Sex With Emily - Why This Athlete Has the Best Sex of Her Life

Starting point is 00:00:04 I think when we're in a relationship with a person and you're in the bedroom, I think a willingness to be there and, you know, that they look and they think, oh, they're excited to be here and be with me and a passion. I think that is what we're the only ones that see these, you know, imperfections that we all have. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Welcome to my conversation with volleyball legend Gabby Reese.

Starting point is 00:00:36 On today's episode, we get into some really fascinating stuff from defining what masculinity means in her household to why young people aren't having a lot of sex. And of course, the juiciest part, she helps me answer a ton of listener questions. This is a good one. Thanks everyone for tuning in. Please rate and review sex with Emily, wherever you listen to the show, it helps get the show out to more people and it just takes a few seconds. You can do it right now.

Starting point is 00:00:59 You can also find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, or X, And Facebook, all of it, all of it, is at Sex with Emily. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. Okay, so if you've been listening to this show for a while, you know I'm not about random sex toys or gimmicks. I'm about tools that actually support your pleasure, your communication, and your connection. Well, that's exactly why we created the Shop Sex with Emily store. Everything in there is curated by me and my team.

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Starting point is 00:02:33 and contact Desjardin today. We'd love to talk, business. Female athletes are new role models and for good reasons. Gabby Reese is a former pro volleyball player, a model, a mother to three daughters, an entrepreneur who owns Laird Superfoods and podcast host of the Gabby Reese Show and so much more. You have a really successful business together, Laird Superfoods and three kids. Like, how do you guys work? How do you make work?

Starting point is 00:03:06 I tried to work with someone. It didn't go well, a partner. How did you do it? It is tricky. I think we, this is where our difference is good. So our values are the same and our differences show up better because it's like, okay, that's you. Oh, that's not. Okay, Gabby's going to handle that. Yeah, I'm, I'm, you know, there's things. I'll give me an example. On the way here, before I came here, I had a meeting and Larry and we went in separate cars and they sent him the email. I always schedule and do all the thing. And he's like, well, do you know about that? I go, oh, that email didn't come to me. And I don't have, and the way he was coming at me, I was like,

Starting point is 00:03:38 yeah, okay. It was kind of rude. And I go, oh, that has nothing to do with me. And I just went like, rort like this. And he was like, yes, it does. And I was like, yeah, no, it doesn't. And so when we were going, he goes, you just seemed really calm and we had to leave. And I go, yeah, but, you know, you were frustrated because you got an email and that frustrates you. Because you should have gotten an email and he should have done it? It's just, that's not his strength. Okay. Details and like, they were asking, what do you want to eat? And I was like, that's a whole hour away. By the time we get there, they're going to order and it's going to take 30 minutes. But the way my brain works and his brain.

Starting point is 00:04:12 So he goes, you seem like la-di-da. I was like, because I've learned being amped about things when you don't have to be doesn't help. This is a small detail. Yeah. So it's us knowing who is doing what and having systems. There's a lot of trust, boundaries around the conversation. Yeah. Do you cut it and say like we can't talk at dinner?

Starting point is 00:04:32 We won't be talking. I just think it's become intuitive because when it just bleeds over. into everything all the time. I used to also make the mistake of bringing up, and I think women do this, anything around hard things, like, oh, the kids did this right before you're going to have sex because you're alone. So like, don't do it. Wait till after. Yeah. Yeah. Because then they're just they're putty, they're cool. They're like, yeah, great. But I've also learned not to be like, oh, and by the way, we've got that thing tomorrow on three. You know, fill out the thing that you want for lunch. And he's like, uh, what? So I have also learned to control because I'm like,

Starting point is 00:05:04 oh, we're alone. So, oh, I have this on my mind, you know. Exactly. I got you. I got you to myself. Yeah, so I've learned like, oh, pin it, pin it for later. I know, that's good. Listen, to anyone who's in a relationship that they want to be in, it's not that it's, make it as easy as you can, make your life as easy as you can. That's what I always say, like, anything that I can do to make it easy for myself and for the people in my life I will, don't make it harder. Like how so they like just don't sweat the small stuff. Yeah, and also, like, for example, if I see something that I know is really going to piss me off or irritate me, I'm not running full speed towards it.

Starting point is 00:05:38 You know, like a situation, a circumstance. I'm like, oh, yeah. Do I need to? Do I have to? Why do I need to put my teeth in that? That's going to just irritate me. So I think it's learning. How do I make this as easy?

Starting point is 00:05:52 Even like re, not repurposing, repeating like some bullshit thing that happened to you before. Like somebody did something to you. And then a friend calls you go, oh, and guess what? You know what happened? da-da-da. why am I reliving this thing that already irritated me? How do I think about it, be really clear about where it plays? Do I need to confront them?

Starting point is 00:06:14 Do I not? Am I not going to? Am I not going to, am I? Do they need to apologize? Whatever it is. And then move on. So I think also finding these ways to make it as simple as possible has really, that's really, I think, helpful.

Starting point is 00:06:29 But what I want to say to someone is if you have a partner and you think you want to be with them, appreciate them because it's so easy to let all the details of life make it that you don't appreciate them and, you know, the people close to you. So if you can be reminded, I take a lot of distance from Laird and I'm reminded about like, this is a person I really appreciate and I value and I respect. And I do that on a regular basis. And so do I know he's got really badass intentions, he does. So he's going to get a lot of passes for me because he has some little temper tantrum because he doesn't like emails. It's like whatever. Exactly. You know what you're reminded of been saying that. Do you know that saying when something's upsetting you or you're about to

Starting point is 00:07:16 get you it up in a tizzy? You say something like, is it going to matter in one week, one year, 10 years? Yeah. Or what's the impact of like one hour, one week, one year? And then you think about it. Oh, it's really, if I let this go, it's really not going to pick my life. If you're like, oh, it's really need bad an hour and then you're like that's how you can kind of measure does this thing matter yeah and like it really care about this yeah like what is the impact of the silly thing because i find myself do you get like this email wasn't right or why do and like what does it matter it's it it's a big deal it's like Tuesday your battles like letting shit go that really isn't a big deal you guys are sounds like you guys are so rational with this stuff or maybe you're the rational

Starting point is 00:07:53 I am the rational I feel about you I'm glad you see me but he's the heart that's the thing I know I know he's the heart yeah it's good we need it all We need it all. So you've been talking about your directness in the bedroom, for example, but in the bedroom and such. So it folds in time thinking about defining the masculine and the feminine, which things have changed so much over the years, but it is a very buzzy topic right now. So what do you think about that? How would you define the masculine, the feminine, and how it works?

Starting point is 00:08:23 I think we house, all of us house both. And so it's actually, I think, building a good relationship with both sides. And that doesn't mean I would like to say if you're a female. that you have to love to cook. No. Okay. That's not what I'm talking about femininity, okay? It's just the essence of, um, there's sort of a nurturing and a recovering element.

Starting point is 00:08:44 You know, someone said to me, sometimes men are the sun and women or the moon, where it's like everyone comes in and rests and then they go out and they go again. So if it's a family and friends or lover or whatever. So develop whatever version of that doesn't have to be my version within yourself. So you have a relationship with both. And then decide as a couple what works when who picks what. But my understanding is also that once you sort of establish, you don't get to flip and flop. So for example, in my house, I'll use my house.

Starting point is 00:09:19 I have taken on the feminine role. Now, I do a lot of masculine things within that. But in my nature of how I dress Laird and our roles and he's taken on a very masculine role. Okay. If we get into a disagreement, I don't turn to the masculine. because it's sort of like a change of laws. Now, if we go in the evolution of our relationship and something flips, that's okay too. But just within the dynamic.

Starting point is 00:09:43 So I, even though I communicate probably pretty directly, it's not that emotional. It's still not aggressive usually. So what I'd say to people is get a relationship with it, both elements because you need it all to live life. And then decide what feels good for you as a couple. I can't tell you. I just know that I sort of practice so much, you know, kind of masculine energy in my day-to-day that I personally enjoy the kind of, you know, Laird calls me lover. And like, I like it.

Starting point is 00:10:20 I feel protected. It doesn't mean I don't have my two legs. Yes. I just enjoyed that expression. Yeah. No, it's a balance, too. I feel like I mean my masculine a lot. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:33 running a business, running the home, all the things and being the boss and driving the career. But I really, that was part of me for play because I know that the feminine is about creativity and exploration and play. And I'm never going to be one that cooks or cleans or any of that stuff. I mean, I try to do the best I can. But for me, it's more about like a letting go. Yes. Being in nature.

Starting point is 00:10:54 And that's the thing that kind of plug in. We've made a mistake in the definition. So let's start there. Feminine isn't weak. masculine isn't the overseer. So within that, I never mean that. I never mean that for either one. I actually think feminine's the most powerful. So somehow we've, we have gotten the definition weird. And I personally have always thought feminine energy is the most powerful. It is. It's the life force, too. It's creativity. Yeah. Where you, you know, birth to everything. Creativity or a baby. And it is the

Starting point is 00:11:31 energy and then the masculine is the container. So especially when it comes to the sexuality, it is the container for which the feminine can run free and do her thing. It's funny. I was at this someone's house the other day, this really beautiful home and they had this clock that kept, it was like all these beautiful birds were saying and all these things. But then there was like this clock that went off every hour. And at first it was like ding, it was really kind of annoying. I was like, what is? I don't need to know that it's 1 o'clock and then I was able to like rest to when I go, oh, like that's the masculine structure.

Starting point is 00:12:06 And I was like, oh, that's okay. Like clear example to me of like the structure in my frolicing on the beach and doing this thing with my friends. It was like a way of saying like that was like the nod to the structure when the feminine can run free. But you got to be with people who make you feel safe who actually are in them. Yeah. Well, and that's it. Make a choice that is a good choice for your life. And then within that can you let it go a little bit? But be wise in your choices and be strategic and be thoughtful. And also if we're afraid, because love is scary and relationships are scary, if we're afraid and we're operating from that system, it doesn't matter what we have going on. It's going to be tough because we're scared. So I think it's also making peace. And that's something I did within my marriage. I didn't come into it with that. And that's why we almost

Starting point is 00:12:57 broke up. Yeah, of like, oh, this is scary. I'm scared. I want to self-protect. And one of the ways I'm going to do that is do that. And you realize if you're really going to kind of try, there's a part of vulnerability that I certainly don't love. But it almost feels essential that both people are in for that risk. And that's why it's so great. Yeah, it is great. And the vulnerability is a key part. I think where people suffer in relationship so much when there was someone like, oh, they're not emotionally available or they're not evolved. They don't tell me what they're thinking or feeling. It's because we don't have experience being vulnerable. But I love your story of like, I wasn't there. Like they tell you had to be like, I wanted you with this man, but I can't be vulnerable.

Starting point is 00:13:38 But the fact that you were able to come back to the relationship and learn it and grow is such a beautiful example of like, no one's taught to be vulnerable. In fact, how we grew up, no one was like, cry. Show your feelings. It takes 90 seconds to run through an emotion. Like, they were like, shut up, don't cry. Do it all on your own. Like, I don't know. That's how I was, right? Well, and it's all risk. Loving anyone is all risk. So do you want to risk it or not? And there's a great book by a woman named Kristen Olmer.

Starting point is 00:14:05 She wrote a book called The Art of Fear. And in the book, the guy was talking about a kid who was going to a roller coaster. And the scary roller coaster. And the kid goes, oh, I'm scared. And rather than say to the kid, hey, it's okay. You know, they wouldn't let people ride it if it wasn't safe and blah, blah, blah. He goes, yeah, it's scary. And then he said, the question is,

Starting point is 00:14:24 Are you in the mood to be scared? And so I think with love, it's like the question is, do you think this is the right person that you are in the mood, that you're willing to be vulnerable with? And that might be it, because it is scary. It is scary. And it's also, is it the right person? That's always a thing too, I guess, but there's also ways.

Starting point is 00:14:42 I mean, I think it's someone that you feel safe with. Or at least to try. I mean, you know, sometimes we don't know what happens. We try. It doesn't work out. Oh my God, it's exhausting. But it's cool. We try.

Starting point is 00:14:51 We got to try. That's what it's here, to love and do be vulnerable. Totally. I'm really good with my friends doing that. It's harder in relationship sometimes. Well, you might know too much, so that's the problem. I know. I do know too much. You've seen it all. And you're like, oh, you've seen it all. I've done it all. I've studied it all. I'm like, I know our issues before we even happen. Yeah, well. We'll be right back after a quick word about one of our sponsors. So I feel like I give a lot of advice on how to have more and better orgasms. But something I also get asked about all the time is the worry of finishing too quickly. First of all, if this has happened to you or your partner, you are not alone. It's

Starting point is 00:15:23 actually one of the most common sexual concerns for men and the real issue isn't just timing it's the pressure that comes with it so when you're worried about finishing too soon it can pull you right out of the moment that's why i like solutions that are simple and backed by science like promescent delay spray it's a doctor-recommended spray designed to help men last longer in bed by giving you more control over your climax which is what you want right you just apply it before sex and it absorbs quickly and it has this anti-transfer technology which means it won't transfer to your partner so what does that look like. Less performance anxiety, more confidence, and more time to actually enjoy intimacy together. Because great sex isn't about rushing. It's about connection, pleasure, and really feeling good in your

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Starting point is 00:17:35 when WestJetting welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. I want to talk to you about the athlete, being an athlete. I'm curious how you would say being an athlete, like how that enhances a person's sex life. And I want to know also about Laird's superfoods. Oh, any help with our sex drive. Well, I mean, you've got caffeine.

Starting point is 00:18:06 So hello. Right. No. So I think being athletic, I mean, it's interesting when I was competing and training a ton, sometimes I was a little more tired. And that was actually even harder. I was like, oh, one more physical thing to do. So you'd be surprised.

Starting point is 00:18:19 It does boost your testosterone, even if you're a female. but it can be also this weird blend of like you're also more tired. I think movement in general and just overall kind of harmony with, you know, mind, body, and spirit, I think it probably gives you more life force or chi, which probably boosts your libido, which is helpful. And as you get older, I am always a really big advocate. And we talked about it earlier about getting your blood work, getting your hormones checked, making sure because sometimes it isn't about muscling through it and gritting through it.

Starting point is 00:18:51 People shouldn't have to do that. So I say also that we, you know, you want to have a, if it works for you as a couple, you know, sort of your version of a sex life, whatever that looks like for you as a couple, but you shouldn't have to muscle through it. So, you know, maybe it's important. It is, right? Just being healthy overall. If you exercise, you eat the foods that make you feel good, you're going to have a stronger sex.

Starting point is 00:19:14 Yes, and I love that. And I was joking about Laird Superfood, but it does have healthy fats and we have caffeine and we don't use natural. We don't even use natural, never mind, artificial flavors. So our whole thing is as eating things as real as close to the source as possible, if you're a vegetarian, you know, we plants and animals. Pretty simple diet. I only eat until I'm full.

Starting point is 00:19:39 I try not to overeat. I obviously look out for added sugar. But certainly Laird superfood is just what we say with that is if you're already drinking coffee, we've got opportunities. We put adaptogens. We put things that are supported. Because see, people already overloaded. I don't want to give you more things to do.

Starting point is 00:19:58 Like another supplement. Right. I want to say like, oh, if you're doing that, would that be better? If you are, we've got hydrate products. We have all kinds of things. So the brand really came out of habits that we were doing and turned into this. Okay. That's great.

Starting point is 00:20:12 That's been such a success. I see. Yeah. You have 10 failures before you get the one success. So people are. I can show them the graveyard if they want. Yeah, totally. Oh my God. I'm like, God, there's so many failures. But that's how we learn. You got to keep going. It's how fast you get back up. One, it's also, it's part of it. It's the 20, what is it, the 21 door theory, right?

Starting point is 00:20:35 You're going to knock on 20 doors and then it will be the 21st. So they're not even failures. They just are part of that process. They get you to wherever. That's, and good luck. That's a good fortune. That's the thing about, I think of the wisdom of getting older when I get into this place, if it gets it going to work or not. I'm like, okay, I can look back and look at all the experience and being like, things have always worked out. It wasn't easy along the way. There were things that were failures, but they always ended up. It's going to work out. I'm like, no, it's going to be fine. You're in this favor. You can't just say that to people. No. But there's a certain trusting in the process that to get anything that you want and that you really

Starting point is 00:21:09 believe in, it's going to be a little rough along the way. It is. It's going to happen the way it's meant to happen. And so what are the lessons? Great. Pocket them. Let's roll. One more thing about help gut health. What's your take on that? I've been going deeper. It's everything. It is, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:26 In fact, your sexual health, your mental health. Big time. So is it just, how do you deal with gut health? Is it just part of your overall wellness? So 30, and people go, oh, that sounds like so many. It does. But let's get excited the fact that, you know, beans count, nuts count, you know, spices and herbs count.

Starting point is 00:21:45 But every week, get as many colorful forms of fiber and, a variety of fiber that you can to support your gut health. And people don't give it enough credit. And then they go, oh, good, bacteria, bad. It's so confusing. It is. Don't take it on too much. Fermented foods, kimchi, sourcouts.

Starting point is 00:22:05 There's so many good things. Things like medicines and Advils and Tylenols and alcohol, they're tough on your gut. And nobody likes to hear that. And I think we don't think about it. They can perforate the gut lining. But the other good thing about the gut is within 24 hours, it starts to heal. So we can really make progress quickly. So I don't like people to think, well, it's not too, it's never too late.

Starting point is 00:22:30 And, you know, managing stress and sleep is so imperative. I take a probiotic, just thrive probiotic. I love them. They have a gummy. I love a supplement as a gummy. They have like this special like strands that I've studied that's like they weed out the bed, bringing the good bacteria, all the things. But I focused on it now when I think more.

Starting point is 00:22:48 about what I'm putting in my body because of what I've learned about the gut. Okay, how do you post like body image and peer pressure around sex with your group, three girls? Yeah. How do you talk to them about that? Body image or peer pressure or sex or does it come up? Because also side-know, there's all these studies now that kids aren't having sex. I know. It's weird. So I know. Do you see in Japan 30% of people under 30 are virgins? They're virgins. They've got to be having sex. I know. No one's having sex. So we try not to put voodoo, voodoo around sex in our house. Good. Okay.

Starting point is 00:23:17 I'm not my daughters. I mean, they're getting older now, so it's different, but I never am their, their friend. I try to be their mom and be a person who that they kind of rely on. Somebody told me once they want you to be the, you know, they want you to be in charge. They don't want me in control, right? So I try to be a good example. I think Laird and I display a healthy amount of affection. And certainly we've had open dialogue. My youngest daughter, is is certainly the most conservative. Okay. But she's confident, but just I can tell she's a little more conservative. So I have conversation. I always say the car ride. That's the best time. And they'll talk to you and you.

Starting point is 00:24:03 And what I do is I'll say, can I ask a question? I'll ask, can I say something? And I just will drop off one thing. I love it. And one kid wants to engage more and there's a back and forth. And one kid is a little more timid or uptight. So you just go, just food for thought and you put it out there. And then I back off.

Starting point is 00:24:23 But really modeling. Modeling and having the conversation to them, right? And a lot of listening. What about a lot of it is, a lot of listening and asking questions and bringing up again and realizing it's not a one-time conversation, just knowing that you're there. Yes. And empowering them to do things because that is their desire, not because they have pressure or they're trying to please somebody.

Starting point is 00:24:44 at their young age. This is what I like. I'm like, well, they're not having sex. I've been doing a lot of deep dive and trying to figure that out, but it's better than the alternative of just having sex to please somebody. Right. So it's like, hey, if you do decide, like you feel like it's a healthy age and everybody thinks that's different.

Starting point is 00:25:00 Every person's different. But because the other thing is I don't want them to almost go so long that it becomes like a weird thing. Right. So it's like, hey, whatever age that it's becoming because that's what you desire, you feel cherished and respected and you'd like to explore that next step with somebody and you're interested that those are the types of things. Now, what about that makes sense?

Starting point is 00:25:25 Well, how does mental health tighten this? Because it's also been so brutal since the pandemic and all this talk about mental health. How is that going with your girls? It's something that you also talk to them about. Well, they're also different. So my oldest daughter actually had her hardest time way later. Okay. And that's interesting when you have a young adult going through.

Starting point is 00:25:44 hard time. So that's a whole other set of rules of you have to ask to assist. When they're younger, you can plow in there because you're a parent. My middle went through very heavy times at about 13. Okay. And it was sort of like really having to get other tools, me as a parent, not just her. One thing I heard is like, oh, you want to go to a therapist and drop your kid off and go, hey, fix them. Yeah, no, no, no, everybody's got to get fixed. I love that. You said that. You can't. Everybody has to get fixed. So that's a part of it. So that's a lot. You're not. You're where I got introduced to Katie. And then my, my youngest, she doesn't have sort of some of the heavier, darker stuff that my older two navigated, but she's more vulnerable to the phone.

Starting point is 00:26:27 Okay. So she's super social. She's self-regulated. You know, she'll say things like, you know, I need to change my sleep patterns. She'll self-regulate. So I see she's dealing with it, but I do see she's more susceptible to how she feels about the way she appears based on the phone. So we just keep a dialogue going. That's great. It's a lot to keep going. Well, it's also learning their languages. Right.

Starting point is 00:26:54 Because it's different with each kid. They have different languages. And some it's like you have to lean back. What's the latest thing you learned? Like what? Language-wise. It's so hard with the phone because it's hard to understand everything that she's seeing. Right.

Starting point is 00:27:07 Oh, right. That language. I'm just like, you know. TikTok. whatever's coming up for her. So it's about getting her to remind her to focus on the things that are good and positive in her life and about her look and how she looks and to be grateful for and then to utilize the tools of, hey, listen, the reason I'm jamming on about you getting to bed and turning off the thing is I do think it does rattle you. And she's reasonable. And she'll say,

Starting point is 00:27:35 no, yeah, okay. So, and then it's saying, I'm here, but then it's watching. her put tools in place and she does. But listen, listen, let me tell you, you go over here, you should have gone there. Oops, sorry, you go there, you should have gone there. So I want to say one thing about parenting is you never lands on the bullseye. The job is showing up and knowing you're never going to get it right and having peace with that and being the best possible example that you can be and loving them for who they are, not who you think that you hope they should be or whatever. because that is, you know, nobody ever talks about parental disappointment. They hand you a baby.

Starting point is 00:28:16 Wow. The future is open to every possibility and you realize that, no, actually, this is a person who has certain likes, certain traits, they're going to be who they are. It might be really different than what you would hope for them. And you feel a moment of like, oh, I didn't know it was going to go like that. And then you go, great. Accepting them for who they are. It's all beautiful.

Starting point is 00:28:37 Yeah, but you've got to grow up. as a parent. And yeah, it's impossible. And it's fantastic. It's impossible job. Right. It's impossible job. So much love and impossible.

Starting point is 00:28:47 And one last thing I would say, because I don't, I try not to give parental advice. If your kids are getting older and their teenagers, actually pray and encourage that everything weird that they do, they do while they're living with you. Okay. Because you're there. Yeah. You don't want to send them off to college, never having dipped their toe into anything. Right.

Starting point is 00:29:07 Because who's looking out for them? So somehow find the balance between age-appropriate freedom so that you see how they manage freedom on their own. So you're right there. That's really healthy. I know just to explore here. We're safe. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:24 And I'm not saying, hey, I'm buying you the stuff. Right. And like have your friends over and every, I'm not talking about that, but I'm saying an appropriate amount of freedom. So you see what they do. What are their choices? Yeah. I don't track my children on their phone.

Starting point is 00:29:38 You don't. Yeah. because if they lie, I'm like, listen, if you choose to lie, I will find out eventually. Now, if you're going to some country and you want me to, that's fine. But my point is, is like, I'm not going to be up your colon because I'm not going to live there. So what are you going to choose for yourself? I think that's good. I mean, that's really, it's like giving them the tools to make agency over themselves.

Starting point is 00:30:02 I think that's better than like I'm being tracked because the first was at it is that the kids don't feel like they can go out and have an adventure. They can go out and live there. They need to play. They need to like, they need it. They require it. And the temptation is so wild to just be on them because you can fight it if you can. I love that you don't do that. I think that's great.

Starting point is 00:30:19 I mean, my parents are like, well, hell there was. I couldn't find you. You know what I'm saying? No, of course. Yeah, I think in a way. But be, if you might be up waiting. Yeah. And you might be like, take a look at them when they get home.

Starting point is 00:30:29 And that's okay too. That is part of parenting. But I have found that I want to know who are you left up to yourself. Yeah. I love it. I think that's great. That's the independence that you want to bring back to kids today. Yeah, they need it. Okay, these are our list of questions. We've got so many. So I'm going to ask you rapid fire like, I'll be sure. I'll be sure. No, because it's going to be kind of a fun ending segment,

Starting point is 00:30:49 I think, to be like, okay, Gabby, like, what's, I'm going to go to these in our, what's a single most important exercise you can't live without? You can't do without. If there's one thing. Oh, single as a, I mean, listen, any form of squatting is going to be great. But also, we do need to hang a little bit here and there because you don't want to lose total grip strength. So you want to be able to squat. So the idea of like when you're 80, you get up and down from a chair independently and you don't want to lose grip strength. Okay. Love it. This is going to be hard to answer quickly, but what does it feel like to be on display as an athlete to millions? You know, I think you are thinking about the ball and your opponents more than millions. I mean, pressure is an interesting

Starting point is 00:31:30 thing when you play sports. But you, you know, it's sort of like you learn it in stages and And so really you are focused on the task at hand. The only other thing I would say about that, though, is using the energy of the people around you, hopefully if they're for you, to your advantage. And conversely, I know athletes who do this very well, where if they go into an arena, I have a friend who played in the NBA and he used to talk about, like, was wildly hated in certain arenas. And he said he would just take that energy and, you know, use it as fuel.

Starting point is 00:32:00 And use it as fuel. Yeah. Okay. How do you get confident in your own skin and how are you able to transfer that to the bedroom. Well, okay. So I was six foot three at 15 and I had to make a decision. Are you going to be okay with who you are or are you going to just be tortured that you're not a size four? So I think I learned that lesson. I'm not a person who likes to bang their head on the wall too long. And then what I've learned about confidence in the bedroom is somebody said to me years ago, and this is saying if you're

Starting point is 00:32:29 in a relationship with a man, I don't know that it would be even different with a female. Men only see what you project. They're not going beneath the surface thing. Does she really mean this? Is she not? Well, not like that. Is she, what size does she do? Oh, is Gabby a little loose in the, you know, is that cellulite?

Starting point is 00:32:44 I think when we're in a relationship with a person and you're in the bedroom, I think a willingness to be there and, you know, that they look and they think, oh, they're excited to be here and be with me and a passion. I think that is what, we're the only ones that see these, you know, imperfection. that we all have. We're the ones. Our partner loves us. And if we're in the bedroom, and Laird and I joke too, he's like, we joke like that's what light switches are for. But maybe that's for when you're like 75. No, but they're not going like, oh, what's that mark on your thing? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe she gets some endomology, sweetie. It's like, come on. They're not. So I think we are

Starting point is 00:33:24 the only ones who torture ourselves. Yeah. They're with you naked. Like they're happy. They love you. They want to be there. And, you know, I do it too. to a degree, but if I could encourage people to just know that you are beautiful. And we have this definition of beautiful. No, being with somebody, you're there, there's love, there's intimacy. This is such a beautiful thing. And so to experience that in its wholeness and not to be like, oh, my this, my that, it's like, you know.

Starting point is 00:34:02 We make sex so complicated. We make sex so hard. really at the end of the day. It's like this beautiful thing. Your wisdom and you're both naked. You're out of your head into your body. Go under the covers if you really need to and just feel it then. Just experience it. It's a total sensory experience. I love it. I think we already answered this, but maybe you'll say something else this time. Who knows? Easiest way to keep it interesting after all these years. Oh, hell. I don't know. I'm so like boring that way. We have it scheduled. So I think it's willingness.

Starting point is 00:34:31 Like I want you. I would like to be with you. That feels good. good, you know, like you feel good. I don't have a ton of tricks. And by the way, I have other friends that they do, you know, they have games and toys and it's great and it works for them. I'm pretty much like, again, I've kept it simple enough that the experience of it is, has been is nice. Yeah. Well, then the next question, do you own any sex toys? Do you think it's important for women to own sex toys? Somebody gave me one of those when we were in Austin, Alifery. remember the little the looks like a flower okay it's a pretty little it was a probably like the plus one the rose toy yeah yeah yeah it's quite good it's kind of fun right it's quite good yeah it's fun to the point

Starting point is 00:35:17 it gets right to the point right to the point right to the point it's kind of fun it's like I'm like exactly it makes things efficient it's efficiency I yeah look at it is that sad no I'm like let's go to it I'm a I'm a huge fan of sex toys you kidding it's get it done I mean it takes a long you want her guys like also like take the edge off yeah exactly What are we talking about? No, it's true. Like, I'm telling you, it's like the biggest stress reliever. I know. Help with focus, concentration.

Starting point is 00:35:41 Have you fall asleep. Forget chocolate. Just, you know, take care of it. Exactly. It's better. Don't eat the sugar. Good. I'm a fan.

Starting point is 00:35:45 Fan of sex toys. Okay. Well, what's your least favorite thing about sex? And then they vote seriously. So they want. My least? Yeah. I wouldn't say I pin anything least around.

Starting point is 00:35:57 Yeah. I mean, okay. The time. Yeah, but even that, it's like, what other thing in that moment could I be doing better? than my time than being with my partner. So I don't have not attached anything. It's like saying the least thing that's bad about a sunset.

Starting point is 00:36:12 It's like, you know what? Take it in. Yeah. Without much intellectual compatibility, can a new relationship thrive? This was just a gentleman. Not in the long, long. No, I don't think so. I mean, if it's like boom-bang.

Starting point is 00:36:25 I mean, listen, we all have had one of those when we're younger. It's like, shh, you know. They're so pretty to look at it. Look good, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. That's only going to be. It gets old. Quick.

Starting point is 00:36:36 Real quick. Super quick. Especially for someone like, my brain's like, ah. No, no, no, yeah. Okay. How often do you masturbate? I'd say maybe two times a month. Great.

Starting point is 00:36:47 Yeah, nothing. I mean, I have a pretty healthy. Okay. You got, you're already like, I don't know how you'd have time for that. No, but sometimes like, you know. Just like your own, because it's still a sex. Well, sometimes, yeah, if there's, and yeah, if you're not getting maybe that one week that you weren't having an orgasm.

Starting point is 00:37:06 Yeah. Or just good for your own. I believe it's important just to have that relationship with our body. I think so. That's good. Yeah. Work it in. Well, don't be scared.

Starting point is 00:37:14 Yes. And that's how we learn about our bodies. Yeah. It's how we learn it feels good. A little time between you and you. All right. Where can people find you? Listen to all the fun things.

Starting point is 00:37:22 You're doing the podcast and all things. Oh, really. You're so wise. I love listening to. I really got on the Gabbytry. I was listening to all your things. I just, I'm just such a fan of all you've done,

Starting point is 00:37:30 how you continue to evolve and do it so openly and share all wherever you are in your life, it feels like you're always sharing what you're going through in a very real way. And I admire that. Well, I think it's, I think we're all going through something really similar. So let's not be afraid of it. The Gabby Reese show and everything is Gabby Reese. And if people want to try Laird Superfood, it's at Lairdsuperfood.com. That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. And if you love the show, please like, subscribe and leave a review wherever you get your podcast. And hey, share this with a friend or a partner. It might just spark something. It usually does. You can find me

Starting point is 00:38:10 on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sex withemly.com for free guides and articles and more ways to prioritize your pleasure.

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