Sex With Emily - What To Do When You Find Your Daughter’s Vibrator

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

In this episode, Emily talks to Sex With Emily regular, psychological astrologer, Dr. Jennifer Freed, to give us her monthly Astro-Sex Forecast, so listen for your sign (and your partner’s too!). Emily and Jennifer also talk about mindfulness and the power of kissing. Too much or not enough tongue? It’s kissing 101!We’re learning a lot about the people we’re quarantined with, but what do you do when you learn your kids are having sex? Emily gives advice on how to talk to your teenager about sex without shaming them. Plus, what age is too old to have kids? One caller asks for advice about having a baby at age 61 when the pregnancy isn’t planned. We were at the edge of our seats wondering: will they or won’t they have a baby and how do you talk about it with your partner if you’re not ready?For more information about Jen Freed, visit:For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I think a good kisser is not just being wimpy and mouth wide open do anything to me. It's like an exchange. That's because it's always amazing in the beginning or you wouldn't be with somebody. Like that's what gets you hooked. My senior old daughter, she no longer a virgin. This guy broke up with her, so she's heartbroken. I just want to be able to talk to her and I don't really know what to say. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily and this July we are celebrating sexual liberation. A part of that for us means reclaiming the sex life you want, how to build yourself confidence in and out of the bedroom, finding new ways to communicate with your partner, especially around who initiates and how to focus on enjoying the moment instead of your performance. By me, Monday through Friday, 5-7pm Pacific on serious sex and stars, free the more sex talk, cause, and in a news. Also follow me on social media. I met sex with Emily on Instagram and Twitter, where I'm always

posting the best tips and tricks to help improve your sex life. We'll get into that and more. Stay with us. ["Fake of the Life of the World"] Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on days.

Dr. Jennifer Fried is here. She's the best selling author of user planets wisely. In her book, it was really one that just demystified astrology for me altogether. She's a renowned psychological astrologer. She is incredible.

We love her. JenniferFried.com. Jennifer, welcome to the show. I feel like I wish I could see you every day, and it would make my day better, Emily. So I'm just always glad to just lay eyes on you and hear your voice. This is how I feel.

I feel like I have this whole joke to my system right now. Like I feel like everything's good. I feel calm. I'm happy you're here. Jen, there's a lot to unpack. First off, is there anything you can tell us about being mindful? Like what is, you know, it's such a buzzword,

you know, unless whatever for years, but right now, I mean, for me, I know being mindful has helped me so much. Especially during COVID, not a lot's changing. I'm home all the time and really paying attention to what I need, what I want around me, who I want to talk to, what's important. But how would you, how would you talk about it, Jen? Well, mine, minefulness for me is a lifelong everyday practice.

It's simply about coming back to the present. Mindfulness for me is a lifelong everyday practice. It's simply about coming back to the present. I have a monkey mind like we all do that's racing and chasing after the past, the future anywhere but here. And mindfulness for me is taking that breath and saying, here, now, I'm right now with Emily, there's nothing else to do. And I find that when I take that moment to reset, I'm way more engaged

with my life. Because my mind is an endless labyrinth of getting nowhere, honestly. It's true. It's that moment where, for me, you could do it all day every day. Like, I literally do it. I'm like, back to the present, back to the present. If you have to do it a hundred times, you realize that, yeah, when you're in your head, you're either in the past or the future, about the second, you go, okay, I'm going to be present, you realize everything yeah when you're in your head you're either in the past or the future about the second you go okay I'm gonna be present you realize all everything that's in front of you. It's the most challenging sometimes when I'm intimate or sexual to be present because I want to be present more than ever in that activity and the mind's still with me and I've got to

go wait a second don't cheat me out of this moment. This is one of my favorite moments in life. It's not a given that just because you're having hot sex, you're gonna be present. So that's even a time to be mindful. So what's a good tip for you to be mindful in those moments? Well, I'm highly sensuous with a torus moon as you have that too, Emily.

So what I do is close my eyes and feel the sensation. I could say, what's the biggest sensation going on right now? Usually it's kissing. So for me, it's like, oh, feel the lips, feel the heat, feel the taste, smell. And I get really into, turn back into the body, luscious body instead of the mind. Go lower, not higher in this case.

Yeah, that's a really good tip because focusing on the sense is what you feeling and smelling and tasting in the moment, hearing, it just ground you. You can't be anywhere else but in that moment. And kissing, I'm glad you bought a kissing, Jen, because it is international kissing day. It's my words. You're going to have some kissing stuff coming up for you as well. What to do if you haven't kissed it a while? How to make that great?

Could there be some anxieties and fears you might have around Kissing because that happens too? What do we need to know right now, Jen? The last time you mentioned that 2020 was a year of tremendous astrological significance. So what has changed lately? I know Mercury's also in retrograde. So the big thing that's going on and then I can get into each sign, but what we've got going right now is sun and mercury in the sign of cancer, which is a water sign and it's all about very sensitive feelings and easily

wounded feelings and very strong nurturing feelings. And it's squared meaning in a creative tension with the planet Mars, which is about action and Mars is in its home sign of aries and that means people want to act and they want to do it now and they want results And it goes a little abrasively against people's sensitivities So what I was saying to you on the break is the word for the month is be thoughtful instead of hasty. Be thoughtful instead of hasty. It doesn't mean don't do your big action that you wanna do or have a conversation you wanna have, but back down before you go forward.

Take 10 before you speak, because odds are, if you're gonna go after it, without consideration, you're probably gonna harm or hurt people accidentally. That's good advice. That is good advice. It's always good whenever I pause on something or I think it's just the right thing to send or the right thing to say,

that's also been a practice to really stop and say, if you're doubting it and you're not sure, take a beat. Take a pause. Maybe it's not what we're saying right now. So let me do run through the signs just a little tip for being sexually wise this month in the heat of July. So first of all we start with aries and aries you've got to know you're hotter than ever right now. You're sinching burning hot. So cool down a bit before you for you, agress, or demand anything, instead get more air-resistible

with your own inner charisma. Taurus, you wanna go slow and chill. You're the understated one this month. You wanna bring people to you through your soul tree and very innocent way of bringing people into your layer. Gemini, this is your month to know that you're lovable, that you're believable, and that what you want

is what you get. And so you've got to be very clear. What is it you want? Because you might get way too many offers if you're not decisive. Cancer, cancer, this is your month to be treated better than you've ever been treated, which means, yes, give the way you always give, but ask for a little more and people be happy to give

it to you. Leo, this is your month to have those dynamic, passionate conversations, whether it's distance or in person that turn you on and make you feel like you can be an endless orgasm machine. Virgo, this is your month to be caring, careful, and then a planned hedonism. So instead of just being really loose or really tight, say, we're going to wait till Friday and then just go bonkers and that will be great. Libra, it's your turn to be okay with not getting as much of what you want, but listening more deeply to what other people want and getting even more expert at giving just enough that you still get your fair share. Scorpio, you are having a month of having to restrain and innovate. So you're gonna be a little pushed in like you

don't want to have to wait, but if you innovate you can have tremendous sexual breakthroughs this month. So don't get into your habits, get into your vision of what sex could be. Sagittarius, it's time for rompy romp romp, get really frisky, but also realize that you have to find good play areas, safe play areas. So don't run rough shot over anybody else, but let them know you're ready and willing to do whatever fantasy they want within reason. And Capricorn, Capricorn, this month for you is about knowing you are more powerful than you've ever believed. Don't let anyone ever make you feel insecure this month. Just get very centered. Call forth that exquisite sexual power and let people really remember how valuable

you are as a lover and a friend. And Aquarius, you want to use your extraordinary charm and kinkiness to lure people into new ideas of what sexuality can be. And finally, Pisces, ultra sensitive again this month. But what you can ask for is time out. You need some time out to be with yourself. Remember what a hot and sweet lover you are. And then have somebody bake something for you before you get into bed with them. That's the astrology forecast for this month. That's the Astro-Sex forecast.

Those are brilliant Dr. Jennifer Freed. She's here with us everyone, giving you your Astro-Sex forecast. Where else do you get that? No where else? So well done. Oh, really? Thank you.

I mean, super helpful. Get this all started on the right foot. Even if you, I don't know, Jen, I feel like in knowing you and reading your things, you have helped you mystify it, but even if you get something out of that, like you heard your sign and you're thinking, okay, you know what I probably should ask

for more of my relationship. Figure out what I want. Take a bath. I mean, I think there's something in here for everybody we like to be specific, rather than just saying something generally, I need to fix my sex life. Those are all such good tips.

Thank you, Jen. I did want to say something about the kissing, which is this. When I was young, all I wanted to do was kiss boys. And I thought about it day in, day out. And so I practiced kissing my pillows so much. Different ways of kissing, different ways. And I actually think it made me a great kisser,

because I spent a lot of, you know, it's like anything you put a lot of effort into, and I was just very convinced that kissing was where it was at. No mind you, it was fifth and sixth grade, but still, it was a vocation. I was gonna be a good kisser, and I would say, my partner would tell you, I'm pretty good kisser.

You're a good kisser. What makes a good kisser, Jen? I'm pretty good kisser. You're a good kisser. What makes a good kisser, Jen? I think a good kisser is being in response to what you're receiving, but not just being whimpy and mouth wide open, do anything to me. It's like an exchange. It's like a relationship itself. You're giving to me. I'm giving to you.

You like this. I like this. It's that meshing of interest, but more than anything, it's a passion for kissing. I mean, back in the day, I was with people that didn't like kissing. That's a deal breaker for me, just me, erotically. But people that love kissing, like when I was young, I could spend hours kissing,

and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Yeah, I agree. It's like sometimes kissing goes in these long-term relationships, and we just don't like work on it and bring back the kissing Maybe because it's so intimate, but but I've thought about that being a good kisser because it is kind of like a dance too You're kind of following each other's mouths back and forth. What is like a playful kissing tip that you have something

You might not think about like when you say you're giving and taking it you like nip You nip Yes, yeah, I like to nip a little nipple A little nipple, but I've been known to be a little bitey. Don't do that. But I think a little nibble and a little nose rubbing. Don't make it all about the mouth. The whole face is so luscious.

And we forget the kiss can be like, boom, all over and then back to the mouth. And I just think kissing is just the most free way to say, I'm crazy about you. Absolutely. No, dear. And passionate and sex. And it's intimate too.

I mean, I was trying to see why we'd stop kissing. And it's like, I think we think we don't need to, or we brush right through to other kinds of sex, because we think, I don't know, we don't, you know, but when we first start dating, because someone, it's all about that. And so I think today in the international kissing day that try something different, bring back the kissing.

And it's very like connecting and intimate. Thank you, Jen, for that. So what else is going on? Tell us this year. I know that's a big question. There's a lot going on. And people keep asking me because as my friend, Marlis said today, every day these days in the news

should be a list of, you couldn't believe this is happening. I mean, really every single day. And what I'm telling people astrologically is the hits are going to keep coming. It's going to be, can you frickin' believe this? And then it will be the next one. And it just means that all of us have to really do a self-check on our integrity, because we're gonna either add in to the horror show, or we're gonna add in

to the revival of love and inclusion. And I think that each of us has a spark in us that wants to see this all work out for everybody. I really believe that. Deep down, I think there's a kernel of each of us, just like we'd love to make love with the whole world if there was no rules, I'd like the whole world to fall in love. And I think it's possible when everybody just takes a breath and gets off their position

just slightly enough to hear, what is that other human beings' experience? It's so important to be curious instead of imperious. I guess you can cultivate curiosity as a trait or skill set, but if you think you're someone who's more of an introvert or you're not great, people ask questions, get curious out you will experience. And that's such a great point whenever you're maybe even having an argument or having something going on, think about what, what could they be experiencing? You know, it sounds like it's going to go your wrong or your stupid.

It's like, no, but could you see, ask questions? It's always what you do. Yeah, the axiom I go by is you can be close or you can be right, but you can't be both. Because no one I've ever met loves and know at all, and no one I've ever met feels close to somebody that has to be right. Just doesn't happen.

You get power, but you don't get intimacy. That's so true, John. I've had those people in my life, and it's so frustrating. You just think, how do you not see that they're first off? Who says what is right anyway? But there's my side, your side, and what's right, or what's true, whatever of three sides of every story. But that's also a skill.

I love that you said that too. So just skill set, learning how to listen. I'm just thinking about people in my life like that, that I said to cut. I cut the people who always think they're right. It's not a two-way conversation. When somebody needs to be right, it's a monologue. It's a one-way conversation in which you either comply or there's no conversation. And compliance is not interest.

It's just submission. And in sex, you can decide. You want to dominate and submit, but in intimacy, that's not a good equation. No, no. And you have to talk about all of these things. Jen, what do we need to know about? I mean, are you over Mercury and retrograde? Like, is that, do I have to go on?

No, I don't. Do we have to? I think you do have to know. Well, Mercury, when it's in retrograde, you're just always being tricked by things going awry. Like, communications that shouldn't go to that person or this machine broke down. So I think when Mercury's retrograde you have to think cosmos is playing a giant trick on all of us that think the way we do things has to go the way we want. And instead we get all kinds of interference. And I think it's just a beautiful meditation bell,

bing, not going your way, pause, be grateful, redirect yourself. So that's still gonna go on for the next 10 days or so. Yeah. What about the thing about not signing communications or doing anything, committing to things like that? Is that not true? That's not true.

That's not true. However, I say mercury retrograde is the trick of three. If you look at your email three times before you send, if you look at the contract at least three times, not only could it be a really good thing, but it's probably going to be a better thing than the way we normally do things, which is off the cuff. So mercury retrograde just means you have to be way more conscientious and reflective and careful and then things can go quite well.

It feels so much more set now. I feel like I'm ready to face the world now, at least the rest of the month. Thank you, Johns. It was so helpful, truly, truly, truly. We love having you here. Is there anything else we need to know to be on the lookout for?

Grounded mindfulness. And again, I think your show is so important because I think sex is our freedom zone. Our imagination is the only thing in the world that's totally free. No one can take it over. So I think this is a great month when everything else seems chaotic

to really invest in your sexuality and find new imagination, a new play, a new kissing, because that's yours, no one controls it but you. You don't have to wait for anything that's so true, Jen. I mean, right now a lot of our freedoms are being taken away. That's why we're calling it sexual liberation month here. It's such the Emily, what can we do?

That's a little bit different that we haven't tried before. I mean, we can do these at home, right? If you have a partner, we can't leave. There's no fireworks. All the things are different this year. But that's something we can invest in and put time into. Intimacy, connection, sex, kissing on an international kissing day. After all, you haven't played with gloves and masks before.

Now's the time. That can be sexy gloves. It's a surgical play. That's like a one of the top fancies, one of the public five role plays, right? Be the doctor, the patient. We have to be wearing it anyway. Outdoor sex, have fun with it. This is, I mean, I don't know.

I just think of all the years I've been doing this and people always want to know you, we don't have time and there's no time for sex. So they don't want to, I hope everyone's sorting it out right now. We're actually putting that time in because we've had a hundred days. Yeah, actually, I never buy, I don't have time because if anyone ever, including me, had a little monitor on time wasting, there'd be at least four hours a day, you know, at the end of the day where I was just doing something I didn't need to do. And that all could have gone into, like, love making.

So come on. Exactly. The time that you're scrolling, the time you're on Facebook, if you just say I want 20 more minutes out of this, we always have time. We all have 24 hours a day and the thing about prioritizing your pleasure and prioritizing your sex life is that that fills you up. I mean, that is a time that, you know, it's good for you. It's healthy. A lot of us are missing touch or missing connection.

It's going to help your mood. We're just going to help your spirit. You know, having an orgasm helps with, you know, pain. Helps you with pain relief. And all the feel good hormones that come with just touching and kissing and cuddling. That's free. That's available.

I wish they had commercials on TV, you know, instead of all of the pain medicine. This orgasm, no, try this orgasm. 20 orgasms, you don't even need to buy our product. Talk to your doctor of orgasm less, more than 24 hours. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea.

Why not? Inters first. Yeah, I'll buy some media of the channels. I think that's, that's amazing, Jen. Okay, Dr. Jennifer Fried, that's what we find you. Dr. Jennifer free dot com. Anything else after Jennifer at Dr. Jennifer freed on Instagram. Yes, and buy my book. Use your planets wisely and keep in touch because I really like the conversation and the company and I'm a huge fan and friend of Emily and you're all incredibly lucky to have her as your lead is what I feel.

Oh, Jen, I'm so grateful to have you as my friend, my inspiration. And you've been a joy. I mean, always since I've known you, but even during COVID, you've been like this bright spot. When we get to connect, and we get to talk on the show and off the show. So thank you for your friendship and love.

All right, guys, we're gonna take a break. Thank you, Dr. Jennifer Freed. Stay tuned for more Sex with Emily. Let's talk to Robin 45 in California. Hi Robin, thanks for calling. Hi. Hi. Thank you.

Of course. I just found out my two-year-old daughter, she admits we had no longer a virgin from the sky that just broke up with her. So she's kind of heartbroken. But I'm glad that she is talking to me about this, letting me know that she has experiences. I just want to be able to talk to her

and I don't really know what to say. OK. Yeah, Robin, great question. I mean, thank you so much for calling about this. I know it can be kind of alarming. know what to say. Okay. Yeah. Robin, great question. I mean, thank you so much for calling about this. I know it can be kind of, yeah, alarming. So tell me about your history talking to your daughter about sex. Have you ever had any conversations with her about it before about sexuality?

Not really. I mean, that's the kind of person I am now. I want her to have what I should have. But if we know we lost three short teachers, that I think they're dead most of the time right now. Right. Okay, well what a great, I'm just asking about limitizing. You're like 99.9% of parents right now. Even people who are very, you know, who are like,

we talk about everything, it's hard Robin. So I would just be really honest with your daughter and say, I actually, I want to be here for you and talk to you about it. It's uncomfortable for me too. My mom never talked to me about sex, I mean, whatever your history is. you and talk to you about it. It's uncomfortable for me too. My mom never talked to me about sex, I mean, whatever your history is, I'm gonna assume that your parents probably

didn't talk to you about it either, like most of us. And just say, I'm here for you. I think the important thing to talk to our kids about is that sex is about our pleasure, and it's teaching her about advocating for her own needs. You can ask her if she's masturbated before, if she has pleasure, you know, you could ask her, if she wants to talk to you about her experience.

And I just think we gotta be careful about not shaming her and you know, I'm sure you wouldn't, but I'm just saying, and as we do that, and she's just gonna be waiting to see what you say. So I think rather than just saying, I thank you for being honest, praise her for being honest, and for coming to you and that you are here for her.

And how was it? You could ask her questions. How was the set? Did it feel good? What would you do? Like, did you like it? Oh, interesting. I mean, a lot of you will listen, you know, you can get researched together, listen to my podcast. I do a lot of shows about how you know, sex education and stuff, but really it's like, I think, meter where she's at. And I'll get, she probably doesn't have a lot of information right now. And she's probably just looking for you to listen. And it's okay to ask questions and just kind of figure it out together. I don't think I'll do it wrong.

I'm like a little plural simulator in her bag. And I don't know where she got it. I mean, so that just tells me she's a little bit more into it than I knew. I know. It's just, yeah, it's just up to me, relating. Okay, so, you know, honestly, I think that's great. To be honest, I mean, I get that that's as a mother, it's like what?

But I love that she knows about her pleasure. And I love that she is taking care of her needs. We think, maybe a friend gave it to her. Maybe it was, we don't, I don't know. But I think it sounds like she, maybe she could teach you stuff. We're always learning from each other. Like, do what I'm saying, Robin? I think that the more honest and really are with our kids

and say, listen, this is new for me too. When I grew up, tell our stories. Like, when I grew up, it was like so shamed and taboo and we never talked about it. And it's still this way today. And I don't want to be that kind of mom to you. So I support you. You know, obviously talked about safety and using protection.

And that's really the most, I mean, the problem is, Robin, the information that most kids get if they had sex education in schools, which modes don't, it's all about safety, right? And it's about abstinence, it's about don't get destidied, you don't get pregnant, fear-based, right? There's never anything about pleasure and consent and advocating for what we want. And women's pleasure, right? We're also told it's all about PV sex if you're heterosexual right in your course or penetration. And so I think if she's exploring herself, like you could be honest with her, maybe she, you know, and just talk about it.

I think that that's okay that you're not the expert. I, my friends, kids, I spent this whole COVID-Rabbon talking to my friends, kids who are like your daughter's age, 15 through 17, they call, I mean, that's people don't know. Like my friends at Michigan and everywhere, so just go easy on yourself. And if you can, and you can just be honest, listen, is that helpful Robin? Yeah, I learned a lot late in life that I want you to

give to them so that they don't have to go through the years of things that I went through with Texas marriages and, you know, husband's work research, because you didn't give them an upload jobs and, you know, husband to our researches because you didn't give them an upload jobs and, you know, things like that. I don't want her to experience that. So I want her to know, and I think she'd already, she'd be on where I was at that age for first since I got a toy already.

Right. I mean, how great. And hopefully she uses it. Like, maybe her boyfriend gave it to her and she didn't use it. We don't know yet, but I would ask her. And I would tell her that. I would say, I was in a marriage because I had friends that were told that too, but they're like, always give a blowjob or always say yes.

And it's like, no, what about your pleasure and your arousal? And I think the more we teach our daughters about self-love and advocating for the self and pleasure, they're going to be, she's going to be so much better off. Robert, she's going to have so many better tools. So it sounds like, it sounds like you know what to do here. Tell her what you learned, what didn't work for you, have her asked questions, and then remember this Robin. Yeah, exactly. Just remember, it's done a one-time conversation. In fact, you might find that it's actually maybe it'll be awkward for a few minutes, but it might be a new conversation that you'll be having, like, talking about her grades

and talking about, you know, sex. I don't, that's what I would love to see. I would love to see it, being talked about, like, we talk about everything else That's important. Yeah, our families. I do kids. Well, I'd love to hear it goes Robin I'll be here for you every night. You can call me back. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much I love your show. Thanks Robin. So good to hear from you have a great night. Thanks for calling We are gonna take a break, but I just want to say this you guys it's it's it's really important to have these Conversations with your family, with your kids, and the more we start talking about practice, it's a muscle. Let's talk about sex education. It's important.

All right, I'm Dr. Emily. This is Sex with Emily. Have a great show ahead for you, so stick around. All right, let's talk to Jim 61 in Colorado. Hi, Jim. Thanks for calling. What's going on? Hi Dr. Emily. Love your show and Rannacrushy on the way home from the gym. So hopefully you can give me some advice before I make this call.

The only thing that I've only had sex with twice is 41. And once was last September and it was lovely and then she moved from here to another state and visited her beginning of June and she texted many other day to say she's pregnant. And we need to talk about what to do in the situation and my initial thought before we have that conversation is, I'd be 80 before this young person got out of high school. I don't know that it would be fair to this baby to have it. Just want to get some of your thoughts. Jam, it's a big one.

I mean, my thoughts are, I mean, my thoughts are, I mean, I think that you're gonna have your thoughts I understand that. I understand your thoughts. What's your thoughts? Has she had kids before? She hasn't, and we, Tasty, yes, me, we're gonna talk about tonight. And like I say, I tune across you on the way home

to the gym, it's like, I'll start shriveling. Yeah, ask me what you need. I'm kind of torn about. I mean, I love babies, I love little kids, but I'm at this age now. Right. I mean, that's true. So you're actually okay with it.

Like, have you had kids before, Jim? I am not. Wow. But, you know, they're great. But, you know, if I've been able to find the right partner many years ago, I should be a grandfather right now. But unfortunately, I'm not and Liza, this lady and I have just been kind of off and on for a couple of years and more often on.

And I've visited her for a couple of days last month and didn't think of the condoms that I had with me. Wow. So what's her feelings, does she want the baby? I don't know yet. We haven't talked about it. You haven't even talked about it. Texted it, day before yesterday, yeah.

We were going to talk about it. You should talk to her over a text. I was, yeah. How, I, I, I, I, I got to call tomorrow, I mean, I'm going to talk to what I should be, yeah. Oh, wow, Jim, this is a lot. I mean, I feel like you have to listen, have a conversation with her. If she wants to have the baby, she's going to have the baby and you're going to be the

father, whether you like it or not. So there's really nothing you could do right now, except we're probably listen. And I don't know her, obviously, but if you say something like, I mean, I think you'd be honest about your feelings that you wish that, I mean, is your only concern that you wouldn't be around for the kid, but do you feel like she's someone you could be with this woman? Could you move in together? Would you want to raise the child? That's my second feeling-slash problem is that, you know, yeah, we get along, but we've never been like crazy in love with each other, anything like that. That's a thing for the other, the other complication.

Yeah, and she doesn't live there anymore either. So she might want your financial support. Right, right. I mean, I think that you just have to listen and you can voice your concerns, but I don't know if she's giving it a phone. She's like, I'm having this baby. It might not matter what you think, but I think, yeah, you have to have a conversation. You have to have a dialogue about it. Right, right.

And if she didn't say anything firm like that on the text, just that, you know, that she wasn't need to talk about it. It's like, yeah, we do need to talk about it. I wonder if she's waiting to see what you're going to say, you know, I mean, figure out what you, I mean, I think it's important for you to think about what, you know, what do you want right now in your life, really? Not, not her, but like what's important to you?

You know, like, yeah, what do you really want? I mean, not trying to piece her, you're talking to me, like what, truly, is there a party that's excited? Are you part of? I mean, not trying to piece or you're talking to me, like what, truly, is there a party that's excited? Are you partially excited? Probably, you're terrified. Are you like, no way, I definitely don't want it. What does Jim want? I'm mostly on the terrified end.

Yeah, I say this late life factor is, you know, if it was 10, 15 years ago, pulled back from ballgame. Like I said, concerned about the fact that we haven't really been a couple. Yeah, why wouldn't Russian to be a couple now? My ex-girlfriend that- I mean, those are all the concerns. She probably has those same concerns too. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I think- You got it right. This will probably be an ongoing conversation. Unless she just calls and says I'm doing it, I've always wanted a baby. This is happening. But hopefully it'll be a conversation. So that's all- those are all valid things and I think there's nothing wrong with telling her

that it scares you. I mean, anyone would be like terrified. And I can't believe you waited two days. I would be like, we gotta talk now. I mean, you've been sitting on this for two days. She says it, pregnant. I mean, yeah, you're going to the gym. I mean, God, I'd be like, we gotta talk.

So I just feel like you gotta listen. She thinks you can get into the talk yesterday. So hopefully it's this evening again. She said you couldn't talk yesterday. So hopefully it's this evening again. Again, you got to gather some information. I don't think you have to be supportive, but also you can say your part and say, I'm terrified for all the reasons you just helped me listen.

Honesty is important. And just saying, we've been lovers for a few years. And I don't, but she's not really, as she ever wanted more than you, as she ever said, like I wish we were together more and wanted more from you. Did she ever said, I wish we were together more, or wanted more from you, is it been kind of equal? It's been pretty equal. And she was actually involved with somebody else

before we met. It's been casual, isn't it? It probably still is, listen. Yeah, no one's asking you to move in with her. You know, I mean, that doesn't sound like that. That would be good idea, whether, you know, in any way, because you're not there with her. So I just think you got to listen. Maybe you got to write things down.

Sometimes when I'm nervous, I have conversations. I'll just make sure that I'm, so I listen, I'm like in front of a computer, taking notes and just kind of let her, you got to say it's okay to say I have to think about it and see what she says. Might surprise you, we don't know yet, but I think it's also okay to say it really scared me. I don't know what to think, you know? There's a lot like I'm 61, you know, I've gone this far without a kid. My life is pretty upset, you know? So. Right, right, exactly. But I think it's okay to be honest and compassionate.

I really appreciate it. Of course, let me know. I'll be here tomorrow. We let me know. Sure will. All right, Jim, we'll be here. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. This is what I like about the show is that we can like, when I always say, I help you take the next step. Literally, like, you can call me and I'd say, oh, this is what, you know, I'm gonna ask my partner to do something or share a breakup with someone

and then you can call back tomorrow. I can tell you what to say next. What to do next? I can advise you, we can have a chat. Wow, that is quite a text to get. I'm just thinking about so many friends in the early 40s are like dying to get pregnant or couldn't get pregnant and then you get pregnant.

And you're like, you know, she, they're friends with benefits. What do you do? But I think it's important to just be honest, be vulnerable and listen. It's a vulnerable place for both of them. All right, guys, so this is from Cody, 28 in Indiana. Hey, Dr. Emily, I have an amazing wife,

but we hit a roadblock in sexual compatibility. When we first got together, she was always wanting sex. It's very kinky, very willing to try new things. I came out to her a few years ago that I was by, and that's when she just shut down and became vanilla. Sex was always a taboo subject for her, and she really has a hard time opening up.

And I'm having a hard time staying poly for her. I even need to choose to understand, though, and I try to help her. In the past, she's brought up that she'd like to try at threesome, but now it's telling me she's no desire, and that was to keep me happy, so I would stay with her. I met a point where things seem and feel hopeless.

I have many fantasies, she's aware, but not willing at all to help fulfill those. What can I do? Is there a way I can turn her back to her old ways? All right, Cody, there's a lot going on here, packed into this. So first, you're saying that you let her know you were by before that, you guys were kinky and you were doing other things and maybe talking about three sums. But the thing that's confusing here is that you said that she

was really open before, but the second you told her that you were by, she shut down. And I feel like if she wasn't open before and she sexist still tabooed to her, my sense is that when you brought up your buy to her, it might have been confusing, it could have been threatening, she might not have understood what that actually meant. Does it mean that you're going to be, you know, without the people or you could fall in love with someone else?

I don't know it went through her head. So sometimes it's like, I love that you told her and that you have, you know, open communication. but we have to also remember and this is important when we're having a conversation about intimacy with a partner about something we want or fantasy. We have to really take it slow and we have to unpack it. We have to say you know this is why I have this fantasy and this is what it's about for me and this is what it means to me and this is what it could mean for us because they just might not have all the details. It's why yeah, we say can't go from zero to three some.

You can't tell your partner like, I think we should have a three some and let's bring your friend in like that that's not going to work. And so I feel like it's really is hard to to deal with a partner that will not talk or open up about sex. That is what talk about here every single night. I mean, how many of you up a partner where you try to bring it up and they won't talk about it. And a lot of you also have the story like Cody,

it was amazing in the beginning, everything was great, now it's not. That's because it's always amazing in the beginning or you wouldn't be with somebody. Like, that's what gets you hooked. You're like, the sex, everything's great and there's no problems, let's get married, let's be together forever.

And then you're like, oops, there's problems. Just, I wish we could all just learn to accept the fact that that is what happens. There's challenges that come up in every relationship. So going back to you, Cody, you're not gonna turn her back to our old ways because I'm gonna say that maybe, for a while, there's never any going back,

but there's a getting to know where she's at now and getting to the root of what's really going on with her. Now, if she was truly authentically kinky before, because you said she's kinky, but she's also thinks sex is taboo. So I'm a little bit confused about where she is here on the spectrum, but I would just put that all that aside and say I really want to talk about the importance

of prioritizing our pleasure. How could we both be the best lovers to each other figure or into our expectations and have healthy conversations around it. And just remember, it is not a one-time conversation Cody. All right, family Monday through Friday from 5 to 7pm Pacific on Siri Sex Hemp Stars for even more awesome sex top calls and segments. It's a great time.

You can find more at sexwithemle.com slash S X M also follow me on social media, sex with Emily It's a great time. You can find more at sexwithemily.com slash SXM. Also follow me on all social media. Sex with Emily across the board. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. you