Sex With Emily - Your Freaky Sex Survival Guide

Episode Date: November 1, 2014

 In honor of Halloween, this show is all about those freaky sex situations you may find yourself in, from unusual kinky sex requests to inappropriate dirty talk to the unwelcome wandering backdoor finger. Emily the Orgasm Fairy, armed with her Magic Wand, provides guidance to help you survive even the scariest sexual mishaps! She and Anderson swap spooky sex stories, share a few unusual euphemisms for lady parts and discuss some unsettling Sex in the News. Plus, tips to help you recover from awkward sex injuries and the worst masturbation mishap you’re probably ever heard. Listen at your own risk! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, welcome to this episode of Sex with Emily. Tonight's show is an honor of Halloween. And we're talking about some of the scariest freaky situations you might find yourself in and what to do about them. But first, I gotta tell you, I love my no-no pro. You've heard me talk about it recently. I'm actually going to Mexico to my out, so I even love it more. Because it is the only way I've tried everything. Waxing, I've tried threading, I've tried everything.

It's the only way to remove unwanted hair with no pain, zero pain. I just said the cow just hit a home wherever I am and it's a long lasting and it's for men too. You know that hair in your back or your neck, you're like, what do I do? How do I get rid of it? Legs, arms, face, no matter where you want to use it, you can use it weeks of long lasting results. Go to nonoEmily.com.

That's NoNoEmily.com. Plus, you get 100% 60-day money back care and tea. And you probably won't return it because you're going to friggin' love it like I do. And when you purchase it, you also get a $50 gift card to an award-winning skincare line. Go to NoNoEmily.com. I Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our sacred institutions

Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn You got a boyfriend because my man E here. He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair stand. Oh my the women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. Because sexwithemily.com is where you're going to find all of our podcasts, you're going to sign up for our mailing list because I give a really good email. I don't know if we're at what I do.

And you can also subscribe because we do two shows a week. And you can get them on iTunes, which is so easy. Let's show right up there in your iTunes, wherever you want to listen. So thanks everyone for doing that, and follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, all at Sucks with Emily. And I'm here with Anderson. Happy almost Halloween, Anderson.

I am. I am. How are you? I'm good, how are you? So, okay, we're streaming live now. So every Thursday night, this is a new thing. I love the sound effects. The song is called Halloween by John Carpenter.

All right, any time. John Carpenter? Not really, but okay, so 839.30, Pacific Standard Time, every Thursday night. If you go to sexwithelme.com, you can actually watch our Thursday night show and listen and streaming and you can also call in 1 in 100 hundred love one I won if you got a question so that is a pretty friggin exciting and I want to say everyone can come over and see your

your slutty costume I'm wearing a slutty costume I am a I'm a orgasm fairy are you really wearing a costume I was making a joke no I really am wearing costume but I didn't really put it's hard to wear the tiara. Okay, so does that complete the costume? No, I've got a tiara, okay. Everyone should go to my website, you should go to sexlamy.com or my Instagram, which is sexlamy, and you can see the pictures of me being an orgasm fairy because I have a tutu and I have a, my magic wand, my vibrator is my magic wand.

And I'm gonna be sprinkling samples of loot everywhere for people. Were you doing it at your office today? Yes. I'm picturing just like a trail of people slipping and sliding and falling behind you. I wasn't a loot-brestling match wand, so it's not a bad idea to recreate that.

Yeah, no, I just got dressed for you. I like it. And everyone who's watching. And everyone's watching but the t-are a thing which i love we can imagine you can imagine it okay so here's a thing about halloween you know it's like the one night of the air that every woman's like oh i can just really sluddy

and then they like i can just like it all the sexy ways that i want to and i'm gonna feel really you know how i'm gonna wear like fishnets and do i need crazy things and i just understand why it's, because women are like, oh, I can't be judged. You know, I can adopt another personality. And like, meet a lot of women are judged by men and women. Any other time of year, if they dress like

super slutty or sexy, they're worried they won't be respected. Right? Like they're like, oh, if I came to work as an orgasm fair, okay, well, okay, this side of the exam. I'll, okay, but if you came to work as an orgasm fair, okay, well, okay, this I'm not example. Right, you. Okay, but if you came to work, okay, who else is a good example? Anyone came to work as an orgasm factory. Terror.

I'm glad you brought terror, phatic up. We'll get to that in a moment. She was supposed to be our guest tonight, but she's actually here in spirit. We're going to show you that in a minute. They break themselves because, you know, they break themselves in others due because they're dressed up sexy and they're provocative, but I feel like a lot of that is just slut-shaming and people are thinking like God women are so slutty And here's the thing women feel so great on that day and men love it And I don't understand why it's the only day of the year

I'm not saying we should all walk around and costumes, although that's what happens in San Francisco practically every day There's every weekend. There's that costume thing But why not wear something that makes you feel sexy all the time, but whether it's lingerie and whether it's, you know, just whatever it is that makes you feel sexy, because as I always say, one of the biggest killers of women's sex drive is that they don't feel sexy.

So why are they waiting for this one day of the year or that I'm gonna go all out, but otherwise, you know, I'm just gonna wear my button up soon, you know? And I think that women should choose to embrace their own sexiness right now. And here's another thing, I always talk about role-playing, being something that couples can do. And people laugh, like, oh yeah, like, you know, if my girlfriend came over and she'd arrest me as a sexy cop, I'd laugh in her face. But here's the thing, your sex life gets a little, you know, it gets stale after awhile. Your relationship for a while you live together, sex becomes kind of routine. So I constantly suggest things on the show that you can do to spice it up.

And I've done shows on role playing in the past, but this really made me think about the fact that it's, I wanted to explain a little more to sure you might giggle at first but if you can really get into another role and pretend that you're someone else so whatever scenario I don't care if you do the doctor nurse the schoolgirl getting a spanking from whatever turns you on you meet at a bar your partner is your the stranger it's kind of like having a one-night stand all over again if you can get into that mindset Because we were little we used to play imagination, right? We do met didn't you play imagination? Are you do things to your imagination? What yeah, I know but you're talking about role-playing and sex No, no, no, what I'm saying is people think oh, I can't look at my partner like a slutty nurse because it's my wife

For whatever, but if you get over that part of thinking that it's so silly and you get into it, like we know in Halloween, you dress up as a costume, you sometimes used to get into it. You go with it. Yeah, you actually become the part. You become the part. You have to act or say that a lot too. It's like I, it's something that put on the mustache. You have to say it.

I became that character. Right. So if you put on your sexy outfit that make, or whatever it is that makes you feel sexy, it could be a crayon. When I was in college, I wore a crayon when I were paying for that I was read I literally wore a cone on my head it was not hot at all I was a crann but if that that didn't make me feel sexy because people weren't very solid it was like you're right it's like a premonition for things to come it was foreshadowing but whatever it is couples get together and try it. And

for one night, women love dressing up. A lot of them. Men like, isn't it fun when you're wife dress up so you won't tell me anything about your relationship? I know. But guys go crazy for it. Women like it. And I'm just saying, role playing is kind of fun thing to do. It doesn't have to be a whole, you have to plan it all out. You can just put on whatever it is. It makes you feel sexy. And when your partner comes home, you can talk about it and pretend he's a stranger like breaking into your house and then have sex. Breaking in. Whatever it is like pizza.

Worst case scenario, though, as you set it all up and then he's late and there actually is a breaking. And you think it's just your husband like, you know, playing a part, that's bad times. That is bad times. It's like a movie or something. There'd be a lot of things that have to fall in place for that kind of thing. Exactly. Like what are the chances that's going to happen, right? But anyway, roleplay,

I've done it. It's kind of fun when you want to get over the weirdness. What was your roleplay? Would you do? I've done like the, I've done like the, you know, slutty school girl. Nothing too original. I'm trying to think. I was bad. I was a bad girl. I spanked my ass. Four plus three is nine. I got that wrong. I've done everything. I mean, even just in talk I've like done the talking role playing. I can see that you're a very creative type and I am a creative type and sex is The one thing like we've got to get creative everyone to say creative because it's boring after what are you going to West Hollywood for Halloween? I'm going to Mexico. Oh, that's right. It's good thing because if you dress up like an orgasm fairy There's a lot of competition in this course. I know I know a lot of orgasm

Fairies. Is that wrong? Is that homophobic to say what orgasm fairies? Because there's a lot of parties. Yeah, it's fine. L.A. But I've been with California people don't care. No, are you going to West Hollywood? I don't know. I'm trying to talk my mom out of going because she's supposed to be going. She ever going to last year Yeah, she loved it. Really? It's kind of a fun thing. It's like I used to go to the Castro in San Francisco You do it once or twice. I went fun thing. It's like I used to go to the Castro and San Francisco. You do it once or twice. I went one year. There's nowhere to pee.

There is nowhere to pee. What you're due, you can pee on the wall. You can pee anywhere. Yeah, I know, but as soon as I was on the pants, I'm afraid that I'm just kidding. You can get arrested. I'm just kidding. Yeah.

I never know where to put that thing. No, I'm afraid that I'm, I'm merely going to start getting oral from some random guy. I know, in my cell, I would. Yeah, and then I'd be cheating. I don't want that to happen. Another dumb homophobic thing that I said, sorry. OK, it's OK.

People won't be that offended. OK, so here's the other thing I have to talk about. Speaking of West Hollywood. We hoe. We hoe I am doing an event called Beyond the Bedroom at the Body Well in West Hollywood, November 5th at 7.30 p.m. with Connor Habib and Chris Don Hue. He's a doctor.

Connor is a male porn star genius writer and it's all about what your dad would say. It's kind of funny. I know and he's hot. What your doctor can't and won't tell you about sex. So tell about what it means to be sexually healthy outside the bedroom and it's like donations of like $10, $20. And yeah, you can check it out on my website or I don't know where else. It's on my website now I think. Also, I'm giving way tickets to the sexual health expo because

it's going to be really fun. It's two days, January 17th and 18th in Los Angeles, only conference of his kind. It is two days of sex education, but that sounds so boring. It's like my show, but fun. Like sex education. Like if I said my show is about sex education, only you'd like really rise, but I think it's entertaining. I'd like to think I'm entertaining. And these are some of the top sex educators in the world, workshops for two days. Parties, award show, the latest and greatest toys. I'm giving away 25 tickets. And if you want to take ticket, email me feedback at sexwithelm.com and tell me why you want to go. Sex education for adults.

When you think sex education, you think of like, you know, your fat math teacher who has to give you like a little lecture on the birds and the bees because she's mandated by law, you know what I mean? Oh, totally. But this is sex education by sex people. Exactly. For adults. And I'm interested in that you brought that up because actually what we're going to

get into in a moment because I have actually something very, very depressing to tell you about sex education in America. But this show is gonna be about those freaky weird situations that you get into sexually and you don't know quite what to do about them and we'll also be reading your emails. Because I love hearing from you at feedback at sexwithme.com and we really are gonna get better at it

because a lot of times we read people's emails and we haven't always been great at letting them know that we read them because But now we have a system so you'll actually know the episode that we read them. I mean, I'm assuming that you all listen to every single episode But if you don't we're gonna email you and say hey buddy I answered your question about your small penis or your large penis as it were. So here's this abysmal thing, ready? Get ready to be horrified at what schools are telling kids about sex. Stalks. Millions of kids are sitting classrooms this school year where they could be taught

in accuracies about HIV and sex. It's clear we're doing it wrong. I don't know about you, but I think we owe the kids to tell them the truth. So here's the thing, they can only teach abstence. There's, if you look at this map in, in the world, it's in America, it shows it like only, like, it's only probably about five, six or seven states. Actually, it's mandatory. The other states, it's like abstinence. They can't talk about masturbation. I mean, it's abysmal. it really is that kids are learning nothing and all they're learning is abstinence for so stupid. They're not learning about masturbation which I wish

all I needed was five minutes on masturbation and I would have masturbated way earlier because it didn't occur to me. And if you talk it to me, it does not compute it. How did I not know it just didn't occur to me? I think you like slip like on the edge of the bed one night I wish I was one of those girls like those girls were like I rode my bike and I had orgasm I was climbing the rope in the gym never had did you climb ropes and ride bikes? I did everything I would think that like I don't horse it or you're putting on the crayon, you know, you might put it on right upside down I didn't know about masturbation. So it's really scary and the scariest part is that so many kids are learning through porn and they're thinking, oh, that's how I should do it.

I should spank her ass, having her sacks and hopefully she'll score it on my face. Or he'll score it on her. Whatever it is. And all girls love the jackhammer. Yeah. And they don't love the jackhammer. And it's also just so many men lately, it's funny, have told me that are in their like 30s and 40s, dating 20s and and things and they've said to me several of them

It's funny all these girls I date they kind of sucks like porn stars They're acting like porn stars, but I don't really believe it. It's like they're making the noises and the moving like that But you know that women and their 20s a lot of them unless you listen to my show don't really know what feels good to them So they're all have it because that's how everyone's learning. Yeah, this is a really scary point that you're bringing up, which is like, they're going to learn from these horrific, horrific images and videos. Because they won't teach it in schools. You got to see these maps.

You know what? I'm going to put this on my website because you can't imagine. It breaks it down by like, which states will let you talk about HIV, which ones won't, which states only abstinence. And it's remember when Joyce and elders was fired because she mentioned masturbation like the chemistry. Yeah, she was the, the surgeon general. So like maybe a few weeks.

And when ever I have masturbation episodes that say masturbation on iTunes, iTunes, iTunes like blocks it out. It's like, M star, star, like it's like a bad word. Now to play devil's advocate, even if they did teach it in school, I know that like, you know, 12-year-old Anderson would choose to learn from the porn. I'd rather see James Dean teach me about porn and, you know,

Peter Patrick, then say, Mrs. LaBarrif, my fourth grade math teacher. You know what I mean? I'm going to probably pick the porn anyways, but there should be a choice at least. Well, you can use the porn to like jack off and stuff, but that's not how you should be learning. There's such a better way to do it. I feel like I wanna create, and this is-

It should be it. You should go. No, I wanna do, of course. Of course I wanna go to college campuses, so if anyone wants to support me in that, I should start like a Kickstarter campaign. No, I think you should start like grade six. Yeah, that's exactly what.

Absolutely. People are so confused, you know. So anyway, and talk to kids, talk to your kids about sex parents, I don't know what the hell to do. So the whole thing's amassed. But besides that, also I wanted to tell you that, that's the one to tell you. OK, so that was the sex-new story that I kind of moved into.

But here's another one. Do you remember last week's show we talked about euphemisms for vagina that no one understands so I admitted it I admit it on the last show and it was really hard for me As a sex educator that I just don't like the word vagina. I don't like it like it just I don't like it and they're not like a better word for it. Do you like the word vagina? How's your vagina? A little clinical a little clinical But penis doesn't bother me. I just don't like the vagina.

There's certain words like moist. Like I don't like the word moist. There's nothing wrong with it. Moist vagina. I like the fact that your mouth has to be moist to be able to say moist. But here's some euphemisms. You can't say moist with a dry mouth. Moist.

Moist. Yeah. And some water. All right. So what? What? What are you going to call it? You're cookie? I'm going to tell you some what, what, what are you going to call it?

You're cookie? I'm going to tell you some new memisms and then we're going to vote. Me and you and the listeners. And if anyone's listening, you can call in and watching 1-800-1-1-1. We'll see how this goes. Oh, and also, if you miss this and you're listening to the podcast, because it's also a podcast, you can watch the video on our site. So this becomes a video podcast, which is very exciting.

Okay, ready? There are so many pet names for Regina. It's's it's often hard to know. I can't avoid it. It's often hard to know if a woman is talking about her vulva or her miniature, miniature poodle. Here are some other popular nicknames that confuse us every damn time. Okay, puny. Nope. Or my little pony enthusiast. Is it your private area or okay, Chachy, private area or 19-A's sitcom spin-off star? These are true muffin. I call my nieces my little muffins. Is that bad? Oh, that's real bad. If you're thinking that.

Well, I didn't know. Is the delicious baked good or is it your vagina? Or is it your nieces? I'm like my muffin top. I call them muffin tops. My worst. Okay, princess parts. Private area or Halloween costume accessories. Front bottom. Private area or oxymoron, four morons. Front bottom. Am I'm I'm missing something. Okay, Peep pod private area or salad bar offering Peep pod who says is woo woo like I think that parents I've heard of who ha that's not even on here What about gash? Oh, that's not

Yeah, worse than moist huh you would also hate what is Oprah say I hate what she said but yeah That freaking bothers me don't't say VJJ. I guess you just can't say vagina. And when I was in sex school, they were like, you have to say vulva. Because it's texting you. But that's not a no. No, it is. The vagina is a vulva.

I thought the vulva was the part of the vagina. No, it's the vulva and the vagina is part of the vulva. But no one says vulva. So when I say vulva and they get mad at me. Do you remember that? Oh, I have a really good sign for reference coming up in a minute. However, we can do another one when he was dating a girl that rhymed with a body part.

And he couldn't remember the body part. And he was guessing. He was guessing the whole show. And he's like, is it like Mova? Cause it rhymes with Vova. And then finally at the end, he's like, Dolores! That's a good one. It runs with Malorice.

Dolores, yeah. Oh, Clotores. That's a good one. Okay, then we got Vatva J.J. a canoe. Look for the little man of the canoe. Right, Anderson? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard that. But to talk about the vagina as a canoe.

And then a punani. Poonani. Poonani. Okay, I don't know how that is. I'll get three black to say punani. I'm over this. Yeah, okay. Am I getting in trouble?

Okay. Oh, listen to this one. Cookie. What about baby maker? That's really not good. Oh, no, that's a different, that's like, that's bad because so many people are pairing about getting pregnant all the time.

You didn't have pussy on there, you didn't have twat. Well, that's obvious. Okay. Okay, here's another thing. You know when people call seeming baby better? Have you heard that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's disgusting too. It's kind of spot on though.atter, have you heard that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's disgusting too.

That's kind of spot on though. Well, it is, but I don't want to hear it talking about like that. I'd rather say come. I want you babybatter in my face like that's gross. I want you to come in your face. It's pretty bad too. Yeah, but that's better than Babybatter. It brings the mood down. Change everything. Okay, man who met creepy woman online later found her stuck in his chimney. Oh, I heard about this. How crazy is this? So he was dating this woman and he went on six dates with her e-mater online. And we did talk about online dating last week, some tips. Yeah, obviously didn't listen. It got pretty creepy, pretty quickly. At around 5 a.m., he realized someone had tried to enter his home

through the chimney, but luckily, became stuck about eight feet from the top, which is a sand or something. The sand wanted to be, was actually someone the homeowner had gone on a few days or three recently. I wonder if a legal entry was part of her interests. So it's unclear what this woman's intention was, but the homeowner didn't appreciate it called 911 and It was a horror because she was actually stuck in there for two hours and they had to like take apart the entire chimney and

they rest at her and so basically the The point is all you people if you date someone online Don't first of all don't invite him in your house And don't tell me where you live after the first few dates. You really shouldn't. I don't think he's really come over. I know idiots that people are so dumb. Meet people on Tinder and just have him come to their house and pick him up. Yeah, I know people like you guys are idiots. Don't do that. You do the giver like two hours of time served since for time spent in the end.

How much they gave her? It says, I don't know. After we took the chimish, she was arrested for illegally entering a residence and providing false information to a peace officer. The victim gave a few words about the dangers of online dating. This is the best part. He said this is the victim. Before you have somebody come in your house, really check them out. Really give it some time before you let somebody in because they may want to stay. And then he looks at the camera and he's like, you're welcome. He's like, I'm so glad no one else is going to see this woman. He's like, you're welcome. Because it was on the news. I saw the news. How did he discover it? Did he like see her? He heard her in her, chimney or her feet visible?

No, she's like stop. I mean couldn't you like die like that wouldn't idiot? I mean if he really does like this woman he had every right in the world to just like unbeknownst to him I didn't know she was in there when I lit the fire. I left the room. She had a fire. Oh my you could kill her It's like a whole gives a whole new means that we're like driving by I'm just gonna drop by Jack 90s buddy I bet you would have no problem going down a chimney. You make it down. Oh, because my body is yeah You're quite small as that you make it into small little spaces that other people can't it's one of my skills But it's not chimneys. I don't want to go on chimneys

But I feel like you know what the lesson here is that people show you who they are And the issues you have on the third date, you'll likely have forever. And you might disagree with me, but think about the person you're with. And I'm not saying that you're going to break up with them. It's the person you married, perhaps, but whatever it was, it kind of bug me about this person, it's not going to go away. You could hear 30 years, but you knew it on the third date.

So this guy knew she was psychotic on the third day. And it says that you went on six dates with her actually. So he knew crazy, but guys like crazy. Um, so I just wish everyone dating like I wish that there was some kind of way they used to have these sites like bad boyfriend sites. So you hear this? They don't have them anymore. I don't know. They might. But it's like, yeah, for boyfriends or girlfriends and you could review what you know, he would be angry. And there's gonna be a lot of probably misinformation on there. Yeah, like all my ex-boyfriends would hate, no, I'm friends with them all,

but after the break up, they might be angry, you know, and say mean things. Yeah, they're bitter, they're scoring. People think of the manual. I just feel like we've all done so much dating and what's so wrong with like, talking, lining up all the person's access, it would save you so much time.

And just be like, really, like, tell me what the deal is with him. Her. That would actually be, why don't't why don't you stop talking about it? I know sorry Yeah, cuz it's too good idea. I don't take it. I know it's a brilliant idea Okay, we're gonna move into some spooky sex situations Anderson Have you ever had a spooky like when I think when I ask you about like a spooky freaky weird sex situation? Have you ever had a spooky, like when I think when I ask you about like a spooky

freaky weird sex situation, have you ever had one? Yeah, I've had a number. What happened? Okay, I was wearing a trench coat because that's what I did in eighth grade, right? Eighth grade spooky, okay. And this one girl, we don't name names. She had a boy's name though. Crazy as all hell. Sam. Nope, don't name names She had a boy's name though Crazy is all hell. Yeah, but Sam nope don't name names

Okay, and I was actually in a closet hiding from her we're at a party cuz Somebody's parents are out of town, you know, I like one of those and she was told that I was in the closet So she went in there was on top of my trench coats. I was trapped like I could not get up or out and She she she she my last time. Yeah, who do you mean she must have to do things? Oh, she did lots of stuff to me Yeah, and I was trying to get out by the time I got out there was white marks all over my name Sorry, where were where were you exactly I was in Airby oh no, she the air of you was the girl whose house it was okay, I was in her Closet hiding and I was drunk a little drunk. We're a little bit drunk

It's great. Yeah country and you're only a transco uh... now i was a train called close underneath the book that the trend go kind of like a cable fuck you up if you're uh... super hero for real like it'll get caught in the stuff that they talked about in the incredible and the trend go with acting like she was on top of it i couldn't get out of the street jacket almost and she was doing all sorts of stuff to my face and like

bite me and kissing and grabbing me and like putting her nipples in my mouth weird stuff weird stuff Yeah, and I didn't like this girl. Oh my god. She was kind of cute too, but she was I had lots of issues lots of problems So aggressive and eighth grade. Yeah, and almost turned me the other way. She was going down there and the weirdest thing I was turned off and turned off and scared yet still aroused which is more fucked up than anything I think that's really but when I got out everyone was laughing and I had like bite marks and like I actually blood on my neck. Oh, no, really? Yeah. And that was like cool for everyone thought I was cool for, but it freaked me out.

You could arrest her. Hmm. Do you tell anyone like in eighth grade you spread rumors like that? Yeah, a lot of people she didn't go to my school luckily, but I know she got kicked out so she could kind of my school She was a crazy bitch. She's like, yeah, okay, so that's your scary story. All right. I'm trying to think if I have my scary story It's funny because I didn't even pre-think of this It'll come to me as I go through these. I'm sure I have one for each category. So the first one is inappropriate or unusual dirty talk

What do you do in those situations? And here's my sign-filled reference number two. Do you remember this episode? Go on, go on. He's with this woman and she wants him to talk dirty and she doesn't really know what to do and this is the scene that they're like in it and she's like... The George Jerry. It's Jerry. And she's with this woman and he's like, she's like, talk dirty to me. He's like, what do you mean? She's like, I don't know, say something like. And she's with this woman and he's like, she's like, talk dirty to me. He's like, what do you mean? She's like, I don't know, say something.

Like, and he's straight to getting dressed. He's like, oh, your panties. Are those the panties that your mother laid out for you? And then she's like, ew, gross, why are you taking my mom? And she like ran out. So then the next day, like he endured her, the deli. And he's like, I just set the panties.

He's like, wow, would you say that your mother? What, no good. You can't bring the mother. You can endured or the dally and he's like I just set the panties like why would you say You're good. You can't bring the mother into anyone to talk about their mother when they're talking dirty So some dirty talk mistakes because I love dirty talk and I feel like a lot of people would like it if they got over their hump Corolla Adam Corolla. I was a good one by the way the hump Corolla like he was dating a girl once a story that he told back I'm love line way back in the day and she's like, you know, say something awful, say something bad to me. He's like, uh, your mother's a bitch. That's pretty fun. He said during sex. Yeah, because he was trying to, you know, say something bad.

Right. That's hilarious. And then did she get mad? Yeah, she didn't like that. That's the mother thing. You don't say that. That's that's funny. For Adam Kurole. Um, okay. So I'm trying to think of anyone ever said, no, I don't get offended. I'm pretty you are kind of on a fendible, huh? I kind of am on a fendible. I like that in you. That's good. You can be mad at me. You can call me crazy. Good, right? Okay, man. Thanks. Okay, so Dirty Tag Mustaches too much too soon. So if you go from zero to like down right nasty Yeah, those girls are creepy. No or guys, you know you guys are slow and don't quite a character like too much Swayering all that stuff. Yeah, you think girls you think girls do more

Escalade less escalation of dirty talk than men Just you had this bad experience a great. Well that wasn't dirty Well, I'm thinking of this one girl. She's like really meek and quiet and then as soon as like we kissed a little bit She's like turning this totally different person. I started going, I know baby, but it's right baby, kiss me again baby. She became somebody else. It's a good start. She probably heard that in a porn or something. So I'm not saying that you shouldn't talk dirty,

but the first time you risk someone kind of feeling out, some people might have some moral opposition do it or something. Also, being too vague, you don't want to be like, oh, that feels so good, oh, that feels so good. Oh, that feels so good. The key to dirty talk is you want to be descriptive. So you want to say something like, like, like, oh, that feels so good. And how does like your hands feel so hot on my ass, something like that? Isn't that much more better than much better?

Now, what if you weren't talking with the ass? What if you're talking about the front part? You mean the P pod? P pod doesn't work. You can't say P pod because P comes out of there so it's like it. No, what were the other words for it? How about Vajim? How about I want you to I want you to f my, P. No, I'm looking for the good one. I'm looking for a good one. My punani, punani, are my Vajayjay. That's not like a Hawaiian's answer or something.

Poonani. I know, it's bad. But people do mess up dirty talk. So you know I'm saying too much too soon, being too vague. The easiest thing to remember is just to be descriptive. And we've done shows on this before too. And do you all know that if you're like listening to this and you're like, I don't want this,

that I've got hundreds of episodes that you can just look for on iTunes and you're like, oh, I want to learn more about Dirty Talk. But also another thing is don't memorize lines from porn like you're chick did. Oh baby, oh baby. Like I know what you mean. I've been with guys where I'm like,

you probably call everyone baby. Or like you, like when you get prematurely bathed. It works, actually. If you're dating like two or three girls and you're afraid of using the wrong name. Oh, yeah. You know, you just call everyone, huh? Or babe? How soon do you babe them now? Like, how would you start? I never bathed. You can't babe them because you can't say babe. It's just like, yeah. Can you say honey? Honey, yeah. Sweetie. Thanks, darling. Hi, to girl. Like, I don't think I ever used her name like three years. I just always called her.

You need your name. No, I knew her name I just called her different things though, you know, like not her name. Yeah, I didn't like her name. What was I? Mova It's funny because I had this guy. I was going on a first date. I was set up with him and say I'm just going He rings my doorbell and I had like a speaker. You know who's there? He's like, hey babe. I'm downstairs and I was like I've never met you. I've never seen you. I was a blind date and he called you babe. He prematurely, way prematurely babe me.

I was already like, I'm over this date before it started. Maybe the poor guy, he's probably trying to be extra casual. He's probably really nervous and he's over-compensated. I do that all the time. Like guys have this nervous young thing they do, which is so obvious. You don't know it because you're a guy, but they're nervous around a girl.

They're like, he's so good. Like the nervous ones. It's funny. And then they prematurely baby. So don't do that. Don't memorize lines from porn. And yeah, first time in a insects, don't bust out all your dirty talk. Like I said, just take it slow. And also talking too much during sex, like too much dirty talk might be a distraction for someone. Like I would definitely be turned off it to right. And I'm trying to focus here or whatever, but a little bit of dirty talk. And there was a quote I read last week from someone, not the run Jeremy one, which was really interesting that he said that he he's given more women orgasms with his mouth than his

penis. But there was a quote last week about women having more orgasms when they're using Loub and they're having sex or guys like going down on my finger or something and they that I talk to her to them. She goes off like that climax. A lot of women do that. A lot of women. That's weird. Because we it's our brain. We want to hear the word. It's why I always eat a writer's. What words so because you guys all hate the P word, but I don't the put the Pussy the word but like that's really the only one that works Right, is it yeah pussy? Pussy's fine during the talk. No, okay. I think I mean, I okay. I think it's so bad that it's good

You know, I mean maybe I cuz just no other word really fits in there when you're actually doing dirty. Yeah, there's nothing. Oh, yeah I feel so good. I'm a giant. I don't save a giant Here's the pink parts Yeah, my my woo ha my hoo ha. What were some of these? Uh the puni. Oh, baby. I want to f your puni Okay, when I come back, I'm going to tell you the next creepy scary freaky weird thing that happens in bed and what to do about it But first it worked for my amazing sponsors if I Seem really really clear focused calm and sort of

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you know about, and get rid of all of it. Get rid of all of it. So you call them, they got friendly people, and they will help you out. So also, oh, oh Guess what's next So we were supposed to have Tara Patrick on the show tonight. She's a porn star But since Tara couldn't be here

She makes a flashlight of her vagina. She had to get it molded or what her sorry. It's her vagina, but So I ever right here On the mic look at her can you see that's uh her mouth is the wrong way no it's not and she's got it's like a sideways sign and this is what terror Patrick's vagina so she can't be here and actually this might be better than her being here because you actually get to see her vagina right you want to be able to see that she wasn't it she got some labs on her. She does. She's outer labs.

Those labs are flapping in the wind. What do you think about them? Those labs. I get worried with the labs sometimes. I feel I'm afraid I'm going to param. You know what I mean? Well, nothing wrong with labs. Maybe it's a lube kind of dries up.

Yeah. You can rip and tear off the labs. But there's a flashlight, everyone, of her ever, ever vagina. So, oh, she went off Mike. Sorry, Tara. Okay, get her ahead of my motorcycle. She's really quiet quiet too. I don't think she's much say I'm kidding. She's awesome So here's her here's a vagina. Here's a thing flashlight number one sex toy for men And it's probably the only one you want because you know women we've got so many

I love that we're on camera now because I'm like, okay, I've got the rabbit. I've got all these toys men Have one sex toy and you have your hand and I understand that that you're all saying, yeah, the hint feels great. What the hell do I do anything else? It's a pain in the ass. Well, what if I told you that you could use this masturbation sleeve like tarot Patrick, they can make an important star. Is that all of them are porn star progino's, but they can be. And it simulates the feeling of real sex.

So you actually feel like you're having sex and it can feel even better than sex. I don't know what kind of sex you're having, but that's what they say. It's a different experience. They have the stamina training unit by flashlight, which also helps you last longer in bed, body-safe materials, and every woman has a vibrator, so every man should have one of these. So here's a new deal for my listeners. Fleshlight, what would be a flashlight without a lube? They are throwing in their award-winning flesh lube, and if you go to my website, sexwithelm.com,

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Mm. Okay, back to. They have buttholes too. Oh, they do, oh, I was with my gay friend today. I'm only saying that because you're talking about buttholes and he wants to flashlight. So we looked up his favorite male gay porn star. And so I'm gonna get him one of those.

Oh, but you need buttholes for men too. Sorry, I'm Tara might have a butthole Oh, but you know they have buttholes for men too. Sorry, I'm Tara might have a butthole. I don't think they have buttholes for women. No, but for men if you're gay they have buttholes for you. I didn't know that I was gay, that I was gay. No, no, no. We got a bunch in here, like Roon was playing with them and. Roon would.

And that it was like a beer can and you take off the top. No, but women make, no, but a lot of. And producer and maybe put my finger in it It got stuck Well, that's why people like anal sex cuz tight but they do sell women's butts and they sell male butts Whatever you're gonna do, but it's funny that you said finger in my butt and we didn't even plan this Anderson Because guess what the next freaky scary spooky situation that could happen in bed that kind of freaks you out. No idea. Finger in the behind. What? Dude, you're so good. So, okay, lesson number one. Don't make any assumptions that anybody wants

anything in their behind. You just can't assume it. You just can't just stick your finger in there, okay? So just because your last partner really liked it, maybe you're young, even the one partner, doesn't mean that this partner is going to like it. So like I always say, you need permission. It's not the kind of thing where you do it in your ass for forgiveness. You actually really need permission. And you can just start to rub around that area.

Use it a lube. And then if she or he pushes your hand away or says, no, no, no, then you know they're not into the anal play But if they're like, mm, baby feels so good You can take your finger and maybe but don't just do it without asking because that could be freaky weird Has a woman ever stuck her finger in your butt and it was unexpected. I'm sure she has Anderson are you talking to me? No, no, that's never occurred.

Well, girls have flirted with the area and I do the swat away. Do you swat them? Do you swat or you just moustide over at the time? I just changed their positions. So their hands are no longer accessible. Another one speaking of the anus is accidental anal.

Have you ever done that to women? No, I'm way too large. Okay. But I think that it's kind of a small weiner phenomena, you know what I mean? Mmm. I've had it with a medium weiner and it was like... Actually, entered? Yeah, like for a second. Like, they don't, I mean, it wasn't on purpose. It was like, it looked truly accidental anal.

Like, we were drawn and mixed up the spots. And so, that's when the guys, you know, it's honest accident, it's out. So again, pull it out easily if you really wanna be in a sex. But yeah, guys, you confused down there. I don't know. I don't know how it happened. It was scary.

I remember the first time I ever touched a bottle. I was terrified. Really? Yeah, I was like, it was like, was it the flashlight? No, no, no, no, it was an actual bottle. I was like, really young and she was really attractive and she really ended everything.

And I was like fumbling around there, down there trying to like find vagina. I went too far and I was like, I'm like, I attractive and she really ended everything and I was like fumbling around there down there trying to like find Regina and I went too far and I was like I'm like I don't touch her bottle or right now and then I made up some excuse to add to get up and leave and No, but I can my finger actually touched her but hold I was just freaking out because I was it was just What she but did she my finger actually touched on other human beings but hold is just really weird That is weird did she jump or no she was like into it She was down to do more and I just I was like I'll share a little kid I know it's scary especially yeah the butthole just kind of shows up when

you know why do sometimes but let here's a thing okay that's just accidentally no that just happens that's not even like that's just one of these freaky things because in honor of Halloween that can happen about. Also, unusual kinky requests from your partner. So, for example, have you seen California case of the scene where David do companies with a woman she asked them to punch them in the face? And they're like, he's like, punch me. He's like, oh my god, okay, and then he punches her. Like, people are into some weird stuff that you might not be into. So, that can happen as well. Golden showers, bondage on the first date. These are all the things that I-

Carl from work. What? Having Carl over from work. What do you mean? Having like a third dude. Oh, three thumbs? Yeah. And the first date. Oh, first date stuff. I think I've heard it. No. Well, this is like, you're right. An unusual kicky request can happen. That was, I think I was thinking the other thing. I think it can happen anything. You don't want to force a threesome on anyone.

You don't want to force anything on anyone. Any kind of kinkiness, if you have a birthplace, or you're gonna ease in. You've got to ask permission. So there's also like bondage on the first date if someone wants to tie you up, you know, again. First day, I think you just kind of keep it kind of mellow. Even if you, I'm not saying you kind of amazing sex

And there's a lot of people who are in like the BDSM kinky world and then you're like okay green like go I this is what we do but if you're not so sure you should um, you know Take it slow especially the first time you don't want to freak anyone out and they might be into it But there's still everyone's other best behavior on first day not that Not that Kink is bad, but they're just having straight forward sex. So also, I had to deal with it. What do you do if this happens? Let them know you're not sure that I'm really ready for this yet.

But you'd be willing to try something maybe down the road or something that's less threatening to you right now if it doesn't. If he wants to pee on you like a golden shower, you might say. Spees first. We'll throw a sneeze in. You might say, um, I'd rather have you throw a class of Claude Warren, my face or a

Jack Lennon, my face. I don't know why. I don't know why. You may compromise. Sex, life, commitments, relationships, throw up, compromise. Because if you're like not, because a lot of times people could throw you things out of left feel and you're like, what? I don't know if I want to do this and you got to think about it.

What do you think of that of the one-sided fetishes? What do you mean the people who are... Well like I always remember this love line call we had a long time ago where a girl was she was in a relationship with this guy for a long long time and like it was the third date when he came out and put all his cards on the table and said hey look I'm in the diaper fetish. She was never into it but she dealt with it. She went ahead with it because she loved them and she just learned to deal.

So he always had to be wearing a diamond made sex. But she wasn't into it, but he was. Right. Yeah, there's a lot of that. That's not fair, right? No, I mean, if you love someone and you can kind of get over, like my friend dated like a cross-dressing sheep harder. Like he was like a sheep, he was like a man.

Like she was living rural place, but he was very masculine, but he wore women's panties. And she's so chill. She's like me. She's like, okay, whatever. Like she didn't judge it, but a lot of people would freak out by that. So I think it depends who you're with. Also, if you have a fetish, like a true fetish, by definition, a fetish, something that is required for you to.

You can't get off without it. for you to get off of it. You can't get off without it. Again, if you're with someone with an extreme fetish, you can't do it. You can never come around to it. It's not going to work. But if it's just someone who's like, oh, I kind of want to try spaking you. You could be like, well, maybe I'd like a little tap first or whatever. There's always ways to lessen it, so it's not so extreme.

Another tricky, scary, freaky weird thing that can happen, actually, is embarrassing moments. This is the drunk edition. Having you had weird drunk sex. Oh, I think that's what my accidental anal have and that we were drunk. Well, you said that, yeah. I avoided to that.

Okay, scary moment, if he's drunk, you can't get it up. What? I said that already. I'm repainting myself. I can't believe that he was capable of- It was the second, and I second. And I don't think he knew where you guys get really crazy. That night was a happy wine bottle before him. No, no, no, I don't remember. Actually, no, it was, it was a total mistake. It was like, we had even been together that long. Like we were be dating for like maybe like two a month or two. I bet you it's like 80% chance of. And he was so drunk that yeah, oh, no it really no 100% like he didn't even remember it.

For real, I know him like he till this day you wouldn't remember it. I don't think I even ever told him until now I should tell him we're still friends. He would laugh, but I'm like is he into this and I just like move, but anyway, it was bad experience. Okay, drunk sex though. Um, so sometimes a little people are like liquid courage, liquid courage. And you know that sometimes you drink it Like can help you last longer, but if you go over the line and you drink too much whiskey dick It's called whiskey dick for reasons right and then there's all these guys who are like whiskey dick and then taking vagra or

Don't get from the heart dude. Just stop with the you don't just lessen your mind about call It's not a big deal unless he's an alcoholic And then it always happens and that's a problem but every once in a while what are you laughing at? I'm just fixing the guy. I like to cut my whiskey with a little fire You don't know how many guys I know they're like Take drugs or do whatever and they're like out like partying. Oh, I've party with those guys And it's like they do blow all night They can't do it unless they get tons of booze. They like to cut their booze with the

coke. Yeah, and then they do the blue poll, the blue poll pill and they're like strong like boom. Yeah, I haven't hung out with those guys in a while. I miss them. No, it's you. Yeah, good time. So I would say it's not a big deal and if you can't get hard, just go to sleep and have amazing hangover sex in the morning. What is that like? Hangover. Do you know that a lot of men more than women have amazing hangover sex in the morning. Um, what is that like? Hangover sex. Do you know that a lot of men more than women really love hangover sex. It helps make them feel better to have sex.

Do you know you don't like having sex when you're hungover? I mean, I've been so hungover. We're like, I'm just desperate for out to get out of the hole and maybe I'll go out myself just to try and get at least some temporary pain. But I want to be able to do it with another person there. I don't think. No, you couldn't have sex with your wife when you're on over. Yeah.

She wouldn't allow it. First of all, like, you know, you smell like booze. Oh, I hate one guy. I smell like booze in the morning. That's the worst. Smell like an old homeless person. Get off. Yeah.

No, she's right. That's, it's kind of gross. So that's when you're drunk, that can happen. Okay. Also, you might not be able to, um, what else can happen when you're drunk? I guess just like, oh, women. Anything. We're trying to think what I've done.

I don't get that drunk enough for a reason. We're going to say women always turn in a lesbian's when they're drunk. No, no, no, no. Women are always lesbians. It's they're on the spectrum. And they just have the liquid curtain. They're not lesbians.

I'm not saying that every woman's a lesbian. I'm saying if you look at the Kinsey spectrum, it makes sense. You guys are the attractive of the two sex. They're more more open to it and a lot of women want to try it, but there's a lot of women are like, no, no, no way. But you get a little drunk, a little whatever. You might lose your inhibitions. Yeah, you lose your inhibitions, which is what, which is why people drink because you can like go ahead on that girl the bar, but then that time you're too drunk and she doesn't want to talk to you. So just like learn

to temper it out. Another drunk thing girls might do is I just thought of this call in love line. We had so many women and I had my best friend in college that she was giving a blowjob and she threw up on his penis. But it wasn't from the guy. No, it wasn't from the guy. It was like she was like drunk. Oh, she was just like, you know what?

Going up and down when you're drunk. And if you get the spins as well. I'm not doing it. Like, out of these spins. Okay, that's another thing. Okay, awkward sex injuries is the other one. Do you have any, do you have your red sex wounds sex wounds no but a very good friend of mine who probably wouldn't appreciate me saying it but he's already said it on our other

podcast he broke his arm fisting a girl broke his arm he had to have a cast come on uh yeah my carano we talked about it at a length on the after disaster he doesn't like to bring it up he's not coming in because we did the show last night Oh my god, he was he's a giver. Okay, so he was what the girls a long time ago. He was fisting her He was like up past his his wrist and she loved it So he kept going even though his arm was really hurting them and it was hurting worse and worse and worse But he kept going and then broke it broke it three days later

I was so hurt except me to the other thing like get to go with his hand. The best is that he had, no, it wasn't stuck in there. But the best is he had a, like, a full cast for, like, whatever was six weeks. And how do you tell people like, how do you break your arm? And sometimes he told him the truth. And sometimes he'd lie. But yeah, my, no, no one would believe him. Can we call him right now? Like, I really want to just get me.

Well, not, what he'll, he'll gladly go on the show and tell me. That is the most amazing thing. Like, I didn't even know you could, it must have just, you sure you know it'll gladly go on the show until we that is the most amazing thing like I didn't even know you could it he must have just you should broke it to the sprain it like you broken myself yet to get it dude did he break up with the girl to it wasn't like compound fracture anything but did he break up with her I mean eventually they're not together now oh my god I've never heard of anyone he has an actual girlfriend now so maybe he would not like to tell his story publicly I know if I had a similar story my wife would not be very pleased. I'm so over you guys with

girlfriends you won't talk about. I know. Let's just get rid of all of them for the sake of sex with that only. It helps. Content is king baby. Okay so um, Rugburn I had that in college like my friends were sex women like having sex on the carpet. Smaller your back. Yeah and my friends are taking pictures of it and laughing. That's what that we do. Okay. Penis entries. Girls that they're mouth, they can rip your have you heard this like they ripped their smimmer that open from the rip your skin down that will embrace it. Yeah. The friendly lump or even the tip and she ripped it all the way down. He says, I remember that I call these two piece two ways. Yes. It's not funny. Um, how to do it this? It's just an awkward

thing. And the best way to handle it is to laugh it off and all the stuff that happens, just don't take it too seriously. It means you have to go to the emergency room in which case you should take that seriously. But like weird things like that, you know, red burn, whatever, it's funny. You could fall off the bed. Have you ever fallen off the bed? Oh, yeah. And I had a friend whose wife, he was performing Earl's sex on her on the shower. And she had an orgasm and she fell over

and she hit her head on the shower and passed out in an agro house. She was like unconscious. Wow. It's quite orgasm. I got a tear when I heard. What? What?

But she had the orgasm. She had the orgasm and she passed out. It's like, the guy gets like, oh my god. Like leaving his feet to catch the ball and knowing that he's gonna get smashed in the head. She went in for the big hit. Yeah, amazing. Took it for the big O.

My friend told me this, it was his wife, I'm like, wow, it's really impressive. Like, in a way, I mean sad. But like, you must give a killer orgasm. You must be really good or sex. Okay, what's your story? It's not my hurt on a level. I was what, when I first began, but it's so awful that I still remember it. It's a good story, it's compelling, but it's hard to hear.

Okay. A kid called up and he liked to beat off in a very peculiar way. Right. He would take the plunger and he would suction cup it to the bottom of the tub. Okay. And then he would loo himself up there and he would kind of insert it into his bum while he was playing with himself. Right. The plunger. The plunger handle. Because it was like, you know, it was lodged onto the top. Got it. Okay. okay and he go right it up and down up and down while holding onto the shower curtain and uh... shower curtain gave and he he he punctured yeah he had to go to the emergency room how far did he go up lots of

like internal bleeding when that he called in he called in with it afterwards and explained the uh... the injury that is that's actually one of the worst things I've heard on one of the the injury that is that's actually one of the worst things I've heard on one of the most hardest things here that I've ever heard on love line and I wasn't even I know right It sticks with me like 12 years later. I still remember that is bad. Oh my god So careful with those plungers in the shower Men okay, I'm always saying that men will stick their penis is anywhere But they're butts too like they're always taking their penises and things and get stuck in her

But then in their a-ness as well She's every guy come on every guy a most guys okay, so like they're always taking their penises and things and then get stuck in her, but then in their anus as well. She's a pro. That's right. Every guy, come on. Every guy, most guys, okay. So, so if someone is too hurt, cause if someone's too hurt to continue,

you just apologize profusely and, you know, leave town immediately. No, I'm just kidding. What would you do, Anderson, if you accidentally hurt someone during sex, what would you do? I'd hurry up and finish and I take them to the hospital you like let me finish no stop whatever babe I'm about to come

here's a here's a not all you whatever you need to do right you just stop um so um Madison my my lovely Madison works for me she had an experience she was hooking up in the front seat of a car and actually kicked it guys windshield wipiper stick clean office steering wheel during oral whoops most of the good it's just like flew off like a broke off the front seat the car she kicked a guys windshield wiper stick clean up wow yeah but Madison she's sitting behind me did Madison come to can you she come talking to my yeah we got some questions for you yeah Madison I can't read that's not you need to tell it be fair it wasn't that it was that good it was that when guy doesn't know what he's

doing and all he's doing is just like pulling around it nerves everyone's well hit one and you kick like a horse because it kind of like tickles a little bit. Right. You ever had that like jerky reaction. No. No. No I'm kidding yeah I have totally. And so that's kind of what happened. I like hadn't really had a war before like that often. And we were on the front seat of his truck. And I just kicked and I hit the windshield wiper stick thing. And it just like flew off. And it was only held there by a wire.

And what's worst is we remained friends. And so years later, months later, I was in the car with him and a new girl he was dating. And it was raining. And he went to go to the windshield I had to like play with the wire And she was like oh my god what happened like how did that happen and he looked to me and he goes Yeah, one day it just started raining out of nowhere and I went to go turn it on it broke

And she was like yeah, I hate when that happened. Oh my god, how funny that you were there for that's it crazy That's a good story and did he stop though like when when you kicked it off initially when he was down and did he stop and go, man, would you do my car or truck? What the hell? He'd eat, but I wasn't having a good time. So I was just kind of like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm so embarrassed. Like, let me pay for it. And you wouldn't let me pay for it. And then the hooking up stopped. And I was okay with it. I picture Madison saying, no. And then he's like, no, it's okay, it's okay, don't worry about it, but she wants to house, so she keeps kicking,

like other things off of his guard. He's a rearview mirror goes next, kicks out the front wheelchair. You know, I'll put the bag, what if he was like, you know what, I'll get back to you and you send him an invoice the next day. It's $22. I can see that.

Deesh bag, you never did him again. That is a funny story. Okay, so I'm trying to think sex injuries, mine is just, I mean, I've had some injuries. It's been nothing, too. The dry and all rape. What's the dry and all rape? Right, that was kind of an injury.

It was so split second that I'm not even sure it was a anal rape. I'm pretty sure it was, but it was like, in and out. And I never really even had anal sex before. So it was, yeah, it was a good times. The other thing I was gonna to tell you about injuries, okay, that's all, hygiene issues. Here's another one. These are big. These are hygiene issues. Is the number one killer or people sex drive? So, if you didn't shave and you really should have

shaved, I think that women think about that a lot. Like, oh, damn, you're wearing bat underwear, like, you know, earlier, you're not so fresh. And you're like, oh, I should have done something. What? You don't worry about that? Down under. Down under, oh, down under comfort. I actually make a product called down under comfort. And it's a guard against it, so you don't have to worry about that.

It's a guard, yeah, so like, knock that off your list of things to keep. You might wake up in the morning as a dude, and you don't even know that you're about to get a blowjob that night. Like, you don't even know what portends for your future. And if you use it in the morning, it's like how you use talcum powder, which is super messy. It's a light fresh scent and you don't sweat.

And it's for women too under the rest, down under comfort, Emily and Tony.com. Use code Emily 20% off. Now you're going to Mexico, right? I am. You leave tomorrow morning? Yeah. Yeah, everyone in that country needs the down on, especially where you're going, the part where you're going.

Yeah. Cabo, because it's just so humid humid like I brought my down under when I went there You did a couple a few months ago and the down under came in nice and a hand Doesn't it and when you go to the gym. Oh really you're right. I should bring it very humid. Yeah, very human down there Okay, it is just suggesting all Mexicans need because they're not fresh. I was talking about the climate I would like to be like hey, hold up be clear. Yeah, hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. No, it is true. And also when I was in New York, I never really like I've used it I just used it every day, but I was dripping sweat this summer because we don't have the humidity here as much But anyway, what if this was not I was not trying to make that but so always shower I wasn't I just thought of something you hate the word moist so much So you actually developed a product to like knock it out So people have to talk about their moist area

Ever again, so just use that no and no girl no girl wants to go near your moist balls either true Your moist vagina on the other hand wow what I hate those two words back You know what? I'm gonna like do the least favorite words and I just use them in a rom really sorry Okay, so just gonna shower and prep before and anytime there's a slight chance like that maybe we'll have sex Let's go to the bathroom. He's a little soap wipe up everyone's got like a towel in the bathroom Just people don't do that as much as they should Um don't make a big deal of it if it's really bad You can also like you feel like oh my god. I didn't clean up just excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. If you've been with

the woman and she didn't shave and you freaked out I know we were talking about the bush here last week. I don't appreciate having to navigate my way towards the hole area. We were telling the story here last week about showing up with pubic hair after giving me more sex. Someone was it Mike? No, someone. Yeah, who was that? I think it might have been a love line, baby. Oh, I don't know. I can't get love line. Yeah, so I'll kind of line together. But yeah, I think I keep smiling at a big pubic area between me. Yeah, some a caller. That's so funny. Oh, yeah, that was doing our own form. Okay, another one is a great speaking. We were talking about sign full earlier. There's

a great sort of curbion thuzias and with Larry David and he gets a pubic hair stuck back in his throat I've ever think that stuck for there for like a week or two He's great lunch. He's like, right. Yeah, he kept clearing his throat. He was telling everyone there What's wrong Larry? You got a cold. No, it's a pubic care stuck back there So awesome, okay another moment that could be scary for women is when you pull out your sex toy for the first time. That could be scary. You don't know how a guy is gonna react. And I don't often suggest like,

that gets again the first date. But if your partner has a sex toy virgin, like I wouldn't just pull out the sex swing, sex swing like that day, take it down. I always take down my sex swing before my first date. You don't actually disassemble it you just make sure it's on the raft. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then I can just actually have this remote control sex swing. What about this? What about if she actually don't have one? You might. In my garage, I never use it.

What if she actually just inserted it beforehand knowing that she could have sex later? That's how we find it. Like he just goes in and there's like something already in there. No, you know, not good. The only sex toy that you do that would be the wee vibe that's meant to be wandering sex. But if there was already like something like this, okay, we are on UC right now, I brought on the rabbit just to show everyone, just for fun, check this puppy out. It has like, anyway, if this was insider,

just see these pearls, you can't fit your penis in there. I mean, maybe you could, but you know. No, no, no, I'm saying that she should already have it. No, she already has inside. And then yeah, when he tries to go, he's like, hey, what's this? Roadblock.

And then your cockblock by a cockblock. And then she's like, oh yeah, I wanted to know that I like to use toys too. That's a corporate. Yeah, he asked, no, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that. I say subtle. I say you start out something very, very subtle because a lot of women, in fact, most, require more literal stimulation than intercourse or a man's penis can provide.

Sometimes you can rub it in a certain way, but a lot of women just need it. And so look at this cool thing, Arbond. You know I talk about the girls, the vibratox. Look at this. And it's like, fear. Hold it up to the mic. I can hear it. What does that do?

It goes under your foot. It looks like an alien's phone. I know, but look, there's this one too. It's called the girls by vibratox. so you can get him at Good Vibes. It's good to my website. Click on Good Vibes. Look at this. They're called The Girls.

They come in a pink leather thing. But you can just look at how intimidating is this? Because guys think vibrator. That looks like a fat tongue. When guys think of vibrators, they think of this. This big giant black dog. The one that I gave Mike. This is what they think of.

But this is a pink friggin thing that goes on. You want to notice if it's in my hand and I'm touching my clitoris and your penis is inside me for example and your orgasms like 10 times stronger so everyone just needs a friggin relax about sex toys but also like there's also the oh I brought them I brought the Mimi because I always talk about the Mimi I told you like with your Riverstone yeah it's like you take a little stone but it's the most powerful I rate or I love it this is my first time ever seeing the Mimi I know I can't turn on right now they're kind of cool I could skip that across a late cut pretty good too but like would you even okay so if we start having sex that's that you put your penis on my

vagina just for just just hypothetical for the sake of yes and I was like oh baby then this goes over like you know yeah right there perfect and you can't even hear it it's not loud so what I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something.

I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something.

I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna say something. I think I'm gonna to say, hey, I've got a toy. How do you feel about toys? I'm going to show you my toy. It's really cool, whatever. I mean, most people that I've been with, I guess I haven't had this.

The Madison wrote a great blog about it on my website. She was kind of breaking her sex toy cherry with her boyfriend, and it's very funny about how he discovered it. A lot of women have these experiences about guys discovering their vibrators. It's something horrible. But it's not. So you can talk beforehand. Just don't bust it out or you might make him feel threatened because the thing is, it's not even that they think that it looks like this big black penis extender. That's like a

dill in the right. It's different. No, this is that vibrator. This is a penis extender for Mike. But that I gave him. But but but but really um, this is what they think. But men often also think that if you use a vibrator, and they're not pleasing you, that they're doing something wrong. Tell you feel about losing. Well, those aren't secure guys that you shouldn't probably date a bit. I do not give them.

I actually don't. So, um, you know, you want to make him feel like he's doing a good job. So anyway, we, that's what we have time for. So this was a just our super scary Halloween episode, a scary, sexy things that can happen to everyone. And, um, thank you, Anderson. everyone check out his hilarious podcast after disaster and the film vault. Thank you, Shigger.

And thanks everyone for listening. Follow me, do it. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, all that stuff. And we'll talk. So thanks for listening. Was it good for you? E-Mummy. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. Hey everyone, you know I love some sex toys and as I was talking about if you go to sexwithemily.com

you can find my favorite toys. You just click on the Good Vibes banner and I've actually got a store there. And you click on it and they carry all the best brands. You can get the get the vibrotex girls which are great if you're hand holding your clip for your clitoris the Dahlia great g-spot stimulator and even the strongest most orgasmic vibrator of all times the magic wand So go to my site section of the LMA dot com click on the good vibes banner and you'll see my favorite toys Plus coupon code gvmLE 2020 gets you 20% off. Hey guys, true car is changing car buying forever. True car helps car buyers get rid of the fear

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