Sex With Emily - What's Your (Sex) Sign? with Dr. Jennifer Freed

Episode Date: July 5, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is joined by internationally certified astrologer & psychotherapist Dr. Jennifer Freed to talk about her Sexual Wisdom course, as well as better ways to discuss relationships & sex with people of all ages.  They get to the root of what psychological astrology is and how can it help you understand your relationships, the importance of defining your values and where you learned your views on sex, and true embodiment – how to really be present in your body and feel all your senses. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: BTL, Good Vibrations, Cal Ex, SiriusXM, Woo Freshies Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For more on Dr. Jennifer Freed, click HERE. For even more sex advice, tips & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I feel like also we can get into unhealthy relationships when someone feels comfortable, right? Like you know that whole the whole the whole talk about recreating patterns from your childhood that might not be even that healthy. So a daily abusive partners are being attracted to the bad boys or being attracted to what's comfortable. Is there anything in your work that kind of can explain that or help you completely? So here's the thing, if somebody or something feels really familiar, think of the etymology of that word, family-like. And if that person feels family-like, that could also mean family patterns that are not really in your best interest, but they're just familiar. Like, oh, I've known you before. Well, yes, you have. That was the father that was controlling and tyrannical to you, that you're now repeating.

The other thing about this psychologically is people are always trying to correct their broken experiences from childhood with new partners. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by internationally certified astrologer and psychotherapist, Dr Jennifer Fried to talk about her sexual wisdom course and better ways to discuss relationships and sex with people of all ages. Topics include what exactly is psychological astrology and how can it help you understand your relationships? A sex bill of rights. Everyone gets to make their own, so what would be on yours?

The importance of defining your values and where you learned your views on sex. Okay, embodiment. How to fully be in your body and feel all your senses. All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Ah, my God, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. You're going to love our website. We've got a lot of great posts up there to help you with your sexual journey and relationship journey. You can also find me Monday through Friday on SirisexMStars from 5 to 7 pm Pacific. It's SirisexM. It's amazing. You guys can even get a free 30-day subscription at sexwithamely.com slash SXM. And you can find me in all social

media at SexWithEmily. Also, our podcast come out three days a week. So we love when you subscribe. If you love the show, please tell your friends, tell your friends, share it with them because you know if it's helping you, it's going to help them and then it's going to change the world. Alright guys, I hope you enjoy the show. Okay, I am so excited to talk to Dr. Jennifer Fried. Okay, so she's an internationally certified astrologer and a psychotherapist, and you're probably going, what? What the hell is that?

An astrology, my birth sign, is that real? Well, let me tell you this. She did a reading on me, only using my chart, having never met me, and it was so spot on. Because actually your birth chart reveals at least 10 times more about you than you might have thought. This is her first episode, but on July 18th, we're gonna have her back on and actually some of you are gonna be able to call in and get a little bit of her astrological knowledge. She's been teaching and practicing for 30 years.

She's created so many incredible programs. She has a sexual wisdom workbook for teens and she just basically wants everyone to have the tools to reach their full potential. Dr. Jennifer Fried. Jennifer was introduced to me through Lauren Roxbar. We did it interview with her. We had a great podcast with her and she was like, oh my God, you have to... She just... I'm not even gonna tell you that much about this woman, Dr. Drenfried, but you guys are gonna connect and it's gonna be great. And I think it came up because we were talking about sex stuff and then maybe some astrology and people keep telling me

I gotta get my chart read and like, is that real? So before we did this podcast, we did do a reading, which we could talk about that for a second. Cause I think that we think it's like something you read in the paper like, I'm a Gemini on here. It's what it means for the day but there's so much to it and this isn't some like woo woo LA thing like I feel like you you really are renowned astrologer for 30 years you've been studying astrology but also I

mean the stuff you've done for sex and for teaching has been amazing but let's start with astrology let's talk about reading this chart. I gave you the time of birth where I was born and my birthday. Yes. Yes. Psychological astrology is a combination of understanding the depth and breadth of somebody's psyche, but also through the cosmic DNA, the divine DNA. When you're looking at someone's chart, you're really looking at 10 planets at the place

that they were, at the moment that you were born from the place that you were born. And I don't understand how it works or why it works. I think of it much more as mythic poetry than science, but it seems that there's an incredible correlation between the planets and their geometric relation to each other and your inner world and how it becomes your outer world. Right.

And that's exactly what I felt. We did a 30 minute reading where I felt that it was just, it was affirming and it really felt like I was on the path. Like my plant's aligned, I might butcher this, but that I was doing the work I'm supposed to be doing, which was very, that was sort of a goddess energy, as you said, or I... Well, looking at your chart right now, and anyone that wants to learn about astrology, you have what's called a torus ascendant, and then you have moon, mercury, and Saturn in torus. And what this says psychologically and astrologically

is that you were born to transmit divine, sensual goddess energy and teach people what it means to be an embodied example of a very assertive and very extraordinary woman of body, soul, spirit, mind, and heart. Which is exactly the path that I'm on. So that felt really good. Let's just talk about that. So that was great. And that was, and I'm going to get a dog. We figured I needed a dog. We both felt that.

Okay, so I just think, yes, like a therapy astrology, something you can, it's just interesting. I think that not many people do it, and I think that that was great. But there's so many things, the doctor, do you go, Dr. Jen Fried? Just call me Jennifer Fried. Jennifer Fried. Yeah.

She does. And so I, we had a connection, because I called her on the phone initially, just to talk about what we could do together. And what blew me away is the work that you've been doing for teaching sexuality to young girls in schools. You started a program, it was 20 years ago, you said? Yes, so I started a program 20 years ago.

I had just finished my PhD in psychology and what my dissertation of 400 pages was on was teen girls and sex, because I thought it was really important to understand why girls were having sex earlier and earlier, and so I really dove into that, but it led me to realize what's missing in education is for girls and guys.

I created this program called Sexual Wisdom. Right, okay, right. And I have her book Sexual Wisdom, which is amazing. So you, so you went into schools and you, what was the thing that you realized, what got you there was that women are having girls having sex too soon, but now what was the most surprising thing that you realized, what got you there was that women or have a girls having sex too soon, but now what was the most surprising thing that you learned?

I think the most surprising thing that I've learned is that even today, with all the information in the world at their disposal on the internet, girls particularly are so ignorant of their rights, of their body, of their desires, it's all mostly still in response to male desire. Right. Exactly.

Everything about female sexuality, where we are living now in 2019, is about giving to the men and providing to the men and responding to them, but really women are just cut off from their own desire, their own sexuality, what they want, and they are believed that they are there to serve men. So you're absolutely right. And so the teaching that you're doing are really changing. So what would you like to see for women now? Well, especially for young women, the women in the groups that we do, we do an after-school

group for young women called Sexual Wisdom and One for Guys. And the girls all say in this group, okay, this is the most important thing we've ever talked about or ever learned. Why isn't it part of our everyday life that we're learning this? But also that they bond to each other as educators and learners because as they get a consciousness about their power of being sexual beings and having choices and being wise about them, they really start relying on each other and using each other as positive allies instead of what typically goes on for teen girls without that kind of empowerment is gossip and rumors and competition and evil stuff.

Right. So we really need to get everyone. I mean, I think the program you're doing, because my listeners, the podcast, know that this has been one of my passions, like, how do we get this education to kids? Because the parents feel bad about it, the schools don't care, but like, we don't want to hear from our parents necessarily. I've thought about like doing it a peer program or having people come into schools, which I think is kind of amazing

that you're doing this work. And all the things you're doing, and you can check out everything at Jenniferfreed.comFRED. But let's talk about something, you're a sole education workbook. And this is something that you provide to people. Tell me about the origin of this.

Okay. I write like a fiend every day. I'm very creative and I just write and I write articles for Goop and I write books, etc. and then I have a sense something else wants to come through. I'd spend a lot of time in meditation and spirit and I really work on what wants to come through me. I'm a vessel and I have a lot of gifts but it's not my ego anymore. It's on what wants to come through me. I'm a vessel and I have a lot of gifts, but it's not my ego anymore. It's like what wants to come through. A free course and then it became Soul EDU.

And it's really lessons twice a week in how to be a more conscious, compassionate, self-evolved person with the end goal of being in better relationships with yourself and others. Well, Okay. So this is what I love about this is because the most important relationship we have with ourselves and everyone you have to have self love, it's a whole thing. But I don't think that people really grasp that, including myself. I mean, I've been doing work since God knows how forever I've been doing work on myself. But you still realize that there's so much, we're so hard on ourselves,

we're so negative, we're the negative self-talking our brain, and all this, we don't really know, there's no guidebook to be a good human. I kind of feel like this book sets takes people through that journey of what are the messages I'm telling myself? What are my intentions for the planet? And so I mean, I think you're totally right. We don't really know how to love ourselves. What do you think that's about? Well, I think it's pretty biological.

If you think back to how we were made, we were made without our neocortex, which is the discriminating, thoughtful part of our brain. It was just the reptilian brain, and we were always scanning for danger and what's wrong. So even now in the modern day world, we're always looking for what's wrong, what's the problem, I'm the problem, are you the problem? And the reason I wanted to do so EDU is if you start at least twice a week, your day with positive thinking, it's like upgrading the software for the brain. If you leave the brain alone, it's kind upgrading the software for the brain if you leave the brain alone

It's kind of a cesspool and it's just random thoughts that are largely looking for problems or being a problem But if you actually start training your brain toward what you want to think about it's a training. It's a life practice It is a training. So that's interesting. So I do a lot of Meditation and you know for years and but I still feel like even though I heard my first, you know, meditation class 25 years ago, it was like a silent, I threw myself into it. I was like 25 and I did a 10 day silent retreat. I never meditated my life.

And I was like, okay, this is it. And then of course, I got out of the retreat and I did it for a month and then I never, you know, and I kept it my whole life has been a series of trying to get back to it. And right now the good news is, I believe that meditation is more common place. We've got apps, we've got things we could do.

You could do it for five minutes in the morning, but it's so hard. I think it's very hard to really get started with it. They don't really see, there's no immediate benefit, there's no quick fix. But yet, what I, what I realized from my first retreat was that my mind, all I had to do was sit there and breathe. And try it if I noticed my thoughts,

like a balloon, you've watched them leap. And it was so excruciating for those 10 days, it was like you've heard about these pike courses. I've done it. You've done the technique. And then like what I realized, what on my first take care was, God, my mind is this wild animal in the jungle.

And all I have to do is tame it and I cannot. And it's ruling me, I'm not ruling my mind. And I'm here to tell you I'm still not an expert on it, but I do know when I do my daily meditations, the more I do it, the better I am. The more I do it, the more in control I am. And so let's talk about that for a minute, because saying this is a practice,

you're like, oh God, but I go to the gym twice a week, and this is another thing I have to do. But let's talk about it, the exercises in the morning or how this can help people Maybe we could even do some of them because it's pretty great how you break it down So let's maybe we can talk about how it's not that feeding yourself if we don't Yeah, like a daily practice of giving yourself positive in the morning because what most of us do myself guilty included I tried to leave my phone outside the bedroom, and we look at our phones. We're checking Instagram.

We're checking our email. And then we're off and running and our brain takes over. So if you just plant the seed with, give me an example. Well, for example, the morning routine. A morning practice through the solely deal. Okay, so solely to you. So one that I posted the other day on Instagram was, never forget how many hands and hearts have helped you rise. That's the quote. And then the assignment is

think about all the people and you can think about this right now and you'll feel in your heart. I just thought that. That actually made you this extraordinary exquisite teacher of sexuality and basically life. That's who you are, it's a life teacher. And then actually take the time out of the blue to tell at least two of those people how they help you rise, what it meant to you that they were there, and basically lift them

up. Just lift them up. And in so doing, and this is the amazing part about positive psychology and this type of effort. When I appreciate you Emily, I get as much benefit. That's actually physiologically true. Right. It is. Yeah. So that's one of the lessons. That's a nice, so doable. Exactly. The lessons are easy, they're doable, they're short and then you get the benefit. Other people get the benefit because all these lessons have to do with an action out in the world. They're not just, hey, you know, change the way you're looking at yourself.

Because I think the best benefit for all of us comes in the interactive field. Like meeting you today was the highlight of my week, honestly, and also your assistant James Jamie. Anyway, James, do you? So, you know, that's where it really is happening in these moments of connection. And so, solely to you is about prioritizing that from the moment you get up, because digital experiences are rich, but they're not fully embodied experiences. Let's talk about embodiment from this. Yes, look.

I think that that's something that can be confusing. What does that mean to be embodied, to be embodied? How would you describe it? It's what I call high touch. In other words, instead of just the mind running the show, which is just from the neck up, you feel your breath, you feel your hands right now, I feel a little, I'm sweat on my hands,

I feel my butt in the chair, my feet are on the floor, I'm having a full sensory experience, and let's talk about sex. If I just have sex with my vagina, I'm not having the best experience I could ever have, if I have it with my ears, my nose, my eyes, and all my senses are alive, and I'm not having the best experience I could ever have. If I have it with my ears, my nose, my eyes, and all my senses are alive, and I'm fully animated, then I'm having an orgasm no matter if I climax or not.

Right, exactly. So that's what I talk about in body. And it's like, be here. Here we are. Exactly, it's like somatic therapy. I've studied somatic, I did a course, somaticized, trained in it. I feel like embodiment is something that is just,

when we're talking about meditation and yoga and all these things, you just want people, we just want to be in our bodies and feel it all, but so many of us talk about the reptilian brain and talk about being in our heads all the time that we're like, I remember my friend once said it is, like we haven't done the 12 inch journey for our heads or our heart, we're all just like,

you know, neck up. And so a lot of this work is connective then. So by reaching out to someone and saying, you did how they've helped you, you will feel that in your body and they will feel it too. And right now we are even more so cut off, like biologically speaking we are, but then with technology isolating us

and feeling like we're somehow having experiences, but they're not fully, they're not 4D, they're 1D, you know, we want to have the, we were given this extraordinary temple, this body that has senses and has the ability to read and feel other human beings were animals too, right? Right. So, when we're on devices, we're not in our animal body, and so we're cutting out the richest part of our tableau. And me it's reconnecting so I have an example at work We gave an assignment to one of our co-workers that she started having to call people instead of text them

And she just went I can't do that. I can't make phone calls That's I'm too uncomfortable and she kept coming back I said no actually you have to do it and finally, she started making phone calls and she said, it was unbelievable. Just to have that dimension. Exactly. Just the, because yeah, that's what we used to do, right? Making the calls, that that's amazing to me. So let's, I can't, I have to go back to the whole full sexual experience with your nose and your eyes and your mouth. So one of the biggest, you know, complaints and questions we get from people is, how do I get out of my head during sex and into my body?

How do I do that? Sex is so disconnected for me and then still, you know, when I talk about getting in your senses and smelling and tasting and feeling and that is that in self as a practice. You might have to do it 10 times during a sex act to actually get there. Now is this something, how did you learn all this? Were you always having, were you out of the womb, great sex? No, no, no. I had great sexual experiences with guys in junior high and high school. Okay. And I had beautiful lovers. They were amazing. That was very lucky. Yes. And then I was with women too. And I had great lovers. So I've been lucky. Let's just say

that. But what mostly is true for me is that my biggest turn-on is emotional intimacy. And so I think where people are really not getting the complete package, let's say, is when they don't realize that the biggest erotic organ is connection, it isn't necessarily the mechanics. So I had with those two guys and later with other people, the experience of, hey, let's slow down. Let's talk. How are you feeling? I mean, I'm not over talking. I'm not a big talker. I got it. But it's about

actually, this is much more than two bodies mashing together. These are two souls connecting. And if you can have all the parts of you lit up, not just your sex organs, but your mind, your heart, all of it, then it's like a wonderland. Exactly. That's what we're so okay. So I'd be like to call it like a satiosexual, someone who's attracted to the mind, and that emotional intelligence, emotional, what did you say? It was emotional connection, emotional emotional emotional emotional emotional emotional. Yes, well I teach social and emotional education. So, but intimacy for me is the cause. Emotional intimacy is what you're saying.

Because I would say the brain to the largest sex organ, and you were essentially, it's kind of like the same thing, but I love how you're saying this, that it's this emotional intimacy is what we crave, and we don't even know it. Yes, and a big piece I teach the teens and adults is the only universal language of all the languages is feelings.

Only one where every single human being is made the same. Sad, sad, mad, mad, happy, happy, fear, fear. So sex, if it's gonna be orgyastic on every level. Orgyastic? Yeah. I love those. It's gonna be affect. Like you're feeling what I'm feeling, isn't that the ultimate?

How do you get there? I think having the courage to be vulnerable, transparent, and authentic from the get-go, like not thinking sex is gonna make us closer. Well, right. Okay, so that's what we realize too, especially teaching young girls, you realize in young boys, we think that sex is this transactional thing just with our bodies, that gets a physical act of getting orgasm

or if your heterosexual penis goes into a vagina, and that is the act, and you're talking about energy and connection and emotional, and it's just like, people are like, well, we talked a lot, and then we got down to business. And so it is, I mean, I think this is a journey, and I think the world is opening up more to this right now, but let's kind of drop into it more

about how that happens. Like, you know, for you or for others, how would you teach it? How would you... Well, this is what we're working on. But we're still shut down. We're shut down. We don't know how to be vulnerable.

I have all the work per day brown, sewing per-vowl, vulnerabilities, becoming like a buzzword. And I just think we're so afraid to show ourselves because of our our up rings and our parents didn't model vulnerability. And we were actually maybe shamed for opening up about emotions and then men are told never to feel things, you know, to be kind of stereotypical. Now, but that's what we hear. But then women too. And what we want to be the cool girl is something else. Like I'm not going to show them how I really feel. And then as a result of that, people are

having a lot of disconnected, not very great sex. Yeah. And one of the axioms I really practice and think about is, if you want to be loved, you actually better be yourself. Because if somebody's loving you for some posturing you're doing or pretending you're doing, you aren't going to believe they love you anyway. Exactly. Well, then take going back to soul edu. What I love about this is it's almost like the first step because it teaches you, because when you say love yourself, you know, including myself, we've so many like how could I possibly

have done so many things wrong or I'm messing up. But this is kind of a way to fall in love with yourself or get to know who you are. So then when you go out into the world, you are a person. Yeah, it's like building a muscle. Like you said, people go to the gym to get in shape. This is getting in good emotional shape. And I think the payoff is even more robust than physically. I think we need to do the physical, but the emotional workout is super important for us to feel like we can receive and give the affection we most desire.

And do you think we all desire the same kind of things? No, we do not. Some people really don't like to have, for example, sex with intimacy. It's too scary for them because of their old broken attachment issues. Some people really like to go fast and go slow, but the whole thing is, let's at least be real about it. So start with transparent, authentic communication, no matter what your desires are. Exactly.

I think most people would say they don't want the emotional intimacy or they, that that sounds really scary to them, but ultimately I think if people didn't have all their armor on and all their dysfunction and all their challenges from childhood, then would you believe that we would all drink the emotional intimacy, Alexa, and have that kind of sex? Completely, and I also am very idealistic

and I think if people had this kind of conversation that you're doing and that I'm doing from a very young age, not only would people be having much better sex, but I think they'd have much better relationships because sex is a part and it can take up a bit of time in a relationship, but mostly you're actually doing other things with people.

And the spillover of emotional intimacy is being known, it's being safe, seen, and celebrated as my friend Jennifer Buffett says. Yeah, safe, it is true. That is the most kind of thing, but what happens with all these couples now when they feel like they feel so safe and so seen and that they no longer have the arousal,

they no longer have that interest in their partners? Because there's another piece to intimacy, which is the friction of individuality. Like, in order to really keep, I think, attraction alive, each person has to still be a mystery to the other. And if we trade off our most essential parts in order to be close and secure, we miss that fuel that makes us really desire somebody,

which is a little bit like, I don't really know you and haven't Figured you all out and there's still a chase in there. So we're talking about being open and vulnerable and sharing everything And then the mystery. Yeah, how do you have both of those the mystery? It's not we're not saying secrets though We're just saying I Understand that because I feel like I I I might be someone whose people have has presented as like, I don't know what she's all about, just because I truly am always on a journey.

But for others, they might be scratching their heads going, well, what do you? The mystery is about self-development. So the minute we shut ourselves down in order to curry favor from someone else, we're no longer mysterious, we're more dead. So to me, the mystery that we're cultivating and you definitely have that panache, whatever it is,

is somebody that's on fire about themselves. You never can quite keep up with them because they keep growing. Right, exactly. And now we say, like, oh, I don't want to be the partner who hasn't done their work yet. Like, what do you mean? Like, I'm like, they're just curious.

Like, they're not just settling. They're in, hopefully, like, they've done some kind of therapy work or they're meditating and they're just on the path. Because then life, to me, that's just not interesting. Like you're what, like what you do, it isn't as interesting as you're like who you are and what you believe and what you're, like that you've, what you've uncovered. Like if you've peeled back the layers of your own psyche, you know, yes. According to your astrology chart, the perfect mate for you will be somebody that's extremely

into deep transformation on a daily basis that does not settle for status quo. Let's just do our thing. You want somebody that's balls out, going to really be into delving into the unknown. Yeah, exactly. Are there certain signs that are better for others? No, that's all really?

That's all BS. Okay. Because we're very complex and in anyone's actual chart, if they get a decent reading, there's so many more things going on. So there's no such thing as, oh, Taurus is good only with this one. No, because there's like a hundred different moving parts in my order to learn. I've learned all this that I'm so much like tourists. Is it in other things?

You got tourists, Gemini, you've got cancer. You know, we all have everything within us. It's how it's combined. It's like a beautiful stew and you have to know all the ingredients and how they fit together. But to say, oh, this sign goes with this sign would be like saying, your nail polish goes best with his nail polish. It means nothing. I mean, it's nothing. That's kind of what I thought. And that feels good.

So when my accent by saying birthday, that probably didn't really... What were they the same year exactly? No. No. So it's an entirely different universe. Oh, I could have spared you a lot of trouble. You really could have.

I'm so glad you're in my life right now. I'm understanding that. All right, guys, we're gonna take a quick break and then we're gonna come back with more. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪ OUTRO MUSIC- [♪ Do you? It's a daily practice. It's in every, it's twice a week. Twice a week, you can do it. In fact, it was coming every day and my good friend, McKenna said to me, can you just stop with the every day, I can't keep up? But that's the thing, there's so much to keep up with right now, but I want to do it now. So I feel like I'm gonna really get to your program. It's Wednesdays and Saturdays, and then there's like a topic,

and then I'll be switching topics. It's online at JenniferFree.com. You can sign up. But you're there. I'm going to, is it like a... No, it's not. It's not at least it, I want to. Yeah, I release it. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to be there.

And then I love to get emails from people that are doing the course. And it is free and it's going to be free because my last name's JenniferFree. Yes, it is. Exactly. Also, then you have your relationship wisdom, which I've also taken a look at. In this course, you talk about people writing their own sex bill of rights, which I love.

Can we talk about that? Yeah. Okay. Well, this is what we do with the teens. Once we've heard from them all their basic misconceptions about sex and that it's like guys, you know, only want girls that have completely shaved pubes and they find us disgusting unless we're bare, you know, then we go, okay, how's that working for you to be defined by other? And then we talk about for a whole session, if you were to write your sexual bill of rights, and then we put them in small groups of threes and fours, and then

there's four small groups, and they come back with a whole list, and then everybody votes on what are the best ones. In reading this effort, women, our teens, I've realized that I talked with adults every day who need, they haven't done that work yet either. Their sexual history, who they are, what they desire, their core erotic theme, or all the places that you go, or the values. I feel like we send our kids out into the world, and then they become adults, and I say that people self-sex the same way they did the first time they had sex because they never updated any

Information so I have friends on who are 50 who are like oh, I got to play it cool or I got to be the cool Or I have to still give a blowjob to a guy and not receive oral. I'm like what planet But we don't update it so to me some of this stuff is so crucial that you could do it at any time What the sexual wisdom or relationship wisdom workbook is applicable to any woman of any age or any man of any age. It's just, I happen to create it for teens, but I've had many women friends go, I can't answer these questions. Well, right, but we need to answer them to really be able to deepen and to ask for what

they want. But then the society, the culture is still telling us that women are still believing it's a serve partner is not themselves. So there's just so much to undo. Well, the worst thing I think that happens that you are dispelling is that we should know all this already. So there's so much shame in a woman or a man of a certain age, not just totally instinctively knowing everything there is to know about sex. What crap? You've actually, it's a workout, like any other workout, and it's something you should study, just like getting a BA in English. There should be a bachelor's degree

in sex-positive relationships. I agree, I agree, because we're all struggling. I love it, so I love it. These are the biggest people all learn differently, and I tell people, a lot of people listen to the podcast with their partners, and it's so hard to talk about, or I said, do your research, do read books.

What was really impactful for you on your journey of learning about sex? Like, was there like books or teachers or gifts? Well, this is going to blow your mind, but it's going to be funny. I'm older. And so I came up in the time where people were just doing everything. And I studied a lot because I was fascinated like you from an early age. But the other thing that happened is I went to this weekend sex workshop where everybody starts off naked. I love it.

And men and women and looking at everything and exploring everything. That was when I was like 22. And it just goes from there. I just was always curious. So I think the most important tool that any of us have is curiosity. I'd ask anyone and every one I could talk to about their sex life. I just was wanting to know. I knew I didn't know.

Let's talk. Let's find out. So my journey and lots of therapy, because I had stuff to work through. But I think that's, and women's groups. I was in women of therapy. Because, you know, I had stuff to work through, but I think that's, and women's groups, I was in women's groups. So, you say, I did the women's therapy group, so yeah, so I think it's all an exploration,

and it's a journey, and you wouldn't go to a foreign country if you're smart and not know a thing about it. Right. So, reading, talking, listening, exploring, trying new things. That's exactly what it is. We all believe that it's just magically be amazing with every new partner.

And it just, every time we have it, because in the beginning, there's that magical, like, honeymoon phase where it is good, because it's new and exciting. And then afterwards, everyone's just, they're at the arms. We have them totally lost. So of these exercises that you do, or some of the things, what have you seen have been the most transformational

as far as getting people more in touch with themselves? Like I know you have the like what are your values and some of these stuff or what are your training on for your audience would be right now redesign your first sexual experience. Okay, so let's talk about that. So if I say to you, Emily, if you could have the most mind-blowing, heart-expanding, satisfying, first sexual experience, where would you be?

Who would it be with? What would be there? What wouldn't be there? What would you have done to prepare for it? Who would know about it? Who wouldn't know about it? You just really get into all the possibilities of what could make it the most incredible initiatory experience you

could ever have. And then, after you spell all that out, and what difference would that have made to your sexual history? So, it's kind of like undoing that first experience that might, and let's be honest, who has an amazing first time experience? Like nobody. So, you're re, it's like, there's a repair and thing in therapy. Like you're re, you're recreating that experience again to make it something

that actually works for you. So what's interesting about that though, I always feel like people, and I do this on the show, but I'd love to hear her. You explain this. Oftentimes people, they know they want something better, and they want to have more fulfilling sexual experiences, but they don't even know like what's on the menu. Right. So they're like, well, I don't know how to do it differently, but maybe they would. Like, oh, I would have used protection or it would be someone

I really loved, but even just sex in general. There's when we're saying there's so much to learn, it's like we don't even know what's possible. That's why I was so curious and I had a way with asking people but I would just say Emily of all your sexual experiences what was the best, what made it great, who was there, who wasn't. I would just start doing some investigation and out of that maybe at least five people, men, women, like what made it hot. Well did you find common themes in that when you ask people? People are so particular and different but at least the menu grew bigger. Yeah. and women, like what made it hot? Well, did you find common themes in that when you asked people? People are so particular and different,

but at least the menu grew bigger. Yeah. It wasn't the same answer all the time. Right. I've asked those questions, it's funny, because that's how I started. I said, well, what was the best sexer life or like what was most memorable?

And it seems like for a lot of people, what I realized, it's always like something that's kind of spontaneous. They didn't know what was going to happen. Dibbilias, it was a new lover. Someone knew where they just happened upon them. Vacation. There's a lot of like palm trees and nature.

Nature has a nature to play in a lot of fantasy. Right, a lot of fantasy. Yeah. What do you think that is about? Well, I think again, worse and amorous. Yep. And we in our hereditary understand primal energy and it's always connected to nature and our true nature.

So if we're really gonna satisfy primarily sex on a great level is when you're uninhibited and just fully free to be your animal lusty self coupled with your emotional mind, then you're really have an extraordinary experience, but that requires that you are in touch with nature, so natural settings. Are you sensitive? Yeah.

I love some sex on the beach. Yes, sex on the beach, sex on the mountains, sex. It's just sex, right? So those were some of the things that's interesting. So recreating your sexual story. In talking about signs, like you said, okay, there's not, you know, I found that I have a lot of Gemini friends, for example. I'm a Gemini, I have like 16 birthday parties this month, or I have dated sometimes more than others.

So you're saying, but that's not really, why does that, those things happen then? That I tend to... Because there's certain aspects of ourself that we're either lacking and want more of, or we're really into that part of ourself and we want more mirroring for that. But these are parts of ourself. So for example, I'm very drawn to the Sun sign, women and men of cancer. Cancer is ruled by the moon and it's a really deep feeling vulnerable sign. That's because generally I'm a thinking fiery type and I like to be around people that are more soft and emotional, male or female. You, Gemini, love to be with your Gemini friends because

one of your favorite things is spicy, robust, authentic conversation. So one piece of geminizes, they're all pretty much into that. So it's not that it doesn't show you something. It's just not the whole picture. Right. So when you're talking about a mirror, so I feel like also we can get into unhealthy relationships when someone feels comfortable, right? Like you know that whole, the whole,

the whole talk about recreating patterns from your childhood that might not be even that healthy. So a daily abusive partners are being attracted to the bad boys or being attracted to what's comfortable. Is there anything in your work that kind of can explain that or help people completely? So here's the thing, if somebody or something feels really familiar, think of the etymology

of that word family-like. And if that person feels family-like, that could also mean family patterns that are not really in your best interest, but they're just familiar. Like, oh, I've known you before. Well, yes, you have. That was the father that was controlling and tyrannical to you that you're now repeating. The other thing about this psychologically is people are always trying to correct their broken experiences from childhood with new partners. The thing is, you didn't say, hey Joe, I signed you up to be the father I could cure. So the thing is, if somebody's familiar to you, you've got to really ask yourself, is

this comfortable because it's a negative repeating compulsory pattern or is it comfortable because I can fully express myself and be met there? That is brilliant because that makes so much sense that Dr. Drew Pinsky, I was in love with him and he said this saying like, your pickers broken, your pickers broken. So the second you, which I think is so true, is that in the sense of, and another way to say it is that if you, the second you might feel someone is so familiar and you're so comfortable

and you keep dating these same kind of people, it's not working. That's when you stop for a second and maybe you turn the other way, like maybe that shouldn't be the thing that you're drawn towards. So what we're drawn towards might not be the healthiest things,

but it can be so hard to discern if you haven't done the work yet. It can be hard and you need a really good committee. Like I have a friend right now, he's a beautiful man and he's just newly single and he's dating five women. And he has actually assigned four of us to disallow certain people. Like if they're out for you, they're out for me and he's totally trusting us. Because he's had a hard time discerning and he knows it and he knows we only have the best interest for him. We have no skin in the game, except for his happiness.

So wait, so you're saying of the people that he's bringing up, wait, you're saying of the people. He has us meet them. Okay, oh, you meet them. And you meet them? Yeah. And he goes, if they're out for you, Jennifer, they're out. Wow.

And it's not out for me like I need to love them. But if they're threatened or whatever, by you. No. No, no, it's more like he just had me meet this one gal and he said if it's he basically goes if it's not good for the community, it's not good for me. And so I meet her and I basically said to him, I can hang with her forever. She's great for me. Here's how your life's going to look. She's going to control everything. And ultimately, you may be very passive in this relationship. If that's what you want, I'm a thousand percent behind her. She's a good pick. Did he want that? He kind of does. Yeah, that's interesting.

Yeah. A lot of times we're just craving a relationship and a partner and kids in the family that we don't spend any time thinking. We spend way more times in our career or what touts we're going to buy or car or anything else, but like our partner to even have that, it's so amazing how intuitive you are. I mean, this is your work and your psychic in a way that's like beyond, like oh, she's like, no, like you really are to have that,

to be able to see that in a met that's his life that you'd be able to live like she would be this, can be calling, but you're so right. Yeah, and that's what he wants. Good, yeah. But we don't often even know what we want or what's going to be healthy. So we always tell people, don't get married at least till you're 30. But if you haven't done your work yet,

and don't be so snow balled by that attraction part. Like what I say to all my clients is it literally takes six months to two years for the drugs to wear off to see anyone clearly. And so if you're really thinking of a future with somebody, don't move in with them and don't make a permanent commitment until you've been with them two years because the deal is you will know by then what life is like without magical sex, without the drugs in the brain that make you think you can't live without them. And you'll get a clear shot of, are we actually the best for each other? What I want for all people, friends or lovers, is that they get to be better and better and better through this connection with this person.

Any relationship that leaves us feeling bigger on a day to day is the ones we should pursue. So back up for a second, the honeymoon phase that we're talking about is the six months to two years. I always say that you are on drugs. You look at the brain wave patterns, all the hell and fish or stuff, people falling in love, they look like they're on drugs.

Yeah. And then you have to wait for that because it's not really the real planet, real world. And that is ultimately the great test, is that is this person celebrated? Shouldn't be as much of a struggle. All relationships are our challenges for sure, learning how to communicate, but you want someone who is celebrating, you make you feel like the best version of yourself.

So when you're with them, they are celebrating your successes and they're with you, with your, your wins and your challenges. And it's like, we somehow are not always attracted to that, which is interesting because we want to be around friends that make us feel good mostly if we're involved, but but then we tend to pick most of the 50% of marriage and divorce. We don't know how to seek that out. There's two part. The early material runs a lot of people into what we said before

or dysfunctional relationships. But the other piece that I see a lot is that because of our overly hyper romanticized culture, people expect that that honeymoon will last forever and their narcissistic wounding will think that when that honeymoon part is over, well, we're not in love anymore. And they won't do the work. Exactly. To make a relationship truly sensational

and worth having, you gotta dig in and really be willing to go beyond that buzz. So let's talk about the buzz work that you could do. I always say the first time you have sex with someone is a great time to start talking about what you want and bed. What are you waiting for? Do it the first time as for, but we're so excited. So good as a Gemini.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Like what are we not talking about together? Why are we gonna flail around in the dark? No, don't, you know, in the candles, you should use, I don't believe in having sex the way in the dark. But so then what are some of those questions

that you think could help people deepen that to find out if they are with the right person? Well, one is definitely, can you be truly yourself with this person? Or are you hiding certain parts of your self thinking they wouldn't be love? That's bing! Not a good idea. Second is you really want to ask each other, what are the non-negotiables in the long term, and what are the things that are absolute dreams that we're going to hold each other accountable for? Because the other thing I was thinking about a friend the other day, yeah, she got with this hot guy, they're having amazing sex,

and then what do they do? Binge watch TV, five nights a week, and feel like complete dead waste. So, having great sex isn't the end all be all it is not the end all be all I mean no, I mean it's important. Yeah, but yeah, I've had relationships I was like I just want the compared the companionship and then I'm like, but we're sitting on your apartment Yeah, I've had that exact experience. I'm not feeling a Barti TV I'm not a better human because this is lifting me up

Yeah, so if you don't feel great I'm not feeling a barge TV. I'm not a better human because this is lifting me up. So if you don't feel great, and I think early on that signs to someone called into the show the other day, she had only been in the relationship for six months and there was all this drama and all these problems because of maybe the first week it was great. We get so attached that early phase.

So really it's just opening your eyes that they yes, they're work, but they should make ultimately just, is this person do you feel? I always say to my friends, well is it more good than bad? When they're like, I don't know what to this is person. Do you feel I always say to my friends Well, is it more good than bad when they're like I don't know what to do I'm like, well, hopefully it's feeling you out more than it's draining you Yeah, is one way to go with it. Yeah, and sometimes people substitute drama for genuine feeling

Real feeling doesn't have that kind of alarm to it. It's Interest curiosity engagement that kind of alarm to it. It's interest, curiosity, engagement. It's looking in the same direction instead of always looking at each other to be filled up. It's like, wow, Emily, let's go hear that concert together. Let's go read that new book together. Let's go visit this friend together. That's what builds intimacy.

It's not just always pouring into each other and expecting to be filled up. Who can do that? Yeah, I've done that in the past. I be filled up. Who can do that? Yeah. I've done that in the past. I've done that. I've done that. It does not work because to me, it felt like, yeah, we're all we're so connected.

Just the two of us against the world. It's just empty, right? That's when the stale, you know, the wrote behaviors and all that stuff set in. So this is the mystery that we're raised. I went earlier is that when you're constantly, like, hey, I got this thing for, I like you have to plan some crazy things. Like, this is what I'm into, come along with me. And then let's experience new things together.

I would say the couples who play together, stay together. So even if it is visiting your friends or going off on a hike together, doing things, but you can get to do these things together. Yes. You know what relationships and trouble when the learning has stopped? That's just not a good equation for stimulation.

In order to be really alive, and let's just start there, that's what makes us hot and sexy, whatever age we are is our aliveness and our dynamism. To be really alive means every day you're looking forward to learning something new about yourself, other people and topics. And then the reason we don't do that,

let's talk about that is because we want to be comfortable and safe. So we eat the same foods, we do the same things, we watch the same shows. So that's not the, why we don't go towards that. We don't go towards the excitement we go towards safety and comfort. Comfort. Well, I think we need both. So we can't ignore the parts of us that need safety and comfort. And I can say I have a tourist moon. So do you? Yes. I live on safety and comfort. But that should be my launch pad, not the end destination.

Safety and comforts my launch pad. It's not the place that I'm going to stay because I'm going to be regressing into mama, mama, mama, mama. That's safety and comfort. Right, exactly. God, that's so dense. Now, what about the masculine feminine energies? Do you ever talk about any of this,

like how we live in our masculine, are we going to our feminine in different places? I don't know if that would be. Yeah, well, here's how I talk about it, Yen and Young, because I think even calling certain things feminine, certain things masculine today is really not PC. But also, it just doesn't really hit the bill

because a friend of mine once said to me, I think the feminine is everything. There's nothing that isn't feminine, so let's start there. But in terms of Yen Yang, we all have these capacities to be receptive, to be nurturing, to be kickass assertive, to be aggressive. We've all got that. And in order to really enjoy a relationship, you don't want to be split off. Like Emily, you'll be this, this, and this, and I'll be this, this, and this. Hopefully,

we can both be a lot of things at different times. Right. Exactly. And you're switching. So that's more like the chemistry. The chemistry. Chemistry. So elusive too, but it is sort of like playing with that, with the energy. Yeah. That's all energy. Let's talk a little bit about the obsession. Everyone has now with astrology and you said that it doesn't really matter, but what part of it can we take from this that can be informative? Well, I think that people are craving meaning as the world gets more disassociated and it is. And loneliness is a bigger epidemic right now than smoking.

I think people are searching for ways to understand themselves and others and reconnect. And I think astrology as a map is the most fascinating way to start getting more interested in ourselves in each other. So for example, if we just did the sunsines and we say you're a Gemini, so psychologically and spiritually, you're ruled by Mercury as a sun sign means that you're passionate about communication. You always want to be learning. You have to make things accessible to people because your ultimate goal is to network people together and create a community of learning. That's Gemini, yes.

And then the shadow side of Gemini. So I always talk psychologically about that. Yes, that's right. It's too dispersive, too scattered, and too involved with too many things to ever really feel a depth and mastery and substance of any one thing. Not true about you, but a lot of Gemini's have that issue. I have no that, that resonates. Okay. So then, you know, we can take another sign like Aries. Aries is a fire sign ruled by Mars. So at its best, it's bold, it's courageous, it's pioneering. Aries has this extraordinary capacity to protect the underdog because of this Mars energy, fiery

Mars. Unskillful or shadow side of Aries is reckless, impulsive, brash, immature, self-centered. So here's my book that's going to come out in 2020. Use your planet's wisely. It's going to talk about we just have- You just plan it's wisely. That's what it's called. That's amazing. It's going to be-

It's absolutely the life work that I've created and I'm thrilled to share it in January 2020. But what it's going to talk about is every part of your chart can be used at a very unskillful level or a very skillful level. So let's take Libra, the opposite of the areas. All right, so Libra's ruled by Venus. And Libra at its ultimate is cooperative.

I wanna please you. I wanna make sure you're feeling okay. And is very much into relationship as the other is the important one. And I will serve them. But the shadow side of Libra is they don't think enough about themselves. And therefore they become too indecisive, they become too responsive. And they don't really have their own track firmly decided and people can get really annoyed.

Like, well, who are you? What are you? What are you thinking like that? Right, okay. That is so, I mean, and then we can find this all in your book that's coming out into 2020, which you're gonna be back on.

I'm gonna be back on. I'm not gonna ask you for exclusive because it's gonna be huge but I just need you to come by again. One more thing I wanna get back to is this sexual wisdom. What I liked is when you talk about laying out your values and where we learned our messages and our attitude towards ex, how important that is, once you figure that out, is it more

like, once we figure out our values and our messages, that's going to inform what we want sexually and what we desire. Well, Carl Jung said, whatever remains unconscious, we experience as fate. So just to break that down, if you're not conscious of what's inside of you and what's been programmed in you, you most likely will just act it out without even knowing. But if you actually start looking at, what were my family messages about sex? The spoken ones and the unspoken ones. Like, for example, I saw my parents really hot

for each other. That gave me a sex positive message. But I also never heard them making sounds in bed. That gave me another kind of message, right? Like sex is quiet. Yeah. So if you really get interested in how you were raised and what you learned from your family,

what you learned from your classmates, what you learned, then you have more choice. When we're conscious, we get to choose. When we're unconscious, we're just robots following an automatic program that we didn't relieve in dial-in. Exactly. And I think most of us are an automatic robots. Mostly people are. Yes.

I believe that. So that is actually what we're talking about right now is the un-examined life is not worth living. And that we really, that when I tell everyone like you got to do your work or go to therapy, I mean, there's other routes to that, but really just even if you guys checked out your soul, EDU at JenniferFree.com, it gets you just to start anchoring and questioning things and thinking about, does this still serve me? Because I know around sex people have all these beliefs that come came from their religious institution, their parents, all these places that they just don't serve them

anymore. Maybe it's just not even who you are. So I just this is what I'm saying. If you don't want to go to therapy, I think this is, John Lone, your book is a great way to start. We all want to do it here. We're like, whoa, these are great questions. I just want to just start looking into it, start looking into where you are, how you got here, how you develop these beliefs and opinions, and it absolutely will. It'll make it, now we can impact on the kind of sex you're having, but the kind of partners you're choosing and how you're moving through the world. Well, I think what you're about and I'm about is sex is one part, relationship is a big part, but it's about how you live.

The question at the end of your life isn't really gonna be, who did I have sex with? Or what was it like? It's gonna be, did I live my life that is unlike anyone else's? And if you're not on automatic, you can have your own life. But if you're just following programming,

you're really just marching yourself along with a lot of other people, and you don't know what you're capable of. And we're all capable of so much. We really are. And so even though that might be scary to look inside, and a lot of us are numbing and running and using our phones or drugs or alcohol or a sex,

to not have to do that works. So it's almost like if this speaks to you in some way, it probably means there's some work to do. If there's something in your life that you feel is not, you don't have control over, meaning like the amount of you drink or do anything like that, take a few deep breaths and take a look at the, take a look at what's really going on inside.

You have to, like that's just how you're gonna get out of anything, there's no, it's not gonna be getting the money, you're the job or the partner or the ring or any of that stuff. I'm telling you that stuff is not the thing that makes you happy. That's not the thing that's going to have a good deal. Yes, and I have a couple of Capricorn friends. I want to use this example. Capricorns at their best are extraordinarily disciplined and dutiful, and they really go after what they want and they climb the mountain, they succeed.

But I have at least two Capricorn friends that checked every box, mate, job, baby. You know, they checked them off. They just went on the search and they did it. And both of them are dying of depression right now because getting what you want is for the ego. The ego goes, I want this, I want that, I want that. And then you get those things and then,

but wait a second, I want this, I want that, I want that. And then you get those things and then, but wait a second, I don't feel fulfilled. Because the entire chase was about somewhere in you feeling like you lack something, so you needed something. So the real question life is, can you become your own source of divine inspiration and fulfillment on a daily level and not be looking outside of you for something to make you complete? Now that's easy to say,

but talk about a worthwhile journey. And it doesn't mean you can have people help you along the way or give you great sensational experiences. But if you think if I get the job, if I've never met anyone that went, I got the car, I'm good forever. I got the man, it's always the next thing. It's right, because it's the craving for the date. The craving is endless. It is endless. So I always say, be the person you want to find,

fill yourself up and also thinking that someone's going to complete us. We have to ultimately walk around. We have to complete ourselves. And have tons of support doing that. Like I would never be as happy as I am. I'm a pretty joyful person, but that's because I have so many close friends

and work allies that I love. I work at a place called AHA. Every day I walk into work. There's 25 people that want to hug me and love me, and I love them right back. And to have a workplace like that Yeah, yeah, that that's like where you spend most of your time exactly So I agree what is a high that's something that you wanted to talk about or that's that's your education

That's the nonprofit that I co-founded with Randy Friedman back in 1999 because of the Columbine massacre We decided young people and families needed a place to go to learn about how to relate to each other and how to reduce prejudice and how to become allies for peace and well-being inside, outside, and in community. And because our whole atmosphere is about this kind of connectedness and relatedness, I'm not kidding you. Every day I go to work is a party. And it's a party of healthy affectionate and also calling each other out on any kind of bad behavior or mistakes, but in love.

And so my life is not just doing good things for people but every day being rewarded in the interactions that we have at work. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's so true. You spend more time at work than anywhere else. I mean, I do my part of myself. I think we have a great environment here. I was like, how do we make it better?

I want everywhere. I always say, come in here. I'm like, we are all supporting each other. It has to be about love and about support. And what drives me nuts, I have a young male client right now. Where every day he walks into work and feels horrible and is treated badly. And I just think how many people on this planet could have vital, juicy, exciting lives

if their work environments were sex-positive, touch-positive, affectionate, positive, authentic, transparent, and also conflict resolving places. Exactly, and they're so not, and now it's just like with touch, you can't touch an environment, you can't. No, I'm touching my people all the time. I just so you know, I'm grabbing butts and doing everything I need.

That's just true, but they know me. Yeah, exactly, no, we do that here too, but it's a little bit different, right? But no, I got it, it could be so toxic work environments, because we don't know. Oh, God, there's just none of these skills that we have. We need to learn how to communicate. Yeah.

Okay, Dr. Jennifer Fried. Thank you for being here. This was an amazing conversation. I know it is not our, it is our first one. It is not our last one. So I'm excited for your book to come out in 2020. You're going to come back. I want everyone to go to Jennifer Fried, our F-R-E-D dot com, or at Dr. Jennifer Freed on Instagram and at Dr.

Jen Freed. On Twitter, we'll have all this of the show notes, but just thank you so much for being here and for sharing your wisdom. And I hope everyone goes on the journey with you and text out your soul, E.D.U. which is a free free source for everybody and just thank you for for sharing your gifts today with me and my listeners. Well, I want to thank you because looking at your chart before I met you went, oh my long lost sister, because I just feel like you are up to great things because your soul, your spirit is the genuine article and so thank you for allowing me to be part of your journey.

Thank you so much. Okay guys, I hope you enjoyed the interview with Dr. Jen Fried. As always, you guys, please subscribe to the show. Do that right now. We so appreciate it. Share it with your friends. Check us out on social media. That's all super helpful, and I love hearing from you.

Thanks to my amazing team, Ken Michelle, Kristen, producer Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Aemami, feedback at sexwithemle.com.