Sex With Emily - What Makes Oral Sex Hot w/ Alex Cooper

Episode Date: December 20, 2022

Alex Cooper, host and creator of “Call Her Daddy” knows a thing or two about the pursuit of a more fulfilling sex life. From transcendental oral to disastrous anal, she walks us through the good, the bad, and the funny when it comes to trying new sexual experiences. Alex also shares her mindful masturbation routine and what her partner does to make oral incredible (hint: vulva worship). All this and more in today’s fan favorite best of episode. Show Notes:Emily on Call Her Daddy: How to Have an Orgasm | 104- The Roadmap to his A**hole | 96- The Orgasm Gap & Forced Sex FantasiesArticle: 9 Ways to Elevate Your Solo SexArticle: Ask Emily: Oral Sex for BeginnersMore Alex Cooper: Instagram | TwitterCall Her Daddy: Website | Instagram | Twitter | TikTok Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And I think I sometimes forget like it's not just the clip that has these sensory feelings. So it's like to engorge yourself in all of them. That way then my whole vagina is like pulsating. Because there are 8,000 nerve endings and it's not just the clitoris. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Alex Cooper, host and creator of Call Her Daddy, knows a thing or two about the pursuit of a more fulfilling sex life. From transcendental oral to disastrous anal, she walks us through the good, the bad, and the funny when it comes to

trying new sexual experiences. Alex also shares her Mindful Masterbeish in routine and what her partner does to make oral sex incredible. Hint? Volva Warship. All this more in today's fan favorite best of episode. Intentions with Emily. For each episode, I want to start off by setting an attention for the show and I encourage you to do the same. My intention is to reassure you that wherever you are in your sexual journey is the perfect place to be. Hacking your pleasure potential takes time and patience, even for the most seemingly evolved in the bedroom. Please rate and review sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, Nine Ways to Elevate Your Solo Sexes Up

at sexwithemily.com. Check out my YouTube channel, social media, and TikTok. It's all at sexwithemily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, do it. Leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com. Sash ask Emily or call my hotline, 559 Talk Sex or 559-825-5739. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

Alex Cooper is the host of the Caller Daddy podcast, which I was just on and had a blast. More on Alex Cooper and Caller Daddy will be linked in the show notes. Alex Cooper, I'm so excited you're here. I'm so excited. Alex and her Cooper from Collar Her Daddy, you were on my show. How many a year and a half ago?

Yeah, wild. And you've been through a whole journey. So I'm curious like how, how has your sex life changed since then? Since I saw you a year and a half ago? Yeah. Like it's up. Oh my god.

It's like you're changing, growing. Yeah, I think in the beginning, it was so fun to overemphasize the sexual things that we were doing. So like the gluck, gluck. I'm like, oh my god, this is how you give a blowjob. But I think as the show evolved, it sounds so weird, but my sex life kind of slowed down because, and that's why I'm here. I'm like, let's talk to the Queen herself because having a normal sex life when you have a sex podcast is so intimidating to men and so navigating, trying to go on a date, and they know that you have this show.

And some it's so funny when they pretend they don't know. They're like, oh, what do you do for living? And I'm like, you know, you know, you know what I do for living. It's definitely been a challenge. And like navigating it, I don't really, I sometimes I get nervous to go on dates now, which is so not like me because I'm like, how they expect one thing. And like, I don't feel like doing cartwheels on a dick tonight. What about that?

How about that? Exactly. I've never, this is so interesting because this has been, so I've been doing this 15 years. The journey has been the same exact thing. I've had, I've had sex less frequently. Well, especially in the last two years since I started the show on series, it's like, oh, now it's five days a week. It's like the more you talk about sex, the less it's easy to find someone because I do find that men are intimidated. And then there's all these expectations.

But you learn to like navigate that. So I've never met anyone in this. That's why it's like a mirror. And I'm like, oh, I want to, I want to help you. I want to figure it out with you. No, everyone listening. That's why I literally came to Emily because I'm looking at you. And it is kind of stress inducing at times when I can tell obviously the right guy won't, but like there are some men that expect me to do the wildest things in the bedroom. And of course, I love to do those wild things, but I wanna do it on my time and my comfort

and not feel pressured that, oh, he's gonna go run and tell his friends. Like that blowjob wasn't as good as she talks about on the show, or, you know what I mean? Exactly, this is it. This is what happens. So people, there is an expectation, you're like, I just want you to go down on me.

I just want to cuddle. I want to make out. So I feel like what's helped me is, I feel like I can tell people ask me that they're like, what do your parents think and are guys intimidated? You know, you probably get that every day. All the time. And it is, well, to back up, it is true

that I get all these emails from listeners. Oh, thank you. You've helped me. You've changed my life. I'm like, great, I'm not having. lot of you. You're all having fucking awesome. I'm so happy you're all enjoying yourselves. I am dry as a hard desert over here, not having sex. Maybe with my toys, but yeah, it's hard. So what's happening now, though? I'm in therapy. So love it. And I look back on a lot of my relationships. And it's so fascinating.

Because now I can be introspective looking like wow, now I understand why I made those decisions. There for a while during the beginning of call her daddy, I was choosing actually really all my life. I was choosing men that I knew were assholes. I knew they were going to cheat on me. They treated me to my face nice, but like I knew that they were being shady and I knew it wasn't gonna last. And I finally am getting to a place where I'm understanding why I

did that. And I think it's so important to like get behind the roots. I have, I'm so driven like you. I've always known I wanted to make it. I wanted to have some type of show and entertainment. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to make my own money. My mom raised me being like, you don't need a man to define you. You're an independent woman. Although my parents have the most beautiful marriage and they're so in love, she's always been like, but you don't need that. You can be on your own. So I grew up and I wanted to make my own living and do my own thing.

And so men to me were more so just an accessory, a fun thing, because I wasn't really looking for someone. And I know it sounds maybe a little selfish, but I thing, because I wasn't really looking for someone. And I know it sounds maybe a little selfish, but I was like, I don't think you can bring half of what I already give to myself. I'm very full inside and I love myself and I'm really happy being alone. I love being alone. It's like my favorite thing. So I think, yeah, so I think men sometimes, I'm like, I don't really want your company. And anything more serious to me is like, would just be a waste of my time.

So I started picking guys that was more like a game. And I liked the game. You liked the game, I loved it. I thought you liked it. At the time you liked it. I did. I did. Because I think it's like, I love a challenge

and that was a part of it. And I loved just like, fucking around and just being a little bit manipulative and like cheating or whatever. And I thought it was thought it was a thrill on the side of me grinding through my years of being a division one athlete and working in the film department

and getting to where I am now. Now, I have my show, I have my own money, I can pay for it my own life. Now it's more about like, I don't really wanna play the game anymore because I kind of want someone that can fill me up behind the scenes that someone's gonna appreciate me and then also bring something to me that I don't really want to play the game anymore because I kind of want someone that can fill me up behind the scenes that someone's gonna appreciate me

and then also bring something to me that I don't have which is a companion and someone to spend time with. So that's what you want right now? So that would be, they have to be additives. Right. And you don't want the drama because when you're with them, you want it to be like, yeah, someone you can hang with,

you don't have to think, well, I have to wait five minutes to text back or whatever it is. There's none of that right now. That's why I'm enjoying dating an older guy because I'm so, being, having this show, I am so social media centric and it's like, leave him on red and don't answer his text and wait 10 minutes and then slide in someone's DMs

and it's like, there's such a blueprint to how to do it in what my age group so to date, someone that's older and it's like, there's such a blueprint to how to do it and what my age group so to date someone that's older and is like, I don't deal with you, like not texting me back and knowing you're doing that on purpose. Like just be a product, calls it out immediately. I can love it. And I love it. It is so refreshing.

But it has to be someone that I think I respect enough to be like, okay, I'm not going to play the games with you. You find those people. So this guy you're dating is Liz and LA, but you're not moving here for me. No, and it was me. I'm literally moving here for Emily. Yeah, I think that it's hard because on top of exploiting

my life or my show and like you said, you hadn't really talked about the menu or dating in the beginning. And I have always done that. So it's definitely a very hard balance. People are always like, oh my God, Alex, you're moving to LA for a guy. And I'm like, that couldn't be farther from the truth

if he was moving to Canada tomorrow. I'm not moving to Canada. Like, just do whatever you want to do. Because I know it's so corny, but we live one life. And I think that's been really hitting me hard. And like, we got to just do what makes us happy. Exactly. And that's what I'm doing.

That's it. I love that you're saying that. I moved to San Francisco when I was 21 from Michigan. I went to University of Michigan graduating. Got my car, drove to San Francisco. Didn't know anybody. It was very ballsy when I looked back at it. But I'm just saying, it's like you, anything is possible.

It was a dream and people thought it was crazy and I'm lucky because my mom was always like, I had a very similar mother. I was like, don't rely on you. I want to take care of you. And if you always like, I had a very similar mother. I was like, don't rely on you. Want to take care of you. And if you're like, you come back, be safe. So then this happened like later. And I was like, oh, I was in my 30s. And I was like, I sex is still what the fuck?

No one talked about it. Yeah. There was no podcast. There was no nothing. Nothing. You know, I mean, there's a lot of work. No, when I heard, I remember when I first started a podcast, I was so video focused, because I went to film in television schools. So when I got the opportunity to start a podcast,

I was like, a podcast? Like, it's like, my dad's looking to, yeah, I'm like, look at this face. That's not a face for podcast. It's for radio, come on. But it is nice when you don't have to wear a makeup and you can just like, before it. That's true, that's the beginning. I didn't have to.

And now it's annoying. But I remember talking to, it's annoying. But I remember talking to, it was my cousin and she has always been just like a little bit slower to progress sexually. And she said, I listen to sex with Emily all the time and I was like, what is sex with Emily? So I got that one before I even started the podcast. I started to look into you.

And I was so impressed with what you were doing for women because there's not a lot of people doing it. And it's so taboo to be like, no, you go in there and you get your orgasm and honestly, who even cares about him for a second, like focus on yourself. Because we've been focusing on how to get a man off for so many years. So many years. Let's focus on our clips, ladies. Yeah, and they got off. Like the men got off. They're fine. They're good. Right. They're good. Let's go back to the clips. Right. So that's what I want to ask the men got off. They're good. They're good.

Right. So that's what I want to ask you circling back. You've been learning on the job to kind of, I mean, you were having sex. Yeah. You've been having sex. You're like, I don't know, when did you lose your virginity? I lost my virginity, my sophomore year of high school. And I thought I was in love.

He was truly that bad boy in high school that like your parents are like taking your phone and lock you in the house and being like Why does he have a DUI? He was like a senior. I was a sophomore But I do have to say at this time. I I was in love with him and he I thought But I wasn't having good sex in high school. That's why I'm always telling people I'm like awful sex in high school I think what I thought got better in college But then not good sex in college when I got out of college is really when I started. Which is a few years ago, right? Three years ago. Three years ago.

Four years ago. So how did you add? This is what I think is going to be so helpful. How did you start having better sex? What's been your journey? Okay. So I think I think for in the very beginning when I was not having good sex, it really goes back to I being an athlete, I love I'm like a people pleaser. So like when my coach is telling me like yes, yes, yes, and I'm like, okay, I'm doing a good job. So with regard to men, when I was in a bedroom with them, I was so hyper focused on one, my ego and my reputation,

because I felt like I was always in situations where people were talking about what other people were doing and the thought of someone saying I wasn't good in bed was just so horrifying to me, which I think a lot of girls were terrible. I would be the best there. Literally, I would be the best. I will be the best.

It's like, okay, relax. I would be the best fucking blowjob. You're right. Straight, and it's like, but then, so I started to really hyper focus on just the men. So I jokingly say it on my podcast, but it was kind of true. I was like, I am going to be known for giving the best blow jobs

Like I feel like I'm good at this. I was getting good feedback from the back So for a while even in college, I wasn't really expecting a man to even rub my clay or eat me out I was just going and he was just like licking my, like for a second. Yeah, yeah. And like, spinning on a stick and what exactly. And so finally, I think when I got out of college, I really started to less so focus on the men who were leaving the bedroom saying like, best sex I've ever fucking had.

And I'm over there like, really? Because I didn't even, like my clip wasn't even stimulated. It was when I kind of had my first like real boyfriend, my first real adult boyfriend. And we started to explore. And I think that exploring with someone and being willing to open up with them but also being comfortable with someone is so important

when you feel safe. Feeling so safe. Because I, yes, I was masturbating, but like I hadn't found a partner yet that was really doing it for me also. And I know it's like, it's on us first, but. Well, we were just, but most women, the stuff I talked about,

I was at Alex's podcast a few weeks ago, okay, you guys should all check it out. But yeah, most people don't know that stuff. They don't know. At all. Like literally this is why it's good to know that you've gone on this. That's what I shouldn't have known because they don't want fucking fucking tell you at all. And I think that that's what's so

discouraging to women. Everyone's like, why am I not having good sex? It's like, well, first, if you aren't having the best orgasms by yourself, then that's the first way to start obviously. But so with the boyfriend, we started to like explore and we were using toys and then slowly, I just started to really realize how much hotter sex was when I was also enjoying it and not just I can still give an amazing blowjob. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Hello.

Nothing was compromised in the evolving of Alex Cooper. But then I was also like, oh, this is so hot when I'm on top and I'm rubbing my clit like this and I'm moving back and I'm like having the best orgasm while I'm also having sex What a concept so then after that really since I've been out of college It's been kind of a mission of mine and I do think all her daddy has helped me sexually just I'm like oh, I'm getting horny while I'm doing this So I'm gonna go have great sex But it also allowed me to just explore and to feel confident within myself to be like, just go in there and get it, get yourself off and enjoy yourself. And then after that, I like having really great sex.

What's the difference now? Is that you know how to move, you know what you like, you know, you know, I think it, well, I had never had it. I had my first orgasm in college with an older guy. And I was like, whoa, what was that? I've never had that before, but I'm having sex, but I think my thing is I usually have specific men that I'm dating, and I think that would surprise a lot of people.

I don't judge women. I think it's amazing you should get out there and you should fuck freely and go have sex with as many people as you possibly can before you die if that's what you want. For me, I have to have some type of emotional connection with the guy. So I have like had fewer partners

than people probably think I've had, but then with that partner, I go so deep into exploring everything with them. And so like I was telling you, like, ask play and everything, I need to feel comfortable with a person to allow them to explore with me because I want to sexually be able to like really feel like there's no judgment, there's no, and especially with the show. It is sexually be able to like really feel like there's no judgment there's no and especially with the show it is stress

inducing to be like is this guy gonna leave and go talk about how he just fucked the caller daddy girl and it sucked or oh it was amazing but she blah blah blah it's like it's really straight right has that happened yet to you I I remember it was so crazy I went on a date with a guy shortly into having this podcast and he was such a dick and he looked at me and he was like, he was nervous, I think, and so it was kind of word vomit and he was trying to make a joke

but it was such a turn-off to me. And he literally looked at me in the eyes and goes, you know, I'm just gonna be honest. I mean, like my friends at work, they all knew I was gonna go on this date with you and they literally told me. I mean, like my friends at work, they all knew I was gonna go on this date with you And they literally told me I mean like the last thing you have to do if there's anything you do at the end of that night You got a fucker and I'm sitting there on art. This is a first date Emily I'm like, oh my god. I just took my first sip of my botca tonic. You can go fuck yours. I'm like, what?

What did you do that? Did you get it? I looked at him and I kind of did one of those like shocked giggles. Like, did he really just say that? Did you just say that? And then I looked at him and I was like, wow. Wow. We didn't even get through the appetizer. And I have never done this in my life.

But I looked at him and I said, I'm going to be really honest with you. I don't even want to waste either of our times and go to the main course for dinner. This isn't gonna work and I'm gonna go. And he was like stunned, had nothing to say. And I got up and I left. Cause I just felt so disrespected. I was like, that's just kind of gross.

And listen, I can like take a joke and I can take it. But I got to a point in my life where like dating wise, I don't like put myself out there. If I'm not gonna like enjoy myself and have, I'm not gonna sit at a dinner and waste my precious time for a guy that's a dick. Sorry. Exactly.

Well, the fact that the expectations look, you talk about sex all day. So clearly if we go to dinner, you own me that or I'm, everyone's, you said that to me and that's gonna turn you on, but this is why I think you're helping people change a narrative and showing them that that's, that's what it's all about,

but it is tricky dating right now. That is true. But this guy you're helping people change a narrative and showing them that that's, that would it's all about, but it is tricky dating right now, that is true. But this guy you're dating now, he's not, he's older and I think he's being in the industry, it's kind of cool to have someone that gets that, listen, the show is a show and it is a heightened version of myself, but at times, you come here prepared with specific topics, you know? And so that's not like every, the show wasn't me

dictating my entire day life of me being like, oh, now I went to the bathroom. So you're getting like highlighted versions, almost kind of like everyone's Instagram. You see what people want to show you. And so as much as I've tried to open up and get real with people on my show, it is a show.

And so the guy that I'm dating, I think, sees the difference and is able to have a genuine relationship with me, but also be so supportive when I'm like, going on that week and talking about how like I did have sex with someone and he's like, did you have anal? Because they said that you said you were going to have anal. My, my god, lady. So, okay. So I was jokingly saying that in vacation, we just went to the most cool day. Let's cut it. It's been 20. Okay. Let's talk about anal. So I didn't have anal. We just went to the most beautiful resort in Cabo. And I was like, maybe I'm gonna,

maybe I'm gonna have some anal. But I wanted to ease in. So we got some butt plugs and there was definitely penetration into my butt hole, but it wasn't his penis. So I didn't, we didn't have full anal, but like he was, we were using that blood. He talked about yesterday's step, well, you'll check out

our podcast. Well, I'm just listening. If you guys don't know me on this show, I had a really traumatic experience with my first anal experience. I tell the story. So I think it's so relatable. It's so bad.

It's so bad. It's so good. So I'm in college. And I'm dating this guy. He's a wonderful guy out boss university. He's on the hockey team He's super hot luscious. Whatever, but then I'm in Boston and I like meet a professional athlete And I'm like well a professional athlete is better than a college hockey player So I lie to him and basically tell him I'm not home

Whatever he finds out that I'm on a date with a guy and he's all upset and that I cheated on him So naturally he's about to break up with him. We're sitting in my bedroom and I'm crying. I'm like, don't leave me, don't leave me. And he's like, I can't believe you did this. And so naturally my brain goes, how can I make him stay with me, anal? Like, I was like, he's always wanted to have anal.

Why do I do, I'm like, anal anal? So I just look at him and I'm like, do you want to, do you want to do anal? And he's kind of like staring at me shocked. He's never had anal in his life. Right, he's like, wait, I want to break up with you, but also you're about to give me the asshole. like staring at me shocked. He's never had an all like right. He's like, I want to break up with you, but also you're about to give me the ass hole. Like, okay, fine.

Like let's give me the asshole and then maybe I'll do it too. So I'm like, okay, great. So we start hooking up mind you. This kid had never done an all before. So all of a sudden I like, I get on all fours and I'm like staring at the wall, like ready to just like, I'm like, Alex, this is for like this is what you get for cheating. You stupid bitch. And so without lub, without warning,

this man shoves his penis as hard as he can into my asshole. And I am, I have like, Vase of Vagal, which is like, I get really, I can get really lightheaded if I see like a needle or something like anything invasive happens to to be sometimes I pass out. So I am, I feel this in me and I turn around and I'm like, get out, get out, get out, get out. So he just pulls it out as fast as possible

and I go to stand up and I just, I remember looking at him and then all of a sudden I just remember blacking out. I wake up to my college boyfriend pouring water on my face while googling What to do when girlfriend passes out from anal and I am like get off me now? I'm breaking up with you and he felt so awful. He's like Alex, I'm so sorry and like you literally turn around. Oh my god. Of course the manipulation I'm like this is so fucked up that you would put me through that's

And he's like I love you. I'm so sorry. He's like cuddling me. I'm like well that was easy The moral of a story is guys give him anal fake pass out if you cheat and then he'll stay with you But so it was traumatizing though the moral of the story though is I was really traumatized for a little bit I was like I didn't I didn't want anal Alex we're all traumatized We've all been traumatized now by your anal experience. And people had variations of that. A lot of people like first time was in college.

We were like, doops, drunk, wrong hole. That should happen. So you were post-traumatic anal. I was post-traumatic anal. And you know, I never was, I was fine with not having anal. It wasn't something that I was dying to do, so it didn't matter. But each boyfriend posts that was like,

why can't we do it? And I was like, I'm just like not into it. It really took me a long time to just get over it. And I wasn't really interested until I started, one of my boyfriend started to like kind of put a finger in there. And I was like, oh, wait, I like this. And then what I started to do is to ease myself into the idea because the guy that I'm dating right now, I actually really do want to engage in ass play.

I just started masturbating and using like smaller butt plus. And that for me was the start to like getting back into not being afraid of, you know, it's like training. It's like, it's like, it's like, you're working yourself up to what, which is what let's just cut to this right now is that if anal play what we're talking about is don't go from zero to anal. You want to start with a finger, you want to start with a butt plug, your own finger when you're masturbating are getting tiny little butt plug and put it in and it's tiny.

It's so fun too because I think a lot of girls get so nervous to do this, even by themselves to try things. And I try. I try. I try to sympathize because I think if you're not sexually accepting with yourself, then you're, first of all, you're not gonna be having good sex. But the minute you start to loosen up and open up

and be in the bedroom by yourself, and I know it's something for some times, like it is easier said than done for some women. But the minute, like why don't you just pick one night? I always tell some of my friends, they're like, I don't know why I just can't master. I'm like, it's can't start one night. Even if you get a little drunk by yourself,

like hang out, start taking pictures of yourself, get dressed up, just try it. Like, it's just like, okay, one and done. Let's just try it one night and just start masturbating in a chart, using a butt plug. No one is gonna know this is happening, right? Okay, nobody knows. We don't have to tell anyone, and then just go for it.

And I think sometimes girls just need that little push to be like, what's the worst that's gonna happen? Exactly. After the break, we'll hear more about the sex campaigns of fellow podcaster Alex Cooper. So don't go anywhere. Do you masturbate? Look, toys do you.

I masturbate. I'm not sure what that is. Am I I masturbate all the time? I'm masturbating right now. I love it. You didn't show me the I masturbate. I'm not so great comfortable with that. Emily, I masturbate all the time. I'm masturbating right now. I love it. You didn't show me the sex proposal. I know. Oh my God.

I love masturbating. I think that for a while, I was super reliant on just like a vibrator. And then I remember wanting to be able to have sex and feel that pleasure without a vibrator. So I started to kind of get rid of toys for a little bit. Okay. And I just wanted to figure out my body. I just want to ask myself, yes. So how did you, because people always ask me that, it's like, I love a toy. I think it's great to actually take it away. You might not have an orgasm that quickly. It's not the 62nd orgasm, right. But how do you build it up? So how did you have that

patience to do that? I, okay. So I think that at first, when started to realize, like, well, shit, like I'm not having the same pleasure in the bedroom sometimes if the guy isn't great at eating me out or if he's not great at fingering, then like as much as I'm rubbing my clip while we're having sex, I'm not really used to rubbing my clip because I'm not doing it when I'm alone. And I think a lot of girls always write into me being like, why can I only come with my vibrator

not during sex? And I'm like, well, if you're not using your vibrator during sex and you're using your hands, because your body just feels like, oh, your hands are here. So I think that I started to, I get super turned on when I am dressing up, looking hot, looking at myself in the mirror.

If I put on some lingerie, going to send a guy a picture, but then sometimes I'm like, I'm just gonna take them for me. And taking pictures of yourself in like a hot outfit, I really do think you can start to like get turned on, place the music for yourself, have a drink. And I think that I started to just enjoy the idea of like, I wanted to feel so good for myself

and not have a man here and not have toys until like you're left to your own devices, which is your fingers. So that's where it started. And I think I was super patient because I would set enough time. I think sometimes it's like working out. It's like working out. People think they should just like, they should go out and be able to run a marathon. Like you run for five minutes, you run a mile.

So it's that. So then you just started to touch yourself. And I think sometimes I would start the night by like first I'd take a shower. And like I would take a shower and maybe I'd be like shaving and like touch myself a little bit and then once I'm out of the shower. So it's like kind of the idea of edging, but it's like through like the hour

that I'm preparing like I'm taking a shower. Then after touching myself a little bit, then I'm going and putting on some lingerie. While I'm taking pictures, that's like a different sensory thing that I like to like watch myself looking hot. Then I'm getting in bed and like I'm setting the lights down and like I'm relaxing and like I sometimes I'll put a face mask

on like over my eyes so I can't see anything. I'll do it like just so that I'm not even watching myself sometimes I'm just feeling and I think that sometimes for me makes it really hot because I'm just in my own world. And then I literally just start touching myself. And I think, again, you don't just go right for the clip. Like I'm rubbing my boobs and I'm touching my body. It's the senses.

I love what you're saying because there's so many ways to stimulate our senses. When you take away eyesight, for example, everything else becomes more heightened on your body so you can really pay attention to, to what feels good. How does it feel when I put one finger inside me? How does it feel when I like tease myself down my leg? And those are the things that we just were so wired to rush through sex and to be paying attention to our partner wants and we don't look at ourselves. I also think sometimes it's really helpful to me that I like it makes the process last longer is I think it's really hot when I'm masturbating to switch positions. And sometimes I really like to like get on my stomach and have a toy in me or just my

fingers, but like almost pretending in my mind like I think about a guy that I'm super turned on by and you kind of are almost like using the toy as if he's from behind like having sex with you, but you're controlling the pace. And that friction on the mattress and the toy. I mean, it's just, there's so many different ways. No, it's so true. So you are, you are simulating like they're there. So if you are worried that you can't come with a boyfriend,

like you are a partner, practice it. Yeah. If you can get a toy and moving in all the different positions, if you always come on your back, try it on your stomach if you haven't tried different positions. So you put a toy or a dildo when you and you're rubbing, then when you are with that penis, you're rubbing up against it. And then it feels, you know, it feels good. You know that. You're practicing your process and like everything we need practices. Do you have an orgasm every time with this partner? No. Well, it depends. Like, I don't go in super pressured to, like, in most men,

I'd be like, okay, I don't really love sometimes the sex. If we were having it, it's like more for him. So if I'm like, I want to orgasm every time, because then what am I doing here? But with him, we have different types of sex, which is really hot. So like, sometimes if like, I'm not, I know I'm not going to have an orgasm.

I still just like to connect with him. I feel very connected when we're having sex, which is like a turn on to me also like emotionally and relationship wise. But I have never in my life had a guy be better at oral sex. And I make some good oral. Can you explain? Okay. Like it's good oral. Yeah. It's Cooper.

Okay. So number one, I always start with like this man couldn't be more vocal about like how much he is obsessed with my body and my vagina. And so I think every man, it's like if you can be super vocal with your woman 24, seven, even if she's not feeling great about herself, I'm breaking out right now. I was telling him that he's like, I can't even tell it doesn't matter. You are beautiful. So he starts her out the day constantly talking to me about sex outside of the bedroom.

So it makes me super horny. That's for play all day. All day. That is building it. So good. So later, the sex is top of mind. Yes. So like your partners come home and they're like, why are you in the mood for sex? If you are all day long in connection about sex, that's I think that's one of the first guys. Like I've had men occasionally text me or look whatever but it's not All day and so he is definitely adamant about making sex a huge part of our relationship Just in in context of just talking about it all the time I love it. Oh, we should fuck my day of the night

But talking about me in my body and okay, so that's the beginning then when he starts getting into oral He always always is like begging for it. And I think a lot of women are super insecure about their vaginas or how does it smell right now? There's something again about him being so like, I just want it. I don't care if you just worked out. I don't care if you were just like literally pooping

in the bathroom. I do not care. I want your vagina. So that makes me super relaxed. As if I was by myself. Had you your vagina. So that makes me super relaxed as if I was by myself. I do have a partner before who would be like this about your one who's been like, I just want you to, I mean, it's a new thing. It's not like, you know what? I think I've had guys that are super sexual, but I've never had a guy be so adamant on

making sure like she needs to know 24 seven that like I am like obsessed and I want it all the time. And it's not in a creepy annoying like, hey obsessed and I want it all the time and it's not in a creepy annoying like hey you're horny all the time way because it's about me and that's what I like like I know it's not supposed to always be about you but it is. But the fact is that you need to you need the affirmations and the safest so he knows that you're like words of affirmation or whatever your love is. He knows I need to affirm her I need to make her feel this way. So with regard to him eating me out though he he's so, I feel so bad for men

because I'm like, how do I explain? Like he's so good at building up on the clip. So like, he'll start. So it's like, and yes, and so like he'll start by getting me just like super, super wet. And like even just be down there and like put a finger in while he's like lightly

just like licking around like the lips in and out of the labia like inside outside even just like around my thighs. And you can make a little tip right. Yeah. To teasing with his jaw and tracing it around. So hot. And so that's going right for the clip.

Right. And sucking onto it. Yeah. I'm like, what is going on? That for me, it starts to get me in the mood. And a lot of times he'll start by like sucking on my like boobs and going down on me. And something about that and like how into it he is, it starts to get me in the mood. And a lot of times, he'll start by like, sucking on my like boobs and going down on me and something about that and like how into it he is, it starts to get me turned on.

So then when he's down there and he's getting me super wet with his mouth, the way that he rotates between like lightly sucking on the clear and then like swirling with his tongue on it and then like going down and dragging that down to like my labia and everything, he's super slow and very meticulous about every single detail

of my vagina. He's not just focusing on the clip and I think I sometimes forget it's not just the clip that has these sensory feelings. So it's to engorge yourself in all of them, that way then my whole vagina is pulsating. Because there are 8,000 nerve endings and it's not just the clitoris. Yeah, I'm getting turned on talking about it.

No, no, no, no, it's so hot. And I think also like, it's hot sometimes for me because I think some guys think like, and then also be like putting your your fingers in or vagina and stuff. That is like, yeah, it feels good at times, but it feels better on the outside. Yeah. So sometimes when he, yeah, It's different by woman by woman, but... Something I really love is when he uses half of his tongue, half of his finger on the clip.

And he tries to move them in the same motion together. Those are two very different feelings. A finger and a tongue have different feelings. So he kind of incorporates those together. And I think that he's very good at feeling my body language. Like if something feels super good, I think a lot of men think they have to keep switching it up. If she's like clenching, do not stop.

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, and don't stop the exact motion you're doing. I hate when guys are like, okay, great. And then they start going 10 times harder. They move all around. I'm like, no, go back to that spot. Cause that means you don't know where it was. But they're, it's a process that I love it and pay attention to our body language. Women, we are telling you exactly what we need. We are showing you. But if you're in your head,

worrying, am I doing it right? Is this the right way? You're going to miss the cues. You're going to miss it. So he's like, he's, it's almost like I felt this way from the best oral sex is that when I'm with somebody, it's like they, well, I think that my body does speak now to them. Like, I think that I've learned like, my body is emitting this information, but you gotta be paying attention to how I move it. I show it. We, but it's some people are too nervous, they're not focused. They don't have as much experience. So it sounds to me like this guy knows his way around. Definitely not where. He made a comment to me. It was in a joking way, but I was like, oh, okay, because he is friends with someone.

He had they had had sex once. She was also like in the industry and like they're good friends now and it's like no romantic feelings, whatever. She's like married now. And he was telling, I guess he was talking to her and she was like, oh wow, like I'm so happy for you that you found this girl. Whatever and She made a comment joking and basically saying like well, I mean if you're you've eaten her out Then she's definitely gonna fall in love and I'm like so every girl in LA like knows that you like are great

I know I know I've been asking him like you need to come on. He's like no This is the best thing is it will maybe eventually I know, I've been asking him, I'm like, you need to come on. He's like, no, no, no, is what we're saying. How much you love my pussy, what you're going to do, not that you're not going to get a blowjob or you're going to get mad, but that sort of was what I'm not speaking for every woman, but mostly to know, like even with sexting. Right. I hate sexting because a lot of times men are sexting in a way that is so juvenile for me. I'm like, Oh, your dick is hard and you want to blow, blow, blow, blow, blow. I'm like, board neck.

Like, also, I'm sorry, but sexting, listen, there is no way while you're sexting that you are going to be at the same exact time. Do like face time sex to me is way better because you can actually be. Let's talk about that right now. Yes, because my thing with sexting is one half the time that you're sexting, he's like in the grocery store, and you're like on your way to the park, and you're not actually, right.

So, and then also it's like, if you actually are masturbating, what you're picking up your phone every five seconds and texting, like no, FaceTime sex. That's how I FaceTime sex, the rules for that. Oh my God. How have you made it? Because it's been long distance.

Yes, it was. I never had really done too much FaceTime sex just because I didn't really care for it. And I'm like, I'm not really in the mood. I'm just over. Yeah. And I would either rather come over or I'll just go do it by myself and I'll have to focus on the mic or like on the camera. But with him, I was starting to really, we were starting to make it like a night thing

that we would like have a drink together. And then I would like go upstairs and make I'll call you right back and then I'd go put the lingerie on. And then I'd call him and he'd see me the lingerie. And I think that it was so fun to feel connected and like also to like kind of watch him jacking off all you're getting off. That would talk. That's so hot.

And I think a lot of girls get nervous about FaceTime sex though. Because they don't know the lights and how to stand. You were saying you practiced too, right? Like you practiced. And I know what lot of girls get nervous about FaceTime sex though. Because they don't know the lights and how to stand. You were saying you practiced too. I practiced. I practiced. And I know what sounded psycho, but like, I always prayed. I heard that, yes.

I put my phone up. Yes. And I watched porn, like, basically, if you like, you're so good at that. Yeah. So basically, I know it's on so crazy and extra. And like, some people were shitting on me for it. And I was like, I don't care.

As a girl wanting to, of course I want to impress my guy. And like I want to be like, ooh, like whoever I'm hooking up with, I want them to be like, she looks amazing. And she's like, looks like she's enjoying herself. But being the perfectionist that I am, sometimes I'm overthinking what I look like and then not fully enjoying myself. So I just want to be there because so many women are perfectionists

and they're thinking about how do I look how do I move? What's my orgasm face is it sexy enough? That is not what's going to be sexiest for your partner. By the way, the sexiest thing is once you take the beat and you figure out When you are authentically turned on and aroused because men can feel that they know it They can tell when you're faking it They can tell when like obviously there are some that are dumb, but like for the most part, they can pick, oh my God, I can literally feel her vagina

like pulsating. I can feel it, right. Exactly. So I think that was the first step for me was like, I really wanted to go into it and enjoy myself. And so by what I did was I got into my lingerie, I started taking the pictures and then I put my phone up and I opened my camera,

and I watched myself start to masturbate, and I was watching myself in the camera, and I had gotten the lights perfectly, so I felt good about myself. Even if he didn't call that night, I was enjoying myself watching myself with my toys, going in and out of me, and all these things happening, I was enjoying it, then when he called,

I was able to continue that for myself, and as much as it was for him, because I looked great it. Then when he called, I was able to continue that for myself. And as much as it was for him because I looked great and I had my outfit on, I also then was able to just watch him as he was like touching himself. And then I could just focus on me. And like what I was doing instead of being like, oh my God, how does this angle look? Oh my God. Is the lighting perfect? Oh my God. And then you were actually really turned on. I was so turned on because I kind of felt like it was the elevated version of just masturbating by myself. Because for the first time, I was like, wow, I'm really getting myself off and I'm really

enjoying this and he happens to be able to now watch it instead of me and my mind being like, okay, how many more times am I going to put this fucking dildo in my pussy? And then it's he going to come great, Kagan. That's what I remember I used to have FaceTime sex like that with this one guy and I was like just doing it for him and it was so boring. It is boring. Okay, so what's going on now because you're in LA and I know you had some questions. I want to know how can we make sure that this is something are you looking, what are you

looking for now? I think that's the hard thing for me right now is similar to what we said in the beginning. I feel a lot of times that I get to a place a mother. So like I was raised on all of it being emotional and being able to connect emotionally. So I think that I get with men and I get to a certain place with them where they're extremely not only sexually but emotionally attached to me. And then I think this is where I have a hard time

because I just don't know what I want because they're now ready to settle in. And oh my god Let's get married and all the things and I'm like um oh You don't so that's the thing right now is you figure it out. Yeah, I think that's okay too I think it's I think I don't believe anyone should get married before the 30 Oh, yeah, and I think that you now that you've just figured out You've gotten rid of the athletes and so so if that wasn't serving you, you're with your first good guy.

I think once you try all the different things, you kind of realize, this is what I want. So right now being healthy, being honest, like it's a choice. And the partners who aren't looking for your clitoris, they're not going down in you. They're not making you feel safe. And you are still playing games. That's not the only option you'll find your people. The more authentic you are, the more you are, really you are. But maybe, I mean, I don't know how you need to go through the game playing games. I was going to say, I think it's so important sometimes, everyone's different,

but for me, I wouldn't change any of that. I don't think I'd be sitting here being like, I'm kind of in the mood for a healthy relationship, had I not for so many years played the game and hung out with the fuck boys. Now I'm so excited to who knows maybe I will go back to athletes or maybe I won't or but for right now this is working for me. So I'm leaning into it rather than like running away. Like I usually have done in the past. And therapy you think has been really helpful for you too because we're always talked about the importance of therapy and if people like I don't need therapy,

it's going to be crazy. It's going to make you healthier. It's gonna help you understand your patterns It has literally changed my life and I'm not someone that on a daily basis It's like having mental breakdowns and has anxiety and depression like I'm very fortunate that I haven't experienced those things But I still need therapy like going into therapy the days I will never forget when my mom told me there was one day I was like I don't really need I don't have anything to talk about and she was like those are the best days because all of a sudden you think you don't have Anything to talk about and then you really start to get deep and it was so true It was the best therapy session I had yeah

The best time to go to therapy is when you're not in crisis because when you're in crisis You're just it's really it's as you go through a crisis and then you you get out of your like well I feel better now few no you can actually do the work that's not surrounding a crisis. And then you learn skills that help you for a lifetime. Yeah, I really encourage it. I think it's also, there's still, I think we're getting better, but a negative stigma around it.

And I just want everyone listening to know that you are not less than by going to therapy if anything, you are working on yourself and wanting to be a better person. And I think that is super commendable. Yeah, that's good, Alex Cooper. Woo I think that is super commendable. Yeah. That's good, Alex Cooper. Woo!

Wow, look at this journey we've been on. We speed talk about stuff. We do. We really do. Thank Alex. I gotta ask you the five questions. We have to all of our guests. Yes.

Okay, these are called our quickie questions. Alex Cooper, what's your biggest turn on? Whew. If a guy is good at oral. Biggest turn off. If he is constantly doing the jackhammer and being like, you like that, you like that. I'm like, no, I hate it.

I want to go home. What makes good sex? Passion and knowing each, like being in tune with each other's bodies, not just having sex basically by yourself. And then there's another person having sex also, like being in it together. Something you would tell your younger self

about sex and relationships. Don't overthink it and stress about it together. Something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships. Don't overthink it and stress about it as much as you did. Like just go with the flow because I wouldn't be sitting here if I like changed what I did in the past. Like it was all worth it. And I'm like dating a really good guy right now because of the fuck ups I had in the past. So don't overthink anything.

What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? It should be messy and disgusting and all the things and don't be focused on your body, be more focused on how it feels. Massey is good. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review

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If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash askemily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemlee.com