Sex With Emily - Why YOU Don’t Want Sex With Your Husband Anymore

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

Let's talk about why you don't want sex with your husband anymore… and why the answer probably has nothing to do with your libido. If you've been lying next to him quietly hoping he doesn't reach for you, and then hating yourself for feeling that way, this episode is going to change the way you see what's actually happening in your body and your relationship. Because the story most women tell themselves at this moment is the wrong one entirely. I'm walking you through a four part desire check in that will help you stop asking the question that keeps you stuck and start asking the one that can actually lead you somewhere. If desire has gone quiet in your marriage, this one is for you. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. CONNECT WITH EMILY: Best Sex Ever Tour: https://sexwithemily.com/events  Shop With Emily: https://shop.sexwithemily.com  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily  WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  This episode is sponsored by: Bellesa: EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE Rose suction toy with their order! https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/emilymorse-podcast  Chapters: 00:00 Introduction 01:23 You Are Not Broken 02:24 The Four Part Desire Check In 02:53 Step 1: Is Your Body Pulling Away From Everyone or Just Him 03:51 What the Pattern Is Actually Telling You 04:26 Step 2: What Is Your Body Protecting You From 04:42 Emotional Safety and Unresolved Conflict 05:37 Burnout and the Mental Load 06:25 Unresolved Hurt and Resentment 08:12 Step 3: Rule Out Physical and Mental Health Factors 08:31 Hormones, Medications, and Your Nervous System 09:13 Step 4: Rebuild Safety Before You Rebuild Desire 09:34 Affection Without Expectation 10:56 The One Sentence to Start the Conversation 11:37 What Your Body Has Been Trying to Tell You Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One question I'm asked all the time is, Emily, what products do you actually recommend? And that's exactly why we created shop sex with Emily. Every product in the shop is something my team and I have personally researched and tested or recommended because we genuinely believe it can help you of better sex, stronger intimacy, and just more confidence in the bedroom. Whether you're shopping for yourself, your partner, or both of you, we've made it easy to find products that actually work. head to shop sex withemly.com and discover your next favorite bedroom essential. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk.

Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free. from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcf walk.ca. Hey everyone, welcome to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily Morris, and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Whether you're looking to improve your relationships, have better communication, explore your desires, or simply have your best sex ever. You are in the right place. Before we jump in, make sure you're following me everywhere. It's at Sex with Emily on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook,

for even more sex and relationship advice and more resources, go to sex with Emily.com. Sign up for my free weekly newsletter. I hear I give a really good newsletter. Shot my curated sexual wellness products and picks at shop, sex with Emily.com, and explore hundreds of articles, download free guides and everything you need to have the best sex ever. And one more thing, I'm taking sex with Emily on the road. My new live show, The Best Sex Ever Tour, is coming to cities across the country. It's basically live coaching meets comedy, meets audience Q&A, and we're getting into it. There has been magic happening in these rooms.

You just have to come experiencing. There's real conversations about sex and dating and relationships, and we become very close by the end of the night. Visit sex withemly.com slash events for dates and tickets. And thanks for listening or watching and for being here. And thanks for prioritizing your pleasure. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. If you've been lying next to your husband and I quietly hoping he doesn't reach for you and then hating yourself for hoping it, I need you to hear something first.

You're not broken, you're not cold, and this doesn't automatically mean you've fallen out of love with him. When desire goes quiet in a marriage, we often jump straight to the worst story. Something is wrong with me, my libido is broken, I'm the problem, but that may not be the full story. You can love him and still find yourself sliding away when he reaches for you. That does not necessarily mean you're cold. Your body may be responding to something you have not said out loud yet. It is not betraying you. It may be trying to protect you.

And if you stay with me, you'll stop asking, why am I broken and start asking the question that can actually lead you somewhere. What is my body trying to tell me? I'm Dr. Emily Morris. I have a doctor in human sexuality, and I've hosted one of the biggest sex and relationship podcast, Sex with Emily, in the world for over 20 years. I'm going to walk you through a four-part desire check-in.

First, we'll explore whether your body is pulling away from everyone or specifically from him. Then we'll identify what it may be protecting you from, and after that, we'll consider physical and mental health factors. And finally, we'll look at what could make desire feel possible again. I'm not here to convince you to have more sex. here to help you understand what your body might be trying to tell you. Step one, is your body pulling away from everyone or just him? The first thing I want you to do is stop trying to fix your libido instead get curious.

Now, I've been saying for years that curiosity is one of the sexiest qualities we can bring into our relationships. So let's get curious about the pattern. I hear women say this to me all the time. Emily, I love my husband. I just don't want him touching me. and they almost always say it was so much shame. Like, that's proof they're broken.

I don't hear it that way at all. I hear it as a clue because clues help us ask better questions. So ask yourself, do I still enjoy hugging my friends? Do I still like cuddling my kids? Do I ever fantasize? Do I masturbate? Do I enjoy flirting? Can I access desire when I'm by myself?

And another really important question. When did this start? Because timing matters. If touch feels. overwhelming no matter who it's coming from. If everyone feels like too much, that often points to something bigger. You might be really burned out, you might be stressed, could be your hormones, health, just like a really burned out exhausted nervous system, an empty take. But if desire still exists and you still enjoy touch and you still

fantasize but the shutdown mostly happens with your partner, well that's different information. That tells me we need to look more closely at the relationship itself. Now, neither answer means you're broken. They simply point us in different directions. Step two, what is your body protecting you from? This is where I think things get really interesting because our bodies don't usually shut down without a reason. In my experience, there are three big things your body made protecting you from. Number one, emotional safety. Ask yourself, do I feel emotionally safe with my partner. Do I feel accepted? Do I feel heard? In other words, do I feel like I can bring up a concern without turning into a fight? Because your body has a really hard time opening sexually

if it spends the rest of the relationship bracing for criticism. Now, one of the biggest predictors I see isn't whether couples fight. Every couple fight sometimes or maybe some couples you know, don't fight as often, but it's what happens after the fight. Do you repair? Does your partner take accountability? Hand you reconnect? Or does someone shut down? Give the silent treatment or pretend like nothing happened? Because unresolved conflict doesn't just disappear. Your body remembers. Your body remembers everything and your nervous system remembers. And eventually your body starts protecting you before your mind even catches up. So think about that.

And number two, burnout and the mental load. Now, I've been saying this forever. Stress is one of the biggest cock blocks out there. If you're carrying the kids, the calendar, the groceries, the emotional labor, the invisible work, your job and everyone else's knees, your nervous system may never actually get the message that it's safe to relax. You know how common that is that we just, our whole life is about checking things off the list and all we want to do is relax, but then we really can't relax.

And relaxing is also a skill set. Now, desire doesn't tend to thrive in survival mode. So if you've been telling yourself what is wrong with me, maybe a better question is, when's the last time I actually felt relaxed? That's a very different conversation. If you love this podcast, well, you have to come experience the best sex ever tour. It is sex with Emily, completely unfiltered and in the room with. you. We're talking sex, dating, relationships, desire, all the things we're thinking about,

but don't always say out loud. There's live Q&A, anonymous confessions, there's audience games, there's lots of laughs, and yes, you can finally ask me the questions you've been dying to ask. But there's a bigger reason I'm doing these shows. I think we need to save sex. We're having less of it. We're more disconnected than ever, and so many of us are struggling with desire and intimacy and dating and how to actually talk to each other. And truly, that's what I've loved most about these shows. When we're all together in a room talking and laughing about the things we usually keep private, you realize, oh, everyone has questions. Everyone has stuff. I'm definitely not the only one. Because great sex isn't just about sex. It's about connection. And we could all use a lot more of it

right now. Our next stop is Nashville, September 29th at Zanies with more cities coming. Go to Sexwithemly.com slash events to get your tickets and see where we're headed next. Remember, you can also check out our merch at shop, sex withemly.com. We've got some really cute Save Sex merch and more is coming soon. So come to hang out with me. Let's save sex one city at a time. That's Sex with Emily.com slash events. Okay, Belasa and I have something very fun for you, free spicy toys for every single one of you.

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free rose suction toy with every single order. Yep, you heard it. Retails for $99, but you get it for free. All you got to do is click the link in the episode description or head to BBVibs.com slash Emily. That's the letter B, B, B, VE-E-S dot com slash Emily. For three, unresolved hurt. we forgive something intellectually, but our body hasn't caught up yet. Now, maybe it's resentment. We're holding on to something that's happened in our relationship or we've never addressed it. Or maybe it's betrayal. Maybe it's years of just feeling unseen. We might not even be able to name though we felt unseen, but we just were like, no, they don't know me anymore. Maybe it's

a hundred little moments when you needed your partner and you felt alone. It's really hard to open your body to someone. You're still protecting your. yourself from. Let that sink in. How could your body open if you still feel unsafe or if you feel unsafe with your partners? So sometimes what happens is what disappears isn't your libido. It's your willingness because sex has slowly become associated with obligation. I got to do this thing. It's my chore. Sex is a duty. Or maybe it's pressure. Maybe it's like unresolved pain. And suddenly, what looks like a libido problem is actually a relationship problem. This reminds me of a couple who I was working with who convinced their issue was low libido.

They were like, check her libido, like check her hormones, all the things. And she did everything. Like she went to therapy and she got a medication and she did the hormones. But when we started digging deeper, we realized they hadn't repaired years. of resentment. And then the wife looked at me and said, my body has been keeping score this entire time. There were things that happened repeatedly that she didn't even remember, right? Our bodies are paying attention even when we aren't, even when we don't remember what happened. Now, before you decide your marriage is the problem, there's one more really important step. Step three,

rule out the physical and mental health pieces. I never want women blaming themselves or the relationship because without looking at the full picture, you have to look at the full picture. Because your libido doesn't exist in a vacuum. There are so many other things that contribute to your libido. It's your hormones matter. If you're in pari menopause, menopause, estrogen, testosterone, thyroid issues, birth control, antidepressants, pain, pelvic floor challenges. All of this matters and so does your mental health.

You know, depression, anxiety, trauma. I mean, all of these things are swimming around and they all affect your desire. So please don't assume this is just in your head. And please don't assume it's just your marriage. Talk with your health care provider that you trust. So get curious. Rule things in. Rule things out.

You deserve answers. Not more self-blane. Now, now you've looked at your relationship and your body and your health. Let's talk about where you actually begin rebuilding desire. Step four, rebuild safety before you rebuild desire. Now here's the hopeful part. Desire isn't necessarily gone. It may just be buried.

Buried under stress, pressure. A lot of pressure at your life, resentment, exhaustion, feeling disconnected. And when you start removing those barriers, desire has room to come back. And rebuilding safety doesn't have to be so complicated. It might just mean you need more affection that isn't leading to.

sex. I hear this all the time from people are like, I fake sleep and my partner comes home or when they come up behind me and like put their arms around me, I assume it's going to escalate to sex. And that's why we're looking for, you know, times where a hug, that's just a hug or a kiss that's just a kiss and it doesn't have to mean we're full blown going to have sex. It might mean your partner taking more of your plate. So you're not in survival mode all the time. It might mean finally having the conversation you've both been avoiding. I know there's conversations you're avoiding. It means repairing faster, laughing together again, flirting.

Remember when you used to flirt? It can just be like a 30 second a hug or looking to each other's eyes or going on dates. You know how important date night is? There have been so many studies that have shown that when couples stick to a guaranteed date night, they have much more relationship satisfaction. Or maybe it's remembering your lovers, not just ruin. roommates running a household day in and day out. None of this is about forcing yourself to want sex. It's about creating the conditions where desire has a chance to return. So if you need just one

sentence to start the conversation, try this. I don't think my body is saying no to you. I think it's saying no to how overwhelmed I've become. Now, I love that sentence because it changes the conversation. Instead of your partner hearing, I don't want you. They hear, I miss us too. And then you get curious together. What helps each of you feel desired? What shuts your body down? What kind of touch feels good when there's absolutely no pressure? Because the goal here is not blame. That's not going to get us anywhere. The goal is understanding because understanding is what creates safety and safety is where desire grows. So if you take one thing away from today's episode, let it be this. Not wanting sex doesn't automatically mean your libido is broken. It doesn't automatically mean you've fallen out of love. Your body may simply be trying to tell you something. So instead of asking, how do I fix myself? Ask, what is my body trying to protect me from? And then, listen for the answer. Talk about it. Get support if you need it. And remember, your body isn't the enemy.

It's been trying to communicate with you all along. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Follow me on all social media. Sex with Emily. You can also check out my website, sex withemly.com. And please subscribe to the podcast,

which is available on all podcast platforms as I had into my 21st year. You can find them all. Also, I'm going on tour. If you want to check it out, go to sex withemly.com slash events. Don't forget to check out our website for all my favorite sexual health

and wellness products. And subscribe to our newsletter. Thanks, everyone for listening. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer.

Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. Thank you.