Sexe Oral - Être non-binaire avec Charlie

Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's podcast is presented by Eros & Compagnie. And today, I want to announce something to you, saying that you're not ready. I & Love released their first perfume. I smelled it. Ah! That's not true! I swear, I received it at home. No! Aphrodisiac!

Starting point is 00:00:21 So, I'm going to smell it because I'm in love. But yes, go ahead. Honestly, I smelled it quickly, like before yesterday, It's an aphrodisiac scent. I'm going to smell it because I'm in love. It's really beautiful. Honestly, I smelled it before yesterday. It's tempting to smell it. Do you want me to open it? That's what it does, washing your nails. I can't open it. It's an aphrodisiac scent.

Starting point is 00:00:38 The smell is incredible. It's incredible to open it. It's incredible. If you're a person who likes to go out and attract people's attention. Check out the perfume. It's beautiful. And it's a Quebec-made company. It's made in Quebec. So, local company. Look at this. It's in the shape of a heart. Pure passion.

Starting point is 00:01:04 Do we do an evaluation? I don't feel much right now because I'm a little sick. Do you wear it every day? When I go out. When it's the weekend. Oh yeah! It's your little sloth perfume. My little perfume of little coquin Your little perfume, your little coconut. Sloth in horseback riding. So, the sloth perfume is available on erosetcompagnie.com.

Starting point is 00:01:33 And you have a sexual code for 15% of the rabbi. I'm telling you, it doesn't really smell good. Well, I put it pretty good. Yes, it smells really good. Well, you had a mouthful, a mouthful of garlic, I don't know. So go to the store if you want to smell it in the wrong way. It smells really good. We had some Charlie is a non-binary person who comes to talk about his current journey, the concept of non-binary in general. It was a really nice discussion. He was super generous with us, super open.

Starting point is 00:02:15 It's really very important, especially currently, this podcast. So it's really important to do it. And to everyone, share a lot, it's really important. Big kisses and good podcast. Good discovery from Charlie. Today on the podcast, we are with Charlie. Charlie, thank you so much for being here with us today. It's an honor.

Starting point is 00:02:51 It's a pleasure. Before we get into the subject, can you tell us your pronouns? Yes, well, in fact, I like to say that I am everything and to everyone. I immediately launch my sexual orientation, the L, the IELT. I'm comfortable with the three. I'm just not comfortable when it's exclusively the feminine that is used. With my little strategy that I use at work, it's in my email, I'm just going to put the pronouns IELT, knowing that people will use the feminine in any case, and when they do, I reassure them that it's fine. Okay, I understand. Well, thank you very much for being here today.

Starting point is 00:03:32 And now we're going to do our best to be as respectful as possible. We're going to ask you questions. You tell us when we go to places where you're not comfortable, if there are things that... Are these questions that you don't even ask yourself? Well, I'll tell you that for today, you can ask yourself all the questions. Even if they don't ask themselves, let's say to someone you meet, whatever,

Starting point is 00:03:55 I'll answer because I'm comfortable doing it. I like doing it, I think it's important to do it. And if it's things that I say, hey, it's not something you're going to ask the person you're meeting at the grocery store, I'll tell you. And we'll keep it just for us. Well, we could do a little section, things we didn't say, questions we didn't ask. At the beginning of the podcast.

Starting point is 00:04:16 Did you have the surgery? Did you? Or like, okay. And then also, well, I would like to start with that. With the operation? No, no, not with that. About the elections and everything. Because we're going to try to make the podcast as fast as possible.

Starting point is 00:04:33 But how do you feel about that? About everything that's going on. Yeah. Terrified. Can you tell us a little bit about what's going on with Trump and everything? Well, I made a little list of images on my phone, to see the parallels. Some say it's too far to compare with Hitler and the Nazis.

Starting point is 00:04:53 It's not that far. To put people in categories, to put all the problems on the back of this category of people, who are ultimately a minority, who don't take as much space as that, who are just trying to have basic rights, we'll just say. And then I saw that currently in the United States, well, they stopped making X-rated passports or passports for trans people, binary.

Starting point is 00:05:21 So people who had a F passport, who would like to change it to M, it's not possible. M to F is not possible either. Apparently, when they present themselves at a post where do we normally do that? They confiscated their passport. And they started to do...

Starting point is 00:05:42 It's already done. Can you tell us what exactly the law that was put in place? That Trump said it's... I don't know. I'm willing to leave you with the articles I read on these subjects. It's that there's only two sexes now. It's male and female. Yes, and it's only for the birth certificate. Because yes, there's only male and female,

Starting point is 00:06:06 well, we could already include trans people in there anyway. Because there are trans people who are binary, who go from male to female and vice versa. So it stays binary, it stays in the male-female, but even that in the United States, it's no longer happening. The one with whom you were born, that's it, that's out. It was powerful. Even if you have an operation.

Starting point is 00:06:28 Even if you have an operation, do you know what they're going to do? In fact, they're going to completely remove the possibility of having operations done. I read that too. So, me, my passport is an X. So, I would tell you that the United States is not a vacation destination for the next few years. Holy moly. Yeah. I would say that the United States is not a vacation destination for the next few years. Holy cow. Yes.

Starting point is 00:06:46 And how do you know... You're close to the community, I guess. So what do you feel right now about that? Are people... Is everyone capable? Or are they saying, we're fine here? No, no, it's fear. It's...

Starting point is 00:07:02 From where they're going to go. You know, conversion therapies, we just come to make them illegal in Canada, no, it's fear. It's where they're going to go. Conversion therapies, we just come to make them illegal in Canada. What does that do? Not even a couple of months or years. Are we going to go back to that? Is it going to be forced? If you don't have access to any care or what you live, what you name,

Starting point is 00:07:23 it's just... We say to you, no, it doesn't exist. All the mental health problems that it will lead to, all the young people who need to be accompanied in gender identity quests, they don't need to be told, no, you're that. It's them who should know what their gender is. But there won't even be the possibility to explore that,

Starting point is 00:07:43 or even to talk about it. They will all live that from the inside, explore it, or even to talk about it. They'll all live it inside, and they'll be afraid to talk about it. And that leads to suicide attempts, depression, and... I would love it if Trump had a transgender or white male child. Like Elon Musk. But she doesn't work with him anymore. No, the daughter of Elon... She rejected him. She doesn't take the position publicly.

Starting point is 00:08:08 Oh, it's her daughter. Wow! I didn't know that. Is there a fear about Pierre Polyèbre? Yes. It's for sure that if we become the 51st country, he'll forget that. Even if we become the 51st country, forget it, it's over.

Starting point is 00:08:25 Even if we don't become it, I mean, there are a lot of people who are against Trump, but who are still transphobomophobic and nemitic. Do you have hope? Or right now you're like... On average, in the sense that it will depend on how much people who don't touch it are ready to take action to defend us. Look, we're not making a fuss. Let's start there. Exactly. That's why I think it's important to talk about it. Because yes, it touches me directly, but I think it's even more important that people who don't touch it talk about it too.

Starting point is 00:09:00 Because we are a minority. So if there is anything that wants to pass on our backs, well, we'll never speak loud enough, just us. And what can we do? I have like, yes, podcasts and all that, but I'm telling myself concretely, you know. Well, I think that... Maybe you can talk to me about that. I think that the basis is to educate, especially in the first place.

Starting point is 00:09:23 You know, if you educate and you explain, you know, often the problems with that are people who don't know, who don't know, who don't understand. So the second they hear a discussion or who announces it, there is an opening that is created. Really. But in fact, I am a volunteer for the grid, which is a lot... Well, the grid in general is a lot out in social media recently. And that's the mission of mission of the grid is to go and do what we call interventions,

Starting point is 00:09:49 where we will answer questions from people based on our experience, and we collect data to see if it has a positive impact or not. We collect questions from people, and that's how we get subsidies to continue the mission. What we notice is that when people know someone, whether it's a neighbor, a neighbor, a parent, a cousin, there is always more openness. It's not necessarily... I have a gay cousin equals 100% openness,

Starting point is 00:10:17 but there is a strong correlation between I know someone and I am more open. So we, going to classes, we allow a young person to say, I didn't know anyone, now I have an image of someone trans, of pansexual, non-binary, whatever. I would say, well, nice. Exactly. And you know, it's not forbidden to hate a trans person.

Starting point is 00:10:39 It's forbidden to hate a person because she's trans. There would be someone disgusting who would be a trans person. You can hate her, but still respect the fact that she is trans. And still respect her pronouns. There are so many other things on which you can, like, disagree with a person who is not their identity. It's... Yeah. It's important, as you say, education, really.

Starting point is 00:11:05 It's often, once you meet someone, you're like, ah, finally, the education I had... Yeah. Well, it's part of the unknown, it's part of the change. It's to say, well, I didn't know that, I've never heard of it. And when someone shows you something else, well, you say all the time,

Starting point is 00:11:24 ah, well, what I know wasn't good. Or, ah, maybe I'm wrong. That's hard for the ego. So when your ego is in danger, or when what you know is in danger, you're in defensive reaction. And sometimes some people will use the attack as defense. So no, it doesn't exist. I don't know about it, so it doesn't exist.

Starting point is 00:11:41 Or, ah, I learned that when I was in elementary school. When you were in elementary school, we know it, men, I learned that when I was in primary school. We know it, men and women. Mom and dad. Things evolve. We don't learn about the economy, we don't learn anything, and it exists. No, no. We don't talk about pollution, it exists.

Starting point is 00:11:59 Can you just tell us what exactly describes the term non-binary, Even if it's like all facets. Non-binary is basically an identity of gender. We don't get into sexual orientation. It's not an attraction towards someone. It's really a feeling. Society was made in a very binary way. Binary is for two visions. We have man, woman, it's two.

Starting point is 00:12:26 Non-binary is everything that is not one or the other. So it could be someone who feels... There are so many terms that exist, and the goal is not to know them all, but let's say a fluid gender identity. There are some who are called dummy boys or dummy girls, but you feel partially feminine and partially something else. So what I like as an image is to use colors. So let's say that red represents women and blue men. We go into the stereotyped.

Starting point is 00:13:00 Well, non-binary, it wouldn't necessarily be just yellow which is something else. It would be absolutely all the other combinations of colors possible. non-binaire, ça serait pas nécessairement juste le jaune qui est autre chose. Ça serait absolument toutes les autres combinaisons de couleurs possibles. Par exemple, si tu te sens un petit peu homme, un petit peu autre chose, tu peux être vert, parce que tu as un peu de bleu, un peu de jaune. Ça peut être quelqu'un qui est uniquement jaune. Ça peut être quelqu'un qui a un mélange de rouge et de bleu. Moi, j'aime bien cette façon-là de l'expliquer parce que ça permet de voir que... It could be someone who has a mix of red and blue. So I like this way of explaining it because it allows you to see that it's not a third frame, it's not a third kind.

Starting point is 00:13:31 It's everything that is not male or female. Do you have terms to which you are attached or not necessarily? Because you were telling us earlier, it's all of them. Are there any that you're like, it's those, let's say, that I'm going to introduce myself to someone, I'm going to say? Well, in fact, non-binary, I find that it represents very well. Are you fluid, let's say? Fluid? I already described myself like that at one point, but not anymore. Because in my fluid head, I attach things to femininity, I attach things to masculinity, and I tell myself, it was just a matter of walking between the two. But when I deepened my reflection and my question about myself,

Starting point is 00:14:20 I understand that society associates things with femininity and that society associates things with masculinity, but for me personally, it's not things that make sense. For example, high heels were invented for men. There was a time when men had long hair, and the longer the hair, the better. The more good warriors. long hair, and the longer the hair, the better. The pink was the little boys because the red was the blood, it was the king, and associated with a little bit of white, the purity of the children, it was pink. While the blue was the women, it was the Virgin Mary.

Starting point is 00:14:57 So the fact that this has evolved through history, the fact that in cultures there are men who wear skirts, the fact that in cultures, there are men who wear skirts. The fact that in cultures, women shave their heads for X, Y reasons. For me, the fact that... I'll continue with one last example, trans people. So having a penis doesn't necessarily make you a man. So when now I ask myself the question, what is a man and what is a woman? What is feminine and what is masculine? Personally, I don't make sense in that.

Starting point is 00:15:27 For me, a man can be sensitive. For me, a woman can have leadership. So for me, all these characteristics that are associated with masculine feminine, even if I'm able to say, depending on the society, it goes in this case, it goes in that case, for me personally, it's not adequate that make sense. I don't know if it's clear. Yes. When did you start your reflections about that, when did they happen to you? Late. Well, not so late, but too late to my liking. I was 26 years old. I did my first pansexual coming out at 24. A non-binary coming out at 26. I'm a person who has always had the desire to please.

Starting point is 00:16:14 I think that in society, it's very associated with little girls. I was someone who was very, very little. I love dresses. Even today, I love dresses. But to please was important for me. I'm a very, very small girl. I love dresses. And even today, I love dresses. But pleasure, for me, is important. And I realized... I went very, very low one day in my personal esteem,

Starting point is 00:16:33 in my life in general, in relationships that didn't work or that I made people abuse me. And I started going to the DAA, which is a bit like anonymous alcoholics, but for people who depend on their affections. So it's DAP,ate, anonymous, AA. And it works on the same principle as AA, in the sense that you have 12 affirmations or commands.

Starting point is 00:16:55 And then, characteristics. And in the characteristics, at some point, we had a discussion about what masks are in society to be accepted. What do we do that, in the end, it's not ourselves, but just to not cause trouble, just to make it better, what do we put to be more accepted? And I had started a reflection in the group in that environment. And it turned out that that night I had a lot of work to do. So I spent an hour and a half alone in my car.

Starting point is 00:17:34 It kept turning, the hamster, the hamster. And one day, I was alone. I started laughing and I yelled out loud, I'm not a woman. And that was it. It was just that. And then after that, you analyze your past a little, you're able to come back at such a moment. I felt like I wasn't able, I didn't have the words,

Starting point is 00:17:56 whatever, but with the step back, to go and associate words. And sometimes I also tell myself, it's maybe just a coincidence. For example, my deadname, things that no one would ask, but's just a coincidence. For example, my deadname, things that you wouldn't ask anyone, but I'm at ease to name, it was Laurence. And I had a strong chest, so my nickname was Lolo.

Starting point is 00:18:14 Oh no, you can laugh. And well, that's it, I was 32DD. I was a cute little girl with big boobs. I went to years old. I had a heart attack with melons. I went to the test booth, bought braces, bath towels, I was sweating my life. I was not feeling well. But at that moment, if you just say, I'm too young for... Because I was attracted to mature men, but I was 15 years old. So was it the discomfort of that? Was it the discomfort of my name? Was it the discomfort of my chest? I don't know, but now that I have that,

Starting point is 00:18:50 I get a little more meaning, even if I don't say, well, it's the answer to everything. It's just that it's part of me. That's a little what I was saying earlier before we started, the labels and the self-identification. There are things that come to answer questions. So it's important to have these words, non-binary, words that we don't all know, but that are at the disposal of those who need them. You still went through the steps, you changed your first name, administratively.

Starting point is 00:19:25 Now you have an X on your passport. Yes. You said you had a double D. You had a surgery. Yes. At 16, I had a surgery for my mother. Okay. And at that time, I didn't really care about my gender. My surgery, I was 32, a B4 all on my gender. My reduction, the fact that I was already at 32,

Starting point is 00:19:45 a B-far, let's say. I gained weight afterwards, and I gained a little more chest and back, but now it's more balanced. And over time, I learned to love my breasts, I learned to love my body. And since my surgery, I haven't had dysphoria related to my breasts.

Starting point is 00:20:04 But despite that, I consider myself a mastectomy because the euphoria of imagining myself without my breasts is stronger than how I feel there. So I don't necessarily have discomfort. I'm very comfortable. I took nude photos. But it's like... You think it's not like you? Well, that's it. It's like wearing a costume. I have fun with my costume, but it doesn't make me. Did you take hormones?

Starting point is 00:20:33 Yes, it's been since March 2021. I'm talking nonsense. I don't have a lot yet, but a little bit. My voice has changed a lot. The size of the clitoris, the pylosity. They say that men are more... ... carry on sexuality, let's say. It's not just a stereotype of gender. Hormones have an effect. Testosterone, once in a point, I couldn't control myself. I could masturbate three, four, five times a day.

Starting point is 00:21:09 And I got a second puberty at the age of 22. It's okay, it's more stable. But at one point, it was all the time. And otherwise, in terms of smells, my body smell has changed a lot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Perfumes that were good for me are not as good now.

Starting point is 00:21:30 When I wake up in the morning, I'm hot in the night, my blonde will tell me, ah, it smells like the little guy. Oh. So, yes, lots and lots of changes with hormones. I took so many shoulders that I have lots of shirts that don't make me anymore. My weight has also changed a lot because I do muscle mass more easily. It's heavier than fat, so I weigh heavier than I've ever weighed, but I'm not as big or fat as I've ever been.

Starting point is 00:21:58 When we talk about hormones, we talk about, you know, women are more sensitive. Do you think that your emotions have changed? Yes. You have no idea. We'll learn everything first. Yes, but no, not necessarily. No, it's not for the best. Well, listen, there's positive, there's negative.

Starting point is 00:22:19 I was someone, I am someone very sensitive, very close to my emotions, but it allowed me to detach myself. Sometimes it's positive, sometimes it's negative. Sometimes I'm like, I would have a sore throat, it's not going well in my life right now, it would relieve me, but I'm not able to. I'm having trouble crying. We received June, I don't know if you know her, June Pilot? Yes, June Pilot.

Starting point is 00:22:44 That? I'm sorry. We got a message from John from our podcast. On the show. He said, I would force you to cry, and nothing comes out. Absolutely. It's true that I wanted to fart in the walls I was talking about. Absolutely. I love the movie Inside Out with the little emotions, anger, disgust. Before starting the testo, I always said

Starting point is 00:23:05 that I didn't have anger. He was sleeping in a corner, he was hidden, he had been forgotten. And sadness took up all the space that anger should have taken. So I could feel betrayed, I was struggling, I wasn't angry. I had bad news or I was missing something,

Starting point is 00:23:21 I was disappointed, but I wasn't angry. And since I've been taking the testo I wasn't angry. Since I took the testo... You're angry. I'm rarely angry. Oh my God. I was with my blonde at one point, and there's a little cave that passes by us, close to us, making its tires crack,

Starting point is 00:23:40 and throwing us homophobic comments. If it hadn't been in his chair... You're going to break in two. Hey! I've never felt that in my life. I'm not so much myself. But now I have that. And it has a little advantage of now, my emotions don't necessarily take over

Starting point is 00:24:01 because I have a good management of my anger, but I had a less good management of my sadness, perhaps, where I let myself walk on my feet more, which I do now less. But if you're linked to hormones that make me more angry, or if it's because I feel more like myself, so I affirm myself more. There are lots of things that are linked. Would there be, because because when you do, you know, it's still big changes, I mean, with what you're saying.

Starting point is 00:24:29 Do you have psychological help with that that can really, precisely, direct you better, accompany you better, or are you still a little hurt? Personally, I didn't feel the need for it. I saw a sexologistologist through a toxic relationship, I'm talking about my emotional dependence. And when I needed a reference letter to change my gender markers, I reviewed it. But I didn't feel the need to see that with her on a daily basis. And as I was saying, it was a period in my life where I was attending AA classes.

Starting point is 00:25:06 So I was venting sometimes on that, sometimes on other things. I have a lot of friends from the community too, so I had a good circle to help me. So I personally didn't feel the need for it, but yes, it's resources that are available, except that after that, there are the waiting lists, there are the costs. It's not easily accessible if you're not educated and you don't have money.

Starting point is 00:25:30 Yes, and I wonder if there are really professionals who are... Because, let's say, I imagine not all psychologists are at ease with the other terms, with the other identities of gender. So you have to find someone who... Absolutely. Is there a lot of people in the community who are more specialized? A lot, I don't know. I love Facebook groups because

Starting point is 00:25:54 we live a little bit of the same things, so we can give each other tools. There are some who created professional lists that said they were safe, or on the contrary, they weren't going to be there because you were going to be... They were going to try to tell you that... Gaslighted or whatever. But yes, we're a good community. It's not perfect yet.

Starting point is 00:26:19 The LGBTQIA community, etc. There are people who are transphobic homosexuals, there are trans people who say, well, non-binary people don't exist. You're a trans person, but you're a trans-binary person, so in your head, it's like, we're not, it's not a perfect community, far from it. But when you need something, that's why self-identification is important,

Starting point is 00:26:50 because you're able to find people who live the same thing, who went through there or who go through there at the same time as you. So we can transfer or refer to tools or professional lists, things like that. You're non-binary, but can we say that you still, you still experienced a transition? Yes. Non-binary transition? Transition, yes? Yes. In fact, theoretically, purely theoretically, all non-binary people are trans. Because the fact of passing from one gender marker to another is a transition. But there are non-binary people whose choice is not to claim or refuse this label.

Starting point is 00:27:38 It becomes a label because it would be another that opposes them. Self-identification is just non-binary but not trans. I understand. Because for many reasons, it can be, I didn't experience the same thing, or I'm a non-binary person, I'm a signifier at birth, I'm fine with my feminine body in quotes, I kept my first names, my pronouns. So there are some who don't feel comfortable claiming or wearing trans t-shirts,

Starting point is 00:28:03 and that's fine. That's why we say there's a theory and a practice. It doesn't feel comfortable to claim or wear trans tenders. And it's quite correct. That's why we say there's a theory and a practice. I was listening to a testimony of a person, like trans-masculine, without considering herself a man. You know, like this person transitioned more towards the masculine. But she talks about the fact that... Ah, the person.

Starting point is 00:28:27 That in her transition, there were some things that were still shocks. Because, for example, even if, let's say, she had things that looked more masculine, let's say, hair on the belly, it could make her super uncomfortable. You know, so for you, let's say, in the hormone intake, there are things that, let's say, you had to do a mourning compared to before, or things that you have trouble accepting because you don't consider yourself a man either. At the beginning, I categorically said that I didn't want facial hair.

Starting point is 00:29:04 It was a big, big name. And as soon as I started taking testosterone, I got laser treatment. And one day I stopped because it took time, whatever. And by the time I learned what testosterone did to me, one day I was like, no, but I love my beard. Like, I really like it, I think about it, and I flatten it at the same time, like in the movies.

Starting point is 00:29:27 Like in the movies! But yes, there are things that have evolved over time. In terms of hair loss, the legs, since I was 14, let's say, I've had a lot of laser hair removal. And then, on the tibia, I almost have no hair anymore. On the thighs, I hadn't done it. So I just have half-hair. I've had hair up to my knees. Honestly, there are a lot of cis women who have that too.

Starting point is 00:29:57 Personally, all my thighs are hairy. Except that the difference is that the testo has made my hair much thicker. I got a tan! A big difference, it's big black hairs versus no hair whatsoever. I understand. And that too, before it bothered me more. And now I'm like, no, I have friends who don't have that. So there are things we get used to and there are others that, yes, it's a debt to be made.

Starting point is 00:30:21 Me, at the time, I didn't have more grief than that. It kept evolving towards the positive. Kindness because I would like to have a mastectomy, I would like to not have my breasts anymore, but since I learned to love them, and it was a long process because of my reduction to my mother, the fact that I took pictures, that I was very comfortable with, that I find my breasts beautiful, I find my body beautiful,

Starting point is 00:30:48 but I made them pierced because they were like... they were jewels. Really? And then to tell myself that I'm going to get them removed... You know, my ideal would be to have legal breasts. In the morning, I want to put them on, I put them on. In the evening, I want to remove them, I remove them. Or one day, or... But as I was saying earlier,

Starting point is 00:31:09 euphoria, to imagine it, is stronger than the rest. So that's where I'm going to go, even if it comes with a mourning. But I'm not in denial, and it's not... It's very conscious. At the moment, what is it that gives you your biggest euphoria of genre? I would say... Oh my God, good question. It can change too.

Starting point is 00:31:36 It's very, very abstract, but I think it's just the way I feel. Like the way that, precisely, the distance I have now with my emotions, the fact that I'm more empathetic and less sympathetic, not sympathetic in the sense that you're sympathetic, but because I don't live emotions in the person's place or with the person. I'm able to have empathy for what she feels, to imagine being in her place, but I always stay from my point of view.

Starting point is 00:32:07 It's easier to deal with difficult situations. I'm in the right of the family, right of youth. It's a job where you send greens and apples. So that makes me feel good to have that, the assurance I feel, the fact that when I was young, my mother used to tell me all the time, get your shoulders up, get your shoulders up. And there was a part where it was to hide my big chest, and another part I think it was just because I wasn't feeling well.

Starting point is 00:32:33 But now I walk my shoulders out, and I think it's going to be even easier and more natural when I'm going to have my mastectomy, because there are days where I either put on an armchair because I don't want to be compressed, or I put on my binder that compresses me, but I'm like, no, I'm afraid it will make a curve. No, it's the way I feel now that gives me the most euphoria. And do you have a laboplastia? Mastectomy. Mastectomy.

Starting point is 00:33:04 What is laboplastia? I knowectomy. What is laboplastia? I know there's labia, which is the lips. I can put it on, it's a big deal. Plastos, anyway. Mastectomy. Mastectomy. Is there a fear that... Your name...

Starting point is 00:33:19 That's feminine, you know, we can hear each other. Where are we? To remove that, do you think that people will see you more, you know, we can hear each other. Where are we? To remove that, do you think that people will see you more, more masculine? And then you say, ah, well, I don't want to be just masculine. Is there that too? Yes, but in fact, it's more, how would I say? At the beginning, my question, because I started by saying,

Starting point is 00:33:41 yes, I would like that of mastectomy to stop making me call a lady. And then I was afraid that my reasoning would stop there, and that I would do it for others, and for how others could maybe call me. And then, by thinking, and when, as I said, I'm a volunteer for the CRI, so I go to the classes, I get asked questions, and sometimes these are questions that I didn't ask myself. So I really like that about it. The young people make me think about myself and my values, my path. And I realized that no,

Starting point is 00:34:10 my blonde said, the first time she saw me, she thought I looked like a gay man. And that made me so happy! It doesn't bother me. I have a lot less... I don't have any discomfort to be called a gentleman, even if I don't feel like a gentleman. While to be called a lady, I have discomfort. Okay.

Starting point is 00:34:34 So, I don't feel like a man. But it seems like it's... I don't know. I have more comfort with the male appearance, in quotes, given what I was saying earlier. If we consider that it's a spectrum, you're maybe just more of a masculine tendency? Yes and no, because at the emotional or value or... I know that I'm more involved in things that are characterized as feminine. Taking care of... I'm a crazy cat. Taking care of children. I wanted to go into teaching, which is more of a feminine job. I'm someone, as I said, very sensitive. I like cute little films. So there are a lot of things that are very feminine in me,

Starting point is 00:35:26 but it seems like my body needs to be closer to what is considered masculine by society. In the expression of gender? Yes. Bravo! In the expression of gender? Yes. Bring us a gift. I like that you're talking about it

Starting point is 00:35:48 because I think it's really practical and we can present it. It's a volunteer from the Grey, my friend Soleil who makes these cards. Soleil! Yes, her name is Soleil. It's the name of her daughter. Yes, Soleil made this beautiful little tool.

Starting point is 00:36:08 I love it. She made a lot of others too, which are just as interesting, but which don't necessarily join the identities of gender orientation. But the one I brought, the cards are separated by color so that people understand what goes in which category. Because you have sexual orientation, you can have romantic orientation, you have gender identity, you have gender expression, you have pronouns. And listen, there are others, quickly like that. I don't remember if it came in.

Starting point is 00:36:41 It was born or not. You say gender expressions, you say. The pronouns. Did she add in this one the relational modalities? Because I know she made a version with... It doesn't tell me anything. But the fact of being in a polite relationship or not. In itself, it doesn't necessarily go into the LGBTQ+,

Starting point is 00:37:03 except in a desire for inclusion, and because there are a lot of people in this community who are in this type of relationship, we still talk about it a little bit to raise awareness about it. Yeah, that's in there. I think that, look, she doesn't want to be heterosexual anymore because she doesn't like the little guy. It's super light, it's black and white, I want the color. Black and white is binary. That's it. She's disappointed. Well, I have and white, I want the color. Black and white is binary. That's it.

Starting point is 00:37:26 She's disappointed. Well, I have little hearts, it's a little romantic. That's what you're asking. No, I'm not sure. For real, I don't care. Why would I remember a penis or a vagina? I'm an alcoholic, when I have a penis or a vagina, I eat everything. That's it, it's still that. It's the same. But I know I have a preference, like you, I have a preference towards the heteroromantic man that I would date with a man.

Starting point is 00:37:53 But I would prefer love with a beautiful nun, you know? You understand? So I'm like... And he tells me, in fact, I don't care. I don't care. Imagine if I get into a fight with Louis, I guarantee you that I'm going to give a fuck. You're up with Louis, I guarantee you I'm going to give up. You're going to come, you're going to be in love with me. I don't care. And I don't want to have labels, but I don't care. I like everyone. You're the one who chooses.

Starting point is 00:38:17 And I like monkeys too. Monkeys? Yeah, one day. I wasn't sure if you said monkeys or monkeys. Monkeys. I like humans and monkeys. We weren't going there. No, but the monkeys. I love humans and I love monkeys. We can't go there. We're not going there? We're not going there.

Starting point is 00:38:29 No, but no, but it's the two things I love. That's the limit of where we're not going. It's true. That's what we call bestiality. We stay in the adult human concentration. I understand. It's not sexual. And erotically speaking, I love monkeys. Joannie?

Starting point is 00:38:43 I send monkeys to the zoo every day. No, but I wouldn't St. Joseph's. Joannie? I'm sending St. Joseph's to? No, I won't go out with the St. Joseph's. I promise. So that's it. I don't understand much, but I understand. It could really help me. I read them earlier and it really helps me a lot. We have questions from people too. Yes, go ahead. We talked about this.

Starting point is 00:39:04 I want to say that it's a question of, but I know there's no nasty question. Is a queer person necessarily non-binary? First of all, no, not necessarily. And at the same time, queer is a term by support. Queer includes the LGBTQIA plus 2S, completely. It was used as an insult, as the word in N, and it meant weird, strange, not common. Then at some point the community thought, well, we're going to take it it and be proud to be different. So there's a more political connotation when you say queer. It's going to be more committed people who are going to use it,

Starting point is 00:39:53 or people who don't want a specific label, or who are not able to put a specific label on themselves. It's both political and vague. I'd be queer. I don't know what to say. Can we say that even if we didn't have a system? Absolutely. I'm talking to a guy with a penis.

Starting point is 00:40:22 He's a guy with a penis and he's a person with a penis, and he's a boy. But if he lets me... There are a lot of people who... I'll take my example. I was younger, I was like, I wouldn't mind kissing a girl. The older I was, it was... I wouldn't mind sleeping with a girl.

Starting point is 00:40:40 Another day, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a girl. But all along this, I wouldn't mind. I was like, no, I'm heteroflexible. Oh no, I'm just curious. It's like, as long as we haven't done it, there are people who have a problem with naming it and claiming it, except that you don't need to... how do I say this? In the same way that someone who is really straight doesn't need to sleep with a man... Well, anyway. Well, let's say... yeah. To know who's going to be the one. That's it. And the same way that there's never a man who's going to convince a lesbian that,

Starting point is 00:41:14 ah, it's because you didn't find the right guy. No, no, no, you know it and that's it. Even if you haven't done it yet, you know, young people of 14, 15 years old, they have complaints that they already know they're straight, they haven't had sex with anyone. Well, you know, and it evolves. It has so many different stages in my life.

Starting point is 00:41:35 You know, from 14 to 18 years old, I was convinced that I was lesbian. I was just with... You know, at first I did my coming out at 14 years old as a bisexual. After that, I was just with... At the beginning, I did my coming out at 14 years old as a bisexual. After that, I was just with women. My first... My first sexual relationship with a man, I was 19. And after that, it was bi for a long time. And you know, it's been a long time since I've had a sexual relationship with other people than heterosexual men. So...

Starting point is 00:42:01 I know I'm being pitiful. But, you know, it varies. And also, you know, pansexual, bisexual, all that kind of spectrum, that you're like, there are moments that I would lean more towards one term, sometimes more towards the other. Yes, and sometimes it's a question of not knowing. Me, my blonde, she met me because she had done... Dear Brooke, you quickly turned the lesbian circle on an app. There are maybe 10, 12, and after that it's like, well, there's no more in your region. So she was there, so she said, I'm going to add non-binary people.

Starting point is 00:42:36 Then she saw me, and at first she was stressed, like, I don't know that, I might be wrong. Oh my God, what does that imply? Will it bother me? And it was very... We had to take advantage of that. And me, on my side, Fanny is my first cisgender woman. All my life, I've been with cisgender or trans men. And I've been thinking for a long, long, long time,

Starting point is 00:43:03 very, very long time, that I'll never be in a relationship a woman, because it's so much trouble for a woman. And finally, it's much more respectful for a woman, and it's so much... In any case, my future wife, I got engaged on the 31st of December. Congratulations! Yes, that's it. There is a level of emotional maturity that I didn't have in any other relationship before. And maybe it was me who was in that path, it's not just the fact that I'm a woman. But it's... yes. We change, we evolve because I would never have seen myself there at 10.

Starting point is 00:43:37 That's crazy. And you consider yourself at the moment as a pansexual? Non-binary pansexual. Non-binary. Is your future wife, she was... she considered herself heterosexual at the beginning? She considers herself pansexual with a penis intolerance. Oh wow! Penis intolerance! I just named it like that, but she doesn't like penises.

Starting point is 00:44:04 So non-binary, trans men, women. But at the same time, the way I understand it, and the discussions we had, she could be in a relationship with a man and then love someone who has a penis, but at the moment of sexual act, she will never have a fling, it disgusts her. I understand. I understand. And I don't want to assume what you're going to say, but from what I understood between the lines, it suits you. Indeed.

Starting point is 00:44:32 I understand. Indeed. Oh, yeah. And now, as long as we get to the question, we won't ask you. Well, yes. Is it something that you considered HRG or not at all? Absolutely not. Because I have no dysphoria. And unlike mastectomy, I wouldn't feel euphoria with a penis.

Starting point is 00:44:56 It would separate you a little bit, limit. No, no, no. It's really indifference. Let's say there's a girl who meets me and she's like, she's holding a penis. I'm going to go like, ah. It totally interferes with me. On the other hand, I have endometriosis. Okay. My uterus doesn't do its job like everyone else.

Starting point is 00:45:19 It didn't receive its task well at the appointment. Oh yeah. Instead of getting rid of my rules, my endometriosis goes free for all in my body. So it comes with very intense pain and a lot of other problems. And that's it. There's no medication that's strong enough.

Starting point is 00:45:40 When I have a crisis in my trios, a couple of months later, I'm on my way to of months, I'm in an ambulance on my job. I'm out of this world so badly. And because of that, I'm thinking of an esthetics and getting my uterus removed. But they tell me, ah, it might not solve the problem. It might cause other problems. But I'd like to say that at least I tried it

Starting point is 00:46:03 and that I exhausted all my resources. So there's that, but it's not related to my gender identity at all. It's a different problem. And we're going to go there, but it's... In the sense that... Well, the uterus, the baby factory. Is there something you want to freeze, your ovals, or not necessarily,

Starting point is 00:46:29 you put it in a bag or you adopt or you don't want it? Well, when I was young, I always wanted to get married and have children. I was very much into the heterosexual stereotype of marriage, love, Disney tales and everything. And actually, when I was 20 or 21, I came back to my endometriosis, my gynecologist, as a potential solution, she said, well, you won't get pregnant soon?

Starting point is 00:46:54 I was like, why? She said, well, sometimes it helps, it's like a reset of the uterus. Impossible. So, for a good one and a half year, I considered being a mother carrier by saying, I'm not ready to have children, but if it can solve the problem, I would do it. Finally, I didn't do it. I was in school. I still had a lot of studies to do. I didn't see myself being pregnant and managing all that.

Starting point is 00:47:17 And now I'm in a relationship with Fanny, who has a child from a previous relationship. She liked be pregnant. For her, the link you have with your baby is important. So it's not a problem for me. And... how should I put it? I have an ecological conscience. I don't necessarily want to have a child. I would be very happy to adopt a child or to be a family,

Starting point is 00:47:46 a host or... I wanted to be a teacher for a while, I would have considered my students a bit like temporary children. I realized that by getting detached from what was expected from a woman, from people, couples, marriages and so on, that it wasn't that important for me to have a child. I understand. What could we now go into my favorite subject? What shouldn't we say? What are the questions? What do you hate?

Starting point is 00:48:20 What did you post on the podcast today? No, sorry. What are the worst questions people ask? I'm going to start by giving an idea that people have, but to ask ourselves our pronouns. There are a lot of people who are uncomfortable asking, are you more ill or her? People are afraid, they look like they're hurt,

Starting point is 00:48:42 but I'm like, no, no, no, no, we're asking the question, it's so nice. So that's like... on par on the red bless you print part of the no no no no no pose a la question sa fait tellement plaisir avec sa je c'est comme je pensais que tu disais que non non non je voulais commencer par déconstruire ça avant qu'on entre dans les questions à ne pas poser parce qu'il ya plein de gens qui pensent que c'est une question à ne pas poser moi je veux défaire ça aujourd'hui c'était une de mes missions c'est check posez la la question il n'y a aucun problème puis Check. Ask the question. There's no problem. And if people are bad with that, why? I think it's because they're not sure.

Starting point is 00:49:14 Let's say the person, do we look like a woman? And you say, but I don't know, she looks less... She has a jaw, a little more... Exactly. And then you say, I'm not sure, she looks less like a chauvinist. A little worse. Exactly. And then you said, I'm not sure, will it hurt her if I ask her pronouns? It's more in that sense, I think. I can understand, but I think it's a problem. But if everyone asked me, it would be a joke. Yes, it's a problem of what society sees as beauty standards that women should absolutely have.

Starting point is 00:49:43 You know, there was controversy with the Iranian boxer at the games. I may have... I may have been wrong about sport and country. But in the Olympics, there was a woman who said, Ah, she's a trans woman, she shouldn't... Do you know what I'm talking about? It tells me something. So... And she's not trans.

Starting point is 00:50:02 She's not at all gay. Ah! And it's not the first time that it happens. And that's a problem to say, hey, a woman should absolutely be delicate, with a small jaw, small bones. It's a problem to deconstruct. So, I'm sure I'm elsewhere, and my dad says I'm a bit of a unicorn.

Starting point is 00:50:26 But for me, to say there's a diversity of bodies, and a diversity of sexual orientation and gender, well, it's to say that it's not a big deal, those questions. It's just the interest towards the person. It's a mark of respect. You're interested in the person, what is it or who is it. And that's why I think it's important to ask the question, even when you can be sure. Let's say someone who appears to you very, very, very feminine, after all, being non-binary.

Starting point is 00:51:00 That's what I was going to say. Because even within that spectrum, there can be a kind of pressure to be as androgenic as possible. Because if your expression goes too far towards the masculine and the feminine, people get too much of an idea of what it is. You have to have the pressure that you look at yourself and you really don't know. A kind of mind fuck, gender fuck. Indeed, there is as much of trans and non-binary people.

Starting point is 00:51:28 A trans woman doesn't need to be the most delicate and the most cis-passing. If she doesn't try to be straightened out or doesn't have the means, she's still a woman. Same thing for a non-binary person, you don't have to be androgynous if you want to be. And it's in there that you're comfortable. Fine. Me, for a long time, it was that. And it's still a little bit that, but with a little bit more towards the masculine, I think. And it's okay that it changes. And it's okay that it evolves. But all that to say that, you know, the bodies, the gender expression, we're going in a little chart, the expression of gender and the pronoun,

Starting point is 00:52:08 it's not going, it's not automatic together. It's not because you look feminine that your pronouns are L and your chords are feminine. So to normalize, to ask that question, no matter what people look like, it takes away the association of A, it's's necessarily trans people that we ask this question, ah, it's necessarily intruders that we ask this question, ah, it's necessarily because I judge their physique or I associate their jaw with something more masculine.

Starting point is 00:52:35 So it defies all that. So no, I think it's a question that is important to ask and that people should not only be comfortable to pose, but feel proud to pose because you make a difference in the life of trans people. You're already showing an opening, so it creates a kind of safe space for those people too. Sure. Like, ok, now I'm safe. Yeah. Technically, logically, you'd have to ask everyone

Starting point is 00:53:08 because you can't trust the people you're attracted to. It would be like that, to include, you know, to openly show that if you're wrong, you're inviting people to correct you. That's what I did in my practice

Starting point is 00:53:24 as a lawyer, in my signature. Instead of meeting each... because I don't know what kind of client I'm going to meet. Sometimes there are some that don't have an opening or that are... I'm a bit in danger every day now. Homophobes, transphobes, there's a rise currently. Oh yeah, there are statistics, there are figures. I could come back to that, but all that to say that that's it. For my safety, I made the choice not to ask my clients

Starting point is 00:53:54 when I meet them openly. Except that in my mail signature, I included not to hesitate to tell us if we don't use the right pronouns, the right pronouns, the right chords. So it's like a little more subtle. It's also a way to show people that you have this openness without exposing yourself if you fear, let's say, repercussions. It makes me very sad, the amount of... You could be... Well, I'll tell you. Something that really struck me in recent...

Starting point is 00:54:30 We call them blitzes of data, in grey. We take all the questions that we've asked the young people, who are before and after intervention, to see if... Well, a typical question is if I learned that my brother was gay, I would be very uncomfortable,

Starting point is 00:54:46 uncomfortable, neutral, very uncomfortable. And in recent years, there are young people who have added a box, I would kill him. There is only one box? No, no, the young people, they have added that by hand. Not the gray one. There was so much hate to manifest, Les jeunes, on y a ajouté ça à la main. Pas le gris, là. Ah, OK, OK, OK.

Starting point is 00:55:05 Les gens, il y avait tellement de haine à manifester, qu'ils ont fait, tu sais quoi, moi, dans ton questionnaire, si j'apprenais que mon frère était gay, je le tuerais. C'est pas ça depuis 10 ans, là. Genre 2012, c'était pas ça, là. Non, non, non, non. C'est depuis la pandémie. C'est fou, la... Depuis la pandémie, depuis que les gens sont, since people are more on social media, I've noticed that with the pandemic, the anti-vaxxers,

Starting point is 00:55:29 there's like a rise in hate speech, and they noticed that there were no consequences. So you can go and say nonsense, and you'll never get your hands dirty or nothing will happen. So more and more people are allowing themselves to do that, and they're going further and further. And nothing will happen. So more and more people are allowed to do that, and they go further and further. And that includes that. It's appalling, but you know,

Starting point is 00:55:50 I dare believe that this rise is because soon there will be a new return of the balancer that will rebalance all of this, because it can't go up and just stay like that. You know, there will be action. But socially, it's always balancer returns. I had noticed, I had read about it, and it was the same

Starting point is 00:56:12 thing for feminism. When there was the rise of feminism, the peak of rise coincided with polytechnic, the theory. And since the pandemic, for a few years, we've been very sensitive to non-binary people,

Starting point is 00:56:28 to trans people, we've made the addition of the X-men. And we're culminating a little bit in the discussions on this. So it's brought violence in response to that. But necessarily, it will always be one-to-one. And it's feminism, we've come back to it a little bit. We're far from being in equality, we'll say, except that it's better than it was, and it keeps going more quietly.

Starting point is 00:56:54 I have the impression that we're going to be fine tomorrow, without it being as bad as... But we too, I feel like we too have... Well, question of abortion, question of... But the same with the school disco. You know, it's super common, the... Andrew Tate and all that, the... You know, the secondary disco...

Starting point is 00:57:15 Your body, my choice. It comes to fashion, like... It's a lower race. You know, it's really a... They're made to be at home making sandwiches. And that's the kind of speech I had never heard before. During my whole youth. And now I hear it.

Starting point is 00:57:35 But compared to that, since your gender expression is more masculine, do you see a difference in the way people look at you? In the way people will listen to you or interact with you? Not necessarily. Yes and no. I think I have more ease in taking my place because I feel better, I feel more me. So that has a difference. And it's not just the fact of having gone from a female voice to a male voice.

Starting point is 00:58:04 It's not just about having gone from a female voice to a male voice. But yes, sometimes there are looks, and it won't be looks like, ah, you're a man, I respect you. It will be looks like, I don't know if this person is a woman or a man, and it bothers me. I've received comments in the toilets, because I go to both toilets, and whether it's in one or the other, I have eyes and comments. Because I have a big voice, I have broad shoulders, I have a beard, but at the same time I have breasts. So no matter the wardrobe, no matter the toilet, there is no place where the eye says, ah well yes, this person is in his natural habitat, in quotes.

Starting point is 00:58:42 I don't know how to say it. It's crazy, huh? Yeah. But I don't notice that. Because I'm so good now. But my partner, she notices a lot. And that's it. I know that right now, and in the coming years,

Starting point is 00:58:55 I'm putting my family at risk a little bit. And that's worth it. I have a child of... Well, my partner is a 5-year-old child. And he's going to be told what at school asked what he's going to do at school, what he's going to hear. He started high school this year, and he wanted a year. His favorite color was pink.

Starting point is 00:59:13 And for a couple of months now, pink is for girls, pink is a big deal, and he doesn't want to know anything about pink. My daughter also comes up with things like that. Louanne can't play, because she's not a girl. It's just girls playing with the princess. Louanne is a a girl. It's just the girls who play with the princess. Louane is a little boy. I'm like... He's not even a mother, my daughter.

Starting point is 00:59:29 I don't know where it is. It's a nursery, but it's a nursery. Look, I'm like, no, it's nothing. Louane, he's going to play with you, my beautiful. You're going to calm down. It's not just... And then, she included that. And there's a lot of things she said now that I'm correcting.

Starting point is 00:59:45 I'm like, no, Luanne. And then, oh no, I have a dress. Luanne, you can't wear a dress because you're a boy. I'm like, hey, I don't know where. It's really the nursery, it's for sure. Because at home, there's no, no one, even when she goes to her mother, she would say that. So it starts even before maternity leave.

Starting point is 01:00:02 It's the 4-year-old children. I don't know, it's already on that. So we have to leave this time. Yes, Louane is also the name of the boy from my spouse. Let's see! When he was in kindergarten, there was already a child who said, No, I can't play with you, you have a mom. Yes, we are.

Starting point is 01:00:23 Oh yes, we are there. But Carl, it's... I don't know how to say it. I have a anxious disorder, I'm always afraid of death, but I always said that I was going to die saving someone. And like, I see all of this going up, and it's very extreme and very catastrophic as a scenario, but to tell me that it's a very extreme and catastrophic scenario, but to tell myself that it's going to affect my blonde, it's going to affect his guy,

Starting point is 01:00:50 who is by extension my guy. That it affects me, I'm going to take it, and I don't care because I would need that model, so I'm going to be the model, and I don't care about repercussions on me, I don't care what people are going to tell me or how they're going to be the model, and I don't care about repercussions on myself. I don't care what people will say or how they will insult me, but that it affects my family. Yeah. It's... I think you have to give credit to your blonde and to Luanne,

Starting point is 01:01:17 and that you say that it's human beings who are going to make their way, and that they themselves will be able to see what they think is good or bad. They will want to protect you too, since you are an important person for them. We were talking about the big question, should the LGBTQIAA understand the allies? But that is an argument to include the allies. including allies, to say that there are some who are not part of diversity, but who will still live from homophobia or transphobia by association or because a cisgender, straight man will be a little too sensitive, he will be treated as a bitch or a whore. Well, the insult is homophobic, so it's still linked to that. Or my family, well, are they going they live off discrimination because I'm the one who supports them,

Starting point is 01:02:09 I'm part of the community? So, by association, they can live off homophobic, transphobic discrimination, but no, they don't have the... But that's it. I'm telling you, it's an argument. It doesn't mean that I say that, yes, the allies should all be included, but I can understand the argument. I think that... For people to understand, it's just...

Starting point is 01:02:28 Were you clear? Yes. There are people who say that the allies should be in the station. The acronym. Yes. And there are others who say no.

Starting point is 01:02:44 I would... The thing is that... Example. Let's say it's like for racism. Let's say you're a white woman who adopts an African child. You don't live racism anymore. It's not your reality. It's just that you can try to educate yourself and be there for your child.

Starting point is 01:03:04 So it's a bit of that. It's not your reality. You can try to educate yourself and be there for your child. It's a bit of a nuisance to me, because it's not your reality. It's that of a relative of yours. It's like taking a label that doesn't belong to you and taking away some kind of importance from a group that... I think it makes them to take away the importance of a group that... I don't know. I think it's the strongest ones, with the A. I think it could be... Let's say, at this moment...

Starting point is 01:03:32 I think the A... You could be allied to a group without having to be part of it. Yes, I know, but to be allied... It's written, it's written, allied. It's not written... Wait, I couldn't say, I'm in the LGBTQ community because I'm an ally. No, it would be LGBTQ with the A. If the A is an ally, I wouldn't be uncomfortable to identify myself in the A.

Starting point is 01:03:54 And people would say, let's do a podcast on non-bidarity. Yes, on non-bidarity today. There are plenty of people who will create. So I deserve to be in the chronicle. I don't know if I'm not, I'm just like... I'm like, wrong. Same, I don't have a biased opinion on that. I don't mind. I don't mind being in the A. I don't mind being in the A. I don't mind being in the A. I don't mind being in the A.

Starting point is 01:04:16 I don't mind being in the A. I don't mind being in the A. I don't mind being in the A. I don't mind being in the A. I don't mind being in the A. I don't mind if I'm not, I'm just like... I'm like, go ahead. Same, I don't have a biased opinion on that. Then we rest. We don't rest from being in the A. She wants to, actually.

Starting point is 01:04:32 I'd like to know a more beautiful color. It's not the end. Charlie, we would be back to our Patreon segment. It would be a kind of 15 minutes where we would ask you the majority of the questions we received. Do you have 15 minutes? Absolutely. It would be a 15-minute session where we would ask you questions. Do you have 15 minutes?

Starting point is 01:04:47 Absolutely. We are really happy to have you here. That went by too fast, I swear. I really enjoyed our discussion with you. It was very interesting. Are there things you would like to share? Let's say resources or sites or Facebook pages you mentioned earlier. Yeah, well, of course, inviting the gray in schools is so important.

Starting point is 01:05:09 As I was saying, I think my comic book, I made it late because I didn't have the words. I didn't know it existed as an option. You know, in a dictionary, there are words in there, and we invent them all the time, and there's no one who reproaches. But no, we don't need more words in the dictionary, there are already too many, we don't know them. So, no, take those words that appear, you don't need to know them,

Starting point is 01:05:32 and just acknowledge the presence, and say, that's how it is, that's all. And if you have someone close to you, whose reality is a particular label, you can learn about that in particular, but take away the pressure of having to know everything, of having to, how would I say, not to be wrong. It doesn't matter, you know, as long as it's done in benevolence, respect.

Starting point is 01:05:57 So, the gray is that. We go to class and we say, there's no bad question, you want to ask questions about my sexuality, about my surgeries, it's correct in this context. So if I had a plug to do today, it's the gray. And the solar panels are absolutely wonderful too, so I highly recommend them. And what would the Facebook page be? That you know would be practical? Well, on Facebook, there's TransArmy, which is very sensitive to all trans issues, a lot to what's happening in the United States right now.

Starting point is 01:06:34 Well, it's for sure that it can be a little bit anxious for people. So, respect yourselves in there, go get the information that... Yeah. But there's also that, the thing, Facebook and Instagram, it's all... it's from the United States, is there like... That, in relation to, there are a lot of people who boycott apps, styles... Yeah, well, I saw that there's Blue Sky emerging, which would be a new platform, a little like Twitter, Facebook, etc.

Starting point is 01:07:06 But with... because there are some who are going to remove the fact-check, the verification of what you publish, are fake news really true and all? And then Facebook announced that it wouldn't do that, X as well, the old Twitter. So this platform wants to be more restrictive on the same as Twitter. So this platform is more restricted on N.E. and false news. So it would be an option to consider, but I don't think it's Canadian, on the other hand.

Starting point is 01:07:37 Oh, Carlique. Well, we'll put what you listed in the description. And if there are things that come back to you, just write to us. We'll put the link in the description. Thank you, Charlie! See you on Patreon! Yes! Welcome on Patreon!

Starting point is 01:07:57 It's beautiful. Hello! Joannia is still wondering what to do in the acronym. Let's continue. Is non-bidbinary a sexual orientation? We've already talked about it, but... No, it's a gender identity. I just like the way we talk about it,

Starting point is 01:08:18 because it's a nice way to demystify it. But why is there more now than in recent years? There's not more now than in recent years? There is no more now than in recent years. In fact, as I said earlier, my coming out came late because I didn't have the representation. Now that there is more representation, people have more access to that, know now that it is an option, so we recognize ourselves maybe faster, or have access to more information on this. It can promote the emergence of coming out.

Starting point is 01:08:53 But deep down, these people, even if they didn't have the words, it was the same. And I saw a very interesting image that showed the number of leftists during the time when religion was hitting the number of leftists during the time when religion was tapping the fingers of leftist people. Surprisingly, there were almost no leftists at that time, but it's not true. It's just that people were forced to write with their right hand because they didn't want to get their fingers tapped. But it's the same thing with trans people. There were always some. But when it wasn't safe to say it openly, they would hide. Yes, that's true. It's really related to that.

Starting point is 01:09:28 You go back to mythological texts in Mesopotamia, Greece, Rome. There were always trans people, non-binary people. All the time. All the times, all the times, in Asia, in Europe. It's just that there was a moment when religion and colonialism made it like, well, no, it doesn't exist anymore because it doesn't suit us. And now that there are people who take the floor again, who dust it off a little, well, we talk about it more. So it's, people rediscover it, but it's always been there. It's just that we didn't have the words, we were taken away from the words to say it. discover ça, mais ça a tout le temps été là. C'est juste qu'on n'avait plus les mots. On nous a enlevé les mots pour le dire.

Starting point is 01:10:05 C'est tellement étrange. C'est que... Il y a juste un groupe de monde qui en fait... Non, on veut plus. On veut plus ces gens-là. C'est tellement spécial quand tu prends le temps de te penser deux secondes, mais... Qu'est-ce que ça te fait dans ta vie que ces personnes-là ne s'identifient pas comme toi tu t'identifies ou elle est en tout cas bref?

Starting point is 01:10:24 Je sais pas pourquoi. Je sais pas que ça les atteint. These people don't identify themselves as you do. I don't know why. I don't know if it reaches them. It's because it's a smaller group, so it's easier to reach them. In fact, there are five different types of queer people. There are 1.6 million people in the United States right now who are struggling with their lives. They're in the queer community. 1.6 million, that means it's a lot in your beard. 1.6 million.

Starting point is 01:10:52 You fight for your own country. You fight for a lot of people in your country. I wonder if they will come here to Quebec. Before coming here, I did a little research on gender. Because if I told you, for me, it doesn't make any sense, the gender. I don't understand that there are masculine things, feminine things. It doesn't resonate with me. And gender, basically, it would be a social construction that depends on five elements.

Starting point is 01:11:18 And in there, there is the relationship of one gender with the other, and the hierarchy, so the domination of one gender over the other. So it's to the advantage of who is just two genders. relation d'un genre par rapport à l'autre et la hiérarchie, donc la domination d'un genre sur l'autre. Fait que c'est à l'avantage de qui qu'il y ait juste deux genres, bien c'est le patriarcat encore une fois. C'est les hommes, ils dominent les femmes. Puis s'il y avait une autre catégorie, bien eux ils se sentent en danger, ils vont-tu se mettre en relation de pouvoir sur moi? Fait que eux continuent de véhiculer les mêmes discours pour garder ces gens-là à leur place, en gros guillemets. They continue to use the same discourse to keep these people in their place. There's also the story, as I said earlier, of the Blue and the Rose who got kicked out.

Starting point is 01:11:53 One year the Blue was the little girls, the Rose was the little guys. There's context. In Africa, they don't have the same values or the same myths. It hasn't evolved in the same way over time. And there are institutions. So all of this is what makes it so that we recognize genres or associate things with one genre or another. Because we want to put things in relation. We want to see what's higher than what.

Starting point is 01:12:22 How do I have to act in front of the other? It's always the question of us versus the other. plus haut que quoi. Comment que je dois agir face à l'autre? C'est tout le temps la question de nous versus l'autre. Puis ça, c'est ça qui est dangereux. Au lieu de nous voir toutes comme des humains, on voit nous comme hommes, nous comme femmes, nous comme autres. Ça fait des affrontements, ça fait de l'intolérance, ça fait de la peur, ça fait des « ah, je pourrais me tromper », « peut-être que lui, il veut me dominer ». Mais sa femme, là, à tch like, I could be wrong. Maybe he wants to dominate me.

Starting point is 01:12:46 But his wife, Atra, put it like that. I'm like, I'm watching her. And she doesn't look happy either. It's not a relationship. She doesn't look happy either. And there, with her hat on, even her head lowered when she was elected, she was like, fuck, fuck. What I had seen somewhere is that... What I find crazy is when you think about it, homophobia comes from misogyny,

Starting point is 01:13:11 because at the base, it's the hate of women. It's the hate of feminists, it's the hate of... 100%. A man shouldn't act in a way that is considered feminine, because it's inferior. That's it. That's it. It's... because it's inferior. That's it. That's it. So, in the end, the F should be in the community. Okay, I think we need to get to that.

Starting point is 01:13:33 Is my There's a lot more difficulty than trans men. Because society understands why a woman would want to be a man. I say it in words that shouldn't be used, but to simplify it a lot. Because yes, she wants to take a man's place, that's what's good in society. But why would a man able to be a woman? So why is that?

Starting point is 01:14:09 A man shouldn't be looking for a woman. And if he does, it's necessarily because he's a predator who wants to get close to women. There's so much hatred for women that you don't understand why someone who was born with a penis would lose the chance to be a man to be if she's a woman. It's disgusting. I don't know what to say.

Starting point is 01:14:28 It makes me... Because when you feel all the power that's in you, all the strength, all the... It's knowing that there are people who don't consider you like yourself. You know that you're there, it's really, really confronting for me because... Anyway, it's really something that I find difficult to live with because I feel like I'm at the same level of equality as everyone else. And really a lot. I don't feel inferior to anyone. And for me, it's really knowing that there are people who think like that, I want to burst out laughing. Either I have anger, I have anger. I don't know about testosterone. But you probably have more testosterone, actually. Because testosterone, there are in women, there are in men.

Starting point is 01:15:12 The same thing with estrogen and progesterone, there are in women, there are in men. It's in different levels. And in fact, the testosterone it does, it exacerbates certain behaviors that in the long run, we have considered considered masculine. For example, aggressive responses when someone doesn't act in the right way towards you, but also reward actions when people act well towards you.

Starting point is 01:15:37 So testosterone is a big pillar, we'll say, to socially succeed. You're going to say that you're a social success. Because you reward those who help you, so you get a raise. And you decrease those who don't help you, so you get a raise. And estrogen, progesterone, it's going to be more regulation of stress, mood, cardiovascular health, everything that allows you to manage a child. Shit. I had checked my hormones and I had pretty much all stable. Since Trump, testosterone has increased. I've always had anger inside me.

Starting point is 01:16:22 But it's a good thing to welcome. Yes, yes. I welcome it, but sometimes it's frustrating. But it's thanks to that people, you know, at some point, you know, all the time in the... Oh God, it's not God, but like... You know, in the benevolence, at some point, it won't work out. 100%, you get your arses crossed,

Starting point is 01:16:44 and you apologize for crossing your toes. The women who fought, they weren't women who were in the... No, they had testosterone after me and they weren't capable. So it's people like that who are going to make changes. What's that? Look at your anger. It's like suricates. The suricates, the timon, the timon and pumba, that animal. The lion king.

Starting point is 01:17:04 The female suricates have more testosterone than the male suricates. And it's them who dominate the suricates. We are female suricates. Woooo! Well, that's it. The flap at the door to enter the hedge. Ah! Well, there!

Starting point is 01:17:19 There, I can go in myself. Well, there. It's a joke. Oh, we are... Hum... How to know if it's non-binary? Well, in fact, it's just a question of feeling. And even if one day you know it and the next day you don't, it's okay. There are people, there are a lot of fears of...

Starting point is 01:17:40 We experience a lot of fear of detransition, people who would transition and regret. But in fact, often when people detransition, at that moment in their journey, they needed that transition. And it wouldn't have been good if they hadn't done it. So the transition, when you do it, when you choose it, when you feel you need it, even if that's not what you need tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, you will manage tomorrow and the day after at that moment.

Starting point is 01:18:08 But it's always day after day how you feel. And it's okay to be in question, it's okay to change your mind, it's okay to do four, five, six coming out if necessary. It's really, it's a feeling. It's really a beautiful way to bring it. It removes a lot of stress and pressure. You know, I stopped drinking four years ago, and for me, that was really it. It had to be every day because I thought, if I thought it was forever, I would be shocked.

Starting point is 01:18:33 I'm going to start drinking again now. I feel like that's really de-dramatizing someone who's like, hey, I think I would push something towards maybe a transition or change my pronouns or, you know. Oh yes. I'm going to try something else, and change my pronouns or you know, Oh yeah. I would express myself differently and it's really a beautiful way to see. It's flat to say, but more and more the question of security will have to ask itself too. Maybe you feel like that, but do you feel the balls to do that if it puts your life in danger? It's...

Starting point is 01:19:01 There are people too, you know, I think it's Demi Lovato, who stopped presenting herself as an ordinary person because she was exhausted from having to explain and justify it. She just said, OK, I'm going to go back to the pronoun she because I wanted to talk about it. Absolutely. It's not a transition of, ah, I regret because I didn't feel like that. It's a question of I'm not able to do what it means. That's because your existence becomes militant. It's a terrible thing. And let's say you, what do you... Let's say what we hear all the time about the young people shouldn't do transitions,

Starting point is 01:19:47 children should be banned, la la la. What's your opinion about that? What do you answer them? Well, first of all, there's no young person who can start their monotherapy and have surgeries at eight years old. That's what I thought. There's no danger.

Starting point is 01:20:02 The only thing it's going to do is that this young person will explore his gender, he will be more comfortable with... Well, let's say that he's a little guy, assigned little guy at birth, he wants to have long hair. What does that change? He won't be able to cut his hair in 8 years if that's not it. There's no long-term impact.

Starting point is 01:20:21 Everything that has long-term impact is not accessible to young people. And let's say that by 13, 14 years old, you continue to be in this question, the first solution, the first track that is envisaged, it will be hormone blockers. So it makes sure that you don't do your puberty right away. It gives you like a little respite before you choose, if you want. It will give you time to continue your question. So for example, you know, you were assigned a boy at birth, you're 16 years old, and then the pylosity comes, and then your beard will start growing soon.

Starting point is 01:21:01 It makes you anxious. Hormone blocker, it's not irreversible. The day you stop having hormone blockers, your beard grows, your voice is mute, and your penis is big too. So these are options that are there, that are temporary, and that allow you to take the time to question yourself, to take the time to assess all that,

Starting point is 01:21:23 and what will come with that, the time to consult professionals to see if that's really what you want, if you do it for yourself, if you do it for others. So no, everything that is for young people, there is no negative impact in the long term that can exist. And if it's someone, let's take the example of the little boy who would like to have long hair, cut from the last angle, but it will just make him someone more open to the difference. That's it. As a parent too, what you show to your child is that you accept it, no matter where he is in his evolution.

Starting point is 01:21:58 No matter where he is, you're just there and you accompany him in what life is. So, is that just what's important to you and your child. Yes, I know. I don't care. I'm going to be the most welcoming person. A dress, yes, we're going to buy six. It's like, I feel like I'm ready. I don't care. Yes, there are little guys who like dresses because they turn, there's more. What's the point of going to the bathroom? And he can bathe a little truck in his dress.

Starting point is 01:22:30 He's there with his dinosaur, with his beautiful dress. Why isn't there more dresses of Spiderman, Batman? It's the fun of dresses that turn far or capot, look at him, his fangs are so big. He's like a knight. It's so cute!

Starting point is 01:22:46 It's the inventor of a boy. There's money to be made. If someone listens to me, stop the pink dress with the sequins, make truck dresses. Truck dresses! I would have liked that! I was playing with cars in a dress.

Starting point is 01:23:04 Even since my transition, I love dresses. Hey, well, we can go together. I was even playing with cars. Even since my transition, I love clothes. I'm going to get married and I'm sure I'm going to have a dress. I was doing my hair for the first time. From the big lesbian sex to six years old. You're six years old. Sitting on your tractor. Sitting on my tractor.

Starting point is 01:23:22 With the beer. With the little beer. Oh, yes. Ah, it's beer, with your little beer. Well, yeah. Ah, that's a beautiful expression. Well, thank you. Crème, we've done a great after show, huh? A great after show. We've done another podcast, if you want, Gaspard. You're really hot.

Starting point is 01:23:35 Thank you so much for your generosity, your openness. Sorry for everything we said about cancellation. It's all in the kindness and in love. And I'm waiting for the A... ATAI! You'll say that to Tagaine. Tagaine! I'm capable of that! Thank you, Charly.

Starting point is 01:23:57 Welcome to the official Patreon sex orale platform. I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm a teenager! What can you expect from our Patreon platform? It's live shows that we've never shown to anyone, that you'll be able to see. You'll be able to ask questions for guests who come. You'll see one bonus podcast per month. Sometimes it's live shows, sometimes it's just us here who jam.

Starting point is 01:24:21 After the podcasts, after the podcasts we're going to have recorded, we're going to go live on Patreon to film after shows, advance announcements, tickets, access to live shows. No matter what you choose, like whatever, we thank you in advance, it's a big difference for Sexual. It's something that grows, it's our baby, we're proud, we're happy. Yeah, and that's it. Thank you so much!

Sexe Oral - Être non-binaire avec Charlie

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