Sex With Emily - Why Your Mind Is Blocking Your Pleasure (& What to Do About It)

Episode Date: June 19, 2026

Disclaimer: Today's episode is a recording from a live class I taught for my community on Embodiment: the first pillar of the Sex IQ Framework. You might hear some audience questions throughout, and the audio isn't our usual quality. Thanks for your patience! If you've ever found yourself distracted, disconnected, or just going through the motions during sex, this episode is for you. Today, I talk through the very first sexual intelligence framework pillar: Embodiment. Being truly present in your body during sex isn't something you're either born with or not,  it's a skill you can actually learn and practice. I walk you through exactly what embodiment means, why so many of us lose it (and why that's not your fault), and the simple techniques I use myself that can completely transform how you experience pleasure, intimacy, and connection. Whether you're single or partnered, this is the foundation everything else is built on, and I promise once you start practicing it, you'll feel the difference in and out of the bedroom. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT WITH EMILY: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! Chapters: 00:00 Welcome to Sex with Emily 02:58 The Sexual Intelligence Framework 05:31 Pillar One: What Is Embodiment? 07:37 What It Feels Like to Be Truly Embodied During Sex 13:53 Micro-Movements & Waking Up Dormant Sensations 15:23 Shift to a Pleasure-Focused Mindset 17:48 Mindful Solo Embodiment Practice 18:43 "Mirror Work" Appreciating Your Body Without Judgment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am so excited to finally share this with you. I am going on tour. It is the best sex ever tour. And I hope you'll join me. And the show is all about you, the audience. Every night, I'm going to be answering your questions, win prizes, and leave with secrets to have the best sex ever. Every night is different because the show is all about you. So here's the dates, July 7th in Rosemont, Illinois at Zanis, then heading to Philadelphia on August 5th.

Nashville on September 29th and Austin on October 7th. More cities to come. Come with your partner, your friends, fly solo. You'll leave with practical tools. Plenty of laughs. Maybe some surprises. Well, definitely some surprises. Visit sex with Emily.com slash events for tickets and tour information.

I will see you there. Can't wait to meet you. We spend more time thinking about sex than actually feeling the sex that we're having. Sometimes we're thinking like, do I love? look okay, am I doing this right? What is my partner thinking? Am I gonna orgasm? Think of your body like a musical instrument in this way.

If you're disconnected, it's like pressing the random keys without knowing the melody. And when you're embodied and you're truly there, you're just like naturally creating like this symphony of pleasure. Look in the mirror without judgment. Appreciate your curves, your lines, your softness, you know, your strength. Practice appreciating it, appreciating your body, sending words of love.

We are so, so critical all the times of all the time of our bodies. Hey, everyone, welcome to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. This show is all about you. It's about you having better sex, expressing your desires, and knowing exactly what you want. Also, be sure to follow me on all social media. It's Sex With Emily everywhere. Subscribe to my YouTube channel for full episodes and my newsletter.

You're going to love my newsletter. I've been told I give a really good newsletter if you know what I mean. It's sex withemly.com slash newsletter. And finally, I am going on tour. And I hope you join me. I'll be going all over the United States. And my first stop is in Chicago on July 7th. And the show is all about you.

I'll be answering your questions live. We'll be playing games. There's giveaways. it's going to be such a good time. You can find that at sex with Emily.com slash events. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. Okay, so if you've been listening to this show for a while,

you know I'm not about random sex toys or gimmicks. I'm about tools that actually support your pleasure, your communication, and your connection. That's exactly why we created the Shop Sex with Emily store. Everything in there is curated by me and my team, and these are products I trust, I recommend to clients, and would tell my friends about. I do tell my friends about.

What I talk about. the time. Whether you're exploring solo pleasure, looking to reconnect with a partner, or you really just want something body safe and beginner friendly? We've organized it so you don't feel overwhelmed. People love the dame pillow for supported sex, the magic wand waterproof. Oh my God, it's so good. Cray Vesper, massage candles, Joe flavored lube, we vibe touch, clitoral vibrators. There's just so many things on there because pleasure shouldn't be confusing. It should feel empowering. You can check it out at shop.sexwithemly.com and find something that supports where you are right now or just

click the link in the show notes. Also keep an eye out for curated collections coming soon. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to

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Hi, everybody. Great to see everybody. I'm glad you're all here. Hi, Allison and Natalie, Christine, Josh. Super excited, you guys. I was out of town for a little bit, and I'm excited to come back strong with you guys and start really, really leaning into sexual intelligence. Because that's really what it's all about. Just for some background about sexual intelligence and sex IQ,

it's basically an exclusive framework that I developed for understanding and improving your sex life. And it was developed after 20 years of working in this space, working in sex education, working in sexual health and wellness, and working with like people like you who had real challenges around sex. And I noticed that whenever people would come to me with like a sex question, I would be thinking about it and I would always have a series of questions that matters. Like if 10 of you came to me and you said, Dr. Emily, my orgasms used to be more frequent and now they're not,

well, there'd be 10 different reasons why. There's not like a quick fix answer. But for some reason with sex, people often just want their quick fix answer. Like, oh, it must be, you can't have an orgasm because you stopped masturbating or you're on a certain medication. There's a lot of different reasons. But for some reason, like, even if you had a toothache and you went to the dentist, people could have toothaches for 10 different reasons too, but your dentist has to do the work and

figure out why you, in particular, are a toothache. But with sex, there isn't that framework. So sexual intelligence is that framework that's designed to help you become your own sex expert. Because sexual solutions aren't a one-size-fits-all. Because if you struggle with orgasms or have a mismatch libido or erection challenges, there's different reasons why. And you can't Google your way to better sex or better answers. You can use Emily A.I.I. But we'll talk about that later.

So there are five pillars to sexual intelligence. And these create the foundation for better sex, deeper connection, lasting confidence, and just for really understanding when you have a sex question or a sex challenge, you're able to think about, well, what is it that is getting in my way of having more pleasure? So the next few weeks, I'm just going to spend each week I'm going to go through each pillar. So this week, I'm going to talk to you about embodiment, which is pillar one. So embodiment is basically a lot of us spend more time in our life thinking than we do feeling. We spend more time thinking about sex than actually feeling the sex that we're having. So what I mean by that is sometimes we're thinking like, do I look? okay am I doing this right what is my partner thinking am I going to orgasm what about that email I

didn't finish writing from work we're thinking about what our partner thinks like so we are that's the opposite of a body it's that inner chatter in our minds that pull us out of the moment that creates a disconnect between our mind and our body which blocks our true pleasure so embodiment really means being in our body our body it means its presence it means being fully in your body aware aware of every sensation emotion desire without the judgment or without the distraction that is what it means to be embodied during sex so that is the first pillar of sexual intelligence now let me remind you that the thing about these

pillars are why I hesitated calling them intelligence or sex IQ is because much like your IQ you know, you could take a score and you want to get your IQ even better, like higher. This isn't necessarily about getting a score that you're going to all of a sudden get 100% sex IQ and then you're going to be able to move on and like focus on learning to play golf or learning to cook or something and now you've got sex under your belt. It is an ongoing practice. It's an ongoing way to kind of troubleshoot your sex life. So there may be certain times that you're more embodied than others. And so again, embodiment is a practice.

It's not a destination. So it's learning to become truly embodied and present, really in all areas of our life. But it definitely helps to be embodied during sex. So when you are, so the opposite again of embodied is when you're like, sex gets going and you're like, I didn't even realize I was already having sex or how did I already get naked or did the sex ever happen? or you're really drunk or you're disassociating, thinking about your ex. Like, that's not embodied.

But when you are embodied during sex, you are feeling physical sensations more intensely. You're like, oh, God, this feels really good. I'm really feeling my partner's body against mine. Or if you're masturbating, I'm really feeling my hands on my body. You understand what you actually desire because you are so present during the sexual experience. it really does help to deepen intimacy and connection because you're actually like present with your partner you're looking into their eyes you just feel more connected when you're more embodied and when we're not embodied and we're disassociated a lot of times we're like god i just don't feel very connected to my partner

lately but maybe it's because we're not connected to ourselves i mean the truth is if we're not very embodied ourselves it's hard to feel connected to anybody because think about it if our primary connection is with ourselves, be it we're not connected with ourselves, how are we connected to someone else? Like, for example, I used to feel like I was, like I was always dating people that were really emotionally unavailable. Turns out I was emotionally unavailable. It wasn't their fault. I mean, they were still probably emotionally unavailable, but I was choosing partners that were, anyone relate to that? I was choosing partners. I was like, why don't they, but I was shut down. I wasn't, like, I've had to learn this along with all of you. I was like, oh,

I am showing up completely detached. I'm not giving them enough to feel safe and open with because I am not available. So embodiment is a great practice that you can really work on with yourself and a partner. Like think of your body like a musical instrument in this way. If you're disconnected, it's like pressing random keys without knowing the melody. And when you're embodied and you're truly there, you're just like naturally creating like this symphony of pleasure. Think of it that way. So let's do a quick self-check.

Do you feel that you're maybe disembodied during sex? Do you often overthink instead of feeling? Are you focused on performing instead of enjoying? Are you thinking about how do I look and am I doing a good job? Do I sometimes feel numb or disassociated during intimacy? Do I startle to express what I need, what I want, because I don't fully know. So if you said yes to any of these,

well, you're not alone. And the good news is that embodiment is a teachable skill. It's a practice. We can learn to become more embodied. Now, I'm not saying because I'm somebody who's more aware of embodiment, that sometimes I struggle to express what I want in moments. I'm like, do what I really want right now? Or sometimes I overthink things.

But just even knowing it, even knowing that these are not choices that we've necessarily made, They're just habits that we've gotten into. We can unlearn them as well. So since embodiment is a teachable skill, it's something that we can learn. Let's talk about how we're going to do that. So first, how we can cultivate embodiment. Let's break it into a few steps.

Number one, I love some breathwork. When we breathe, the reason why breathwork is such a buzz and we all talk about breathwork is because we immediately become more prize with what is. So right now we can inhale for four counts and we're going to exhale for six counts. Just do it with me. Let's do it together and then we're going to see how you're feeling right now and then how you're going to feel after. So we're going to do it. We're going to do it five times and then I want us to notice how we're feeling right now because I know I'm even feeling a little like we're talking and how we're feeling after. Ready? So we're going to inhale two, three,

four, then exhale, two, three, four, five, six. Inhale, two, three, four, exhale, two, three, four, five, six. How are y'all feeling? Anyone notice anything? Anyone notice that you, when you open your eyes, maybe feel a little more present, maybe the colors feel a little bit brighter around you. You can feel things more. I know that when I do that, I feel so much more relaxed.

I already feel, I feel more embodied, truly. I feel more present. I feel more connected to you. It's just, and you can do this with a partner. You know, I can't tell you how many times I've been with a partner, and with my partner, and I said, you know, something's going on or maybe we're supposed to start having sex or things happening. I said, can we just stop for a minute and breathe together?

And we'll just do that if you do that. times and almost breathe and look into each other's eyes it's like a total reset so i i love that another one that you can do is just some sensory awareness is just running your hands over your body and actually focusing on the actual the actual things that you're feeling now how you think it should feel but how it actually feels like what if you close your eyes and you take your right hand and you're just rubbing your inner elbow everyone do that for a second it actually feels really good Like I'm noticing that like that actually like usually I think it doesn't feel as good to touch myself When you just take your hand, you're just rubbing the inner elbow is a secondary in a rogidic zone enough to be confused with the primaries of iraids zones which are you know the ones we know

But just take your hand and trace them over it the actual feeling it feels good right do you feel those nerve endings? Do you feel like? So right now I'm completely present in body because I'm really focused on how it feels to move my hands over over my inner elbow So that's another way to do it. That's another way to feel more present, to feel more embodied. Another way to do it is to, it's just some micro-movements. So this is just, I love doing these whenever I want to feel calm or focused. And these are just like micro-movements of like rocking your hips back and forth, right? Or like flexing your pelvic muscles, like swaying to music.

Like these kind of wake-up dormant sensations. I mean, why do we think that we should all of a sudden be ready for socks when we're like been all day walking around, not even using these muscles? So just like rocking our hips back and forth, like tensing and relaxing our pelvic floor muscles, like even like doing these little cagel exercises, like tense and relax. Like the peace stepping muscles, these kind of wake up dormant sensations. Play some music. Like move your body around. These are wonderful ways to become more embodied. dancing, playing your favorite song.

What I'm trying to point out here is that this pressure that we have to feel so present during sex and to be like, well, my partner wants sex and I should be ready to go when maybe all day long you've been in your head, you've been doing other things, to be just turned on for pleasure all of a sudden without having any of these precursors like breathwork, like moving your body, like focusing on different body parts, these are all going to help you feel more embodied. You can practice these in any part of your life, any throughout your day, if you want to feel relaxed, super, super helpful. How'd everyone feel about that one? That would make everyone feel a little bit more focused.

I hope so, make you feel a little bit more present. So those are just a few things that you can do. Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets? Yes? Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's a lot. different, locked in, loyal, invested. They're called fans. Fans don't just listen to music. They feel

seen by it like it belongs to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to. And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo. So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify advertising. You're among fans. Next thing is we want to shift to a pleasure-focused mindset. We got to completely let go of that notion of, am I doing it right? Is this okay? Is my partner think it's okay? And we want to replace that with, how does this feel right now? How do I actually feel?

Think of that discount. Am I doing it right? Do I look okay to how does this feel to me right now? Like so much of sex has been performative and has been about our partners. I'm telling you, my career started because I realized that I did not feel anything. I felt very numb during sex. I felt like it was all about my partner, and that felt like very unfair. And like something was wrong with that.

So I was like, okay, okay, okay. Let's try to focus on what do I feel right now? Also a practice, easier said than done. And then we can kind of reframe those sensations where we just feel off. And instead of saying, like, shutting down and being like, that doesn't feel good, that doesn't feel good, I'm done, we could reframe it and say, what would make this feel better? What do I need right now that could help the situation? And as I mentioned earlier, I said, sometimes with my partner, I noticed that, like, I didn't feel comfortable with, like, sex. Like, we started having Zach fooling around, playing around, and I was like, oh, I'm, because my practice.

of embodiment, I realized that my body's not actually I'm bored with it. I had to lose my old way of just going with the flow and it no longer became acceptable for me to override my true feelings. So I would say, what would make this feel better? What do I need right now? I would say, I need to stop. I need to slow down. I need to get a glass of water. I want us to look into each other's and I would actually advocate for what I wanted. And it always got met with, that's great. People really love when you know who you are and what you want. Remember that.

We've only been trained to think or cult society has told us that we should just override our needs. But your partner wants to be a great partner to you. They want to love you. They want you to feel good and they want you to voice your needs. Another way to get more embodied is to practice your embodiment as a solo practice. So you know I love talking about mindful touch and mindful masturbation. Practice explore touch without the goal of orgasm. And just notice like what textures feel good, what speeds feel good, what pressure feels good?

What do you actually like? For me, this was so important when I was just like learning to give myself orgasms and different kind of orgasms. I was like, oh, I like a gentle tapping. I like to warm myself up by like teasing my inner thighs. I like to, you know, I like, I don't like it too fast, but I like it fast at the end. So just like explore without the goal of orgasm. The goal is exploration, not orgasm. And then another practice is to look in the mirror without judgment.

Appreciate your curves, your lines, your softness, you know, your strength. Like whatever it is that you see, practice appreciating it, appreciating your body, sending words of love. We are so, so critical all the times of all the time of our bodies. But there is just a great practice of looking in the mirror and being like, I appreciate my strong legs because they get me to and fro. My hair looks really good today. I like the soft curves of like my hands or my inner elbows or I like the nape of my neck. And then use sounds and sighs and mows and humming during solo or partnered sex because sound naturally connects you to the sensation. So if you find yourself again disassociating during sex, feeling less embodied, when we breathe more, when we moan, when we hum, when we sigh, it allows us to feel just way more connected to our partners. We could even do it together.

But there's something about the oh and the moans and like that's why we do it. It brings us way into the present moment. And you can practice this during your solo time. That's another reason why I love solo sex. There's so much to practice when you're alone. Because a lot of times we hesitate making noises or we hesitate even notice. It's harder for us to notice what we genuinely like and what feels good because we've got someone else there. But when it's really about us, you can be like, what do I actually like?

So another great embodiment practice that I love that I know that I've shared with you, but this is like a great way to do it when you're feeling disconnected and you really want to feel present in the moment. is just to think about all of your five senses and to notice them and to call them out even, even out loud or to yourself and say, what am I seeing right now? Well, I'm seeing this chat. I'm seeing y'all chat in here. What am I smelling? I'm smelling this candle that I lit over there before I started talking today. There's a little bit of incense. What am I feeling? What am I touching? I'm feeling this cashmere sweater that feels really good in my body. What am I hearing? I just heard some birds chirping outside.

Am I tasting? It's really nothing. I'll taste some water. So when we circle through all of the five senses, we immediately become present in a body. You can't be anywhere else when you've engaged your senses. So this is also a way during

any sexual play when you find yourself leaving the room, just go, what am I seeing? My hands are my partner's body. What am I hearing? I'm hearing that sexy playlist. So this is just another way to notice it. So notice the color and the

shape of the beauty around you. You can gaze at your partner. You can slowly stroke your arm or your hand or your thigh or what do you feel. Smell, even just your skin, your hair, your favorite lotion, taste a piece of fruit or chocolate or something that like just, it's something that you can savor. So these are all ways that we can become more embodied, not only ready for sex, but in our day-to-day lives. It is such an important practice. And it is the first pillar of sexual intelligence and one that will really allow us to have more pleasure in our life. It is a talent. It's a practice. It's not just like a skill set. It's not a talent. It's not just like you're born embodied or you're not. We are all born and body probably from age like the first few days of life,

right? Maybe when we're toddlers or more a body. But then shit happens. We get attachment. All these things happen. We have desires. We get out of our body. So the more we tune in, the more pleasure we're going to feel, the more desire we're going to discover, the more confidence we're going to gain, and the more intimacy we're going to create. And so it's just really a practice of noticing out of the five pillars, embodiment is such a crucial one, and it's one that I practice throughout the day. So I know, like, how to do it sexually. Like, I've had a long-term meditation practice for many years.

I've had a breathwork practice. Tonight I'm going to do breath work at a place near my house. I regularly do something, and I don't put pressure on myself to say it has to be an everyday thing. Every day I've got to meditate because that stresses me out, but I've been doing it for enough years that I know when I'm not embodied or when I'm, you know. So all these things, meditation, breathwork, walking in nature without your cell phone, noticing things around you are all great practices that are going to help you. you in the bedroom and in life.

I love talking to you all. There's the highlight, highlights of my life, highlight of my week for sure. Because next week we're going to be talking about health, the health pillar. That's the second one. We're going to be talking about collaboration. And that's how well we communicate

and collaborate sexually. And then we're going to talk about self-acceptance, which is really the confidence piece. And then we're going to talk about self-knowledge, how well we know ourselves. And all of these things are going to work together so you can start to become your own sex expert and troubleshoot and stoke your arousal. Anything that you would like to add here, I got you. I'm here for you. I appreciate you all. And I can't wait to see you all. Thank you guys for taking this time out of your day just to kind of get more embodied and to take time for yourself because you deserve it.

It's going to help you with every other area of your life. So thank you. I often find this is one of the most challenging pillars for people to really grasp. So thank you for going on this journey with me. Appreciate you all. Have a great day.