Sex With Emily - What’s Your Safe Word? Anna David Talks Addiction and Sex

Episode Date: August 9, 2014

 Do you find intelligence a turn-on? Well, you're in luck this week because THE Anna David is in the studio with Emily and Anderson to talk all about her writing career, new podcast, her journey through addiction and recovery, and of course -- sex!Addiction specialist and relationship guru Anna dishes out what it was like writing multiple novels and creating her podcast After Party Pod. Bonding over writing triumphs and failures Anna shares with Emily her experiences through the years of her ever-expanding career which all began with an accidental dating task in NY. Who knew trading lives with someone would get you a spot inside Playboy?! Emily and Anna then discuss past dating experiences including a celebrity ex-boyfriend. Anna also divulges, upon request, the best sexual encounter of her life! Let's just say her safe word is "yellow".....Next listener emails. What to do when your boyfriend won't stop watching porn? Will your past traumas let you have a healthy relationship and sex life? Having the best sex isn’t about completing a checklist or making your partner orgasm, it’s about having a healthy attitude towards sex and your partners desires. But can that be done? We tell you how in this week’s podcast! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, welcome to my show. My guest is the amazing Anna David. She's an author of several books. She also has a podcast called After Party Pod and she's written a lot about love, dating, addiction. It's going to be a great show. But first, thank you everyone for supporting my sponsors. And you know, I love my No No Pro. I've spent so much time and money on Razer's and waxing and trying to remove, remove hair in all these crazy ways and it doesn't work It goes back. It's expensive. It's painful But the no no pro is the very best way to remove unwanted hair and there's no pain No pain at all. I do it on watching TV on the phone

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Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute Hey, girls, gotta understand Oh my The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm off here, I'm so drunk Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sexwithemily.com because there you will find my podcasts, all my blog posts. You'll find a lot of useful information that will help you have better sex and relationships. You should also set up my newsletter because it's actually not really an annoying newsletter at all. In fact, people like my newsletter. They come up at you and they're like, I like your newsletter and who the hell says that?

Because most people delete the goddamn news that are so signed up for that. Check out my post Also, I would love if you followed me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. I Check out my post also. I would love if you followed me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. I answer all your questions on Wednesdays from 1231 Pacific Standard Time on Twitter for half hour. Whatever questions you have, I will answer it in 140 characters or last, which is, which I kind of like it because I'm kind of ADD. I can put it all in, right Anderson? You got to put that limit on there. I like the limit. I wish I had only 10 pages. I know, exactly. That's my problem. How you doing Anderson?

I'm good. I'm sorry if it sounds like extra white noise in here. It's because the AC is broken and I got a fan. Well, how come it's not broken in here? I know. I love it charade with you right now. Because you're a wavy little thing. It's cold fast. I'm all chunky over here sweating. I turned it up to 74 that we're going to be sweating. Oh, my gosh. She probably looks even hotter when she sweats.

I have Anna David here. Anna David is an author. She's written several books and I will tell you all about them. Her books, her titles, we'll get into all that in a moment. She's got a podcast that you have to check it out called After Party Pod. And she's the creative After Party group. It's a company dedicated to trying to show addicts, sober and non-sover like, and the loved ones of addicts,

what recovery can be like. She's also written a lot about sex and dating, and that's actually, well, okay, Anna might, hi, Anna. Hi, Emily. It's so good to see you. It's so good to see you. Can we talk about how long ago we met?

Yeah, we met a long time ago. Like, we were 22. I wanna say it was something like that. In San Francisco, at a party because we were dating brothers. Right, okay, but I didn't, here's a story about Ann David. I didn't know that you were dating his brother. And it was very brief. Okay, but I was dating this guy for like a year.

And Ann is super hot, okay. And she was really hot and confident. And she was just there on flirting with my boyfriend, I'll use flirting with her. Oh, yeah. He was into you. Okay, and she was just there on flirting with my boyfriend, or I'd use flirting with her. Oh, no. He was into you. Okay, fine, he was into you, yeah. First of all, both, yeah, we don't need to get into games.

We don't think they both had girl names. That was just interesting. I know they had girl names. Yeah, I was not ever flirting. Okay, but I thought I was just, I'm so naive. Yeah, well, first of all, I was like, what, but he was like into, like talking,

and I never seen him have that look with anyone but me. So I was like, Anna, David, and I always remembered your name just because that. And I think I only met you once. Cut two, five years ago, we were on Series XM together on a show. Yes. And it was the show I used to host on Max and Radio and you walked in and I completely knew who you were and you go, we know each other.

Right. San Francisco, you did not share with me that I was flirting with. You were, because you were hot and of course I we know each other. For San Francisco, you did not share with me that I was flirting with. You were, because you were hot. And of course, I'm gonna check. I'm like, I really love name at the time. And that's our first know-you. But now I know her for all her amazing accomplishments. And I'm so impressed by you.

All the stuff you do, you're not. And in fact, my intern today was so excited. She's not here, but she has read a bunch of your books. Really? She's so excited and she wanted to come, but she had to work. I love her already. I know, me too.

I was like, I love that. But can we also talk about how we reconnected? Yeah. And she's dorm. Yes. How I didn't know you moved from San Francisco. And we were not in a shoe store, but you were buying shoes to go away to Mexico or something.

Right. And I saw you. And I said, Emily, Anna, we went through this whole thing. And I was just like, her life continues to be fabulous. She's just moved here. She's's like buying shoes to go to Mexico. Oh my god. You're my idol. Oh, you're my. No, come on. That's my normal. Adoration Society. No, but it's really true. I mean, I've watched you build something and see it through and become this sort of CEO of your life and your business and multimedia.

Forget how it's during the king of all media. Here's the queen. Oh my gosh. And you know when I was starting my business I asked you a bunch of questions. Was I helpful? Very. Okay. Very. Well I'm always here to help you. I didn't even feel like you need my help because I go to your website and I'm like oh my god. New York Times, Belling, New York Times best selling author. Well, party girl. Yeah. And bought and the nonfiction books falling for me, reality matters. By some miracle I made it out of there.

Two tales of lust and love, which is your most recent. Yes, yes. So, I mean, you've done so many things. It's really tiring. Those books, I don't know. I mean, you did a book, you know. I don't know how to pronounce it, but yourself. It's so hard, and I never want to do it again. You never want to did a book, you know, I don't know. I know about it by yourself. It's so hard. And I never want to do it

again. You never want to read a book. No. So now you're focused mostly on after party pod. Yes, we'll end after party chat, which is the website that goes with it. So I got sober, I guess 13 years and eight months ago. Okay. Nine months ago. And I'm an increasingly so I wrote a book. I, you know, whatever. I always talked about how I want to write a book and change the world and do these things. Totally. And I never did anything.

And then I got sober and I realized I could write a book. Well, basically, a girl I knew who's sort of an emissist wrote a book and I thought, if she can do it, I can do it. That was my motivation. Okay. Did you always like, right? We always write her though, because you're such a talented writer. Was that always your thing?

It always was my thing. I mean, I always like, right? We always are right or though because you're just a talented writer. Was that always your thing? It always was my thing. I mean, I majored in creative writing in college, but that was because I was a party girl and it was really easy. You know, I'd had a first book. Yeah, I didn't actually think I would do anything with it. But so I did always like writing, but so I just being sober, I thought, well, I can't write a book. And then I thought, well, I could write three pages a day. And if you do that, I can't really do math, but in nine months there's something you have a book.

Right. It's like your baby. Yeah, it is your baby. And that one was great. It's the other five that I regret. I know it's painful. And I was talking to someone. He's an agent.

He actually reps writers and he was saying that like every writer thinks it's painful. Like they hate, like you love it, but you hate it. Yeah, I just hate it. In addiction, they say it starts off fun, then it gets to fun with problems and it gets to just problems. And with book writing, I got to just problem. I think it's true with addiction to you. You're so right.

Yeah, that's like everything. You're right, but yeah. So I've always started to write another book, but I just really like talking and doing it. Don't you love doing the podcast? I do. I do. It's really, really fun. I mean, so basically I started this website last year and I decided to a podcast and

do nothing about it. And then I sold it all in January. And so now it's a much better situation because I'm paid to do it. That's great. But so the podcast you do anything podcast. You have to do anything. Anything is great. You're creative. Right. You're only getting going broke, doing books. And um um and so the podcast is just one I do five posts a day on this website so the podcast is one of the five posts on Fridays so I love and do write them off no but I'm responsible for the mall so I have to come up with all the ideas and assign them and edit them and then I write a bunch of them oh my god you're busy that's a lot but you like writing blog posts though like because that's kinda easier, are you still all of it? Do, no, I do.

I just don't wanna write books. I like writing anything but books. Right, okay, got it, we won't make you write another book. I cannot sit in here right now. No, no, I definitely don't do that, but then we met. So let's go back to the beginning, because when we met, you were writing about love and dating and saying, it's not a thing you got tired of.

Yes! But I don't get tired of the topic of addiction, and recovery. But the thing is, to be tired of the topic of addiction and recovery. But the thing is, I felt that I got a pigeonhole as that. I never wanted to be writing or talking about sex and dignity. How did it happen to you then? There was a complete accident. I was writing, I worked for Premiere magazine and I was writing celebrity profiles and I

was really into writing about movies and stuff. And then this girl, literally this girl, like cold called me and said, she was the sex columnist for New York Magazine at the time. She said, I wanna do a story where I trade dating lives with a girl in LA, and then we write about it. And I would you wanna do that? And I sort of, I say yes to every opportunity.

I'm gonna make sure. And then she sold it to Playboy, and then the story ended up becoming this huge deal. I done anything. What are you traded did you have to go to New York for a few months? Yes they fly you in New York for a week. I stayed in her apartment. She set me up on dates and then I you know met whoever I met and wrote about it. Super fun. Completely bonded with the playboy. I don't know when I was there. He said let's shoot you guys for the magazine so make it

Like you can definitely see my it's like ask I am just wearing a G-string, but it's shot in such a way that you just see us You know, okay, yeah, and um, but it was six pages of photos So you don't know this I know nothing about this and I want to doubt can people Google it No, you can't find it online and I was in another time and both issues are collectors issues because Pam Anderson was on the cover of one and Carmen Electro was on the cover of one. Yeah, that's nice, which is a big deal. Dude, that's huge. So, so because of the six pages of photos and then this was like a 4,000 word story and

then it was option and made into this reality show pilot. I know, I thought this happened in every story. I didn't realize it was like- Right, right. Now everyone gets a reality show man out of a story. No, it was a producer. I had an office on it. Unfortunately, the show is terrible. I was not picked up. But that's how it. So that was such a big deal that suddenly I had a TV agent and people are calling him and going, oh, she's a sex dating in relationship expert. And he's like, yeah. And so that was that was that was how it happened. And then

Yeah, and so that was that was that was how it happened and then I Attacked the show the show called and she's for my four and they said will she come in and Answered sex and dating questions one day and so I did that and I didn't know they were revamping the show And then they they hired me and I did it twice a week for three years Right, it was really popular and people loved you. Hey, you know I certainly didn't know anybody in my day-to-day life who watched it But I got a lot of email right you know what I mean nobody that dick pictures too. I do I still get I still have a folder called creepy I'm I know do you have that? No, but I should you should oh my god. You need it so much more than I feel like I get creeped out a lot easier than you do

Yeah, I'm like oh another different. Yeah, yeah Yeah, but what creeps you out? What's creepy? Um, there are some I really wish I get creeped out a lot easier than you do. Yeah, I'm like, oh, another different character. Yeah, but what creeps you out? What's creepy? There are some, I really wish I had my computer with you so I can, because it's a wide variety. Here's what I don't like. I still get these. Men who write and say, say that they're writing

because they're too big for their wife, but they're really clearly writing to, because they think you're gonna be like, oh my God, can I please have sex with you? Do you. I do get those. Well I do well I get a lot of guys who write in and they truly are too big and they're like I went their girlfriend but I don't think they're hitting me however I do a friend not a friend and acquaintance from where I grew up in Michigan I hope he does listen to the show but he said all the time he's like I got a really serious question like

my penis is just too and I know he's like hitting he's kind of sleazy like my penis is too big and like I'm not sure what to do, because every girl I date has a palm with it, and I'm just like, I ignore him. I'm just like, use lots of lip. Yeah, that's all I say. There's a big careful. And it's not always that great, by the way.

But then I hear that he's telling you that we're dating. I'm like, all I do is give him advice about his big penis. Yeah. He has ten girls. But I do want to clarify, I don't think everyone who sends that email, like I just got one more. No, I'm saying people really do, right sends that email like I just Know I know people do have a problem. I've tried to have sex with those people I know that they have that problem, you know, you try to have sex with people who actually worked Not with anyone who you know about it when I've happened upon them in my

I got it like so when you were writing about dating and sex and doing in the Tech of the show which was did you feel like you learned stuff or do you? I did. I also felt very unqualified. So I would pursue, you know, that school in San Francisco, I got an associate of sex education. So when I went to, oh, yeah, okay, we talked about this at one point.

Okay. And, um, and then I, you know, I joined the American Association of Sexuality Educators, counselors, therapists, and friends. Yeah. And, um, and Iators, Counselors, Therapists, and Shereen. And I really tried to educate myself as much as I could because I would get emails from people that were like, dear Dr. Dave, and they really thought that I never passed myself off as any kind of a therapist or anything like that.

But that really grew into this thing that was almost unmanageable. I was doing lots of spokesperson jobs. And that's how we were kind of running across. Exactly. I would go in for meetings and they'd go, oh Emily Morse just left kind of a thing. Right, right. You and I have definitely run in the same circles. That's true.

And I appreciate because you've recommended some things to me as well. That's true, because I don't, you know, you're like, I'm out. Yeah, whenever I get in the way, bye. And if you ever say yes to those, I never know. You know what? So I think one of them I did, I can't remember what it was. Yeah, whenever I get anything I never say yes to those I never know You know it so I think one of them I did I can't remember what it was yeah, I did yeah I'm a few of them. I've like said yes. I'm interested and right appreciate that of course So now okay, are you single now dating? I'm dating I didn't I say we weren't gonna get into that oh

We're not okay. I know what is the difference. We just talk more generally. Yeah How about dating here LA Los Angeles versus dating cuz you were in New York for a while What do you think is a difference? Well, it's much better in New York of course, but living there is so much more miserable than who cares. Right, exactly. Kind of belt. It sort of cancels each other out. You know, my thing about it is that LA, living in LA is so pleasant. We're not cold. There are lovely people. There are all these things to do. So the need... So being single isn't so bad. It's actually kind of wonderful. Whereas being single in New York

is you better attach yourself to somebody not only for warmth, but just like to get through those long winter months. Yeah, that's true. It's like that in the Midwest as well. Yeah, but people always say, but they have a mentality. People say New York guys are looking

for the bigger better deer. And LA, they're looking for the bigger, bigger better deer in New York. The guys work too much and they're, I found in New York I mean I definitely I was never single the whole like I lived for three years I was never single right um whereas here I can I love my life I know we too I really my friend was saying the other day she said looking for boyfriends is so much more fun than having boyfriends it's so true I know it. This is like the grass that was greener.

Once you have one you're like, oh really? I've been for the first three months I know because people are going on too and if anyone in fringes the pot might like, I got to work, I got to like, no, you work too much. I'm like, okay, and you call me too much. Right. Right. Exactly. You don't work enough. Right. Exactly. Are you in a job and then stop calling me? Are you dating anybody? You know, a few people here and there. But nothing, you know, nothing that since we had launched,

we had launched. There was someone that we talked about. I mean, I'm probably, yeah, I'm still, I still see him sometimes. And I have a few, I'm not in a commitment phase right now. Right. Or have I ever been to. Yeah, I was going to say, since my boyfriend loved you 20 years ago.

Exactly. I taught for me to wrap my head around you caring about a boyfriend flirting with someone. I was I loved him That's so cute the last person I know it's been a long time. I'm like that's why we have to have lunch way more often Dude, okay, can we just talk about this? Yeah, I've had your birthday present. I know that we she works across the street for me Yeah, like crossing down the street But I could see in to a window. Yeah, and she has a cup of it, because we're both so goddamn busy.

No, and we scheduled that lunch like a month and a half at a time, I was shocked when we both did it. And then, and then I said tomorrow, I'll come by your office. Right, and that was, and I gave my assistant Lawrence, like is it, is it Anna coming by, is it? I'm like, I'm not gonna bother, we'll see her.

We hear the only person who understands why. I totally got it. I only got 15 minutes to walk across the street. Honey, I got it. But how is it going? So you started writing about addiction coverage. Yes. But soon after, you know, well, you've been, so for 13 years, you've been sober.

So it was, when I was four years sober, I started writing party girl. Okay. And that was, you know, it's a novel, but it's so my story. So I just kind of fictionalized my story and had this amazing time. I wrote it in nine months. I had the easiest time ever selling it sold it to Shoot it's weekend and it was this amazing thing and again kind of like that Saxon two cities that article for playboy. I was like this is what it's like with every book and it was so not like that It's so not like that you've just had you've had good success with that. I had, yes, party girl was, and the problem with writing,

and a lot with this, you know, doing anything, is that today so many people criticize you, you know, in public. I can never write again the way I wrote with party girl, because I didn't have all the Amazon nasty reviews in my head and carry things. I know. And now I'm starting to get them for my podcast.

Really? People, well people, you'll always get that. And it's so funny because I try not to read them. I really don't, but we a few years ago, I tried to charge for my podcast because I've been trying to make a living this for years. And you have succeeded. Yes, to mean, yes. But I, so we decided charge for it for like a few months. And I mean, I was so, so many as to my coach and as the show. And he said this last week, I'm going to say it again if you guys like the show or you don't like I don't care Well, if you don't like it don't go to iTunes But if you do like it go to iTunes and review it and just say that you like it and you listen because that would really help

It because people were angry and they can't believe you're charging so there was a lot of like oh That's yeah, but people also say I'm like talks too fast for voices annoying like I read that stuff And I'm like but some people really like me. Yeah. When I started becoming more public with, you know, doing anything that's public, I thought, okay, well, people, like, I first thought about Tiskel and you were right, thumbs, they wouldn't even agree on movies sometimes. It's gonna be like, thumbs up, thumbs down.

I'm like, okay, so half the people are gonna hate me. And half the people are gonna like me, that's pretty good. Or I think like, people hate Oprah. People hate dogs, puppy dogs. People are gonna hate me and it's fine. So I just try not to take it in because I feel like I'm doing the best I can.

And I really want to help people with their lives and their relationship. Like truly, it's not because I think it's gonna make me famous in whatever rich because I'm helping people. This feels good just like how you get tired of addiction. Yes. I never tire of sex in relationships and I'm dating. I really don't.

Cause I meant to do it. Cause I meant to do it just like you're meant to do what you're doing. So you started doing your podcast, but I will say this, you know, I think that the Amazon critics and in general, I mean, I've read the, when I was on a track of the show, like, I read the nasty things about myself and I did learn to just either not read it or let it sort of brush off. Right. But it's funny because the podcast I care so much about.

Right. And people will email me and say, I just wrote you a really nice review. So then I go to read the really nice review. But I will say the two negative reviews I've gotten have only two. Well, that won't there's not that many. Okay. So go review and listen to it. Then review it.

Yeah. You don't even have to listen to it. Just kidding. But they were really helpful. They were really harsh and really helpful. You know, one said she talks over her guests, she talks too much and I think it was true. And then another said she was criticizing my vocal abilities and I was like honey, I get paid to go to colleges and talk to you. I think my vocal abilities are okay. Yeah, I think so too.

But she talked about certain facial, I mean, sort of verbal tics, and I'm more conscious of them, and I think she's right. Right. Okay, that's true. It is true, and people say I craft my guest too, and they've been saying that.

So if I do, I apologize. You haven't done to me. But, no, well, no. But people do say that, and they say, I talk to you. I read that. It's true. It is helpful. And I've been doing it for so long.

I've been doing like 2000 podcasts. I used to not even, and I think I still do this too, but I used to not even finish my sentences. Like, I cut myself off. Like, I think, okay, any guess, if I cut you off, I'm sorry, but I cut myself off. Like, I have a change of thought in the middle. And I used to have an intern. This is eight years ago, and she'd hold up a card.

Her job was just to be like, finish your sentences. Finish your sentence, like it was the training. Good. I don't know what was a nervous thing. No, but I think that's why I like talking to you so much. I was noticing two minutes ago that you talk really fast and I talk faster than anyone I know and I'm always criticized for it.

So, me too. So I think our brains kind of work at the same speed. They do. My brain works faster, I think, than I can speak. I can process thoughts and I've always been a fast talker and it's something that I'm like really trying to work on. Yes. That's also because it can be annoying to people too and they're like someone like one of the viewers said I can't even understand what she's saying. I'm really speaking English. 10,000 to 15,000 people that downloaded every time. Ken, right. So she can chill out. But yes. So your addiction and recruits, so how

is that, so 13 years? Yes. Yeah. Over, almost 14. That's an amazing accomplishment, because most people are addicted to something. Most, I mean, that sounds like I'm not addicted to other things, still.

Coffee. Well, process addictions, like these things that you're in the, like these things that you're always kind of doing, whatever they are, whether it's like an unhealthy relationship with food or sex or technology, full on work a holic, full on technology person. Not a holic, me too with the phone. And never, never sex, but I like love and relationship, my thinking is not sane always around it. And so, well, I think that I, well, I, you know, I haven't been like, we're just talking about like, like, you know, I was malle and love like decade to go. And I think that what

I will do is I will say, there's something wrong with me, you know, rather than I'm building this huge career, it's everything happens the way it's meant to. And I have, but I have like really black and white thinking. And then I sort of, I feel like we talked about this, but it was off air. So it doesn't count. But you know, it's like I would, you know, I have certain expectations. I know that there have been people that I could have just sort of settled for, which

I think a lot of people do and I don't envy that, me too. I just wish I could do that. And not, I don't know. It's like, I don't feel like I'm expecting some Prince Charming, you know, but is it that? This is exactly the thing because I don't know. I mean, I'm in the same boat. I've dated, I don't date assholes. I don't date jerks.

They're really nice guys and they're not like abusive. They're not mean to me. Yeah, maybe I have one or two bad ones, but I got rid of them within a month, but mostly they're like great guys who love me and they're sweet to me. And I'm just like, I'm not, I'm not there. I don't feel the same way you do. I can't, whatever it is.

And then all my friends say to me, and I said, well, so maybe I'm just not meant to be in a computer. That's not my lot in life. And I've also never been focused on it. I've never thought like many women were very, I don't think I don't know many women like us in the sense of who they are totally oriented towards finding a lover, finding a partner, settling down, having children. And for me, it's always been about what is the bigger picture, what's going to be my footprint in life, how am I going to change the world? And truly, and because I knew that would be so satisfying to do what I love, get paid

for it, and be able to like make, because I always like felt like my dad didn't love being a lawyer, and my mom raised me never to rely on a man or anyone to take care of you. So I thought, okay, well, I better love what I do if I'm going to be working my whole life. And so for me, it's been this journey to finding what I love. Yes. But now that I found it eight years ago, it's been like building it and trying to like sustain it so I could have a life.

I know. And then when is it big enough? Right. When is it big enough and when you have it, when you can you take the break and have the life? I know. I know. mean I don't know if this is just boring for listeners but I will say that you know the thing about your mom saying always be financially independent and I I looked my no I don't know if anyone said that to me but I looked at my parents marriages oh my god my mom settled and if he didn't have if there wasn't money involved she could

have done so much better and I I know I internally said that, that I will, and I do think, it's not that women who are financially dependent on men, there's something wrong with that. Nothing at all. But I think if you don't wanna do that, then the priority of doing that, it becomes less. Right, exactly.

So I'm like, why do I need it? Why do I need it? You know, and I've dated guys with money, without exactly. So I'm like, why do I need it? Why do I need it? And I've dated guys with money, without money, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I'd be nice to go on these trips or have them take me shopping, but it didn't trump everything else. It wasn't as a parody for me. I know.

But it's funny, because then you still were giving relationship advice, and it's funny you said at the beginning, you felt like you were the extra, you weren't the extra people, or cognitive the expert. And that's how I felt at the beginning too. I was like, you know, I started getting full

because I started doing a live show in San Francisco and I get callers and I know what, I've gotten those of enough therapy and I've written and then I read every book on the song under it. But I still felt, you know, now I finally feel like I'm a doctor, I'm a doctor and I've been called the expert, but it took a while, you know?

Yes, I mean, but I also think making it specifically about sex and less about relationships. Because you, you can and you have become an expert. Where it's with relationships, I would just always feel like, you know, people would say to me, we don't want some lady who's been married 20 years giving us that's not exactly.

You're out there dating. Yes, I mean, I, my, my whole message has always been, you know, I, all my advice comes from my own experience, you know, and I have made these mistakes, so I can, I can predict any mistake you could make and tell you what my experience is. Exactly, yeah. Exactly.

We know our, because we've done so much work on ourselves. Yes, and been on so many dates. So many dates. Any, okay, so I know we're not talking about your daily, like now, are there any good stories or anything that's happened that you can share or anything that really influenced you as far as in any of your writing lately,

anything that's happened to you that we could. That, well, I'm trying to think. Yeah, God, I know, I didn't mean to set this bar, we can't talk about my dating. It's okay, well, we don't have it. It's been a little not that exciting lately. But, yeah, I mean, all I've been doing lately is working. I am gonna go to Indonesia to visit some rehab But that's what I mean, you know what I mean? It's work, but Indonesia. Are you going to Bali?

I don't even know where it is. We're still working it out And I speak at colleges in Bono Alaska to speak in September and Wyoming Do you do any of that? You know, I'm starting to do more. I did a workshop at Hustler here, but I'm going to start doing more. Speak, I really want to do college campuses. Yes, yes. It's just like on the list of all the things I want to do. It's a whole thing.

But yeah, no, I mean, my focus is basically this company was bought in January. And until December, you know, my owner is like working me to the ground. Okay. And now we finally have ads that we're getting. So it's actually profitable, but it has been a grind. It is total grind. It's hard, but I'm proud of you sticking with it. So after part, so it's about do you interview people who are going through or yeah, for the podcast, I interview sober people and I have, it's mostly comedians,

but I've had like, who have you and on? I have, it's mostly comedians, but I've had, you know, you and on. I have had Mark Marin, I had Paul Gilmarton, Jimmy Parto, this week I had, oh my god, why am I blanking? Well actress, I've had Kristen Johnston, I've had Mackenzie Phillips, writers of Jerry Stahl. I, wait, who is,, John Heffrin was the one I had this week. I'm having Alonzo Bodden, do you know who that is? Just like I, so they talk, but do they all talk about their case? They like reveal everything because you're so open people

while it takes one to know. But yeah, it's, I did not know what I was doing at all. I was recording them on an iPhone and I remember that when I first that you're like, I'm using at all. I was recording them on an iPhone. And I remember that when I first said, you're like, I've used the iPhone. I'm like, cool. Yeah. And I had great. I just asked people, I mean, these were all

pretty much people I knew. And then I got the equipment. And I definitely have learned as I've gone. And now it's hard to know when you're interviewing somebody. That what we're talking about, am I talking too much? Am I not talking enough? Because sometimes to be of service to the show, I should shut up.

And yet I always think I need to make it better by talking. And it's, you know, and then I'm not in the moment in the best conversations or the ones where you can just even forget that you're doing a show. Like I just just just now. And you'll get to that. No, see, that's what I mean, I think that I often, I probably caught people off in real life, it's the truth. Because I just, I don't think about it that I'm doing a show. Like I just just now. And you'll get to that. No, see, that's what I mean, I think that I often, I probably caught people off in my life.

It's the truth because I just, I don't think about it that I'm doing a show. I'm not like, oh, what's everyone gonna like and want to hear right now. So I guess I don't really think about that. But I want to talk about, well, we've take a quick break now for my sponsors, but when we come back, we've got to talk more about

sober sex. I've always wanted to talk with that because I know, I have a lot of people who are sober and are afraid of getting sober, and they talk about those experiences but also people think they can never have sex if they're not sober. Right, so I want to give some tips on that but first we have to and then we're going to answer some emails. Right. Because I think that you can really help some people that have emailed me about a lot of different things that we will cover. But first, I'm going to tell you a little bit about my sponsor here. Thanks everyone for supporting the show and my amazing massage canals.

Okay, I made them. I shouldn't call them amazing, but the truth is they kind of are a massage candle. Do you know what it is? It basically looks like a regular candle, but it instantly turns into a massage oil. You light it and the oil pools and then it's not waxy or sticky or hot. It's just super romantic and sexy and it's It helps you massage your partner and get the capture part or get in the mood because let's face it How many times you've ever like asked your partner like to get asked a woman to give you to give her a massage or you

Ask the guys give you know what I'm trying to say and massage is a gateway to intimacy and I feel like one of the biggest killers of people's sex drive is actually the fact that they're so goddamn stressed out. So a massage candle, they're a Roman therapy, they spell amazing, and when you pour on your partner, I mean, I gave it to my best friend who's a mayor for 15 years when I was in Chicago.

I was beginning, she said they had sex. She was the mayor, you said. She was married. Oh, I think she said she was the mayor. I'm glad I saw you. She's married, and she said that they had the best sex They've had in five years. You've used the candle and candles pretty sweet. Yeah, because it's just you give a massage It feels great. It's soothing and

One guy wrote me my girlfriend was skeptical at first But agreed to try the warm oil on me first and gave me a back rub Then I reciprocated and we had amazing sex She could not stop talking about how good the candle smells And I'd grate the massage oil fields and I'm convinced the scent and the candle helped us do some of the various sex we face We have faced lately. It's it's actual Spanish fly It is Spanish fly. I would I've got a limb and say the 95% of people if there's more than one person in the room and the candles lit 95% They get intimate. Yeah, intimate yeah 95% it's true before someone comes over and be like oh hey baby one massage like no dinner she just starts taking off her clothes right

that's exactly who will get naked it's the craziest thing so go to Emily and Tony.com use code Emily for 20% off that's Emily and Tony.com also I need to tell you about the hustler store hmm. Hmm. Hustler Hollywood. They've got like 12 stores. The one in LA is awesome on Sunset Boulevard. And a lot of you live in LA and you might come here often. So check out the Hustler Hollywood store. Or if there's one near you, you should check it out

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go shopping and be like, that might be kind of nice to try. It's kind of like a third party. If you're having a hard time talking about sex with your partner, go to a sex toy shop like Hustler, browser selection, sexy products, see what gets you both turned on and fulfill all your sexual desires. And if you want, if you're single, that's cool too, buy a vibrator. They have amazing the best products on the market today. So Hustler Hollywood, they love my sex with Emily listeners and they want to make your sex life better. So whether you're single on a relationship, they're offering a 20% discount

if you mentioned sex with Emily at the checkout at this legendary store. So just do that, go to House of the Hollywood stores, tell them Emily sent you, get 20% off. Hey, Anna David, I'm back with Anna David, the fabulous and lovely and beautiful Anna David. We're gonna do a little video after this. Just give me a minute.

So we're gonna watch you make up. You look beautiful. We need to talk, I think we should talk more about sex. We Just give me a minute. I'm so excited. I want to talk about makeup. You look beautiful. I think we should talk more about sex. We're not talking about sex. I know. Okay, so I want to talk about, because I have a lot of friends who are sober and I worked really, worked, but when they got two of my best friends got sober together, they didn't even know each other and then I introduced them and I went to them to a bunch of meetings

and I just saw how their life was so transformed. Like, I mean, I'm a therapist once, I'm like, I'm not addicted, but I want to do it with the 12 steps. Oh, everybody should. Everybody should. I think it's amazing, but the thing that was so hard for them, I think for a lot of people is being sober on a date, being sober, that first kiss.

How can you have sex sober? People just blows their mind like, oh, I'm going to have a glass of wine. So was that, is that something that comes up a lot for people that, because my friend was so nervous on dates when she was saying so where she'd make me go with her because she couldn't talk to men There's a first few months and I'd go with her I'd be like do you know I'll call her stacey stacey used to you know work in retail and she was the like I'd have to sell it Because she's she's like no Emily. I'm not kidding you. I become mute around men I'm like you're not mute. You're the funniest most out which is I mute and sure enough

She couldn't talk ship getting up with it. So anyway, it is hard for people to read us. I did you going along really help matters? I think so. Didn't they just like you? Sometimes I got noticed once, but no, I think it helped. I was very not like not dressed down, not flirty. Right. Not like me with your old boyfriend. Yeah. And I wasn't like you trying to like be a horned sailor boyfriend just kidding. He probably just liked you and you were hot and I was jealous. So it's cool. But what is that? Well, that's for me, that was not a big thing.

I had never had sober sex before. I mean, when you're in relationships, of course, you have sex sober sex in the morning or the day or whatever it is. But you know, I pretty much, well, I lived with a boyfriend for some, I mean, I didn't drink every night at that point. So I had done it. I do think, I don't know. I think I did the opposite, which is I dated more. I got so into cocaine that mine wasn't really drinking as much as I was hold up in my apartment alone for three years doing cocaine with like two cats for every day. Every day.

Oh, a lot. And when I had it until it was gone. So it would be like a three-day ride. And then say I'm not going to do it. And then every month I'd go, I'm not going to do that anymore. And then I would quit for three weeks or a month and go, well, no cocaine added, can quit for three weeks or a month. So I'm obviously not a cocaine addict. It was a terrible, terrible cycle. And so I got sober, I went to rehab, and I started getting, you know,

I got in the program and suddenly I'm surrounded by boys and they're cute, and they're, you know, talking about the same issues I have. And so they say, don't date in your first year, and I'm like, excuse me, I'm finally around people again, and they're cute, and I sort of ignored that advice. And I got why they said it because my choices, you know, my picker was very, very broken.

The picker, the picker, you were picking the wrong kind of man. Oh yeah, I was really drawn to those like dirty tattooed boys. There are a lot of them who are so over. So in AA, you were drawn to those picker boys. Yeah, to those picker boys. This is the bad picker boys. Yes, but I was very comfortable. I think I was far more comfortable dating.

I knew how to kind of throw on that persona or whatever. And I was far less comfortable making female friends and being real. And then I think that persona or whatever, I got my comfort by talking to the men and getting attention and all that. I'm sure you did. You were like the new girl in the scene.

But did you, did you then honor, that you didn't honor the one you're so broke? Oh, no. What about your sponsor? Did you tell them? Yeah, I mean, she was cool. And the girl's eye sponsor now. I'm like, you'll pick the wrong people,

but I'm not going to tell you not to do it. I mean, I, you know, in misconceptions about program, is it's like, if somebody tells me I can't do something, it's just going to make me want to do it. Right. You know, I don't drink or do drugs because I don't want to do that. You know, it's not that it's not willpower. It's not because someone told me not to. It's a real complicated thing.

But keeping it about the sober sex, I think that I was, I was not that freaked out about it. I know that people are, but I mean, SilverSex is a million times better. I think that you remember it. Well, it can perform better. That's the thing. Because people would say, you know, I dated this very famous guy, he wasn't famous then when I was in college.

And so my whole life, anyone who knows that, is like, oh, it was a sick. And I literally have to say, I have no idea. Because you don't remember no I think I'm not I'll tell you off air. You can't tell me now. No, okay got it So he's famous and you don't know if you had a bit dick. Don't you just not at all you don't remember? I do I have a You don't remember it. I would remember if it was small. It was my Damon. We never talked about that. No

Oh, yeah, I'm at Damon in college. Yes. Can you still talk to him? No No, our last conversation. Yes. How would your penis know it? Yeah, exactly. No. He was lovely. But our last conversation was him calling me. It was always like he was up against Leonardo

for a long time. And then he was always up against some guy who would always get the part before. And so then Ed Norton was his big competition. So he was up for the Rainmaker. And he's like, I'm up against it. Norton again, I don't think I'm going to get it. And then he calls me, he's like, I'm the rainmaker. And that was the last conversation I ever had with him.

We just lost touch. Like we we woke up then like he's like, no, we weren't together there. We were very good friends for a long time after we dated. We didn't college. So where'd you go to school? I was Trinity, but I had a Harvard fetish and it was an hour and a half away. My brother went there and my dad did it. Did that date me go to school? I was Trinity, but I had a Harvard fetish and it was an hour and a half away. My brother went there, my dad and... Did that day go to Harvard? Yes, he did. He was living in his...

They call him dining clubs, the fraternity. So he was living in his dining club then because he was making this movie called School Ties in Lowell, Massachusetts. So he was not enrolled at Harvard at the time. But that didn't matter. He lived at Harvard. Yeah, I used to have a school thing too. Like Ivy League hot. I'm like, where are we going to school?

I know. It gets me so turned on. It's bad. Even now, Ivy League. So was he good lover? You don't remember. It wasn't bad. We were in college.

How? Who was a good lover? We were in college. We were in college. Yeah. That's why people listened to the show after understand. I've actually been writing a lot of good stuff lately. I have to say, if I say my soul, my say so myself I'm actually for men's fitness

uh-huh and it was like the 10 reasons you're bad and bad for men and it's gotten like 8 million shares on Facebook and all that stuff. Oh my oh like my sexuality page on Facebook and you're what's your Facebook page? Oh, am I David and then there's after party. Okay, so you want to like that too. Yeah, but so but people in your 20s or just not or like when people like I never I'd get no man ever perform Or all sex on me in my 20s. Really?

Oh, that was good. I've never in my life. Did you know? I was so waiting. The first time I had that I I was a junior in high school. Sorry. And my boyfriend. Um, I knew about a blowjob.

Like I knew somebody had shown me on a banana, like the total cliche, like fast times it was written on high kind of a thing. I had never heard about a man going down on a woman. So when he did that to me, I was like, this is the best kiss of my life. That's what I thought. I mean, I was, you didn't even know.

We didn't know then. It was different. Tell us anything. Anyhow sex it was different tell us anything anal sex I never tried to have anal sex with you in college like people have I've never gone there Yeah, I'm people it wasn't you never had an anal sex. I mean, but no now I have right but then in college it wasn't a thing Yeah, no, it wasn't really a thing now. It's like porn everyone's watching porn I'm doing all the things like acid. I never needed to take it to know I didn't like it right you never did Yeah, so you just did coke mostly and drink oh, I did I have. It's like acid. I never needed to take it to know I didn't like it. Right. You never did that.

So you just did coke mostly and drink. Oh, I did. I have every other drug. Except for acid. Yeah. I did acid. I did dead show. Yeah.

For our sandwiches. You can help. Right. You're from San Francisco too, right? Yes. Yes. Yes. Marin, come here. Okay. That's why I met you at a party at Sins & Beach when you were flirting with my boyfriend.

God. I wish I remembered this. Well, you were my drug. I was probably one of the things. I didn't know that. I just thought you were, you know. I'm probably I didn't know that I just thought you were you know Okay, so I know but now do you date guys who aren't sober? Yeah, I do I do I I mean, I don't discriminate it's like hard to date an active alcoholic

But but mostly there's a lot of guys who don't drink but I'm in a phase now where I'm in to dating sober guys again I was at first I was like I did it like you in a phase now where I'm into dating sober guys again. I was at first I was like, I did it much like you in a way. But they're just too crazy and they've got so many issues. Exactly. Too much like me. Right. But now what I'm saying, because you're sober, they're sober.

You're the part of the same thing. It's so familiar. Yeah. No, that part's good because you speak the same language, but they're a little nutty. And they've got a whole bunch of issues. And sober people were so dramatic. Yeah, but here's my question about that.

Are sober people really that much down here than everyone else who's numbing themselves with something that makes them not seem as crazy? Well, I think that that people have their medicine and so where people are don't. I mean, that's the the idea about addiction and alcoholism that I truly believe is that it's sort of humanism to an exponential degree. So it's like, we all feel scared. We all feel like, you know, fearful and, or whatever it is. Like, it's a chaos.

But in the, in the alcoholic, it's exaggerated so much that it becomes like, I can't handle how I feel. I've got to change it right now. And so then you start alcohol drugs, whatever does that for you, and then it turns on you, and it starts doing the opposite. And then you have to stop. And so you have to learn how to deal with those feelings that you've been repressed at or that you think the drugs helping you with.

That they once did. Yeah and that quote unquote normal people don't have they don't get so desperate that they have to learn this new way of living. Right. But I did I did think of something fun to talk about. It's like on the topic because I was being so secretive about my dating life. That day, I was a pretty good. Yeah, I was going, you're getting it.

I like it. It's good dirt. No, but I want to talk about it. Then I'm going to call him after you. Okay. And tweet him. Just kidding. No, no.

The best lover I've ever had. Oh my God. Tell me why. Why? I was either the best lover. He's so incredible. He's still my fantasy. Tell me what made him the best lover. He's amazing. He was put on this earth too. Because he live in LA and he so incredible. He's still my fantasy. Tell me what made him the best. He's amazing.

He was put on this earth too. Because he live in LA and he's single. He lives in New York. OK. And I met him when I lived there. God help me if he listens. He died. I don't know.

He's very sexual. Apparently, but maybe he doesn't need to listen because he's what made him the best lover. God. Well, I think that what it was. Because I used to try to figure it out with my therapist. Apparently, but maybe he doesn't need to listen because he's what made him the best lover. Oh god I well, you know I think that what it was because I used to like try to figure it out with my therapist like what is it about this guy? I want to know. Okay. Well one thing is he was the one person I could have casual sex with because I'm out him and he was in it. I don't want to give up too much

It was like in an open relationship. He was not available. Okay, but so and I didn't want to date I was just like I couldn, that couldn't be my boyfriend. So that all that stuff that you kind of carry around with you at a certain age where you're like, or at any age. See the one is this and that, if I do this, is he not going to respect me and, you know, will I not be the girl he wants to take him to mom or whatever it is gone? And so, okay, well, so this thing, so he had written this story, he's an amazing writer. So he had written the story that he showed me that was about this guy who had this belt and he drilled an extra hole into it so that it worked perfectly to tie up to try women's

wrists up against the bed post. But like mild bondage, you you know just with this thing and and then we have this plan and he came over and I saw that he was where like he somehow I figured it out and so then he did so he he like kind of takes out and he's like your say for is yellow and I'm like I am really living I have a safe word you've had a say safe word, right? Yeah, yeah, I have. I was just like, I'm so excited. And then I found out yellow is a common safe word. Yeah, well red, yellow, green, usually red is stop.

Green is keep going, yellow is like caution, I'm not sure. Okay, yeah, I thought it was original that he had just written. No, but whenever you never get it, okay, yeah. So it was hot. Most women's like 50 shades, right? You want it feels good to be tied up a little bit. Okay, but his game, it was all this like power step. I mean, obviously that's what it is, but then what he did, so then he's like 50 shades, right? You want it feels good to be tied up a little bit. Okay, but his game, it was all this power step.

I mean, obviously that's what it is, but then what he did, so then he's like blindfolding me and he's like, whatever you do, you cannot bag. And I go, that's fine. So then he was kissing me and then he would, whatever, go down, he would do whatever he was doing and then he'd leave the room. And I'd be like, and he's like, uh-uh.

I said no bagging or I'm gonna leave. Like, oh, it it was so how long would he leave you for? Not long. It felt like hours, you know, but, um, and, and so, and, and then, you know, embed how you're, you sort of try to, so that was, that was over. And I was like, uh, oh, and he wouldn't sleep with me after that that night. Why? Never get. No, because it was like his power and control thing. It just made me want him so much more. Oh my god. No, this guy's good. So before that, though, what made him the best lover was he great at oral sex?

So that was our first night. Oh, that was your first and last night? No, no, no, no, no. He wouldn't have sex with me that night. Oh. Cause he wanted you to keep thinking about him. Yes. He got, okay.

That is so key. Because I always say that the keys to great sex and the reason why people stop having great sex when they're in committed relationships is because it's all about the mystery, the anticipation, building desire, the teasing, that's what women want. So when you walk in the door with a raging boner and you take your pants off and trying to stick it in and we're not warmed up yet, we're going to reject you because we're not even turned on and you're not being considered. What you can do is take that boner and then go take that blood and your boner and move

it to your brain for a second and try to seduce us so that we are begging for it. And so he knew how to do that. He knew how to do that. And I think that women who think they're really in control and are really in control in their lives. Our dream and fantasy is to have somebody be strong enough to take that away. Exactly. And so, and to be desired and cherished because it makes you feel like they want you so

bad or they're, yeah, they're worshipping you. But in a way, I guess he's leaving you. So that's, but yeah, I mean, it was a push and pull. And you know, in bed, you know, how you kind of start to direct people, you know, and he was like, shh, and I loved that he just sort of ignored me and knew better than I did. How are you directing him? Do you give it instruction?

Well, it's just sort of like, to the left, like, be outside, like, to the left of the run. Right, right. And then, and then, we made a plan and, and I went over there at misday time too. And he just like, kind of like, I didn't even get in the door. And he was like, he just threw me against the wall. And then we had, that was the first time we had sex.

See that's hot. Oh yeah. See sometimes we do, we want to be, but that's a turn on because because what had preceded it was that entire thing that I was thinking about it all week. Yeah. And I didn't, I was like, this is a typical, he's not giving it up.

Maybe he won't for a while. And so then it was, he's, he's, he's locked on. for a while. And so then it was, he's so talk to him. Yeah, yeah, and he'll be like send me a picture. Right. Do you send new pictures? I've only done it to him. Wow. OK.

Is it still in the open relationship? Oh, I don't even know. He's better as a fantasy than in reality. When I would go. So many guys are. I know. But when I would go to New York, we would just have like a play on it. That's fine.

I like those things. I mostly like the emotionally unattached sex, but that's me. That was the only one I liked it with. I like that story. Okay, we're gonna get into a little bit emails here from the people. So thanks everyone for emailing me.

Feedback at sexwithamily.com. I love hearing from you, and I've got another expert here, whether she likes to think so much. Dear Emily, I'm very educated about sexual health and open-minded sexually, but I have a hard time emotionally accepting my boyfriend looking at porn while he masturbates. We have a great relationship, respect each other, sexual relationships with ourselves, and love mutual masturbation.

I know that men tend to need visual stimulation, and that it is separate from our relationship, but as a rape survivor, I have a hard time dealing with the sexual objectification I see important. I can logically understand why he uses it, but emotionally it makes me upset that the man I live with, the man I love and have been with for three years can objectify women. It hurts me, it makes not semi-stomach when we talk about it. We try to talk about it together, we haven't come to any solutions.

I've tried viewing feminists porn, but it wasn't for me. I thought if I could find porn for both of us to enjoy, maybe I can understand it alone time, but the whole culture makes me uncomfortable. It has helped me listening to some of the interviews with porn stars on your show that seemed to enjoy their work, but I'm still upset about it. I don't know what to do to accept the habit.

It isn't fair for me to ask them to stop. How do I get used to it though? Thanks so much for your help and all your hard work sex with Emily. I'm a longtime listener and active recruiter trying to get all my friends listen to your podcast. Desperate for a healthier sex life, Megan. Well, Megan, okay, well thank you so much

for being a longtime listener and I love hearing from you and I really want to help you here. So here's the thing about, well first let's talk about your abuse and that your survivor of rape. And I'm just wondering if you've had any help, have you seek thought therapy, have you worked through that? Because if it's something that you haven't worked through yet, it's going to keep coming up in your life in different ways.

If you wasn't watching porn, it'll just just it'll show up unless you deal with it. So you seem very evolved and I don't know how old you are, but I hope that's something that you've worked with because I could see if he stops watching porn all together, it's going to surface in another area. So that's one thing. But I got to tell you that you're not alone that many women do feel threatened by their guys watching porn. They, you know, feel like they're not alone that many women do feel threatened by their guys watching porn. They feel like they're not as sexy as the porn star and they feel like, you know, why they don't get it? Because they're like, why am the best sex of his life? Why does he still need to masturbate? But the thing about men in porn that it's not about what he's

not getting at home, it's about variety, it's about novelty, it's about turning them on. A lot of men just enjoy the sexual release that porn can deliver. But what you're saying here, though, that you still feel like it's the abjectification of women, which I understand, because you, so you were abjectified and you were abused. So I don't even know if I could talk to them who in the face here about all the reasons why men masturbate to porn, and it has nothing to do with your relationship. It's just men's brains are hardwired for being turned on. It's about like the propagation of the species.

It's about, you know, online porn being so readily available right now. And there's all these opportunities. And if you can somehow become less threatened by porn and realize that it's not your replacement and he's certainly hot for you and not ashamed, Then you'd be more easily talk about your sex life. But I just feel like going back to your abuse in your past, it just may be hard for you to accept until you work on yourself. And I don't know. And porn addiction doesn't sound like he's a porn addict because that's a whole other

thing you probably see Anna in your, I know you're in. Yeah. No, that's definitely, but there are, you know, usually the porn addicts are not having sex with their girlfriends, doing mutual masturbation because they can't get off. Exactly. That's when it keeps getting to be a problem is when you, when it takes over your life and you are powerless over it.

Right. But more often, I believe if you guys really talk about it, maybe you take it away from the porn and you, I don't know if you've shared your abuse with him I'm assuming that you have and you said you tried female friendly porn. I would check out good vibes after dark You know good vibes calm. I always talk about them and they have this After dark and you can just buy it by the minute and they really do and it's not just feminist porn But it's like female friendly porn couple porn. mean, there might be stuff in there for you, but again, I think this like, no porn is gonna work for you.

And if you really love this guy, he's your boyfriend, is your husband, is your boyfriend. I feel that even if you leave him for this most guys watch porn, and I went through this in my 20s, I was dating a guy, not the guy that you tried to steal from me, Anna, but this other guy, and it was the first time I had a guy who was watching porn, and at first I did, I was dating a guy, not the guy that you tried to steal from me, Anna, but there's other guy. And it was the first time I had a guy who was watching porn.

And at first, I did, I was like, this is the best text in my life. I was like 25. But he watched porn. And I really felt threatened. I really felt like I was shocked because I didn't know. And I think there's a lot of women in these shoes who just don't get it. How do you feel about men watching porn? I don't have a thing about it.

And I also don't think it's really anyone's business in a way. Like my advice would be, you know, in any relationship, there are things that we keep private. Not everything is up for discussion. And I think that's his business. Right. Can you do it without telling? I mean, and you know that he's doing it. But what if he promises to do it when you're not around or you don't walk in on it? I mean, I don't, I don't think you can get him to stop without him like hiding it from you. And then that's more,

if you're gonna find it. You don't wanna be that woman. You don't wanna be that chick that's getting him to stop it. And if you do work through your issues and there is a way that you can somehow learn to enjoy it with him, maybe you just watch romantic films together. But the thing about that watching porn together

that can be helpful, technically you're not just to learn anything from porn. Guys should not be watching it, learning, how to do things. It's visually set up, so it's appealing. But a lot of times it leads to other things when couples can watch together, they can think, well that turns me on, that doesn't. And I'm wondering if you could change the way you think about it. You said you've listened to some of the shows I've done with porn stars who actually are doing it with, they're not doing against the will. And if there's a way that you could turn it around as like an entertainment and as a way to really spice up your sex life together, there's things that you could learn or there could be, you know, porn, porn, you know, move certain moves, you go shopping to a

sex toy shop, have you ever tried toys. Are there other things that you could do together that could make it interesting for you and just kind of let like it's almost like he's not going to change. So you have to change your expectations of him. Just know that he's going to be watching porn and if you break up with him, the next guy you're with is probably going to watch porn, not every guy watches porn, but it's more common than not, especially now because it's available every day. But again, if you didn't say the thing about your past and your abuse, I would say you just, is there a way to find really something you like? But I don't think that you're going to get through this until you work on being a rape

survivor. And that's through therapy and working on it. But I don't think you're going to get them to stop watching porn. And I don't think you want to. Do you like porn, Emily? You know, I do. I don't mind it. I like it. I think it's fun to watch with part or sometimes.

Have you never watched it by yourself? Oh, I have watched it. I said, too. I do watch it by yourself. Yeah. What do you like? Where'd you go? Like, only if I was going to this thing where I was like,

my relationship with the magic wand was getting too unhealthy. And I was like, to lean myself off of that, I just was used porn. I'm like an oral sex. That's like what I want to watch is the man going down on the wall. Yes, it's hot, right? Isn't oral sex your favorite thing?

I don't want a guy who goes out and news that you love it. I did. Well, they're doing it right. It's hard to find a guy to do it right. Yeah. Do you have any tips for oral sex? The best sex oral sex you've had. What was the guy doing?

I wish I knew. I think with that one guy, he's just got special lips and a special tongue, but I think soft over hard, feel out the woman, see what she responds to. You know, when a guy sort of says like, people, women always tell me how great I am at oral sex. It's like, uh-oh, because that's a guy who thinks there's a formula for every woman.

And it's very, very individual. Every woman is different, but it is true that the rule of thumb is always go softer. Always go softer. Yeah, the guys are not that. And then I think a little finger tongue combos pretty good. Yeah, little g-spot action. Yeah, it doesn't even have to be g-spot. Put your fingers in, but not everyone would like to put many do. I was talking to this guy from last night because I talk about all sex all the time I'm sort of obsessed with it

And he's like most women do like a little finger inside but not all that's interesting. Yeah Yeah, not at the beginning though. No I'm not my Clitoris and here's another thing I had a guy do recently that and I always talk about this But guys never do it. I just wish that guys would listen to my show and then ask me out Because I do give all these rules like tips, but it's like, don't go right for the clitoris, but spend the time like with her lip, like her, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, I'm glad you know where the clitoris is, but don't go right for it. Yeah. Yeah. I did find that men that are great kissers are often great at that. Yeah. And if you, if you, I agree. And if you, if you're a little uptight about a little section, not sure, just make out with her vagina. It's kind of like that. Yeah. And that soft way with your tongue and nib a little if you want to. But I do think that, that's kind of like making out. But take, take, take it, you know, pay attention to her though.

The best making out tip I can give, by the way, I'm putty when a guy put just all you have to do is take your hand as you kiss her, just tilt her head, keep your hand on her face. Yes, every woman loves it, so few men do it. I know, they do it like they be wants at the beginning. If that that I love it and I hold my face and my neck is such an erogenous zone like for most women like rub my neck and

put your hands on my face. Yeah, it's not good for you know skin care. But it's so it's so great. It's both like sexy and sweet at the same time. I agree. That is a great tip. I love it. Well, Anna, we only have a few more minutes here. So is there anything else that we, we think can find you at AfterpartyPod? Find me at AfterpartyPod, see the site at AfterpartyChat. Anna, David.com has some stuff. I have this. All your books, all your things. All the books, I have this branding class.

Are you teaching a branding class? Yeah, well, it's 25 videos. They're between like five and seven minutes. Perfect. I know. And it's on everything from, you know, starting a podcast, writing a book, speaking at colleges, writing for magazines. Wow.

Yeah. And people sign up for it? Yeah. You buy it and then you can watch the videos whenever and how you want. Oh, that's really cool. And a David got dot com. And then on Twitter and a B. Exactly.

We like to tweet each other. Yeah. And you should check her out. And everyone check out her podcast and review it and review mine as well. And thank you Anderson for being here with me tonight. Thanks for having me per you, Jam. I love you. I love you. Hey Larry Larry David your grandfather grandfather. He's my uncle. Is he really? No, I do have a Larry David who is like a used car salesman who's in my family. But it's not the Larry David.

No, I tried to tell Larry David how funny it was that we both had the same last name and he didn't think it was that funny. No, he's like, he's cycling to me like I was insane. Did he give you that look where he looked on your nose? I went, all right, okay. Not even quite that nice. You chatted me stuff with Matt Damon?

Okay, we are going to your Anderson, anything else happening in your podcast this week? No, no, it's good episode though. Very good show. All of them. Film vault after disaster. Okay, that's all I'm trying to say. Okay, everyone, thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemlee.com. Hey, everyone. Thanks for listening to the show. I hope you enjoyed it and as you know I want to help you have the best sex of your life. So check out Fleshlight.

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has a headache she's tired of him coming in and sticking her in the back with his his wing so she's been putting his flashlight on his pillow when she goes to bed. And she's so happy and he's so happy. And now she wants her boyfriend. And he comes in and sees his other girlfriend. Yeah, we must think. Like, okay, she's on into it, but that's fine. Yeah, I love it.

Okay, check out the flashlight and thanks everyone for listening to the show.