Sex With Emily - What to Expect When He’s Expecting Oral

Episode Date: January 16, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about the stages all relationships go through as well as how to navigate them – including in the bedroom. She discusses the 5 stages of a relationship & how to work through them all. Plus, what to do when you like giving oral, but it’s becoming too much of an expectation, how to talk to your kids about puberty without it being painful or embarrassing for either of you, and having shower sex that actually feels good. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: PlusOne, Woo More Play, Fleshlight, SiriusXM Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Evely. On today's show, I'm talking about the stages all relationships go through, as well as how to navigate it, including in the bedroom. Topics include the five stages of a relationship and how to work through them all. What to do when you like giving oral, but it's becoming too much of an expectation? How to talk to your kids about puberty without it being painful or embarrassing for either of you, and having Shara'sacks that actually feels good. All this and more, thanks for listening. They call them in a fight on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Avaline's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. Check out sexwithemily.com if you haven't already.

It's a chock full of information. To help you have better sex, you can find all our 14 years of podcasts there. You can subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. That really helps us when you do subscribe. And we love getting your reviews on iTunes or wherever you listen. And also if you've got serious sex and breeding video, check me out daily. I have a daily show there, which is so exciting Monday through Friday, Friday, Saturday and Pacific, 8 to 10 East. It's on Stars Channel 109. And you can get a free trial at sexwithemily.com slash SXM.

Find us on all social media at Sex with Emily across the board. It's not easy. Love that. And yeah, that's what we got for you. I'm here with Jamie Dave. We're gonna do some Sex in the News. We're gonna get into your emails.

I love that we're at Sex with Emily everywhere, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. We've had people on the show who are like, well, this one's that. I guess when you have a brand this long enough, you kind of nailed it. Yeah, I kind of can nail all that down. I mean, it's just, it's cool because there is no other sex with Emily, so you wouldn't have, it would suck if you had to do sex with Emily like 52. Yeah, I mean obviously do like sex with Emily like 52. Yeah, I'm obviously be a picture. I'm not sure.

Hashtag, yeah. Exactly. We would obviously pick 69. That's true. So that feels good as we head into our 14th year here. So let's talk a little bit about relationships here. I found this to be interesting and this is something that I even have to remind myself of when we get into relationships,

I feel like we can all relate to the fact that we get bored in relationships after a while. We get tired of it. We look at the person and we're like, is it time to break up? And a lot of times we give up on relationships when maybe there's a, we're just stuck at a stage of it

that we haven't quite worked on yet. Because we all know, it's well documented, the trajectory of like getting into the early stage, like the honeymoon phase, and then it's not as great anymore. And a lot of the emails and questions we get from listening are like, it was so great in the beginning, and what do we do to get back to that, which I understand that we all want to get back to that phase,

but I don't think you ever, you're never gonna get those, that exact feeling back, but you can find a way to keep that going, but also get deeper in a relationship and not maybe giving up when you don't have to. So let's just walk people through this and then you'll, I think you're gonna get what I'm talking about because I think it's just important to recognize it.

No relationships are perfect. They're all gonna take work. Whether it's like friends, lovers, parents, I mean the relationships that you've really worked on, like you ever noticed the friends maybe that you've had in argument with, like you get stronger, like Jamie and I'll have things in the office and we'll like, we'll battle it out and then we're like closer, like we're not. Yeah. You talk it through. It's kind of like the, out and then we're like closer, like we're not. Yeah, you talk it through. It's kind of like the, when, you know how like with your parents or whatever,

you can be so much more mean to your mom than to anyone else. Like I know that I, like the things I've said to my mom, and then like literally a minute later, I'm like I'm hugging and I love you, because it's like that's true. Like when you really love someone, you do take the time to get past.

Exactly. Those things and to work through them and that's how you make a deeper relationship. Right. That's what we're talking about. How do you go deeper but then still keep that love and lust going. The first thing is the attraction phase. This is where we have the butterflies in our stomach and we literally are being controlled by all those excitement

hormones, the dopamine, the serotonin, all those things. What is it? Oxytocin. Oxytocin. Thank you. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin. You're literally, this is the obsessed stage. This is the people think it's love at first sight. I believe in lust at first sight. I don't really believe in deep love at first sight. Lust can turn into love, sure. But this is when your physical and sexual attraction is at its peak, everything's new, your heart's racing, and you're really drawn to this person,

you're seeing them all the time. And this is the stuff that we crave and this is all, this is when it's really fun. That's probably when we're bringing our best selves, like we're like pretending like we don't have any flaws and like we leaving all of our shit and baggage at the door if we can, some of our, or just can't do that.

You know? No, but we're exactly like we look our best, we make efforts all the time and we just can't imagine this person can do no wrong. So that's the first stage. And then we move into the romantic stage. And this is more of that euphoria. This is this is the stage that we often say love is blind. Your endorphins level are just spiked. You feel like this piece, you feel secure,

you just feel like this person is everything you can see no wrong. I believe the stage can be very delusional because I often say when love is blind, when love is blind, it means that you can't see the red flags at all. You can't see them because you're so into this person and you have, you make a lot of assumptions. The stage is known as like the assumption stage. We're assuming that this person's gonna remain this way

or that we just... Or maybe we see a red flag and we assume like, oh, it's not like an actual trait of theirs. It's just something that happened once. Exactly. We don't assign meaning to any of it. We're just like, oh yeah, well, he's not usually later. She's not usually drinks this much or whatever it is.

We just think, you know, we assume it'll always be this way. And yeah, we assume it'll always be this way and yeah, we discount it. So, these two stages are gems. I love these stages. I wish we could say them forever, but we can't. And then we go to the third stage. This is the intellectual stage. The traction is still there, but we're like, are we compatible on an intellectual level? Can we, can we, we see everything now in the relationship? And this is when, you know, maybe the romance has started to wear off.

And I can pinpoint that's in my relationship. It's the first time you don't have sex really when you see each other. It's the first time you're like, I'm just gonna wear sweats. Oh, that's a really good marker. Yeah, this is when you don't even, you fall asleep without having sex. I'm like,, oh here we are. Yeah. Oh wow. It's just like what's like a light bulb in my head Yeah, it's also called the irrational stage because we just get so irritated we get frustrated

You know we might even look at our partner and say this that these things can't work like we conclude that we have no Feature together because all of a sudden there's problems where there are no problems. So it is irrational. Because I think this is where we also assume that we still believe that relationships should be perfect and that there shouldn't be problems. And if there are flaws,

we don't really know how to work on them. And so I think this is the most difficult stage of the relationship because you have to actually know how to compromise, how to sacrifice, how to really even stick with the relationship at this phase to see if it can go the distance. And it's a challenge because it's so much easier to leave than to stay.

It's so easy to walk away from a situation that feels hard than to say, do I want to put the work in? So would you say this is the stage that most people, like, if this is like the main stage, they would probably break up. Yeah, this is when relationships end. This is when I believe that we are not equipped with the skills of communication, compromise, and yeah, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we would say, like, if this is just hard, I'm seeing that they're, they never listen to my needs.

They're always all about themselves. They're super selfish. I do everything for them. They never buy me gifts. I'm not getting love how I want to and we don't talk about it. And I think this is also the stage where we're like, why aren't they mine readers?

What? And we might carry that on to many stages, but why don't they know everything? And so I think it is difficult because you have to know these skills. You have to be able to look beyond that and go, oh, maybe these are things that we can deal with. And then you have to have the skills of communication. Like, how do I actually talk to my partner about these

things to see if we can go forward without getting stuck in resentments? So this would be the resentment stage kind of like, yeah yeah if when they start to really develop yeah do you think that people nowadays more so are less willing to put in this hard work yes I really do I think that I think that back in the day we would just skip from you know the first two phases into marriage and then you might get stuck and then you stay with someone for a long time and you just get stuck at this stage always not realizing that you can get past these things, you can get past it. And so yeah, I think that people get stuck at it.

But now I think that people are delaying marriage. There's a lot of other opportunities. You got dating apps. You got social media. You can always meet someone else who seems shinier and brighter. But people don't realize that every stage is going to go through this relationship, like every stage will. So if you don't learn in this relationship that going to go through this relationship. Like every stage will. So if you don't learn in this relationship that you're in to deal with them, you're going

to have to deal with it in another relationship. I'm not saying you should stick with someone who's completely wrong for you. If it's abusive, if they've already decided there's things you can't get past. But just know this is, I mean, I could look back and let many of my long-term relationships and I certainly bailed at the intellectual phase. It died down and I told myself, and this is true still, I didn't want a long-term thing. I was in my 20s, 30s, I wasn't looking for it.

I didn't really want to work on things, but here's some common things in this intellectual stage, our insecurities, you might realize there's some abuse, you might feel really insecure, or have inferiority or feel superior to your partner. You might think, I'm way better than they are. You might be, you know, you just might feel like, uh, it's just not going to write, you

talk yourself out of it at this stage. So, I'll come up with all these excuses and things that like, wouldn't work and more maybe that would work, but in your mind, you're like, no, like I'm not. Right. mind you're like, no, I'm not. Right. You make decisions like, oh, I'm not into this person. She does all these things that are wrong. Like, she's, because I've heard this and I've done this. I've heard people say, well, she's this and that. And now I know I'm like, well, those are actually things you could work at. I think this is a great time to go into therapy if you're with someone because the reason why we don't, or you might be an excellent communicator, but most of us do not know how to have the conversations to kind

of work things through in this phase. So I think, yeah, this is what happens but think about this. I wonder if this is resonating with people like, can I actually work on it? This is when we're having insecurities, maybe we're feeling threatened or jealous. So, this is where you might want to settle and see like maybe we could go talk to someone and figure out we could. There's kind of like an unease maybe just because there is this deeper connection or this deeper feeling like maybe you don't even have that many issues but you're just getting freaked out because you're like this is real. Exactly. This is when it gets real. And you're like, no, but I want something perfect. And I think this is when the grass is always greener thing pumps. It gets up to you. You're like, everyone else seems so much better or so much better to be single. And it's so much better to you. I don't want to deal with this problem right now. I don't want any headaches. I want everything to go smooth. And this person's making my life

more upset and more hectic. So if you can kind of recognize that you're really going to get to this and every relationship, you know you can kind of recognize that you're really going to get to this in every relationship, you know, there are some tools that you could learn to. And if it's not therapy, you can also, you know, develop the skills to talk about it or just learn to appreciate the things you do like about your partner at this phase. But if you get through this phase, you're gonna move into the acceptance phase. And this is where you truly learn to make adjustments to compromise and accommodate, like, realize it, yes, my partner has these flaws. They're inadequate in this way.

They're really messy. They don't often appreciate me. They are a workaholics. And this is when you're like, okay, can I accept that this is my partner's flaws? Because we all have them and help them become a better person. If you want to be with someone that you actually are invested in, helping them be a better person and they are doing that for you as well.

They see your flaws and then they support you in them. If you've got a time management issue, they help you talk it through. They're not getting mad at you for it. Or if you both have differing degrees that you'd like to go out at night, then you make, you're just talking through things at the stage and you're working on it and you're dealing with reality, you're splitting up household responsibilities, you have children, you're deciding how to be better parents together. This is like when you're like accepting it. Like there's not surprises, but you're like, I know this and then we're gonna deal with it

because this is someone I've chosen. Yeah, so if you like some say you have a partner that's just like super forgetful instead of like getting mad at them every time they forget like a date or a plan or I don't know, like even if it was like something you just told them yesterday instead of getting mad, kind of being like, okay, I'm gonna be the one that has to be the reminder.

I'm gonna be the one that has to make, like, even if it sounds naggy, hey, I'm just reminding you, because then... Yeah, this reminds me of our Lisa Billu episode, which people like, she's been on two shows now, and she talks about how she literally sat down with her husband, they've been together in our 20 years but they're like, what's our responsibilities

in the relationship? Like who's taking care of what? What do you need to help with? And then you update this whenever you need to but like what was it with her? Like she is gonna deal with, she was more of like the producer in the relationship and he was sort of like the, had the vision for things,

how things would happen and she was more of the execut in the relationship, and he was sort of had the vision for things, about how things would happen, and she was more of the executor, and they were okay with it, because they parsed out the responsibilities. Like you're not constantly frustrated, like why did my partner help again with the dishes, which is really common. I use that as an example,

but it comes up all the time. Like I'm always the one doing, and that's when we start to carry our resentments, rather than saying, okay, here's where it's at. Even if you've talked about it already. Because just saying help me more with these tasks around the house or supporting me when my, you know, a parent died or something happens isn't going to work, but having a

bigger picture for how you, you both should be contributing to the relationship to make it healthy. That is the, mature, oh, we didn't make it healthy. That is the mature, oh, we didn't get there yet. That's the problem. So that's how you're accepting. You're making like a conscious, like point in your mind that these, this is my partner. There are those are the things that I'm not going to be able to change. So how do I work with that? How do you work with them? Exactly. And then we move into the maturity phase.

I don't think I've ever been there. I don't know that I've been there either. So, you know, we have to abandon unrealistic expectations and unhealthy expectations of ourself and others. And this is when you realize that love is more than a feeling. Then I just love this person. They're your family. You accept them. You respect the differences. You accommodate them. You might even overlook things in a healthy way. You're like that. Just my partner, and I can deal with it.

And a lot of times relationships don't make it past the, you know, like I said, the intellectual stage. And so I think that you just got to figure out like if you're in the mature stage, like you are just, you know, you learn to make yourself a priority. This is the other thing we lose our self-in-relationships and in the mature stage, you've got a lot of this sorted out and then I think you come back to yourself again

and you're like where you learn to kind of self-love, taking care of yourself and you make yourself a priority and then you just see, and then you see that your differences actually become your strengths. Like you've learned that your partners, the things that maybe have been a problem in the past are now this really beautiful thing that you've, a beautiful union that you've created

that actually works really well together. So would you say maybe if you got to this mature stage and then you go back to yourself and who you are, it's because you feel so secure in your relationship. Do you kind of somehow, is this, do you think you would go back through the stages after the fit stage? And is it like a little bit?

Yeah, well that's really great because I believe that if you get into this fifth stage, you still are gonna, it's not perfect. It's not like you're ripping each other's clothes off still, but this is when a lot of you, we need to all work on spicing up your sex life by making it, you know, varying it, talking about your sex life. Don't expect intimacy just to happen, like implementing intimacy. Are we going to have a date night? Are we going to try something new together?

Are we going to give each other massages? Are we going to make sure that we're still connecting and touching? And, and yeah, I think you always have to infuse your relationship with because the maturity phase sounds like you're sitting around just kind of chilling and comfortable. And this is where you could also fall into being best friends. So I think through all these phases, you got to keep prioritizing sex and knowing that. And I think by the time you get here, nothing's perfect. And that's so the appreciation is important. So if you're still struggling, and this goes for any stage,

if you're in that super, and maybe you're in the stage where you were pretty mostly break up. And the intellectual stage. Maybe if you're even in the intellectual stage, this happens in all of them, but what do you appreciate about your partner? If you're in this nagging,

everything's frustrating, you can't stand the way they chew their food. When you stop for a moment and you're like, what do I appreciate about them? We had that great caller on the serious show called in and said, thank you for telling me that because my wife, 25 years, I realized that every day I was coming home and frustrated

because it was so messy in the house and she was leaving piles. And then for like a week, I just started thinking about all the things I love about her and I appreciate about her. And then he was like, and I just started thinking about all the things I love about her and I appreciate about her. And then he was like, and then he like, remember you sprinkled rose petals up the stairs and made a bath for her? And then she realized that she was feeling appreciated.

And then she appreciated him, right? This work. So you cultivate that habit of appreciating your partner on a daily basis. And I love this quote here, what you appreciate, appreciates, what take for granted gets taken. That's not really powerful. Those are really, I love that. We should put that on the Instagram. We should. Yeah, right? At text Emily, I like that. What you appreciate

appreciates what you take for granted gets taken for granted. It's really as simple as that. Yeah. And someone else might appreciate your partner in ways that you don't. So I think there's always something to appreciate. And that is a really, there's a lot of talk today around us being grateful, and being appreciative for what you do have because our brains have the negativity bias, which is a real thing that we are trained to be negative

in the sense of what's wrong with my environment so I can feel safe from our ancestors. But I think that learning to just appreciate is it can feel hard and uncomfortable at first, but the more you get into that practice, it just becomes a lot easier to seem like a wood-up to be grateful for rather than getting caught up in a tailspin of what's wrong.

Yeah, that reminds me of this, this tweet that I saw where it was like, imagine everything in your relationship is perfect. Everything's going right with your job. Everything, you don't have to worry about money. Everything's going, wow, would you just actually be happy or would you just somehow still create new things to be upset about?

I think we create new things to be upset about. No, exactly. And it's like, I think it's unfortunate and kind of messed up that that's our human nature is to be like unsatisfied. Right. It is. It is, but even knowing that is so huge. I even joke now.

Oh, first of all, if I, a helpful exercise, which I do as well, and you guys should look at this now too, are you somewhere in your life right now that you didn't even think you'd be five years ago? You probably are. Like, maybe you've got that job you wanted that relationship you wanted you bought something you wanted You know like and we get there and we constantly keep reaching for the next thing rather than go Oh, wow, I'm pretty I never thought I would be here like I wanted a serious XM show forever I thought that would be amazing to have a five-day week show for 14 years And now I have it and I have frustrated about a lot of things in my life lately?

Yes, but when I stop and go, this is a goddamn dream. I'm really grateful. All right, so let's move into some emails. Shall we? Okay, we are gonna take a quick break. When we come back, we're gonna get into your emails. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ All right, here is the fun part.

It's all fun though, isn't it? Love answering your questions. If you have a question you want answered on the show, go to sexwithmlay.com, click the ask Emily tab, fill out the form, and put yes if you'd like to be called. You can also email feedback at sexwithmlay.com as always, include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Okay, Jamie. Vity's for our wonderful listeners.

Okay, we have James, who's 31 in Illinois, and he writes, hello. My wife and I keep running into the same issue in our sex life. I absolutely love her, and want to play, kiss, et cetera on them. The problem is that we've had three kids in five years, all of whom who have nursed. Since then, her nipples have gotten extremely sensitive to where I can't ever touch them. She hasn't nursed in about a year, and I think

part of it is she just doesn't want anyone touching them anymore, but part is definitely them being sensitive. Is there anything we can help or a method to bring it back to a pleasurable sensation for her? Thank you so much for your help. So really good question. Wow. Three kids in five years, you guys have been busy. James. So I think that there's two things going on here.

They truly might be sensitive, like your body changes after childhood. And having three kids nursing on your on your breasts, there is a certain sensitivity. And then there's also a certain association that she just thinks anything comes near my breasts, must protect, must stop, it's gonna hurt. So that pleasure has sort of dissipated over time. So here's some things that she can do. She can put cool compresses on it. She could add cocoa butter.

Anything to soothe the area will help, and this might be like a daily practice, something that she does, and maybe you could help her at night, just like bring the compress, remember the cocoa butter and also I think CBD oil would be really helpful. And we have a few new sponsors that people can check out for ya, would be amazing.

And I think you could put four other nipples. I'm robbing my nipples as I'm telling you right away. Like, imagine. But I'm telling you guys CBD is a miracle for a lot of things and I think you could, it would help with that too. And I also think talking to her about it and letting her know that you just want her to feel that pleasure again, less than making it about you, you know, James and more about like, let's work on this together to try to get you back to that pleasurable spot because

I promise you and you can tell her that I said this, she will get back to that place, she will. And so, especially if she wants to. So just be gentle. Like I said, add these things to her breasts, you can also use some lube on her nipples and just start blowing on it. Like, get her used to being stimulated again,

maybe without touching, but it's some blowing sensations. And maybe it's not so much the nipples, but maybe like the areas around the breasts could be massage like her, like the up bottom and below it can feel great just to be caressed on the underside of the breasts. I'm telling you, there's a lot of places on the breasts

that feel great besides the nipples. And then work your way up like like kisses and go slow and then just ask her how she's feeling. So I think that knowing that she has a plan to get there, you're not just gonna go on and grab her breasts and hurt her, obviously you're not intentionally, but that you have guys of a plan together to get her back to that spot with gentle creases

and sewing things down could really help her out. Okay. All right. That is a lot of kids. That's a lot of kids. And if I mean in five years, it's like, I think happy family, it's like, yeah. I think happy family, but.

Exactly. Okay. Three kids on the age of five. Yeah. Whew. It's a lot. All right, so this is from Heather, 23 in Utah. She writes,

Hi Emily, my whole life, I've been attracted to both sexes. I hooked up with a girl about two years ago on a work trip. We were both drunk. She initiated everything. I had a great time and I loved it. So I'm trying to start dating women instead of men for now, but I don't know where to start. I get nervous around females. How do I start moving past this and becoming part of the gay community? I have no problems with what society thinks of this by the way. It's more like I'm a newbie who needs to work on breaking out of her bubble. This is a great question. I love Heather that you said that you're not worried about,

you know, what's a side of things are your family. Because then we just can go move forward here. I would like, I love that you know that you want to start exploring this. And just think of it like dating. Like dating can be nerve wracking, whether you're dating someone of the same sex or opposite sex.

Talk to people how you would a new friend that you meet. You know, like, how would you connect with someone that you have an interest in even becoming friends with? So, you know, ask them their interests, ask them questions, people like talking about themselves. And so you might just, you know, need to take an initiative on asking women out, but also I think it's really helpful to get involved in the gay community.

I mean, you live in Utah and sure that there's like gay meetups or there's events in your community that you could find places to start. And maybe it would be great to just have friends in the gay community that are not romantic interests. So that's when it's really helpful just to remember that those nerves that you have right now approaching women is because it's new. You probably forget this. Maybe when you were young and in high school or middle school, you got that feeling towards maybe boys if you were into boys then. And so it's the same kind of thing, but after you do it over time, it is going to get easier. And it's like a muscle like I said, so practicing talking and maybe just

seeing what happens Taking the pressure off that you got to meet that woman right now But just getting involved in the community and being yourself and letting people know who you are and that you're available Interested I think that the more you get comfortable with that the less anxiety and just comfort you're gonna feel About approaching women Yeah, all right. Okay. This next one is from Grace, who's 33 in Kentucky. She writes, dear Emily, my 11 year old daughter is nearing puberty. I've already discussed starting her period with her in detail, what it is, what will happen

her body, how she will feel, how to use pads and tampons, etc. She hasn't started her period yet, but I'm sure she will soon. I'm wondering now when I should have a sex talk with her. I just want to be open and honest with my children, but I don't want to have this talk too soon or in the wrong way. I know the talk should be just basic at this age, but I don't really know how or when to bring it up, and I want to do it in a way that she doesn't feel awkward or embarrassed. Any tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Thank you for this question, Grace. I love that you want to meet your daughter

and help her figure this stuff out, because there's not a lot of information out there for our daughters or our sons. So I think it's important to meet her where she's at, like explain to her what her period is. Maybe you could create like a period kit that she could bring to school. In case she gets it, it has like a pad in it

and an extra pair of underwear. And just let her know that this could happen and she could like keep it in her locker at school. So I think it's important just to let her know what to expect and that. And also like, I guess that this isn't that comfortable for parents to really talk about this stuff, but I do think it's important to let her know. You said you talked about how she's going to feel, but let her know about the hormones and how emotions could fluctuate and her moods could change.

And I think like puberty, like the specific changes she can expect in her bodies and the hormonal changes, I mean, I think it's important to explain that it means that her body's becoming a woman that she's able to get pregnant. And I think this is the age where you gotta start just answering those questions and giving facts to this,

because otherwise it doesn't make sense. I think if you're just saying now your body's becoming a woman, I didn't know what that meant. My mom, everyone's like, you're a woman. Like my mom, it wasn't a big deal. I came home, I'm like, my mom got my period. She tossed a tampon across the room, but like figured it out.

Like that wasn't helpful either. It's important to start talking about sexuality, the human sexuality is a part, a natural part of life, and how certain behavior can be seen as sexual and that healthy sexual related, just about healthy sexual relationships, and about, I think it's really important to talk about masturbation at this point that she might start having feelings that of a rousal or things could happen in school and you know that healthy sexual relationships are built on trust. I mean, I know it's a very young age and this is always a tricky question because a lot of parents aren't comfortable either. Like a lot of parents have never even talked about these things and I wish

I had like a great my favorite book to tell you about this subject or because I do think there should be a great app for kids and navigate with their parents. I know that scarletine is a great site for a lot of parents to use with kids. And so I think that you should definitely answer any questions she asks, but also like I said prepare her for a period, let her know what it means. And then you could just lay down the basics and then and then answer questions as she has them. But I would say grace, if you have the energy for this and I hope you do, even if your daughter is frustrated by it, it's not a one time conversation. It's ongoing conversation because things might come up in school. Like a boy kissed me. What does that mean? Or I heard so and so was happening. Or you might hear from other parents that things are happening. So I think

you got to just keep, you know, bringing it up, find or you might hear from other parents that things are happening. So I think you gotta just keep bringing it up, find out what they're planning on teaching in school. Yeah, and I mean, maybe, would you say this is something I just thought of? Would you say that since she is kind of younger, because friends are gonna talk about things. Do you tell her, don't pass this information along or how is there a way to like talking with because she's going to go to her friends and talk to her friends, but then what if the

parents are like, I, how could you talk to your? Yeah, I think you just got to like, I think that you should, you tell her like to use discretion. How do you use discretion? I think it's important that her body is herself. Her words don't let anyone inappropriately touch her body and that it's a conversation between them. If she hears anything that confuses her, that she should come to her and ask questions, I mean, and I think a lot of kids aren't embarrassed about it at this point, but I think letting her know that you're a safe space and like repeating her over and over again, like what my mom did,

she was like, if you have any questions, ask me. And that was at the end of the conversation. But I know nowadays a lot of my friends with young kids are bringing up all the time and making them feel very safe and letting them know. I mean, the most important thing is letting or know that sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. And it's an ongoing conversation and you could also use everyday events to talk and take advantage of very teachable moments.

If things happen, this is a great moment to a springboard to explain to her what it means. I don't think that you have to lie or withhold information. If they don't get something, have them ask clarifying questions. I think the more normal you make sex, the more your sexuality, the more your child is going to feel about it. I think that that's really important. And also for parents grace for yourself, making sure that you get your facts

from really good sources of information and that you know the proper names of body parts and functions and thinking about your own values. And the things that you believe to be true and making sure that you're not shutting them down or saying it's really bad or saying you should only wait till you're married to have sex or sex is a bad thing. I just think it's important to talk about like, you know, that it's normal, that it's healthy,

but that, you know, and consent that no one should touch your body without a right. All these things as they come up, but I think it'd be great for you, Grace, to to continue to study along the way with her and like, talk to other parents, see what they're doing, and just be informed, oh, oh, but what they're offering in the schools and you know stay aware of it because now with like they all have their own phones and they're online and they're seeing porn and so I think more than ever it's important to make this be a part of a conversation that's going from now until she leaves your home, till she's 18. Parents have to make sure they're on top of it. Okay. Okay, this next one is from Ann, 42 in Texas.

Shred Thai Emily, I'm having the best sex of my life. Ooh, go her. I love it. My high school sweetheart and I both went through divorce and we are now one year into reuniting. Our sex life is on fire. I wasn't having orgasms during my marriage unless they were on my own or with a toy.

That's another story. Now I'm having orgasms every time marriage, unless they were on my own or with a toy. That's another story. Now I'm having orgasms every time, and usually two or three. Amazing. Anyway, getting to the point, my boyfriend loves when I go down him. In fact, maybe he's addicted. I like to do it,

but he seems to expect that I will do it every time we have sex, and we have sex a lot. I don't want to deny him, and it's not an awful task that I hate, but I just don't want to do it every time we have sex. Is that reasonable? How can I maybe do it a little less without hurting his feelings or making him I just don't wanna do it every time we have sex. Is that reasonable? How can I maybe do it a little less

without hurting his feelings or making him think I don't like it? Yes, he also goes down on me, but not every time, and I don't expect it every time. Thanks for reading my question. I discovered you about two years ago, and even though it's pretty sexually explorative,

you've revolutionized my sex life, you rock. Oh, thank you. And I'm so glad you found the show, and I love that you reunited with your high school sweetheart and are having amazing orgasms. You're clearly in those fun phases right now that we talked about earlier, which is great.

Okay, I really love this question because I think that a lot of us just kind of would get frustrated and keep doing what our partner wants and then have resentment. But I think that maybe you're assuming that he wants it every time because maybe he's like thrusting his penis towards you or it might be habitual for him just to do that to get him hard. But you know, there's a lot of other ways to get him around. So you could use your hand, you could use some lube. I'm telling you, you put some few drops of lube on your hand or on his penis and you

just grab it and not grab it. But you know, you hold on to his penis and get him a hard that way. I think that's going to be cool. I think there's a lot of different ways that you could get him around without giving a blowjob every single time. So this is a conversation you have with him about your sex life outside the bedroom. Clearly you're both having amazing sex and just say, you know, I'm not sure that I could, I'm not feeling great about every single time giving you a blowjob though, I love sucking you,

it feels great, but I, let's play with some other ways to get you aroused. Like, I think that's how you say it to them, and then you could also let them know there what you need. Because he's not going down a new every time, but sometimes I find, like for me, I've had to figure out if my partner doesn't go down to me, or I'm not stimulated, I don't wanna have,

I'm not gonna have an orgasm in it, I found like a lot of times I've just had sex,, or I'm not stimulated, I don't wanna have, I'm not gonna have an orgasm. And I found like a lot of times I've just had sex and then I'm not disappointed. So I've had to figure out like, well I'm gonna get my toy if that's not happening or I'm gonna make sure that there's enough lube and then I'm touching myself because the truth is, most women do not have orgasms from penetration

and if they do, there has to be some arousal first. So I think it's really just, this could be a great time for you guys, you're a there has to be some arousal first. So I think it's really just, this could be a great time for you guys. You're a year in to really just have the conversations and you probably can discover some other ways to really turn each other on and it's not gonna just be about blow jobs. Awesome.

Thanks for the question. Okay, and this last one comes to us from Adam 25 in Australia. He writes, hi Emily, every time I try to have sex in the shower with my partner, I always have trouble trying to penetrate when the shower is running. We usually have to turn the water off or we try until she becomes upset

because she thinks it's her fault. Is this normal or do you have any tricks or tips to help? Thank you. Okay, so Adam loves shower sex. Here's the thing about shower sex is that it sounds so great. We all think it's a paper, but then you actually implement it and there's a lot of problems with shower sex. Here's the thing about shower sex is that it sounds so great. We all think it's a paper, but then you actually implement it and there's a lot of problems with shower sex. The first one is that we make assumptions that, hey, it's wet.

It's going to be wet enough. It's going to be easier to penetrate because, hey, water or wet, lubricant, but actually we get drier in the shower. We get drier in pools and hot tubs. Water is not a lubricant. You need to bring lube into the shower. Silicone lube is great at last longer and won't get washed away by the water. I think it's important to just let her know that it's not about

her. I'm not sure. Yeah, I mean, I think if you bring lube in, maybe some toys we love, like in fact, sports sheets makes a line of toys called sex in the shower. You go to sex. The M.E.com and check out the sex in the shower line. They have like a vibrating lufa. It's actually a lufa that has little vibrator. They even have some, the sex in the shower bar and a step that you, it's a suction that

fits on some showers that you can actually put your foot on and hand hold so you're safe because the thing with shower sex is, the other problem is that it can be dangerous. You can slip and fall and you know all these things. So another great position for her and the shower so she doesn't fall is to is to bend over is for her to bend over and then hold anchor her hands around her ankles so she's bent over but she's stabilizing herself with her hands around her ankles. So her head is like looking through her legs, and then you could penetrate her from behind. That's a great shower position. So it's not slippery, and then she's anchored. And then just bring some lupin. Those are my tricks. Those should work for you just fine. Again, let her know it's not her fault. And then you guys can

have some fabulous shower sex. Shouldn't we all. All right, guys, thanks for the shower. Thank you, producer Jamie. Thank you, everyone, for your questions and your emails and so great to be with you again in this new year. We'd love to hear from you. What are you guys looking for on the shows this year? I love your suggestions.

Thanks everyone. Thanks for your amazing team. Ken, Samantha, intern Michelle, producer Jamie or editor Michael. Hey, was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com.