Sex With Emily - Why I Can Only Orgasm Alone (But Not With Partners)

Starting point is 00:00:00 We have to remember that we get to decide in our relationships what we want, what feels good. It's common for people to be enmeshed in a relationship. Let's do things on our own individual. Our sex exists. You have to remind you it it is important to connect with yourself as a sexual being independently. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. We've got another juicy hotline calls episode for you today.

Starting point is 00:00:30 I'm so grateful for how vulnerable and thoughtful your questions are. You're normalizing these sex conversations for all of us. Today, my producer Erica and I are answering questions about orgasming alone but never with partners, humiliation kinks, which are way more common than you think, what it means when you catch your partner on interactive sex sites and feeling guilty for masturbating when you're in a relationship. These questions get to the heart of what so many of us struggle with, neural pathways that get wired one way, kinks were afraid to share and the shame that still surrounds solo pleasure even when we're partnered. This episode is about permission.

Starting point is 00:01:02 Permission to teach your pleasure to multiple partners. Permission to have kinks and permission to prioritize masturbation as self-care, not betrayal. All right, let's get into the episode. This is Charlie, she's a female, 37 in Ohio. I had a question about how to orgasm. So I can orgasm by myself using a toy, usually clear old stimulation. However, I cannot orgasm with a partner.

Starting point is 00:01:34 And I'm in an open marriage, so I have multiple partners, and I cannot come to orgasm. I also can't come if they use a toy on me. But if I'm by myself, I have no problem. How can I come with a partner? Charlie, thank you so much for your question and you are not alone here. This is probably one of the most common questions and common concerns for Volvo owners where we're on her own, we can have orgasms, no problem with a toy, and then someone else shows up and we just can't make it happen. First off, nothing wrong with needing a toy every time you orgasm either. I don't want to place

Starting point is 00:02:16 orgasms on this hierarchy where, you know, when you do it with a part or without a toy, it's that much better because it speaks to this whole misunderstanding of the female orgasm that it should only happen one way and it should be able to happen with a penis or during penetration. That is just not the case for many of us. Okay. So that's one thing. But the other thing is know that this is a new practice. So your body is used to a certain kind of orgasming, orgasming a certain way. And it's sort of like the neuropathways get trained. And that's what they're expecting to happen is that it's just you and a toy. The thing about them using a toy on you is that you could start by showing them how you use a toy on yourself. So baby steps here.

Starting point is 00:02:58 Perhaps they put their hand over your hand while you're stimulating yourself. I love that. And then they'll see what's happening and they'll kind of get it. And then they could sort of take the driver's seat and start to drive it themselves. This is the process of coming together so you can come together. Now, coming together is also so overrated and so hard to do. Because it's like, one of the chances, like we've already talked about orgasms that, especially for Volvo owners, like, the stars have to be aligned. We need a certain amount of like lubrication. We need a certain positioning. We need you not to stop when we say don't stop. And like all these things have to happen. And for it to happen at the same time is just wonderful it happens, but not,

Starting point is 00:03:39 not as common as we'd like it. So I think that just like literally using the words and saying, I really want to come with you, here's how it works for me in the past. And so like let's try this toy together and figure it out. Now, I'm wondering if you've tried other things, you know, like oral sex, other other ways that you've gotten there. So it sounds like you've only orgasm maybe ever with a toy. So if you're looking to see if there's other ways you can play, you might want to just have one of these partners slow down, make it more about exploration. Maybe one day it's all about your pleasure and the next time it's all about their pleasure. One of the challenges around sex with a penis is that their orgasms are pretty

Starting point is 00:04:19 much going to happen every time. It's pretty set. It's pretty linear. To learn something new about your body takes time. And the thing about sex is we want our partners to get off and we want to get off. So for many Volvo owners, it can be hard to relax and receive and to say, okay, we're in exploration mode today. You're going to move your tongue in certain ways, your hands in certain ways, and we're going to see if I can get there. But when we have that pressure of now, I got to make sure he gets off, it's hard to relax into it. So by taking turns and saying, there's nothing like a partner saying, babe, it's all about you. Lay back. We're going to make you come and like, don't worry about me. Because then you could really take it all in. You guys could play around

Starting point is 00:04:55 together and just make it about you. And then next time, it can be all about them. And going back to what you're saying about the toys, if you've never had an orgasm without a toy, there's already so many factors going on when you bring another person in. Like, what am I going to look like? What is my orgasm face? Oh, the clock's ticking. You don't need to change two things, not having a toy and adding a person. Just add one person and keep the toy. And you could also try some mutual masturbation. Well, why not have your partner masturbate and then you masturbate the same time? Not only is that really hot to watch your partner masturbate, but also you're learning how they touch themselves and what feels good to them. And then they're learning, you know, what you do. And so it's just a

Starting point is 00:05:38 really fun, connected experience for partners that is also really intimate as well. I think mutual masturbation is like a fan favorite. I feel like people are like, oh, God, I didn't know about that, but we do it all the time. It's just a lot less pressure and a lot more pleasure. And what you were saying about tonight's all about you. You also say this, don't make it about orgasm either. If you've never had an orgasm through oral sex or something that feels remotely like it, you might not know what's going to get you there to orgasm. But at least if your partner goes down on you for 20, 30 minutes, even if you don't orgasm by the end of it, you'll just have a better understanding of what felt better, what didn't feel as good. And so you're just kind of learning

Starting point is 00:06:18 more over time and learning more about your body and yourself and communication. Yeah. And what I also about this is that that's building arousal too. So maybe they'll get to this point or oral sex where it's building. It feels great. And then you bring the toy in. So you're already close to orgasm. How about because she's in an open marriage too, I wonder, does that mean she has to keep teaching people every time? I guess that's the same as someone having casual sense. Yeah, that is. It pretty, much is. I mean, maybe if she's open, she's Polly, so that would mean she'd have different partners that she sees each one regularly. But yeah, it is kind of like casual sex. You've got to teach them every time. No better way to hone your skills. Right? Like, you're going to become an

Starting point is 00:06:56 expert at your pleasure and then teaching your pleasure. And to be honest, this is something that I wish for everyone that we honed our skills and started to create our own essential owners manual. So whenever we're ever with a partner, it just becomes like, this is what we do. I'm going to show you what I like. You show me what you like because there's so much of time that's wasted in relationships like with trying to figure it out and it can take years. But this process, like, I'm actually really envious of this process. I'm like, I love that.

Starting point is 00:07:28 You got to test this out with a lot of partners. Totally. And just become like really a pro of your pleasure. And they always say that to become a master or anything, you teach it to someone else. Yeah. So you're really just becoming a master with multiple people for yourself. And they also take 10,000 hours. Become an expert, spend a lot of time focusing on mutual pleasure.

Starting point is 00:07:52 This sounds like a good time ahead for you, Charlie. I'm excited for you. I love too. Thanks, Charlie. This is from Ricky's 42 in Cincinnati. So my question is during the pandemic, I sort of learned that I have a king that I was unaware of. It turned out I'm into something called a small penis humiliation, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. I enjoy comments about teasing, mocking, and just being small

Starting point is 00:08:20 in general. It's taking me a long time to kind of figure out why I actually like this, but it requires that my wife be involved with this. So we've been married for about 20 years, and I've use your suggestions from your podcast about timing, tone, and turf to talk to her about this kink and give her an opportunity to just kind of ask some questions and kind of see where it goes from there. I've asked her to help me explore this kink in real life, and so far she's hesitantly agreed. The issue I found is that she's in general a kind-hearted person, so she kind of has trouble understanding why this is a turn-on for me, and so far she doesn't really seem to get much out of it. The Internet has almost nothing useful.

Starting point is 00:09:03 or helpful about this topic. So my question is, have you ever done an episode on this topic about humiliation kinks in general? If so, I'd love to kind of get to know a little bit more about that resource. If not, I'd like to know if there's any other resources that you would recommend. There's a lot of really bad stuff on the Internet that we're trying to kind of just stay away from about cucking and BBC stuff, and that's definitely not where we want to take this. So if you have any good SPH resources for us, I'd really appreciate that.

Starting point is 00:09:37 Thank you for this question and thank you for spelling out this kink so beautifully. It is a common kink and I love that he's been able to share it with his wife. And he really listened and understands that you have to take the time, explain what you get out of it, what she might get out of it. But it sounds like that's where he is struggling a bit because it can be hard to wrap your head around. Like his wife going, wait, what? You want me to make fun of your small penis and then you're going to get turned on by it. Like that is hard to wrap your head around.

Starting point is 00:10:07 Yeah. I get it, right? So kinks are basically, let's just clarify kink, anything outside of conventional sex. Basically anything outside of like missionary sex, making out, falling asleep is kink. So we're all a little bit kinky. And remember, we've talked about ways to spice up missionary on this show too. Yeah. Missionary can be kinky too.

Starting point is 00:10:27 Exactly. Everything's got a little caveat here. We can make anything hot. But some kinks, like Ricks, could be connected to our core erotic desires. And I talk about this in my book as well. Celeste and Danielle, who are sex coaches, kind of coined this term. There are specific feelings we want to experience during sex. So for some people, we want to feel cherished.

Starting point is 00:10:49 We want to feel nurtured. We want to feel adored. Right? Like thinking about what we want to feel. And for Rick, wants to be humiliated. There was a study actually that showed that for cisgender women in the kink community, 43% of them said they enjoyed verbal abuse and humiliation, and then 26% said they enjoyed humiliating their partners in the same way. And you don't usually choose these core erotic

Starting point is 00:11:09 desires, which in some ways can make us feel a little bit better, probably from something early in your childhood. We might, I don't actually remember or pinpoint. That's okay. But it's something to be ashamed about. I mean, I think he just did the hard part, actually, just by even talking to your wife about it. I'm so happy he told her. A lot of people, I feel like keep it to themselves. How many questions do we get? Every day. Who would never talk to them about it, but like you went to your wife and you're just well on your way, you know, to having this sex life you want and you're like embracing it. So if you can explain these things to your wife, maybe she'll get a better understanding of why this is a turn on to you. So, you know,

Starting point is 00:11:44 maybe it was like, okay, you were in seventh grade and you got bullied for something. You got made fun of. And maybe you were also going through puberty at that moment. And then that's how it got linked up to your arousal, this feeling of wanting to be humiliated. I know it can be sort of confusing or convoluted to people, but that's actually what it might be. But the why isn't as important as how we can execute it, right? How you can make this a reality. And I also want to say I'd love to know what turned your wife on because I think once we can kind of get into her core erotic desires and yours, then it's sort of like you're

Starting point is 00:12:17 both fulfilling your deep sexual needs, which is, I think, work that everyone could do in their relationships. Highly recommend it. And you guys might not have the same core erotic desires. In fact, it's probably more common that you and your partner have different choriotic desires, but then at least you can take turns of satisfying one partner's fantasy one time and then the other the other time. Usually we're not the same as our partner and that's why we fell in love with them in the first place

Starting point is 00:12:40 and that's what makes sex hot. So he did ask what she's getting out of it. Like why should she participate? And well, first, it brings you pleasure. She's actually doing something that makes you feel good. So that's important. Compersion. She gets pleasure from your happiness.

Starting point is 00:12:56 So let's figure out what her turn-ons are. Let's explain to her what's going on with you and see if she can just sort of decide that she's going to show up. She's going to take your word for it. This is your turn-on and see how she can also make it part of her own eroticism as well, not only by identifying what she likes, but just knowing that you're the man she loves and she's with and what can she do to be fully supportive. And I'm sure she is outside the bedroom. I mean, I'd like this. say we all want to support our partners in the bedroom as well. Thanks, Rick. Hold, please. We'll be right back after a quick break for more juicy hotline calls. Next, we have Erica. She's 24 in Nevada. I'm calling because I caught my boyfriend on chatterbate the other day.

Starting point is 00:13:42 The reason I'm calling is because I feel cheated on. And I'm not sure if I'm completely valid in that feeling. But we've established those boundaries about a year ago. so they were already pretty much set in stone and then I found it on his phone again and I'm kind of asking like how do I be intimate with him again? All right. Thanks Erica for this question. So we could ask this question a lot, especially with more ways to cheat with the rise in technology and dating apps and porn being ubiquitous available everywhere on all of our platforms. People always ask, was this cheating? Is this cheating? Is this cheating?

Starting point is 00:14:24 what do you think is cheating? And I want to remind you that everyone gets to decide what cheating is in our relationships. Every couple get to define their own rules. It sounds like you did. A lot of times people haven't defined it. So I'm like, well, if you haven't really talked about it, we should just assume that our partner's masturbating. But this is why we got to talk about it. And just even saying to your partner, I know you masturbate, but I have feelings that come up around it. Let's talk about it. And then you could understand that your partner's still going to masturbate and why. And it's not really taking away from your connection. But in this case, you had a conversation about and you should talk about chatterbate. Chatterbate is a little bit more involved. It's not just a one-way

Starting point is 00:14:59 experience. Actually, you're interacting with somebody online and masturbating with somebody. So I think you might pay for it and you get to pick somebody and they masturbate with you. So it's a little bit more involved. It sounds like you've already had challenges around his chatterbate usage and then you find it again. So you feel like he's been lying to you. It's a breach of trust and your feelings are totally valid. Let him know for sure how this made you feel. And then find out more more about why, what it is about chatterbate. Like, clearly, he knows how it made you feel and he did it anyway. So there's something really, really compelling for him about masturbating with chatterbate. Now, I want to remind you that a lot of us masturbating relationships because we want

Starting point is 00:15:37 to release tension, stress, it's a way to stay connected with ourselves. It's self-love. It can be difficult to change behaviors. So again, getting curious, allow him to open up to you about what might make it feel more collaborative. And then he might not hide it from you in the future. Maybe he feels like, oh, I already know you don't like. it and I feel shame about that. So I'm going to hide it from you. But is there a way you could open up once you learn more about why he's doing it and feel like, you know what, I could support it? It's a fine balance because obviously they had set this boundary. He broke it. So in a way he did lie to her. And at the same time, clearly if this is something he is going to continue

Starting point is 00:16:15 to do, how can she give him the space to come to her the next time he does it? Because I feel like if she just gets mad at him, he's just going to continue to do it in secrecy. So she's got practice some compassion and curiosity and just sort of take a few deep breaths and really listen. Listen to what it is about it. And you got to ask them in a way that isn't like, why? Why do you like it? We're talking about like, I actually would love to know more about what this does for you. I just want to understand your core about desires. I want to understand how it makes you feel. And if you really can do that and you can really listen, you're going to learn about yourself too. We always learn about ourselves as a relationship. Why do you want to set this boundary?

Starting point is 00:16:54 Do you have anything that's happened in your past around infidelity? You've heard about other relationships maybe that don't necessarily apply to yours, but you've heard that a story about someone's partner on Chatterbode who went and left with the woman he was masturbating with. So reflecting on your own and then discuss your reasons with your partner, so you're having a conversation. And then once you have these conversations in the open, I think you will be ready for intimacy again with your partner.

Starting point is 00:17:19 Because when we don't communicate with our partners and we have a lot of mistrust, this is when resentments build up. And remember, resentments are huge blockers to our intimacy and our sex lives. And just feeling unsafe, like you can't trust your partner. Yeah. And she's probably just up that right now. She's got feeling her. She's like, I knew I couldn't trust you. And then it just snowballs. We run away with this intense energy. And so if we could just kind of dial it back, like it curious, right? Really, it's about getting curious and listening and actually feeling the emotions go through you, letting him know how it makes you feel. It's okay to say, I get threatened or I feel jealous.

Starting point is 00:17:54 I really do think that stuff will come up for her where she's like, oh, yeah. This reminds me of one time my mom caught my dad watching porn or cheating or, you know, there's always more layers. There's always more information. Like, you know, some people might be like, oh, yeah, I don't mind if my partner, chatterbates better her than me because I don't really want to masturbate with him right now. You know, so we all have different experiences. There's no right or wrong.

Starting point is 00:18:16 There's only just being present with what is and what's your truth and what's his truth. I'm so intrigued by these chat sites because I feel like that's such a new thing because I know you've talked about, oh, people masturbating to porn today is similar to people masturbating to a photo before porn was readily available. Is there an equivalent to this before technology or is this like such a new thing and requires that new boundaries get set? That's a good question. I mean, I feel like, no, this is another level. And I can understand too why this feels like cheating. Exactly. You're literally paying somebody and that you're they're the only one watching them maybe, or maybe a few other people are. But that's,

Starting point is 00:18:54 I mean, that's also only fans too, right? But I think chatterbait is like a very specific, it's just a one-on-one thing, although I haven't been on it. But yeah, no, there's really nothing else like this. And it isn't just you're straightforward. I'm watching porn. My instant reaction is, oh, they're never going to meet up with this person in real life. It doesn't matter. But then I also know of so many relationships that have been developed online. Not from chatter bait, but just like online friendships, like long distance. I'm sure it does. There must even like, oh, give me your real number. Let's meet up. Because you get attached to people. Also, let's remember what happens when you're masturbating with someone. You're having a heightened

Starting point is 00:19:29 sense of arousal. And you're also feeling maybe more connected to the person and it feels more like a real relationship. And they're also actors. Like they're acting. So a lot of friends would work at strip clubs. They were dancing. And there was always the guy at the night. He was like, I, we have a connection or I know that you felt something the way you were having slap dance with me so they can like project and read into things. So I could see to your point there could be some kind of relationships formed or even a sense of I'm going to keep masturbating to the same woman. I'm going to come back every day. I'm going to give her money. I mean, I could see that being like, what if your partner didn't have a lot of money and was struggling?

Starting point is 00:20:06 You're like, you're not buying me dinner, but you are spending, I don't know how much it costs a day to masturbate. It brings up a lot. I could see this being another level of threat to somebody who feels already that they can't really trust their partner. So we've got to break it down, have some real talks, do some listening, and you're not going to probably solve it in one conversation. It takes time to process. It took a while to get into this situation, this conflict, that we don't just end conflicts either by one conversation.

Starting point is 00:20:33 It's ongoing. Be compassionate and be curious. All right, thanks, Erica. We appreciate you. Okay, this is from Rachel. She's 30 in New Mexico. I don't masturbate very often, and when I do, it is usually a precursor to partner sex. I think I feel like if I'm in a mood to masturbate, I might as well have sex with my partner.

Starting point is 00:20:55 But honestly, there are times that I would really rather just masturbate than have sex. My husband and I have sex usually one to three times a week, so I don't feel like it's like I want to masturbate instead of having sex. And I don't know if my worry that masturbating instead of having sex sometimes is because that really is a bad thing. or if it's just some of my touch-fully repressed upbringing coming out. I would love your advice. Thanks so much. So thoughtful. Such a great question.

Starting point is 00:21:22 She's so self-aware. And Rachel, I'm so glad that you have been able to do the work to feel more liberated and less repressed by your upbringing. A lot of us just, we don't really do that kind of work. So I'm always thrilled and impressed and happy for people when I hear them go on this journey. You know, so whether people grew up under strict religions or not, But masturbation does not have great PR, especially female masturbation and especially masturbation and relationships. Masturbation, that's what we want to call it solo sex, just the word. We can't

Starting point is 00:21:54 get around it. And you know this because you've been listening, both are very, very important masturbating as a woman and in relationships. And yes, although masturbation and partnered sex can both give you orgasms and a lot of pleasure, there's a lot of reasons to prioritize solo sex. I want to remind you, you connect with your body, so you're embodied, right? Embodiment is a really important pillar of sex IQ, and you understand what makes you feel good. You're like, oh, I like this kind of touch, it's kind of pressure, this kind of sensation, and that's the self-knowledge piece of sex IQ. It's just so incredibly important to prioritize yourself as an individual, even in a relationship. For example, I could go on a hike with my partner, and I do. But I could also go on a hike

Starting point is 00:22:35 alone, and I do that as well. So I love going on a hike with my partner. It's, you know, we bond, we talk. But I also love my hikes alone because I get to reflect. I get to be with myself. I often like think about things or come out with creative ideas. It just wouldn't happen if someone else was next to me. That's really important time to honor even in relationships. I feel like now there's this expectation or people create the expectation that you have to do everything with your partner. Prioritizing solo me time is important in and out of the bedroom.

Starting point is 00:23:08 Yeah, so important. I think we're just coming out of like decades of that was the case, you know. women stayed home, men were out working. Like it hasn't been that long since his paradigm shifted and we're just getting to work and figure out what we want. We're spending more time single before we're getting into relationships. So there's just, society's different and it hasn't often caught up with what we want. Like if we look at our parents, they probably might have spent more time together than we

Starting point is 00:23:33 want to. So we have to remember that we get to decide in our relationships what we want, what feels good. it's common for people to be enmeshed in a relationship. Let's do things on our own individual. Our sex exists. You have to remind you it is important to connect with yourself as a sexual being independently. Also, you've done the work to sort of get out from under the repressed culture you grew up in that when you prioritize masturbation, it's also an act of rebellion in a way against your upbringing. Prioritizing your own pleasure, independent of a male orgasm, and aside from it just being about procreation, is an act of self-rebellion.

Starting point is 00:24:10 care and maybe it is a little rebellious, but it's also part of the journey that you're sharing that you're on and we support you. This feeling of, oh, whenever she masturbates, she might as well have sex with your partner. Does some of that fear maybe come from, oh, I don't know if I can get aroused again. Like if I'm aroused now, I might as well use that with my partner. I do think that there is some, well, as long as I'm going to knock it out now, I know that he's going to want it later. So I think that might be part of it for many, many people. They're like, there's only enough minutes in the day. I don't have enough time. if I masturbate now. Again, that's what we're talking about this. I want to remind you that it's

Starting point is 00:24:44 different. It's a different kind of time. It's a gift to yourself. You don't have to worry about pleasing somebody else. You know, having sex with somebody else is a lot more work. It's a different kind of work. It's collective sexual energy. And there's just something really beautiful about our alone time. So there's a lot of time in our lives to do both. Thank you, Rachel. This is from Chiavani and she's a female. I'm reaching out. I listen to your podcast today about how often you have sex. The average was one and a half times a month, and I totally understand that's the average. But my partner wants and makes sex try today, which we've been enjoying, and I love.

Starting point is 00:25:24 But I'm not able to orgasm as often as he's like, given the statistics, and I hate to blame it on that, whatever. But, like, you know, I enjoy more both, like, getting around, is getting into the moment. So because you have stuff so often, I'm not getting there as often as he by. I guess my question to you is, how do we reconcile that? Any feedback would be great. I love your show and enjoy your book. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Starting point is 00:25:57 I wish she was here. She sounds like lovely. So lovely. Thank you for your question. And first, I want to clarify something. You said the average is one and a half times a month that couples have sex. I think I was reading a study. I think it was one and a half times a week.

Starting point is 00:26:10 Mm-hmm. Just to clarify that. Yes. So what I'm hearing you say is your partner wants it twice a day and you're actually down with that but you're not having orgasms and I'm not down with that and neither are you. And so if you enjoy foreplay and getting aroused and into the moment, what I'm hearing is that, you know, you are having sex twice a day and you're down with that.

Starting point is 00:26:34 Like I love that. But to drive you're not always having orgasms. you're kind of like, I really want one. Also, because it takes time, as you know, to get aroused, to have an orgasm to get turned on that I'm just thinking maybe you have sex once a day, but make sure that you definitely are getting your pleasure and having an orgasm. Because I feel like it's about quality over quantity. But it sounds like for you, because we can only take it a case-by-case basis, we all have different needs. Not really individually, but in a relationship, right? You have to figure out what you want, what your partner wants. So it sounds

Starting point is 00:27:07 like you're okay with even once a day, but you're really going to need to take that time because if you've got two hours a day, say to have sex, you could expand that time and just make it about one really quality session. And I think explaining this to your partner outside the bedroom and saying, you know what, I just love the sex we're having. Everything is fantastic, this and that. It's great. All the things you love. However, all the sex we're having is made me realize that, like, I actually need more time, more foreplay. I think it'd give them examples. I think if we spent 20 more minutes of you going down on me, warming me up, giving him a massage, using a sex toy, then I'll have orgasms like you are, babe, and then we'll

Starting point is 00:27:43 both be feeling great, and this will work for both of us. And I think giving him those suggestions and the context around how it makes you feel, remember, our partners can't argue with how things make us feel. If you said, when we have sex toys a day, this is what I like about it. However, sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not quite finishing, and then that doesn't feel great in my body, and then I start to feel less connected to you, or it makes me feel resentful, explaining that your partner, and then you have a solution, how great when we go to our partners with something that we're not feeling good about in the relationship and then you have a solution. The solution is, let's slow down, let's take more time with my pleasure.

Starting point is 00:28:16 I think he would like to hear that and hopefully be open to finding a way for both of you to have pleasure. That sounds super hot. That sounds way hotter than, oh, we have to hit two every day. Sounds like you're trying to just squeeze it in because clearly there's not enough time for Foreplay. Just to let you all know, you go back and find that episode, but I prefaced it by saying, I don't love putting numbers around sex because then you compare yourselves to it and you think you're over, you're under, but we were doing a sex in the news episode. It came up in the news and I was talking about it, but every couple gets to decide how much time, how much sex they want to have,

Starting point is 00:28:50 what kind of sex they want to have, what your turn-ons are, what your turn-offs are. If you've been listening to the show, we're all about that. We're all about you figuring out what you need and then finding a partner who's able to meet those needs with you meeting their needs and that's how sex works. It's a collaboration in the truest sense of the work. Thanks, Giovanni. Let's know how it goes. Thanks for reading Smart Sex.

Starting point is 00:29:13 I'm so glad you're enjoying it. That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. And if you love the show, please like, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you get your podcast. And hey, share this with the first. friend or a partner, it might just spark something. It usually does. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told

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