Sex With Emily - What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Threesome

Episode Date: August 29, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about the number one fantasy for men and women — that’s right, threesomes! And she is answering your questions. She breaks down all the boundaries, aftercare, & outcomes that must be discussed with your partner before adding a third, other ways to have sex when penetration is temporarily off the table, and what to do when your are constantly on the road looking for love but have no faith in dating apps. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about the number one fantasy for men and for women. Can you guess it? That's right, I am talking about three sums. Plus, I'm taking your calls, answering your emails, and your questions. Topics include all the boundaries, aftercare, and outcomes that must be discussed with your partner before adding a third into the mix. Other ways to have sex with your husband when penetration is temporarily off the table. Age difference difficulties. Should a 20 year age gap stop you from having the best sex of your life?

And what to do when you're constantly on the road and looking for love but have no faith in dating apps? All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair standard. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I'm so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUT [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUT with Emily, we're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. Find me on serious XM radio. I'm on Star's channel 109, Monday through Friday, 5 to 7 PM Pacific. You can get a free 30-day trial at sexwithemily.com slash

SXM. Find me on all social media at sexwithemily across the board. All right, guys, hope you enjoy the show. All right, so yeah, every night we've been posting because we know you guys, some of you want to call in, some of you want to ask questions on Instagram which you can do every night, it's at Sex with Emily.

But we notice, and for email us, feedback at sexwithm.com that sometimes there's just a whole host of questions about the same thing, and recently it was three sums. So I thought, it's a good time to brush up on your old three-sum tips. Always and it's always interesting to see what's in the air. Right, Jay? And apparently three sums are that. Exactly. More so than usual.

More so than you, like they're always up in the air. It's always like, how can I do it? But lately you guys are really. You guys are really all about it. And just so you know, you guys, there have been lots of studies. In fact, you know, our friend was on the show, who were the book about fantasies. And he said, he did the scientific research, Justin Laymiller, and he said that the number one fantasy for men and women was actually type of threesome. So multiple sex partners, multiple. It could be more than three. it could be four Because I'm a fan of four some Emily is a fan of the four some she is like trying to make it the new thing It's the new trend. It's more fun for everyone. I Like that

One in the corner filing your nails. I want to like make a jingle to that now do it We're all jingle happy we're making jingles Not happening jingle dangling. So let's read the C-Mail. Yeah, so this one in particular came to us from Marty, who's 57 in Indiana. He writes, dear Emily, wife and I have been married for 27 years. We watched Three Some Porn together and love it.

We talk about having it, but I'm not sure if she wants to follow through. I'm really attracted to one of our good friends, but I'm not sure how to ask. What should I do? Ooh, okay. Marty, this is the perfect threesome one. We had a pick one. I'm glad we picked this one. Yeah. Okay, Marty. 27 years of marriage, amazing. I love that you're watching

important together. I often say that's a great way to test it out. Three sums is something you want to tread lightly into that area. And it's not something you do to fix a bad sex life. It's not something you do to bring yourself closer together. No, it's something you do when you are on super solid ground, which sounds like you're on solid ground. But, because you're talking to me, you said you've talked about it. However, here's where I need to guide you.

You don't want to bring in the good friend. You don't want to mention right away, hey babe, I'm thinking of having a three-something and how about our hot friend next door. That is not something that you want to do at all. Because your partner is going to be thinking that that's the only reason you're asking is because you want to be with the hot friend. Remember, we don't hear anything after that. Nope. Three-something and then you put a name in there, all we can think is that's why you're asking me. So you really want to talk it all the way through with her and since you're not sure Marty,

if she actually wants to follow through, you have to say, you have to have the sex talk outside the bedroom and say, I know we've talked about this a lot. You know, through dirty talk, and we've watched porn together, then we've pictured it. Is this something, I think we've talked about this a lot. You know, through dirty talk, and we've watched porn together, then we've pictured it. Is this something, I think we should talk about

if it's something we actually would want to go through with. See what she says. Let her know what you think. Let her know that you think you'd be interested if she's interested, because remember, this is when three-some conversations don't go well, and this has happened more times than I can even count. Yeah, we should have a threesome. I think your best friend would be hot like Marty just

said. I think this person would be hot and that is never going to go well. You're not going to talk. You're not going to get your girlfriend type of threesome. This typically how it goes. You're asking my girlfriend, you're not going to get her there. But you can broach the conversation like, have you had any fantasies? Is it something you've been interested in? Have you thought about being with a third person with me here? Maybe they want to be with another man? It's not always with a woman. So that's how you start unpacking it slowly together.

And then once you decide, okay, yeah, that would be interesting. Then you do some more dirty talking and role playing and you think, okay, well, how would it go down? What's off limits? What's on limits? You get to talk about boundaries. So some example boundaries are like, we don't want the person to sleep over.

We definitely, I don't want to see you kissing this person. I don't want to see any penetration. And you want to make sure that you both have aftercare with a threesome. So are you going to connect afterwards and kind of talk it through and make sure you're both in a good space? It's really important, especially after this,

to have aftercare because, you know, what if something went wrong and it didn't feel great to your partner? Now, the thing about this is when it goes right, I think it can be really hot for couples because they do what wants it goes well, they feel great, they set boundaries, and then you kind of have it as built in sex talk for a while.

You're like, remember that time when this was going down with that woman, she was going down in you or that guy was, you know, doing that thing to you, that was really hot, and then you kind of play it through when you guys are always asking me for some, you know, sex talk advice when you have really hot things happen in the relationship, they don't necessarily expire. I mean, I know couples who've had like one thre some and they're like, oh my God, for years, that's all we talked about. So it doesn't have to be a lifestyle,

think of it more like a relationship experience. And I have to say that you guys, it is not for every couple. So I'm in no way saying, because it's the top fantasies and I can remind you again, there are two kinds of fantasies. Those are ones we actually want to try.

Like, we really do. We want to make it happen. And those are ones we just like to think about. We want to talk about it, either with, you know, ourselves, or alone, or with our partner in bed, but it doesn't mean we want it to happen. So you have to figure that out with your partner. And also remember, you guys, I do advise against the good friends.

Even if they're a really good friend, or like, you know, they've slept with everyone, no. It takes a wrong turn, that person is still in your life, it gets messy. And I think that strangers are the better way to go. We had someone calling last night, and they said they hired someone Vegas, prostitute or a call girl, where it's legal.

I feel like that's like one of the best ways to do it, because it's more, first of all, they're gonna be able to know how it's gonna go down and it's their job. So they're gonna wanna do a good job. Right. Yeah, exactly. And they're like, here's the bow. Yeah, first she said, well, you know, it was kind of weird

because the woman, not weird, but she said, at first I didn't know if I'd be into it because we hired this woman and she came in and started talking about the boundaries and all the thing. And like, it just wasn't sexy. But then, you kinda get into it. You realize what we're gonna start kissing, we're gonna start moving through this, you know,

through something and it gets exciting. And then you realize after that, I just wanna connect with my partner, and then she leaves. It's kind of a very clean transaction in that way. I also had a friend who did something here in Los Angeles with her boyfriend, they weren't found for her birthday, and he found someone in LA to go over and play with them

and give a massage. And she said the same thing. She said at first I was like, really? This woman? But they're also professionals. So you have your experience. They leave and you guys get to keep the memories. Obviously you want to use protection and you just want to make sure you talk it through.

Now, the other questions they get asked often are, how do we find the third then? Or what if we can't go to Vegas where it's legal to do these things Fet life is a great website FETI LIEFE people are like in field FEELD Tinder can work. There's also hashtag open which is a dating app that could be a great another great way to find a Threesome and in talking to Eric a less her app is also could be way to find a third. Yeah, the X-confessions. Yeah, well, we'll put this all in the show notes

at sexwithadmly.com, because that's what we do here. Everything we talk about, you can find there in the show notes. So, I know you're dying to hear about, well, Emily, what do you know about threesome? I've had some experiences myself, and I can tell you about ones that went right,

and ones that went wrong. Let's start with one that went not so great. Okay, it wasn't horrible, but it was called, we'd like to call it the Aborted Threesome, and one of my favorite on-air stories about the Aborted Threesome and Jamie and I, are so familiar with each other. We were early on in the show,

and I was like the Aborted threesome and Jamie's like, oh yeah, that was a funny one. And then we kept going and Steve, our producer was like, oh, you guys, everyone wanted to make it. You're like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Why isn't aborted threesome and we've- The term alone aborted threesome. Which should be trademarked and just used.

I love. Anyways, continue. Okay. I was the way I was in Mexico with a girlfriend for a week. All my crazy six stories in Mexico. They really are. I know. I love going to Mexico.

I'm gonna go to Mexico more often. Just know that was the same place. No. Okay, so we were the friend. I was with one of my best friends. And we had been on a kind of a, I wanna say we've been on a threesome kick. This was a while ago.

It was probably like 15 years ago now. And in the kick of like, we were, she had one and I had one. And so we were in Mexico and we met this guy. And he the kick of like we were she had one and I had one and so we were Mexico. We met this guy and he was an American. We had mutual friends and we've been hanging out all week at this friend's hotel opening in Mexico. And we both thought he was really cute and we were flirty and we were hanging out and we nothing had happened so far but it was like our last night and we had these beautiful rooms because we were there was our friends place and we had like the nicest room in the hotel with like, it was like a suite. We had our own hot tub.

We had our, I love the hot tub. I know, we had like the big mirrors. We had a bed, a sunbed. We had our own like our own area blocked off. Top of the whole hotel, the new grand place. I'm thinking this would be a good place to have some frisky fun this week. So it was the last night we'd both infloating with him. We thought, well, let's have him over for a drink to see what happens.

And then he came into the room and we're like hanging out and we knew that we had not been with him, but you know, we're having a few drinks and he kind of, you know, playing music and it's a beautiful warm Mexican evening. And we all start, he starts kissing, he's kissing me, he's kissing her. And then we move over into the bed, we still have our clothes on. And a very strange thing happened. We're lying in bed. We're starting to do this thing and I'm just like, I have this feeling and I think, I, I, I'm not attracted to him at all in this way. Like my body, I was like, I, I, I cannot, I will not know. I thought I was in my core because I, I can't fake anything.

If I don't like you, you'll know. If I don't want to talk to you, you'll know. If I can't, I'm at a party. I'm not a bullshit small talker. You're really not. I'm you, you'll know. If I don't want to talk to you, you'll know. If I can't, I'm at a party. I'm not a bullshit small talker. You're really not. I'm like, you'll know. And I was like instantly, my body goes, no, no, no. And I'm pretty open, sexually. I can kind of get into a groove, as you know,

and make things happen. I was like, no. You sexual, no. I'm right now. Right? Right? And so I looked at my friend, I'm like, I looked at her and I said, I can't.

And she's like, and she shakes her head. She's like, I can't either. She's really in the same moment. We were like, because it was sort of a force that we were playing. We were almost like the couple saying, this would be really fun and we were playing it up. And we just said, no, we can't.

We were very honest with him. And we're like, you know, let's just hang out and go back downstairs and have another drink. So that's my board. We were very honest with him. It wasn't a horrible situation. How do you say it? I wasn't feeling it. He was totally fine with it. back downstairs and have another drink. So that's my abort, we were very honest with him. It wasn't a horrible situation. How did you take it? I just wasn't feeling it.

He was totally fine with it. And then it became a joke and we're all friends. And then she actually did it. I'm plugging up with him later that night. So it's pretty fun. Not sexually, but in that moment, I was like, I can't do it. And I think.

So did you guys kind of have like this telepathic, little like eye contact, like abort, abort, abort? I was like a board mission, a board mission, gotta go. A board, a board, a board. So I'm like, no, and I don't know what had I had one yet. Maybe I had, I think that might have, yes, I had already had one. So let me tell you a story of a really good threesome.

So that was a good board, it just in the sense of, I think I was honest about, we were honest about it. I didn't, it wasn't necessarily something. He's a wonderful guy, but we all know about attraction. He didn't do anything weird, he didn't change. I just didn't feel the chemistry. I hadn't been that close to him. Yeah. And also it was my friend. So what I realized was even though she's a very dear friend, in my handful of three-sums I've had, they were with people that I, the guy I was close with,

but the women were not close in mind. So I feel like in my experience, I've had with women, they weren't like my best friend. They weren't someone, so I didn't find my friend attractive. Even with your friend. I don't find her attractive, like, in that way. And it wouldn't it probably cause some kind of weirdness after like, I can just imagine. I'm thinking about one of my best friends who I'm actually very attracted to,

but if it came down to us having a threesome, would I look at her differently afterwards? Yeah, right. That's what I thought. I thought she is such a great friend, we're like sisters. I've known her for a long time that I don't think that would ruin our friendship, but I just knew that like it was like a sister. Literally, it was like that's not a track to be. He's not obsessed. I remember you. Now I hadn't really talked it through and that's what that was more like no, and that's when I realized that my other good. And you guys can call us with your three-some questions your swinging questions or your stories about three-sums or anything at all

Triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven So my one that went well was a guy that I was dating For a while in San Francisco and it was kind of my open relationship experience and we really it was really for the time It was great because we saw it we had a very great understanding of our relationship. We saw each other once a week. And for about a year or so. And we knew that we weren't looking for anything serious, but we really enjoyed each other's company.

Like if he had something to go to, you know, I'd go with him, he'd come with me to my events. And it was, you know, we were dating other people and it actually worked because we were really open and transparent. Well, one night he said to me, he said, there's this woman that I've been with before and she's never been with a woman before. And I thought about you and I'm like, and I hadn't had a ton of experience, but a few more than she had.

You've dabbled. Dabbled. And I said, I was like, let's meet because this was why I thought it was the best way because he thought, he said to me, no pressure, but why are we all going to drink? Let's go get a drink and just see what happens and if something happens then or another time we'll feel it out. So we ended up going for a drink, the three of us, and I thought she was awesome. She was super cool.

We had a great connection. And it wasn't even so much that I was like in that moment because I think that sexuality is fluid and the way I felt it was like, do I want to just be friends with her? I just felt we had a great connection. I wasn't like, oh, I want to picture her going down to me in this moment. My mind doesn't work like that. I was feeling the energy between the three of us.

We were having a good time. And I was enjoying the moment and the dinner. And then we took it back to his place. And he has a wonderful place. And perfect for that. Huge bed. Lots of great yard, great food. He, it was a lot of snacks, music, you had it all going on, fuzzy carpets and couches and things.

And we back, I ended up being this like really beautiful evening where we just kind of fell into it. He was, I had no hold on him, they had slept together before, you know me, I don't wanna get out of those jealous thing. I just thought we're all gonna have this flow. And it ended up being this, we were all very respectful for each other. We all know we had been with each other,

and it just for what it was a great, because a great threesome is kind of like a dance in that way. I could tell you that people have often called and asked for specific tips, and I can give you that. This one was just like, we were respectful, we would like make out, and then she would be a part of it, and then I would be a part of them, and we were up like all night night and it was really hot thing.

And then- Do you think with three sums, it's easier for sex not to be as linear as there's so many places to go? Yeah, well that's such a great thing because what we've been talking about, if you guys learn anything on the show, and I hope there's many of your learnings, that we really do have a goal here that I don't want you to think of sex as just the old in and out penetration which is the name of our podcast today. It is for the old in and out. What is it?

It's in and out. That's not what sex is all about. And if for our California and I think Arizona listeners, if you think to the in and out jingle, that is where I came up with it from. I got it. I liked it. That's not what it's all about. So yes, that's exactly what it is.

It was just like, we would make out. And it wasn't even like we got right to the penetration. In fact, most of it was not about that at all. Most of it was more about just kissing and connection and like oral sex on everyone. And definitely changing condoms when there was penetration just so you know, if there's two women, one man peanut condom changes going in and out of each one, but it was more like we would fall around, then we would get snacks

Then we'd come back to the bed Then we would like talk about things. It was just a very comfortable situation That didn't have a lot of pressure or jealousy. There was no expectations It was and yeah, it went on for a long time because we weren't like, and that is the thing about the threesome. It's not about the orgasm per se. It's about the experience of sex. So maybe that is good advice for you all

who's in your two sums. How would you, how would you make your, you could make your sex life up by just mixing up the actual routine that you're doing. The making out, the kissing, the foreplay, the oral, like it can be around. You could do this for five minutes, Do that. Bring out your massage candle. Give each other a massage. You get into the mood. Play with different toys. Go back to

whatever kind of sex in our course. That sounds great. It was a good one. And we were all not attached in the way of like it wasn't like it was a committed thing, but I'm telling you guys, I know it works. And initially we opened up talking about how it can work four couples too. And that's when you got to talk about all the boundaries and all those fun things so you can actually make it happen. Alright guys we're going to take a quick break and we come back we're going to get into your questions. Alright we have Michelle 35 and Wisconsin.

She says she's got a polyp on her uterus and can't have sex for a month. So what other ways can her and her husband have sex? Okay, good question. How you doing, Michelle? I'm here to help. You've come to the right place. Of course. Thank you.

All right. So what else can you guys do besides, besides penetrative sex? Right, I have a surgery already, it's been removed and it's found out it's been 9, so that's all good. Okay. So I can't have intercourse for the next month, and we're looking for some creators, ideas to keep things in place. Yeah. Okay.

You've come to the right place. In fact, it's funny we released a podcast yesterday. If you listen to our podcast, wherever you listen to podcasts, it's called In It Out. That's not what sex is all about. I know that you're having this because you're having a challenge right now, but for a lot of people, I encourage couples to look at sex as not just penetrative sex. So here's some things. First off is mutual masturbation.

Have you guys ever done that? No. Okay, so mutual masturbation is actually a really hot way, which is why I love it. It's kind of a two-fer because first off, you get to look at your partner getting himself off, right? Like you look at your husband and he's, you know, you see how he's touching himself and you see that he's having pleasure and then you're touching yourself and you can externally, right? So you can still touch yourself, you're clitoris.

Do you master? Okay, right. Using a toy. And so it's hot, but also you're kind of learning too. It's education. I didn't realize that he put his hand under his balls or that he touched himself in that way and he can see you and it's how you use it. Maybe he'll learn something new.

So it's just hot and it's a sure thing because you know you're both going to get off. So that's really fun. Okay. Another one is massage. So I'm a huge fan of massage. I believe I wish that every sexual encounter started with a little massage because we know we all get anxious in our daily life and you guys get like a massage candle which is really fun which kind of or just you know light candles and create atmosphere over in a massage candle actually turns into warming oil or get some coconut oil. We have a wew more play. We love that. So if you like you could blindfold in and you could give them like a 10 minute massage. You could you know the fun thing about blindfolding too is when you blindfold your partner, you take it when you take away one sense. All the other senses become more

heightened. And then it's like everything feels great. So he like he won't know what's coming. You can have some ice cubes by the bed or some warming loop or just play with like, you know, different things around the home. I got hairbrush and different different textures and like sensory play Or just massage them. So that is some fun. And then you could switch, then he massages you. And then again, using a vibrator, using toys together could be really fun and just playing.

It's just really fun for play. And then you can end in, I think, all these. If you're not having penetrative sex, definitely end all of these in some masturbation. It's also really fun to tease each other. I think that teasing is kind of a lost art. You know what I'm saying, Michelle? Remember when you first met and you guys were like teasing and you were like, if you took a while before taking each other's clothes off?

So maybe if you kind of put some of that there, you're like, you know what? We can't even have sex. We're just going to like slow everything down, maybe just like teasing over, you know, your clothes and over your underwear. And also like teasing over, you know, your clothes and over your underwear. And also like teasing your, you're like, I think it's really fun to like leave your clothes on in these situations or maybe wearing some great fabric and then he's like touching your nipples through your clothes and you're massaging him too using different fabrics.

You know, he's touching you over like, this is just the whole slow sex movement which I like and seeing like how different fabrics feel on you and some dry-humping is fun. What else do we like here? Lub. Um, those are some of our like, uh, oral sex. Uh-huh. Oral sex is amazing too.

I mean, yeah, that goes without saying, how do you like oral sex? That's, that's like the only thing I could think of. Right, so I was like, you've got that how do you like oral sex? That's the only thing I could say. Right, so I was like, you got that. You got oral sex. But why not? I'm not using blinds. It's going to be a little bit more sweet. Well, I think I love the idea of miscellaneous.

Do you like that? Do you like blind folding and playing with me? You could just use a blind fold in your house. I mean, you could just use a neck tie. And it's really fun to kind of set the atmosphere and to play with with again all the senses so you like you like to candle you use some ice cubes you just play around with each other you could also play some sex games we've got some really fun games or if you live near like a

local sex toy store they have like fun car games there's one called monogamy like monopoly but it's monogamy and you know you just get to know each other better. So I think use this time, which I think is kind of, I hope you're not in any pain and it kind of sucks when you can't have sex, but I like the idea of, let's have an exploratory month where we try new things. Maybe you start talking dirty, you role play. You know, you just have some fun with it. So it's not like, oh God, we got to wait.

But like, wow, we learned a lot this month. I didn't know how sensitive my nipples were because maybe he didn't play with your nipples for longer than five minutes. You know, so I think finding other paths to pleasure, maybe he loves when you kiss the back of his neck, or you really slow down the blow job, you know, when he's wearing a blindfold. We don't know yet. Oh, great. Thank you. You're so welcome. Um, check out yesterday's podcast too. It'll help you out. Okay, Michelle. Thanks a lot. Hope you feel better. Thanks for calling. We got ideas for that. Mm-hmm. I wish sex was a little more. Wasn't just all about

the penetration myself. It's not even the best part. Not even the best part. It's not orals the best part. Yeah, I'm like, girl, you got this. You got a month of oral Michelle. It's lucky. Right, there's no excuse at that point. Right. It's like you literally cannot enter me. I like the idea also of them just trying new ways to, you know, different or like mix up your oral moves.

Because she's like, oh, yeah, I already thought of oral, but I want to do other things. But just remember that the way you've been doing oral with your partner, maybe you have that formula and you know it works, but there's just there's so many other ways to play with oral. Like maybe you have forgotten the balls. There was a while where I had some kind of post-traumatic ball disorder. I was like, I think I'd hurt some guys balls.

And then I was like, stop touching them for a while. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll go back to the balls, play with them. Massage the inner thighs, tees, you know, play with other parts of the body. Yeah, bring back the balls. Bring back the balls. And then if you want to try and have not dabbled in rimming,

oh, the lane'll play. There's a great blog about rimming on the site right now. There are some great blogs on the site. And rimming is, yeah, that's fun. Licking around the anusus taking a shower together first Yeah, you don't want to like surprise lick I don't think no, I don't think it wants a surprise, but you know that you guys are already in that groove That's a fun thing too. We have Sonia 45 in Texas. She's having sex with the younger man

And she wants to know how to stop oh hey Sonia. Thanks for calling. Why do we stop? Oh, hey, Sonia. Thanks for calling. Why do we stop? Hi, Emily. Hi. Well, I think it's I think it's turning into something of an obsession or an addiction on his part. Okay. I think it's kind of my good start to get unhealthy. Okay. Well, tell me what's going on. How old is he and tell me the story? and tell me the story. Okay, well he's 19 and he lived down my block and he came home from college about mid-May and he asked me if I would help him with the job interview. And I said sure come on over and when he came over, because I've known him, he was a young boy and he came over and basically said that he had sex with the few girls in college. He just finished his freshman year in college.

He had sex with a few girls and they just laid there like a... You know, all right, just laid there. Yeah, and so I'll never forget these words. He told me. He said, since I knew what sex was, I knew I wanted to have it with you. Oh, wow. I knew what it was. And so.

And so. I knew what it was and so. And so. I knew what it was and so. And so. So, I said no. And I turned him away and I said no. I mean, I'm friends with his mom and And long story short, he wore me down.

And this has been going on to his mid-May. And I tell him not to come over and he still shows up. And the problem, I believe, it's the best sex of my life. It's just unbelievable. But I think I need to stop. Well, tell me. OK. What makes it the best sex of your life?

Well, he can go for a long time. And I'm single and the guys I date are my age and you know, it's just not the same. Yeah, I hear you. I know that. So it's going for a long time. Is there something it about? I understand why. It just doesn't seem healthy. But is there something else in it that is still a little bit taboo that the mom doesn't

know? Yeah, sure. Definitely. So he's 19 and you're 45 just to clarify. Okay. So I mean, honestly, I think you're right. I think that's a really big age difference and it's something that you're going to have to get out of the situation.

And I think it's part of the forbidden and you can go for a long time and it's so flattering to. I think the best thing to do is just to be like, hold your ground and just let them know that like you really can't do it anymore. I hope, you know, I hope he's fine with it and nothing goes, you know, nothing goes wrong here, but I feel like, you have to be the strong one here because you really are the adult. So you have to be adamant and you have to say, I mean, I'm honestly, I'm hearing you. I'm like, you're age, I'm like, I get it. Like that, that's like hot. I mean, I haven't done that in 19 year old,

but like, I think that you have to be the adult and just let them know and not leave something open. You've had your funds since May. It's been a good two months, but it sounds like, I mean, how long does he home? Is he next to home while summer? Yeah. I just, I feel like, because you're calling me saying

it's becoming an obsession in his part, but you don't really want it to end. So tell me about some of the obsessive behavior that you're saying go away and he comes in. Is there anything else? Do we need to worry about his mental health at all? No, I don't think so. He just, he texted me and said, he wants to come over and I tell him not to, and next me, I know he's knocking at my back door. And I just, I'm even afraid to, you know, I'm dating and I'm afraid to have any load over at my house because he just might show up.

Well, this makes me nervous. I think that you have to tell him that you're seeing somebody out and this is going to be, I mean, he's not, here's a thing about young boys. You might be the first love, the best sex he's had. He's only been with young women. And we've seen some of these things not go very well. So I feel like I don't know if it's a phone call, if you meet him somewhere neutral, if you can do that and be strong, but I think you really have to be adamant and tell him

that it can't happen anymore, that you're seeing somebody else, that it can no longer happen, and then you just have to be strong. And I think that you have to get out there and start dating again, because you know how these obsessions are, like if you, and especially in your part, that when we start getting out there again and dating, we meet someone else,

and it'll be less intense for you. And I know it's hard to find men, especially a man who can go all day. With those abs, 19, but I really think that I'm just nervous. I mean, I could see him being a little obsessed. I get at these things happening. There's like movies about this. And so I think you have to be strong.

You have to be adamant. Have a plan until we can't come over. And you got to be like, because you're the age of his mom. So I think you got to use your mom tone. And say, it can't happen again. We're not doing this. I need you to go find someone else on your own. You can't leave anything open. You can't even leave a possibility. And you could even say, I have an alarm system up and you can't come on my property. I know that's intense, but I feel like you're

going to have to do something like that because he will just show up. Yeah. Well, thank you, Emily. Yeah, you're so welcome. Let me know it goes of course. I'm I'm invested in this now You got to let me know what happened Sonia. Thank you for calling all right We have Jeff who's 33 in Missouri and he wants to know what are the best dating apps for truck divers Hey Jeff Hi Emily hi Great question here. Tell me what you've tried

Well, I mean, I just, I mean, the board is over six years now. I've never really had good self confidence. I talked with the hour trying to go back into it didn't really have a lot of positive role models. Star Spirons family. Right. I can't. I've also, you know, I've born a half years sober and I've cut myself off with all social media just working on bettering myself And to the point now I'm like okay, I don't want to just do any one night stands I want to meet somebody that I can you know go on adventures with and you know travel the world because that's what I'm planning on doing

I got tender But you know right after I got tender I silent radio, then I heard about your show. I haven't really had any love with Tinder, but that's also, you know, in my opinion, just for hookups. Yeah, well, it's not. I've got to do a couple of women, and I don't really want to. You just want to hook up. No, I get it. Well, Jeff, let me just say you sound amazing, and I'm so, first of all, getting sober is just not an easy thing to do. How long have you said you'd been sober? Was it four years you said? Four and a half years. So congratulations

on that. And you definitely are bettering yourself. So I love that. I feel like honestly like first of all all these stigmas people have about apps like I feel like yeah they probably would say Tinder's a hook up app, even though I've said this over and over again, you get to decide like, if you're on an app and then you meet someone, you could even, I think it's great to talk with people first or I mean, even FaceTime is big, I'm looking for a relationship. If you say in your profile, I'm looking for a relationship, then it's not a hook up app for you.

No one's gonna be like a gun to your end and be like, you have to hook up with me Jeff. That's one thing, but I would definitely try other apps. Like we hinge right and just a good one where people just really are liking hinge right now because I think it's not just swiping right. You guys I'm not on it but you guys have a lot of different there's a lot of different sections on it. The people can just like like your photos your interest it tells you a lot more about people. I believe that's why it's so interesting. It's a little more intricate, detailed. And then also, Bumble, where women, you match with women, it's kind of like came out a little bit after Tinder, but where you match with women, but then they have to kind of send the first message.

And then there's another one that's called Happen, H-A-P-P-N, and don't worry, Jeff will put these in the show notes. And Happen is a cool one because it's geographically these tags, so you can find meaning like, if you cross the same person, I think more than once, it'll like match you because we all kind of run in our same paths, do our same things, and maybe if you're constantly driving your truck around to same cities, you'll be like, oh, you've come across this woman before, like you've crossed paths before. So, happens another one. And then there's a new one called Hashtag Open,

and it's for people who want all different kinds of relationships. And so, we're still just exploring that one, but we've heard some good things about it. So, I honestly think that you should just kind of check those out and see. Now, I know you're a truck driver, so does that mean that you're not often in one place at the same time? Yeah, I mean, it's just, you know, since I'm my ex-wife, I've got the kids. It's just me and my dog. I just work, work, work, and I'm planning to save money and when I take, but I'm ready for a little break. I'll take some time off where my terminal is at. I'll get a hotel room for a couple days and just, you know, but other than that, I just worked. So I just why I didn't really want anything to or just location based. Right.

Well, the thing is though, here's the thing. I believe they are all location based. Like, here's the thing. Wherever you're at, you can, I don't think you can change this. It picks it up where you're at. So like, I was in New York for a week when I used to be on apps. It's like, oh, it knows you're in New York. So it is all location based.

I think you can set your locations though as well to be more of a wider range, like over a hundred miles. You can do that. But essentially, like you can't be in New York and looking for dates, swiping for dates in California, right? I don't think you can. Yeah, that's what I mean.

But you can say, okay okay i'll be looking for someone within a hundred mile range and then my my other time it's a little bit of the pay for the subscription you can now look for people outside the specific area and i had a i had a harmony right after my divorce was done but uh... at that point i was just

i i i shouldn't really been a little had a good look at the, I shouldn't really have been looking for somebody, but I didn't really have any look back then either. Well, e-harming, people like e-harming, they do like it. I've heard some good things about it, so what I would do for you, I don't think you should be on all of them at once. In fact, it can be super overwhelming. So maybe do some perusing, check them out, and maybe just pick one to start with one or two and see what you like.

And then also, going back to your self- confidence thing, I just just say that the more and also you buy a data that's so far, which is a whole different world. I know a lot of people go through this. They're like, I don't know going out without drinking. But I feel like how you get your confidence up with this is really just practicing talking to people wherever you're going. Like women, men, and just striking up conversations. It just when we connect with people on authentic level, like you've just like, hey, how about the weather? And if we often come around here, or like you're, you know,

be specific in your compliments, like, great hat, you know, I think that women like that, they appreciate that. But just practicing, because dating and talking to people when we're, is a, is a muscle. Like, and so when we don't use it, we lose it. So just know that the more you do that, you'd be comfortable, your confidence will go up. All it, we lose it. So just know that the more you do that, you'll be comfortable. Your confidence will go up.

All right. Thanks, Jeff. Thanks for the call. I think that's really helpful for a lot of people. Okay, this one came to us from a Lori who is 31 in Illinois. She writes, Hi, Emily.

My husband listens to your show daily. He often comes home and discusses the segments. You heard you talk about how masturbating can really help your overall health. I also suffer from anxiety and you had talked about how it can help relieve that as well. I'm not opposed to masturbation and do it during sex with my husband and find pleasure in doing so. However, I have a hard time enjoying it when I'm alone.

I want to and I try to focus entirely on just pleasing myself, but I can't get into it. I've tried with different toys and watching porn, but just can't get into it alone. Do you have any advice on how I can? Yes, Laurie. I can help you. I can help my niece. I can help everyone. Thank you for this email, Laurie, because this makes total sense that when you're with your husband, it works. You're masturbating. You're having good sex life. But when you're in your alone, you're like, what do I do? Like, where do I think? Where do I go? Not everybody naturally thinks about fantasies. So here's how it can work with sex

and here's some other things that might work for you for masturbation because again, I like to give you all options. I like to give you ideas. And then you create, you know, you make it your own. So for some people, fantasy might be the way for other people, it could be breath. But I want to go back to one thing here though, Lori. I love that your husband comes back and talks about the segments. And I want to go back to one thing here though, Lori.

I love that your husband comes back and talks about the segments. And I have to say that there's a lot of couples who have found listening to the show together has been really helpful for their relationship because you all know that like talking to your partner about sex isn't always easy. So if I'm saying it, you'd be like, what do you think about that, babe? She's saying that masturbating is actually good for you. You think it's something you want to try? Or however, or Emily thinks that we should try, you know, I wouldn't think you have to, but you could try it if you want. Or Emily thinks it might be nice to take a gander down analane. So, um, okay, so

here's a few things I want you to know, exactly. Okay, so when you're out of bed, this is my first thing is about just the whole umbrella fantasy. Think about when you're out of bed, because we don't want to get into bed and have to think about once we get into bed or wherever we're masturbating. Okay, now let me conjure up all these sexual fantasies. Just feels like another thing. Another friggin' thing. You're like, you already got me in bed to masturbate, Emily.

I'm already got my toy out, my lube, and now you want me to come up with some elaborate erotic fantasy. How dare you. How dare you? How dare you? I'm turning bed to masturbate, Emily. I've already got my toy out, my lube, and now you want me to come up with some elaborate erotic fantasy? How dare you? How dare you? I'm turning on Netflix. I'm going back on Instagram, fuck you. So when you're out of bed, think about things that spark your sexual arousal.

So it could be a past sexual experience that you've had. And you could like jot these things down. It could, and you'll also remember, but the second you might just remember, but it helpful to like, something or someone you desire. Maybe you just saw someone who was super sexy or you met someone at a party this weekend or a time for you, Laurie, when your husband, like think about them, you're most memorable times you had sex or the times that you saw him and you felt really turned on.

And like write those down. Or when you're driving in the car, you could start to think about these scenarios. It could also be a scene in a movie. It could be something that you read. And the other thing is, if you're just overwhelmed with everything, like I said, hone in on something that's already happened.

Like if it's already happened to you, use that. And you can also build on it. You could be like, like in talking to my niece, she was like, I don't wanna think about this guy though, because he's just from the past. I said, well, if the sex was go with him, you could think about his body and another guy's head, and then another, you know, like it's like,

it doesn't, there are no rules to fantasy. It's truly about finding what's gonna spark that for you. So, you know, finding other erotica, you know, writing down your fantasies, moment with your partners that were hot. And then, so that's the fantasy route, which for many people, that's like a pre, could be a pre-mastervation thing,

or right when you get in bed, when you start touching yourself, you kind of use it for a warm-up. Things that have turned you on in the past, well, how I traditionally now, I would say, I'm more of a, in the moment, masturbator, where I'm like, in my breath, I'm focusing on all of my senses, I'm like in my breath, I'm focusing all of my senses, I'm focusing on my breath, I'm lighting a candle, I'm feeling, because orgasm and sex,

a lot of you write in that you're in your head and you're anxious, so which is exactly what Laurie's talking about. She's like, how the hell do I get out of my head? If you leave me alone in my bed with a vibrator, I'm just going to be thinking about my to-do-lives because that's what I'm doing all the other times of life. So if you could maybe start with a little fantasy, maybe you start thinking about the candle that you've lit, right?

So that's your scent. Maybe you're tasting something that you just ate, your dinner, or the chocolate you just had. And then really you focus on your breath. You're literally, you're breathing in, and you're breathing out, and you're moving it through your body, and you're just relaxing relaxing and you're focusing on what you feel and touch.

So how do your hands feel on your body? You don't have to go right for your clitoris. You can just start lightly, you know, put some lube or some whew more play the massage oil on your fingertips and just start thinking, getting curious. And when your mind wanders, just be like, what am I feeling? Breathe. Oh, my hands on my left nipple. What does that feel like? My hands moving down my inner thigh. And then

you're just breathing and you're feeling and you're focusing in your present. And then if you're using a toy, which is awesome, how does this vibration feel? How does this one feel? And then you start moving it down and over your body because you realize that when we are feeling anxious and we are out of our head We're not in the moment, but when you engage the five senses Which is smell touch. Yeah, what are you hearing? Sometimes I just focus on what I'm hearing is my breath But sometimes I'll focus on music if music is playing so it's what are you tasting? Seeing maybe you're watching your

belly rise with your breath. If you're watching your hands move over your body. Smelling the candle, taste sound touch. Touch smell five way. I don't why do I always do that? It's like love in the taste. Right. Like smell. Sound touch and taste. Taste. Do we see a taste already? Taste, smell, touch. Sound. You're not me. Sight, here, taste, smell, touch. Yeah, okay, we're good. We got this, guys.

We know what the five senses are. Welcome back. Welcome back. But what I found when I'm anxious, even if I'm driving in the car, you guys, this is how you get yourself back into the moment. If your head's tripping, I'm like, hand on the steering rails. I'm listening to music. I taste my gum. I'm listening to the sound

of the radio. And then you're in the moment. And then all your thoughts, which are probably distracting you and not really necessary at that moment, will bring you back to the present moment. The other thing is, we love, you guys CBD is huge right now, so also there's some great things that you can take like CBD as these Veritas farms, which I love Veritas farms because they have their own goddamn farm. Like, I understand there's a lot of other CBDs that are like different. There's so many now, you don't know where to start, but I just like that they like, you know where it comes from, and they have tinctures, and they have bombs, and they have tinctures and they have bombs and they have gummies and they can help you with anxiety. They can help you just kind of relax

and even just taking a gummy or a tincture and then just saying like it's not psychoactive, it's just CBD and like having a ritual, like my pre-sex or pre-mastervation ritual as well is like, like I said, letting the candle, getting my toy out, putting my phone away, locking the door, doing the things that I'm like, okay, I mean my masturbation space, like my toy out, putting my phone away, locking the door, doing the things that I'm like, okay, I mean my masturbation space, my masturbation towel.

Also, make it like part of like your morning routine, make your masturbation routine. It's like a thing that you do to get ready. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, have all of your things nearby. Yeah, I only recently started getting into fantasies. Tell me what you do. Well, I do kind of like, I kind of have like a really fast, you know, like those like flip books where you flip it

and it's like a thing happens like in a book or whatever, like a story or something. I kind of have that with like all my really hot sexual moments. And I kind of like, in the, yeah, it's like my spank bank, but it's like a flip book spank bank. And I go through all of it. And then all the parts always ever changing. So there's always different guys,

different faces and different situations. I might have been this guy that I'm fantasizing about, but it was with a different guy that I did the thing. And then I just go through a bunch of them. They're like really quick. Almost like my sex life is flashing before my eyes. Yeah. And you've had to build up to that.

Yeah, because I used to just go like you, like I would go straight for them. Like I know what an orgasm feels like, so I just almost channel it. I'm like thinking orgasm, orgasm, orgasm, orgasm. But lately, because I've been using the same thing over and over again, I'm starting to switch that up because it's not working as much.

Yeah. So I'm finding that the fantasies are actually getting really hot. And I'm trying, but now I want to like, write my own thing down. Right. Now I think you should write it all down. I think it just, to be reading your own erotic, I mean, I'll never forget the listener. It was like he wrote down erotic up from his relationship

of what he wanted his wife to do and what had turned him out of the past and she read it and then she started doing those things and found out what turned her on as well. And like for me, yeah, it'll be like, if I'm with someone, I don't know, I feel like sometimes I have more of the romantic fantasies, like I'll be thinking about when I wish someone we're bad or kissing and then I'll think about, usually it's oral sex.

So would you say, with a man, with a man going down to me, usually it's people pleasing me in my fantasies. Yeah. Would you say though that, do you fantasize actually more when you do have a partner or when you don't have a partner? I would say that When I have a partner and it's new I fantasize about them beginning and then I think I'm mostly in my life have gone through periods of Fantasy it depends on the day fantasy and just. So I would say it doesn't fluctuate

with part, but at different times in my life, I've been more like, I'll remember things from the past or all the string of memories of like, oh, these are all the, the times these guys are going down in me or, or we were having sex in this bed or like, I think all the, you know, it's like, it it took a medley, like the best of, and changes at different times in my life. I like to have a lot of different things to go to or I'll watch like Erica Luss porn. If I have to watch any porn.

Yeah, she's just great. Well, because it's like, it's more than just like a two second thing, it's like, do you know how they got there? There's like a plot, a little bit plot. Not too much of a plot. Not enough to like, but it's good. When I feel like a plot a little bit plot not too much enough to like but it's it's good When I feel like the plot it gives you enough time to get into your mode to get ready for the action

That makes it's exactly there's like even just a minute of like a Little bit extra to I don't know. Yeah, I know it is like not like it's so unrealistic But you're like oh they met he was her skin structure that's like going back to that one I saw when oh that's a good one. I know. They're in the middle of the snow. Yeah. Yes. And she's like, skin instructor, your friends, like, you should go out with them.

She's like, really? Yeah. I watched that one. I know. It was really hot. And they're like, we're in their cute little ski outfits. And he's been teaching all day. And then she makes him dinner.

And you find a little, a little, a little bit of plot, little substance in her porn. Just a little. That's just for us. All right, guys, I hope you enjoyed the show. Thank you so much for listening. You find a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little,

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