Sex With Emily - What's Your (Dirty) Jersey with Jaclyn Marfuggi

Episode Date: September 7, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is joined by comedian and host of the What’s Your Jersey podcast Jaclyn Marfuggi to talk about the funnier sides of sex as well as some of the more intimate stuff. They discuss why it’s okay to stop “performing” during sex and do what makes you feel good, what to do if your sexual bar is climbing faster than your partner’s, and why sex is more than just physical – it’s mental, too. Plus, tips for your dating profile to get you those swipes. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Magic Wand, Adam & Eve, Apex Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily Follow Jaclyn on all social: @jaclynmarfuggi What's Your Jersey? podcast For more sex tips, tricks, & advice, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex With Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by comedian and host of the What's Your Jersey Podcast, Jacqueline Marfouji, to talk about the funnier sides of sex, as well as some of the more intimate stuff. Topics include, why it's okay to stop performing during sex and do what makes you feel good. Is your sexual bar climbing too high for your partner? What to do about it? Sex is more than just physical. It's mental too. And how to make a dating profile that will get you more sweeps. All this and more. Thanks for listening. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubize they call them in a bygone day Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute

Hey girls, gotta understand, it's a lie The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common, what do you mean like laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk Being bad feels pretty good You know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemlee.com. Because it's awesome. We have a great website. We put up a bunch of blogs and posts and things that will help you have better sex and Relationships also you guys so cool when you

Subscribe to the podcast so you can listen so many places now spotify Google Play I heart radio and iTunes And we love when you review the show love when you give us five stars That's really cool. It helps the show speaking continue to bring you two shows a week and we are at Sex with Emily across the board. So follow us there, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and that's what I got for you. Now I'm going to introduce my guest, Jacqueline Marfouji. Yeah. Hi. She's so fun. Okay, you guys, I just did her podcast,

so you're gonna have to listen to what's called What's Your Jersey. And I met her recently and you know, we were both on a podcast called It's Complicated. And she came as like my, we were both like guests on the show. And she was just one of these cool chicks. And you guys, this happens in life.

And I want people to be on the lookout for this. So you can't go out, there's no great people. It's hard to find, you know when you meet someone cool. Whether you're looking for a man or woman or a friend and we just hit off, we love it or energy. We like got to come on the show. So we used to have her podcast, she's doing mine. She's a podcast called What's Your Jersey.

She reveals how our roots influence our everyday lives and makes us funny, she learns about where I guess from, how it shaped them, I talked about my home Michigan upbringing. She calls her fans meatballs and she brought me meatballs and wine, like I knew I loved her, but then she came in with food, so she's awesome. She's also a comedian, actress, pli-o jam awesome. She's also a comedian, actress, pli-o jam instructor.

She's done a bunch of stuff. She's in a long-term relationship. I am. Yeah, she's just very wise and sexy and ha-mama, I'm glad she's here. Jacqueline Marfouji, welcome to the show. I am so happy to be here. I'm so glad.

You have no idea. And I'm so happy you actually ate the meatballs. We eat, right? We eat, or two. I don't know I mean Chicholid meatballs in LA, right? That's a thing. Oh, yeah, we found those we do. Thank you. We really we really appreciate that. I want to know How is your background shaped you by the way? You're from New Jersey. I am what's your Jersey? That's why it's so clever because she talks sports

And she talks like also your background like what's your Jersey? Yeah, but how has your background being when Jersey influenced you? Well, I think being from New Jersey like it definitely I was always like a little scrappy Like I had a little edge like to hang out with my brother and my dad on the weekends I had to go to giant stadium and like go to football games and like so that always kept me kind of Girls girl guys girl like there was always a dichotomy there, right? But I also grew up in like an Italian Catholic family. I grew up watching the sopranos Like the sopranos were my acting teachers in New York Like I literally went to Michael Imperial. He's acting well, okay, you know like

like I literally went to Michael Imperial, he's acting so well. Wow, okay. You know, like coming out of college, like I was doing a show in Atlantic City and like going out with like James Gandalfini and like, my God, it was your religion. Yeah, like, so growing up, like I feel like there was always like,

not like a mob wife mentality, but kind of just like, you know, like the guys are the guys and like the girls are just always made up. Like I was always taught, my mom was always like maintenance. Like you need to keep yourself maintained. Like if your nails are done and your toes are done, guys are gonna think something else is done. So like get it together.

Your mom told you this? Yes. And what age? Very, like she worked in a salon, so I was like, okay. Bikini waxes. How great though to have a mom when it was his stuff. Yeah, like, worked in a salon to have a bikini waxes. Oh, great. Though to have a mom when it was her stuff.

Yeah, but it can also be a fault. Yeah, I'm like, mom, I'm nine. I don't even have nails yet. Right. I'm like, I don't have hair to wax. Stop. Um, but yeah, like it was great because I always was put together. There was always like a big emphasis on how we looked.

And that, I think, growing up kind of, I don't know, like, messing my head a bit. Yeah, yeah, of course, everything does. Yeah, yeah. Really, to be able to observe our childhoods because that's where we learn our lessons. But I also, I loved growing up right outside of New York City because I think I grew up fast. I always loved like, my parents always talked about how we were like in the country in New Jersey and the first time they brought me into New York,

I opened the car door in the Meaghaning District and I was like, oh, I can finally breathe. Right, yeah. I felt like home. Yeah, and my dad was like, there's animal carcass next to you. And I was like, no, this is, I loved energy. Like, right. I would sneak into New York and take like Broadway dance classes

and say I was at a girlfriend's house. Like, so you always knew you wanted to perform. Yeah. That was, I didn't realize that Emily and I talked about like what we did when we were younger, but. It's gonna be hard not to reference your project. Yeah. We just literally talked for an hour and a half.

So you've checked out what you're doing. Yeah, you're gonna love it. It's really good too. And I didn't realize that, thank you. Yeah. I revealed a lot of deep dark secrets. Oh, all the things. Yeah. Guys, I used to before, I mean, I would watch the TV show friends. That was my favorite show. And I would transcribe just everything they said. And I would keep all the episodes. Yeah. And then I would like type it up and print out scripts. And my first job, I was a hostess at like my uncle's restaurant.

And I would like bring in my scripts and like make the waiters, like rewind lines. The scripts to friends that weren't even real scripts. Yeah. Just be like Rachel or who would you want to be? Rachel. Rachel. I was like, well turn it out as Phoebe.

Yeah. She's quacking. Loved blondes. I grew up every woman in my family was like a beautiful blond, like trophy wife. Okay. And so at first I'm always attracted to blondes. I would make a joke that I attract blondes as like friends.

Right. All your friends are right. Now I'm equal opportunity. Okay good, I appreciate that. Because I'm not a green at, you know. Yes, but then Rachel, I automatically, I mean who did. Love Jack, like Rachel, Karen, Green.

So good, right? Exactly. Please. That's so great. You'd read her scripts. You're like 17 at the time or working restaurant. I was really younger. Okay. Yeah, I was like 14 or 15. Okay. But I also was obsessed with magazines. I was always obsessed with like Cosmo and like I was always I was on dance teams. I always was getting in trouble for being like a sexy dancer when I didn't really even know what that meant. But I was really good at like Bob Fossy was like a huge thing for me.

Like I loved just jazz and like all that stuff. Like I was just- She's like moving your body. You're in your body. Very. Like a new dance and you teach dance. So what do you mean you were a sexy dancer? Like-

I just like, I remember- You're beautiful, you're beautiful striking features. So you're like very like you beautiful eyes And like you great cheekbones and your body like you put you are like a sexy like if you had a bag in your head I would just know like right I guess I Was saying I've no I mean it's like the roundest face, but it just you just a beautiful face like a beautiful everything So yeah, I could see that so as a kid, but you weren't like trying to be sexy. I wasn't trying to be sexy I just always like like Paula Abdul Madonna like when I was seven a kid, but you weren't like trying to be sexy. I wasn't trying to be sexy. I just always like Paula Abdul-Modana.

Like when I was seven, my uncles were like, you should get like a cone bra, I'm put her toys in it. Like they would like make jokes about that. And I was just like always very intrigued by all that stuff. And like I would love to like steal like porn and like do all that stuff. And it was always like a side of me that I know existed. And then once I started like getting like curves and stuff, it was always like a side of me that I know existed and then once I started

like getting like curves and stuff, it was kind of like stifled and like I was always told like that's not okay and like you can't be sexual and sex is bad and like it was just always bad. So I like, I kind of like revolted against that and became a little wilder in high school. Yeah, like end of high school, I always had boyfriends, but like I always loved like performing for them.

Right, so like in the bedroom, in the bedroom, yeah. In the bedroom, sexy, okay. All that stuff, which meant like I never orgasmed because I was like, without performing, it was performing, right. Like that, it was just like, like what you saw, I'm poor, right, I get it.

Yeah, you know? Because you thought they expected. And your mom probably said some things, maybe like you have to always look good or bring it. Yeah. And it wasn't sex, you could have expanded into that. Totally. So that one happened.

Wait, okay, so back up. So when you felt sexy, what was your first like, did you, your first orgasm, do you remember? God. Like a year ago. Right, no, I'm serious, so because I was saying, I was like 23 or something, but I some girls are like young

and have orgasms at seven. Like when they're riding a bike, or they're in the shower by mistake. But you did, to a like class, right? I know, I definitely like started, I was probably like 14, but I didn't have like an orgasm necessarily, but I remember getting like turned on and like,

you know, touching and like going and playing and doing all that and being like, okay, but like I didn't understand how it worked. Of course not. Because we don't know anything like that. No, right. So it definitely took a really, and I thought there was something wrong with me for years. Like boyfriends, we get frustrated with me and I just, I just gave up. I was like, it's this isn't going to happen.

Yeah, I thought that too. I totally get it. So what happened with guys when you, when did you realize that you were just performing, but not orgasming? Like at 20, you said it wasn't until you were like at your 20s, which I can relate to. What was it, was there a point where you're like,

I actually want to figure out how I could feel better in bed? And so I would say, I had a boyfriend who who I was like really in love with, but he was just, he was apparently engaged when we met, which is one of those. One of those. Yes. I was like a junior in college when we met and it was one of those things where literally we shook hands and I was like, oh fuck. What are those? Yeah, this is the chemistry. Yeah, that's real. Which only happens a few times, I think, in your lifetime. Where you're like, oh, oh, oh. And it was like an immediate thing

and it was summer romance and he was a chef, which, I don't know if I'd recommend that. Right. You know, late in the kitchen. It's a draw. It's a GJs either, yeah. Yeah, I get it. It's a DJ's either. Yeah. Yeah. I get it.

And I was young. I was 20. I was living at home. I was going back to school. And then I remember I went into work. I was waitressing. And I went into work and opened up the reservation book and just went a few like months ahead. And I saw his name and then his then fiance's name in the reservation book as their rehearsal dinner.

Whoa. Yeah. It's crazy. And you're like, what? Yeah. So that's how I found out. And it crushed me. My parents like my mom came and got me like it was a whole thing. They broke up.

And then he ended up because he always told me they were living together and that it wasn't working. It wasn't working and that they broke up, but they tried, she's older and controlling and trying to find a new all this stuff. And so they did actually end up breaking off the wedding. And the wedding was like a Miami. So I think I saved his life, probably. I could twist of, right, and so I think I saved his life. I could twist of right now.

Right, and that is there. Yeah, and but the problem was is that I was still desperately in love with him and we, you know, kept talking and going back and forth and it was like forbidden by my parents and then he would drive up to Rhode Island and like come see me at school. It was like this whole thing and, you thing. And after we finally really broke everything off, I shut down and I had to go. I had to shut your body. Yeah, I went on like Prozac.

It was a whole thing. And so I didn't really feel anything. Right, just like dead. And then it just kind of like, yeah. And which is something at the time, I never really knew I could talk to yeah, and you want about right I should have had this podcast. I know I know It's tough, but now we know okay, yeah, and so then I moved to LA and I started dating someone

He was like what the fuck is wrong with you? You know like and it became a thing and then I got more and more into my head Yeah, yeah, okay, which is what the fuck wrong with you? Are you thinking is what the fuck is wrong with me? Why aren't I here? I have to make, right? Exactly. That's no way to get someone to orgasm. Nope. Exactly. That's the way to not. The way to not. Yes.

So then it just became a whole thing and I would fake it or, you know, and then like I was just not having sex for a while and until honestly like, I met someone that I like really cared about. Right. Your boyfriend now. Yeah. that I really cared about. Your boyfriend now. You're like crazy about. I love you. It's so weird. You guys lived together?

We do. Okay. He moved in three months ago. Wow, he moved in with you. Isn't that weird? Yeah, no, not weird. I don't even know him, but that's so cool. It seems like, just you can tell.

By the way, people talk about their boyfriend's, like you seem like you're really solid. I'm a big fan. I know. That's so good. Yeah, I do feel like we're on the same team. That's right. I always say you gotta remember you guys, the whoever you're dating, are you guys on the same team? Like you should, we should think about it.

Like the way you handle things, are you like, oh, I hope I get mine and they get theirs and I'm in charge of something and I'm not gonna tell them about it. Just remember that you both love the same thing. If you're in a relationship, be on the same team. So if you're on the same team, good. So you guys talk about hydros, so your sex is amazing. I wouldn't say it's like off the wall.

Like, this is something, like I, yeah, questions for you. Just like questions. I feel like I used to be like so adventurous. Like my favorite movie was Eyes Wide Shot. Right, like I, one of the guys I did in LA, like for Valentine's Day, he was like, let's go to sanctum. Oh, yeah. And I was like, okay, but then I checked myself

and I was like, I'm not that cool of a girl. Right. I don't think that would actually make me feel good and then we ended up like breaking things off. Right. We just wanted to say that. St. Dom is like a sex, it's not a sex. That's a play club, player.

It's like you go there and there's a lot of couples and single women and you can have play, you can hook up with chicks and people are doing bondage and dancing. Yeah, I've been invited a few times, I haven't gone, but I know all about it. I keep, you know what's weird? I don't know if you pay attention to pings and I just learned about that.

No, tell me, things in your life, in the universe that pop up around you. And if you're not paying attention to something that's repeatedly around you, you're missing them. And I keep seeing street art that's the sanctum logo. And I'm like, what does this mean? Universe. Does it mean we need to go tonight?

After this, we're already drinking wine. We just had some wine here, you guys. Yeah, I don't know. Do you think all the sex toys are in the closet? We got it, just wait. Yeah, I don't know. Are you think all the sex toys are your closet? We got it just wait. Yeah, I don't know. Are you sure it's their logo or is it a logo that looks like the same thing? It's their logo and it says sanctum under it.

So what you're saying is with your boyfriend, how do you bring it and how do you feel sexy? And I get that because we go on phases when we feel on and off but maybe there's a point of discovery that you have to like figure out what that is for you. Like to be sexy and that is for you, to be sexy. I mean, because I did all those things.

I would fake orgasms. I would try to be sexy how I thought they were sexy and do the moves, but I wasn't feeling it in my body until I did the work. Mastermated, figured out what was authentically a turn on for me. And then I could bring that energy once I would work with my partner on it or whatever. So you kind of like figure out maybe it's, you don't know yet. For the first half of the relationship,

I feel like I had like my mom's voice in my head where it was like, you need to act this way, you need to cook for him, you always need to have your stuff perfect or like, what does he like? So I would be like, what turns you on? And like, it would be the opposite of like, certain lingerie things that I liked and then we finally talked about it Because we just went away we I was in a wedding so like we'd go away together this weekend

And I was like starting to buy like cute outfits that I thought he would like and I came home And I was like do you even like this shit anymore like what are you into right? You know and he was like I think just get whatever turns you on right? I get such a good point, you know, because I feel like I've been in that situation as well Where guys like oh, I like you to wear you know, whatever it was with guys I'm trying to think like they're into the the tube sucks like the girls with the high white socks I don't know. I'm not gonna go. I've no way with my drawers for these big And I don't think it's sexy So I think guys are just fishing for it at some point.

But I believe if you show up, a woman shows up with what you feel sexy and like you go shopping with your girlfriends or by yourself and you go find what it makes you feel and you can move in those ways that you feel sexy, that's what's freaking sexy, I think. But I used to think too. I used to cater to what they wanted, what they wanted to try.

And I think it's the way we're, even though my mother never explicitly talked to me about it, there was a sense that it was for the men. Sex was for the men, doing it for them, what they want. I didn't know it was okay to bring that. Oh, for sure. Yeah. And even so, in the beginning, I thought,

I was wearing like blackly stuff and stuff that was like constricted and whatnot. Uncomfortable. I was like, well, this is sexy. It's like bondage and whatever. And he was like, I'm not really into that stuff. And then I realized I really wasn't either. Right.

I was like, this is supposed to be sexy, but like, it's not. So I think we're finding like a happy medium. That's good. That's good. But like for me now, I feel like I want to be more playful. Like we're now hitting that point. Not that like the sex isn't good.

I'm happier with him than anyone else I've ever been with, but I feel like I want to step it up a notch and play around and be a little freer with him. So what's your like, do you have any fantasies you could go back to or something you've been wanting to try? We can work this through here. Then you could go home tonight and take care of it. I know. I think he was very excited for me to come back to or something you've been wanting to try, we can work this through here. Then you could go home tonight and like take care of it. I know.

Um, I think he was very excited for me to come. Oh, good. I can't wait. Love it. Yeah. It's so funny. And now that you've said that how many, we've had so many women who have told me that have been the show that my husband couldn't wait, and my boyfriend keeps listening to it.

It's just funny. Like this happens. That girls come out and they're like, I learned, they learned so much about their partners when they come on this show. I've had several women who are like, my plies have been boyfriend and keep listening. So this is good. Really?

Yes. I think it's really helpful. I just want to help all of you guys. No, no, we don't want that. I don't want you to just stop doing that. God. No. I think other people like this,

but you tell your story right now is helpful. So let's talk about what you might want. Well, for me, I have a joke. I think I even told it on the other one. She's comedian super. I want to come to one of your shows. Yes, I've a show tonight, but I'm not going to make you go to a bar in Hollywood to come see me to Hollywood.

Okay, not tonight. I can't, but I would. Yeah, in the future. Okay, go ahead. What's your thinking, oh, your joke? I have a joke about quiet sex. And I'm like, I'm not going to be a quiet fucker before, and then I do this whole act out.

And it's funny, guys. It gets flat. It gets funny. It's funny guys. It's funny. It's funny. She's comediengies. It's about guys not like saying anything to us and I'm like, guys, if you're not telling us we're doing a good job, the only voices we're hearing are the ones inside our heads. Right.

And then I just go through like a laundry list of like my leg looks pale. Where's my checkbook? I should go tanning. Right. And just highly. It's so true. Just all of that. He's not feeling good. Is he dead? Is he alive? I can't tell. Does he checkbook? I should go tanning. Like, and just highly. It's so true. Just all of that. He hates me.

He's not feeling good. Is he dead? I can't tell. Does he like it? I do this right. Yeah. That's why I asked. Yeah.

It's a good joke. That's true. Thank you. Well, I think that's why people like it, because it is true. So I, to get out of my head sometimes, because I can be in my head, because sometimes it takes me a little longer,

sometimes if I've had some wine or whatever, he's like, God damn that this is going to be longer. Is he saying that or you're saying that? I feel like he's thinking it. We don't know that he is. I feel like I know he is. He's made comments about like if I have wine, it definitely takes me longer too.

Okay. When he's going downtown, right? When it comes to like sex things, not so much. Okay. But he's going downtown. Right. When it comes to like sex things not so much. Okay. But it does take longer and it might be because he said that and then I get my hat. Right. He's probably said it once because maybe he was drunk too and it was taking too long in. Oh, I'm having a knife in real anymore. I'm the queen of like taking like a word out of your sentence. Right. Remember hanging on it. Yeah. I'm breaking all that down because I don't think it's true anymore. I really know. I think he wants to play maybe it was it early on or one time. Yeah. I'm breaking all that down because I don't think it's true anymore. I really know. I

think he wants to play maybe was it early on or one time. Yeah. No. He wants to please you. He moved in with you. Like this guy is committed. It wants to make you happy. Totally. Because women, we all worry that like it's taken too long to orgasm. They're going to leave. I always tell men, my oral sex advice to men, if you're with a woman is, and I guess it could also be with you with the man, but I'm telling you this is a we worry that women worry Does he not want to be there? Is he into this and if a guy can say you know a babe? Just lay back make yourself comfortable. I'm not going anywhere. I got on like like that's just because then we know There it and I can't wait to please you

They're in it to win it. Yeah, he's really good about that and that sense for like all about me right like just really good about that, in that sense, for like all about me, like just determined and like in it to win it. But I do get my head because I'm like, I'm taking too long. So to help with that, I sometimes like to have music on. Yeah, music is so good. But I feel awkward like breaking the moment and being like Alexa, put up, I'm a slave for you.

Like, I feel like I'm kind of like, takes this out of it. So like, do I like pre-plan? Like, I'm like, there's all these steps. No, but that's, no one's thinking, I know. Oh, does he get no? No, so do I just feel like, pull up? I love the Alexa. I, I buy, I actually do, Alexa, some Bobby want.

I should probably do that because I, I forget to turn my music on. I don't think that there is any right or wrong way to do it. The fact that you got the music on and it helps you. Yeah. Who cares? There's another thing like, obviously,

like I'm not scared of people and performing in whatever, but I get nervous sometimes when I think about like going home and like, I would love to do like role playing stuff or like I have tons of costumes. I have all this stuff, but I don't know why with him. I'm so like, no, I'll be embarrassed. Okay. And so I want to break through that because he's so good at that shit. And he's fun.

He's down to what's to come. He's cool. He's been. Yeah. And I feel like it would be really fun if I could just fucking get over my life. Yeah, you just gotta like, we'd be wearing the costume when he comes home

or tell him that we left the show. This is, I love when people use this as like a, the show is like a tool for it. You can be like, I just have sex with them. And I told her I was gonna wear this costume for you that I've had, I'm gonna do it now, done. Or you wear it when you get home, like you almost have to tonight at a free time.

Okay. Because then you'll do it and you'll feel great. And it'll be fun. And like the role-playing thing, there's a thing about role-playing. It's awkward and you could laugh and it could be weird for the first five minutes. And then you get through that, or maybe not.

But then it just becomes like this thing that you did. I think that the hardest part about having great sex and doing different things that were so afraid for those moments, and then that starting, the ripping the band, how do you just do it? And I think you just do it. I feel like it's time. I've been letting go of certain fears in my actual life. Like fear of just having side jobs

and fear of just really going for what I want. What do you really want? Comedy? I just, I wanna be honest that every day doing a TV show, touring and movies and Broadway, all the things. Okay, you know, Jennifer Lopez just did a speech on the VMAs about her career.

And I don't think she's the best actress or the best dancer or the best singer, but I love what she fucking does. She does what makes her happy. And she's like, she's giving this speech about how everyone was like, you need to pick a lane. And she's like, why? Right. Like why not?

Why can't I do all these things? So that's kind of my career. That's true. I never understood that either. Like what that? Why would, yeah, keep going towards doing what you love. Yeah. So we're going to give you some toys and stuff when you leave. That would might be good inspiration.

Okay. So I'm like, Bond, are you into like, I'm into, see, So we're gonna give you some toys and stuff when you leave. That would might be good inspiration. Some like bond. Are you into like, I'm into, see, I've never really let anyone do it to me. Like I've always told you, oh yeah, because you're the performer. I'm the performer, so I've tied up. I've blindfolded, but I've never just like let go. I've been like, oh, maybe that's what you need to let and go and then trust if they really want to be there and please you. Yeah, yeah.

That's what we're gonna set up for you. Really? Yes! Okay! We can do that. We have the capabilities. I have some questions for you. Perfect.

We're gonna have you answer some questions for our listeners in a second. But I have some questions for you. There's a game, we have a game too. It's called the Fing Truth. And it's a really fun card game, but I just pulled out a few questions. I love it because if you have friends over or you're just with, you know, and you want to play this game, it's a great

way to get rid of a couple to talk about your sex life. Talk to you, it's like that you feel confident about in sexual situations. We've talked about areas where you're like, I'm not sure, but what do you feel the most confident in your sexual? I feel like I've mastered the blowjob. Yeah? I feel like what's your top blowjob tip? Definitely enough like saliva. Yes. You need like a dry blowjob now. Yeah.

Oh, here's some blowjob spray. You should try it right here. I used it to lubricate my mouth before the show. Is that what you were spraying in your eye? Yeah. Oh no. No, but wouldn't that be funny? That was my eye drops.

Blowjobs. Okay, good. Very lubricated. Yeah, you can try it. It's strawberry. I try to use like both hands, but you know what the funny thing, my main squeeze has no problem saying like harder, like directing me.

I don't know why, like I have issues with that. But with him directing you, you would have, because you would have issues with him directors, so it would need directing him, right? And he's fine with all that. So what, because you think it's,

because it's your mother's voice, like you're just there to provide Yeah, and I also don't want to like embarrass the dad or the brother my dad my brother like it was a very just like yeah Let me tell you guys are dying to know what we want in need They're just fumbling around trying to figure it out. I think a lot of times and so I think he would love to know for sure Yes, okay, so that's good that's good. That's good. That's awesome. OK.

But what is a good tip? Because I usually just go for it. The foreplay in between it. Oh, what do you mean? Just like am I supposed to like hang out like on the chest area and like play with that? I'm kind of if you feel, oh, you mean like I used to make out and they just go slowly down their chest.

Instead of just going for the pants. Yeah. I think it's again, it's mean like I used to make out and they get slowly down their chest. Instead of just going for the pants. I think it's again, it's making time when you slow down. I think yeah, I think we all just kind of do a deep dive into the blow job, but I think that a massage, warring each other up, because we get the anxiety out of the body. They are kissing his chest to fuse into it. I think that they're into it.

Here's the thing about sex, it's energy. I'm not talking about like woo energy, energy. It's like physics. Like it's truly the way that we are like, we impact each other. He can feel it. You can feel it. So if you're into it, like you are into him, energetically, like you're turned on by kissing,

he's gonna feel it. Yeah. So there's no right around what play with it if you don't usually and see. Okay. And then blow-dry tips. Yes, it's what it's definitely keeping it wet and lubed is so important.

Right. Use Lou, flavored, Lou, but if it doesn't work, it's what, it's definitely keeping it wet and lubed, is so important. Use lu-flavored lube if it doesn't work. It's the greatest flavor of lube. We're gonna give you some. We've got some like gelato flavor. You're gonna be like, what your penis like tapes taste like gelato, like I will go down in you all night. Yeah, system Joe makes really great lube.

Strawberry flavor. Yeah, just because it also, your mouth sometimes is not as lubricated. I think hands are great. Your hands, use your mouth and your hands. That's just a hand thing. It's just a mouth thing. Embarrassing toothpaste story.

Blow drops work. Tell me. There is one here about your embarrassing sex situation. Oh, okay. We'll see if it's not. Go ahead. You already cut it. So I had always heard that if you put an altoid in your mouth,

that's good for blow drops, whatever. I didn't have an out-hoy. This was very new in our relationship. We had just started like sleepover, sex, everything. It's dark in the room. And I remembered I had a small tube of toothpaste in my bag. And so I just like reached over in the dark and squeezed the entire thing in my mouth

and just went to town. And he, because we're still like playing, like let it go for a little bit and then finally just started like tapping me. I was like, get up, get up, like a random bathroom came out like 20 minutes later. And he was like, what was in your mouth? And I was like, what you didn't like it? And she's made it, it just made it a mouthful, it was just burning. Right, and I, because I- It was toothpick. It just made it a mouthful. It was just burning. Right. Oh my gosh. Because I was-

Even an alt white, right. Such pride. I was just like, what? And he was like, have you ever done that before? And I was like, yeah, everyone loves it. And you're kind of a bitch. I'm like, is that what you did? Yes.

Like, I was just. I would have been so mortified. I would have been. But I wouldn't have known to do. That's what you did. Yes. I would have been so mortified. I would have been, but I wouldn't have known to do. That's so tough. The tough girl that is to be like, what do you mean? No, that's great. That is great. Forget sorry.

Don't use toothpaste. But we have something. We have tingling, Lou. We have other things that he might like. That's hilarious. It's a great story. I thought that you were like, what do you mean, babe? All the other dudes liked it.

Do you want to know their names and how big they were? Yeah. They're more than you. Or do you want to shut up? Exactly. Never talk about this. Yeah. Awesome.

That's a really good story. Okay. I think we'll do one more and then we're going to go on to have your sex with someone who you considered a celebrity and or you can answer it. Pretend you were your partner with someone else during sex. Kind of and yes. I have come on. Celebrity wise, who did I, God, guys, I promise I'm not like,

I have a net sex with hundreds and hundreds of people and that's totally fine, no judgements. I'm just trying to think back because I've tried to like block a lot of them out. I get it. God celebrity, I feel because I've tried to block a lot of them out. I get it. God celebrity. I feel like I've had celebrity encounters. I don't want to say a name, but I have, just because this caused issues in my relationship,

with a certain boy bander who's toward who you would know who he is. Okay. And there is a song called Liquid Dreams that I feel like. I don't know. Do I know that? Yeah, so that's kind of like someone that you definitely know from one of those.

Got it. I've come on terribly to James Gandalfini when we were in RIP. Oh, because you grew up. We were in Elidic City. Yeah, happy birthday. Happy birthday. He was just like, calm the fuck down. Like, he was like your teachers would be mad. Right that's right I did do that I'm trying to think

of anyone else oh I feel like I really I have other stories I can't think about that's that's what we got for that okay thank you for answering that Jack and Marfouji check out our podcast you're gonna stay we're gonna answer questions yeah people okay one thanks for listening thanks for supporting our sponsors we love you all and I'll be right back. Okay, here we go. Jacqueline, Marfoujee's with me. We're gonna answer your questions,

which is what I love doing, you guys. Wags in the planet. Okay, we love answering your questions. That's why I do what I do. You can text Ask Emily all one word to 7979 or you can go to the Ask Emily tab on our website and you can find a send us a message through there. Always, always, always include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Okay, we've got Devon 34 from Texas.

Hello, Emily. I'm a big fan of the show. Thanks for the work you do. Let me first begin by saying, I'm in a wonderful marriage with my wife. Together, 19 years of married 11. We've built a wonderful family. She's my best friend and we're completely crazy

for each other. We have a great sex life, but I'm the more sexual one. Over time in our relationship, because of my appetite, for more and different sexual experience, I've robbed her of her sexual or intimate trust, meaning she's often hesitant to push the envelope or trying things because she's afraid I'll just want to take it up a notch next time. The truth is she feels this

way in part because of her own mental state, but also in a large part to my actions. She's expressed she wants to push the envelope, but it's scared I won't be satisfied and I'll just want more or something else. She trusts me wholly everywhere else in our life. I want to re-urder her trust here for so many reasons. I'd love your feedback. So I know that was a lot. Let me explain. So what he's saying is they have a great sex life. 19 years children, the whole thing. But when he started to ask her for different things, she feels like, you know, you're gonna raise the bar.

Like if you gave me a threesome tonight, you're gonna wanna order you tomorrow. She does wanna try new things. It's complicated, but she's afraid that if she does, he's gonna keep raising the bar. So if they're in an interesting communication situation where they're not communicating. There's something else there.

Yeah, yeah. Right, yes, definitely. So what I'm saying, Devon, is that, the thing that gave me pause here is that, is that you said you robbed her of her sexual or intimate trust. And I'm just wondering, like, I'm just not sure what is going on. If it was one time that you maybe push something

and she had a weird reaction to it, because this feels like your own agenda. And what I'm gonna, I to know what her agenda is like what are her fantasies what does she want to try like she has to lead this whole thing with your own guidance not like going along with like what you want it just sounds like a power struggle thing yeah yeah and maybe it's a baby step situation where he's devin to get her to try it. Like give her to get her to give you an inch. Like you have to chill the fuck out after it.

Yeah. Yeah. Just show her that like that was enough and keep talking about her. Great. It was last night that you finally let me tie you up or something, but not keep pushing it. And the fact that you know that she's going to want you to keep pushing it means that you literally can't you cannot know.

Like you can't ever push it. So I think if you guarantee that you're not gonna push it, but you're gonna work on her fantasies, not your own. That's a good point. Yeah, it's about her, not him, not what he wants. And I think that way, man, she's like, oh, how I was, how you've been like, what do they want? So. Because maybe she'll feel like safe space. If he's like, screw what I'm thinking about, let's do it.

Let's figure it out. If she doesn't know, like figure it out together. Like this is where I love porn for couples when you watch, you find what both are in Joanne because she, she doesn't know since we need information coming in, she make that was really hot. The way this guy spanked or, oh, it's hot to like, read a radical, like just find what her images are and things that turn around. So that's what I think you should do and take it slow and let her lead. And I feel like she'll be like excited to come home

and like try new stuff. Yeah, it gets fun when you get, this is what I say, when you get into the groove of trying new things like when you go home tonight with lips and chains and the costume. Then dungeon, it's like a pop up dungeon, it's cool. You're gonna be so psyched, you're gonna be great.

50 shades of Emily. I know, it's true. Okay. So this is from Bethany. This is from Instagram. Hey Emily, I'm so glad I came upon your Instagram. It's a true that in order to have great sex or even good sex You've to mentally be into it. Even when I'm alone, it's not the best and I want it so bad. Does ADHD have anything to do with it? I need help. I feel broken. want it so bad does ADHD have anything to do with it? I need help, I feel broken. I totally understand that you are not broken at all. We are none of us are broken. In fact, the fact that you even ask this question

shows that you are very aware of what's going on with you and that you're not into it, and that you want to be into it. So here's what's confusing. Yes, you have to mentally be into it. You have to get your brain on board for sex, but you don't want your brain in there where it's distracting. You're thinking about the ADD, all the things you have to do. So when you have an ADD mind at which I do, like the only time I'm the most focused is when I'm doing the show, I understand that. Is that, is that, you know, you have to spend time

thinking about like I was just saying, what turned you on, what gets you in the mood, all those things, pampering, I think especially for ADD, all the stuff I talk about are like the senses, like make sure you have the music playing, the candles lit, like you need senses to anchor you into the experience.

Like I do that because I need my candle lit, my music, my soft sheets, like I need to have things that will keep me in the moment and not in my head. Can I say anything that helped me? Yes. Because that has been, had been a big issue for me. And sometimes, not perfect now.

I'm not just like a thick sex monster. Letting go. And almost like I used to overthink it. And that was like, all I could think about and I'd be like God I'm I'm thinking about sexy things and I'm thinking about stuff that turns me on like why isn't this working and it was kind of just like not really thinking about anything yeah and being able to like be ugly with my body even when I'm by myself like yeah like holding everything back and holding it in yeah it's just like not sucking my stomach in and just being.

Yeah, just being you, you're right. That letting go thing is a huge and breathing, you guys. I don't think I talk about every show I should tell everyone how important you don't want to hold your breath during sex and the more that you breathe, and if you can just imagine breathing into your pelvic floor as well, Bethany, you can do that.

It goes, because then you're waking and up, you're do that. Like it goes, because then you're like waking, and you're like, oh, it's alive. There's a certain way, and it's funny, because I've learned recently with the mains ques, there's a certain angle, there's just a certain move. We're all like, humping right now in the air guys, too. We're all just like, fricking it down.

I don't know if I'm afraid, but it's not like going really fast for me, and it's not freaking it down. I don't know if I'm afraid. But it's not like going really fast for me and it's not going really slow. It's like all of a sudden it clicks in. Yep, whether you're alone or with someone and you'll find that and then once you hit that motion, you'll start recognizing it and you're like, Oh yeah.

And then there's a muscle memory almost to it because then you remember that that's a spade. And it is a letting go with my friends when I couldn't have orgasms and were like, just let go, I'm like, what the hell does that mean? You're like, shut the fuck up! Yeah, I can't let go if I can let go. I'd let go of you right now.

But I get it. And there is a let it go, there is a mind clearing. So I think I answer this question. So mentally into it, you have to be, yeah, I think you gotta be into it and be have your brain and your body connected around sex. Just be relaxed. All those in time sex relaxes me.

Like sometimes I'm like so tightly wound that I'm like, yes. I really need to hook up right now. I do too. Okay, thank you Bethany, you'll get this. Just relax. It's true and breathe. Did you ever date online?

Oh yeah. I had a good like year and a half bumble spree. Okay good. Well we've got a guy who's got some questions about dating apps. So you can have a- This is David 28 in Texas. Hamley Great Show, I appreciate how it gives a little insight into the mind of women. Anyway, onto my question.

I'm not the most confident, norm most, in-shaped man. So you can imagine how hard it is to find a woman who's interested in me. I've tried to get my foot in the door by using apps like Tinder and Bumble, however I'm still not getting any hits. Do you have any advice on how to create an interesting dating profile? I'm just an average guy trying to make something of himself, but how do you make average sound fun? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks in advance, also. How important is scenery in pictures?

I'd say I'm at least decent looking, but most of the pics are at home. So I read this, thanks again, and I was like, oh, he's really want specific. He's like scenery, like what should I do? And I wanted to help him. Like I was like, okay, David, we're gonna get into this for you. And I feel like, and I've been on the app before, that it is true that a lot of guys just,

they don't, it's a marketing job. You've got to figure out the best pictures. Like guys like have, don't, aren't great at taking pictures of themselves. No, they're terrible. And they can be creepy a lot of times. Yeah, they don't mean to be. I've riot with my friends actually last night.

We were out to dinner and I was like, can I play with your riot? Yeah, riot's better. I played with my friends, riot. It's a dating app for celebrities last night. Yeah, yeah. And I've done that with Bumble and I've gone through my friends' Bumble profiles

and I'm like, nope, nope, get rid of this. You need to see this first. I don't like that he's not it, it's not. Yeah, and I've done that with Bumble and I've gone through my friend's Bumble profiles and I'm like, nope, nope, get rid of this, you need to see it. This first, I don't like that he's just saying, I'm an average guy. Well, that's where I wanted, I was gonna leave it there. Yeah, no meat either, that maybe, right. The fact that you're saying you can imagine how hard it is to find a woman interested in me and you've said here in three times

that you're average, you're not attractive and it was alarming, same to you, Jacqueline, that my that your average, you're not attractive and it was alarming same to you, Jacqueline, that my heart's like, no, we gotta work on your confidence before your profile. No, we're not worrying about like scenery and trees. Scenery is not our first challenge. Valencia filter. Exactly.

I do, I think that we could tell you to write the most interesting profile in the world, we could do it for you. We are gonna give you some tips here in a minute because I've got some just basic do's and don'ts. But I just don't think any of this is true that's just for your telling yourself of being average. If you believe that about yourself and your perpetrator,

then you're gonna continue to feel average. And therefore you're gonna present to the world as average. So I just don't think this is true. I don't know where it came from. I don't know why you feel average. You sound like a lovely guy. And I gotta be honest to you, this notion that women are so like into guy,

like they're into like the abs and the looks. There are many women who are, but for me, it's like, and for a lot of people I know, it's about like personality and connection. And do you like the person? It's interest-based. Yeah. Like if you can dig the same things, and credit like, ying and and yang there can be opposites

attract which is fine too. But I know especially when I was going on there I liked guys that wanted the same things. So I think you should kind of put what you want. And what you're actually interested in because the person that like so things isn't gonna think it's boring and average. Exactly. Which are into even if you're like so many like I like to stay home and cook, believe me, there's many who don't want to leave their house and they want to cook. It's fine. So I just want you to present this as your confident. Like if you present it that way,

you'll start, it's like confident in what you love. Yeah, exactly. Be confident in the current. Because that's the whole lured thing. Like you're like, oh, it was never cool to like, computer, if you're into something passionately, that is so hot, no matter what it is. Tips though, I would say, yeah, nature's great.

If you hike, but I wouldn't worry about it, but I think if you do, like you could take it on your front lawn, whatever, outdoor might be cool, but I know. Blue is the most popular color. I just spread that too. Yeah, I just told them that, yeah. Yeah, so blue just attracts.

You don't have blue eyes, but maybe a blue shirt, or something that just catches the eye. I don't know if it relaxes your eyes or people are drawn to blue for some reason. Interesting. Green shows money. I don't know if you want to attract a girl that's into money, but green is also just a power color, I feel like. Yep. So if you get some of that in there, girls love dogs.

Yeah, dogs are great to hear the animals. Animals are great outdoors traveling. If you do that, show your interests in the picture. So no matter what it is, if you're cooking, share yourself cooking, and have your full body is great, or you're just even your torso up is cool, like just to show someone, just an all-head jotser. Don't have to be ripped.

It's not about that. I don't mean naked. Like I don't mean full body with it. Yeah, okay. Out of shirt. No, I don't want to see. If a guy shows their bodies I swipe away I swipe I don't like it left

um and There was a study they came out that men looking away from the camera and women looking into the camera like women are attracted men who are looking away slightly as cute. I don't know why but that's a thing And but I would also say finally that if you're really interested once we get your confidence up and you realize that you are a cool Awesome guy, which you already are there's nothing that needs to change right now just the way you think about yourself, show your friends, show your family, people that you trust, girlfriends that you have, how are these pictures? Have, get another approval. Because we are often our own worst, we don't know what looks good. Oh for sure. Yeah, I don't know.

We are our worst enemies. We are our worst enemies, we're super critical. You can be living out the hottest picture of yourself. Also, I feel like everyone connects with music So if you show yeah that you're at either like a country I don't really like country, but if you're at a guy was just in a wedding It was a bumble wedding. They met on bumble and they loved country music and so show what kind of festival you would go to Yeah exactly like that definitely connects a lot of people. That's true too. Music and comedy.

Universal, okay. True. True. Okay. Funny girl. This is from Melee, 28 and Hawaii. Hamlee, I love the show and you. Your guidance has made it possible for me to enjoy masturbation when I never thought I

could. Thank you. I'm pretty sure I'm straight. I would only want a relationship with a man, but recently I've been thinking about experimenting with women. My question is, where is a safe and discreet place to find someone to experiment with? This is a very small island and Tinder has even matched me with my cousins before, so I'm hesitant to try that out, that would suck.

What do you think? Thanks so much for answering my question, love you and your team. Okay, sweetie, here's the thing. I mean, but people don't realize, I get you're afraid people are gonna find you. They're gonna notice, they're gonna talk about it, but people are busy in their own lives, and I think that people just want you

to be happy and find whatever you're interested in, right? So I think that there's a lot of meetup sites. I actually searched Hawaii, like Gay, lesbian, and there are meetup sites. They're like, you like Gay, lesbian, and there are meet-up sites. They're like, you know, meet-up, like meetup.org or dot com when it first came out. There's like meet-ups for everything. You can find meet-ups for singles.

Literally, you can find that. There are other dating apps besides Tinder, you can find ones that are options for women. Do you have any friends in the gay scene? They could take you out, meet their friends. I think that's how it happens. And then putting the intention out there to friends that you know, it's like,

you know, like I'm kind of interested in maybe exploring because once you start to kind of, all you need is to go to like one like Lesbian barbeque or gay. Like you'll find people. You'll be embraced. You'll be really. And also like I met my boyfriend,

don't grin at him, not gay, but through a mutual friend. So I think putting it out there to friends that you're single and that you're looking is a great way to meet someone. And I think look at it, like you're moving to a new city, even though you're not, this is a new genre for you. Yep. So what would you do if you were looking for a new job,

if you were looking for a new house, if you were looking for a new local bar to hang out at? That's true. You know, like you gotta seek it out. It's not true. It's true. Like when you move to a new city or anything, or looking, I was telling you, when you're looking for a job, or really, treat it like you're looking seek it out. It's so true. It's true. Like when you move to a new city or anything, or looking, I was telling you,

when you're looking for a job or a treat it like you're looking for a job. So wherever you go, you tell your friends or family, hey, I'm looking for work. So if you're single, I'm love single, I'm looking for people, having fixed it up. But the more you start talking about it, it will present itself.

That's how the universe works. Okay, we have one more. This is from Caitlin, 23 in Ireland. Hamley, I love the podcast, and I've listened for the past year. So my question, I've been dating a guy for the past 11 weeks and we have a occasion booked for five weeks away. Wow. We see each other a couple of times a week and both get rid of dating apps and agreed to not say

anyone until we're official. He basically has me as a girl friend without the title. I brought it up before and he just brushes the topic off. He's introduced me to his family and all his friends. I'm really confused and don't know what to make all of this. Should I just stick it out and go with it or leave as he won't officially commit? Hope to hear back. Would love to know what you think. I feel like I'm going crazy. So I'm trying to understand this here. He actually planned to go away with her after almost three months together.

But he doesn't want to actually use the girlfriend title. I think that you have to bring it up again because he might just not like that title. I don't like saying boyfriend. No, I barely say boyfriend. I'm like, my guy, the guy I'm dating, my main guy, I just don't. So he might have a thing around titles. He's planned a trip with you, which is huge. And introduced you to friends and family. Yeah.

I kind of was in this situation at the beginning of our thing where I had met all the friends, we had done all the things. We started dating in January, and he came to shows with me in late March. And right before the first one, I was like, so how do I introduce you to everyone in the green room? And he was like, however you want, like do you want to call me like main squeeze or whatever? And then that stuck as like a nickname, main squeeze. And then it kind of just transitioned into it just being boyfriend and girlfriend.

But I think if I had pressed it in that moment, being like, well, are you my boyfriend or not? I don't know if the outcome would have been that great, because I don't think he was ready for that. He wasn't ready for it. Some people, it's very charged. They might feel all the boyfriendy moves, but they're not ready to say it yet. And she's Caitlin 23.

Yeah, she's 23. She's going away. They're in Ireland. Yeah, exactly. So I just say that. Take the pressure off. Yep. It's not. He's doing all the tidal things. Right. just say that take the pressure off. Yep. It's not he's doing all the title things

Right. He is doing all the things. He is and you trust him So I think you can ask him like a yeah, what what it means to you know Are you going and I think it's more important rather than defining it the title are you guys sleeping with other people? What are the rules like that's important she said that they said they would be Oh, they did yeah once they decided on title. So they got rid of the apps, but not to see anyone else, but we're not official. If you're not seeing anyone else, yeah, what we're just talking about title here. Yeah. So you just got to talk to them about it again. And just make it light. You guys remember, these conversations are not like, we need to talk about the title

of our relationship. Can we talk? It's the worst thing you could say to a guy. It is. Just being like, babe, I was kind of confused. We talk like, so you could do the thing that the Jacqueline did. You'd be like, my parents are asking you, like, how do you feel about boyfriend? What do I call you? What do I call you?

I think Ben, my boyfriend, to let me be two, is like, what do you call me? I'm like, the guy I'm fucking, I didn't say that. But, yeah, it's weird. That happened. I have to all the time. This is common. So, Caitlin, yes, this is common this happens have another conversation just fine Yeah, and if you don't get the outcome you want

But he's still doing all the boyfriend things let him do the boyfriend things and revisit it I'm never letting you drink wine in the afternoon. I never do I just don't oh my god I just yon, oh my god, this is so fun. I love it. Jocelyn Murfouji tell her where they can find you. Oh, you can find my podcast, What's Your Jersey on iTunes and Audio Boom Network. And I post all my show dates and acting gigs and stuff.

I'm doing just on social media at Jacqueline Murfouji and I'll spell it out because someone yelled at me for not spelling it out. I spell it, you have to. Yes, it's J-A-C-L-Y-N-M-A-R-F-U-G-G-I. Okay. So yeah, I post all that and I'm the online fitness instructor for Play O'Jay and Work Out. So if you're not in the Los Angeles area and can't come to a class and you want to get your Zanthon. I say it's like Zumba, but like cool.

It's like Kendrick Lamar, Jay Z. Brittany, like all the things. Okay. And yeah, you can take classes with me online at pliojam.com. That's so cool. Okay, we'll have links to all these things in the show. No, it's thank you for being here. Thank you.

I had a blast. I loved it. And I love it. My listeners, thank you for listening. My amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com.