Sex With Emily - Why Don’t I Ever Want Sex?

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

Here’s the truth about getting turned on. It’s a thousand times easier to feel sexual with others, if you’re already in the habit of getting sexual with yourself. But what does that look like? On today’s show, I’m talking sexy self-care practices that I recommend to everyone of every age, every gender, every relationship status. We’ll go over sensory engagement, breath work and solo sex techniques and toys, so you can keep your pilot light lit and feel erotic all the time. Plus, I take your questions: the difference between internal and external orgasms, arousal ideas for vulva-owners, how to approach sex with a new partner when you’ve been out of the game for a while, and much more.Show Notes:Sexy Positions to Try This Valentine’s Day5 Last-Minute, Ultra-Sexy Valentine’s IdeasPRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureHigherDOSE Sauna BlanketBreathing App: Apple | Google PlayJe Joue: Vita | Amour | Duet (code SEXWITHEMILY for 20% OFF)When it’s Time to Unplug, Plug in a Magic WandPromescent.com/Emily (use this link to automatically save 15% at checkout)BellesaTryQuinnXConfessions.com&JaneThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/sexwithemily and get 10% off your first month. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you know that only 20% of women have orgasms during penetration? Without clitoral stimulation. Oh, so I feel lucky, yes, I feel lucky. Yeah, you're really lucky, Pat. Like literally whenever you're feeling down and you're having a rough day, it's be like, I can orgasm during intercourse. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. So here's the truth about getting turned on. It's a thousand times

easier to feel sexual with others if you're already in the habit of getting sexual with yourself. But what does that look like? Well, in today's show, I'm talking sexy self-care practices that I recommend to everyone of every age, every gender, every relationship status. We'll go over sensory engagement, breath work, and solo sex techniques and toys, so you can keep your pilot light lit and feel erotic all the time. Well, or most of the time. Or more than you are right now.

Plus, I take your questions, the difference between internal and external orgasms, arousal ideas for blah, blah owners, how to approach sector the new partner when you've been out of the game for a while and much more. Intentions with Emily. For each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you to do the same.

My intention is to inspire you to take time today to get into your body and soothe your nervous system. We all need that kind of grounding, really. We do. By then, today's show, you'll have tangible ideas and how to do exactly that. Please rate and review, Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. We have two new articles up on our site, Sexy Positions to try this Valentine's Day, and five last-minute, ultra-sexy Valentine's Ideas. You can find both of them at sexwithemily.com.

Check out my YouTube channel, Social Media, and TikTok. It's all at Sex with the Emily for more sex tips and advice. And if you want to ask me questions, always include your name, social media, and TikTok. It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. And if you want to ask me questions, always include your name, your age where you live, and how you listen to the show. And it's told to cool to change your name or choose to your main anonymous. Before we begin today's show,

I just want to tell you something. If you haven't heard the news yet, I am coming out with a book that I've been working on for about two years, and it is going to be in your hands on June 13th. It's called Smart Sex, How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure. This is something that has been a long time coming. I got such a wonderful book partnership with Harper Collins and it was just been such an honor to write and also grueling and also I'm a

perfectionist. I wanted to get everything in there that I've been talking you all about but even more. And so like half of you writing the book I came up with a whole new angle and I just am really proud of it and I can't wait for all of you to get in your hands and to talk to me about it. And I'm also going to go on a book tour and I'm going to come into your town. So if you would love me to come visit or speak to your organization or even your ideas for me, tell me, email me, feedback at sexwithelm.com. You know, I have to say, and this is my 18th year I've been doing this podcast. I know, yes, podcasts were around 2005. I know it's insane, but I have never gone on a tour. So my plan is to do a live podcast, to

meet you all, do a book signing, a book talk. This book has so much in it and I want to just ask you a favor. I would love if you would pre-order my book right now, just go to sexwithamely.com or the link in the show notes. If you do go to sexwithamely.com, go to the drop down menu and select new book. It's easy right from there. Pre-ordering the book is huge. So if you're thinking,

of course I'm gonna buy a Dr. Elmys book. Well, if you wanna do it right now, I am forever grateful, you can easily do it, of course, I'm going to buy a Dr. Elmys book. Well, if you want to do it right now, I'm forever grateful you could easily do it. Like Amazon, I'm like, they'll just say, hey, we'll send you in June 13th. But it helps a lot. It helps with the mission of the book to get it out there,

to just have more eyeballs on it, more people improving their pleasure, you got it. So I just appreciate all of you for supporting it. One more thing, we will be revealing the cover very soon. I'm so excited about the cover as well. and I want to hear what you think about it. So thanks everyone for helping out here. Alright, everyone, enjoy this episode. Alright, let's face it.

I have a lot of you calling and writing and saying you're not having as much sex as you'd like. Either with yourself, or with a partner, and I keep reading all these studies about people are having sex, younger people are having sex anymore. It's a whole thing. But let me tell you, if you haven't had sex with someone else for a while, whether that's a casual or a serious partner, you're not going to be ready if you've been turned off this whole time. Hear me out. It's a practice. It's a muscle. For example, like if you've worked out for a while,

like maybe you've been taking a few weeks off or a few months off, you don't expect that you're going to be able to go to the gym and lift the same amount of weight or run the same distance on the treadmill, right? You know that it takes some time to build it back up. Well, in my opinion, the same thing happens with sex drive and our rouse-off, we have to keep our own pilot light lit, okay? We're in charge of that. And sex, keep a top of mind, whether you're in a relationship or not. So when you get into a relationship, you're not just going to be wondering like, oh God, why am I so disconnected by body or it's been a while, I got to catch up. No, just keep it going.

Because if you don't use it, you lose it. Really, you lose that connection with yourself. Maybe you start to tell yourself stories about your orgasms or your body or how you don't accept it enough and you don't want anyone to see you. And it just gets muddied and it gets varied. We need everything else we have to do. We just don't prioritize anyone to see you, and it just gets muddied, and it gets varied,

beneath everything else we have to do, we just don't prioritize our own rouse. A lot of times when we go out, we start dating again, and we are riding on that NRE, or new relation to energy, as we call it. It's exciting, it's new, you've never touched this person before, you've never kissed this person before,

and it can be really, really hot. But sometimes it can't be harder though, you're like, I'm not a practice, or I'm being turned on because it's the novelty of this person, but imagine, if you kept it going be harder though, you're like, I'm out of practice or I'm being turned on because the novelty of this person, but imagine if you kept it going the whole time so you already were at your peak arousal level because you've been in touch with yourself, right?

Like it's much better to walk every day for 20 minutes than to do nothing for two months, just like keeping up our health, right? It's much better to masturbate a few days a week or think about ways we can turn ourselves on than just waiting and waiting and waiting to have a partner and then having to like get back up to speed with your own body all at once.

And remember, if you're in a relationship, you should still be having these nights to yourself. So let's walk through some sexy self-care practices that you can try right now, like tonight. You can do these any day, but also I get it in Valentine's Day, the whole holiday devoted to romance. We can just sweep ourselves off our own feet. Or don't we? Because remember when we do practice self-love, we'll generate endorphins. We feel super relaxed and cared for. And maybe even learn something new about our turn-ons.

Alright, so let's do this. Here's some easy ways to get yourself on board with sex again. Engage your senses. One of the easiest ways to turn yourself on board with sex again. Engage your senses. One of the easiest ways to chart off an anxious, wandering, busy mind is to place your focus on your senses. Right? Here's a quick trick. When my mind's wandering and I'm not able to focus, I immediately do a scan of my environment and I think of my five senses.

I focus on what am I looking at right now? Maybe I'm looking at my feet on the floor. What am I hearing? I'm hearing my dog's nor. What am I looking at right now? Maybe I'm looking at my feet on the floor. What am I hearing? I'm hearing my dog snore. What am I tasting? I'm just tasting some chickpeas from the salad I just had. What am I smelling? I'm smelling that candle that I just let.

So when you do a round of your senses, even to just get to three of them, you immediately become grounded and in touch with the present moment. It's just this anchoring technique so I can no longer be anxious. I can't be thinking about the past or the future when I'm present in my senses.

Some other ways to mindfully engage your senses could be a warm bubble bath. It is winter, even here in Los Angeles. I always take baths. The hot water is very healing and grounding, but a massage. Note so great to treat ourselves to the pleasure of someone else's touch. Turn on your favorite music. You know, what you're doing yoga,

or just around the house. Go into the store or market, or picking up splurged ingredients to make yourself an amazing meal that tastes good. So whatever sensory practice makes your body relax, you know, the moment you think about it, like when you think about any of those things, where any of those that you went, ah, like to be honest, if I go to a market, try to pick up foods like I'm not a chef, I'm not probably going to do that, but you might like that. But like I said, I love a massage, I love a bubble bath. So think about which one of these resonate with you. And for me, that's like meditation and it's breath work. And like I said, it's like I love my higher dose. That higher dose sound of blanket

is probably one of the best things for myself care this year. It's like a sleeping bag, sauna. I don't know if I've talked to you guys about that in a while, but I can put it in my show notes if you want to check that out. So really, I'm just trying to encourage you to think about engaging your senses in a positive way

because when we gift our body in Dorf and something we all need, we just, we won't get ever get tired of receiving. So like I mentioned, breath work, I think we're going to be hearing a lot more about breath work in coming years, at least I hope. So I'm a huge fan of mindful breath work. I actually did it before the show. I sat here for three minutes. When we do deep belly breaths, we stimulate the vagus nerve, which is a nerve that runs from the base of our head all the way to our stomach. And the vagus nerve, which you maybe have that runs from the base of our head all the way to our stomach. And the vagus nerve, which you maybe have been hearing more about these days, it's in charge of our parasympathetic nervous system, which tells our fight or flight turn off

and ease into rest and digest mode, which is what we're talking about about calming and, you know, experiencing less anxiety. So I found this app is really helpful for it or just breathing. You can do it on your own. So the app is called breathing and I freaking love this app. They makes it so easy because it's only three minutes and it immediately calms me and immediately drops me into the present moment. So box breathing is so easy again. You don't even need an app to do it. So listen to this. I'm going to play it for you. Okay. Box breathing is classic, it's inailing for four counts, holding for four counts, exiling

for four, holding for four. So here's the app. Do it with me. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Hold. Hold.

Inhale. All right, so that's around the box. Don't you just feel relaxed already a little bit? Okay, so I just think it's an easy form of self-care. And sometimes I do that even with my partner. We'll start to, I don't feel like we're gonna do this, you just get caught up in sex and you're like, I'm not even really ready to have sex yet or I wasn't feeling it. I'll just say, can we breathe for a minute and I'll just play this app and we immediately

let the day melt away and become grounded and focused. So I love encouraging people to think about breath differently as a healing tool. All right, solo sex. Let's talk about that. And to know that you're relaxed and you've got your fully engaged with your senses, slow breathing, you, my friend,

are in a perfect state for solo sex. Remember that orgasms are so good for our health. They release oxytocin, dopamine and doorphins, they help us sleep better, they help us manage stress. So as you touch yourself, I encourage you not to like bang it out right away, hit it in quit it, try to do something a little bit different. Touch, keep breathing deeply, engaging your senses. Maybe you edge or tease yourself. Make it a whole thing. See how long you can expand your solo play. Maybe you have some wind nearby or a piece of chocolate. I think that we think of sex as a linear way that we just have to lay down, master, make it done and then move

on. But I love the idea of weaving it throughout your evening and stretching it into an entire self-care, self-loving experience. So speaking of vibes that I'm loving right now, Jezou, I talk about them all the time. They have three new bullet vibes. I'm simply obsessed with. They are adorable. They have the Vita, the Amor, and the Duet. You have to just see what I mean. I'll put this in the show notes, but each one of these bullets have to sense a adorable

personality. Wand is like a little wand that has a bullet at the end. Once it has a little heart shape that gives you playful sensations, you can use it all over the body. And the duet has a little more rounded points on it, which is great for literal stimulation and some shallow penetration play. But these are just fun. They're fun gifts. I don't know, I haven't seen anything like it in a while.

I love them. J.J. is such a fun luxury brand, but not with the prices. They're not, it's not crazy. And that way they just feel luxe. And they have this deep, rumbly sensations all their toys have. I love the silicone.

They're just very creative. And I was sort of obsessed with these bullets and all things J.J. And right now, there's a 20% off all products for my sex dummy listeners. Just use code sex with Emily at checkout. Also, if you're a penis owner, remember, you can use all these toys too,

vibrations feel good on a penis. On the shaft, the perinium, lightly on the head. And you know, I'll never stop recommending the magic wand, which is just the Mac truck of sex toys. It is my OG standby, I always have it charged by the bed. It's great for couples play, it's the sure thing. We have also a great article on our site all about the magic wand, if you don't know about it,

and we'll put that in the show notes. Another fun thing is, Probecant has this warming arousal gel. I talked about this over the holidays and you guys were all loving it. It's just another way to stimulate your senses. You put a little bit of arousal gel on your vulva, you rub it in, and you'll feel some tingling goodness.

And just a fun way to play. And if you've been looking for some other stimulation to kind of stoke your fantasies, try watching some ethical porn or listening to audio retica. I just love bellessa.. I love Tri-Quin. X Confessions by Erica Lust. Those are some fun places to check out some erotic content. I help these ideas inspire you to romance yourself on Valentine's Day. Give your body and sex drive some nourishment. You deserve it. When we come back, I'll take all your questions and being your own Valentine. Masterbation, sexy self-care, and much more.

Okay, this is from Maddie25 in Nashville. I'm a brand new listener and I have a couple questions for you. First, I've never really masturbated but I'm interested in wondering how to even start. I want to purchase a vibrator or some other pleasure device but I'm completely overwhelmed by the vast amount of options. Is there one main tip you would give to women beginning to explore their personal pleasure? A starter toy is, I typically recommend that women start with a literal vibrator,

meaning it's an external vibe that you can sort of tease yourself with and learn your body and kind of figure out what feels good. And a lot of women's first pleasure experiences start with the vulva, the clitoris. And so I wouldn't recommend like an insertion vibrator for your first one, you know. My recommendation is to take a mirror and sort of get a look at what's going on and get to know your body. It's an amazing thing

happens when you take a mirror and you look at your genitals when you're getting turned on as a woman, your vulva, you can see that it starts to swell, that your, you know, clitoris starts to open, like a flower, right? Your vulva, your labia, it all opens up. So try that out because I think it's a great place to start. Because I think it's a great place to start. It's just exploring and seeing like what it gets in the loop. Obviously, you know, you know, I feel. Get some good lube. Don't cheap out on the lube. Especially for masturbation and when you're exploring and you've, I wish, I wish I knew about

lube. We know when I started masturbating, I wish I knew how much better everything feels and how good it feels to actually touch yourself and how it actually turns you on more than just being dry because the clitoris is not going to lubricate itself. This doesn't happen. So get some lube, virus of a toy. So beginner toys, bullets, handheld vibes, things for the glitters. Let's talk to Pat 62 in Idaho. Hi Pat, what's going on? Hi, how are you?

I'm great Pat. How are you? How can I help? I wonder what's the question. I want to know the difference between homecats and said I have? I wonder what's the question. I want to know the difference between orgasms that I have when I masturbate and intercourse orgasm. Oh, it's a good question. When I masturbate, my orgasm is completely different than when I have intercourse orgasm. That makes sense. So sometimes I wonder if I'm really having an orgasm during intercourse.

Oh, they're all different. Well, it sounds like you are one of the few women who have orgasms during penetration. So that means during intercourse you have an orgasm. And then when you master bait, you touch maybe externally more. Do you put your fingers inside of you or are you more rubbing your clitoris on the outside? Well, I use an insertable dildo and a vibrator at the same time. Oh, nice. Okay. So, I mean, well, what does it feel like? How are you telling me how they're different?

Well, if you can. I can orgasm really quickly with I masturbate. Yes. I can also orgasm when I have sexual intercourse. It's not as quick, but it's an entirely different feeling. Mm-hmm. They're all orgasms, to be honest. I mean, the internal orgasms, so probably during penetration you are stimulating the internal literal nerves and those orgasms can feel more full body and they can feel more like they move through your

whole body and your body can start to shake and yeah. And and that is kind of more of an internal people call the G spot orgasm. I'm trying to get rid of that name because it's not a spot. It's more of an area and I

think it's just an extension of the literal nerves. However, when you're doing it on your own, it's just, it's quicker because let's vibrators. I mean, it's it's quicker because let's vibrate. I mean, it's vibrating. Penis is not vibrate.

So since there's so many nerve endings in our clitoris, if you use a vibrator on it, it's going to feel amazing. And it's going to be just like our clitoris. Yeah, we just love it. And though it sounds like you're putting extra, you're probably having a clitorial orgasm and an internal orgasm at the same time which maybe when you are having intercourse your clitoris is stimulated enough correct so that's what it is but they're all orgasms and i love that you're so

multi orgasmic in all these ways because do you know that only twenty percent of women have orgasms during penetration without literal stimulation oh no i feel lucky yeah you're really lucky, Pat. Like literally whenever you're feeling down and you're having a rough day, just be like, I can orgasm during intercourse.

I'm telling you, I've been doing this for 15 years, Pat. It's rare. 20% of women only. That's why we talk about vibrators and essays. I'm rare. Tell him, for all the, I'm sure he already knows that you are a rare being, but now you can tell him this on top of it.

Does that answer your question? Okay. Okay. Awesome. Of course. Thanks for calling. I'm here to help. Let's talk to Rich 34 in New York.

Hi Rich. Hello, Emily, it's so nice to talk to you. So it's talk to you Rich. What's going on? It has been three years since I've had sex and I've started talking to this guy that I really like And I'm just kind of nervous about it and I was wondering do you since it's been so long should I try a butt plug? Which I've never tried before Love that song. I just used loop like usual and just go for it. Oh

You mean like because you think that it's closed up. Like you want to make sure you're your receiver. Yeah, it's been a while and my ex-fiancé, it was strictly oral. You didn't like sex. Oh, hence your ex, hence he's your ex. Oh, yes, and a bunch of stuff like this. And listen to you help me decide to leave him.

So thank you for that. Oh, Rich, that makes me so, I'm so glad. Well, here, And listen to you help me decide to leave him. So thank you for that. Oh, Rich, that makes me so, I'm so glad. Well, I think that you should do, listen, if you haven't been sexed in three years, this is what I would recommend. Yeah, get out the butt plug, but for your pleasure, right? Like get into your body and again, masturbate. Walk around naked, celebrate yourself

and get into the sexy mindset. Get into your body and get into the... Oh, yeah, I've been listening to you when you said something about how every day you should masturbate for a month and try new things. I've been doing that and I found something that just blown mine. Tell me! Wait, I need to know what you found out, Ranch. This is good. Don't bury the lid. A few things. I realized that if I just put my finger on this one vein on the underneath my deck, sorry, penis. It's fine.

And I just keep rubbing that. I will orgasm with just a finger. Is it near my testicles? Is it near my testicles? Or the fingers underneath your balls? And you press a little hard right before you ejaculate, and that's been explosive. Oh my god! This is amazing, Rich! And that also, um, been masturbating with Loubmore, and now I realize I have we were a pleasure in my head that I ever did before

and my nipples too for some reason, like in the past year, that's changed. Oh my God, Rich, that is incredible. So you've been using lube and masturbating. So yeah, so okay, why not try a butt plug? If that will give you, and if it feels good to you, but I don't think that there's any concern, I think that you'll be fine to receive, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

And also, where I think it's good, we got, you're such a, you're like a sexual Olympian right now. Most people just masturbate in the same way and fall asleep. But you're like, no, I'm going to actually go slow, be mindful about masturbation, see what I could learn. And you've got, and this is what I tell everybody that you're, we have so many rodent zones and secondary rodent zones that we never look at. And you found spots on your penis, which I believe in.

Men love their penis as they're obsessed so why not go exploring. So thank you for setting this example for everybody. Yeah, I would try. You're right. Well, they're right. You've given me over the past. Of course. Of course.

Oh, Rich, I'm so glad you're listening. The other thing I would say though is you might be worried about it when you're about to have sex so why not use the butt plug then you know you'll be ready, right? So it's one last thing to kind of worry about if you, you know, if you're doing the test. Yeah, and because I've been web camming him and he's extremely big. And I, we both have the same, um, we both like a rough, but passionate stuff. So that's why I was more nervous just because I like to get rough. Oh, okay. So you want, but you could also tell them to go slow and rough, right?

Like you'd say, but first I need to go slow. Yeah, yeah, that's what, like, that's why I like the passionate part where you slow down and just kiss, like I love that. I love that too. Well, remember with anal, always go slow and breathe and use a lot of lube. That's like my top advice anyway, so. Yes, water-based, water-based lube. Water-based or silicone.

But all loops, just lots of it. Yep. Let me help. Congratulations. Can't wait. Okay, thank you. Of course, thank you, Rich. Thanks for calling. So I thought about this because I got an email and you can send your emails to feedback at sexwithemily.com from Natalie and she's 23 in Nebraska. Hi, Dr. Emily, I would like some advice and how to get in the mood to masturbate. I usually like to think of a recent sexual experience with a partner, but it's been quite a while since I've been with anybody.

I'm finding it difficult to get excited about masturbation and have not had a good orgasm in a while. Any advice? Who else hasn't had a great orgasm in a while? Who else isn't feeling inspired to masturbate? You know this is the thing about a rousal, I'm going to say this, it's mostly about all the owners, is that we often expect that the desire for sex is going to hit us over the head. That we're going to just be walking in the house after a day and all of a sudden I'm like, oh, I'm really turned on right now.

Let me go masturbate. Let me go grab my toy. Let me grab my partner. Or, you know, we're just, before we go to bed at night, we'll just think about it. But what I need you to understand is that the genders are very similar in many, many ways. But when you have a penis, if you have a penis

or you have a vagina, vulva, very, very different about how you get aroused and turned on for sex. So I feel like I want you to understand that sometimes you have to make a little bit of an effort, but it doesn't mean that you're broken, right? So what I want to say is Natalie, you don't have to get excited about masturbation, but start keeping it top of mind. Start to think about what are the things that can get you in the mood. Now, I know what you're saying. It's been a while since you've been with everybody, so it's kind of hard to make it really clear.

And I know that it's so fun when you're seeing someone new or you're seeing someone off in, you're like the material is just right there. top of mind. You're like, last night was so hot, I'm gonna masturbate, think about our hot, we are making out in the way. My partner took my clothes off and went down to me for 68 minutes, you know, that kind of thing. But right now, might not be having as much inspiration. So I just wanna tell you all that that's okay,

that is totally normal. Women have something called responsive arousal desire and men have spontaneous. So for penis owners, they just think about sex and not saying all of you, but many, they see their partner, they think about sex and they get an erection. But for vulva owners, we don't as much.

We have to put a little bit of effort in. We have to put a little bit of effort in. We have to put a little bit more work. So, one thing you can do is decide that you're going to prioritize pleasure this weekend. And usually when we do something pleasurable, it might lead to that. So, I would say, take a bath, leave your phone outside the bathroom unless you're using it for like, that's what I sometimes I've done that. I'm like, I don't want my phone in here. This is my time.

But if you're playing music or something, I get it, but like put your phone on airplane mode and don't text anybody when you're taking this time. And then for you specific Natalie, I would try to find some inspiration other ways. So something I've been, so I would maybe take a bath. This is what I'm doing after the show. So I just got, I'm really obsessed with all CBD products for a rousal.

There's been a lot of them right now. You put in the bathtub. So what it does is it kind of relaxes you, relaxes your body, it smells really good. They also have this a rousal spray and a rousal gel. So these are some things you could play around with that all have CBD in them. CBD is legal everywhere. I know CBD is having a moment now and everyone thinks CBD is, is it real? Is it not? Just try it and then you'll tell me. I think you're going to realize that you are going to feel something by. It's going to relax you.

It's going to arouse you. So anyway, a bath, even if it's not CBD, take it with something that makes you get into your body, a scent that you like, lavender, eucalyptus, some vanilla, light a candle, and just start to breathe. And think about, you know, don't even think. Here's a great time to just start to get familiar with your body. You can just start touching yourself, Natalie. You can start bringing a toy in there. And if you want to use it, maybe you do, but there's so much to this process of just keeping sex top of mind. So again, connecting with your body again and touching yourself. Now, if you don't have any recent sexual memories or any that you're psyched, because there's something that you're like, I'm over that. I don't want to fantasize

about this person. And the other cool thing is this Ann Jane app that I was just playing before the show. Ann Jane is audio or rata ka. Now I hear from a lot of women who say, poor, it is it for me. My partner watches a certain kind of porn. Everything I see is not hot. It doesn't turn me on. But there's a trend right now of audio erotica apps. And so you can just listen to people talking about their stories. Like, it's really hot. So this one and Jane has women. And it's all, you could even upload your story. And it's about, they're all about 10 to 12 minutes.

And you just hear women talking about different scenarios. They're a rousal or, you know, maybe a partner's, you know, doing something to them in the moment. And they're just, it's erotic, but they're reading. So you don't have to read erotic, they're reading it to you and you can kind of lie back. You could do this on your bed. And just we'll sort of start to get into your consciousness. You'll sort of think about sexy things.

I mean, for me, it really turns me on to hear like hot sexy stories. I used to have one of my earliest memories of being with a partner and having like incredible sex was when we'd get in the bathtub and he would read a rhodocod to me. But now I can read it to myself on this app. You know, you could also think about, you know, it's a really fun thing to do to get into the mood too, is to throughout the day, like you can even start to think about, you know, when you're in the shower in the

morning, you could just touch yourself and sort of edge yourself throughout the day, and you could think about the orgasm, and then maybe at lunch you could go for a walk and listen to the erotic And then you could come home and then start to you know masturbate if you if you keep it top of mind You'll be more in the mood for it You know I know for me. It's like I make sure that I You know, I know for me, it's like I make sure that I have a space that I can go to to masturbate. Like in my house, I know my lobes are on the night, Sam, my toys are charged. I always have a vibrator in the shower. So, I mean, you think that I'm always thinking about it too, because this is what I talk to you about,

but I don't always think about it. You know, I have a few days where I don't. So I guess the first thing is, it's okay if you're not excited about masturbation, but start to think about making a plan for masturbation, making a thinking about keeping sex type of mind. And the same goes for couples who are bored out of their minds right now. Maybe they've been home together all week or for nine months. It's like, it's okay if you need a little bit of inspo, you know, that's not just coming from your partner. So yeah, it's okay if you, you know, it's not hitting you over the head, but put a little

bit of effort into it. So that's what I'm thinking about. If you want to get into a sexual space this weekend, you want to make room for pleasure. And I think right now I always talk about setting an intention. What's the intention for the show? Like what do you want to get out of listening to the show? So why are you listening to the show right now? Maybe you're just driving on from work and you're like, oh, I didn't know there was a sex show. That's cool. Or maybe you're listening because you want to get advice. But what's your intention in this moment? Because when we set intention, it's kind

of like manifesting, right? When you think about something, it's more likely to happen. And then maybe right now you'll look at your calendar and go, where? And can I do something that's just for me? That's just going to make me happy. And what's on that list? What are the things when you think about it? I'll bet you can make time to do it. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to A-Cast for powering the Sex With

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