Sex With Emily - Your Two Breast Friends

Episode Date: October 21, 2017

Get ready for a show full of sexy tricks! On today’s show, Emily is joined by Deputy Jamie to celebrate her two years on the team and what she’s learned, along with a bunch of tips to help all of you have better sex! The two lovely ladies talk nipple play tips, favorite toys, and ways to get rid of relationship anxiety. Plus, they help listeners navigate through one-night stands, prostate play, how to be ready for round two and so much more. Tune in for some titillating talk! Thank you for supporting our sponsors that help keep the show FREE: The F'ING Truth, Adam & Eve, Magic Wand Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by associate producer Jamie and we're talking sex, relationships, and everything in between. Tabics include specific tips to take breast play to the next level, recognizing relationship anxiety, and how to manage it and move past it, ups and downs of the male refractory period and moving from being a pleaser to actually owning your pleasure. All this and more, enjoy the show. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily, We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemlee.com and check out all of our amazing content. We will head up every day. I'm very proud of that fact. Our blogs and subscribe to the podcast that really helps us. And I'm so glad you're all here today. Thanks for listening to the show. We've got a fun show today, and I've got a fun person sitting here with me Jamie. Hello. Hi, Jamie. You all know Jamie. Jamie's with me for two years. We just had her two-year

anniversary here at Sacks with Emily. We take that very seriously. Yeah, I can't believe it. It's been great. It started as a little intern. Mm-hmm. I've gone through the ranks, you know, from intern to part-time to full-time. Yeah, and it's been amazing to watch you grow and change. I feel like you are really just like killing it right now, and I'm so impressed and grateful for your time and your energy and chillness and always making me laugh. Oh, yeah.

I love you so much. I love you too. So I'm glad you're sitting here with me today because we've got a lot to cover and I want to talk about you and your experiences. But first, let's talk about our October contest because October is not over until it's over. So I know that it's a big mod, Halloween. Jamie did a super cute video.

It is really cute. It's on the website so you can definitely check it out. It's our sexy tricks and sexy treats. Exactly. You want to explain the contest? Yeah. So basically, we're taking Halloween back for the adults. Like, you know, kids love it. There's candy. They get to go around and all that stuff. But, you know, there's also an adult side to Halloween. We dress up sexy.

We get tap into, you know, sides of ourselves that we like don't usually during, during the year. So what we mean by like tricks, like okay, so do you have like a go-to move that you like, no like makes every person you've been with go crazy, it makes you go crazy, do you have a position that you're like, this is a great position. If you need like, G-spot simulation, where if you need, you know, P-spot simulation

or what have you, and then treat. So like do you have like a pair of lingerie that you always like to wear? So do you have a pair of lingerie that you always like to wear? Yeah, like is there a sexy lingerie that you want to put? I was thinking about their digs. I had a date and I was like, oh, I haven't had that,

I'm like which underwear do I, nothing that I was having sex so what makes me feel the sexiest? No, but I think my trick gives you confidence. It does give you, that's what I'm saying. I had to change out of my underwear that wasn't so confident building confidence. Gotcha.

Right, okay, so lingerie. And then maybe you have a favorite toy you like to use. Comfort. Right. Okay. So lingerie. And then maybe you have a favorite toy you like to use. We want to hear about that. Sexy tricks are treats. So just email us your sexiest tricks are treats. Bye. November 1st.

Exactly. So you have all the way up until Halloween. So even if you can get inspiration on that night, do it sent to us email. Exactly. Feedback at sex with Emily.com. So Jamie, speaking of sexy tricks and treats, so you've been here for two years, do you mind if I reveal your age?

Yeah, that's fine. 24. So you're 24. So when you started, you were 22. So you were 22 coming, you know, and you were always that girl that, you know, your friends came to you, you talked about sex and stuff. But now that you've been here for two years,

what about, what do you think that you've learned like your sexiest tricks or treats? For example, We can take that put it in the sex with Emily format What if you kind of what have you learned here? I mean, I see that you've changed as a as a team member You've done a lot, but I'm not with you when you're having sex. I mean in spirit, but what do you think has changed for you? What do you mean? I mean, I'm just like I'm I'm more confident in asking for what I want and like saying, hey, like, this is what I need you to do. I mean, I don't say it like that.

I say, hey, I don't say, hey, what are you doing? I didn't teach you that. No, I was just like, you know, a way, it's, I've been able to like up my dialogue, I guess, communication wise. Communication wise. And that's like, I think the most important part and that's what everything follows with that. Communication wise and that's like I think the most important part and that's what everything follows with that also I like to say

for me personally I love being on top During sex and I've learned you know to really like Use my PC muscles and clench and grind and that's how I can get my g-spot orgasm Even if the dude I'm with is not up to par okay Okay, up to par meaning. Meaning like he's not doing much. Got it. So, talk to me about that for a minute.

Was that something that you did before or you learned that kind of here with your client? Because it is true. Women don't realize that those muscles that contract your keto muscles, those PC muscles, the same muscles that you use when you stop and start the flow of urine, that's how you locate them, that those are actually the same muscles like contract when you have an orgasm. So when you're having sex and you tense and relax those muscles, yeah. No, I never like before had really like I had done it randomly just because I'm like, oh, like, can you feel that?

Does it feel good? For the guy, because you're like, oh, the guy. But then like I started doing them like I realized that when I get closer to climax, if I use those muscles, it actually helps me along to get there. Pump it up, yeah. And I didn't do that before, but then you talk about it a lot, a lot of different things with that.

And it works out for me pretty well. It's a great thing. I love that. So you're able to have more orgasms than frequently with a partner? Yes, exactly. Which is great. And I've always liked sex,

but I've always been a pleaser, which is, I still like to be a pleaser, but now I'm like, I'm going to get mine too, for sure, especially because I'm single, so I have a lot of casual encounters. Yeah, mostly. Mostly. But you've had dabbles. I've been dabble in emotions, and I don't necessarily like it that much. I do when it's good.

So this is something that I kind of feel like it's changed, but then I also know that sex education is not where I want it to be yet. But just like you, I was a pleaser, and I know that talking to younger women now, and women of all ages, that we still somehow or socialize that it truly is about the man's pleasure, or your partner's pleasure, and not about us.

And I think we do that in so many areas of our life that we're pleasers and we're caretakers and we're nurturing, which is part of being female. And I understand that, but when it comes to sex, I mean, I just love that that was something that you were able to take away. Like it's not that we're not pleasing the men. That's very important to our partners, but that we also have to take care of ourselves. Yeah. And I like, I feel I've, you know, people will email in and say, like, oh, is this selfish of me?

And it's like, it's not selfish to know what you like. You know, like all of a sudden, it's not all about your partner, it's also about you. It's supposed to be like about each other about your own experience together. So, you know, I'm always like, no, it's not selfish at all. In fact, it's just equality. That's what it is.

It's equality in the bedroom and equality in the world. Well, we're getting there in the world. It's almost like if you're playing sports with someone like Gary, a big tennis player, like, I'm just gonna let him win. You know, would you do that? You're gonna know. No, it's not both of you. I'm so competitive.

I'm competitive. Right? Exactly. You wouldn't do that. Why would you do it in sex? I'm just gonna not really like hit the ball over the net right now. I'm just gonna have him do his thing.

So that's great. You've gotten a boatload of treats here at Sector's Emile. So what are your favorite accoutrements during sex or just in your whole sexual life? It could even be masturbation. I know you've got like every toy and product on the planet. Yeah. You probably had to get a second home for them. But is there anything that you're like after two years is my go to favorites? Yeah, well, I mean, masturbation wise, like the

womanizer always always always the lip. We talked about this. It's literally lives under my pillow. It does which one? The one I sleep on. No, your mom's pillow. Which womanizer there's so many, but they're all sort of the same. Well, yeah, okay, so I've graduated, I've had like almost every version of the womanizer and whenever I get a new version, I kind of like leave the other one, like in case I don't charge the current one I'm using,

I'll use the other ones as backup, but I use the to go all the time. I mean, it's, it's, it's lipstick one, looks like the to go. Yeah, it's smaller, it's the lipstick one. It's really, it's like really easy to clean, which I also like. And like the silicone tip is a little bit deeper than the other ones. So I feel like it covers the clitoris a lot better. Right. Good. Yeah, I agree. But then sex wise, I've only used a couple actual like vibrating toys during sex.

I really liked the pivot from Wee vibe, which is a penis ring. I've only used a couple actual vibrating toys during sex. I really liked the pivot from Wee Vibes, which is a penis ring. It's so good. It's vibrates, it's really great. Especially because like I said, I like to be on top and grind. It's perfect for that.

It is perfect for the grinding. Yeah, it vibrates. It's a cool one size fits all. Yeah, use lube though, obviously. You have to use lube, yeah. And then I've also used the G vibe Mini, but I started out using it like during oral sex that I was performing.

Oh, right, because you could kind of, it's because it's shaped, the way it's shaped, it kind of looks like, oh, like, I wanna say a wishbone in a way. Right, huh? It bows out, so like the, it's like circular at the bottom, but then it like bows out,

so it's like kind of like like when you put your hands up, like you're shrugging. Right, exactly. So if you just use that to stroke the shaft while you're like performing oral sex, like. And a low spit guys, yeah, don't you find that your partner's penis is like that? Yeah, like a lot.

Yeah, the vibrations feel good. That's cool. And then lobes, I know we have loops for days. Is there a loop? I just kind of grab what I kind of try them all out. Yeah. What I like, but it's always Joe, but I've got so many. Yeah, I really like the watermelon H2O one that they have.

Yeah. But then I also they have like, I really, like I tried it. I haven't used it during sex, but definitely I've tried it during masturbation. It's like they have this clits stimulant. I think it's called like Arctic or something like that. That's all the cool ones. Yeah, so it's like it's a cooling sensation. Like it's so it's like a buzzy feeling and it's called like Arctic or something like that. Oh, the cool one. Yeah, so it's like a cooling sensation.

Like, it's so it's like a buzzy feeling and it's cold. And then when you use your vibrator, it's like intensifies that. Oh, that just turned me out. That just got me like, yeah, that's really good. No, like sometimes I'm like, I literally like take a break, make a sandwich, go back to Mattel's rating. I have days like that too where I'm like,

I just can't stop. I'm like, you're gonna have to wear gasses and then I don't leave the house. That's fun, James. That's lots of tricks. Okay, so Jamie, I just love you and I'm bored to solve it grateful that you're here. So thank you for sharing that.

I love being here. I really do. I like love this job. So glad. Yay, you're awesome. And now I'm gonna ask you the five quicky questions. Oh, no, I'm being put on the spot. You're gonna ask me.

You did not ask me. Okay, Jamie, what's your biggest turn on? A quamer and biceps. Okay, Jamie, what's your biggest turn on? A Cumer and Biceps. Okay, biggest turn off. Cockiness, overly cocky. And now it's pretty much it. Okay, it's got it. Sexiest part of your partner's body or a partner's body.

Okay, so besides the biceps. I have to say like that, it doesn't have to be defined, but that V area on a guy. And I love a good man, but. A good man, but. A good man, but. Do you play with the butt like grab a butt?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I love grabbing the butt. I did not know this man. Okay, what's the one thing you wish you could tell all your future partners about your body and your needs? Because I think like I know that some people would think that of course my breasts will

come into play during sex a lot and they do sometimes but like guys don't spend very much time on them and like- For each. Like literally dude if you spend like a good like even three full minutes on my nipples like you don't even have to touch my clip. Exactly. It's like it's like a hack. No, it is.

Really? And Jamie's got amazing breasts. So I want a nozzles. I want a nozzles, your breasts. We were doing our two year anniversary. You guys can check it out Instagram. We did some fun pictures, but like, you do have a great rock.

How do they just, how do they not? I mean, it's like, I don't really, mine are like, like, you can see, not that I want them to skip over it, but just, they're there, but yours are like, I don't know. Oh, I think guys are just, they're more lately, more guys are into the butt now. Right. But also I think it's just kind of like they're like, oh, like they're visually pleasing.

But I don't think they really know like what to do. So what would you tell them? How would you describe what should a man do? And again, every woman's different, but let's take your breasts, for example. If that guy spent three to five minutes on your breasts, how would he approach those breasts? I mean, you just start obviously be with making out,

move down to the neck area, like, you know, go down a little bit and then you can suck on them, use your tongue, like flick it around. Like let's be specific though, because if we're saying that guys, you know, go down a little bit and then like you can like suck on them, use your tongue like flick it around. Like let's be specific though, because if we're saying that guys don't know and I agree with you, that I think you guys,

and this is not bashing men, it's just like, I think it's confusing. I think they're like, do I grab it? Do I twist it? So with his hands, with his mouth. You can like start like with maybe your hands on one and your mouth on the other. Yeah.

Be very delicate and use just like two fingers, like like your thumb and your mouth on the other. And be very delicate and use just two fingers, like your thumb and your index finger, that's what's called right, okay. And you just like, lightly play with the nipples, like play with that area, and then maybe use your mouth a little bit, use your tongue, kind of like use your tongue to caress and circle, like you would with a clitoris.

Right, exactly. And you just kind of play, and would with a clitoris. Right, exactly. And you just kind of play, and like... It's a clitoris upstairs. Yeah, and then pay attention to whoever you are with and how they're responding. And if they really like it, maybe suck a little more, maybe use a little more pressure, just kind of, even just like, literally playing around with them,

using your hands, kind of massaging them. Massaging, underneath too, I feel like, literally like playing around with them, like using your hands kind of massaging them. Massaging, I mean underneath too, I feel like the underside of the breasts is like kind of kiss that air, like kiss the underside of it or to just kind of rub it. Like we're wearing bras all day, it's uncomfortable with that area, it could be really sensitive, there's a lot of sensitive tissue just even around the breasts too. Yeah, and I think that if guys just like, you know, just like, like, like I said, and you always say, like, slow everything down. So I think that's a big reason too, why it's like guys kind of like, even if like, I mean, I usually have partners that will like, perform oral sex on me, which is good. So there is four play, but it's like,

they still rush to get to that. It's kind of like someone just starts the movie in the middle and they go right down there. You're like, what happened? Like, I'm just, I feel like it's a big, now that I don't believe me. Or all sex is awesome, but I kind of feel like you just missed over the big, like, you kind of like say, hello to my breasts.

I feel like it's part of it, at least acknowledge them. Yeah, it's like, you know, it's like a pretender in an elevator and you need to like stop at each floor, pick up some pleasure on the way until you get all the way down to the lobby, which is the pleasure. And then you went in for God something in your office. You might have forgotten something and you go back up. Yeah. Yeah.

You go back up. You go back down. But just don't totally skip. Exactly. That was great. Jamie, that was a good public service announcement for the breasts. Now let's get some sex in the news. Ready.

OK. Good news. Relationship anxiety is normal. I mean, it is good news because it's normal, but it sucks that it's normal. Right. And I think that my thing about relationship anxiety is, I feel like there's always going to be a little bit of anxiety in a relationship. And I know that the beginning of the relationship as well, like, especially these days, is he going to text me, does he not text me? What did this mean in the text? Because people aren't even talking anymore.

So there's so many more things to be anxious about, like that feeling when someone doesn't get back to you. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. The thing about relationship anxiety is, yes, it's normal, but we're also going to give you some ways to deal with it. Because I think we all experience it at a different point. Some people are more anxious than others. Certain things can trigger you.

But here's why, and here's what you can do about it. So there's a lot of reasons why we might feel anxious in a relationship. It could be childhood issues. It could be from your past relationship you had with someone, like let's say someone cheated on you or that just wasn't a lot of healthy behaviors going on. So it could be lack of trust, fear of abandonment,

you know, questioning yourself, your compatibility, you know, am I good enough? Or are they good enough? You know, are I too good for them? So I think that we always experience in a relationship, some sort of unease about, you know, what we're getting ourselves into. So that's normal. That's a normal part. But it's a real problem, I think, when it becomes debilitating. When you find yourself constantly obsessing about the relationship and it sort of takes over your life and you find yourself kind of self-sabotaging as well. When you start to die your partner and you keep bringing it up, you're like, what did you mean by this? And I'm not trusting you. And really, a lot of times, it doesn't necessarily have to do with your partner. But a lot of times,

these issues have to do with ourselves. Welcome to the world, it usually is about ourselves. Because once we learn, and we really own our issues and our challenges, it can be easier to specifically weed out what's our part of the problem and what part is our partner triggering us and how to have healthy conversations around it. So here's some signs that maybe you're anxiety in the relationship as reaching on healthy level. This is kind of like when you start to engage in these behaviors that might push your partner away.

So it could be obsessing over your partner's social media accounts, maybe you're Googling them. You've got your friends doing some investigating. Have you done stuff like this, James? No, okay. So I have been in a relationship where I did have a lot of anxiety, but I was actually like, I don't like to obsess over people's media, social media accounts.

But there would be, like I think everyone, like sometimes at least, they'll go and you'll check the Instagram page, you'll check the Facebook page, you'll see like who's interacting with my person. And so if you aren't trusting of them, you'll read into things. Right. And I think that is, I think going through social media accounts is almost a way of self-sabotaging

because you're looking for there to be a problem. Right. Exactly. And then you're always going to find something because if your brain is already wired to think this person's probably on a date with someone else or cheating on me, you'll be able to see that if they put a picture of a sailboat off. You'll be like, why is he at the beach? Who's he at Tuesday?

Exactly. Who's he watching that boat with? You know what I'm saying? You can create any story in your mind. You can start to falsely accuse your partner of doing things that they didn't really do, that you've no evidence for. So if you're feeling like you're anxiety about relationships, whether it's about your attachment to the relationship or you're just putting way too much time worrying about things.

Here's some ways that you can overcome your relationship anxiety. First of all, pay attention to your behavior. How often are you jumping to conclusions about their behavior and do you really have sufficient evidence to support the fact that this person maybe did something wrong? A lot of times, our fears around anything, like it could even be a fear around work or, you know, friends, it has to do something

that happened in the past. It could be a childhood memory, it could be something in the past with a past partner. So check in with yourself. Exactly. What's really going on here? So what you could do, exercise, I mean, for me, exercise helps me so much with anxiety in all levels of my life. Exercising, it's not just because you're going to feel better.

Like it does release, I mean, yes, you feel better about your your body and your health and all that, but it actually does increase serotonin. So it actually does release those feel good hormones in your brain. And for me, like I love working out in the morning. That's always been my thing because I just feel like it sets me for a good day. But also whenever you can get it in, it helps get it in in many ways. But I told you see, I just went back to the gym. Yes. And I can get it in, it helps. Get it in in many ways. But I just went back to the gym. Yes. And I can't, unfortunately, I'm not a morning person, so I can't wake up before and I go, yeah.

But, I mean, I wish I could. I'd rather do that, because it's so busy after work. Anyways, I felt really great like going back. Like I felt productive, I felt like just happier, I just felt like I could actually like be in a place doing something and not have to worry about anything else and I could just like you know, keep running. You know, I could just work out and like kind of like you it's almost like a meditation without really getting into that meditative state. So that's great. It really is. I think it helps with a lot

of things. And I have to say people are like oh but I have no time, I have no time. I mean I think about Michael Moore, you know Michael Moore, the film maker, I think it helps with a lot of things. And I have to say people are like, oh, but I have no time, I have no time. I mean, I think about Michael Moore, you know, Michael Moore, the film I created. I've been reading this years ago that he was always, he's always been overweight and he just started doing this 10,000 steps a day. And he lived some Michigan in Flint, it's freezing like rag up and he was like,

I'm just gonna walk. So it's not even like you have to do anything, but he would probably use his Fitbit or his phone now that has his apps and it's like, I know you guys have heard this from so many different sources, but it really does help us to get out and move and get outside of your head and it just every time it works. Like, there's nothing, it's kind of like sex. You never really regret having sex with your partner and you're not going to regret start moving because it just helps clear your

head. The other thing, positive self-talk. As much as you can, and this is also another practice, engaging a positive self-talk rather than negative self-talk and this to me is a lifelong process And I find myself a lot of times when I'll just be thinking of the worst case scenario about things and all of a sudden I literally would be like everything's fine everything's good And I'll even have a monitor in my head like I've won that I always say like all I need is within me now because I love that. Oh my god And I literally will just not even consciously know. I'll just keep saying that.

Like if I'm going to bed at night and feeling anxiety or I'm just driving somewhere worrying, I'm like, all I need, because it's true. Most of us have, we're our own worst enemies and we have all the answers that we need and all we need is inside of us and we can control it. So that's my mod. You can find something that makes you feel good. Like I'm okay. Be here now.

Whatever it is. And it's literally a practice that just gets your mind off of thinking these thoughts that can be sabotaging. This also increases serotonin as well, and this controls the part of your brain behind the frontal areas that are responsible for attention, judgment, and impulse control. So if you find yourself being really judgey,

and I do find this when I switch it, I'm like, I have no room there to be judgmental judgemental to focus on other things it just helps you reset. Also take a step back a lot of times in the moment when we make impulsive decisions that's what can make us feel anxious. If you step back and you think you know what maybe I'm not going to do this right now. Even if it's like picking up the phone to check your partner's Instagram account or to send a text to somebody that's in angry text like they say you should always sit down and I believe that. Take a step back in the moment if you're feeling like you know right now I don't

think I'm in the healthiest place to to be doing things. Take a step back think about it, pause. Also find ways to relax. How do you relax Jamie? I like to listen to a lot of like just chill laid back music. I like to just like lay back in I have a jacuzzi at my house, so I like to use that to kind of unwind. Cause like I'm talking a lot all the time

and people like I talk to my friends all the time, they're always talking to me. And like it's nice to just like be like in a quiet, like just like chill, like quiet music, just chill and sit by myself and just breathe. Yeah, that's good. It's important. I really did too.

I'm always going, I'm always talking. Even last time I was driving on homework, you saw me. I was so tired. I was like, I've never seen you look that time. I was exhausted. I was so tired. And I was like, you know what? And there was a lot of phone calls.

I had to return a lot of things I need to do. And I thought, I'm just not. I'm shutting down. And I didn't talk to anybody. And it felt really good to take that time. So it's important. And then finally, if you feel like your anxiety is just taking over, get help. See a therapist, I think everyone needs it at some point, but if you really

find that it's just too much, talk to someone about it. Because the truth is that overcoming this kind of anxiety and a relationship and just like everything, it boils down to having control over your emotions and your mental process. And that's why when I say, all you need is everything you know, we can control this. You're the one who's planting these thoughts in your head. You're the one who's creating these scenarios. And when you kind of separate that your thoughts are not you, you are not your thoughts. And you can control them.

You can start to minimize your anxiety relationships and just have healthier ones and more sex. Yeah, and I think, yeah, I think we're your exact- Because it's all the sex and thing. Yeah, exactly. But like, it's hard to have sex when you're like full of anxiety and stuff like that. I think sometimes I have those dry spell periods because if there's too much anxiety going

on in there, it's like how can you trust your partner and relax and get into that mode of pleasure. Right. And you said something really important, I think, about music and about sound that I think that we underestimate the power of just having music playing or listening to something that really sues you. No, not the TV necessarily, but, you know,

and then also touch. So when you were just saying couples, it's like, can you guys listen to music? Can you touch each other? Because even if it's just massage and not sex or get a massage, like that really does help to calm down your whole nervous system. And smell, light some candles, all that's a thank you, James.

Thanks. Thanks for having me. Of course, it's so fun. Okay, so we're going to give a shout out to our sponsors right now. You guys think you're supporting them? God, I love all our sponsors right now. I mean, I always do, but they're really killer. I mean, you've got some great ones.

And um, we've got, I love the new Donna products. Oh, I, I like really, I want to eat them. I need to find me someone that I can soothe in massage, and that can do that back with me. I really want to use them. They smell so good, and I just feel like I can use them alone, but I want to use them with a partner. I think that these massage candles

are that they are such a great, Donna makes these massage candles. They smell amazing. And the thing about a massage candle, it's like a tofer because I light it when I come over and work, I just light the candle, it smells amazing. And then if someone's coming over, you're like, oh, it's a fun little trick, you're like,

oh, like this is actually, does that smell great? Yeah. Smells like chocolate mousse. But like not like the gross fake chocolate, it smells really good. And then you can pour it onto your partner and it's like warm oil. It's not wax. It's not like particularly super kinky. It just feels like warm oil and you pour it in your partner and it's like a little, it's a little game, a little fun trick. That's a good trick.

If you want to check out the Donna products, you can go to my sexwithmla.com store or just check out the Donna banner on the website. Okay everyone, thank you so much for supporting our sponsors and we'll be right back with your emails. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Emails. Mmm, yes. I like these. Oh, I know.

If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, that's amazing. Text your questions to 7979-7979. And then you just text Ask Emily. It has to be one word, to 7979.7979. You can also submit a question at sexwithemily.com via the Ask Emily tab. And as always, include your gender, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show.

Hi Emily, I'm a new listener to your podcast, and I love it. I'm 39 and single and I've never been married. I don't have kids and I've had some failed relationships. Perhaps we all have. After not having sex for a year, I met someone online to hook up with while I was on a mini vacation.

I've never done something like this before. I was really nervous, but the sex was great. He was very giving and wanted me to be comfortable. There was a lot of kissing before, during, and after and he stayed to cuddle He didn't say much and I just love that and he didn't say much while you were actually having sex I don't have a lot of body confidence and I have body image issues So it makes me feel better when I get verbal feedback. I feel like I held back a little. I was nervous obviously I texted him after he left. I told him the sex was great and I loved how gentle he was as he was very well in doubt.

He replied, you're welcome. I sent one additional message and I never heard back. I'm going back to the same town in a few weeks. Should I attempt to contact him? I'm afraid of being rejected but I really want to have sex again with him and I want to be more free and more uninhibited this time around. What would you do? Thanks Lynn, 39 South Carolina.

Yeah Lynn, okay here's a deal. I don't love that he didn't text you back after your second reply and he was kind of rude like you're welcome. And I just feel like yes, some people are challenged when it comes to texting. But I just feel like you're welcome and then not answering you back. You might kind of be setting yourself up for failure. I feel like the fact that you want to let go more and you want to have another like fling that there's plenty of guys in every single town.

So I feel like you can find somebody else to kind of to hang with, you know? I mean, don't get stuck up on that this guy, like it was great sex. Because if this was me and the guy was just like, you're welcome. I'd be like, oh, why was it a privilege? Like, you know, it's just to me, to me, I would be like, nah, onto the next. Yeah, that's not very, that's not very loving. He could have been like, yeah to the next. Yeah, that's not very that's not very loving He could have been like yeah fun to like how hard is it to say yeah like it your welcome is super not not cool Yeah, and here's the other thing I got it beyond with you here

Lynn is that you hadn't had sex in the year so in your mind it might have felt a lot better than a We kind of elevate things if you haven't you know if you've been on a diet or you Whenever you restrict or take something away and you try to get it, it's so great. So I feel like, I don't know. This guy's totally agree with you. Like you get wrapped up and like, oh my God, the sex was great.

And then you think like, I really want to, like, you said that you wanted to be more like un-inhibited next time with him. And I don't think that to me, it doesn't sound like he deserves it. He doesn't, right. So I think you can totally let loose with someone else. And you don't have to be nervous. We all get in our heads, like even me, like, you know,

especially when you're with someone new, especially if you haven't had sex in awhile, but just know that like there is better people out there. And there's gonna be even better sex. Like that's not the best sex that you're ever gonna have. Exactly. And then also to to be on second time around Usually it's the novelty that makes you sex or you know One-night stands feel really good

So I feel like just go and also just go and have fun on your own if you don't be like looking on the apps or finding someone I think when you're on vacation you do have this thing we're talking about this yesterday I want to turn for Jamie camp this vacation goggles. Yeah. I feel like when you go to a new town, everybody just, it seemed everyone's exciting and new and seems different. Like whenever I go to New York, I'm like, every guy here is so good looking. You know, people come down like, it's I think we're just somewhere different.

So I think that maybe just take advantage of being somewhere new. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. Just be your, you know, go out to dinner, meet some people and, you know, mingle. Be on a pivot, I would say someone else. That's how we feel, Lynn. Keep us posted. I want to hear our ghost.

Okay, hi Emily, my name is Marcus, I'm 28 and live in Nottingham, UK. I've been with my fiance for over four years and the sex has always been great. After four years we still have it two to three times a week. Our sex life is becoming more creative as well. We use toys, lube and of course our growing connection. Oh. I have a quiet... I know, connection. Oh. I have a question. I know.

I love this. I have a question about the refractory period. Once I've reached orgasm, I'm literally done. I can prolong my orgasm to a point, but once it's happened, I have zero drive for what seems like the rest of the day, if not longer. For the first few immediate hours, I'll struggle to get in a direction.

I feel generally a bit sore after sex. I don't want to masturbate and it doesn't feels good as the first orgasm. My better have noses and she doesn't initiate until the next day. I don't like this. I'd love for sex to be spontaneous and I'd love to have sex a few times today. How can I reduce this refractory period and get an appetite for more sex sooner? Thanks, Marcus 28, Nottingham UK. Here's a thing Marcus, everyone's different when it comes to their refractory period. Typically men, you know, in their 20s, they have kind of a faster refractory period, but there's a lot of thing that comes into play like your age, diet, health, you have meds,

exercise, are you drinking, taking drugs. And the thing that, the only thing here that gives me pause is that you are, you're 28 years old and I feel like the fact that you're experiencing pain after sex, and that it's taking you 24 hours, it doesn't feel like that it should take that long that there should be pain. So I'm wondering if you're on any medication, if you drink a lot or smoke cigarettes,

I mean, that's all stuff that can affect the male erection. Because the refractory period, it's usually a few minutes to a few days and the older guys get it does take longer. And definitely, there is a period where your body shuts down. The your body's an overdrive, the sympathetic nervous system, which controls your fight of flight,

kind of pushes your body to calm down. And that is what's happening. But typically, like, if you're, oh, and it also lowers your neurotransmitters, like dopamine testosterone. And so that's what happens as well. And your serotonin spikes and takes a nose dive. And that's why guys often want to sleep after.

But I feel like if you and your partner continue to kind of play around, maybe she gives you a massage or maybe you give her some pleasure that you should be able to, you know, typically get an erection again, at least that day. I just feel like maybe there's something going on. I mean, you know, it could just be the way your body is, but I would get checked out. And it's just the pain thing when you said that you have some pain. So when you say that the first few media was you struggle and you

feel bit sore after sex, I'm wondering also how much you masturbating. So maybe also if you're masturbating a lot, I'm just wondering where that soreness is, is it internal, is it on your shaft? So I've got a few questions for you, but but there are a fact you're here to mean again, it differs for all men, but the fact that you're having pain and it takes 24 hours at least I would get checked out. Hey Emily, I'm also Emily. I love to learn about sex and I want to be better at talking with my partner about what I'm learning. I don't want to come off to Prechitichi and Noidol sex freak. How should I start broaching this topic? So we're not just talking about it, but we're trying out some of the things we talk about. Thanks, Emily, 27, California. Well, Emily, I love that you want to talk to your partner about

sex, and they're actually even asking how to improve upon the fact that you're even talking to them because a lot of people don't even want to talk about it. So there's a few things here that we kind of some rules around talking about sex that are important that we emphasize and location is important. So location and timing and tone. I would say those are some things to start with that you don't want to have in the bedroom right after sex. You can say like that was amazing that felt great but you want to be like I really think that we should try anal. Or next time, could you do this or that?

I just feel like the bedroom is kind of for sex for sleeping. But if you are outside the bedroom, I think it's great. Like a breakfast or... You know, if you're going to the laundromat or you're taking drive in the car. Right, you're not making eye contact. It might be an easier time to talk about it. Timing, make sure, yeah, you're not stressed, you guys aren't rushing around. And I would just say

that my top advice for you, just to make it more of a conversation, that it's, I think that we can build it up in a head like, and because it is, it's a big deal to talk about sex with your partner because it's such a charged subject and you really don't want to upset him or hurt his feelings. And so I feel like if you're just like, God, our sex has been, I love having sex with you. It's been really fun. And I'd love to, let's talk about some other things we could do. What are your fantasies or what are some things you want to try or bucket list things that you go to a sex toy store together

or talk and listen to the podcast together? I know a lot of couples kind of use this as four play, sex only podcast, which I love. And you could also, again, make it more of a conversation. Like, God, I've been, when I was masturbating there day, I was thinking about you tying me up. Maybe that's when you're a fan of you could tell them that. Like, I think that we all want instructions. Like, you want to hear what he wants.

I'm sure he wants to hear what you want. So it's really just keeping it light and casual and fun and that you just want to both of you to have some pleasure. And also talking about sex can kind of lead to spontaneous sex. Yeah, because maybe it'll turn your partner on. You never know. And you could even just be like, hey, I was reading this article and it said all these different, these tips to starting like anal play and I kind of got me turned on.

I was thinking maybe we could try something like that. You could just say something like that. Like, oh, I just saw it and it was fascinating and I kind of got turned on. And he might be like, okay, I have saw it and it was fascinating and I kind of got turned on and he might be like, oh, okay, I have no idea. Yeah, let's try it. Yeah, I feel like you've since you've been having casual sex lately, have you, Dovenie, good or any examples about how you've kind of brought things up lately, Jamie? I mean, if I've seen the person more than once and I want to try something else,

or I will want them to do certain things, I'll I'll be like, oh, you know how last time, like you touched me like this, or you spent more time like using your mouth and your hands, like when you went down on me or something, like that, I really liked, you should do more of that. Like I would like that. And would you like it dinner or something? Or were you, we were just chillin', we were just watching TV.

Right, you're like, hey. And I'm just chillin' on the couch. That's see, that's how you do it. Like, thanks. Noted. It was casual. And he's just like, oh, I probably did that, right? Yeah.

And then, like, I mean, and the thing that you have to remember, too, is that it's not like a one time, and then he's going to get it kind of conversation. Like, you have to like reiterate it. Because I mean, even me, like, people are like, it's like, it's even like making plans with someone. Like, hey, we should totally go out to dinner. And you're like, yeah, we should.

But then if you never talk about it again, are you really going out to dinner? Right. Exactly. And you don't confirm the plans. You don't set a date. Exactly. So I think that we think that, well, I've talked to him about it or I've talked to her about it.

I let her know once does not count. It does not. No, people don't change that quickly. Good points. Hi, Emily. I love your podcast. I recently just started dating again. After years swearing it off, I've met someone and we've hit it off.

I'm very self-conscious because I'm prone to vaginal, bacteriosis and yeast infections. The idea of having someone touch me down there, even when I don't have an infection, scares me so much I don't want to have sexual contact with anyone. How do I regain my confidence sexually and emotionally? I don't want to push this guy away before even giving us a chance. Thank you, Jelena 28 Seattle. That is a really good question. I'm wondering, do you know what has been causing your infections, your yeast infections,

and your vaginal bacteriosis? There's a lot of different things that could cause that. It could be like the birth control pill could cause that. Oral contraceptives can cause that if you have a lower immune system, if you've been taking antibiotics, if you've been wearing too tight of clothing, that's why cotton underwear is really important. I think we're all about these tight clothes these days, even like exercising a lot with like tight pants can do it.

So I'm curious if you've found out what it could be. Like so reducing moisture down there. So that's just, I mean, I'm assuming you've gone to a doctor and you've gotten how about that. So I would say that you've got to start to get back on the horse here, start having sex again and realize that like now that you probably know what to do to prevent it, or you've gotten some more information from your doctor, that it's not as much of a risk or a fear perhaps. Yeah, and then I'm wondering like what it is that she's scared of is she scared of feeling gross to her partner or gross to herself? Is she scared of them causing another reaction?

Right, I'm good point. Like do you feel like you still have the good bacteriosis can have the certain scent to it? It's not, it's not, it's not great, you don't feel like great. So you good point, do you feel like you might have one and you don't know or do you feel like you're going to catch it again? Yeah, so maybe, I mean, if it's kind of like you feel like you just want to be extra clean, maybe you can just shower

before you have sex, you can use like flavored loops, you know, so Sunjo has like water-based loops, yeah. Water-based loops that will probably be okay with, because if it seems like if you're prone to infection, you probably can't use too many types of lubricants. Like Joe's a gope, you can use that. That's really good. It has a lot of natural ingredients.

And it's supposed to be for very sensitive people. So maybe that'll help. It just kind of depends on what is scaring you about these things. But if you don't have an infection, then you should just get yourself in the mood. Maybe you need more arousal and that will get you in the mood and maybe you won't be as scared. If you don't have anything at that moment, then you're fine.

You're not going to be grossed out. You're going to be totally cool. It's not even something that you need to share with your partner. No, I will not share it with them. something that you need to share with your partner. No, I will not share it with them. They don't need to know. They don't need to know that either. And I think that's a good point.

Don't rush into sex also, Julina, if you're not ready yet. It's okay just to kind of go out with some guys and kind of fool around, do some foreplay, make out. We just gave you some great breaths to have them. You know, just don't, I don't want to push you to do anything until you're ready, but I do feel like if you're a rouse and turned on and you're with a partner that you trust and you feel safe with that

You're going to get your confidence back slowly So right now you haven't even broached it yet because it's been a while since you've had sex if you practice self-care And you are communicative with your partner and you really don't push yourself to go beyond where you're comfortable That you're going to be okay here in your confidence will come back. Make sure you p after sex Yeah, it's always important. you pee after sex. Yeah. Just always important. Yeah. P after sex.

P before sex. Yeah, you know, just like, it's all important. Just in case. That's my other tip. When you say you don't want to push the guy away before giving us a chance, then just take it slow. You're going to know when you're ready. No matter what age, no matter where you're at, life is just rush into sex because we feel

like we should. And I just would like to kind of just let you guys know that we all have a choice. And that the getting to know someone and the build up towards sex over a few weeks or a few months is totally okay, and actually can be really, really hot. And you're getting more information about the person that you're with.

And I think that the more time that you're with someone and you get to trust them and get to know them that this might not be as much as an issue for you, Juliana. Well, yeah, thank you, Jamie. Thank you, Juliana. Happy two years. thank you, Jamie. Thank you, Juliana. Happy two years. Thank you. I love you.

Thank you for everything. Jamie's also, she does videos. She's all the blogs on the site, or Killer. Jamie manages the writer. She writes blogs. We've got some great things up there. Yeah, the blogs are really cool. And let me know, email us feedback.

How you've been liking the titles lately? Oh, Jamie killed it on the titles. OK, I am dying. What was the the shlong one? I'm, uh, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a blog about, you know, the, uh, breaks down the anatomy of the penis, the different parts, like what feels good,

all of that. And it's called Ain't No Shlong & Dance. A guide to the male member. That is one of my better ones. That was great. No, there's, every time I look at the website, I kill, I die. Yeah, five tips is one of my better ones. That was great. No, there's a note. Every time I look at the website, I kill. I die.

Five tips for a hand job well done. I love it. Six finger tips for better for play. Right. Someone gets that. I really like puns. I don't know if you guys can tell. You're punny and they're good blogs, so it's quality, too.

Yeah, there is really good information in there. So if you haven't been checking out the website, like, you know, whenever you're bored, just like, hey, go get some few tips. You never know. It's good. I love it. Good work. Okay, if you're, you know, whenever you're bored, just like, hey, like go get some few tips. You never know. It's good. Love it. Good work. Okay. Well, thank you. Thank you, everyone. I'll start remember files in social media because it's a good time

there. We're doing a lot of fun. Giveaways too, like we said. You can find out more information there about the podcast and everything. It's all at sex with Emily across the board. Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook. And I love you all. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, intern Shannon, thank you Jenny, the latest member to our team, producer, Lark, and Michael, and I love you all. Thanks for listening, was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithamely.com. you