Sex With Emily - Your Sex Language w/ Dr. Jen Freed

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

What’s your sex language? We all have one. And once we’re fluent in the four types, we can expand our repertoire to more effectively please our partner – and advocate for what we want.In today��s episode, we will explore just that with psychologist and astrologer Jen Freed. Her forthcoming book “A Map to Your Soul: Using the Astrology of Fire, Earth, Air, and Water to Live Deeply and Fully” explains how these elements relate to the type of sex we want and how to create an erotic field with our partner. Dr. Freed offers a formula for alchemizing amazing sex by combining the principles of psychology and astrology, along with curious communication. Show Notes:Is Casual Sex Right For You?Pre-order A Map to Your SoulMore Jen Freed: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | Website Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Fire is that dynamic, charismatic, bold, energetic energy. Earth is that practical, stable, reliable, dependable, slower energy. Air is that very fast, witty, clever, conceptual, logical air energy, and water is the feeling, tender, merciful, and soft energy. And we all have all four parts. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. So what's your sex language? We all have one. And once we're fluent in the four types, we can expand our repertoire to more effectively please our partner and advocate

for what we want. In today's episode, we will explore just that with psychologists and astrologer Jen Fried. Her forthcoming book, A Map to Your Soul, using the astrology of fire, earth, air, and water to live deeply and fully explains how these elements relate to the type of sex we want and how to create an erotic field with our partner. Dr. Fried offers a formula of alchemizing amazing sex by combining the principles of psychology and astrology, along with curious communication. Intentions with Emily for each episode join me in setting an intention for the show.

I do it and I encourage you to do the same. So when you're listening, what do you want to get out of this episode? How might this episode help you? My intention is to empower you to view sexuality through a new lens with the help of my dear friend Dr. Jennifer Freed's radically refreshing framework. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article is casual sex right for you

is up at sexwithemily.com. Check out my YouTube channel, social media, and TikTok. It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily. Or call my hotline 559 talk sex or 559 8255739. Always include your name your age where you live and how you listen to the show and it's this episode.

Dr. Jennifer Fried is the best-selling author of user planets wisely, Peace, Q, and more. A renowned psychological astrologer, Dr. Fried is a regular contributor to Goop, the co-founder of a social-emotional learning nonprofit, and a sought-after media expert on relational astrology. Her new book, A Map to Your Soul, using the astrology of Fire Earth, Erin Water to live deeply and fully, is available for pre-order. Learn more at JenniferFried.com. Dr. Jennifer Fried! Welcome to the show, I am so excited to see you here.

I feel like you exist between two worlds, one is psychology, which is broad accepted. And you have that depth of knowledge of psychology from all these years, and the other is astrology, which is not as widely accepted. And some people think it's a pseudoscience. And I think I didn't really even understand it before I really met you. So how do these two worlds inform your work,

your writing, your approach to sex and relationships? Wow! Okay! Psychology is translated from the Latin psyche a study of the soul. Astrology is a map of your soul. So I have had the fortune and privilege for 40 years to study both deeply. And what I found is astrology is the oldest personality system on the planet, thousands of years old, and it really does give a bird's eye view into somebody's sacred path. All the choices, the obstructions, the karma, if you will.

But we need psychology, too, because psychology is the study of the soul and the condition of the soul and how to treat maladies of the soul and how to be a great listener instead of just an advisor. So I think the combination for me has been ideal because I can look into the map of somebody's soul but then discuss with them how to uplift their spirit and their soul. And I guess that's so interesting is because why I love this is that there's just a lot of people don't have that combination of knowledge. You have astrology, people, they go, you're going to tell me which sign I should sleep with, which is what we most of us think. Like, oh, I shouldn't sleep with Libra's, but you actually take a broader picture of that,

and then you have the depth displayed to people like what it actually means. And I'd love to clear up that misconception right now. Please. Which is the Sun's Sin astrology, which is Yura Gemini, I'm an Aquarius. That has no bearing on compatibility. There's so much more to a person's chart. And if you wanna have great sex,

which we're gonna talk about later, it isn't about what sign you are. It's about what you're bringing to the table as a human being. So I really don't like that popular astrology. Sometimes really misleads people by thinking it's some kind of cookie cutter combination. You can just figure out and then just slip yourself in. It's not that at all. I should sleep with Lee Russ.

Okay, got it. It's not just about that. Right. It's about the broader picture of it. So that's what we'll go here. We'll talk about the hat sex. So what I like, you said, any two people could learn to become great lovers to each other. If they learn all these tools, because I feel like I saw a lot in different angles, in

a different way. But for example, like you break down how to actually communicate using the elements, which we'll get into. We've the elements through every chapter, through areas of our life, and just for this purpose interview, we're going to focus on more like the communication chapter, the support language chapter, which blew my mind. And I think everybody, if anyone's ever interested in the love languages or how you can be there for your part or just like another level of it. Like I almost feel like I want to sit down and do that chapter with every single person I know and then we get into the the sex chapter. So and through all of those, you're giving just very unique ways using the

elements for us to drop in, communicate, maybe find it. Yes, and I do want to say that I'm a firm believer that any two people can have a beautiful love relationship, if they both do the work and they learn to deeply listen and appreciate the nuances in the other. And I've listened a lot to your show and that's why you and I connect so deeply because your message is always the same. Communicate. Communicate. Don't mind, read. Don't assume. All the things we often do because we've had this mythology that hot sex should be automatic, instant, and nobody should have to wonder a thing. And it's really harmful because that's not really what happens. It's not what happens at all. So it's communication. So we can start with communication. And how in this book I think you really cover it a unique way.

I break it down into four elements. And we are all very unique in our communication patterns. So an air person likes to communicate ideas, likes to share information, wants to have knowledge on something, likes to gossip. It's very above the body. It's kind of in the conceptual. But then you have an earth person that likes the details, chunk it down. What's the practicality of what we're talking about, what's the bottom line of what we're talking about. But then you have the fire person that just like passionately engaged in conversation, interrupting because they're excited and they're thrilled to tell you what's going on and it's very immediate, right?

And then you have the water person who's very sensitive and listening on a feeling level and might feel sad when you say something or feel very tenderly towards you. Four different channels of communication. And if you really want to get to know somebody, first start reading what channel they're on. And the other thing I want to say about communication, because you talk a lot about this, is people really misunderstand what deep listening is. We often think of deep listening as identifying. Like you say something, oh, Matt and I are doing this, and I say, oh, me and Rendy are doing this, and then that's identifying, but it's not deep listening, because now I've hijacked the conversation to be about me. Earth signs love to give advice. So you'll start talking about you and JoJo and how JoJo gets anxious when you go out of town and the earth sign will say, well then I know the perfect pet center and you're gonna have to do this and you're gonna have to do this but again not deep listening because now they're telling you what road you should walk on.

The water sign might get very murgy with you. So like you're upset about something now, I'm really upset about something. You have a stomach ache now. I have a stomach ache. Again not deep listening because I've merged. I'm no longer objectively listening to you. And so part of the art of listening deeply is curiosity without reactivity. Okay. So for example, you can tell me right now and the listeners what's the most stressful thing going on in your life right now?

For me, I would say that my book being due very shortly. I'm passionate about, but it's like due like in a week. Yes. So, if I were to misbehave as a deep listener, I would say, oh yeah, I know what it's like to do a book and oh my god, let me tell you how to get that done. And oh, that's so painful about your book. And see, all of these are ways I'll make it about me. Instead of, I could ask an open and a question, tell me what part of having to get it done

is the hardest for you. The hardest part is finding the time in all that I am doing right now, because it's one of many, many exciting projects happening my life right now. So it's time. Yes, and then again, because I know you and love you,

you are a Gemini who thrives in variety but also feels overwhelmed by that. So tell me what have you learned about when you're doing many things, helps you get the tell me, what have you learned about when you're doing many things helps you get the thing done? What have you learned? I have a really good team around me who helped me stay focused. Yeah, otherwise I'm off in a million places.

So leaning into the team. Leaning into my excellent support. Yeah, so to me now, now I'm getting to know you and listening to you instead of, oh, I'm over here with all kinds of ways that I haven't really attended to you. This deep listening part, I read that a few times because I love the examples that you give.

I love doing live examples for each other because first of all, most of us do that. And we all do it from a place of wanting to be a good friend and a good listener. But even though we just gave the example of how all four elements, if you would have had what element you lean towards, does it? It's almost like we're all doing it wrong pretty much.

Unless we've learned this, this is a skill set. Yes, well, I want to give credit to Randy, my partner and to me. We've been teaching this for 23 years to educators, teens and parents and couples and families, because no one was taught how to listen. And those other ways are not wrong. We all do them because we want to connect. We want to feel like we matter and we're relevant. But when you actually stop and deeply listen to somebody without your agenda, we've noticed that people just blossom. So the two things that we have to do is be curious and non-judgmental is open.

Yeah, curious, non-judgmental, and I think for me, but I got a lot of fire, is don't be future thinking the conversation. What I'm always doing is like, yeah, I know what you're going to say, and then where are we going to talk about next? And like, you know, the trends are already gone. Exactly. And that's not being present.

So you know, and I know know to be a great lover. So we'll put it back in that context. You can't be like kissing somebody's neck and then you're thinking already as you're kissing their neck, what about nibbling their toes? You're not there. You're present. So this is all a practice of presence

that leads to erotic and sensual and love connection. Using the elements, can we break that down for a second? Because I do think that that's what we do in all of your chapters and all the domains you go through. Why are it through the elements? So can we just explain a little bit more? Because we all sort of just because I'm a Gemini, so I'm an aerosine, does it necessarily mean like I have all different parts of it? Yes, we all have the four elements within ourselves and within our charts. And I'll break them down pretty simply. Fire is that dynamic, charismatic, bold, energetic energy.

Earth is that practical, stable, reliable, dependable, slower energy. Air is that very fast, witty, clever, conceptual, logical air energy and water is the feeling, tender, merciful, and soft energy. And we all have all four parts. However, everyone listening, including you and I, can say pretty quickly, which ones are we the most into and which ones are our weaker. Okay. And I know for me my weaker is water and my weaker is earth. Hence my partner notices that I don't always attend to the details of the house. So as I improve on earth I actually improve on all my

relationships because it's my weaker element. Okay. And so, what would you say, or your two thoughts? I would say, so that's earth, for sure. Earth is my weaker. I know that I need to ground, and I know, and I would say water, probably, to the same. Yeah, I think we are similar. Yes, because both of us are very quick and very passionate, and have a lot of ideas. I have idea

euphoria. I think you have it too. Idea euphoria. That's a term I coined because I just sometimes I'm up at 3 a.m. going, will you shut up the freaking mind? Why do I have to think about this now? Idea euphoria. But both of us need to do a lot of therapy and EMDR and both of us need to do a lot of therapy in EMDR. And both of us need to do a lot of slowing down and pain, close attention to what's really in front of us, which is earth. And I know for me, if I don't do the therapy, I can get so in my head and I can get so spun out on my passionate ideas

that I actually am not very connected to myself or others. That's so true, that's exactly what happens, right? But that's what we love about ourselves, but we have to ground. So this whole book is kind of giving tools on how we can see this in ourselves and the different activities we can do to actually ground it.

That is that it. Yes, and my dream, I have a big dream that people will get together as families, couples, groups, organizations, and do a lot of these exercises together because to really love somebody is to know them. And so much of relationship is projection. Oh, I know you because I imagine this about you, not because I actually know you. And so these exercises are all revelatory about just getting to know people

from their point of view instead of what you've put on them. Exactly, Chad, that's what you do here. It's so practical. I kind of have this. I want to explain this. I want people to hear this because should we go into the eighth? Yeah, I want to get into the sex chapter. Let's do it, because I want people to understand

we're talking about here. And so we're just like, oh, Earth, Earth, Earth, you have to be like, what? Elements, you have to understand any of that. Like these examples opened up so much for me, and I realized exactly what I needed. I just owe my partner needs. So let's give examples. Okay, so come into this. Okay, so one of the first, we've had a lot of foreplay up to the sex chapter, but here we are. Okay, so the sex chapter is one of the assessments is getting it on.

So think through as I say these categories, which you really identify with. And again, we do all of these, but we lean into some pretty heavy. So fire is, I like to initiate, I like to dominate, I like to be spontaneous, I love to use toys, I like to wear costumes, I like to do it vigorously, I like quickies, I like to be spontaneous. I love to use toys. I like to wear costumes. I like to do it vigorously. I like quickies. I like to do it adventurously. But then we

go to earth. I like to go slowly. I like to linger. I like to be touched everywhere. I like a gorgeous setting for making love. I like to plan for it, I like it certain ways at certain times, I like lots of holding and cuddling before and after, and then air. I like to discuss it, I like sex talk, I get aroused by my partner's mind, I like to get kinky, I like to break rules, I like to make sure you get off. I like erotica and then water. I like to feel you with me. I like to express my feelings to you. I like to feel deeply connected.

I like to look into your soul. I like to feel merged. I like to cry during or after sex. I like to feel very emotionally safe. So that's just part of getting to understand yourself and others, what of those statements would you circle? I circled all of them except. But I wanted to.

Well, you are the quintessential lover. Let's just be real. You've studied this stuff. That's true. That's true. But the ones I didn't circle was I like cookies. I live only a few of them, but is that really most people probably wouldn't circle all of these you don't like quick Well, that's that was the one I had to that circle everything. I don't like to initiate. Oh, yeah I don't like to dominate so the four things I did not circle were in fire

Does that mean I need to work on more fire or does that mean? Well, that's up to you and whatever lover you are committed to to discuss, hey, I notice I'm a little low on these fire areas. Would you like me to explore this? Or maybe they're like, no, I don't need you to do that at all because to me, a full life is being fully expressed. It doesn't mean we actually have to do everything at all times. But if you really love somebody,

you might be interested in what they would like you to do more or less of. Oh, and the other thing in Earth, I didn't highlight I like to plan for it, because I'm not a planner. So that'd be really, if we play, if I wasn't sure how to plan it, it probably wouldn't happen. But so for most people, they would find, go through it, just give them suggestions and think about what they actually like, which I kind of like, which I love. But then you go into the other elements where after that there's another assessment.

I mean, there's like the rest of it is that how you touch yourself, thinking about sex, like you're giving other tools to actually implement this with your partner, what you find out what you want. Exactly. Like in touching myself, fire, I like to come fast and take chances about getting caught, be naughty. Earth, I like to rub oils all over my body and take my time. I'll give you an example here. I had a client once I won't say her name, but she would take 45 minute showers. And in that shower, she would touch and caress every single part of her body. Super like triple earth.

She just could not get enough of touching herself and putting stuff on herself. Okay, air. I like to think about it a lot before I do it and tell myself sexy things. So, you know, people with a lot of air when they're touching themselves, they're still in their head, but they get off on it. And the things that they're visualizing and thinking about and saying, and just yesterday, unfortunately, I had a man inappropriately tell me about his new lover

and what he likes and what he doesn't like. I didn't ask him. He just jumped in, by the way, don't do that. Anyway, he was saying, yeah, and I like to say a lot of things while I'm getting it on, and don't ever tell me to shut up. I'm like, yeah, and I like to say a lot of things while I'm getting it on and don't ever tell me to shut up. I'm like, okay, moving on. Anyway, but I mean, that's his story and good to know for his lover, not for somebody

that you hardly know. Exactly. He overshares. Yeah. More with Jen Friede after the break, but don't forget, you can use my code Emily until September 20th at JenniferFried.com. When you order her book to receive exclusive gifts, including the sex deck, be sure you pre- giving the book though of couples too,

like how they figure out. Okay. Well, I think part of it is when you take these inventories in a map to your soul, eighth chapter on sex, then you begin to have outside the bedroom, because as you've pointed out, in the middle of sex is not the good time. That's not the time time. That's when people feel really ashamed and self-conscious.

So when you're outside the bedroom, just like at dinner, you'd be talking about this great movie you saw, do the inventories and really get to know better what pleases you, what pleases your lover. I know a lot of people have no idea about any of this about themselves. They've never thought about it. Never. See, this is what I love. Is it so practical that you get into the nuance? Like, their partner might say to them, I'm bored or let's spice it up. And people have no idea where to start.

So to just even read this last assessment of like, oh, I get a Rosé partner's mind, good to know. Babe, we haven't talked about anything interesting lately. That's why I'm not turned on, right? Exactly. Like, I like to be touched everywhere, but you've been touched me everywhere in months. So I think that people are gonna have some major breakthroughs

just by you giving them these examples to know Because most people know there's a problem. They don't have to fix it. So what I love is they'll be like Oh, I know none of these things are happening. So no wonder why I don't want to sex and also I think a lot of people are more willing To have greater sex if they don't feel to blame You know a lot of what shuts me down or shuts anyone down is if I feel inadequate. If I somehow am guessing it's not me that can change this thing, it's kind of out of my hands. But if you actually talk to somebody and start to understand their

sex language, your sex language, or even start understanding your own, like when I was writing fantasizing about sex, I'm just going to give some examples. Okay, so fantasizing about sex. Now, you know, for a lot of people, they don't actually want to reveal some of their fantasies because they feel scared, threatened, or they'll be rejected. But if you do these exercises, you can kind of just say, well, fire. I like to imagine powerful scenarios. I like to imagine powerful scenarios. I like to imagine dangerous scenarios.

I like to imagine victory scenarios. I like to imagine highly creative scenarios. I like to imagine worship scenarios. That's fire. And remember there was all that talk about how so many women love to fantasize being raped and dominated. Well, that's very fire. But that's not the whole picture. That's just fire. Earth. I like to imagine sultry sex. I like to imagine long and gorgeous seductions. I like to imagine being savered. I like to imagine intense sensuality. I like to imagine a slow and steady build-up air. I like to imagine montages of union. I like to imagine equal pleasure. I like to imagine ideal bodies. I like to imagine rebellious scenarios. I like to imagine sexy conversations and spoken words. And then water. I like to imagine psychics sex. I like to imagine ideal intimacy and sharing. I like to imagine absolute vulnerability. So, again, if people just go through the fantasies,

they don't have to say, well, I'm fantasizing about our neighbor period, you know, the stuff that's threatening. But you can say these are the kinds of fantasies I have. And all of a sudden, the partner gets a closer look at, like what's actually in that person's soul? That's so good because what I heard from so many people is that they actually don't either they don't know what they fantasize that they don't fantasize or if they do they're afraid they're going to be shame for it. So this is first off a great way just they don't even have language.

Like they might have been able to think like oh yeah actually it's sultry sucks that I like they would couldn't put words which you help people kind of put words to it. And I think really what I love is it is a great tool again for people or if you're in relationship or not to really understand your own desire style, your own way. Yes, and also for me, it's like we're always growing. The other thing, you know, as I keep going on in my life is my sexuality is never static. It's never the same. There's things about me that are changing over time. And so this is not a one stop conversation. If you really want to have great love in your life,

let's start with just love and then sexuality, it's this constant process of illumination and also revealing. And you want to be with people that are actually interested. Do this first with your partner then. Test if they're down with it. Yeah, right? Well, especially it depends.

You have an audience where some people wanna just have mechanically great sex and they don't really need or want the emotional intimacy, so I wanna validate that. But many people ask me, and I know they've asked you, how do I actually have it on all cylinders where we're connected? And there's no magic formula. There's just this process of getting to know somebody and being honest and willing to share your insecurities and also all of these different aspects of yourself.

So really, this is that's such a great way to put it because this is what we're saying is this is the way to have that connected sex that a lot of us want. The more depth. Yeah. I think ultimately yes, mechanics are great. We all want to know how different ways to do doggy style and all that. But ultimately I do think if given the tools most people eventually at some point crave this? Well, let's declare that Emily and I have been around the block.

So what's true is this, that when I was young, I wasn't that developed and I must stuck mechanical connected sex for sublime sex. And I'm not mad or sad about that. But when you actually connect with somebody on what I would call all the shock res, and then you have a sexual union and you can like actually get up from that sexual encounter and look somebody's still in the eye and still wanna have a meal with them

and still wanna talk to them. That's mind blowing, heart blowing sex. It's a whole nother category. But what? Well, I would assume that what you just painted of that is goals for people, that they would kind of, because right, I think I'll do what I be in a relationship

with someone they wanna have sex with and I've dinner with. That's not such a stretch. When you talk about the subtle sexual field and you said, like, I'm curious. The subtle sexual field, to me, can be very much gendered in this way. We know that people that identify as female generally like a lot of courtship to have a great sexual experience. Generally. But I also know a lot of identifying males that also like this. But the subtle sexual field is how do you create an erotic field that sex is a natural outcome of all those other interactions. I have a whole list that you can pick from

about how do you actually cultivate this subtle sexual field. Like I think it's very weird and I've heard this from a lot of couples that somebody's just doing banking and billing and then goes okay let's do it. I understand but it's not usually that sexy. And so there's just this idea that everybody should be ever ready to be, you know, have a boner and get it on and do it. And it's not fair to anybody. Whereas if you live in this erotic cultivated field, then you just slip from holding hands

or joking to kissing. You know, it's not such a big leap. But I think a lot of people take for granted that that sexuality is available with no effort. No effort. How do you make that available? Well, I think the effort. So let's talk about it. So the people that love fire sexual subtle field like favorite foods presented in a celebratory way, they like sexy underwear, they love picking out sex toys and fantasies together, they want to do a naughty adventure, they might like underwear, they love picking out sex toys and fantasies together, they want to do a naughty adventure, they might like role play and dress up fantasies, but

earth sexual subtle feel people like a lot of petting and hair touching and they like head and shoulder and foot massages, that would be me, me, me. They like flirty dancing, They like active and frequent physical affirmations. Like you look great, you look gorgeous, all of that. They like stroking and creasing with real presence instead of like where are we ending up. And air people love to have a lot of humor and inside jokes. They like romantic dates without distractions. They like to talk about sex a lot that feels good to both people. They like to read erotica or watch it.

They love suggestive text messages. These are the sexsters. They like voice messages. They save them and, you know, savor them. They like handwritten notes. They like hidden sticky notes with private little messages. And the water people really need to feel safe emotionally. So that means you listen to them, you actually make eye contact, you do the deep listening, you do acknowledge all their exquisite tenderness,

and maybe you do some body painting under softwares. Or that. Yeah, or that. Let's get some paints. So, looking at all these, I could just see going through here, and again, I have a broad, I like a lot of these things. Yeah. I think that for most people, they're not going to be checking all of these things. And what a great, right?

So, then how we would use this is first off, just knowing what we're into and suggestions too. Here's what I would say. If anybody's complaining that they're in a relationship that isn't really as sexually satisfying as they want, this is just an entire repertoire of things they can start to investigate. Like I think when people slow down or get bored or whatever is happening, instead of shutting down just everybody get more open and go, well, let's investigate. Because it's effort, a great sex life,

in the beginning could be just everything seems to be banging great. But that's the beginning out of tons of drugs in your brain. And we love those drugs. We love those drugs. And we never want to dismiss the power of the drugs. But you can actually create some love those drugs. We love those drugs. And we never want to dismiss the power of the drugs, but you can actually create some of those drugs

by doing some of this kind of inventory and doing some experiments. So how so? How do we create the drugs from that? Well, oxytocin, the bonding one, that's so important. And if you actually attune to somebody's erotic needs and desires, you fuel that drug for sure. And serotonin the positive mood, well I can tell you because I have a lot of fire, that

when I dance with my partner, when we're joking, when we laugh hysterically, my serotonin bumps way up. So that's another positive drug. The cocktail that comes from that first sexual... It's telling me to make it sound good again. We can do it again. And the dopamine, the cocktail that comes from that first sexual. It's telling me to make it, it's not what I get. Yeah, we can do it again. And the dopamine, the pleasure. Well, again, I've got a lot of earth in the sexual field.

So it's like if somebody's rubbing my head and feet, not somebody's my partner. And when they're rubbing my head and feet, I just get, like, so saturated with dopamine, I can almost drool thinking about it. I just did. Right. Yes. Touch my feet.

Touch my feet. No, but so those are the drugs that we like instantaneously had when we were in the projection stage called dating. But when if you want to recreate them, you've got tools. There's ways. There's hacks. I know that this book will help so many people. I just love the way whether you're just a strategy or the elements or the air stuff.

The elements part, if it doesn't resonate with you, I just, I love that each important category of your life, communicating, knowing I have to support a lover or partner or your staff. I want my whole staff to do some of these chapters together. This is going to be such an incredible tool for everyone. So I want people to get this book. And so as a result of that, I want you all to get it. to do some of these chapters together, this is going to be such an incredible tool for everyone. So I want people to get this book. And so as a result of that, I want you all to get it and she's dear friends, going to

help you. Jen said, because why don't you sign up for it? Yeah, if you pre-order in the next seven days, then if you put in the code on my website, JenniferFree.com, Emily, when you pre-order, you'll get like five free gifts worth hundreds of dollars, but the one especially for you all in that seven-day period is the sex deck that actually Emily and I worked on. But it's a hundred essential questions to ask a lover.

The sex deck, I love, you know what I love about the sex deck too, is that a lot of you always ask me, how do I get my part to talk about sex or if I might date with someone, how do I, what do we talk about? You can just, that's digital, or what you think is better, because it's always, you'll always have that on your phone. And you could ask your partner like an example question would be what like in the deck, like a, like what was the formative experience that helped your sexual identity? Something like that.

Or, what is your absolute turn-offs? What are your turn-ons? How did you first learn about sex? I mean, they go all over the place because there's a hundred questions. But, yes, you can take out your phone, just start asking and say, are you willing to do this with me if you're starting to date somebody? That's a good sign if they say yes. Well, I love this too.

The people that say no are not your, well, I don't think they should be your people. Yeah, we have an opinion on this. I would not. Which is if you're dating somebody and they already are a no about talking about their sex life, probably somebody you're not going to end up having the best relationship with, because that's a withhold. And yes, people are private and some people are shy, and here's a rule we could say about the sex deck that I think is important. There are a hundred questions, some of them are deeper than others.

You can do most of the questions and say, pass on some of them. This isn't like a confessional. You don't have to answer all the questions, that's a great question. But it will help, because what we're all about and you say, I always say this and it's true, it is all about communication. If we can't communicate, we're not going to get any of our needs met or really not. And if we don't learn how to communicate, but then also learn how to ask our partner for what we want and know what we want. That's what this whole book is about. Yeah. And the cards, the sex deck. Can I get the sex deck they had a time now?

Yeah, of course. I kind of want to do it tonight. I don't think. I don't think. The partner. Yeah. You can do it with your partner. Yeah. Can I do it after dinner? Because Emily and I are going to see my brother. I don't think I want to do it with my brother. Just saying. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner.

You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com-ask-emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily Podcast. Was it good for you?

Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.