Sex With Emily - Would You Try This in The Bedroom?

Episode Date: June 16, 2026

In this episode,  I'm breaking down one of my all-time favorite tools: the Yes No Maybe List. If you've ever felt curious about trying something new in bed but didn't know how to bring it up — or didn't even know what was "on the menu" — this episode is for you. I'll walk you through exactly how to introduce the list to your partner, how to fill it out (solo or together), and most importantly, how to turn your “yeses” into real plans you'll actually follow through on. I'm also sharing some incredible stories from our community, breaking down newer terms you might not have heard of, and answering your live questions about what to do when you and your partner don't match up on your answers. RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: The Yes!No!Maybe? List: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  The Sex With Emily Glossary: https://sexwithemily.com/explore-play/swe-glossary/  ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT WITH EMILY: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Sex with Emily. My mission is simple. It's to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Today's episode was recorded during a live conversation I had with an audience online. And so you're going to hear me doing some chatting. Most importantly, you want to download our yes, no maybe list. Our yes, new maybe guide, it's a free download at sex with Emily.com slash guides. Go to yes, no maybe.

get it sent to you and follow along in this episode. Before we jump in, make sure you're following me everywhere at Sex With Emily, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and you haven't already set up for my free weekly newsletter at Sex With Emily.com. I've got tips, recommendations. I give really good newsletter. All right, everyone, enjoy the episode. Also, you can check out the full episodes now, watch them on YouTube and download still wherever you listen to podcasts. Enjoy the episode.

This is not an opportunity, like, you're not going to try to change your partner's mind, but it's really just an opportunity to learn more from each other. Date night is really such a powerful way to feel more connected to your partner, to know that this is the one night or the one afternoon a week that's just about us. Leave our phones inside. Get a babysitter and prioritizing. I'm bored with the same thing, but I actually don't know what I want to try. And I love it because, like, sometimes we know we want to mix things up and we want something different,

but we don't know where to start. I have learned so much about my sexuality personally in my single years because I had the freedom to actually think about what did I like in my last relationship. What worked for me? What didn't? What turned me on? Okay, so if you've been listening to this show for a while, you know I'm not about random sex toys or gimmicks. I'm about tools that actually support your pleasure, your communication, and your connection. That's exactly why we created the shop sex with Emily store. Everything in there is curated by me and my team, and these are products I trust. I recommend to clients and would tell my friends about.

I do tell my friends about. It's what I talk about all the time. Whether you're exploring solo pleasure, looking to reconnect with a partner, or you really just want something body safe and beginner friendly, we've organized it so you don't feel overwhelmed. People love the Dane Pillow for Supported Sex, the Magic Wand Waterproof. Oh my God, it's so good. Cray Vesper, massage candles, Joe flavored lube, we vibe touch,

clitoral vibrators. There's just so many things on there because pleasure shouldn't be confusing. It should feel empowering. You can check it out. out at shop. sex withemly.com and find something that supports where you are right now or just click the link in the show notes. Also, keep an eye out for curated collections coming soon.

This spring, denim gets a softer, lighter update. Introducing Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg, a new fit that moves with you. It's everything you want denim to feel like for summer. Easy, breathable, and effortlessly cool. With a fit that creates natural movement and a wide leg that feels modern, not overwhelming. Plus that signature. Wait, for this price. Moment. Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg. Hi, everyone. How's everyone doing today? This is one of my favorite topics to review with you guys. Today we're talking about the yes, no, maybe list. And this has been such an impactful, effective way for so many of our audience, our

community to really move the needle in their relationship, have effective communication with their partners, have better sex, and have fun with it. Because I hear from so many of you all the time that like you want to try something new, you're not sure how to ask for it, you're not even sure what's on the menu, right? So the purpose of it is the yes, no, maybe list is to really start conversation. you know in the bedroom start to cut conversations that'll have you having more fun in the bedroom and turn your curiosities the curiosities that you're on sex maybe your interest into reality i just wanted to read you guys a testimonial from somebody i found about this it was from hannah she's 42 and she says hey dr emily i want to let you know that your yes no baby list help me

today i've struggled to enjoy sex with my husband of 15 years i used to orgasm from penetrative sex but can't anymore. Well, we went through your list together and had a great conversation about our sex life and later some great non-penetrative sex. Thank you so much for your help. I was like, yes. And then we got another one that said, Amanda's 24 said, since moving to Japan a few months ago, my husband and I were in a little bit of a sexual rut. I showed him some of the episodes of your show. We did the yes, no maybe list, and we found that I am what I like to call a soft dumb. She likes to dom her partner softly, and he likes to be done her partner softly, and he likes to be to be submissive. We're not interested in the pain aspects of BDSM, but I do take dominant roles

of bed and it's amazing. We found a lot of new things to try via the list. Can't wait to get more step ordered. I also created a persona for Dom Play and me even write some erotica, inspired by one of your callers who wrote a book for his wife. The show is amazing. Okay, so I just wanted to ground you in the fact that if you are showing up today, which I'm so grateful that you are and you're watching this in this moment. The concept of the yes no maybe list has already interested you and now you know that we have so many people. It's been really beneficial. So here's what the yes no maybe list is. It's just a huge checklist of sexual acts and ideas. Think like sexting to sex parties to kissing to spanking to everything in between.

So it's really designed as a menu to give you ideas for what you want, you know, and it's normal. Guys, I want you to know, totally normal to not know the things you want to try. Like, that's why I created the menu. Sometimes we're like, I'm bored with the same things, but I actually don't know what I want to try. And I love it because, like, you know, sometimes we know we want to mix things up and we want something different, but we don't know where to start. And I know that for myself, I've been in sexual relationships too, where like in my early 30s, before I started the show where I was like frustrated. I was like bored. I was like the same.

This position again. And I had this like yearning. I had this like yearning for excitement and change and to mix it up and try things new. But I honestly didn't know what else was out there besides like missionary and maybe some doggy style and making out. So this list provides you options for days. maybe years to come. So this is all about how to use the yes no maybe list and how to turn all those curiosities you have into reality. So in this session, I'm going to help you prepare to do a yes, no maybe list, including how to prepare with a partner if you're coupled or if you're single.

We also got that. Give you ideas on what to do while you fill it out and tell you how you might actualize your yeses and turn them into plans. All right, you ready? Okay, so why would you want to do a yes-no-maybe list? If you're single and dating, filling out a yes-no-mabee list can help you know what kinds of experiences you're actually looking for, whether it's with a casual sex partner or something more serious. And just because you're single, you know your sex life is not on hold, right? I hope you know that.

I know that I have learned so much about my sexuality personally in my single years because I had the freedom to actually think about. what did I like in my last relationship what worked for me what didn't what turned me on what did I dip my toe in but didn't have a chance to fully explore and then I just would do a ton of research about like what else is out there so you know I just think it's important to think like if you're single that's cool too and if you're in a relationship and also if you're single a great time to get to know your body enhancing your fantasy life if there's things you've been wanting to try and

yes this yes no maybe list is going to give you inspiration or days. But if you're a couple, it can give you new ideas to spice it up. You know, remember, you guys, what we crave most in relationships is spontaneity, novelty, and variety. So I think it's great to do it once and then maybe revisit it another time. Like the simple act of filling it out will give you insights into yourself as a sexual being and your partner and then just help you clarify these are the kind of sexual experiences I'm dying to have and I didn't even know it. So let's get into step before you fill out the yes no maybe list. Okay. So you've got the list to prepare, put thought into it, especially if you're coupled,

bring it up to your partner. Tell them, I've heard about this great game we could play called the yes, no maybe list. And it's fun. It's something I'd love to do with them. Find out what they're curious about and share some ideas of your own. And then, and I think your partner will be down. In fact, people that I know that are maybe with partners who are a little more hesitant or aren't really like into talking about sex, they all have really enjoyed this. That's why it's so unique. So you tell your partner about it. They're like, okay, I'll try it. set aside some dedicated, some dedicated time to fill it out together like it's a date. Okay. And I have often said and shared with you that date night is really such a powerful way to feel more connected to your partner,

to know that this is the one night or the one afternoon a week that's just about us. Leave our phones inside. Get a babysitter and prioritize it. Now I do hear pushback. They're like, date night. Are you kidding? We don't have time for taking out the trash. And I get it. So maybe it's an hour after dinner. Find some dedicated time. Just know that you can do this multiple times through relationship because your desires might change and evolve. Now, there might be some things on the list that seem like wild to you and way out there. And that's all good. You can like work up to the edgier things, you know. Yes, does it mean tomorrow? So once you go through your list and you compare your answer, You can be like, then we're going to get to this in a minute, but you prioritize, like, which ones are realistic for us to do in the next quarter or the next month. Okay, here's how you fill out the list.

We're going to share my screen here. Okay. So I guess I should scroll it. Here's the yes, no maybe list. So exploring two ways. So basically, you check yes if it's something you're interested in exploring. If it's a yes, it should be a hell yes. Okay, so this is what I want you to do.

when you're looking at it try to do this to your first hit on it like the ones you're really like this you know what the hell yeses are in life like a friend asked you you something you're like that's a hell yes and you've other friends that are like i'm not sure then make those the hell yeses and then if it's a no and you're not interested in exploring that's okay don't feel pressure to do anything that you're not comfortable with and if it's a maybe if it's out of hell yes or a hell no, it's healthy to examine. Like, I think it's always healthy to look at, like, what can I learn from this? Why is this a maybe?

Is it because maybe there's some shame around it? I think the maybes, I think, I personally think there's magic in the maybes. You know, maybe to do more homework on it. So see where the conversation takes you. Just remember, as I say here, curiosity can lead to clarity and more exploration. So here's the yes, no maybe list. Okay, I'll just kind of go through this right now. So everyone see that.

Now, so that's how you do it. Then let's talk about ideas. Now, first I want to review with you. There might be some ideas on there that you're like, hmm, not sure what that is. We added a bunch more things. It might not be as known. So first one, just to give you some background, is praise kink.

And that's basically when someone's aroused by compliments and phrases like, good girl, you feel so good. That really might enhance your sex life with somebody who, like, their kink is literally receiving compliments and praise. Like, you look so hot. Good girl. Way to go. Audio erratica. Okay. I love audio arotica. And it's, you know, sexual audio, like the name suggests. It can be like a narration of a fantasy, an audio of someone. masturbating. And with a partner, what that might look like, you can create your own audio erotica. You know, you can be like a send like a sexy voice note back and forth instead of sexting, which is a really fun thing to do because I'm more of a talker than a texter. So I know in relationships, I've just like done the voice memo and sent like a sexy text. Like here's what I'm thinking

about. For me, that's a lot easier. So the reason why audio erotica too is such a fun field right now because for many of us it's watching porn is one thing like visually not as much of our thing but like actually listening to people and this is great for masturbation too if you're like I need some info you know I just want to listen to something that's why I love audio erotico we also have homemade porn that's a new one and that's filming sex consensually obviously if your partner's into it consent is so important as well as the boundaries if and where this kind of should be shared. Again, you want to do this with a trusted partner, put it in the hidden folder and go from there. But you probably know if you're in a relationship where it feels

safe, but you never want to be pressured by somebody to make homemade born or really do anything that you don't want to do. Another new one is electro-stimulation. And these are specially designed machines that apply low voltage electrical stimulation to the genitals or rodion stones for pleasure. Please don't use anything that is not specified for this purpose. So just Google erotic electrostimulation. We have one of these kits here that someone sent me a while ago and you can use it on your arms. It's just like a shock. It's not dangerous if you use the right equipment, but that can be really hot.

Then we have exhibitionism and warriorism, warriorism where you actually, we've talked about this, but where you like to be seen, do you like to see watch people having sex or be seen during sexual activities? then we have dominance. Dominance is when you let to have control during sex. You know, this can be amped up more when you're exploring different kinks and the dominant person is the initiator. They have the control, you know,

when the submissive can feel pleasure, like when if pain is incorporated, they can orgasm, what toys are being used, etc. And this doesn't have to be with pain. This can be with words. It can be with tickling. It can be with just sex, acts like you can't touch by genitals until you know you say or do this thing submission obviously the

opposite of dominance so this person's contact in the backseat lets their dominant partner call the shots enjoys the book they get turned on by the bossy nature of their dominant partner then we have erotic massage I love erotic massage it's a massage but it's more erotic these are like slow sensual touches using warm or like a massage candle, which I'm obsessed with. No clothes can be a happy ending massage. You know, uses foreplay before you do something else. Even 10 minutes with your partner giving them a massage,

what I found is that massage is just a powerful way when I'm anxious or stressed from the day, but then I also want to, you know, I know that I want to have sex, but I don't feel ready for it. When I get those hands and my partners in my body, sometimes I just found like, wow, I'm ready to go. Like, this would be a big, check for me. We have orgasm denial and that's when you deny your partner's orgasm by stopping

whatever is about to send them over the edge and then that allows people to focus on the pleasure of sex rather than chasing the orgasm, which I love because when we take the focus off of orgasm and we just are like I'm feeling pleasure and we breathe into that, you know, there's a tension that is building. And when you are denying the orgasm, that tension keeps building, so when you do have the orgasm, it's just a lot more explosive. And then we have pain play. And this is anything that can inflict pain during sex.

It can be a way for the dominant person to assert their sexual dominance over the submissive person. Has to be agreed upon. You need a safe word. Communicate about it. Like, it could be spanking. You're whipping or smacking or hair pulling, nipple clamps, handcuffs. Remember, consent is important. I love using the traffic light as red is stop. Green is go. Yellow is like proceed with caution if you just need a quick, safe word. We also have like rope play and they basically use a rope to restrict or restrain someone during sex. So those are some of the new terms that we have a glossary on our website that basically explains all these other terms. Okay. So, so.

Now you sat down with your partner, you did the list, and you figured out, we got these yeses, how do we turn yeses into a reality? So once you finish filling it out, start, so you're going to each have your separate pieces of paper, your separate lists. And then you're going to star your top three favorites. And I say you do this individually, like your top three yeses. your top three favorites. You could do it together individually depending on your relationship. You could both sit there and compare, but you could just separately be like these are my favorites. And then,

okay, so star your top three favorites. Circle your top three new things to try. And then this is the most important step. And it's often overlooked. How do you turn your yes into a reality? Well, first, let me just say this. Once you're both done, You either can each go through it. And like, I'll really, like if I had my partner, I read my yasses, they read their yasses. Then we compare and we circle where we have like, oh, we have six yeses.

Now let's prioritize together our favorites. But depending on your relationship, you know your partner better than I do. You could do the circling, the starring of your top three favorites and the circle of your top three, three things to try on your own and then compare. Okay, but most important step,

how do you turn this into reality? You're like, great, we both want to try spanking. Now what do we do? If you're coupled, you got a couple of the, you know, you got some handful of names that are yeses. Pick a month to try them out. Yay. You found a yes. You both are threesome.

You might need some time to do a little bit of research. Who's the threesome going to be with? Talk about what does the threesome look like to you? Tell me more about how you picture the threesome. I'll tell you how I picture the threesome. And then we'll have to figure out who's going to be the third. Is it a stranger? Someone we know.

We hire a sex worker where we use one of these apps like field or fat life and try to find somebody in our community. You know, for other things, you might be able to try that in an evening. You know, if it's using a sex toy, you just make sure your sex toys are planned that night. But you both know. And what I found that when we do plan these things, we really do look forward to them. Like it gives us something to think about. We're excited about it. It's a yes.

I mean, think of the opposite of that. It's like, you want to have sex and you know how that you have your normal run-up, run-of-the-mill sex or your routine sex. And you know what's going to happen. My clothes come up. Your clothes come up. You're going to do this. I'm going to do this.

You know. But this way, you're like, this is an experience we haven't had. Let's try it. Now, again, there might be things in here that you have tried, but not a lot. Not with the frequency and with you love them. Like if you love a foot massage. and your partner gave you one once on your first date by prioritizing that, circling it, now they know you like a foot massage.

I'm going to incorporate that into what we're doing, right? So that's it. Just remember you want to plan it. You don't want to walk away from it. If you can't do it all in one night, that's fine. But make the commitment to at least plan your next steps. Okay. Next.

What do you do if you have? differing answers. Okay. What do you do if your partner answered one way? Your partner's like, yes, I want, I want to be spanked, but you don't want to do any spanking. What do you do? First, you just take note of it. And it's really fun here to intimate conversations about why you answered the way you did. Remember this. It's not about shaming your partner. Like, I can't believe you. You don't want to yuck anyone's yom. You don't want to be like, I can't believe you said yes to this thing you don't want to get mad you don't want to get judgmental you don't want to shame them you want to get curious you want to be calm

you want to have compassion so this is really take if you do breasts you're like tell me more about why this is a no what makes this a maybe and not a yes I'm curious you'll find out so much more by actually asking these questions and listening you know it's this is not an opportunity like you're not going to try to change your partner's mind. But it's really just an opportunity to learn more from each other, right? And it's a rather like a rare opportunity often to actually learn. And this is where I see a lot of sexual challenges with couples is that they hear something they don't want to do and they're like, nope. And it's like they just shut it down and couples aren't able to have a continuing conversation

about it. But the key to that is checking yourself, making sure you're not reacting, to it and be like, huh, oh, that's a no. I'd love to hear more about that, right? And then you're going to get more information. So perhaps, perhaps your partner says they are a no to. Where's the estimate? Oh, here it is. Like maybe they're a no to what would be a fun one here. They're also fun. Okay, here's like dirty talk. Okay. So maybe your partner's like, I want dirty talk, right? I wrote yes and my partner said no. I could say to them like, okay, so that's a no. Could you tell me more about that?

Like, where do you think that came from? Like, tell me no. Maybe they'll say, you know, I feel like I, it makes me feel awkward. It doesn't come out of my mouth comfortably. It feels like I'm playing a role. It doesn't feel very performative. It feels performative. It doesn't feel like my genuine voice.

I feel like you're going to laugh at me. I'm going to sound awkward. So I don't want to do dirty talk. And at that moment, you can say, okay, no, I get it. I get it. Thank you for sharing. And if you don't want to do it advanced listening, you could repeat back and say, so what I hear you saying is that it sounds like talking dirty would make you really uncomfortable.

You don't think you have a great skill set for it and it feels performative. And then I could say, yeah, yeah, that's what it is. Okay, you know, great, because you always want to like repeat back if you can and have them reply. And then you can say, you know, that's interesting. Okay, because how I pictured it was, you know, maybe it's just, yes, exactly, Karen. Karen just said, I think a lot of no can just be do not know how, don't know where to start or scared. Bravo, Karen, that's exactly what it is.

A lot of times the noes are like, hell no, this is a no, because it scares me. I don't understand it. Like, that sounds awful. Like, face sitting is terrifying. What if I get suffocated? it. A lot of times we had a bad experience with something. Maybe someone shamed us for oral sex that we gave them and we're like, I'm not good at oral sex. So what I found is there's a lot of like information you can find out. And so it's just really, really important to, you know, be honest about it and be like, I actually am scared about it. Like, actually makes me nervous. And then you can say again, well, tell me more about that. And then this is, this is the magic. This is how you actually learn what's on your partner's mind. Like, what? what was their past sexual history about or what's their beliefs around this thing that makes them

uncomfortable this is the sweet spot this is where couples can really learn to grow and change because I've heard from people over the years so many times who are like my partner says it's a no and no to talking about sex and no to doing any of these things and usually again you guys recognize that this incredible community you guys are here in this space because we don't want to settle for no don't want to settle for sex that doesn't have a basis of healthy communication around it. This doesn't work that way. And so if these nose are based in shame or fear, we're not going to get it to a yes, maybe ever, but definitely not in that night. But just getting curious about that and then letting know your partner reassure them, say, first off, thank you so much for sharing

with me. That sounds really awful that you have felt pressure to talk dirty, didn't feel good, or to feel that way about it. And then, you know, the next layers of that could be like, I'd be curious to think about ways that we could do it together and make it fun if you'd be interested. Because, again, I hear this a dirty type all the time. We've done a lot of shows on that. We've talked about that here too.

But no one, like, knows. No one is born comfortable talking dirty. It is a practice. So I often recommend, like, practice in the shower, listen to audio radical. So there's, like, ways to work around this once you find. find out what is holding your partner back. And so it really is just a great opportunity to learn more about each other.

And you know, I found that some really incredible negotiations can happen when couples are like really in that listening place. And so maybe they weren't into spanking, but they're into tickling, right? So there's ways to work around all of these things. So that is my overview. Are there any questions here from anybody about the yes-no-may-by list and how we can do it? Yeah, point about I hear you that sometimes it really is about yucking and yaw. That's true. Like maybe there's resentments in your relationship.

Maybe you don't have a basis of actually talking about sex. Maybe, you know, yucking and y'am is like, no, I'm not going to do anything that you want me to do sexually because, you know, I have resentments around the fact that you're not doing anything that I'm not. I've asked you to do, like make dinner or visit my parents' house or take over some stuff around the house or pay the bills or whatever it is. Like you have to remember that our sex lives are intricately tied to every other thing in our relationship, right, to our entire life, our entire wellness. So the way we communicate with partners, our, you know, resentment and all that stuff. So I just want to say there's a lot here. There's a lot going on beneath the service here. Okay. Question is, how could I encourage my boyfriend?

friend to figure out what he's into. I feel like I'm still the only one introducing the ideas of what to try next are sharing and exploring my fantasies. Okay, well, that's the other part of this. For many people, the yes-now maybe this is really intimidating. They're like, I actually never even thought about what I liked. I never even thought about it. It never been occurred to me to think about it. Sex is always the same. Or, you know, for your boyfriend, here to answer this question, that you're still the only one introducing ideas. Now, listen, some people are not, as we know, not that comfortable talking about sex and really don't have a lot of fantasies. I know that fantasies can be a really rich part of your sex life and of your connection, but some people just don't, I'm not a big

fantasizer. Like, I thought something was wrong with me in many times in this journey, where I was like, why don't I have fantasies? I share this with you guys a few weeks ago. And what I found is, like, I'm way more into like connected connected kind of play. Like I would be more into handcuffs, you know, orgasm denial or or cuckolding, not cuckolding, maybe, cuddling, dominant, submissive, because that stuff that we're doing together, like I like active. I like active points on the SOMA list, these activities. Like I like things that include the both of us together, experiencing things together.

I'm not so much fantasizing about other. Now, over the years, I've cultivated some fantasies, but it's not my go-to. So if your partner is, you know, not introducing it, is I would get curious with them. And I would ask them, I'm curious, like, what is the most memorable sex we've had together? Like, if you had to write it down the top three peak moments that we had sex together, walk me through it.

Do you remember what happened? what we were wearing, where we were, what I did, what you did. It's really fun sometimes to do like that sexy play-by-play to kind of reminisce about the past. That's why sex. It could be fun. Like, can't stop thinking about last night, you know, or last week when you did this thing to me. And so really just kind of starting there and being like,

what do you like about sex? Like what does turn you on, you know? Because maybe fantasies is intimidating to them. So I think if you do the astomevermabialist, this could be a great way to get started. to find out more. Okay, so pony boys saying, you have great sex life. She agrees and agrees that's because of me and promise because I constantly ask,

we have very equitable work sharing. Honestly, our lives are great and we're great most of the time. I'm sorry if I seem negative. I'm licking longstanding wounds that have been exacerbated several times in recent days by thoughtless and sensitive comments. But I'll just pipe down and just listen. Well, sounds like listening. Pony Boy might be the thing to do, but it's listening with compassion and curiosity.

And you don't need to pipe down here at all. There's no piping down. We are all here for it. I love that you're able to share with us what's actually going on in your relationship right now and it sounds really, really frustrating. And so, yeah, it sounds like there's been some not fun Lisa Nexie. activities. So, you know, I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry. It's been hard. I don't think I saw your earlier question that this was referring to. I might have missed it. Oh, you're saying to live

in a world where partners, pony boy saying to live in a world where partners did not take their person's yeses as a threat or to shame them. Well, I hear that. And this goes back to our cultural conditioning. A lot of us grew up in places where we had repressed sexual desires. We weren't allowed to fantasize about sex. Anytime someone brings up sex, it immediately feels shameful, not arousal. And that is all about working really hard to focus on the fact that we deserve pleasure. Our sex size are important with our partners, that we have this old story running right in our head that no longer serves us. And that takes some work and perhaps some therapy. But it doesn't sound like it's about you. Okay. So Brittany says,

imagine your no's yeses and maybes would change over time is that true and how do you recommend doing the list with a partner did i already recommend doing the list with the partner did i already go through that oh how often got it yes your yes no maybe's change over time and sometimes you might have been doing it the first time and then you were like that was a no that was a no that was a no like i you know and then once your partner you guys started doing the yeses together pick one yes pick one yes even if it's making out you can be like we are going to make out a lot more and take a bath that's one of them you know start with the ones that are easy and then when you go back to it and you've seen that you guys have established a safe place of communicating of sharing your boundaries

of actually making sex happen that's fun i love the idea of partners going back to the yes no maybe list as often as it feels necessary maybe when they run out of yes's and so do it as often as it feels right. So we've got another question here. Sometimes our partners know exactly where to hit a nerve and it's unfair and hurts more than if it was from someone else. I hear you and understand that, yeah, I hear you. Yeah, pony boy, we're so talking. We're talking about that. Like, it sounds like you're really going through something here. The people closest to us, we hurt the most sometimes. When we're going through our own stuff, it feels safe, right? But it doesn't feel good at all. And so I'm sorry that's happening.

I'm wondering if you guys have a therapist or a counselor or someone you could help you have these conversations. Because when it gets really hurtful and when it feels like it's contempt even, you know, when we start like name calling or digging, like taking the, you know, the, we start making those below the belt kind of comments that are hurtful, it can be hard to recover, rebuild and repair on your own. It just is. So if it's gone ugly and it's painful, you know how I feel about therapy. I love it. It has benefited every single couple that I know. It never makes things worse. What I find is it just helps couples move along in conversation.

It helps them get unstuck. It helps them to really hear each other when they have someone else in the room. Okay. Any other questions here about the yes, no maybe list? Anything else anyone wants to share? I was going to share also. Yeah, let's see what else is here. Another testimonial that speaks to that I thought was good

and it speaks to some of the questions you're bringing up. This is from Andrew in 32. He said, my wife grew up in an incredibly repressed household. I just want to thank you so much because we're three years into our marriage. And the yes, no maybe list really opened things up and has brought us something very incredible. So even the partners who might be the most, I guess, repressed or just have more shame around it, even if it's kissing, taking a bath together, maybe that's your partner's way of saying,

I just want to feel safe with you. Like, I just want to do, when we have sex, I want to make sure that we're doing things that calm my nervous system, that allow me to open up. Maybe if we do that for a month, we can, like, move on to other things. But usually the deeper wounds that's, you know, the deeper wounds that are guiding us towards selecting nose more than yeses, can perhaps be healed by really leaning into whatever yeses you find.

Yeah. Yep. So from what I'm saying, people with a history of trauma are difficult past experiences. It seems like this can help in creating a safer space for open communication and healing. Absolutely. Listen, a lot of us have history of trauma,

not just sexual trauma. It's really, really. common and as we know all traumas live in our bodies so if if if something comes up a past experience this list could help you start to connect where you have similarities you have commonalities and create the space and the safety for more open communication and healing for couples who are not in the best place such like this is not your go-to tonight right but if you can get to the point of I just want to know what we could do to make it interesting. And actually, in the nose, you might learn a lot more about your partner, too.

And you might hopefully be able to develop more compassion and understanding around why they're always saying, no, you know. So, yeah, that's really, really helpful. Yeah, it's tough when partners don't want to go to therapy. It's hurt when people don't want to go to therapy. Sometimes I think it's getting a lot better now where people are, like, realizing, like, therapy, mental health has become so much more accepted. mainstream in recent years. But there's still this holdover from many people who just think that

therapy means that something's terribly, terribly wrong, or we must be crazy, or we're already past the point of no return. But I can't tell you how many couples I know, and I've seen and I've worked with, who have tremendously benefited from therapy and, in fact, been on the brink of separation or divorce and having a trusted therapist that they've seen has really helped them turn things around, which I love. So are there any other questions or anything else come up for people? Anything else, you guys, around yes, no, maybe, or anything else that this brought up for you, or any questions about anything on the list? I really want this to be the place. It is the place where we're all learning and growing together and bringing you the tools to help you have

the sex you want, the relationships you want. But again, sometimes when there's just, when you've been together with someone for a while and you're in a repeated, you know, pattern of, of fighting where you can't really hear the other one saying and you know you'll never be able to convince each other otherwise, you know, it just, even if it's just a few sessions with someone, maybe you could find therapists with sliding scales. That could be really helpful. But that's why I love Yes Do Maybe because it's just a really fun way to sort of bring it together, find consent, find areas to play. Like, Yes, No, Maybe is all about playing. Any other questions here? I feel like, yeah, who's going to try it? Who's going to try it this

week, this weekend? Who's going to let us know how it goes? Remember to check out our glossary on our website if you want to know any of the terms or, you know, if there's anything else that you'd like. Please, please, please, everyone, let us know what else we can do. As always, we love getting your feedback. I love reading all of your messages. And this community has been so inspiring to me and hopefully to all of you. It's such a game changer. Great question, Brittany. We'd love to hear everyone else's yes and maybe his nose are. I don't want to pop anything in here on the chat. Anything? And a yes, his nose and maybe we'll just circle back. Ooh, Monica only had two nose. I'm with you, Monica. I did it once. I barely had any nose.

What were your nose, Monica? You want to tell us? You're welcome, Valerie. So choking and gagging. Yes, I'm with you. In fact, I just did a podcast on this yesterday about you guys. Choking and gagging is actually not safe. And the leading sex educators and health officials tell you that you actually could somebody, it could go very, very wrong. And people could die. Even if you do it safely, you're not just to do it.

So Monica, you're on it. That was actually a vote on that is better for your health. We probably should take choking off the list. Okay, so Anaswar, these are your yeses. Audio Erronica, Codling, D. deep thudding dirty top eye contact face sitting fingering flirting g spot stimulation lap dance making out mutual masturbation neck kissing nipple play oral sex praise king phone sex post sex shower reading erratica sexting sex outside shower sex

slow sex faking spooning squirting stripteys watching porn wearing lingerie love it love all those yeses great ha monica she's claustrophic so maybe and maybe it's a maybe on face sitting Reminder about face sitting. Face sitting is more about face kneeling. So you're lying back and your partner is really more like kneeling around your face with their with their like knees around you and they're more like kneeling on you rather than just sitting. So then they can thrust their genitals more toward your mouth, but they're not actually sitting on you and not breathing. So this is great.

Oh, Monica's been trying more early that's a little too close for me. Remember face kneeling. Face kneeling, not face sitting. That's going to help you out there with that one. I love it. So fun. Anything else?

Great. It gets easier. See, that's the other thing. Like we were talking about earlier, how allowed you have these automatic nose to things. But when you try anything over time, it gets a lot easier. You talk about what you like about it,

what you don't. You're uncomfortable. You didn't have a great position, a pillow under your neck for face sitting. For example, your partner was sitting too, hard. Just because it didn't work out, these are all new things, right? I don't know who anyone who's ever tried something new and they like, you know, it's always great the first time.

So finding a professional is a great job. Dom says face sitting is a major one. My wife has agreed that she isn't about it and we'll have to leave it to a professional. All right. Oh, Monica, your partner was a no on the same too. That is fantastic. How easy is that? Well, now you've got to get to planning. You guys got a lot to do this year or maybe next year. But that's a lot of planning. But how fun is that you see when you're in the bedroom? You're like, why don't we just pull up the list? Oh, we both want this. Let's try this tonight. So really this is about giving you a roadmap. Essentially, this is like a road map, a treasure map that's leading towards your arousal, your pleasure, your desires. They're all wrapped in here. Like try these things. Keep the list in front of you.

it fun, make it, you know, revisit it as often as you'd like. Because maybe that, again, the first time you do it, you might walk away and be like, why was that? I didn't know. Why was that maybe? And remember to have to talk about the maybes. Like, maybe you're both maybes for certain reasons that can be reconciled. That's super helpful. Oh, Alexa said that her boyfriend and I revisited recently and knew it so many more yeses than before. Yes, that makes sense because, right, you get to know someone, you evolve on the rest. relationship. You're like, I didn't think I was into this thing, but now that that one thing worked, maybe I want to try something else. Like, it all builds on each other. And obviously,

if they let us know if we left anything off the list that you think that we should add, but we love updating it. Anyone have any other final questions or remarks you want to share? Anyone going to let us know when you're going to try it? You want to make a commitment here when you're going to do it? All right. Well, you can just think about it. Oh, today, Monica's doing it today. All right, Monica, I'll be thinking about you. Love that, Monica. Ben's doing it on Friday. All right, Ben, you get into it.

I think that's interesting. Monica says that 20 years ago, it would have been half the yeses. I'm with you, right? Isn't that funny how, yeah, you know, you just, the longer we live through life, the more we experience, we're like, oh, we move, we grow.

And that's why these conversations about sex are so important because we, a lot of times are stuck having sex like we were having it a decade ago because we never thought to update our sexual toolkit. We never thought to think what else is there. This is the what else is there, right?

This is the, oh, wow, there's so much more. And maybe 20 years ago, you're like, I'm just trying to get through life or didn't know I needed it, but we're all evolving, you know, in different places. So, yeah. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for joining me for the yes, no maybe. I can't wait to see you on the app and let us know if this was helpful. Let me know how it's going with the yes, no maybe list. I'm following along with you and I'm cheering you all on.

So thank you for joining today and always. I appreciate you all so much. So have a great night. Thank you. I'm ready to share this with you. I am hitting the road. For the first time ever, I'm bringing the best sex ever to work to cities across the country.

You're going to laugh, maybe overshare, maybe blush. Definitely win prizes and leave with secrets having the best sex ever. Every night is different because the audience is the show. I'm starting in July 7th in Rosemont, Illinois at Zanis, Rosemont. So it had me that head over there and join me. Then I'll be in Philadelphia on August 5th, Nashville on September 29th, and Austin, October 7th, with more cities to come. Home with your partner, your friends, fly solo, and you will leave with really good tools, fresh perspective, lots of laughs, lots of surprises. Visit sex withemly.com slash events for tickets and tour information.

Can't wait to meet you there.