Sex With Emily - What Penises REALLY Want

Episode Date: December 7, 2016

2016 is coming to a close, so it’s time to talk about the state of your sex life. What’s holding you back from having the sex and relationships you crave? On today’s show, we share advice to help you face those blocks head on. What do you do when your partner’s oral sex technique is a little too… Intense? How do you recover from a toxic relationship without falling into the same hole? And is there really a correlation between weight and penis size? Emily and Menace tackle these problems and more, plus, give you a little insight into what their goals are for 2017. Don’t miss out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, we're helping you face up to the things that hold you back both in the bedroom and in your relationship. Is your partner's oral sex technique a little too intense? Wondering how to get over a toxic X? Having trouble coping with your partner's strip club visit? Thanks everyone for listening, into my show.

There's just something about the fall that makes me feel like cuddling up with an old friend. Thanks everyone for listening into my show. There is just something about the fall that makes me feel like cuddling up with an old friend. And hey, you guys may have some fun memories too. Yes, I'm talking about the Intensity by Pormaw. The Intensity is an amazing product that has made a serious impact on my life. Let me rewind a bit to explain. The Intensity was originally developed as a medical device to cure, yes,

cure incontinence issues. You know, like you sneeze and you pee. Because these issues typically stem from a weakened pelvic floor, the intensity works by applying gentle electrostimulation directly to that muscle group, giving you an amazingly effective kegge workout. And you all know how I feel about kegge exercises. And for a little plot twist,

the makers learned that the product's only real side effect was an intense orgasm. So realizing the intensity was a winning combination of utility and pleasure, they enhanced it with a powerful vibration and a literal stimulator. The result, much more than a sex toy. It's a product that's changed my sex life.

I mean, G-Spot orgasms, anyone? The intensity combines two things I love and talk about all the time. Keggal exercises and orgasms. To find out how it can change your sex life, click on the intensity banner on my website or go to They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand.

Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline? What do you mean, like, laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. What do you mean like laundry? It's rink. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I feel so grown. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexthumbly.com where you can have a party because it's so fun there. We update the content every single day. We've got blogs, we've got videos,

everything you need to have great sex plus and relationships. You can also subscribe to everything across the board. We make it so easy now. Just subscribe to our podcast, our newsletter because let me tell you why. Our newsletters, which are awesome.

People always say, I love your newsletters because we actually give you real information in there. If you don't have time to go to the site every day, we have our highlighted articles that we have, our posts, all the podcasts for the week. We even got discounts because we got a special store on our site, which is super cool. And check out all our social media.

It's all at sex, so let me cross the board, do all that stuff. I'm here with Menace. Hey, how you doing? I'm so good. I feel like I haven't seen you forever. I know as always it just seems We have such a break apart and so much stuff happens. I know dude. I was in Mexico. Yeah, how was in Mexico? What did you do? I had so many ex-boyfriends where you're hanging out with one

Oh, okay one. Oh No, I had to be Maybe somebody made out with before. No. Not a boyfriend. Nope. Nope. Just one guy. Just one ex boyfriend who's so ex boyfriend now that it's like,

we are you on a trip with his girlfriend at the same time? No. That was the last time. Okay. But now we're both single. Oh. And every year we go to in Sao Lita in Mexico, which we love. And he went to houses.

There's a few houses. And we all go. And it's party so Obviously you probably hooked up right I did I did not hook up I had a little bit lover you did yes a Rando or somebody that was he was a really good massage therapist a massage therapist Yeah, I told about it in a previous show with Anderson He was not it wasn't during the massage so those of you going not really a bar Illusion of massage or the kit. Um, we had we had a really good connection

You like read my body better than any man He knew what I and the massage was very like by the books Yeah But the way he touched me and the way he knew just what my body needed and the way he was Like oh my god. I'm proud of you. Thank you. Well, you know what, I kind of, I've kind of been inward a little bit, not really, and now

I'm like, my pilot is on. I'm like, whoo, bring it, sex, energy, everywhere. I'm so ready. Just go out, bang. Yeah. Have some sex. It was really fun though. It was great to get away.

And now I'm back. And I'm here with you the holidays. I'm trying to think what else. I've been doing a little bumbling. Oh, nice. The swipe app, which has been really fun for me actually because do you remember a few months ago? I kind of took a break from it but it's the app for those of you. Don't know much like Tinder. You swipe, you swipe and then you swipe right if you like someone. The difference with Bumble is that the women have to make the first message. And meaning like it's kind of like the Sadie Hawkins app.

But you know, but so at first I was like, oh my God, what do I say? But now I'm like, I'm pretty good at it. Like I'm clever. And guys are like, I like a smart woman. I'm like, actually enjoying it. I'm enjoying kind of playing that role of being the initiator in the first message. I support this app. Yeah.

Because that's what I, for how many years now, I've always said, like women, if there's a guy that you want, go after it. And I gotta be honest. Let it be known because guys, again, cannot read signals at all. Right. We're not that bright.

I'm just keeping it real. It's true. So not so not bright. But I feel like I had some things where guys are like, oh, you're funny. Yeah. Because I'm trying to look, I was going to read you one of my funnier ones. My more funny, but I'm like I had some things where guys are like oh, you're funny Yeah, I'm trying to look I was gonna read you one of my funnier ones by more funny, but I am looking through it But it's been good. I had a few dates

No one that you're gonna meet anytime soon, but just been fun getting out there again What about you? Yeah, you know just been traveling I and also Works been crazy. It's been great. Thank you everybody that listens to Sex of Emily podcast and the radio show that I'm part of the Woody show, which is a podcast of you know, I mean, it's a it's a radio show on Trestle Radio in the morning in Los Angeles. And now in St. Louis, Missouri on 104.9 FM, you can tune in six to 10 a.m. Monday through Friday and St. Louis, if you happen to live there and you're listening, if you don't live there, please tell a friend to tune in to to 10 a.m. Monday through Friday and saying, Lewis, if you happen to live there and you're listening, if you don't live there, please tell a friend to tune in to the woods. Yeah, tell him. That's awesome. Yeah, it's been

great. Good Midwestern peeps. They must love you there. And I know always talking about Vegas, but I just want to say, no, I just want to say one thing because it's part of something that I want to do in the new year. And I would like to talk to you about, you know, new year goals and stuff like that. So for 2017, I have three goals. Three goals is, of course, you know, everyone always sets that goal of health. So health is number one. Number two is, you know, get financial stuff in order. And number three is family. So like, for the past, I don't know, 16, 18 years, I've totally focused on my career.

I have not made time for family. Always, I'm the first one to volunteer to work on Thanksgiving or any holiday, Christmas day and stuff like that. Not being with my family, just thinking that's what's going to take to get ahead in what I wanna do in life. And I feel like I'm at that point, not that I'm dialing it back. I'm always career focused. My drive never stops or goes down, but I do have to take that time for family.

So just recently, my dad turned six years old and I'm like, okay, I'm always in Vegas. My dad hasn't been in Vegas since the 90s. Wow. Right? So I said, you know what, I'm gonna take you. So I flew him out with my sister and I didn't tell him anything that we're doing, right?

So we, first thing we do, we go to this place called Top Golf. So it's kind of like a golfing range, but you can like get hammered. It's like a club inside. It's crazy. Is he a drinker? Yeah, oh, he you can like get hammered. It's like a club inside. It's crazy. Is he a drinker like? Yeah, oh, he parties.

He has super fun. And then the next day, we wake up, we have breakfast, so don't tell me anything. And we get in the shuttle and we go out in the middle of the desert and we go do 100 acres and it's a racetrack. And I go, Dad, you're gonna drive a Ferrari today. So he like trips, he's never driven, he's never driven like a nice car in his life, right?

I go, yeah, you're gonna drive Ferrari and you're gonna go 140 miles per hour. Like he was like, crappin' his pants. He had to go to the bathroom like a couple times, he was like tripping out. Like, because it's a guy's like dream, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like have all this video of him like going through

the track and all this stuff. And then we had to go do a manly thing so we went and shot guns at the gun range Just called the gun store in Vegas if you ever go. Yeah, and then after that We entered it off with some David Copperfield Of course, which is really good by the way If you get to see magic you see David Copperfield He's funny in the whole show. No, he is hilarious. So I highly recommend it That's really...

But those are my goals in 2017. You're already hitting them. Yeah, so I'm trying my hardest to do that. Do you have any goals that you want to do? I do. Well, it's funny, Menace. I never think that we're that similar. Yeah.

And... Absolutely not. No, not. But we must have something because we like each other. But it's funny that you say that because I have been like you. We're both kind of workaholics. We've been very focused on our careers for our entire lives. Since I met you, we're both very, very driven and I really did put everything

else on the back burner. For me, ironically, particularly relationships, really focusing on getting into a relationship that's, you know, long going to go the distance. I never really, well, I like being with someone, I was like, if you get in the way of my work, if you get in the way of anything, you know, we can't be together. I think I was like, you work too much. I'm like, okay, we'll have a nice life. Because I'm going back to my laptop. Yeah, well, it goes back to your, your mother, what she told you, we haven't mentioned in quite a long time maybe you have while I'm not here how she said that you never depend never depend on a man ever. Right she said to me when I was 13

14 met Matt and I did the misadvised show on Bravo years ago and my whole theme that ran through it was when mother told me she was going through her second divorce and no money and she was trying to survive. She said, Emily, never rely on a man to take care of you, take care of yourself. And how I interpreted that, you know, you got to be care as parents, you never know what those zingers are going to be. But I thought, wow, well, I'm always going to be working and providing for myself. I better love what I do. And then I had my dad on the other side who was a lawyer and I knew he didn't like being a lawyer. So I was like, well, I don't want to be miserable. So my

quest was like, what do I love? What's going to like change the world, which is why I start in politics thinking that was going to change the world, which, you know, did part of it, but I thought it's sex with Emily. And then when I started it, being in their team and not easy, you know, my mom always said, you didn't choose the easy route. I mean, it's been a climb. It's been an 11 year struggle. And now I've got like, I'm in a place where I've got amazing team support here at Texas Emily. Like, I'm finally like, whoa, I can breathe.

People, you guys, I love my fans, supporters, you're listening to the show. I'm like, wow, I can step back. Maybe it's time that I've helped you all with relationships. It's time that I would like to be in relationships. So that is one of my goals. Because work feels like, I'm not there.

There is no there. You never can be like, I'm there or now I can. But it feels like I can breathe. And I can be that. And also, I gotta say family, my mom is coming out this weekend. I know I do see my family, you know, maybe a little more than you do, but they're a Michigan. And it's harder.

And the thing that made me sad is I was talking to my mom last week. She's a Michigan. And said, I love you come out and she's all come out next week. I said, I would love that. And she said, you know what Emily and the second I miss that? She said, God, this is the first time. And I guess I lived in California for 20 or 25 years. She goes that you've ever been like, you've seemed like really like excited for me to come and that it was okay for me to come because I used to, well, I'm so close to that. I might be like, oh, I gotta work You might have to do some else and I was like nope come. I won't work and I so I feel like I'm yeah

So it's like family and I would say that it's um, you know It also so family relationships and then friendships the other thing is that um Moving to LA four years ago from San Francisco where I was for 20-some-odd years I really wasn't focusing on and community and friendships because I When I'm in work, it's hard for me to multitask. I was like, yeah So now I'm like, oh, I got it kind of want to like goals are to kind of focus on things that are outside of You know just just work, but like having a really much fuller life in other ways Not that I was like sitting home alone every night, but really just kind of looking at that stuff

That's great. Yeah. And it all goes back to, you know, it does. If you're not happy with all those things, you can't be happy in your sex life. You can. Right. It's impossible. I mean, like, you could be happy having sex, but to like have a like a long term thing. If you have a, you know, to have a partner and stuff like that, all those outside factors can affect your sex life. Absolutely. And so now I feel like I'm like,

it's, you know, I'm making space for it. So I love it. And now God knows I know how to have good sex and good relationships. And now that I've been celibate all these years, but now I'm like, oh, I think I would like to travel with someone I'd like to have a relationship. Go ahead, Menace.

Happy New Year, almost. I know. God, that was heartfelt and deep deep so what else for us oh So oh wait hold on one second. I'm dog sitting this adorable dog, but I don't want him to get oh he can't get in the bag Okay, I thought I was gonna eat the toys. He eat the eat his treats. Okay. Yeah, not yet. So Oh is hilarious. So on the Woody show today we have this topic of Oh, it's hilarious. So on the Woody show today we have this topic of People calling in with their worst date ever and so many funny stories. I don't know if I personally have one that's crazy I don't probably share it on the show before it was just like I'm on I was on this double date and this girl was wearing way too much perfume

And I ditched the date I told I said to my buddy like yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom And it's left and then I texted and I was like yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom and I just left and then I texted her I was like, yeah, how to go she's spelled too much She had bad odor it was just too much perfume and I was getting a headache dude. You can't just duck I know what I was like guys. I've heard of just like left a girl the restaurant. I was a teenager back then My buddy was still there. He just said that I was sick. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't like it was a one-on-one thing. I told you, laughter would no ride or anything like that. But it was funny because one of my favorite stories that this girl calls in and says,

yeah, so we're on her first date. We see each other face-to-face for the first time and he goes, are you going through puberty? And she says, what puberty? And as he's saying that, he puts his finger on her forehead on some acne. Oh, come. She said that she died inside, but then, obviously, didn't continue the date. And then I just got this freaky one on Instagram on a DM.

She's like, oh, I couldn't call in today, but I was on this date with this guy. He picks me up and we're gonna go to the dinner and she said, I was wearing a low cup blouse, you know, whatever. And he goes, hey, I gotta pull over. And he pulls over to like this rest area. And she says it's super dark.

She said she was freaking out and then he pulls out a condom. And she goes, wait, hold on, hold on. He goes, oh, don't worry, I'm not gonna touch you. And he puts on the condom, he goes, I'm about to come. And she's like, what? And he puts on the condom and apparently goes in the condom and says, all right, are you ready to go have dinner? I don't know, Stan.

Why are you just going to the bathroom and jack up? I don't know either because he's a freak. There's so many guys out there. There are so many weird. I know. So weird, so socially awkward and weird. This is the thing about dating. Like even dating online, we need to have no point of reference. Here's, yeah, that and weird. This is the thing about dating. Like even dating online where you have no point of reference.

Here's, yeah, that's weird. Well, dating online makes it weird too because. Well, who knows how she met this guy? Like, you don't know people. I think back in the day, weird things could still happen, but usually you'd meet at a bar, you friends or friends. You get to know them, you can tell if they're weird. If you're just like texting with someone online

and then you go out to meet him and he pulls out a condom and ejaculates into it He says hey, let's go into like let's go into red lobster right now run you know run for your life But you know what I heard it is a great tip is it I'm gonna start doing this If you meet someone online or you don't really know where it's a fix up face time with them before you go on the date Red not just talk on the phone do a little face time for ten minutes. Well, do I think it's a good vetting process? Yeah, get the vibe on how they are face time for 10 minutes. What do you think? That's a good vetting process. Yeah, to get the vibe on how they are face time.

Yes. Why waste your time? There are also this is, you know, this has been around forever. It's like meat for drinks first to get the vibe. Like you can, don't, don't set a dinner. Like, oh, let's go out to dinner. That's like, that's way too much because you might not be feeling them right away. Go ahead and go ahead. Woody told me this is like, go ahead and make the

reservation, but have some buffer time before that where you have some drinks. Right. And then you can see if you like this person or not. And then you go, all right, you want to go have dinner. And if the person brings up, oh, Gary had reservations reservations that's kind of weird. He goes no I was just making sure you weren't a crazy person, right? And I'm sure they would know yeah, they've been like yeah totally and I say even me for coffee Coffee What drinks I don't know if I can do like it Starbox like I love a lot of day right yeah, I don't know if I can do my day-time meetup

I think I'd be so awkward and weird. I don't know It's something quick. It's more comfortable at night. You have a lot of fun. That's true. That's a drink thing. But you know, then I went out of the guy with for drinks. We had a drink thing. And I kept thinking it was at 7.30. So I'm like, it's on Tuesday night. It's going to turn a dinner. And we just had their drink for three hours.

I was like, I wasn't really drinking because just back from Mexico, my stomach was, I put heat every said, let's get food. And there was no food at the place we were at. Oh, a week. And then I was like why do you think about food and then what happened and then that was weird but whatever it is I think a quick yeah something quick to get you know anything insane that probably happened I do you do you don't know if I'm already a talk about it yeah oh no all right yeah just to see yeah TV TV to be continued. Oh, okay. All right.

Wow. I know. I've had some good things happen. And if anything, I'm just like, yeah, like a milder story. I have no, it's been very new that I've just started doing this whole, this whole dating thing, but I don't have anything milder. I can't even dumb it down yet. Oh, wow. Because what if he listens, what if he would ever, but I

look at this that after it was over I stayed up and I wrote till six in the morning notes. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So everyone's keep listening to the show because you're gonna want to go this way. Believe me. I actually but it feels good to be back though. I love that I'm just like meeting people and doing this thing, but it is still the I still wait like. Like when I, and I haven't just talked to them on the phone before I realized I should probably do FaceTime, I'm like, so what do you do? I'm like, let's get into that one, I meet you.

But then that's like a red flag, like what do you mean? Yeah. I just don't want, not that I'm ashamed, but then you Google me and it's the whole sex out. I'm still trying to delay to try to put that off as much as I can because. Like Google you and then they think you're sex out. Right. sex addicts or just just whatever and I've also come to realize that the new thing that I've also I the guys that go out with in the last 11

years that I'm doing this I always think people like are they intimidated? No I wouldn't go out the guys are they all say they're cool with it and then I realize that they're gonna say they're cool with it and maybe they they really are and eventually they become cool but I also then I realize that they're going to say they're cool with it. And maybe they really are. And eventually they become cool. But I also have a way that I'm going to say to them now, I've started to say, but listen, I know that sex is like a charged topic. And it's OK if you're not like you've questions or it

makes you kind of whatever we can talk about it. Because I feel like I just take their word for it that they're cool with it. But I don't know that I'd be cool with it. Not cool, but I'd wanna understand a little bit more. So I'm giving more room to talk about it and do like, deep questions, this is what I do. Yeah, count it out.

Dude, I feel like so, like a volvig. I feel like I've learned so much. And like, Samatica was really great. I'm done with that training in San Francisco. I've just had a really heart opening year. That's good. I know. I'm sure because I think we the first couple of years here you're just so work involved. I was. It's finally said. It's work work work work work work. Right? You too. Yeah. Well we're both at the same. Yeah.

Dude, that's good. Okay, let's um let's should we give a shout out to our sponsors. Yeah do some emails. Yeah. Okay everyone.'s, should we give a shout out to our sponsors? Yeah, do some emails. Yeah. Okay, everyone, thank you for supporting our sponsors. Remember the holidays are coming up? And I don't know, nothing sexier to put into a stockin' than, you know, Dildo. Yeah, Dildo.

Check out our sponsors, you know we never talk about, we never work with anybody who we don't believe in, whose toys we don't love, and I think you'll love them too. Thanks for listening, We are back. I have a special announcement about something I'm excited to be a part of. Recently, I introduced a product in development called UV. It's a beautiful locking storage box that also charges and sanitizes sex toys at the same time. There is literally nothing else like it on the market. Here's how it works. When you're done using a toy simply rinse

or wipe it down. Put the toy into the UV. Plug the toy's charger into the built-in USB port and close the lid. That's it! In just 10 minutes, UV's patent-pending UV-C light kills 99.9% of the harmful bacteria, leaving your toy completely sanitized. You can just leave it in there where it will charge and be totally ready for you the next time you use it. UV is in the home stretch of its production, and it's just been launched on Kickstarter.com, making it one of the very first adult products allowed on that site. As UV's biggest fan,

they asked me to be the spokesperson for the campaign. Check out the video I just made for the Kickstarter page. I explained everything you need to know. And if you pre-order through Kickstarter, there's some great perks available, including a bundle with a toy from Lalo. You know, the luxury toy manufacturer. As big proponents of proper toy sanitization and hygiene, they took one look at what UV can do and got on board. I'm even part of the perks. You can get an autograph copy of my book, have launched with me here in LA or even soon out of recording in the podcast. The campaign launched today to 7th 6th. To get it on the action, click the UV banner on my site or go to UVclean.com. That's uveclean.com.

Okay, we're back, Matt, how about some emails? All right, let's hear from the people. Okay, well thank you everyone for emailing us. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, so easy to submit your questions now. Go to sexwithmwe.com, click on the Ask Emily tab, fill out the form, hit submit. And now there's an option to call into the podcast

to get your question answered live. So if you're interested, check yes, to have your question discussed on the show and we'll follow up with you instead of time, you can also leave me a voicemail. It's fun we play those voicemails, eight one eight, ask SWE1 or eight one eight, two seven five seven nine three one.

As always, please include your name, age, where you live, and how you listen. Can't wait to hear from you. Okay, hey Emily, I'll get right into it. My girlfriend is bad at blow jobs. We've been together for a year now, and we're madly in love. We're also both our first sexual partner,

so our experience is limited. Most of the time when she goes down to me, the sensation gets so intense that I lose my erection and I find it difficult to continue. I love her. I appreciate her giving me such intimate attention, but it's sometimes too intensive a sensation to continue. It's got to the point where I tried to avoid letting her

go down to me. My question is this, how do I bring up the fact that she's not going to give blow jobs in a nice way? How can I teach her to improve? Our communication throughout our whole relationship has been completely open except for this little thing I don't quite want to bring up with her. I've been listening to your show since last year and I love the advice you give to couples. I sincerely appreciate any input you can give to my situation. Krandus age 22. PS, I'm on cut less than average size so I can imagine that being so also adds

to some extra sensitivity down there. Okay, Krandus, I hear this question and I think you need to have one of those state of your sex life conversations, kind of like the state of the union. When I first read this, I was thinking, God, this kind of has to be in the moment thing where you kind of guide her what to do, even though I often say don't have these conversations out of the bedroom. However, I feel like since she's not really going down

on you anymore because you've pushed her away from it, which I understand if it's painful, you got to do that. So I think that, well, I thought a lot about this, Crennus, and what I think you need to do is just say to her, listen, babe, you know, one day when you're at breakfast, down a road trip when you're not in the bedroom, and not even in the evening time, just some time when you're whatever, walking to the park, you could say, listen, babe, I'm kind of embarrassed. I've got to talk to you about something. It's kind of hard for me to talk about because my penis is involved. But it's just, I'm super sensitive. And I don't know if my penis is like other penises, but things that might feel good for others just often

don't feel great for me. And I know that oftentimes, you know, people might like harder pressure, I need something a little bit lighter. And maybe I can show you what I want. It's kind of hard for me just, you know, in the past to let you know this. And it got me thinking, sweetie, that there might be some things that you need as well. You know, like maybe there's been some things that you

have been wanting for me, sexually, because they've been together for a while. How long have they been together? A while, you says? So I think that's kind of a nice way to be like, I've just been thinking about it. Like I want to show you this, and that's why I might have been pushing you away.

I'll show you, you show me, it's like a show and tell. You could add in some mutual masturbation, and see where it goes from there. Because let's be honest, like we don't, we always say men aren't my, my readers, but women aren't mine readers either. And men as you ask me if I've had any current experiences. Yeah.

And I can just give you a little taster here that there was a particular penis experience I had where the guy really wanted super light touch. He didn't want the pressure as much. He didn't want as much. Yeah, sucked like very rare, very rare. And I was like, oh, okay, I didn't want the pressure as much. He didn't want as much. Really? Yeah, sucked. That's very rare. Very rare. And I was like, oh, OK, I didn't know that.

I think I so, hey, so I think Kran just like, I think you could get, she just wants to, you know, she's going to want to please you. So I think that's a good, what do you think? If you, that's the kind of good way to put it there? Yeah, I think so. And nothing's worse than a bad blow job. Right?

Because you feel like, oh, maybe they're not into it or whatever, but it sounds like they're inexperienced. It's a good thing too. And nothing's worse than a bad blow job. Right? Because you feel like, oh, maybe they're not into it or whatever, but it sounds like they're inexperienced. Yeah. And you both, also, yeah, you guys, I'm telling you. You're a friend, that person, you know, you got to ease into it. And it takes practice. If you guys have not been with anyone else before, you can't expect a perfect blow job out

of the gate, nor can she expect perfect sex out of the gate. The other thing is, I don't expect, you know, the thing that really helps with sex is, you know, education combined with experience. And education, I think it's great listening to the podcast. Maybe you guys can listen together. I know a lot of couples listen to the show together, but also experimenting. Like, that's how you get better with it. So you guys have each other's bodies to experiment and experiment on and go with that. Nice. Experimented to Vegeta?

All right. All right. Let's spin it out. Okay. Hey Emily, I've recently listened to podcasts and felt like you were a good person to read out to. Most of the stuff I hear is from a bit older crowd. So my problem might be immature.

That's funny. First of all, let me just cut here. Our listeners range from 19 to like we get someone 60 in last show. So it's funny when we hear that because people always think it's younger than the older people think it's younger people. The younger people, the younger, the younger, hey baby, we're open all of you. Okay. We have everybody. We out here. I have a night to be a boyfriend of two years going into college this year and I'm going to my senior year of high school. Lately he's been mentioning to me about how he and his friends are wanting to plan a trip to a strip club. He's never been. First I didn't mind much, but the more I think about it, I'm not, I'm totally not okay with it.

I'm pretty self conscious about sex stuff and also an experience. So I feel if he goes it'll hurt me a lot. I'm just so on the fence because I want to be cool about it and be fine with it going but it's really bothering me and I don't want him to go at all. Thinking about a grown naked woman like grinding on my boyfriend makes me worried. I don't want another girl to make him feel better than I do. Am I wrong for not wanting him to go? Do I tell him how I feel, Katie? Katie, this is a great question that you're asking. I know, God, do I always say that you're a great question? I just think that they, because I know so many. So I'm gonna look.

That's the truth is, Katie, I could totally relate to you. I've talked about this on the show before that, you know, when I was about 25, I was dating a guy and he loves strip clubs. And we had, we were having amazing sex and I thought he was best sex in my life at the time and I thought why I and he loves strip clubs and we had we're having amazing sex and I thought he was best sex in my life at the time and I thought why I didn't get strip clubs. I also was intimidated. I thought God He's these girls. They're so sexy. He's not gonna want to be with me

And it is kind of tricky here because you don't want to be his mother or telling him what he can and cannot do But the thing about the chip strip clubs is entertainment for guys. He's not going to find a replacement for you. It's how dude's bond. He's never been before. It's going to be a one-off experience. He's not going to be sitting there going, oh God, I wish Katie was giving me a lap dance. That said, you know, it's separate from you. It's like it's a guy, it's a bonding thing. But I understand, you know, that you have these insecurities. So I think you can let him know that, you know, I want you to do this, I get that it's part of your experience,

but it's making me, you know, a little uncomfortable. And, and see what he says. I mean, let me tell you something, you're both going into college. And since you haven't had a lot of experience, I think I get that you're being protective but I think it's time for you. If he's still your boyfriend what she's going to her senior year of high school and he's okay. I mean

I think that there's gonna be a lot more things in your future that you need to experience as well like you know watching support and having different kinds of sex having other partners but I don't think you give a long life ahead of you. And so when we do hear from people who are just starting out, I know all this stuff is really new the first time, but I mean strip clubs. Some guys are, you're not really in strip clubs, right? I feel like there's two kinds of guys.

Truly. Because I've, actually I haven't said this in a really long time. I rather spend my money on taking a girl out on a date where I may have sex with her, then go into a place where I know that I definitely will, probably not have sex with that person. Right, you know. And that's how a lot of guys, I don't think they're like,

wow, and I waste money on spending money exactly. But some guys absolutely love it. I have friends that love it, you know, mostly are married or have a girlfriend, but Because why though can you explain that the kid it's just something different for yeah, yeah, definitely I think it definitely I think it's just that excitement, you know, out of the norm, right? It's not a replacement from a female that They normally don't get that's probably what it is right and if anything Katie I know this way somewhere to you

But it's going to get more excited to see you when you get some that night. He's going to get turned on and it's going to be a thing or maybe he won't even get to maybe he'll be great. We don't know. He's never been to a strip club, but I know it's hard to separate this from the two of you, but like it's like guys with masturbation and watching porn. It's just something that guys are going to do if they're into it. You're not really going to be able to stop him. You can let him know how it makes you feel, but you don't want to be that one who's like stopping them from these new experiences.

But what you're feeling is totally normal, and I think with time and experience, you're going to understand that, you know, that's kind of like part of it. And just comes with experience, but you're totally valid. You're feeling as I think it's okay to tell him how you're feeling, but you're not going to stop them. Okay, anything else say that? No. How good? Handled it like a professional. Like a pro. Hey, Emily, my name is Ray. I'm 23 living in Los Angeles and listen to the podcast through the iPhone app. A few months ago, I got up a very toxic five-month relationship to the point where I think it was very emotionally abusive. I feel like I could go on forever, but there was cheating involved, laughing and

making jokes at my insecurities, trying to separate me from my friends, flirting with multiple guys in front of me, and very manipulative tactics, such as not telling me who she cheated with, rather she had me guess the guy's name, who was a mutual friend. My problem that I would like your advice on is this. When I look back on the relationship now, I'm ashamed and myself were letting it get so bad. There were times when I knew she was lying to me, but I didn't call her out at it, or when she would flirt with other guys,

I'd be right there next to her, but I didn't do anything about it. I suppose I did bring it up to her in private, but she would laugh it off, and I accepted that when clearly I shouldn't do anything about it. I suppose I did bring it up to her in private, but she would laugh it off, and I accepted that when clearly I shouldn't have. I have this lingering guilt because I let myself down, and I let her walk all over me. How does one get over this and learn from it?

How do I let this not happen again in the future? Any feedback is welcome. I've been listening to the show for a few months now, and I love it. Thanks for all you do, Ray. 23 Los Angeles All right Ray. It's crazy around the same age. I probably went through the exact same thing that you just emailed about and You know what it just takes it just takes a little bit of time and then out there dating more people and you totally forget about it

Yeah, I mean you learn from it We all go this stuff. Yeah, you like, now you can pick up on signs when things happen, and then now you know not to waste your time. Right. I know at that point when you're 23 years old, you want to be with that person so badly, like you just, you just put that in the back burner

and not even bring it up. But now, like, you've been through that, it's good. It's actually good that you've been through that. Because later on in life, if you went through that, you wouldn't even know how to handle it. Exactly. But now, older, when you probably will have a longer committed relationship,

you can see all the signs and find the good person to be with. It's true. And Ray, I want to, similar to what Matt said, what if I told you that in some way, this is a gift. Because that she kind of gave you a gift here, because the experience that you had with her and your insights and your ability to see the damage

and how she treated you poorly is actually a very mature and wonderful thing. There's a lot of people who keep dating these kind of women or men over and over and over again. You know, we often see their pickers broken. Yours is not. You're awake. Your eyes are open right. You're like never again. And so while many people have like a lifetime of these relationships, you're realizing it at 23 like men says and it's still painful and you can't believe you let it happen. Please go easy on yourself, man. I know what it's like to beat yourself up, but how would you've done a different

if you've never been through this? You're like real time experienced this woman who you love treating you poorly. Most people, it takes them a little bit to get out of abusive situations. You got out of it, you're moving on, it won't happen again. And the person that I went through,

all that stuff is a fucking loser now. So, you know? On top of that, right? Because shitty people like that are never gonna get anywhere. Shitty people never prosper. So you shouldn't even worry about it. Right.

Mm. And, but I hear him being hard himself, and I've done that too, but I'm telling you, this is gonna be a huge learning experience. And, I swear it's like me and a DelLorean making writing this email right now. Really?

Yeah, serious. So again, you'll be able to. Look at Matt and he's almost sure and grown up and has a really healthy relationship. So. You got a girlfriend, two French bulldogs, nice place, everything's good now. Exactly. Okay. Just get out there.

Yeah, you're fine. But don't dwell on this much longer right? No. Because I hear this negativity. Because it will affect you meeting new people. Exactly. Okay. Hey Emily, I recently gone back together with an ex from 15 years ago.

We have both gained quite a bit of weight since we were in our 20s. Back in the day, his penis felt gigantic to me, but now it seems so much smaller. I've recently been with another very overweight guy and was surprised at how small he was, too. My question is, does weight gain affect the size of a guy's member? Absolutely. Thanks, Lisa.

Sorry. 545 Los Angeles, yeah? It does, yes. Actually, I've heard your good friend Dr. Drew talk about this before. Yeah, you're talking about this. Where it can take like inches off. I know, I know I go through that.

Are you pleased to get smaller? I feel that, yeah, my penis is much smaller since the weight that I've gained over the years. And Dr. Drew has backed that up also. And visually too, it does. Like a lot of guys, important yes, they have large penises, but also a lot of them are really skinny guys, if you meet them in person,

are really tiny guys, but they're, they have a normal size penis, but it just, because of their body type, on camera, the wiener looks way larger, but I'm not saying that's every situation. Right, but you're saying when you gained weight, you felt your penis just smaller. It's kind of like the foopah, as we talk about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not that this seems smaller, it's that you have added weight, you know, blocking it from fully penetrating you. And weight gains the lower like album abdomen, like pelvic region has like additional cushioning, and it makes it difficult for the penis to gain entry. And if you've also gained weight,

you're carrying extra weight there too, as well, Lisa. So as far as the penis is looking smaller, it's kind of a visual. I need a flat reduction around my penis, and then you can see how much larger it is. Right. Right. Because you're hit.

I was joking around saying, I need a flat reduction around my penis, but it's definitely like it gets hidden, it's true, I swear. Yeah. You get Dr. Drew on here, he'll tell you. Yeah, you know. So there's a good position for you, the coitle alignment technique or cat position. It's like missionary, the man on top position to himself themselves a little bit higher while you squeeze your thighs together and it creates a tighter feel for both of you.

So you're kind of going up and down rather than like rocking back and forth. And then your pubic mount is less likely to get in the way when you guys are laying flat. And the coil line technique, I always talk about it because it is a great orgasmic position to for women. So that's what I would recommend for you. That's what we got here. That's it. It was fun. It was really fun.

I love catching up with you. Thank you, everybody, that supports sex and Emily. I love getting your tweets at menace. I had a funny one the other day. I guess I mentioned that I always think about sleep. So somebody quoted that from the sex-only podcast. So yeah, thank you everybody. And people that I meet in random places that listen

to the podcast, thank you so much. It's awesome. Yeah, I appreciate it, you guys. I, yeah, happy holidays. I was going to say, in closing out this year, of focusing on a lot of different things, I just want to thank everybody for supporting the show for so long, for 11 years, and for, um, yeah, for sharing your stories and for being vulnerable and for letting your friends

know about the show and just for writing us and letting us know how it's helped you. And, um, asking the questions and being involved in wanting to prove your sex life. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful to share. As always, love you. Love you, menace. Love love you. Love you, Mattis. Love my team. Thank you, Madison, and thank you to Jamie and Eddie and Ken and Lori.

And yeah, everyone, for supporting the show and following us on Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, it's all at sexwithemilyandfacebook.com. Slash, sex with Emily, we're at 1.5 million followers. Nice. We're doing some Facebook lives. And also you guys, if you're, we always say, how do you listen, how do you listen to the show? Not only are we on the iTunes, you can also listen on Google Play, SoundCloud, Spotify, and we have a shop with Emily on our website now. We've got a store. So if you always hear me talking about toys and things I

like, you can now see them on the website. What else? We've got a YouTube channel. I don't know. That's all. I just freaking love you all. Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. FeedbackItSex with Emily.com. You know my mission in life is to help you improve your relationships and have the best sexier life, right? Well what are the most important things you can do to achieve that is to keep things fresh? Well our good friends at Adam and Eve.com know exactly how to help you with that. AdamNive.com is where you'll find all my favorite high-end toys, like the Magic Wand and the We Vibes Inc.

As well as sexy lingerie, games, massage rolls, everything you need to keep things exciting. To make the choice even easier, the folks at AdamNive.com have put together a special deal for sex with Emily listeners. If you order today and use code Emily, they'll cut the price of almost any single item in half. Not enough? They'll also toss in three free DVDs and ship it all for free. And for a limited time only, they will include a free gift, a sexy premium vibrating

pleasuring. Rings are a great way to enhance intercourse, and if you haven't tried one before, it's the perfect time. It can help guys stay harder longer, all while providing that crucial clitorial stimulation that most would require to orgasm during intercourse. To get your free ring, free shipping, free DVDs, and 50% off one item, go to adamaniv.com today and use code Emily at checkout. Let's talk about the orgasm gap. You don't know what the orgasm gap is?

Okay, so a little refresher. Men take anywhere between six to eight minutes to orgasm during intercourse. Women between 20 and 40 minutes. You see the issue here? There's like a gap. Even if you don't have an issue with premature ejaculation,

the factor remains we may take longer to achieve orgasm in the menu. A lot longer. But you can take action. You can. For starters, more for a play. For a play is not just a suggestion, it's actually mandatory. And to help you narrow the orgasm gap during intercourse, even more, try promising.

See, promising is a clinically proven FDA-approved product that can significantly delay ejaculation. So why is that a good thing? Because if you're able to less-songer, you'll have less anxiety about performing. You can focus on being in the moment with your partner, enjoying sex instead of stressing about it. And your partner gets a benefit of a longer, more intense experience. Doesn't that sound much better?

Does that more fun? No more gaps? That more sex? That more orgasms? God, this sounds good. Permessent is a topical spray that gets applied to the penis to improve a man's stamina. Unlike common delay sprays that make you numb, permessent is quickly absorbed, allowing you to enjoy the sensations of sex.

When used properly, it won't transfer to your partner, which trust me, nobody likes. What other product can help you last longer have better sex, reduced performance anxiety, and improve your relationship? Exactly! None! And it's easier to buy a promise than ever before, because now it's available at your local right aid and target too. That's right, you can run out, get some today. Of course, you can also click on the That's right, you can run out, get some today. Of course, you can also click on the Progressive banner on my site or visit ProBesson.com today.