Sex With Emily - What You Got Wrong About Men & Sex in Marriage

Episode Date: August 18, 2026

Let's talk about the five lies about men and sex that might be quietly destroying your marriage… because most couples aren't fighting about sex. They're fighting about connection, rejection, and feeling unseen, and nobody ever gave them the language to say that out loud. In this episode I'm breaking down the five most harmful myths about male sexuality that I see playing out in long term relationships over and over again, from "he just wants sex" to "men don't take rejection personally." Once you see these lies for what they are, the dynamic between you can start to shift. I'm also giving you one conversation to have this week that can completely change how you and your partner understand each other. And the best part? You don't have to do a single thing you don't want to do to get there. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. CONNECT WITH EMILY: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! This episode is sponsored by: Bellesa: EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE Rose suction toy with their order! https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/emilymorse-podcast Chapters: 00:00 Introduction 01:21 Lie 1: His Whole Agenda Is Sex 02:45 Lie 2: Men Don't Need Emotional Intimacy 04:10 Lie 3: Men Are Always Ready for Sex 05:20 Lie 4: Sex Is Just Physical for Men 06:15 Lie 5: Men Don't Take Rejection Personally 07:45 The Cycle Nobody Talks About 08:30 Two Different Languages of Connection 09:00 Try This: Notice How He Reaches for Connection 10:05 Responsive Desire Explained 12:00 The One Conversation to Have This Week 13:30 Questions to Ask Each Other 14:30 What Couples Are Really Fighting About Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One question I'm asked all the time is, Emily, what products do you actually recommend? And that's exactly why we created shop sex with Emily. Every product in the shop is something my team and I have personally researched and tested or recommended because we genuinely believe it can help you of better sex, stronger intimacy, and just more confidence in the bedroom. Whether you're shopping for yourself, your partner, or both of you, we've made it easy to find products that actually work. head to shop sex withemly.com and discover your next favorite bedroom essential. I am so excited to finally share this with you. I am going on tour. It is the best sex ever tour.

And I hope you'll join me. And the show is all about you, the audience. Every night I'm going to be answering your questions, win prizes, and leave with secrets to have the best sex ever. Every night is different because the show is all about you. So here's the date. Nashville on September 29th. Come with your partner, your friends. Fly solo.

You'll leave with practical tools. Plenty of laughs. Maybe some surprises. Well, definitely some surprises. Visit sex withemly.com slash events for tickets and tour information. I will see you there. Can't wait to meet you.

If you're married to a good man and somewhere along the way, the sex quietly faded, you've probably been told the problem is simple. He just wants sex and you're not giving him enough. That's a lie. and the distance between you often isn't caused by something being wrong with you, it could come from a few harmful cultural lies about male sexuality and what sex can mean in a loving marriage. You grew up hearing these things and so did he.

But those lies could be shaping your marriage right now. But once you see these five lies for what they are, the dynamic between you can start this shift. That distance may not be permanent and it may not be only about sex. So you can start feeling wanted again, close again, on the same team again, where he puts his hand on your back and you don't pull away. Because you both finally know it isn't a demand for anything. And you can get there without ever doing a single thing you don't want to do. I'm Dr. Emily Morris.

I have a doctorate in human sexuality, and I've hosted one of the biggest sex and relationship podcast, Sex with Emily, in the world for over 20 years. I've talked with thousands of couples and similar patterns where neither person has to be the villain and both people may be hurting. I'm going to walk you through five common lies many of us were handed, show you what sex can mean to him and give you one conversation that can completely change the dynamic. Lie number one, his whole agenda is sex. That's all he wants.

This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions I see. For many men, sex isn't just about sex. It's one of the primary ways they experience emotional connection. When he reaches for you sexually, he may actually be saying, I choose you. I still desire you. I miss you. We're okay. The challenge is that many men were never taught another language for asking for closeness. They weren't taught to say, feeling disconnected, or I miss feeling wanted by you. So instead, they reach through touch. They initiate sex. Now, I want to be really clear here. Understanding what sex means to him is not the same as saying

you owe it to him. You never owe anyone access to your body. Consent always matters. But when you understand what sex may represent to your partner, you're less likely to misread each other. So instead of hearing he just wants sex, you might hear, he's trying to connect with me. That's a very different conversation. Lie number two, men don't need emotional intimacy. We've all heard this one. If he's getting sex, he's happy. And honestly, it's just not true.

Many men crave emotional closest just as deeply as women do. They just don't always express it the same way. A lot of men struggle to say, I'm lonely or I miss you or I just don't feel desired anymore. Sex may be one of the very few places where they feel emotionally connected, accepted, and wanted. So while a woman might hear he wants sex again, what he may actually be saying is, I miss us. I miss feeling close to you. If we only hear the request for sex, we miss the feeling underneath it. And that's where couples get stuck.

He feels rejected, she feels objectified, and neither person feels understood. And suddenly, sex becomes a place where both people feel hurt instead of connected. Line number three, men are always ready for sex. This one hurts men too. We've somehow convinced everyone that men should always be in the mood, always ready, always performing. And that's a tremendous amount of pressure. And here's what we know about desire.

Pressure is one of the fastest ways that shut it down. For women, for men, for men. for everyone. Men have off days. They get stress, they get anxious, they worry about performance, they struggle with hormones, medications, body image, depression, and everything else that affects desire. If he's not interested one night, it doesn't automatically mean he's not attracted to you. The context matters. Stress matters. His nervous system matters too. Line number four. Sex is just physical for men. Yeah, physical pleasure is part of it. But for many men, that's not the whole story. Underneath the physical experience is often something much more vulnerable.

They want to feel chosen, accepted, desired, reassured that you're still on the same team. I've had countless men tell me that when their sex life disappeared, they didn't just miss sex. They miss feeling connected. They miss feeling like they matter to their partner. Again, that's not every man, but it's a pattern I've seen over and over again. Line number. Okay, Belasa and I have something very fun for you. Free spicy toys for every single one of you. And we're talking about the one that basically took over TikTok, the rose. It went viral for a reason. It has 10 suction modes. It's rechargeable, splash proof, super quiet. And this little flower-shaped toy seriously delivers. And if you don't know Belessa yet, there are bywomen for everyone's sexual wellness company focused on helping people embrace, explore, and celebrate their pleasure, which you know I'm here for that. You may have also seen their famous air vibe.

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Yep, you heard it. Retails for $99, but you get it for free. All you're going to do is click the link in the episode description or head to BBVibs.com slash Emily. That's the letter B, B, V-I-E-S dot com slash Emily. BbVibes.com slash Emily. If you love this podcast, well, you have to come experience the best sex ever tour. It is sex with Emily, completely unfiltered and in the room with you.

We're talking sex, dating, relationships, desire, all the things we're thinking about, but don't always say out loud. There's live Q&A, anonymous confessions, there's audience games, there's lots of laughs, and yes, you can finally ask me the questions you've been dying to ask. But there's a bigger reason I'm doing these shows. I think we need to save sex. We're having less of it. We're more disconnected than ever.

And so many of us are struggling with desire and intimacy and dating and how to actually talk to each other. And truly, that's what I've loved most about these shows. When we're all together in a room talking and laughing about the things we usually keep private, you realize, oh, everyone has questions. Everyone has stuff. I'm definitely not the only one. Because great sex isn't just about.

Sex, it's about connection, and we could all use a lot more of it right now. Our next stop is Nashville, September 29th at Zanies with more cities coming. Go to Sex Withemly.com slash events to get your tickets and see where we're headed next. Remember, you can also check out our merch at shop, Sex Withemly.com. We've got some really cute Save Sex merch and more is coming soon. So come hang out with me. Let's save sex one city at a time. sex of delanyly.com slash events. Number five, men don't take rejection personally. This one couldn't be

further from the truth. Many men feel sexual rejection very deeply. The difference is they don't always talk about it. Instead, they just stop reaching for it. They stop initiating. They protect themselves. And here's how the cycle usually plays out. He reaches for you. You're not in the mood. He feels rejected. So next time, he doesn't reach. And meanwhile, you notice that every hug, every kiss, every touch seems to come with an expectation of sex. So you start pulling away from touch all together because you don't want to have to say no later. I mean, maybe even fake sleep when he comes home. And then he experiences that as even more rejection.

And you experience it as self-protection. And neither of you is trying to hurt the other. That's so important. But you both end up feeling lonely. And then the flirting disappears and the affection fades and then you stop repairing after conflict. Remember, relationships are not about perfection. They're about how you repair. And you become great teammates, but you stop feeling like lovers.

And honestly, that's the part that breaks my heart because most of these couples still love each other. They're just stuck in a pattern neither of them understands. So what is actually happening? In many relationships, you're speaking two completely different. languages of connection. Now, I've been talking about this for years. Many women need to feel connected to want sex, and many men use sex to feel connected. Neither is wrong. They're just different pathways to the same destination. The problem is that each partner assumes the other person experiences desire the same way they do. That makes sense, right? I only know my experience

of desire, so I assume that you desire me the same way I do. And that's a person. where the misunderstandings begin. And here's one small thing you can try this week. Notice how your partner reaches for connection outside the bedroom. Baby eats a hand on your back while you're cooking or a kiss before work or an arm around you where you're watching TV. Now if every touch is started to feel like it's leading somewhere, like leading to an escalation of sex, of course you're going to pull away. So start talking about touch. Your partner might say, I just want to hold you. This doesn't have to lead anywhere. And you can ask for exactly the kind of affection you're craving. You can say, God, your hand feels really good. Let's just, let's just cuddle. Like, let's just sit here with this

touch for a minute. Or maybe it's a massage or it's a connection without expectation. Because when the touch starts automatically meaning, oh, this means we're going to have sex, something really interesting happens. Your nervous system relaxes. The pressure comes down. And that's often where desire has a chance to come back online. Now, I also want to say this because it's incredibly important. This isn't all on him, and it isn't all on you either. Your desire is real. It may just work differently than you were taught. That none of us were taught any of this. Responsive desire is incredibly common, especially for people in long-term relationships. It often shows up after you connect. So after you kiss, after you laugh together, after a really great conversation, after

feeling emotionally safe, not always before. And if you've been sitting around waiting for this spontaneous desire, like you're just going to be turned on and to strike you the way it did early in your relationship, they're going to be waiting a long time, a really long time. But that doesn't mean you're broken. That's what I'm talking about. It just means nobody ever taught how your desire actually works. So here's the one thing I want you to try this week. Have this conversation, but don't have it in bed. Don't have it right after someone has been rejected and don't have it in the middle of a fight. Go for a walk. Grab coffee, talk in the car. Talk somewhere neither of you is expecting sex. Because when you're already feeling hurt or offensive,

even the most loving conversations can feel super loaded. Take the pressure off and then get curious. Ask each other questions you've probably never asked before. What does sex mean to you? When do you feel the most desired? When do you feel rejected? What happens? What happens? helps you feel emotionally safe? What kind of touch do you miss? What makes it easier to say yes? What makes it easier for you to hear no? Here's why this conversation matters. Most couples are guessing. He's guessing what you need and you're guessing what he means and that neither of you is a mind reader. To this day, I've never met a mind reader. But this conversation gives you a map. Because after all these years, one thing I've learned is when couples fight about sex, they're rarely just fighting about sex.

One partner is often asking, do you still want me? And the other is asking, do you see everything I'm carrying? And underneath both questions is something much more human. Do I still matter to you? So neither of you have to be wrong. You may simply be speaking different languages of connection. So when you get curious instead of making assumptions, everything starts to shift because the best lovers aren't people who magically know what their partner needs because that's impossible. The best lovers are the ones who learn how to ask, how to listen, and how to keep talking.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Follow me on all social media, Sex with Emily. You can also check out my website, sex withemly.com. And please subscribe to the podcast, which is available on all podcasts. platforms as I had into my 21st year, you can find them all. Also, I'm going on tour if you want to check it out. Go to sex withemly.com slash events. Don't forget to check out our website for all my favorite sexual health and wellness products and subscribe to our newsletter. Thanks everyone for listening.