Sex With Emily - Why You Don’t Want Sex Anymore

Episode Date: September 18, 2026

Low desire isn’t always about your relationship or something you need to “fix” inside yourself. Sometimes, feeling more connected to your sexuality begins outside the bedroom: with creativity, friendship, novelty, connection, and getting back in touch with the parts of life that make you feel alive. In this episode, I’m talking about why libido is shaped by so much more than sex, how to get curious before diagnosing yourself, and the small ways you can spark eroticism without putting pressure on yourself or your partner. Because a better sex life might not start with another conversation, supplement, or dating app—it might start the moment you step back into the world. If you’ve been feeling disconnected from desire, stuck in a rut, or wondering whether it’s you or your relationship, this episode is for you. #SexWithEmily #EmilyMorse #Monogamy #RelationshipAdvice #Relationships ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. CONNECT WITH EMILY: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! Chapters:00:00 Cold Open: "Get Uncomfortable"00:17 Welcome to Sex with Emily (+ Tour Dates)01:54 Why Connection Is the Missing Piece03:12 The EV Charging Station Story06:05 Your Environment Shapes You More Than You Realize06:56 The Missing Wellness Pillar: Social Health09:43 What This Has to Do With Sex13:19 Your Body Knows Before Your Brain Does15:28 The 7-Day Challenge: Increase Your Exposure to Life16:35 Listener Q&A: Roommates, Dating Apps & Libido24:34 Today's Message & Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One question I'm asked all the time is, Emily, what products do you actually recommend? And that's exactly why we created shop sex with Emily. Every product in the shop is something my team and I have personally researched and tested or recommended because we genuinely believe it can help you of better sex, stronger intimacy, and just more confidence in the bedroom. Whether you're shopping for yourself, your partner, or both of you, we've made it easy to find products that actually work. head to shop sex withemly.com and discover your next favorite bedroom essential. Sometimes you don't need to fix yourself with another supplement or another dating app or another conversation about why you're not having sex. Sometimes you need to change your environment.

Get uncomfortable. Just get back into the world. Hi everyone. Welcome to Sex With Emily. I'm Emily Morse. And for over 20 years, I've been helping you prioritize your pleasure and liberating the conversation around sex and on the Sex with Emily podcast we talk about everything pleasure and desire and dating and communication and your relationship and your orgasms and all the

questions that you might be afraid to ask anywhere else and this is a judgment free zone so I'm here for you because listen great sex isn't something you're just supposed to magically know how to have it's something we can all learn so if you're new to sex with Emily make sure you're following me, it's at Sex with Emily everywhere, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and yes, you can watch this podcast on YouTube too, and then just head over to sex withemly.com where you can sign up for my newsletters, which people love. I give really good newsletters, not to brag, and shop all my wellness products at shop sex withemly.com.

And finally, what I'm most excited about at the moment is the best sex ever tour. I've been taking Sex with Emily on the road, which has been a total dream. dream come true. So thanks to everybody who's come out to join me. And it's like live coaching, Q&A, games, giveaways, conversations about sex that we all need to be having. And my next one is in Nashville. It's on September 29th, 2026. And then it's the next one is Detroit, my hometown, on November 25th, which is the night before Thanksgiving. I hope you all come and join me at sex withemly.com slash events. These shows are, they could change your life. They will change your life. So whether you're listening or watching, just thank you all for being

here and thanks for prioritizing your pleasure. Let's get in today's episode. This is it, you guys. This is why we got to get out of the house and why connection is the missing piece of your sex life. This is a little bit personal, but I just want to share with you something that's been going on with me. So I moved. I finally moved. I was living in a place. The last four years where I could literally go days without interacting with another human. And I got to be honest, I'm an extrovert. I love people. I love my friends. I love being around people. I thrive with people around. But it was like post-pandemic, I wanted more space. I'd never live by the beach. And I thought, maybe I'm a beach girl. Like maybe I should try that out. I need more space.

It was a whole thing. And it was a just kind of an impulsive move that I moved. there. I was dating someone who was by the beach. If you're in LA, you'll get what I'm saying. But I wasn't consciously, like, deciding to isolate. But over time, my life got a lot smaller. I was podcasting from home. I was zooming from home. I was ordering things to the house. And I just, my life just became a lot smaller. And I knew something was off. And I just thought, well, it's post-pandemic and then I just saw something that's like the pandemic was seven years ago the first like 20 27 will be seven years since the pandemic I was like wow I have to stop saying post-pandemic and I can't believe how long it's been but I again it was four years that over time my life just

got smaller I don't know if this if you're all working from home and this has happened to you but I was just feeling that I was yeah and I did it and it wasn't easy to move and find a place. I've been looking for a year. So here's what happened to me yesterday. And I want to share this with you. So I'm at the charging station, trying to try and over and over to charge my car. It is not working. I'm convinced the charger is broken, right? I'm like trying and trying and I'm frustrated and I don't usually go to this charging station. I think my car is broken. And then this guy walks over to me. He's like, can I help you? Do you need help with the charging? Turns out I was trying to charge from the wrong side.

And so he's like, just kind of walks me over to the other side. He's like, this is where you charge on this car. And I was like, my immediate reaction was, ah, I'm so stupid. And this complete stranger says to me, he's like, okay, well, now you got to say two nice things about yourself. I'm like, that's actually really nice and sweet. And also, okay, you're a stranger. I was like, well.

And I actually was like, I'm going to. really, I'm a really good friend and also I'm very creative. And then he asked for my phone number and he asked me out. So I've lived here for approximately 24 hours in this part of town. I can't operate an EV charger and somehow like I already have a date, you know. So it got me thinking about like maybe the charger wasn't really broken, but honestly it made me think my life really needs to be plugged back in. It was just this sort of surreal moment where I was like, All right, time to plug it back in. You know what?

I kept thinking like maybe something has happened to me. Why don't I want to go anywhere? Why am I staying at home? Why do I feel disconnected? I've never felt this before. And again, I was saying for a long time, because before the pandemic, which is now seven years ago, I was going to an office every day with a lot of people and I had a studio and I was in a neighborhood where there were people around.

And I just, in my mind, I was like, well, it can't just be that I'm living in a more isolated part of town, I'd have to make more of an effort. I was like, why don't I feel like myself? And I'm the most social person I know. When did I become an introvert? And I realized like, it's not that I became an introvert, but like my life became completely introverted. So our environments shape us more than we realize, you know, you can have an amazing house, the right job, an incredible relationship, the right neighborhood on paper. And honestly, I'm leaving, I was living in the neighborhood that is very desirable. A lot of people want to live over there.

It just wasn't for me, right? And you might be living a life that isn't feeding you. And everybody might be telling you, be grateful. You're so lucky. You have a great house and a great partner, you know? And sometimes we keep trying to fix ourselves instead of saying, is the life I've built actually working for me or is it working against me?

And so I've spent a lot of time saying, sexual health is wellness. We can't separate wellness from sexual health. It's an important pillar of our overall wellness. It's a vital sign. And I believe that more than ever. But now I'm really thinking there's another piece of wellness we are not talking about enough, and that is our social health. Okay. Are you a social being? Are you out there seeing other people besides, you know, the same person or the person you live with? Have you gone out and met new people? joined a club, something that's not online. I mean, just something social.

And you might be hearing this from a lot of places. Everyone's like saying that like on your deathbed, you're not going to wish you worked more. You're going to wish you loved more. We all know that there is a loneliness epidemic. And that's real. And I also realize that I've spent so much time talking about sex is wellness that we can't separate our sexual health.

and our overall health, they're not separate things. And I truly think that's so important. But another piece of wellness that we don't talk enough about is our social health, right? Like we're taking magnesium and tracking our sleep and doing cold plunges and drinking electrolytes, eating protein. I'm doing all these things, meditating and taking all the fucking supplements. You should see how many supplements I moved with. But a lot of it we're doing alone, right?

working from home, ordering food to the door. Groceries arrive, you know, dates are arriving like through a dating app. Like entertainment arrives through our screen and we've just eliminated the day-to-day friction from our lives. But the friction is where people happen. Like the guy at the charging station wasn't on my calendar. And also walking out of my house to walk my dog the other night, I saw four other people with dogs. In my last neighborhood, I didn't see anybody ever walking down the street. And it's like a

major part of the city, but it just maybe we weren't working out at the same time, you know. And this guy met like I didn't swipe right on him. There was an algorithm. I was out in the world. I was out in the world doing things. And I just realized that it's just has not been a part of my life lately. And I don't, I think this is happening in a lot of cities, but, you know, basically anywhere we live right now, we don't have to do the things we used to do. And we've engineered serendipity out of our lives. I can't remember the last time I met somebody when I was just out and about or said hello to a stranger.

I've been in this routine over and over again, going to the gym, doing the same things, not seeing the same people every day on my lonely walk down my old street. I would never run into people. And so, you know, I just think that how can you. how can we all put ourselves in situations that challenge us that are maybe uncomfortable so we can you know not everything needs to be scheduled and planned and you know okay so what is that to do with sex literally everything because our desire does not exist in this vacuum desire likes aliveness so desire the things that like when we think I don't want sex anymore my libby

is broken. What desire likes is novelty, anticipation, like, is this going to happen? Is this not going to happen? And play and movement and eye contact. Curiosity about somebody and something in our life. You know, when we're with the same person and doing the same things, we're no longer curious. There's no surprise. And erotic energy isn't just going to happen between two naked people at 10.30 at night, right? It comes from feeling alive in your, life. And so this is really something that I've been asking myself the last, I've only been here for not even a week. I've been like, God, I really wasn't alive and I'm teaching aliveness. And this isn't just for people who are single. Some of the loneliest people I know are in a marriage

are in a committed relationship. You can be socially isolated and living with a partner, right? You wake up every day. You wake up in the same home. You work from home. You work from home. you Uber eats your dinner, you watch Netflix, you scroll, you go to sleep, you repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. And your life becomes the same thing over and over again. And then you're like, why aren't we having sex anymore? Right. And maybe nothing's wrong with your relationship. I think a lot of us think, well, we're not having sex. Something's wrong with our relationship. And there obviously could be problems in your relationship that you need to work on. But a lot of times it's because we need to separate from our partner. We need to

do things separately. We need to go see our friends. We need to have stories to tell each other. We need to leave the house. I've heard this from a lot of my friends. Once my, we both started working from home, it was over for us. Like they didn't know how to build in that separation. Because I got to be honest, it wasn't like it was all bad the last four years. I actually liked work. I'm like, this is really easy. I don't, I can wear my ugs every day. I definitely can wear my sweatpants. I'm on a Zoom. Right. There are things that are really easy about staying home and I know being in a relationship is really easy too. It's predictable. It's your best friend. It's the same things over and over again. But sometimes we just need to like do separate things,

have people over or even like go somewhere you both have never been. Take a night in your city where you each plan, you know, something. You're like, oh, there's this music playing across town or, I mean, every town has this, right? There's a part of town you're like, I'm wanting to try that new restaurant. Or I haven't been to this, you know, place in a place in a home. while or there's something happening, right? My mom yells at me at this all the time. She's like, there's so much happening in Los Angeles. And I remember with my ex-boyfriend, my mom was in town. And she said to both of us, she said, you each need to plan a night and surprise each other. Like she was telling me this. And she was right. You know, she's right. My mom was in their 80s.

And she and my stepdad have been together 40 years, are always planning things and surprising each other. I mean, they live in Michigan. This is something that you can do and something that I'm going to need to do. You know, just go somewhere you've never been. Just those little things are going to bring energy back into your life and then you can bring that energy back home to each other. If you love this podcast, well, you have to come experience the best sex ever tour. It is sex with Emily, completely unfiltered and in the room with you. We're talking sex, dating, relationships, desire, all the things we're thinking about, but don't always say out loud. There's live Q&A, anonymous confessions, there's audience games, there's lots of laughs, and yes, you can

finally ask me the questions you've been dying to ask. But there's a bigger reason I'm doing these shows. I think we need to save sex. We're having less of it. We're more disconnected than ever, and so many of us are struggling with desire and intimacy and dating and how to actually talk to each other. And truly, that's what I've loved most about these shows. When we're all together in a room, talking and laughing about the things we usually keep private, you realize, you realize, oh, everyone has questions. Everyone has stuff. I'm definitely not the only one. Because great sex isn't just about sex. It's about connection. And we could all use a lot more of it right now. Our next stop is Nashville, September 29th at Zanies with more cities coming. Go to sex withemly.com

slash events to get your tickets and see where we're headed next. Remember, you can also check out our merch at shop sex withemly.com. We've got to some really cute save sex merch and more is coming soon. So come to hang out with me. Let's save sex one city at a time. That's sex withelty.com slash events. So I think that your body might know before your brain does what's actually happening. So I've known for a while that where I was living wasn't working for me.

My brain was like, it's a really pretty house. It's a desirable neighborhood. I should be grateful. Moving is a nightmare. Moving is a nightmare. I can't tell you what a nightmare moving is. If you haven't moved lately, people were like, oh, people are making me feel better and it actually worked. They were like, oh, I just read a study that moving is akin to losing a loved one. I'm like, yeah, that about that tracks, you know. Or I was like, maybe I'm the problem or I need to try harder in this environment. I need to sign up for a class and make more of an effort. But knowing

myself, it just wasn't working, right? It was like a dead relationship I was having with my house. And so I think we're constantly asking our brains to like rationalize situations that our bodies have already rejected. Okay. So let me say that again. Our bodies like I was a I wasn't myself. I was I could tell that I wasn't happy with my brain was like, this is fine. It's too hard. You should be grateful.

And that is might be what's happening in your relationship, right? You're overriding yourself. You're like, well, they're my best friend and it would be too hard to separate. We adapt, we get used to things. We say, oh, it's fine. You know, it's not broken. I would hate to be alone again. And what if I end up alone and I don't want to be on the dating apps or, you know,

we just get really good at like tolerating lives that don't feel good to us. And, you know, I think that being stuck in a rut isn't always about needing a better routine. I mean, sometimes you've just actually overadapted to a life that stopped. feeding you, it stopped working for you. So sometimes you've just over adapted to a life that stopped feeding you. So I'm going to ask you, where have you adapted to something that isn't working for you anymore? Is it your relationship, your sex life, your friendships, your job? Is it like your daily routine? Maybe the city you live in, the way you spend your weekends. So this is a challenge for all of us for seven days. I do not want you to improve your life.

I want you to increase your exposure to your life. You can pick one thing a day, walk somewhere instead of driving, work from a coffee shop, call someone instead of text. That's a hard one. I'm like, do people really want to talk? They do. Call them. Invite someone over even though your house is imperfect.

Take a class. Say yes to something you normally skip. This has been huge for me. I found myself saying no to everything. And then I was like, I'm going to say yes. I literally say it out loud. I'm like, you want to say no, but you're saying yes. Talk to someone you don't know.

Flirt without having an agenda. Not because you need to find a partner because you need to become available and get the energy from life again. Create friction in your life. Create that energy. Okay. Do it. All right. Now I'm going to get into a few questions that you've all asked me.

These are some DM. So if you want to send me questions, you can go to my website, sex withemly.com. Feedback at sex withemly.com. or just DM, all the places. My partner and I love each other, but we feel like roommates, how do we get the spark back? Okay, this is the most, this is a very common question. This is everything I'm talking about. So just because you feel like roommates doesn't mean that your relationship is a failure.

I want you to ask yourself this. When did your lives become predictable? Do you remember when that switch happened, right? Like, do you remember when you felt like, oh my God, the same person day in and day? out. And this is not about having more sex. Create more aliveness. This is what this is about here, guys. I haven't even wanted to have sex the last few years. I was not, I didn't have a liveliness in my life. Erotic energy is creative energy. Erotic energy is life energy. So if you don't feel alive in your life and you're not having those sparks, it's going to be hard to feel that in your relationship.

So sometimes, you know, you could stop doing everything together. Separate experiences can feed your desire in your relationship. You know, I would also say adding novelty in your relationship. Like I was saying, make plans, you know, go see friends, have people over, get dressed, go somewhere, do something mildly uncomfortable together. Why this is so good for couples is when you try something new together, you get that don't dopamine spike and you know you get that new like we haven't done this before it's a new class or a new gym and that actually creates connection touch without making it about initiating sex this is something that a lot of couples fall into where every time their partner comes up to hug them they're like

oh this is going to lead to sex and that's the desire discrepancy that so many of us deal with and so I would think if you feel like you've got to get the spark back and you feel like roommates, you guys can go on this journey together. You don't have to be the one person that's trying to solve the relationship because you are in it together. Okay, this one came in. I work from home and dating apps are basically my only way of meeting people. How do I meet someone in real life? Okay.

So this goes back to putting yourself in situations where you're approaching people and you are meeting people. and it doesn't have to be with the intent of finding a partner. That is not the assignment. Because when you put that pressure on yourself, like I got to go find someone new. You're going to get anxious. You're not going to talk to someone. Your assignment is to increase human connection,

like a human collision where you're going to meet someone just on the street or doing something, like become a regular somewhere. So going back to my example, I wasn't a regular anywhere. I had to drive everywhere. I didn't have as much of a walkable neighborhood. You know, maybe it's a coffee shop or the same workout or the same dog park that you go to, same farmer's market. Do something repeated where conversations naturally happen.

And then when you're there, put the phone away, make eye contact, ask questions. Now, this is a practice, but like practice talking to people that you're not attracted to. This is advice I've been giving for forever. And I know that this might seem, I don't know what it seems, but it's the best advice ever because I need it for myself too, guys. Practice talking to people just for saying hello, how's your day, how is it going. A great thing for that is just noticing something happening like, oh, is it, they redid, like, oh, is it always this crowded in here? Or what's your favorite sandwich on the menu?

Or even if it makes you uncomfortable, that's part of your assignment because this retrain your social muscle without the stakes of now I have to go hit on somebody or now I have to go get someone's phone number. Everything is a muscle, okay? So socialization and the practice of talking to people is a muscle. And I think that's what I've been going through is something that I always relied on as one of my greatest strengths, which was talking to people. And I used to always say, like, I love nothing better than walking into a room where I don't know anyone. And I know that that's not common, but that's, I've been that way since I was a kid.

It's like, throw me into a room. Why don't know everyone? That was like my favorite thing. I go, I love going to weddings alone and going to parties alone. Well, the last four years after not having the reps that were like my strength and I took them away from myself by not seeing people, I started developing this social anxiety. I started staying away from people and saying no to things. So we have to train these muscles. It's going to be a lot easier for you to find someone when you're like, okay, I am now comfortable being socialized.

I had to pick up and move myself where I could walk out my door and see people. and that's whatever that looks like for you, the win is becoming someone who is participating in the world again. It's not about, oh, I found six dates and took three numbers home with me tonight. It's just about I am someone in the world meeting new people. That's how you do it. You got to make yourself do it if it's once a day or three times a week. I think we get into trouble when we're like every single day, I got to do this thing.

You don't have to do anything every day. If you haven't been leaving your house in a while, then try it, you know, once a day. Oh my God, this is one. I haven't want, this is so common, you guys. I didn't even talk about the sex recession today, but I'm sort of obsessed with the fact that no one's having, a lot of people aren't having sex. This question is, I haven't wanted sex in months.

How do I know if it's my libido or my relationship? Okay, well, libido is not an on-off switch. It is a whole ecosystem. It's your stress, your hormones, your sleep, your medications. Are you moving your body? Are you eating foods that feel good? do you have resentments in your relationship? Are you mad at your partner? You know, is it monotonous? So then this is the big question. So since libido isn't a yes or no thing,

it's are on off, say, do I feel alive anywhere? Do I feel desire anywhere? And then you could say, well, this is huge because it's the same energy, right? Creative energy, desire energy. You're like, well, I'm really excited about this new project at work. I'm really excited about this new class I'm taking or I can't wait to get into my book at night when I get home. If you feel desire anywhere, that's a sign. That's just something to notice. And also, do you fantasize? Do you fantasize about other people?

Do you fantasize about sex at all? Do you notice attractive people? Do you want to masturbate? Do you feel turned on when you're away from your partner but not with your partner? Okay. So if desire is alive everywhere else in your life, except your relationship, that's some good information, right? You're like, oh, no, I actually do feel aliveness. But with my partner, I don't. Great. Good to know. That's good important information. But if you feel flat everywhere and you're

like, no, I'm not excited about anything, then like broaden the lens beyond the relationship. And I don't want you to think that this means I'm broken if you have low desire. Just get curious about it and think, where can I start to spark my creativity, my connectivity, to my partner, to others? Like where? Because our sex life, our libido is going to be affected by the aliveness that we are experiencing in other parts of our life. So again, what I've been saying here is,

find places to spark your eroticism that might not have anything to do with sex because they're all connected. Okay. So that's how you're going to know if it's your relationship. So I just want you to please get curious before you diagnose yourself. We always got to get curious everybody, okay? So the message from today is this. Stop assuming everything uncomfortable inside of you is an inside job. Sometimes you don't need to fix. Sometimes you don't need to fix yourself with another supplement or another dating app or another conversation about why you're not having sex. Sometimes you need to change your environment. Force yourself out of your environment. Go see your friends. Meet somebody new. Get curious. Try something that scares you. Get uncomfortable.

Just get back into the world. There is life out in the world, even if it's a scary time and a weird time, we need people, we need connection, we need each other. And maybe your better sex life doesn't start in the bedroom. Maybe it starts the second you walk out your front door. All right. That's it for today's episode. And remember, great sex isn't about knowing everything. It's about staying curious about everything about your body and your pleasure and the person you're with. For more sex with Emily, head to sex toemily.com where you find everything, articles and resources and everything we're up to. And all my favorite personally curated wellness products at shop sex withemly.com.

Join me live on the best sex ever tour. September 29th, we are in Nashville. Everything's at sex withemly.com slash events. My email list is sex withemly.com slash newsletter and everything's at Sex with Emily. So thanks for listening and watching. You can watch us now on YouTube. I love that you're here. And as always, stay curious.