Sex With Emily - You Snoop, You Lose

Episode Date: March 27, 2019

On today’s show, Emily’s discussing snooping – because lots of us do it and it’s not serving us. Plus, she’s taking your calls. She talks about the good old google search/social media stalk many of us are guilty of doing, what to do when you were having great sex – then you went on vacation and your partner’s not into it, backdoor play – your partner’s ready, but you’re not sure, you’re married, you like giving head to other men, but your wife is unsure about it – what’s next? Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Good Vibrations, Just Fab, Jopen, SiriusXM, We-Vibe Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about snooping because, hey, lots of us do it, but isn't really serving us? We're gonna talk about it. And I'm taking your calls. Topics include the good old Google search, slash social media stock. Many of us are guilty of doing it and doesn't really work for us anymore. You were having great sex and then you won a vacation and your partner's not into it. What happened? Backdoor play. Your partner's not into it. What happened? Backdoor play, your partner's ready, but are you? Okay, you're married, but you want to experiment with other men, but your wife isn't sure

about it. What's next? All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair stand. It's a lie. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

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because I think that snooping is, first of all, I think we like talking about cheating and fatalities on the rise or people cheating more. There's been a lot of like studies around snooping and people saying like, and I think about 10 years ago, the stats are like 50% of men and 50% of women's cheats. So it's kind of like, okay, everyone's shooting. But as everyone's snooping and how are people finding out that your partner is doing something? I really, I'm not saying I haven't snooped. I have some good stories about it. However, as a rule, if you're thinking of snooping,

there's a sign that there's other things wrong in your relationship. Is that what I think? I mean, I think the best thing to do is go towards your partner and be like, hey, here's some behavior that's been going on that I'm not feeling so great about because the problem is I think when we look,

we're always gonna find something. Here's a problem with snooping, I think. And I want to hear from you, have you snooped, do you believe in it? What did you find out? Did it help you? Did it help you? Triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven.

Here's the problem, you're going to find something incriminating and it might be something that you weren't even looking for but you still like you found something else I think you're always going to find something something suspicious and then you're going to create a story around it and it's going to become a bigger thing but the second thing about snooping is that if you don't find something

maybe you're if you're already on, maybe you're, if you're already on a hunt, you're like, well, they're just doing a really good job of, of, of, of hiding it. So it's kind of like a gateway because then you could go from snooping to a full-on stalker. You're like, well, nothing was on the phone. So maybe now I'm going to go into their Facebook or I want to dive deep on their Instagram. They're, they're get logged into their phone bill. I don't know. I don't do a lot of things. I feel like of nowadays, everyone's kind of like a stalker.

Yeah, a stalker, a snooper. A stalker, a snooper. I agree. There's a fine line. It's a fine line between stalking and snooping. And you're right. That's the thing. It's like we, well, yeah.

What's the difference? So if you're in a relationship, I guess essentially you're snooping. But you could still stalk someone. Like I, I was talking about this. I think if you're in a relationship I guess essentially you're snooping but you could still stalk so like I I'm talking about this. I think if you're going out with someone a date are you been dating someone Do you guys agree with me that you've probably googled them at some point? You Google you like before you go on the date or maybe you don't maybe you're like You know what I want to meet them in person, which I think is actually great not to do much of a deep dive But if you're dating someone for a while,

I would think that you have Googled them at least once. Jamie, who brought me broke up with someone like the same day. Yeah, almost, yeah. We hadn't even talked about it. But you were like, I never Googled them. I'm like, you never, you dated for years and then we Googled them, but really nothing came up. Well, because I, well, one I knew,

there's certain people, it's like, for you, Emily, you're probably gonna find more things about the people that you date because you date people that are very established and they have careers and big things. And I'm not saying that my ex didn't have a job. He didn't really have a career though and he's not big on social media.

If you're not in social media, yeah, it's hard. But it was interesting, because we were sitting on a dinner and you were just like, oh my God, Google him right now, do it right now. And I was just like, I don't know why I've just never had the urge to do that. I was like, I've Googled myself once. That's it. I mean, like college stuff comes up.

Like my college when I was trying to be a news anchor, news reporter, my like little videos that I had to do for. That's so cute. So if you guys have for wanna. Jamie Pittenger. Uh, yeah, I mean, I think that do for. That's so cute. So if you guys have for wanna. Jamie Pittenger. Yeah, I mean, I think that is fun. That is fun. I just think that, okay, so with the snooping thing though,

if you're in a relationship, like I feel like, again, like it's a sign that something's wrong in it, but then when I have, like I was talking about, yes, I think that social media are phones, make it harder. But before that. But before that, I snooped on a boyfriend when I was like 25

and we'd been together for like two years or something. And I was at his house, this before cell phones, this is before computers, that even true, maybe we had a laptop, but there wasn't a lock one on there. Yeah, I mean, I don't, well, I don't really know. There was no weather ready to get in touch

with like landlines at the top of the spill. There you go. 96. But I was like staying in his house and he went to work. I think I was like sleeping in or something and I opened a drawer to get a piece of paper as we used to do because there's no paper anymore. I was like, I need to write something down and there was a notebook. I opened up the notebook and in the notebook not hidden, I didn't dig. There was a list of names, and they were all women's names.

And on that list, apparently, was the names of every single woman he slept with in chronological order, because in your 20s, I already knew who his first girlfriend was, second one. And I was not the last name on the list. There were three women after my name. And what was his boss? That's scandalous. I know. I was like, dude, I remember leaving and calling my friend Mary and being like, what do I do? And the truth is, I, yeah, so like I converted him about it. And so that's how we did it back then. And it turned out, yeah, yeah, it's up at this boss. But I had been traveling for a long time. We

kind of had this thing where it was okay to see other people, but when I came back in town after being out of the country for nine months, he was like, no, I didn't do anything. I didn't sleep with anybody. Then I was like, only your whole office. It was like his assistant in his boss. So the point is, you know, and then I remembered that scene in Mad Men when she thought I'd be cheating and she opened the phone bell, and then you could see it. So there's, oh, this has been around forever, but I don't know, I just think it's snooping, stalking. And it's kind of a gateway when you snoop because then you're like, I want to stalk.

So. Yeah, I mean, the funny thing about, so hold on, I'm back and up to your, I'm backing up to your list here. Okay. So did you deduce that it was in chronological order because you knew who his first girlfriend was? So did you deduce that it was in chronological order because you knew who his first girlfriend was? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I knew his ex, I knew his first girlfriend, I knew them all, and maybe there was like 20, 30 names. I don't remember. So there wasn't like a title on it, like women I've slept with, but it was like a sketch. And then they were all in different ink colors. So he'd been adding it and how old hold is he?

26 see I feel like I kept a running list. Yeah when I was in high school I know that's not now that I say it out loud. It sounds kind of bad. I don't think it was bad But I did a high school, but I don't I like at a certain point. I was like there's no point in keeping track I don't care about this point. No, I couldn't I couldn't keep track Although I do have all the notes and the garage that we're gonna someday get out of the garage of all the notes and letters I used to save. So yeah, that's what that's what happened. I found the journal and then now I feel like you're gonna find something and it's just not that healthy but you never snooped. You never thought to look at your thing. I mean, I never, I snooped on my ex because I didn't trust him.

Not the most recent one, but back in high school, right after high school in my ex. And I found stuff that I didn't like, but at the same time, I snooped because I knew I would find something. And I needed to reaffirm that I wasn't crazy because my ex did gaslight me a lot. Oh, so I was like, you want to explain with gaslighting? Oh, yes. So gaslight me a lot. So I was like, you wanna explain with gaslighting me. Oh yeah, so gaslighting for those that don't know. This is a good thing, because you might be,

you might be gas lit at this moment in your relationship. And it's basically when your partner or someone, it doesn't have to be a partner, it could be a colleague of friend, whatever, they try to turn, when you get angry and confront them about a situation, they try to turn around and let on you, saying like, no, like making you feel crazy,

but you know that you're not, where they're like, oh no, I would never do that, or like you're just exaggerating, or like ever, you know, just they make all these different excuses, and they try to make it seem like, one, it's your fault, and two, that you're just insane, like completely insane for thinking those things.

So he would do that a lot. It's very manipulative, yeah. And then so I do. I have no choice. And then you probably did sit down and ask him if he was cheating or if anything was going on. Well, yeah, I mean, not in like a very mature way. It was at the time I was 19 and I was just like,

I know it. Right. I found some things. Talking to your ex, why are you telling her that you miss her? A lot of them. And that you walk pictures of her. Oh, that's so hurtful.

And then I stayed with him because he had a million reasons why it was nothing, it was innocent. Yeah, and then he tried to get back at me and go through my phone and then he found nothing. Really? Nothing at all. He found one text message chain from someone that I went to college with, who I would hang out with with another female friend. And I had declined to go smoke a joint with him because my other friend couldn't come.

And I thought in my head, my boyfriend will not appreciate that. And so he's still, he's like, who's this person? And I'm like, oh, yeah, you mean the time that I actually did the right thing? Yeah, that's how that's supposed to go down. Oh, man. Yeah, there's right. But people sno go down. Right. Oh man, yeah, there's right. But people snoop on stuff, like they're not even relationships with, like there's always this,

like when you're on a first date, like beforehand. Okay, yeah, Googling the date. And you go through, you get lost in that hole because you're like, okay, this person on Instagram, they know and you get down and like you end up knowing like who their like fourth cousin is. Exactly. And maybe like you before cousin's photo,

but I'm sick and then they're like, how do you know my fourth cousin? But I just don't think, well, I think it's good to Google a little bit for a day. But if you have time, but I've gone to dates where I have a Google, but the problem now it's, I guess with my life, is it? It's not as bad anymore. I think it was bad when my show was still new

and I was dating someone or like maybe five years ago even when it was like, just sex or eight or sex month or Emily says I'm not choosing monogamy that's like my first article that comes out. I was like they're like oh so you don't want a relationship. I'm like I said a quote that I don't want monogamy I wasn't into it but I might be so anyway I don't know you get with you maybe probably not though but yeah I think that there's a lot to find out now, but then you might, the problem with the Googling

for the date though, also, that when you do this, is that you, then I think that you've also find out too much, and then you feel like perhaps there's no mystery left. The same thing is, oh, that came up on the Instagram live too. Talking too much for you actually meets someone person, and calling that a relationship, and exchanging all these things. Yeah, this person's like a bunch of a threesome with someone and I don't have never met him and or whatever she was saying on the on the Instagram live.

Yeah, it was like online dating. Yeah, I mean, it's it's and then I think I think women overall are a lot better at it. It's new. Bang it. Absolutely. Why is that? We're just we're natural detect and we remember everything like I don't remember things, but I'll remember like you said that girlfriend you dated that one time. Oh, absolutely. Why is that? We're natural detect, and we remember everything. Like I don't remember things, but I'll remember, like you said, that girlfriend you dated that one time,

and this thing happened, and she was great, but that's why you just gotta be careful. What we are better at, we're like natural born detectives. Like the FBI should really be full of the wear brains work. It's so true. Because we won't let it go either. Like when we get on a whole,

and then everyone has that friend that's really good at it. Like just like impeccable skills. Yeah, I've a friend like that my friend very she'll find I'd say say one thing to her and just on me a whole chain of things from like court documents and stuff I was like how did you get court documents this person had like a speeding ticket and like 12 years ago like she went deep she goes deep. I don't know Like would you like Alexis Lexus, Nexus account? Do you remember those? You like pay for them? It's like a lawyer's use.

Is that still a thing? I know and you could really go. Yeah, you could do it. My one of my really good friends, her dad is like FBR, something with investigation. She can pull up your phone. So you are like looking, whatever you're doing on your phone,

we can watch you on your phone. She has S software. She is not the software, I don't know, it's whatever hack it is that investigators do. You can do that. So what happened was, she, her ex sent her like, oh, I got flowers from some other girl on Valentine's Day.

And she's like, why are you sending me these flowers? And she wanted to know who it was from. So she zoomed in onto like the letter of the card and like research this whole thing and she knew someone at the flower company. I like they told her who it was. She has her address. Everything.

Recently? Yeah. That's what happened. So she's going to go to the girls house or why? I just wanted to know who the girl was. Yeah, we want to know what she is with. So he was trying to make her job. That is such a good story. He was trying to make her job. She he's with it. Oh, so he was trying to make her a child. That is such a good story.

Yeah, he was trying to make her, she's still with him. No, they're complete, they broke up probably November. And then he's like, look, I got flowers from my amp chat, which is so stupid. I don't know why they're Snapchatting. You guys cut the X on social media. I've been guilty of this. I'm trying not to do it like a max,

but really don't don't be snapping, but be interacting. Do at least 30 to 60 days without contact. Clean, great, clean, break. I was a little clean, and then I was unclean and non-clean with the break. I've done it all. I'm just telling you guys,

it's the best thing to just cut yourself off. It's like any other addiction. That was easier before. Well, before, you would never run into one. No, well, this is the same. I would book up a someone 20 years ago. You're like, okay, it was easier before. Well, before, you would never run into one. No, well, this is the same. I would book up a someone 20 years ago. You're like, okay, that we're done. And then maybe, maybe this is like in Sanford School by friends, they run into the guy somewhere

at a bar and they're like, how was it? Like, oh, your name didn't come out by some for two seconds. That's all you know that they were still alive. But you didn't know who they were dating, where they had for dinner last night, where they went on vacation, like how their life is the new friends they're making on Facebook or Instagram, then you could see that someone they're dating if you were going down that road I have for the next time. I'm like, oh, all these new women your friends with suddenly on Instagram.

It's very toxic. I have to say it's a very, I don't think it's helpful. It's not helpful. It's very addictive too. Because when you pop up your phone you're're like, oh, I wanna see. Or if you see something, then that triggers everything. That's right. Oh, but if you see something about your acts

or about anybody, yeah, it does trigger it. And I'm actually just, now it says, I'm really good. I've been keeping my phone outside my bedroom the last two nights. I'm so healthy. Yeah, I'm telling you guys, it's like getting that out of your bedroom. I don't know, maybe you guys are already really great at that,

but I do believe the bedroom should be for sleeping and for sex. And there's just, I don't know, the phone is, can be evil and beautiful. All right, we're going to take a quick break and we come back onto your calls. Okay, let's talk to Mark. He's 30 in Colorado and he says that he's married and he wants to give blow jobs to other men. Okay, hey Mark. Hi. Hi. Okay, so tell me. You're married to, yeah, tell everything.

Yeah, long story. I'll try to make it as brief as possible. When I was in high school, I had a very good friend of mine. And we began talking about girls and things as all high school boys do. One night, we helped each other masturbate. And it was fun. And one of our things was we wanted to have sex, but we didn't want to get girls pregnant or get involved with STDs or anything. So we just looked at it as helping each other out. And one thing led to another, not long after that, we began giving each other blow jobs. Okay. And it was purely, I mean, in all honesty, the way I saw it, I'm pretty sure the way

he saw it, it was purely just helping each other out, helping each other get off. Right, okay. Basically, I don't have gay desires, I have no desire for anal or even kissing a man kind of turns me off, but I will tell you, and I'm pretty nervous, sorry. That's okay, no, yeah. I will tell you, I'm married man of 13 years and I'm happily married. I love my wife. I have two beautiful children. And but I still I really enjoyed giving a blow job. But I don't know what to do about. Right. So, okay. So, it's so, yeah. My wife knows, my wife knows about it. I've talked

to her about it. I've been very open. And she, you know, she's not into threesome. Okay. We have some religious beliefs and things, but I just don't know how to fulfill that desire. Right. Okay. So here's my so this makes thank you Mark for opening up and sharing this to me. And so a lot of times what happens is like that was like probably a really early

sexual memory for you. So you've sort of we get locked into those things, those images, those things that happened early on. And so it was kind of very erotic. It was like forbidden. It was a lot of things. So now 20 years later, 25, your 38, so how old were you when that was 20 years ago, maybe? Probably 16, so. Okay. Yeah. And so, and so I understand why that would be, you know, something that would still kind of hold a lot of erotic charge for you. And so if I, I think that there might be other, I think that there could be other ways that you could possibly create.

I love that you've been so honest with your wife, but you could kind of perhaps recreate the scenarios with her. Like if there was like a phallic toy you could use her, she was wearing like a strap on and it had like a dildo on the end of it. Like I wonder if just doing that would kind of quench this. She gets weirded out. I think she gets weirded out. She doesn't want to see any of it. We've tried like fantasizing and different things. And just, you know, we've talked about it during sex. Right. We've talked about, you know, what wouldn't it be fun to have another man in the bed?

You've tried all that. Yeah, that's what I would tell you. We both do the most of them a blow job, things of that nature. But I think she just gets weirded out. And I don't know. Has it gotten more intense for you, Mark? Like over the last few years, like is it, are you thinking about it more of you

like 20, 16 years, you just keep thinking about it? It's always been intense. I mean, I think about it. I think about all the time I fantasized about it. I masturbate about it. I mean, I've thought about it ever since. Ever since then. Yeah, okay.

And that was, and do you know what that was? It's always been something fun for me. I'd be honest with you, it's actually turned me off from female oral sex, which is weird, but like I don't enjoy female oral sex as much as I enjoy giving a blowjob. I just wonder if something, how old were you in this happened when you did this with your friend? I was about 16 or 17. Okay.

I'm just wondering if there was something here. I don't know that was healthy. Like you were under age and your friend. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like the way you've eroticized it has kind of gotten trapped into your, you call like our core erotic themes, like these initial things that we find erotic. And so, but go on both sides or with you,

I'm kind of thinking like, should this maybe be something that you, my partner is like, okay, if you want to find a guy, you could do this with, that you could go do that, if she's, your wife's cool with it, but I'm just not sure that was gonna be enough to set it because you have no other tendencies to be with a man. Like you're being, you know, you don't want to know.

I really, I honestly don't. I know I hear you. It turns me off, seeing men like together kissing and stuff like that, which is, I think it's very odd, personally, even. You know, I've thought about counseling and things, but I just, That's what I was thinking.

Like I mean, like there could be, because was anything about it, I don't think you probably won't remember this, but there was nothing traumatic about it for you. Like, I mean, like, there could be, because was anything about it, I won't remember this, but there was nothing traumatic about it for you. Like, it was your family, like, just no one ever caught you, nothing ever. Okay. No, it was amazing. I loved every minute of it.

But you never wanted to after that, you met your wife after that. And what did you love about it? What did you love about it? What did you love about it? What did I love about it? Yeah. I don't know. It's just, it's, it love about it? Yeah. I don't know.

It's clean. I enjoyed. Well, I mean, as far as what I like about, let me put it this way, what I like about it in relation to giving a woman oral sex is that it is, I guess, when I give a woman oral sex, it's very messy. It's just wet everywhere. And it's very, I don't know, there's things, there's mucus and all this other stuff that, you know, comes out of the vagina. Right. Yeah, that's true. There's not that when you're giving oral sex to a man.

It's just the penis until he ejaculates. Yeah, I mean, yeah, okay. So I'm wondering, is how is your sex life with your wife? Cause I'm thinking that, okay, you've two choices or three choices. You could go to talk to someone about this and just kind of figure out like a marriage count, like a sex therapist, which I would love,

like would be my ideal thing for you to go see one, is one thing. The other thing is, I think that you and your wife could kind of work on something in your own sex life right now that maybe because it's whole thing about mucus and the vagina, like none of that, it can get messy and wet, it's not mucus, it's just, you know, it's just the vagina,

it can get a little wet, that's true. But I'm wondering if there's, is she open to exploring your sex life together? Because I think that there's a part of your brain that's linked up to this experience 20 years ago. And that you kind of need something with your wife that can kind of replace that perhaps and just try next level,

because it's telling you it was a taboo. It was something unknown. I don't think it's about the penis versus the vagina. It's still it's still it. It's still taboo. It was something unknown. Like I don't think it's about the penis versus the vagina. It's still it's still it's still taboo. So what can you do with your wife? Like is there stuff that you guys like, I would love you guys to go see a sex therapist together. Like I would love her a therapist to walk through

some things with you that would turn you both and I get it you come from religious backgrounds, all those things. If you can put that aside, because you guys are young, you've got two kids, you've got the whole thing going for you. And that's, I recommend that you actually prioritize this this year and like figure out what you guys, because she might be like, Oh, no, my sex is fine or I have an orgasm, but we don't realize that there's so many more avenues to

explore when it comes to sex. Like it's expensive, all the pleasure and all the things we can have. So I would say that you turn this energy that you're putting towards this outwardly thing that we remember from 20 years ago, which might not be as pleasurable as you think. That was your best friend. It was a young, clean, 17-old penis, like things change. So I just feel like if we could turn this eroticism and have your wife come on board with it

and create something new together that maybe is a little taboo. I just feel like that's what it is. You're looking for something different for Bidding and I don't know. I don't know how to say you should successfully go after a little taboo. I just feel like that's what is. You're looking for something different for Bidden and I don't know. I don't know how to say you should successfully go after penis right now. So that's very nice. I hadn't thought of it that way.

Thank you. Cool. You're so welcome. Thanks, Mark. Let me know what goes. But I would find someone great in Colorado to talk to both of you. Okay. Let's talk to Mary. She's 19 in Texas and she says that her boyfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore.

Hey Mary, how can I help you? Hi Emily. Um, so I went on a cruise for like the first week of the year. And like my boyfriend and I were having sex like I called before. I don't know if you realize that it was like me um and like we were having great sex and then like I went on a cruise and then I came back like like we were talking about having sex like the whole time I was gone like we were flirting and then like I came back and Like he was just not in the mood. I was like okay, maybe not tonight And then like he wasn't in the mood again like the next night or the night after that or like any night sense then. Okay.

Okay. And I talked to him and I was like so like am I doing something wrong? Like what can we do like to have sex again? And he was like I'm just don't feel confident in my body and I was like well like all the great stuff like I love your body I love you like she hasn't gained weight, like nothing has changed about him, so I don't know why. That's so interesting. Well, because yeah, men have insecurities and bad things for sure with their, you know, with their bodies, like leaving their clothes on, that that's for sure, but that's really

interesting to me. Is everything else okay in your relationship, like when you're hanging out, is he like, like I love you, things are greater, is there other kind of distance that other things changed? Um, everything else is the same. I mean, she got me a puppy for my birthday. Um, so like, was it your birthday just now? Um, my birthday was January 7th. Okay, happy birthday. That's amazing.

Thank you. Okay, so, okay, so he got, this is interesting to me so body and securities did everything ever happen with his penis like did he come too quickly or was there ever any? How was your sex life before I mean, there was another thing wrong like it was I Used to say and then we talked oh, we talked Mary. I thought this was you you were 18 though when you called in but yes You had never missed you didn't have orgasm. I knew that was you. I was like wait Mary 18 19. Yes, Mary You called in at the first week You called in like the first week of the show like in November

I told you remember and you had never you were faking it and then you told them you're not faking it and now you're having orgasms But this is just so to me like that's such a occasion of 19 years old it's like you're gone for a week you I would think you'd be having sex the whole time so do you know if anything like does you watch porn do you think anything else could have happened do any suspicions? I really don't like he's a lot I know he's not cheating because he's super faithful and then like is I don't know like nothing has changed like he's the same person. It's the same relationship like I was talking to his friends like not like well my boyfriend and I are and having sex anymore Do you know why but I was like you did anything?

Hatshim like yeah, I'm just it's really interesting to me like I always want him to call in because I'm like I understand insecurities, but you said he has not like he's getting tonn away. Nothing happened. I don't, you guys still like making out and doing other things because sex isn't just intercourse. It's not like, I guess like hot and heavy making out, but like he's so kids.

Yeah, I don't know, that's it. Did he say there was gonna be an end to this? Was he like, I'm working on it? Cause here's my thing. It's okay to take some time off from sex if you're not feeling great, but when you're in a relationship, you kinda say like, he needs to give you more information. Like, let's say he does a body image.

Let's say there is something going on. He'd be like, well, I'm just gonna take this week. I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna meditate more. I'm gonna get back to myself again. And like next week, I'm gonna feel better. Like in a week gonna meditate more, I'm gonna get back to myself again, and like next week I'm gonna feel better, like in a week from now, or be patient with me.

So he actually, I could guess a million things right now, but Mary, he owes you, as your boyfriend, a little bit more here, and to let you in, to whatever it really is. Because, yeah, he really does. Like, I mean, I mean, I don't know, I get the insecurities about bodies and stuff, but I just feel like letting, you know,

again, like letting them know that you think he's really sexy and hot and all these things, but still, he needs to tell you a little bit more about what the plan is. Because this stuff doesn't match. He's not gonna like wake up next week, maybe he'll feel better unless he even knows what to do about it.

I just want to know if something else has happened. So yeah, or just what the explanation is. Because I don't know what else, yeah. And then let me know, because you know I'm here for you. OK, thank you. OK, thanks Mary. Thanks for context, Emily.

Let's talk to Dallas. She's 45 in Texas and says her boyfriend wants to try anal, but she's a little scared. Hey, Dallas, thanks for calling. Laura, thank you. Of course, I hear you. anal can be a little scary if you never done it. It is, I hear you. Ainal can be a little scary. He never done it.

It is, I get it. No. Everyone wants nobody else. Tell me what's going on. Have you ever done it? No. Okay. I mean, I should, I take that back.

It has been played with and never penetrated. I should. Okay. Because I guess at that point, I almost tense up because it's like, I don't... Yeah, no, no, no, it's a no-go zone. You're like, that's for exiting, not for entering. That's how we are. That's how we all react.

Exactly. Yeah. So what happens is, okay, so I can give you some tips about, like, how to do it because I get why your nerves are scared. Because we all, like, it just, um, we naturally tense up. And so that's why a lot of people, I thought you were going to say once, because what happens for a lot of people, they, like, this first time anal story, that was really bad because they did it wrong.

Their partner wasn't prepared. Like, they went in the wrong hole. There was no loop. There was no arm up and second. And second and yes anal can be very painful which is why has this scary can be but if you do it right and I would say if you interested Dallas and doing it if you if I give you some tips here I mean I actually am okay cool it's like I'm not again you know I'm not totally against it. It's like I just want to be prepared for it and know what I need to expect, know what

I need to do where I don't have to think like, okay, you've got to make sure you do this. You've got to make sure you do this. I don't enjoy it because I'm making sure of everything else. Okay, so here's your checklist, ready? Number one, you wanna make sure, here's a thing. You don't need an end of luck, it's your probably concern, you're gonna poop, I'm sure people always wonder like, what's gonna happen?

So you don't need, just make sure that you, you know your natural cycle, what's it called? Your natural elimination cycle. I was like, like, you know when you go to the bathroom or not, you just make sure you to let her meal, right? You know, you're empty beforehand. If you've packed, if you've passed regular bowls, what I'm trying to say, you could,

if you, so that's not something nothing to worry about if you know that you've already gone to the bathroom that day, okay? But it could help to shower beforehand if you want to feel cleaner. So that's number one. The other thing is that you don't have to Dallas just jump right into it.

You can let him know, like, I'm interested, but let's play with just some touch so he could use his finger. You could use some lube and just start playing with that area, your butt, because it feels like there's a lot of nerve endings in the opening and just see if you like it. So you want him to go slow, use a lot of lube, and you make if you like it. So you want them to like go slow, use a lot of loob and you make sure you keep breathing. Like those are my best tips. Have them start first, maybe with a finger or if you're ready to get into it, it helps to be really aroused first. So you want to be turned on. Maybe you have sex first, you have an orgasm, he goes down in you because then

you're just more turned on and more open. And then when it comes to the anal, you wanna make sure that you breathe. So when you make sure that you breathe, you can't be tensing up, right? So like, you can't be tensing up those muscles when you're afraid that he's entering. So it's tensing those, make sure that you're breathing and use a lot of lube and go slow. Those are my tips, Dallas.

Okay. What do you think? Okay. Oh, what do you think? Okay. I mean, like I said, I've been, I'm open to it and it's just a matter of, you know, I want to make sure because I'm sure it can be absolutely totally enjoyable. Right. Uh-huh. So here's the thing for a lot of women it is enjoyable and for some women it's not

enjoyable. Like for some women they're like, yeah, I've tried it a bunch, but for a lot of women they just say it's not because it probably they haven't given it the good old college try. They didn't do it right or like they didn't have a partner knew what they were doing. So don't have expectations going in. Just I think the best thing to do Dallas is to go in with like, I'm going to listen to what I'm we said.

I'm going to breathe a lot. I'm going to have a vat of blue by the bed and I'm going to tell my partner that, you know, I'm nervous or let's just go slow. And that's it. You might love it. It might feel great. You might feel like it's uncomfortable. So, but some women do have a ton of pleasure because, first of all, all the nerve endings, but also there's indirect stimulation to the G spot for some women to name orgasms that

way. Well, and that's what I was going to say. It's like, is there a possibility, I mean, can you orgasm that way? You can orgasm that way. Yes, women orgasm that way, or the orgasm, and then they're having like a clinical orgasm as well at the same time.

But for some women, absolutely, they, it's indirect stimulation to the G spot through like a thin membrane. So when the penis is going inside, it's like could be knock, knock, knock, and against your G spot through like a thin membrane. So when the penis is going inside, it's like could be not, not, not gonna get into your G spot through that thin wall. And that could feel great. Yeah, or you just might like the sensation

of something new and different and then you could also like a vibrate on your clitoris. So just play around with it. But all you have to do is make sure that you breathe and you communicate and that you don't have to worry about anything else. Okay. Okay. Okay.

If you have any more questions, let me know. You're so welcome, Dallas. Let me know how it goes. Can't wait to hear. Um, I have for you. All right, guys, thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed the show. So fun.

We love hearing from you. Thanks for supporting the show and thank you to my incredible team. Can Michelle producer Jamie and Michael. Hey, was it good for you? Emo, a feedback at sexwiththeemily.com.