending story in New York Times for the last two months

has been this one about limiting your kids' use of technology. But the parents are doing it just as much. It just is much of a problem. So, you know, even in your relationship now, I think it becomes a thing like, let's go out to dinner and leave our phones in the car. Let's go on a hike and not take our phones with us. Let's leave our phones outside the bedroom.

Still working on that. They also fight about the love languages. I think that's something that you need to address. I, we were just saying that before you get into a relationship or early stages figure out, let your partner know what your love languages are. What are the acts or the things that make you feel love? Again, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, physical touch. We often give love the way we want to

receive it. But if we give love in the way our partner needs it, it's going to be a lot more effective and cause a lot less stress. And there's a great test that you can take if you don't know what your leveling, which is Google it. I feel like it's becoming more and more common. Yeah, I've been hearing more people like, oh yeah, I know that. But then it's interesting that people will know what their leveling, which is our what their partner's leveling, which is our, but then they're still having trouble like giving that way or receiving. And I guess it's probably because it's like like you always say, aren't what their partners' leveling, which is are, but then they're still having trouble giving, not way or receiving.

And I guess it's probably because like you always say, you're always like, you can't have this conversation once. Right, you gotta keep talking about it. Remember, baby, I said I like gifts? Doesn't have to be a major gift. It could just be if you're at the store, for example. Yeah. And you hear me say that I want something.

Like it can be a practice, because if I'm not a gift person, let's say. And my partner's a gift, like I'm not a gift person, like people give me gifts all the time, I appreciate it, but I'm not like, I don't feel more love that way, but if I was with someone, that's a tough one for me, just because I'm not often shopping and you gotta be, but if your partner wants that,

then listen to what they're saying, like oh God, I wish I had a new one of those, I wish I had fresh flowers, I think we could feel great. Well, if you know that, then bring them home flowers. Like, that's a gift. So you have to make the efforts to build our love languages, which is always easy.

Yeah. And I mean, it's interesting too, because some people would be like, oh, gifts. But it's like, no, like, it doesn't, you're like, you said it could be flowers. It could be even if you just go to the grocery store and you're like, in line, you're like, oh, that's their favorite candy.

Exactly. I'm going to bring them home milk duds. That's what I see. Yeah, that's exactly it, where I try to even work on with Ben, even though it's not my language, I'll be like, you bought food and you know that I was hungry. Oh, that's not. Do you look at me, when you're at the store, know that I love this chocolate. Yeah.

If you're buying food and you come to me and I don't have any food, it's like not good. I know. This happens sometimes. We have to have these talks. I'm like, what part do you think I am just hungry? I'm just going to watch you eat. Yeah, had to have these talks. I'm like, what part do you think I am not hungry? I'm just gonna watch you eat, yeah, I'm fine. Exactly, that's cool, go ahead. Sex drives you guys, we know this is a big one,

couples who rarely, couples rarely have the same sex drive. I was actually thinking about this. People wanna know what's normal, like what's, what am I normal, am I normal? What is the most, the most normal and sexual thing is that you're not gonna have the same sex drive. Like it's normal that you won't going to have the same sex drive. It's normal that you won't match up.

That is more typical than couples who have the same exact sex drive. Typically, the person who wants more sex feels neglected. The person who wants less sex, feel they have to perform all the time and the relationship, which leads you. I think you got to compromise. Schedule sex. So what, I mean, I guess this would be a bigger question, but what if, you know, like there's a person, for example, wants to have sex every day,

and they live with their partner, so that's more feasible. And the other person was like, I mean, not like once, like, you know, it's like sometimes, do you ever feel like someone's still not gonna be fulfilled in some way? Yeah, yeah. There's some still like like I'll never be, yeah, exactly.

So there's the compromise element, but if you still feel like, okay, I wanted it every day. My partner wants it once a week. We've compromised now to three times a week. That's still not enough. Is that what you're asking? It could still,

yeah, I mean, I guess you could just like, there's other, there's like could just like... You're sorry. There's like maybe like other ways that you can be intimate without sex. Yeah. Exactly. Like you could say, okay, we might have intercourse, but I think people just this something

that we try to serve up to people as advice that like it doesn't have to be just intercourse. That can be even exhausting sometimes. It could just be like making out for play, intimacy, massage. So figure out what works. Then if you realize that it's just never gonna be enough for you, means having not being able to improve your sex life after really working on it can be a deal breaker.

You guys don't want the same things. Okay guys, let's go into the last one here because I am all for kissing. Why you just been time kissing before sex? Kissing goes away in relationships. I remember when I first read this, when I started the show, a long time ago, I was like, it's not just me.

But why does the kissing always go away? I'm like, yes, everybody has that. And it's so simple. Like kissing is the first thing we learn about, your first kiss, your first foray into sex. But we, and it's the most romanticized and important, but we forget about it. We get swept up in things,

and we forget to kiss. So I think it's needed, and here's why kissing you guys, it establishes intimacy. It's not, you know, it might not seem like the foreplay, but it actually is. It's the first type of toward sex. And, you know, if might not seem like the four play, but it actually is. It's the first type of toward sex. And, you know, if you're into having sex in that way, and for a lot of women, and I think it's true for men too.

It was just something about women in orgasms that said kissing, oral sex, and I always forget the third one. It was like, and it was a... Fingers? Yeah, fingers. The three things that women, like, that's what's going to get it there, kissing. So just remember that. But kissing that it helps women with orgasm, but it also, you guys, it does.

It establishes intimacy. It brings you closer together, remind you of why you're connected. And just saying, I love you with your lips and your tongues and being, it's really, I don't know, even with my partner when we're having a rough fever, she's like, we have a kiss, and then we do, and there's just something about the kiss. Bring back the kiss. Yeah, and I think it's not even just like, the kiss itself, it's like making out really goes away,

because a lot of couples will peck. Yeah, right. You're in there. I don't mean to have a good day, babe. I mean the making out. Like, you need like, it's like even, yeah, passion, passionate kissing. So hot.

It is. It makes any sex that much better. Yeah. And then also too, if you're one of those people are like, ah, we're just looking at each other, it's getting awkward or like you don't know what to say. Like dirty talk just kiss each other and you don't have to say anything.

Kissing also releases all those feel good chemicals. It really does. All those, those the oxytocin is literally flooding your system. We call it the nature's love hormone. It's what makes you attached to your partner. And it feels so good, you guys. I mean, it's connective. It perpetuates that bond you have with your partner. It can reintroduce those sparks you have in the beginning. You can do it when you're sitting in the couch watching Netflix. You can do it when you know partner comes home from work or when you come off from work. You can do it whenever you want. Just grab a kiss and your partner might need so I do this sometimes. Like, Ben will want a kiss

and I'll be like rushing and then I'll be like, no, let's kiss and then I'm like, oh, and it stops everything. It's one of those things that really brings you back into the moment. You realize that wasn't so hard. That was a few seconds, and now we are connected. Mm-hmm. I like it. Kissing you guys also fuels that desire. It's about reminding your partner also that they are sexy and desired. Like I feel like when you don't kiss anymore, it's kind of like you can't really place it,

but you're like, I know we're having sex. I know we're going through the motions, but it feels different than the beginning. And it can simply be because the kissing is like the slow kissing is what takes you back to those early day, the passion, and the earlier times, it makes you feel sexy and want and desired. And yes, first of all. I like, I kiss my partner a lot. Like I just, it's to me, like, kissing is just,

like, I don't really care about hand holding that much. You know, I do like a good back rub here and there, but like, kissing to me, it's like, I will kiss my partner all the time. Like, I- Does he kiss back? Yeah, definitely. We, that's the one thing, like, in this relationship

that I'm in right now that's been always very good and constant, is like, we will just make out. And it's been over, you know, it's been over here and we still just have those sessions when we just make out or we just kiss. I think I initiate the kissing a whole lot more but I'm also like, I've decided that I'm okay with that. Right, yeah, exactly.

You may, it's as long as you're okay with it. That's awesome. As long as he's into it. Yeah, that's like no more kissing today but I actually am realizing now, I actually can't wait to miss kiss bed No, this is actually reminding me that actually probably have to do it more as well Even though we're doing yeah, I'm like yeah, I really does because when we do stop and kiss it's been so busy lately

I'm like I really love it and I'm gonna need he initiates more kissing than I do to Being honest I'm gonna bring it over the holidays All right guys, so I'm inspired. I hope you're inspired too. Jamie's kissing inspired me. Alright guys, we are going to take a quick break. We come back. I want to answer your emails. Alright guys, I'm back and I love answering your questions. So if you want a question answer on the show go to my website, sexwithemily.com, click the ask Emily tab, fill out the short form, check yes if you'd like to be called, or email

feedback at sexwithemily.com as always include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Okay, this is from Michelle 19 in Texas, Hamley, so I'm about to be a sophomore in college at a public university for the first time. I previously attended a community college, so I'm about to get the real college experience. There is a guy who's been in my life for a while who I'm crazy about and he feels the same way. He lives in another state and we aren't sure if or when we would like to live by each other, But he's talked to me about moving down here. I definitely see myself loving him. But I'm not sure if I'd be missing out at all the college hookups.

I just don't know if I should be taking my time with him to eventually date or just live my college girl life and have sex with all the guys I want. Love you in your show so much. Oh thanks Michelle. I love you too and I love this question because 19 years old. Okay. Here's the thing. I get that you're going to college. You really like this guy. He's been your life for a while, but I'm not sure you got to totally commit to him and be monogamous. I think that you should figure out what feels right to you, but I actually do believe that. And speaking from someone who did this, I had a long distance, a boyfriend, my freshman and halfway through my sophomore year at college. And he was a great guy, but I have to say, I wish that I didn't do that because being in college is like a once in a lifetime experience where you really, you make your friends for life. It's the first time

you've been away from home. You're meeting all these new people and experiences. It's not just about the guy. So something about having this like every weekend, I was leaving and going to his college or he was coming here and I think I might have missed out on really having some enriching experiences with people that were with me every day in the college campus and the college environment. So I get that you love him.

I also understand it's like one of your first loves, you're 19 years old, all that. But I think I'm not saying you need to kick him to the curb, but I think you could just be really honest with him and I don't think that you can predict how you're 19 years old, all that. But I think I'm not saying you need to kick him to the curb, but I think you could just be really honest with him, and I don't think that you can predict how you're going to feel, but you could say that you want to keep in contact, but you should both probably do your own things while you're away. Alright, this is Sarah, 21 California. Hey Emily, I've been dating my boyfriend for two years, and we love each other so much. He was raised poor, and doesn't have great teeth. Along

with his parents, he also doesn't take great care of his teeth and I hate bringing it up to him because I know it embarrasses him. However, not very fond of making out with him because I don't know the last time he brushed his teeth. I'm in the medical field so I'm very anal about these things. I need a way to bring this out to them without embarrassing them because I can imagine I'm pleasant would be to hear this from your significant other and I think it's a sensitive subject for him as he hardly ever smiles with teeth. But I want him to be a beautiful smile. Thanks so much. Sarah, here's a thing with this I totally understand that we all air on the side of our lot of us really I don't want to hurt my partner I'd rather not say anything at all, but you're absolutely right. This is actually really important if we don on the side of our lot of us, really, I don't wanna hurt my partner, I'd rather not say anything at all.

But you're absolutely right, this is actually really important. If we don't take care of our teeth, and we get gum issues, I mean, you can have a lot more serious issues. So I think you just have to let them know. Like I noticed that you don't brush your teeth, and I just wanna let you know that, you know,

I've always had this thing in my head, I've learned it, I've known it since I was a kid, like brushing your teeth every day is important. And so maybe with your sleeping over his house or his at your house, you could even say, I got you a toothbrush. And let me show you what I learned about flossing and that you still, you know, that you just think it's important. And if he's embarrassed, I get it, but you can just let him know

that he's, that you love him very much and that he never, you know, the fact that he never learned that just means that you can actually help him know that he's, that you love him very much and that he never, you know, the fact that he never learned that just means that you can actually help him with a life skill, like a really important life skill that he just didn't know about. So you sound like a very caring, loving person. And so I think the way you present it is gonna be that as well.

So you don't have to worry about that, Sarah. All right, this is from Pedro, he's 29 in Texas. Hey, Emily, I just recently began listening to your podcast and I'm loving it. My wife and I would be celebrating our one year marriage anniversary December 2nd. We dated for 6 years before I popped the question. We lost our virginity to each other while we were dating and the span of being sexually active for so long. I've been wanting to take our sex life to the next level by not wearing a condom.

I feel like I've done everything to listen to her feelings, cater to her needs, but ultimately her only response is that she does not want to get pregnant. Which neither of us want kids right now. However, she's on birth control pill. She owns her own business and she fears if she gets pregnant, her dreams will come crashing down. And I don't want to destroy what she's trying to build, but I want her sex life to move to the next level. She's contemplated not using a condom for one year but based on our history I think she's going to back out.

This is a lost cause. Should I give up on not using condom and my being selfish? Alright, Pregno, here's the thing. If she's on the birth control pill and she's taking it regularly, then getting pregnant should not be an issue. You actually don't need to use the condom. I mean, if the birth control when taken by direction is like 98 to 99% effective. So condoms are mostly, if you guys are monogamous, really the condoms are just helping prevent

STIs or STDs. But if you're mon an anonymous, not cheating, you're not going to have a problem. So I'm wondering, is just she come from an extra religious background? Was there anything in her past, or did she get pregnant in the past, and she just has a huge fear about it? Because really, when you are taking the pill, this is something that, especially in a married, you guys are married and you're together, it shouldn't have to be a thing in the relationship.

So I don't see as condom being the next level. And when I read this, I thought you were talking about like a threesome or something before I got into it. I'm like, oh, the condom's the next level thing because that should really be something that when you're married, it's kind of a bonus. Like, you don't have to use the condom if someone's on the pill.

You could try skin condoms literally everybody if she doesn't want you to give up the condom yet Which hopefully she's gonna be cool about it, but skin condoms everyone I've ever told them about Thank me because they feel amazing. They don't feel like regular condoms They don't they don't kind of feel like the real thing They're non latex. They help warm up your body temperature And they're really thin. So I would just again just ask her, besides any pregnant, is there anything else going on with her? Because really, she's on the,

again, she on the pill should all be fine. So thank you, Pedrill. This is from Beth, 22 in Alabama. Deer Emily, I've told my boyfriend a few times that sex seems very one-sided. Sometimes since the orgasms every time, and I've had maybe three orgasms, all via oral since we've been dating almost five months. I asked him if he could work on it, offer suggestions, and so far it's only seemed to accomplish making him feel less, um, accomplish making him feel inadequate, and making him perform oral on me less.

A few nights ago, I was on my period, and I didn't want to sex. We asked for a blowjob. I agreed. And afterward, I mentioned that he's never just going down to me for my pleasure before. He acted indignant and appreciated telling me that he's going down to me even when my vagina smells bad and he didn't want to. Whoa. He's never said anything about it before. I had no idea, but I always tried to make sure I'm fresh down there before sex. Now, I feel very self conscious about it.

Can't get into sex at all. He still has an offer to orally in. I wonder if it's because he thinks I have a giant of spells. I can't bring myself to ask him either because he specifically told me that he didn't want to thanks so much. Beth, I am disturbed several times reading this. There are several things in here.

So it sounds to me like he felt hurt by your allegations that he wasn't going down on you and that he wasn't making you perform. And so maybe he just said that about the odor, which either way is not cool. It's also not great to have, like I always say, having these conversations right after sex, like if you gave them a blowjob and you're like, okay, now it's my turn.

Just best to have them in a neutral environment, or we're not all charged up and we all just had orgasms or didn't have orgasms because it's just again outside the bedroom. But I would just, again, take this outside the bedroom and say to them, like, we need to talk about this because if you really feel that, when you said that thing about my odor, I keep thinking about that and I need to know is that really a problem because I feel like I'm clean and I shower and I take care of myself. So, is that a real concern of yours?

Let's talk about it and let them know also that how it feels to you when you go down to you that it's actually like, you know, a requirement. Like I always say like, I've ended relationships because I wasn't getting enough oral sex and I think that he has to understand that. Now he might be, you know, you guys are still learning. Remember you're 22 years old. I'm assuming he's about your age

and I have to say you guys, it's not that you're, I'm saying, oh, you guys are so young, you can't know. You literally haven't had enough experience in relationships great lovers not born. They are made We have to mold each other into better lovers So you got to be honest with them and just say that didn't make me feel great I really do require more or less sex and what's the deal? You know, let me know about the hygiene thing because here's the other thing though This is a side note. maybe you might have an infection

because if there is an odor, that is not like a normal odor because we all have vaginal odors that are fine. It's part of our natural pH. But if it's an odor that's like shifted since you guys have been together, because maybe you have bacterial vaginosis. For example, it's something that a lot of women can have. Many women can have an infection and they don't know it. So we actually don't know.

So maybe there is something, but I think you you got to get more information, but I'm not loving some of the things you say. I don't like that he last out and he was negative. So these are going to have to be some conversations. And then you're going to see if you're not getting your needs met sexually and he's being abusive by saying these terrible things might not be right for you. This is from Steve, 27 in New York. Hamley, I hope you're doing great.

I've always been really turned on by the idea of anal play, especially receiving I'm a heterosexual male. My wife is very much the opposite and has expressed an open dislike for that kind of activity. Recently though, she's offered this type of stimulation as a birthday gift, which sounds quite odd as I type, which is coming up. While very excited, I'm rather nervous, never having actually had this experience, I was wondering what kind of preparation, if any, should be taken and if there are any general tips that may be available, kind of regards. So here's the thing about anal play. I don't know if you've ever had any of it, but it's great to experiment a little bit on your own if you want to see what it would feel like or

she would be stimulating you, maybe you know use some lube, definitely use lube. But go slow, maybe she uses her finger, she can kind of tease you outside of the anus circling, you know, the sphincter muscles, maybe slipping just a little pinky inside or a finger to get used to the sensation. And so if she wants to find your prostate, that's a whole nother exercise. And it's kind of like how you find the G-spot. She puts her finger in and she uses like a cum-hither motion

going towards your belly button to find your prostate. And so that's how she would find it. She can circumcute her neum to indirectly stimulate the prostate. And you have to check it with her and let her know everything is feeling for you. So it's kind of, there's a thing about anal.

I know it's like someone's giving and receiving, but really it's you guys are communicating the whole time. And I would suggest that you do experiment maybe with a prostate stimulator while having sex with your wife or using a butt plug so you can just get used to the sensation because if she's kind of worried about the whole like she's giving it to you, I'm not sure if you're interested in pegging. Like if she's going to get a strap on and put a dildo on or if you just

want some stimulation out there, I think it's just great for you on your own, you can try a Nero's. A Nero's has a trident line of toys for them for the prostate, which are great, or some butt plugs, or just play with it. So again, she might really be into it and just seeing you have pleasure, but if you can provide some props for her to help her, so she's not the only one in charge of your anal play,

that would be my best bet here. So happy birthday to you. And I hope all your anal dreams come true. So thanks, Steve, for writing. And thank you, everybody, for emailing and supporting the show. And I love you all. So thanks to my amazing team, Ken Sarah, producer,

Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. sexwithemily.com.