Sex With Emily - Why She's Uncomfortable Being on Top (And How to Fix It)

Starting point is 00:00:00 We all know that an end goal would be great. Orgasms all around, but the more you can focus on what feels good in the moment and being present, the more likely you're both going to have pleasure and finish because when we take the pressure off ourselves, we're thinking, am I going to come? Is you going to come? What's happening? We're really not in the moment. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

Starting point is 00:00:21 I'm Dr. Emily, here to help you prioritize pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Producer Erica and I are talking about the topic everyone asked me about when they want to spice things up, but we're not just giving you a list. We're getting into what actually works for your body. Like why that move you've seen everywhere might be missing the point, the position that lets you sink your breath and actually connect. And we're answering your questions about those moments when you're not sure who does what or when. This episode is about experimenting, staying present, and finding what feels good for you, not what looks good. If you're ready to try something new. Stay with us. Let's get into it. This is from Diana 21 in New Jersey.

Starting point is 00:01:07 Hey, Dr. Emily, I'm a new viewer to your podcast. And from the moment I listened to one of your podcasts, I knew I had to write you. Thank you, Diana. Welcome to the show. I would like advice and I have a question. I'll start off with the advice. All my life, I've always been a people pleaser and that does not change in the bedroom. I've set a double standard between myself and my boyfriend. If I'm doing something to him, I don't want to stop until he finishes. To me, It doesn't matter if I'm tired, in an uncomfortable position. On the other hand, when he is doing stuff with me, I find myself making sure that he isn't tired, that he's enjoying what he's doing.

Starting point is 00:01:38 This isn't his fault. He actually wants me to stop if I'm tired. I feel like as though as part of this might be because in the past, my current boyfriend was a complete pillow princess for a couple years. He didn't do anything to pleasure me, but I would always do things for him. We've since talked about this and he's been changing his behavior. I don't totally blame him because we were teenagers and he didn't realize how. it was affecting me. I don't ever want him to feel the way I felt for a long time. I put a lot

Starting point is 00:02:02 of pressure on him finishing because this is my version of completion and I know it makes him feel good. If you could give me any advice on that, I appreciate it. Also, I do want to clarify that he's really trying and he deeply regrets over making me feel that way. On a different topic, I have a question about the 69 position. I was thinking about trying it soon. I just don't entirely understand how it works when it comes to being done. Are you just to stop when one person's done? Do you keep going until both people finish? I'm confused about it. Thanks for help. by greatly appreciated even typing this felt therapeutic. I can't wait to listen more of your podcast.

Starting point is 00:02:32 I love it. And let me just say here that writing out your thoughts, your questions, your feelings is therapeutic. That's why you always hear about journaling as a really important self-care practice. Writing it down just helps you get clear and really is therapeutic. It makes you feel like I am doing something towards, you know, solving this challenge that I have. First, I want to say, I love Diana, that you've been in this relationship for a long time since you were a teenager and you've learned how to communicate effectively with your partner. You've learned how to say,

Starting point is 00:03:02 this didn't feel good to me. And I've learned what does make me feel good. And, you know, I know he feels bad. But honestly, he's far ahead of many, many men who never learn that what they're doing is just receiving and laying back. So I love that for you guys. And then the other thing is about being a people pleaser. That's relatable. A lot of us are pleasers and we just want our partner to feel good. But next, you say you put a lot of pressure on him finishing because that's your version of completion. It sounds like he's cool with not finishing. And so we have to listen to what he said. And sometimes it sounds like you're coming at sex, which is common from this very binary place.

Starting point is 00:03:35 He finishes, I finish. What comes first? What happens next? But sex is more like a dance than it is like getting to a finish line. So maybe he's not going to come yet and then you come and then he comes. Or maybe he never comes, but you just focus on your orgasm. Or maybe there's times where you're just focusing on him and you don't come. But if the best sex happens when it's, this is going to be hard, hear me out.

Starting point is 00:03:56 it's organic and it flows rather than having a set end goal. However, we all know that an end goal would be great. Orgasms all around. But the more you can focus on what feels good in the moment and being present, the more likely you're both going to have pleasure and finish. Because when we take the pressure off ourselves, if we're thinking, am I going to come? Is you going to come?

Starting point is 00:04:17 What's happening? We're really not in the moment. And you're probably not going to orgasm if you're worried about that. No, not at all. You're thinking about orgasm. When you're thinking about orgasm, you're not going to actually orgasm. So remember that rule of thumb. So if you're in your head and you're lost and you're thinking about other things, go back to the moment.

Starting point is 00:04:31 What do I feel? Does this feel good? His penis is inside of me. What does that feel like? Oh, I'm feeling it in the inner two thirds of my vagina. Feel what you're feeling. This is a practice. And a lot of us just are so in our thinking mind.

Starting point is 00:04:44 So this is something to focus on what you're feeling in the moment. And even if you keep going back to that several times, maybe 100 times, it's going to work eventually in your brain and your body. You're going to start to get more connected once you realize that. you can shift this way of being into just a feeling place rather than a thinking place. But to answer your question on 69, I'm with you. It is a little bit confusing. First off, what do you do here? It can be really hard to focus on two things at once, especially for someone like you who is a pleaser. It's going to be hard for you to say, I'm receiving,

Starting point is 00:05:16 but I'm also giving. So we actually have a brand new article on our site called Six Ways to upgrade your 69. So 69, I want to give you permission to use your. your hands. It doesn't have to be mouths the whole time. It's all oral sex. Your partner could be having his mouth on your genitals and you could be using your hand on his penis or vice versa. Nothing wrong with that. The point of 69 is that you're both twisted and both getting pleasure. So if we're like putting all this pressure on ourselves, it just has to be our mouth that can get pretty exhausting. So remember to use your hands. Would you say that's true for any kind of oral sex? Yes. For any oral sex, you can bring in your hands.

Starting point is 00:05:56 You can take a pause. You can bring in your toys. You can stop. A big part of being a great oral sex lover is using all the tools at your disposal. For 69, you can take turns being in charge. You can use sex toys. I love the Jeju Mimi for this. It's just a great handheld toy and you can use it to stimulate the penis, the clitoris, the vulva, the nipples. You could also lie side by side. So not only could you switch who's on top or the bottom, which you might want to do, but you could also lie side by side so you're both flat facing each other. that was a game changer for you and I realized like oh like not one person has to be like an oh shape over there defying gravity yeah that's exhausting and hard you're like holding a plank

Starting point is 00:06:36 you're really holding a plank like why do that to yourself just do it when you're both lying like spooning but you're spooning towards each other reversed I don't think I've ever gone back after going side by side with you right oh my god for me it's no longer a variation it just it is that is yeah I'm not getting into plank position I already planked this morning I'm planked out. So the other thing is you can make it penetrative. You can use insertion toys like the Wee Vibe Brave is a great one, or the Lalo Loki Wave. Again, we just want to make sure that both partners are receiving pleasure at once.

Starting point is 00:07:06 So toys are great hands. Just to answer a question also, how do you know when it's done? So how do you know what it's done? Well, first you both get to decide when it's done. If you feel like you want an orgasm or you have an orgasm yet and your partner has, it's not done. If you're partner orgasm, you're like, you know what? I know I'm not going to get there. This was really fun. I'm actually getting hungry. Then it's done. If your partner is still really into it and you're really into it,

Starting point is 00:07:33 it's not done. So you really get to decide when it's done. And so I want you to reframe your thoughts here about it being so black and white, so wrote that there's perfect ways to do every position. I'm just giving you all some information to work with so you can make sex your own. Thanks, Diana. This is from Meg. She's 29 in Arizona. Emily, I'm struggling to be on top with my partner. Every time I've had a partner, they always want me to do cowgirl, but I'm not comfortable with it. I always struggle getting into position. And when I do, it feels uncomfortable. How can I do this without deflating his erection or causing myself discomfort? First, I want to say, first step is recognizing that you don't

Starting point is 00:08:12 feel comfortable with it, but it's something that you want to change. Okay? And I get it. In this position, you're really exposed. You're in charge. You're naked. Your partner's looking at you. They're staring up. And literally you are. are putting on a display and you have to be moving and acting and figuring out what feels good to both of you. And it's a lot. It's a lot of pressure. So I want you to take the pressure off yourself and make this your own bed. Number one, you don't have to get naked. You can leave on a t-shirt or a tank or your bra, something that makes you feel sexy. You can leave your dress on. You can leave your shoes on, take off your underwear. Play with this position first.

Starting point is 00:08:48 What would make you comfortable? Because if it is uncomfortable because they're just staring up at you, then just wear something that makes you feel sexy. And then as far as getting on top of it, go slow. So much of sex is we rush into positions and then we stay there. And that's why we're doing the show because it shouldn't be so stagnant. It could be much more slower. In fact, all sex could stand for being a little bit slower. So you could slowly climb on top, take your time getting into the position and really feeling

Starting point is 00:09:17 what it feels like to be in control, have your knees straddling. him. And then slowly you can lower yourself down onto his penis. You can see how that feels. You can watch him going inside of you. You guys can be making eye contact and just move into it in a way that you feel comfortable and then breathe and then go slow. I think the slowness of this position is under recognized and not often talked about that it's really more of a grinding than a performance of bouncing up and down and twisting around and arching your back. Let's just get you comfortable feeling something. So I want you to move towards him, move around and say like, where am I feeling the most stimulation?

Starting point is 00:10:03 Now, as we know, most vulva owners don't get enough clitoral stimulation in most sex acts. And the reason why woman on top is so popular for many vulva owners having pleasure is because you can control it and you can position your clitoris, your G spot in ways that you're getting optimal stimulation. So start there, Meg, try it out, do it at your own pace, and focus on your pleasure. Because I want to remind you, we are the greatest lovers to our partners when we first become great lovers to ourselves. And that's about you taking control and feeling out what feels right to you. Yeah, love it. And I love what you said about wearing something that makes you feel sexy too. Yeah. It's a big game changer when you realize that this whole notion

Starting point is 00:10:47 that naked is the best. Like I often, like, we'll go out. I'll wear my dress. I'll keep my shoes on. I'll wear like a one-sided top with a shoulder coming down. Like, I love that kind of look. First off, I don't like being cold. As soon as I'm like, I'm not ready to get naked yet, I'm still doing this. I'm still moving around. It feels good. And so I think when we say like you're on display and it's a visual thing, if you are embodied first pillar of sex IQ and you are in your body and you're moving in a way that genuinely feels good to you, doesn't matter what the hell you're wearing. All right, this is from Sydney 25 in Alberta, Canada.

Starting point is 00:11:20 Hey, Dr. Emily, I love your podcast. I listen all the time while I'm at work. Okay, I've got two questions. I've been seeing this guy for about a month. I don't know how to bring this up, but his penis has such a strong curve, up and to his right. It can be uncomfortable in certain positions. Is there any advice for a very curved penis?

Starting point is 00:11:37 Also, we've had sex three times and all three he's been unable to come. I know he was single for a while and he's able to organize. when he's alone, but not with me. I guess what I'm asking is, how do I go around this? The sex lasts way too long for me, and I'm worried he will be two in his head to achieve orgasm if we get stuck in this cycle. Thanks for all the great advice you share on your podcast and emails. I love that she gets our emails.

Starting point is 00:12:01 I know. Have I told y'all how much I love our emails? We give great emails. They're beautiful emails, and they're going to inspire you. I literally hear from someone who are like, got your email today. Thank you. We're going to try that out tonight. So it's fun.

Starting point is 00:12:12 All right. So first, Sidney, thanks for your detailed question here. So lots of penises are curved. And I don't think that him not orgasming has anything to do with the curved penis. Sometimes a curved penis is really great because depending on where it's curving up into the right, if it's curved up, well then when you are on the bottom or the top, really, you can move your body in a way so it's really accessing your G spot. Honestly, lucky her. Yeah. It's like a G-spot toy. attached to his body. And this is great for missionary position or woman on top, either one of those. So let's talk about his orgasm. There's a lot of reasons why he might not be orgasming and it probably has nothing to do with you. And so this is a great conversation of outside the bedroom and say,

Starting point is 00:12:56 I want to be great lovers to each other. What is the position? What is the way that it feels great for you? And what is the best way that you can orgasm? Or what are the positions you like? Here's what I like. Because you might find out that he just can't orgasm with someone on top or he really needs to come at from behind. The reason why we often can't orgasm with a partner is because we're very set in our ways and how we orgasm by ourselves. And if he's been single for a while, I'm going to imagine that he's become very comfortable with his hand, maybe pornography. He's got his set ways. So when you're bringing someone else into the mix, it just takes a little bit adjusting, a little bit of communication, a little bit of figuring out how can we best collaborate together to make this

Starting point is 00:13:34 great for both of us. So you just got to find out. I want you to get out of your head and worry about him. But also, if the sex is lasting too long for you, you got to let him know that that too because listen, this whole thing about lasting longer, I get it. If you only last a minute and you want to last longer, I understand that. But a lot of sex lasts too long. So if you have any Volvo, sex that lasts too long can actually be painful, it can cause infections. And so this is actually a really important conversation to have and say, you know what? When we're having penetrative sex for too long, it doesn't always feel the best. And I want to know what feels best to you. So maybe this is a great time to play with some mutual masturbation, bring some toys in and

Starting point is 00:14:11 figure out how can you both have optimal pleasure, minimize the pain, and all of this will happen if you just get comfortable talking about sex. It's never too soon. It is true that there's a lot of curved penises out there, right? That should have nothing to do with their ability to ejaculate during sex or ability to orgasm. It's just really common. It's nothing to be alarmed of a lot of penises curve. Again, I don't think this has to do with his orgasm, but we don't know. Ask them, find out. What's an exciting position for you? In fact, listen to the episode together. A lot of couples listen to the show together, and it really helps them practice what you're hearing on the episodes. Thank you, Sydney.

Starting point is 00:14:49 Hold your positions. We'll be right back after a very quick break for our sponsors who help support this podcast. Starting something new, whether it's a podcast, a coaching practice, a product line, whatever it is, can feel a little bit like stepping to the deep end without floaties. I remember when I started sex with Emily, I had so much passion, but not a lot of business know-how. I was writing scripts, figuring out tech, trying to build the website, learning, marketing, legal, all at once. And honestly, it was a lot. What I really needed was a partner that actually knew what it was doing. And that's exactly what Shopify is.

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Starting point is 00:16:24 Sign up for your $1.1% trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash SWE. go to shopify.com slash swee shopify.com slash swee today I'm talking about a subject that you all love sex positions now this might surprise you but you guys love whenever I post anything about sex positions on Instagram it's like our most shared most commented on post and the more I think about it it makes sense because switching up your positions is really a way to have more pleasure and more connection. So in honor of this, we just released a new positions guide. It's free and it's on our website. It has descriptions and illustrations for each position. Did I mention it's free? So just go to my site. It's sex withemly.com slash guides. And of course, I'll put it in the show

Starting point is 00:17:18 notes. Okay, well, I want to ask you something first. Why do you think sex positions are always the first thing people ask about when they want to spice it up? I remember even like in TV shows when you see teens talking about sex for the first time. Like, did you ever watch? Never, have I ever? Yeah. I love that show. And they're like, the bunny rabbit, the wheelbarrow. And it's like, why is that the one thing that people think is the key to being a master at sex is positions? Well, I think there's a few things. First off, people really think that sex is technical, especially if you haven't had sex, you're like, well, I better do it right. I mean, think about anything. Like, you learn to play a new sport. You learn to cook. You learn to drive. You're like,

Starting point is 00:17:52 what positions should I be in? What are the steps? And so people think of positions as being like a necessary step to conquer these certain moves so you could make it that much better. And so I think that's why they're like, oh, there's like a super right way to do it. And I just want to lie there. And what do you actually do? We don't see a lot of positions out there. I mean, maybe if you watch porn or mostly what we see is the jackhammer. And so I think that people want to learn and spice it up. And also we get set in our ways of doing the same positions over and over again. So I think people always look like, what is that thing that I can do that would make it even more interesting? And another reason is because why I think it is an important conversation and necessary

Starting point is 00:18:30 to learn different positions is because we all have different body parts. And they all need different kinds of positions, angles, depth, access. So if you really do learn these positions, you can move your bodies in certain ways to maximize your pleasure and to maximize your orgasms. But if you're just kind of doing it how you think it should do it or in response to how your partner is moving, but you're not actually thinking about, like, what do I need here? Oh, if I move my left leg a little bit to the right or I put my leg over their shoulders, it's going to feel differently. If you learn specific ways to enhance every position, you could

Starting point is 00:19:08 probably make anything work for you. And I also think it's adventurous. When you try something new with a partner, a new position, a new toy, anything, it's that novelty, that excitement and just something new that you're experiencing together, which can really just enhance your intimacy. I love that. And I think that's an important reframe to think about different positions as different ways of feeling pleasure. It might hit your G spot in one better than another versus, oh, what's going to look the coolest for my partner? What's going to make me the most acrobatic gymnast in the bedroom? Yeah. That's a great reversal of it. Because to go to your first question about why do people do it, I think people think it's going to be, give me 10 stars or 10 points for being the best gymnast. It's not about that.

Starting point is 00:19:51 the best sex happens and the best activation of these positions happen when you are actually focused on what feels good. So you're reverse engineering it in a way. You're not like, well, how do I do it? I'm actually, you're going to think thoughtfully about what would feel the best to me and my partner. Your partner might like it one way. Then you get to do a little shift to make it work for you. So you're constantly moving together to optimize pleasure. I love that. I love it too. First up, we got to cover a missionary, okay? Missionary sex. I think we all know what missionary is. So this is just when the receiving partner is lying on their back and their partner is lying on top of them, basically. So the reason why this

Starting point is 00:20:35 is a good position is because it's great for intimacy. You're making eye contact. The receiving partner can just lie back and really receive. And then the givers kind of setting the intensity and the pace of it. The cons of this position, it can be easy to disassociate. You might not be making eye contact, you might just be lying there. And also, there's minimum G area stimulation for vulva owners. And unless you really try to focus on it, you might be missing clitoral stimulation as well, which is why we have a twist on it. The pillow position is great. And the pillow position could be used for every sex position. So you just add a pillow underneath her bum, which elevates her right there, right? So then she's got a little bit more elevation so her

Starting point is 00:21:23 pelvic floor is elevated, right? So he has different kind of access points. So her legs are up. He's straddling her from his knees. So he's got a little bit more control. And then he can even move her legs back a little bit so they're over his shoulder. And what I like about this position is not only is there more access to her G area, her clitoris, but the legs are crucial here because they can either go on either side of his shoulder. She can put them together on one side and then move her bum so she's giving a different angle or she can move the legs to the other side. She can even be squeezing her legs tightly together. So she's squeezing her pelvic floor, her clitoris, her vulva, all of that is tightening. So she's having to be squeezing.

Starting point is 00:22:16 a little bit extra pressure, and it might also feel really great. The grip on his penis could feel really good too. Pillow position, use pillows for really almost any sex position, this will work. Does adding a pillow there help stimulate the juice butt more? Because you said that in missionary, one of the cons is it doesn't really stimulate the juice side. Yes, it does. So when you add a pillow, see, she's more elevated rather than lying flat. And so this way her bums up a little more, which means that she's tilted and that there's just greater access to the G spot this way. Rather than just flat, when you have a little pillow, there's just easier entry and more access. I love that. And does that also go for those people who have tilted uteruses?

Starting point is 00:22:59 Yeah. But again, like, depending on which way you're tilting or which way you're moving, having a pillow on hand always helps you figure out what makes you feel good. The reason why it's so important to play with positions is I want to remind you that most of us just jump into positions. We do it the same way we've always done it. And maybe we don't think, like, how could I be more comfortable in this moment? Maybe if I just move my leg to the left or the right or I elevated myself, this would feel 10 times better. But since we're usually so caught up in the moment with a partner, maybe you're kind of thinking about what feels good for your partner, but you're not really thinking about yourself. Having a pillow and then having some of these

Starting point is 00:23:42 position tricks in your back pocket will allow you to think in the moment, oh, yeah, there was that leg thing or maybe I should try to scoot over a little bit. You're allowed to move in positions. You're allowed to experiment what feels good for both of you. And because a lot of times we're in that mindset of like we are having sex, we should just know what we're doing. We don't give ourselves time to play and explore what actually feels good. So these are going to lend some inspiration. Next we have the coital alignment technique or the cat position. So the cat position is great for lava owners who don't often get enough stimulation during regular good old missionary.

Starting point is 00:24:19 The cat position is designed to allow more access to the clitoris, the G spot. So here's how you do it. This is a modified version of the missionary where the guy's riding a little bit higher. he's maybe up a few inches over her head, sliding his body up an inch or two so that the base of the penis is rubbing against the clitoris. And they're both focused on this positioning of the base of his penis hitting her clitoris. His head is now past her head. He's a little higher up. And it uses both clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration to slowly rock the partner on the bottom, like the one who's receiving the stimulation. So there's like a rocking motion, right?

Starting point is 00:25:08 Because you're rocking together. Instead of a thrusting it out, you're like moving together, rocking. And he's really doing the rocking because he's still in control on top. But he's moving her along with him. And he has more leverage now that he's a few inches scooted up over her. The cat, friends and family. Okay. I have a question about the cat. Yeah. Because I've tried this. and I find that even if it feels good for me, it's painful for my partners. Is that always true? I don't think anything is always true, but it could be painful if your partner is shorter than you. Maybe there's not enough room for him to move above you.

Starting point is 00:25:53 It's almost like the angle is painful. Like it's stopping short or something. Oh, maybe because they're going up and down, when you're saying it's more of a rocking. Yeah, it's more of a back and forth than an up and down. So they're literally sliding and rocking. So it's like this. It's like a slide and a rock, slide and rock. Rather than, yeah, the in and out, thrusting would be hard here. Your bodies are touching the whole time in this position. So it's less of an in and out. Yes. It's less of an in and out. It's more of a rocking. You're rocking together and your bodies are moving together in unison. His motions are

Starting point is 00:26:30 moving your body along. But if he is trying to go in and out, that would be really hard because you wouldn't be able to move. So think of it like the penis is inside and it's like rocking. It's like touching it and moving. It just has more of an access to her parts. That's a great question. So then we've got the cowgirl or cowboy or again, these are all gendered positions. I'm speaking in gender with a lot of these. That's what it's been called person on top. We can call it. So this is where the penetrating partner is lying on their back and the receiving partner is straddling them on top, facing them using their knees for support. So they're straddling and their knees are supporting them. The receiving partner, if they're leading back,

Starting point is 00:27:14 they also have plenty of room to stimulate your clitoris. Now, the reason why this position can be really popular is because for many vulva owners, it is more common for them to orgasm in this position if they can't orgasm any other way. Because she's in control of the depth, the intensity, the movement. She is receiving and she's in control. Especially if you are used to being submissive or you're not often controlled. This is the position that who's ever on top, it's all about you and your pleasure. You also might love to be on display here. You're showing your breasts. You can move in ways that make you feel good, not by overthinking it, but by genuinely feeling yourself. Some tips here. Try going slower in this position than you think. A lot of us see

Starting point is 00:28:03 this position is like hopping up and down. Maybe she's even on her legs and she's going up and down. And I think that that's what we have seen a lot in porn is that she's bouncing. And maybe that's because it looks hot for penis owners or that's what we've been told. But here's the truth. It really feels better with more of a grinding motion because then her clitoris is making more contact with his pelvis so she's actually able to have that grinding and that clitoral contact in this position. Now, you could also swivel your hips and grind into your partner. And the giving a partner can control some of the pace. Sometimes it's really hot to have the partner on the bottom sort of like he could take his hands and put him around her and help her move back and forth

Starting point is 00:28:46 or increase the pace of it. That's the woman on top. This is a great one for body acceptance as well. If you're somebody who feels really self-conscious, we all go through that. This could really work on the fourth pillar of sexual intelligence, and that's your self-acceptance, accepting your body, learning to feel sexual, turned on and in the mood when you are in charge. So that's what I love about this position. If you have a fear of it, a great way to conquer it is just to remember that you get to move in a way that makes you feel good. and you get to take the time to go slow and to really think about what feels good to you because your partner's having a good time, I promise.

Starting point is 00:29:33 Your partner will have an even better time when you take control and make it about your pleasure. And that means experimenting with some of these positions and finding what makes you feel good. I have a question about this. There was a trend going around on TikTok called the coconut trend where people would spell coconut with their hips on, like the receiving partner would spell coconut

Starting point is 00:29:52 on the penis. C. Yes. Oh. Yes. Is that a myth or is that a decent technique? It's kind of like the alphabet trick with your tongue with giving oral sex. I think the reason why these get popular is because people want quick fixes.

Starting point is 00:30:09 They want specific tips. The only thing I can think about coconut working is because it's getting you to try different movements rather than just doing the same thing over and over again. And you're like, I'm already moving back and forth. If you think of like a C, an O, an O, give me a C, an N, right? Because an N, you'd go up down, up down, like a T. But like, I think if it's a way for you to remember how to move and to try a different position, then go for it. But I don't think there's any like, every time I spelled coconut, I had, oh, so many orgasms.

Starting point is 00:30:48 Leave it to TikTok. There's even more positions in the guide, but I'm going to jump ahead to the lotus. I love the lotus position. It's really great for connection, for intimacy, for eye-gazing. If you want to experiment with tantric moves, this is a classic. So you're sitting like legs crossed on the bottom, facing and straddling them. I love the lotus because it's a position that you can kind of stay in for a bit to ground with your partner. you can practice taking deep breaths together, looking to each other's eyes. And then in this

Starting point is 00:31:22 position, the movement here is a little bit more back and forth also instead of up and down. In fact, very few positions are up and down. It's more of like a back and forth, a grinding and just sort of you can rub your breasts against your partner. You can grab their hair. You can like massage their body. I just like this sitting up intimate position. I think it's also a great place to start. Like starting off the session in a lotus position where you're not even like thinking about sex. You're just sort of breathing and grounding. I think that's my favorite part of it because it's a very like calming, comforting position because all of your body parts are touching. Your limbs are wrapped up in each other. You can have all of your hands and all of your

Starting point is 00:32:08 legs around each other and you're just like really, really close. Why I say this is a tantra position is because Tantra is really just about mindfulness and being present. And so in this position, you're super grounded by each other's body weight. You're looking at each other. And then what happened with couples who look into each other's eyes for a while, they'll find that their breath will actually start to sink up as well. And it can just be a very connective, grounding spiritual experience. That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. And if you love the show, please like, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you get your podcast.

Starting point is 00:32:54 And hey, share this with a friend or a partner. It might just spark something. It usually does. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all at Sex With Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at Sex Withemly.com for free guides and articles and more. ways to prioritize your pleasure.

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